WEBVTT - Night Kayak with Sam Jay

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<v Speaker 1>Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so I just had a very quick turnaround. I

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<v Speaker 2>just came from LA to Whistler right after the Critics

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<v Speaker 2>Choice Awards, which were Sunday. Monday morning, I woke up

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<v Speaker 2>with my new baby dog. My dog dog is a

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<v Speaker 2>fucking dream boat. I feel like all of my dog

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<v Speaker 2>karma has finally come full circle.

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<v Speaker 3>Amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, Chunk was my very best, he was my sweetheart,

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<v Speaker 2>my first he made me a mother. But this dog

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<v Speaker 2>is it's almost like my dream dog is in front

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<v Speaker 2>of me. And I had to go to so the

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<v Speaker 2>same place I got Burton Bernice, they had some chows.

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<v Speaker 2>So they brought some chows to audition for me in LA.

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<v Speaker 2>When I was home for the Critics Choice Awards. I

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<v Speaker 2>came home for four days and I went to this park. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>this is a good story. I went to this park

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<v Speaker 2>and this guy's walking towards me, and there's these two

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<v Speaker 2>metal gates and I kind of opened them to I'm

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<v Speaker 2>looking for these dog people because they said they were

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<v Speaker 2>bringing me two chows, and so I'm looking for these

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<v Speaker 2>dog people and I have the gates like open, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know, two inches each, like I hadn't shut them

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<v Speaker 2>because I was just peeking in to see if I

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<v Speaker 2>was at the right place. This guy comes running up

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<v Speaker 2>to me and he's like, can you please shut the

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<v Speaker 2>metal gates? And I go, well, no, I will when

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<v Speaker 2>I get back out. I'm just taking a look. He

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<v Speaker 2>goes it takes one second before there is a dog

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<v Speaker 2>killed on Barrington and I go, sir, you need to relax.

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<v Speaker 1>I am looking for.

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<v Speaker 2>A dog right now. And he goes, oh, oh, you're

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<v Speaker 2>looking for a dog. How funny you must have you

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<v Speaker 2>already lost your dog, you lost your dogs?

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<v Speaker 1>And I was looking at him. I go, sir, whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>Happened to you this morning has nothing to do with me,

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<v Speaker 2>so shut up and stop communicating with me. And then

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<v Speaker 2>he goes, you celebrities are so entitled, you are I go, oh, really,

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<v Speaker 2>that's what this is about me being a celebrity and

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<v Speaker 2>coming into a dog park. I go, sir, just stop

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<v Speaker 2>talking to me. And they were across the street at

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<v Speaker 2>a different park, but right as I was walking away,

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<v Speaker 2>he goes, Chelsea Handler, you're a whore. What an interesting

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<v Speaker 2>choice of saying You say such? And he was so

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<v Speaker 2>unhinged that it was so funny, like I couldn't stop laughing, like,

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<v Speaker 2>Chelsea Handler, you're a war Like I'm like, I couldn't.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to go, sir. I want you to go

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<v Speaker 2>home tonight. And when you're reflecting on your day, like

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<v Speaker 2>what are you thinking? Like, way to go, way to go?

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<v Speaker 2>Off on Chelsea Handler because she's such an entitled bitch.

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<v Speaker 2>Because she opened a gate at a dog park and

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<v Speaker 2>didn't close it.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, that is when you know it's like

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<v Speaker 3>just not about you, just about it was so funny.

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<v Speaker 2>It was so funny. But anyway, So anyway, I met Doug,

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<v Speaker 2>who is beautiful. Dog is eight Okay, do you know

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<v Speaker 2>how hard it is to get a full child. The

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<v Speaker 2>reason I've never had a full chow is because you

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<v Speaker 2>have to buy them, and I don't want to buy

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<v Speaker 2>a dog. I want to rescue dogs, obviously, so I've

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<v Speaker 2>never had a full chow. Doug is eight months. He's

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<v Speaker 2>a baby. I've never had a baby. I mean, I

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<v Speaker 2>had Gary, but you know how that one I had

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<v Speaker 2>to return Gary to send her. But he's eight months.

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<v Speaker 2>He's housebroken, he's black, he is full, he is a lover.

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<v Speaker 2>He loves my Bell. My Bell's already trying to pull

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<v Speaker 2>her bullshit and stirrup shit by taking him. She has

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<v Speaker 2>him right now because he has to get vaccinated to

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<v Speaker 2>come to Canada, and then Casey's gonna drive him up

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<v Speaker 2>here next week. But I literally patted my bed because

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<v Speaker 2>I moved into my new house. My bedroom and my

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<v Speaker 2>gym and my bathroom are ready, so i'm's like hotel living. Hey,

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<v Speaker 2>the rest of the house is still a construction site.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm like, I don't care, I'm moving in. I

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<v Speaker 2>pat my bed and Doug just comes up on the bed.

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<v Speaker 2>He rolls around, plays with you. He runs. I've never

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<v Speaker 2>had a dog that could run. And he is a lover.

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<v Speaker 2>He loves Felix, he loves my Bell, he loves Carla,

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<v Speaker 2>he loves Casey, he loves me. He's so cuddly. He

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<v Speaker 2>lies on his back and puts his legs up in

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<v Speaker 2>the air for you to rub his belly. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>it's my dream dog. And I'm like, it's happening. After

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<v Speaker 2>all these years, I finally got a dream dog.

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<v Speaker 3>And you listen to your gut and you waited for him,

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<v Speaker 3>and he waited for you, and it's love.

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<v Speaker 2>It is love. I love Doug.

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<v Speaker 3>And you were just telling ze Wave you wanted to

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<v Speaker 3>a black chow because she has black chows, and you're like,

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<v Speaker 3>oh my god, I want this. Oh it just it

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<v Speaker 3>worked out right.

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<v Speaker 4>I know.

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<v Speaker 2>And I mean, you don't get an eight month old

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<v Speaker 2>dog that is a full chow that is beautiful and

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<v Speaker 2>his house broken.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh that's that's truly the cherry.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, he's just I just am so lucked out.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel so grateful for this dog. And he is

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<v Speaker 2>gonna he and I are going to have such a

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<v Speaker 2>great time together.

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<v Speaker 3>Are he and Bernice getting along?

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<v Speaker 2>Bernice is in Whistler, So I'm with Bernice. I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to come back and have some alone time with her

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<v Speaker 2>before she and I are just finally hitting our stride too.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>How she's going to feel about Doug, but I have

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<v Speaker 2>a feeling that Doug is going to put a little

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<v Speaker 2>pep in her step. Yeah, she needs to pick up

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<v Speaker 2>the fucking pace.

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<v Speaker 3>That's definitely. What's happened with Mimsy is like she's age,

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<v Speaker 3>she's getting a little cratchety, but like she runs around

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<v Speaker 3>after these puppies, and I like, this is the best

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<v Speaker 3>thing we could have done for her health.

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<v Speaker 2>I think, yes, yeah, I think that's true, So that's good.

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<v Speaker 2>The credits choice was a fucking blast.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, he looks so amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh thank you. I had such an incredible time, so

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<v Speaker 2>many incredible moments, and the overall feeling I had that

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<v Speaker 2>I recognized on that day was I've done so many

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<v Speaker 2>high profile events, you know, where there's pressure or filming

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<v Speaker 2>your special or filming something or doing wort shows, you

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<v Speaker 2>name it. This was one of the first times where

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<v Speaker 2>I recognized that I had no nerves at all. I

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<v Speaker 2>was just pure excitement, Like I couldn't wait to get

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<v Speaker 2>out on stage and show everyone how it's done. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't wait to go show my professionalism and that,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like, and I just wanted it to happen.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, it was noon, I'm like, I want

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<v Speaker 2>to go. And then between my fashion and my looks

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<v Speaker 2>and all the hair and makeup. I mean, I've never

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<v Speaker 2>spoken about fashion and dresses more than I did leading

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<v Speaker 2>up to this with my team, because we had so

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<v Speaker 2>many dresses that looked so incredible and we had to

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<v Speaker 2>keep narrowing it down and they wanted me to do

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<v Speaker 2>more outfit changes, and I just think that's silly. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not going to ch the night isn't about the host changing,

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<v Speaker 2>so I didn't want to do that many but anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>it was one of those nights where I just was

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<v Speaker 2>so in my own feet and in my own body

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<v Speaker 2>with every moment, and I was like, I know I

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<v Speaker 2>could do this, and I'm going to crush it. And

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<v Speaker 2>I did, and it was just like a very beautiful

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<v Speaker 2>cementing of like all my hard work and all of

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<v Speaker 2>my focus and energy and doing all the work that

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<v Speaker 2>you do on yourself. Like, yeah, you don't necessarily see

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<v Speaker 2>it right away, which is why I think people get

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<v Speaker 2>frustrated with therapy or with meditation or with any of

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<v Speaker 2>these other things, because they want instant results and it

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't work instantly. It works in phases. And like, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>in this moment right now, and this isn't going to

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<v Speaker 2>last forever either. I'm sure I will have find a

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<v Speaker 2>time to be insecure about something again. But to recognize

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<v Speaker 2>that you're in these moments when you are in your

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<v Speaker 2>flow state and you are firing and you're in the

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<v Speaker 2>zone as an amazing, very fulfilling failing.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and you could really tell too. It showed on

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<v Speaker 3>your face, it showed in your body you just seemed

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<v Speaker 3>like you were up there having fun and like just

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<v Speaker 3>filled with joy. Like you seemed very relaxed.

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<v Speaker 2>And I also have to say this because we talked

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<v Speaker 2>about this, I well, we're gonna talk about this, but

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<v Speaker 2>I was very relaxed. There were a couple of people

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<v Speaker 2>that were going to be at this show when I saw, like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, when I was rehearsing and you see all

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<v Speaker 2>these names and you're like, oh my god, fucking Harrison

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<v Speaker 2>Ford sitting right in front of me, and fucking de

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<v Speaker 2>Niro was there, and you're like, I'm gonna be you know,

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<v Speaker 2>And there were a couple of people there that I

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<v Speaker 2>thought for sure did not like me, Like I just

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<v Speaker 2>I just had a feeling these people did not like me.

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<v Speaker 2>There are three people actually that I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that person doesn't like me. That persons is like all

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<v Speaker 2>three of those people came up to me and gave

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<v Speaker 2>me kudos for my show, for the for the show,

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<v Speaker 2>for my career, for things that Like. It was just

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<v Speaker 2>so funny that I had these three people in mind,

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<v Speaker 2>and in succession, all three of those people approached me

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<v Speaker 2>telling me giving me compliments.

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<v Speaker 3>That's so funny because they also I thought that, but

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<v Speaker 3>not come up and told you about it, like no,

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<v Speaker 3>But it's.

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<v Speaker 2>Like this universal intelligence that we keep talking about or

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<v Speaker 2>that I keep banging on about. I'm just feeling it

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<v Speaker 2>so much. I just feel so grounded lately that I

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<v Speaker 2>just know, like I know what I'm doing, I know

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<v Speaker 2>what's right. I know. Then I just thought, I'm just

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<v Speaker 2>gonna win these three people over tonight, like That's what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do, And whether they were not on my

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<v Speaker 2>side to begin with or not is irrelevant, because.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the right attitude.

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<v Speaker 2>Even if you have people that don't like you or

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<v Speaker 2>you've had a bad experience with, you can turn on

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<v Speaker 2>it always. You can always there's always an opportunity to

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<v Speaker 2>give them a new experience. Yeah, and a new version

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<v Speaker 2>of you.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I love that.

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<v Speaker 5>I love that.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, congratulations, that's such an achievement. And you look like

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<v Speaker 3>you had a lot of fun.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, And who knew? I

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<v Speaker 2>finally have the body I want when I'm forty eight

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<v Speaker 2>years old. I mean, honestly, I am in the best

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<v Speaker 2>shape of my life and I'm forty eight, so anyone

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<v Speaker 2>listening to me, it is possible. So it just it

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<v Speaker 2>is getting better my life is getting better with age.

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<v Speaker 2>I have to say, like.

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<v Speaker 3>A fine nine. All right, Well, today we have a

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<v Speaker 3>very special guest who you know very well.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yes, we have my boo on today. Okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>she's a and she has a new special on Max

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<v Speaker 2>called Salute Me or Shoot Me and please, yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 2>watch it. She's awesome. Sam Jay Okay, I've got this

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<v Speaker 2>fucking bitch with me right now, Sam j Okay. And

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<v Speaker 2>first of all, if you haven't seen her stand up specially,

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<v Speaker 2>you better watch it because it's really really funny.

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<v Speaker 5>Have you actually watched it?

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<v Speaker 2>Chose, Yeah, yes, of course I watch it. I fucking

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<v Speaker 2>posted about a bitch. But you don't even know how

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<v Speaker 2>to use internet, So how the fuck would you know?

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<v Speaker 2>I know, I mean, would you do really watch? Do

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<v Speaker 2>you think I would say I watched it if I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't watch it?

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<v Speaker 5>Oh no, it's not like you were doing a commercial.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean I am, because you're on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>So Sam's late to the podcast. By the way, Sam's

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<v Speaker 2>late to everything, So let's just get that out of

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<v Speaker 2>the way. Sam's late to the podcast because she took

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<v Speaker 2>a shower where the elliotts she was excited about telling

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<v Speaker 2>that to me. She was excited to share that with me.

0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.439
<v Speaker 2>So I have a little story to back it up.

0:09:58.800 --> 0:09:59.760
<v Speaker 2>Did you wash your legs?

0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:00.760
<v Speaker 5>Do watch my legs?

0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:03.320
<v Speaker 2>Okay? Because I got a talking to from Sam is

0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:06.120
<v Speaker 2>in a long term relationship with a woman who is

0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.360
<v Speaker 2>batshit crazy and her name is fucking yah Yah. We're

0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:11.040
<v Speaker 2>gonna have her on the podcast at some time too,

0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:13.280
<v Speaker 2>because she would be really good, my best.

0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:14.920
<v Speaker 5>She will go off.

0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:16.880
<v Speaker 2>On people, because she she went off on me. They

0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.280
<v Speaker 2>came to my worka we had a comedy weekend. We

0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:22.280
<v Speaker 2>had Vanessa Gonzales, who you know opens for me on

0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:25.800
<v Speaker 2>my tour. We had her partner, he's not her husband,

0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.280
<v Speaker 2>and then yah Yah and Sam are a couple. Then

0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Fortune Fortune femes her and her wife Jack's and then

0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:40.360
<v Speaker 2>Jamie Jamie Greenberg my makeup arty, and I was assaulted

0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:44.440
<v Speaker 2>by yah Ya, I mean emotionally assaulted so many times

0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.560
<v Speaker 2>throughout the vacation as she fucking will flip.

0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:49.520
<v Speaker 1>She's that bitch will flip on a dime.

0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:53.640
<v Speaker 2>She is fucking normal and fun and then after nine pm,

0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:56.680
<v Speaker 2>something happens at nine where she's just like listen, bitch,

0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.160
<v Speaker 2>and then she starts yelling at me for being white

0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.040
<v Speaker 2>one in the conversation. She's always yelling at me for

0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.079
<v Speaker 2>being white, you know, like I had the choice. And

0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.280
<v Speaker 2>then one of the days we got in this conversation

0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.360
<v Speaker 2>about white girls showering versus black girls showering. And I've

0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:15.480
<v Speaker 2>had this conversation with Tiffany Hattish, yes, because she said

0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.680
<v Speaker 2>the same thing to me once. She was like, do

0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:19.720
<v Speaker 2>you wash your legs in the shower? And I was like,

0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:21.200
<v Speaker 2>wash my legs? I'm like, I don't.

0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:21.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't think so.

0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:26.199
<v Speaker 2>I mean, what about they're club Oh.

0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:27.400
<v Speaker 5>You believe this too. Yeah.

0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.959
<v Speaker 3>I want to start though, because I heard tell about

0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:31.520
<v Speaker 3>this and I was like, I guess I gotta watch

0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:32.000
<v Speaker 3>my legs.

0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:32.920
<v Speaker 1>But I never used to.

0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.560
<v Speaker 6>That is I really want to know, like how this

0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:37.760
<v Speaker 6>step gets skipped.

0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm gonna tell you because first of all, my

0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.240
<v Speaker 2>legs are covered most of the day, so what's getting in.

0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:44.760
<v Speaker 5>There you're still sweating? Is so bad.

0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:49.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm not legs sweating. My legs are not sweat all

0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.320
<v Speaker 2>I have under arms that's a sweaty area. Sometime.

0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:54.520
<v Speaker 6>This is what I want you to do before the

0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.520
<v Speaker 6>one time you shower, before you do anything, take a

0:11:57.559 --> 0:11:58.520
<v Speaker 6>white rag.

0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:00.960
<v Speaker 1>All right, that's a good idea.

0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.240
<v Speaker 6>Actually clean your legs and see what's on the rag, okay,

0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:07.200
<v Speaker 6>and then you will understand that there's dirt on your legs.

0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:07.640
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm so busy wiping my Pikachu clean and cleaning my

0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:14.480
<v Speaker 2>asshole and my underarms that I'm like that those are

0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.480
<v Speaker 2>my three hot spots, and I very very rarely sometimes

0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:20.760
<v Speaker 2>the bottom of my feet if if things got dice.

0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:24.040
<v Speaker 2>So then Sam was like, I can't believe white girls

0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:25.480
<v Speaker 2>don't watch their legs. You have to wash your legs.

0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:27.760
<v Speaker 2>You have to watch you legs. So I tried it

0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:29.840
<v Speaker 2>like a few times, and I was like I reported

0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:30.679
<v Speaker 2>back to the IA too.

0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:31.560
<v Speaker 1>I was like, all right, I've.

0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:33.480
<v Speaker 2>Been washing my legs and I'm like, I just don't

0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:35.640
<v Speaker 2>feel that much of a difference because I feel like

0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.280
<v Speaker 2>my legs even when I ski, even when I ski,

0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.160
<v Speaker 2>which I know you're not gonna fucking do.

0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:42.480
<v Speaker 4>Oh.

0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.559
<v Speaker 5>I told you that I know to ski. I'm from Boston.

0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.160
<v Speaker 6>I wouldn't need like a refresher because I'm was skied

0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.280
<v Speaker 6>in a long time, but I know that mechanics of ski.

0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:50.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Okay, you're right.

0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:54.439
<v Speaker 2>Anyway, My point was, even when I ski, I am

0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.360
<v Speaker 2>fucking like everyone gets hot and sweaty when they ski.

0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.520
<v Speaker 2>My I don't even ski with underpants on, Like I

0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:02.800
<v Speaker 2>ski with ski pants and nothing else because I'm so

0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:06.680
<v Speaker 2>warm all the time, so my legs are definitely not sweating.

0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.120
<v Speaker 5>Do you sweat? Are you just not a sweat person?

0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.080
<v Speaker 2>No, my under arms will sweat. I could get some

0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.320
<v Speaker 2>fun going there, like nothing in the crek right here,

0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:14.480
<v Speaker 2>no sweat.

0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:16.720
<v Speaker 1>But I don't look back there a lot, so I

0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:18.320
<v Speaker 1>don't know what's going on back there.

0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:21.760
<v Speaker 2>She's talking to the back of my knees, and I'm

0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:24.720
<v Speaker 2>not doing anything back there. I mean, unless somebody was

0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:27.200
<v Speaker 2>holding me up by like I was having crazy sex

0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.440
<v Speaker 2>and they were holding my legs behind my head, like

0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:31.880
<v Speaker 2>pushing on the backs of my knees. Maybe then I

0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:34.040
<v Speaker 2>would have fingerprints or something. But that's the most I

0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:38.559
<v Speaker 2>can imagine. Anyway, we had them there for a week,

0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.920
<v Speaker 2>and let's talk about some of the highlights of that week,

0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:42.040
<v Speaker 2>because that was fucking fun.

0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:42.880
<v Speaker 5>It was a great week.

0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.360
<v Speaker 2>My favorite part of the story is that Sam revealed

0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:47.679
<v Speaker 2>to us at the end of the trip that on

0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:50.760
<v Speaker 2>their way to my house in Spain that they didn't

0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.440
<v Speaker 2>know what kind of host I was gonna be so

0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.839
<v Speaker 2>that they had made alternative backup plans in case they

0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:58.720
<v Speaker 2>had to get out of Dodge because I was like

0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:02.480
<v Speaker 2>a nightmare or what was the reasoning break it down

0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:03.240
<v Speaker 2>for our listeners.

0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:05.720
<v Speaker 6>I mean, you just never know, like especially like with

0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.320
<v Speaker 6>like You're, like, I would you know what, You're a

0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.199
<v Speaker 6>comedy legend, Chelsea, you're a comedy legend.

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:16.439
<v Speaker 5>Oh you're you are just a high level comedian.

0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:19.760
<v Speaker 6>You've had a lot of success, a lot of people

0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:22.080
<v Speaker 6>love you. You can kind of go anywhere on this

0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.800
<v Speaker 6>planet and people are like, yeah, that's Chelsea Handler and

0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:26.840
<v Speaker 6>she's the best, and that type of energy makes some

0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:28.000
<v Speaker 6>people crazy.

0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:29.920
<v Speaker 5>So I just wasn't sure.

0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:31.960
<v Speaker 6>Like it's one thing you meet people in passing or

0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:33.520
<v Speaker 6>you have a quick moment here and there and you're

0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:36.280
<v Speaker 6>like they chill, but then you're in their home they

0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.880
<v Speaker 6>might not be so chill. So I just didn't want

0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.760
<v Speaker 6>to be stuck in by Yorka in your house if

0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:45.800
<v Speaker 6>you wasn't that chill. So I was like, well, let's

0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:49.040
<v Speaker 6>just make sure we have some other options case.

0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:52.280
<v Speaker 1>I fucking love that. I mean, how funny is that?

0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 2>And I'm honestly I am always read it abouts like

0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:59.720
<v Speaker 2>I have a special signal to Carla when I'm traveling,

0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:01.640
<v Speaker 2>and and I don't stay with a lot of people

0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:04.359
<v Speaker 2>because I have the same I have the same experiences.

0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't like being under somebody else's watch. I don't

0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:09.200
<v Speaker 2>like not being able to open up a fridge. I

0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.560
<v Speaker 2>need to have access to everything, and I don't want

0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:13.560
<v Speaker 2>to be everyone looking around at me like I need

0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:14.480
<v Speaker 2>to feel like I'm home.

0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:15.600
<v Speaker 1>So I don't have a lot.

0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:16.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't like to stay with a lot of people,

0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.360
<v Speaker 2>And so sometimes I just text Carla one letter and

0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:20.600
<v Speaker 2>that means I gotta go.

0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:22.880
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, we had our we had our signal.

0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:24.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well.

0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:29.720
<v Speaker 5>Yeah it was not necessary, say that it was not necessary.

0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:30.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we had a good time.

0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:32.520
<v Speaker 2>But the other thing that Sam did, I mean I

0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:34.760
<v Speaker 2>would like to report on her being a guest now,

0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:37.760
<v Speaker 2>because the other thing Sam did was she didn't bring

0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.640
<v Speaker 2>any drugs. She didn't bring any drugs to Spain, but

0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.600
<v Speaker 2>then wanted all of my drugs, which, as a generousupposed

0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.360
<v Speaker 2>to Listen, everyone, everyone who knows me knows how I'm

0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.240
<v Speaker 2>a giver. You can take the shirt off my back

0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:50.080
<v Speaker 2>and I will fucking fly around topless, you know what

0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean. I don't need it, and I'm always happy

0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.120
<v Speaker 2>to give. But I was almost out of drugs. Out

0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.720
<v Speaker 2>of drugs by the time Sam left. I had to

0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:01.520
<v Speaker 2>give her medicine every thirty seconds and then okay, fine,

0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:03.240
<v Speaker 2>every forty five seconds and.

0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:05.040
<v Speaker 1>Then fucking yeah yeah. I was like, bitch, what.

0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:07.440
<v Speaker 3>You doing with my girlfriend?

0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:09.800
<v Speaker 2>She's all sorts of fucked up because you gave her

0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.680
<v Speaker 2>some LSD or mushroom or whatever the fuck.

0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.240
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, yeah, yeah, please don't act like

0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:15.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm the problem here.

0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:19.440
<v Speaker 2>Clearly Sam is the problem and you are you already

0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:19.960
<v Speaker 2>know about it.

0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.880
<v Speaker 6>Chelsea is kind of a bad influence because I've got

0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.600
<v Speaker 6>great and I've ever done before.

0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.480
<v Speaker 5>I was like, I won't do that. That sounds nutty

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:29.720
<v Speaker 5>and it tells me. Was like, just do it and

0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:30.080
<v Speaker 5>shut up.

0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:34.800
<v Speaker 1>And it was great. It was a perfect the LSD.

0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:35.320
<v Speaker 2>I liked it.

0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:35.880
<v Speaker 5>It was cool.

0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:37.640
<v Speaker 2>It was on the same vibe as mushrooms.

0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:38.640
<v Speaker 5>It wasn't crazy.

0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:41.640
<v Speaker 2>Actually chocolate mushrooms and my thing I can give to you. See,

0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:44.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm still trying to get try to give to her.

0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:47.800
<v Speaker 2>So then we go to New York City and during

0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:50.920
<v Speaker 2>our trip, Sam had these Louis Vauton and like Birkenstock

0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:53.520
<v Speaker 2>type of shoes that I used one day. I wore

0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:55.160
<v Speaker 2>one day because I didn't have them, and I was like, wow,

0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:57.120
<v Speaker 2>these are really nice. These are really broken in like

0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:59.840
<v Speaker 2>I would I'd love this. And yeah, I was like, oh, well,

0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:01.640
<v Speaker 2>get you a pair. I'm like, actually, like I want

0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.920
<v Speaker 2>to mind this pair, you know, because they were all

0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:06.959
<v Speaker 2>all work already, were already broken in. I was like,

0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:10.440
<v Speaker 2>it seems like we have the same exact foot situation already. Anyway,

0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.040
<v Speaker 2>we go to dinner Sam's in La I go to

0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:14.840
<v Speaker 2>dinner with ya Ya some other friends in New York

0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:19.399
<v Speaker 2>City and fucking yah Ya her crazy bitch girlfriend wife

0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.280
<v Speaker 2>girlfriend wife to be awesome.

0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we'll keep that on the back of crazy, to.

0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:24.479
<v Speaker 2>Keep her crazy.

0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:25.720
<v Speaker 5>It's complicated.

0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:29.280
<v Speaker 2>She shows up to our dinner with a DHL box

0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.080
<v Speaker 2>that was literally the size of a Toyota Echo. It

0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:34.399
<v Speaker 2>was that big. She's like, did you get up present?

0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:35.639
<v Speaker 2>We sent you a thank you President. I'm like, you

0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:37.080
<v Speaker 2>don't need to send me a thing. She goes, oh, no, no, no,

0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 2>we did. We did.

0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:39.000
<v Speaker 1>We sent you thank you President.

0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:41.520
<v Speaker 5>Did you like the glasses too? We got you some cool.

0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:43.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you got some great glasses for my New today

0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:45.840
<v Speaker 2>we were talking about the Smurfs, how much I love

0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:47.879
<v Speaker 2>the Smurf So it was very thoughtful. Thank you gift,

0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.120
<v Speaker 2>and I loved it. Thank you so much. You didn't

0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:51.400
<v Speaker 2>have to get me anything.

0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:53.919
<v Speaker 5>And I gave you so much from gummies. Bro, well,

0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:55.760
<v Speaker 5>oh you did you know what?

0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:58.560
<v Speaker 2>You know what? That was in New York and you

0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:00.960
<v Speaker 2>know what, I ended up giving them away because that's

0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:03.080
<v Speaker 2>how sweet I am. The guy I shared him with.

0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:05.080
<v Speaker 2>My friend Terrence goes, oh my god, where are those

0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:06.760
<v Speaker 2>mushroom guppies? Like, go, let me the mail them to you.

0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:08.320
<v Speaker 2>I have the whole jar right here, cause I get

0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:11.639
<v Speaker 2>so many drugs. So have you been getting a lot

0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:13.680
<v Speaker 2>of amazing feedback about your special People.

0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.880
<v Speaker 5>Are liking it. People are definitely it's cool. I'm proud

0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:18.480
<v Speaker 5>of it. People dig it. They get what I was

0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:19.000
<v Speaker 5>trying to do.

0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:22.400
<v Speaker 1>It's on HBO, everybody, I mean, sorry, it's Max. It's

0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:22.879
<v Speaker 1>on Max.

0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:26.520
<v Speaker 2>Now that's never going to happen, naturally saying that, And

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:30.159
<v Speaker 2>now you're on tour, I'm touring and oh.

0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:31.280
<v Speaker 1>And then this is the latest.

0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.720
<v Speaker 2>She's on tour and her yah Yah is with her

0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:38.040
<v Speaker 2>on tour, fucking getting into it. Left and right with

0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:42.440
<v Speaker 2>audience members. Anyone who speaks up or talks during a show,

0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:45.240
<v Speaker 2>She fucking goes to town on. I got in the

0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.200
<v Speaker 2>car the other morning because I were both on tour

0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:49.720
<v Speaker 2>and I was with Vanessa and Carlo.

0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:51.679
<v Speaker 1>They're like, have you seen Yaya stories? And I'm like,

0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:52.600
<v Speaker 1>and they.

0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:55.520
<v Speaker 2>Told me that she's just going off on some woman

0:18:55.560 --> 0:18:56.840
<v Speaker 2>who's telling her to calm down.

0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:00.600
<v Speaker 6>A white woman they had, and the lady got The

0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.159
<v Speaker 6>lady didn't know she was my fiance. She thought she

0:19:03.200 --> 0:19:05.359
<v Speaker 6>was just like an audience member. So the lady was like,

0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:07.439
<v Speaker 6>I'm getting you thrown out of here. And I was like, no,

0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:08.720
<v Speaker 6>you're about to leave, ma'am.

0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:12.440
<v Speaker 5>And then the lady did get kicked out.

0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:16.920
<v Speaker 1>How has it been banging on the road with her?

0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:18.080
<v Speaker 5>It's always fun.

0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:21.959
<v Speaker 6>I mean, I'm really really into my relationship now. There

0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:25.120
<v Speaker 6>was a time when I was being a rascal and which.

0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:27.480
<v Speaker 2>I like to bring up and she's like, I go, so,

0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:29.480
<v Speaker 2>were you guys always faithful to each other? When we're

0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:31.520
<v Speaker 2>in bi Orca? I go, are you guys always faithful?

0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:32.880
<v Speaker 2>And Sam goes, what the fuck are you doing?

0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:35.480
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea? Shut the fuck up.

0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.080
<v Speaker 2>I can't help myself though I love the you know,

0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:39.560
<v Speaker 2>I love like the dirt.

0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:41.000
<v Speaker 1>I want the tea right away.

0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:42.879
<v Speaker 6>And when I was being a rascal, I feel like

0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:44.320
<v Speaker 6>I was always trying to like go on the road

0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:48.479
<v Speaker 6>by myself. But now like that, I'm really like locked

0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:51.520
<v Speaker 6>in and I'm doing the thing. I love having her around.

0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:54.199
<v Speaker 6>It's just better. I actually do more when I'm on

0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:55.679
<v Speaker 6>the road. When she's not around, I'm just in the

0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:59.760
<v Speaker 6>hotel room watching bad porn, being like a weirdo all day.

0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:02.399
<v Speaker 6>I don't come out till it's showtime, and it's like

0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:04.520
<v Speaker 6>like a goblet of sorts, you know.

0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:06.800
<v Speaker 1>But I do the same fucking thing when she's around.

0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:09.160
<v Speaker 6>I go to the museums, I go out to eat,

0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:11.080
<v Speaker 6>I take walks, you know what I mean.

0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:11.880
<v Speaker 5>And then she's there.

0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:14.800
<v Speaker 6>She remembers the sets and like she'll remind me of jokes,

0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:17.399
<v Speaker 6>and she also yells at audience members so that I

0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:18.840
<v Speaker 6>don't have to be bothered with them.

0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:20.040
<v Speaker 5>So it's it's actually great.

0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.000
<v Speaker 2>That's good because it can be daunting being on the road.

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:23.840
<v Speaker 2>It's lonely, dude.

0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:26.320
<v Speaker 6>Then it gets really isolating and you get really depressed,

0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:28.440
<v Speaker 6>like you don't think it's gonna happen that way. But

0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:30.679
<v Speaker 6>it gets really depressing really fast.

0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:34.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there is a depressing element to it because like,

0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:36.680
<v Speaker 2>like you like, I like to drink, Sam likes to drink.

0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:38.879
<v Speaker 2>We all drink. I mean, I don't know either. If

0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:40.639
<v Speaker 2>it's a comic, either you drink or you're sober.

0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:42.400
<v Speaker 3>And yeah, good point.

0:20:42.480 --> 0:20:43.280
<v Speaker 1>But I agree.

0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.520
<v Speaker 2>There are many days where I'm just like, but you know,

0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:47.560
<v Speaker 2>I really like to be in bed, but I don't

0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:49.399
<v Speaker 2>like to be in bed feeling like shit. Yeah, I

0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.520
<v Speaker 2>like to be in bed when I'm happy. Sometimes when

0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:53.119
<v Speaker 2>i'm I'm like, okay, this is like if I'm not

0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:54.639
<v Speaker 2>in the right hotel room, if it doesn't have the

0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:57.160
<v Speaker 2>right light exposure, if it does, if it's not nice enough,

0:20:57.200 --> 0:20:57.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm not happy.

0:20:57.960 --> 0:20:59.600
<v Speaker 5>I'm just like, it's like a little jail.

0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:02.040
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I wanted to have to make sure i'm in.

0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:04.160
<v Speaker 2>Like sometimes we check in, I go, I can't stay

0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:04.520
<v Speaker 2>in this room.

0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:07.439
<v Speaker 6>Sometimes we go to these towns where it's like it

0:21:07.480 --> 0:21:09.800
<v Speaker 6>don't matter. There's just nothing here, you know, no things

0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:11.600
<v Speaker 6>to the place. But it's like you can put me

0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:13.520
<v Speaker 6>in any hotel. I'm going to be facing a work

0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:17.679
<v Speaker 6>wall looking at nothing, and you're just like, why am

0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:18.360
<v Speaker 6>I doing this?

0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:21.800
<v Speaker 5>It really makes you like question the whole thing. I know,

0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:23.880
<v Speaker 5>what is this for.

0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:26.040
<v Speaker 2>I had a friend there to me recently at comic

0:21:26.119 --> 0:21:27.960
<v Speaker 2>She was like, because she's always like, I don't know

0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:29.960
<v Speaker 2>how you tour so much. I'm like, I'm in that

0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:32.600
<v Speaker 2>zone right now. I'm just loving touring and I've just

0:21:32.960 --> 0:21:35.600
<v Speaker 2>whatever I go. I usually sometimes I don't, but you

0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:37.280
<v Speaker 2>right now, I'm into it. So I'm just gonna keep

0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:37.639
<v Speaker 2>it going.

0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:38.640
<v Speaker 1>And she goes.

0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:40.000
<v Speaker 2>I feel like, she goes, I went on my tour

0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:41.719
<v Speaker 2>and she goes, and I'm sitting backstage about to go

0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:44.119
<v Speaker 2>on stage, and I'm just thinking to myself, this is

0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:48.080
<v Speaker 2>the dream, right, this was the dream, and now you

0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:50.679
<v Speaker 2>it can be easy to forget that this is what

0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:51.119
<v Speaker 2>you wanted.

0:21:51.280 --> 0:21:52.920
<v Speaker 6>I thought that it was going to be the best

0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:55.320
<v Speaker 6>life in the world. Like there's a time like prayed

0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:55.960
<v Speaker 6>for it.

0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:56.800
<v Speaker 5>Like I was like, I just.

0:21:56.760 --> 0:21:59.639
<v Speaker 6>Want to do comedy in different cities every night and

0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:02.680
<v Speaker 6>people and I would just love to have shows all

0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:03.439
<v Speaker 6>over the country.

0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:05.520
<v Speaker 5>And now I'm like, I gotta go to fucking Utah.

0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:07.320
<v Speaker 2>I know, I know, but you.

0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.000
<v Speaker 1>The shows there are You're going to Salt Lake City.

0:22:11.200 --> 0:22:13.639
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I'm excited, but when you it's like It's just

0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:16.840
<v Speaker 6>one of those things when you first hear it, you're like, what, yeah,

0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:17.560
<v Speaker 6>but Utah.

0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:19.040
<v Speaker 5>And now I like dug into Utah.

0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:20.600
<v Speaker 6>I was like, let me look up some stuff and

0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:22.840
<v Speaker 6>like let me see what's going on out there.

0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:24.240
<v Speaker 5>And now I'm like, I kind of want to go

0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:25.640
<v Speaker 5>to Utah right right.

0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:29.760
<v Speaker 2>Talk to me about becoming more successful as a comedian

0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:32.200
<v Speaker 2>and having people more people recognize you. How are you

0:22:32.240 --> 0:22:34.800
<v Speaker 2>handling all of that that aspect of things.

0:22:34.480 --> 0:22:37.320
<v Speaker 6>You know what, It's been super chill. I think I

0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:40.160
<v Speaker 6>have cool fans. I think you build your fan base

0:22:40.240 --> 0:22:42.800
<v Speaker 6>to some degree. It's like your attitude, your energy, your

0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:45.280
<v Speaker 6>fans kind of reflect that. And I'm not a big

0:22:45.359 --> 0:22:49.439
<v Speaker 6>like type of person, so my fans don't ever approach

0:22:49.520 --> 0:22:50.200
<v Speaker 6>me with too much.

0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:51.640
<v Speaker 5>They're just like, yo, Sam, what's up?

0:22:51.720 --> 0:22:53.560
<v Speaker 6>Yeah right, I mess with you. You ma have funny

0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:56.119
<v Speaker 6>and I'm like, oh, thank you. So it's been very

0:22:56.240 --> 0:23:00.639
<v Speaker 6>chill and like manageable, especially like I like when the

0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:03.680
<v Speaker 6>older black people like tell me to keep going and

0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:06.479
<v Speaker 6>like they see what I'm doing and like they appreciate it.

0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:09.240
<v Speaker 6>That makes me feel really good because I am trying

0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:12.600
<v Speaker 6>to just you know, uphold some of legacy of black

0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:15.520
<v Speaker 6>art and being vocal about our black.

0:23:15.320 --> 0:23:16.400
<v Speaker 5>Experience in this country.

0:23:16.480 --> 0:23:18.879
<v Speaker 6>So when older people who have really been through the

0:23:18.920 --> 0:23:21.800
<v Speaker 6>shit can look at what I'm saying and see the

0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:25.159
<v Speaker 6>genuineess in it and the black excellence in it, then

0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:27.320
<v Speaker 6>that feels good to me, you know. And then my

0:23:27.359 --> 0:23:30.919
<v Speaker 6>white fans they're chill. They're a little more, but they

0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:31.520
<v Speaker 6>so chill.

0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:34.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, talk a little bit about black excellence. I like

0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:37.199
<v Speaker 2>that term a lot, So I want to hear a

0:23:37.240 --> 0:23:38.639
<v Speaker 2>black woman talking about.

0:23:38.359 --> 0:23:40.560
<v Speaker 6>That black excellence just you know, like we have a

0:23:40.640 --> 0:23:44.920
<v Speaker 6>legacy of barrier breaking artists, not just groundbreaking, but really

0:23:44.960 --> 0:23:47.920
<v Speaker 6>having to break barriers to be heard, to be seen.

0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:49.840
<v Speaker 6>I think that's a lot of where the term black

0:23:49.840 --> 0:23:52.960
<v Speaker 6>excellence comes from. This need to have to rise above

0:23:53.000 --> 0:23:56.040
<v Speaker 6>and then rise above again just to get to any

0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:59.840
<v Speaker 6>level of recognition, and you have to actually be excellent.

0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:02.439
<v Speaker 6>Can't just be okay, you can't just be like on

0:24:02.640 --> 0:24:06.240
<v Speaker 6>par you have to be excellent. And especially all the

0:24:06.280 --> 0:24:10.120
<v Speaker 6>black people, they have seen that with like the greatest.

0:24:09.680 --> 0:24:12.320
<v Speaker 5>To do with the Diana Rosses. They've seen it with

0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:13.280
<v Speaker 5>the Dick Gregory.

0:24:13.440 --> 0:24:15.840
<v Speaker 6>So if they look at me at all and go like, hey,

0:24:15.920 --> 0:24:18.640
<v Speaker 6>young lady, we see some of that in you, then

0:24:18.960 --> 0:24:19.680
<v Speaker 6>I'm honored.

0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:22.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's interesting because I was like, oh, and when

0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:24.800
<v Speaker 2>I didn't realize that the term meant like that you

0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:27.480
<v Speaker 2>have to be excellent in order to get through. I

0:24:27.520 --> 0:24:29.359
<v Speaker 2>thought it was just when I first heard it, that

0:24:29.440 --> 0:24:31.760
<v Speaker 2>it was just about about black excellence. And it's like, no,

0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:35.680
<v Speaker 2>it's almost like black excellence is mandatory to get through.

0:24:36.359 --> 0:24:39.879
<v Speaker 2>And that's a different framework of looking at it. And

0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:42.280
<v Speaker 2>we had some deep conversations when we were in my end.

0:24:42.640 --> 0:24:46.440
<v Speaker 2>I took people kayaking at the wee hours of the night, drunk, drunk,

0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:49.760
<v Speaker 2>and that's not dangerous. I just want to say, I

0:24:49.800 --> 0:24:52.600
<v Speaker 2>live out of bay. We didn't go out into the ocean.

0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:55.760
<v Speaker 2>We lived and we were in a little port and

0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:58.479
<v Speaker 2>I just and it and they were so fucking scared.

0:24:59.240 --> 0:25:00.840
<v Speaker 1>I was going to cap size of kayak.

0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:04.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, there's no current, there's no there's like the

0:25:04.320 --> 0:25:05.000
<v Speaker 2>tide of the life.

0:25:05.560 --> 0:25:11.399
<v Speaker 6>It's dark as shit. Chelsea's drunkest shit. We're coming from

0:25:11.440 --> 0:25:14.080
<v Speaker 6>a restaurant. None of us talked about a kayak, and

0:25:14.160 --> 0:25:17.359
<v Speaker 6>Chelsea just goes I'm kayaking and just starts like getting

0:25:17.400 --> 0:25:20.320
<v Speaker 6>it all together, and we're like okay, and the only

0:25:20.359 --> 0:25:22.680
<v Speaker 6>thing that gay was comfort is. We were all worried,

0:25:22.720 --> 0:25:23.840
<v Speaker 6>and Carlo went, she does.

0:25:23.720 --> 0:25:25.280
<v Speaker 5>This all the time, and just went in the house.

0:25:25.720 --> 0:25:27.159
<v Speaker 5>Were like this.

0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:29.639
<v Speaker 2>I got up through the middle. I got up in

0:25:29.640 --> 0:25:31.840
<v Speaker 2>the middle of dinner, grab my mango, dac ray.

0:25:31.840 --> 0:25:32.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I'm going for.

0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:35.000
<v Speaker 2>A kayak ride. I was like, I'm hit a wall,

0:25:35.440 --> 0:25:37.840
<v Speaker 2>so I went I had Sometimes the ocean is calling me,

0:25:37.960 --> 0:25:39.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I have got to get in it,

0:25:39.600 --> 0:25:41.240
<v Speaker 2>and I'm and I just want to say, I've given

0:25:41.320 --> 0:25:44.520
<v Speaker 2>over like probably sixty kayak rides and nothing has ever happened.

0:25:44.560 --> 0:25:47.200
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't matter what condition I'm in, because I'm at

0:25:47.200 --> 0:25:50.160
<v Speaker 2>one with the water. And you're going two miles an hour,

0:25:50.240 --> 0:25:52.399
<v Speaker 2>by the way, no one's going faster that. You're just

0:25:52.400 --> 0:25:54.760
<v Speaker 2>like on this bay, circling around boat. Sometimes you hit

0:25:54.800 --> 0:25:57.440
<v Speaker 2>a boat, but you can't even that's we tapped the boat. Yeah,

0:25:57.600 --> 0:25:59.600
<v Speaker 2>but you're not going fast enough to do any damage.

0:25:59.720 --> 0:26:01.639
<v Speaker 2>But just go with me here on the visual I

0:26:01.640 --> 0:26:03.800
<v Speaker 2>want to paint a picture of Sam's body language when

0:26:03.800 --> 0:26:07.240
<v Speaker 2>she got in the kayak, which was fucking erect and

0:26:07.440 --> 0:26:10.200
<v Speaker 2>fucking tight, like she was sitting up straight with her back,

0:26:10.440 --> 0:26:13.480
<v Speaker 2>hands behind her back, holding onto the type, but slightly

0:26:13.560 --> 0:26:15.480
<v Speaker 2>shaking because of the nerves and scared.

0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:16.080
<v Speaker 1>She was so scared.

0:26:16.119 --> 0:26:17.680
<v Speaker 2>I was like, Sam, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna

0:26:17.720 --> 0:26:19.520
<v Speaker 2>be like and then as we start to go, because

0:26:19.560 --> 0:26:22.159
<v Speaker 2>you're under the moonlight, so it's so gorgeous, you know,

0:26:22.600 --> 0:26:25.080
<v Speaker 2>you're like underneath the stars, and the stars are so

0:26:25.160 --> 0:26:27.600
<v Speaker 2>bright in my Orca, and you're just watching the port.

0:26:27.680 --> 0:26:29.000
<v Speaker 2>So you get out there and you can see the

0:26:29.040 --> 0:26:30.680
<v Speaker 2>whole town in front of your Oh.

0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:31.600
<v Speaker 5>That is very true.

0:26:31.640 --> 0:26:34.399
<v Speaker 6>But like my blackness knew, like I didn't have no

0:26:34.480 --> 0:26:36.600
<v Speaker 6>business out on his kayak with this white woman at

0:26:36.640 --> 0:26:37.080
<v Speaker 6>his hour.

0:26:37.280 --> 0:26:39.320
<v Speaker 2>They were already.

0:26:39.359 --> 0:26:42.280
<v Speaker 6>If something goes wrong, everybody in my family's would be like,

0:26:42.320 --> 0:26:44.200
<v Speaker 6>what was she doing?

0:26:44.720 --> 0:26:46.880
<v Speaker 2>I would never lie. I would swim your ass back

0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:48.840
<v Speaker 2>to short. It doesn't matter how shitfiss I am. You

0:26:48.880 --> 0:26:50.040
<v Speaker 2>would be on my back. I do you know how

0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:52.240
<v Speaker 2>many people I've saved swimming, Well, only one really, but

0:26:52.560 --> 0:26:56.040
<v Speaker 2>I could do it again. But anyway, as we went

0:26:56.040 --> 0:26:57.800
<v Speaker 2>out there, we were talking about your mother, and we

0:26:57.840 --> 0:26:59.800
<v Speaker 2>were talking about her relationship with her mother, who was

0:26:59.880 --> 0:27:00.560
<v Speaker 2>very deep.

0:27:00.400 --> 0:27:01.439
<v Speaker 1>Meaningful conversation.

0:27:01.880 --> 0:27:03.719
<v Speaker 2>And I was coming back in and then she just

0:27:03.800 --> 0:27:06.320
<v Speaker 2>really started to relax and I was like, well, we're

0:27:06.320 --> 0:27:08.560
<v Speaker 2>gonna hang out, then we're not going in because now

0:27:08.600 --> 0:27:10.520
<v Speaker 2>she's relaxed and she's looking up at the stars and

0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:12.520
<v Speaker 2>the moon, and it was really beautiful. Every night there

0:27:12.560 --> 0:27:15.000
<v Speaker 2>is so beautiful. And you said some very profound things

0:27:15.040 --> 0:27:17.480
<v Speaker 2>about your mother, who's no longer with you. Yes, so

0:27:17.760 --> 0:27:19.679
<v Speaker 2>can you talk a little bit about your dynamic with

0:27:19.720 --> 0:27:21.800
<v Speaker 2>your mom and your relationship with her and how it's

0:27:21.800 --> 0:27:22.480
<v Speaker 2>impacted you.

0:27:22.760 --> 0:27:22.960
<v Speaker 5>Man?

0:27:23.080 --> 0:27:26.679
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I was, well, I was really a mama's like

0:27:27.040 --> 0:27:29.840
<v Speaker 6>a mama's girl if it exists, Like, spent a lot

0:27:29.840 --> 0:27:30.480
<v Speaker 6>of time with my mom.

0:27:30.480 --> 0:27:32.919
<v Speaker 5>We were kind of best friends. We would do everything together.

0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:36.760
<v Speaker 6>She was very much like one of those black excellence mothers,

0:27:36.880 --> 0:27:39.639
<v Speaker 6>would like droll black history into me, take me to

0:27:39.680 --> 0:27:42.439
<v Speaker 6>see Alvin Elli every year when they came to the city,

0:27:43.000 --> 0:27:45.680
<v Speaker 6>make sure I went to like see black place, made

0:27:45.720 --> 0:27:49.439
<v Speaker 6>sure I was you know, well read and just you know,

0:27:50.080 --> 0:27:52.840
<v Speaker 6>had some education about myself and all that kind of stuff.

0:27:53.040 --> 0:27:56.280
<v Speaker 6>But mostly she was a person that was focused on

0:27:56.640 --> 0:27:59.720
<v Speaker 6>making a whole person. I noticed a lot of people

0:27:59.760 --> 0:28:02.160
<v Speaker 6>just like feed a kid and take care of it,

0:28:02.480 --> 0:28:04.720
<v Speaker 6>but she was really into like who I was going

0:28:04.760 --> 0:28:06.920
<v Speaker 6>to be and like what type of human I was

0:28:06.960 --> 0:28:08.679
<v Speaker 6>going to be in the world, and she spent a

0:28:08.720 --> 0:28:12.879
<v Speaker 6>lot of time like building a human, which I really appreciate.

0:28:13.000 --> 0:28:15.240
<v Speaker 6>There there were so many times where she would check

0:28:15.320 --> 0:28:17.280
<v Speaker 6>my behavior and I didn't understand it.

0:28:17.280 --> 0:28:18.720
<v Speaker 5>But now that I'm older, I was like, oh.

0:28:18.560 --> 0:28:22.200
<v Speaker 6>She was just nipping some nasty shit in the bud

0:28:22.600 --> 0:28:25.359
<v Speaker 6>before it got too nasty and giving me real perspective.

0:28:25.440 --> 0:28:26.280
<v Speaker 5>Like when I was.

0:28:26.280 --> 0:28:28.440
<v Speaker 6>Little, I was like a little bit of a mean girl,

0:28:28.520 --> 0:28:30.120
<v Speaker 6>and I could be a little bit of a bully,

0:28:30.200 --> 0:28:32.440
<v Speaker 6>and like if I ever would act like that and

0:28:32.600 --> 0:28:34.440
<v Speaker 6>my family or cousins would come over and I'd start

0:28:34.480 --> 0:28:36.560
<v Speaker 6>being nasty and didn't want to share my toys, she

0:28:36.600 --> 0:28:38.320
<v Speaker 6>would like pull me to the side and be like,

0:28:38.320 --> 0:28:40.480
<v Speaker 6>you don't treat people that way, and like now they're

0:28:40.480 --> 0:28:42.480
<v Speaker 6>playing with anything they want and you go sit over

0:28:42.520 --> 0:28:44.680
<v Speaker 6>here by yourself because you don't know how to behave

0:28:45.080 --> 0:28:46.240
<v Speaker 6>and like just stuff like that.

0:28:46.560 --> 0:28:48.200
<v Speaker 5>She was always actively parenting.

0:28:48.800 --> 0:28:50.840
<v Speaker 6>And then when she was sick and she was passing

0:28:50.880 --> 0:28:53.200
<v Speaker 6>away and she knew she was sick and was most

0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:56.680
<v Speaker 6>likely going to pass away from lupus, she really started

0:28:56.720 --> 0:28:59.360
<v Speaker 6>to like kick it into high gear of just like

0:28:59.760 --> 0:29:01.360
<v Speaker 6>make sure I had.

0:29:01.160 --> 0:29:02.800
<v Speaker 5>The stuff that I needed, you know.

0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:07.560
<v Speaker 6>And I just remember one poignant moment when I was

0:29:07.600 --> 0:29:10.480
<v Speaker 6>about fifteen and my mother passed away when I was sixteen,

0:29:10.800 --> 0:29:11.960
<v Speaker 6>and I was really acting out.

0:29:12.040 --> 0:29:14.040
<v Speaker 5>I was acting out in school. I was like coming

0:29:14.080 --> 0:29:14.600
<v Speaker 5>home late.

0:29:15.080 --> 0:29:17.200
<v Speaker 6>I was just not acting of my character because I

0:29:17.240 --> 0:29:19.760
<v Speaker 6>was so upset about what was happening. I just really

0:29:19.760 --> 0:29:21.720
<v Speaker 6>didn't know where to place any other feelings. And I

0:29:21.720 --> 0:29:23.760
<v Speaker 6>had started to just kind of separate from her. That's

0:29:23.760 --> 0:29:25.600
<v Speaker 6>really what I was trying to do. I didn't want

0:29:25.640 --> 0:29:27.880
<v Speaker 6>to be hurt when she died, so I started to

0:29:27.960 --> 0:29:31.240
<v Speaker 6>try to like just act like I didn't just try

0:29:31.280 --> 0:29:34.520
<v Speaker 6>to separate that connection. So I started like hang out

0:29:34.600 --> 0:29:37.600
<v Speaker 6>late with friends and not coming home and just shit

0:29:37.720 --> 0:29:40.360
<v Speaker 6>like that. And one day she just pulled me to

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:42.640
<v Speaker 6>the side and she was like, are you mad at me?

0:29:43.360 --> 0:29:46.440
<v Speaker 6>And I was like no, and she was like, you're lying,

0:29:47.040 --> 0:29:50.240
<v Speaker 6>you're mad at me? And I was like so scared

0:29:50.320 --> 0:29:52.560
<v Speaker 6>to tell her that I was angry with her, because

0:29:52.560 --> 0:29:54.680
<v Speaker 6>I was like, what kind of person does that make me?

0:29:54.800 --> 0:29:57.240
<v Speaker 5>To be angry with my mom? Just because she's sick,

0:29:57.440 --> 0:29:58.000
<v Speaker 5>you know what I mean?

0:29:58.080 --> 0:30:00.240
<v Speaker 6>Like she can't do anything about that, but I I'm

0:30:00.320 --> 0:30:04.520
<v Speaker 6>really angry you know, and she was like it's okay, yeah,

0:30:04.560 --> 0:30:06.160
<v Speaker 6>that she's dying, that she was gonna leave me, that

0:30:06.200 --> 0:30:09.640
<v Speaker 6>she wasn't the same mom that I knew just four

0:30:09.720 --> 0:30:11.400
<v Speaker 6>years ago, you know what I mean, we couldn't do

0:30:11.440 --> 0:30:14.200
<v Speaker 6>the same things together and we were so close and

0:30:14.280 --> 0:30:16.920
<v Speaker 6>always together, and now she's kind of bedridden and can't

0:30:16.920 --> 0:30:20.160
<v Speaker 6>go outside and there's always doctors around and home health

0:30:20.200 --> 0:30:22.480
<v Speaker 6>days and it's just not what I'm used to, you know.

0:30:23.400 --> 0:30:25.640
<v Speaker 6>And she was like it's okay. She was like, I

0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:27.000
<v Speaker 6>know you're mad at me, and I know you don't

0:30:27.040 --> 0:30:30.120
<v Speaker 6>know how to tell me, but it's okay, and you

0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:32.360
<v Speaker 6>deserve to be angry. This is you know, this is

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:36.280
<v Speaker 6>a situation that is upsetting. And I'm your mother and

0:30:36.320 --> 0:30:38.200
<v Speaker 6>there are things that I am supposed to do and

0:30:38.240 --> 0:30:40.840
<v Speaker 6>I can't do them, and I get how that hurts you.

0:30:40.920 --> 0:30:43.680
<v Speaker 6>And I just started like fucking balling. I mean, I

0:30:43.800 --> 0:30:46.960
<v Speaker 6>just started crying because it was like fear but also

0:30:47.120 --> 0:30:50.840
<v Speaker 6>relief that like, oh, she sees me and understands this

0:30:50.920 --> 0:30:54.640
<v Speaker 6>and I'm not like a fucking monster for feeling this way.

0:30:55.000 --> 0:30:57.080
<v Speaker 6>And then she passed away the next year, and I'm

0:30:57.120 --> 0:31:00.720
<v Speaker 6>always very grateful for that conversation because I don't know,

0:31:01.400 --> 0:31:03.080
<v Speaker 6>I would probably had a lot more guilt on my

0:31:03.160 --> 0:31:06.360
<v Speaker 6>hands without it. Yeah, I'd probably been feeling way more

0:31:06.440 --> 0:31:08.280
<v Speaker 6>guilt and out of carried that and it was already

0:31:08.320 --> 0:31:11.400
<v Speaker 6>hard enough to figure myself out after that, But I

0:31:11.440 --> 0:31:13.280
<v Speaker 6>can't imagine if I had added this.

0:31:13.640 --> 0:31:15.760
<v Speaker 5>Super layer of guilt on top of that.

0:31:16.120 --> 0:31:18.680
<v Speaker 6>And I think, you know, she was such a dynamic

0:31:18.720 --> 0:31:21.640
<v Speaker 6>parent that she had the hindsight to relieve me of that,

0:31:22.480 --> 0:31:25.440
<v Speaker 6>And you know, I just I will always have a

0:31:25.440 --> 0:31:26.320
<v Speaker 6>special place.

0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:27.080
<v Speaker 5>In my heart for my mom.

0:31:27.200 --> 0:31:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't think it's a little I mean, I don't.

0:31:29.320 --> 0:31:32.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean, there is no one that I mean, hopefully,

0:31:32.600 --> 0:31:34.880
<v Speaker 2>when your mother is a full bodied person, which is

0:31:34.920 --> 0:31:38.240
<v Speaker 2>what she was trying to encourage you to be, there

0:31:38.320 --> 0:31:40.720
<v Speaker 2>is no one that sees you like your mother sees Yeah.

0:31:40.680 --> 0:31:41.560
<v Speaker 5>Just a good woman.

0:31:41.840 --> 0:31:43.640
<v Speaker 6>And in times when I was very lost without her,

0:31:44.000 --> 0:31:46.800
<v Speaker 6>it didn't really have my way anymore, and I started

0:31:46.800 --> 0:31:48.920
<v Speaker 6>to do some things that I felt were really against

0:31:48.920 --> 0:31:51.840
<v Speaker 6>my character. I leaned on her lessons and who she was,

0:31:51.880 --> 0:31:54.760
<v Speaker 6>so I always say she still was my parent all

0:31:54.800 --> 0:31:57.160
<v Speaker 6>through my life, even though she wasn't a lie because

0:31:57.160 --> 0:31:59.400
<v Speaker 6>all of her lessons and everything that she laid the

0:31:59.440 --> 0:32:03.120
<v Speaker 6>groundwork for parented me in those crucial hours when she

0:32:03.240 --> 0:32:05.240
<v Speaker 6>wasn't there, so it was still like I had a mom.

0:32:05.840 --> 0:32:08.440
<v Speaker 2>Oh I love that. Well, on that note, let's take

0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:09.720
<v Speaker 2>a break and we'll be right back.

0:32:14.480 --> 0:32:16.200
<v Speaker 3>And we're back, and we're back.

0:32:16.680 --> 0:32:18.560
<v Speaker 2>I love what you said about your mother, And there

0:32:18.560 --> 0:32:19.840
<v Speaker 2>are so many mothers listening.

0:32:19.920 --> 0:32:21.600
<v Speaker 1>So I mean, there is a.

0:32:21.560 --> 0:32:25.520
<v Speaker 2>Big differentiation between parenting and being like Okay, they have

0:32:25.520 --> 0:32:27.200
<v Speaker 2>to go to school and get fed and da da da,

0:32:27.560 --> 0:32:30.600
<v Speaker 2>and actually shaping the person that they become, yea, and

0:32:30.720 --> 0:32:34.160
<v Speaker 2>also all along allowing space for the emotions that you have,

0:32:34.280 --> 0:32:36.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, because I always say, like people think they

0:32:36.720 --> 0:32:37.520
<v Speaker 2>own their children.

0:32:37.560 --> 0:32:40.560
<v Speaker 1>It's like that's not your property, that's just of you.

0:32:40.880 --> 0:32:43.520
<v Speaker 2>Like they are here because of you and by way

0:32:43.560 --> 0:32:45.200
<v Speaker 2>of you, but that's it.

0:32:45.360 --> 0:32:48.040
<v Speaker 6>Like truly engaging your kids. Like my mom would ask

0:32:48.080 --> 0:32:50.160
<v Speaker 6>me a lot of stuff about how I felt, what

0:32:50.240 --> 0:32:52.840
<v Speaker 6>I thought. You know, even before we go to the doctor,

0:32:52.920 --> 0:32:54.040
<v Speaker 6>she'd be like, what are you going to talk to

0:32:54.040 --> 0:32:55.120
<v Speaker 6>the doctor about today?

0:32:55.360 --> 0:32:57.240
<v Speaker 5>What are you feeling? What's bothering you?

0:32:57.280 --> 0:33:02.400
<v Speaker 6>Like, just giving me autonomy over myself is super important. Yeah,

0:33:02.440 --> 0:33:04.360
<v Speaker 6>So you guys don't know how to parent better than

0:33:04.360 --> 0:33:04.920
<v Speaker 6>me and Chelsea.

0:33:05.080 --> 0:33:08.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Hot Parents and Tips is the hotline where you

0:33:08.040 --> 0:33:08.800
<v Speaker 2>can contact me.

0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:12.920
<v Speaker 3>Yes, indeed, are we ready for some advice?

0:33:13.560 --> 0:33:15.560
<v Speaker 2>I think so. I like it.

0:33:15.600 --> 0:33:16.800
<v Speaker 1>I feel like Sam's ready.

0:33:17.160 --> 0:33:19.120
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, you're ready, Sam, I'm ready. Well.

0:33:19.160 --> 0:33:23.080
<v Speaker 3>Our first question comes from Elle. Dear Chelsea, I have

0:33:23.120 --> 0:33:25.800
<v Speaker 3>a predicament and it's hard to stand by and watch.

0:33:26.040 --> 0:33:28.280
<v Speaker 3>I've been with my husband for eight years and his sister,

0:33:28.320 --> 0:33:31.040
<v Speaker 3>who I love, has been with her husband for twelve years.

0:33:31.480 --> 0:33:33.760
<v Speaker 3>We love them both, but they've had a conflict for

0:33:33.800 --> 0:33:36.680
<v Speaker 3>the past two years due to his inappropriate relationship with

0:33:36.680 --> 0:33:39.320
<v Speaker 3>a coworker who we all think he cheated on her with.

0:33:39.880 --> 0:33:42.360
<v Speaker 3>He's never confirmed it, but he has engaged in a

0:33:42.400 --> 0:33:45.280
<v Speaker 3>lot of inappropriate behavior, such as being in her room

0:33:45.440 --> 0:33:48.680
<v Speaker 3>overnight while on a ski trip, lying to his wife

0:33:48.680 --> 0:33:51.840
<v Speaker 3>about staying over in Fire Island with this woman, and

0:33:51.920 --> 0:33:55.480
<v Speaker 3>also claiming she is his quote best friend. They're in

0:33:55.520 --> 0:33:58.200
<v Speaker 3>couples therapy, and he is in his own therapy for

0:33:58.240 --> 0:34:00.720
<v Speaker 3>his depression, which I personally think is fueled by his

0:34:00.760 --> 0:34:03.680
<v Speaker 3>secrecy of what he's done. He even said he's unwilling

0:34:03.720 --> 0:34:06.080
<v Speaker 3>to completely let go of this quote friendship for the

0:34:06.120 --> 0:34:08.759
<v Speaker 3>sake of their marriage. My sister in law says that

0:34:08.800 --> 0:34:11.279
<v Speaker 3>in her gut, she does believe something happened, but she

0:34:11.320 --> 0:34:15.920
<v Speaker 3>feels she quote needs confirmation eye roll. I'm a therapist myself,

0:34:15.960 --> 0:34:18.759
<v Speaker 3>and so it's difficult from not only a personal standpoint,

0:34:18.760 --> 0:34:21.759
<v Speaker 3>but a professional standpoint to watch this go on. No

0:34:21.840 --> 0:34:24.680
<v Speaker 3>one else knows this is happening. She wants kids, as

0:34:24.680 --> 0:34:27.279
<v Speaker 3>she's in her mid thirties now, and the situation is

0:34:27.320 --> 0:34:29.680
<v Speaker 3>of course not making her want kids with him anytime soon,

0:34:30.040 --> 0:34:32.799
<v Speaker 3>So she's putting her life on pause for him. I

0:34:32.880 --> 0:34:35.680
<v Speaker 3>encourage her to set firm boundaries, which she struggles with.

0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:38.040
<v Speaker 3>What else do I say to her? I really want

0:34:38.080 --> 0:34:40.640
<v Speaker 3>to say something to him, and he knows, she confides

0:34:40.640 --> 0:34:43.280
<v Speaker 3>in us. It's so hard to watch her hurt. Meanwhile,

0:34:43.400 --> 0:34:45.120
<v Speaker 3>we all know the untold truth.

0:34:45.280 --> 0:34:49.440
<v Speaker 2>Sincerely, Elle, well from your from one rascal to another,

0:34:49.640 --> 0:34:50.520
<v Speaker 2>what's your advice?

0:34:50.600 --> 0:34:52.160
<v Speaker 1>You're a cheat? You were a cheater?

0:34:52.280 --> 0:34:55.839
<v Speaker 5>WOA. Well see what I'm saying this, This is what

0:34:55.840 --> 0:35:02.520
<v Speaker 5>I'm talking about. Rab arouser. Really, Oh, there's nothing she

0:35:02.560 --> 0:35:03.880
<v Speaker 5>can do. She got them on her business.

0:35:04.400 --> 0:35:06.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, there's really nothing she can do. Like, what are

0:35:06.719 --> 0:35:08.400
<v Speaker 1>you gonna do? Like your sister? It doesn't.

0:35:08.560 --> 0:35:10.759
<v Speaker 2>She has a hard time creating boundaries, so that means

0:35:10.800 --> 0:35:13.359
<v Speaker 2>she's not like as strong as she can be, and

0:35:13.440 --> 0:35:15.120
<v Speaker 2>she doesn't want to know the truth even though her

0:35:15.120 --> 0:35:15.960
<v Speaker 2>God is telling.

0:35:15.719 --> 0:35:16.640
<v Speaker 1>Her or something different.

0:35:16.680 --> 0:35:20.000
<v Speaker 2>Anyone who lies about sleeping with a woman in a

0:35:20.160 --> 0:35:23.839
<v Speaker 2>place is lying because they did something right, not because

0:35:23.880 --> 0:35:25.759
<v Speaker 2>they didn't want to upset you. Because you can tell

0:35:25.800 --> 0:35:27.880
<v Speaker 2>the truth and say, listen, I know this sounds but

0:35:28.160 --> 0:35:28.799
<v Speaker 2>that's not true.

0:35:28.840 --> 0:35:30.040
<v Speaker 5>Bro, that's not true.

0:35:30.040 --> 0:35:32.560
<v Speaker 6>Here we go, that's not true. That's not true. There's

0:35:32.600 --> 0:35:34.760
<v Speaker 6>been plenty of times where things like that have happened.

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:37.120
<v Speaker 6>I really did not do anything. But I'm like, it

0:35:37.160 --> 0:35:39.920
<v Speaker 6>doesn't matter. If I come with this whole truth and

0:35:39.960 --> 0:35:41.680
<v Speaker 6>I go, yo, I didn't do anything, I'm gonna live

0:35:41.760 --> 0:35:45.800
<v Speaker 6>under the same suspicion as if I don't because.

0:35:45.400 --> 0:35:47.680
<v Speaker 5>She's not gonna believe I didn't do anything. Yeah, and

0:35:48.080 --> 0:35:50.160
<v Speaker 5>I'm telling you, I've literally lived this. So is this

0:35:50.320 --> 0:35:52.760
<v Speaker 5>not all? That's not all the way true.

0:35:52.880 --> 0:35:56.960
<v Speaker 6>But the problem is most likely he was already displaying

0:35:57.000 --> 0:36:00.120
<v Speaker 6>certain behaviors. And that's where I'm not I wasn't taking responsibility.

0:36:00.280 --> 0:36:01.960
<v Speaker 6>It was the fact that I was already doing other

0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:05.919
<v Speaker 6>shit that made me less believable in that situation, even

0:36:05.960 --> 0:36:07.160
<v Speaker 6>though I was telling the truth.

0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:10.240
<v Speaker 5>In that situation, my track record was fucked.

0:36:10.400 --> 0:36:13.120
<v Speaker 2>Like in a loving, happy relationship, I would say to

0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:15.600
<v Speaker 2>the guy like, oh, yeah, my boyfriend, I would say, oh,

0:36:15.600 --> 0:36:18.719
<v Speaker 2>by the way, I slept in a bed with this

0:36:18.760 --> 0:36:20.839
<v Speaker 2>guy last night, Like I don't know why I would

0:36:20.920 --> 0:36:23.439
<v Speaker 2>do that, because I mean, I'm too old for that shit.

0:36:23.480 --> 0:36:25.840
<v Speaker 2>But maybe maybe there would be some circumstance I couldn't

0:36:25.880 --> 0:36:28.239
<v Speaker 2>get home or something. But I would always front load

0:36:28.280 --> 0:36:30.239
<v Speaker 2>the truth because I'm not guilty of anything, you know

0:36:30.280 --> 0:36:32.440
<v Speaker 2>what I mean in that realm, Like in my relationships,

0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:34.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm not some sort of you know, I'm not up

0:36:34.239 --> 0:36:37.880
<v Speaker 2>to one relationship at a time is exhausting enough. So

0:36:38.239 --> 0:36:40.800
<v Speaker 2>and also him saying that he wouldn't that he wouldn't

0:36:40.880 --> 0:36:44.799
<v Speaker 2>end his friendship with his coworker over his marriage hello, Like,

0:36:44.920 --> 0:36:46.600
<v Speaker 2>I mean, she's just gonna find out he's cheating on

0:36:46.680 --> 0:36:49.400
<v Speaker 2>her at some point, so it would be more proactive

0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:50.959
<v Speaker 2>to like get to the bottom of it now.

0:36:51.400 --> 0:36:53.040
<v Speaker 5>So yeah, there's nothing you could do.

0:36:53.200 --> 0:36:54.839
<v Speaker 2>No, I think as a sister, you have to let

0:36:54.880 --> 0:36:56.839
<v Speaker 2>everybody learn the lessons they're supposed to learn.

0:36:56.920 --> 0:37:00.400
<v Speaker 6>Stay out of people's marriage. I have a firm stay

0:37:00.440 --> 0:37:03.600
<v Speaker 6>out of people's marriage rule. Like marriage is a whole

0:37:03.600 --> 0:37:07.040
<v Speaker 6>different sport. People have a lot tied into that. You

0:37:07.080 --> 0:37:09.160
<v Speaker 6>get in the middle of some stuff and then they don't.

0:37:09.040 --> 0:37:12.000
<v Speaker 1>Leave Rosebud's husband to get plugs.

0:37:12.080 --> 0:37:17.640
<v Speaker 5>I say, their marriage, that's different. I'm the reason that

0:37:17.760 --> 0:37:18.279
<v Speaker 5>babies here.

0:37:18.280 --> 0:37:24.839
<v Speaker 2>Okay, oh my god, Yeah you probably did say if

0:37:24.840 --> 0:37:26.480
<v Speaker 2>that marriage, I wouldn't put it past you.

0:37:27.400 --> 0:37:29.880
<v Speaker 3>I mean, would you say anything to the husband? I mean,

0:37:29.920 --> 0:37:30.200
<v Speaker 3>what do you?

0:37:30.360 --> 0:37:32.759
<v Speaker 2>I would because I'm a confrontational person and I would

0:37:32.800 --> 0:37:34.719
<v Speaker 2>be like, hey, fu face, I fucking know what you're

0:37:34.800 --> 0:37:37.319
<v Speaker 2>up to. Yeah, totally, just to get a read on

0:37:37.320 --> 0:37:39.240
<v Speaker 2>the situation, because I'm pretty good at telling if people

0:37:39.239 --> 0:37:41.640
<v Speaker 2>are lying or not. I mean, it's pretty easy to

0:37:41.680 --> 0:37:44.319
<v Speaker 2>spot a liar. Yeah, people lie and they act like,

0:37:44.600 --> 0:37:46.719
<v Speaker 2>you know, they can't look you in the eye, they're distracted.

0:37:46.719 --> 0:37:50.520
<v Speaker 6>But the wife knows she's lying. I suppose that's his wife.

0:37:50.680 --> 0:37:51.719
<v Speaker 6>She knows that he's lying.

0:37:51.760 --> 0:37:52.960
<v Speaker 5>She's just not ready to do with.

0:37:52.960 --> 0:37:54.839
<v Speaker 2>It's not ready. Yeah, she's not ready. And also, your

0:37:54.840 --> 0:37:57.080
<v Speaker 2>gut is like how many times can we say this? Like,

0:37:57.120 --> 0:37:59.040
<v Speaker 2>you have got to listen to your gut, your gut

0:37:59.120 --> 0:38:01.239
<v Speaker 2>is telling you that you yes. And the only time

0:38:01.280 --> 0:38:03.319
<v Speaker 2>your gut is wrong is maybe if you're so high

0:38:03.360 --> 0:38:05.760
<v Speaker 2>that you're a little bit paranoid, and that might be fake,

0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:09.480
<v Speaker 2>like a false intuition. But like when you're clear headed

0:38:09.520 --> 0:38:11.480
<v Speaker 2>and you have this feeling and it doesn't go away,

0:38:11.560 --> 0:38:13.080
<v Speaker 2>it's because something is not right.

0:38:13.239 --> 0:38:13.439
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:38:13.520 --> 0:38:16.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, they say have more like brain cells, more thinking

0:38:16.480 --> 0:38:19.640
<v Speaker 3>cells in your stomach than in your actual brain. So

0:38:19.640 --> 0:38:22.320
<v Speaker 3>like your gut is actually communicating with you, it's physically

0:38:22.360 --> 0:38:25.480
<v Speaker 3>literally telling you stuff. We just have to listen. I think.

0:38:25.520 --> 0:38:28.920
<v Speaker 3>Also the question that comes up for me too, is

0:38:28.960 --> 0:38:32.080
<v Speaker 3>like saying to your sister, like, if this is not

0:38:32.160 --> 0:38:34.480
<v Speaker 3>the deal breaker, If like not knowing whether he cheated,

0:38:34.480 --> 0:38:36.240
<v Speaker 3>whether he didn't cheat, it is not the deal breaker.

0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:38.200
<v Speaker 3>Do you really still want to be in a relationship

0:38:38.200 --> 0:38:40.759
<v Speaker 3>with someone who treats you this way, who says he

0:38:40.800 --> 0:38:43.200
<v Speaker 3>would not give up a friendship for you, who says

0:38:43.360 --> 0:38:46.520
<v Speaker 3>you know, that's probably an unhealthy thing, who lies to you,

0:38:46.640 --> 0:38:49.759
<v Speaker 3>et cetera, who's being cagy Like, is that enough for

0:38:49.800 --> 0:38:52.440
<v Speaker 3>you even if he didn't cheat, Is that an okay

0:38:52.480 --> 0:38:53.520
<v Speaker 3>relationship for you to stay in?

0:38:54.200 --> 0:38:55.239
<v Speaker 4>No, I'm right, it's not.

0:38:55.480 --> 0:38:58.319
<v Speaker 1>It's not no, none of it. Yeah exactly, there you go.

0:38:58.440 --> 0:39:01.680
<v Speaker 5>Yeah they're married though, yeah, yeah, but still I don't know, man.

0:39:01.840 --> 0:39:02.600
<v Speaker 5>I think I think.

0:39:02.719 --> 0:39:04.359
<v Speaker 6>I think we like to live in the world where

0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:06.200
<v Speaker 6>we like to make these things so clear and cut

0:39:06.600 --> 0:39:08.799
<v Speaker 6>and so is this that or is this this? It's

0:39:08.840 --> 0:39:11.440
<v Speaker 6>you meet people at different places and phases in their life.

0:39:11.480 --> 0:39:14.399
<v Speaker 6>They're going through different shit. Some of it is if

0:39:14.440 --> 0:39:16.640
<v Speaker 6>you fuck with a person, are you just gonna deal

0:39:16.680 --> 0:39:19.000
<v Speaker 6>with this person shit? Are you willing to dig in there?

0:39:19.440 --> 0:39:20.000
<v Speaker 5>Unpack it?

0:39:20.360 --> 0:39:22.520
<v Speaker 6>Figure out why they are the way they are, why

0:39:22.520 --> 0:39:24.279
<v Speaker 6>they're moving the way they're moving, because there could be

0:39:24.280 --> 0:39:27.800
<v Speaker 6>a million reasons. And it's not just all cheating, because

0:39:27.840 --> 0:39:30.480
<v Speaker 6>even under cheating, there's usually a lot of shit as

0:39:30.480 --> 0:39:33.359
<v Speaker 6>to why someone moves this way and why someone gets

0:39:33.400 --> 0:39:35.839
<v Speaker 6>whatever they get out of cheating. And so it's like

0:39:35.960 --> 0:39:37.759
<v Speaker 6>are you are you do you want to work with

0:39:37.840 --> 0:39:41.160
<v Speaker 6>this person? And then the boundaries of how you're willing

0:39:41.200 --> 0:39:43.560
<v Speaker 6>to work with this person, which is hard for someone

0:39:43.600 --> 0:39:45.960
<v Speaker 6>who's like I am bad at boundary setting. It's the

0:39:46.000 --> 0:39:47.719
<v Speaker 6>thing I we talk about a couple of therapy all

0:39:47.719 --> 0:39:50.480
<v Speaker 6>the time, as Ore was not good at setting boundaries.

0:39:50.800 --> 0:39:53.120
<v Speaker 6>And if we get into this big discussion about Partially

0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:56.040
<v Speaker 6>that is not the reason, but that was a partial reason.

0:39:56.040 --> 0:39:58.520
<v Speaker 6>Why cheat is because I was feeling so violated in

0:39:58.560 --> 0:40:02.400
<v Speaker 6>my relationship and I was not good at going stop,

0:40:02.960 --> 0:40:05.279
<v Speaker 6>I don't like this, or this makes me feel this way,

0:40:05.400 --> 0:40:08.959
<v Speaker 6>or this does this to me. I was just splintering, Okay, fine,

0:40:09.000 --> 0:40:10.759
<v Speaker 6>you're gonna do that, do you. I'll just go over

0:40:10.760 --> 0:40:12.600
<v Speaker 6>here and do me. And that's not the way to

0:40:12.680 --> 0:40:15.000
<v Speaker 6>handle it, which is why it's like do you just

0:40:15.239 --> 0:40:16.360
<v Speaker 6>you got to decide if you want to deal with

0:40:16.360 --> 0:40:17.840
<v Speaker 6>the person. And that's why they stay out their marriage

0:40:17.840 --> 0:40:20.600
<v Speaker 6>because you just don't know. She could also be doing

0:40:20.600 --> 0:40:23.239
<v Speaker 6>shit you don't know about. They're in the workings of

0:40:23.280 --> 0:40:26.120
<v Speaker 6>what's happening there. She might understand more than you understand,

0:40:26.160 --> 0:40:28.560
<v Speaker 6>like oh, some of this is based on this or that,

0:40:28.600 --> 0:40:29.960
<v Speaker 6>like you just don't know their business.

0:40:30.280 --> 0:40:32.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Or she could just go directly to the source

0:40:32.239 --> 0:40:35.239
<v Speaker 2>and ask the girl. Oh oh, not that she'll always

0:40:35.280 --> 0:40:37.280
<v Speaker 2>tell you the truth, because she said she needs a confirmation.

0:40:37.400 --> 0:40:39.279
<v Speaker 2>She's got a guy that she wants a confirmation. Go

0:40:39.320 --> 0:40:40.560
<v Speaker 2>to the girl and ask her.

0:40:40.480 --> 0:40:42.279
<v Speaker 5>Which she hasn't done it yet. Is because she knows

0:40:42.280 --> 0:40:42.640
<v Speaker 5>it's true.

0:40:42.640 --> 0:40:45.080
<v Speaker 6>Because that's Usually a woman's first move is to text

0:40:45.120 --> 0:40:45.520
<v Speaker 6>the woman.

0:40:45.920 --> 0:40:48.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but texting is no good. It's a face to

0:40:48.040 --> 0:40:48.680
<v Speaker 1>face because.

0:40:48.480 --> 0:40:51.360
<v Speaker 3>Then you even read the signs, read the eyes.

0:40:51.200 --> 0:40:54.200
<v Speaker 2>Yes, like my girlfriend was having someone was having an affair.

0:40:54.600 --> 0:40:56.480
<v Speaker 2>Her husband was having an affair with this other woman,

0:40:56.840 --> 0:40:59.640
<v Speaker 2>and my girlfriend the same thing. They're now divorced, thankfully,

0:40:59.680 --> 0:41:01.799
<v Speaker 2>but same thing. She went over to his house to

0:41:01.840 --> 0:41:04.520
<v Speaker 2>snoop and guess who was there? The girl that he

0:41:04.840 --> 0:41:08.520
<v Speaker 2>denied having a relationship with, and they were sorry, they

0:41:08.520 --> 0:41:10.520
<v Speaker 2>were separated at this point, so they were married and

0:41:10.520 --> 0:41:12.360
<v Speaker 2>they were getting separated, and she didn't know because he

0:41:12.440 --> 0:41:13.000
<v Speaker 2>kept denying it.

0:41:13.040 --> 0:41:15.080
<v Speaker 1>I've never cheated. I've never cheated. This girl does that.

0:41:15.200 --> 0:41:16.799
<v Speaker 1>We're not we're only friends. We're only friends.

0:41:16.840 --> 0:41:18.560
<v Speaker 2>She found all these texts and she went over there

0:41:18.600 --> 0:41:20.400
<v Speaker 2>and guess who was there with the key to his house?

0:41:20.680 --> 0:41:21.719
<v Speaker 1>The fucking girlfriend.

0:41:21.960 --> 0:41:24.960
<v Speaker 2>So there's the confirmation, like you know, and that was it.

0:41:25.120 --> 0:41:27.920
<v Speaker 2>Then she's like, fine, I fucking know now. So I

0:41:27.920 --> 0:41:29.640
<v Speaker 2>guess everybody needs to figure out the way they need

0:41:29.680 --> 0:41:32.560
<v Speaker 2>to figure out. But we're telling you he's probably juting. Yes, anyway,

0:41:32.920 --> 0:41:33.839
<v Speaker 2>do we have next call?

0:41:34.040 --> 0:41:36.920
<v Speaker 3>Our next question comes from Anna and she is joining

0:41:37.000 --> 0:41:41.520
<v Speaker 3>us on the phone. Here, Anna says, Dear Chelsea, it's

0:41:41.560 --> 0:41:43.319
<v Speaker 3>been a year since my ex and I broke up.

0:41:43.560 --> 0:41:45.400
<v Speaker 3>We dated for about a year and it ended on

0:41:45.480 --> 0:41:48.600
<v Speaker 3>pretty horrible terms. A few months ago, I found out

0:41:48.640 --> 0:41:50.480
<v Speaker 3>through a friend of mine that he's on dating apps

0:41:50.560 --> 0:41:53.360
<v Speaker 3>looking for relationships with men. On the one hand, this

0:41:53.440 --> 0:41:55.800
<v Speaker 3>took a huge weight off my shoulders because up until

0:41:55.840 --> 0:41:58.880
<v Speaker 3>then I didn't understand why the relationship ended. On the

0:41:58.880 --> 0:42:01.480
<v Speaker 3>other hand, I recently trying to be in dating again,

0:42:01.680 --> 0:42:03.759
<v Speaker 3>but no matter what I do, every time I go

0:42:03.800 --> 0:42:05.960
<v Speaker 3>out with a man, I'm inundated with thoughts that he

0:42:06.120 --> 0:42:08.880
<v Speaker 3>is gay. I genuinely had never thought of it before,

0:42:08.920 --> 0:42:11.000
<v Speaker 3>but now it's become my greatest fear. How do we

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:12.120
<v Speaker 3>get out of this headspace?

0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:17.640
<v Speaker 2>Anna, Hiana, Hiana, hi Hi. I don't think you have

0:42:17.719 --> 0:42:21.560
<v Speaker 2>to worry about every man being gay. I mean, you

0:42:21.640 --> 0:42:24.680
<v Speaker 2>already did that. That doesn't happen multiple times. You're not

0:42:24.719 --> 0:42:27.640
<v Speaker 2>just only attracting gay men. That's just like one example

0:42:28.360 --> 0:42:31.640
<v Speaker 2>of what happened in your life. You know, stick to

0:42:31.680 --> 0:42:36.279
<v Speaker 2>your original instinctual reaction, which was what a relief like.

0:42:36.320 --> 0:42:38.600
<v Speaker 2>It probably had very little to do with you and

0:42:39.360 --> 0:42:42.200
<v Speaker 2>more to do with him. Struggling with his sexuality and

0:42:42.360 --> 0:42:46.120
<v Speaker 2>most men that are on dating apps, especially apps, because

0:42:46.600 --> 0:42:48.960
<v Speaker 2>there's the I mean, what's the point of looking for

0:42:49.080 --> 0:42:51.600
<v Speaker 2>someone you're not attracted to. The whole point is to

0:42:51.640 --> 0:42:54.480
<v Speaker 2>hook up and meet somebody and possibly date somebody. So

0:42:54.600 --> 0:42:57.319
<v Speaker 2>if you're on an app and they're seeking women, that's

0:42:57.360 --> 0:42:58.440
<v Speaker 2>where the honesty comes in.

0:42:58.480 --> 0:43:00.239
<v Speaker 1>That's the most honest part about.

0:43:00.040 --> 0:43:01.759
<v Speaker 2>Being on an app is like, I'm looking to get

0:43:01.840 --> 0:43:04.880
<v Speaker 2>laid with you.

0:43:03.719 --> 0:43:05.160
<v Speaker 1>Right, I'm looking to date you.

0:43:05.280 --> 0:43:07.279
<v Speaker 2>I mean, they can lie about other things, but the

0:43:07.320 --> 0:43:11.400
<v Speaker 2>actual sexuality is pretty like it's an open playing field.

0:43:11.400 --> 0:43:14.319
<v Speaker 2>So if they're there to meet women, then I think

0:43:14.360 --> 0:43:17.480
<v Speaker 2>you can, like, you know, pretty much rest assured that

0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:18.360
<v Speaker 2>that's the truth.

0:43:19.560 --> 0:43:23.080
<v Speaker 6>And he's also might not be like gay, right, he

0:43:23.160 --> 0:43:25.160
<v Speaker 6>might just be fluid. He might just be by and

0:43:25.200 --> 0:43:27.080
<v Speaker 6>didn't want to talk to you about that part, and

0:43:27.400 --> 0:43:29.640
<v Speaker 6>he might be like, now I want some dick this week,

0:43:29.719 --> 0:43:32.000
<v Speaker 6>you know, like now I'm in my months of getting

0:43:32.000 --> 0:43:35.040
<v Speaker 6>dig So you shouldn't take it like, oh, is it me?

0:43:35.320 --> 0:43:37.239
<v Speaker 6>He's just out here chilling. I mean, at the end

0:43:37.280 --> 0:43:39.359
<v Speaker 6>of the day, it's like he's just dating other people.

0:43:39.560 --> 0:43:41.560
<v Speaker 4>Right, So I think my fear is that I live

0:43:41.560 --> 0:43:44.160
<v Speaker 4>in the South, and that adds like a whole other

0:43:44.200 --> 0:43:45.799
<v Speaker 4>element too, And I think.

0:43:45.800 --> 0:43:48.600
<v Speaker 3>And he's military too, right, he said, so like there's

0:43:48.640 --> 0:43:49.040
<v Speaker 3>a lot of.

0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:50.520
<v Speaker 5>Oh, you gotta give us all the details.

0:43:50.600 --> 0:43:53.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and it actually has like a kind of incredible

0:43:54.120 --> 0:43:56.080
<v Speaker 3>dramatic story of the breakup.

0:43:56.160 --> 0:43:58.839
<v Speaker 1>But what tell us give us the abridge version.

0:43:58.840 --> 0:43:59.920
<v Speaker 3>You gotta give him the juice?

0:44:00.080 --> 0:44:02.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Okay. So when I told Katherine the story, I

0:44:02.600 --> 0:44:04.400
<v Speaker 4>was the first time I'd ever told her like in totality,

0:44:04.440 --> 0:44:05.960
<v Speaker 4>and so I'm going to try to make it a

0:44:05.960 --> 0:44:08.640
<v Speaker 4>little more brief than what I told her, But essentially

0:44:09.600 --> 0:44:11.680
<v Speaker 4>what happened we like, we dated for a long time.

0:44:11.880 --> 0:44:14.600
<v Speaker 4>Everything was great, and then one night we ended up

0:44:14.600 --> 0:44:17.040
<v Speaker 4>going to sleep together in my apartment. He lives about

0:44:17.040 --> 0:44:18.920
<v Speaker 4>an hour from me, so every weekend he'd like come

0:44:18.960 --> 0:44:22.200
<v Speaker 4>down and stay in my apartment. Whatever. That was nothing different,

0:44:22.239 --> 0:44:24.640
<v Speaker 4>and we went to bed together and I woke up

0:44:24.680 --> 0:44:26.399
<v Speaker 4>at like four o'clock in the morning to him coming

0:44:26.400 --> 0:44:29.560
<v Speaker 4>into my apartment and I was like, that's weird because

0:44:29.600 --> 0:44:31.560
<v Speaker 4>I fell asleep with you. What are you doing? And

0:44:31.600 --> 0:44:33.319
<v Speaker 4>so I see him walk in and he is like

0:44:33.440 --> 0:44:35.800
<v Speaker 4>blacked out, like figety figety fucked up, like to the

0:44:35.840 --> 0:44:38.279
<v Speaker 4>point that I'm like, what happened in the last you know,

0:44:38.400 --> 0:44:41.320
<v Speaker 4>four hours that you got to this point. So he

0:44:41.360 --> 0:44:42.920
<v Speaker 4>comes in my room and I'm like, not about to

0:44:43.000 --> 0:44:44.520
<v Speaker 4>argue with the drunk person. So I'm like I'm going

0:44:44.560 --> 0:44:46.960
<v Speaker 4>to go to sleep. What is that?

0:44:47.120 --> 0:44:47.400
<v Speaker 5>Okay?

0:44:47.440 --> 0:44:47.760
<v Speaker 2>Whatever?

0:44:48.040 --> 0:44:49.960
<v Speaker 4>So I wake up, you know, like four hours later,

0:44:50.120 --> 0:44:51.840
<v Speaker 4>and I'm like, where did you go? And he was like,

0:44:51.880 --> 0:44:54.680
<v Speaker 4>I told you that I left. No you didn't, No,

0:44:54.840 --> 0:44:56.719
<v Speaker 4>you didn't. And he's like, no, I told you. I

0:44:56.719 --> 0:44:58.320
<v Speaker 4>told you. I want to go meet some of my friends.

0:44:58.480 --> 0:45:01.759
<v Speaker 4>I'm sorry, like maybe you just forgot. And I was like, okay, well,

0:45:01.760 --> 0:45:04.319
<v Speaker 4>like on the off chance that that happens, whatever, but

0:45:04.440 --> 0:45:06.839
<v Speaker 4>go on with our day. And then later that night,

0:45:07.560 --> 0:45:09.680
<v Speaker 4>I am in the bathroom getting ready to go to

0:45:09.719 --> 0:45:12.120
<v Speaker 4>a friend's birthday dinner and he's coming with me, and

0:45:12.160 --> 0:45:14.160
<v Speaker 4>I see his phone light up on my bathroom counter

0:45:14.160 --> 0:45:17.040
<v Speaker 4>and it's a bumble notification. So I looked at it

0:45:17.160 --> 0:45:18.920
<v Speaker 4>and I look at myself in the mirror, and I

0:45:18.960 --> 0:45:21.480
<v Speaker 4>need everybody listening to this podcast to just like send

0:45:21.480 --> 0:45:24.160
<v Speaker 4>a future prayer to my children. And I'm ever blessed

0:45:24.160 --> 0:45:26.640
<v Speaker 4>with them because unless they take on like the criminal

0:45:26.680 --> 0:45:28.600
<v Speaker 4>prowess of whoever the hell killed the black doll. You

0:45:28.760 --> 0:45:30.960
<v Speaker 4>ain't no way they're going to get away with anything

0:45:30.960 --> 0:45:34.120
<v Speaker 4>with me because I took the phone and I start

0:45:34.160 --> 0:45:35.759
<v Speaker 4>packing up his stuff and just walk in the living

0:45:35.800 --> 0:45:38.400
<v Speaker 4>room and I'm like, gotta get out of here. What

0:45:38.800 --> 0:45:40.879
<v Speaker 4>am I looking out on the screen. And he's like, oh,

0:45:40.920 --> 0:45:42.399
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. I don't know, and starts like messing

0:45:42.440 --> 0:45:44.600
<v Speaker 4>around with it and deleting some like fleeting stuff, hands

0:45:44.600 --> 0:45:45.480
<v Speaker 4>it back to me. He's like, I don't know what

0:45:45.480 --> 0:45:48.960
<v Speaker 4>you're talking about. I said, okay, let's redownload the app. Then,

0:45:49.000 --> 0:45:50.600
<v Speaker 4>so I redownload Bumble and I give it back to

0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:52.280
<v Speaker 4>him and see like all his matches, all his everything,

0:45:53.440 --> 0:45:55.000
<v Speaker 4>and he hands it back and he's like no, like

0:45:55.320 --> 0:45:56.920
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. And I was like, all right, well

0:45:56.960 --> 0:45:59.080
<v Speaker 4>then me can tipeck your phone now. So I took

0:45:59.120 --> 0:46:00.760
<v Speaker 4>back his phone and I went to the Uber app

0:46:01.120 --> 0:46:03.200
<v Speaker 4>and I see that he ubered from my apartment last

0:46:03.280 --> 0:46:04.960
<v Speaker 4>night at like one am to a bar that he

0:46:05.000 --> 0:46:07.319
<v Speaker 4>said that he went to, but he ubered home from

0:46:07.360 --> 0:46:10.360
<v Speaker 4>somewhere else. So I said, let's look up the address.

0:46:10.520 --> 0:46:12.400
<v Speaker 4>So I look up the address and it's a hotel

0:46:13.160 --> 0:46:14.480
<v Speaker 4>so I give it back to him and say, now,

0:46:14.520 --> 0:46:16.920
<v Speaker 4>what's this? How did you get back? Like, how did

0:46:16.960 --> 0:46:18.600
<v Speaker 4>you get from here to here? He's like, oh, I walked,

0:46:18.640 --> 0:46:20.880
<v Speaker 4>I walked there. I was having a bad night, so

0:46:20.920 --> 0:46:22.560
<v Speaker 4>I just ended up walking. And then I ubered back

0:46:22.560 --> 0:46:25.239
<v Speaker 4>and I said, okay, let's open up your woop app then,

0:46:25.560 --> 0:46:27.880
<v Speaker 4>which is like fitbit kind of what tracks your steps.

0:46:28.200 --> 0:46:29.440
<v Speaker 5>And I said, oh god damn.

0:46:29.480 --> 0:46:30.960
<v Speaker 4>I said, you didn't take the steps?

0:46:31.000 --> 0:46:31.200
<v Speaker 5>King?

0:46:31.560 --> 0:46:37.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yah king ya ya ya yagu yeah fucking seriously, yeah.

0:46:38.320 --> 0:46:40.560
<v Speaker 4>I was like, you didn't take enough steps. There ain't

0:46:40.560 --> 0:46:42.080
<v Speaker 4>no way you could have walked from this.

0:46:42.000 --> 0:46:43.920
<v Speaker 2>Bar to the Why were you at a hotel? Like

0:46:44.080 --> 0:46:44.839
<v Speaker 2>why you got that?

0:46:45.080 --> 0:46:46.480
<v Speaker 4>He said that that's just like where he ended up.

0:46:46.520 --> 0:46:48.560
<v Speaker 4>And then I was like, yeah, I know that lie.

0:46:48.640 --> 0:46:50.440
<v Speaker 6>Like I just was walking and I was angry and

0:46:50.440 --> 0:46:51.920
<v Speaker 6>that this was the best place to get a car

0:46:52.000 --> 0:46:53.040
<v Speaker 6>because it was a location.

0:46:53.280 --> 0:46:55.240
<v Speaker 4>And then I took and then I used his faith

0:46:55.280 --> 0:46:57.640
<v Speaker 4>and I opened up his bank app and said, now

0:46:57.640 --> 0:46:59.720
<v Speaker 4>you spent six hundred dollars on a room at this hotel?

0:46:59.760 --> 0:47:03.120
<v Speaker 5>Though, yeah, yeah, will do yes, yeah, yeah, You're like

0:47:03.160 --> 0:47:03.800
<v Speaker 5>magnum pia.

0:47:04.040 --> 0:47:07.920
<v Speaker 4>That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm a horrible liar myself

0:47:07.960 --> 0:47:09.359
<v Speaker 4>because this is what I go through on my own head.

0:47:09.400 --> 0:47:11.839
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, how could someone possibly debunk this? And then

0:47:11.880 --> 0:47:14.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm just like, oh, a raccoon actually came over to

0:47:14.000 --> 0:47:16.560
<v Speaker 4>my house and my lives are horrible.

0:47:16.200 --> 0:47:18.600
<v Speaker 1>Because I just like and so that's how you broke up?

0:47:19.000 --> 0:47:21.520
<v Speaker 4>Well, no, unfortunately I don't have I didn't have that

0:47:21.600 --> 0:47:24.239
<v Speaker 4>much self respect at that point, and was like, I'm

0:47:24.360 --> 0:47:26.480
<v Speaker 4>you know what I can forgive you of this? And

0:47:26.520 --> 0:47:29.040
<v Speaker 4>then throughout the week he kept calling me saying that

0:47:29.080 --> 0:47:30.719
<v Speaker 4>he was having a lot of mental health problems and

0:47:30.760 --> 0:47:33.359
<v Speaker 4>that he was suicidal. Then one day he was like, hey,

0:47:33.360 --> 0:47:34.960
<v Speaker 4>I'm having a really hard time. I think I have

0:47:35.000 --> 0:47:37.080
<v Speaker 4>access to you know, guns and stuff because it's the military,

0:47:37.120 --> 0:47:38.600
<v Speaker 4>and he's like, I'm having a lot of really really

0:47:38.640 --> 0:47:41.920
<v Speaker 4>negative thoughts. So he's like I just need like a

0:47:41.960 --> 0:47:43.400
<v Speaker 4>little bit of space for a second. And I was like,

0:47:43.400 --> 0:47:45.479
<v Speaker 4>all right, that's okay. That was at like five pm

0:47:45.520 --> 0:47:47.640
<v Speaker 4>on a Friday, and I wake up the next morning

0:47:47.640 --> 0:47:49.719
<v Speaker 4>I've not heard anything from him, So I start calling

0:47:49.800 --> 0:47:52.360
<v Speaker 4>him and I realized he'd like removed his location and

0:47:52.360 --> 0:47:53.960
<v Speaker 4>he wasn't answering his phone. I called him like a

0:47:53.960 --> 0:47:57.080
<v Speaker 4>lot of times after testing his friends asking they'd heard

0:47:57.120 --> 0:47:59.239
<v Speaker 4>from him, and they said no, like reaching out to

0:47:59.280 --> 0:48:01.799
<v Speaker 4>his brother everybody. So I ended up getting the car

0:48:01.840 --> 0:48:03.640
<v Speaker 4>and driving up to his apartment. I had a key

0:48:04.120 --> 0:48:06.600
<v Speaker 4>and I go in and all my stuff is gone

0:48:06.600 --> 0:48:08.759
<v Speaker 4>out of the apartment. We had pictures and notes all

0:48:08.800 --> 0:48:11.040
<v Speaker 4>hung up, that was all swept clean from the apartment

0:48:11.719 --> 0:48:14.560
<v Speaker 4>and I didn't hear from him for two days.

0:48:15.200 --> 0:48:16.600
<v Speaker 2>I really thought that he was dead.

0:48:16.640 --> 0:48:19.239
<v Speaker 4>I was horrible. I was a mess. I it was

0:48:19.280 --> 0:48:21.040
<v Speaker 4>just a really bad time for me. And then he

0:48:21.120 --> 0:48:23.160
<v Speaker 4>kind of just cheat ended up showing up in my

0:48:23.200 --> 0:48:25.719
<v Speaker 4>apartment and was like, sorry, I can't be in a

0:48:25.760 --> 0:48:29.080
<v Speaker 4>relationship anymore, and he told his whole family. I forgot

0:48:29.120 --> 0:48:30.279
<v Speaker 4>one of his friends to call me back and he

0:48:30.320 --> 0:48:31.799
<v Speaker 4>was like, yeah, so I heard you all broke up

0:48:31.880 --> 0:48:34.400
<v Speaker 4>last night, So sorry about that. So he called his

0:48:34.520 --> 0:48:36.759
<v Speaker 4>entire family and friends and said that that we broke up,

0:48:36.840 --> 0:48:38.359
<v Speaker 4>so that if I had reached out then it would

0:48:38.360 --> 0:48:40.799
<v Speaker 4>look I was like, I was like a crazy ex

0:48:40.840 --> 0:48:42.359
<v Speaker 4>girlfriend being like where is he? What are you doing?

0:48:43.000 --> 0:48:46.000
<v Speaker 4>So it was wild. I haven't really heard a journey.

0:48:46.280 --> 0:48:49.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, good riddance, good good ridden. I mean First of all,

0:48:49.800 --> 0:48:52.399
<v Speaker 2>I'm glad you shared all of the your sleuth thing

0:48:52.480 --> 0:48:54.840
<v Speaker 2>because that's very important for our listeners to hear about.

0:48:54.880 --> 0:48:58.399
<v Speaker 2>Because I am more disappointed that you stayed with him

0:48:58.440 --> 0:49:00.720
<v Speaker 2>after you found out that he went to fucking hotel

0:49:00.760 --> 0:49:03.000
<v Speaker 2>room and rented a hotel room I know, and then

0:49:03.080 --> 0:49:04.640
<v Speaker 2>came back to you at four in the morning. So

0:49:04.840 --> 0:49:07.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, let's not try let's try not to repeat that.

0:49:07.080 --> 0:49:09.800
<v Speaker 2>But honey, listen, you don't have to worry about Most

0:49:09.840 --> 0:49:11.799
<v Speaker 2>men are not trying to have sex with women when

0:49:11.800 --> 0:49:13.920
<v Speaker 2>they're gay. This guy sounds like he had a lot

0:49:13.920 --> 0:49:16.080
<v Speaker 2>of issues going on. He knows what they are. Who

0:49:16.080 --> 0:49:18.960
<v Speaker 2>knows if it's his sexuality at all. Maybe he's into

0:49:19.000 --> 0:49:21.880
<v Speaker 2>both people and maybe he's into God take whatever. I mean.

0:49:21.920 --> 0:49:22.600
<v Speaker 1>He sounds gay.

0:49:22.760 --> 0:49:25.000
<v Speaker 6>I think he was secretly gay and he was struggling

0:49:25.040 --> 0:49:26.960
<v Speaker 6>with it, and he was getting blasted and going to

0:49:27.320 --> 0:49:30.160
<v Speaker 6>hooking up with dudes and having drunk blasted gay sex.

0:49:30.360 --> 0:49:32.920
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's interesting because his little brother is by and

0:49:32.960 --> 0:49:34.320
<v Speaker 4>he's like super supportive.

0:49:33.960 --> 0:49:36.040
<v Speaker 5>Of that, and like is he's the oldest.

0:49:36.320 --> 0:49:38.520
<v Speaker 4>He's the oldest, and he has a lot of gay friends.

0:49:39.040 --> 0:49:40.640
<v Speaker 1>Well he's that's in the military.

0:49:40.800 --> 0:49:43.120
<v Speaker 2>It's like that's not very easy to be in the

0:49:43.160 --> 0:49:45.560
<v Speaker 2>military and be out as gay, Like that's not like

0:49:45.840 --> 0:49:48.320
<v Speaker 2>that's not like rooted for you know, you can.

0:49:48.200 --> 0:49:50.520
<v Speaker 6>Also be like cool with other people being something, but

0:49:50.560 --> 0:49:53.719
<v Speaker 6>then you can you know, sometimes people fetishize things and

0:49:53.719 --> 0:49:55.359
<v Speaker 6>they're like, I'm not really gay, I just like get

0:49:55.400 --> 0:49:58.359
<v Speaker 6>my dick suck by dudes, and then they like like

0:49:58.480 --> 0:50:01.160
<v Speaker 6>go like compartmentalized. Yeah, and it sounds like it kind

0:50:01.160 --> 0:50:02.879
<v Speaker 6>of crashed on him and he was like, no, maybe

0:50:02.920 --> 0:50:05.239
<v Speaker 6>I actually I'm just holy this and he didn't know

0:50:05.280 --> 0:50:06.720
<v Speaker 6>how to like make that make sense.

0:50:07.040 --> 0:50:09.200
<v Speaker 4>Almost all my friends also have the same fear though

0:50:09.600 --> 0:50:10.640
<v Speaker 4>as I do, because of.

0:50:10.600 --> 0:50:11.240
<v Speaker 3>What you went through.

0:50:11.480 --> 0:50:13.279
<v Speaker 4>No, I know this was like a pre this is

0:50:13.280 --> 0:50:15.080
<v Speaker 4>like before this even happened, that we're all like secretly

0:50:15.160 --> 0:50:16.280
<v Speaker 4>dating guys that are gay.

0:50:16.600 --> 0:50:17.840
<v Speaker 3>Maybe need to get out of the South.

0:50:18.239 --> 0:50:20.640
<v Speaker 4>No, it's well I live. I'm gonna expose myself further.

0:50:20.680 --> 0:50:23.880
<v Speaker 4>I live in Nashville, and so it's very like everyone

0:50:23.920 --> 0:50:28.480
<v Speaker 4>here is like newly gay, but they all have this

0:50:28.520 --> 0:50:30.320
<v Speaker 4>like look where they were like their grandmother's pearls and

0:50:30.360 --> 0:50:32.920
<v Speaker 4>weigh like a collective eighty pounds. So like I think

0:50:32.960 --> 0:50:35.640
<v Speaker 4>it's not what I grew up because I'm from the

0:50:35.640 --> 0:50:38.239
<v Speaker 4>Midwest originally and so like it's not like picturing like

0:50:38.239 --> 0:50:41.680
<v Speaker 4>a man to be I guess, which is like so patriarchal,

0:50:41.760 --> 0:50:44.600
<v Speaker 4>and I fully understand that. But okay, now it's just

0:50:44.600 --> 0:50:46.319
<v Speaker 4>like an irrational fear that I have.

0:50:46.680 --> 0:50:49.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I think, like, you know, it is irrational,

0:50:49.480 --> 0:50:50.799
<v Speaker 2>and that's all you need to know about it.

0:50:50.880 --> 0:50:52.080
<v Speaker 1>Like you can't just like let.

0:50:51.920 --> 0:50:53.399
<v Speaker 2>That run you. You have to go out.

0:50:53.400 --> 0:50:54.839
<v Speaker 1>First of all, I would have sex with people.

0:50:54.920 --> 0:50:56.600
<v Speaker 2>I'd like to have sex with people right away to

0:50:56.600 --> 0:50:59.319
<v Speaker 2>get things going, to understand if you even know what

0:50:59.360 --> 0:51:01.080
<v Speaker 2>that vibe is to be, because I've gone out with

0:51:01.120 --> 0:51:03.200
<v Speaker 2>guys who aren't able to like have sex with me

0:51:03.280 --> 0:51:05.320
<v Speaker 2>even you know, or get it up or whatever, and

0:51:05.360 --> 0:51:07.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, this isn't gonna work. It doesn't matter

0:51:07.160 --> 0:51:09.040
<v Speaker 2>if you're gay or not. Like that's not gonna work

0:51:09.080 --> 0:51:11.239
<v Speaker 2>for me, you know. But like, yeah, there are a

0:51:11.280 --> 0:51:12.800
<v Speaker 2>lot of people that are fluid, and there are a

0:51:12.840 --> 0:51:14.680
<v Speaker 2>lot of people that are by and there are a

0:51:14.719 --> 0:51:16.279
<v Speaker 2>lot of people who are shamed of being gay that

0:51:16.320 --> 0:51:17.920
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be out and about about it. But

0:51:17.960 --> 0:51:20.680
<v Speaker 2>it's the exception. I would say, it's not the norm,

0:51:21.080 --> 0:51:23.279
<v Speaker 2>like those dating apps. Do you know Taren Feldman by

0:51:23.280 --> 0:51:26.080
<v Speaker 2>any chance? She's in Nashville local. She's a makeup artist.

0:51:26.440 --> 0:51:28.879
<v Speaker 2>Follow her on Instagram because she talks about online dating

0:51:28.920 --> 0:51:29.279
<v Speaker 2>all the time.

0:51:29.320 --> 0:51:31.319
<v Speaker 1>She's like, it's dick delivery. She's like, this is what

0:51:31.400 --> 0:51:31.920
<v Speaker 1>I use it for.

0:51:32.080 --> 0:51:34.000
<v Speaker 2>She's like, I want dick and then if I like them,

0:51:34.120 --> 0:51:36.319
<v Speaker 2>then I start dating them. And I'm like, okay, well

0:51:36.320 --> 0:51:38.160
<v Speaker 2>that's one. You know, that's an avenue for her. That's

0:51:38.200 --> 0:51:40.120
<v Speaker 2>not for everybody, because if you're trying to find somebody,

0:51:40.160 --> 0:51:42.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, you may have a different approach. I don't

0:51:42.160 --> 0:51:44.319
<v Speaker 2>have any shame about people having sex on the first date.

0:51:44.320 --> 0:51:46.799
<v Speaker 2>I think that's actually very natural as adults, what you know, Like,

0:51:46.840 --> 0:51:48.799
<v Speaker 2>that's how you find out if you have chemistry. But

0:51:48.880 --> 0:51:53.279
<v Speaker 2>I really need you to like reset your expectation. It

0:51:53.280 --> 0:51:56.920
<v Speaker 2>would be very rare for this to happen to you twice, Okay,

0:51:57.719 --> 0:51:59.960
<v Speaker 2>I think, so think about that, you know what I mean.

0:52:00.200 --> 0:52:01.719
<v Speaker 2>There's not a lot of people who are like, oh,

0:52:01.719 --> 0:52:02.839
<v Speaker 2>I dated too gay men.

0:52:03.760 --> 0:52:05.080
<v Speaker 1>Usually it's one and done.

0:52:05.520 --> 0:52:06.960
<v Speaker 4>Okay, that makes me feel better.

0:52:07.040 --> 0:52:10.800
<v Speaker 2>But it's also not a rational thought, you know what

0:52:10.840 --> 0:52:13.839
<v Speaker 2>I mean. It's an experiential thought like it's happened to you,

0:52:14.200 --> 0:52:17.359
<v Speaker 2>and you're saying your girlfriends it's definitely irrational for them

0:52:17.400 --> 0:52:20.200
<v Speaker 2>as well, because if it hasn't happened to you, there's

0:52:20.200 --> 0:52:21.680
<v Speaker 2>no reason to be really that.

0:52:21.760 --> 0:52:22.800
<v Speaker 1>Worried about it.

0:52:22.880 --> 0:52:24.880
<v Speaker 2>That's like me getting worried about being bitten by a

0:52:24.880 --> 0:52:27.560
<v Speaker 2>snake when it's never happened, just because I don't like

0:52:27.600 --> 0:52:29.440
<v Speaker 2>snakes and I don't want them to bite me. I

0:52:29.480 --> 0:52:32.520
<v Speaker 2>don't worry about that because it's ridiculous. Sorry if that's

0:52:32.600 --> 0:52:35.160
<v Speaker 2>not the right parallel, but it's just like the fact

0:52:35.160 --> 0:52:37.160
<v Speaker 2>that it's happened to you is more on your side

0:52:37.200 --> 0:52:41.200
<v Speaker 2>than it is for your girlfriends. Okay, your conversations with

0:52:41.200 --> 0:52:42.840
<v Speaker 2>them should be like, hey, listen, I'm in the clear.

0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:44.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I got mine off the way.

0:52:44.440 --> 0:52:46.200
<v Speaker 4>My whole thing is like, now that I've like lived

0:52:46.239 --> 0:52:48.680
<v Speaker 4>through this, I'm like I could survive damn near anything,

0:52:48.840 --> 0:52:51.359
<v Speaker 4>because I like I have come out on the other side.

0:52:51.400 --> 0:52:53.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm sure, like I'm all glued back together now and

0:52:53.680 --> 0:52:56.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm it's fine. So even if it does happen again,

0:52:57.320 --> 0:53:00.600
<v Speaker 4>if it's like lightning strikes twice kind of thing obvious, yes,

0:53:00.840 --> 0:53:01.320
<v Speaker 4>my god.

0:53:01.400 --> 0:53:03.440
<v Speaker 2>You will be fine. You will be fine, but just

0:53:03.440 --> 0:53:05.440
<v Speaker 2>start thinking about all of the things that you actually

0:53:05.440 --> 0:53:09.520
<v Speaker 2>wanted a man and actually visualizing that, manifesting it, all

0:53:09.560 --> 0:53:13.839
<v Speaker 2>of that stuff. That's yeah, yeah, Sierra's prayer. Get one

0:53:13.840 --> 0:53:16.400
<v Speaker 2>of your what is that called? What is Oprah's like?

0:53:16.600 --> 0:53:17.399
<v Speaker 2>Not her wish list?

0:53:17.440 --> 0:53:17.759
<v Speaker 3>What is it?

0:53:17.800 --> 0:53:20.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, it's not. Oh a vision board.

0:53:21.200 --> 0:53:25.680
<v Speaker 2>Just start cutting out vision board, Oprah's favorite. Just go

0:53:25.760 --> 0:53:28.239
<v Speaker 2>to oprah dot com and figure out your problem. Okay,

0:53:28.600 --> 0:53:30.839
<v Speaker 2>but seriously, just start and body and like, think about

0:53:31.000 --> 0:53:33.160
<v Speaker 2>what you are looking for. Write it down, pull out

0:53:33.200 --> 0:53:36.000
<v Speaker 2>pictures for magazines, whatever is going to help you to

0:53:36.040 --> 0:53:38.279
<v Speaker 2>shift your energy towards the positive things that you're going

0:53:38.320 --> 0:53:38.640
<v Speaker 2>to find it.

0:53:38.719 --> 0:53:42.040
<v Speaker 5>Amazin picture of Billy Porter and then you put a circle.

0:53:45.600 --> 0:53:51.200
<v Speaker 2>Not what I'm looking for. Okay, all right, all right, yeah,

0:53:51.320 --> 0:53:53.560
<v Speaker 2>get back on track. I'm glad you're past that. And

0:53:53.600 --> 0:53:55.839
<v Speaker 2>you know what, listen, and everybody who's ever gone through

0:53:55.880 --> 0:53:58.480
<v Speaker 2>anything difficult and is out on the other side as

0:53:58.520 --> 0:54:01.240
<v Speaker 2>on the other side of it, understands we can survive

0:54:01.560 --> 0:54:05.080
<v Speaker 2>almost anything. As you know, any sort of emotional trauma

0:54:05.160 --> 0:54:09.000
<v Speaker 2>people survive. So you've gotten through that, you'll get through

0:54:09.040 --> 0:54:12.279
<v Speaker 2>other things. And the important thing to remember is, like

0:54:12.719 --> 0:54:16.880
<v Speaker 2>you're in the position of a situation, you've accepted the outcome,

0:54:17.239 --> 0:54:20.080
<v Speaker 2>and now your life has moved on. Like, if everyone

0:54:20.120 --> 0:54:22.520
<v Speaker 2>could hear that when they're going through the thick of it,

0:54:22.520 --> 0:54:25.640
<v Speaker 2>it would be a much different grief process. It would

0:54:25.680 --> 0:54:27.759
<v Speaker 2>be much shorter, and you know, a lot if you

0:54:27.760 --> 0:54:30.600
<v Speaker 2>would feel a lot less like shit all the time.

0:54:31.040 --> 0:54:33.160
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and even though your situation was different because he

0:54:33.200 --> 0:54:35.359
<v Speaker 6>was cheating, I do think this message is to like

0:54:35.400 --> 0:54:38.680
<v Speaker 6>all like straight to his people. Stop making it such

0:54:38.719 --> 0:54:40.279
<v Speaker 6>a big deal. It's not that big of a deal.

0:54:40.600 --> 0:54:42.480
<v Speaker 6>It's not different than an if he just was dating

0:54:42.480 --> 0:54:45.880
<v Speaker 6>other people. People grow and are consistently changing who they

0:54:45.880 --> 0:54:47.720
<v Speaker 6>were when you met them to who they are later.

0:54:47.840 --> 0:54:49.600
<v Speaker 5>It doesn't really fucking matter.

0:54:49.760 --> 0:54:51.399
<v Speaker 6>You know, there's a lot of dudes I had sex

0:54:51.440 --> 0:54:54.000
<v Speaker 6>with you with like a modern reason you're eating pussies,

0:54:54.000 --> 0:54:56.000
<v Speaker 6>and it's like, nah, man, I'm just living a different

0:54:56.040 --> 0:54:58.040
<v Speaker 6>life now, right, that makes sense.

0:54:58.320 --> 0:55:00.560
<v Speaker 2>It'd be fun to tell a guy you're exactly the

0:55:00.600 --> 0:55:05.200
<v Speaker 2>reason I went from you to eating pussy. That's what

0:55:05.320 --> 0:55:08.560
<v Speaker 2>I have to say about that relationship turns.

0:55:08.800 --> 0:55:12.719
<v Speaker 4>You can go run and tell people that now. Thank you,

0:55:12.800 --> 0:55:15.040
<v Speaker 4>Anna appreciate y'all.

0:55:15.520 --> 0:55:18.000
<v Speaker 5>Good lighting and though too, Thanks Carols, just my apartment,

0:55:20.120 --> 0:55:21.440
<v Speaker 5>Thanks Anna Bute.

0:55:22.160 --> 0:55:26.719
<v Speaker 2>It was like soft porn lighting a little. I just

0:55:26.719 --> 0:55:28.839
<v Speaker 2>felt my edible kick in just in time for our

0:55:28.960 --> 0:55:30.520
<v Speaker 2>last call. Yeah, excellent.

0:55:30.800 --> 0:55:32.919
<v Speaker 3>Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back.

0:55:33.080 --> 0:55:34.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be

0:55:34.680 --> 0:55:40.080
<v Speaker 1>right back. And we're already back.

0:55:40.120 --> 0:55:43.919
<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, we're already back, So Lena wrote in,

0:55:44.400 --> 0:55:48.840
<v Speaker 3>and she says, Dear Chelsea, my partner doesn't drink often. However,

0:55:48.960 --> 0:55:51.080
<v Speaker 3>about once or twice a year he drinks a lot.

0:55:51.239 --> 0:55:54.360
<v Speaker 3>He's British on an empty stomach, and that's when it

0:55:54.400 --> 0:55:57.279
<v Speaker 3>all goes downhill. He turns into a different person, and

0:55:57.320 --> 0:55:59.759
<v Speaker 3>it often ends with him getting naked. And one of

0:55:59.800 --> 0:56:02.640
<v Speaker 3>these times he left the house. If I hadn't been

0:56:02.640 --> 0:56:04.880
<v Speaker 3>home to open the door, he'd just be locked outside

0:56:04.920 --> 0:56:08.040
<v Speaker 3>the building naked. Another time, he got naked and walked

0:56:08.040 --> 0:56:10.560
<v Speaker 3>into the flat next door, and as the door was open,

0:56:10.680 --> 0:56:14.080
<v Speaker 3>he got into their bed and slept. Fortunately he didn't

0:56:14.120 --> 0:56:16.520
<v Speaker 3>wet their bed, which is another thing that often happens

0:56:16.520 --> 0:56:19.600
<v Speaker 3>on these occasions. Last time he was so out of

0:56:19.640 --> 0:56:21.439
<v Speaker 3>it he didn't know how to get home and didn't

0:56:21.440 --> 0:56:23.880
<v Speaker 3>even know where home was. It took him four hours

0:56:23.920 --> 0:56:26.239
<v Speaker 3>to finally get home after one too many calls from

0:56:26.239 --> 0:56:29.400
<v Speaker 3>a then pregnant me. I have no idea how he

0:56:29.440 --> 0:56:32.000
<v Speaker 3>feels about these episodes. Brits are not exactly known for

0:56:32.040 --> 0:56:35.040
<v Speaker 3>their communication skills. He behaves like it's no big deal,

0:56:35.120 --> 0:56:38.040
<v Speaker 3>but I suspect he knows it is. I really really

0:56:38.120 --> 0:56:39.719
<v Speaker 3>want him to go to therapy to learn how to

0:56:39.719 --> 0:56:42.080
<v Speaker 3>deal with his shit, not just drinking, but any other

0:56:42.160 --> 0:56:45.160
<v Speaker 3>curveball's life throws. But I know if I suggest it,

0:56:45.200 --> 0:56:47.960
<v Speaker 3>he'll dismiss it and possibly be upset with me. What

0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:50.160
<v Speaker 3>can I do. I'm tired of dealing with his shit,

0:56:50.239 --> 0:56:52.680
<v Speaker 3>even if it's sporadic. Thank you Lena.

0:56:52.800 --> 0:56:56.360
<v Speaker 5>Damn, as she considered that she might be dating a werewolf.

0:56:58.239 --> 0:56:59.959
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why the British loved to get naked

0:57:00.000 --> 0:57:02.880
<v Speaker 2>when they're drunk. I was at a wedding once in

0:57:02.920 --> 0:57:06.560
<v Speaker 2>England in the countryside, and this it was a fancy wedding.

0:57:06.800 --> 0:57:09.600
<v Speaker 2>We were at like some manor, and the fiance the

0:57:09.640 --> 0:57:12.560
<v Speaker 2>groom came out. We were all in this backyard of

0:57:12.600 --> 0:57:15.600
<v Speaker 2>this manner having drinks and it was a very British affair,

0:57:16.280 --> 0:57:20.040
<v Speaker 2>and this guy, the groom came running streaking through the

0:57:20.040 --> 0:57:24.480
<v Speaker 2>backyard butt naked, and it was like a very fancy event,

0:57:25.200 --> 0:57:27.760
<v Speaker 2>and ran right into a brick wall because the whole

0:57:27.800 --> 0:57:31.720
<v Speaker 2>backyard was encased by brick walls. Ran streaking naked, ran

0:57:31.840 --> 0:57:34.360
<v Speaker 2>right into the brick wall, slammed his head and face

0:57:34.480 --> 0:57:36.919
<v Speaker 2>into the brick wall, ricocheted off of it, fell down,

0:57:37.360 --> 0:57:39.280
<v Speaker 2>and then pete on the ground. Oh geez.

0:57:39.280 --> 0:57:41.200
<v Speaker 1>And then the next day.

0:57:41.120 --> 0:57:45.560
<v Speaker 2>Was the wedding and he was there and everyone acted

0:57:45.560 --> 0:57:48.240
<v Speaker 2>like nothing had happened. And I was like, wait a second,

0:57:48.400 --> 0:57:51.240
<v Speaker 2>what is happening. I go, if this were America, he

0:57:51.240 --> 0:57:53.720
<v Speaker 2>would be at Betty Ford. If this is the same dude,

0:57:54.000 --> 0:57:59.080
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like, but everyone was just like everyone in England.

0:57:59.200 --> 0:58:02.360
<v Speaker 2>There's a much different attitude towards alcohol there. First, But

0:58:02.760 --> 0:58:06.400
<v Speaker 2>this is a dangerous problem that you have with your husband,

0:58:06.400 --> 0:58:09.040
<v Speaker 2>and the fact that you're scared to upset him is

0:58:09.120 --> 0:58:13.320
<v Speaker 2>really like very telling because you can't be scared.

0:58:13.520 --> 0:58:16.920
<v Speaker 1>You have a child with him now, right, Yeah.

0:58:16.680 --> 0:58:19.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you can't be scared to upset him. Who gives

0:58:19.920 --> 0:58:22.600
<v Speaker 2>a shit. He has a fucking like allergy to alcohol.

0:58:22.680 --> 0:58:26.160
<v Speaker 2>He's like allergic to alcohol. If when he drinks he

0:58:26.360 --> 0:58:28.800
<v Speaker 2>ends up in someone's bed, Like, what the fuck do

0:58:28.920 --> 0:58:31.320
<v Speaker 2>the neighbors have to say about that? You could get.

0:58:31.200 --> 0:58:34.400
<v Speaker 3>Arrested for that, especially being naked in their bed.

0:58:34.560 --> 0:58:37.200
<v Speaker 6>Also, he's covering like a lot of ground naked. He's

0:58:37.200 --> 0:58:38.560
<v Speaker 6>getting really far naked.

0:58:38.720 --> 0:58:42.960
<v Speaker 2>She's like he and opening the door for him, Like

0:58:43.400 --> 0:58:45.840
<v Speaker 2>why would you let him sleep outside in the fucking

0:58:45.880 --> 0:58:48.080
<v Speaker 2>cold so he can learn his lesson and wake up sober?

0:58:48.560 --> 0:58:50.520
<v Speaker 1>And I understand British people.

0:58:50.280 --> 0:58:53.600
<v Speaker 2>Are less skillful in areas of therapy and communication in

0:58:53.680 --> 0:58:56.920
<v Speaker 2>terms of emotions, but this is something that he does

0:58:57.040 --> 0:58:58.640
<v Speaker 2>need to go to therapy. He needs to find out

0:58:58.640 --> 0:59:01.000
<v Speaker 2>why he's acting like that, why he even needs to

0:59:01.040 --> 0:59:03.720
<v Speaker 2>do that twice a year, because it's clearly he can't

0:59:03.720 --> 0:59:05.800
<v Speaker 2>be having a good time when he doesn't remember anything.

0:59:06.200 --> 0:59:08.720
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and it's also you sat in a boundary and

0:59:08.960 --> 0:59:11.080
<v Speaker 6>you confronting him like that's a part of it is

0:59:11.120 --> 0:59:13.800
<v Speaker 6>that you can't be complacent. You got to go to

0:59:13.960 --> 0:59:17.040
<v Speaker 6>him and say clearly, like you're doing this and this

0:59:17.200 --> 0:59:19.160
<v Speaker 6>is a problem, like and we have a child in

0:59:19.440 --> 0:59:20.320
<v Speaker 6>this can't continue.

0:59:20.400 --> 0:59:20.560
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:59:20.600 --> 0:59:23.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean you have like five examples already, and so

0:59:23.280 --> 0:59:25.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure there are many more that you can cite

0:59:25.520 --> 0:59:28.280
<v Speaker 2>and it's not acceptable. It's not acceptable behavior. You're not

0:59:28.280 --> 0:59:30.400
<v Speaker 2>going to tolerate it anymore. And what does he want

0:59:30.440 --> 0:59:32.840
<v Speaker 2>to do about that? Yeah, because it's not like he's

0:59:32.880 --> 0:59:34.240
<v Speaker 2>doing it all the time, so he doesn't need to

0:59:34.280 --> 0:59:34.760
<v Speaker 2>do it at all.

0:59:35.120 --> 0:59:38.640
<v Speaker 6>Right, But that's probably why he thinks it's okay too,

0:59:39.120 --> 0:59:41.680
<v Speaker 6>because he's like, I'm not doing this a bunch, just

0:59:42.000 --> 0:59:43.520
<v Speaker 6>twice a year. You got to do with me getting

0:59:43.520 --> 0:59:45.400
<v Speaker 6>a little wacky? What's the big deal? But it's like, no,

0:59:45.440 --> 0:59:46.160
<v Speaker 6>it's a big deal, bro.

0:59:46.400 --> 0:59:48.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, But I think Chelsea, what you said is really

0:59:48.400 --> 0:59:50.360
<v Speaker 3>important too, Like what do you want to do about that?

0:59:50.520 --> 0:59:53.360
<v Speaker 3>Because it's not like are we going to or are

0:59:53.400 --> 0:59:55.640
<v Speaker 3>we not? It's like putting the ball back on his court,

0:59:55.720 --> 0:59:57.600
<v Speaker 3>Like what are we doing? What do you want to do?

0:59:57.680 --> 0:59:59.600
<v Speaker 3>What are the steps you want to take? Because steps

0:59:59.600 --> 1:00:00.920
<v Speaker 3>need to be to whatever.

1:00:00.640 --> 1:00:02.640
<v Speaker 2>They are, And let him know that you called into

1:00:02.680 --> 1:00:05.240
<v Speaker 2>a podcast, be like I've actually reached out about this

1:00:05.240 --> 1:00:06.120
<v Speaker 2>because I'm so worried.

1:00:06.280 --> 1:00:08.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, absolutely, nip it in the bud.

1:00:09.200 --> 1:00:11.040
<v Speaker 3>I think that's all we can do there. So moving

1:00:11.120 --> 1:00:14.480
<v Speaker 3>right along to our last question, Dear Chelsea, I'm a

1:00:14.520 --> 1:00:17.120
<v Speaker 3>twenty seven year old gay guy, living in New York

1:00:17.200 --> 1:00:19.680
<v Speaker 3>City to start. My problem feels like somewhat of a

1:00:19.760 --> 1:00:23.000
<v Speaker 3>champagne problem. In short, I'm a people pleaser with too

1:00:23.080 --> 1:00:25.840
<v Speaker 3>much on my social calendar. Since I've moved to New York,

1:00:25.880 --> 1:00:28.000
<v Speaker 3>I've gone from knowing nobody to making a ton of

1:00:28.040 --> 1:00:31.680
<v Speaker 3>different friends in so many different circles gay, straight men, women,

1:00:31.840 --> 1:00:34.840
<v Speaker 3>My groups run the gamut. Now, However, I feel as

1:00:34.840 --> 1:00:36.960
<v Speaker 3>though each group and each friend wants a piece of me,

1:00:37.200 --> 1:00:38.880
<v Speaker 3>and when I can't give it or decide to take

1:00:38.920 --> 1:00:42.160
<v Speaker 3>time for myself, someone gets hurt and or upset with me.

1:00:42.800 --> 1:00:44.680
<v Speaker 3>I feel like I'm always digging myself out of a

1:00:44.680 --> 1:00:48.520
<v Speaker 3>hole with someone, or kissing ass after skipping their dinner party, etc.

1:00:48.920 --> 1:00:51.400
<v Speaker 3>For something else. I also feel like this is cutting

1:00:51.400 --> 1:00:54.040
<v Speaker 3>into my dating life and the occasional nights I'd actually

1:00:54.040 --> 1:00:56.720
<v Speaker 3>like to stay at home alone. I love my busy

1:00:56.800 --> 1:01:00.320
<v Speaker 3>life and I'm an extroverted people enthusiast, but I do

1:01:00.360 --> 1:01:02.160
<v Speaker 3>feel like I need them to understand that I have

1:01:02.200 --> 1:01:05.440
<v Speaker 3>to fill my cup before I can fill theirs. Any advice, John.

1:01:05.440 --> 1:01:07.000
<v Speaker 1>Well, Yeah, just fucking do it, John.

1:01:07.080 --> 1:01:08.000
<v Speaker 5>You know what do you mean to do?

1:01:08.040 --> 1:01:10.080
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to explain yourself to all of these people.

1:01:10.120 --> 1:01:12.440
<v Speaker 2>You just say, oh, I'm not available that night. You

1:01:12.480 --> 1:01:14.280
<v Speaker 2>don't have to tell them why, or that you want

1:01:14.280 --> 1:01:16.520
<v Speaker 2>to be alone, or that you're sleeping or you can

1:01:17.080 --> 1:01:19.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, just you don't have to explain yourself to

1:01:19.520 --> 1:01:21.600
<v Speaker 2>all these people. You're just not available when they want

1:01:21.600 --> 1:01:23.960
<v Speaker 2>you there. So it's not a big deal. You're actually

1:01:24.040 --> 1:01:24.840
<v Speaker 2>making it a big deal.

1:01:25.840 --> 1:01:27.240
<v Speaker 3>And I think too, if you do want to have

1:01:27.320 --> 1:01:30.120
<v Speaker 3>like something concrete to do, you could be like, you

1:01:30.160 --> 1:01:32.800
<v Speaker 3>know what Sundays is my like alone time, It's my

1:01:33.040 --> 1:01:35.800
<v Speaker 3>hermit time. And also like turn your phone off. Stop

1:01:35.800 --> 1:01:37.680
<v Speaker 3>looking at your phone, because if you're not seeing these

1:01:37.680 --> 1:01:39.720
<v Speaker 3>text messages come in being like hey come to our

1:01:39.760 --> 1:01:41.560
<v Speaker 3>party whatever, you're not gonna feel a fomo.

1:01:42.000 --> 1:01:45.200
<v Speaker 2>And you're blaming everybody for wanting pieces of you instead

1:01:45.200 --> 1:01:49.280
<v Speaker 2>of yourself, Like you're the problem. You are over extending yourself,

1:01:49.680 --> 1:01:53.160
<v Speaker 2>you're allowing yourself to be like you know that's people

1:01:53.240 --> 1:01:54.200
<v Speaker 2>want pieces of me too.

1:01:54.960 --> 1:01:55.640
<v Speaker 5>I don't give it to me.

1:01:55.760 --> 1:01:57.560
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm like, I know I need to sleep for

1:01:57.600 --> 1:01:59.760
<v Speaker 2>two days. I came up yesterday. I'm like I have

1:01:59.800 --> 1:02:01.640
<v Speaker 2>to for twenty four hours. Do you not fucking talk

1:02:01.680 --> 1:02:03.680
<v Speaker 2>to me? You don't call me nobody, and I throw

1:02:03.720 --> 1:02:04.760
<v Speaker 2>my phone in the garbage.

1:02:04.800 --> 1:02:07.520
<v Speaker 6>And it also sounds like I'm reading this, but it

1:02:07.520 --> 1:02:09.840
<v Speaker 6>feels like you're not being straight up either. It feels

1:02:09.840 --> 1:02:12.480
<v Speaker 6>like because you're a people pleaser, you know probably two

1:02:12.520 --> 1:02:14.640
<v Speaker 6>days before you're not going to this thing, or you

1:02:14.680 --> 1:02:16.760
<v Speaker 6>don't want to go, but you're just not being straight

1:02:16.840 --> 1:02:18.240
<v Speaker 6>up and being like, yeah, probably not gonna make that

1:02:18.280 --> 1:02:20.680
<v Speaker 6>one or so it's a little bit about you being honest.

1:02:20.360 --> 1:02:23.560
<v Speaker 2>To yeah, because people pleasing is a lie. Yes, that's

1:02:23.600 --> 1:02:26.680
<v Speaker 2>a lie, because you're not you're only just growing resentment

1:02:26.800 --> 1:02:28.720
<v Speaker 2>towards the people that you're pleasing that you don't feel

1:02:28.760 --> 1:02:30.919
<v Speaker 2>like it, so you're really not You're pleasing other people

1:02:31.040 --> 1:02:34.680
<v Speaker 2>while taking away your own kind of sanctuary of space.

1:02:35.120 --> 1:02:37.480
<v Speaker 1>And it only gets worse as you get older.

1:02:37.480 --> 1:02:39.560
<v Speaker 2>So you have to really honor the time that you

1:02:39.560 --> 1:02:42.160
<v Speaker 2>want to spend by yourself, and filling your cup up

1:02:42.520 --> 1:02:44.800
<v Speaker 2>is way more important and you're gonna have way more

1:02:44.840 --> 1:02:47.080
<v Speaker 2>bandwidth for when you're around.

1:02:46.760 --> 1:02:48.840
<v Speaker 1>Other people when you have enough energy on your own.

1:02:49.920 --> 1:02:53.040
<v Speaker 3>And also like, it's okay to disappoint people sometimes it's

1:02:53.080 --> 1:02:54.360
<v Speaker 3>okay for them to be man.

1:02:54.520 --> 1:02:57.120
<v Speaker 2>And also it's okay to just be honest and say, hey,

1:02:57.160 --> 1:02:59.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm just not in the mood. I mean, I'm really spent,

1:03:00.120 --> 1:03:03.240
<v Speaker 2>really tired. I've been socializing. I promise myself I'm going

1:03:03.320 --> 1:03:05.480
<v Speaker 2>to take some time, and I am. And that's what

1:03:05.520 --> 1:03:06.240
<v Speaker 2>I need to do tonight.

1:03:06.280 --> 1:03:08.800
<v Speaker 5>So it's okay to just not show up like everybody's

1:03:08.840 --> 1:03:10.400
<v Speaker 5>grown exactly.

1:03:10.960 --> 1:03:13.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean, well some people are, but some people are

1:03:13.400 --> 1:03:16.360
<v Speaker 2>still growing. I mean they look like they're grown, but

1:03:16.400 --> 1:03:20.120
<v Speaker 2>they're not now anyway, Well, I hope that helps John

1:03:20.440 --> 1:03:23.440
<v Speaker 2>get your shit together. As our final statement for that. Yeah,

1:03:24.480 --> 1:03:29.160
<v Speaker 2>so problem solved, Sam, It's been a pleasure as usual.

1:03:29.320 --> 1:03:31.680
<v Speaker 2>It was fun, all right, Love you Sam Jay. Everybody

1:03:31.680 --> 1:03:33.200
<v Speaker 2>make sure you watch your special on Max.

1:03:33.360 --> 1:03:33.560
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

1:03:35.080 --> 1:03:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These

1:03:37.560 --> 1:03:41.880
<v Speaker 2>are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January nineteenth, Edmonton, January twentieth,

1:03:41.960 --> 1:03:46.400
<v Speaker 2>Saskatoon February ninth. I'll be in Winnipeg February twenty third.

1:03:46.440 --> 1:03:49.760
<v Speaker 2>Calgary that is almost sold out, so we'll get your tickets. Victoria,

1:03:49.800 --> 1:03:54.000
<v Speaker 2>BC is March eighth, March ninth. Is Kelowna also almost

1:03:54.040 --> 1:03:56.200
<v Speaker 2>sold out. Not sure if I'm adding second shows yet

1:03:56.240 --> 1:04:00.160
<v Speaker 2>because of my schedule. Vancouver is March twenty ninth, and

1:04:00.200 --> 1:04:02.480
<v Speaker 2>that is almost sold out. Then I will be in

1:04:02.520 --> 1:04:06.280
<v Speaker 2>Salt Lake City April fourth and Denver April fifth. I'm

1:04:06.320 --> 1:04:10.600
<v Speaker 2>coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen, I'll

1:04:10.600 --> 1:04:14.480
<v Speaker 2>be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino, and

1:04:14.520 --> 1:04:17.600
<v Speaker 2>then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April fourteenth.

1:04:17.880 --> 1:04:23.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on April twentieth, Gary, Indiana,

1:04:23.800 --> 1:04:29.200
<v Speaker 2>Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma Norman, Oklahoma on May

1:04:29.280 --> 1:04:32.440
<v Speaker 2>third and May fourth. I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma

1:04:32.520 --> 1:04:35.960
<v Speaker 2>for my rescheduled Windstar World Casino date. And I want

1:04:36.000 --> 1:04:38.120
<v Speaker 2>to make sure that I give a shout out to

1:04:38.240 --> 1:04:40.640
<v Speaker 2>our show for Netflix. As a joke festival, I put

1:04:40.680 --> 1:04:43.120
<v Speaker 2>together a show with some of my favorite comics. It's

1:04:43.160 --> 1:04:45.880
<v Speaker 2>May eleventh at the YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've never

1:04:45.920 --> 1:04:48.040
<v Speaker 2>performed in, so that's going to be fun. It's pretty big.

1:04:48.360 --> 1:04:51.440
<v Speaker 2>I have Beteo Lane, I have Fortune Themester performing. I

1:04:51.480 --> 1:04:54.800
<v Speaker 2>have Sam Jays on the show and Vanessa Gonzale. So

1:04:54.880 --> 1:04:58.000
<v Speaker 2>we it is called a Jew two Mexicans, No, a

1:04:58.120 --> 1:04:59.600
<v Speaker 2>Jew two days at a Mexican.

1:05:00.080 --> 1:05:02.160
<v Speaker 1>You know, a Jew three days at a.

1:05:02.240 --> 1:05:06.280
<v Speaker 2>Mexican, So it's political correctness at its finest. And then

1:05:06.320 --> 1:05:09.200
<v Speaker 2>I will be in Verona, New York on May twenty sixth,

1:05:09.720 --> 1:05:13.160
<v Speaker 2>and then I'm coming to Australia in July and New

1:05:13.280 --> 1:05:19.320
<v Speaker 2>Zealand July fifth, Auckland and I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane,

1:05:19.440 --> 1:05:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Sydney and then Thursday, August first, which is a long

1:05:24.120 --> 1:05:27.560
<v Speaker 2>way away and a date I am just seeing that

1:05:27.680 --> 1:05:30.800
<v Speaker 2>I am not ready to announce. Okay, So those are

1:05:30.800 --> 1:05:33.520
<v Speaker 2>all my dates that are up and available, so get

1:05:33.560 --> 1:05:34.000
<v Speaker 2>your tickets.

1:05:34.040 --> 1:05:37.160
<v Speaker 1>I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it.

1:05:38.040 --> 1:05:40.440
<v Speaker 3>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1:05:40.480 --> 1:05:43.320
<v Speaker 3>at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1:05:43.320 --> 1:05:46.400
<v Speaker 3>sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1:05:46.400 --> 1:05:50.040
<v Speaker 3>and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and

1:05:50.120 --> 1:05:52.560
<v Speaker 3>be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1:05:52.560 --> 1:05:55.240
<v Speaker 3>com