1 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: Hi everyone, I'm Rachel Zoe and you're listening to Climbing 2 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,800 Speaker 1: in Heels for your weekly dose of glamour inspiration and 3 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: of course fun. Well, it is finally the last week 4 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:25,119 Speaker 1: of January, which has felt maybe a thousand days long 5 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:30,319 Speaker 1: in counting. I recently posted and asked me anything on 6 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: my Instagram because I hadn't done one in a while, 7 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:37,560 Speaker 1: and I wanted to focus on the topic of healing. 8 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 1: And what's interesting is I actually was not pertaining to 9 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:46,840 Speaker 1: my personal life. I was actually really wanting to address 10 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,279 Speaker 1: the pain that everybody was feeling here in Los Angeles 11 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 1: and the fires, you know, and there's so much going 12 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:57,279 Speaker 1: on in the world that I posted the question as 13 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: a way to connect with my followers on you know, 14 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: just how everyone's feeling and kind of share any advice 15 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 1: that felt appropriate. Well, to say that I was completely 16 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 1: blown away is an absolute understatement. I got a lot, 17 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:17,119 Speaker 1: a lot of questions, an overwhelming amount of questions about 18 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: my personal life and how it's changed in the last 19 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: six months. I don't think I was planning on talking 20 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: about my personal life at all, but I think in 21 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 1: the moment it felt right, and to be honest, it 22 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: was too much to actually type, and I just felt 23 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:39,679 Speaker 1: like talking to you guys directly felt, or as much 24 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: as you can virtually talk directly, really felt more appropriate 25 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: in that moment. And the response was overwhelming, and everybody 26 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: was damning and texting and saying, please put it in 27 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: my feed, please do it on your podcast. So I 28 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 1: wanted to share here on Climbing and Heels. I wanted 29 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: to share the question and some of the answers on 30 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: my pod to update you on my life, and really 31 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: with the intention to help anyone out there who is 32 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:18,399 Speaker 1: healing from tragedy, grieving a broken heart, a natural disaster, 33 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: or just trying to find their new normal like me, 34 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: and just trying to figure out who they are in 35 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: a new iteration of their own lives. So I hope 36 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: any of this helps you. I love how many people 37 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: have responded so far, and how many people are taking 38 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,959 Speaker 1: I guess my advice or wanting to have more open 39 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: conversation about it. So let's just get right into it. Okay, 40 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: what has helped you the most navigate your new journey 41 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: post breakup? You know, it's very interesting. I don't really 42 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 1: consider what's happened in my life a breakup. I don't know. 43 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 1: For some reason, a breakup to me in my life 44 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,359 Speaker 1: feels very like middle school, like I had a boyfriend 45 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: and we broke up, or dealing with, you know, my 46 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: young teenager's personal life, like oh, they broke up, or 47 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 1: they're not dating anymore, they're not talking anymore. And I 48 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: think when you are separating after a thirty three year relationship, 49 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: and a public one at that, I don't even know 50 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: that I think about it as breaking up. To be 51 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 1: very honest, I think of it as an entire kind 52 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: of life altering shift, and I think in some ways 53 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 1: it's a bit of a grieving process. And I want 54 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: to talk about that because I think grieving is a 55 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: word that is underused, and I think that it really 56 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: applies to so much that's happening in the world and 57 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 1: has happened. I think we grieve when natural disasters happen. 58 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: I think we grieve when we lose friendships. I think 59 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: we grieve, of course, when we when someone passes away. 60 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: But I think we also grieve sometimes a person that 61 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: once was, or a relationship, a marriage that once was. 62 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,799 Speaker 1: I have a friend that lost a husband this past summer, 63 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 1: and it's and it's interesting because I feel like, in 64 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 1: a weird way, we've kind of gone through the grieving 65 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:30,280 Speaker 1: process in many ways together. And you know, I think 66 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: when you live a certain way for a really long 67 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: time and then you live a completely different way without 68 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: someone in your life, you just have to figure out 69 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: what that life is. And that's a process, you know. 70 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 1: And so I think what's helped me the most is 71 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 1: sort of to not look back, but just look forward 72 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:58,479 Speaker 1: and look at every day as one I'm grateful for. 73 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 1: I think having two magical children by my side on 74 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 1: each side at all times really helps. I think having 75 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: my family, which you know I've talked about before, really 76 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 1: feels in many ways like I've won the lottery because 77 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: I have the most incredible family. My sister is like 78 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 1: my life, you know. I mean, I think we must 79 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 1: talk six times a day even when we're not talking. 80 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 1: We just said on the phone. And my team and 81 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 1: my team and my friends, and so I think that 82 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 1: has really helped me because I don't sit home stuck 83 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: in my thoughts. And I think that that's a really 84 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: big I think that's a really big challenge for people 85 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: going through something is not wanting to go out, not 86 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: wanting to be with people not wanting to talk about it, 87 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,039 Speaker 1: and I think when you actually do go out and 88 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: you get out of your head, that is the most 89 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 1: helpful thing to do. And also, I have an incredible life, 90 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: and I think that it's important to embrace that to 91 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 1: its fullest. So I mean, I think all these things 92 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,039 Speaker 1: have helped me. Okay, what are some signs you're ready 93 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:21,279 Speaker 1: for divorce? I've been married for twenty five years, you know, 94 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 1: I think there are signs. I mean, there definitely are signs. 95 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: There are signs to divorce. But I think people would argue, 96 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,920 Speaker 1: and I think experts might argue that, you know, what 97 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: might be a sign for one person is something that's 98 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: like comfortable for another person. So I think that's where 99 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:48,480 Speaker 1: it gets a little challenging. I think that when you 100 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 1: can't figure out And I'm not necessarily saying that all 101 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: of these pertain to me at all, I'm just saying 102 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: in general because I feel like I've been through divorce 103 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: worse probably twenty times in my life before I even 104 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: dealt with separating with my husband. And I think that 105 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: when you've had a really happy relationship that for an 106 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: extended period of time is very unhappy for various reasons, 107 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:25,559 Speaker 1: and you start to realize that you've either like grown 108 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 1: a part, you don't agree on pretty much anything, that 109 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: the things that tied you together are not tying you 110 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 1: together anymore. When you know, as I said on my Instagram, 111 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I think when you run out of reasons 112 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 1: to stay together and you go to sleep at night 113 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: not feeling safe. And when I say safe, I want 114 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 1: to be very clear, I don't safe can mean scare 115 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: literally physically scared. It can also mean that someone who 116 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: made you calm and happy no longer makes you calm 117 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: and happy. And I think that in a marriage, Look, 118 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: marriages are going to go up and down and around 119 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: six hundred times. I think I was very fortunate in that, 120 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: you know, I'm not suffering from I married the wrong 121 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 1: person at the age of whatever I was child. I 122 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 1: think that I had many, many years that were amazing. 123 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 1: And I think that sometimes people, I think you start 124 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,079 Speaker 1: to look at things differently, and I think that sometimes 125 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. And sometimes 126 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: I've always kind of believed that people don't change. Obviously, 127 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,679 Speaker 1: behaviors can change, but the core I always feel like 128 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 1: those don't change. But honestly, in the last five years, 129 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,439 Speaker 1: I've seen seen many people change, and I think that 130 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: that is something, in my opinion, that can really impact 131 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 1: a marriage. And I think that when you start to 132 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: go to sleep at night with that different feeling and 133 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: you address those things, and sometimes you don't address those things. 134 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 1: Sometimes you do therapy and sometimes you don't. And I 135 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: think there's a lot of things in a marriage that 136 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: are fixable. And then sometimes I think that people don't 137 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,960 Speaker 1: want to do the work. And if you don't want 138 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: to face things that become challenging in a marriage, I 139 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: think then it's time to go on either side, you know. 140 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: I think if you look at yourself every day and 141 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: you go, I love who I am and I don't 142 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: want to change, and your spouse wants you to change 143 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 1: for various reasons, that's a sign for divorce, you know. 144 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: And I think that works on either side of a marriage. 145 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 1: I think that ultimately, if the reasons you don't want 146 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 1: to be together override the reasons you do want to 147 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: be together. You know, I also have to say that 148 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: I do believe in divorce. I'm just going to say 149 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: that because I do think that we grew up some 150 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: of us. Depending on your age, grew up in a 151 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,600 Speaker 1: time where divorce was not accepted in society, and it 152 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: was like really taboo, and it was sort of like, 153 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: I mean, I can't tell you how many sets of 154 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: grandparents I know that stayed together. Even parents are parents. 155 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,199 Speaker 1: My parents are happily married. But I think there are 156 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: countless people that stay together just because they're supposed to 157 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: stay together, and they live miserably until they're gone. And 158 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: I don't think that that needs to happen anymore. I don't. 159 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: I don't think that means peace out and leave your 160 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 1: marriage without trying. But I think if you've given it 161 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 1: everything you've got and you cannot see it working, or 162 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: you're really just not happy, it's okay to go. I 163 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,839 Speaker 1: really do. But I think you also know you're ready 164 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: at that point. You just are like know that. I 165 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: think when you make the decision that you know you 166 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: will confidently be happier without this person than with this person, 167 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 1: it's probably time to go. There are a lot of 168 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: people in my life going through a lot of things 169 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: right now. Are there is the biggest surge of separation 170 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: and divorce that I've ever seen, And I don't know 171 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: if it's because I'm at that age, and this is 172 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: kind of when it mostly occurs. But I also think 173 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: that couples have been challenged with things that they've never 174 00:11:55,120 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 1: been challenged with. Between COVID having more children out of CODD, 175 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 1: getting divorced in COVID coming out of it, I definitely 176 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 1: would say not to be afraid to walk away from 177 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: something that really doesn't feel right to you anymore. Someone 178 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 1: asked me something a long time ago. It wasn't even 179 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 1: that long ago. Actually, they said, richeld, do you need 180 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:25,200 Speaker 1: permission to leave this relationship? And in a weird way, 181 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 1: I think I did. I think I needed permission from myself, 182 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: And so I think I think that you have to 183 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:43,439 Speaker 1: look at yourself without judgment, without feelings of failure, without 184 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: all the things that society puts on relationships and marriages 185 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: and people, and I think you need to I think 186 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 1: you need to do the work. I would recommend doing 187 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 1: the work on both sides if it's something that you 188 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 1: want mutually to save. But at some point, I think 189 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: it's okay to say, Okay, this has been great, and 190 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,559 Speaker 1: now it's not. We've done everything we can and now 191 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: it's time to move forward. I'm saying in general and 192 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: I am no therapist, I am no professional. I can 193 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:30,240 Speaker 1: only speak from personal experience and experience with people very 194 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: close to me in my life. But be honest with yourself. 195 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 1: Do what's best for yourself and for your family the 196 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: other thing I would say, And again I'm not speaking 197 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,680 Speaker 1: only about myself or specifically about myself and my situation, 198 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 1: but I think that myth of you have to stay 199 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: together for the children, I think that has to go 200 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 1: away because children very often know way more than you think, 201 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: they feel way more than you think, and it's more 202 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 1: important for children to have two parents that love them 203 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 1: separately or together or both than it is for parents 204 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: to stay together in an unhappy relationship where they are 205 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 1: not loving to each other, because kids feel that no 206 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: matter the age they feel it. Okay, do I like 207 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: being single? You know, it's a really bizarre question and 208 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: one that I'm pretty sure I never thought i'd be answering. 209 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: I have not been single since I was eighteen, and 210 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: in fact, I don't think I was single at eighteen, 211 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 1: so I actually don't even know the least I was single, 212 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 1: and I don't know the last time I went on 213 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: like a date. So to the answer is like, so far. Yes, 214 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: it's kind of feels like being a teenager, honestly, Like 215 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: there is this kind of bizarre freedom that I have. 216 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: And when I say freedom, it's sort of like this 217 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 1: feeling of just being able to be myself and not 218 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 1: answer to anyone other than my children, who you know, 219 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 1: I have to answer to. But it is absolutely surreal. 220 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. It is absolutely surreal to be 221 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: flirted with and know that it's okay if I wanted 222 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: to like react to that. I'm a fiercely loyal person, 223 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 1: so I think it's something that, like, you know, having 224 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: been with someone for more than half of my life, 225 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: I just don't think that that lever has been pulled 226 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: for a really long time. Like, of course, you like 227 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: crushes on people you can never be with, like a 228 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: Brad Pitt type person, right, But I think there's you know, 229 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: I think in real life going out there and being 230 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: on trips and being in different cities and going about 231 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: my life and people wanting to set me up and 232 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: you know, guys talking to me, it's like a very 233 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: bizarre thing that I haven't felt since I was a teen, 234 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: So I mean, it's it's pretty amazing, honestly, like, I'm 235 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 1: not gonna lie. It's like a very life altering, surreal feeling. 236 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: That is something I'm really getting used to. It very liberating. Honestly, 237 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 1: it's wild. So yeah, okay, best way to move on 238 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: from a divorce, The best way to move on from 239 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: a divorce, honestly, you just move on, like you know. 240 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: I think I answered this very similarly on my Instagram 241 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: is that you know, you can only move on by 242 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,240 Speaker 1: moving on. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but the 243 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:08,359 Speaker 1: truth is I don't overthink that, and I do overthink 244 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: most things in my life. But what I don't overthink 245 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: is how I move through things on a daily basis. 246 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: And I think it's because I have always had to 247 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 1: handle so much. I've never had to handle one thing ever, 248 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:29,920 Speaker 1: I mean, in as long as I can remember. I mean, 249 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: I think since I graduated college, I have been handling 250 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 1: multiple things at a time in my life. And whether 251 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 1: that's work, work in kids, my marriage, my family, my 252 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 1: friend's issues, my life, like just it's a lot. My 253 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 1: life is a lot, and I think everybody's life is 254 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 1: a lot. So I don't complain about that, but I 255 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: would say that moving on to me is having to 256 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 1: really move through every step of it. So if I'm 257 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,400 Speaker 1: having having a hard day, then I have the hard day. 258 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: I would say that I really have very few I 259 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 1: really do because I really feel very hard in those 260 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 1: hard days, and I lean on my very safe people 261 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 1: in those moments. I'm not admittedly a huge crier, you know. 262 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: I think in this I cried a lot and then 263 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 1: I did it, you know. And then there are days 264 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 1: that I do and I don't love those days, but 265 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: you know, it's for different reasons. Usually it's because I'm 266 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 1: overwhelmed by everything, not because I'm sad about one thing. 267 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 1: It's usually because I'm exhausted, and you know, and I'm 268 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 1: dealing with my personal life and my professional life, and 269 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: I have to show up for my kids and always 270 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: be like positive and strong, you know, because I think 271 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,639 Speaker 1: the minute, at least for me, when I was younger, 272 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: it was always like if I saw my parents scared 273 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 1: or crying, that is the thing that floored me the most. 274 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 1: So I'm very aware of that, and I think it's 275 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 1: very important, especially as women, to allow ourselves to feel. 276 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 1: And I think in a process of divorce, there are 277 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,679 Speaker 1: so many different emotions that you go through and like 278 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 1: I said, you grieve, I mean you really grieve, and 279 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: even if it's something you decided to do or you 280 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 1: feel good about doing, it doesn't mean there's not grieving 281 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:25,400 Speaker 1: in that process, right, And I think that there's moments 282 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,760 Speaker 1: there's things that like I won't do I won't look 283 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: at old videos, I won't look at old pictures, I 284 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:35,199 Speaker 1: won't look at all these things the media puts together 285 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 1: about like my history of my relationship. I don't feel 286 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: the need to do that right now. And I think 287 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 1: that you have to allow yourself to not allow yourself 288 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:52,159 Speaker 1: to do things and not feel guilty about it. But 289 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:56,120 Speaker 1: I've also always felt better navigating my own path and 290 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 1: doing what feels right to me in the moment and 291 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: not following a rule book of like how to grieve. 292 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,720 Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that's not helpful for people. I'm 293 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: just saying for me, it's not okay. So I also believe. 294 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: I just want to say the other thing about that 295 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 1: is that I think moving through a divorce, like moving 296 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 1: through anything, I think it's important to move through every 297 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 1: phase of it. And I think you got to feel 298 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: all the feels truthfully. Okay, how do I get over 299 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:36,879 Speaker 1: someone I've been with for twenty seven years. Honestly, it's 300 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 1: a really it's a simple question and a loaded one, 301 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,680 Speaker 1: because I'm pretty sure in many ways, you don't ever 302 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:52,440 Speaker 1: get over somebody completely. I think your best friend would 303 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 1: say the only way you're going to get over someone 304 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 1: is with someone else. But I actually think that's the 305 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 1: cop out. I do think that's the quick fix. Obviously, 306 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,719 Speaker 1: it's like a heart transfer, right Like, I've loved this 307 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: person for twenty seven years, and now I've quickly shifted 308 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: to somebody else, and that person is filling my heart 309 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: right now, but like, I don't even know if I 310 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 1: love them or like, but your heart has shifted. If 311 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,440 Speaker 1: your heart is holding on to someone that you've been 312 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 1: with for twenty seven years and you can't pull it 313 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 1: away enough to feel for anything else or anyone else, 314 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 1: you're never going to get over that person because all 315 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 1: you're going to do is think about all the things 316 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: you're missing in that person and all the things that 317 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: you miss about that person, and to be honest, that 318 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 1: is destroying you on every level. I definitely, I don't know. 319 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: I mean, my team would probably say it's a gift. 320 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: My friends would probably say it's a gift. I don't 321 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 1: know how I think of it, but I do compartmentalize 322 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: and I do block. I talked about this as well, 323 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 1: but I think when you have a lot of different 324 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 1: channels of life in your life on a daily basis, 325 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 1: like a work bucket, a kid bucket, a friend's bucket, 326 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,960 Speaker 1: a coworker bucket, a travel bucket, your family bucket, like 327 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 1: all these things, you have to compartmentalize it because if 328 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:23,239 Speaker 1: you don't, you will go down every time one of 329 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: those channels is broken or even just injured, you know. 330 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: And I think it's a really important life skill to have. 331 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 1: And I think your personal life and your professional life. 332 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: If your personal life goes down when your professional life does, 333 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: and your professional life goes down when your personal life does, 334 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: you can't really exist in a healthy way all the time. 335 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: And so I really think that you have to accept 336 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: that you may not truly get one hundred percent over 337 00:22:55,400 --> 00:23:01,919 Speaker 1: somebody in the way that you want too. Right, I 338 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: don't know that I can realistically say to you you're 339 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: never going to care about this person again, You're never 340 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 1: going to think about this person again. But I can 341 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,120 Speaker 1: tell you that if you work on yourself and you 342 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: become a happy, content, confident person in yourself, you will 343 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 1: most likely attract a person who is going to love 344 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 1: you in a way that makes you feel whole again, 345 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 1: because I think when you get out of something for 346 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,640 Speaker 1: twenty seven years, there's a huge part of you, there's 347 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,119 Speaker 1: like a huge vacancy, you know. And one would argue 348 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:45,040 Speaker 1: that there are many partners in a relationship that within 349 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: seconds and sometimes even before, jump right into another relationship. 350 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:59,280 Speaker 1: Sometimes that's a narcissist. Sometimes that's a serial, you know, 351 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:04,959 Speaker 1: relate reationship kind of person. Sometimes it's the simple fact 352 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,480 Speaker 1: that either person cannot be alone with themselves and their 353 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,919 Speaker 1: thoughts and their physical selves. They cannot bear the thought 354 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 1: or active being alone ever. And I think for me, 355 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: I really love my alone time. I crave it. It 356 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 1: doesn't mean I don't want to partner, it doesn't mean 357 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,679 Speaker 1: I don't love love. It just means there is a 358 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 1: level of noise in my life that exists on a 359 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 1: daily basis that my alone, quiet personal time is sacred 360 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 1: and needed for me, and I would rather have that 361 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 1: than be with someone that isn't making me whole or 362 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:47,240 Speaker 1: isn't making me happy. And so I think a lot 363 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 1: of people. To go back to the earlier question, I 364 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: think a lot of people need to be with someone 365 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 1: because they're either not happy with themselves or they can't 366 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 1: figure out how to be independent and not code of pends. 367 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 1: And I think you have to really look at why 368 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,360 Speaker 1: you're with someone, why you stay with someone, or why 369 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,359 Speaker 1: you need to be with someone, because I do think 370 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 1: our culture does dictate that. And I can't tell you that. 371 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: When I announced that I was getting separated, thousands of 372 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,639 Speaker 1: people from around the world and every part of my 373 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: life where like, are you okay, You're going to be okay, 374 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: You're going to meet someone, don't worry. And I was like, 375 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 1: and then what's so funny is like, my really badass 376 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: friends in my life that are like very fiercely independent 377 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: but also have either been divorced and remarried or found 378 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,119 Speaker 1: love again or happiness or whatever it is, we're like, congratulations, 379 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,159 Speaker 1: welcome to your new life. And I think there's a 380 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:46,520 Speaker 1: way that this culture needs to stop dictating and stop 381 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 1: putting pressure on women even men to be like, oh 382 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 1: I have someone to say, Oh, oh, don't worry, You're 383 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,119 Speaker 1: going to find a partner. Oh my god, someone's going 384 00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 1: to love you. Again, that narrative has to change. It 385 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:04,159 Speaker 1: has to change, it just does. And I think you 386 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: have to accept that you may not one hundred percent 387 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,960 Speaker 1: be over somebody forever, because I think someone that you 388 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 1: love for twenty seven years is always going to hold 389 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,959 Speaker 1: a piece of your heart, and if you ended in 390 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,679 Speaker 1: an amicable way, you will likely hold that person in 391 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,879 Speaker 1: a place in your heart. And that's okay. But hopefully 392 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:28,919 Speaker 1: you can open up enough room to make space for 393 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: someone else if you choose to. Okay, where does my 394 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: confidence come from? My confidence? It is very funny. I 395 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: don't think of myself as a confident person, and I 396 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,640 Speaker 1: think the people closest to me in my life would 397 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 1: probably say that I'm not an overly confident person. I 398 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:59,600 Speaker 1: think I have insecurities like all of us. I'm probably 399 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: more confident about certain things, and I will say I 400 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 1: think that I think that I am very clear on 401 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 1: what I feel most confident about. I know that I 402 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: can read a room, I know that I can read people. 403 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: I know that I know that I have good instincts 404 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: and things like that. But I think a lot of 405 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,240 Speaker 1: that is really trial and error. I've lived a lot, 406 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 1: and not to do anything with age but I have 407 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 1: had a very full life and a very very dramatic 408 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 1: life in many ways. You know, it's weird because it's 409 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: my normal. So I don't think I really realize that 410 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 1: on a regular basis, I go at things full on 411 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,479 Speaker 1: in one thousand percent, and it's the way that I 412 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: work best. It's the way that I feel best. And 413 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 1: I think that for me, confidence comes from wanting to 414 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,239 Speaker 1: do things myself in a way because I know how 415 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 1: I want them done. So I don't think I look 416 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 1: at it as confidence, but I look at it as 417 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,880 Speaker 1: a comfort level in how I like things and how 418 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: I like to again like move through my life and 419 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: attack things in my life and approach things in my life. 420 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,040 Speaker 1: But yeah, again I think I would leave that with 421 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: confidence comes with experience, and I think, especially when it 422 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: comes to your job, the more you do something I 423 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: promise you, the more confident you are. I think it's 424 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 1: the same thing with being a mother. I know that 425 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,640 Speaker 1: I'm a great mother because I've now been a mother 426 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,600 Speaker 1: for more than four almost fourteen years. But if you 427 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 1: asked me in the first two years of my life, 428 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,320 Speaker 1: am I doing this right? I don't know, But I 429 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 1: followed my gut and I just said, I'm never leaving 430 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: my kids, and this is what makes me feel like 431 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: I'm being a good mother. So you have to do 432 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:54,479 Speaker 1: what makes you feel best about what you're doing. Okay, 433 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: favorite tools to deal with anxiety parit tools to deal 434 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 1: with things. I mean, I have done something with friends 435 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: and honestly with my youngest son. Really in my own mind. 436 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: You have to think about something as what's causing the anxiety. 437 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: You have to break it down right because for me, 438 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 1: the immediate reaction. I saw this thing about, you know, 439 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 1: being a virgo, which is like something like being a 440 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: virgo means panicking but then doing it yourself. But you 441 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: have to panic first and go into a complete spiral 442 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 1: and then you're totally fine. And I think that there's 443 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 1: this like five alarm fire reaction that I have to 444 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 1: things a lot of the time. But I will say 445 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:42,520 Speaker 1: that becoming a mother made me weirdly less anxious about 446 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: many things because I realized how either unimportant they were, 447 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,480 Speaker 1: how unrealistic they were. But I think a really good 448 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,479 Speaker 1: exercise to do is something you would do with a 449 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 1: young child. Is this a rational fear or an irrational fear? 450 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 1: So like if you're walking down the street and you 451 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: have a fear of this tree falling on you. Is 452 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 1: that rational? Probably not right. I think having a fear 453 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 1: of driving a car on a crazy ledge with no railing, 454 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: that's pretty rational fear to be frightened of, you know. 455 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: And I think there is a world of difference between 456 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 1: irrational and rational, and that has helped me with anxiety, 457 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: truly trying to break it down in my head truthfully, 458 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 1: breathing breathing techniques actually really do work in the moment, 459 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 1: and sometimes shifting the narrative in your head about what 460 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: is actually happening, so it's sort of projecting kind of 461 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 1: what could happen, and then you're like, why are you 462 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: wasting this brain space, time and energy on something that 463 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,760 Speaker 1: hasn't happened, you know, because I realize how much anxiety 464 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,280 Speaker 1: is caused by what could happen but actually hasn't happened. 465 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,800 Speaker 1: So I've really been working on a lot of that 466 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: and it's really been helpful. And I also find that 467 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 1: when you have children, because you have to be strong 468 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,360 Speaker 1: for them, you find you have less time to be 469 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:18,720 Speaker 1: anxious about things not worth being anxious about. And I 470 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: do find a big trigger for anxiety is having too 471 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 1: much time to get into your head about anything. Okay, 472 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,320 Speaker 1: are you going to date soon? Or do you want 473 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:34,520 Speaker 1: to enjoy being on your own for now? You know what? 474 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: I literally the greatest lesson I've learned in my career 475 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,120 Speaker 1: and in my life in general. And I'll say it 476 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 1: to anyone who will listen. Never say never, never say never, 477 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: and never never turn down an opportunity that hasn't been offered. 478 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: So I'm going to now. I always apply that to work, 479 00:31:54,960 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: and now I'm going to apply that to my single life. 480 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 1: So I'm never going to turn down something that hasn't 481 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 1: presented itself. I am excited to date. I'm going to 482 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,720 Speaker 1: date someone that excites me. I'm going to date someone 483 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:14,200 Speaker 1: that I'm very clear about what I want and what 484 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 1: I don't want, but I also need to not put 485 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: roadblocks up on it. I'm going to take my own 486 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 1: advice on that. But I am really enjoying my piece, 487 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 1: and I am really enjoying being on my own and 488 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 1: just being with my kids and being with my friends 489 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,840 Speaker 1: and just meeting great people. And right now it's just 490 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:43,320 Speaker 1: been really nice and really peaceful and no drama, and 491 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,880 Speaker 1: that's been really really nice. And i think what happens, 492 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: you know, going forward, I mean bringing on. I'm open 493 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:57,720 Speaker 1: to it. No rules, no roadblocks, That's what I keep 494 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 1: saying to myself, No rules, no roadblocks. Okay, how are 495 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: the boys doing? The boys are honestly extraordinary. They are 496 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 1: my best friends. They are my little princes, they are 497 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: my little guards. They are my two favorite little humans 498 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 1: in the world. And they are thankfully, gratefully doing incredibly. 499 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: They are thriving in school, thriving with their friends, and 500 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:34,480 Speaker 1: just overall incredibly happy and peaceful. And that's all I 501 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 1: care about. So the rest is icing. Okay, did I 502 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: do try January? That's funny? No? No, did I stutter? No? 503 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: But truth be told, I've never actually believed in dry January. 504 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 1: I've never believed in what's the other one, sober November. 505 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,880 Speaker 1: I also don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I'm not 506 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:07,520 Speaker 1: that person. I don't believe in those types of things. 507 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: It's the same reason I don't set like these big 508 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 1: markers and goals for myself. It doesn't work for me. 509 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,440 Speaker 1: To me, that sets me up for failure because it's 510 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: the thing I'm trying to do, and if I don't 511 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 1: get to where I wanted to be, or I trip 512 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,200 Speaker 1: up along the way. Then then I start to get 513 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 1: really really hard on myself. But to be honest, I've 514 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 1: never really felt that I needed to do a dry 515 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 1: month because I have, at least for now, a very 516 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 1: healthy relationship with alcohol, and I have never leaned on 517 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 1: it to solve problems, and I've never done it in 518 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: excess because I didn't want to lose the privilege of 519 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:55,759 Speaker 1: having it. A friend of mine during the wildfires recently, 520 00:34:56,360 --> 00:35:00,760 Speaker 1: a group of us really trauma bonded and we talked 521 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:05,799 Speaker 1: about not losing the privilege with certain things, and alcohol, 522 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,160 Speaker 1: I think is one of them, because I really do 523 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:13,120 Speaker 1: enjoy I enjoy having a glass of wine when I 524 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,799 Speaker 1: want it, and I've always looked at it as I 525 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,800 Speaker 1: don't want to not be able to have that glass 526 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,879 Speaker 1: of wine because I enjoy it. And I think there's 527 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 1: so many things in life every day that passes everything 528 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,239 Speaker 1: that we love or enjoy doing is toxic. So I 529 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,440 Speaker 1: know alcohol is not good for us, but I also 530 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,760 Speaker 1: feel that it's okay to have a glass of wine 531 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,840 Speaker 1: once in a while. So I'm just going to allow 532 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:43,799 Speaker 1: myself right now to continue doing that. But I do 533 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,879 Speaker 1: have a very strong rule that I highly recommend, which 534 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,120 Speaker 1: is not drinking at home, because there are many nights 535 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,839 Speaker 1: that I don't go out and I definitely would never 536 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,080 Speaker 1: drink at home on those nights because I think once 537 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,600 Speaker 1: you start doing that, you're drinking seven nights a week, 538 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 1: and that per suddenly has saved me, like in COVID 539 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,719 Speaker 1: and everything else. It just that is like a no 540 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 1: fly zone for me, because once you break that, all 541 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:14,880 Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're drinking every night. Okay, So I 542 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,400 Speaker 1: think that's it for now. Keep the questions coming, and 543 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 1: I will always answer them, or I should say I 544 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 1: should always try to answer them. I will answer as 545 00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,960 Speaker 1: many as I can. But I hope this was helpful 546 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,880 Speaker 1: to you. I definitely want to do more of these. 547 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,600 Speaker 1: I think I just like to be real with all 548 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 1: of you. I like to keep this community honest. I 549 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,319 Speaker 1: don't believe in being that Instagram happy, and I think 550 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,240 Speaker 1: a lot of people are like, are you really happy? 551 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 1: Are you just Instagram happy? I'm like, no, I'm actually 552 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,560 Speaker 1: really happy. Like, of course, there's days that fully suck, 553 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,439 Speaker 1: but you know it's okay. We all have days that suck. 554 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: That's human. So be on the lookout for when I 555 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,840 Speaker 1: drop questions on my IG. I hope this podcast helps 556 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,839 Speaker 1: anyone who's searching for healing in their life, no matter 557 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,000 Speaker 1: what it is, or anyone who is just curious about 558 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 1: how my personal healing journey is going. I love all 559 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,440 Speaker 1: of you. You mean a lot to me, and you 560 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: know my mission with Climbing in Heels truly is to 561 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,600 Speaker 1: help as many people as possible get through whatever it 562 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 1: is in their life, whether it's their professional journey and 563 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 1: now personal journey, and sometimes it's the same thing. Sometimes 564 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 1: it's both colliding about whatever it is. I think we 565 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,640 Speaker 1: all have to be open and talk about it because 566 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,360 Speaker 1: we're all just going through it, so let's just go 567 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 1: through it together. Thank you so much for listening to 568 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 1: Climbing and Heels. If you haven't already, please subscribe to 569 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,560 Speaker 1: the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the iHeart app, or 570 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,240 Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts, so don't miss a single 571 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,040 Speaker 1: episode this season. Be sure to follow me on Instagram 572 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,040 Speaker 1: at at Rachel Zo and the show on at Climbing 573 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,799 Speaker 1: in Heels pod for the latest episodes and updates. I 574 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:04,000 Speaker 1: will talk to you soon, fat Boy