Speaker 1: Hi everyone, I'm Rachel Zoe and you're listening to Climbing
Speaker 1: in Heels for your weekly dose of glamour inspiration and
Speaker 1: of course fun. Well, it is finally the last week
Speaker 1: of January, which has felt maybe a thousand days long
Speaker 1: in counting. I recently posted and asked me anything on
Speaker 1: my Instagram because I hadn't done one in a while,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to focus on the topic of healing.
Speaker 1: And what's interesting is I actually was not pertaining to
Speaker 1: my personal life. I was actually really wanting to address
Speaker 1: the pain that everybody was feeling here in Los Angeles
Speaker 1: and the fires, you know, and there's so much going
Speaker 1: on in the world that I posted the question as
Speaker 1: a way to connect with my followers on you know,
Speaker 1: just how everyone's feeling and kind of share any advice
Speaker 1: that felt appropriate. Well, to say that I was completely
Speaker 1: blown away is an absolute understatement. I got a lot,
Speaker 1: a lot of questions, an overwhelming amount of questions about
Speaker 1: my personal life and how it's changed in the last
Speaker 1: six months. I don't think I was planning on talking
Speaker 1: about my personal life at all, but I think in
Speaker 1: the moment it felt right, and to be honest, it
Speaker 1: was too much to actually type, and I just felt
Speaker 1: like talking to you guys directly felt, or as much
Speaker 1: as you can virtually talk directly, really felt more appropriate
Speaker 1: in that moment. And the response was overwhelming, and everybody
Speaker 1: was damning and texting and saying, please put it in
Speaker 1: my feed, please do it on your podcast. So I
Speaker 1: wanted to share here on Climbing and Heels. I wanted
Speaker 1: to share the question and some of the answers on
Speaker 1: my pod to update you on my life, and really
Speaker 1: with the intention to help anyone out there who is
Speaker 1: healing from tragedy, grieving a broken heart, a natural disaster,
Speaker 1: or just trying to find their new normal like me,
Speaker 1: and just trying to figure out who they are in
Speaker 1: a new iteration of their own lives. So I hope
Speaker 1: any of this helps you. I love how many people
Speaker 1: have responded so far, and how many people are taking
Speaker 1: I guess my advice or wanting to have more open
Speaker 1: conversation about it. So let's just get right into it. Okay,
Speaker 1: what has helped you the most navigate your new journey
Speaker 1: post breakup? You know, it's very interesting. I don't really
Speaker 1: consider what's happened in my life a breakup. I don't know.
Speaker 1: For some reason, a breakup to me in my life
Speaker 1: feels very like middle school, like I had a boyfriend
Speaker 1: and we broke up, or dealing with, you know, my
Speaker 1: young teenager's personal life, like oh, they broke up, or
Speaker 1: they're not dating anymore, they're not talking anymore. And I
Speaker 1: think when you are separating after a thirty three year relationship,
Speaker 1: and a public one at that, I don't even know
Speaker 1: that I think about it as breaking up. To be
Speaker 1: very honest, I think of it as an entire kind
Speaker 1: of life altering shift, and I think in some ways
Speaker 1: it's a bit of a grieving process. And I want
Speaker 1: to talk about that because I think grieving is a
Speaker 1: word that is underused, and I think that it really
Speaker 1: applies to so much that's happening in the world and
Speaker 1: has happened. I think we grieve when natural disasters happen.
Speaker 1: I think we grieve when we lose friendships. I think
Speaker 1: we grieve, of course, when we when someone passes away.
Speaker 1: But I think we also grieve sometimes a person that
Speaker 1: once was, or a relationship, a marriage that once was.
Speaker 1: I have a friend that lost a husband this past summer,
Speaker 1: and it's and it's interesting because I feel like, in
Speaker 1: a weird way, we've kind of gone through the grieving
Speaker 1: process in many ways together. And you know, I think
Speaker 1: when you live a certain way for a really long
Speaker 1: time and then you live a completely different way without
Speaker 1: someone in your life, you just have to figure out
Speaker 1: what that life is. And that's a process, you know.
Speaker 1: And so I think what's helped me the most is
Speaker 1: sort of to not look back, but just look forward
Speaker 1: and look at every day as one I'm grateful for.
Speaker 1: I think having two magical children by my side on
Speaker 1: each side at all times really helps. I think having
Speaker 1: my family, which you know I've talked about before, really
Speaker 1: feels in many ways like I've won the lottery because
Speaker 1: I have the most incredible family. My sister is like
Speaker 1: my life, you know. I mean, I think we must
Speaker 1: talk six times a day even when we're not talking.
Speaker 1: We just said on the phone. And my team and
Speaker 1: my team and my friends, and so I think that
Speaker 1: has really helped me because I don't sit home stuck
Speaker 1: in my thoughts. And I think that that's a really
Speaker 1: big I think that's a really big challenge for people
Speaker 1: going through something is not wanting to go out, not
Speaker 1: wanting to be with people not wanting to talk about it,
Speaker 1: and I think when you actually do go out and
Speaker 1: you get out of your head, that is the most
Speaker 1: helpful thing to do. And also, I have an incredible life,
Speaker 1: and I think that it's important to embrace that to
Speaker 1: its fullest. So I mean, I think all these things
Speaker 1: have helped me. Okay, what are some signs you're ready
Speaker 1: for divorce? I've been married for twenty five years, you know,
Speaker 1: I think there are signs. I mean, there definitely are signs.
Speaker 1: There are signs to divorce. But I think people would argue,
Speaker 1: and I think experts might argue that, you know, what
Speaker 1: might be a sign for one person is something that's
Speaker 1: like comfortable for another person. So I think that's where
Speaker 1: it gets a little challenging. I think that when you
Speaker 1: can't figure out And I'm not necessarily saying that all
Speaker 1: of these pertain to me at all, I'm just saying
Speaker 1: in general because I feel like I've been through divorce
Speaker 1: worse probably twenty times in my life before I even
Speaker 1: dealt with separating with my husband. And I think that
Speaker 1: when you've had a really happy relationship that for an
Speaker 1: extended period of time is very unhappy for various reasons,
Speaker 1: and you start to realize that you've either like grown
Speaker 1: a part, you don't agree on pretty much anything, that
Speaker 1: the things that tied you together are not tying you
Speaker 1: together anymore. When you know, as I said on my Instagram,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think when you run out of reasons
Speaker 1: to stay together and you go to sleep at night
Speaker 1: not feeling safe. And when I say safe, I want
Speaker 1: to be very clear, I don't safe can mean scare
Speaker 1: literally physically scared. It can also mean that someone who
Speaker 1: made you calm and happy no longer makes you calm
Speaker 1: and happy. And I think that in a marriage, Look,
Speaker 1: marriages are going to go up and down and around
Speaker 1: six hundred times. I think I was very fortunate in that,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not suffering from I married the wrong
Speaker 1: person at the age of whatever I was child. I
Speaker 1: think that I had many, many years that were amazing.
Speaker 1: And I think that sometimes people, I think you start
Speaker 1: to look at things differently, and I think that sometimes
Speaker 1: you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. And sometimes
Speaker 1: I've always kind of believed that people don't change. Obviously,
Speaker 1: behaviors can change, but the core I always feel like
Speaker 1: those don't change. But honestly, in the last five years,
Speaker 1: I've seen seen many people change, and I think that
Speaker 1: that is something, in my opinion, that can really impact
Speaker 1: a marriage. And I think that when you start to
Speaker 1: go to sleep at night with that different feeling and
Speaker 1: you address those things, and sometimes you don't address those things.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you do therapy and sometimes you don't. And I
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of things in a marriage that
Speaker 1: are fixable. And then sometimes I think that people don't
Speaker 1: want to do the work. And if you don't want
Speaker 1: to face things that become challenging in a marriage, I
Speaker 1: think then it's time to go on either side, you know.
Speaker 1: I think if you look at yourself every day and
Speaker 1: you go, I love who I am and I don't
Speaker 1: want to change, and your spouse wants you to change
Speaker 1: for various reasons, that's a sign for divorce, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think that works on either side of a marriage.
Speaker 1: I think that ultimately, if the reasons you don't want
Speaker 1: to be together override the reasons you do want to
Speaker 1: be together. You know, I also have to say that
Speaker 1: I do believe in divorce. I'm just going to say
Speaker 1: that because I do think that we grew up some
Speaker 1: of us. Depending on your age, grew up in a
Speaker 1: time where divorce was not accepted in society, and it
Speaker 1: was like really taboo, and it was sort of like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't tell you how many sets of
Speaker 1: grandparents I know that stayed together. Even parents are parents.
Speaker 1: My parents are happily married. But I think there are
Speaker 1: countless people that stay together just because they're supposed to
Speaker 1: stay together, and they live miserably until they're gone. And
Speaker 1: I don't think that that needs to happen anymore. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think that means peace out and leave your
Speaker 1: marriage without trying. But I think if you've given it
Speaker 1: everything you've got and you cannot see it working, or
Speaker 1: you're really just not happy, it's okay to go. I
Speaker 1: really do. But I think you also know you're ready
Speaker 1: at that point. You just are like know that. I
Speaker 1: think when you make the decision that you know you
Speaker 1: will confidently be happier without this person than with this person,
Speaker 1: it's probably time to go. There are a lot of
Speaker 1: people in my life going through a lot of things
Speaker 1: right now. Are there is the biggest surge of separation
Speaker 1: and divorce that I've ever seen, And I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's because I'm at that age, and this is
Speaker 1: kind of when it mostly occurs. But I also think
Speaker 1: that couples have been challenged with things that they've never
Speaker 1: been challenged with. Between COVID having more children out of CODD,
Speaker 1: getting divorced in COVID coming out of it, I definitely
Speaker 1: would say not to be afraid to walk away from
Speaker 1: something that really doesn't feel right to you anymore. Someone
Speaker 1: asked me something a long time ago. It wasn't even
Speaker 1: that long ago. Actually, they said, richeld, do you need
Speaker 1: permission to leave this relationship? And in a weird way,
Speaker 1: I think I did. I think I needed permission from myself,
Speaker 1: And so I think I think that you have to
Speaker 1: look at yourself without judgment, without feelings of failure, without
Speaker 1: all the things that society puts on relationships and marriages
Speaker 1: and people, and I think you need to I think
Speaker 1: you need to do the work. I would recommend doing
Speaker 1: the work on both sides if it's something that you
Speaker 1: want mutually to save. But at some point, I think
Speaker 1: it's okay to say, Okay, this has been great, and
Speaker 1: now it's not. We've done everything we can and now
Speaker 1: it's time to move forward. I'm saying in general and
Speaker 1: I am no therapist, I am no professional. I can
Speaker 1: only speak from personal experience and experience with people very
Speaker 1: close to me in my life. But be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1: Do what's best for yourself and for your family the
Speaker 1: other thing I would say, And again I'm not speaking
Speaker 1: only about myself or specifically about myself and my situation,
Speaker 1: but I think that myth of you have to stay
Speaker 1: together for the children, I think that has to go
Speaker 1: away because children very often know way more than you think,
Speaker 1: they feel way more than you think, and it's more
Speaker 1: important for children to have two parents that love them
Speaker 1: separately or together or both than it is for parents
Speaker 1: to stay together in an unhappy relationship where they are
Speaker 1: not loving to each other, because kids feel that no
Speaker 1: matter the age they feel it. Okay, do I like
Speaker 1: being single? You know, it's a really bizarre question and
Speaker 1: one that I'm pretty sure I never thought i'd be answering.
Speaker 1: I have not been single since I was eighteen, and
Speaker 1: in fact, I don't think I was single at eighteen,
Speaker 1: so I actually don't even know the least I was single,
Speaker 1: and I don't know the last time I went on
Speaker 1: like a date. So to the answer is like, so far. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's kind of feels like being a teenager, honestly, Like
Speaker 1: there is this kind of bizarre freedom that I have.
Speaker 1: And when I say freedom, it's sort of like this
Speaker 1: feeling of just being able to be myself and not
Speaker 1: answer to anyone other than my children, who you know,
Speaker 1: I have to answer to. But it is absolutely surreal.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. It is absolutely surreal to be
Speaker 1: flirted with and know that it's okay if I wanted
Speaker 1: to like react to that. I'm a fiercely loyal person,
Speaker 1: so I think it's something that, like, you know, having
Speaker 1: been with someone for more than half of my life,
Speaker 1: I just don't think that that lever has been pulled
Speaker 1: for a really long time. Like, of course, you like
Speaker 1: crushes on people you can never be with, like a
Speaker 1: Brad Pitt type person, right, But I think there's you know,
Speaker 1: I think in real life going out there and being
Speaker 1: on trips and being in different cities and going about
Speaker 1: my life and people wanting to set me up and
Speaker 1: you know, guys talking to me, it's like a very
Speaker 1: bizarre thing that I haven't felt since I was a teen,
Speaker 1: So I mean, it's it's pretty amazing, honestly, like, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. It's like a very life altering, surreal feeling.
Speaker 1: That is something I'm really getting used to. It very liberating. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's wild. So yeah, okay, best way to move on
Speaker 1: from a divorce, The best way to move on from
Speaker 1: a divorce, honestly, you just move on, like you know.
Speaker 1: I think I answered this very similarly on my Instagram
Speaker 1: is that you know, you can only move on by
Speaker 1: moving on. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but the
Speaker 1: truth is I don't overthink that, and I do overthink
Speaker 1: most things in my life. But what I don't overthink
Speaker 1: is how I move through things on a daily basis.
Speaker 1: And I think it's because I have always had to
Speaker 1: handle so much. I've never had to handle one thing ever,
Speaker 1: I mean, in as long as I can remember. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think since I graduated college, I have been handling
Speaker 1: multiple things at a time in my life. And whether
Speaker 1: that's work, work in kids, my marriage, my family, my
Speaker 1: friend's issues, my life, like just it's a lot. My
Speaker 1: life is a lot, and I think everybody's life is
Speaker 1: a lot. So I don't complain about that, but I
Speaker 1: would say that moving on to me is having to
Speaker 1: really move through every step of it. So if I'm
Speaker 1: having having a hard day, then I have the hard day.
Speaker 1: I would say that I really have very few I
Speaker 1: really do because I really feel very hard in those
Speaker 1: hard days, and I lean on my very safe people
Speaker 1: in those moments. I'm not admittedly a huge crier, you know.
Speaker 1: I think in this I cried a lot and then
Speaker 1: I did it, you know. And then there are days
Speaker 1: that I do and I don't love those days, but
Speaker 1: you know, it's for different reasons. Usually it's because I'm
Speaker 1: overwhelmed by everything, not because I'm sad about one thing.
Speaker 1: It's usually because I'm exhausted, and you know, and I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with my personal life and my professional life, and
Speaker 1: I have to show up for my kids and always
Speaker 1: be like positive and strong, you know, because I think
Speaker 1: the minute, at least for me, when I was younger,
Speaker 1: it was always like if I saw my parents scared
Speaker 1: or crying, that is the thing that floored me the most.
Speaker 1: So I'm very aware of that, and I think it's
Speaker 1: very important, especially as women, to allow ourselves to feel.
Speaker 1: And I think in a process of divorce, there are
Speaker 1: so many different emotions that you go through and like
Speaker 1: I said, you grieve, I mean you really grieve, and
Speaker 1: even if it's something you decided to do or you
Speaker 1: feel good about doing, it doesn't mean there's not grieving
Speaker 1: in that process, right, And I think that there's moments
Speaker 1: there's things that like I won't do I won't look
Speaker 1: at old videos, I won't look at old pictures, I
Speaker 1: won't look at all these things the media puts together
Speaker 1: about like my history of my relationship. I don't feel
Speaker 1: the need to do that right now. And I think
Speaker 1: that you have to allow yourself to not allow yourself
Speaker 1: to do things and not feel guilty about it. But
Speaker 1: I've also always felt better navigating my own path and
Speaker 1: doing what feels right to me in the moment and
Speaker 1: not following a rule book of like how to grieve.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that's not helpful for people. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying for me, it's not okay. So I also believe.
Speaker 1: I just want to say the other thing about that
Speaker 1: is that I think moving through a divorce, like moving
Speaker 1: through anything, I think it's important to move through every
Speaker 1: phase of it. And I think you got to feel
Speaker 1: all the feels truthfully. Okay, how do I get over
Speaker 1: someone I've been with for twenty seven years. Honestly, it's
Speaker 1: a really it's a simple question and a loaded one,
Speaker 1: because I'm pretty sure in many ways, you don't ever
Speaker 1: get over somebody completely. I think your best friend would
Speaker 1: say the only way you're going to get over someone
Speaker 1: is with someone else. But I actually think that's the
Speaker 1: cop out. I do think that's the quick fix. Obviously,
Speaker 1: it's like a heart transfer, right Like, I've loved this
Speaker 1: person for twenty seven years, and now I've quickly shifted
Speaker 1: to somebody else, and that person is filling my heart
Speaker 1: right now, but like, I don't even know if I
Speaker 1: love them or like, but your heart has shifted. If
Speaker 1: your heart is holding on to someone that you've been
Speaker 1: with for twenty seven years and you can't pull it
Speaker 1: away enough to feel for anything else or anyone else,
Speaker 1: you're never going to get over that person because all
Speaker 1: you're going to do is think about all the things
Speaker 1: you're missing in that person and all the things that
Speaker 1: you miss about that person, and to be honest, that
Speaker 1: is destroying you on every level. I definitely, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, my team would probably say it's a gift.
Speaker 1: My friends would probably say it's a gift. I don't
Speaker 1: know how I think of it, but I do compartmentalize
Speaker 1: and I do block. I talked about this as well,
Speaker 1: but I think when you have a lot of different
Speaker 1: channels of life in your life on a daily basis,
Speaker 1: like a work bucket, a kid bucket, a friend's bucket,
Speaker 1: a coworker bucket, a travel bucket, your family bucket, like
Speaker 1: all these things, you have to compartmentalize it because if
Speaker 1: you don't, you will go down every time one of
Speaker 1: those channels is broken or even just injured, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think it's a really important life skill to have.
Speaker 1: And I think your personal life and your professional life.
Speaker 1: If your personal life goes down when your professional life does,
Speaker 1: and your professional life goes down when your personal life does,
Speaker 1: you can't really exist in a healthy way all the time.
Speaker 1: And so I really think that you have to accept
Speaker 1: that you may not truly get one hundred percent over
Speaker 1: somebody in the way that you want too. Right, I
Speaker 1: don't know that I can realistically say to you you're
Speaker 1: never going to care about this person again, You're never
Speaker 1: going to think about this person again. But I can
Speaker 1: tell you that if you work on yourself and you
Speaker 1: become a happy, content, confident person in yourself, you will
Speaker 1: most likely attract a person who is going to love
Speaker 1: you in a way that makes you feel whole again,
Speaker 1: because I think when you get out of something for
Speaker 1: twenty seven years, there's a huge part of you, there's
Speaker 1: like a huge vacancy, you know. And one would argue
Speaker 1: that there are many partners in a relationship that within
Speaker 1: seconds and sometimes even before, jump right into another relationship.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's a narcissist. Sometimes that's a serial, you know,
Speaker 1: relate reationship kind of person. Sometimes it's the simple fact
Speaker 1: that either person cannot be alone with themselves and their
Speaker 1: thoughts and their physical selves. They cannot bear the thought
Speaker 1: or active being alone ever. And I think for me,
Speaker 1: I really love my alone time. I crave it. It
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I don't want to partner, it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I don't love love. It just means there is a
Speaker 1: level of noise in my life that exists on a
Speaker 1: daily basis that my alone, quiet personal time is sacred
Speaker 1: and needed for me, and I would rather have that
Speaker 1: than be with someone that isn't making me whole or
Speaker 1: isn't making me happy. And so I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people. To go back to the earlier question, I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people need to be with someone
Speaker 1: because they're either not happy with themselves or they can't
Speaker 1: figure out how to be independent and not code of pends.
Speaker 1: And I think you have to really look at why
Speaker 1: you're with someone, why you stay with someone, or why
Speaker 1: you need to be with someone, because I do think
Speaker 1: our culture does dictate that. And I can't tell you that.
Speaker 1: When I announced that I was getting separated, thousands of
Speaker 1: people from around the world and every part of my
Speaker 1: life where like, are you okay, You're going to be okay,
Speaker 1: You're going to meet someone, don't worry. And I was like,
Speaker 1: and then what's so funny is like, my really badass
Speaker 1: friends in my life that are like very fiercely independent
Speaker 1: but also have either been divorced and remarried or found
Speaker 1: love again or happiness or whatever it is, we're like, congratulations,
Speaker 1: welcome to your new life. And I think there's a
Speaker 1: way that this culture needs to stop dictating and stop
Speaker 1: putting pressure on women even men to be like, oh
Speaker 1: I have someone to say, Oh, oh, don't worry, You're
Speaker 1: going to find a partner. Oh my god, someone's going
Speaker 1: to love you. Again, that narrative has to change. It
Speaker 1: has to change, it just does. And I think you
Speaker 1: have to accept that you may not one hundred percent
Speaker 1: be over somebody forever, because I think someone that you
Speaker 1: love for twenty seven years is always going to hold
Speaker 1: a piece of your heart, and if you ended in
Speaker 1: an amicable way, you will likely hold that person in
Speaker 1: a place in your heart. And that's okay. But hopefully
Speaker 1: you can open up enough room to make space for
Speaker 1: someone else if you choose to. Okay, where does my
Speaker 1: confidence come from? My confidence? It is very funny. I
Speaker 1: don't think of myself as a confident person, and I
Speaker 1: think the people closest to me in my life would
Speaker 1: probably say that I'm not an overly confident person. I
Speaker 1: think I have insecurities like all of us. I'm probably
Speaker 1: more confident about certain things, and I will say I
Speaker 1: think that I think that I am very clear on
Speaker 1: what I feel most confident about. I know that I
Speaker 1: can read a room, I know that I can read people.
Speaker 1: I know that I know that I have good instincts
Speaker 1: and things like that. But I think a lot of
Speaker 1: that is really trial and error. I've lived a lot,
Speaker 1: and not to do anything with age but I have
Speaker 1: had a very full life and a very very dramatic
Speaker 1: life in many ways. You know, it's weird because it's
Speaker 1: my normal. So I don't think I really realize that
Speaker 1: on a regular basis, I go at things full on
Speaker 1: in one thousand percent, and it's the way that I
Speaker 1: work best. It's the way that I feel best. And
Speaker 1: I think that for me, confidence comes from wanting to
Speaker 1: do things myself in a way because I know how
Speaker 1: I want them done. So I don't think I look
Speaker 1: at it as confidence, but I look at it as
Speaker 1: a comfort level in how I like things and how
Speaker 1: I like to again like move through my life and
Speaker 1: attack things in my life and approach things in my life.
Speaker 1: But yeah, again I think I would leave that with
Speaker 1: confidence comes with experience, and I think, especially when it
Speaker 1: comes to your job, the more you do something I
Speaker 1: promise you, the more confident you are. I think it's
Speaker 1: the same thing with being a mother. I know that
Speaker 1: I'm a great mother because I've now been a mother
Speaker 1: for more than four almost fourteen years. But if you
Speaker 1: asked me in the first two years of my life,
Speaker 1: am I doing this right? I don't know, But I
Speaker 1: followed my gut and I just said, I'm never leaving
Speaker 1: my kids, and this is what makes me feel like
Speaker 1: I'm being a good mother. So you have to do
Speaker 1: what makes you feel best about what you're doing. Okay,
Speaker 1: favorite tools to deal with anxiety parit tools to deal
Speaker 1: with things. I mean, I have done something with friends
Speaker 1: and honestly with my youngest son. Really in my own mind.
Speaker 1: You have to think about something as what's causing the anxiety.
Speaker 1: You have to break it down right because for me,
Speaker 1: the immediate reaction. I saw this thing about, you know,
Speaker 1: being a virgo, which is like something like being a
Speaker 1: virgo means panicking but then doing it yourself. But you
Speaker 1: have to panic first and go into a complete spiral
Speaker 1: and then you're totally fine. And I think that there's
Speaker 1: this like five alarm fire reaction that I have to
Speaker 1: things a lot of the time. But I will say
Speaker 1: that becoming a mother made me weirdly less anxious about
Speaker 1: many things because I realized how either unimportant they were,
Speaker 1: how unrealistic they were. But I think a really good
Speaker 1: exercise to do is something you would do with a
Speaker 1: young child. Is this a rational fear or an irrational fear?
Speaker 1: So like if you're walking down the street and you
Speaker 1: have a fear of this tree falling on you. Is
Speaker 1: that rational? Probably not right. I think having a fear
Speaker 1: of driving a car on a crazy ledge with no railing,
Speaker 1: that's pretty rational fear to be frightened of, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think there is a world of difference between
Speaker 1: irrational and rational, and that has helped me with anxiety,
Speaker 1: truly trying to break it down in my head truthfully,
Speaker 1: breathing breathing techniques actually really do work in the moment,
Speaker 1: and sometimes shifting the narrative in your head about what
Speaker 1: is actually happening, so it's sort of projecting kind of
Speaker 1: what could happen, and then you're like, why are you
Speaker 1: wasting this brain space, time and energy on something that
Speaker 1: hasn't happened, you know, because I realize how much anxiety
Speaker 1: is caused by what could happen but actually hasn't happened.
Speaker 1: So I've really been working on a lot of that
Speaker 1: and it's really been helpful. And I also find that
Speaker 1: when you have children, because you have to be strong
Speaker 1: for them, you find you have less time to be
Speaker 1: anxious about things not worth being anxious about. And I
Speaker 1: do find a big trigger for anxiety is having too
Speaker 1: much time to get into your head about anything. Okay,
Speaker 1: are you going to date soon? Or do you want
Speaker 1: to enjoy being on your own for now? You know what?
Speaker 1: I literally the greatest lesson I've learned in my career
Speaker 1: and in my life in general. And I'll say it
Speaker 1: to anyone who will listen. Never say never, never say never,
Speaker 1: and never never turn down an opportunity that hasn't been offered.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to now. I always apply that to work,
Speaker 1: and now I'm going to apply that to my single life.
Speaker 1: So I'm never going to turn down something that hasn't
Speaker 1: presented itself. I am excited to date. I'm going to
Speaker 1: date someone that excites me. I'm going to date someone
Speaker 1: that I'm very clear about what I want and what
Speaker 1: I don't want, but I also need to not put
Speaker 1: roadblocks up on it. I'm going to take my own
Speaker 1: advice on that. But I am really enjoying my piece,
Speaker 1: and I am really enjoying being on my own and
Speaker 1: just being with my kids and being with my friends
Speaker 1: and just meeting great people. And right now it's just
Speaker 1: been really nice and really peaceful and no drama, and
Speaker 1: that's been really really nice. And i think what happens,
Speaker 1: you know, going forward, I mean bringing on. I'm open
Speaker 1: to it. No rules, no roadblocks, That's what I keep
Speaker 1: saying to myself, No rules, no roadblocks. Okay, how are
Speaker 1: the boys doing? The boys are honestly extraordinary. They are
Speaker 1: my best friends. They are my little princes, they are
Speaker 1: my little guards. They are my two favorite little humans
Speaker 1: in the world. And they are thankfully, gratefully doing incredibly.
Speaker 1: They are thriving in school, thriving with their friends, and
Speaker 1: just overall incredibly happy and peaceful. And that's all I
Speaker 1: care about. So the rest is icing. Okay, did I
Speaker 1: do try January? That's funny? No? No, did I stutter? No?
Speaker 1: But truth be told, I've never actually believed in dry January.
Speaker 1: I've never believed in what's the other one, sober November.
Speaker 1: I also don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I'm not
Speaker 1: that person. I don't believe in those types of things.
Speaker 1: It's the same reason I don't set like these big
Speaker 1: markers and goals for myself. It doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1: To me, that sets me up for failure because it's
Speaker 1: the thing I'm trying to do, and if I don't
Speaker 1: get to where I wanted to be, or I trip
Speaker 1: up along the way. Then then I start to get
Speaker 1: really really hard on myself. But to be honest, I've
Speaker 1: never really felt that I needed to do a dry
Speaker 1: month because I have, at least for now, a very
Speaker 1: healthy relationship with alcohol, and I have never leaned on
Speaker 1: it to solve problems, and I've never done it in
Speaker 1: excess because I didn't want to lose the privilege of
Speaker 1: having it. A friend of mine during the wildfires recently,
Speaker 1: a group of us really trauma bonded and we talked
Speaker 1: about not losing the privilege with certain things, and alcohol,
Speaker 1: I think is one of them, because I really do
Speaker 1: enjoy I enjoy having a glass of wine when I
Speaker 1: want it, and I've always looked at it as I
Speaker 1: don't want to not be able to have that glass
Speaker 1: of wine because I enjoy it. And I think there's
Speaker 1: so many things in life every day that passes everything
Speaker 1: that we love or enjoy doing is toxic. So I
Speaker 1: know alcohol is not good for us, but I also
Speaker 1: feel that it's okay to have a glass of wine
Speaker 1: once in a while. So I'm just going to allow
Speaker 1: myself right now to continue doing that. But I do
Speaker 1: have a very strong rule that I highly recommend, which
Speaker 1: is not drinking at home, because there are many nights
Speaker 1: that I don't go out and I definitely would never
Speaker 1: drink at home on those nights because I think once
Speaker 1: you start doing that, you're drinking seven nights a week,
Speaker 1: and that per suddenly has saved me, like in COVID
Speaker 1: and everything else. It just that is like a no
Speaker 1: fly zone for me, because once you break that, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're drinking every night. Okay, So I
Speaker 1: think that's it for now. Keep the questions coming, and
Speaker 1: I will always answer them, or I should say I
Speaker 1: should always try to answer them. I will answer as
Speaker 1: many as I can. But I hope this was helpful
Speaker 1: to you. I definitely want to do more of these.
Speaker 1: I think I just like to be real with all
Speaker 1: of you. I like to keep this community honest. I
Speaker 1: don't believe in being that Instagram happy, and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people are like, are you really happy?
Speaker 1: Are you just Instagram happy? I'm like, no, I'm actually
Speaker 1: really happy. Like, of course, there's days that fully suck,
Speaker 1: but you know it's okay. We all have days that suck.
Speaker 1: That's human. So be on the lookout for when I
Speaker 1: drop questions on my IG. I hope this podcast helps
Speaker 1: anyone who's searching for healing in their life, no matter
Speaker 1: what it is, or anyone who is just curious about
Speaker 1: how my personal healing journey is going. I love all
Speaker 1: of you. You mean a lot to me, and you
Speaker 1: know my mission with Climbing in Heels truly is to
Speaker 1: help as many people as possible get through whatever it
Speaker 1: is in their life, whether it's their professional journey and
Speaker 1: now personal journey, and sometimes it's the same thing. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's both colliding about whatever it is. I think we
Speaker 1: all have to be open and talk about it because
Speaker 1: we're all just going through it, so let's just go
Speaker 1: through it together. Thank you so much for listening to
Speaker 1: Climbing and Heels. If you haven't already, please subscribe to
Speaker 1: the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the iHeart app, or
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts, so don't miss a single
Speaker 1: episode this season. Be sure to follow me on Instagram
Speaker 1: at at Rachel Zo and the show on at Climbing
Speaker 1: in Heels pod for the latest episodes and updates. I
Speaker 1: will talk to you soon, fat Boy