1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:02,520 Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 2: Okay, so I just had a very quick turnaround. I 3 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 2: just came from LA to Whistler right after the Critics 4 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 2: Choice Awards, which were Sunday. Monday morning, I woke up 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 2: with my new baby dog. My dog dog is a 6 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 2: fucking dream boat. I feel like all of my dog 7 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,280 Speaker 2: karma has finally come full circle. 8 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,080 Speaker 3: Amazing. 9 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 2: I mean, Chunk was my very best, he was my sweetheart, 10 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 2: my first he made me a mother. But this dog 11 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 2: is it's almost like my dream dog is in front 12 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 2: of me. And I had to go to so the 13 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 2: same place I got Burton Bernice, they had some chows. 14 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 2: So they brought some chows to audition for me in LA. 15 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 2: When I was home for the Critics Choice Awards. I 16 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,919 Speaker 2: came home for four days and I went to this park. Oh, 17 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 2: this is a good story. I went to this park 18 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,319 Speaker 2: and this guy's walking towards me, and there's these two 19 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 2: metal gates and I kind of opened them to I'm 20 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 2: looking for these dog people because they said they were 21 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 2: bringing me two chows, and so I'm looking for these 22 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 2: dog people and I have the gates like open, I 23 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 2: don't know, two inches each, like I hadn't shut them 24 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 2: because I was just peeking in to see if I 25 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 2: was at the right place. This guy comes running up 26 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 2: to me and he's like, can you please shut the 27 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 2: metal gates? And I go, well, no, I will when 28 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 2: I get back out. I'm just taking a look. He 29 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 2: goes it takes one second before there is a dog 30 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 2: killed on Barrington and I go, sir, you need to relax. 31 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: I am looking for. 32 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,679 Speaker 2: A dog right now. And he goes, oh, oh, you're 33 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 2: looking for a dog. How funny you must have you 34 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 2: already lost your dog, you lost your dogs? 35 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: And I was looking at him. I go, sir, whatever. 36 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 2: Happened to you this morning has nothing to do with me, 37 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 2: so shut up and stop communicating with me. And then 38 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:44,320 Speaker 2: he goes, you celebrities are so entitled, you are I go, oh, really, 39 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 2: that's what this is about me being a celebrity and 40 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 2: coming into a dog park. I go, sir, just stop 41 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 2: talking to me. And they were across the street at 42 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 2: a different park, but right as I was walking away, 43 00:01:54,400 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 2: he goes, Chelsea Handler, you're a whore. What an interesting 44 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 2: choice of saying You say such? And he was so 45 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,239 Speaker 2: unhinged that it was so funny, like I couldn't stop laughing, like, 46 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 2: Chelsea Handler, you're a war Like I'm like, I couldn't. 47 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 2: I wanted to go, sir. I want you to go 48 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 2: home tonight. And when you're reflecting on your day, like 49 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 2: what are you thinking? Like, way to go, way to go? 50 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 2: Off on Chelsea Handler because she's such an entitled bitch. 51 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 2: Because she opened a gate at a dog park and 52 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:27,799 Speaker 2: didn't close it. 53 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 3: Oh my god, that is when you know it's like 54 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 3: just not about you, just about it was so funny. 55 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 2: It was so funny. But anyway, So anyway, I met Doug, 56 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 2: who is beautiful. Dog is eight Okay, do you know 57 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,680 Speaker 2: how hard it is to get a full child. The 58 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 2: reason I've never had a full chow is because you 59 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 2: have to buy them, and I don't want to buy 60 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 2: a dog. I want to rescue dogs, obviously, so I've 61 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 2: never had a full chow. Doug is eight months. He's 62 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 2: a baby. I've never had a baby. I mean, I 63 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 2: had Gary, but you know how that one I had 64 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 2: to return Gary to send her. But he's eight months. 65 00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 2: He's housebroken, he's black, he is full, he is a lover. 66 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,839 Speaker 2: He loves my Bell. My Bell's already trying to pull 67 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 2: her bullshit and stirrup shit by taking him. She has 68 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 2: him right now because he has to get vaccinated to 69 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,920 Speaker 2: come to Canada, and then Casey's gonna drive him up 70 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 2: here next week. But I literally patted my bed because 71 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 2: I moved into my new house. My bedroom and my 72 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 2: gym and my bathroom are ready, so i'm's like hotel living. Hey, 73 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 2: the rest of the house is still a construction site. 74 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 2: But I'm like, I don't care, I'm moving in. I 75 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,799 Speaker 2: pat my bed and Doug just comes up on the bed. 76 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 2: He rolls around, plays with you. He runs. I've never 77 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 2: had a dog that could run. And he is a lover. 78 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 2: He loves Felix, he loves my Bell, he loves Carla, 79 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 2: he loves Casey, he loves me. He's so cuddly. He 80 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: lies on his back and puts his legs up in 81 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 2: the air for you to rub his belly. I mean, 82 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 2: it's my dream dog. And I'm like, it's happening. After 83 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 2: all these years, I finally got a dream dog. 84 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 3: And you listen to your gut and you waited for him, 85 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 3: and he waited for you, and it's love. 86 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 2: It is love. I love Doug. 87 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 3: And you were just telling ze Wave you wanted to 88 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 3: a black chow because she has black chows, and you're like, 89 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 3: oh my god, I want this. Oh it just it 90 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 3: worked out right. 91 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 4: I know. 92 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,119 Speaker 2: And I mean, you don't get an eight month old 93 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 2: dog that is a full chow that is beautiful and 94 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 2: his house broken. 95 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 3: Oh that's that's truly the cherry. 96 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 2: I mean, he's just I just am so lucked out. 97 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 2: I feel so grateful for this dog. And he is 98 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 2: gonna he and I are going to have such a 99 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 2: great time together. 100 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 3: Are he and Bernice getting along? 101 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 2: Bernice is in Whistler, So I'm with Bernice. I wanted 102 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 2: to come back and have some alone time with her 103 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,039 Speaker 2: before she and I are just finally hitting our stride too. 104 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: And so I don't know. 105 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 2: How she's going to feel about Doug, but I have 106 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 2: a feeling that Doug is going to put a little 107 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 2: pep in her step. Yeah, she needs to pick up 108 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 2: the fucking pace. 109 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 3: That's definitely. What's happened with Mimsy is like she's age, 110 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,159 Speaker 3: she's getting a little cratchety, but like she runs around 111 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 3: after these puppies, and I like, this is the best 112 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 3: thing we could have done for her health. 113 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 2: I think, yes, yeah, I think that's true, So that's good. 114 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 2: The credits choice was a fucking blast. 115 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 3: Oh my god, he looks so amazing. 116 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I had such an incredible time, so 117 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 2: many incredible moments, and the overall feeling I had that 118 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: I recognized on that day was I've done so many 119 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,359 Speaker 2: high profile events, you know, where there's pressure or filming 120 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 2: your special or filming something or doing wort shows, you 121 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 2: name it. This was one of the first times where 122 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 2: I recognized that I had no nerves at all. I 123 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 2: was just pure excitement, Like I couldn't wait to get 124 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: out on stage and show everyone how it's done. Like 125 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to go show my professionalism and that, 126 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: you know, like, and I just wanted it to happen. 127 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 2: I was like, it was noon, I'm like, I want 128 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 2: to go. And then between my fashion and my looks 129 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,039 Speaker 2: and all the hair and makeup. I mean, I've never 130 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,599 Speaker 2: spoken about fashion and dresses more than I did leading 131 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 2: up to this with my team, because we had so 132 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 2: many dresses that looked so incredible and we had to 133 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: keep narrowing it down and they wanted me to do 134 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 2: more outfit changes, and I just think that's silly. I'm 135 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 2: not going to ch the night isn't about the host changing, 136 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 2: so I didn't want to do that many but anyway, 137 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 2: it was one of those nights where I just was 138 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 2: so in my own feet and in my own body 139 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: with every moment, and I was like, I know I 140 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 2: could do this, and I'm going to crush it. And 141 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 2: I did, and it was just like a very beautiful 142 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 2: cementing of like all my hard work and all of 143 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,039 Speaker 2: my focus and energy and doing all the work that 144 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 2: you do on yourself. Like, yeah, you don't necessarily see 145 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 2: it right away, which is why I think people get 146 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 2: frustrated with therapy or with meditation or with any of 147 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,039 Speaker 2: these other things, because they want instant results and it 148 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 2: doesn't work instantly. It works in phases. And like, I'm 149 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 2: in this moment right now, and this isn't going to 150 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 2: last forever either. I'm sure I will have find a 151 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 2: time to be insecure about something again. But to recognize 152 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 2: that you're in these moments when you are in your 153 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,159 Speaker 2: flow state and you are firing and you're in the 154 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 2: zone as an amazing, very fulfilling failing. 155 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you could really tell too. It showed on 156 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 3: your face, it showed in your body you just seemed 157 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 3: like you were up there having fun and like just 158 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 3: filled with joy. Like you seemed very relaxed. 159 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,359 Speaker 2: And I also have to say this because we talked 160 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 2: about this, I well, we're gonna talk about this, but 161 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 2: I was very relaxed. There were a couple of people 162 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 2: that were going to be at this show when I saw, like, 163 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 2: you know, when I was rehearsing and you see all 164 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 2: these names and you're like, oh my god, fucking Harrison 165 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 2: Ford sitting right in front of me, and fucking de 166 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 2: Niro was there, and you're like, I'm gonna be you know, 167 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 2: And there were a couple of people there that I 168 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 2: thought for sure did not like me, Like I just 169 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: I just had a feeling these people did not like me. 170 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 2: There are three people actually that I was like, oh, 171 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 2: that person doesn't like me. That persons is like all 172 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: three of those people came up to me and gave 173 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 2: me kudos for my show, for the for the show, 174 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 2: for my career, for things that Like. It was just 175 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 2: so funny that I had these three people in mind, 176 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 2: and in succession, all three of those people approached me 177 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 2: telling me giving me compliments. 178 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 3: That's so funny because they also I thought that, but 179 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 3: not come up and told you about it, like no, 180 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:54,239 Speaker 3: But it's. 181 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 2: Like this universal intelligence that we keep talking about or 182 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 2: that I keep banging on about. I'm just feeling it 183 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 2: so much. I just feel so grounded lately that I 184 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 2: just know, like I know what I'm doing, I know 185 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 2: what's right. I know. Then I just thought, I'm just 186 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 2: gonna win these three people over tonight, like That's what 187 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 2: I'm gonna do, And whether they were not on my 188 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 2: side to begin with or not is irrelevant, because. 189 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 1: That's the right attitude. 190 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,040 Speaker 2: Even if you have people that don't like you or 191 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 2: you've had a bad experience with, you can turn on 192 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 2: it always. You can always there's always an opportunity to 193 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: give them a new experience. Yeah, and a new version 194 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 2: of you. 195 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that. 196 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 5: I love that. 197 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 3: Well, congratulations, that's such an achievement. And you look like 198 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 3: you had a lot of fun. 199 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,559 Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, And who knew? I 200 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 2: finally have the body I want when I'm forty eight 201 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,960 Speaker 2: years old. I mean, honestly, I am in the best 202 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 2: shape of my life and I'm forty eight, so anyone 203 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 2: listening to me, it is possible. So it just it 204 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 2: is getting better my life is getting better with age. 205 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,559 Speaker 2: I have to say, like. 206 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 3: A fine nine. All right, Well, today we have a 207 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 3: very special guest who you know very well. 208 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 2: Oh yes, we have my boo on today. Okay, yeah, 209 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 2: she's a and she has a new special on Max 210 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:06,200 Speaker 2: called Salute Me or Shoot Me and please, yes, yes, 211 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 2: watch it. She's awesome. Sam Jay Okay, I've got this 212 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,680 Speaker 2: fucking bitch with me right now, Sam j Okay. And 213 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 2: first of all, if you haven't seen her stand up specially, 214 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 2: you better watch it because it's really really funny. 215 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 5: Have you actually watched it? 216 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:27,079 Speaker 2: Chose, Yeah, yes, of course I watch it. I fucking 217 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 2: posted about a bitch. But you don't even know how 218 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,199 Speaker 2: to use internet, So how the fuck would you know? 219 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,199 Speaker 2: I know, I mean, would you do really watch? Do 220 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 2: you think I would say I watched it if I 221 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 2: didn't watch it? 222 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 5: Oh no, it's not like you were doing a commercial. 223 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,559 Speaker 2: Well, I mean I am, because you're on the podcast. 224 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 2: So Sam's late to the podcast. By the way, Sam's 225 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,959 Speaker 2: late to everything, So let's just get that out of 226 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 2: the way. Sam's late to the podcast because she took 227 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 2: a shower where the elliotts she was excited about telling 228 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 2: that to me. She was excited to share that with me. 229 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,439 Speaker 2: So I have a little story to back it up. 230 00:09:58,800 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 2: Did you wash your legs? 231 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 5: Do watch my legs? 232 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 2: Okay? Because I got a talking to from Sam is 233 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 2: in a long term relationship with a woman who is 234 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 2: batshit crazy and her name is fucking yah Yah. We're 235 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 2: gonna have her on the podcast at some time too, 236 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: because she would be really good, my best. 237 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 5: She will go off. 238 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 2: On people, because she she went off on me. They 239 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 2: came to my worka we had a comedy weekend. We 240 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 2: had Vanessa Gonzales, who you know opens for me on 241 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 2: my tour. We had her partner, he's not her husband, 242 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 2: and then yah Yah and Sam are a couple. Then 243 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 2: Fortune Fortune femes her and her wife Jack's and then 244 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 2: Jamie Jamie Greenberg my makeup arty, and I was assaulted 245 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 2: by yah Ya, I mean emotionally assaulted so many times 246 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 2: throughout the vacation as she fucking will flip. 247 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: She's that bitch will flip on a dime. 248 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 2: She is fucking normal and fun and then after nine pm, 249 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,680 Speaker 2: something happens at nine where she's just like listen, bitch, 250 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 2: and then she starts yelling at me for being white 251 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: one in the conversation. She's always yelling at me for 252 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,079 Speaker 2: being white, you know, like I had the choice. And 253 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 2: then one of the days we got in this conversation 254 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 2: about white girls showering versus black girls showering. And I've 255 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 2: had this conversation with Tiffany Hattish, yes, because she said 256 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,680 Speaker 2: the same thing to me once. She was like, do 257 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 2: you wash your legs in the shower? And I was like, 258 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: wash my legs? I'm like, I don't. 259 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: I don't think so. 260 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:26,199 Speaker 2: I mean, what about they're club Oh. 261 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 5: You believe this too. Yeah. 262 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,959 Speaker 3: I want to start though, because I heard tell about 263 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 3: this and I was like, I guess I gotta watch 264 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 3: my legs. 265 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: But I never used to. 266 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 6: That is I really want to know, like how this 267 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 6: step gets skipped. 268 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna tell you because first of all, my 269 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 2: legs are covered most of the day, so what's getting in. 270 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 5: There you're still sweating? Is so bad. 271 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 2: I'm not legs sweating. My legs are not sweat all 272 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 2: I have under arms that's a sweaty area. Sometime. 273 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 6: This is what I want you to do before the 274 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 6: one time you shower, before you do anything, take a 275 00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 6: white rag. 276 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 1: All right, that's a good idea. 277 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 6: Actually clean your legs and see what's on the rag, okay, 278 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 6: and then you will understand that there's dirt on your legs. 279 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: Okay. 280 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 2: I'm so busy wiping my Pikachu clean and cleaning my 281 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 2: asshole and my underarms that I'm like that those are 282 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 2: my three hot spots, and I very very rarely sometimes 283 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 2: the bottom of my feet if if things got dice. 284 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 2: So then Sam was like, I can't believe white girls 285 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 2: don't watch their legs. You have to wash your legs. 286 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 2: You have to watch you legs. So I tried it 287 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 2: like a few times, and I was like I reported 288 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 2: back to the IA too. 289 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:31,560 Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I've. 290 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 2: Been washing my legs and I'm like, I just don't 291 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 2: feel that much of a difference because I feel like 292 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 2: my legs even when I ski, even when I ski, 293 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 2: which I know you're not gonna fucking do. 294 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 4: Oh. 295 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 5: I told you that I know to ski. I'm from Boston. 296 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 6: I wouldn't need like a refresher because I'm was skied 297 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 6: in a long time, but I know that mechanics of ski. 298 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, you're right. 299 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,439 Speaker 2: Anyway, My point was, even when I ski, I am 300 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 2: fucking like everyone gets hot and sweaty when they ski. 301 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 2: My I don't even ski with underpants on, Like I 302 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 2: ski with ski pants and nothing else because I'm so 303 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,680 Speaker 2: warm all the time, so my legs are definitely not sweating. 304 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 5: Do you sweat? Are you just not a sweat person? 305 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 2: No, my under arms will sweat. I could get some 306 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,320 Speaker 2: fun going there, like nothing in the crek right here, 307 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 2: no sweat. 308 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 1: But I don't look back there a lot, so I 309 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 1: don't know what's going on back there. 310 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 2: She's talking to the back of my knees, and I'm 311 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 2: not doing anything back there. I mean, unless somebody was 312 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,200 Speaker 2: holding me up by like I was having crazy sex 313 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 2: and they were holding my legs behind my head, like 314 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 2: pushing on the backs of my knees. Maybe then I 315 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 2: would have fingerprints or something. But that's the most I 316 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:38,559 Speaker 2: can imagine. Anyway, we had them there for a week, 317 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 2: and let's talk about some of the highlights of that week, 318 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 2: because that was fucking fun. 319 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 5: It was a great week. 320 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 2: My favorite part of the story is that Sam revealed 321 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,679 Speaker 2: to us at the end of the trip that on 322 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 2: their way to my house in Spain that they didn't 323 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 2: know what kind of host I was gonna be so 324 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,839 Speaker 2: that they had made alternative backup plans in case they 325 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 2: had to get out of Dodge because I was like 326 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 2: a nightmare or what was the reasoning break it down 327 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 2: for our listeners. 328 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 6: I mean, you just never know, like especially like with 329 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 6: like You're, like, I would you know what, You're a 330 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 6: comedy legend, Chelsea, you're a comedy legend. 331 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,439 Speaker 5: Oh you're you are just a high level comedian. 332 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 6: You've had a lot of success, a lot of people 333 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 6: love you. You can kind of go anywhere on this 334 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 6: planet and people are like, yeah, that's Chelsea Handler and 335 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 6: she's the best, and that type of energy makes some 336 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 6: people crazy. 337 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 5: So I just wasn't sure. 338 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 6: Like it's one thing you meet people in passing or 339 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 6: you have a quick moment here and there and you're 340 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 6: like they chill, but then you're in their home they 341 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 6: might not be so chill. So I just didn't want 342 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 6: to be stuck in by Yorka in your house if 343 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 6: you wasn't that chill. So I was like, well, let's 344 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 6: just make sure we have some other options case. 345 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 1: I fucking love that. I mean, how funny is that? 346 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 2: And I'm honestly I am always read it abouts like 347 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,720 Speaker 2: I have a special signal to Carla when I'm traveling, 348 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 2: and and I don't stay with a lot of people 349 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,359 Speaker 2: because I have the same I have the same experiences. 350 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 2: I don't like being under somebody else's watch. I don't 351 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 2: like not being able to open up a fridge. I 352 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 2: need to have access to everything, and I don't want 353 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 2: to be everyone looking around at me like I need 354 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 2: to feel like I'm home. 355 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 1: So I don't have a lot. 356 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 2: I don't like to stay with a lot of people, 357 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 2: And so sometimes I just text Carla one letter and 358 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 2: that means I gotta go. 359 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, we had our we had our signal. 360 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, well. 361 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 5: Yeah it was not necessary, say that it was not necessary. 362 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a good time. 363 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 2: But the other thing that Sam did, I mean I 364 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 2: would like to report on her being a guest now, 365 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 2: because the other thing Sam did was she didn't bring 366 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 2: any drugs. She didn't bring any drugs to Spain, but 367 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 2: then wanted all of my drugs, which, as a generousupposed 368 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 2: to Listen, everyone, everyone who knows me knows how I'm 369 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 2: a giver. You can take the shirt off my back 370 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 2: and I will fucking fly around topless, you know what 371 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 2: I mean. I don't need it, and I'm always happy 372 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 2: to give. But I was almost out of drugs. Out 373 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 2: of drugs by the time Sam left. I had to 374 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 2: give her medicine every thirty seconds and then okay, fine, 375 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 2: every forty five seconds and. 376 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: Then fucking yeah yeah. I was like, bitch, what. 377 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 3: You doing with my girlfriend? 378 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 2: She's all sorts of fucked up because you gave her 379 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 2: some LSD or mushroom or whatever the fuck. 380 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, yeah, please don't act like 381 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm the problem here. 382 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 2: Clearly Sam is the problem and you are you already 383 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 2: know about it. 384 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 6: Chelsea is kind of a bad influence because I've got 385 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 6: great and I've ever done before. 386 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 5: I was like, I won't do that. That sounds nutty 387 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 5: and it tells me. Was like, just do it and 388 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 5: shut up. 389 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: And it was great. It was a perfect the LSD. 390 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 2: I liked it. 391 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 5: It was cool. 392 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 2: It was on the same vibe as mushrooms. 393 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 5: It wasn't crazy. 394 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 2: Actually chocolate mushrooms and my thing I can give to you. See, 395 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 2: I'm still trying to get try to give to her. 396 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 2: So then we go to New York City and during 397 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 2: our trip, Sam had these Louis Vauton and like Birkenstock 398 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 2: type of shoes that I used one day. I wore 399 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 2: one day because I didn't have them, and I was like, wow, 400 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 2: these are really nice. These are really broken in like 401 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 2: I would I'd love this. And yeah, I was like, oh, well, 402 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 2: get you a pair. I'm like, actually, like I want 403 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 2: to mind this pair, you know, because they were all 404 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,959 Speaker 2: all work already, were already broken in. I was like, 405 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,440 Speaker 2: it seems like we have the same exact foot situation already. Anyway, 406 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 2: we go to dinner Sam's in La I go to 407 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 2: dinner with ya Ya some other friends in New York 408 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 2: City and fucking yah Ya her crazy bitch girlfriend wife 409 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: girlfriend wife to be awesome. 410 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll keep that on the back of crazy, to. 411 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:24,479 Speaker 2: Keep her crazy. 412 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 5: It's complicated. 413 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 2: She shows up to our dinner with a DHL box 414 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 2: that was literally the size of a Toyota Echo. It 415 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 2: was that big. She's like, did you get up present? 416 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 2: We sent you a thank you President. I'm like, you 417 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 2: don't need to send me a thing. She goes, oh, no, no, no, 418 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 2: we did. We did. 419 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: We sent you thank you President. 420 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 5: Did you like the glasses too? We got you some cool. 421 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, you got some great glasses for my New today 422 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 2: we were talking about the Smurfs, how much I love 423 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 2: the Smurf So it was very thoughtful. Thank you gift, 424 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,120 Speaker 2: and I loved it. Thank you so much. You didn't 425 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,400 Speaker 2: have to get me anything. 426 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 5: And I gave you so much from gummies. Bro, well, 427 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 5: oh you did you know what? 428 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 2: You know what? That was in New York and you 429 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 2: know what, I ended up giving them away because that's 430 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 2: how sweet I am. The guy I shared him with. 431 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 2: My friend Terrence goes, oh my god, where are those 432 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 2: mushroom guppies? Like, go, let me the mail them to you. 433 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,320 Speaker 2: I have the whole jar right here, cause I get 434 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,639 Speaker 2: so many drugs. So have you been getting a lot 435 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 2: of amazing feedback about your special People. 436 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 5: Are liking it. People are definitely it's cool. I'm proud 437 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 5: of it. People dig it. They get what I was 438 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 5: trying to do. 439 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,400 Speaker 1: It's on HBO, everybody, I mean, sorry, it's Max. It's 440 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:22,879 Speaker 1: on Max. 441 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 2: Now that's never going to happen, naturally saying that, And 442 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 2: now you're on tour, I'm touring and oh. 443 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 1: And then this is the latest. 444 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 2: She's on tour and her yah Yah is with her 445 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 2: on tour, fucking getting into it. Left and right with 446 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 2: audience members. Anyone who speaks up or talks during a show, 447 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 2: She fucking goes to town on. I got in the 448 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 2: car the other morning because I were both on tour 449 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 2: and I was with Vanessa and Carlo. 450 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 1: They're like, have you seen Yaya stories? And I'm like, 451 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: and they. 452 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 2: Told me that she's just going off on some woman 453 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 2: who's telling her to calm down. 454 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 6: A white woman they had, and the lady got The 455 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 6: lady didn't know she was my fiance. She thought she 456 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 6: was just like an audience member. So the lady was like, 457 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,439 Speaker 6: I'm getting you thrown out of here. And I was like, no, 458 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 6: you're about to leave, ma'am. 459 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 5: And then the lady did get kicked out. 460 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 1: How has it been banging on the road with her? 461 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 5: It's always fun. 462 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,959 Speaker 6: I mean, I'm really really into my relationship now. There 463 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,120 Speaker 6: was a time when I was being a rascal and which. 464 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 2: I like to bring up and she's like, I go, so, 465 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 2: were you guys always faithful to each other? When we're 466 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 2: in bi Orca? I go, are you guys always faithful? 467 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 2: And Sam goes, what the fuck are you doing? 468 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 1: Chelsea? Shut the fuck up. 469 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 2: I can't help myself though I love the you know, 470 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 2: I love like the dirt. 471 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: I want the tea right away. 472 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,879 Speaker 6: And when I was being a rascal, I feel like 473 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 6: I was always trying to like go on the road 474 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:48,479 Speaker 6: by myself. But now like that, I'm really like locked 475 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 6: in and I'm doing the thing. I love having her around. 476 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,199 Speaker 6: It's just better. I actually do more when I'm on 477 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,679 Speaker 6: the road. When she's not around, I'm just in the 478 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 6: hotel room watching bad porn, being like a weirdo all day. 479 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 6: I don't come out till it's showtime, and it's like 480 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 6: like a goblet of sorts, you know. 481 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 1: But I do the same fucking thing when she's around. 482 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 6: I go to the museums, I go out to eat, 483 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 6: I take walks, you know what I mean. 484 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 5: And then she's there. 485 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,800 Speaker 6: She remembers the sets and like she'll remind me of jokes, 486 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,399 Speaker 6: and she also yells at audience members so that I 487 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 6: don't have to be bothered with them. 488 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 5: So it's it's actually great. 489 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 2: That's good because it can be daunting being on the road. 490 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 2: It's lonely, dude. 491 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 6: Then it gets really isolating and you get really depressed, 492 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,440 Speaker 6: like you don't think it's gonna happen that way. But 493 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,679 Speaker 6: it gets really depressing really fast. 494 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, there is a depressing element to it because like, 495 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 2: like you like, I like to drink, Sam likes to drink. 496 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,879 Speaker 2: We all drink. I mean, I don't know either. If 497 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,639 Speaker 2: it's a comic, either you drink or you're sober. 498 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,400 Speaker 3: And yeah, good point. 499 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 1: But I agree. 500 00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 2: There are many days where I'm just like, but you know, 501 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 2: I really like to be in bed, but I don't 502 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,399 Speaker 2: like to be in bed feeling like shit. Yeah, I 503 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 2: like to be in bed when I'm happy. Sometimes when 504 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,119 Speaker 2: i'm I'm like, okay, this is like if I'm not 505 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 2: in the right hotel room, if it doesn't have the 506 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 2: right light exposure, if it does, if it's not nice enough, 507 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 2: I'm not happy. 508 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 5: I'm just like, it's like a little jail. 509 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 2: So yeah, I wanted to have to make sure i'm in. 510 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 2: Like sometimes we check in, I go, I can't stay 511 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 2: in this room. 512 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,439 Speaker 6: Sometimes we go to these towns where it's like it 513 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,800 Speaker 6: don't matter. There's just nothing here, you know, no things 514 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 6: to the place. But it's like you can put me 515 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,520 Speaker 6: in any hotel. I'm going to be facing a work 516 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,679 Speaker 6: wall looking at nothing, and you're just like, why am 517 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 6: I doing this? 518 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 5: It really makes you like question the whole thing. I know, 519 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:23,880 Speaker 5: what is this for. 520 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 2: I had a friend there to me recently at comic 521 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 2: She was like, because she's always like, I don't know 522 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 2: how you tour so much. I'm like, I'm in that 523 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 2: zone right now. I'm just loving touring and I've just 524 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 2: whatever I go. I usually sometimes I don't, but you 525 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,280 Speaker 2: right now, I'm into it. So I'm just gonna keep 526 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 2: it going. 527 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:38,640 Speaker 1: And she goes. 528 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 2: I feel like, she goes, I went on my tour 529 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,719 Speaker 2: and she goes, and I'm sitting backstage about to go 530 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,119 Speaker 2: on stage, and I'm just thinking to myself, this is 531 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 2: the dream, right, this was the dream, and now you 532 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,679 Speaker 2: it can be easy to forget that this is what 533 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,119 Speaker 2: you wanted. 534 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 6: I thought that it was going to be the best 535 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 6: life in the world. Like there's a time like prayed 536 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 6: for it. 537 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 5: Like I was like, I just. 538 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 6: Want to do comedy in different cities every night and 539 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 6: people and I would just love to have shows all 540 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 6: over the country. 541 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 5: And now I'm like, I gotta go to fucking Utah. 542 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 2: I know, I know, but you. 543 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: The shows there are You're going to Salt Lake City. 544 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,639 Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm excited, but when you it's like It's just 545 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,840 Speaker 6: one of those things when you first hear it, you're like, what, yeah, 546 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 6: but Utah. 547 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 5: And now I like dug into Utah. 548 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 6: I was like, let me look up some stuff and 549 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 6: like let me see what's going on out there. 550 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 5: And now I'm like, I kind of want to go 551 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 5: to Utah right right. 552 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,760 Speaker 2: Talk to me about becoming more successful as a comedian 553 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,200 Speaker 2: and having people more people recognize you. How are you 554 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 2: handling all of that that aspect of things. 555 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 6: You know what, It's been super chill. I think I 556 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,160 Speaker 6: have cool fans. I think you build your fan base 557 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 6: to some degree. It's like your attitude, your energy, your 558 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 6: fans kind of reflect that. And I'm not a big 559 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:49,439 Speaker 6: like type of person, so my fans don't ever approach 560 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 6: me with too much. 561 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:51,640 Speaker 5: They're just like, yo, Sam, what's up? 562 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 6: Yeah right, I mess with you. You ma have funny 563 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 6: and I'm like, oh, thank you. So it's been very 564 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 6: chill and like manageable, especially like I like when the 565 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 6: older black people like tell me to keep going and 566 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,479 Speaker 6: like they see what I'm doing and like they appreciate it. 567 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 6: That makes me feel really good because I am trying 568 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 6: to just you know, uphold some of legacy of black 569 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 6: art and being vocal about our black. 570 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:16,400 Speaker 5: Experience in this country. 571 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 6: So when older people who have really been through the 572 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 6: shit can look at what I'm saying and see the 573 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 6: genuineess in it and the black excellence in it, then 574 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 6: that feels good to me, you know. And then my 575 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 6: white fans they're chill. They're a little more, but they 576 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 6: so chill. 577 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, talk a little bit about black excellence. I like 578 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,199 Speaker 2: that term a lot, So I want to hear a 579 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,639 Speaker 2: black woman talking about. 580 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 6: That black excellence just you know, like we have a 581 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,920 Speaker 6: legacy of barrier breaking artists, not just groundbreaking, but really 582 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 6: having to break barriers to be heard, to be seen. 583 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,840 Speaker 6: I think that's a lot of where the term black 584 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 6: excellence comes from. This need to have to rise above 585 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 6: and then rise above again just to get to any 586 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 6: level of recognition, and you have to actually be excellent. 587 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,439 Speaker 6: Can't just be okay, you can't just be like on 588 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 6: par you have to be excellent. And especially all the 589 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,120 Speaker 6: black people, they have seen that with like the greatest. 590 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,320 Speaker 5: To do with the Diana Rosses. They've seen it with 591 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 5: the Dick Gregory. 592 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 6: So if they look at me at all and go like, hey, 593 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,640 Speaker 6: young lady, we see some of that in you, then 594 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:19,680 Speaker 6: I'm honored. 595 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because I was like, oh, and when 596 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 2: I didn't realize that the term meant like that you 597 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 2: have to be excellent in order to get through. I 598 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 2: thought it was just when I first heard it, that 599 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 2: it was just about about black excellence. And it's like, no, 600 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 2: it's almost like black excellence is mandatory to get through. 601 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 2: And that's a different framework of looking at it. And 602 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 2: we had some deep conversations when we were in my end. 603 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,440 Speaker 2: I took people kayaking at the wee hours of the night, drunk, drunk, 604 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 2: and that's not dangerous. I just want to say, I 605 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 2: live out of bay. We didn't go out into the ocean. 606 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 2: We lived and we were in a little port and 607 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,479 Speaker 2: I just and it and they were so fucking scared. 608 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: I was going to cap size of kayak. 609 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 2: I'm like, there's no current, there's no there's like the 610 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 2: tide of the life. 611 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 6: It's dark as shit. Chelsea's drunkest shit. We're coming from 612 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 6: a restaurant. None of us talked about a kayak, and 613 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 6: Chelsea just goes I'm kayaking and just starts like getting 614 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 6: it all together, and we're like okay, and the only 615 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 6: thing that gay was comfort is. We were all worried, 616 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 6: and Carlo went, she does. 617 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 5: This all the time, and just went in the house. 618 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 5: Were like this. 619 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:29,639 Speaker 2: I got up through the middle. I got up in 620 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 2: the middle of dinner, grab my mango, dac ray. 621 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going for. 622 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 2: A kayak ride. I was like, I'm hit a wall, 623 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 2: so I went I had Sometimes the ocean is calling me, 624 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 2: you know, and I have got to get in it, 625 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 2: and I'm and I just want to say, I've given 626 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 2: over like probably sixty kayak rides and nothing has ever happened. 627 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what condition I'm in, because I'm at 628 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,160 Speaker 2: one with the water. And you're going two miles an hour, 629 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,399 Speaker 2: by the way, no one's going faster that. You're just 630 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 2: like on this bay, circling around boat. Sometimes you hit 631 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 2: a boat, but you can't even that's we tapped the boat. Yeah, 632 00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 2: but you're not going fast enough to do any damage. 633 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,639 Speaker 2: But just go with me here on the visual I 634 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 2: want to paint a picture of Sam's body language when 635 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,240 Speaker 2: she got in the kayak, which was fucking erect and 636 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,200 Speaker 2: fucking tight, like she was sitting up straight with her back, 637 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 2: hands behind her back, holding onto the type, but slightly 638 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,480 Speaker 2: shaking because of the nerves and scared. 639 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:16,080 Speaker 1: She was so scared. 640 00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 2: I was like, Sam, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna 641 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 2: be like and then as we start to go, because 642 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,159 Speaker 2: you're under the moonlight, so it's so gorgeous, you know, 643 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 2: you're like underneath the stars, and the stars are so 644 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 2: bright in my Orca, and you're just watching the port. 645 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 2: So you get out there and you can see the 646 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 2: whole town in front of your Oh. 647 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 5: That is very true. 648 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 6: But like my blackness knew, like I didn't have no 649 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,600 Speaker 6: business out on his kayak with this white woman at 650 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 6: his hour. 651 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 2: They were already. 652 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 6: If something goes wrong, everybody in my family's would be like, 653 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 6: what was she doing? 654 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,880 Speaker 2: I would never lie. I would swim your ass back 655 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 2: to short. It doesn't matter how shitfiss I am. You 656 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 2: would be on my back. I do you know how 657 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 2: many people I've saved swimming, Well, only one really, but 658 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 2: I could do it again. But anyway, as we went 659 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 2: out there, we were talking about your mother, and we 660 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 2: were talking about her relationship with her mother, who was 661 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 2: very deep. 662 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,439 Speaker 1: Meaningful conversation. 663 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,719 Speaker 2: And I was coming back in and then she just 664 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 2: really started to relax and I was like, well, we're 665 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,560 Speaker 2: gonna hang out, then we're not going in because now 666 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 2: she's relaxed and she's looking up at the stars and 667 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 2: the moon, and it was really beautiful. Every night there 668 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 2: is so beautiful. And you said some very profound things 669 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 2: about your mother, who's no longer with you. Yes, so 670 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,679 Speaker 2: can you talk a little bit about your dynamic with 671 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 2: your mom and your relationship with her and how it's 672 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:22,480 Speaker 2: impacted you. 673 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 5: Man? 674 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,679 Speaker 6: Yeah, I was, well, I was really a mama's like 675 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 6: a mama's girl if it exists, Like, spent a lot 676 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 6: of time with my mom. 677 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,919 Speaker 5: We were kind of best friends. We would do everything together. 678 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 6: She was very much like one of those black excellence mothers, 679 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,639 Speaker 6: would like droll black history into me, take me to 680 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,439 Speaker 6: see Alvin Elli every year when they came to the city, 681 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,680 Speaker 6: make sure I went to like see black place, made 682 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,439 Speaker 6: sure I was you know, well read and just you know, 683 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 6: had some education about myself and all that kind of stuff. 684 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 6: But mostly she was a person that was focused on 685 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 6: making a whole person. I noticed a lot of people 686 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,160 Speaker 6: just like feed a kid and take care of it, 687 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 6: but she was really into like who I was going 688 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,920 Speaker 6: to be and like what type of human I was 689 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,679 Speaker 6: going to be in the world, and she spent a 690 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,879 Speaker 6: lot of time like building a human, which I really appreciate. 691 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 6: There there were so many times where she would check 692 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 6: my behavior and I didn't understand it. 693 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 5: But now that I'm older, I was like, oh. 694 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 6: She was just nipping some nasty shit in the bud 695 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,359 Speaker 6: before it got too nasty and giving me real perspective. 696 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,280 Speaker 5: Like when I was. 697 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 6: Little, I was like a little bit of a mean girl, 698 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,120 Speaker 6: and I could be a little bit of a bully, 699 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 6: and like if I ever would act like that and 700 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 6: my family or cousins would come over and I'd start 701 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 6: being nasty and didn't want to share my toys, she 702 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,320 Speaker 6: would like pull me to the side and be like, 703 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 6: you don't treat people that way, and like now they're 704 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 6: playing with anything they want and you go sit over 705 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 6: here by yourself because you don't know how to behave 706 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 6: and like just stuff like that. 707 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 5: She was always actively parenting. 708 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 6: And then when she was sick and she was passing 709 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 6: away and she knew she was sick and was most 710 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 6: likely going to pass away from lupus, she really started 711 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 6: to like kick it into high gear of just like 712 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 6: make sure I had. 713 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 5: The stuff that I needed, you know. 714 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 6: And I just remember one poignant moment when I was 715 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 6: about fifteen and my mother passed away when I was sixteen, 716 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 6: and I was really acting out. 717 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 5: I was acting out in school. I was like coming 718 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 5: home late. 719 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 6: I was just not acting of my character because I 720 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 6: was so upset about what was happening. I just really 721 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 6: didn't know where to place any other feelings. And I 722 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 6: had started to just kind of separate from her. That's 723 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 6: really what I was trying to do. I didn't want 724 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 6: to be hurt when she died, so I started to 725 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 6: try to like just act like I didn't just try 726 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 6: to separate that connection. So I started like hang out 727 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 6: late with friends and not coming home and just shit 728 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,360 Speaker 6: like that. And one day she just pulled me to 729 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 6: the side and she was like, are you mad at me? 730 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 6: And I was like no, and she was like, you're lying, 731 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 6: you're mad at me? And I was like so scared 732 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,560 Speaker 6: to tell her that I was angry with her, because 733 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 6: I was like, what kind of person does that make me? 734 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 5: To be angry with my mom? Just because she's sick, 735 00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 5: you know what I mean? 736 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 6: Like she can't do anything about that, but I I'm 737 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 6: really angry you know, and she was like it's okay, yeah, 738 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 6: that she's dying, that she was gonna leave me, that 739 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 6: she wasn't the same mom that I knew just four 740 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 6: years ago, you know what I mean, we couldn't do 741 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,200 Speaker 6: the same things together and we were so close and 742 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,920 Speaker 6: always together, and now she's kind of bedridden and can't 743 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 6: go outside and there's always doctors around and home health 744 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,480 Speaker 6: days and it's just not what I'm used to, you know. 745 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,640 Speaker 6: And she was like it's okay. She was like, I 746 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 6: know you're mad at me, and I know you don't 747 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 6: know how to tell me, but it's okay, and you 748 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 6: deserve to be angry. This is you know, this is 749 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,280 Speaker 6: a situation that is upsetting. And I'm your mother and 750 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 6: there are things that I am supposed to do and 751 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,840 Speaker 6: I can't do them, and I get how that hurts you. 752 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 6: And I just started like fucking balling. I mean, I 753 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 6: just started crying because it was like fear but also 754 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 6: relief that like, oh, she sees me and understands this 755 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 6: and I'm not like a fucking monster for feeling this way. 756 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 6: And then she passed away the next year, and I'm 757 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,720 Speaker 6: always very grateful for that conversation because I don't know, 758 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 6: I would probably had a lot more guilt on my 759 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 6: hands without it. Yeah, I'd probably been feeling way more 760 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 6: guilt and out of carried that and it was already 761 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 6: hard enough to figure myself out after that, But I 762 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 6: can't imagine if I had added this. 763 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 5: Super layer of guilt on top of that. 764 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,680 Speaker 6: And I think, you know, she was such a dynamic 765 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,640 Speaker 6: parent that she had the hindsight to relieve me of that, 766 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 6: And you know, I just I will always have a 767 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 6: special place. 768 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 5: In my heart for my mom. 769 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 2: Well, I don't think it's a little I mean, I don't. 770 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,480 Speaker 2: I mean, there is no one that I mean, hopefully, 771 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 2: when your mother is a full bodied person, which is 772 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 2: what she was trying to encourage you to be, there 773 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 2: is no one that sees you like your mother sees Yeah. 774 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:41,560 Speaker 5: Just a good woman. 775 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 6: And in times when I was very lost without her, 776 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,800 Speaker 6: it didn't really have my way anymore, and I started 777 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 6: to do some things that I felt were really against 778 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,840 Speaker 6: my character. I leaned on her lessons and who she was, 779 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 6: so I always say she still was my parent all 780 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 6: through my life, even though she wasn't a lie because 781 00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 6: all of her lessons and everything that she laid the 782 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 6: groundwork for parented me in those crucial hours when she 783 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 6: wasn't there, so it was still like I had a mom. 784 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 2: Oh I love that. Well, on that note, let's take 785 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,720 Speaker 2: a break and we'll be right back. 786 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 3: And we're back, and we're back. 787 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 2: I love what you said about your mother, And there 788 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:19,840 Speaker 2: are so many mothers listening. 789 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 1: So I mean, there is a. 790 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,520 Speaker 2: Big differentiation between parenting and being like Okay, they have 791 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 2: to go to school and get fed and da da da, 792 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 2: and actually shaping the person that they become, yea, and 793 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 2: also all along allowing space for the emotions that you have, 794 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,680 Speaker 2: you know, because I always say, like people think they 795 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:37,520 Speaker 2: own their children. 796 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 1: It's like that's not your property, that's just of you. 797 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,520 Speaker 2: Like they are here because of you and by way 798 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,200 Speaker 2: of you, but that's it. 799 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,040 Speaker 6: Like truly engaging your kids. Like my mom would ask 800 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 6: me a lot of stuff about how I felt, what 801 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 6: I thought. You know, even before we go to the doctor, 802 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 6: she'd be like, what are you going to talk to 803 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 6: the doctor about today? 804 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 5: What are you feeling? What's bothering you? 805 00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:02,400 Speaker 6: Like, just giving me autonomy over myself is super important. Yeah, 806 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 6: So you guys don't know how to parent better than 807 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:04,920 Speaker 6: me and Chelsea. 808 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, Hot Parents and Tips is the hotline where you 809 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:08,800 Speaker 2: can contact me. 810 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 3: Yes, indeed, are we ready for some advice? 811 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 2: I think so. I like it. 812 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 1: I feel like Sam's ready. 813 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,120 Speaker 5: Yeah, you're ready, Sam, I'm ready. Well. 814 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 3: Our first question comes from Elle. Dear Chelsea, I have 815 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 3: a predicament and it's hard to stand by and watch. 816 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 3: I've been with my husband for eight years and his sister, 817 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 3: who I love, has been with her husband for twelve years. 818 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 3: We love them both, but they've had a conflict for 819 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 3: the past two years due to his inappropriate relationship with 820 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,320 Speaker 3: a coworker who we all think he cheated on her with. 821 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 3: He's never confirmed it, but he has engaged in a 822 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,280 Speaker 3: lot of inappropriate behavior, such as being in her room 823 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 3: overnight while on a ski trip, lying to his wife 824 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 3: about staying over in Fire Island with this woman, and 825 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,480 Speaker 3: also claiming she is his quote best friend. They're in 826 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 3: couples therapy, and he is in his own therapy for 827 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 3: his depression, which I personally think is fueled by his 828 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 3: secrecy of what he's done. He even said he's unwilling 829 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 3: to completely let go of this quote friendship for the 830 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,759 Speaker 3: sake of their marriage. My sister in law says that 831 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,279 Speaker 3: in her gut, she does believe something happened, but she 832 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 3: feels she quote needs confirmation eye roll. I'm a therapist myself, 833 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 3: and so it's difficult from not only a personal standpoint, 834 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 3: but a professional standpoint to watch this go on. No 835 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,680 Speaker 3: one else knows this is happening. She wants kids, as 836 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,279 Speaker 3: she's in her mid thirties now, and the situation is 837 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,680 Speaker 3: of course not making her want kids with him anytime soon, 838 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,799 Speaker 3: So she's putting her life on pause for him. I 839 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,680 Speaker 3: encourage her to set firm boundaries, which she struggles with. 840 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 3: What else do I say to her? I really want 841 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,640 Speaker 3: to say something to him, and he knows, she confides 842 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,280 Speaker 3: in us. It's so hard to watch her hurt. Meanwhile, 843 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,120 Speaker 3: we all know the untold truth. 844 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,440 Speaker 2: Sincerely, Elle, well from your from one rascal to another, 845 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:50,520 Speaker 2: what's your advice? 846 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 1: You're a cheat? You were a cheater? 847 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,839 Speaker 5: WOA. Well see what I'm saying this, This is what 848 00:34:55,840 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 5: I'm talking about. Rab arouser. Really, Oh, there's nothing she 849 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 5: can do. She got them on her business. 850 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's really nothing she can do. Like, what are 851 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,400 Speaker 1: you gonna do? Like your sister? It doesn't. 852 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,759 Speaker 2: She has a hard time creating boundaries, so that means 853 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,359 Speaker 2: she's not like as strong as she can be, and 854 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:15,120 Speaker 2: she doesn't want to know the truth even though her 855 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:15,960 Speaker 2: God is telling. 856 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:16,640 Speaker 1: Her or something different. 857 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 2: Anyone who lies about sleeping with a woman in a 858 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 2: place is lying because they did something right, not because 859 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 2: they didn't want to upset you. Because you can tell 860 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 2: the truth and say, listen, I know this sounds but 861 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:28,799 Speaker 2: that's not true. 862 00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,040 Speaker 5: Bro, that's not true. 863 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,560 Speaker 6: Here we go, that's not true. That's not true. There's 864 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,760 Speaker 6: been plenty of times where things like that have happened. 865 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 6: I really did not do anything. But I'm like, it 866 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 6: doesn't matter. If I come with this whole truth and 867 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 6: I go, yo, I didn't do anything, I'm gonna live 868 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,800 Speaker 6: under the same suspicion as if I don't because. 869 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:47,680 Speaker 5: She's not gonna believe I didn't do anything. Yeah, and 870 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 5: I'm telling you, I've literally lived this. So is this 871 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,760 Speaker 5: not all? That's not all the way true. 872 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:56,960 Speaker 6: But the problem is most likely he was already displaying 873 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,120 Speaker 6: certain behaviors. And that's where I'm not I wasn't taking responsibility. 874 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:01,960 Speaker 6: It was the fact that I was already doing other 875 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,919 Speaker 6: shit that made me less believable in that situation, even 876 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 6: though I was telling the truth. 877 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,240 Speaker 5: In that situation, my track record was fucked. 878 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 2: Like in a loving, happy relationship, I would say to 879 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,600 Speaker 2: the guy like, oh, yeah, my boyfriend, I would say, oh, 880 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,719 Speaker 2: by the way, I slept in a bed with this 881 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,839 Speaker 2: guy last night, Like I don't know why I would 882 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,439 Speaker 2: do that, because I mean, I'm too old for that shit. 883 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 2: But maybe maybe there would be some circumstance I couldn't 884 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,239 Speaker 2: get home or something. But I would always front load 885 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,239 Speaker 2: the truth because I'm not guilty of anything, you know 886 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,440 Speaker 2: what I mean in that realm, Like in my relationships, 887 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 2: I'm not some sort of you know, I'm not up 888 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,880 Speaker 2: to one relationship at a time is exhausting enough. So 889 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,800 Speaker 2: and also him saying that he wouldn't that he wouldn't 890 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,799 Speaker 2: end his friendship with his coworker over his marriage hello, Like, 891 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 2: I mean, she's just gonna find out he's cheating on 892 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,400 Speaker 2: her at some point, so it would be more proactive 893 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:50,959 Speaker 2: to like get to the bottom of it now. 894 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,040 Speaker 5: So yeah, there's nothing you could do. 895 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,839 Speaker 2: No, I think as a sister, you have to let 896 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,839 Speaker 2: everybody learn the lessons they're supposed to learn. 897 00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,400 Speaker 6: Stay out of people's marriage. I have a firm stay 898 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 6: out of people's marriage rule. Like marriage is a whole 899 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,040 Speaker 6: different sport. People have a lot tied into that. You 900 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 6: get in the middle of some stuff and then they don't. 901 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,000 Speaker 1: Leave Rosebud's husband to get plugs. 902 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:17,640 Speaker 5: I say, their marriage, that's different. I'm the reason that 903 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:18,279 Speaker 5: babies here. 904 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:24,839 Speaker 2: Okay, oh my god, Yeah you probably did say if 905 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,480 Speaker 2: that marriage, I wouldn't put it past you. 906 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 3: I mean, would you say anything to the husband? I mean, 907 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 3: what do you? 908 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,759 Speaker 2: I would because I'm a confrontational person and I would 909 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,719 Speaker 2: be like, hey, fu face, I fucking know what you're 910 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,319 Speaker 2: up to. Yeah, totally, just to get a read on 911 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,240 Speaker 2: the situation, because I'm pretty good at telling if people 912 00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 2: are lying or not. I mean, it's pretty easy to 913 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,319 Speaker 2: spot a liar. Yeah, people lie and they act like, 914 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:46,719 Speaker 2: you know, they can't look you in the eye, they're distracted. 915 00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:50,520 Speaker 6: But the wife knows she's lying. I suppose that's his wife. 916 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:51,719 Speaker 6: She knows that he's lying. 917 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 5: She's just not ready to do with. 918 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:54,839 Speaker 2: It's not ready. Yeah, she's not ready. And also, your 919 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 2: gut is like how many times can we say this? Like, 920 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,040 Speaker 2: you have got to listen to your gut, your gut 921 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,239 Speaker 2: is telling you that you yes. And the only time 922 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,319 Speaker 2: your gut is wrong is maybe if you're so high 923 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,760 Speaker 2: that you're a little bit paranoid, and that might be fake, 924 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,480 Speaker 2: like a false intuition. But like when you're clear headed 925 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,480 Speaker 2: and you have this feeling and it doesn't go away, 926 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,080 Speaker 2: it's because something is not right. 927 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:13,439 Speaker 5: Yeah. 928 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, they say have more like brain cells, more thinking 929 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 3: cells in your stomach than in your actual brain. So 930 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,320 Speaker 3: like your gut is actually communicating with you, it's physically 931 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 3: literally telling you stuff. We just have to listen. I think. 932 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 3: Also the question that comes up for me too, is 933 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 3: like saying to your sister, like, if this is not 934 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,480 Speaker 3: the deal breaker, If like not knowing whether he cheated, 935 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,240 Speaker 3: whether he didn't cheat, it is not the deal breaker. 936 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,200 Speaker 3: Do you really still want to be in a relationship 937 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 3: with someone who treats you this way, who says he 938 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 3: would not give up a friendship for you, who says 939 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 3: you know, that's probably an unhealthy thing, who lies to you, 940 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,759 Speaker 3: et cetera, who's being cagy Like, is that enough for 941 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 3: you even if he didn't cheat, Is that an okay 942 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:53,520 Speaker 3: relationship for you to stay in? 943 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 4: No, I'm right, it's not. 944 00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 1: It's not no, none of it. Yeah exactly, there you go. 945 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,680 Speaker 5: Yeah they're married though, yeah, yeah, but still I don't know, man. 946 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:02,600 Speaker 5: I think I think. 947 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,359 Speaker 6: I think we like to live in the world where 948 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,200 Speaker 6: we like to make these things so clear and cut 949 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:08,799 Speaker 6: and so is this that or is this this? It's 950 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,440 Speaker 6: you meet people at different places and phases in their life. 951 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,399 Speaker 6: They're going through different shit. Some of it is if 952 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,640 Speaker 6: you fuck with a person, are you just gonna deal 953 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,000 Speaker 6: with this person shit? Are you willing to dig in there? 954 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,000 Speaker 5: Unpack it? 955 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 6: Figure out why they are the way they are, why 956 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,279 Speaker 6: they're moving the way they're moving, because there could be 957 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,800 Speaker 6: a million reasons. And it's not just all cheating, because 958 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,480 Speaker 6: even under cheating, there's usually a lot of shit as 959 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,359 Speaker 6: to why someone moves this way and why someone gets 960 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,839 Speaker 6: whatever they get out of cheating. And so it's like 961 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,759 Speaker 6: are you are you do you want to work with 962 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:41,160 Speaker 6: this person? And then the boundaries of how you're willing 963 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,560 Speaker 6: to work with this person, which is hard for someone 964 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,960 Speaker 6: who's like I am bad at boundary setting. It's the 965 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,719 Speaker 6: thing I we talk about a couple of therapy all 966 00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,480 Speaker 6: the time, as Ore was not good at setting boundaries. 967 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,120 Speaker 6: And if we get into this big discussion about Partially 968 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,040 Speaker 6: that is not the reason, but that was a partial reason. 969 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 6: Why cheat is because I was feeling so violated in 970 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,400 Speaker 6: my relationship and I was not good at going stop, 971 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,279 Speaker 6: I don't like this, or this makes me feel this way, 972 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,959 Speaker 6: or this does this to me. I was just splintering, Okay, fine, 973 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,759 Speaker 6: you're gonna do that, do you. I'll just go over 974 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 6: here and do me. And that's not the way to 975 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,000 Speaker 6: handle it, which is why it's like do you just 976 00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:16,360 Speaker 6: you got to decide if you want to deal with 977 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:17,840 Speaker 6: the person. And that's why they stay out their marriage 978 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,600 Speaker 6: because you just don't know. She could also be doing 979 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,239 Speaker 6: shit you don't know about. They're in the workings of 980 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 6: what's happening there. She might understand more than you understand, 981 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 6: like oh, some of this is based on this or that, 982 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:29,960 Speaker 6: like you just don't know their business. 983 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, Or she could just go directly to the source 984 00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,239 Speaker 2: and ask the girl. Oh oh, not that she'll always 985 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,280 Speaker 2: tell you the truth, because she said she needs a confirmation. 986 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,279 Speaker 2: She's got a guy that she wants a confirmation. Go 987 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:40,560 Speaker 2: to the girl and ask her. 988 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,279 Speaker 5: Which she hasn't done it yet. Is because she knows 989 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:42,640 Speaker 5: it's true. 990 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,080 Speaker 6: Because that's Usually a woman's first move is to text 991 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 6: the woman. 992 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, but texting is no good. It's a face to 993 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:48,680 Speaker 1: face because. 994 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,360 Speaker 3: Then you even read the signs, read the eyes. 995 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 2: Yes, like my girlfriend was having someone was having an affair. 996 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,480 Speaker 2: Her husband was having an affair with this other woman, 997 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,640 Speaker 2: and my girlfriend the same thing. They're now divorced, thankfully, 998 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,799 Speaker 2: but same thing. She went over to his house to 999 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,520 Speaker 2: snoop and guess who was there? The girl that he 1000 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:08,520 Speaker 2: denied having a relationship with, and they were sorry, they 1001 00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,520 Speaker 2: were separated at this point, so they were married and 1002 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,360 Speaker 2: they were getting separated, and she didn't know because he 1003 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:13,000 Speaker 2: kept denying it. 1004 00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,080 Speaker 1: I've never cheated. I've never cheated. This girl does that. 1005 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,799 Speaker 1: We're not we're only friends. We're only friends. 1006 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,560 Speaker 2: She found all these texts and she went over there 1007 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,400 Speaker 2: and guess who was there with the key to his house? 1008 00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:21,719 Speaker 1: The fucking girlfriend. 1009 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,960 Speaker 2: So there's the confirmation, like you know, and that was it. 1010 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,920 Speaker 2: Then she's like, fine, I fucking know now. So I 1011 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 2: guess everybody needs to figure out the way they need 1012 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,560 Speaker 2: to figure out. But we're telling you he's probably juting. Yes, anyway, 1013 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:33,839 Speaker 2: do we have next call? 1014 00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,920 Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Anna and she is joining 1015 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:41,520 Speaker 3: us on the phone. Here, Anna says, Dear Chelsea, it's 1016 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,319 Speaker 3: been a year since my ex and I broke up. 1017 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,400 Speaker 3: We dated for about a year and it ended on 1018 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,600 Speaker 3: pretty horrible terms. A few months ago, I found out 1019 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,480 Speaker 3: through a friend of mine that he's on dating apps 1020 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,360 Speaker 3: looking for relationships with men. On the one hand, this 1021 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,800 Speaker 3: took a huge weight off my shoulders because up until 1022 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,880 Speaker 3: then I didn't understand why the relationship ended. On the 1023 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,480 Speaker 3: other hand, I recently trying to be in dating again, 1024 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,759 Speaker 3: but no matter what I do, every time I go 1025 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,960 Speaker 3: out with a man, I'm inundated with thoughts that he 1026 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,880 Speaker 3: is gay. I genuinely had never thought of it before, 1027 00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 3: but now it's become my greatest fear. How do we 1028 00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,120 Speaker 3: get out of this headspace? 1029 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:17,640 Speaker 2: Anna, Hiana, Hiana, hi Hi. I don't think you have 1030 00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:21,560 Speaker 2: to worry about every man being gay. I mean, you 1031 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,680 Speaker 2: already did that. That doesn't happen multiple times. You're not 1032 00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 2: just only attracting gay men. That's just like one example 1033 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:31,640 Speaker 2: of what happened in your life. You know, stick to 1034 00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:36,279 Speaker 2: your original instinctual reaction, which was what a relief like. 1035 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,600 Speaker 2: It probably had very little to do with you and 1036 00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:42,200 Speaker 2: more to do with him. Struggling with his sexuality and 1037 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:46,120 Speaker 2: most men that are on dating apps, especially apps, because 1038 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,960 Speaker 2: there's the I mean, what's the point of looking for 1039 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,600 Speaker 2: someone you're not attracted to. The whole point is to 1040 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,480 Speaker 2: hook up and meet somebody and possibly date somebody. So 1041 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,319 Speaker 2: if you're on an app and they're seeking women, that's 1042 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:58,440 Speaker 2: where the honesty comes in. 1043 00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:00,239 Speaker 1: That's the most honest part about. 1044 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,759 Speaker 2: Being on an app is like, I'm looking to get 1045 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,880 Speaker 2: laid with you. 1046 00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:05,160 Speaker 1: Right, I'm looking to date you. 1047 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 2: I mean, they can lie about other things, but the 1048 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:11,400 Speaker 2: actual sexuality is pretty like it's an open playing field. 1049 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 2: So if they're there to meet women, then I think 1050 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 2: you can, like, you know, pretty much rest assured that 1051 00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:18,360 Speaker 2: that's the truth. 1052 00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:23,080 Speaker 6: And he's also might not be like gay, right, he 1053 00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,160 Speaker 6: might just be fluid. He might just be by and 1054 00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,080 Speaker 6: didn't want to talk to you about that part, and 1055 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,640 Speaker 6: he might be like, now I want some dick this week, 1056 00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,000 Speaker 6: you know, like now I'm in my months of getting 1057 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:35,040 Speaker 6: dig So you shouldn't take it like, oh, is it me? 1058 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,239 Speaker 6: He's just out here chilling. I mean, at the end 1059 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,359 Speaker 6: of the day, it's like he's just dating other people. 1060 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,560 Speaker 4: Right, So I think my fear is that I live 1061 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:44,160 Speaker 4: in the South, and that adds like a whole other 1062 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,799 Speaker 4: element too, And I think. 1063 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,600 Speaker 3: And he's military too, right, he said, so like there's 1064 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 3: a lot of. 1065 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:50,520 Speaker 5: Oh, you gotta give us all the details. 1066 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, and it actually has like a kind of incredible 1067 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,080 Speaker 3: dramatic story of the breakup. 1068 00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,839 Speaker 1: But what tell us give us the abridge version. 1069 00:43:58,840 --> 00:43:59,920 Speaker 3: You gotta give him the juice? 1070 00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay. So when I told Katherine the story, I 1071 00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,400 Speaker 4: was the first time I'd ever told her like in totality, 1072 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:05,960 Speaker 4: and so I'm going to try to make it a 1073 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 4: little more brief than what I told her, But essentially 1074 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,680 Speaker 4: what happened we like, we dated for a long time. 1075 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,600 Speaker 4: Everything was great, and then one night we ended up 1076 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,040 Speaker 4: going to sleep together in my apartment. He lives about 1077 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:18,920 Speaker 4: an hour from me, so every weekend he'd like come 1078 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,200 Speaker 4: down and stay in my apartment. Whatever. That was nothing different, 1079 00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,640 Speaker 4: and we went to bed together and I woke up 1080 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,399 Speaker 4: at like four o'clock in the morning to him coming 1081 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,560 Speaker 4: into my apartment and I was like, that's weird because 1082 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,560 Speaker 4: I fell asleep with you. What are you doing? And 1083 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,319 Speaker 4: so I see him walk in and he is like 1084 00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,800 Speaker 4: blacked out, like figety figety fucked up, like to the 1085 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:38,279 Speaker 4: point that I'm like, what happened in the last you know, 1086 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,320 Speaker 4: four hours that you got to this point. So he 1087 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,920 Speaker 4: comes in my room and I'm like, not about to 1088 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:44,520 Speaker 4: argue with the drunk person. So I'm like I'm going 1089 00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,960 Speaker 4: to go to sleep. What is that? 1090 00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:47,400 Speaker 5: Okay? 1091 00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:47,760 Speaker 2: Whatever? 1092 00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:49,960 Speaker 4: So I wake up, you know, like four hours later, 1093 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:51,840 Speaker 4: and I'm like, where did you go? And he was like, 1094 00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,680 Speaker 4: I told you that I left. No you didn't, No, 1095 00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:56,719 Speaker 4: you didn't. And he's like, no, I told you. I 1096 00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,320 Speaker 4: told you. I want to go meet some of my friends. 1097 00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,759 Speaker 4: I'm sorry, like maybe you just forgot. And I was like, okay, well, 1098 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,319 Speaker 4: like on the off chance that that happens, whatever, but 1099 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,839 Speaker 4: go on with our day. And then later that night, 1100 00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,680 Speaker 4: I am in the bathroom getting ready to go to 1101 00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:12,120 Speaker 4: a friend's birthday dinner and he's coming with me, and 1102 00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,160 Speaker 4: I see his phone light up on my bathroom counter 1103 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,040 Speaker 4: and it's a bumble notification. So I looked at it 1104 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:18,920 Speaker 4: and I look at myself in the mirror, and I 1105 00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,480 Speaker 4: need everybody listening to this podcast to just like send 1106 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,160 Speaker 4: a future prayer to my children. And I'm ever blessed 1107 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,640 Speaker 4: with them because unless they take on like the criminal 1108 00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,600 Speaker 4: prowess of whoever the hell killed the black doll. You 1109 00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,960 Speaker 4: ain't no way they're going to get away with anything 1110 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:34,120 Speaker 4: with me because I took the phone and I start 1111 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,759 Speaker 4: packing up his stuff and just walk in the living 1112 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,400 Speaker 4: room and I'm like, gotta get out of here. What 1113 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,879 Speaker 4: am I looking out on the screen. And he's like, oh, 1114 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,399 Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know, and starts like messing 1115 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,600 Speaker 4: around with it and deleting some like fleeting stuff, hands 1116 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:45,480 Speaker 4: it back to me. He's like, I don't know what 1117 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:48,960 Speaker 4: you're talking about. I said, okay, let's redownload the app. Then, 1118 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:50,600 Speaker 4: so I redownload Bumble and I give it back to 1119 00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,280 Speaker 4: him and see like all his matches, all his everything, 1120 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,000 Speaker 4: and he hands it back and he's like no, like 1121 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:56,920 Speaker 4: I don't know. And I was like, all right, well 1122 00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,080 Speaker 4: then me can tipeck your phone now. So I took 1123 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,760 Speaker 4: back his phone and I went to the Uber app 1124 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,200 Speaker 4: and I see that he ubered from my apartment last 1125 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:04,960 Speaker 4: night at like one am to a bar that he 1126 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,319 Speaker 4: said that he went to, but he ubered home from 1127 00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,360 Speaker 4: somewhere else. So I said, let's look up the address. 1128 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,400 Speaker 4: So I look up the address and it's a hotel 1129 00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:14,480 Speaker 4: so I give it back to him and say, now, 1130 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,920 Speaker 4: what's this? How did you get back? Like, how did 1131 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:18,600 Speaker 4: you get from here to here? He's like, oh, I walked, 1132 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,880 Speaker 4: I walked there. I was having a bad night, so 1133 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,560 Speaker 4: I just ended up walking. And then I ubered back 1134 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 4: and I said, okay, let's open up your woop app then, 1135 00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:27,880 Speaker 4: which is like fitbit kind of what tracks your steps. 1136 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,440 Speaker 5: And I said, oh god damn. 1137 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:30,960 Speaker 4: I said, you didn't take the steps? 1138 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,200 Speaker 5: King? 1139 00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:37,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, yah king ya ya ya yagu yeah fucking seriously, yeah. 1140 00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,560 Speaker 4: I was like, you didn't take enough steps. There ain't 1141 00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,080 Speaker 4: no way you could have walked from this. 1142 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,920 Speaker 2: Bar to the Why were you at a hotel? Like 1143 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:44,839 Speaker 2: why you got that? 1144 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:46,480 Speaker 4: He said that that's just like where he ended up. 1145 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,560 Speaker 4: And then I was like, yeah, I know that lie. 1146 00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,440 Speaker 6: Like I just was walking and I was angry and 1147 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:51,920 Speaker 6: that this was the best place to get a car 1148 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,040 Speaker 6: because it was a location. 1149 00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,240 Speaker 4: And then I took and then I used his faith 1150 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,640 Speaker 4: and I opened up his bank app and said, now 1151 00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,720 Speaker 4: you spent six hundred dollars on a room at this hotel? 1152 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,120 Speaker 5: Though, yeah, yeah, will do yes, yeah, yeah, You're like 1153 00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:03,800 Speaker 5: magnum pia. 1154 00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:07,920 Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm a horrible liar myself 1155 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:09,359 Speaker 4: because this is what I go through on my own head. 1156 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,839 Speaker 4: I'm like, how could someone possibly debunk this? And then 1157 00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,000 Speaker 4: I'm just like, oh, a raccoon actually came over to 1158 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,560 Speaker 4: my house and my lives are horrible. 1159 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,600 Speaker 1: Because I just like and so that's how you broke up? 1160 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,520 Speaker 4: Well, no, unfortunately I don't have I didn't have that 1161 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,239 Speaker 4: much self respect at that point, and was like, I'm 1162 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,480 Speaker 4: you know what I can forgive you of this? And 1163 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,040 Speaker 4: then throughout the week he kept calling me saying that 1164 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,719 Speaker 4: he was having a lot of mental health problems and 1165 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,359 Speaker 4: that he was suicidal. Then one day he was like, hey, 1166 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:34,960 Speaker 4: I'm having a really hard time. I think I have 1167 00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,080 Speaker 4: access to you know, guns and stuff because it's the military, 1168 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:38,600 Speaker 4: and he's like, I'm having a lot of really really 1169 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,920 Speaker 4: negative thoughts. So he's like I just need like a 1170 00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,400 Speaker 4: little bit of space for a second. And I was like, 1171 00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:45,479 Speaker 4: all right, that's okay. That was at like five pm 1172 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,640 Speaker 4: on a Friday, and I wake up the next morning 1173 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:49,719 Speaker 4: I've not heard anything from him, So I start calling 1174 00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,360 Speaker 4: him and I realized he'd like removed his location and 1175 00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:53,960 Speaker 4: he wasn't answering his phone. I called him like a 1176 00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:57,080 Speaker 4: lot of times after testing his friends asking they'd heard 1177 00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:59,239 Speaker 4: from him, and they said no, like reaching out to 1178 00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,799 Speaker 4: his brother everybody. So I ended up getting the car 1179 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,640 Speaker 4: and driving up to his apartment. I had a key 1180 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,600 Speaker 4: and I go in and all my stuff is gone 1181 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:08,759 Speaker 4: out of the apartment. We had pictures and notes all 1182 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,040 Speaker 4: hung up, that was all swept clean from the apartment 1183 00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:14,560 Speaker 4: and I didn't hear from him for two days. 1184 00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:16,600 Speaker 2: I really thought that he was dead. 1185 00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:19,239 Speaker 4: I was horrible. I was a mess. I it was 1186 00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,040 Speaker 4: just a really bad time for me. And then he 1187 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,160 Speaker 4: kind of just cheat ended up showing up in my 1188 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,719 Speaker 4: apartment and was like, sorry, I can't be in a 1189 00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:29,080 Speaker 4: relationship anymore, and he told his whole family. I forgot 1190 00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:30,279 Speaker 4: one of his friends to call me back and he 1191 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:31,799 Speaker 4: was like, yeah, so I heard you all broke up 1192 00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:34,400 Speaker 4: last night, So sorry about that. So he called his 1193 00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:36,759 Speaker 4: entire family and friends and said that that we broke up, 1194 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:38,359 Speaker 4: so that if I had reached out then it would 1195 00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,799 Speaker 4: look I was like, I was like a crazy ex 1196 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,359 Speaker 4: girlfriend being like where is he? What are you doing? 1197 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,000 Speaker 4: So it was wild. I haven't really heard a journey. 1198 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:49,640 Speaker 2: Well, good riddance, good good ridden. I mean First of all, 1199 00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,399 Speaker 2: I'm glad you shared all of the your sleuth thing 1200 00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:54,840 Speaker 2: because that's very important for our listeners to hear about. 1201 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:58,399 Speaker 2: Because I am more disappointed that you stayed with him 1202 00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:00,720 Speaker 2: after you found out that he went to fucking hotel 1203 00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,000 Speaker 2: room and rented a hotel room I know, and then 1204 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:04,640 Speaker 2: came back to you at four in the morning. So 1205 00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,040 Speaker 2: you know, let's not try let's try not to repeat that. 1206 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,800 Speaker 2: But honey, listen, you don't have to worry about Most 1207 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:11,799 Speaker 2: men are not trying to have sex with women when 1208 00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:13,920 Speaker 2: they're gay. This guy sounds like he had a lot 1209 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,080 Speaker 2: of issues going on. He knows what they are. Who 1210 00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,960 Speaker 2: knows if it's his sexuality at all. Maybe he's into 1211 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,880 Speaker 2: both people and maybe he's into God take whatever. I mean. 1212 00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:22,600 Speaker 1: He sounds gay. 1213 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,000 Speaker 6: I think he was secretly gay and he was struggling 1214 00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,960 Speaker 6: with it, and he was getting blasted and going to 1215 00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,160 Speaker 6: hooking up with dudes and having drunk blasted gay sex. 1216 00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's interesting because his little brother is by and 1217 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:34,320 Speaker 4: he's like super supportive. 1218 00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,040 Speaker 5: Of that, and like is he's the oldest. 1219 00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,520 Speaker 4: He's the oldest, and he has a lot of gay friends. 1220 00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:40,640 Speaker 1: Well he's that's in the military. 1221 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,120 Speaker 2: It's like that's not very easy to be in the 1222 00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,560 Speaker 2: military and be out as gay, Like that's not like 1223 00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,320 Speaker 2: that's not like rooted for you know, you can. 1224 00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,520 Speaker 6: Also be like cool with other people being something, but 1225 00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,719 Speaker 6: then you can you know, sometimes people fetishize things and 1226 00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:55,359 Speaker 6: they're like, I'm not really gay, I just like get 1227 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,359 Speaker 6: my dick suck by dudes, and then they like like 1228 00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:01,160 Speaker 6: go like compartmentalized. Yeah, and it sounds like it kind 1229 00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:02,879 Speaker 6: of crashed on him and he was like, no, maybe 1230 00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,239 Speaker 6: I actually I'm just holy this and he didn't know 1231 00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,720 Speaker 6: how to like make that make sense. 1232 00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:09,200 Speaker 4: Almost all my friends also have the same fear though 1233 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:10,640 Speaker 4: as I do, because of. 1234 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:11,240 Speaker 3: What you went through. 1235 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,279 Speaker 4: No, I know this was like a pre this is 1236 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,080 Speaker 4: like before this even happened, that we're all like secretly 1237 00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:16,280 Speaker 4: dating guys that are gay. 1238 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:17,840 Speaker 3: Maybe need to get out of the South. 1239 00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:20,640 Speaker 4: No, it's well I live. I'm gonna expose myself further. 1240 00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,880 Speaker 4: I live in Nashville, and so it's very like everyone 1241 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:28,480 Speaker 4: here is like newly gay, but they all have this 1242 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:30,320 Speaker 4: like look where they were like their grandmother's pearls and 1243 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,920 Speaker 4: weigh like a collective eighty pounds. So like I think 1244 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:35,640 Speaker 4: it's not what I grew up because I'm from the 1245 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,239 Speaker 4: Midwest originally and so like it's not like picturing like 1246 00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:41,680 Speaker 4: a man to be I guess, which is like so patriarchal, 1247 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,600 Speaker 4: and I fully understand that. But okay, now it's just 1248 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,319 Speaker 4: like an irrational fear that I have. 1249 00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think, like, you know, it is irrational, 1250 00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:50,799 Speaker 2: and that's all you need to know about it. 1251 00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,080 Speaker 1: Like you can't just like let. 1252 00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:53,399 Speaker 2: That run you. You have to go out. 1253 00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:54,839 Speaker 1: First of all, I would have sex with people. 1254 00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:56,600 Speaker 2: I'd like to have sex with people right away to 1255 00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,319 Speaker 2: get things going, to understand if you even know what 1256 00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:01,080 Speaker 2: that vibe is to be, because I've gone out with 1257 00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:03,200 Speaker 2: guys who aren't able to like have sex with me 1258 00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,320 Speaker 2: even you know, or get it up or whatever, and 1259 00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,160 Speaker 2: I'm like, well, this isn't gonna work. It doesn't matter 1260 00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,040 Speaker 2: if you're gay or not. Like that's not gonna work 1261 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,239 Speaker 2: for me, you know. But like, yeah, there are a 1262 00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:12,800 Speaker 2: lot of people that are fluid, and there are a 1263 00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:14,680 Speaker 2: lot of people that are by and there are a 1264 00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:16,279 Speaker 2: lot of people who are shamed of being gay that 1265 00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:17,920 Speaker 2: don't want to be out and about about it. But 1266 00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,680 Speaker 2: it's the exception. I would say, it's not the norm, 1267 00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,279 Speaker 2: like those dating apps. Do you know Taren Feldman by 1268 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,080 Speaker 2: any chance? She's in Nashville local. She's a makeup artist. 1269 00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:28,879 Speaker 2: Follow her on Instagram because she talks about online dating 1270 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:29,279 Speaker 2: all the time. 1271 00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,319 Speaker 1: She's like, it's dick delivery. She's like, this is what 1272 00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:31,920 Speaker 1: I use it for. 1273 00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,000 Speaker 2: She's like, I want dick and then if I like them, 1274 00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,319 Speaker 2: then I start dating them. And I'm like, okay, well 1275 00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,160 Speaker 2: that's one. You know, that's an avenue for her. That's 1276 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,120 Speaker 2: not for everybody, because if you're trying to find somebody, 1277 00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,160 Speaker 2: you know, you may have a different approach. I don't 1278 00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,319 Speaker 2: have any shame about people having sex on the first date. 1279 00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:46,799 Speaker 2: I think that's actually very natural as adults, what you know, Like, 1280 00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,799 Speaker 2: that's how you find out if you have chemistry. But 1281 00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:53,279 Speaker 2: I really need you to like reset your expectation. It 1282 00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,920 Speaker 2: would be very rare for this to happen to you twice, Okay, 1283 00:51:57,719 --> 00:51:59,960 Speaker 2: I think, so think about that, you know what I mean. 1284 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,719 Speaker 2: There's not a lot of people who are like, oh, 1285 00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:02,839 Speaker 2: I dated too gay men. 1286 00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:05,080 Speaker 1: Usually it's one and done. 1287 00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:06,960 Speaker 4: Okay, that makes me feel better. 1288 00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:10,800 Speaker 2: But it's also not a rational thought, you know what 1289 00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:13,839 Speaker 2: I mean. It's an experiential thought like it's happened to you, 1290 00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,359 Speaker 2: and you're saying your girlfriends it's definitely irrational for them 1291 00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,200 Speaker 2: as well, because if it hasn't happened to you, there's 1292 00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:21,680 Speaker 2: no reason to be really that. 1293 00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:22,800 Speaker 1: Worried about it. 1294 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,880 Speaker 2: That's like me getting worried about being bitten by a 1295 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,560 Speaker 2: snake when it's never happened, just because I don't like 1296 00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:29,440 Speaker 2: snakes and I don't want them to bite me. I 1297 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:32,520 Speaker 2: don't worry about that because it's ridiculous. Sorry if that's 1298 00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,160 Speaker 2: not the right parallel, but it's just like the fact 1299 00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:37,160 Speaker 2: that it's happened to you is more on your side 1300 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:41,200 Speaker 2: than it is for your girlfriends. Okay, your conversations with 1301 00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:42,840 Speaker 2: them should be like, hey, listen, I'm in the clear. 1302 00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, I got mine off the way. 1303 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:46,200 Speaker 4: My whole thing is like, now that I've like lived 1304 00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:48,680 Speaker 4: through this, I'm like I could survive damn near anything, 1305 00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:51,359 Speaker 4: because I like I have come out on the other side. 1306 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:53,600 Speaker 4: I'm sure, like I'm all glued back together now and 1307 00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,600 Speaker 4: I'm it's fine. So even if it does happen again, 1308 00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:00,600 Speaker 4: if it's like lightning strikes twice kind of thing obvious, yes, 1309 00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:01,320 Speaker 4: my god. 1310 00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:03,440 Speaker 2: You will be fine. You will be fine, but just 1311 00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:05,440 Speaker 2: start thinking about all of the things that you actually 1312 00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:09,520 Speaker 2: wanted a man and actually visualizing that, manifesting it, all 1313 00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:13,839 Speaker 2: of that stuff. That's yeah, yeah, Sierra's prayer. Get one 1314 00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:16,400 Speaker 2: of your what is that called? What is Oprah's like? 1315 00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:17,399 Speaker 2: Not her wish list? 1316 00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:17,759 Speaker 3: What is it? 1317 00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,400 Speaker 1: Oh no, it's not. Oh a vision board. 1318 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:25,680 Speaker 2: Just start cutting out vision board, Oprah's favorite. Just go 1319 00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,239 Speaker 2: to oprah dot com and figure out your problem. Okay, 1320 00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:30,839 Speaker 2: but seriously, just start and body and like, think about 1321 00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,160 Speaker 2: what you are looking for. Write it down, pull out 1322 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,000 Speaker 2: pictures for magazines, whatever is going to help you to 1323 00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,279 Speaker 2: shift your energy towards the positive things that you're going 1324 00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:38,640 Speaker 2: to find it. 1325 00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:42,040 Speaker 5: Amazin picture of Billy Porter and then you put a circle. 1326 00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:51,200 Speaker 2: Not what I'm looking for. Okay, all right, all right, yeah, 1327 00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:53,560 Speaker 2: get back on track. I'm glad you're past that. And 1328 00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:55,839 Speaker 2: you know what, listen, and everybody who's ever gone through 1329 00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:58,480 Speaker 2: anything difficult and is out on the other side as 1330 00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,240 Speaker 2: on the other side of it, understands we can survive 1331 00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:05,080 Speaker 2: almost anything. As you know, any sort of emotional trauma 1332 00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:09,000 Speaker 2: people survive. So you've gotten through that, you'll get through 1333 00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:12,279 Speaker 2: other things. And the important thing to remember is, like 1334 00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:16,880 Speaker 2: you're in the position of a situation, you've accepted the outcome, 1335 00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:20,080 Speaker 2: and now your life has moved on. Like, if everyone 1336 00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:22,520 Speaker 2: could hear that when they're going through the thick of it, 1337 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,640 Speaker 2: it would be a much different grief process. It would 1338 00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:27,759 Speaker 2: be much shorter, and you know, a lot if you 1339 00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,600 Speaker 2: would feel a lot less like shit all the time. 1340 00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,160 Speaker 6: Yeah, and even though your situation was different because he 1341 00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,359 Speaker 6: was cheating, I do think this message is to like 1342 00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,680 Speaker 6: all like straight to his people. Stop making it such 1343 00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:40,279 Speaker 6: a big deal. It's not that big of a deal. 1344 00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:42,480 Speaker 6: It's not different than an if he just was dating 1345 00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:45,880 Speaker 6: other people. People grow and are consistently changing who they 1346 00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:47,720 Speaker 6: were when you met them to who they are later. 1347 00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,600 Speaker 5: It doesn't really fucking matter. 1348 00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:51,399 Speaker 6: You know, there's a lot of dudes I had sex 1349 00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,000 Speaker 6: with you with like a modern reason you're eating pussies, 1350 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,000 Speaker 6: and it's like, nah, man, I'm just living a different 1351 00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:58,040 Speaker 6: life now, right, that makes sense. 1352 00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,560 Speaker 2: It'd be fun to tell a guy you're exactly the 1353 00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:05,200 Speaker 2: reason I went from you to eating pussy. That's what 1354 00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,560 Speaker 2: I have to say about that relationship turns. 1355 00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:12,719 Speaker 4: You can go run and tell people that now. Thank you, 1356 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,040 Speaker 4: Anna appreciate y'all. 1357 00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,000 Speaker 5: Good lighting and though too, Thanks Carols, just my apartment, 1358 00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:21,440 Speaker 5: Thanks Anna Bute. 1359 00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:26,719 Speaker 2: It was like soft porn lighting a little. I just 1360 00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:28,839 Speaker 2: felt my edible kick in just in time for our 1361 00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:30,520 Speaker 2: last call. Yeah, excellent. 1362 00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:32,919 Speaker 3: Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. 1363 00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:34,600 Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be 1364 00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:40,080 Speaker 1: right back. And we're already back. 1365 00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:43,919 Speaker 3: Oh my god, we're already back, So Lena wrote in, 1366 00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:48,840 Speaker 3: and she says, Dear Chelsea, my partner doesn't drink often. However, 1367 00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,080 Speaker 3: about once or twice a year he drinks a lot. 1368 00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:54,360 Speaker 3: He's British on an empty stomach, and that's when it 1369 00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:57,279 Speaker 3: all goes downhill. He turns into a different person, and 1370 00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,759 Speaker 3: it often ends with him getting naked. And one of 1371 00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:02,640 Speaker 3: these times he left the house. If I hadn't been 1372 00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:04,880 Speaker 3: home to open the door, he'd just be locked outside 1373 00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:08,040 Speaker 3: the building naked. Another time, he got naked and walked 1374 00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:10,560 Speaker 3: into the flat next door, and as the door was open, 1375 00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:14,080 Speaker 3: he got into their bed and slept. Fortunately he didn't 1376 00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:16,520 Speaker 3: wet their bed, which is another thing that often happens 1377 00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:19,600 Speaker 3: on these occasions. Last time he was so out of 1378 00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,439 Speaker 3: it he didn't know how to get home and didn't 1379 00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,880 Speaker 3: even know where home was. It took him four hours 1380 00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,239 Speaker 3: to finally get home after one too many calls from 1381 00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,400 Speaker 3: a then pregnant me. I have no idea how he 1382 00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,000 Speaker 3: feels about these episodes. Brits are not exactly known for 1383 00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:35,040 Speaker 3: their communication skills. He behaves like it's no big deal, 1384 00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,040 Speaker 3: but I suspect he knows it is. I really really 1385 00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:39,719 Speaker 3: want him to go to therapy to learn how to 1386 00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,080 Speaker 3: deal with his shit, not just drinking, but any other 1387 00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:45,160 Speaker 3: curveball's life throws. But I know if I suggest it, 1388 00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,960 Speaker 3: he'll dismiss it and possibly be upset with me. What 1389 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,160 Speaker 3: can I do. I'm tired of dealing with his shit, 1390 00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,680 Speaker 3: even if it's sporadic. Thank you Lena. 1391 00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,360 Speaker 5: Damn, as she considered that she might be dating a werewolf. 1392 00:56:58,239 --> 00:56:59,959 Speaker 2: I don't know why the British loved to get naked 1393 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,880 Speaker 2: when they're drunk. I was at a wedding once in 1394 00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,560 Speaker 2: England in the countryside, and this it was a fancy wedding. 1395 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,600 Speaker 2: We were at like some manor, and the fiance the 1396 00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:12,560 Speaker 2: groom came out. We were all in this backyard of 1397 00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:15,600 Speaker 2: this manner having drinks and it was a very British affair, 1398 00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:20,040 Speaker 2: and this guy, the groom came running streaking through the 1399 00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:24,480 Speaker 2: backyard butt naked, and it was like a very fancy event, 1400 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:27,760 Speaker 2: and ran right into a brick wall because the whole 1401 00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:31,720 Speaker 2: backyard was encased by brick walls. Ran streaking naked, ran 1402 00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:34,360 Speaker 2: right into the brick wall, slammed his head and face 1403 00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:36,919 Speaker 2: into the brick wall, ricocheted off of it, fell down, 1404 00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:39,280 Speaker 2: and then pete on the ground. Oh geez. 1405 00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,200 Speaker 1: And then the next day. 1406 00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:45,560 Speaker 2: Was the wedding and he was there and everyone acted 1407 00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:48,240 Speaker 2: like nothing had happened. And I was like, wait a second, 1408 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:51,240 Speaker 2: what is happening. I go, if this were America, he 1409 00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,720 Speaker 2: would be at Betty Ford. If this is the same dude, 1410 00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:59,080 Speaker 2: it sounds like, but everyone was just like everyone in England. 1411 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:02,360 Speaker 2: There's a much different attitude towards alcohol there. First, But 1412 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:06,400 Speaker 2: this is a dangerous problem that you have with your husband, 1413 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,040 Speaker 2: and the fact that you're scared to upset him is 1414 00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:13,320 Speaker 2: really like very telling because you can't be scared. 1415 00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,920 Speaker 1: You have a child with him now, right, Yeah. 1416 00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:19,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't be scared to upset him. Who gives 1417 00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:22,600 Speaker 2: a shit. He has a fucking like allergy to alcohol. 1418 00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:26,160 Speaker 2: He's like allergic to alcohol. If when he drinks he 1419 00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:28,800 Speaker 2: ends up in someone's bed, Like, what the fuck do 1420 00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:31,320 Speaker 2: the neighbors have to say about that? You could get. 1421 00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:34,400 Speaker 3: Arrested for that, especially being naked in their bed. 1422 00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:37,200 Speaker 6: Also, he's covering like a lot of ground naked. He's 1423 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:38,560 Speaker 6: getting really far naked. 1424 00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:42,960 Speaker 2: She's like he and opening the door for him, Like 1425 00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:45,840 Speaker 2: why would you let him sleep outside in the fucking 1426 00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:48,080 Speaker 2: cold so he can learn his lesson and wake up sober? 1427 00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,520 Speaker 1: And I understand British people. 1428 00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:53,600 Speaker 2: Are less skillful in areas of therapy and communication in 1429 00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,920 Speaker 2: terms of emotions, but this is something that he does 1430 00:58:57,040 --> 00:58:58,640 Speaker 2: need to go to therapy. He needs to find out 1431 00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:01,000 Speaker 2: why he's acting like that, why he even needs to 1432 00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:03,720 Speaker 2: do that twice a year, because it's clearly he can't 1433 00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:05,800 Speaker 2: be having a good time when he doesn't remember anything. 1434 00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,720 Speaker 6: Yeah, and it's also you sat in a boundary and 1435 00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:11,080 Speaker 6: you confronting him like that's a part of it is 1436 00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,800 Speaker 6: that you can't be complacent. You got to go to 1437 00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:17,040 Speaker 6: him and say clearly, like you're doing this and this 1438 00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:19,160 Speaker 6: is a problem, like and we have a child in 1439 00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:20,320 Speaker 6: this can't continue. 1440 00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:20,560 Speaker 5: Yeah. 1441 00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:23,240 Speaker 2: I mean you have like five examples already, and so 1442 00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:25,280 Speaker 2: I'm sure there are many more that you can cite 1443 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,280 Speaker 2: and it's not acceptable. It's not acceptable behavior. You're not 1444 00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,400 Speaker 2: going to tolerate it anymore. And what does he want 1445 00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,840 Speaker 2: to do about that? Yeah, because it's not like he's 1446 00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:34,240 Speaker 2: doing it all the time, so he doesn't need to 1447 00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:34,760 Speaker 2: do it at all. 1448 00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:38,640 Speaker 6: Right, But that's probably why he thinks it's okay too, 1449 00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:41,680 Speaker 6: because he's like, I'm not doing this a bunch, just 1450 00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:43,520 Speaker 6: twice a year. You got to do with me getting 1451 00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:45,400 Speaker 6: a little wacky? What's the big deal? But it's like, no, 1452 00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:46,160 Speaker 6: it's a big deal, bro. 1453 00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:48,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, But I think Chelsea, what you said is really 1454 00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,360 Speaker 3: important too, Like what do you want to do about that? 1455 00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:53,360 Speaker 3: Because it's not like are we going to or are 1456 00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,640 Speaker 3: we not? It's like putting the ball back on his court, 1457 00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:57,600 Speaker 3: Like what are we doing? What do you want to do? 1458 00:59:57,680 --> 00:59:59,600 Speaker 3: What are the steps you want to take? Because steps 1459 00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:00,920 Speaker 3: need to be to whatever. 1460 01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,640 Speaker 2: They are, And let him know that you called into 1461 01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:05,240 Speaker 2: a podcast, be like I've actually reached out about this 1462 01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:06,120 Speaker 2: because I'm so worried. 1463 01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:08,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, nip it in the bud. 1464 01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:11,040 Speaker 3: I think that's all we can do there. So moving 1465 01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:14,480 Speaker 3: right along to our last question, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 1466 01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:17,120 Speaker 3: twenty seven year old gay guy, living in New York 1467 01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,680 Speaker 3: City to start. My problem feels like somewhat of a 1468 01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:23,000 Speaker 3: champagne problem. In short, I'm a people pleaser with too 1469 01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:25,840 Speaker 3: much on my social calendar. Since I've moved to New York, 1470 01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,000 Speaker 3: I've gone from knowing nobody to making a ton of 1471 01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:31,680 Speaker 3: different friends in so many different circles gay, straight men, women, 1472 01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:34,840 Speaker 3: My groups run the gamut. Now, However, I feel as 1473 01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:36,960 Speaker 3: though each group and each friend wants a piece of me, 1474 01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:38,880 Speaker 3: and when I can't give it or decide to take 1475 01:00:38,920 --> 01:00:42,160 Speaker 3: time for myself, someone gets hurt and or upset with me. 1476 01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:44,680 Speaker 3: I feel like I'm always digging myself out of a 1477 01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:48,520 Speaker 3: hole with someone, or kissing ass after skipping their dinner party, etc. 1478 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,400 Speaker 3: For something else. I also feel like this is cutting 1479 01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:54,040 Speaker 3: into my dating life and the occasional nights I'd actually 1480 01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:56,720 Speaker 3: like to stay at home alone. I love my busy 1481 01:00:56,800 --> 01:01:00,320 Speaker 3: life and I'm an extroverted people enthusiast, but I do 1482 01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:02,160 Speaker 3: feel like I need them to understand that I have 1483 01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:05,440 Speaker 3: to fill my cup before I can fill theirs. Any advice, John. 1484 01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:07,000 Speaker 1: Well, Yeah, just fucking do it, John. 1485 01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:08,000 Speaker 5: You know what do you mean to do? 1486 01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:10,080 Speaker 2: You don't have to explain yourself to all of these people. 1487 01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,440 Speaker 2: You just say, oh, I'm not available that night. You 1488 01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,280 Speaker 2: don't have to tell them why, or that you want 1489 01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:16,520 Speaker 2: to be alone, or that you're sleeping or you can 1490 01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:19,520 Speaker 2: you know, just you don't have to explain yourself to 1491 01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:21,600 Speaker 2: all these people. You're just not available when they want 1492 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:23,960 Speaker 2: you there. So it's not a big deal. You're actually 1493 01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:24,840 Speaker 2: making it a big deal. 1494 01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:27,240 Speaker 3: And I think too, if you do want to have 1495 01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:30,120 Speaker 3: like something concrete to do, you could be like, you 1496 01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,800 Speaker 3: know what Sundays is my like alone time, It's my 1497 01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:35,800 Speaker 3: hermit time. And also like turn your phone off. Stop 1498 01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:37,680 Speaker 3: looking at your phone, because if you're not seeing these 1499 01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,720 Speaker 3: text messages come in being like hey come to our 1500 01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:41,560 Speaker 3: party whatever, you're not gonna feel a fomo. 1501 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:45,200 Speaker 2: And you're blaming everybody for wanting pieces of you instead 1502 01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:49,280 Speaker 2: of yourself, Like you're the problem. You are over extending yourself, 1503 01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:53,160 Speaker 2: you're allowing yourself to be like you know that's people 1504 01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:54,200 Speaker 2: want pieces of me too. 1505 01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:55,640 Speaker 5: I don't give it to me. 1506 01:01:55,760 --> 01:01:57,560 Speaker 2: No, I'm like, I know I need to sleep for 1507 01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,760 Speaker 2: two days. I came up yesterday. I'm like I have 1508 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,640 Speaker 2: to for twenty four hours. Do you not fucking talk 1509 01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:03,680 Speaker 2: to me? You don't call me nobody, and I throw 1510 01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:04,760 Speaker 2: my phone in the garbage. 1511 01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,520 Speaker 6: And it also sounds like I'm reading this, but it 1512 01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:09,840 Speaker 6: feels like you're not being straight up either. It feels 1513 01:02:09,840 --> 01:02:12,480 Speaker 6: like because you're a people pleaser, you know probably two 1514 01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,640 Speaker 6: days before you're not going to this thing, or you 1515 01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:16,760 Speaker 6: don't want to go, but you're just not being straight 1516 01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:18,240 Speaker 6: up and being like, yeah, probably not gonna make that 1517 01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:20,680 Speaker 6: one or so it's a little bit about you being honest. 1518 01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:23,560 Speaker 2: To yeah, because people pleasing is a lie. Yes, that's 1519 01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:26,680 Speaker 2: a lie, because you're not you're only just growing resentment 1520 01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:28,720 Speaker 2: towards the people that you're pleasing that you don't feel 1521 01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:30,919 Speaker 2: like it, so you're really not You're pleasing other people 1522 01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:34,680 Speaker 2: while taking away your own kind of sanctuary of space. 1523 01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:37,480 Speaker 1: And it only gets worse as you get older. 1524 01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,560 Speaker 2: So you have to really honor the time that you 1525 01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:42,160 Speaker 2: want to spend by yourself, and filling your cup up 1526 01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:44,800 Speaker 2: is way more important and you're gonna have way more 1527 01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,080 Speaker 2: bandwidth for when you're around. 1528 01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:48,840 Speaker 1: Other people when you have enough energy on your own. 1529 01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:53,040 Speaker 3: And also like, it's okay to disappoint people sometimes it's 1530 01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:54,360 Speaker 3: okay for them to be man. 1531 01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:57,120 Speaker 2: And also it's okay to just be honest and say, hey, 1532 01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:59,680 Speaker 2: I'm just not in the mood. I mean, I'm really spent, 1533 01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:03,240 Speaker 2: really tired. I've been socializing. I promise myself I'm going 1534 01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:05,480 Speaker 2: to take some time, and I am. And that's what 1535 01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:06,240 Speaker 2: I need to do tonight. 1536 01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:08,800 Speaker 5: So it's okay to just not show up like everybody's 1537 01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:10,400 Speaker 5: grown exactly. 1538 01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:13,400 Speaker 2: I mean, well some people are, but some people are 1539 01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:16,360 Speaker 2: still growing. I mean they look like they're grown, but 1540 01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:20,120 Speaker 2: they're not now anyway, Well, I hope that helps John 1541 01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:23,440 Speaker 2: get your shit together. As our final statement for that. Yeah, 1542 01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:29,160 Speaker 2: so problem solved, Sam, It's been a pleasure as usual. 1543 01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,680 Speaker 2: It was fun, all right, Love you Sam Jay. Everybody 1544 01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,200 Speaker 2: make sure you watch your special on Max. 1545 01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:33,560 Speaker 4: Yeah. 1546 01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:37,560 Speaker 2: Okay, So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These 1547 01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:41,880 Speaker 2: are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January nineteenth, Edmonton, January twentieth, 1548 01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:46,400 Speaker 2: Saskatoon February ninth. I'll be in Winnipeg February twenty third. 1549 01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:49,760 Speaker 2: Calgary that is almost sold out, so we'll get your tickets. Victoria, 1550 01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:54,000 Speaker 2: BC is March eighth, March ninth. Is Kelowna also almost 1551 01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,200 Speaker 2: sold out. Not sure if I'm adding second shows yet 1552 01:03:56,240 --> 01:04:00,160 Speaker 2: because of my schedule. Vancouver is March twenty ninth, and 1553 01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:02,480 Speaker 2: that is almost sold out. Then I will be in 1554 01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:06,280 Speaker 2: Salt Lake City April fourth and Denver April fifth. I'm 1555 01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:10,600 Speaker 2: coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen, I'll 1556 01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:14,480 Speaker 2: be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino, and 1557 01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:17,600 Speaker 2: then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April fourteenth. 1558 01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:23,360 Speaker 2: I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on April twentieth, Gary, Indiana, 1559 01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:29,200 Speaker 2: Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma Norman, Oklahoma on May 1560 01:04:29,280 --> 01:04:32,440 Speaker 2: third and May fourth. I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma 1561 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:35,960 Speaker 2: for my rescheduled Windstar World Casino date. And I want 1562 01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,120 Speaker 2: to make sure that I give a shout out to 1563 01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:40,640 Speaker 2: our show for Netflix. As a joke festival, I put 1564 01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:43,120 Speaker 2: together a show with some of my favorite comics. It's 1565 01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,880 Speaker 2: May eleventh at the YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've never 1566 01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,040 Speaker 2: performed in, so that's going to be fun. It's pretty big. 1567 01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:51,440 Speaker 2: I have Beteo Lane, I have Fortune Themester performing. I 1568 01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:54,800 Speaker 2: have Sam Jays on the show and Vanessa Gonzale. So 1569 01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:58,000 Speaker 2: we it is called a Jew two Mexicans, No, a 1570 01:04:58,120 --> 01:04:59,600 Speaker 2: Jew two days at a Mexican. 1571 01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:02,160 Speaker 1: You know, a Jew three days at a. 1572 01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:06,280 Speaker 2: Mexican, So it's political correctness at its finest. And then 1573 01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:09,200 Speaker 2: I will be in Verona, New York on May twenty sixth, 1574 01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:13,160 Speaker 2: and then I'm coming to Australia in July and New 1575 01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:19,320 Speaker 2: Zealand July fifth, Auckland and I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane, 1576 01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:24,080 Speaker 2: Sydney and then Thursday, August first, which is a long 1577 01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:27,560 Speaker 2: way away and a date I am just seeing that 1578 01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:30,800 Speaker 2: I am not ready to announce. Okay, So those are 1579 01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:33,520 Speaker 2: all my dates that are up and available, so get 1580 01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:34,000 Speaker 2: your tickets. 1581 01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:37,160 Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it. 1582 01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:40,440 Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email 1583 01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:43,320 Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be 1584 01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:46,400 Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited 1585 01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:50,040 Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and 1586 01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:52,560 Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot 1587 01:05:52,560 --> 01:05:55,240 Speaker 3: com