Speaker 1: I won't lend my body out, me out everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and I will always out with if you
Speaker 1: feel it with yours in there, she'll love to the boom.
Speaker 1: I am there. Let's say good day and did you
Speaker 1: and die out? Hey? Amy, Here for a quick little
Speaker 1: intro with my thirteen year old daughter stas Shira, because
Speaker 1: today's episode focuses on mother daughter relationships. But really you
Speaker 1: don't have to be a mom to gain insight from
Speaker 1: this episode. You might be an adult with no kids,
Speaker 1: but you're a daughter who grew up with a mom
Speaker 1: that had unhealthy rhetoric or found her body or unhealthy
Speaker 1: relationship with food, and now you have to deal with
Speaker 1: that as an adult, because you know, when we learned
Speaker 1: it as kids often sticks with us and it's hard
Speaker 1: to shake. And I started dieting early. On Stashira's here,
Speaker 1: she's in seventh grade. I probably started dieting in eight
Speaker 1: or ninth grade, which is crazy. If Stashia came home
Speaker 1: and wanted to be on a diet. I don't even
Speaker 1: know what I would do. I would think, what No,
Speaker 1: But it was just normal, I feel like for us
Speaker 1: back then, like it was just something that we did,
Speaker 1: especially in high school. Like I tried every diet under
Speaker 1: the sun, and my mom didn't really talk to me
Speaker 1: about how that might not be healthy. Now, I carried
Speaker 1: my unhealthy diet habits with me all the way until
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, or maybe not even maybe
Speaker 1: a year and a half ago. For being fully transparent.
Speaker 1: So Stashira has been in my life or at least
Speaker 1: here in America. Adopted her from Haiti and she got
Speaker 1: here about three years ago. And so have you seen
Speaker 1: a difference in me your mom when it comes to
Speaker 1: food in our house in the last few years, like
Speaker 1: from when you arrived to now, Yes, I have. And
Speaker 1: do you do you like the new way that I
Speaker 1: am with food? Yes? Yes? What does that allow for? You?
Speaker 1: Allow for me to eat whatever I want? And we
Speaker 1: can keep certain foods in the house that I used
Speaker 1: to never allow. And so that was part of my problem.
Speaker 1: I thought, if I had candy in the house for
Speaker 1: my kids, then I would eat all the candy. If
Speaker 1: we had oreos in the house, I was going to
Speaker 1: eat all the oreos, so therefore they couldn't have candy
Speaker 1: and oreos because I couldn't have candy and oreos. And
Speaker 1: also I had lumped my foods into categories of good
Speaker 1: and bad. And now we have been working very hard,
Speaker 1: and when I say we, I mean mostly me, and
Speaker 1: I've been trying to undo some stuff that I have
Speaker 1: put upon my kids, especially when they first got here,
Speaker 1: and we're neutralized seeing food. Now. Of course, I want
Speaker 1: to teach my kids about nutrition and certain vitamins and
Speaker 1: nutrients that their body needs, and we try to have
Speaker 1: diversity when we're building our plates. But I am not
Speaker 1: going to freak out about certain things that I used
Speaker 1: to and STA shared. Do you remember the time I
Speaker 1: freaked out about the candy at church? Wasn't that crazy sneaking? Oh?
Speaker 1: So see what I caused. I mean, that's a good
Speaker 1: point that you bring up, Like I was restricting my
Speaker 1: kids from even having certain food freedoms because of my
Speaker 1: own fears, and then that caused her to have to
Speaker 1: sneak things. And we do that to ourselves. Your kids
Speaker 1: may start to sneak things, but then even you, when
Speaker 1: you restrict you start to have sneaky things that you
Speaker 1: do to get food for yourself. So I just hope
Speaker 1: that you all really enjoy this conversation that you're about
Speaker 1: to hear that Lisa and I did with Gabby, who
Speaker 1: is a non diet dietitian who has made it her
Speaker 1: life's mission to help moms with young daughter create a
Speaker 1: positive relationship with food and their body so that you know,
Speaker 1: we can end the cycle of diet and despair. And
Speaker 1: a lot of our personal body shaming rhetoric and our
Speaker 1: healthy relationships with food came from what we learn as
Speaker 1: kids are healthy or unhealthy relationships, and stuff we picked
Speaker 1: up when we were little. But it's never too late
Speaker 1: to flip the script. So whether you're a mom, a parent,
Speaker 1: or not, I will say that what you're going to
Speaker 1: hear today will positively influence future generations. And that's the goal.
Speaker 1: We want to protect our daughters or sons and all
Speaker 1: future generations from the dangerous rhetoric that a lot of
Speaker 1: us grew up with and that actually you see in
Speaker 1: society still every day everywhere we're inundated with diet culture messages.
Speaker 1: So we hope to change that, and we're doing it
Speaker 1: one episode at a time. Here on outweighs. So I
Speaker 1: hope you enjoy our chat with Gavy, and thank you
Speaker 1: Stashira for joining me in the intro. And this is
Speaker 1: when you say thank you mom for changing your ways
Speaker 1: with food. Thank you Mom, but gender no way with food.
Speaker 1: You're welcome. Hey, Gaby, We're so pumped to have you
Speaker 1: here with us today. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to be here. I feel like a
Speaker 1: good way to introduce you to people is I pulled
Speaker 1: up an Instagram post that you put up maybe a
Speaker 1: couple of days ago or a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: depending on when someone is listening to this. What you
Speaker 1: hit resonated with me, and I was like, okay, this
Speaker 1: way people can understand where you're coming from and then
Speaker 1: where you are now. So what you put in the
Speaker 1: caption was I remember the days when I thought I
Speaker 1: was the epitome of health. I woke up at five
Speaker 1: am every day to go to the gym for my
Speaker 1: cycle class. I had strict food rules. The list of
Speaker 1: foods I could not eat was so long that I
Speaker 1: thought it was healthy. I never went out for dinner
Speaker 1: because I had no control over how the food was cooked.
Speaker 1: I missed out on social events because health comes first.
Speaker 1: I weighed myself every day because that was disciplined. And
Speaker 1: the post goes on and it's longer, and I encourage
Speaker 1: people to go to your Instagram and check it out.
Speaker 1: But I really feel like for so many people, that
Speaker 1: right there is how they define being quote unquote healthy.
Speaker 1: So how long ago was that you? And then where
Speaker 1: are you now? And what are you doing to help
Speaker 1: other people, specifically moms so that we don't pass this
Speaker 1: on to the next generation. Yeah, so that version of
Speaker 1: myself was probably about six or seven years ago, and
Speaker 1: that was actually the time when I thought I was
Speaker 1: the best version of myself, as I kind of say
Speaker 1: in that post. But my history of dieting started way
Speaker 1: before then too, It started at the age of ten.
Speaker 1: So really at that point in my life, that's kind
Speaker 1: of what I thought health was. I thought health was
Speaker 1: going your exercise class every single day, stepping on and
Speaker 1: off the scale, and really being strict with your food choices.
Speaker 1: And I thought that was the best version of me.
Speaker 1: I thought I wasn't diet it because this was just
Speaker 1: a healthy lifestyle. So for anybody who may be feeling
Speaker 1: this way. Now, who kind of thinks that they are
Speaker 1: the epitome of health, that they are following those strict
Speaker 1: food rules, that they're exercising daily, that they have the
Speaker 1: discipline or the willpower. The truth is, in a sense,
Speaker 1: it isn't a healthy lifestyle. It's kind of an obsession
Speaker 1: that is out of our control in a sense, because
Speaker 1: we are so into this health I just feel like
Speaker 1: I could have written that, so I really resonate with
Speaker 1: those words, And it was also a nice check in
Speaker 1: to kind of remember, you know, how our ideas of
Speaker 1: health have changed over time, and to kind of reflect
Speaker 1: back on what we used to check off as health
Speaker 1: and this beautiful new reframe that involves honoring ourselves. And
Speaker 1: I think it's just super important to recognize that even
Speaker 1: when you stop dieting, you could still be holding onto
Speaker 1: new quote unquote health behaviors that are still not healthy.
Speaker 1: I think the end of that post is when I
Speaker 1: thought I was the healthiest, I was actually the least healthy,
Speaker 1: recognizing the mental component and the stress and the rigidity
Speaker 1: that kind of went into that life. I don't want
Speaker 1: a gloss over the fact that you said you started
Speaker 1: dieting at ten years old, talk to us about that,
Speaker 1: because I know a lot of our listeners were introduced
Speaker 1: to dieting at a young age, some not, but for me,
Speaker 1: ten seems extremely young, so I'm definitely curious. Absolutely. So
Speaker 1: I grew up with a mother who died it, so
Speaker 1: by the age of six, I started to recognize the
Speaker 1: idea that you step on the scale, you see a number,
Speaker 1: you don't like, the number, you get off, you look
Speaker 1: in the mirror, you either pinch some part of your
Speaker 1: body or you say negative things about your body in
Speaker 1: the mirror, and then you go downstairs and you go
Speaker 1: in the cabinets and you throw out all the food
Speaker 1: you don't think you can have anymore because of this
Speaker 1: new diet plan. So starting at six years old, I
Speaker 1: was starting to get those ideas. And then at ten
Speaker 1: years old, for my checking with my pediatrician, they let
Speaker 1: me know I gained way too much weight in a year.
Speaker 1: It was a red flag. And this is a while ago.
Speaker 1: So at that point too, they were saying, this is
Speaker 1: before you get your menstrual cycle. As soon as you
Speaker 1: get your menstrual cycle, you cannot lose weight. It is
Speaker 1: very difficult. You need to lose the weight now. So
Speaker 1: the way. My mother thought she was protecting me, and
Speaker 1: I don't blame her for this at all. I know
Speaker 1: she was doing this out of love and protection. Was
Speaker 1: she got me with the nutritionist and put me a
Speaker 1: diet plan. At the age of ten, I was calorie counting,
Speaker 1: I was portioning at my food, and I was traveling
Speaker 1: everywhere with my green lunch box, which I vividly remember
Speaker 1: because I missed out on so many events, so many sleepovers,
Speaker 1: graduation parties, just because I couldn't eat the food there
Speaker 1: and it was too tough to be around. At that
Speaker 1: age two, I had teachers even complimenting me at graduation
Speaker 1: parties for my discipline and my willpower. I had friends
Speaker 1: coming up to me saying that they understand what I'm
Speaker 1: going through. Their moms have gone through the same thing.
Speaker 1: They know how angry they can get when they can't
Speaker 1: have the food. And it kind of was just instilled
Speaker 1: at me from the age of ten that we have
Speaker 1: to be so careful about the size of our body.
Speaker 1: Our worth comes from our body size, and the foods
Speaker 1: that we eat affect our body so much. So that's
Speaker 1: kind of when this like dieting started and kind of
Speaker 1: leads this very unhealthy obsession with food in my body. Okay,
Speaker 1: so then when did you decide you were going to
Speaker 1: make it your mission with method? And I want you
Speaker 1: to tell us what that stands for, because it's an acronym.
Speaker 1: When did you decide? Okay? Now I want to help
Speaker 1: others not repeat this cycle. So method stands for moms
Speaker 1: eating to help overcome diets and disorders. And it actually
Speaker 1: kind of started around like my late teenage year. So
Speaker 1: one fun fact abound me is that my sister and
Speaker 1: I have an eleven year age gap. So my sister
Speaker 1: and I have always had this relationship where we're kind
Speaker 1: of sisters, but my mom and I have always viewed
Speaker 1: ourselves as co parents because I lost my father at
Speaker 1: a very young age. So around the age when I
Speaker 1: was about fifteen, so she was around four, I saw
Speaker 1: her go into the mirror and pinch her stomach and
Speaker 1: say that she was fat and then suck in her belly.
Speaker 1: And that was kind of when I had this first
Speaker 1: light up moment that my behaviors were already starting to
Speaker 1: affect the next generation. Even though she is my sister,
Speaker 1: we still have a little bit of a mother daughter
Speaker 1: bond and the age gap is so big that I
Speaker 1: could already see that my grandmother's diet habits affected my mother,
Speaker 1: My mother's diet habits have affected me, and now my
Speaker 1: diet habits have potentially affected my sister. And at the
Speaker 1: age of four, she's looking in the mirror and she's
Speaker 1: tearing apart her body. Then how is she going to
Speaker 1: feel ten years from now. I knew at that point
Speaker 1: that I had to change my actions, my behavior, my language,
Speaker 1: my relationship with my body in order for me to
Speaker 1: help her, and also so that I don't affect anybody
Speaker 1: else in a way, whether it's cousins, family friends, from
Speaker 1: having that really unhealthy relationship with food in their body.
Speaker 1: I couldn't let her suffer and go through the things
Speaker 1: that I had went through as a child just because
Speaker 1: I was so obsessed with food in my body. And
Speaker 1: I think it's really important that we also just kind
Speaker 1: of zoom out to recognize that it's not just diet,
Speaker 1: it's body image. So it wasn't even her relationship to
Speaker 1: food in that moment, but rather the action of calling
Speaker 1: herself fat that really alerted you as to, oh, no,
Speaker 1: this is a problem, yeah, exactly. And the funny thing
Speaker 1: is like, I don't even know if she knew what
Speaker 1: that word really meant at that time. Either she just
Speaker 1: saw me. It's the same thing that mother daughter relationship.
Speaker 1: You see your mother stand the mirror, you see her
Speaker 1: pinch some part of her body and say a word
Speaker 1: or something, and then you just pick up the habits.
Speaker 1: And that's exactly what she did. She saw my relationship
Speaker 1: with her body. She mimiced the exact thing. And I think,
Speaker 1: being the older person, that scenario like what many moms
Speaker 1: may see if this is their kids were doing that
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, this moment lights up and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, my habits are being passed down. How
Speaker 1: do I stop this now? Kudos to you for recognizing
Speaker 1: that at fifteen years old. Yeah, I mean, I will
Speaker 1: admit it's a process. It's not this overnight thing where
Speaker 1: I stapped my fingers and my relationship with food in
Speaker 1: my body as healed, because as we spoke about too,
Speaker 1: like I had the obsession with health later down the
Speaker 1: line because I thought that was healthier, but it really
Speaker 1: clicked in at that young age though that this is
Speaker 1: a problem. How do I kind of solve this now?
Speaker 1: And that's why I think, you know, going back to
Speaker 1: so many episodes ago when we talked about our values,
Speaker 1: I forget which expert we had on and we really
Speaker 1: drilled that point home Amy. It was in Outweigh Season one,
Speaker 1: was when you are living in line with your values,
Speaker 1: you're living from a less self centered place. So it's
Speaker 1: very clear that maybe because of the loss of your
Speaker 1: father and you really stepped into the role of parenting
Speaker 1: very young, that what came before you and even your weight,
Speaker 1: even though your mom had an influence on you, and
Speaker 1: that you were told that that was the most important
Speaker 1: thing your soul was has always been very connected to
Speaker 1: helping your sister, and without taking time to clarify that
Speaker 1: and recognize it, it was like your values really stepped
Speaker 1: up for you. And that's really important to anyone listening
Speaker 1: who maybe hasn't thought about what they value, and therefore
Speaker 1: the things they don't value are getting in the way
Speaker 1: of the things that they do value and causing this
Speaker 1: incongruency inside. So my values changed significantly in the last
Speaker 1: three years. But again I would have defined myself as
Speaker 1: a healthy person. I became a mom three years ago,
Speaker 1: but to an older child we adopted, so my daughter
Speaker 1: was ten, So it's not like I had a baby
Speaker 1: and had time to work through stuff and then figure
Speaker 1: out how I wanted to parent. She arrived into my
Speaker 1: life at an age where she was absorbing everything and
Speaker 1: she's very smart, and I thought, oh wow, I am
Speaker 1: super healthy. My kids aren't going to have gluten. They're
Speaker 1: not going to have candy. I would get so frustrated
Speaker 1: if a stranger would give them candy. I remember the
Speaker 1: first we took them to church, they went to their
Speaker 1: Sunday school and they came out with these candy bags
Speaker 1: and I almost had a panic attack because I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe they gave them a bag of candy without asking
Speaker 1: me the new mom. I mean, I freaked out, But
Speaker 1: it was really my issue about with me, not for
Speaker 1: my kids. And that's one thing that is significantly different
Speaker 1: and how I parent. I also prioritized working out over
Speaker 1: spending time with them because that was part of my
Speaker 1: healthy lifestyle, that was part of my routine, and I
Speaker 1: was gonna be better mentally for them. And so now
Speaker 1: I show up for them before workout, hands down every time.
Speaker 1: And now we have tons of candy in our pantry
Speaker 1: and it's awesome. It's such a freeing feeling when you
Speaker 1: can keep all these previously forbidden foods in your house again,
Speaker 1: and no, you're not going to be out of control
Speaker 1: with it. But there's one thing that you said that
Speaker 1: I really want to highly onto is that so many times,
Speaker 1: like I am not a mother yet, but for many
Speaker 1: of the moms that I worked, was similar to what
Speaker 1: you were saying. We want to do the best buy
Speaker 1: our kids. We think that a limiting in the gluten,
Speaker 1: being rid of the candy, you know, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: is a way of protecting our kids, way of showing
Speaker 1: them love, and way of helping them fit into society
Speaker 1: what the norms are. And it's really important to remember
Speaker 1: there is no shame, there's no negative feelings, there's no
Speaker 1: guilt associated with it. You were doing everything you can
Speaker 1: in your power to protect your kids and it's from
Speaker 1: a sense of love. But sometimes, as you were saying, now,
Speaker 1: like you step back and realize and that your workouts
Speaker 1: came before, or that you were too nervous about the
Speaker 1: glue or the candy or whatever it may be. And
Speaker 1: it's just really important to remember that moms don't have
Speaker 1: mom manuals. We learn as we go and we kind
Speaker 1: of learn from all these things as well to be
Speaker 1: the best versions of ourselves, to heal our relationship with
Speaker 1: food and our body, and to protect our kids. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go back to Instagram because there's another post that
Speaker 1: I pulled up, and if people follow you, what I
Speaker 1: I love that they're going to get from you or
Speaker 1: these post it notes that you put up, these blue
Speaker 1: posted notes, they're scattered all about and they have great
Speaker 1: little things on their quotes or just a prompt or
Speaker 1: a question. And something that you put up was you
Speaker 1: will constantly be unhappy if you keep telling yourself that
Speaker 1: happiness comes when you are ten pounds lighter. How can
Speaker 1: you learn to be happy in your body now if
Speaker 1: you are making happiness of feeling determined by weight loss.
Speaker 1: I think so many times that we just focus so
Speaker 1: much on weight loss that as soon as we lose
Speaker 1: the weight will be happy. As soon as we fit
Speaker 1: into our pre baby jeans, as soon as we lose
Speaker 1: five to ten pounds, we're gonna be happy again. We're
Speaker 1: gonna get our life back. We're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: focus as a parent, be present with our kids, take
Speaker 1: photos at Disneyland, go to the beach and a bathing
Speaker 1: to whatever it may be. But it's everything is determined
Speaker 1: by losing this weight. And the idea is, how can
Speaker 1: we feel good in the body we are in now,
Speaker 1: even if you are in a larger body, whatever size
Speaker 1: body you may be in, how can you appreciate love
Speaker 1: and learn to accept the body you're in so you
Speaker 1: can be present as a mother, so you can take
Speaker 1: all those photos that you can run on the beach,
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. It's just it breaks my heart
Speaker 1: so many times when I see people just waiting until
Speaker 1: we lose the weight to take action on life now.
Speaker 1: So I have two questions. You have created a brilliant
Speaker 1: business around helping moms really m the cycle of dieting
Speaker 1: so that they don't pass it down to their daughter.
Speaker 1: The first question I have, because you're so vocal about
Speaker 1: your relationship with your mom and how she had an
Speaker 1: impact on your relationship to food and body image, how
Speaker 1: does your relationship now that you kind of go out
Speaker 1: publicly and tell this story. How are how are you
Speaker 1: able to have a conversation clearly, very healthfully so that
Speaker 1: she doesn't feel shameful. I think one of the really
Speaker 1: important things is I always say that. I never blame
Speaker 1: my mother, and I never think any of this was
Speaker 1: her fault. She grew up in a household with a
Speaker 1: mother who died. This is normal. This is just what
Speaker 1: she thought was normal. She was doing this protect me
Speaker 1: and love me. So my mother knows with everything that
Speaker 1: I talked about, it's not ever coming from a place
Speaker 1: of she did this to me. Look what my mom
Speaker 1: did to me, she hurt me. It's coming from a
Speaker 1: place of I started to recognize this pattern in my family,
Speaker 1: this vicious mother daughter diet cycle. I noticed it, I
Speaker 1: stopped it, and I take action now to help others.
Speaker 1: So my mother and I have a very beautiful relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we'll ever see eye to eye
Speaker 1: on food in our body, but either way, she knows
Speaker 1: that what I'm doing right now is to help other people,
Speaker 1: and her relations ship with food in her body that's
Speaker 1: up to her right now, and she knows I'm here
Speaker 1: to support her with whatever she needs. That's awesome. And
Speaker 1: I also want to know from a business point of view,
Speaker 1: you know, five years ago or so, we weren't calling
Speaker 1: out what we're seeing now. We were defining health very
Speaker 1: similarly to how you did in the beginning of the
Speaker 1: post that Amy read as working out and discipline, and
Speaker 1: now a lot of that's brought to light. Have you
Speaker 1: found that mothers are really eager to fix their relationship
Speaker 1: to food, not just for themselves, but because they've got
Speaker 1: this motivator of having a daughter or a child. In general,
Speaker 1: every single person who has applied to work with me
Speaker 1: has most likely had one event take place, whether they
Speaker 1: noticed their child standing behind them as they stood on
Speaker 1: the scale, whether they saw themselves in the mirror while
Speaker 1: they were picking apart their body, or their kid asked,
Speaker 1: and you know, why can't you lick the brownie matter spoon? Mom? Like,
Speaker 1: let's make brownies or whatever, counting almonds, whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: There's one event that happens when all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: this lights up and they realize, similar to how I did,
Speaker 1: this is my mother. I'm being my mother right now.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of passing down this diet cycle. How do
Speaker 1: I stop this? Now? I think that's just really cool
Speaker 1: because you've got this outside motivator that's living and breathing
Speaker 1: outside of you, and every day you wake up wanting
Speaker 1: to do a little bit better, not just for yourself,
Speaker 1: so that's super cool to me. I think whether people
Speaker 1: have kids or not, all of this is just how
Speaker 1: do you want to live life? How do you want
Speaker 1: to show up for others? I mean, sure, we want
Speaker 1: to focus right now on you know, I'm a mom,
Speaker 1: so I want to know how can I show up
Speaker 1: for my daughter, for my son? But if you're not
Speaker 1: a parent, how can you show up better for your friends,
Speaker 1: for your significant other? What events or parties are you
Speaker 1: missing out on? What family recipes are you not tasting
Speaker 1: because you have anxiety around the food and you don't
Speaker 1: want to touch it. What's one of the first things
Speaker 1: that you have clients do to maybe help break some
Speaker 1: of that. Because Lisa has been a huge part of
Speaker 1: encouraging me in my new way of thinking and ditching
Speaker 1: old things. So I even posted something the other day
Speaker 1: like I specifically bought a muffin that was made with
Speaker 1: wheat flour and it was not gluten free. It had
Speaker 1: all the things and I saw it, I bought it,
Speaker 1: I ate it and it was awesome, and I just
Speaker 1: didn't know, like, what advice do you have for moms
Speaker 1: when it comes to making memories? But again, if you're
Speaker 1: listening to this, it could also just apply to insert
Speaker 1: whatever your role is in someone's life, what is something
Speaker 1: you encourage them to go do to kind of be
Speaker 1: a rebel in a sense, but that's also going to
Speaker 1: keep them in check. Yeah. The first thing we always
Speaker 1: do is we go through kind of the diet and
Speaker 1: the food rules, because these are the things that you've
Speaker 1: been living on for so long. Like you said, with
Speaker 1: the glue and like you went out and you got
Speaker 1: a real muffin, wasn't glue and free? Whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: So the first thing we do is we identify the
Speaker 1: food rules and we learn how to bring back those
Speaker 1: foods in. We don't do it all at once because
Speaker 1: for a lot of us, there are so many food rules.
Speaker 1: Maybe we're dairy free, gloom free, you know, we're not
Speaker 1: having oil, we're vegan, whatever it may be, because this
Speaker 1: is what health has told us. I had air quotes there,
Speaker 1: But what I'm trying to say is that we start
Speaker 1: by adding in one of those forbidden foods. And for
Speaker 1: a lot of my moms, it's usually carves. The idea
Speaker 1: of adding in carves, and I'm talking about like your starchy,
Speaker 1: weak carves is horrifying. You've been told all your life
Speaker 1: not to have these for weight lost purposes, for health purposes.
Speaker 1: So we really start by how can we add these
Speaker 1: carbs in and actually be really in tune of our
Speaker 1: body and notice some of the differences. A lot of
Speaker 1: my clients will say things like, I have my energy
Speaker 1: back to play with my kids. I have the ability
Speaker 1: to go for a long walk with my kids without
Speaker 1: being burnt out. And I think for them, the biggest
Speaker 1: thing that they want to see is that they can
Speaker 1: be present and show up with their kids. And it's
Speaker 1: crazy how much carbs can do that for us, especially
Speaker 1: when you've been living a life on low carb diets.
Speaker 1: I loves Yeah. I was waiting for Lisa a pipe
Speaker 1: in with how important carbs are, and that is it
Speaker 1: is a good point. I'm doing a lot of therapy
Speaker 1: right now and again just trying to be the best
Speaker 1: mom that I can be. And in a couple of
Speaker 1: the parenting books and stuff that I'm working through, one
Speaker 1: of the number one things that they stress is if
Speaker 1: you want to show up for your kids in whatever
Speaker 1: way possible, you need be taking care of yourself because
Speaker 1: you have to be able to stay calm and firm,
Speaker 1: and if you're irritable because you need some carbs, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to stay calm and firm, and
Speaker 1: your kids aren't gonna feel the safest they possibly can
Speaker 1: around you because you're gonna be on edge, or like
Speaker 1: you already are on edge, because I know so many
Speaker 1: of us just didn't allow ourselves carves or whatever it
Speaker 1: is that you might be depriving yourself of. But like
Speaker 1: Lisa will attest to, carbs are super important thing that
Speaker 1: our bodies need to function properly. I mean, the hangar,
Speaker 1: the hungry and angry combo when you're parenting is very
Speaker 1: very hard. And if you are hungry and if you're
Speaker 1: missing out on those carbs, that hangar is gonna come
Speaker 1: in really hard and it's not gonna, as you were saying,
Speaker 1: you're gonna not make like very sound decisions at that time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And my favorite thing about carbs not that anyone asked me,
Speaker 1: but that's just so immediate. They give you immediately what
Speaker 1: you need and I'm just like thank you, you know,
Speaker 1: just just I ask and you give, and it's just
Speaker 1: to be a full thing. I'm picking uPAR your Instagram
Speaker 1: right now, but this is just too fitting for me
Speaker 1: to not bring it up. On one of your other
Speaker 1: blue post it notes, it said, mom, tip, carbs don't
Speaker 1: make you fat, they keep you sane. You are not
Speaker 1: failing the diet by adding in carbs, you are nourishing yourself.
Speaker 1: And literally I just scrolled upon that as we were
Speaker 1: talking about this. I didn't even plan to say that,
Speaker 1: but it's so true. I feel like the nineties are
Speaker 1: kind of fat free. But then when by the time
Speaker 1: I was in college, actually my senior year of high school,
Speaker 1: I was doing Atkins, then the South Beach Diet, then
Speaker 1: probably back to Atkins. So like everything, we just were raised.
Speaker 1: If you're around my age of thirty nine, not you,
Speaker 1: but like listeners, we were such a no carb, low
Speaker 1: carb lifestyle, and now with Keto, for example, the whole
Speaker 1: low carb thing is being pushed out again. So it's
Speaker 1: how can we teach people that we actually need carbs
Speaker 1: is your body's preferred source of energy, They'll keep you sane,
Speaker 1: and just watch the difference that it makes in your
Speaker 1: headspace when you actually enjoy the foods. Dr Joshua is
Speaker 1: on the podcast in season one, and he made an
Speaker 1: excellent point that when we are super stressed out about
Speaker 1: eating something it's actually worse for our body than if
Speaker 1: we would actually just eat it. So I just always
Speaker 1: find that it's it's like an interesting way to remind
Speaker 1: people that just because you have, like you were saying
Speaker 1: early on your life, you're being applauded for self control,
Speaker 1: and but I'm sure certain things would stress you out,
Speaker 1: but nobody is inside seeing what's really going on in
Speaker 1: your body, and had you enjoyed the graduation party or
Speaker 1: eating the food, that may have been better for you.
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say that's such a good point,
Speaker 1: because in the inside I was so angry, Like when
Speaker 1: I think back to times when I died, it was
Speaker 1: probably the angriest points of my life. But on the outside,
Speaker 1: it's as you said, like she has willpower, she has disciplined,
Speaker 1: look how good she is, and you're rewarded for this
Speaker 1: really negative behavior as you're having this whole internal debate
Speaker 1: inside of you as well, so nobody sees what's going
Speaker 1: on inside, and it's just crippling and it's miserable. And
Speaker 1: when you get out diet mindset, just the feeling of
Speaker 1: peace and freedom and to have all the stress away
Speaker 1: from making all those decisions, to just I'm going to
Speaker 1: eat this food and nourish myself and move on. Is
Speaker 1: just it's unbelievable. So some parents I know listening might
Speaker 1: have a child who classifies as overweight or has gained
Speaker 1: weight in a short amount of time. Similar to how
Speaker 1: when you were I think you said ten years old
Speaker 1: and you went to the doctor. So some parents are
Speaker 1: dealing with the fact that the doctor said that the
Speaker 1: child is overweight or weighing too much for their age,
Speaker 1: on top of the fact that the child is starting
Speaker 1: to have low self esteem, and the parents might be
Speaker 1: really worried that the child's going to get bullied, and
Speaker 1: they want to help their child, but they don't know
Speaker 1: how all the medical professionals, the doctors are telling them
Speaker 1: that the child needs to lose weight. How would you
Speaker 1: talk to those moms about how to be a good
Speaker 1: example for their daughter or child. So there's a few
Speaker 1: things I always say. If your doctors make you feel ncomfortable,
Speaker 1: it's really important that you research. You asked for help
Speaker 1: looking for some kind of weight neutral or non diet doctor.
Speaker 1: If your doctor every time you go is making you
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable, then that's not a great person to go to.
Speaker 1: But it's really important as parents to lead by example,
Speaker 1: to show them that at any body size, whether you
Speaker 1: are in a smaller body size than your child or
Speaker 1: even a larger body size, that you can enjoy all foods,
Speaker 1: that you can appreciate your body in the mirror, and
Speaker 1: that you can get dressed without stress. I also think
Speaker 1: another thing I always promote is having these open conversations.
Speaker 1: If your child comes home one day and says something,
Speaker 1: whether it's from the pediatrician or it's from somebody at school,
Speaker 1: you know, somebody called me fat, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: having that conversation with your child, you know, what does
Speaker 1: fat mean to you? What do you think was going on?
Speaker 1: Asking these really big, open ended questions that kind of
Speaker 1: dive deeper to show your child that these aren't necessarily
Speaker 1: negative things. How we can be healthy at every size.
Speaker 1: But it is really hard nowadays because there's bullying, and
Speaker 1: because there's doctors who don't promote this idea that we
Speaker 1: can be healthy at every size. So it's really important
Speaker 1: that we lead by example and we create this atmosphere
Speaker 1: in our home that accepts our children at any shape
Speaker 1: and size. I'm glad you asked that question, list, because
Speaker 1: that is super important for parents to be able to
Speaker 1: address if it does happen, or maybe if it's already happened,
Speaker 1: they can go revisit it. What are like for me
Speaker 1: my daughter that's thirteen, I know that the first year
Speaker 1: and a half or so that she was here, I
Speaker 1: feel like now I have some undoing to do because
Speaker 1: of how rigid I was, and I would use label
Speaker 1: food good and I would label food bad. Have you
Speaker 1: found once you work with moms and they redirect how
Speaker 1: they speak and they're rewiring their own brains, is there
Speaker 1: anything that is particularly beneficial out of the gate to
Speaker 1: like make sure they're doing with their kids to undo
Speaker 1: some of the damage. Because my daughter is super smart,
Speaker 1: so she never bought into my crap, But I wonder
Speaker 1: if sometimes there's still things lingering in her head or
Speaker 1: even my son, because they'll say, oh, Mom, you don't
Speaker 1: eat ice cream? What? And now I have I Had's
Speaker 1: almost like I have to convince them, yes, Mom eats
Speaker 1: ice cream. Now it's totally fine. But I don't know
Speaker 1: if there's something else I can do to kind of
Speaker 1: undo the damage. I think you're doing everything right. It
Speaker 1: always starts with the language. So before you were labeling
Speaker 1: things as good verse bad. It's really important now that
Speaker 1: you use very neutral language. As I always say, and
Speaker 1: apple is not good in oreo is not bad. They
Speaker 1: have different nutrient components to them, but they're both neutral foods.
Speaker 1: So it's really leading by example. It's taking your old
Speaker 1: food rules and kind of crossing them out. If you
Speaker 1: never kept an apple and oreo on your plate at
Speaker 1: the same time, maybe this is the time that you
Speaker 1: combine those foods on your plate. This is the time
Speaker 1: when you get rid of the good verse bad food
Speaker 1: rules and the mindset that you have with it. I
Speaker 1: think the first step is really working on your language,
Speaker 1: and I don't think it's necessarily the idea of undoing
Speaker 1: what we've done, but now teaching them that we can
Speaker 1: change too. As adults. We can pick up when we've
Speaker 1: done something that may have not been the best for
Speaker 1: our health and may have affected our kids, but we're
Speaker 1: going to change our behaviors. We're going to change our language,
Speaker 1: We're going to change our action around that so that
Speaker 1: we can lead by example and show them. So even
Speaker 1: if our kids are making fun of us, are saying
Speaker 1: you don't eat that or that kind of thing, you
Speaker 1: can let them know that you're change doing your relationship
Speaker 1: with food in your body. You're going to start eating
Speaker 1: these things now because you want to show them that
Speaker 1: all these foods belong on your plate. And I think
Speaker 1: that's like the most admirable thing as well, is when
Speaker 1: we can see our parents changing and realize that they're
Speaker 1: human too, that they're doing these things not just for themselves,
Speaker 1: but also for us to be the best role models.
Speaker 1: I love that. I think that's going to be helpful
Speaker 1: for a lot of people listening. Again, even if you
Speaker 1: don't have kids, you may need to just change the
Speaker 1: language and conversation with yourself and give yourself that grace
Speaker 1: and understanding. And I like the encouragement you just gave
Speaker 1: me of like, I don't need to undo it. I
Speaker 1: I can also lead by example that people can change.
Speaker 1: And this is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate that everything
Speaker 1: that's happened to us our learning experiences, even if it's
Speaker 1: kind of the worst situation, whether it's with food or
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, we learn from that, we change
Speaker 1: our habits from that, and that's how we're kind of
Speaker 1: a role model. But the other thing I see a
Speaker 1: lot too is I have people who come to me
Speaker 1: who aren't parents yet, but they're afraid of continuing that
Speaker 1: vicious cycle. So whether you're a mom or you're not
Speaker 1: a mom, you can start to pick up on these
Speaker 1: is now and learn how to change the behavior for
Speaker 1: your kids or even your future kids. I love that,
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad that we found each other on
Speaker 1: the internet and now you can bring all of this
Speaker 1: great information to our listeners who are just going to
Speaker 1: love it. So where can we find you? So you
Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram It's Gabby con dot r D.
Speaker 1: Or you can find me on my website which is
Speaker 1: method nutrition dot com. And we'll put all of that
Speaker 1: in the show notes. Thank you so much for your time,
Speaker 1: and we're so excited for this great episode to get
Speaker 1: out there. Yeah, Gabby, thank you so much. Thank you
Speaker 1: for having me