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Speaker 1: My family ignored our grandmother for years. Now they want

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Speaker 1: what she left behind.

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Speaker 2: Well that's crazy, Sophia.

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Speaker 3: Well Riley, it's Inheriting too Much Drama Week on the

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Speaker 3: Okay Storytime podcast, where we're uncovering the most unhinged stories

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Speaker 3: of greed, betrayal, and family secrets fails that will have

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Speaker 3: you questioning whether the people closest to you actually have

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Speaker 3: your best interests at heart, or if they've just been

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Speaker 3: waiting for the right moment to show their true colors,

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Speaker 3: because apparently, for some families, love is.

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Speaker 1: A price tag.

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Speaker 3: If your New Year and looking for the story I

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Speaker 3: became a millionaire overnight and lost everything that actually mattered,

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Speaker 3: just click the link in the show notes and description,

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Speaker 3: or search Inheriting too Much Drama Week, Okay Storytime wherever

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Speaker 3: you get your podcasts. Let's dive into this one, but

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Speaker 3: first a quick two minute break for the sponsors keeping

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Speaker 3: this show afloat. Specifically important to this conflict is my

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Speaker 3: dad's brother's son, who I'll call Trevor forty two male,

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Speaker 3: and my dad's sister's daughter, who I'll call Sarah forty female.

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Speaker 3: It's also important to know that all my cousins have children,

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Speaker 3: but my sister thirty six female and I thirty two

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Speaker 3: female do not. By the way, this comes from inside

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Speaker 3: Armadillo seven twenty and if you want to spit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash. Okay, storytime supped it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and we're here to give good

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Speaker 3: of us goofy.

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Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 3: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do in the commons and OPI says context.

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Speaker 3: After my dad's sister passed away, my grandma became very

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Speaker 3: difficult to be around. All my cousins and my sister

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Speaker 3: were very young when she passed, and I wasn't born yet.

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Speaker 3: My dad's brother, sixties male, and my dad's sister's widower

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Speaker 3: distanced themselves from my grandparents. They never let them stay

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Speaker 3: at their house, only saw them on major occasions like

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Speaker 3: Christmas dinner, and rarely made the twelve hour trip to

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Speaker 3: visit them at their home. On the other hand, it

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Speaker 3: was really important for my dad sixties male to maintain

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Speaker 3: a relationship with his parents, so every year they would

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Speaker 3: stay with us for a week at Thanksgiving, three weeks

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Speaker 3: in December and January, and we would drive up and

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Speaker 3: spend two to four weeks with them in August. This

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Speaker 3: continued even after my grandpa, who passed away twenty five

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Speaker 3: years ago passed. It wasn't always easy growing up with

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Speaker 3: her around, as she could be very hard on us,

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Speaker 3: but she would then be perfectly pleasant when we went

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Speaker 3: out and saw anyone else. It's important to note that

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Speaker 3: my grandparents had a cabin about an half hour away

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Speaker 3: from their house.

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Speaker 1: It's not a fancy cabin.

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Speaker 3: It's about thirty three square meters made entirely out of

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Speaker 3: wood with no insulation, has no running water or plumbing,

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Speaker 3: and a small amount of electricity, and is heated using

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Speaker 3: a wood stove. As a child, this place was a

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Speaker 3: refuge since my grandma hated being out there, and any

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Speaker 3: time we were at the cabin in the summertime meant

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Speaker 3: we didn't have to deal with her difficult moods. Originally,

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Speaker 3: the cabin was owned by my great great grandparents and

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Speaker 3: passed out, but growing up the only people who ever

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Speaker 3: stayed at the cabin were my parents, my sister, and I.

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Speaker 3: When my grandpa got sick, he bought out the cabin

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Speaker 3: from his siblings, and then off to sell it to

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Speaker 3: my dad and his brother. It was worth about twenty

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Speaker 3: thousand dollars at the time. My uncle said he didn't

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Speaker 3: want it, so my parents took out a mortgage to

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Speaker 3: buy the cabin and have exclusively owned it for the

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Speaker 3: past twenty five years, paying for the property taxes, upkeep, electricity,

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Speaker 3: et cetera. I saw my grandma much less once I

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Speaker 3: became an adult, but to appease my dad, I still

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Speaker 3: saw her at Christmas and when we would go to

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Speaker 3: the cabin for a couple of days in the summer.

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Speaker 3: Despite how little I saw her, my cousin still saw

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Speaker 3: her even less, with the exception of my cousin Sarah,

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Speaker 3: who developed a relationship with her because she wanted to

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Speaker 3: know more about her mom. When my grandma got sick,

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Speaker 3: she started asking everyone what they wanted when she passed away.

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Speaker 3: I told her the only thing I wanted was the

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Speaker 3: old plush that my sister and I had played with

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Speaker 3: as a child, which had originally been my grandma's, and

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Speaker 3: she scolded me for wanting something so stay bed, then

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Speaker 3: insisted I take it with me right then and there.

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Speaker 3: When my grandma passed ten years ago, we had to

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Speaker 3: deal with all of her affairs. My grandma had little money,

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Speaker 3: but for her will, the remainder of her bank account

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Speaker 3: was split between my father, my father, his brother, and

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Speaker 3: the children of his late sister. After the funeral, my

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Speaker 3: dad's family and my uncle's family went to her house

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Speaker 3: to start cleaning, but my dad's sister's children did not come.

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Speaker 3: My uncle's children immediately took anything they thought that was

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Speaker 3: worth money, her computer, television, DVD player, car, E reader,

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Speaker 3: lawn mower, etc. After we had left for the night,

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Speaker 3: they came back and took several things belonging to my dad,

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Speaker 3: including his vintage camera collection and comic book collection. My

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Speaker 3: dad didn't want to make a big fuss about it,

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Speaker 3: so he didn't say anything. This was the last time

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Speaker 3: that anyone helped us with anything related to the house.

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Speaker 3: We repeatedly asked over the course of a couple of

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Speaker 3: months if anyone would come help us clean out the house,

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Speaker 3: as we could not afford to pay for the upkeep

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Speaker 3: long term. Eventually, we told everyone the week we were

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Speaker 3: traveling the twelve hours to her house and said they

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Speaker 3: could come if they wanted. Several of them said they

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Speaker 3: would come, but no one showed up. We kept texting

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Speaker 3: pictures of things to people, asking if they wanted anything,

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Speaker 3: but got little to no response. My dad's sister's son,

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Speaker 3: thirty six male, told us he felt very little connection

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Speaker 3: to her and didn't want anything, which is fair and

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Speaker 3: I appreciated the honesty. My dad's brother said it was

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Speaker 3: all too hard for him and asked us to just

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Speaker 3: throw everything out. We did make up a box for

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Speaker 3: every one of things we thought they might find sentimental,

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Speaker 3: and in particular, we gave anything related to my dad's

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Speaker 3: sister to her daughter Sarah. We also opened the home

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Speaker 3: to my grandma's neighbors and friends to take anything they wanted.

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Speaker 3: Y'all could have done a little like estate sale. Could

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Speaker 3: have made money on that.

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Speaker 2: Also, whenever my great grandpa passed away, my certain family

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Speaker 2: members were pretty weird about certain things. Yeah, I have

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Speaker 2: not talked about this, but someone in my family said,

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Speaker 2: I don't understand why the great grandkids got money. I

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Speaker 2: should have gotten money and I could buy a new car.

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Speaker 2: Someone said that in my family that's crazy. I'm not

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Speaker 2: gonna say who, but after hearing that, do I even

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Speaker 2: go back for Thanksgiving? As soon as my great grandpa passed.

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Speaker 2: It's very complicated. My mom was this caregiver for a

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Speaker 2: long time and then she felt responsible for taking care

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Speaker 2: of the house and all that stuff. But she's always

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Speaker 2: felt responsible when it comes to anything family related. But

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Speaker 2: my aunt, my grandma and other family members of the

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Speaker 2: house came and helped out, and she felt kind of

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Speaker 2: slighted because she thought that was her territory. But they

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Speaker 2: were just trying to help out. But like things got

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Speaker 2: like kind of mixed up. It wasn't clear on who

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Speaker 2: got to take what. I just wanted the popcorn bucket.

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Speaker 2: That's all I really cared about.

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Speaker 1: All I wanted.

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Speaker 2: But it's always been it's been weird, and that's for

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Speaker 2: my own family and they're not as crazy. Yeah, they're

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Speaker 2: pretty functional. We functioned. We're not perfect, but they functioned.

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Speaker 1: Money creates a lot of problems.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's super weird.

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Speaker 3: When my parents told her the house was not only

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Speaker 3: completely cleaned out, but also sold, she was furious. I'm

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Speaker 3: still confused about the miscommunication because we messaged her many

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Speaker 3: many times, both via email and on Facebook while we

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Speaker 3: were cleaning out the house, and when we were done,

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Speaker 3: we gave her the boxes of her mother's things. Over

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Speaker 3: the past ten years, I have had very little contact

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Speaker 3: with my cousins. I still like their posts on social

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Speaker 3: media and whatnot, but we just don't really have a

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Speaker 3: lot in common. My parents have had a little more

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Speaker 3: contact with them. They try to see them all once

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Speaker 3: a year, but my cousins have also not made a

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Speaker 3: great effort to keep in contact with my parents. Since

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Speaker 3: the situation with Sarah, no one had asked for anything

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Speaker 3: from my grandma's house or asked to stay at the

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Speaker 3: cabin until last year, when Sarah emailed my mom sixties female,

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Speaker 3: asking if she could borrow my grandma's plush to use

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Speaker 3: as a prop in a movie. She wanted some random

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Speaker 3: pa who I do not know to pick it up

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Speaker 3: since I have it. My mom asked me, the plush

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Speaker 3: is almost one hundred years old, not in great shape,

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Speaker 3: and quite fragile, including two of its legs having fallen off.

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Speaker 3: I've been trying to find someone to help me repair it.

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Speaker 3: I told her to reply no, that it was too

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Speaker 3: fragile and I didn't want someone I don't know handling it,

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Speaker 3: much less a bunch of people on a movie set.

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Speaker 3: We didn't hear from her after that. She did then

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Speaker 3: invite us to the premiere of the movie sometime later.

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Speaker 3: Turns out it was a movie valorizing my grandma's role

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Speaker 3: in her adult life, and I did not go. Done

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Speaker 3: a lot of work to try and heal from my

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Speaker 3: complicated feelings about my grandma, and I didn't want to

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Speaker 3: waste any more time lamenting why my cousin got a

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Speaker 3: nice grandma and I got a very different experience.

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Speaker 1: I also didn't want to.

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Speaker 3: Ruin the illusions Sarah has of her based on what

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Speaker 3: I've heard about the movie. My parents, Sarah and I

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Speaker 3: were not spoken about favorably in it, and she invited

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Speaker 3: you to it. It was implied that we somehow gate

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Speaker 3: kept the cabin from Sarah because we didn't consider her

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Speaker 3: a real family member. Her father explicitly never wanted to

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Speaker 3: bring his kids because he didn't want to spend time

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Speaker 3: with my grandma. We asked for several years to take

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Speaker 3: her with us, but her father only gave permission when

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Speaker 3: she turned sixteen, and she never asked to go to

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Speaker 3: the cabin as an adult. It was also implied that

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Speaker 3: I stole the plush from her, despite her never having

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Speaker 3: asked for it except as a movie prop.

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Speaker 1: A year ago.

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Speaker 3: The movie then prompted my cousin Trevor to ask my

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Speaker 3: parents about the cabin. My dad told them the cabin

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Speaker 3: needed repairs. We weren't able to get to the cabin

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Speaker 3: for a few years because of the VID and the

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Speaker 3: lack of upkeep caused water damage in mice damage, and

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Speaker 3: said he was welcome to come help, but that it

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Speaker 3: currently wasn't habitable. So one weekend we all went up

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Speaker 3: with Trevor, his wife, and his two very young children

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Speaker 3: to do some repairs. But immediately Trevor and his wife

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Speaker 3: were acting very entitled, talking about how it was the

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Speaker 3: family cabin and telling my parents we needed to create

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Speaker 3: a schedule so they would know exactly what weeks every summer.

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Speaker 1: Would be their weeks.

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Speaker 3: They started discussing all the ways they would change the

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Speaker 3: decor and and Trevor's wife try to throw out my

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Speaker 3: mom's favorite lamp. They also told us we needed laminated

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Speaker 3: signs everywhere on how to use the compost toilet, how

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Speaker 3: to collect rainwater for the shower, how to use the woodstove,

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Speaker 3: et cetera, to which my dad replied, but we already

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Speaker 3: know how to use it.

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Speaker 4: Why would we need laminated.

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Speaker 3: Signs like, well, we don't know how to use it,

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Speaker 3: and we want to know when we come up here

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Speaker 3: because now it's our house.

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Speaker 2: Dude, Ope, you're not making yourself look any better either.

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Speaker 1: What what's wrong with Ope?

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Speaker 4: I feel like Opee and.

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Speaker 2: The Grandma's relationship wasn't good. And I don't think what

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Speaker 2: she did with Sarah, like not let her have the

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Speaker 2: plushy was a bad thing.

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Speaker 3: But that was her plushy because the grandma gave it

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Speaker 3: to her like ages ago.

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Speaker 2: It still was for a movie and she didn't go

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Speaker 2: see the movie either.

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Speaker 3: But also in the movie, they like criticize her and

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Speaker 3: her family, like what if.

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Speaker 5: You I know where you're saying.

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Speaker 3: I just feel like I would also not want to

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Speaker 3: go to a movie about first of all, about someone

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Speaker 3: who didn't treat me well in life, and then also

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Speaker 3: I probably would feel even more vindicated if I found

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Speaker 3: out the.

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Speaker 1: Movie sized me. I don't know, it's a so weird,

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Speaker 1: so weird, just complicated.

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Speaker 2: It is complicated, and I understand that your parents own

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Speaker 2: it because no one else wanted to fess up and

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Speaker 2: do it. Na, it is all weird, man, I don't

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Speaker 2: family's awkward.

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Speaker 6: Ugh.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't a successful trip, but my dad insisted they

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Speaker 3: were just over excited and it would be better in

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Speaker 3: the future. We spent several more weekends doing repairs and

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Speaker 3: cleaning the cabin, and it's looking a lot better, but

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Speaker 3: still isn't habitable yet due to the mice chewing through

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Speaker 3: the electrical cables to the composting toilet. My parents went

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Speaker 3: again this last weekend without my sister and I, and

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Speaker 3: Trevor and his wife asked if they could come again.

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Speaker 3: On the way, they texted a picture of new flooring

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Speaker 3: they had bought for the cabin without my parents' consent,

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Speaker 3: and said they intended to throw out all of the

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Speaker 3: furniture and redecorate the cabin to look like a nineteen

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Speaker 3: fifties tiner. My parents texted back that they were absolutely

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Speaker 3: not allowed to throw anything out, as the majority of

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Speaker 3: things in the cabin were antiques that my dad's grandparents

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Speaker 3: owned and have great sentimental value. When they arrived, before

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Speaker 3: they even said hello, Trevor's wife went up to my

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Speaker 3: mom and said, it's ridiculous that you haven't given us

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Speaker 3: a schedule yet. We need to know what weeks we're

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Speaker 3: going to be here next summer. My mom replied, well,

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Speaker 3: since my husband is retiring, we actually plan on spending

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Speaker 3: the entire summer here. Trevor's wife literally screamed that's not

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Speaker 3: bear and stormed off with the kids. While she was gone,

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Speaker 3: Trevor questioned why we were trying to keep the family

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Speaker 3: cabin from them, since they own ha. My dad sat

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Speaker 3: him down and explained how my grandpa had offered the

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Speaker 3: cabin to both of his sons. My uncle said he

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Speaker 3: didn't want it, and my parents bought it and became

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Speaker 3: the sole owners. Trevor implied that my dad had somehow

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Speaker 3: tripped my grandpa, to which my dad told them to

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Speaker 3: call my uncle and ask exactly what happened. Trevor softened

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Speaker 3: a bit and told my dad that when he and

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Speaker 3: my mom get too old to use the cabin, he

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Speaker 3: would be willing to buy it. My mom told him

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Speaker 3: that my sister and I were already co owners and

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Speaker 3: would be inheriting the cabin. You like, Trevor's trying everything.

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Speaker 3: He's like, how dare you? We don't have it and

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Speaker 3: they're like, no, you don't.

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Speaker 1: He's like, okay, what if you gave it to me later?

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Speaker 2: And they're like no, he's like, ah, dude, Trevor, you

281
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Speaker 2: can make your own cabin.

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Speaker 1: You can get a way better cabin.

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Speaker 4: Good.

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Speaker 2: So my grandparents said they got a Lincoln log cabin.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Trevor then exploded and said it was ridiculous that we

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Speaker 3: would inherit it because neither my sister nor I have kids,

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Speaker 3: and that we were trying to steal all of my

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Speaker 3: grandma's inheritance, just like we stole the plush from Sarah.

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Speaker 2: Well, your kids would still have a chance to get

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Speaker 2: it if you play your cards right in your nice.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Trevor, maybe maybe you could help out your kids

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Speaker 3: in the future.

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Speaker 1: Come on, you're not thinking far and off ahead, buddy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, family's weird, dude, it's all very different, all very weird.

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Speaker 1: But there's a little bit left.

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Speaker 3: I just think we kind of limit contact with all

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Speaker 3: these people who are up and you know, uh, putting

299
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Speaker 3: their putting their dukes up to try and fight you

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Speaker 3: about things that have already been settled.

301
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Speaker 1: But there's a little bit left.

302
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Speaker 2: But he can't get another free cabin.

303
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Speaker 1: That's true, he can't get one, naw. Though.

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Speaker 3: They laughed and drove home. But now Trevor has been

305
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:12,640
Speaker 3: messaging my sister, imploring her to change her will so

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Speaker 3: that his children inherit the cabin after we pass away,

307
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,400
Speaker 3: since it's only fair since you took everything else. It

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00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,520
Speaker 3: feels to me like no one wanted anything to do

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Speaker 3: with my grandma's stuff after she passed away, And now

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Speaker 3: suddenly all of my cousins are angry and accusing my

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Speaker 3: sister and I of stealing their inheritance. I want to

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Speaker 3: tell Trevor he is no longer welcome at the cabin

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Speaker 3: because of the way he treated my parents and his

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Speaker 3: insistence on throwing everything out and changing everything. But I'm

315
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,080
Speaker 3: worried that maybe I'm doing something wrong and being selfish,

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Speaker 3: and that he's actually entitled to the cabin. Did we

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00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,600
Speaker 3: genuinely do something wrong when my grandma passed? Did we

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Speaker 3: not do enough to make sure everyone got their fair share?

319
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Speaker 3: Am I the a hole personally?

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Speaker 1: I don't think so.

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Speaker 3: I think they should have contested things when they could have,

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Speaker 3: they didn't.

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Speaker 2: So in this situation, if you could somehow get a

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Speaker 2: mediator to look at the will, look at the communication

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Speaker 2: lines between the brother and the dad, look at how

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00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,040
Speaker 2: everything was kind of evened out, and then follow the

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00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,120
Speaker 2: pattern like this is done. This has done very well.

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Speaker 2: I think getting the other side of it would be great. Dude,

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00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,040
Speaker 2: you got to hire mediator for this. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if it's that big of a deal. That's so weird.

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Speaker 2: Oh a family.

332
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Speaker 5: Ug something's a weird family.

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Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story, folks. And we've

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00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 3: got another one coming right up.

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Speaker 7: My husband's family dislikes me and it's breaking my marriage.

336
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Speaker 4: Well, you don't have to date his yr husband's family.

337
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:51,520
Speaker 7: And there's a trigger warning for emotional I female thirties

338
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:55,800
Speaker 7: and married to a man male thirties who unfortunately comes

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Speaker 7: from a family that doesn't like me, or at least

340
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 7: doesn't seem to want me. And I'm starting to think

341
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,520
Speaker 7: this has been a huge factor in me considering divorce.

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00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 7: I'd love to hear from others who've gone through something similar.

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00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,480
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from user environmental tap eight

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00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,800
Speaker 7: three eight, And if you want to submit your own stories,

345
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 7: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and we're here to give some

347
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:21,920
Speaker 5: good advice. Goofully right.

348
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 7: Because we don't have all the answers to everything we know.

349
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,000
Speaker 7: We just know what we know, so let us know

350
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,760
Speaker 7: what you know. If you know it in the comments.

351
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,120
Speaker 7: If you know it and you know it, clap your

352
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,880
Speaker 7: hands popow Okay. Here are some examples that really affected me.

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00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:41,080
Speaker 7: We've got bullet points inappropriate boundaries. My mother in law

354
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,840
Speaker 7: once asked my husband if we use protection. He shared

355
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 7: parts of our spicy sleep life as she kept asking.

356
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 5: He told me.

357
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,200
Speaker 7: Later since I wasn't around then, I was mortified. When

358
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,400
Speaker 7: I told him I felt violated. He said it's normal

359
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 7: for him to talk about this with her, that I'm

360
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,360
Speaker 7: too closed on that with family and friends, and that

361
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,679
Speaker 7: they're like that to be cool. I mean, if I

362
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,200
Speaker 7: don't know what we exactly was discussed, but just being

363
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,520
Speaker 7: like are you using protection? Is it like the craziest

364
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 7: thing to ask, right?

365
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 4: But if they're like, what positions are you guys in

366
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 4: little we don't need to chat that with family.

367
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,080
Speaker 5: That's a little we can leave that one off the table.

368
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:30,560
Speaker 7: Passive aggressive jokes, she said, Foreigners like me always take things.

369
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 4: Uh oh, I've got race in the mix here.

370
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:39,040
Speaker 5: Oh uh oh. Example was me because I stole her son.

371
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:44,959
Speaker 7: Oh okay, my husband laughed when he told me again.

372
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:49,200
Speaker 7: She said it when I wasn't around. Dismissive comments about

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Speaker 7: my interests. She mocked my love of books. You guessed

374
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 7: it when I wasn't there, calling it an obsession, even

375
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,080
Speaker 7: though my husband knows that's a sensitive subject for me.

376
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,040
Speaker 5: Instead of backing me up, he accused me of.

377
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 7: Being resentful weird emotional competitions.

378
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 5: Before our wedding, she told me flat out she'll.

379
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 7: Always love him more than I ever could, and said

380
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 7: it seriously, not as a joke. No one at the

381
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,000
Speaker 7: table said anything, not even my husband. Oh yeah, because

382
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 7: that's just uncomfortable.

383
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,120
Speaker 4: It's uncomfortable. But with all of these examples, I have

384
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 4: a feeling that we have a bit of a husband

385
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,360
Speaker 4: problem here.

386
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 8: Mmmm.

387
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 5: God, I could be smelled. I smell that on the horizon.

388
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 4: Well, stinky.

389
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:36,120
Speaker 7: Constant emotional dumping. She regularly calls crying and venting. Even

390
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 7: when he's overwhelmed with grief after his father's passing, She

391
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,240
Speaker 7: never seeks therapy and expects him to be her emotional

392
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:48,199
Speaker 7: support system. There's unhealthy family dynamics. My husband's extended family

393
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 7: uses his car without asking, damages it and then laughs

394
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 7: it off. One aunt even drove against traffic. He says nothing,

395
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 7: even if she was very upset. Yet if I make

396
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 7: a small mistake, he corrects me immediately and harshly. They

397
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,960
Speaker 7: reject my cooking. Whenever I cook at my mother in

398
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 7: law's house, suddenly more people show up every time, but

399
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,680
Speaker 7: no one eats what I cook.

400
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,840
Speaker 5: Ah, he says, they're just picky.

401
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,680
Speaker 7: But even the vegetarian aunt refuse to try the salad.

402
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 5: I made for her. That's weird the culture.

403
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 7: Very recently, I've noticed no man in his family mother

404
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 7: in law's brothers and nephews is still married. It's a

405
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 7: very matriarchal family, where the women form a tight circle

406
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,080
Speaker 7: and I'm left out. I often sit alone during gatherings

407
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,240
Speaker 7: while they whisper in the kitchen. Some of them don't

408
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 7: even refer to me by name, and there is resentment

409
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 7: and subtle digs. I get the feeling his mom resents

410
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 7: me not just for taking her son, but for being different.

411
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 7: They've started making xenophobic comments lately, and I'm an immigrant,

412
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 7: so it's hard not to.

413
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 5: Take that personally.

414
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 7: Lately, all of the extended family are shifting towards radical

415
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:04,040
Speaker 7: right discourses against people like me, and yet my husband

416
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 7: defends them constantly.

417
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 5: Gone, oh God, goodbye, goodbye.

418
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I yeah, this really does sound like just everyone

419
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,440
Speaker 4: is a problem in this family, especially even your husband.

420
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 4: Like it's not even just that you're with your husband,

421
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 4: you love him, and you just can't get along with

422
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 4: this family unfortunately, And like he is right there with him.

423
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 5: It sounds like, yeah, he is, he is keeping pace.

424
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 4: Yeah.

425
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 7: He says there's no bad intentions and that his mom

426
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 7: is just being herself and I'm too sensitive.

427
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, no, no, no.

428
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 7: Yeah no, my mom's just being herself. She does not

429
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 7: like people who look like you.

430
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, you are the one that has a problem with it,

431
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 4: So you gotta figure it out.

432
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,679
Speaker 5: That they have this thing called plastic surgery. If Michael

433
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 5: Jackson did it, you can do it right.

434
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 4: You want to look like Michael Jackson, don't you.

435
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 5: Yes, we're.

436
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 7: He minimizes my feelings and seems more concerned about their

437
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 7: well being not upsetting them than how I feel. I'm

438
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 7: starting to feel invisible, like I walked into a family

439
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 7: where I'll never be truly welcomed. And even though I

440
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 7: love my husband, I'm wondering if this is sustainable. Christmas

441
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 7: is coming, and I honestly don't want to spend another

442
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 7: one there, I'm thinking about telling him about.

443
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 5: Divorce before those dates.

444
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 7: Has anyone else felt pushed out by their partner's family

445
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:22,959
Speaker 7: to this extent?

446
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 5: Did it affect your marriage long term? Would appreciate any.

447
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 7: Honest insights, And we do have some comments from Op's

448
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 7: post here, but like I think, I mean, I haven't

449
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 7: been in this marriage. I would imagine that mostly the

450
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 7: effect of a marriage long term would be that it

451
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 7: ceases to exist in this context.

452
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 4: Hopefully I don't know this, but hopefully if she like,

453
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 4: hopefully she didn't move to be closer to this family

454
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 4: if they're treating her like this, because at that point,

455
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 4: it's like if you're just being closer to strangers even

456
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,160
Speaker 4: if you're not moving with them, but if you're just

457
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 4: showing up for holidays like she is, like yeah, if

458
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 4: they suck and are not being cool to you, then

459
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 4: like your husband is like your one connection to that

460
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 4: whole family, So you would hope that he's like your lifeline,

461
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 4: right and is like they're gonna keep you safe when

462
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:19,160
Speaker 4: they're being super uncool like.

463
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 7: This, But he's just yeah, yeah, yeah, he's just fully

464
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,399
Speaker 7: like but you should just not care, Yeah, you should

465
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 7: just not worry it's like, Oh.

466
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 4: My lifeline is floating away.

467
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 5: Oh no, Yeah, and honestly she was. That was hilarious

468
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 5: what she said.

469
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, like honestly she had a good point. Yeah, that's crazed.

470
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:37,679
Speaker 5: Yeah.

471
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 4: So I don't know, you might have to like learn

472
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,360
Speaker 4: how to swim for yourself and then swim away from

473
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 4: these people. Yeah, everyone here, you.

474
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 5: Might need to swim away.

475
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 8: Uh.

476
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:47,880
Speaker 5: Comment one.

477
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 7: I don't even know how you get to the point

478
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 7: of marrying someone like this. Op says we were long

479
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 7: distance during the pandemic. We visited each other but wouldn't

480
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 7: see the extended family office. Then we got married to

481
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 7: be together. Before marriage, I thought his parents were very

482
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 7: loving to me. The only incidents I had where with

483
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 7: his dad and my husband would defend me.

484
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 5: Hence I thought it would be like that with everyone else.

485
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 7: The only incident with my mother in law before marriage

486
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 7: was her comment about loving him more than me. I

487
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,400
Speaker 7: found it very weird, but thought it wasn't a big

488
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 7: deal compared to how nice she was. After my father

489
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 7: in law's passing, the situations I've mentioned dramatically increased. I've

490
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 7: been vocal about how disrespected I feel, but he keeps

491
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 7: being on her side and all of the women in

492
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 7: the family, and has Opie considered counseling or therapy for them.

493
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 7: For herself and her husband, Opie says, I've mentioned individual

494
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 7: and couples therapy, especially since his dad's passing, and he

495
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 7: refuses both. Individual he says he already knows what he

496
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 7: needs to work on, and for couples, he says, if

497
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 7: we go, then it's a sign the relationship is over.

498
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 5: So silly. It's like if like.

499
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 7: You're it's like if you like, like broke a finger

500
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 7: and then you like told the doctor just cut the

501
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 7: hand off, Just cut it off.

502
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 5: No, your finger's broken, the whole hands broken, cut it off.

503
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 5: That it's useless.

504
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 7: GUHD Yeah, comment to here's the thing. It's not the

505
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 7: family that's causing the divorce. It's your husband. He's allowing

506
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 7: this to go on and is not standing up for you.

507
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 7: Plenty of marriages work out where in laws don't like

508
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 7: a spouse, But it's up to your husband.

509
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 5: He needs to grow up.

510
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 7: The family you create has to be more important than

511
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 7: your family of origin. He doesn't love you enough to

512
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 7: prioritize you and your feelings, then it's best to cut

513
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 7: bait and run, He'll never be able to have a

514
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 7: healthy relationship as long as he lets his family act

515
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 7: this way without any consequences. There's someone out there who

516
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 7: will put you first. It sounds like it's not him.

517
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 7: I'm so sorry. Ope, he replies, I've spoken about how

518
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,919
Speaker 7: I feel about this. He says, of course he's on

519
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 7: my side because he chose to come to the other

520
00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 7: side of the world for me.

521
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 5: I recognize and value that.

522
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 7: But whenever we visit his family, and we try to

523
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 7: go for months at a time because we're lucky to

524
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 7: do remote work, this happens often. It saddens me to

525
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 7: hear my mother in law start speaking about me like this.

526
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 7: It didn't happen before our marriage, or I wouldn't have

527
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 7: married him. I feel very alone, and he doesn't see

528
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,719
Speaker 7: how it's wrong. I feel I shouldn't even say it.

529
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 7: He should defend me. Whenever hearing these things and has

530
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 7: Opie's husband put any boundaries up with his mother, Opie says,

531
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 7: the only time I ever saw him.

532
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 5: Put a boundary on his mom was when she went

533
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 5: to kiss his neck. There.

534
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 7: He did stop her and asked her not to do

535
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 7: that again, because it was not a thing he'd associate

536
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 7: with her, and she got offended. I don't know if

537
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 7: he doesn't want to place any boundaries ever since his

538
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 7: dad passed. Still, I've spoken about it, and I doubt

539
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 7: it will change.

540
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 5: There's always justifications. Comment three.

541
00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 7: Mother in law is discostin. Your husband is worse. Divorce

542
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 7: him because of his actions and inactions. Mother in laws

543
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 7: are almost always just like her. If their son doesn't

544
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 7: shut them down, they the sons are the primary problem.

545
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 7: My mother in law once asked the spicy sleep questions

546
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 7: while talking to my husband on speakerphone. He told her

547
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,119
Speaker 7: to mind her business and don't ask about his personal

548
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 7: life in that manner. She kept pushing, and then he

549
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,199
Speaker 7: told her if he really wanted answers, he would let

550
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,239
Speaker 7: me respond since I was listening to all of her

551
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 7: questions on speakerphone. She embarrassingly hung up. She later accused

552
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 7: him of setting her up for me to dislike her.

553
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 7: He asked her if he was the one who planted

554
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 7: those questions in her head. Opie replies, I would have

555
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 7: loved for that to happen here, but he insists it's normal.

556
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 7: I told him the issue is he's not just speaking

557
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 7: about him, it's our spicy life both of us, and

558
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,239
Speaker 7: I was never asked if I wanted to share that.

559
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 7: He knows I'm very private and still didn't care for it.

560
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 7: He said it was just because she wanted to help,

561
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 7: because they were discussing if we would have babies again.

562
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 7: He knows that's a sensitive issue because it's very likely

563
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 7: we have fertility.

564
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 5: Issues and we had agreed.

565
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 7: The only answer if people were asking, would be we're

566
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,919
Speaker 7: open to it, but if it doesn't happen, we are

567
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 7: also fine. I think that's enough explanation. Yet she went

568
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 7: further to ask whether we use protection or not, or

569
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 7: what we were doing. I felt, okay, so yeah, that's

570
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 7: funny that it's like, oh, we want to try to

571
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 7: have kids, and she's like, are you using protection?

572
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 5: Because if you do that then it makes it not

573
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 5: work right, Just like.

574
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 4: Okay, well, like how hard are you trying to have kids?

575
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 4: Which I can understand. I mean, that seems like it's

576
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 4: understandable if it makes someone uncomfortable, but that could genuinely

577
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,679
Speaker 4: just be a difference in family dynamics and cultures or

578
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 4: something like. I feel like, yeah, I'm you. I don't know.

579
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 4: I feel like I wouldn't have much of a problem

580
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 4: with the conversation like that, But I understand why someone would.

581
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, but if it's about like babies, yeah, that's one thing.

582
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,119
Speaker 7: But if it was like you won't believe what she

583
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 7: did the other day like that, Yeah, yeah, insane.

584
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that would be too much.

585
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 7: Opi on her husband having potential childhood trauma that led

586
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 7: to this behavior in the family, Opie says, I do

587
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 7: believe his childhood was hard. He keeps mentioning how as

588
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 7: a firstborn son and grandkid, etc. People always expected excellence

589
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 7: from him, with very high standard, sometimes unachievable. His parents

590
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 7: knew what they wanted for his life and it did

591
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 7: not end up looking like that. He wanted to study something,

592
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 7: but his parents suggested to study something else because that

593
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 7: way they wouldn't pay rent. He could live in his

594
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 7: city and it would be better like that, and he agreed.

595
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 7: There's so many things I connect now that I never did.

596
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 7: Ope on an incident with her husband from her side

597
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 7: of the family, Ope says, you know what's said. We

598
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 7: had an incident where he really disliked my cousin's boyfriend

599
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 7: because he said he was secretly interested in me. Once

600
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 7: at a party, my cousin's partner wanted us to join

601
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 7: the dancing circle and grab me, causing my husband to

602
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 7: run away fume.

603
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 5: Well, buddy, that's not how you do that.

604
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 7: What it's like someone's dancing with my my wife. Yeah,

605
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 7: I'm gonna run away in a haff I'm gonna leave.

606
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 7: We had to, Oh, we had to leave the wedding.

607
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 7: And I did speak with the guy asking to respect me,

608
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 7: my body and my relationship. I did it immediately, and

609
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 7: it hurts he doesn't do the same. Oh yet he

610
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 7: did say if I hadn't done it, he would have

611
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 7: divorced me.

612
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,719
Speaker 5: Wait what, that's already We're in divorce central.

613
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 4: Dude, I'm gonna divorce you for dancing with some guy

614
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 4: at a wedding.

615
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 5: Some guy who was your cousin's boyfriend.

616
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 4: Oh gosh.

617
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 5: So it's not like it was just like a single

618
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 5: dude who's like, I'm gonna love you, Yeah, I'm gonna

619
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 5: dance me at this wedding.

620
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 4: It was like, no, because there's always that one person

621
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 4: at a wedding that's like in the dan circle just

622
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 4: grabbing everyone, do a little spin, okay, and then on

623
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 4: to the next and just like getting dancing going, this

624
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 4: is probably just that kind of guy. It's a potty.

625
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: It's a poty, just too loud.

626
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 4: You don't need to get divorced.

627
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 7: Yeah, And if you didn't, and if you hadn't told

628
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 7: him that that was wrong, I would have divorced.

629
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 5: Yeah a man, I would have been gone that.

630
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 4: Night, like all right, then just divorced me anyway.

631
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 7: OPI on her mother in law's wants for her husband

632
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 7: to be married to someone from his country. Opie says,

633
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 7: that's how I feel that my mother in law wants

634
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 7: someone from his own country that he's always reachable physically

635
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 7: and time zone wise. Many times his mom worries transpired him,

636
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 7: and he gets cranky and starts talking badly about my

637
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 7: country and the people here and his job. Whenever he's

638
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 7: tried to look for better jobs in his country, he

639
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 7: only finds jobs below what he earns here. Lately, he

640
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 7: is very money focused, not for us, but just to

641
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 7: help his mom. That's why he's leaving there in a

642
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 7: few weeks. It will give me space to think about

643
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 7: what to do. And there's an update from a month

644
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 7: and a half later. Ooh, I think this is a

645
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 7: very leaevable man.

646
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, update. Month and a half later.

647
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 7: When I last posted, my husband was about to leave

648
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 7: for his country for six months, to his mother's house.

649
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 5: Specifically to heal.

650
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 7: In his words, I thought distance might help us both

651
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 7: deal with this better, and that I would wait to

652
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 7: see him in person to address our divorce. For what

653
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 7: happened before and after his trip made everything painfully clear.

654
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 7: One afternoon before he left, my parents asked if we

655
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 7: wanted to go out for lunch. He had just taken

656
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 7: a shower, and when I asked if he wanted us

657
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 7: to join them, he got angry.

658
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 5: See, I knew this would happen.

659
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 7: He insisted that if he showered, then he wouldn't get

660
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 7: out of the house. He has many rules like that,

661
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 7: because I only leave the house if I'm a stinky,

662
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 7: gross mess.

663
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like okay, I mean.

664
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, once I shower, I'm in the house until my

665
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 5: stink returns. It's so weird, he said.

666
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 7: It was very rude of me to ask, because it

667
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 7: meant I wanted to go, and then he had to go.

668
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 7: It escalated into an argument about how I was cold

669
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 7: and selfish. Ugh.

670
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 5: I tried not to fuel any argument, and that was

671
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 5: also a problem.

672
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 7: He called me totally apathetic and said I didn't care anymore.

673
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 4: See if the rules just keep changing, gold posts are

674
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 4: being moved, and just there's nothing that you can do right,

675
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 4: Like you just can't. You can't do anything right.

676
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 7: He's starting to fight and you're like, I'm just not

677
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 7: gonna fight, and he goes, see you don't even care.

678
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, And it's that like kind of unpredictable stuff

679
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 4: that it makes it so like unsafe in a relationship

680
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 4: because it's like I can't even I don't know how

681
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 4: to think or how to be because you don't just

682
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 4: say everything's wrong. Yeah, and you're saying I'm a bad

683
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 4: person because of it.

684
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 5: Yes, your husband needs to be your ex husband.

685
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 6: Yeah.

686
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 7: I think we had another talk about his family before

687
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 7: his flight. I told him I felt uncomfortable when they

688
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 7: crossed lines and that I needed him to stand up

689
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 7: for me.

690
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 5: His answer was, of course, I'll back you up. We

691
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 5: will just discuss it privately after it happens. That's not

692
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 5: what's standing up.

693
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 9: So that's not at all.

694
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 7: That is when I confirmed one last time he wasn't

695
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 7: planning to defend me at all.

696
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 5: Just to avoid upsetting them.

697
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 7: When he left, he refused to let me drive him

698
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 7: to the airport because it would make things harder. I

699
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 7: stayed home, realizing the real goodbye had already happened days before.

700
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 7: After arriving, he said his mom saw him at the

701
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 7: airport looking tired and joked from your wife.

702
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 4: Gosh.

703
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 7: He told me that story like it was funny, but

704
00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 7: it wasn't that summed up our marriage perfect. During his

705
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 7: first week in the country, we barely spoke. Then out

706
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 7: of nowhere, his mother, who hadn't texted me in years

707
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 7: unless it was something about her son, messaged me. She

708
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 7: wrote that she hoped I was doing well, that they

709
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:17,399
Speaker 7: were all trying to move forward despite how bad things were,

710
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 7: and that she enjoyed having me there with her son.

711
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 5: What he caught me off guard.

712
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 7: I knew she meant it to sound kind, but it

713
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 7: felt performative, like she was trying to keep me emotionally

714
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 7: connected to him through her or like a message saying we're.

715
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 5: Already going through a lot, so you better not make

716
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 5: it worse. I didn't reply.

717
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 7: It was the first time I realized how blurred the

718
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 7: boundaries in that family really were. That night, he complained

719
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:47,439
Speaker 7: about me being cold and rude even when he's somewhere else.

720
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 7: Now he's in a different country and he's still like,

721
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 7: you're cold.

722
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 4: I wrote, it's like you're I've just been feeling really

723
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 4: distant from you recently, and it's like, yeah, you got

724
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 4: on a plane and you left, Like.

725
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, I said.

726
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 7: I asked to speak to him that week, but he

727
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 7: said he was busy, so we could speak the next

728
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 7: day since it was the weekend.

729
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 5: He said no, it had to be now.

730
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 7: I asked for him to respect me, wanting to speak

731
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 7: the next day. Then he flooded me with texts and

732
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 7: calls saying I respect your boundaries, followed by I need

733
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 7: you now, pick up.

734
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:20,879
Speaker 5: I'd never do this to you.

735
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:21,920
Speaker 4: I won't sleep.

736
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:23,800
Speaker 1: Oh man.

737
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,839
Speaker 7: The next day, when I asked for a divorce, it

738
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 7: was a tough call. He was refusing, saying he'd change.

739
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 7: I asked him to respect my decision, and the call

740
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 7: ended abruptly.

741
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:36,800
Speaker 1: Wow.

742
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 7: Then he sent me a long emotional letter full of

743
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 7: guilt and self pity, saying I'd treated him like trash

744
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 7: and that I'd controlled everything and that I hadn't given

745
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 7: him a chance to change.

746
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

747
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 7: Now my thing is if someone is treating you so

748
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 7: terribly and is so awful and controlling.

749
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 5: Why are you now going to change, mister husband? Or

750
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,240
Speaker 5: are you just trying to make her feel.

751
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 4: Like she's wrong? Yeah, exactly. And it's like if you're

752
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 4: complaining about not having a chance to change, like did you?

753
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 4: It's just like you had the whole relationship if you

754
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 4: knew that this was a problem, and maybe you didn't.

755
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 4: Maybe now you're finding out because now she's leaving you.

756
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 4: He didn't realize that you were a problem before, Like,

757
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 4: just it just doesn't make sense. It's like, you don't

758
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 4: need a chance. You should just be different. That's the point.

759
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 4: It's like, if you don't see that you're acting like

760
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 4: this and then this is all a problem, then like

761
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 4: that's why I'm leaving. I don't need to give you

762
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:32,800
Speaker 4: a chance to change.

763
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 5: And it sounds like she's giving you a bajillion chances.

764
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, Like every time she's been like, hey, can you

765
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 7: please not let your family just insult and demean me constantly? Yeah,

766
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 7: when you're around them without checking them, And he's like, no.

767
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 5: I can't do that at all.

768
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 4: That's the time to change, my guy.

769
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,720
Speaker 5: I can just come back and then tell you about

770
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 5: it and be like, isn't that funny. Aren't they so funny?

771
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 4: By the way, You're just too sensitive?

772
00:36:59,120 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 3: Ah?

773
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, God.

774
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,720
Speaker 7: He said that he went to his country to change

775
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 7: and be better, and I disposed of him.

776
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 4: Oh my god. Crime revar The.

777
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 7: Next day he said he understood and respected my decision,

778
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 7: but that he wanted therapy to change and rebuild things.

779
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 7: He said he had set boundaries with his family and

780
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 7: be positive and support me, and I wanted to believe

781
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 7: him for two days I did, and then he told

782
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,879
Speaker 7: me his brother in law had said, Oh, so now

783
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 7: we don't have to hate her anymore, and after you're

784
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 7: hearing it, we might try again.

785
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 5: What does that mean?

786
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 7: So is he the one feeding all of the hate

787
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 7: to his family about you?

788
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 4: Must be he must be, Like if the mom is

789
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 4: saying like, oh, are you so tired from your wife again?

790
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 4: Like he's probably complaining about all of this stuff to them,

791
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 4: and that's why they have a problem with her. Like

792
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 4: that's the most likely situation here. They wouldn't just make

793
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 4: things up all of a sudden.

794
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's freaking just ugh.

795
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 6: Ugh.

796
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 7: Of course he justified this as just a joke, despite

797
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 7: me telling him that was not funny.

798
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,840
Speaker 5: He justified it during our talks.

799
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 7: He also told me he was upset because I never

800
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:17,240
Speaker 7: replied to his mom's message. I never told him about

801
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 7: that message, so I guess it was absolutely performative on

802
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 7: her behalf. The following day, he started blaming my parents,

803
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 7: saying that for our marriage to work, I should stop

804
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,399
Speaker 7: visiting them so much, stop going to their city, which

805
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 7: we don't even really go to that often unless I

806
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 7: have to work, and that we should balance family events

807
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 7: evenly between his and mine. His family lives on another continent,

808
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 7: by the way. When I mentioned that we should start

809
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,479
Speaker 7: making friends in the city we live in, he said

810
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 7: it wasn't necessary because we had each other. That's when

811
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 7: I realized he didn't want balance, he wanted control, and

812
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 7: with those rules, I'd be even more isolated. So I

813
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 7: asked for space, and not to play games, but to

814
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 7: stop the cycle of we divorce, we reconcile, we fight.

815
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 7: We were supposed to text every morning just to let

816
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 7: the other know we were well. One day he stopped

817
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 7: texting even if I did, so I gave him space.

818
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 7: Yesterday was our anniversary and he said nothing, no good morning,

819
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 7: no message, and I didn't reach out either.

820
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,720
Speaker 5: I wanted to respect the silence we both seemed.

821
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 7: To need, and to be fair, I didn't see anything

822
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 7: to celebrate. Then today he sent a long message full

823
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 7: of guilt, apologies, and emotional weight, and immediately after he

824
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 7: blocked me.

825
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 4: Good, oh god good.

826
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 5: I like that.

827
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's keep it that way.

828
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 7: Somehow, that silence feels like closure already, because I finally

829
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 7: understand that love isn't enough when the relationship requires you

830
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 7: to shrink just to keep the peace. It was not

831
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 7: just his family. I've discovered through therapy and chats with

832
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 7: friends and self reflecting that there were a lot of

833
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 7: other things going going on here. And by the way,

834
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 7: someone told me after I broke the news that they

835
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 7: always felt something weird going on. A day before our wedding,

836
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 7: this friend saw my mother in law crying and she

837
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 7: asked if she was okay.

838
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:15,919
Speaker 5: My mother in law said, it's just that my son

839
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 5: is in love lot.

840
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 4: And now you're figuring that out.

841
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 7: When my friend looked where mother in law was looking,

842
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 7: she was watching us kiss. I felt very disgusted about this.

843
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 7: I also discovered it was his mom who picked my

844
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 7: engagement ring.

845
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've got.

846
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 7: A husband problem, and your husband's problems all seemed to

847
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 7: come from his mom.

848
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you did not need to be there while

849
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 4: he figures that out.

850
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, he can go to therapy and grow and change.

851
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 7: And you know, he keeps like sending you all those

852
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 7: like emotional like text bombs. You just be like, hey,

853
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 7: it sounds like you're going through a lot. I hope

854
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 7: you go through it, and I hope you changed and

855
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 7: become a better person. We're going to do it separately.

856
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,320
Speaker 4: Bye bye bye.

857
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 5: We're gonna be growing separately for now on for the

858
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,240
Speaker 5: rest of our lives. Yeah.

859
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 7: Anyway, I may never recover my books and my things

860
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 7: since he's blocked me.

861
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 5: No, we get our things back.

862
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 7: But luckily I have a list of all of them,

863
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 7: and hopefully, little by little I can recover them.

864
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 5: It's better than what would have happened if I went there.

865
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,280
Speaker 5: In December, I'll go with one of my best friends

866
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 5: on the trip that I had planned. I'm very excited

867
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 5: for that. It's not the amicable ending.

868
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,760
Speaker 7: I wanted, but I for sure have peace and time

869
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 7: to know myself again.

870
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 1: Yes, that's what we like to hear.

871
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 7: Thanks for your kind words of advice everyone, And that

872
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 7: is the end of that story, all right.

873
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,720
Speaker 5: We got the good ending.

874
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 4: We got there, guys, we did it. Everything's okay, yes, wow, And.

875
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 8: That's the end of this story. We're gonna go on

876
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 8: to the next one.

877
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 4: My mother in law and I used to be close

878
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,839
Speaker 4: until she started victimizing herself.

879
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 5: Come on to be so close.

880
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 4: My mother in law seventy female and I thirty two female,

881
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 4: always had what I thought was a great relationship. Once

882
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:12,280
Speaker 4: I got pregnant, things shifted. Her energy has been so off,

883
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 4: and this week she has really driven me to madness.

884
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 4: I want to confront this behavior so badly, but I

885
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 4: also want to keep the peace. By the way, this

886
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 4: comes from SJB five one three eight, And if you

887
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

888
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 4: story time separated. And I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and we're

889
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 4: here to give good advice goofully. But we don't have

890
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 4: all the answers. We just know we would know, we

891
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 4: just know what we would do in this situation. So

892
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 4: let us know what you would do in the comments.

893
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 4: So Opie continues. Within the past seventy two hours, she

894
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 4: has done the following one. After previously seeing an estimate

895
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 4: for my baby shower venue. She took it upon herself

896
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,680
Speaker 4: to offer to pay for half. We thought that it

897
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 4: was way too generous and unnecessary, but she insisted. After

898
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 4: calling me to have me add a few more people

899
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 4: to the invite list, she calls me my mom saying

900
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 4: that her budget has changed and she can no longer contribute.

901
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 4: My husband is distraught because he is very aware of

902
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 4: his parents' finances and it's simply.

903
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 5: Not the case. They are well off.

904
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 4: It's bad enough to make a commitment to something and

905
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 4: then pull out, but since we know that it's not

906
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 4: for financial reasons, we feel so weird.

907
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: Two.

908
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:22,399
Speaker 4: Once my mom came clean about my mother in law

909
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 4: pulling out of the shower fund, she mentioned a plethora

910
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:28,919
Speaker 4: of comments being made about me. She asked my mom

911
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 4: if we came from money, said that she had never

912
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,839
Speaker 4: heard of a shower being this costly, and so that

913
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,799
Speaker 4: she finds it very hard to believe any of my

914
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 4: husband's friend's wives had showers like this. My mom just

915
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 4: politely replied that this was pretty normal and on par

916
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 4: with trends these days.

917
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 7: I mean, how much is the I mean, aren't they

918
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 7: usually just like you have a little shindig in the backyard.

919
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 4: Or at the park, right, I guess, but sounds like

920
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 4: they're like renting out a place, renting out exactly that

921
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 4: per expensive. Please keep in mind the total cost of

922
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 4: this shower will be about two thousand dollars. Okay, so

923
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 4: that's how much it is.

924
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 5: I guess pretty cheap rent out Disneyland these days.

925
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:12,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's sure. I know women who have spent six

926
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 4: or more. Oh my gosh, I'm not saying it's cheap,

927
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 4: but I certainly don't think I fit the bill of

928
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 4: doing something over the top. I eloped, didn't have a wedding,

929
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:24,239
Speaker 4: anyone had to spend money on nothing. Three, She made

930
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 4: a comment to me that deeply hurt my feelings. She

931
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 4: felt the need to let me know that she has

932
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 4: cut off my husband's ex. Huh. My husband doesn't have

933
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 4: an ex wife or kids with anyone else. Why would

934
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 4: an ex girlfriend have to be cut off? Why are

935
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 4: you in touch with an ex of his? It turns

936
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 4: out she was secretly having his ex over with her children.

937
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, what we had no idea so ok

938
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 4: and her soon her husband have no idea about that.

939
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,439
Speaker 5: I just always thought she was the one for him.

940
00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 4: That's crazy, She felt the need to tell me she

941
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,800
Speaker 4: was treating me like a Sturrgate grandmother, and I wanted

942
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 4: to be respectful to you. Thanks, I guess. I've been

943
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 4: with my husband for seven years now and his ex

944
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 4: has a toddler and a baby, so this was recent.

945
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 4: I can't imagine how long this went on behind our backs.

946
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 4: I am so hurt for last night, while discussing all

947
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,479
Speaker 4: of this weird behavior in what a whirlwind the few

948
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 4: days I've had with his mom have been, he told

949
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 4: me that he had to tell me something. He said

950
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 4: his mom let him know about it a month ago,

951
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 4: but he never confronted me to keep the peace. After

952
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 4: seeing her behavior, he now realizes that it's not true.

953
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 4: He said, I didn't want to tell you this, but

954
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 4: I guess I will now. You really hurt my mom's feelings.

955
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 4: About a month ago, she called me asking if she

956
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 4: was allowed around the baby. She said she offered to

957
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 4: help out the first month, and YOU responded, don't worry.

958
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 4: My tribe's got it. What I would never say something

959
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 4: so rude. What I did say to her was thank

960
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 4: you so much. We are so grateful to have a village.

961
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 4: She twisted my words completely and there's no way that

962
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 4: she misunderstood me.

963
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: Ada is weird.

964
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:09,839
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's trying to stir up problems immediately.

965
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, crazy vibe.

966
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 4: She proceeded to tell my husband that her feelings were

967
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 4: further hurt by me because I told her not to

968
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 4: cancel a vacation that she had planned. She felt the

969
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,280
Speaker 4: need to let me know that she canceled a tropical

970
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 4: vacation she had booked one month before my due date.

971
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 4: Considering it's a whole month before I'm sad to give birth.

972
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 4: I didn't understand why she would do this. I told

973
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 4: her to please enjoy herself and go. Apparently that was

974
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 4: rude of me, and she wanted praise for doing such

975
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 4: an admirable thing. This made her start making comments about

976
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 4: not being around when the baby comes, basically claiming that

977
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:42,760
Speaker 4: she had a feeling that I don't want her around.

978
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:44,240
Speaker 5: Unbelievable.

979
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 4: I'm sorry this is so long. I'm seriously at a loss.

980
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 4: I've tried to convince myself this is a series of misunderstandings,

981
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 4: but I know in my gut that it isn't. Yeah.

982
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 5: No, she's just a difficult lady.

983
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 4: Sounds like it. She has always had a serious attention

984
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,760
Speaker 4: seeking and victimization behaviors, but I guess it didn't really

985
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 4: affect me before. This includes lying about being allergic to everything,

986
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 4: lying about serious injuries, extra marital affairs when she was younger,

987
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 4: posting play by plays of her life on the blue

988
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 4: app things like that, And we.

989
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,280
Speaker 5: Do have an update.

990
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 4: But yeah, that sounds like quite the headache you've got

991
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:22,800
Speaker 4: on your hands.

992
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 7: I honestly, an enormous red flag for me is someone

993
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 7: who just like fakes allergies.

994
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 5: Dude, like she's faking serious injuries? What is that?

995
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 4: But we do have an update here. My husband got

996
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 4: my mom a check for mother in law's formerly promised

997
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 4: portion of my baby shower.

998
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 5: Okay, oh, okay, okay okay.

999
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 4: Her bowing out of paying after insisting upon doing so

1000
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 4: without being asked has been gnawing at my husband, and

1001
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 4: he finally got the courage to ask his mom why

1002
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,240
Speaker 4: she never let him know In the gentlest way possible.

1003
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 4: He said, we didn't need the money, but she made

1004
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 4: such a big show of wanting to pay for half.

1005
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 4: If something came up and she couldn't honor her promise,

1006
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 4: he would have zero issue with that, But why not

1007
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 4: tell us directly. Well, she lied and said she never

1008
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 4: said that to my mom.

1009
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 7: Eoooo, I'm allergic to telling the truths wick it.

1010
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 4: She claims she told my mom that she was capping

1011
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,479
Speaker 4: it at a certain dollar amount, but never bowed out.

1012
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 4: My husband and I discussed their conversation, and thankfully he

1013
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 4: understood my mom would never lie about something like this.

1014
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 4: His mom was lying. Again. My mom swore on my

1015
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 4: deceased grandmother's life that she never mentioned any sort of

1016
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 4: cap It's worth noting that I had to pull the

1017
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 4: info out of my mom in the first place because

1018
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 4: mother in law did not want to tell us. My

1019
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 4: husband and I came to the conclusion that his mother

1020
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,959
Speaker 4: most likely wanted to make my mom feel nervous, feel

1021
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 4: like we really needed her contribution, and then she was

1022
00:48:57,640 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 4: probably going to try to swoop in in the last

1023
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 4: minute and save the day with her portion. Based on

1024
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 4: his conversation with mother in law, we knew she was

1025
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 4: already brewing some sort of show to try to get

1026
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 4: back in the fold and make the payment. We decided

1027
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:12,879
Speaker 4: to lie to mother in law and tell her that

1028
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 4: one of my other relatives stepped in and paid the remainder.

1029
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 4: But thank you so much for your generous offer. It's

1030
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 4: such a.

1031
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 7: Weird way to like play like chess, where it's like, yeah,

1032
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 7: I'm gonna offer something and then revoke it immediately and

1033
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 7: make everyone stressed out and it's all gonna be my fault.

1034
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,919
Speaker 7: But then I'll come back in yea save the day

1035
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 7: from myself.

1036
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:36,839
Speaker 8: Right.

1037
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 4: It's what it's like those movies where like a superhero

1038
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 4: will create a fake villain and then and then be

1039
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 4: the superhero that saves everyone. But she's making herself the villain.

1040
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 4: It's like, that's not that's not how they did it. Like,

1041
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 4: you can't can't do that. Needless to say, she called

1042
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,839
Speaker 4: my husband sobbing, saying that she knows we paid for

1043
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 4: it and not a relative. He thinks he lied to

1044
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 4: her well enough that she now believes it's a relative,

1045
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 4: but she was losing her mind over this. She called

1046
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 4: my mom extremely angry, gaslighting her, saying, why don't you

1047
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 4: remember our conversation where he said I was capping an amount.

1048
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 4: My mom just beat her with kindness and said I'm

1049
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,839
Speaker 4: sorry for the misunderstanding, even though it never happened. Mother

1050
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 4: in law mentioned to my husband that her feelings were

1051
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:27,399
Speaker 4: hurt because she was paying for half, but I never

1052
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 4: invited her to see the venue.

1053
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 5: What so she.

1054
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 7: Also doesn't understand how like time and space works, like.

1055
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,320
Speaker 4: Maybe we just weren't seeing the venue or something.

1056
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 5: I just think it was already set up. Yeah, she

1057
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 5: offered to.

1058
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 4: Pay, it's okay. Also if you know that, like your

1059
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:53,439
Speaker 4: son paid for half of the venue because you pulled out,

1060
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 4: pay your son back, Like, there's such an easy way

1061
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 4: to get what you want here is to just pay

1062
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 4: the money. You're complaining as if there's nothing you can.

1063
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 5: Do about her. She's like, you've ruined my script.

1064
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a whole script you ruin and I

1065
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: can't do anything at all.

1066
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 4: God, First, we saw the venue before she offered to

1067
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 4: pay anything.

1068
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're absolutely exact.

1069
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,799
Speaker 4: Second, it turns out my mom did invite her, So

1070
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 4: the lies continue. I know this seems minuscule compared to

1071
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,120
Speaker 4: some monster in laws mentioned on this sub but I

1072
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 4: am so so upset by all of this. I feel

1073
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,360
Speaker 4: it in my bones that she has been trying to

1074
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 4: set me up to victimize herself to my husband, and

1075
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,799
Speaker 4: thank god he's not falling for it. I do not

1076
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:40,759
Speaker 4: plan on attending her Thanksgiving dinner, and I will never

1077
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 4: have a conversation with her that's not either in front

1078
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 4: of my husband or in writing via text. I thought

1079
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 4: she and I were insanely close before, and this is

1080
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,240
Speaker 4: so jarring to me. Ever since I announced my pregnancy,

1081
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 4: she paints me as an angry woman who she tiptoes around.

1082
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 4: She has made her everything about herself. She finds fault

1083
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 4: in everything I do and feel comfortable mentioning it to

1084
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 4: my husband. She has made small comments to him like

1085
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,760
Speaker 4: will daughter in law let me babysit? She just doesn't

1086
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:11,440
Speaker 4: want me around. She is excluding me from my pregnancy.

1087
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 4: None of these things were true until she did all

1088
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 4: of this and I caught wind of her making those comments.

1089
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 4: Wow wow, wow, Yeah, this is There's so many stories

1090
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,399
Speaker 4: like this where it's like we were super close before. Yea,

1091
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:27,840
Speaker 4: everything was fine, they were so nice, and then as

1092
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 4: soon as we either get married or start having kids,

1093
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 4: then they start taking our relationship seriously.

1094
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:34,280
Speaker 5: Those are the two big ones.

1095
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, their brains just like malfunction and they just go

1096
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:39,280
Speaker 7: off the rails.

1097
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 4: It's like, if you really had a problem with the relationship,

1098
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 4: maybe say something earlier than like we hit these big milestones,

1099
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 4: don't just all of a sudden, Like it feels like

1100
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 4: their mindset is like, well, I'll be nice to them

1101
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 4: while they're around, but it's not gonna be for very long.

1102
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 4: And then when things start happening like these big milestones,

1103
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 4: then they're suddenly freaking out.

1104
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, just going out of the way to try to

1105
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 7: make some kind of issue or something wrong. I'll pay

1106
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 7: for half the baby shower, and now I won't, but

1107
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,879
Speaker 7: then I will, and now you did, and now I'm

1108
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 7: upset and she lied and.

1109
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 5: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

1110
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is such an avoidable problem, like she just.

1111
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 5: Like, just like, you're pregnant, but that I want to be. Yeah,

1112
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 5: it needs to be. I need to be either one

1113
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:24,320
Speaker 5: happy the baby.

1114
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:24,919
Speaker 8: Right.

1115
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:28,799
Speaker 4: Here's a little bit more. And what on earth does

1116
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 4: it mean to exclude someone from their pregnancy. She was

1117
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 4: a part of the baby shower planning committee, which she sabotaged.

1118
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 4: Every single ultrasound I've had, she's received a photo and

1119
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 4: an update, So how else would I be expected to

1120
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:42,799
Speaker 4: include her?

1121
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 5: I truly hate her now.

1122
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 4: I will never get over how much she's slighted me

1123
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:49,200
Speaker 4: and made this about her.

1124
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 5: I don't know how to move forward.

1125
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 4: My feelings are probably palpable, and so far I have

1126
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 4: completely avoided her, but I will have to face her soon.

1127
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 4: I hate how rude she's been to my mother, how

1128
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,759
Speaker 4: manipult if she's been to my husband, and how she's

1129
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 4: tried to make my pregnancy.

1130
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 5: About her and her perceived slights.

1131
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 4: Any advice is welcome, thank And that's the end of

1132
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 4: that story.

1133
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 7: Decoy baby, a decoy decoy of you who is also pregnant.

1134
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:19,719
Speaker 5: But it's yeah, then you can distract her. Yeah.

1135
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:22,640
Speaker 4: You get those like hyper realistic baby dolls that help

1136
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 4: people with like coping with miscarriages and stuff, and you

1137
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 4: just like give it to her. It's like, okay, here,

1138
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:30,319
Speaker 4: you can take care of this little thing.

1139
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,280
Speaker 5: Just take care of this little fake creature.

1140
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can cope with the fact that you have

1141
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 4: a grand a grand kid.

1142
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 5: Give her a little tamagachi.

1143
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 7: There you go, give her a little a little digital

1144
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 7: egg to take care of.

1145
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 4: There you go, there you go. All all your problems

1146
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 4: will be solved with Tomagatchie.

1147
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 8: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1148
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:51,840
Speaker 8: on to the next one.

1149
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 7: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat Brain host here and

1150
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,280
Speaker 7: we're gonna get back to the stories.

1151
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 5: Soon, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1152
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,840
Speaker 9: I offered to cook for Christmas and my mom said,

1153
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:03,719
Speaker 9: I'd ruin it.

1154
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:05,360
Speaker 4: Are you really bad cook?

1155
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 9: So this year for Christmas we're celebrating twice. My older

1156
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,520
Speaker 9: sister recently got married, so she's going to be spending

1157
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,399
Speaker 9: Christmas Day with her husband and his family, which means

1158
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 9: it'll just be me, twenty mail and my parents this year.

1159
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 9: By the way, this comes from fun Bend sixty two

1160
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 9: to ninety two, and if you want to submit your

1161
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:26,360
Speaker 9: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1162
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 9: I am Savannah, I'm Carly, and we are here to

1163
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 9: give good advice goofily, but obviously we don't have all

1164
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 9: the answers. We would only tell you what we would

1165
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 9: do in this situation, so let us know what you

1166
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 9: would do in the comments. As op says, for the

1167
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 9: actual Christmas Day, my mom is going to cook what

1168
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:45,760
Speaker 9: she always has, and for the second Christmas the plan

1169
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 9: was to have my sister, her husband, and some people

1170
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 9: from his side of the family over with a.

1171
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: Buffet stal meal. I've been trying to learn to cook.

1172
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 9: I couldn't go to college this year because of some

1173
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,280
Speaker 9: health issues, and I've been going out of my mind

1174
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 9: at home doing nothing, so I've been practicing some recipes

1175
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 9: while i have the free time. I'll be the first

1176
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 9: to admit that I'm no Gordon Ramsey hailed it, dang,

1177
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 9: but I think I've gotten pretty good. I was hoping

1178
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 9: to host the second Christmas. It would be a chance

1179
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,920
Speaker 9: for me to share my food with more people, and

1180
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 9: now that I'm starting to feel better health wise, I

1181
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 9: want to put myself out there a little more. My

1182
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:23,320
Speaker 9: plan was to make some of the dishes I've practiced,

1183
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 9: as well as some I'm planning to practice over the

1184
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 9: next month or so, and get the rest of the

1185
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 9: stuff pre made or frozen, like my mom originally planned

1186
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 9: to do. When I first asked my mom if I

1187
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 9: could do this, she kind of nodded and brushed it off,

1188
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:38,440
Speaker 9: like she usually does when I have some far freshed

1189
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 9: or overly ambitious idea. I pushed a little, and she

1190
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 9: said she thought it was a terrible idea. She said

1191
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 9: it was one thing to make the food for them

1192
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 9: in the house, but something completely different to do it

1193
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 9: for a whole bunch of people. She also said I

1194
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 9: wasn't the kind of person who would make a good host.

1195
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 1: This upset me.

1196
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:00,720
Speaker 9: I kind of took it to mean that she didn't

1197
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 9: like the food I've been cooking, even though I've asked

1198
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 9: her for honest feedback every time, and, barring some constructive

1199
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 9: criticism the first couple of times, it's been mostly good.

1200
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 9: My mom then accused me of sulking and said that

1201
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 9: when I get my own place, I can host all

1202
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 9: I want, but she doesn't want me hosting at their house.

1203
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 9: I got upset and went to my room, and my

1204
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 9: mom hasn't talked to me since. Just a passing comment

1205
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 9: about the fact that I'm still sulking.

1206
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 6: Oh he's in college or like college age, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1207
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 6: that came through a little bit.

1208
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. The sulkin's theropyre going to your room and staying

1209
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 1: in your room.

1210
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 4: It is giving sulking, it's sulk.

1211
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: Was she a little bit mean?

1212
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 8: Yeah?

1213
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 1: Yeah? Are you a little bit sulky?

1214
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:47,120
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1215
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1216
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 9: For clarity, my mom refuses to talk to me. I've

1217
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 9: tried to start conversations a few times about completely unrelated things,

1218
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 9: and she totally ignored me. My dad keeps telling me

1219
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 9: I have to apologize, but I honestly don't know what

1220
00:57:59,640 --> 00:57:59,959
Speaker 9: I have.

1221
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 1: To apologize for.

1222
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,080
Speaker 9: I'd get it if I had yelled or something, but

1223
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 9: I literally just asked if they didn't like my cooking.

1224
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 9: And that's why my mom thinks I'm sulking. Am I

1225
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 9: the a hole for wanting to host this Christmas? There

1226
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:12,959
Speaker 9: are some comments? But what we think?

1227
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 1: I think that maybe.

1228
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 9: If she did it, say that she hosted usually like

1229
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 9: the Christmas.

1230
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 4: No, I think mom hosted Christmas usually.

1231
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:25,360
Speaker 9: Yeah, so I think maybe she's holding onto that, like

1232
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 9: she's like, no, I want to do it.

1233
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 1: You know I always do it.

1234
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 9: Just let me do it. I know what to do.

1235
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 9: My mom's that way.

1236
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, I could very much see that too, And I

1237
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 6: think that's definitely part of it. Like I could kind

1238
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 6: of almost right now beyond the like everyone sucks here wavelength. Yeah,

1239
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 6: like you couldn't handle the criticism at all, and you

1240
00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 6: seem to kind of actually get upset even though you're

1241
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 6: saying that you didn't. But also your mom like not

1242
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:52,000
Speaker 6: giving you real feedback for the food and then just

1243
00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 6: being like you'd ruin it is super mean. Yeah, But

1244
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 6: like I feel like there was something else, like I

1245
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:01,320
Speaker 6: feel like we didn't get something that you said, or

1246
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 6: maybe your mom's just really overreacting to losing Christmas hosting.

1247
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 9: But yeah, I don't think you're the a hole for

1248
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 9: wanting to like no, none at all, And I don't

1249
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 9: think that it's like it might be coming across as

1250
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:11,960
Speaker 9: a job at you.

1251
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 4: But I think if you guys actually.

1252
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 6: Sit down like she's gonna have, she'll hopefully come clean

1253
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:17,920
Speaker 6: and be like, well, I'm just like really sad, and

1254
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 6: then you guys can like rekindle.

1255
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:21,560
Speaker 4: Yeah that's my prediction and.

1256
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 9: I'm gonna go with that one. Here are some comments

1257
00:59:25,760 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 9: comment one.

1258
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: Oh oh, pe.

1259
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:30,800
Speaker 9: First, let me say that I think you sound like

1260
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 9: a very cool twenty year old. Yeah, you found a

1261
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 9: great way to make use of the time and the

1262
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 9: energy you had available to you. Whatever you've been learning

1263
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 9: will stand you in good stead your whole life. I

1264
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 9: felt the gut the old one too of your mom's words.

1265
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 9: But I'm a mom of kids about your age, I

1266
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 9: confess that I can be pessimistic or overly cautious, more

1267
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:54,040
Speaker 9: so as I age in your mom shoes, I think

1268
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 9: I would have suggested that you cook for the three

1269
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:59,000
Speaker 9: of you on Christmas Day, and Mom cooks for the

1270
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 9: larger crowd that incline the new son in laws relatives.

1271
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 9: It gives you the chance to flex your cooking muscles

1272
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,600
Speaker 9: without throwing you into the ocean of cooking a holiday

1273
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 9: meal for eight or more people. Your mom very likely

1274
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 9: wants to present her more experience cooking to the in laws.

1275
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 9: If your mom has even the tiny spit of tendency

1276
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,600
Speaker 9: to want to control things, the idea of turning over

1277
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 9: her kitchen and hosting duties for brand new in laws

1278
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 9: on a big holiday would probably make her head explode.

1279
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 9: May I suggest that you tell your mom you can

1280
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 9: understand why she may want to host the big dinner,

1281
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 9: but you would still love the chance to try your

1282
01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 9: hand at hosting the Christmas Day dinner. Or if the

1283
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 9: idea of cooking for others outside of your parents is

1284
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 9: what excites you, then ask her if you can make

1285
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 9: one or two of the dishes for the big dinner.

1286
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 9: You could also ask that about your family's Thanksgiving dinner,

1287
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 9: assuming you're in the US. That would give her a

1288
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:48,320
Speaker 9: chance to one see your cooking skills on holiday dishes

1289
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:51,960
Speaker 9: and to experience that fable joy of having real help

1290
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 9: with putting together a large holiday meal. If she isn't

1291
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 9: open to any of these ideas, then I suggest you

1292
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 9: tell her that you will plan an evening not a

1293
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 9: sent to Christmas, where you cook and host a dinner

1294
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 9: where some of your friends slash your sister.

1295
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:06,840
Speaker 1: And new brother in law.

1296
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 9: That will be your mom's loss that she isn't open

1297
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 9: to your cooking contributions. Beyond a narrow window, It is

1298
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 9: not a reflection on you, agreed, Opie responds. My sister

1299
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:18,600
Speaker 9: and brother in law have been together for over a decade.

1300
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 9: They got together in high school, and our families have

1301
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 9: been pretty close for all that time. We've spent a

1302
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 9: lot of time together, which is why I felt comfortable

1303
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 9: asking to cook, though I'll admit I've never cooked for

1304
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:30,960
Speaker 9: such a big group. The thing that's confusing me the

1305
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 9: most is that my mom isn't into cooking all that much.

1306
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 9: The holidays are always strained in our house because she

1307
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 9: feels like she gets no help in the kitchen for

1308
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 9: Thanksgiving or Christmas. So part of my motivation was also

1309
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,160
Speaker 9: to take something off her plate and make it easier

1310
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 9: for her.

1311
01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:47,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I think you can do that, but like

1312
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,200
Speaker 6: you stick to what her plan is and you just

1313
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 6: help make it because I have a feeling that she

1314
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 6: just has this like meticulous way that she does things

1315
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 6: every year, and thinking about changing that as stressing her

1316
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 6: out too much. And you just said you haven't cooked

1317
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 6: for that big of a group like God forbids. Something

1318
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 6: went wrong and there wasn't enough food or you didn't

1319
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 6: have enough time or anything planned wrong.

1320
01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, or you like.

1321
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:12,560
Speaker 9: Burnt a dish and that's like, oh, well now we

1322
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:13,560
Speaker 9: don't have enough food, you know.

1323
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, thing like I can get where she's coming from. Yeah,

1324
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,920
Speaker 6: I get both sides, I fully do. I do think

1325
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 6: you're getting a little buttoner at this point. Op, Yes,

1326
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 6: you're a little twenty year old would though a.

1327
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 1: Twenty year old sulker.

1328
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 9: Yes, I'll definitely ask if I can make a dish

1329
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 9: or two instead.

1330
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 1: Comment to Nah, I think.

1331
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 4: You're taking it a bit too personally.

1332
01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 9: While she didn't phrase it well, Slash explained properly a

1333
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 9: twenty year old kid who was just learning how to cook,

1334
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 9: it's not a good host for the first joint family

1335
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:48,880
Speaker 9: holiday for their married daughter and her in laws, lain

1336
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,960
Speaker 9: and simple. It doesn't make sense given those circumstances. For

1337
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 9: you to be the primary host or cook instead of

1338
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:57,080
Speaker 9: your parents whose house it is and who are used

1339
01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 9: to being the host. You aren't experienced in cooking. For

1340
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:02,920
Speaker 9: law Arge numbers, it's a holiday when good food matters.

1341
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:04,160
Speaker 4: That's true.

1342
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 9: Good food does matter during your holiday, and these guests

1343
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:09,160
Speaker 9: are who you don't want to mess up in front

1344
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 9: of practice with your friends, not when the results are

1345
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 9: important to others. If I'm hosting my daughters in laws

1346
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,640
Speaker 9: for the first holiday, the last thing I'd want to

1347
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:18,880
Speaker 9: say is, oh, our kid is learning to cook, so

1348
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 9: I let him have a try at making the food. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1349
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:26,680
Speaker 9: I'd agree. I would agree rather than knowing I've put

1350
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:29,440
Speaker 9: together a nice, solid meal for them so they enjoy

1351
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 9: being my guests. Update to the people who replied to

1352
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,280
Speaker 9: my last post, thank you, well, I don't agree that

1353
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 9: I was sulking.

1354
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 5: Girl, you were sulky.

1355
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:42,400
Speaker 4: It's still sulky.

1356
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 1: It's still sulking.

1357
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:46,000
Speaker 6: It's fine if you are, Opie, just admit that you

1358
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 6: are going to your room and sitting mad there for

1359
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 6: the rest of the night is sulking.

1360
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 4: That's the definition, which I think is funny.

1361
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 9: I was definitely too ambitious in my plans This was

1362
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 9: further confirmed when I had a flare up of my

1363
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 9: health condition and ended up in the er the night

1364
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:05,120
Speaker 9: of my original post. I for sure would not have

1365
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,160
Speaker 9: been up to hosting. I spoke to my mom yesterday.

1366
01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:10,600
Speaker 9: It took a while because she was still not talking

1367
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 9: to me, so I had to explain myself and wait

1368
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:14,800
Speaker 9: for her to be ready to talk. I said that

1369
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 9: it was stupid of me to want to host, and

1370
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:18,280
Speaker 9: I was sorry for being so upset.

1371
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:20,840
Speaker 6: I will say, like, it wasn't stupid of you to

1372
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 6: want to I think it was coming from a very

1373
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 6: wholesome place, sure, but I just think that the aftermath

1374
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 6: of it, especially like you didn't explain much of your

1375
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 6: medical thing, but like she probably knew that it would

1376
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,720
Speaker 6: overwhelm you, that you would potentially end up back in

1377
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 6: the hospital or not being able to do something, and

1378
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 6: then she wouldn't have the food for it.

1379
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:44,880
Speaker 9: Yeah, I completely forgot about like the health issues, so

1380
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:48,640
Speaker 9: that also, I'm sure played a factor in all of this. Yeah,

1381
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 9: when my mom was ready to talk, she said that

1382
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 9: she's getting tired of my big ideas and that it's

1383
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:56,880
Speaker 9: exhausting to listen to me talk sometimes.

1384
01:04:57,040 --> 01:04:59,240
Speaker 4: Okay, but now she again a little mean. Now that

1385
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 4: that was a called for mother, I'll admit I.

1386
01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 9: Can get a little overboard in my plans, especially after

1387
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:08,120
Speaker 9: being stuck in bed, and I can see how that

1388
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:10,840
Speaker 9: might be tiring to listen to. I also realized that

1389
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:13,800
Speaker 9: I didn't fully consider the new in law's angle with

1390
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:16,720
Speaker 9: my sister's husband, so I apologize for that too. I

1391
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 9: asked if I could cook something for the second Christmas

1392
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 9: or Christmas Day, her choice, but she said no. She

1393
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 9: said she's just going to buy a bunch of frozen

1394
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,480
Speaker 9: things to reheat, so there's no point in me cooking.

1395
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:29,280
Speaker 9: I'm assuming this means she doesn't like my food.

1396
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:32,200
Speaker 6: That could be I could also see that just continuing

1397
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:33,760
Speaker 6: to be her being worried about your health.

1398
01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:36,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, but like, is it really that hard to let

1399
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 4: you cook?

1400
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 6: One dish just could just be an extra dish anyway, anitizer.

1401
01:05:41,120 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 1: Like a dish.

1402
01:05:41,920 --> 01:05:43,960
Speaker 9: It doesn't have to be like a main course, like

1403
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 9: make the turkey for Thanksgiving. It could just be make

1404
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:48,800
Speaker 9: mashed potatoes. Like that's not super hard.

1405
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:50,880
Speaker 4: Maybe you're not a good cook, yeah, or.

1406
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just not good. I don't know.

1407
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 8: I don't know.

1408
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:56,520
Speaker 9: Ov it's a little weird because she's always been brutally

1409
01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:58,800
Speaker 9: honest about this kind of stuff, so I would expect

1410
01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:02,320
Speaker 9: her to tell me directly. But it's whatever, there's more,

1411
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 9: but you know what, any final thoughts.

1412
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:08,840
Speaker 6: No, I'm like, oh, well, because I feel like we've

1413
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:10,760
Speaker 6: said everything. I think in a lot of ways, you

1414
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:13,480
Speaker 6: were sulking. I think a lot of things that your

1415
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:15,919
Speaker 6: mom said were also a little mean or out there.

1416
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:17,800
Speaker 6: I'm sure that a lot of them are coming from

1417
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 6: a place of being worried about you, like over exerting yourself.

1418
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:25,240
Speaker 6: I stand by everyone sucks here. You guys both kind

1419
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 6: of suck a little bit more for certain comments that

1420
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 6: you've done, on certain things that you've done. Like she

1421
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 6: shouldn't have ignored you, she shouldn't have like said those

1422
01:06:33,160 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 6: comments at the end about you doing too much, but

1423
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 6: like you also did need to go sulk in your

1424
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 6: room and then be like and I'm not sulking, And

1425
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:42,480
Speaker 6: I feel like some other stuff might have come out

1426
01:06:42,480 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 6: there that maybe we didn't hear about kind of thing.

1427
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:48,400
Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, update, I had my sister try my food

1428
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:50,920
Speaker 9: this morning. She acted as a real food critic and

1429
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,560
Speaker 9: promised to be honest if it really sucked. She said

1430
01:06:53,560 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 9: it was pretty good and gave me some advice on

1431
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,920
Speaker 9: a few things, but she promised my friends would like it.

1432
01:06:58,080 --> 01:06:59,880
Speaker 9: For game night, I was going to house at our

1433
01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:03,360
Speaker 9: he but my mom said no. Usually she doesn't mind

1434
01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:05,439
Speaker 9: when I have friends over without asking, but I guess

1435
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 9: this whole cooking slash hosting thing really got to her.

1436
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:11,400
Speaker 9: My buddy said we can use his place instead, so

1437
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,640
Speaker 9: the game night is still happening for no big deal.

1438
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 9: I have the rest of the school year to make

1439
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 9: something my mom likes. Wish me luck and feel free

1440
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 9: to send me any recipes you'll have.

1441
01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:20,400
Speaker 4: And that's the end of the story.

1442
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 5: Hey, this is Riley the host.

1443
01:07:22,520 --> 01:07:24,320
Speaker 2: I can't really read that. Well, we're gonna get back

1444
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 2: to the stories, but here's three minutes worth of ads

1445
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:27,480
Speaker 2: from our sponsors.

1446
01:07:28,120 --> 01:07:32,120
Speaker 9: My sister turned my baby's announcement into her moment and

1447
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:33,680
Speaker 9: refuse to apologize.

1448
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:35,440
Speaker 1: Get your own baby announcement.

1449
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:40,040
Speaker 9: Some background, I thirty three female, had a really hard berth.

1450
01:07:40,480 --> 01:07:43,840
Speaker 9: It was long when I was in labor. My sister,

1451
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 9: thirty one females, showed up with rope and tried to

1452
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:51,080
Speaker 9: feed me a margarita. She said it was water, which

1453
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:54,520
Speaker 9: I wasn't impressed with right off the top. By the way,

1454
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:57,720
Speaker 9: this comes from Icy Forever three two two zero And

1455
01:07:57,760 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 9: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1456
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:03,320
Speaker 9: the r such okay, story time, Supreddit. I am Savannah,

1457
01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 9: I'm Sylvia, and this is Joan yet and we are

1458
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 9: here to give you some good advice. Goofly, we don't

1459
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,680
Speaker 9: have all the answers. We only want to tell you

1460
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 9: what we would do in this situation. So tell us

1461
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:16,840
Speaker 9: what you would do in the comments. As Op says

1462
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 9: that aside, I was out of it right after I

1463
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:23,280
Speaker 9: delivered because of my high fever. I wasn't making sense

1464
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:27,160
Speaker 9: or talking sentences. Oh, my sister snapped a picture of

1465
01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:31,320
Speaker 9: my daughter still covered in after birth, in an unflattering

1466
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:35,000
Speaker 9: picture of me not coherent, and immediately posted to social

1467
01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:37,160
Speaker 9: media without mine or my husband's permission.

1468
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:40,320
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, no, no, yikes.

1469
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:41,400
Speaker 9: That's not kind.

1470
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:41,760
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1471
01:08:41,960 --> 01:08:45,280
Speaker 9: Keep in mind this was at almost three am. What

1472
01:08:45,439 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 9: and I have been in labor since eight am the

1473
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:49,479
Speaker 9: previous day. Oh I can imagine.

1474
01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:49,960
Speaker 5: Sorry.

1475
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:52,599
Speaker 9: Uh when I confronted her when one of my friends

1476
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:55,320
Speaker 9: reached out to congratulate me, I was really confused, Only

1477
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:57,960
Speaker 9: to find out my sister made an announcement.

1478
01:08:57,479 --> 01:08:59,439
Speaker 4: That our baby girl arrived before we did.

1479
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,160
Speaker 9: That's kind of crappy. I don't know is her problem.

1480
01:09:02,479 --> 01:09:06,040
Speaker 9: I reposted her post, only to delete it an hour later.

1481
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:09,720
Speaker 9: I reposted because I felt backed into a corner. Oh

1482
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:14,280
Speaker 9: and wasn't totally thinking clearly. Okay, I was really upset

1483
01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:18,720
Speaker 9: and confronted her. I blunt from not being totally with

1484
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:20,920
Speaker 9: it from the infection and the meds I was on.

1485
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:25,880
Speaker 9: She flipped and said I was stupid, et cetera. I said,

1486
01:09:26,080 --> 01:09:27,880
Speaker 9: if she was going to treat me like that, she

1487
01:09:27,960 --> 01:09:29,599
Speaker 9: didn't have a place in our daughter's life.

1488
01:09:29,600 --> 01:09:30,520
Speaker 5: Oooh.

1489
01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:33,320
Speaker 9: We both said some really mean things and ended the conversation.

1490
01:09:33,760 --> 01:09:36,080
Speaker 9: The next day, I apologized because it didn't sit well

1491
01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:38,200
Speaker 9: with me, and I felt it wasn't who I am

1492
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 9: to even fight like that. Well, it's not op because

1493
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:42,599
Speaker 9: you would.

1494
01:09:43,400 --> 01:09:45,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, you were like literally on a bunch of different

1495
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,920
Speaker 3: things and also like dealing with an infection.

1496
01:09:48,680 --> 01:09:49,639
Speaker 1: And just gave birth.

1497
01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:53,720
Speaker 9: Yeah, given, I never got an apology at all. I

1498
01:09:53,760 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 9: apologized a week later, face to face when my daughter

1499
01:09:56,479 --> 01:09:57,880
Speaker 9: was admitted to the n.

1500
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:02,040
Speaker 4: I see you thick you Yeah, no, what wrong?

1501
01:10:02,760 --> 01:10:05,080
Speaker 9: It was her first time seeing or holding our daughter

1502
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:07,920
Speaker 9: and we both agreed to move forward, and I apologize profusely.

1503
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:11,160
Speaker 9: Her birthday was close, and even though we weren't talking

1504
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 9: really or in the best place, I got her a

1505
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:17,720
Speaker 9: SPA pass, etc. To make sure she could relax and

1506
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:18,400
Speaker 9: have a great day.

1507
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:20,599
Speaker 4: Oh what a great gift.

1508
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:21,800
Speaker 1: That is really nice.

1509
01:10:22,160 --> 01:10:24,280
Speaker 3: I feel like she should get you the SPA pass again.

1510
01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:25,920
Speaker 3: You just gave birth, that's true.

1511
01:10:26,400 --> 01:10:29,800
Speaker 9: Fast forward a few months ago, she texted me and

1512
01:10:29,960 --> 01:10:32,559
Speaker 9: was making small talk. She brought up the picture, and

1513
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:34,640
Speaker 9: I stood my ground and said, I'm still upset and

1514
01:10:34,680 --> 01:10:37,479
Speaker 9: she was wrong. She didn't ask, she posted our daughter

1515
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:39,799
Speaker 9: before we could, and on top of that, we didn't

1516
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:42,040
Speaker 9: really want to post our daughter at all, other than

1517
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:45,120
Speaker 9: a welcome announcement. I felt like she took that away

1518
01:10:45,280 --> 01:10:48,280
Speaker 9: and expressed how I felt in the most respectful way possible.

1519
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:51,160
Speaker 9: I apologized again for hurting her feelings and saying it

1520
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:54,280
Speaker 9: was never my intention. She said she posted because she

1521
01:10:54,360 --> 01:10:57,719
Speaker 9: was an excited aunt and it was my fault what

1522
01:10:58,240 --> 01:11:01,240
Speaker 9: I ruined her relationship with my daughter and she can

1523
01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:04,400
Speaker 9: never be excited because I'll just remove my daughter from

1524
01:11:04,479 --> 01:11:07,280
Speaker 9: her life. I said, I have no friends and I

1525
01:11:07,479 --> 01:11:09,479
Speaker 9: was ft in the head. She called me a bad

1526
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 9: mom and a self absorbed person, said I didn't take

1527
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:16,559
Speaker 9: responsibility for my part. She also said she feels sorry

1528
01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:19,360
Speaker 9: for my daughter because she won't be raised right, and

1529
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:22,360
Speaker 9: my husband that has to put up with me, et cetera.

1530
01:11:22,560 --> 01:11:25,440
Speaker 9: Her calling me a bad mom like six weeks postpartum

1531
01:11:25,479 --> 01:11:28,479
Speaker 9: as a first time mom really really messed with me

1532
01:11:28,479 --> 01:11:30,960
Speaker 9: mentally as well. I thought for a while I was

1533
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:31,719
Speaker 9: a horrible mother.

1534
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:33,799
Speaker 1: H that's so scary.

1535
01:11:34,280 --> 01:11:37,839
Speaker 3: That is like you just had a baby, You're already nervous,

1536
01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:40,559
Speaker 3: you're already overthinking everything, and then you have like one

1537
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 3: of the clearly like important people in your life come

1538
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:46,080
Speaker 3: to you and affirm that thought.

1539
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:51,879
Speaker 9: You just like didn't want that, Like your your business

1540
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:54,360
Speaker 9: to get out. It's your business to tell that's such

1541
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:57,200
Speaker 9: a big moment, especially be in your first big moment,

1542
01:11:57,240 --> 01:11:58,719
Speaker 9: like this is going to change your life.

1543
01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:00,240
Speaker 4: Why she thought that it would be.

1544
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:03,920
Speaker 9: Okay to be like I'm gonna post like I get

1545
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:07,000
Speaker 9: you're excited and everything, but like I don't know, like

1546
01:12:07,040 --> 01:12:10,000
Speaker 9: you gotta, yeah, you gotta give some slack. I mean,

1547
01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:12,960
Speaker 9: it's just I don't know. That's and the fact that

1548
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:15,680
Speaker 9: she's not even like like it's not my fault. I

1549
01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:16,000
Speaker 9: was just.

1550
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:19,519
Speaker 4: Excited, like I I gave birth that day.

1551
01:12:19,880 --> 01:12:24,400
Speaker 3: What do you mean there's absolutely no uh, there's just

1552
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:26,600
Speaker 3: you know, she's taking no accountability.

1553
01:12:26,720 --> 01:12:29,559
Speaker 9: Yeah, and that's just horrible to say those things.

1554
01:12:29,920 --> 01:12:30,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1555
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:33,400
Speaker 9: Now our daughter is almost five months old, and my

1556
01:12:33,479 --> 01:12:36,320
Speaker 9: sister's missed a lot. The longer she's gone, the more

1557
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:39,120
Speaker 9: red flags I see. I don't have to walk on

1558
01:12:39,160 --> 01:12:43,120
Speaker 9: eggshells or here. It's just how she is from my parents.

1559
01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 9: When she says some out of pocket mean thing or

1560
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:48,640
Speaker 9: does something really rude, she vents to my parents and

1561
01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:50,800
Speaker 9: says it's all my fault. And she goes as far

1562
01:12:50,840 --> 01:12:54,080
Speaker 9: as throwing fits if I even indirectly see my parents

1563
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:56,800
Speaker 9: if she's around drop off my dog for example, but

1564
01:12:56,920 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 9: did it when she wasn't even home. We still aren't speed,

1565
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:02,600
Speaker 9: and I recently tried to extend an alive branch with

1566
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:04,840
Speaker 9: the holidays coming up. She says she doesn't want to

1567
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:07,439
Speaker 9: see me, and she's mad because I didn't apologize enough

1568
01:13:07,920 --> 01:13:12,559
Speaker 9: and gave a half budded apology. In all honesty, it

1569
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:15,679
Speaker 9: makes it extremely difficult because my parents don't point out

1570
01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:19,240
Speaker 9: any bad behavior or just give excuses like she's always

1571
01:13:19,280 --> 01:13:21,559
Speaker 9: been a mean girl, or she's an adult.

1572
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:22,559
Speaker 1: Nothing I can do.

1573
01:13:23,000 --> 01:13:28,559
Speaker 3: That's crazy and also very you know, clear sign of

1574
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:30,960
Speaker 3: bad parenting to be like, but she's always been mean.

1575
01:13:31,520 --> 01:13:32,320
Speaker 5: She's just don't do.

1576
01:13:32,320 --> 01:13:33,080
Speaker 1: Anything about that.

1577
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:39,479
Speaker 3: Oh, consequences right now? Give her consequences as an adult.

1578
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, but didn't do that either.

1579
01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:43,320
Speaker 5: She's just mean.

1580
01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:44,559
Speaker 4: Give her some slack.

1581
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:46,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, she just kind of sack.

1582
01:13:46,400 --> 01:13:48,560
Speaker 3: I know you had birth in your six weeks postpartum,

1583
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:50,759
Speaker 3: but everyone knows your sister sucks.

1584
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:52,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what she is.

1585
01:13:53,280 --> 01:13:54,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, stop being angry.

1586
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:57,760
Speaker 9: The longer this goes on, the more red flags I

1587
01:13:57,800 --> 01:14:00,000
Speaker 9: see when it comes to my sister. Also, the more

1588
01:14:00,080 --> 01:14:02,040
Speaker 9: or mad I get at her for making herself a.

1589
01:14:02,080 --> 01:14:02,680
Speaker 1: Victim in this.

1590
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:05,719
Speaker 9: I'm at the point that I don't want my daughter

1591
01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:08,000
Speaker 9: seeing her because I don't want her to learn my

1592
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:12,920
Speaker 9: sister's behavior and thinks it's acceptable. Honestly, that's very valid. Yeah,

1593
01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:16,320
Speaker 9: or worse, see her treat me like garbage, or worse,

1594
01:14:16,400 --> 01:14:19,160
Speaker 9: see her treat me like garbage and my daughter to

1595
01:14:19,280 --> 01:14:20,680
Speaker 9: think she can treat me like that?

1596
01:14:21,160 --> 01:14:22,040
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

1597
01:14:22,080 --> 01:14:24,719
Speaker 9: If my sister never has a relationship with our daughter,

1598
01:14:24,880 --> 01:14:29,640
Speaker 9: any advice of what you do would be greatly appreciated.

1599
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:32,400
Speaker 3: You're not the a hole. I think that's very you know,

1600
01:14:32,560 --> 01:14:35,960
Speaker 3: smart to consider. And it really sucks that your daughter's

1601
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:39,200
Speaker 3: not gonna have a relationship with Ron, but you know her, Yeah,

1602
01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:41,439
Speaker 3: it's her choices that she's Yeah, she.

1603
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:45,559
Speaker 9: Just decided that, like you know, like she said, like, yeah,

1604
01:14:45,600 --> 01:14:49,519
Speaker 9: I know what I did, but you know, you know me, Yeah,

1605
01:14:49,520 --> 01:14:53,120
Speaker 9: Like that's too badkay, Like okay, so I just have

1606
01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:55,200
Speaker 9: to be okay when you're mean, and then you can

1607
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:57,800
Speaker 9: do whatever you want. Yeah, and then I and then

1608
01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:02,400
Speaker 9: you also get to see my daughter like no, like.

1609
01:15:02,479 --> 01:15:06,360
Speaker 3: Just yeah, there are consequences and Opie's sister is finding

1610
01:15:06,439 --> 01:15:06,760
Speaker 3: that out.

1611
01:15:06,880 --> 01:15:09,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's just not cool. Sis.

1612
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:14,080
Speaker 9: There are some comments. Comment number one, stop apologizing to her.

1613
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,880
Speaker 9: She clearly was in the wrong in the situation. When

1614
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:21,080
Speaker 9: you apologize, her behavior becomes acceptable. She degraded you when

1615
01:15:21,120 --> 01:15:24,559
Speaker 9: you in postpartum. Your relationship with her will never be

1616
01:15:24,640 --> 01:15:27,439
Speaker 9: the same unless she changes profusely, which I doubt. She

1617
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:31,240
Speaker 9: is a self absorbed person. Your parents should be ashamed

1618
01:15:31,280 --> 01:15:34,400
Speaker 9: of themselves for never correcting her growing. Don't let her

1619
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:37,639
Speaker 9: ruin what is really important, which is your child and husband.

1620
01:15:37,960 --> 01:15:39,920
Speaker 9: There's an update. Should we just get into it.

1621
01:15:40,040 --> 01:15:42,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, do it. Update.

1622
01:15:42,840 --> 01:15:44,800
Speaker 9: I want to thank everyone for being really kind and

1623
01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:47,680
Speaker 9: putting things into perspective makes me feel like I'm not

1624
01:15:47,800 --> 01:15:50,880
Speaker 9: totally crazy. I've taken some advice you all gave me,

1625
01:15:51,040 --> 01:15:53,760
Speaker 9: and I'm going to start therapy. I will not be

1626
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:57,240
Speaker 9: mending any bridges anymore. I'm grieving who I wanted her

1627
01:15:57,280 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 9: to be and not who she actually has become.

1628
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:01,000
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, yes.

1629
01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:04,759
Speaker 9: My focus now is just on my family, my healing,

1630
01:16:04,960 --> 01:16:08,200
Speaker 9: and being the best version of myself for my daughter

1631
01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:10,080
Speaker 9: the end.

1632
01:16:10,400 --> 01:16:11,799
Speaker 5: I think, Op, that's good.

1633
01:16:12,080 --> 01:16:14,240
Speaker 9: I think you going to therapy about it, I think

1634
01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:17,080
Speaker 9: will really help because it's really hard to like figure

1635
01:16:17,120 --> 01:16:21,080
Speaker 9: out like what to do, especially in like that type

1636
01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:24,639
Speaker 9: of situation. And also you have so many hormones going

1637
01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:30,040
Speaker 9: everywhere right now, Like there's just there's so much going on,

1638
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:33,320
Speaker 9: and the fact that she like can't see that is

1639
01:16:33,400 --> 01:16:34,880
Speaker 9: really frustrating.

1640
01:16:35,080 --> 01:16:38,040
Speaker 3: Absolutely, and you know, maybe she'll never see it, but

1641
01:16:38,479 --> 01:16:41,360
Speaker 3: hopefully she has a change of heart and realize it

1642
01:16:41,439 --> 01:16:42,000
Speaker 3: just seems like.

1643
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:46,040
Speaker 9: She's just very, very self absorbed and she just does

1644
01:16:46,160 --> 01:16:46,880
Speaker 9: not really care.

1645
01:16:47,320 --> 01:16:51,840
Speaker 1: It does seem like that. It certainly does. Unfortunate. I'm sorry,

1646
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:52,080
Speaker 1: O p.

1647
01:16:52,200 --> 01:16:53,200
Speaker 4: But I think you're doing the right thing.

1648
01:16:53,520 --> 01:16:54,599
Speaker 9: I think you're getting to help.

1649
01:16:54,640 --> 01:16:56,200
Speaker 5: You need you and your daughter.

1650
01:16:56,360 --> 01:16:59,880
Speaker 9: Yeah, focus on you because that's what you should do anyway.

1651
01:17:00,240 --> 01:17:05,560
Speaker 9: And your daughter, the new daughter, your daughter, your husband, you,

1652
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:08,400
Speaker 9: your family except your sister, but everyone else.

1653
01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:10,960
Speaker 8: And that's the end of this story.