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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Welcome back to the show. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to another episode. It is so great to have

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Speaker 1: you here. New listeners, old listeners. I am so pumped

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Speaker 1: for today's episode because we have a fantastic, amazing guest

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Speaker 1: joining us to talk about this week's topic. Hi Sydney,

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Speaker 1: Hi Gemma, how are you. I'm amazing, How are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm so good? Thank you for agreeing to come on board.

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Speaker 1: It's my pleasure if actually been wanting to do this

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Speaker 1: for a while, a long time. Yeah, I might just

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Speaker 1: give you a bit more of an introduction, please, sir,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like we're already just having a chit

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Speaker 1: chat away. So, Sydney is one of my one of

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Speaker 1: my closest, closest friends. You didn't know his name. It's specifrocated,

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Speaker 1: it's mutual. Yeah, thank hope. So yeah, yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: we're good. But Sydney, you are Do you want to

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Speaker 1: explain what you do? How we met before we jump in? Sure? Um,

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Speaker 1: my name is Sydney, like the city. Um, currently I

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Speaker 1: reside in Melbourne and I I'm a tattoo artist among

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Speaker 1: many other things. I always have different creative pursuits happening,

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Speaker 1: but predominantly I'm a tattoo riters. I run a creative

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Speaker 1: publication called Sweden Sour that centers around Asian Australian identities.

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Speaker 1: I also work in consulting a little bit, do some

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Speaker 1: freelance graphic design. And I'm a trained printmaker, which is

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Speaker 1: what I studied. And Gemma and I met in Canberra.

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Speaker 1: How long ago was that? Two years? Three years years ago?

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Speaker 1: And um we met through well we actually met like

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Speaker 1: at a party randomly before the start of COVID, and

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Speaker 1: then COVID happened. We didn't stay in touch. But Sydney,

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Speaker 1: as you could have probably heard and seen, is a

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Speaker 1: jack of many trades, jack of many trades, jacob all

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Speaker 1: all of them, well pretty much all of them, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Has so many different amazing things that she does. And

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Speaker 1: through her publication the Sweet and Sour zine Zione Zne

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Speaker 1: whatever you want to Yeah, both work, Yeah, both are correct.

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Speaker 1: The publication, she was running a life drawn class and

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Speaker 1: I went to it and I went up she was

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Speaker 1: like Hi, I don't know if you remember me, and

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Speaker 1: you were like oh, hey, like how are you? And

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Speaker 1: then the rest is really history, and we are here

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Speaker 1: today to talk about something we talk about quite a

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Speaker 1: bit long way around each other, and like not in

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Speaker 1: the way that we're like, oh like boys, boys boys, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Oh no, no, I don't think in this like that.

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Speaker 1: And even if it was like who gives them? I

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Speaker 1: love boys and I hate them, and that's literally it's

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Speaker 1: about the nuances of hating and loving the opposite gender

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Speaker 1: for romantic purposes. But what we really want to talk

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Speaker 1: about is like a lot of things, why we can

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Speaker 1: really struggle with dating in our twenties, why we fall

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Speaker 1: in love with the wrong people, why we date the

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Speaker 1: wrong people, how we attract these like the same kind

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Speaker 1: of individuals. I feel like it's something that a lot

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Speaker 1: of us have to learn in our twenties. Um, maybe

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Speaker 1: you don't. Maybe you found your person and that's it.

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Speaker 1: In congratulations if that's you, But for most of us,

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Speaker 1: I would say, you find the people that you truly

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Speaker 1: love and the type of person you truly love through

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Speaker 1: a lot of trial and error. Would you agree, yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: And it's hard and it's exhausting, Yeah, but I think

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Speaker 1: it's it's always worth it. Yeah, I would say so

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Speaker 1: hasn't to be honest, hasn't been worth it for me

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Speaker 1: so far? Well, I think you'll reflect back on that

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Speaker 1: in five or ten years and realize that of all

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Speaker 1: the shitty things that have happened to you in your

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Speaker 1: dating life have made it worth have you know? It worthwhile?

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Speaker 1: Worth while? Yeah? Even this year. Actually, I think that

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Speaker 1: I was like dating someone at the end of last year,

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Speaker 1: and the amount of like growth that came out of

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Speaker 1: that was ridiculous, Like he like completely broke my heart

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Speaker 1: and it was like terrible for some time. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then I was like, fuck, I just like completely became

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Speaker 1: a different person. Like with all that, I think it

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Speaker 1: left me feeling so insecure. I had like the lowest

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Speaker 1: self esteem I think I've ever had, and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: like jump into a new relationship to fix it, so

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Speaker 1: I had to do it all myself. And now, like

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Speaker 1: the person I was twelve months ago, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think much of her exists anymore.

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Speaker 1: What about you learn any lessons from this year? You

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Speaker 1: find quite a few lessons, I feel like it's been

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Speaker 1: a busy year, a few year in terms of dating. Yeah, wait,

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Speaker 1: don't they say that your cells like not regenerate, but

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Speaker 1: like they die and then they yea regenerate every twelve

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Speaker 1: months or something like that. So so literally the person

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Speaker 1: you're a twelve years ago physically it doesn't exist anymore,

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Speaker 1: which I think is an interesting metaphor for what you

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Speaker 1: just said. Oh my god. Yeah, but it's so funny

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Speaker 1: because like even though those cells don't still exist, right, like,

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Speaker 1: all those memories still do. Yeah, like you can't get

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Speaker 1: rid of that. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, whoa, whoa, a

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Speaker 1: real serious science on this episode because I do not understand.

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Speaker 1: I don't understand that. Yeah, if the cells that hold

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Speaker 1: those memories don't exist, and how do those memories still exist?

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Speaker 1: It's fucking the demon. The demon is at work in

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Speaker 1: our mind. Damn well, I like that is actually such

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Speaker 1: a good point. I think it's also the thing with blood, right,

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Speaker 1: like all your blood. M I guess it's still the cells. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: actually I do know the answer to this. Ner neurons,

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Speaker 1: your sign apses. They actually the cells within them might regenerate,

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Speaker 1: but you can never have more neurons than you were

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Speaker 1: born with, which is why like doing hardcore like drugs

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Speaker 1: or like when if someone is an alcoholic can be

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Speaker 1: so especially in their infancy or not infancy, but like

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Speaker 1: in the early teens or late teens can be so

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Speaker 1: damaging because you never get more neurons than you're born with,

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Speaker 1: which is why I guess like our memories stay so

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Speaker 1: permanent because either you like completely damage your brain and

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Speaker 1: you get amnesia and then you can forget about whatever

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Speaker 1: it is that haunts you, or you don't and you're anyhow,

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Speaker 1: there's the science behind it. I feel like that was

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Speaker 1: kind of like a patchwork explanation. Yeah, yeah, we got further,

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Speaker 1: Yeah we did so lessons I should have written the list.

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Speaker 1: I have so many like TikTok saved or it's like

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Speaker 1: things I wish I knew about dating in my twenties

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Speaker 1: and things I learned from dating this year, and I

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Speaker 1: have my favorite ones. I should have written down less

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Speaker 1: of my favorite ones. Yeah, can you remember when it's

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Speaker 1: like particularly like, yeah, I think, um, I think one

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Speaker 1: thing that's really stuck out. Okay, two things really stick

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Speaker 1: out to me when when you ask me that question.

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Speaker 1: Two kind of statements. The first one We've heard this

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Speaker 1: a million times, and I think we all try and

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Speaker 1: convince ourselves to believe it, but a lot of us don't.

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Speaker 1: If if he wanted to, he would. And the second

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Speaker 1: statement is, um, why are we having relationship problems that

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Speaker 1: people were not in a relationship with? Oh? And I

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Speaker 1: feel like both of those things really encapsulate my my

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Speaker 1: dating life of twenty twenty, which is kind of sad

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Speaker 1: when those two statements aren't exactly positive, But I really, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I really think those accurately reflect reflect my life. I

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Speaker 1: think through all, I've dated a lot of men in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty, like a lot and twenty my bad. I've

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Speaker 1: dated a lot of men in twenty twenty two, And

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty twenty, I was in a relationship, so

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Speaker 1: I didn't date a lot of man. I dated a

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Speaker 1: lot of men in twenty twenty two, and I think

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Speaker 1: so many times I was willing to give them the

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Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt. I was willing to give him

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Speaker 1: a second chance. And I really believed that you know,

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Speaker 1: a lot of these men maybe were the one, and

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Speaker 1: that they really really cared for me and loved me

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Speaker 1: even and I saw the best in them, and I

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Speaker 1: kept giving them second chances and thinking that you know,

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Speaker 1: they would not not I didn't want them to change,

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Speaker 1: but perhaps I held on to the hope that they

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Speaker 1: would realize that, you know, I was a really good person.

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Speaker 1: Then they wanted to be, you know, have something with me.

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Speaker 1: And they told me they wanted in whatever. But I think, seriously,

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Speaker 1: if he wanted to, he would. I think people say

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Speaker 1: they're not ready for a relationship, but if you really

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Speaker 1: do love someone, in value someone that you want to

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Speaker 1: be in a relationship with them, you'll make it work

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Speaker 1: no matter what, no matter what. I completely agree with

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Speaker 1: that statement, Like, if they wanted to, they would. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I did see this like turnament that was like if

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Speaker 1: they know, then they should, like if they know what

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Speaker 1: you expect, then they should reciprocate him, and if they don't,

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Speaker 1: well then they're definitely not the right person. But I

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Speaker 1: honestly believe this because I think about my own perspective

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Speaker 1: towards dating. When I really care about someone, like I

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Speaker 1: am willing to give them everything everything, yeah, and probably

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Speaker 1: more than I can give, more than they probably deserve

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Speaker 1: from me as well. And there have been times in

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Speaker 1: my life when I've been like I do not want

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Speaker 1: a relationship. I am so not in the mindset, and

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Speaker 1: then I meet someone and they are the right person

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Speaker 1: and I end up dating them for like two years,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, there is those times at the beginning where

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't know, I don't know, but

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Speaker 1: not for their like, not for for my sake, for

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Speaker 1: their sakes, they don't want to hurt them when you really,

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Speaker 1: like can feel chemistry with someone and you have that

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Speaker 1: intuition like there really there's no reason why you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: be right now. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good lesson actually,

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Speaker 1: And I also just think it's something that I've learned

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Speaker 1: more the more men I've dated, where I'm like, do

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Speaker 1: I really want to be dragging you, kicking and screaming

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Speaker 1: into a relationship with yeah? Yeah, or like begging you

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Speaker 1: for yeah, or try and convince you or persuade you

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Speaker 1: or yeah, or do things to make you, you know,

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Speaker 1: understand that you do want a relationship with me. Yeah, No,

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Speaker 1: you should just know. Yeah. And it's also just like

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Speaker 1: you know what your person's probably out there, and if

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Speaker 1: it's not me, well, I don't think that love should

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Speaker 1: be made up of so much attention, so much difficulty yeah. No,

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Speaker 1: I think another lesson I learned from this year is

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Speaker 1: that things are really quite black and white. Like I

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Speaker 1: think I made up excuses for lots of people, Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, i'd see someone and be like, oh, they

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Speaker 1: would be in a relationship with me if they didn't

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Speaker 1: have this going on in their life, and they do

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Speaker 1: really really love me and care for me and want

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Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with me. But this is happening,

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Speaker 1: and maybe after that happens, they'll be different, or you know,

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Speaker 1: this will happen and that will happen. No, it's really

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Speaker 1: black and white. If they wanted to, they would, if

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Speaker 1: they wanted me right now, they would be with me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and they wouldn't make up those excuses. Well, I think

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Speaker 1: about the example, like what you went through in the

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Speaker 1: last two months, right with that person, and we're okay

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Speaker 1: to talk about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder

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Speaker 1: if you'll listen to the boat. No, I don't wonder

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Speaker 1: if you will maybe, but yeah, it's fine. I don't care. Well,

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Speaker 1: if you're listening, you really fumbled the fucking bag, Yeah, bitch,

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Speaker 1: like that felt so unnatural coming out of on now unnatural?

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Speaker 1: Well he did, he did. Maybe you called me and

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Speaker 1: I was like, man, I just had the biggest l

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Speaker 1: of his life because I think, oh, he does actually

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Speaker 1: know it a little Christmas message we all see right

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Speaker 1: through that. There was literally a TikTok I sent you

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Speaker 1: about that, Yeah, the Christmas message. Yeah, and you know

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Speaker 1: what he really he really did And it's something that

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Speaker 1: I've realized more and I hope I think you realized

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Speaker 1: this as well. The more you mature and grow confident

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Speaker 1: in yourself and like see your value, the more you're like, wow,

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Speaker 1: totally you're loss. Yeah, because lately, most of the men

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Speaker 1: who treat us the worst, those who really have nothing

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Speaker 1: going for them, like not much. I was thinking about

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Speaker 1: this the other day. I was like looking at the

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Speaker 1: splattering of people that have broken my heart, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, not one of them has accomplished anything that

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Speaker 1: I could respect compared to you. Yeah, they well, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that I think that makes me feel weird.

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Speaker 1: But without the comparison, right, if it's just not to

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Speaker 1: be like relative about it, but like absolute, none of

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Speaker 1: them I like have They had no ambitions, they had

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Speaker 1: no dreams. Most of them didn't even have like a job,

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Speaker 1: They didn't have anything they were passionate about and even

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Speaker 1: if they did, like, they didn't take it very seriously.

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Speaker 1: They weren't like self motivated, self starters, like none of it.

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Speaker 1: So what did you see in them? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think I saw a project to be honest, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or also I just saw what they could give me,

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Speaker 1: which was like, I want to be loved, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's a massive thing of mine where it's like

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Speaker 1: I'm very much willing to actually go against what I

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Speaker 1: truly believe in some ways to receive affection and to

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Speaker 1: receive vans something I had to unlearn this year and

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Speaker 1: I did, I like very actively, was like I can

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Speaker 1: see the times in the past in which I have

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Speaker 1: actually undermined my own moral compass. I've borne against my

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Speaker 1: values because I was so desperate for this person's admiration

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Speaker 1: and for their love, and the result has been me

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Speaker 1: feeling like completely distanced from my true self and why

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Speaker 1: for what? For what reason? Like I think about that

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Speaker 1: guy I dated at the end of last year, Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, like I did. I was like, I lost

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Speaker 1: friends because I chose to be with him. And it's

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Speaker 1: like what you said, stop having relationship problems with people.

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Speaker 1: You're not in a relationship with We weren't even like exclusive,

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Speaker 1: and I still was willing to make those sacrifices. It's

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Speaker 1: not his fault, definitely not. It's like all on me

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Speaker 1: for not recognizing that floor myself soon enough, I think,

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Speaker 1: Like another thing but I really want to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: is like, why do you think we do date the

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Speaker 1: wrong people and fall in love with the wrong people

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Speaker 1: given that we have all of that knowledge, Like we

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Speaker 1: obviously both quite successful, self starting women who have a

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Speaker 1: lot of people who love us, who create positive impact,

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Speaker 1: Like you literally put art on people's bodies that they're

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Speaker 1: going to have for the rest of their lives. How

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Speaker 1: crave like that is? Like almost that is so profound

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Speaker 1: to me when you every time I like see you

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Speaker 1: at work, so honored to be able to do that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's incredible. And we know all this about ourselves, right,

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Speaker 1: Like we know that sometimes we just create affection, we

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Speaker 1: look past the red flags that as I think successful women,

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Speaker 1: sometimes we settle a little bit because we're worried that

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Speaker 1: someone won't ever want this kind of like I don't

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Speaker 1: know not ever want it, but like we'll feel intimidated

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Speaker 1: or it's like when you when you're forced to be

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Speaker 1: strong all the time. Sometimes you just want the soft yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: Sometimes you just want the gooyiness and like someone just

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Speaker 1: really giving you a cuddle and like caring about you.

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Speaker 1: So why do you think it is that we have

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Speaker 1: historically chosen to date the wrong people? I honestly, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe it comes um, maybe it comes from

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Speaker 1: I think I have a lot of insecurities. Um. I

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Speaker 1: think they probably stem from things I went through as

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Speaker 1: a child and maybe the way my parents raised me.

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Speaker 1: But um, I'm like, what did I read the other day? UM?

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Speaker 1: I have like I was it someone sent me many

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Speaker 1: sent me this TikTok and it was like, um, some

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Speaker 1: of you back, well I was I can't remember. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think I think even though I think logically I

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Speaker 1: know I'm a successful, you know, businesswoman, I think I'm

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Speaker 1: a relatively attractive logically, I feel like I shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: as many insecurities that I do have. Like I am

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Speaker 1: so incredibly insecure, and I think maybe that plays a

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Speaker 1: big part in how I date. Because I feel so insecure.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I don't think that I deserve or have the

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Speaker 1: capacity to be with somebody who is at my level,

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Speaker 1: who like I would really want a date and maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm settling because I just don't believe I could find

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Speaker 1: anybody better because I am so insecure. Wow, that's sad.

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Speaker 1: It is sad, but I think it makes sense, right.

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Speaker 1: I saw I read this article the other day and

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Speaker 1: it was like a lot of the time, the reason

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Speaker 1: why we get like the ick from people who like

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Speaker 1: us too much just because we believe so deeply that

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Speaker 1: we are not deserving of that love that we push

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Speaker 1: them away, which is a big thing, right, Like totally

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Speaker 1: you're like I also I think similarly, like in a

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Speaker 1: very levein as people who you know, work really hard

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Speaker 1: and have pretty big dreams that we know are going

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Speaker 1: to require a lot of agency. We often see it

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Speaker 1: as the case of like when I have to work

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Speaker 1: harder for something, it's more valuable. Yeah. I think about

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Speaker 1: this all the time. Yeah, so it's like, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: think when the way I was raised was like if

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Speaker 1: it's easy, then everyone can do it, and you don't

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Speaker 1: want the thing that everyone has, Like you want to

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Speaker 1: be you know, you want to do something different and

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Speaker 1: you want to really be good at something different and

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Speaker 1: be able to touch people's lives in a way that like,

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Speaker 1: it's not everyone can do that, and you have to

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Speaker 1: work really hard. So now it's like been ingrained to me.

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Speaker 1: It's like, well, if something is easy, it's not worth having.

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Speaker 1: Like in every other facet of our lives, we have

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Speaker 1: to work really hard and put in a lot of effort.

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Speaker 1: So that mentality then bleeds into our dating life when

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Speaker 1: we have someone who's there who like, is really obsessed

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Speaker 1: with us, who really likes us, where like, oh, this

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Speaker 1: seems a little bit too good to be true, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not used to getting something like this for free,

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Speaker 1: and you push it away, you push it away. And

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Speaker 1: then then when there's someone that you have to work

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Speaker 1: when they you know you don't feel deserving of their

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Speaker 1: love because they push you away because they play hard

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Speaker 1: to get or because they're quite cold or hostile will

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Speaker 1: never give you what you want. You're like, well, this

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Speaker 1: is what I want because obviously, like the best things

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Speaker 1: in life aren't easy, so you know, this should be

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Speaker 1: something that I that I work for. I think that

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Speaker 1: as a mentality that we often have very unconsciously, but

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Speaker 1: we don't realize. I've I honestly think that's a big

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Speaker 1: explanation for my dating choices. Yeah, that's how we get

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Speaker 1: stuck in these situations because you're like, it's also sorry,

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00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:52,640
Speaker 1: sunk costs as well, sunk well sunk costs. So it's like, okay, say,

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Speaker 1: for example, you buy like a really expensive pair of

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Speaker 1: boots and then they break. You're like, you're not just

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Speaker 1: going to throw them out because you already invested that

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Speaker 1: money in them. Yeah, so you are going to pay

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00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 1: that additional forty dollars to you know, get the heel fixed,

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00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: and then the typer breaks, You're not going to throw

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Speaker 1: them out. You are going to pay additional money, and

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Speaker 1: it keeps piling up because you've made that initial investment

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Speaker 1: that was so intense that you're like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to I've sunk that money into this already. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to lose that initial money, but actually end up

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Speaker 1: spending more money than you probably would have if you

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Speaker 1: just bought a new pair. And that's what it's like

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Speaker 1: with relationships. For example, you're like dating someone you're like

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Speaker 1: two months in and you're like, fuck, like, I've already

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Speaker 1: told my friends about this guy. Yeah, I've wasted two

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Speaker 1: months on like getting to know him. Yeah, I've invested,

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Speaker 1: you know, time and energy and money into going on dates,

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Speaker 1: into doing fun things, and now he doesn't want the

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Speaker 1: same thing. But I'm not going to give up because

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Speaker 1: I've already put all of this effort. I have all

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Speaker 1: these sunk costs in this relationship, So I'm just going

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Speaker 1: to keep throwing my time and energy at it and

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Speaker 1: hoping that it turns around, when really it would be

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Speaker 1: better just to dump them right there and then and there.

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Speaker 1: You've lost two months of time, just move on. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not a great situation, Like, it's probably

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Speaker 1: not the outcome that you wanted, but you're actually going

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Speaker 1: to end up losing more if you keep going, and

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Speaker 1: it's very unlikely that you're going to get the outcome

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Speaker 1: that you want. Have you felt that way? Does that

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Speaker 1: make sense? Yeah? Yeah, the way you've explained that makes

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Speaker 1: so much sense. Yeah. Actually, it's like gambling. Like when

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Speaker 1: people gamble, they're like, you know, I've already like put

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Speaker 1: in two thousand dollars on the Pokeys, but if I

378
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 1: put ten dollars and I might be able to win

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Speaker 1: it all back. Yeah, that's mine. How do you change

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Speaker 1: that thinking? Um? I think I don't really know. I

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Speaker 1: guess it's like a conscious thing you have to be

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Speaker 1: really really like explicit about and very much pay attention to.

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Speaker 1: But I think your point before about like your childhood

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Speaker 1: that also plays a role in whether or not you're

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Speaker 1: going to I don't want to say like fall, but

386
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Speaker 1: like be vulnerable to these kind of psychological inner workings. Yeah, so, like,

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Speaker 1: what do you think it was about how your parents

388
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 1: raised you? Oh god, oh my god. We're actually sitting

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00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: on a couch right now, so it's very Freudian like back,

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00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:12,880
Speaker 1: tell me about your childhood trauma. Um, well, I don't

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Speaker 1: really know what a successful relationship looks like or a

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Speaker 1: successful marriage. I suppose rather, my parents got divorced when

393
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Speaker 1: I was four. My entire extended family everyone's been through

394
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 1: a divorce, everyone's remarried. Um, nobody in my life really has.

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Speaker 1: I don't think. I I can't really think of anybody

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Speaker 1: in my um like close circle of friends and family

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Speaker 1: who isn't a successful relationship, a long term relationship. No,

398
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 1: actually that's not true. I've uncles and aunts who are

399
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 1: like reading right now pretty far like yeah, and also,

400
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 1: how often do you see your uncle's and aunts? Yeah?

401
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 1: Not that often? But my mom's been divorced twice and

402
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 1: now she's fiercely independent and single. My dad only got

403
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Speaker 1: remarried last year, after um twenty years of being single.

404
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,159
Speaker 1: He's just been remarried again. He's been dating his whole life.

405
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,159
Speaker 1: He seems happy now. But um, I don't know, like

406
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 1: my my mom, so I felt m completely unattractive and undateable,

407
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Speaker 1: and I guess unfuckable when I was like since I

408
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 1: was a teenager, since since puberty, and I didn't think

409
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 1: I deserved um anyone's love. I didn't think I was

410
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Speaker 1: attractive enough to like, um, be with anybody. And my

411
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Speaker 1: mom I always told me I was fat, and she

412
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: always criticized my physical appearance a lot, to the point

413
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Speaker 1: where my sister developed and eating disorder. And yeah, she

414
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: was relatively toxic when I was younger in the way

415
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Speaker 1: that she raised me. She's she's good now, I mean

416
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: somewhat good, Like we have a pretty good relationship. But

417
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,640
Speaker 1: I think she didn't give me a lot of like

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00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: physical affection and didn't express her love to me in

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00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 1: a tangible way when I was younger, because I mostly

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00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,400
Speaker 1: grew up with her from when I was twelve years

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Speaker 1: old to like twenty one, twenty two, and she never

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00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 1: really touched me or hugged me or told me that

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Speaker 1: she loved me. And so as soon as it like

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Speaker 1: the first time a man like told me that I

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00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 1: felt I was hot or wanted to go on a

426
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 1: date with me, I clung onto that like so deeply,

427
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: because then I then I realized I was lovable and

428
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 1: that I could receive love and affection from people. And

429
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 1: then I just began to crave that so much because

430
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: I never got that in my childhood from my mother.

431
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 1: And then I became like a serial dater and I

432
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 1: just needed to be with men. I remember the first

433
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 1: or second year I started dating, I was just I

434
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: needed to be with people all the time. And the

435
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: intimacy that I found through sex and through dating men, yeah,

436
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 1: like filled that hole metaphorically and physically, Yeah, inside me.

437
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: The whole left. Yeah that my mother didn't like couldn't fail.

438
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 1: And I think I like to send I think that's

439
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 1: why I date shitty men still, because it stems all

440
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 1: the way back from the way my mother treated me,

441
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 1: from me like craving that in men like now I'm

442
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: more aware of it, and I'm more conscious of it

443
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: and it's and I'm slowly changing and dating with more

444
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 1: clarity and more consciously dating. But I do think there's

445
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: still a part of me that that still craves that

446
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: love and that care that I feel like my mother

447
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 1: didn't adequately provide me, and that I now find in men. Wow,

448
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,360
Speaker 1: pretty profound. I think that you're but I honestly think

449
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 1: you're spot on. You reckon. Yeah, I think you just

450
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: have a lot of credit as well for moving past that.

451
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: It's a pretty like. The wounds from childhood are pretty

452
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: hard to to heal on our own, they are, and

453
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 1: you've done a pretty amazing job. Yeah, our childhood has

454
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 1: such a significant impact on how we approach romantic relationships

455
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 1: later in life. Whatever it may be, like that that

456
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: instance of your sister is so hard to hear, because

457
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm sure all of us, in some way or another

458
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: have some niggling little insecurity or mistreatment or trauma from

459
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 1: childhood that we just can't seem to shake. It's still there. Yeah, Like,

460
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 1: I think I had a similar thing to what you

461
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: were saying, where I never felt like anyone found me

462
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: attractive when I was younger, and I never felt particularly

463
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: like lovable, Like no one really ever showed interest in

464
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: me at all compared to all the other girls because

465
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: I was like pretty nerdy and I kind of like

466
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 1: stuck to myself a little bit, and I was like, yeah,

467
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 1: I was a bit of a nerd and I didn't

468
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 1: like go out and party or do anything like that.

469
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 1: Like I wanted to read and make art and like

470
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: you know, go to book club and play basketball. Like

471
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: I was. I was a loser. But I love that.

472
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 1: I love that I was a loser because look about

473
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: how it's turned out. I moved away from home when

474
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 1: I was eighteen and like completely created a new life

475
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: for myself that I love. But that early experience where

476
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 1: everyone else around you is dating, it's having like their

477
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: first sexual experiences, is like having these early romantic experiences.

478
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 1: When you feel like you're missing out on those, you

479
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: get your your you get older, and suddenly you're like, okay,

480
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: I want that now, and you begin to collect because

481
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: it's like every time you receive that affection that you

482
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 1: never got in those early like teen years, those formative

483
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: teen years, it feels initially like it's healing you, like

484
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,880
Speaker 1: it's giving them either thing that you've always done it. Yeah, yeah,

485
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 1: it's intense. I'm sure did you find that like that first? Yeah? Yeah,

486
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: And I'm sure it didn't mean as much to the

487
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: man showing, you know, to me, it felt it was

488
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,440
Speaker 1: much more important to me than it was to him.

489
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: But yeah, and it probably probably didn't mean anything, but

490
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: to me it meant everything. Ever, and then they clung

491
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,159
Speaker 1: onto that so much more. And every time someone a

492
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: new person shows you that, it just it It kind

493
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 1: of not so much reaffirms, but it, I don't know,

494
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 1: it like pushes aside that belief that you have for like,

495
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm not lovable, and every time like someone else shows

496
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:09,479
Speaker 1: you that you are, someone else shows you that they

497
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: are attracted to you, that they want to have sex

498
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 1: with you, they want to date you, it just like

499
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: pushes that that belief. It actually never really addresses its aid. Yeah,

500
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,239
Speaker 1: a band aid solution, and then it makes you more

501
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,119
Speaker 1: reliant on them as well, which then makes the problem,

502
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: I guess, kind of worse. Yeah, absolutely, because you're like, shit,

503
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 1: I didn't actually work on my self esteem in other ways.

504
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 1: I just use this external validation to distract, to distract

505
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 1: me and to put a temporary band aid over this,

506
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 1: like very big wound that it's going to actually impact

507
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: me not only just in my dating life but everywhere

508
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 1: else as well. Um, that's definitely something I found. And

509
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: then I was like went through I remember in like

510
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: my second year of UNI, I was just like went

511
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 1: through like a bit of a hole phase. Yeah, it's

512
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: like I just need this, Like this is just like

513
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: the most temporarily nourishing thing I could find. It was

514
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 1: like it was like junk food. I was like, yeah,

515
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,959
Speaker 1: it's so good and like, yeahm like this is all

516
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 1: I've ever wanted. And then like you wake up the

517
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 1: next day and you're like, oh, I feel so feel terrible.

518
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: I feel terrible, and like that insecurity is still there,

519
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 1: especially when it's like it doesn't just become about whether

520
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,719
Speaker 1: they find you attractive, it's about whether they can love you.

521
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: And then then they don't love you, and then that's

522
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 1: an even bigger insecurity. It's like yeah, sure, I'm like

523
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: I'm fuckable and I'm attractive, but am I lovable? Yeah? No,

524
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: Like you don't feel that way, and then you end

525
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: up in situation ships, which is I think my bread

526
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 1: and butter. Honestly, I've been in like four in the

527
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: past Yeah, year and a half and all. But I'm better.

528
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: I'm getting better at them now. The last one I

529
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: was like, he was like I don't really want anything,

530
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 1: and I was like, great, see you later. Good for you.

531
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, not not doing this again.

532
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: And then it actually was really great because after like

533
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, I had that realization where I

534
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: was like, WHOA, Like this man really didn't put in

535
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 1: any effort. He was actually not that nice to me.

536
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: He doesn't really do anything with this life, Like I

537
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: would be like, tell me, Like I remember I asked

538
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: him on one about first dates. I was like, what's

539
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: the thing you're most passionate about? Yeah, and he couldn't

540
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 1: answer the question and he was like my family. And

541
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, everyone's passionate about their family, Like

542
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: it's called love. Yeah, Like I was like, and I

543
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: was like, oh, you know, he's still finding himself. And

544
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: then like cut to like five weeks later, and I

545
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,719
Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, that should have given me.

546
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: That should have been the biggest indicator. Okay, so I

547
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 1: really want to talk about what we've learned. We've already

548
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: talked about that a little bit, but what are we

549
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 1: bringing into our dating lives in twenty twenty three? What

550
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: are our non negotiables? Didn't you make it? You made

551
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: a list this year, didn't you? For you? I made

552
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: a list? Can I read it? Yeah? So are? These

553
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: are my expectations and dating boundaries for tw twenty two.

554
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: I think they might change this year. But the first

555
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: one was I'm looking for a relationship. That was something

556
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 1: I realized. I think I always thought that I was

557
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: like the hook up, one night stand situation ship girlie,

558
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: like I could just have heaps of casual sex and

559
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 1: I'd be happy. And then I was like, actually, no,

560
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: I would like to be loved and cared for and supported.

561
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: So I guess set your intent, like no, way, you're

562
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 1: looking for and know what you want? Yeah, I feel

563
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: like that's the first what you don't want? What I

564
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: don't want? Yeah, yeah, which might be you know, one

565
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: night stands, casual sex, whatever it is. Here's the thing, Like,

566
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: I'm still up for that, but like, I'm looking for

567
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: a relationship. So I think if it's someone that I

568
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 1: could seriously see myself dating and they don't want to

569
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: date me, I've learned pretty I've learned now through trial

570
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: and error. Like we talked about, yeah, to cut that

571
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: off like as soon as possible so no one gets hurt. Yeah.

572
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: I also said I will only go on five casual

573
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: dates before I know what they want. It used to

574
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: be like three, but I was like, sometimes you really

575
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: do just want to get to know the person and

576
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: like have a bit of like almost a friendship there,

577
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: or liken't have enough knowledge before knowing what they want.

578
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: If they're looking for something casual, that is not for me,

579
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: So I will break things off, which I did with

580
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: that guy that I was saying I think things ended

581
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: in like October. I was like, Nat, not going to

582
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: work this next one I think is really important. They

583
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: need to message me to make plans. If I made

584
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: the last plan, I expect them to make the next

585
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: and I will not compromise. If they want to see me,

586
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: they will That one I broke because I think sometimes

587
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: like I'm the busier normally the busier party. Like I

588
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: work a full time job, I also run the show.

589
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 1: I also have so many other things going on in

590
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: my life, friends, other side hustles like sports, family, So

591
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 1: normally I'm the busier person. So it's sometimes up to

592
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: me to be like to indicate when I'm free. Yeah,

593
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: but most of the time I'm like, I will be like,

594
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 1: I'm free on Friday, would you like to do something?

595
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: And then I if I've like planned the last day,

596
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, you expect them, yeah, um, frequent communication. I'm

597
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 1: not going for like, I don't know, I'm not going

598
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 1: like two weeks without talking to someone completely and then

599
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:12,239
Speaker 1: they even like a week and then they like pop up.

600
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, if you can go without thinking about

601
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: me for that long, then I'm not really that interested.

602
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: And I don't think it's like a great foundation if

603
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: you're someone like me who was looking for a relationship

604
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: at this point in their life. This one's kind of

605
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: like a little bit spicy. So if you're my mom

606
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: and dad, you don't have to listen to this or

607
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: someone I work with. Please after four dates where sex

608
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: is involved, I expect a non sexual date because I

609
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: think I fall into I fell into the trap with

610
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 1: oh I said his name with the guy from end

611
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 1: of last year, like we would have sex every single day,

612
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, I obviously really enjoy having

613
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: sex with you, and it's like great, but also I

614
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 1: feel kind of like you don't really see me, and

615
00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: it may let me feeling pretty icky. Do you add

616
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 1: anything to that list? I guess you're not really. I

617
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: feel like you're you're non negotiables might be a little

618
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: bit different. Yeah, And I think, um, I don't think

619
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a relationship anymore currently. Yeah, especially after

620
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: what I went through, the last breakup that I had,

621
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: it definitely changed the way I think about how I date.

622
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: And I felt really really completely misled in that relationship.

623
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: If I can even call it a relationship, I would Yeah,

624
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: I think I would too. Um. But then again, in

625
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 1: saying that, if I met the right person, yeah, I

626
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 1: think I would make it work, even though I might

627
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: not explicitly be looking for a relationship right now. I

628
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 1: also have like a lot of travel plans next year

629
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: and I'm not willing to compromise no on that currently

630
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 1: for anyone. Yeah, And Vietnam, Vietnam and the UK. Maybe

631
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: I want us to go to the UK together. I'll

632
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 1: go to the UK with you? Oh my god, what

633
00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 1: are you going? March? But I think that's all so

634
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: a really good point. When I set these like non

635
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: negotiables and these are the things that I've learned, it's

636
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 1: to protect myself because I realize that if this I'm

637
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: not explicit with myself, and I don't compare the behavior

638
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: of someone I'm seriously interested in with this stuff, it

639
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: can be quite detrimental and I can often get wrapped up.

640
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 1: I think you and I one thing we really have

641
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 1: in common. We are both incredibly sentimental romantic people. Completely.

642
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: I think it's because we're both quite creative as well,

643
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 1: so we want to see the beauty and the love

644
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: in so many places where other people don't. Yeah, I

645
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 1: feel like you're very like susceptible to love about me.

646
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: I think I'm I just I'm so willing to believe

647
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,880
Speaker 1: like that this person wants to give me everything. I

648
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: think I am like a romantic, absolutely romantist. Romantist. I'm

649
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,399
Speaker 1: a hopeless romantic. I love love. I love giving love.

650
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 1: I love was living love. I just want to give

651
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: love to everyone, and so when someone wants to give

652
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 1: me love, of course I'm going to accept it. Why

653
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 1: would somebody lie about that? I do not know. Why

654
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: would somebody lie about that? I don't know if you

655
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: can answer that for us. I feel like we would

656
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: give you a sizeable check, a lot of money. I

657
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,240
Speaker 1: can guess I think it's well, I think it stems

658
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 1: from a deep insecurity with him within them. You know,

659
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: they probably think they don't you know, don't deserve love

660
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 1: or don't have the capacity to be loved truly for

661
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: who they are. So they love bomb vulnerable, beautiful people

662
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: like us to make us well, to feel closer to

663
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,839
Speaker 1: us than too ye, to then make us yeah. Yeah.

664
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: I also think it's because they don't know what they want. Yeah,

665
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: And also they don't and then like the start of

666
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: a relationship is like always the fun part, right, it's

667
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: super exciting, and then they often don't realize that love

668
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: and commitment takes more than just fun things and compliments

669
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: and sex and gifts. Yeah, Like it actually takes vulnerability

670
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: and honesty. And often they're super onboard for that first

671
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: chapter yeah, where it's just like super fun and there's

672
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: no responsibility and it's like it's just getting to know someone,

673
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 1: And then you get to that next stage where it

674
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 1: actually requires you to have some kind of awareness of

675
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: your emotional needs and they needs of others, and they're like, oh,

676
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 1: she's like I'm out, Like I can't do that. How

677
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: would you differentiate? Because I know every relationship is different

678
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: than people. People always act differently when they meet. You know,

679
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 1: everyone is different. How would you differentiate somebody love bombing

680
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: you with somebody who truly has fallen in love with

681
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: you very quickly and is showing that intensity at the

682
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,239
Speaker 1: beginning of you dating them, and it's and it's true

683
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 1: and it's authentic and it's raw, and they have no

684
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: negative intentions towards you or no desire to manipulate you.

685
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 1: How do you differentiate that. I actually was thinking about

686
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: this the other day. I think it's about identifying what

687
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 1: it's in response to. So it's love bombing if it's

688
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 1: in response to perhaps you pulling away or them having

689
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 1: done something maybe a little bit wrong, yeah, or like

690
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: it's something that's upset you yea, or like as I

691
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,799
Speaker 1: think it's a form love bombing would be seen as

692
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 1: a form of manipulation. It's the use of like love

693
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 1: to not coerce, but to attract you in a way

694
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: that like they can't fulfill on their end. So it's like,

695
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 1: if they're trying to win you over, that's love bombing. Yeah,

696
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: because someone who you cannot truly fall in love with

697
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: someone unless it's reciprocated, do you know what I mean?

698
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, you could have unrequited love, but

699
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: when you think about that person who truly loves you,

700
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: it's probably because you truly love them back, and you've

701
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 1: both allowed yourselves to be vulnerable and to connect. So

702
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: when they show you love in that situation, it's not

703
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: like they're trying to win you over. They've already won

704
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 1: you over. They're not doing it in response to something

705
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 1: that they've done wrong. They're not doing it to kind

706
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 1: of almost coerce you. They're doing it because it's just

707
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: this general that there's like serious, like expression of a

708
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: deep emotion, whereas love bombing is a way of like

709
00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: winning you over and like capturing you, bringing you in

710
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 1: and like all that excitement. Yeah. Yeah, I honestly, if

711
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: you please don't take my advice, like do your research,

712
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 1: because I don't know. That's just what I think, And

713
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 1: I think that reminds me of when I watched He's

714
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: just not that into you. Yeah, I think they said,

715
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 1: what do they say? Something like there is the exception?

716
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: You know, like there's always that one or two exceptions

717
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,919
Speaker 1: for people who you know, meet someone and instantly fall

718
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: in love and it's so intense and passionate and beautiful,

719
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 1: and then it continues that for years. But for most

720
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: of us, whether they they say we are there were

721
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:41,280
Speaker 1: the rule. Yeah, it's called the rule. Yeah, because it's typical. Yeah,

722
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 1: my grandparents are one of those exceptions. Oh my god.

723
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 1: I went out for dinner with them last night. They

724
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 1: are so in love. They're like ninety and eighty, like

725
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: eighty seven and eighty, I think. And my granddad's still like,

726
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,440
Speaker 1: oh baby, look lovely to night and like calls her

727
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: babe and like we'll literally do anything for her. Didn't

728
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: make men like that anymore. They don't about they were

729
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 1: telling me. My mom was telling me when they first

730
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 1: started dating, my grandma had just come out of a

731
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 1: really messy divorce. Yeah, she doesn't listen to this, but

732
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: I hope she won't mind me talking about it. Um,

733
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 1: she came out of this really messy divorce with my

734
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 1: actual grandfather who we never I've never spoken to, and

735
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: he was like really awful. And she met this man

736
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 1: my grandfather and not my my grandfather by nature, not

737
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 1: by blood, like he is my grandfather, but he's not

738
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 1: my blood relative, but still like family, family thrown through

739
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: and she met him and he just like wowed her,

740
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,320
Speaker 1: Like what we were talking about, that like distinction between

741
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 1: just doing things because you love someone and love me.

742
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: He like took her on trips, He bought her like diamonds,

743
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: He bought her for codes from Paris. He like he

744
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 1: hired her as part of his photography business and got

745
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 1: her to run everything, like her in charge of everything,

746
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:04,280
Speaker 1: would take her business advice, bought her a house, moved

747
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 1: her to Australia, like the whole kebab. Yeah, everything if

748
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: you wanted to, he was. And I was like, and

749
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: literally and it's still in love with her, yeah, like

750
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: every year, like it's so so in love with her

751
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: and thinks that she is just the most amazing woman.

752
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 1: And I was like, fuck, m I need to go

753
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: back to whenever the nineteen sixties and pick me up

754
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: one of these guys. He's so lovely. It's honestly such

755
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:32,399
Speaker 1: a but I feel very lucky now. You know you've

756
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: made me think that, like I've actually I've had those

757
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:39,919
Speaker 1: examples and like my parents as well, like I would say, yeah,

758
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: I would say they're pretty in love. I don't know.

759
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,240
Speaker 1: I don't like to think about it, but like, um,

760
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 1: I've had but I've had those examples of like people

761
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 1: stick like sticking around and yeah, really putting in the energy. Yeah. Yeah.

762
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: Well one final question, where do you see your love

763
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 1: life at the end of twenty twenty three. It's a

764
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: hard it's hard, and like I feel like my the

765
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,439
Speaker 1: you know, context around of my love life has changed

766
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: so much in the last month that I'm rethinking everything.

767
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: I see you fully in love? Do you reckon? Oh? Yeah,

768
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: I know you say you're not looking for a relationship.

769
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: I don't think you're looking, but as your very close

770
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 1: friend take it a leader, I think you are someone

771
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: who who is a relationship girl. I think, yeah, I

772
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 1: think at the you know, I think I am as well, right,

773
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 1: I just I just I think I do want to

774
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: just give somebody all my love, Yeah, because you are

775
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 1: so so generous When you love someone, you love them

776
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 1: so deeply. You are one of the most generous, giving

777
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: people I have ever met in all my travels, my

778
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: whole life. And I think you do want to give

779
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: that to someone, do Yeah? And you have so much

780
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: of it to give, Like the amount that you're giving

781
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: people who can't even reciprocate is ridiculous, Like imagine when

782
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 1: somebody is reciprocating I'm such a good girlfriend, I think,

783
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 1: oh frick, yeah, I would date you. I would date

784
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 1: you too, should forever I see being in a relationship,

785
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 1: I see Honestly, I don't think I'm getting into a

786
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: relationship anytime soon. Really, Oh my gosh. Next year is

787
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,440
Speaker 1: so busy for me. Yeah, you're in a relationship with

788
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 1: your work right now. Yeah, I'm obsessed, which is okay.

789
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: I think that's In fact, I think that's great. I

790
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: know I do. I do, like feel a bit self

791
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 1: conscious about it sometimes, like I don't know friends and

792
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: family or from like, yeah, you need to not work

793
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 1: all the time, and yeah, I'm just too, I'm too invested,

794
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,399
Speaker 1: like this is yeah, the big like one of this

795
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 1: is I love doing this. It's such an investment to me.

796
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 1: I just actually really care about it and want to

797
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: do it every day, every waking minute. I'm always thinking

798
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: about it. So how can I have time to give

799
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: that to someone else? Because I think if I was

800
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: to be dating someone, it would take away from the

801
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,399
Speaker 1: things that really drive me at the moment and really

802
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,919
Speaker 1: feel my soul, so it wouldn't be what I would

803
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: want thank you so much for coming on Sydney. Thank you.

804
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,720
Speaker 1: That was such a fun episode. Yeah, I felt really cathartic. Yeah,

805
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 1: it always is to talk to you. Yeah, it always

806
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: is to talk to you as well, you too, Oh

807
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: my gosh. I also just feel like it's such a

808
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: great kind of way to reflect on what we've wanted

809
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 1: this year and bring it into the new year. Any

810
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 1: final thoughts before we wrap up. Dating is such an

811
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: important and such important part of my life and it's

812
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 1: so fun. But I think next year it's really time

813
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: to focus on me and I think um and I

814
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:43,800
Speaker 1: hope everyone listening also takes the time to to really

815
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: love themselves and dedicate next year to yourself. Actually, this

816
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: this this really good quote I saw. Do you mind

817
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: if I read it to you? Yeah, of course. So

818
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: it goes, if you spend your time chasing butterflies, they'll

819
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 1: fly away. If you spend your time making a beautiful garden,

820
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,439
Speaker 1: the butterflies will come to you, and if they don't come,

821
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,760
Speaker 1: then you still have that garden. I love that quote.

822
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful. That's a great amatic. Yeah, it's a

823
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: great way to finish this episode. I think the one

824
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 1: thing we haven't talked about much. That is so important

825
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 1: is that the relationship you cultivate with yourself. You know,

826
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: we've talked a lot about dating, but that relationship is

827
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: the most important one you will ever have in your

828
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: entire life. Yeah, it's the only one that isn't going

829
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 1: to disappear. It's not going to go away. It is

830
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: essential that you spend time focused on what you mean

831
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: to yourself, how you love yourself, what you like to do,

832
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,120
Speaker 1: and those close relationships that really bring you joy. So

833
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 1: to the garden, your own garden. I guess one other

834
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: thing before we go that we want to talk about

835
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: is that we have some merchandise coming out. Are you excited.

836
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for it. I am as well. We're

837
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 1: doing a toebag and a hoodie. It's going to be

838
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 1: an exclusive launch and yeah, Sydney is actually designing, Yeah,

839
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:02,279
Speaker 1: both of them. I thank you for asking me to

840
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: design that. Oh literally, there's no one else I would

841
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 1: have to do it. Of course. I trust you so

842
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: much and I love what you do. So I was like, um,

843
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,240
Speaker 1: it's such an amazing thing that we can do together.

844
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 1: And we will release some early images and the link

845
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 1: to purchase on the podcast Instagram at that Psychology podcast

846
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: if you want to follow Sydney as well at sid

847
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: feray f r e y yeah s y d e

848
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 1: y sid Fairy Fairy yeah um, and we'll release some

849
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 1: pictures if you want to get your hands on some

850
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:43,800
Speaker 1: merchandise to support the podcast, to support Sydney's amazing artwork

851
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: and amazing work as an artist, we would be very appreciative.

852
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: And also it's just going to be really sick, so yeah,

853
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,879
Speaker 1: it'll be so pretty. Yeah, it will be re oh

854
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,240
Speaker 1: me too. It will be released in the next two months,

855
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: so make sure you're following along to get your hands

856
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 1: on that. I'm excited. It's one of the big things

857
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 1: I wanted to do for twenty twenty three and it's

858
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 1: great being able to do it with a close friend.

859
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 1: So thank you again for coming on. Thank you so

860
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 1: much for letting me come on. Yeah, one of my

861
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,959
Speaker 1: favorite episodes. I love talking to my friends on the show.

862
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 1: So if you enjoyed this episode, if you enjoy the podcast,

863
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: please make sure to leave a five star review on

864
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you're listening right now if you

865
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,759
Speaker 1: feel called to do so. It really helps the show

866
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: grow and reach new audiences, and make sure you are

867
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 1: following our Instagram. At that Psychology podcast, Like I said,

868
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 1: it's where you will hear the first about merchandise. We

869
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,799
Speaker 1: also often do polls where you can decide what episodes

870
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 1: are coming out in the week that follows. I let

871
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 1: my listeners decide what I record, So if you want

872
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: to be involved in the community, please feel free to

873
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: follow us over there, and thank you so much for listening.