WEBVTT - Befriending The Other Woman 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:16.239 Welcome back to I Do Part two. 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:19.840 It's your favorite real life Bessie's Yes we are still 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:24.080 single is Thelma and Louise. But on this podcast today, 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.080 we thought it would be really interesting to pivot off 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:32.320 of our story and bring on another non celebrity gal 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:36.000 who went through some serious heartbreak out of her marriage, 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:41.680 navigated the dating world, and has found herself happily remarried, 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:47.360 living her amazing Chapter two. Welcome Jennifer. Would just like 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:49.640 to quickly point out that Jennifer and I have been 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:53.280 best friends since we were in high school. 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:55.040 She ruled the school. 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:57.800 I wanted to be her and I still want to 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.200 be her because she has absolutely been I muse as 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:05.840 I've watched her gracefully, go through divorce, date like a fiend, 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:11.160 and now get remarried to the most amazing man. So Jennifer, 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:14.520 take it away, teach us what to do and how 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:18.080 we can live the life that you are living well, and. 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.760 Before we actually I want to interrupt before we begin. 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:24.880 I also know Jennifer through Louise, and I have not 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.080 known her nearly as long as Louise has, but have 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:30.440 formed a friendship with her over the last couple of 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:34.280 years and really only know her in her life today, 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.080 so don't know well, I've heard, but don't know a 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:40.120 lot about her history. So this is going to be 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:43.520 equally as interesting to me as it hopefully will be 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.480 to all of you listeners. Jennifer getting to your story, 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.480 take us back to the beginning and tell us a 0:01:49.520 --> 0:01:53.360 little bit about your love journey and your chapter one. 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:56.240 Okay, first off, I just need you both to know 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:58.440 you could give my eulogy. 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:03.360 Well, let's hope you're not going anywhere unbelievable. We're not 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.280 doing life without you, but carry on. 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:09.280 All right, Okay, in a like a cliff note version. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:13.560 I was married young, but back then it didn't feel young. 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:17.320 So I was married, had two kids, fully in love 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:21.760 with my husband at the time, and after about six 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.680 years marriage, ten years together, we have two kids in 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:27.000 diapers and I wake up one day. 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:30.120 It's important to give some color to the age. 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.320 What age were you when you got married and how 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.520 old were your babies when all this was going on. 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:39.560 So I was married at twenty six, I had children 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:43.000 at twenty eight and thirty. When I woke up one 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:48.239 day and realized the marriage was over, I had an 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:49.640 eleven month old. 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:52.160 And one and a half year old, right, yes. 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.800 Yes, so I had like a two and an eleven 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:55.239 month old. 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.880 Yeah, so that's definitely the clipnote version. Take us back 0:02:58.919 --> 0:02:59.519 a little bit. 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:05.160 How was your marriage so prior. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:09.920 To I would say it was a healthy relationship that 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:16.760 had its normal problems, certainly nothing that I ever saw coming. 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:19.800 That we were you know that we were done. But 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:23.960 when you go through a process like that throughout the 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.360 next months and years, you start things start to click 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:31.240 and you go, oh, okay, I'm reading now I understand 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.480 what that was where I didn't understand to look for 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:35.120 certain things at the time. 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.720 But what were what were some of the normal problems. 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:40.600 Okay, let's see. 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:44.680 So I have a pew, kids and diapers, and we 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:52.960 didn't have sex enough. We I wasn't emotionally affectionate enough. 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.040 That according to him or how you felt towards him, 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:57.720 that you weren't bringing me you know, this. 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:02.080 Was according to him, and why he left me, So 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:06.640 I you know, of course all those things. It's kind 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:09.200 of like when you're younger and someone a teacher or 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:11.600 a family member tells you something and it sticks with 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:13.839 you for the rest of your life. So now here 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.320 I am when I find out why he's left me 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:20.039 or his reason for why he left me, I'm now 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:23.040 all messed up in my head because I'm like, oh, 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:26.960 I'm not affectionate enough, I'm not emotionally available enough, we're 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.520 not having sex enough. So I was using all of 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.000 those is like why I wasn't a good enough wife 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.680 and why he left me? Did you think you were 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:36.159 having problems or were. 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:39.080 You kind of in la la land about it? 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:43.920 And we're completely surprised because everything you just said were 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.040 basically kind of complaints. 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:47.280 He was blaming you for. 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:50.920 I remember speaking to one of my friends that I'm 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:54.919 very close with and telling her that I wasn't very 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:58.080 happy about how I was feeling. I wasn't I was 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.080 not sure what I was feeling. I just knew I 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:03.040 wasn't totally happy. And one of the things, the main 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:06.240 thing I thought was we have two kids, and diapers 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.919 were really busy, and right now some of our own 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:13.280 one on one relationship is going to be on the 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:17.919 back burner because here we are, like, you know, racing 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:20.760 around with you know, this one needs diaper change, this 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:23.960 one needs a feeding, like you just life is. 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:25.960 It was hectic at that time. 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:29.919 Yeah, you don't always see yourself or your relationship, at 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:32.400 least in the short term. With young children, maybe is 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:35.080 the priority. And so it's hard to make sense. Is 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:38.880 this a relationship issue or just a time of life 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:40.360 change in our relationship? 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:41.440 Yeah, and I didn't. 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.760 You know, I will take credit in maybe I didn't 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:50.040 give him the kind of attention he needed, but I 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:51.200 didn't know I wasn't. 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:55.440 So you began to sense the you know, the unraveling 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:56.599 was happening. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:58.680 But you know, everything had the babies, you just bought 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.400 that brand new house, and. 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:04.120 By the way, there was no one raveling. That's the 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.600 part that was so crazy is that I literally was 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:12.440 like I thought I was going crazy when he basically 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:14.679 told me he was leaving, Well, he didn't. 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:15.320 Tell me who was leaving. 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:21.040 He gaslated you. He was a trainer and you. 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:27.800 Helped him through a relationship land what became his biggest client. Now, 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:30.919 as listeners, do we all see where this is going? 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:32.440 Probably not. 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:35.400 So let's hear it from you, Jennifer. 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:38.719 So what happened? So to speak? Like how did this 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:39.560 bomb go off? 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.200 So again, you know, I think a few months before 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:47.120 I found out, I remember being on a trip with 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:50.360 him and realizing that we weren't connecting. And the one 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:54.480 thing I always knew about our relationship was we always connected. 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:58.080 It just took a minute if we were busy with 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:01.000 our lives. But when we would go out to a 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.560 party or go out to dinner with a couple, we'd 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:06.720 come home and like regroup to our what our night 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:09.880 was like, even though we were experiencing the night differently. 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:14.480 And whenever we went on trips, we really bonded. 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:16.920 And so we went on this trip and I. 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:20.520 Came home and I remember coming downstairs and saying to him, 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:23.560 we didn't bond on this trip. 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:24.720 You were so distant. 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.080 Something wasn't right. I don't feel good at all. And 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:30.160 one of the things we used to do is play 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:33.680 rummyque and so I remember going upstairs and being sad. 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:35.760 And then he came downstairs and he had the rummy 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:39.880 que out on the kitchen table, like he was extending 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:41.960 an olive branch to our conversation. 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:44.320 So here I was thinking, Okay, he. 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:49.720 Acknowledges that we weren't vibing on this trip, and he's 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.680 trying to make better for it, and like, you know, 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.640 make make it go away, Like let's start from here. 0:07:56.040 --> 0:08:00.920 So for me, there was no awareness of that he 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:02.440 was having issues with me. 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:06.640 But was he staying out? Was he coming home late? 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:10.040 Like, well, I guess when you are somebody who has 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:14.280 a day job as a trainer. He was home at night, 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:18.840 so it was the daytime that I would have no 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.640 idea to question where he was and all of that. 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:29.040 But there was one moment that we were at we 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:34.240 were at an amusement park and we ran into the 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:37.080 person that he had started to train when all of 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:41.280 this distance started to take place, and I thought that 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:45.160 was very weird that we ran into her, only because 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:47.880 if he wasn't with me at this amusement park and 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.280 one of my boys, then he would have been seeing 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:54.800 her to train her that day, so there had to 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:59.160 be some sort of awareness of what their day was. 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:02.320 I think at this point, let's just rip the band 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:05.280 aid off on that and quickly say that he started. 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:08.520 Having an affair with this person. 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:12.480 So can you tell us about how you found out 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:17.000 kind of what happened, how the explosion happened, Because it 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:20.480 was a shock, the babies were young. I watched all 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.319 of this, so why don't you share with our listeners 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:24.240 what happened? 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:27.839 So I remember, you know, not to get like I mean, 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:29.520 I could tell you the day, and I can tell 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:33.160 you the time, the actual time of day, and what 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:38.160 I was doing in my kitchen when this happened. And 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:41.960 I remember it was probably the second or third time 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:44.760 in that process of about a month and a half 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.200 that I said to him on the phone, because he 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.800 was on his way to go train his client. I said, 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:54.040 I'm not happy, and it wasn't the first time I 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:57.280 said it to him. And this time, instead of him 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:01.280 gaslighting me, bringing out the rummy cue table, you know, game, 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:05.560 telling me nothing's wrong, he said on the other line, 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:09.040 neither am I, and those three words. 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:12.720 Right then and there, I knew my marriage was over. 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:17.920 And I remember saying, you need to come home and 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:19.760 I and we need to talk about this. 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:24.760 And I remember him saying to me, I. 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:27.679 Can't right now, like there were other priorities, which to 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:30.600 me was baffling, because how could there be anything else 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:33.320 important other than God forbid something happens to your child. 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:38.319 You come home after a conversation like that, And he 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:41.640 he finished his day or his client and then came home. 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.320 Obviously it makes sense now what he was doing. But 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:47.760 when he came home. 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:52.560 I kind of grilled him like is there another person? No, 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:55.480 there's no other person, is there? 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:55.760 Like? 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:57.840 What is going on? I don't understand? 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:01.480 And he just told me that he wasn't happy, but 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:04.480 you couldn't tell me why he wasn't happy. And so 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:10.880 I can't remember exactly the chronological way it came about, 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:17.640 but it definitely, you know, lended itself to I'm not affectionate, 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:20.960 I'm not emotionally available, that kind of stuff. 0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:24.080 And again it didn't line up because. 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:29.760 We I mean, we were celebrating our tenure together and 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.200 we kept the same anniversaries or as a wedding date, 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.200 so we were celebrating almost seven years of marriage, whatever 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:39.240 the years were. So for me, I couldn't make sense 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.400 of it. I mean I went so far as to like, 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.560 heck the vitamins he was taking? Like is he is 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.040 there something wrong? I couldn't make sense of it. 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.400 Well, because you would ask the questions, you'd ask the 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:52.839 poignant questions, and it sounds like they weren't He didn't 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:53.800 really answer them. 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:55.439 He kind of put them back on you. 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:59.559 That's what they all do, right, I mean, all these 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:03.319 men get caught, they they flip it around and they 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.640 say no, you didn't do this, or you didn't you know, 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:07.439 you didn't show me the love or the affections. 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.280 They try to like deflect it. Did you did you. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:14.160 Ever, like from when you found out versus you know, 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:16.679 having a weird feeling, were you doing any like snooping 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.360 or kind of searching around or obviously there was no 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:22.000 life three sixty or anything. 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:25.520 Well, so remember this is two thousand and two, so 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:29.120 we didn't have the same like texting hadn't even really 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.760 happened yet, so it was different. So the only thing 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:35.920 I could have done is waited for a bill to 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:40.080 come in the mail for credit card, and it didn't 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:42.839 even dawn on me to do that, so we didn't 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.560 have that kind of snooping around. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:50.640 However, I do remember, well, I. 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:52.920 Do remember seeing one credit card bill, but it was 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.400 after I had already found out, so it was irrelevant. 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:58.040 And it was flowers, and I knew they weren't for me, 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.679 but at that point it was just another like, you know, 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:04.800 pain in my heart, but I had already. 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:07.080 Known at that point, how did you actually find out? 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:12.880 So he we had friends that we shared, but most 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.080 we both came to the table with you know, I 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:18.240 came with a lot of friends, and he came with 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:22.320 a small group of friends. And I always kept my 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:27.240 distance from some of his friends because I knew about 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.760 certain things that I just I always thought it was 0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:32.080 a little safer that, like, they were his friends. Plus 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:34.240 I have so many friends, it was good for him 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:38.000 to have his own friends. But there was one friend 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:42.719 that I became friendly with, the wife and prior to 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:48.400 us splitting about probably several years before, they had had 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:50.360 a marriage miss miss like. 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:52.560 They definitely had a moment hiccup. 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:58.040 And while that was happening, my husband asked me if 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:02.360 the husband could live with us, and of course we 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.440 had the space, and he lived with us, and thankfully 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.000 they worked out their marriage. They had a young kid 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:12.360 in diapers at the time, and so living with us 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.080 helped him get back on his feet with what he 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:16.520 needed to do in his marriage. 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:17.760 So they are still together. 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:21.960 And what happened was for about two weeks from that 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:26.000 day that he told me he wasn't happy, and me 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:29.680 trying to figure out, like, is this a midlife crisis? 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.960 There's not another person, he said, what is happening? What 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:34.760 is my role in this? What can I do to 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:37.760 make it better? He went and he stayed with a 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:45.280 mutual family friend and I about twelve days into this nightmare, 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:50.680 I get a phone call and it's from this couple 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:55.360 and the husband had told the wife, and the wife 0:14:55.480 --> 0:15:00.280 was like, she helped us during our hardest times. Got 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:03.960 to know that she came and she said, he's having 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:05.480 an affair with this person. 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:07.680 Oh, were you sucker punched? 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:11.680 It didn't surprise me, but it gutted me. So I 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:15.160 don't know. I mean, I knew there was an inkling 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:19.120 of something wasn't right with this person in him. But 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.840 when he told me that there was no affair, I 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:23.720 believed him. 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:26.440 I really did. I did not think he was a liar. 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:28.200 And you wanted to believe him, right. 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.800 We all have that kind of voice in our head 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:35.120 where something just kind of raises the hairs on our neck. 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:37.920 But at the same time we choose to not want 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:41.280 to see things or we want to believe somebody's words. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:45.440 Because your whole life, as you knew with young it 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.760 was getting blown up, you know, saying like, yeah, I 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:51.000 mean absolutely blown up. 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.120 And one of the things I'll say is I also 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:58.160 come from you know, my parents now have been together 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:01.320 over sixty two years, and yes they've had problems, and 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:04.480 yes they've you know, I don't know everything that's happened 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.320 in their marriage, but I always I came from stability 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:13.920 of this, this, this example of two people that truly 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:19.960 loved and liked each other, and so getting cheated on 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:23.520 was like not in my repertoire. 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:36.000 I need to now bring something up because it's something 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:38.560 you and I have now since discussed and we look 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:39.520 at it differently. 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:41.840 Yes, I don't know if you know what I'm not. 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.000 I know what you're gonna say. 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:47.400 So when you met him train her husband, yep, Yep, 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:53.040 he was well finishing a relationship. Yep, it was still 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:56.360 in a relationship. And I always believe once a cheater, 0:16:56.440 --> 0:17:00.720 always a cheater. And you said, well, he younger and 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:02.640 we were kids, and you know it's different. 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.480 It's like no, no, no, no, no, that was his pattern. 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:07.159 That was still his pattern. 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:10.000 And quite frankly, when we tell our listeners what's going 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:11.879 on now, I think it's still his pattern. 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.119 And I don't, but I hear you and agree with 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:22.000 you what I would say, and I just as bad 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:23.880 as it is that it's like, oh, he was with 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:27.080 somebody when I met him. I was twenty one, and 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:30.280 he was telling me he was not going to be 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:31.920 with her anymore, and I said, I'm not going to 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:34.480 be with anybody while they're with somebody. But we did 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.440 form an emotional relationship in that process without things happening. 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:41.040 But at twenty one, you don't know better. 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:45.720 I wasn't a comment on you, no more me identifying 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:50.240 a potential red flag in him. That was maybe just 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:53.280 you know, in hindsight, you say to yourself, hmm. 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:54.840 It makes total sense. 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:56.879 But I guess were you and I differ about the 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:58.600 once a cheater, always a cheater. 0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:02.920 Is I do believe that I did, for you. 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.600 Know, the twenty years they were together, I did believe 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.919 that he really wouldn't do that. And I don't know 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:12.200 if he did or didn't, But I do believe that 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.560 as we get older and our relationships and life gets on, 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:21.639 I do believe that affairs happen for different reasons. So 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:25.320 you have couples, and I know some of them who 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:26.199 they're not. 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:28.639 They're not sexually. 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:30.880 Involved with each other anymore, but they love each other, 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:32.520 so they stay together. 0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:32.800 For that reason. 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:36.520 And one of the people in the relationship doesn't want 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.199 to have sex. I mean I've even said to some 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:41.320 of the people I know, guys and girls in this 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:44.760 situation where I'm like, if they did step out of 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:48.000 their marriage, it wouldn't be the same version of an 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.120 affair that I think what he did to. 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:53.720 Me at the time, there's there's you know, a lot 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:55.600 of ways to skin skin that cat. 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:59.719 But so she hit the fan for you, big hit. 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.879 And what I remember watching because I think this is 0:19:02.960 --> 0:19:07.280 kind of like really heartbreaking, bad situation. But what I 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:10.879 appreciated about you is you hit the ground running on 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:13.320 the dating thing. Now, it was probably a reaction to 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:16.359 the rejection and how you were feeling, and you wanted 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:18.800 to rip that bandy down quickly, and you were like 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:23.160 spinning and spiraling and you were literally juggling so much. 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:25.480 But you, I think within. 0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:29.200 The first month on one on a date, multiple dates 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:30.760 correct a week later. 0:19:31.240 --> 0:19:33.240 Wait, I want to take a step back though for 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:36.360 a second. I know this is maybe not a popular 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:41.320 thing to say, but Dan, you are a smart, capable woman, 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:43.560 and even if you did have two small children and 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.160 might have been, you know, in a fog raising kids 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:49.680 at the time, was there any part of you that 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:53.399 when you found out relief probably is not the right word, 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:57.280 but in a way like Okay, I'm not crazy, and 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:01.560 now I have to deal, you know, with this, and 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:04.760 at least I know, like because I think so much 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.840 of it often can be the not knowing and thinking 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:11.640 you're going crazy and so what do you do because 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:13.240 you don't have the information. 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:20.719 I think that getting the information was an aha, not 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:25.560 even an aha moment, but a It clarified things for me, 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:30.520 But then it brought in a whole other level of 0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:35.760 spitch for me that I couldn't. I didn't for those 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:37.960 two weeks, wasn't even thinking. 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:40.399 About so like tell us, tell us more you know 0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:41.040 about that? 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:44.399 Well, just now your brain is like, Okay, he's with 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:46.760 this woman. My kids are in diapers, she's going to 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:47.280 raise them. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:51.679 Uh, you know I have to sell the house. Uh 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:52.560 what am I going to do? 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:56.080 You know, my job doesn't make enough money, but I 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:58.160 love what I do. I just now have to kick 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:00.480 it into gear, like your life kind of last years 0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:02.040 in front of you, Like what am I going to do? 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:05.959 And I've got two kids in diapers? And who's going 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:07.720 to want to date? Who's going to want to date 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:09.680 a girl with two kids and diapers? 0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:10.240 Good point? 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:11.760 How old were you at the time. 0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:15.720 Do you know thirty one okay, I is so young? 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:18.800 Yeah, uh, thirty one to thirty two okay. 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:21.760 So Louise alluded to the fact that you hit the 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:25.840 dating scenes. So in the midst of your crazy probably 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:30.080 you know, no, no sleeping and your mind going a 0:21:30.200 --> 0:21:33.800 mile a minute on what your life looked like. Practically speaking, 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:35.240 it sounds like you started dating. 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:41.480 I started dating. I slept with somebody probably the first 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:45.200 two weeks into this, and I remember it was so. 0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:49.560 Bad, unlike her nun like friends Alma. Louise, Well, here's. 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:51.600 The thing at but but you got to remember I 0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:55.840 was with I was in relationships from like fifteen on, 0:21:56.960 --> 0:22:00.840 so I never got to like sexually experienced. I was 0:22:01.520 --> 0:22:05.680 experiencing a lot of different experiences. 0:22:05.720 --> 0:22:08.080 And how'd you like it? I mean, were you having fun? 0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:10.560