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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast

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Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue.

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Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome back to Unbreakable, a mental

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Speaker 1: health podcast with Jay Glazer. I am Jay Glazer and

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Speaker 1: joining me today is you know, one of the reasons

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Speaker 1: I've wrote our book Unbreakable and while I'm doing this

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Speaker 1: podcast because I needed more teammates. I needed people that

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Speaker 1: I could walk this walk together with to get myself

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Speaker 1: through the gray to see more blue. And it's been

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Speaker 1: just beautiful the outpouring of these new teammates who've all

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Speaker 1: gone through things, we've all overcome things, and one in

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Speaker 1: particular here when I was gone in Thailand on my

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Speaker 1: mental health journey, I would asked for some of my teammates, Hey,

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Speaker 1: people I dodn't know, Hey, can you guys send videos

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Speaker 1: in because I don't want my feet to just go

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Speaker 1: dark and talk about some of your own stories and

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Speaker 1: some of the things you've been through and how you

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Speaker 1: could lift others up with your own story. And this

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Speaker 1: is one of those. Men's Anthony Migliori. Anthony, welcome to

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Speaker 1: the show. Brother. How are you, ma'am? I'm good, Jay,

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. So it's incredible that you know,

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Speaker 1: again this is mental health and feels so lonely, but

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Speaker 1: yet you and I would never have met, and we

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Speaker 1: haven't met. This is the first time we've ever we've

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Speaker 1: ever really talked besides just you know, texting back and forth.

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Speaker 1: So this is the first time we've ever met and

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Speaker 1: we've ever talked. But that's where mental health, even though

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Speaker 1: it keeps us feeling lonely at times, we really are

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Speaker 1: connected now by a common thing. So I appreciate you

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Speaker 1: joining me. Thanks man, and thanks for giving not only

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Speaker 1: me but everyone an outlet. UM. You make it so

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Speaker 1: easy for us to you know, compare ourselves to you

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Speaker 1: and to uplift ourselves through your journey. UM, you just

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Speaker 1: you inspire all of us. And I felt that I

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Speaker 1: had to make that video when you were asking um

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Speaker 1: to build a team. I felt it was a great

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Speaker 1: opportunity for me to share my story as a caregiver

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Speaker 1: and a son and a good friend and family member

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Speaker 1: as well. UM, I just wanted to share my story

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Speaker 1: and maybe help bring you out of any gray areas

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Speaker 1: you have and any of any others that are listening

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Speaker 1: the same mindset. You know, we want to be in

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Speaker 1: the blue. Yeah, I appreciate that. So I want you

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Speaker 1: to tell us your story, tell us why you're here,

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Speaker 1: no doubt. So I am thirty three years old, but

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Speaker 1: we were born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My dad Joe, my mom,

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Speaker 1: my late mom, Gina, and I'm an only child. So

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Speaker 1: we moved out here to California in two thousand three. Um,

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Speaker 1: in order for my dad to have a better life

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Speaker 1: as far as weather goes. UM, he had some family

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Speaker 1: out here that flew us to a thousand Oaks for

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Speaker 1: a vacation in I was ten years old. I thought

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Speaker 1: it was a hot shot, come to California, and they say,

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Speaker 1: when you graduate eighth grade in two thousand three, we're

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Speaker 1: moving to California. And I was devastated because it was

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Speaker 1: entirely new for me. But I knew I had to

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Speaker 1: sacrifice something in order for my dad to have a

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Speaker 1: better life. Well, no, now, back up, will you you're

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Speaker 1: because you're you're bury the leader. You're saying, order for

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Speaker 1: my dad, I have a better life. We don't know

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Speaker 1: what your dad's going through, so back up, back up

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Speaker 1: here and tell us why. Well, he's been suffering from

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Speaker 1: a LS for thirty three years, my entire three years.

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Speaker 1: Thirty three years, Yes, and it's only a three to

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Speaker 1: five year disease based on progressions that other patients have. Um,

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Speaker 1: but my dad is a miracle. He continues the battle.

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Speaker 1: He continues the fight, and his progression is extremely slow.

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Speaker 1: And I like to think that the weather out here

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Speaker 1: has something to do with it and my caretaking ability

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Speaker 1: and um, just you know, improving his quality of life.

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Speaker 1: And that is mental. You know, he has mental battles

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Speaker 1: as well. So I'm not only juggling my own, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm helping him with his two So it's a constant battle.

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Speaker 1: And you see a thirty three years, How old are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty three, So since you're born, that's when you're

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Speaker 1: when in relation to your birth? Where's your father diagnosed

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Speaker 1: after my Well, my parents are married in five and

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Speaker 1: they had me in eighty nine. He was diagnosed in nine. Wow? Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: How much faculties does he have? Physically? His manual dexterity's

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Speaker 1: pretty much gone. Um, he has to walk with a walker.

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Speaker 1: He's able to take a few steps. I wheel him

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Speaker 1: around in his wheelchair and then um, he's able to

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Speaker 1: like use his handicap. He has like bars that he

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Speaker 1: can grab onto and he's able to move around slowly

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Speaker 1: in like the bathroom or what have you. But I'm

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Speaker 1: constantly next to him holding him, grabbing and make sure

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Speaker 1: he doesn't lose balance. And uh, we pretty much slow

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Speaker 1: dance all day. But that's it's incredible that he has

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Speaker 1: a l and he's still he's able to move right

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Speaker 1: because there are pretty three years later. Yeah, they're different

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Speaker 1: forms and everyone has a different and he's able to chew,

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Speaker 1: he's able to swallow, eat food, drink water. Um, things

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Speaker 1: are compromised. It's harder for him, and he's able to

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Speaker 1: do it. He's able to talk. He sleeps with a

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Speaker 1: breathing machine. So you're full time job has always just

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Speaker 1: have been. Yeah, Well, in two thousand and sixteen, I

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Speaker 1: had to quit my job and quit going to school

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Speaker 1: because my grandfather passed away and he was living here

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Speaker 1: helping us, um, you know, allowing me to go to

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Speaker 1: school and work. He would take the brunt of everything.

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Speaker 1: But he was eighty nine and his time right now. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so he he had been helping, but now it's just

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Speaker 1: us because my mom also two thousand seven, she passed away.

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Speaker 1: So it's it's been an uphill climb for the two

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Speaker 1: of us. UM, But I have great support around me

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Speaker 1: and friends that are local and families back east. But

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Speaker 1: they still are a great support system for me. And

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Speaker 1: we just take one day at a time literally. So

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Speaker 1: you're with him, You're yeah, he's in the living room

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Speaker 1: right now, playing a video game, watching YouTube, and catching

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Speaker 1: up on some fantasy football stuff, so he stays busy.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back to this now, talk about a

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Speaker 1: level of love you have for each other. Growing up,

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Speaker 1: it was only me and my mom really, because she

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Speaker 1: would take care of my dad. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: was not like blind to everything going on. I definitely

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Speaker 1: knew that he had an ailment and he was going

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Speaker 1: through a disease, and I was aware of all those

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Speaker 1: things growing up. But seeing other dads around and seeing um,

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Speaker 1: you know, playing basketball having a catch, I didn't get

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Speaker 1: to do all those things with him. I had to

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Speaker 1: do it with my mom. So now that I'm just

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Speaker 1: with him and it's me and him every day, and

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Speaker 1: it's been like this since two thousands seven, our relationship

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Speaker 1: and bond has gotten so much stronger. UM. Not that

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Speaker 1: it wasn't in the beginning, but me as a child,

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Speaker 1: I didn't really understand everything. And now that's just me

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Speaker 1: and him, and we've been able to share stories and

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Speaker 1: and love and you know, ups and downs of life.

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Speaker 1: We can relate to each other and that has grown

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Speaker 1: our bond together and allowed us to, you know, step

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Speaker 1: into a new level of a relationship. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's because I'm in my thirties now and you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm a man now, and he's able to relate to

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Speaker 1: that and see how I've grown and he can compare

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Speaker 1: to how he's grown, and that's that's huge for us.

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Speaker 1: How do you guys support yourself? Well, he gets disability

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Speaker 1: and pension, which comes out to like a month, and

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Speaker 1: then um our rent is sevent and I have a roommate,

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Speaker 1: a best friend that loves with me, and he gives

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Speaker 1: me a six hundred a month for rent. So I

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Speaker 1: mean we scraped by. I don't have a job. This

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Speaker 1: is my full time gig. I'm not able to get

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Speaker 1: paid from the government or the state because he makes

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Speaker 1: too much money because he makes too much money on disability. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what they say, So we don't we don't call.

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Speaker 1: I don't qualify for a program um unless it dives

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Speaker 1: into his social security, which we we don't want, so

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Speaker 1: we just struggle. So how do you find your way

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Speaker 1: to the blue? Well? I wake up every day and

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Speaker 1: I hate to say this, but I dread when he

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Speaker 1: wakes up and I because I know that's when I

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Speaker 1: start my job. You know. I have to make the coffee,

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Speaker 1: make his his breakfast, to get him showered, washed and dressed,

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Speaker 1: and that's like nine thirty and I'm done at noon,

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Speaker 1: and then from noon to four I have some free time,

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Speaker 1: but I'm constantly hey, do you have do you need

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Speaker 1: to change? Do you need a drink? You want to snack?

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Speaker 1: So it's constantly checking on him every hour or so,

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Speaker 1: and I make dinner. Let round five, six o'clock, I

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Speaker 1: feed him. It takes another hour or two hours, and

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Speaker 1: we watched some TV sports movies. You have to feed him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do everything for him, and then by nine o'clock

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Speaker 1: I get him ready for bed and he's in bed

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Speaker 1: at ten and I have some free time again from

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Speaker 1: like ten to midnight, and I listen to music, I

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Speaker 1: play video games. I watched movies. I have to do

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Speaker 1: everything that a homebody would, you know, embrace um it's

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Speaker 1: very hard for this um time of my life to

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Speaker 1: be like locked in. You get to see everyone else

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Speaker 1: having careers and they have their kids and their families,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know when I'll have that time, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know when he'll be able to see me

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Speaker 1: have that time, and that kind of hurts me. But

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Speaker 1: I have to embrace this time now with him because

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Speaker 1: you know he's not gonna be here for ever and

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Speaker 1: I know that, and I just try and make every

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Speaker 1: day like as best I can for him, because if

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Speaker 1: he has a good day, then I have a good day,

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Speaker 1: and you know that it always goes hand in hand

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Speaker 1: no matter what. And if he has a bad day,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't sleep well, he wakes up on the wrong

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Speaker 1: side like in the gray, then I at the battle

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Speaker 1: with him. So but I want you to answer my

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Speaker 1: question because you gotta find ways to the blue. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what do you do? Like I said, the video games, music, movies,

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Speaker 1: just alone time I go outside my backyard kind of sucks,

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Speaker 1: but I have a pull up bar, I have some

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Speaker 1: free weights, Um, I have a basketball net outside, some exercise. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course, music, which is kind of me for ye,

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Speaker 1: anything that will make me feel good. I know that

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Speaker 1: brings me joy. I know I eat what I want. Um.

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Speaker 1: I don't drink alcohol. I don't. I don't look to

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Speaker 1: things to bring me down. I don't run away from things.

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Speaker 1: I always fight them head on. And I always tell

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Speaker 1: people around me that I'm going through a tough time.

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Speaker 1: Help me out, how do we get through this? But

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Speaker 1: it's hard for me to project that on my dad

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Speaker 1: because if he knows that I'm not having a good day,

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Speaker 1: then it's hard for him to control his emotions due

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Speaker 1: to a l s so whole. But really feel that

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Speaker 1: like I'm a burden. I feel guilty, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want him to feel that way. My intention, I just

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Speaker 1: want you to know that I'm having a hard time.

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Speaker 1: So you know, I wrote a chapter in the book

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Speaker 1: about being a service, being of service. So dude, if

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Speaker 1: there's ever a guy who's of service, it's you. And

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Speaker 1: I hope you could realize that. I hope you could

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Speaker 1: see yourself and no, because being of service gets us

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Speaker 1: to the blue and I hope, I really hope you're

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Speaker 1: able to love yourself up and go, Yeah, I am

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Speaker 1: the ultimate being of service, dude. It does. And when

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Speaker 1: I'm able to share my story and share videos of

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Speaker 1: how I'm I'm taking care of him and the things

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Speaker 1: that we go through. It brings me joy because I

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Speaker 1: know other people are relating to it. And if they

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Speaker 1: see that and they see, hey, just a thirty three

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Speaker 1: year old kid is handling all this ship. If I

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Speaker 1: can do it, then you can do it. And of

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Speaker 1: course that makes me feel good. That's why I want

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Speaker 1: to be on this pot and share the love because

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Speaker 1: we're not alone. We're definitely never alone. Give me a

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Speaker 1: moment where, again I don't know how he can a talk.

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Speaker 1: Yeah he's talk you can talk about it. Give me

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Speaker 1: a moment where he is showing gratitude to you. Every

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Speaker 1: well not every night, but some nights when I put

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Speaker 1: his mask on and I you know, I roll him

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Speaker 1: over in his bed ole look at me and say

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Speaker 1: I love you, and he knows that everything I do

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Speaker 1: during the day is for him, and he feels that

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Speaker 1: because I do everything with love. I try not to

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Speaker 1: get upset and angry when he now has an accident

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Speaker 1: or he needs something at a crucial time when I'm

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Speaker 1: in the middle of something, or you know, I have

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Speaker 1: to just know to put my pride to the side

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Speaker 1: just for a second, and you know it's okay because

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Speaker 1: it has to get better. It's only temporary, these bad feelings,

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Speaker 1: and I know that, and it will get better because

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Speaker 1: it has to. I think it's look, and I've said

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Speaker 1: this a lot, like my wallet is not an antidepressant, right.

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Speaker 1: I think they love you too, have for each other

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Speaker 1: makes you one of the richest people I know, just

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Speaker 1: the soul. I feel like I have a lot of

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Speaker 1: experience in dealing with I don't want to say depression

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Speaker 1: or but I do shitty things, bad things. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: there's there's a difference a lot of times between depression

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Speaker 1: and problems. You have problems things, you have a shitty circumstance,

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Speaker 1: no doubt. Yeah, I just try and make the most

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Speaker 1: of it because if I'm constantly, you know, dwelling every

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Speaker 1: day or in the dumps every day, it's just gonna

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Speaker 1: be the reality of my life is just I'm in

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Speaker 1: the dumps. But it's not. It could always be worse.

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Speaker 1: And I know that because I look around and I

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Speaker 1: see things that are worse, and I tell my dad, looked,

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Speaker 1: we can have it so much worse. What if we

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Speaker 1: were in Florida, God forbid all those people you know,

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Speaker 1: if we were stuck in a hurricane and we couldn't

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Speaker 1: get out. He can't swim or move. Wow, it's something

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Speaker 1: I couldn't even fathom. So like all those people, because

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Speaker 1: they have something to deal with, and maybe they see

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Speaker 1: this video and relate that, Hey, it's always greener on

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Speaker 1: the other side. Give me a thing that you and

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Speaker 1: your dad have had to overcome that. You know, I

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Speaker 1: could have almost broke you, but didn't. You came through

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Speaker 1: the other side. Definitely. The passing of my mom and

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Speaker 1: his wife um in two thousand seven, that was so unexpected.

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Speaker 1: It was lung cancer, and she was diagnosed and gone

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Speaker 1: within a year, and she was a smoker, heavy cigarette smoker,

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Speaker 1: and she had worked three jobs. She stressed, UM all

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Speaker 1: for us, you know, she just wanted us to have

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Speaker 1: a good life. And the plan was always for it

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Speaker 1: to be just me and her, because we thought he

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Speaker 1: was going to pass two to five years in and

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Speaker 1: I was a kid expecting this and you know, I

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Speaker 1: go in my whole life and he's still here, He's

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Speaker 1: still standing, and it's a wonderful thing in a way.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, I wish she could have

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Speaker 1: been here to see, you know, us grow and continue

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Speaker 1: to flourish together. But I think she still is. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for sure, she definitely lives within with inside me because

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to do this by myself, and

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Speaker 1: she set all the groundwork and gave me all the

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Speaker 1: tools to you know, take care of him a certain way,

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Speaker 1: and he's very particular and I noticed all those things

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Speaker 1: just year after year growing up. Are you proud of yourself?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely good? Yeah. Like, man, I wouldn't have you on

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Speaker 1: the show if you were like, I have you on

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Speaker 1: because you're one of the most selfless people I will

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Speaker 1: come across my life. I think the story it's just incredible.

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Speaker 1: And I mean I'm not I'm not that selfless. It's

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Speaker 1: incredible to meet somebody like you because you lift me

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Speaker 1: up by your story. That's that's my job is to

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Speaker 1: uplift others and to give me the opportunity to come

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Speaker 1: on and talk to you and spread the story is

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Speaker 1: all I really wanted. So as long as we can

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Speaker 1: continue to bring awareness towards a LS and you know

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Speaker 1: that I'm not the only one fight ing or or

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Speaker 1: grinding these days. It's um, it's all of us and

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Speaker 1: the ones that have a little compromise in their life,

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Speaker 1: they just go through it a little harder. So to

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Speaker 1: be a helping hand for him is gonna reward me

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Speaker 1: in the long run, is what I always tell myself.

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Speaker 1: Are you able to have a social life or dating life? No?

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Speaker 1: Not really? Um, my social life if if I'm able

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Speaker 1: to have my friends come over and watch my dad

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Speaker 1: for a few hours, I can get out. Um, but

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Speaker 1: I like to go out with my friends. So if

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Speaker 1: my friends are stuck here with my dad, then I

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Speaker 1: usually just like to just hang with with the crew

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Speaker 1: at the house. We have three TVs, we watch all

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Speaker 1: the games. It's a little sports bar here. So you know,

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Speaker 1: you have people that come over with your house, you've

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Speaker 1: turned your house and to hang out. Yep, pretty much right,

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Speaker 1: So that goes a long way for not only me,

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Speaker 1: but for him because he gets to be social and

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Speaker 1: not just stuck behind these walls. Yeah, because he doesn't

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Speaker 1: get out much. But that's resilience also, that's that's taking

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Speaker 1: something saying, Okay, we have a horrible situation. How do

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Speaker 1: we turn it into something cool? Right? Right, so we're

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Speaker 1: never stuck. We're never stuck at a dead end. You

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Speaker 1: definitely could have looked at this like it was a

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Speaker 1: dead end and you did instead you turn it a

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Speaker 1: little sports bar in your house. Love. Yeah, we had

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Speaker 1: to do that. We had to bring some excitement here

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Speaker 1: to the house because, like I said, he doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to go out ever, Like if I bring him outside,

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Speaker 1: it's just to sit in the sun for a couple

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Speaker 1: of minutes, or if he has a doctor appointment, I'll

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Speaker 1: take him there of course. But um, not going out

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Speaker 1: to lunch. We're not going out to dinner. Everything's brought home.

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Speaker 1: And if my friends are like, hey, you and Dad hungry,

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Speaker 1: I'll bring over food, We'll bring over dinner, We'll watch

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Speaker 1: the games. And that's pretty much how the weekends go.

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Speaker 1: So my support system is huge. What we're in gran

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Speaker 1: out of hills in the San Fernando Valley. Yeah. How

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Speaker 1: could people help you if you want to help? How

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Speaker 1: could people help me if they want to help? Um,

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Speaker 1: I do have a go fund me. I have a

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Speaker 1: yearly annual fundraiser thrown by my friends. Um. All the

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Speaker 1: proceeds goes right towards me and my dad's livelihood, towards bills, groceries.

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Speaker 1: It's on my profile on my Instagram. Tell people that

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Speaker 1: is and also where where is the go fund me? Like,

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Speaker 1: how do we get to that? The go fund me

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Speaker 1: is on my Instagram profile. It's it's right there, pinned

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Speaker 1: on my on the top profile section. May or April

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Speaker 1: is usually when we have our fundraisers. Um, but I

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Speaker 1: keep I always keep it upen because people randomly will

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Speaker 1: support me and see my videos and just you know,

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Speaker 1: appreciate the enlightenment I bring them, And just that's what

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Speaker 1: I want to do for people. I know everyone's struggles

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Speaker 1: in this life, and we all have our own ship,

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Speaker 1: and mine always seems to be a little deeper than others.

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Speaker 1: And if they see me flourishing and you know, having

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Speaker 1: a smile on my face and I'm able to spread

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Speaker 1: that message, then I do it and it makes me

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Speaker 1: feel real good for others. Were beautiful soul, and I

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Speaker 1: hope everybody here is gonna be able to help. You know,

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Speaker 1: those who want to help want to be of service.

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Speaker 1: Please be of service to an You've got a nice

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Speaker 1: message goes a long way. And nice you know, as

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Speaker 1: it doesn't even have to be financial. It's just you know,

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Speaker 1: you put a smile on my face to touch my heart.

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Speaker 1: You know that that goes the longest way for me. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm making a financial donation, brother, and I appreciate you.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you being my teammate. I appreciate you being

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Speaker 1: my teammate and having me on today and Jay anytime

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Speaker 1: you need me or you're feeling like ship in the

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Speaker 1: morning or at night, it doesn't matter what time it is.

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Speaker 1: I always check my phone and I'm always a helping

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Speaker 1: hand for you. I appreciate it. Man. Hey, you never

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Speaker 1: know like people out there you think they're gray, leads

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Speaker 1: you to be isolating alone. And look at this relationship

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Speaker 1: it found for the two of us. Yeah, Anthony, I

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Speaker 1: appreciate your brother. I appreciate you. Thank you for walking

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Speaker 1: this walk together. Yeah, man, have a good week. I

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Speaker 1: love you, dude. Thanks, love you too, your brother.