WEBVTT - Protecting Our Daughters and Future Generations with @gabikahn.rd 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.520 I won't lend my body out, me out everything that 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.920 I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.399 I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.840 I feel free, I know who every part of me. 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:24.000 It's beautiful and I will always out with if you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:27.680 feel it with yours in there, she'll love to the boom. 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:31.240 I am there. Let's say good day and did you 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:36.800 and die out? Hey? Amy, Here for a quick little 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:41.680 intro with my thirteen year old daughter stas Shira, because 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:47.159 today's episode focuses on mother daughter relationships. But really you 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:50.760 don't have to be a mom to gain insight from 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:53.880 this episode. You might be an adult with no kids, 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:57.080 but you're a daughter who grew up with a mom 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:02.480 that had unhealthy rhetoric or found her body or unhealthy 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:06.160 relationship with food, and now you have to deal with 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:09.160 that as an adult, because you know, when we learned 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.920 it as kids often sticks with us and it's hard 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:16.160 to shake. And I started dieting early. On Stashira's here, 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:20.200 she's in seventh grade. I probably started dieting in eight 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:23.280 or ninth grade, which is crazy. If Stashia came home 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:24.759 and wanted to be on a diet. I don't even 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:26.920 know what I would do. I would think, what No, 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:31.200 But it was just normal, I feel like for us 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:33.839 back then, like it was just something that we did, 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.880 especially in high school. Like I tried every diet under 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:40.080 the sun, and my mom didn't really talk to me 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:42.840 about how that might not be healthy. Now, I carried 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:46.360 my unhealthy diet habits with me all the way until 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.920 a couple of years ago, or maybe not even maybe 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.240 a year and a half ago. For being fully transparent. 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:55.320 So Stashira has been in my life or at least 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.840 here in America. Adopted her from Haiti and she got 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.600 here about three years ago. And so have you seen 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.640 a difference in me your mom when it comes to 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.880 food in our house in the last few years, like 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:10.640 from when you arrived to now, Yes, I have. And 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.200 do you do you like the new way that I 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:17.120 am with food? Yes? Yes? What does that allow for? You? 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.440 Allow for me to eat whatever I want? And we 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:22.600 can keep certain foods in the house that I used 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:26.760 to never allow. And so that was part of my problem. 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:29.560 I thought, if I had candy in the house for 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:32.120 my kids, then I would eat all the candy. If 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.480 we had oreos in the house, I was going to 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:37.880 eat all the oreos, so therefore they couldn't have candy 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:41.400 and oreos because I couldn't have candy and oreos. And 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:46.519 also I had lumped my foods into categories of good 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:50.400 and bad. And now we have been working very hard, 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:52.560 and when I say we, I mean mostly me, and 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:55.360 I've been trying to undo some stuff that I have 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.440 put upon my kids, especially when they first got here, 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.080 and we're neutralized seeing food. Now. Of course, I want 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:06.679 to teach my kids about nutrition and certain vitamins and 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.359 nutrients that their body needs, and we try to have 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:13.200 diversity when we're building our plates. But I am not 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:15.520 going to freak out about certain things that I used 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:17.239 to and STA shared. Do you remember the time I 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:23.440 freaked out about the candy at church? Wasn't that crazy sneaking? Oh? 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:25.440 So see what I caused. I mean, that's a good 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:28.400 point that you bring up, Like I was restricting my 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.520 kids from even having certain food freedoms because of my 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:34.840 own fears, and then that caused her to have to 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:39.240 sneak things. And we do that to ourselves. Your kids 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:42.440 may start to sneak things, but then even you, when 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.680 you restrict you start to have sneaky things that you 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:49.000 do to get food for yourself. So I just hope 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:51.560 that you all really enjoy this conversation that you're about 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:54.160 to hear that Lisa and I did with Gabby, who 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.920 is a non diet dietitian who has made it her 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:01.120 life's mission to help moms with young daughter create a 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:05.120 positive relationship with food and their body so that you know, 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.800 we can end the cycle of diet and despair. And 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:11.560 a lot of our personal body shaming rhetoric and our 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:16.440 healthy relationships with food came from what we learn as 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.840 kids are healthy or unhealthy relationships, and stuff we picked 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.240 up when we were little. But it's never too late 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:25.839 to flip the script. So whether you're a mom, a parent, 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:29.160 or not, I will say that what you're going to 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:34.880 hear today will positively influence future generations. And that's the goal. 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:38.920 We want to protect our daughters or sons and all 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:43.080 future generations from the dangerous rhetoric that a lot of 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:46.240 us grew up with and that actually you see in 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:50.680 society still every day everywhere we're inundated with diet culture messages. 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:54.240 So we hope to change that, and we're doing it 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:57.560 one episode at a time. Here on outweighs. So I 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.400 hope you enjoy our chat with Gavy, and thank you 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:02.919 Stashira for joining me in the intro. And this is 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:05.119 when you say thank you mom for changing your ways 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.719 with food. Thank you Mom, but gender no way with food. 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:12.520 You're welcome. Hey, Gaby, We're so pumped to have you 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:14.760 here with us today. Thank you so much for having me. 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:17.080 I'm really excited to be here. I feel like a 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:20.760 good way to introduce you to people is I pulled 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:23.279 up an Instagram post that you put up maybe a 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:25.320 couple of days ago or a couple of weeks ago, 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.320 depending on when someone is listening to this. What you 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:30.839 hit resonated with me, and I was like, okay, this 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.240 way people can understand where you're coming from and then 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:35.520 where you are now. So what you put in the 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:38.800 caption was I remember the days when I thought I 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.640 was the epitome of health. I woke up at five 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.599 am every day to go to the gym for my 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:47.000 cycle class. I had strict food rules. The list of 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.200 foods I could not eat was so long that I 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:51.760 thought it was healthy. I never went out for dinner 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.799 because I had no control over how the food was cooked. 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:58.520 I missed out on social events because health comes first. 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.719 I weighed myself every day because that was disciplined. And 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:05.240 the post goes on and it's longer, and I encourage 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.000 people to go to your Instagram and check it out. 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:10.520 But I really feel like for so many people, that 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:14.839 right there is how they define being quote unquote healthy. 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:18.160 So how long ago was that you? And then where 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:20.359 are you now? And what are you doing to help 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:24.400 other people, specifically moms so that we don't pass this 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.719 on to the next generation. Yeah, so that version of 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:31.320 myself was probably about six or seven years ago, and 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.920 that was actually the time when I thought I was 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:35.960 the best version of myself, as I kind of say 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:39.320 in that post. But my history of dieting started way 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.400 before then too, It started at the age of ten. 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.360 So really at that point in my life, that's kind 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:47.120 of what I thought health was. I thought health was 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:50.159 going your exercise class every single day, stepping on and 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:53.200 off the scale, and really being strict with your food choices. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:55.200 And I thought that was the best version of me. 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.000 I thought I wasn't diet it because this was just 0:06:58.160 --> 0:07:01.719 a healthy lifestyle. So for anybody who may be feeling 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:03.719 this way. Now, who kind of thinks that they are 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.279 the epitome of health, that they are following those strict 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.560 food rules, that they're exercising daily, that they have the 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:11.080 discipline or the willpower. The truth is, in a sense, 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.080 it isn't a healthy lifestyle. It's kind of an obsession 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:16.320 that is out of our control in a sense, because 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.560 we are so into this health I just feel like 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:20.720 I could have written that, so I really resonate with 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.040 those words, And it was also a nice check in 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.720 to kind of remember, you know, how our ideas of 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:28.520 health have changed over time, and to kind of reflect 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.119 back on what we used to check off as health 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.840 and this beautiful new reframe that involves honoring ourselves. And 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.120 I think it's just super important to recognize that even 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:40.360 when you stop dieting, you could still be holding onto 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:44.160 new quote unquote health behaviors that are still not healthy. 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:46.040 I think the end of that post is when I 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:48.920 thought I was the healthiest, I was actually the least healthy, 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:52.960 recognizing the mental component and the stress and the rigidity 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.320 that kind of went into that life. I don't want 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.080 a gloss over the fact that you said you started 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:01.280 dieting at ten years old, talk to us about that, 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:04.240 because I know a lot of our listeners were introduced 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.800 to dieting at a young age, some not, but for me, 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:12.080 ten seems extremely young, so I'm definitely curious. Absolutely. So 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.320 I grew up with a mother who died it, so 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:16.600 by the age of six, I started to recognize the 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:18.679 idea that you step on the scale, you see a number, 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.000 you don't like, the number, you get off, you look 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:22.880 in the mirror, you either pinch some part of your 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:24.760 body or you say negative things about your body in 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:26.840 the mirror, and then you go downstairs and you go 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.880 in the cabinets and you throw out all the food 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:30.680 you don't think you can have anymore because of this 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.120 new diet plan. So starting at six years old, I 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:35.120 was starting to get those ideas. And then at ten 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:38.120 years old, for my checking with my pediatrician, they let 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:40.160 me know I gained way too much weight in a year. 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:42.560 It was a red flag. And this is a while ago. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.480 So at that point too, they were saying, this is 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.760 before you get your menstrual cycle. As soon as you 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.400 get your menstrual cycle, you cannot lose weight. It is 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:52.240 very difficult. You need to lose the weight now. So 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.520 the way. My mother thought she was protecting me, and 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:56.280 I don't blame her for this at all. I know 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:58.200 she was doing this out of love and protection. Was 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.080 she got me with the nutritionist and put me a 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:02.840 diet plan. At the age of ten, I was calorie counting, 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.040 I was portioning at my food, and I was traveling 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:07.760 everywhere with my green lunch box, which I vividly remember 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.679 because I missed out on so many events, so many sleepovers, 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:13.800 graduation parties, just because I couldn't eat the food there 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.400 and it was too tough to be around. At that 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.599 age two, I had teachers even complimenting me at graduation 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.800 parties for my discipline and my willpower. I had friends 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:24.719 coming up to me saying that they understand what I'm 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:26.520 going through. Their moms have gone through the same thing. 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:28.240 They know how angry they can get when they can't 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.440 have the food. And it kind of was just instilled 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:32.080 at me from the age of ten that we have 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:34.160 to be so careful about the size of our body. 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.920 Our worth comes from our body size, and the foods 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.160 that we eat affect our body so much. So that's 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.320 kind of when this like dieting started and kind of 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.640 leads this very unhealthy obsession with food in my body. Okay, 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:47.760 so then when did you decide you were going to 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.000 make it your mission with method? And I want you 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:54.080 to tell us what that stands for, because it's an acronym. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:57.000 When did you decide? Okay? Now I want to help 0:09:57.160 --> 0:10:01.680 others not repeat this cycle. So method stands for moms 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:05.400 eating to help overcome diets and disorders. And it actually 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:08.400 kind of started around like my late teenage year. So 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.400 one fun fact abound me is that my sister and 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:12.720 I have an eleven year age gap. So my sister 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:14.640 and I have always had this relationship where we're kind 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:16.839 of sisters, but my mom and I have always viewed 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.000 ourselves as co parents because I lost my father at 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:22.000 a very young age. So around the age when I 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:25.360 was about fifteen, so she was around four, I saw 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:28.400 her go into the mirror and pinch her stomach and 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.800 say that she was fat and then suck in her belly. 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:33.000 And that was kind of when I had this first 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:36.480 light up moment that my behaviors were already starting to 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:39.720 affect the next generation. Even though she is my sister, 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:41.560 we still have a little bit of a mother daughter 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:43.599 bond and the age gap is so big that I 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.840 could already see that my grandmother's diet habits affected my mother, 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.280 My mother's diet habits have affected me, and now my 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:52.640 diet habits have potentially affected my sister. And at the 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:54.720 age of four, she's looking in the mirror and she's 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:56.680 tearing apart her body. Then how is she going to 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.240 feel ten years from now. I knew at that point 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.600 that I had to change my actions, my behavior, my language, 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.080 my relationship with my body in order for me to 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.280 help her, and also so that I don't affect anybody 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:11.120 else in a way, whether it's cousins, family friends, from 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.520 having that really unhealthy relationship with food in their body. 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:15.719 I couldn't let her suffer and go through the things 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.080 that I had went through as a child just because 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.280 I was so obsessed with food in my body. And 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:22.280 I think it's really important that we also just kind 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:24.560 of zoom out to recognize that it's not just diet, 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:27.800 it's body image. So it wasn't even her relationship to 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.880 food in that moment, but rather the action of calling 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:34.400 herself fat that really alerted you as to, oh, no, 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.640 this is a problem, yeah, exactly. And the funny thing 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.160 is like, I don't even know if she knew what 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:41.880 that word really meant at that time. Either she just 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.200 saw me. It's the same thing that mother daughter relationship. 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:46.160 You see your mother stand the mirror, you see her 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.160 pinch some part of her body and say a word 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:50.360 or something, and then you just pick up the habits. 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:53.199 And that's exactly what she did. She saw my relationship 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.480 with her body. She mimiced the exact thing. And I think, 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.360 being the older person, that scenario like what many moms 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.360 may see if this is their kids were doing that 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.080 all of a sudden, this moment lights up and you're like, 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:04.320 oh my gosh, my habits are being passed down. How 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:07.480 do I stop this now? Kudos to you for recognizing 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:10.320 that at fifteen years old. Yeah, I mean, I will 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:12.800 admit it's a process. It's not this overnight thing where 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.080 I stapped my fingers and my relationship with food in 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:17.280 my body as healed, because as we spoke about too, 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.679 like I had the obsession with health later down the 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:23.040 line because I thought that was healthier, but it really 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.120 clicked in at that young age though that this is 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:27.600 a problem. How do I kind of solve this now? 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:29.560 And that's why I think, you know, going back to 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.280 so many episodes ago when we talked about our values, 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.520 I forget which expert we had on and we really 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:37.280 drilled that point home Amy. It was in Outweigh Season one, 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.120 was when you are living in line with your values, 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:44.319 you're living from a less self centered place. So it's 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.679 very clear that maybe because of the loss of your 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.559 father and you really stepped into the role of parenting 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:53.240 very young, that what came before you and even your weight, 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:55.600 even though your mom had an influence on you, and 0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:57.880 that you were told that that was the most important 0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:00.960 thing your soul was has always been very connected to 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:05.440 helping your sister, and without taking time to clarify that 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:08.120 and recognize it, it was like your values really stepped 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:11.840 up for you. And that's really important to anyone listening 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.880 who maybe hasn't thought about what they value, and therefore 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.360 the things they don't value are getting in the way 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.120 of the things that they do value and causing this 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:25.240 incongruency inside. So my values changed significantly in the last 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.719 three years. But again I would have defined myself as 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:31.160 a healthy person. I became a mom three years ago, 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.840 but to an older child we adopted, so my daughter 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.200 was ten, So it's not like I had a baby 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.439 and had time to work through stuff and then figure 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:42.719 out how I wanted to parent. She arrived into my 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:46.000 life at an age where she was absorbing everything and 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:50.240 she's very smart, and I thought, oh wow, I am 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.360 super healthy. My kids aren't going to have gluten. They're 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:56.880 not going to have candy. I would get so frustrated 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.640 if a stranger would give them candy. I remember the 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:01.920 first we took them to church, they went to their 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:04.280 Sunday school and they came out with these candy bags 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.720 and I almost had a panic attack because I couldn't 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:09.640 believe they gave them a bag of candy without asking 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:12.480 me the new mom. I mean, I freaked out, But 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:16.240 it was really my issue about with me, not for 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:20.720 my kids. And that's one thing that is significantly different 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:24.240 and how I parent. I also prioritized working out over 0:14:24.280 --> 0:14:26.840 spending time with them because that was part of my 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:29.800 healthy lifestyle, that was part of my routine, and I 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:32.720 was gonna be better mentally for them. And so now 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:37.480 I show up for them before workout, hands down every time. 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.840 And now we have tons of candy in our pantry 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.080 and it's awesome. It's such a freeing feeling when you 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.760 can keep all these previously forbidden foods in your house again, 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:48.440 and no, you're not going to be out of control 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.440 with it. But there's one thing that you said that 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.760 I really want to highly onto is that so many times, 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:54.680 like I am not a mother yet, but for many 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.120 of the moms that I worked, was similar to what 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.000 you were saying. We want to do the best buy 0:14:58.000 --> 0:14:59.800 our kids. We think that a limiting in the gluten, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.720 being rid of the candy, you know, whatever it may be, 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:03.760 is a way of protecting our kids, way of showing 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.000 them love, and way of helping them fit into society 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:08.480 what the norms are. And it's really important to remember 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.840 there is no shame, there's no negative feelings, there's no 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.760 guilt associated with it. You were doing everything you can 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:15.960 in your power to protect your kids and it's from 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.200 a sense of love. But sometimes, as you were saying, now, 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.600 like you step back and realize and that your workouts 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:22.880 came before, or that you were too nervous about the 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:24.520 glue or the candy or whatever it may be. And 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.720 it's just really important to remember that moms don't have 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.960 mom manuals. We learn as we go and we kind 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:30.920 of learn from all these things as well to be 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.480 the best versions of ourselves, to heal our relationship with 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:35.640 food and our body, and to protect our kids. I'm 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.240 gonna go back to Instagram because there's another post that 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:40.520 I pulled up, and if people follow you, what I 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:42.680 I love that they're going to get from you or 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.880 these post it notes that you put up, these blue 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:49.880 posted notes, they're scattered all about and they have great 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:53.600 little things on their quotes or just a prompt or 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:56.680 a question. And something that you put up was you 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:59.440 will constantly be unhappy if you keep telling yourself that 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.880 happiness comes when you are ten pounds lighter. How can 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.560 you learn to be happy in your body now if 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:09.800 you are making happiness of feeling determined by weight loss. 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:13.480 I think so many times that we just focus so 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:15.280 much on weight loss that as soon as we lose 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:16.920 the weight will be happy. As soon as we fit 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:18.920 into our pre baby jeans, as soon as we lose 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:20.800 five to ten pounds, we're gonna be happy again. We're 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:22.360 gonna get our life back. We're gonna be able to 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:24.800 focus as a parent, be present with our kids, take 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:27.160 photos at Disneyland, go to the beach and a bathing 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.800 to whatever it may be. But it's everything is determined 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.280 by losing this weight. And the idea is, how can 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:33.920 we feel good in the body we are in now, 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:36.080 even if you are in a larger body, whatever size 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.360 body you may be in, how can you appreciate love 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:40.240 and learn to accept the body you're in so you 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:42.200 can be present as a mother, so you can take 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.120 all those photos that you can run on the beach, 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:46.320 whatever it may be. It's just it breaks my heart 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:48.600 so many times when I see people just waiting until 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.640 we lose the weight to take action on life now. 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:54.120 So I have two questions. You have created a brilliant 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:58.320 business around helping moms really m the cycle of dieting 0:16:58.320 --> 0:16:59.960 so that they don't pass it down to their daughter. 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:02.880 The first question I have, because you're so vocal about 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.280 your relationship with your mom and how she had an 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:08.760 impact on your relationship to food and body image, how 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:12.640 does your relationship now that you kind of go out 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:14.960 publicly and tell this story. How are how are you 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:18.480 able to have a conversation clearly, very healthfully so that 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.720 she doesn't feel shameful. I think one of the really 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.120 important things is I always say that. I never blame 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.159 my mother, and I never think any of this was 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:27.399 her fault. She grew up in a household with a 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:29.960 mother who died. This is normal. This is just what 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:32.119 she thought was normal. She was doing this protect me 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.399 and love me. So my mother knows with everything that 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:37.040 I talked about, it's not ever coming from a place 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.000 of she did this to me. Look what my mom 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:41.119 did to me, she hurt me. It's coming from a 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.800 place of I started to recognize this pattern in my family, 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:47.240 this vicious mother daughter diet cycle. I noticed it, I 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:49.679 stopped it, and I take action now to help others. 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.240 So my mother and I have a very beautiful relationship. 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.000 I don't know if we'll ever see eye to eye 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:56.920 on food in our body, but either way, she knows 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.200 that what I'm doing right now is to help other people, 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:01.720 and her relations ship with food in her body that's 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:03.560 up to her right now, and she knows I'm here 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.520 to support her with whatever she needs. That's awesome. And 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:08.600 I also want to know from a business point of view, 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:11.439 you know, five years ago or so, we weren't calling 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.199 out what we're seeing now. We were defining health very 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:16.399 similarly to how you did in the beginning of the 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:19.439 post that Amy read as working out and discipline, and 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.159 now a lot of that's brought to light. Have you 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:26.320 found that mothers are really eager to fix their relationship 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.680 to food, not just for themselves, but because they've got 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:33.120 this motivator of having a daughter or a child. In general, 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:36.560 every single person who has applied to work with me 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:39.400 has most likely had one event take place, whether they 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.879 noticed their child standing behind them as they stood on 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:44.520 the scale, whether they saw themselves in the mirror while 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:46.480 they were picking apart their body, or their kid asked, 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:49.000 and you know, why can't you lick the brownie matter spoon? Mom? Like, 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:51.879 let's make brownies or whatever, counting almonds, whatever it may be. 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:54.560 There's one event that happens when all of a sudden, 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.280 this lights up and they realize, similar to how I did, 0:18:57.720 --> 0:18:59.880