Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I just had a very quick turnaround. I
Speaker 2: just came from LA to Whistler right after the Critics
Speaker 2: Choice Awards, which were Sunday. Monday morning, I woke up
Speaker 2: with my new baby dog. My dog dog is a
Speaker 2: fucking dream boat. I feel like all of my dog
Speaker 2: karma has finally come full circle.
Speaker 3: Amazing.
Speaker 2: I mean, Chunk was my very best, he was my sweetheart,
Speaker 2: my first he made me a mother. But this dog
Speaker 2: is it's almost like my dream dog is in front
Speaker 2: of me. And I had to go to so the
Speaker 2: same place I got Burton Bernice, they had some chows.
Speaker 2: So they brought some chows to audition for me in LA.
Speaker 2: When I was home for the Critics Choice Awards. I
Speaker 2: came home for four days and I went to this park. Oh,
Speaker 2: this is a good story. I went to this park
Speaker 2: and this guy's walking towards me, and there's these two
Speaker 2: metal gates and I kind of opened them to I'm
Speaker 2: looking for these dog people because they said they were
Speaker 2: bringing me two chows, and so I'm looking for these
Speaker 2: dog people and I have the gates like open, I
Speaker 2: don't know, two inches each, like I hadn't shut them
Speaker 2: because I was just peeking in to see if I
Speaker 2: was at the right place. This guy comes running up
Speaker 2: to me and he's like, can you please shut the
Speaker 2: metal gates? And I go, well, no, I will when
Speaker 2: I get back out. I'm just taking a look. He
Speaker 2: goes it takes one second before there is a dog
Speaker 2: killed on Barrington and I go, sir, you need to relax.
Speaker 1: I am looking for.
Speaker 2: A dog right now. And he goes, oh, oh, you're
Speaker 2: looking for a dog. How funny you must have you
Speaker 2: already lost your dog, you lost your dogs?
Speaker 1: And I was looking at him. I go, sir, whatever.
Speaker 2: Happened to you this morning has nothing to do with me,
Speaker 2: so shut up and stop communicating with me. And then
Speaker 2: he goes, you celebrities are so entitled, you are I go, oh, really,
Speaker 2: that's what this is about me being a celebrity and
Speaker 2: coming into a dog park. I go, sir, just stop
Speaker 2: talking to me. And they were across the street at
Speaker 2: a different park, but right as I was walking away,
Speaker 2: he goes, Chelsea Handler, you're a whore. What an interesting
Speaker 2: choice of saying You say such? And he was so
Speaker 2: unhinged that it was so funny, like I couldn't stop laughing, like,
Speaker 2: Chelsea Handler, you're a war Like I'm like, I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I wanted to go, sir. I want you to go
Speaker 2: home tonight. And when you're reflecting on your day, like
Speaker 2: what are you thinking? Like, way to go, way to go?
Speaker 2: Off on Chelsea Handler because she's such an entitled bitch.
Speaker 2: Because she opened a gate at a dog park and
Speaker 2: didn't close it.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that is when you know it's like
Speaker 3: just not about you, just about it was so funny.
Speaker 2: It was so funny. But anyway, So anyway, I met Doug,
Speaker 2: who is beautiful. Dog is eight Okay, do you know
Speaker 2: how hard it is to get a full child. The
Speaker 2: reason I've never had a full chow is because you
Speaker 2: have to buy them, and I don't want to buy
Speaker 2: a dog. I want to rescue dogs, obviously, so I've
Speaker 2: never had a full chow. Doug is eight months. He's
Speaker 2: a baby. I've never had a baby. I mean, I
Speaker 2: had Gary, but you know how that one I had
Speaker 2: to return Gary to send her. But he's eight months.
Speaker 2: He's housebroken, he's black, he is full, he is a lover.
Speaker 2: He loves my Bell. My Bell's already trying to pull
Speaker 2: her bullshit and stirrup shit by taking him. She has
Speaker 2: him right now because he has to get vaccinated to
Speaker 2: come to Canada, and then Casey's gonna drive him up
Speaker 2: here next week. But I literally patted my bed because
Speaker 2: I moved into my new house. My bedroom and my
Speaker 2: gym and my bathroom are ready, so i'm's like hotel living. Hey,
Speaker 2: the rest of the house is still a construction site.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, I don't care, I'm moving in. I
Speaker 2: pat my bed and Doug just comes up on the bed.
Speaker 2: He rolls around, plays with you. He runs. I've never
Speaker 2: had a dog that could run. And he is a lover.
Speaker 2: He loves Felix, he loves my Bell, he loves Carla,
Speaker 2: he loves Casey, he loves me. He's so cuddly. He
Speaker 2: lies on his back and puts his legs up in
Speaker 2: the air for you to rub his belly. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's my dream dog. And I'm like, it's happening. After
Speaker 2: all these years, I finally got a dream dog.
Speaker 3: And you listen to your gut and you waited for him,
Speaker 3: and he waited for you, and it's love.
Speaker 2: It is love. I love Doug.
Speaker 3: And you were just telling ze Wave you wanted to
Speaker 3: a black chow because she has black chows, and you're like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I want this. Oh it just it
Speaker 3: worked out right.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: And I mean, you don't get an eight month old
Speaker 2: dog that is a full chow that is beautiful and
Speaker 2: his house broken.
Speaker 3: Oh that's that's truly the cherry.
Speaker 2: I mean, he's just I just am so lucked out.
Speaker 2: I feel so grateful for this dog. And he is
Speaker 2: gonna he and I are going to have such a
Speaker 2: great time together.
Speaker 3: Are he and Bernice getting along?
Speaker 2: Bernice is in Whistler, So I'm with Bernice. I wanted
Speaker 2: to come back and have some alone time with her
Speaker 2: before she and I are just finally hitting our stride too.
Speaker 1: And so I don't know.
Speaker 2: How she's going to feel about Doug, but I have
Speaker 2: a feeling that Doug is going to put a little
Speaker 2: pep in her step. Yeah, she needs to pick up
Speaker 2: the fucking pace.
Speaker 3: That's definitely. What's happened with Mimsy is like she's age,
Speaker 3: she's getting a little cratchety, but like she runs around
Speaker 3: after these puppies, and I like, this is the best
Speaker 3: thing we could have done for her health.
Speaker 2: I think, yes, yeah, I think that's true, So that's good.
Speaker 2: The credits choice was a fucking blast.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, he looks so amazing.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I had such an incredible time, so
Speaker 2: many incredible moments, and the overall feeling I had that
Speaker 2: I recognized on that day was I've done so many
Speaker 2: high profile events, you know, where there's pressure or filming
Speaker 2: your special or filming something or doing wort shows, you
Speaker 2: name it. This was one of the first times where
Speaker 2: I recognized that I had no nerves at all. I
Speaker 2: was just pure excitement, Like I couldn't wait to get
Speaker 2: out on stage and show everyone how it's done. Like
Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to go show my professionalism and that,
Speaker 2: you know, like, and I just wanted it to happen.
Speaker 2: I was like, it was noon, I'm like, I want
Speaker 2: to go. And then between my fashion and my looks
Speaker 2: and all the hair and makeup. I mean, I've never
Speaker 2: spoken about fashion and dresses more than I did leading
Speaker 2: up to this with my team, because we had so
Speaker 2: many dresses that looked so incredible and we had to
Speaker 2: keep narrowing it down and they wanted me to do
Speaker 2: more outfit changes, and I just think that's silly. I'm
Speaker 2: not going to ch the night isn't about the host changing,
Speaker 2: so I didn't want to do that many but anyway,
Speaker 2: it was one of those nights where I just was
Speaker 2: so in my own feet and in my own body
Speaker 2: with every moment, and I was like, I know I
Speaker 2: could do this, and I'm going to crush it. And
Speaker 2: I did, and it was just like a very beautiful
Speaker 2: cementing of like all my hard work and all of
Speaker 2: my focus and energy and doing all the work that
Speaker 2: you do on yourself. Like, yeah, you don't necessarily see
Speaker 2: it right away, which is why I think people get
Speaker 2: frustrated with therapy or with meditation or with any of
Speaker 2: these other things, because they want instant results and it
Speaker 2: doesn't work instantly. It works in phases. And like, I'm
Speaker 2: in this moment right now, and this isn't going to
Speaker 2: last forever either. I'm sure I will have find a
Speaker 2: time to be insecure about something again. But to recognize
Speaker 2: that you're in these moments when you are in your
Speaker 2: flow state and you are firing and you're in the
Speaker 2: zone as an amazing, very fulfilling failing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you could really tell too. It showed on
Speaker 3: your face, it showed in your body you just seemed
Speaker 3: like you were up there having fun and like just
Speaker 3: filled with joy. Like you seemed very relaxed.
Speaker 2: And I also have to say this because we talked
Speaker 2: about this, I well, we're gonna talk about this, but
Speaker 2: I was very relaxed. There were a couple of people
Speaker 2: that were going to be at this show when I saw, like,
Speaker 2: you know, when I was rehearsing and you see all
Speaker 2: these names and you're like, oh my god, fucking Harrison
Speaker 2: Ford sitting right in front of me, and fucking de
Speaker 2: Niro was there, and you're like, I'm gonna be you know,
Speaker 2: And there were a couple of people there that I
Speaker 2: thought for sure did not like me, Like I just
Speaker 2: I just had a feeling these people did not like me.
Speaker 2: There are three people actually that I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: that person doesn't like me. That persons is like all
Speaker 2: three of those people came up to me and gave
Speaker 2: me kudos for my show, for the for the show,
Speaker 2: for my career, for things that Like. It was just
Speaker 2: so funny that I had these three people in mind,
Speaker 2: and in succession, all three of those people approached me
Speaker 2: telling me giving me compliments.
Speaker 3: That's so funny because they also I thought that, but
Speaker 3: not come up and told you about it, like no,
Speaker 3: But it's.
Speaker 2: Like this universal intelligence that we keep talking about or
Speaker 2: that I keep banging on about. I'm just feeling it
Speaker 2: so much. I just feel so grounded lately that I
Speaker 2: just know, like I know what I'm doing, I know
Speaker 2: what's right. I know. Then I just thought, I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna win these three people over tonight, like That's what
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do, And whether they were not on my
Speaker 2: side to begin with or not is irrelevant, because.
Speaker 1: That's the right attitude.
Speaker 2: Even if you have people that don't like you or
Speaker 2: you've had a bad experience with, you can turn on
Speaker 2: it always. You can always there's always an opportunity to
Speaker 2: give them a new experience. Yeah, and a new version
Speaker 2: of you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 5: I love that.
Speaker 3: Well, congratulations, that's such an achievement. And you look like
Speaker 3: you had a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, And who knew? I
Speaker 2: finally have the body I want when I'm forty eight
Speaker 2: years old. I mean, honestly, I am in the best
Speaker 2: shape of my life and I'm forty eight, so anyone
Speaker 2: listening to me, it is possible. So it just it
Speaker 2: is getting better my life is getting better with age.
Speaker 2: I have to say, like.
Speaker 3: A fine nine. All right, Well, today we have a
Speaker 3: very special guest who you know very well.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, we have my boo on today. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: she's a and she has a new special on Max
Speaker 2: called Salute Me or Shoot Me and please, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: watch it. She's awesome. Sam Jay Okay, I've got this
Speaker 2: fucking bitch with me right now, Sam j Okay. And
Speaker 2: first of all, if you haven't seen her stand up specially,
Speaker 2: you better watch it because it's really really funny.
Speaker 5: Have you actually watched it?
Speaker 2: Chose, Yeah, yes, of course I watch it. I fucking
Speaker 2: posted about a bitch. But you don't even know how
Speaker 2: to use internet, So how the fuck would you know?
Speaker 2: I know, I mean, would you do really watch? Do
Speaker 2: you think I would say I watched it if I
Speaker 2: didn't watch it?
Speaker 5: Oh no, it's not like you were doing a commercial.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I am, because you're on the podcast.
Speaker 2: So Sam's late to the podcast. By the way, Sam's
Speaker 2: late to everything, So let's just get that out of
Speaker 2: the way. Sam's late to the podcast because she took
Speaker 2: a shower where the elliotts she was excited about telling
Speaker 2: that to me. She was excited to share that with me.
Speaker 2: So I have a little story to back it up.
Speaker 2: Did you wash your legs?
Speaker 5: Do watch my legs?
Speaker 2: Okay? Because I got a talking to from Sam is
Speaker 2: in a long term relationship with a woman who is
Speaker 2: batshit crazy and her name is fucking yah Yah. We're
Speaker 2: gonna have her on the podcast at some time too,
Speaker 2: because she would be really good, my best.
Speaker 5: She will go off.
Speaker 2: On people, because she she went off on me. They
Speaker 2: came to my worka we had a comedy weekend. We
Speaker 2: had Vanessa Gonzales, who you know opens for me on
Speaker 2: my tour. We had her partner, he's not her husband,
Speaker 2: and then yah Yah and Sam are a couple. Then
Speaker 2: Fortune Fortune femes her and her wife Jack's and then
Speaker 2: Jamie Jamie Greenberg my makeup arty, and I was assaulted
Speaker 2: by yah Ya, I mean emotionally assaulted so many times
Speaker 2: throughout the vacation as she fucking will flip.
Speaker 1: She's that bitch will flip on a dime.
Speaker 2: She is fucking normal and fun and then after nine pm,
Speaker 2: something happens at nine where she's just like listen, bitch,
Speaker 2: and then she starts yelling at me for being white
Speaker 2: one in the conversation. She's always yelling at me for
Speaker 2: being white, you know, like I had the choice. And
Speaker 2: then one of the days we got in this conversation
Speaker 2: about white girls showering versus black girls showering. And I've
Speaker 2: had this conversation with Tiffany Hattish, yes, because she said
Speaker 2: the same thing to me once. She was like, do
Speaker 2: you wash your legs in the shower? And I was like,
Speaker 2: wash my legs? I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I mean, what about they're club Oh.
Speaker 5: You believe this too. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I want to start though, because I heard tell about
Speaker 3: this and I was like, I guess I gotta watch
Speaker 3: my legs.
Speaker 1: But I never used to.
Speaker 6: That is I really want to know, like how this
Speaker 6: step gets skipped.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna tell you because first of all, my
Speaker 2: legs are covered most of the day, so what's getting in.
Speaker 5: There you're still sweating? Is so bad.
Speaker 2: I'm not legs sweating. My legs are not sweat all
Speaker 2: I have under arms that's a sweaty area. Sometime.
Speaker 6: This is what I want you to do before the
Speaker 6: one time you shower, before you do anything, take a
Speaker 6: white rag.
Speaker 1: All right, that's a good idea.
Speaker 6: Actually clean your legs and see what's on the rag, okay,
Speaker 6: and then you will understand that there's dirt on your legs.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I'm so busy wiping my Pikachu clean and cleaning my
Speaker 2: asshole and my underarms that I'm like that those are
Speaker 2: my three hot spots, and I very very rarely sometimes
Speaker 2: the bottom of my feet if if things got dice.
Speaker 2: So then Sam was like, I can't believe white girls
Speaker 2: don't watch their legs. You have to wash your legs.
Speaker 2: You have to watch you legs. So I tried it
Speaker 2: like a few times, and I was like I reported
Speaker 2: back to the IA too.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I've.
Speaker 2: Been washing my legs and I'm like, I just don't
Speaker 2: feel that much of a difference because I feel like
Speaker 2: my legs even when I ski, even when I ski,
Speaker 2: which I know you're not gonna fucking do.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 5: I told you that I know to ski. I'm from Boston.
Speaker 6: I wouldn't need like a refresher because I'm was skied
Speaker 6: in a long time, but I know that mechanics of ski.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, you're right.
Speaker 2: Anyway, My point was, even when I ski, I am
Speaker 2: fucking like everyone gets hot and sweaty when they ski.
Speaker 2: My I don't even ski with underpants on, Like I
Speaker 2: ski with ski pants and nothing else because I'm so
Speaker 2: warm all the time, so my legs are definitely not sweating.
Speaker 5: Do you sweat? Are you just not a sweat person?
Speaker 2: No, my under arms will sweat. I could get some
Speaker 2: fun going there, like nothing in the crek right here,
Speaker 2: no sweat.
Speaker 1: But I don't look back there a lot, so I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on back there.
Speaker 2: She's talking to the back of my knees, and I'm
Speaker 2: not doing anything back there. I mean, unless somebody was
Speaker 2: holding me up by like I was having crazy sex
Speaker 2: and they were holding my legs behind my head, like
Speaker 2: pushing on the backs of my knees. Maybe then I
Speaker 2: would have fingerprints or something. But that's the most I
Speaker 2: can imagine. Anyway, we had them there for a week,
Speaker 2: and let's talk about some of the highlights of that week,
Speaker 2: because that was fucking fun.
Speaker 5: It was a great week.
Speaker 2: My favorite part of the story is that Sam revealed
Speaker 2: to us at the end of the trip that on
Speaker 2: their way to my house in Spain that they didn't
Speaker 2: know what kind of host I was gonna be so
Speaker 2: that they had made alternative backup plans in case they
Speaker 2: had to get out of Dodge because I was like
Speaker 2: a nightmare or what was the reasoning break it down
Speaker 2: for our listeners.
Speaker 6: I mean, you just never know, like especially like with
Speaker 6: like You're, like, I would you know what, You're a
Speaker 6: comedy legend, Chelsea, you're a comedy legend.
Speaker 5: Oh you're you are just a high level comedian.
Speaker 6: You've had a lot of success, a lot of people
Speaker 6: love you. You can kind of go anywhere on this
Speaker 6: planet and people are like, yeah, that's Chelsea Handler and
Speaker 6: she's the best, and that type of energy makes some
Speaker 6: people crazy.
Speaker 5: So I just wasn't sure.
Speaker 6: Like it's one thing you meet people in passing or
Speaker 6: you have a quick moment here and there and you're
Speaker 6: like they chill, but then you're in their home they
Speaker 6: might not be so chill. So I just didn't want
Speaker 6: to be stuck in by Yorka in your house if
Speaker 6: you wasn't that chill. So I was like, well, let's
Speaker 6: just make sure we have some other options case.
Speaker 1: I fucking love that. I mean, how funny is that?
Speaker 2: And I'm honestly I am always read it abouts like
Speaker 2: I have a special signal to Carla when I'm traveling,
Speaker 2: and and I don't stay with a lot of people
Speaker 2: because I have the same I have the same experiences.
Speaker 2: I don't like being under somebody else's watch. I don't
Speaker 2: like not being able to open up a fridge. I
Speaker 2: need to have access to everything, and I don't want
Speaker 2: to be everyone looking around at me like I need
Speaker 2: to feel like I'm home.
Speaker 1: So I don't have a lot.
Speaker 2: I don't like to stay with a lot of people,
Speaker 2: And so sometimes I just text Carla one letter and
Speaker 2: that means I gotta go.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we had our we had our signal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well.
Speaker 5: Yeah it was not necessary, say that it was not necessary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a good time.
Speaker 2: But the other thing that Sam did, I mean I
Speaker 2: would like to report on her being a guest now,
Speaker 2: because the other thing Sam did was she didn't bring
Speaker 2: any drugs. She didn't bring any drugs to Spain, but
Speaker 2: then wanted all of my drugs, which, as a generousupposed
Speaker 2: to Listen, everyone, everyone who knows me knows how I'm
Speaker 2: a giver. You can take the shirt off my back
Speaker 2: and I will fucking fly around topless, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I don't need it, and I'm always happy
Speaker 2: to give. But I was almost out of drugs. Out
Speaker 2: of drugs by the time Sam left. I had to
Speaker 2: give her medicine every thirty seconds and then okay, fine,
Speaker 2: every forty five seconds and.
Speaker 1: Then fucking yeah yeah. I was like, bitch, what.
Speaker 3: You doing with my girlfriend?
Speaker 2: She's all sorts of fucked up because you gave her
Speaker 2: some LSD or mushroom or whatever the fuck.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, yeah, please don't act like
Speaker 1: I'm the problem here.
Speaker 2: Clearly Sam is the problem and you are you already
Speaker 2: know about it.
Speaker 6: Chelsea is kind of a bad influence because I've got
Speaker 6: great and I've ever done before.
Speaker 5: I was like, I won't do that. That sounds nutty
Speaker 5: and it tells me. Was like, just do it and
Speaker 5: shut up.
Speaker 1: And it was great. It was a perfect the LSD.
Speaker 2: I liked it.
Speaker 5: It was cool.
Speaker 2: It was on the same vibe as mushrooms.
Speaker 5: It wasn't crazy.
Speaker 2: Actually chocolate mushrooms and my thing I can give to you. See,
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to get try to give to her.
Speaker 2: So then we go to New York City and during
Speaker 2: our trip, Sam had these Louis Vauton and like Birkenstock
Speaker 2: type of shoes that I used one day. I wore
Speaker 2: one day because I didn't have them, and I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: these are really nice. These are really broken in like
Speaker 2: I would I'd love this. And yeah, I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: get you a pair. I'm like, actually, like I want
Speaker 2: to mind this pair, you know, because they were all
Speaker 2: all work already, were already broken in. I was like,
Speaker 2: it seems like we have the same exact foot situation already. Anyway,
Speaker 2: we go to dinner Sam's in La I go to
Speaker 2: dinner with ya Ya some other friends in New York
Speaker 2: City and fucking yah Ya her crazy bitch girlfriend wife
Speaker 2: girlfriend wife to be awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll keep that on the back of crazy, to.
Speaker 2: Keep her crazy.
Speaker 5: It's complicated.
Speaker 2: She shows up to our dinner with a DHL box
Speaker 2: that was literally the size of a Toyota Echo. It
Speaker 2: was that big. She's like, did you get up present?
Speaker 2: We sent you a thank you President. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: don't need to send me a thing. She goes, oh, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: we did. We did.
Speaker 1: We sent you thank you President.
Speaker 5: Did you like the glasses too? We got you some cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got some great glasses for my New today
Speaker 2: we were talking about the Smurfs, how much I love
Speaker 2: the Smurf So it was very thoughtful. Thank you gift,
Speaker 2: and I loved it. Thank you so much. You didn't
Speaker 2: have to get me anything.
Speaker 5: And I gave you so much from gummies. Bro, well,
Speaker 5: oh you did you know what?
Speaker 2: You know what? That was in New York and you
Speaker 2: know what, I ended up giving them away because that's
Speaker 2: how sweet I am. The guy I shared him with.
Speaker 2: My friend Terrence goes, oh my god, where are those
Speaker 2: mushroom guppies? Like, go, let me the mail them to you.
Speaker 2: I have the whole jar right here, cause I get
Speaker 2: so many drugs. So have you been getting a lot
Speaker 2: of amazing feedback about your special People.
Speaker 5: Are liking it. People are definitely it's cool. I'm proud
Speaker 5: of it. People dig it. They get what I was
Speaker 5: trying to do.
Speaker 1: It's on HBO, everybody, I mean, sorry, it's Max. It's
Speaker 1: on Max.
Speaker 2: Now that's never going to happen, naturally saying that, And
Speaker 2: now you're on tour, I'm touring and oh.
Speaker 1: And then this is the latest.
Speaker 2: She's on tour and her yah Yah is with her
Speaker 2: on tour, fucking getting into it. Left and right with
Speaker 2: audience members. Anyone who speaks up or talks during a show,
Speaker 2: She fucking goes to town on. I got in the
Speaker 2: car the other morning because I were both on tour
Speaker 2: and I was with Vanessa and Carlo.
Speaker 1: They're like, have you seen Yaya stories? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: and they.
Speaker 2: Told me that she's just going off on some woman
Speaker 2: who's telling her to calm down.
Speaker 6: A white woman they had, and the lady got The
Speaker 6: lady didn't know she was my fiance. She thought she
Speaker 6: was just like an audience member. So the lady was like,
Speaker 6: I'm getting you thrown out of here. And I was like, no,
Speaker 6: you're about to leave, ma'am.
Speaker 5: And then the lady did get kicked out.
Speaker 1: How has it been banging on the road with her?
Speaker 5: It's always fun.
Speaker 6: I mean, I'm really really into my relationship now. There
Speaker 6: was a time when I was being a rascal and which.
Speaker 2: I like to bring up and she's like, I go, so,
Speaker 2: were you guys always faithful to each other? When we're
Speaker 2: in bi Orca? I go, are you guys always faithful?
Speaker 2: And Sam goes, what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1: Chelsea? Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2: I can't help myself though I love the you know,
Speaker 2: I love like the dirt.
Speaker 1: I want the tea right away.
Speaker 6: And when I was being a rascal, I feel like
Speaker 6: I was always trying to like go on the road
Speaker 6: by myself. But now like that, I'm really like locked
Speaker 6: in and I'm doing the thing. I love having her around.
Speaker 6: It's just better. I actually do more when I'm on
Speaker 6: the road. When she's not around, I'm just in the
Speaker 6: hotel room watching bad porn, being like a weirdo all day.
Speaker 6: I don't come out till it's showtime, and it's like
Speaker 6: like a goblet of sorts, you know.
Speaker 1: But I do the same fucking thing when she's around.
Speaker 6: I go to the museums, I go out to eat,
Speaker 6: I take walks, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: And then she's there.
Speaker 6: She remembers the sets and like she'll remind me of jokes,
Speaker 6: and she also yells at audience members so that I
Speaker 6: don't have to be bothered with them.
Speaker 5: So it's it's actually great.
Speaker 2: That's good because it can be daunting being on the road.
Speaker 2: It's lonely, dude.
Speaker 6: Then it gets really isolating and you get really depressed,
Speaker 6: like you don't think it's gonna happen that way. But
Speaker 6: it gets really depressing really fast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there is a depressing element to it because like,
Speaker 2: like you like, I like to drink, Sam likes to drink.
Speaker 2: We all drink. I mean, I don't know either. If
Speaker 2: it's a comic, either you drink or you're sober.
Speaker 3: And yeah, good point.
Speaker 1: But I agree.
Speaker 2: There are many days where I'm just like, but you know,
Speaker 2: I really like to be in bed, but I don't
Speaker 2: like to be in bed feeling like shit. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: like to be in bed when I'm happy. Sometimes when
Speaker 2: i'm I'm like, okay, this is like if I'm not
Speaker 2: in the right hotel room, if it doesn't have the
Speaker 2: right light exposure, if it does, if it's not nice enough,
Speaker 2: I'm not happy.
Speaker 5: I'm just like, it's like a little jail.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I wanted to have to make sure i'm in.
Speaker 2: Like sometimes we check in, I go, I can't stay
Speaker 2: in this room.
Speaker 6: Sometimes we go to these towns where it's like it
Speaker 6: don't matter. There's just nothing here, you know, no things
Speaker 6: to the place. But it's like you can put me
Speaker 6: in any hotel. I'm going to be facing a work
Speaker 6: wall looking at nothing, and you're just like, why am
Speaker 6: I doing this?
Speaker 5: It really makes you like question the whole thing. I know,
Speaker 5: what is this for.
Speaker 2: I had a friend there to me recently at comic
Speaker 2: She was like, because she's always like, I don't know
Speaker 2: how you tour so much. I'm like, I'm in that
Speaker 2: zone right now. I'm just loving touring and I've just
Speaker 2: whatever I go. I usually sometimes I don't, but you
Speaker 2: right now, I'm into it. So I'm just gonna keep
Speaker 2: it going.
Speaker 1: And she goes.
Speaker 2: I feel like, she goes, I went on my tour
Speaker 2: and she goes, and I'm sitting backstage about to go
Speaker 2: on stage, and I'm just thinking to myself, this is
Speaker 2: the dream, right, this was the dream, and now you
Speaker 2: it can be easy to forget that this is what
Speaker 2: you wanted.
Speaker 6: I thought that it was going to be the best
Speaker 6: life in the world. Like there's a time like prayed
Speaker 6: for it.
Speaker 5: Like I was like, I just.
Speaker 6: Want to do comedy in different cities every night and
Speaker 6: people and I would just love to have shows all
Speaker 6: over the country.
Speaker 5: And now I'm like, I gotta go to fucking Utah.
Speaker 2: I know, I know, but you.
Speaker 1: The shows there are You're going to Salt Lake City.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm excited, but when you it's like It's just
Speaker 6: one of those things when you first hear it, you're like, what, yeah,
Speaker 6: but Utah.
Speaker 5: And now I like dug into Utah.
Speaker 6: I was like, let me look up some stuff and
Speaker 6: like let me see what's going on out there.
Speaker 5: And now I'm like, I kind of want to go
Speaker 5: to Utah right right.
Speaker 2: Talk to me about becoming more successful as a comedian
Speaker 2: and having people more people recognize you. How are you
Speaker 2: handling all of that that aspect of things.
Speaker 6: You know what, It's been super chill. I think I
Speaker 6: have cool fans. I think you build your fan base
Speaker 6: to some degree. It's like your attitude, your energy, your
Speaker 6: fans kind of reflect that. And I'm not a big
Speaker 6: like type of person, so my fans don't ever approach
Speaker 6: me with too much.
Speaker 5: They're just like, yo, Sam, what's up?
Speaker 6: Yeah right, I mess with you. You ma have funny
Speaker 6: and I'm like, oh, thank you. So it's been very
Speaker 6: chill and like manageable, especially like I like when the
Speaker 6: older black people like tell me to keep going and
Speaker 6: like they see what I'm doing and like they appreciate it.
Speaker 6: That makes me feel really good because I am trying
Speaker 6: to just you know, uphold some of legacy of black
Speaker 6: art and being vocal about our black.
Speaker 5: Experience in this country.
Speaker 6: So when older people who have really been through the
Speaker 6: shit can look at what I'm saying and see the
Speaker 6: genuineess in it and the black excellence in it, then
Speaker 6: that feels good to me, you know. And then my
Speaker 6: white fans they're chill. They're a little more, but they
Speaker 6: so chill.
Speaker 2: Yeah, talk a little bit about black excellence. I like
Speaker 2: that term a lot, So I want to hear a
Speaker 2: black woman talking about.
Speaker 6: That black excellence just you know, like we have a
Speaker 6: legacy of barrier breaking artists, not just groundbreaking, but really
Speaker 6: having to break barriers to be heard, to be seen.
Speaker 6: I think that's a lot of where the term black
Speaker 6: excellence comes from. This need to have to rise above
Speaker 6: and then rise above again just to get to any
Speaker 6: level of recognition, and you have to actually be excellent.
Speaker 6: Can't just be okay, you can't just be like on
Speaker 6: par you have to be excellent. And especially all the
Speaker 6: black people, they have seen that with like the greatest.
Speaker 5: To do with the Diana Rosses. They've seen it with
Speaker 5: the Dick Gregory.
Speaker 6: So if they look at me at all and go like, hey,
Speaker 6: young lady, we see some of that in you, then
Speaker 6: I'm honored.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because I was like, oh, and when
Speaker 2: I didn't realize that the term meant like that you
Speaker 2: have to be excellent in order to get through. I
Speaker 2: thought it was just when I first heard it, that
Speaker 2: it was just about about black excellence. And it's like, no,
Speaker 2: it's almost like black excellence is mandatory to get through.
Speaker 2: And that's a different framework of looking at it. And
Speaker 2: we had some deep conversations when we were in my end.
Speaker 2: I took people kayaking at the wee hours of the night, drunk, drunk,
Speaker 2: and that's not dangerous. I just want to say, I
Speaker 2: live out of bay. We didn't go out into the ocean.
Speaker 2: We lived and we were in a little port and
Speaker 2: I just and it and they were so fucking scared.
Speaker 1: I was going to cap size of kayak.
Speaker 2: I'm like, there's no current, there's no there's like the
Speaker 2: tide of the life.
Speaker 6: It's dark as shit. Chelsea's drunkest shit. We're coming from
Speaker 6: a restaurant. None of us talked about a kayak, and
Speaker 6: Chelsea just goes I'm kayaking and just starts like getting
Speaker 6: it all together, and we're like okay, and the only
Speaker 6: thing that gay was comfort is. We were all worried,
Speaker 6: and Carlo went, she does.
Speaker 5: This all the time, and just went in the house.
Speaker 5: Were like this.
Speaker 2: I got up through the middle. I got up in
Speaker 2: the middle of dinner, grab my mango, dac ray.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going for.
Speaker 2: A kayak ride. I was like, I'm hit a wall,
Speaker 2: so I went I had Sometimes the ocean is calling me,
Speaker 2: you know, and I have got to get in it,
Speaker 2: and I'm and I just want to say, I've given
Speaker 2: over like probably sixty kayak rides and nothing has ever happened.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what condition I'm in, because I'm at
Speaker 2: one with the water. And you're going two miles an hour,
Speaker 2: by the way, no one's going faster that. You're just
Speaker 2: like on this bay, circling around boat. Sometimes you hit
Speaker 2: a boat, but you can't even that's we tapped the boat. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but you're not going fast enough to do any damage.
Speaker 2: But just go with me here on the visual I
Speaker 2: want to paint a picture of Sam's body language when
Speaker 2: she got in the kayak, which was fucking erect and
Speaker 2: fucking tight, like she was sitting up straight with her back,
Speaker 2: hands behind her back, holding onto the type, but slightly
Speaker 2: shaking because of the nerves and scared.
Speaker 1: She was so scared.
Speaker 2: I was like, Sam, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna
Speaker 2: be like and then as we start to go, because
Speaker 2: you're under the moonlight, so it's so gorgeous, you know,
Speaker 2: you're like underneath the stars, and the stars are so
Speaker 2: bright in my Orca, and you're just watching the port.
Speaker 2: So you get out there and you can see the
Speaker 2: whole town in front of your Oh.
Speaker 5: That is very true.
Speaker 6: But like my blackness knew, like I didn't have no
Speaker 6: business out on his kayak with this white woman at
Speaker 6: his hour.
Speaker 2: They were already.
Speaker 6: If something goes wrong, everybody in my family's would be like,
Speaker 6: what was she doing?
Speaker 2: I would never lie. I would swim your ass back
Speaker 2: to short. It doesn't matter how shitfiss I am. You
Speaker 2: would be on my back. I do you know how
Speaker 2: many people I've saved swimming, Well, only one really, but
Speaker 2: I could do it again. But anyway, as we went
Speaker 2: out there, we were talking about your mother, and we
Speaker 2: were talking about her relationship with her mother, who was
Speaker 2: very deep.
Speaker 1: Meaningful conversation.
Speaker 2: And I was coming back in and then she just
Speaker 2: really started to relax and I was like, well, we're
Speaker 2: gonna hang out, then we're not going in because now
Speaker 2: she's relaxed and she's looking up at the stars and
Speaker 2: the moon, and it was really beautiful. Every night there
Speaker 2: is so beautiful. And you said some very profound things
Speaker 2: about your mother, who's no longer with you. Yes, so
Speaker 2: can you talk a little bit about your dynamic with
Speaker 2: your mom and your relationship with her and how it's
Speaker 2: impacted you.
Speaker 5: Man?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was, well, I was really a mama's like
Speaker 6: a mama's girl if it exists, Like, spent a lot
Speaker 6: of time with my mom.
Speaker 5: We were kind of best friends. We would do everything together.
Speaker 6: She was very much like one of those black excellence mothers,
Speaker 6: would like droll black history into me, take me to
Speaker 6: see Alvin Elli every year when they came to the city,
Speaker 6: make sure I went to like see black place, made
Speaker 6: sure I was you know, well read and just you know,
Speaker 6: had some education about myself and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 6: But mostly she was a person that was focused on
Speaker 6: making a whole person. I noticed a lot of people
Speaker 6: just like feed a kid and take care of it,
Speaker 6: but she was really into like who I was going
Speaker 6: to be and like what type of human I was
Speaker 6: going to be in the world, and she spent a
Speaker 6: lot of time like building a human, which I really appreciate.
Speaker 6: There there were so many times where she would check
Speaker 6: my behavior and I didn't understand it.
Speaker 5: But now that I'm older, I was like, oh.
Speaker 6: She was just nipping some nasty shit in the bud
Speaker 6: before it got too nasty and giving me real perspective.
Speaker 5: Like when I was.
Speaker 6: Little, I was like a little bit of a mean girl,
Speaker 6: and I could be a little bit of a bully,
Speaker 6: and like if I ever would act like that and
Speaker 6: my family or cousins would come over and I'd start
Speaker 6: being nasty and didn't want to share my toys, she
Speaker 6: would like pull me to the side and be like,
Speaker 6: you don't treat people that way, and like now they're
Speaker 6: playing with anything they want and you go sit over
Speaker 6: here by yourself because you don't know how to behave
Speaker 6: and like just stuff like that.
Speaker 5: She was always actively parenting.
Speaker 6: And then when she was sick and she was passing
Speaker 6: away and she knew she was sick and was most
Speaker 6: likely going to pass away from lupus, she really started
Speaker 6: to like kick it into high gear of just like
Speaker 6: make sure I had.
Speaker 5: The stuff that I needed, you know.
Speaker 6: And I just remember one poignant moment when I was
Speaker 6: about fifteen and my mother passed away when I was sixteen,
Speaker 6: and I was really acting out.
Speaker 5: I was acting out in school. I was like coming
Speaker 5: home late.
Speaker 6: I was just not acting of my character because I
Speaker 6: was so upset about what was happening. I just really
Speaker 6: didn't know where to place any other feelings. And I
Speaker 6: had started to just kind of separate from her. That's
Speaker 6: really what I was trying to do. I didn't want
Speaker 6: to be hurt when she died, so I started to
Speaker 6: try to like just act like I didn't just try
Speaker 6: to separate that connection. So I started like hang out
Speaker 6: late with friends and not coming home and just shit
Speaker 6: like that. And one day she just pulled me to
Speaker 6: the side and she was like, are you mad at me?
Speaker 6: And I was like no, and she was like, you're lying,
Speaker 6: you're mad at me? And I was like so scared
Speaker 6: to tell her that I was angry with her, because
Speaker 6: I was like, what kind of person does that make me?
Speaker 5: To be angry with my mom? Just because she's sick,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: Like she can't do anything about that, but I I'm
Speaker 6: really angry you know, and she was like it's okay, yeah,
Speaker 6: that she's dying, that she was gonna leave me, that
Speaker 6: she wasn't the same mom that I knew just four
Speaker 6: years ago, you know what I mean, we couldn't do
Speaker 6: the same things together and we were so close and
Speaker 6: always together, and now she's kind of bedridden and can't
Speaker 6: go outside and there's always doctors around and home health
Speaker 6: days and it's just not what I'm used to, you know.
Speaker 6: And she was like it's okay. She was like, I
Speaker 6: know you're mad at me, and I know you don't
Speaker 6: know how to tell me, but it's okay, and you
Speaker 6: deserve to be angry. This is you know, this is
Speaker 6: a situation that is upsetting. And I'm your mother and
Speaker 6: there are things that I am supposed to do and
Speaker 6: I can't do them, and I get how that hurts you.
Speaker 6: And I just started like fucking balling. I mean, I
Speaker 6: just started crying because it was like fear but also
Speaker 6: relief that like, oh, she sees me and understands this
Speaker 6: and I'm not like a fucking monster for feeling this way.
Speaker 6: And then she passed away the next year, and I'm
Speaker 6: always very grateful for that conversation because I don't know,
Speaker 6: I would probably had a lot more guilt on my
Speaker 6: hands without it. Yeah, I'd probably been feeling way more
Speaker 6: guilt and out of carried that and it was already
Speaker 6: hard enough to figure myself out after that, But I
Speaker 6: can't imagine if I had added this.
Speaker 5: Super layer of guilt on top of that.
Speaker 6: And I think, you know, she was such a dynamic
Speaker 6: parent that she had the hindsight to relieve me of that,
Speaker 6: And you know, I just I will always have a
Speaker 6: special place.
Speaker 5: In my heart for my mom.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think it's a little I mean, I don't.
Speaker 2: I mean, there is no one that I mean, hopefully,
Speaker 2: when your mother is a full bodied person, which is
Speaker 2: what she was trying to encourage you to be, there
Speaker 2: is no one that sees you like your mother sees Yeah.
Speaker 5: Just a good woman.
Speaker 6: And in times when I was very lost without her,
Speaker 6: it didn't really have my way anymore, and I started
Speaker 6: to do some things that I felt were really against
Speaker 6: my character. I leaned on her lessons and who she was,
Speaker 6: so I always say she still was my parent all
Speaker 6: through my life, even though she wasn't a lie because
Speaker 6: all of her lessons and everything that she laid the
Speaker 6: groundwork for parented me in those crucial hours when she
Speaker 6: wasn't there, so it was still like I had a mom.
Speaker 2: Oh I love that. Well, on that note, let's take
Speaker 2: a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 3: And we're back, and we're back.
Speaker 2: I love what you said about your mother, And there
Speaker 2: are so many mothers listening.
Speaker 1: So I mean, there is a.
Speaker 2: Big differentiation between parenting and being like Okay, they have
Speaker 2: to go to school and get fed and da da da,
Speaker 2: and actually shaping the person that they become, yea, and
Speaker 2: also all along allowing space for the emotions that you have,
Speaker 2: you know, because I always say, like people think they
Speaker 2: own their children.
Speaker 1: It's like that's not your property, that's just of you.
Speaker 2: Like they are here because of you and by way
Speaker 2: of you, but that's it.
Speaker 6: Like truly engaging your kids. Like my mom would ask
Speaker 6: me a lot of stuff about how I felt, what
Speaker 6: I thought. You know, even before we go to the doctor,
Speaker 6: she'd be like, what are you going to talk to
Speaker 6: the doctor about today?
Speaker 5: What are you feeling? What's bothering you?
Speaker 6: Like, just giving me autonomy over myself is super important. Yeah,
Speaker 6: So you guys don't know how to parent better than
Speaker 6: me and Chelsea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Hot Parents and Tips is the hotline where you
Speaker 2: can contact me.
Speaker 3: Yes, indeed, are we ready for some advice?
Speaker 2: I think so. I like it.
Speaker 1: I feel like Sam's ready.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're ready, Sam, I'm ready. Well.
Speaker 3: Our first question comes from Elle. Dear Chelsea, I have
Speaker 3: a predicament and it's hard to stand by and watch.
Speaker 3: I've been with my husband for eight years and his sister,
Speaker 3: who I love, has been with her husband for twelve years.
Speaker 3: We love them both, but they've had a conflict for
Speaker 3: the past two years due to his inappropriate relationship with
Speaker 3: a coworker who we all think he cheated on her with.
Speaker 3: He's never confirmed it, but he has engaged in a
Speaker 3: lot of inappropriate behavior, such as being in her room
Speaker 3: overnight while on a ski trip, lying to his wife
Speaker 3: about staying over in Fire Island with this woman, and
Speaker 3: also claiming she is his quote best friend. They're in
Speaker 3: couples therapy, and he is in his own therapy for
Speaker 3: his depression, which I personally think is fueled by his
Speaker 3: secrecy of what he's done. He even said he's unwilling
Speaker 3: to completely let go of this quote friendship for the
Speaker 3: sake of their marriage. My sister in law says that
Speaker 3: in her gut, she does believe something happened, but she
Speaker 3: feels she quote needs confirmation eye roll. I'm a therapist myself,
Speaker 3: and so it's difficult from not only a personal standpoint,
Speaker 3: but a professional standpoint to watch this go on. No
Speaker 3: one else knows this is happening. She wants kids, as
Speaker 3: she's in her mid thirties now, and the situation is
Speaker 3: of course not making her want kids with him anytime soon,
Speaker 3: So she's putting her life on pause for him. I
Speaker 3: encourage her to set firm boundaries, which she struggles with.
Speaker 3: What else do I say to her? I really want
Speaker 3: to say something to him, and he knows, she confides
Speaker 3: in us. It's so hard to watch her hurt. Meanwhile,
Speaker 3: we all know the untold truth.
Speaker 2: Sincerely, Elle, well from your from one rascal to another,
Speaker 2: what's your advice?
Speaker 1: You're a cheat? You were a cheater?
Speaker 5: WOA. Well see what I'm saying this, This is what
Speaker 5: I'm talking about. Rab arouser. Really, Oh, there's nothing she
Speaker 5: can do. She got them on her business.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's really nothing she can do. Like, what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? Like your sister? It doesn't.
Speaker 2: She has a hard time creating boundaries, so that means
Speaker 2: she's not like as strong as she can be, and
Speaker 2: she doesn't want to know the truth even though her
Speaker 2: God is telling.
Speaker 1: Her or something different.
Speaker 2: Anyone who lies about sleeping with a woman in a
Speaker 2: place is lying because they did something right, not because
Speaker 2: they didn't want to upset you. Because you can tell
Speaker 2: the truth and say, listen, I know this sounds but
Speaker 2: that's not true.
Speaker 5: Bro, that's not true.
Speaker 6: Here we go, that's not true. That's not true. There's
Speaker 6: been plenty of times where things like that have happened.
Speaker 6: I really did not do anything. But I'm like, it
Speaker 6: doesn't matter. If I come with this whole truth and
Speaker 6: I go, yo, I didn't do anything, I'm gonna live
Speaker 6: under the same suspicion as if I don't because.
Speaker 5: She's not gonna believe I didn't do anything. Yeah, and
Speaker 5: I'm telling you, I've literally lived this. So is this
Speaker 5: not all? That's not all the way true.
Speaker 6: But the problem is most likely he was already displaying
Speaker 6: certain behaviors. And that's where I'm not I wasn't taking responsibility.
Speaker 6: It was the fact that I was already doing other
Speaker 6: shit that made me less believable in that situation, even
Speaker 6: though I was telling the truth.
Speaker 5: In that situation, my track record was fucked.
Speaker 2: Like in a loving, happy relationship, I would say to
Speaker 2: the guy like, oh, yeah, my boyfriend, I would say, oh,
Speaker 2: by the way, I slept in a bed with this
Speaker 2: guy last night, Like I don't know why I would
Speaker 2: do that, because I mean, I'm too old for that shit.
Speaker 2: But maybe maybe there would be some circumstance I couldn't
Speaker 2: get home or something. But I would always front load
Speaker 2: the truth because I'm not guilty of anything, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean in that realm, Like in my relationships,
Speaker 2: I'm not some sort of you know, I'm not up
Speaker 2: to one relationship at a time is exhausting enough. So
Speaker 2: and also him saying that he wouldn't that he wouldn't
Speaker 2: end his friendship with his coworker over his marriage hello, Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, she's just gonna find out he's cheating on
Speaker 2: her at some point, so it would be more proactive
Speaker 2: to like get to the bottom of it now.
Speaker 5: So yeah, there's nothing you could do.
Speaker 2: No, I think as a sister, you have to let
Speaker 2: everybody learn the lessons they're supposed to learn.
Speaker 6: Stay out of people's marriage. I have a firm stay
Speaker 6: out of people's marriage rule. Like marriage is a whole
Speaker 6: different sport. People have a lot tied into that. You
Speaker 6: get in the middle of some stuff and then they don't.
Speaker 1: Leave Rosebud's husband to get plugs.
Speaker 5: I say, their marriage, that's different. I'm the reason that
Speaker 5: babies here.
Speaker 2: Okay, oh my god, Yeah you probably did say if
Speaker 2: that marriage, I wouldn't put it past you.
Speaker 3: I mean, would you say anything to the husband? I mean,
Speaker 3: what do you?
Speaker 2: I would because I'm a confrontational person and I would
Speaker 2: be like, hey, fu face, I fucking know what you're
Speaker 2: up to. Yeah, totally, just to get a read on
Speaker 2: the situation, because I'm pretty good at telling if people
Speaker 2: are lying or not. I mean, it's pretty easy to
Speaker 2: spot a liar. Yeah, people lie and they act like,
Speaker 2: you know, they can't look you in the eye, they're distracted.
Speaker 6: But the wife knows she's lying. I suppose that's his wife.
Speaker 6: She knows that he's lying.
Speaker 5: She's just not ready to do with.
Speaker 2: It's not ready. Yeah, she's not ready. And also, your
Speaker 2: gut is like how many times can we say this? Like,
Speaker 2: you have got to listen to your gut, your gut
Speaker 2: is telling you that you yes. And the only time
Speaker 2: your gut is wrong is maybe if you're so high
Speaker 2: that you're a little bit paranoid, and that might be fake,
Speaker 2: like a false intuition. But like when you're clear headed
Speaker 2: and you have this feeling and it doesn't go away,
Speaker 2: it's because something is not right.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they say have more like brain cells, more thinking
Speaker 3: cells in your stomach than in your actual brain. So
Speaker 3: like your gut is actually communicating with you, it's physically
Speaker 3: literally telling you stuff. We just have to listen. I think.
Speaker 3: Also the question that comes up for me too, is
Speaker 3: like saying to your sister, like, if this is not
Speaker 3: the deal breaker, If like not knowing whether he cheated,
Speaker 3: whether he didn't cheat, it is not the deal breaker.
Speaker 3: Do you really still want to be in a relationship
Speaker 3: with someone who treats you this way, who says he
Speaker 3: would not give up a friendship for you, who says
Speaker 3: you know, that's probably an unhealthy thing, who lies to you,
Speaker 3: et cetera, who's being cagy Like, is that enough for
Speaker 3: you even if he didn't cheat, Is that an okay
Speaker 3: relationship for you to stay in?
Speaker 4: No, I'm right, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not no, none of it. Yeah exactly, there you go.
Speaker 5: Yeah they're married though, yeah, yeah, but still I don't know, man.
Speaker 5: I think I think.
Speaker 6: I think we like to live in the world where
Speaker 6: we like to make these things so clear and cut
Speaker 6: and so is this that or is this this? It's
Speaker 6: you meet people at different places and phases in their life.
Speaker 6: They're going through different shit. Some of it is if
Speaker 6: you fuck with a person, are you just gonna deal
Speaker 6: with this person shit? Are you willing to dig in there?
Speaker 5: Unpack it?
Speaker 6: Figure out why they are the way they are, why
Speaker 6: they're moving the way they're moving, because there could be
Speaker 6: a million reasons. And it's not just all cheating, because
Speaker 6: even under cheating, there's usually a lot of shit as
Speaker 6: to why someone moves this way and why someone gets
Speaker 6: whatever they get out of cheating. And so it's like
Speaker 6: are you are you do you want to work with
Speaker 6: this person? And then the boundaries of how you're willing
Speaker 6: to work with this person, which is hard for someone
Speaker 6: who's like I am bad at boundary setting. It's the
Speaker 6: thing I we talk about a couple of therapy all
Speaker 6: the time, as Ore was not good at setting boundaries.
Speaker 6: And if we get into this big discussion about Partially
Speaker 6: that is not the reason, but that was a partial reason.
Speaker 6: Why cheat is because I was feeling so violated in
Speaker 6: my relationship and I was not good at going stop,
Speaker 6: I don't like this, or this makes me feel this way,
Speaker 6: or this does this to me. I was just splintering, Okay, fine,
Speaker 6: you're gonna do that, do you. I'll just go over
Speaker 6: here and do me. And that's not the way to
Speaker 6: handle it, which is why it's like do you just
Speaker 6: you got to decide if you want to deal with
Speaker 6: the person. And that's why they stay out their marriage
Speaker 6: because you just don't know. She could also be doing
Speaker 6: shit you don't know about. They're in the workings of
Speaker 6: what's happening there. She might understand more than you understand,
Speaker 6: like oh, some of this is based on this or that,
Speaker 6: like you just don't know their business.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Or she could just go directly to the source
Speaker 2: and ask the girl. Oh oh, not that she'll always
Speaker 2: tell you the truth, because she said she needs a confirmation.
Speaker 2: She's got a guy that she wants a confirmation. Go
Speaker 2: to the girl and ask her.
Speaker 5: Which she hasn't done it yet. Is because she knows
Speaker 5: it's true.
Speaker 6: Because that's Usually a woman's first move is to text
Speaker 6: the woman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but texting is no good. It's a face to
Speaker 1: face because.
Speaker 3: Then you even read the signs, read the eyes.
Speaker 2: Yes, like my girlfriend was having someone was having an affair.
Speaker 2: Her husband was having an affair with this other woman,
Speaker 2: and my girlfriend the same thing. They're now divorced, thankfully,
Speaker 2: but same thing. She went over to his house to
Speaker 2: snoop and guess who was there? The girl that he
Speaker 2: denied having a relationship with, and they were sorry, they
Speaker 2: were separated at this point, so they were married and
Speaker 2: they were getting separated, and she didn't know because he
Speaker 2: kept denying it.
Speaker 1: I've never cheated. I've never cheated. This girl does that.
Speaker 1: We're not we're only friends. We're only friends.
Speaker 2: She found all these texts and she went over there
Speaker 2: and guess who was there with the key to his house?
Speaker 1: The fucking girlfriend.
Speaker 2: So there's the confirmation, like you know, and that was it.
Speaker 2: Then she's like, fine, I fucking know now. So I
Speaker 2: guess everybody needs to figure out the way they need
Speaker 2: to figure out. But we're telling you he's probably juting. Yes, anyway,
Speaker 2: do we have next call?
Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Anna and she is joining
Speaker 3: us on the phone. Here, Anna says, Dear Chelsea, it's
Speaker 3: been a year since my ex and I broke up.
Speaker 3: We dated for about a year and it ended on
Speaker 3: pretty horrible terms. A few months ago, I found out
Speaker 3: through a friend of mine that he's on dating apps
Speaker 3: looking for relationships with men. On the one hand, this
Speaker 3: took a huge weight off my shoulders because up until
Speaker 3: then I didn't understand why the relationship ended. On the
Speaker 3: other hand, I recently trying to be in dating again,
Speaker 3: but no matter what I do, every time I go
Speaker 3: out with a man, I'm inundated with thoughts that he
Speaker 3: is gay. I genuinely had never thought of it before,
Speaker 3: but now it's become my greatest fear. How do we
Speaker 3: get out of this headspace?
Speaker 2: Anna, Hiana, Hiana, hi Hi. I don't think you have
Speaker 2: to worry about every man being gay. I mean, you
Speaker 2: already did that. That doesn't happen multiple times. You're not
Speaker 2: just only attracting gay men. That's just like one example
Speaker 2: of what happened in your life. You know, stick to
Speaker 2: your original instinctual reaction, which was what a relief like.
Speaker 2: It probably had very little to do with you and
Speaker 2: more to do with him. Struggling with his sexuality and
Speaker 2: most men that are on dating apps, especially apps, because
Speaker 2: there's the I mean, what's the point of looking for
Speaker 2: someone you're not attracted to. The whole point is to
Speaker 2: hook up and meet somebody and possibly date somebody. So
Speaker 2: if you're on an app and they're seeking women, that's
Speaker 2: where the honesty comes in.
Speaker 1: That's the most honest part about.
Speaker 2: Being on an app is like, I'm looking to get
Speaker 2: laid with you.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm looking to date you.
Speaker 2: I mean, they can lie about other things, but the
Speaker 2: actual sexuality is pretty like it's an open playing field.
Speaker 2: So if they're there to meet women, then I think
Speaker 2: you can, like, you know, pretty much rest assured that
Speaker 2: that's the truth.
Speaker 6: And he's also might not be like gay, right, he
Speaker 6: might just be fluid. He might just be by and
Speaker 6: didn't want to talk to you about that part, and
Speaker 6: he might be like, now I want some dick this week,
Speaker 6: you know, like now I'm in my months of getting
Speaker 6: dig So you shouldn't take it like, oh, is it me?
Speaker 6: He's just out here chilling. I mean, at the end
Speaker 6: of the day, it's like he's just dating other people.
Speaker 4: Right, So I think my fear is that I live
Speaker 4: in the South, and that adds like a whole other
Speaker 4: element too, And I think.
Speaker 3: And he's military too, right, he said, so like there's
Speaker 3: a lot of.
Speaker 5: Oh, you gotta give us all the details.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it actually has like a kind of incredible
Speaker 3: dramatic story of the breakup.
Speaker 1: But what tell us give us the abridge version.
Speaker 3: You gotta give him the juice?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay. So when I told Katherine the story, I
Speaker 4: was the first time I'd ever told her like in totality,
Speaker 4: and so I'm going to try to make it a
Speaker 4: little more brief than what I told her, But essentially
Speaker 4: what happened we like, we dated for a long time.
Speaker 4: Everything was great, and then one night we ended up
Speaker 4: going to sleep together in my apartment. He lives about
Speaker 4: an hour from me, so every weekend he'd like come
Speaker 4: down and stay in my apartment. Whatever. That was nothing different,
Speaker 4: and we went to bed together and I woke up
Speaker 4: at like four o'clock in the morning to him coming
Speaker 4: into my apartment and I was like, that's weird because
Speaker 4: I fell asleep with you. What are you doing? And
Speaker 4: so I see him walk in and he is like
Speaker 4: blacked out, like figety figety fucked up, like to the
Speaker 4: point that I'm like, what happened in the last you know,
Speaker 4: four hours that you got to this point. So he
Speaker 4: comes in my room and I'm like, not about to
Speaker 4: argue with the drunk person. So I'm like I'm going
Speaker 4: to go to sleep. What is that?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 2: Whatever?
Speaker 4: So I wake up, you know, like four hours later,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, where did you go? And he was like,
Speaker 4: I told you that I left. No you didn't, No,
Speaker 4: you didn't. And he's like, no, I told you. I
Speaker 4: told you. I want to go meet some of my friends.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, like maybe you just forgot. And I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 4: like on the off chance that that happens, whatever, but
Speaker 4: go on with our day. And then later that night,
Speaker 4: I am in the bathroom getting ready to go to
Speaker 4: a friend's birthday dinner and he's coming with me, and
Speaker 4: I see his phone light up on my bathroom counter
Speaker 4: and it's a bumble notification. So I looked at it
Speaker 4: and I look at myself in the mirror, and I
Speaker 4: need everybody listening to this podcast to just like send
Speaker 4: a future prayer to my children. And I'm ever blessed
Speaker 4: with them because unless they take on like the criminal
Speaker 4: prowess of whoever the hell killed the black doll. You
Speaker 4: ain't no way they're going to get away with anything
Speaker 4: with me because I took the phone and I start
Speaker 4: packing up his stuff and just walk in the living
Speaker 4: room and I'm like, gotta get out of here. What
Speaker 4: am I looking out on the screen. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know, and starts like messing
Speaker 4: around with it and deleting some like fleeting stuff, hands
Speaker 4: it back to me. He's like, I don't know what
Speaker 4: you're talking about. I said, okay, let's redownload the app. Then,
Speaker 4: so I redownload Bumble and I give it back to
Speaker 4: him and see like all his matches, all his everything,
Speaker 4: and he hands it back and he's like no, like
Speaker 4: I don't know. And I was like, all right, well
Speaker 4: then me can tipeck your phone now. So I took
Speaker 4: back his phone and I went to the Uber app
Speaker 4: and I see that he ubered from my apartment last
Speaker 4: night at like one am to a bar that he
Speaker 4: said that he went to, but he ubered home from
Speaker 4: somewhere else. So I said, let's look up the address.
Speaker 4: So I look up the address and it's a hotel
Speaker 4: so I give it back to him and say, now,
Speaker 4: what's this? How did you get back? Like, how did
Speaker 4: you get from here to here? He's like, oh, I walked,
Speaker 4: I walked there. I was having a bad night, so
Speaker 4: I just ended up walking. And then I ubered back
Speaker 4: and I said, okay, let's open up your woop app then,
Speaker 4: which is like fitbit kind of what tracks your steps.
Speaker 5: And I said, oh god damn.
Speaker 4: I said, you didn't take the steps?
Speaker 5: King?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yah king ya ya ya yagu yeah fucking seriously, yeah.
Speaker 4: I was like, you didn't take enough steps. There ain't
Speaker 4: no way you could have walked from this.
Speaker 2: Bar to the Why were you at a hotel? Like
Speaker 2: why you got that?
Speaker 4: He said that that's just like where he ended up.
Speaker 4: And then I was like, yeah, I know that lie.
Speaker 6: Like I just was walking and I was angry and
Speaker 6: that this was the best place to get a car
Speaker 6: because it was a location.
Speaker 4: And then I took and then I used his faith
Speaker 4: and I opened up his bank app and said, now
Speaker 4: you spent six hundred dollars on a room at this hotel?
Speaker 5: Though, yeah, yeah, will do yes, yeah, yeah, You're like
Speaker 5: magnum pia.
Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm a horrible liar myself
Speaker 4: because this is what I go through on my own head.
Speaker 4: I'm like, how could someone possibly debunk this? And then
Speaker 4: I'm just like, oh, a raccoon actually came over to
Speaker 4: my house and my lives are horrible.
Speaker 1: Because I just like and so that's how you broke up?
Speaker 4: Well, no, unfortunately I don't have I didn't have that
Speaker 4: much self respect at that point, and was like, I'm
Speaker 4: you know what I can forgive you of this? And
Speaker 4: then throughout the week he kept calling me saying that
Speaker 4: he was having a lot of mental health problems and
Speaker 4: that he was suicidal. Then one day he was like, hey,
Speaker 4: I'm having a really hard time. I think I have
Speaker 4: access to you know, guns and stuff because it's the military,
Speaker 4: and he's like, I'm having a lot of really really
Speaker 4: negative thoughts. So he's like I just need like a
Speaker 4: little bit of space for a second. And I was like,
Speaker 4: all right, that's okay. That was at like five pm
Speaker 4: on a Friday, and I wake up the next morning
Speaker 4: I've not heard anything from him, So I start calling
Speaker 4: him and I realized he'd like removed his location and
Speaker 4: he wasn't answering his phone. I called him like a
Speaker 4: lot of times after testing his friends asking they'd heard
Speaker 4: from him, and they said no, like reaching out to
Speaker 4: his brother everybody. So I ended up getting the car
Speaker 4: and driving up to his apartment. I had a key
Speaker 4: and I go in and all my stuff is gone
Speaker 4: out of the apartment. We had pictures and notes all
Speaker 4: hung up, that was all swept clean from the apartment
Speaker 4: and I didn't hear from him for two days.
Speaker 2: I really thought that he was dead.
Speaker 4: I was horrible. I was a mess. I it was
Speaker 4: just a really bad time for me. And then he
Speaker 4: kind of just cheat ended up showing up in my
Speaker 4: apartment and was like, sorry, I can't be in a
Speaker 4: relationship anymore, and he told his whole family. I forgot
Speaker 4: one of his friends to call me back and he
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, so I heard you all broke up
Speaker 4: last night, So sorry about that. So he called his
Speaker 4: entire family and friends and said that that we broke up,
Speaker 4: so that if I had reached out then it would
Speaker 4: look I was like, I was like a crazy ex
Speaker 4: girlfriend being like where is he? What are you doing?
Speaker 4: So it was wild. I haven't really heard a journey.
Speaker 2: Well, good riddance, good good ridden. I mean First of all,
Speaker 2: I'm glad you shared all of the your sleuth thing
Speaker 2: because that's very important for our listeners to hear about.
Speaker 2: Because I am more disappointed that you stayed with him
Speaker 2: after you found out that he went to fucking hotel
Speaker 2: room and rented a hotel room I know, and then
Speaker 2: came back to you at four in the morning. So
Speaker 2: you know, let's not try let's try not to repeat that.
Speaker 2: But honey, listen, you don't have to worry about Most
Speaker 2: men are not trying to have sex with women when
Speaker 2: they're gay. This guy sounds like he had a lot
Speaker 2: of issues going on. He knows what they are. Who
Speaker 2: knows if it's his sexuality at all. Maybe he's into
Speaker 2: both people and maybe he's into God take whatever. I mean.
Speaker 1: He sounds gay.
Speaker 6: I think he was secretly gay and he was struggling
Speaker 6: with it, and he was getting blasted and going to
Speaker 6: hooking up with dudes and having drunk blasted gay sex.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's interesting because his little brother is by and
Speaker 4: he's like super supportive.
Speaker 5: Of that, and like is he's the oldest.
Speaker 4: He's the oldest, and he has a lot of gay friends.
Speaker 1: Well he's that's in the military.
Speaker 2: It's like that's not very easy to be in the
Speaker 2: military and be out as gay, Like that's not like
Speaker 2: that's not like rooted for you know, you can.
Speaker 6: Also be like cool with other people being something, but
Speaker 6: then you can you know, sometimes people fetishize things and
Speaker 6: they're like, I'm not really gay, I just like get
Speaker 6: my dick suck by dudes, and then they like like
Speaker 6: go like compartmentalized. Yeah, and it sounds like it kind
Speaker 6: of crashed on him and he was like, no, maybe
Speaker 6: I actually I'm just holy this and he didn't know
Speaker 6: how to like make that make sense.
Speaker 4: Almost all my friends also have the same fear though
Speaker 4: as I do, because of.
Speaker 3: What you went through.
Speaker 4: No, I know this was like a pre this is
Speaker 4: like before this even happened, that we're all like secretly
Speaker 4: dating guys that are gay.
Speaker 3: Maybe need to get out of the South.
Speaker 4: No, it's well I live. I'm gonna expose myself further.
Speaker 4: I live in Nashville, and so it's very like everyone
Speaker 4: here is like newly gay, but they all have this
Speaker 4: like look where they were like their grandmother's pearls and
Speaker 4: weigh like a collective eighty pounds. So like I think
Speaker 4: it's not what I grew up because I'm from the
Speaker 4: Midwest originally and so like it's not like picturing like
Speaker 4: a man to be I guess, which is like so patriarchal,
Speaker 4: and I fully understand that. But okay, now it's just
Speaker 4: like an irrational fear that I have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think, like, you know, it is irrational,
Speaker 2: and that's all you need to know about it.
Speaker 1: Like you can't just like let.
Speaker 2: That run you. You have to go out.
Speaker 1: First of all, I would have sex with people.
Speaker 2: I'd like to have sex with people right away to
Speaker 2: get things going, to understand if you even know what
Speaker 2: that vibe is to be, because I've gone out with
Speaker 2: guys who aren't able to like have sex with me
Speaker 2: even you know, or get it up or whatever, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, this isn't gonna work. It doesn't matter
Speaker 2: if you're gay or not. Like that's not gonna work
Speaker 2: for me, you know. But like, yeah, there are a
Speaker 2: lot of people that are fluid, and there are a
Speaker 2: lot of people that are by and there are a
Speaker 2: lot of people who are shamed of being gay that
Speaker 2: don't want to be out and about about it. But
Speaker 2: it's the exception. I would say, it's not the norm,
Speaker 2: like those dating apps. Do you know Taren Feldman by
Speaker 2: any chance? She's in Nashville local. She's a makeup artist.
Speaker 2: Follow her on Instagram because she talks about online dating
Speaker 2: all the time.
Speaker 1: She's like, it's dick delivery. She's like, this is what
Speaker 1: I use it for.
Speaker 2: She's like, I want dick and then if I like them,
Speaker 2: then I start dating them. And I'm like, okay, well
Speaker 2: that's one. You know, that's an avenue for her. That's
Speaker 2: not for everybody, because if you're trying to find somebody,
Speaker 2: you know, you may have a different approach. I don't
Speaker 2: have any shame about people having sex on the first date.
Speaker 2: I think that's actually very natural as adults, what you know, Like,
Speaker 2: that's how you find out if you have chemistry. But
Speaker 2: I really need you to like reset your expectation. It
Speaker 2: would be very rare for this to happen to you twice, Okay,
Speaker 2: I think, so think about that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: There's not a lot of people who are like, oh,
Speaker 2: I dated too gay men.
Speaker 1: Usually it's one and done.
Speaker 4: Okay, that makes me feel better.
Speaker 2: But it's also not a rational thought, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. It's an experiential thought like it's happened to you,
Speaker 2: and you're saying your girlfriends it's definitely irrational for them
Speaker 2: as well, because if it hasn't happened to you, there's
Speaker 2: no reason to be really that.
Speaker 1: Worried about it.
Speaker 2: That's like me getting worried about being bitten by a
Speaker 2: snake when it's never happened, just because I don't like
Speaker 2: snakes and I don't want them to bite me. I
Speaker 2: don't worry about that because it's ridiculous. Sorry if that's
Speaker 2: not the right parallel, but it's just like the fact
Speaker 2: that it's happened to you is more on your side
Speaker 2: than it is for your girlfriends. Okay, your conversations with
Speaker 2: them should be like, hey, listen, I'm in the clear.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I got mine off the way.
Speaker 4: My whole thing is like, now that I've like lived
Speaker 4: through this, I'm like I could survive damn near anything,
Speaker 4: because I like I have come out on the other side.
Speaker 4: I'm sure, like I'm all glued back together now and
Speaker 4: I'm it's fine. So even if it does happen again,
Speaker 4: if it's like lightning strikes twice kind of thing obvious, yes,
Speaker 4: my god.
Speaker 2: You will be fine. You will be fine, but just
Speaker 2: start thinking about all of the things that you actually
Speaker 2: wanted a man and actually visualizing that, manifesting it, all
Speaker 2: of that stuff. That's yeah, yeah, Sierra's prayer. Get one
Speaker 2: of your what is that called? What is Oprah's like?
Speaker 2: Not her wish list?
Speaker 3: What is it?
Speaker 1: Oh no, it's not. Oh a vision board.
Speaker 2: Just start cutting out vision board, Oprah's favorite. Just go
Speaker 2: to oprah dot com and figure out your problem. Okay,
Speaker 2: but seriously, just start and body and like, think about
Speaker 2: what you are looking for. Write it down, pull out
Speaker 2: pictures for magazines, whatever is going to help you to
Speaker 2: shift your energy towards the positive things that you're going
Speaker 2: to find it.
Speaker 5: Amazin picture of Billy Porter and then you put a circle.
Speaker 2: Not what I'm looking for. Okay, all right, all right, yeah,
Speaker 2: get back on track. I'm glad you're past that. And
Speaker 2: you know what, listen, and everybody who's ever gone through
Speaker 2: anything difficult and is out on the other side as
Speaker 2: on the other side of it, understands we can survive
Speaker 2: almost anything. As you know, any sort of emotional trauma
Speaker 2: people survive. So you've gotten through that, you'll get through
Speaker 2: other things. And the important thing to remember is, like
Speaker 2: you're in the position of a situation, you've accepted the outcome,
Speaker 2: and now your life has moved on. Like, if everyone
Speaker 2: could hear that when they're going through the thick of it,
Speaker 2: it would be a much different grief process. It would
Speaker 2: be much shorter, and you know, a lot if you
Speaker 2: would feel a lot less like shit all the time.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and even though your situation was different because he
Speaker 6: was cheating, I do think this message is to like
Speaker 6: all like straight to his people. Stop making it such
Speaker 6: a big deal. It's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 6: It's not different than an if he just was dating
Speaker 6: other people. People grow and are consistently changing who they
Speaker 6: were when you met them to who they are later.
Speaker 5: It doesn't really fucking matter.
Speaker 6: You know, there's a lot of dudes I had sex
Speaker 6: with you with like a modern reason you're eating pussies,
Speaker 6: and it's like, nah, man, I'm just living a different
Speaker 6: life now, right, that makes sense.
Speaker 2: It'd be fun to tell a guy you're exactly the
Speaker 2: reason I went from you to eating pussy. That's what
Speaker 2: I have to say about that relationship turns.
Speaker 4: You can go run and tell people that now. Thank you,
Speaker 4: Anna appreciate y'all.
Speaker 5: Good lighting and though too, Thanks Carols, just my apartment,
Speaker 5: Thanks Anna Bute.
Speaker 2: It was like soft porn lighting a little. I just
Speaker 2: felt my edible kick in just in time for our
Speaker 2: last call. Yeah, excellent.
Speaker 3: Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be
Speaker 1: right back. And we're already back.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, we're already back, So Lena wrote in,
Speaker 3: and she says, Dear Chelsea, my partner doesn't drink often. However,
Speaker 3: about once or twice a year he drinks a lot.
Speaker 3: He's British on an empty stomach, and that's when it
Speaker 3: all goes downhill. He turns into a different person, and
Speaker 3: it often ends with him getting naked. And one of
Speaker 3: these times he left the house. If I hadn't been
Speaker 3: home to open the door, he'd just be locked outside
Speaker 3: the building naked. Another time, he got naked and walked
Speaker 3: into the flat next door, and as the door was open,
Speaker 3: he got into their bed and slept. Fortunately he didn't
Speaker 3: wet their bed, which is another thing that often happens
Speaker 3: on these occasions. Last time he was so out of
Speaker 3: it he didn't know how to get home and didn't
Speaker 3: even know where home was. It took him four hours
Speaker 3: to finally get home after one too many calls from
Speaker 3: a then pregnant me. I have no idea how he
Speaker 3: feels about these episodes. Brits are not exactly known for
Speaker 3: their communication skills. He behaves like it's no big deal,
Speaker 3: but I suspect he knows it is. I really really
Speaker 3: want him to go to therapy to learn how to
Speaker 3: deal with his shit, not just drinking, but any other
Speaker 3: curveball's life throws. But I know if I suggest it,
Speaker 3: he'll dismiss it and possibly be upset with me. What
Speaker 3: can I do. I'm tired of dealing with his shit,
Speaker 3: even if it's sporadic. Thank you Lena.
Speaker 5: Damn, as she considered that she might be dating a werewolf.
Speaker 2: I don't know why the British loved to get naked
Speaker 2: when they're drunk. I was at a wedding once in
Speaker 2: England in the countryside, and this it was a fancy wedding.
Speaker 2: We were at like some manor, and the fiance the
Speaker 2: groom came out. We were all in this backyard of
Speaker 2: this manner having drinks and it was a very British affair,
Speaker 2: and this guy, the groom came running streaking through the
Speaker 2: backyard butt naked, and it was like a very fancy event,
Speaker 2: and ran right into a brick wall because the whole
Speaker 2: backyard was encased by brick walls. Ran streaking naked, ran
Speaker 2: right into the brick wall, slammed his head and face
Speaker 2: into the brick wall, ricocheted off of it, fell down,
Speaker 2: and then pete on the ground. Oh geez.
Speaker 1: And then the next day.
Speaker 2: Was the wedding and he was there and everyone acted
Speaker 2: like nothing had happened. And I was like, wait a second,
Speaker 2: what is happening. I go, if this were America, he
Speaker 2: would be at Betty Ford. If this is the same dude,
Speaker 2: it sounds like, but everyone was just like everyone in England.
Speaker 2: There's a much different attitude towards alcohol there. First, But
Speaker 2: this is a dangerous problem that you have with your husband,
Speaker 2: and the fact that you're scared to upset him is
Speaker 2: really like very telling because you can't be scared.
Speaker 1: You have a child with him now, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't be scared to upset him. Who gives
Speaker 2: a shit. He has a fucking like allergy to alcohol.
Speaker 2: He's like allergic to alcohol. If when he drinks he
Speaker 2: ends up in someone's bed, Like, what the fuck do
Speaker 2: the neighbors have to say about that? You could get.
Speaker 3: Arrested for that, especially being naked in their bed.
Speaker 6: Also, he's covering like a lot of ground naked. He's
Speaker 6: getting really far naked.
Speaker 2: She's like he and opening the door for him, Like
Speaker 2: why would you let him sleep outside in the fucking
Speaker 2: cold so he can learn his lesson and wake up sober?
Speaker 1: And I understand British people.
Speaker 2: Are less skillful in areas of therapy and communication in
Speaker 2: terms of emotions, but this is something that he does
Speaker 2: need to go to therapy. He needs to find out
Speaker 2: why he's acting like that, why he even needs to
Speaker 2: do that twice a year, because it's clearly he can't
Speaker 2: be having a good time when he doesn't remember anything.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and it's also you sat in a boundary and
Speaker 6: you confronting him like that's a part of it is
Speaker 6: that you can't be complacent. You got to go to
Speaker 6: him and say clearly, like you're doing this and this
Speaker 6: is a problem, like and we have a child in
Speaker 6: this can't continue.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean you have like five examples already, and so
Speaker 2: I'm sure there are many more that you can cite
Speaker 2: and it's not acceptable. It's not acceptable behavior. You're not
Speaker 2: going to tolerate it anymore. And what does he want
Speaker 2: to do about that? Yeah, because it's not like he's
Speaker 2: doing it all the time, so he doesn't need to
Speaker 2: do it at all.
Speaker 6: Right, But that's probably why he thinks it's okay too,
Speaker 6: because he's like, I'm not doing this a bunch, just
Speaker 6: twice a year. You got to do with me getting
Speaker 6: a little wacky? What's the big deal? But it's like, no,
Speaker 6: it's a big deal, bro.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But I think Chelsea, what you said is really
Speaker 3: important too, Like what do you want to do about that?
Speaker 3: Because it's not like are we going to or are
Speaker 3: we not? It's like putting the ball back on his court,
Speaker 3: Like what are we doing? What do you want to do?
Speaker 3: What are the steps you want to take? Because steps
Speaker 3: need to be to whatever.
Speaker 2: They are, And let him know that you called into
Speaker 2: a podcast, be like I've actually reached out about this
Speaker 2: because I'm so worried.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, nip it in the bud.
Speaker 3: I think that's all we can do there. So moving
Speaker 3: right along to our last question, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
Speaker 3: twenty seven year old gay guy, living in New York
Speaker 3: City to start. My problem feels like somewhat of a
Speaker 3: champagne problem. In short, I'm a people pleaser with too
Speaker 3: much on my social calendar. Since I've moved to New York,
Speaker 3: I've gone from knowing nobody to making a ton of
Speaker 3: different friends in so many different circles gay, straight men, women,
Speaker 3: My groups run the gamut. Now, However, I feel as
Speaker 3: though each group and each friend wants a piece of me,
Speaker 3: and when I can't give it or decide to take
Speaker 3: time for myself, someone gets hurt and or upset with me.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm always digging myself out of a
Speaker 3: hole with someone, or kissing ass after skipping their dinner party, etc.
Speaker 3: For something else. I also feel like this is cutting
Speaker 3: into my dating life and the occasional nights I'd actually
Speaker 3: like to stay at home alone. I love my busy
Speaker 3: life and I'm an extroverted people enthusiast, but I do
Speaker 3: feel like I need them to understand that I have
Speaker 3: to fill my cup before I can fill theirs. Any advice, John.
Speaker 1: Well, Yeah, just fucking do it, John.
Speaker 5: You know what do you mean to do?
Speaker 2: You don't have to explain yourself to all of these people.
Speaker 2: You just say, oh, I'm not available that night. You
Speaker 2: don't have to tell them why, or that you want
Speaker 2: to be alone, or that you're sleeping or you can
Speaker 2: you know, just you don't have to explain yourself to
Speaker 2: all these people. You're just not available when they want
Speaker 2: you there. So it's not a big deal. You're actually
Speaker 2: making it a big deal.
Speaker 3: And I think too, if you do want to have
Speaker 3: like something concrete to do, you could be like, you
Speaker 3: know what Sundays is my like alone time, It's my
Speaker 3: hermit time. And also like turn your phone off. Stop
Speaker 3: looking at your phone, because if you're not seeing these
Speaker 3: text messages come in being like hey come to our
Speaker 3: party whatever, you're not gonna feel a fomo.
Speaker 2: And you're blaming everybody for wanting pieces of you instead
Speaker 2: of yourself, Like you're the problem. You are over extending yourself,
Speaker 2: you're allowing yourself to be like you know that's people
Speaker 2: want pieces of me too.
Speaker 5: I don't give it to me.
Speaker 2: No, I'm like, I know I need to sleep for
Speaker 2: two days. I came up yesterday. I'm like I have
Speaker 2: to for twenty four hours. Do you not fucking talk
Speaker 2: to me? You don't call me nobody, and I throw
Speaker 2: my phone in the garbage.
Speaker 6: And it also sounds like I'm reading this, but it
Speaker 6: feels like you're not being straight up either. It feels
Speaker 6: like because you're a people pleaser, you know probably two
Speaker 6: days before you're not going to this thing, or you
Speaker 6: don't want to go, but you're just not being straight
Speaker 6: up and being like, yeah, probably not gonna make that
Speaker 6: one or so it's a little bit about you being honest.
Speaker 2: To yeah, because people pleasing is a lie. Yes, that's
Speaker 2: a lie, because you're not you're only just growing resentment
Speaker 2: towards the people that you're pleasing that you don't feel
Speaker 2: like it, so you're really not You're pleasing other people
Speaker 2: while taking away your own kind of sanctuary of space.
Speaker 1: And it only gets worse as you get older.
Speaker 2: So you have to really honor the time that you
Speaker 2: want to spend by yourself, and filling your cup up
Speaker 2: is way more important and you're gonna have way more
Speaker 2: bandwidth for when you're around.
Speaker 1: Other people when you have enough energy on your own.
Speaker 3: And also like, it's okay to disappoint people sometimes it's
Speaker 3: okay for them to be man.
Speaker 2: And also it's okay to just be honest and say, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm just not in the mood. I mean, I'm really spent,
Speaker 2: really tired. I've been socializing. I promise myself I'm going
Speaker 2: to take some time, and I am. And that's what
Speaker 2: I need to do tonight.
Speaker 5: So it's okay to just not show up like everybody's
Speaker 5: grown exactly.
Speaker 2: I mean, well some people are, but some people are
Speaker 2: still growing. I mean they look like they're grown, but
Speaker 2: they're not now anyway, Well, I hope that helps John
Speaker 2: get your shit together. As our final statement for that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so problem solved, Sam, It's been a pleasure as usual.
Speaker 2: It was fun, all right, Love you Sam Jay. Everybody
Speaker 2: make sure you watch your special on Max.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These
Speaker 2: are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January nineteenth, Edmonton, January twentieth,
Speaker 2: Saskatoon February ninth. I'll be in Winnipeg February twenty third.
Speaker 2: Calgary that is almost sold out, so we'll get your tickets. Victoria,
Speaker 2: BC is March eighth, March ninth. Is Kelowna also almost
Speaker 2: sold out. Not sure if I'm adding second shows yet
Speaker 2: because of my schedule. Vancouver is March twenty ninth, and
Speaker 2: that is almost sold out. Then I will be in
Speaker 2: Salt Lake City April fourth and Denver April fifth. I'm
Speaker 2: coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen, I'll
Speaker 2: be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino, and
Speaker 2: then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April fourteenth.
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on April twentieth, Gary, Indiana,
Speaker 2: Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma Norman, Oklahoma on May
Speaker 2: third and May fourth. I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma
Speaker 2: for my rescheduled Windstar World Casino date. And I want
Speaker 2: to make sure that I give a shout out to
Speaker 2: our show for Netflix. As a joke festival, I put
Speaker 2: together a show with some of my favorite comics. It's
Speaker 2: May eleventh at the YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've never
Speaker 2: performed in, so that's going to be fun. It's pretty big.
Speaker 2: I have Beteo Lane, I have Fortune Themester performing. I
Speaker 2: have Sam Jays on the show and Vanessa Gonzale. So
Speaker 2: we it is called a Jew two Mexicans, No, a
Speaker 2: Jew two days at a Mexican.
Speaker 1: You know, a Jew three days at a.
Speaker 2: Mexican, So it's political correctness at its finest. And then
Speaker 2: I will be in Verona, New York on May twenty sixth,
Speaker 2: and then I'm coming to Australia in July and New
Speaker 2: Zealand July fifth, Auckland and I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane,
Speaker 2: Sydney and then Thursday, August first, which is a long
Speaker 2: way away and a date I am just seeing that
Speaker 2: I am not ready to announce. Okay, So those are
Speaker 2: all my dates that are up and available, so get
Speaker 2: your tickets.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 3: com