1 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:14,160 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to another new episode of Couch 2 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,439 Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy. My name is Kat and 3 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,079 Speaker 1: I am the host. If you are new to the podcast, 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: and if you are new to couch Talks, it is 5 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy where I 6 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: answer questions that listeners y'all sent to me and you 7 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: can send this to Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast 8 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: dot com. Now, quick reminder before we get into the 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 1: episode today that although this is a podcast where I 10 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 1: am talking about mental health and I'm answering your questions, 11 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,520 Speaker 1: this does not and cannot be a substitute or try 12 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: to be a substitute for therapy itself, although it might 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: lead you to therapy and it might lead you to 14 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: talk about something new in therapy that you haven't yet. 15 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: So today is a little bit different because I'm going 16 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 1: to add to a question that came from a listener, 17 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 1: and I also am going to read an email that 18 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: I got from a listener because I just thought it 19 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: was really special and I appreciated it, and it was 20 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: about the episode that came out this past Monday. So 21 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: on I did an episode on orthorexia and some of 22 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 1: the fad diets that or I don't even know if 23 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: I should call them fad diets, just some of the 24 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: information out there about health and wellness and how that 25 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: can influence the development of orthorexia. So I did that 26 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: episode on Monday. If you have not listened to it, 27 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 1: I highly encourage you to listen to that one. And 28 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: then I got this email from a listener, and I 29 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: wanted to read this email because I thought it was helpful. 30 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: And if there is one thing that has definitely helped 31 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: me heal my own frustrations and feelings around my old quotes, lifestyle, 32 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: and my eating disorder. If you're new and don't know 33 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: a lot about me, I also struggled with an eating 34 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: disorder disordered eating exercise addiction, and I did have a 35 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: phase of orthorexia and all of that. And something that 36 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,240 Speaker 1: helped me heal from a lot of that and my 37 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 1: feelings around all of that is adopting the belief that 38 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: we get to decide what happiness means and feels like 39 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: for ourselves individually. So if you want to be on 40 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: the whole thirty for the rest of your life and 41 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: that gives you joy, and you can do that in 42 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,239 Speaker 1: a way that allows you to live a mentally well 43 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: life as well. Who am I to tell you that 44 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: you shouldn't do that, and who are you to tell 45 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: me that I should do that in order to live 46 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,920 Speaker 1: a happy life. Although I do want to put the 47 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: caveat as a mental health professional, it is my job 48 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,799 Speaker 1: to talk about their risks involved in those lifestyle and quotes, 49 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: changes and diets, and it's my job also to talk 50 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: about the difference between quality of life and how that 51 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: might rob certain areas of that. So there's more to 52 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: be said in that, But nevertheless, a large part in 53 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 1: creating that episode, why I wanted to do it, was 54 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: to explain how the verbiage of these programs makes us 55 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 1: feel like that is the way, and that is the light, 56 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: and that is the truth, and that is what we 57 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 1: should be doing in order to optimize our lives. And 58 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: that's just not always true, because it takes a lot 59 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: away from us at the same time sometimes, and I 60 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 1: know when I was in my eating disorder, I really 61 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 1: really did, like honestly think, and I don't think from 62 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: a bad place. It was from like an unwell place. 63 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 1: I wasn't healthy, and honestly, my brain wasn't working very well. 64 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: Because I wasn't feeding it. But I really did think 65 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: I was better than everyone, and I thought it was 66 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 1: healthier than everyone, and I was living a better life. 67 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: All of that, I had an extreme superiority complex. And 68 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: looking back, I know that that was birth out of fear, 69 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: and I know that that was birthed out of insecurity. 70 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: And so something I want to just encourage everyone with 71 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: is that different ways of living are allowed to work 72 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: for different people, even if they don't work for you, 73 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: even if they wouldn't be ideal for you. Not eating 74 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 1: gluten or eating gluten doesn't make you a better person. 75 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: It doesn't make you a worse person. But we have 76 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: to remember is the why behind your what? So why 77 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 1: wouldn't I be eating that? If I'm not eating gluten 78 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: because I'm afraid of it because of some fearmongering situation 79 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: from one of these diets are from an influencer, some 80 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: fake news situation, then there's something to talk about there. 81 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 1: And so I want to just help us kind of 82 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 1: gain back the power to make choices based on what 83 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: fits with how we want to live our lives, out 84 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 1: of the capacity to live our best lives versus live 85 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: our smallest, most regimented life. Now back to the email. 86 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,919 Speaker 1: I thought this was just very fitting in the email, 87 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 1: this specifically because of the episode. So I wanted to 88 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: share it with you all because I really enjoyed having 89 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: this shared with me, and I wanted to pass on 90 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: the love and the encouragement in these words. So here 91 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: is the email. I listened to your podcast that came 92 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: out today five thirty and then solve this post on 93 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: Facebook and thought it related to what you were saying, 94 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,719 Speaker 1: so I thought I would pass it along. It's titled 95 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: food for Thought. You can avoid alcohol, drugs, sugar, salt, wheat, dairy, 96 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: and carbohydrates your whole entire life. You can exercise, meditate, 97 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: focus half your day on your health. But if you 98 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: are swallowing your dreams, your ambitions, your regrets, your fears, 99 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: your desires, and your bitterness on a daily basis, you 100 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 1: will suffer, my friend, for nothing. Nothing rots the flesh 101 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: more than the negative emotions we rammed down our throats 102 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 1: on a daily basis. Food for thought, say your truths, 103 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 1: live your own way, be yourself except who you are, 104 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: except who others are too. Share your dreams on or 105 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: your desires, chase your ambitions or don't. Perhaps your ambition 106 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: is quite simply to be peaceful. Whatever it is you 107 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: choose to do, give yourself peace. It's the most healing 108 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: and rejuvenating path of them all. And that is from 109 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: Donna Ashworth, the right words, And I just really like 110 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: that because I really love the part that says, share 111 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: your dreams, on your desires, chase your ambitions, or don't. 112 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,600 Speaker 1: And I really like that because it reminds me of 113 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 1: the episode we did about like passion and Elizabeth Gilbert's 114 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: each and talk about the jackhammers and the hummingbirds and 115 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: how some of us like really like to like put 116 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: our head down and go forth and have this one 117 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: passion in life and some of us just like to 118 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 1: kind of float around and we need both. And so 119 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: this speaks to the fact that, like we need all 120 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,359 Speaker 1: kinds of people. And so what makes it feel like 121 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: you're being the most you versus what feels like we 122 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: are like shoving ourselves down deeper and deeper. And what 123 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: do we feel like we're doing to like be the 124 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: most accepted or do the right thing? Like the right 125 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 1: thing honestly when it comes to like fueling our bodies 126 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: is the one that makes us feel the best, and 127 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,600 Speaker 1: that might not be the same as somebody else. I mean, 128 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: that's just like actual science. But it feels good to 129 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: somebody is not necessarily going to feel good to somebody else, 130 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 1: and that changes as we grow too, Right, So like 131 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: the type of exercise I used to do might not 132 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 1: feel good on my body fifteen years later, and we 133 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,480 Speaker 1: are allowed to have space to change and move and 134 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 1: do something different. I'll link that episode that I'm talking about, 135 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:01,280 Speaker 1: the passion one from Elizabeth Gilbert's talk on hummingbirds and 136 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: the Jackhammers, because I thought that was a powerful episode 137 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 1: and I just love that whole thing that just Gilbert 138 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: came up with. So thank you so much for that email. 139 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. And now we're going to get 140 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: to the question for today. So here is the question. Hey, Kat, 141 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: I've been listening to your podcast for about a month 142 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: and I've really enjoyed it. My therapist was the one 143 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: who told me about your podcast, and she wanted me 144 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 1: to listen to your episode on breaking up with people Pleasing, 145 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,559 Speaker 1: which is amazing, and I've listened to about four hundred times. 146 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 1: My question to you is when do you know when 147 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: you don't need therapy anymore. I love my therapist, and 148 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: therapist saved my life, so I'm not stopping anytime soon. 149 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: But I'm just curious what it looks like when you 150 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,400 Speaker 1: don't need to go as much. The struggles I've had, 151 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm going to struggle with for the 152 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: rest of my life. So does that mean I need 153 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 1: to see a therapist every week for the rest of 154 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: my life? And I will also this cat. I will 155 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: also link that episode that breaking up with people Pleasing 156 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: that was when I did with my friend Aubrey and 157 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: she's awesome, so I'll link that as well. And I 158 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: love this question. And I'm pretty sure we've talked about 159 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: it before and that's okay, I don't remember when we did, 160 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 1: so I'm going to talk about this again because this 161 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: comes up a lot. This comes up in the questions 162 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: that you guys sent me, and this comes up in 163 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 1: my office all the time with my clients because yeah, legit, like, 164 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: how do I know when I need to stop therapy? 165 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: Am I going to have to go to therapy for 166 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: the rest of my life? I know that some people 167 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:33,439 Speaker 1: struggle with things like depression, anxiety, fears, all the different feelings, 168 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,960 Speaker 1: relationship issues, communication problems. We might have those the rest 169 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 1: of our lives because we're human beings. So does that 170 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: mean you have to go to therapy every day for 171 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: the rest of your life? Now this is different for everybody, 172 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 1: but I'm going to go ahead and say, like, the 173 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: answer isn't necessarily yes and it's not necessarily no. There 174 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: are some therapists that actually believe it's unethical to see somebody, 175 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 1: like a specific client for longer than three to five years, 176 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: And the argument there oftentimes is if they still need 177 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,199 Speaker 1: to see you for that long, than you aren't doing 178 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: your job and maybe they need somebody else or something else. 179 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: I don't really prescribe to that anymore, although I definitely 180 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 1: did when I started. I was like, I would never 181 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,680 Speaker 1: see somebody for longer than three years. I'm not doing 182 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: my job. I wouldn't be doing being a good therapist. Obviously, 183 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 1: I'm not helping them. I don't necessarily think that is 184 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: true now that I know more about therapy and how 185 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: it works, and I know more about the relational aspect 186 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: of it. I might see somebody for fifteen years throughout 187 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: my whole career. Maybe doesn't mean I'm gonna be seen 188 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,079 Speaker 1: them every week, but it might be a client that 189 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: I have maybe as long as they're alive or I'm working. 190 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: You can look at this a bunch of different ways. 191 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: I see mental health as something that should be worked 192 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 1: on and cared for, just like any other aspect of 193 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 1: your health. So if therapy is what you do to 194 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 1: care for your mental health, you might see a therapist 195 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: every week for your whole life, or you might see 196 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: a therapist once a month or every other week, or 197 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: however long you want to. Maybe you aren't talking about 198 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: what brought you into therapy anymore, but that's just probably 199 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: a good thing. As we grow and we move and 200 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,839 Speaker 1: we learn and we age, things change or in different relationships. 201 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: I mean, think about it. You might go to the 202 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: doctor for one thing and then five years later go 203 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,679 Speaker 1: back to the doctor for another. We're not gonna be 204 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: working on the same health issue when it comes to 205 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: our physical health, just like we might not be working 206 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,959 Speaker 1: on the same health issue based on our mental health. 207 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 1: Think about like the grieving process, and we might have 208 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 1: different things to grieve or as we go through different losses. 209 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: They could be job losses, loss of people in our lives, 210 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,839 Speaker 1: relational losses. Those shift and change. So, yeah, you might 211 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: go to therapy your whole life. You might even have 212 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:39,079 Speaker 1: the same therapist if that therapist is able to work 213 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,319 Speaker 1: with the thing that you're struggling with. So I might 214 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 1: have a therapist that comes in for let's say, and 215 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: eating disorder to make it simple, and maybe they heal 216 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: through that and they find some good recovery, and then 217 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: maybe five years later, they go through a specific trauma 218 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 1: that I don't have the tools and the expertise to 219 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:00,679 Speaker 1: care for, and so I might refer them to another 220 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: therapist for a period of time. They might see that 221 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 1: therapist for a little bit. They might then come back 222 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: to me. They then might take a break from therapy. 223 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 1: Who knows. It's whatever feels right to that person based 224 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 1: on them and the conversations they're having with whatever therapists 225 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 1: they're seeing. I really do think it's okay for somebody 226 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: to go to therapy for a period of time, do 227 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: some good work, and develop some tools that allow them 228 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: to go experience the world without a regular therapist. And 229 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 1: you can take the things that you learn from that 230 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,320 Speaker 1: that therapist and continue to work on your mental health 231 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: with those tools that you've learned and with other coping 232 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: skills that you've developed. I don't think therapy is the 233 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 1: only way to care for your mental health, although I 234 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 1: do believe there is definitely a difference between something being 235 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: therapeutic and something being therapy. That definitely is a whole 236 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,319 Speaker 1: of our conversation. I posted about it last week on Instagram, 237 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,680 Speaker 1: and it does fit here to talk about so cliff 238 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: notes version of that is, maybe I have a lot 239 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 1: of anxiety. So one of the things that I care 240 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: for myself and I do to help that is meditation, 241 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: and and maybe I take medication and maybe I work out. 242 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: Maybe those are some things that help me cope with 243 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 1: my anxiety. And those are really helpful, and those can 244 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 1: be very have very therapeutic qualities to them. Help calm 245 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: me down, help me think more rationally, help me just 246 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: slow things down, and help me stay more in my 247 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: lane of the quality of health that I want in 248 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: my life. Those things allow me to care for my 249 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: mental health. They don't actually involve me going to therapy. 250 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: Those aren't therapy. Therapy involves a lot more than that. 251 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: Doesn't mean they're not helpful, doesn't mean that therapy is 252 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: the only way. It doesn't mean that those are the 253 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 1: only way. But I think that there is definitely space 254 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: to say that somebody might go to therapy learn about 255 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: coping skills that they didn't know about, and then they 256 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: might not have to go back to therapy anymore. They 257 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: might not need it anymore. The argument also there is 258 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: that you might not need therapy, but you might want 259 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: to go and that's okay. So when you ask the 260 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 1: question like what does it look like when I don't 261 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: need to go to therapy as much? I think that's 262 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: one question, and then the other question is like when 263 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: do I know that I don't want to Because you 264 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 1: might not need to still see a weekly therapist, but 265 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: it's okay if you want to. Sometimes people come in 266 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: for something and it's very cute, and then they gain 267 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: some health and they gained some grounding and some footing, 268 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: they develop skills, and then they just like to come 269 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 1: in to process things that happen in their week, and 270 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: that's okay, And that's an individual decision that you get 271 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: to make, and you can make that also with your therapist, 272 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: which I do think that regardless of anything, bringing this 273 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: up with your therapist is super important. That way you 274 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: can be on the same page and talk about what 275 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 1: it feels like and what would feel right to you 276 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,199 Speaker 1: at the time. You might be able to take a 277 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,679 Speaker 1: break and then come back. I have plenty of clients 278 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: that I used to see weekly, Now I see him monthly, 279 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: or I might not see him for a couple of 280 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:44,679 Speaker 1: months or even a year. Then they might come in 281 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 1: for like four to six sessions, or they might come 282 00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:49,079 Speaker 1: back for a couple of months. And it's all relative. 283 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 1: It gets to be whatever you feel like you need 284 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: in conjunction with listening to what your therapist might offer 285 00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 1: us feedback. I'm somebody who doesn't tell my clients specifically 286 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: what they're going to need. That's not to say I 287 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: have not suggested, hey, let's try out every other week 288 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 1: to see what that feels like, to see if if 289 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: you still need me in the same capacity, or just 290 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: to help you practice your own skills. That's something I 291 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: might encourage if somebody is teetering more on the like 292 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 1: anxious side of like, I don't know what I would 293 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 1: do without you to help them gain some authority in 294 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 1: in their own life and autonomy. But again, it's all relative. 295 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: I think something you might want to look for and 296 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: feel for is when you start going to appointments regularly, 297 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: like this happens often, and you feel like you have 298 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 1: nothing to talk about. That's kind of a sign of Hey, 299 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: maybe I need to go a little less, or maybe 300 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: I want to try what it feels like to not go, 301 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 1: Or if you feel like you're going every week because 302 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 1: you don't want to upset your therapist or you don't 303 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: want to hurt your therapist feelings, that would be like, hey, 304 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: red flag, maybe you don't need to go as much 305 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: because or maybe honestly you do because that's some codependency, 306 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 1: but you need to be going, And I would hope 307 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: my clients are going for their benefit and not my 308 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: feelings to protect feelings. So all of that to say 309 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: is there's a lot to this, and it's a conversation 310 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 1: that I would definitely recommend anybody having with their therapist. 311 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 1: Whether that's in the beginning, Hey, I just want to 312 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: know what it's going to feel like and what I 313 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: should look for to know when I'm going to stop, 314 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: or it's a conversation you have in the middle, or 315 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,520 Speaker 1: you have a conversation when you're ready, like hey, I 316 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 1: kind of feel like I don't need to come next week. 317 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 1: Can we talk about that. One of the most important 318 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: things about this is the ability to have that conversation 319 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: with your therapist. There used to be, and if there 320 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 1: still is, plenty of therapists that are are more than 321 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: along the lines of Hey, we're gonna do twelve sessions, 322 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: we're gonna do this thing, we're gonna do this protocol, 323 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: and so it's like kind of easy, Okay, we're done now. 324 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: But I know I'm the kind of person that I 325 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: could see you for a really long time. I could 326 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: see you, like I said, for fifteen years. I don't 327 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: do regimented like we're going to do this for five 328 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: sessions and we're gonna do this for five sessions, and 329 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 1: we're doing this for five sessions and you're gonna be done. 330 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: I don't see it that way. That's not how I work, 331 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: and that's I think how therapy is continuing to evolve. 332 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: It's less working that way. So my encouragement to you, 333 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: since you do seem especially that you feel comfortable with 334 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: your therapist and you really do like them, bring it up, 335 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 1: bring it up and see what happens. And that is 336 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: going to lead you to what you need more than 337 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: me telling you what you should or shouldn't feel for 338 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: that to be your time to shift. So I hope 339 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 1: that was helpful, and I hope that was helpful for 340 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: even the people that haven't asked the question but thought it, 341 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: or maybe you haven't even thought about it, because that 342 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 1: is something that I hear over and over. I was like, 343 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: how do I know when I'm ready? How do I 344 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: know what I'm done? Because we don't do like graduation 345 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: ceremonies when it comes to therapy. It's not like you 346 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: do this for a year and it can be tough 347 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: and scary. Like that's not to like ignore the fact that, 348 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: like it can be really scary to change a relationship 349 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 1: and a routine that you have that has been really helpful. 350 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: And also just because therapy ends doesn't mean you're dissolving 351 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: the relationship with your therapist. I have people that I 352 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 1: have not seen in years that I still like, have 353 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 1: so much love for, and if I got an email 354 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: from them with an update, I would be so excited, 355 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: Like the relationship is still there, it just looks different. 356 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: It's a different capacity of relationship. And for anybody else 357 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 1: who has any questions or just to email you want 358 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 1: to share with me, Like I shared earlier in this episode. 359 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: You can email me Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast 360 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 1: dot com. You can follow me at cat dot de 361 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 1: fata and at you Need Therapy Podcast on Instagram. And 362 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 1: if you want an extra episode of me every week, 363 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: you can hear me on Amy Brown's podcast for Things 364 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,440 Speaker 1: with Amy Brown. Every Tuesday, I do the fifth Thing 365 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: with her, and we talk about so many random things. 366 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's mental health focused, sometimes it's about our lives. 367 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's about just the most random things. And I 368 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: will say often I get on recording with those episodes 369 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,639 Speaker 1: with Amy not having any idea what we're going to 370 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 1: talk about, so you get to kind of hear me 371 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 1: respond in real time to things keeps me on my toast. 372 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 1: This one I get to plan, I get to be 373 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,320 Speaker 1: in control of that one. I'm like, I don't know 374 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 1: what's going to happen. So if you want to get 375 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: an extra little dose of me, listen to that Four 376 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: Things with Amy Brown. She also has episodes on Thursdays 377 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,679 Speaker 1: that she has different guests on that are really awesome 378 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: and I love listening to them when I get ready 379 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: in the morning on Thursdays. She's just a light and 380 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: an awesome person, so check that out and I will 381 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: see you guys on Monday for another new episode of 382 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy, Have the day you need to have, 383 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: the week you need to have, and I will talk 384 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: to you later. Bye.