Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. I have been a home health
Speaker 1: care worker for the last two weeks. I want everyone
Speaker 1: to know that I have been in San Francisco with
Speaker 1: my older sister Simone, caring for her, attending to her
Speaker 1: bed sores. No, she does have any bed source, but
Speaker 1: I'm hoping to give her some. You've got to roll
Speaker 1: her over, she had. I have to roll her over
Speaker 1: every morning after she gets off of me. She had
Speaker 1: back surgery. So my other sissy, Bomber Shoshana, who's a
Speaker 1: registered nurse and has an idea about how to take
Speaker 1: care of people, actually went there for the first two weeks,
Speaker 1: and then I took the last two weeks. And I
Speaker 1: have been in San Francisco and I am and my
Speaker 1: sister is recuperating, and I'm basically taking my medical practice.
Speaker 1: I'm a farm to table guynecologist, is what we've finally discovered.
Speaker 1: She's like, why do I need a pap swhere every
Speaker 1: single morning? And I'm like, because I'm a doctor and
Speaker 1: you love like a little bit of torture. And she's like,
Speaker 1: how many more fucking deliveries are you going to get
Speaker 1: at my house? She doesn't talk like that. I that's
Speaker 1: not fair. I'm the one who says fucking all the time.
Speaker 1: But I had delivered weights, bigs, small weights, pilates, matt
Speaker 1: a pilates ring, a kettle bell, and three pillows, all
Speaker 1: the very heavy things and one light thing. My sister
Speaker 1: is like, you are so fucking high maintenance. I'm like, what,
Speaker 1: this is not news to anyone, And she's like, no,
Speaker 1: I know it's not. She's like, I'm actually surprised you're
Speaker 1: staying here and you didn't order your own fucking bed.
Speaker 1: I was like, believe me, I thought about it. I mean,
Speaker 1: you're just gonna have the comforts of home, kettle bells
Speaker 1: and pillow. And I got to surprise her with my
Speaker 1: big brother Roy We. I flew him in as a
Speaker 1: surprise so he could cook for her because we love
Speaker 1: his cooking. And so he's been with me while he
Speaker 1: was here for a few days with me and Simone,
Speaker 1: and so she was so happy she cried when she
Speaker 1: saw him. And he's still he's in Southeast Asia somewhere right.
Speaker 1: He's actually Asian now, he has con completely to Asian.
Speaker 1: He's transitioned. Yes, he's he's in New Jersey in Noueva,
Speaker 1: Jersey and he is working there. He's waiting for his
Speaker 1: Filipino wife to come there and married. He's waiting for
Speaker 1: her paperwork to go through so that she could move
Speaker 1: to New Jersey with him. She he's actually living with
Speaker 1: my sister right now, my other sister, Shoshana. We have
Speaker 1: a very very incestuous family. I mean, that's great, though.
Speaker 1: Do you guys all like each other enough to stay
Speaker 1: together live together? Yeah, we do like each other. So
Speaker 1: that's nice, and that is a gift. I should say
Speaker 1: that's that should be part of my list every morning.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the fact that my family and I
Speaker 1: get along. I mean that's huge. So many people right
Speaker 1: in and they're like, I just wish I could have
Speaker 1: what Chelsea has with her siblings because you're so close.
Speaker 1: And oh, I also met your sister in law, which
Speaker 1: I was confused because I was like, oh, is that
Speaker 1: Brad's brother? And then I was like, sisters in law
Speaker 1: can mean two different things. But she was sweet and
Speaker 1: she came with her friend Julie. I think she had
Speaker 1: mentioned that we had mentioned her on the podcast, and
Speaker 1: she was pretty excited. Where which show did they come to?
Speaker 1: Which should which city were in? Rock At Illinois, Rockford. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was yes, yeah, yeah. Amanda is awesome and Julie's
Speaker 1: her next door neighbor. And Amanda she's had a very
Speaker 1: similar transitional period of her life, kind of like you have.
Speaker 1: Hers was sort of due to illness. She had had
Speaker 1: a brain tumor seven or eight years ago and had
Speaker 1: surgery and sort of like kept up her very fast
Speaker 1: paced lifestyle. She's a nurse practitioner, and then years later
Speaker 1: it recurred and she has changed her whole lifestyle. She's
Speaker 1: like sees a shaman and you know, is doing tons
Speaker 1: of meditation. She used to have to take tons of
Speaker 1: drugs when she would have her m RI s done,
Speaker 1: and now she just meditates through the whole thing. Like
Speaker 1: it's whild, Like her life has been really transformed in
Speaker 1: a super beautiful way. And she's also brought this sort
Speaker 1: of holistic knowledge that she's gained into her nursing practice,
Speaker 1: which is really really cool and it's really wonderful to
Speaker 1: see how her life is transformed. And I love that.
Speaker 1: That's so nice, so inspiring. It's so nice to know
Speaker 1: that you can go from having to take so many
Speaker 1: drugs just meditating, you know, Seriously, our guest today was
Speaker 1: the star of a little show called This is Us
Speaker 1: and she just had a baby, baby number two, and
Speaker 1: she's as singer, she's an actor, and she's a multitude
Speaker 1: of things. Please welcome Mandy Moore. And I love that
Speaker 1: face of yours, Mandy. I like what You're a double
Speaker 1: mother now, double mother. I love it. I've thought of
Speaker 1: it that way. How are you doing, I mean, well,
Speaker 1: how are you guys? We're great. This is my co
Speaker 1: host Catherine and many. Nice to meet you. Nice to
Speaker 1: meet you, Mandy. I was so happy to have you on,
Speaker 1: Mandy because we met briefly at some event who knows
Speaker 1: where they all blend together. But and I realized I
Speaker 1: had never really met you before. No, we haven't. And
Speaker 1: I kicked myself. I was never cool enough or invited
Speaker 1: or just it didn't work out to ever be on
Speaker 1: your multiple shows, so I never got to know you
Speaker 1: in that sense either. I know, Well, it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: about being cool enough, because there's plenty of uncool people
Speaker 1: on a lot of my shows, so that's really not
Speaker 1: the criteria. It's usually a matter of what what usually
Speaker 1: would happen would be Publicists would think certain clients wouldn't
Speaker 1: be able to handle being on my show, and then
Speaker 1: they thought other clients could handle and just like it
Speaker 1: was it was such an unfair assessment of their own clients,
Speaker 1: you know, like so many people would be like, oh
Speaker 1: no, no no, that's not for our clients. She's not gonna
Speaker 1: go on that show. And I'd be like, what do
Speaker 1: you think it's going to happen that I'm going to
Speaker 1: assault these people when they come and sit is my
Speaker 1: guest on? Like the round table was one element, but
Speaker 1: the interview. You don't just go off on somebody when
Speaker 1: they come on your show. You actually tried to get
Speaker 1: along with them. Of course, No, I know, I I
Speaker 1: think I just I was having a very quiet period
Speaker 1: of my life and therefore just there was no reason
Speaker 1: to go on your show. Yeah, and we're here now,
Speaker 1: so who gives a show? Here? We are here, we
Speaker 1: are Tell me how are you doing? Because I know
Speaker 1: you just had a baby very recently. He's almost a
Speaker 1: month old. I'm doing well, you know, tired all the things,
Speaker 1: but it's really wonderful and I'm enjoying it because I
Speaker 1: have a twenty month old little boy. And when I
Speaker 1: had him, I went back to work. Like a month later.
Speaker 1: So it's nice to not sort of have anything to
Speaker 1: jump immediately back into and the kind of enjoy this
Speaker 1: season of my life as it were. And yeah, so
Speaker 1: I'm that's what I'm doing. I'm right in time for
Speaker 1: the holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas. You get to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1: So are those Irish twins I mean maybe technically, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Gus was yeah, nineteen months when Ozzie was born, so yeah,
Speaker 1: they're they're very close. That was not planned that way,
Speaker 1: but we celebrated and enjoy it even still. And and
Speaker 1: you just wrapped your you were you went on a
Speaker 1: tour right before this summer, yeah, which was a terrible
Speaker 1: idea to do six months pregnant. It was really a
Speaker 1: lot more arduous, Like I hadn't been on the road
Speaker 1: and on a bus and done that whole life in
Speaker 1: fifteen years, and it just it's very different being a
Speaker 1: twenty three year old young lady versus being pregnant and
Speaker 1: schlepping a toddler across the country. I was I thought, like,
Speaker 1: it's this will be easy. It's great. And then your
Speaker 1: backstage in some grungy but fun club. That's so much
Speaker 1: fun to play a show in at nine o'clock at night,
Speaker 1: but like, not not an ideal environment for a small child.
Speaker 1: It was, yeah, it was. It was pretty hard, but
Speaker 1: it was great. It was fun to be on the
Speaker 1: road and to play shows. I just yeah, it wasn't
Speaker 1: the the ideal circumstance. I wasn't feeling great. Well, it's no,
Speaker 1: it's not ideal to be pregnant and performing. I can't
Speaker 1: even imagine what that's like. And it's never ideal really
Speaker 1: to be on a bus, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like that is something as you get older, you're like,
Speaker 1: uh no, no, no, no, it is not what it
Speaker 1: was like when I was in my twenties or thirties,
Speaker 1: and being on the road is not what it's like
Speaker 1: what it was like when I was in my twenties
Speaker 1: and thirties. Well, you're older, you I'm okay, so you're
Speaker 1: still in your thirties. Yeah, that's what I thought. How
Speaker 1: is the road for you? Well, I mean I love
Speaker 1: doing stand up again because I took a really long
Speaker 1: break from it for like six years, and so I
Speaker 1: was able to kind of re get you know, I
Speaker 1: know you took a long break from it too, because
Speaker 1: you were filming this as us for so many years,
Speaker 1: which everybody can watch on Hulu. You know, taking a break,
Speaker 1: I find in my life an experience that is always
Speaker 1: yields the best results because when you come back, you
Speaker 1: have an effervescence and an energy that you know, many
Speaker 1: times we lose when we overdo things and we work
Speaker 1: so much, you know, sometimes we just can't keep that
Speaker 1: kind of level of enthusiasm up for what we want
Speaker 1: to do. And I also was when I was younger.
Speaker 1: I just didn't I wasn't as responsible about my fans
Speaker 1: and about my audience. And I do a show one
Speaker 1: night ship faced and like not care. You know, I
Speaker 1: was so exhausted all the time that I never I
Speaker 1: didn't know any think about self care or being healthy
Speaker 1: on the road. Obviously, now it's a lot different, so
Speaker 1: I will not obviously, but it is a lot different now,
Speaker 1: so I take a lot better care of myself. But
Speaker 1: I'm still it's still exhausting. I mean, anytime you travel,
Speaker 1: it's taxing on your body, right And if you know travel,
Speaker 1: whether you're in a bus, on a private plane, or
Speaker 1: on a commercial plane, it's all it all kind of
Speaker 1: knocks you out after a while, and you're so vulnerable
Speaker 1: and you're so like you especially, you're so present and
Speaker 1: engaged and what you're sort of transmitting to the audience,
Speaker 1: like it's it's so emotionally draining as well that I
Speaker 1: don't think there's that same level of awareness when you're young,
Speaker 1: and like you said, you're sort of running on fumes.
Speaker 1: It it only comes in the practice of self care
Speaker 1: and having taken like a step away and taken that
Speaker 1: sort of downtime to really learn about yourself. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you have to be a lot more intentional now
Speaker 1: as a performer, recognizing like I'm going to have this
Speaker 1: clear delineation where I'm authentic and I'm giving people as
Speaker 1: much as myself as I can, but also like at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I need to preserve and
Speaker 1: protect like some semblance of myself for me, for my family,
Speaker 1: for my loved ones, my friends. You know, absolutely, And
Speaker 1: I think it's like it's it's easier now to like
Speaker 1: not go to dinner before the show, you know, to
Speaker 1: take the time and be like, listen, I'm m expending
Speaker 1: a lot of energy because I used to diminish that,
Speaker 1: like you always you know how women are, we are
Speaker 1: always like I can do anything, I can do it
Speaker 1: all and I'll be fine, and it's like, no, you're not.
Speaker 1: You're not fine. And once you realize that about yourself,
Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, it's good to preserve your energy so
Speaker 1: that what you're doing and what you're getting paid to do,
Speaker 1: you're doing the Actually you're coming out as the actual
Speaker 1: best version of yourself and not mailing it in or not.
Speaker 1: How is this tour, since it had been so long
Speaker 1: for you to be since you had been on tour,
Speaker 1: how did this tour feel aside from being pregnant and
Speaker 1: obviously not feeling your best. I mean, you basically got
Speaker 1: pregnant on your tour. I'm just gonna say it, Mandy,
Speaker 1: she got knocked up on the No No I. I
Speaker 1: know I'm a group. That would have made it easier,
Speaker 1: but my husband was on the road with me at
Speaker 1: that point. I was like, don't even look at me,
Speaker 1: don't touch me. I would say. It was different, kind
Speaker 1: of echoing what you said. I know myself better. I'm
Speaker 1: more present, I'm more aware of more nervous, I would say,
Speaker 1: because I'm aware of like this the stakes now in
Speaker 1: a way that I wasn't before. Although this was still
Speaker 1: a very small tour. It's not like I'm some huge
Speaker 1: pop artist that was going and selling out like arena
Speaker 1: as we were playing cool little theaters and clubs, and
Speaker 1: so there was a real intimacy and connection with like
Speaker 1: an audience, like looking out and seeing people's faces in
Speaker 1: a way that I think I used to just not
Speaker 1: gloss over but like whatever would sort of get me
Speaker 1: through the show. Now it was like I really was
Speaker 1: aware of who was here and why they were here
Speaker 1: and what they were digging about certain parts of the show,
Speaker 1: like older music, music from newer records of mine, and
Speaker 1: being able to be on stage with my husband and
Speaker 1: my brother in law who plays drums with me and
Speaker 1: is in a band with my husband, and one of
Speaker 1: my very dear friends playing guitar on the other side
Speaker 1: of me. So it's like I really was surrounded by
Speaker 1: people that I adore and in awe of as musicians,
Speaker 1: and that was really, really, really different. I've never toured
Speaker 1: that way before and probably won't get to again or
Speaker 1: at least for a really long time. And even having Gus,
Speaker 1: having my my child with me was so special. I mean,
Speaker 1: he was asleep long before we played, but he come
Speaker 1: to sound check, so being able to look out and
Speaker 1: he had his little headphones on and still sort of
Speaker 1: unaware of what mom and dad are doing. But one
Speaker 1: day we'll be able to tell him, like, hey, we
Speaker 1: brought you across the country for you know, a month
Speaker 1: and had baby brother and mom's belly and we all
Speaker 1: kind of were doing this crazy endeavor together, and that'll
Speaker 1: be fun to be able to share one day. So
Speaker 1: in that sense, like it was totally worth it and
Speaker 1: so special and I love that, you know, I got
Speaker 1: to do fifteen shows and I scratched that itch something
Speaker 1: I wanted to do for a really, really long time,
Speaker 1: and other work had gotten in the way, and a
Speaker 1: marriage and divorce had gotten the way. Like there was
Speaker 1: so much that sort of happened in my life that
Speaker 1: kind of kept pushing off music for one reason or another.
Speaker 1: And so to finally have this sort of wish fulfillment
Speaker 1: of being on stage and it all kind of coming
Speaker 1: together in such a beautiful way, and then had the
Speaker 1: wherewithal to like really listen to myself and my body
Speaker 1: and say, I don't think this is the best thing
Speaker 1: for me right now. I really need to like take
Speaker 1: care of my health and get some rest because, as
Speaker 1: we mentioned, no one really sleeps on a broad tour bus,
Speaker 1: and so that was it. Then I just called it
Speaker 1: a day and came home, rested for a couple of months,
Speaker 1: and then had a baby. Seriously, did you have to
Speaker 1: cut that tour short or did you did? I? Oh
Speaker 1: you did. I didn't realize that. Yeah, I cut it
Speaker 1: like short. Um. We we did about half of the
Speaker 1: tour and had like a nice little break where I
Speaker 1: was like, I think this, I think I'm good. I
Speaker 1: think I'm good to sort of push the pause button
Speaker 1: and just be home and we all got COVID. The
Speaker 1: universe was like, and you need to take a break.
Speaker 1: Isn't it funny though that wise we get older, we
Speaker 1: can make those decisions more responsibly. You don't feel like
Speaker 1: you're letting everybody down. You and know that taking care
Speaker 1: of yourself as paramount to anything else and other people's
Speaker 1: expectations or disappointing people, it's like it's irrelevant, really, you know,
Speaker 1: obviously we don't aim to do that, but you have
Speaker 1: to take and prioritize yourself in a more serious way.
Speaker 1: And I feel like in any other chapter of my
Speaker 1: life until now, I definitely would have ignored that little voice.
Speaker 1: I would have said, nope, I'm gonna put everyone else's
Speaker 1: like expectations ahead of my own, and I would have
Speaker 1: just like soldered on and it probably would have been mine.
Speaker 1: But I feel like I'm a better woman and wife
Speaker 1: and mother and all of the things because I I
Speaker 1: sort of listened to that intuition and and took that
Speaker 1: time for myself. So I'm like, yeah, okay, And I
Speaker 1: sort of feel like, as women, it's good for us
Speaker 1: to see examples of other women drawing those boundaries and
Speaker 1: delineating between like, Nope, I can only do so much.
Speaker 1: I am human, I'm fallible. I need to listen to
Speaker 1: my myself and and listen to my body. And that's
Speaker 1: sort of what I did. And you're, then, I guess,
Speaker 1: kind of giving other people to give themselves that same permission. Yeah,
Speaker 1: amen to that, Lahai. I mean, you're not Jewish, but
Speaker 1: I am. So I'll just keep saying that, I'll take
Speaker 1: off thanks. That's the right answer, I'll take it. So wait,
Speaker 1: can I ask you? I want to ask you, but
Speaker 1: I want to make sure you're okay to talk about
Speaker 1: your mom and your dad. When your mom came out
Speaker 1: as a lesbian because I was just talking to my
Speaker 1: producer Katherine, and she was filling me in and I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that's so juicy. Tell me what happened.
Speaker 1: You caught your mom having an affair? No, not exactly.
Speaker 1: So my parents for high school sweethearts and they were
Speaker 1: married for just shy of thirty years. And where did
Speaker 1: they go to high school? What State at Florida in Orlando,
Speaker 1: and they like, they grew up in Orlando when it
Speaker 1: was just like Orange Groves pre Disney World, and that's
Speaker 1: where we all grew up, my my two brothers and myself.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think there was sort of this
Speaker 1: point of pride having parents that were still together, sort
Speaker 1: of like you know, looking around your friendship landscape and
Speaker 1: seeing marriage is falling apart and families sort of diverging,
Speaker 1: and and so it was always this real point of
Speaker 1: pride that my mom and dad were together. And I
Speaker 1: think being a young person in the industry and I
Speaker 1: love my parents and having this fantastic foundation, like I
Speaker 1: always had one of them on the road with me
Speaker 1: or traveling with me, And I think it's why I'm
Speaker 1: thirty eight and still have some semblance of a career
Speaker 1: because mom and dad kind of were there to keep
Speaker 1: things on the straight and narrow. But all of this
Speaker 1: to say, I was about twenty two, I think, and
Speaker 1: at the point of adulthood where I was like very
Speaker 1: much living my own independent life. And I remember I
Speaker 1: was recording music in upstate New York and my parents
Speaker 1: both came up to visit me, and I could tell
Speaker 1: something was weird. My mom play a lot of tennis
Speaker 1: growing up, like all when we were kids, and obviously
Speaker 1: then when we got older and left the house. That's
Speaker 1: the first sign everybody correct, it can be mom taking
Speaker 1: like a very concerned interested in tennis. So she was
Speaker 1: playing more tennis now that we were all out of
Speaker 1: the house, and she had torn her achilles tendon, and
Speaker 1: so she was up visiting me, and she was scooting
Speaker 1: around on a little thing with her knee and her
Speaker 1: foot hall like bound up healing, and there was just
Speaker 1: something off between my parents. And that was the first
Speaker 1: time I clopped that anything was sort of strange, like
Speaker 1: they just had a weird and energy between them. But
Speaker 1: of course I never would have expected like they were
Speaker 1: separating or my dad had sort of found out. I
Speaker 1: think that my mom was having an affair with a
Speaker 1: female friend of hers right before their thirtieth anniversary, and
Speaker 1: I think they were sort of in the midst. This
Speaker 1: was shortly thereafter, so they were in the midst of
Speaker 1: kind of figuring out what life was going to look
Speaker 1: like and what was going to sort of unfold from here,
Speaker 1: and not telling us children about it yet. And we
Speaker 1: went a couple of months later away for the holidays,
Speaker 1: and that was when things really felt weird. And it
Speaker 1: was me and my younger brother, who's like eighteen months
Speaker 1: younger than me, and my mom and dad, and we
Speaker 1: were watching like a Christmas movie or something together. And
Speaker 1: I had bought my mom a laptop for Christmas, and
Speaker 1: she'd asked me to set it up for her, so
Speaker 1: I was like doing all the things, and I remember
Speaker 1: getting to her email and I wasn't I'm not a
Speaker 1: sneaky person just by nature. I'm not really like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking that I was going to find anything.
Speaker 1: And I was kind of mindlessly setting up her email box,
Speaker 1: and my eyes kind of drifted to the draft box
Speaker 1: as I was like clicking on her emails, and I
Speaker 1: just quickly scanned this email that was addressed to myself
Speaker 1: and my two brothers, and it was sort of a
Speaker 1: what I've come to realize was like an exercise and
Speaker 1: from her therapist of writing to us and telling us
Speaker 1: what was going on and that she had fallen in
Speaker 1: love with this woman and was leaving my dad and
Speaker 1: how much she loved us. And I just froze and
Speaker 1: I quickly closed the laptop and I ran upstairs, and
Speaker 1: my my brother, I think, was up there, my younger brother,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Kyle, you're not gonna believe this,
Speaker 1: Like I just I was setting up mom's computer night.
Speaker 1: But my immediate gut reaction was like, we have to
Speaker 1: go downstairs and confront them and tell them that I
Speaker 1: saw this thing. There's no way that I could keep
Speaker 1: the secret now now that I know. And he thankfully
Speaker 1: had a cooler head about it, was like no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Like let her do this in her own way, in
Speaker 1: her own time, Like she wasn't expecting you to find
Speaker 1: that email. That's probably not how she wants us to
Speaker 1: all find out about this, And can't you tell the
Speaker 1: dad is really trying to savor this. This is maybe
Speaker 1: like our last vacation as a family, Like let's try
Speaker 1: to enjoy it. Let mom do this in her own way.
Speaker 1: And I did, but I had to sit for the
Speaker 1: next like two or three days, knowing what was going
Speaker 1: on and watching my mom text and I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know who she's texting. She's probably texting this person,
Speaker 1: and I was so angry, but I had to sort
Speaker 1: of like let that simmer, because it's it's two shockers.
Speaker 1: It's like the one shocker and then the second shocker
Speaker 1: to find out your mom is gay or you know,
Speaker 1: in love with a woman, and that's shocking, especially when
Speaker 1: you have no idea prior to that. Wow, that is
Speaker 1: such a crazy story, Mandy. It's crazy. And my mother
Speaker 1: is still with her partner who she's been with ever
Speaker 1: since that day, and it took a lot of time
Speaker 1: away and therapy to sort of come around to finding
Speaker 1: our relationship again. My mom was the closest person in
Speaker 1: my teenage years at a time when I should have
Speaker 1: been sort of rebelling against my parents and not spending
Speaker 1: the time that I was sort of forced to because
Speaker 1: I lived this very strange life and I always had
Speaker 1: them sort of in my corner and on the road
Speaker 1: with me. So it's weird to be sitting here as
Speaker 1: a thirty eight year old woman, like not having that
Speaker 1: same close connection that I did with my mom when
Speaker 1: I was younger. And also we don't live in the
Speaker 1: same state, and you know, we're very different people in
Speaker 1: that sense. And I often wonder like, even if life
Speaker 1: had sort of continued down the same path and my
Speaker 1: parents never split up or I just wonder like, what
Speaker 1: would we still feel as disconnected as we do today
Speaker 1: or is it just solely in part because you know,
Speaker 1: I really took like my dad's side, if there were
Speaker 1: sides to take, I I felt like I immediately had
Speaker 1: to protect him. And I've always been a daddy's girl anyway,
Speaker 1: but being the only daughter, I just felt like I
Speaker 1: immediately needed to swoop in and like pick up the
Speaker 1: pieces of his shattered life and help him get into
Speaker 1: therapy and make sense of what was going on. And
Speaker 1: I mean, I know now that that wasn't my responsibility,
Speaker 1: but I kind of shunned my mom's side of the
Speaker 1: story in favor of just solely focusing on my dad,
Speaker 1: and that wasn't okay, And that was something I've made
Speaker 1: amends to her for since then. But it's family dynamics
Speaker 1: are so wild and ricky, and hopefully one day things
Speaker 1: will sort of find better footing. I think that they will.
Speaker 1: I think you're completely aware of why you have those feelings.
Speaker 1: It makes sense to have those feelings, especially as a
Speaker 1: young adult when you're twenty two and your brain isn't
Speaker 1: even fully formed and your emotions are definitely not fully formed.
Speaker 1: And is your dad remarried? Did you hear someone? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're both like they've both been with their their respective
Speaker 1: partners for like fifteen years now or twelve years or
Speaker 1: something a long time, and they're very happy. And everything
Speaker 1: is amicable between my parents. I mean, I think as
Speaker 1: you get older now that like all of us kids
Speaker 1: are well into our thirties, their only connection is us
Speaker 1: and there's just not much to sort of keep in
Speaker 1: touch about necessarily, which is change. I never would have
Speaker 1: thought like, oh, my parents have just gone on these
Speaker 1: two divergent paths, but everybody's happier, and I think like
Speaker 1: they're with the people that they're supposed to be with.
Speaker 1: Two yeah, yeah, I think it's you know, we have
Speaker 1: to always practice empathy with our parents and understand of
Speaker 1: the pressure that they felt and what they were going
Speaker 1: through everyone except for my father, but you know, like
Speaker 1: you you know, to understand that they were struggling and
Speaker 1: she probably stayed in a marriage way longer than she
Speaker 1: wanted to, just to keep you guys happy, you know,
Speaker 1: and to empathize with that. Well, this is a perfect
Speaker 1: jumping off point. Unfortunately, your story is a great jumping
Speaker 1: off point for this podcast because we're going to have
Speaker 1: people call zoom in and we're going to give them
Speaker 1: life advice, okay, and it's super fun. People with their
Speaker 1: own tricky family dynamics. I love it. Well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: lean on you guys, but you yeah, you just pop
Speaker 1: in when you feel passionate about something. Well, we'll take
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be right back with Mandy
Speaker 1: and Chelsea. And we're back. We're back. Well, we have
Speaker 1: a lot of very interesting colors and an email. Today.
Speaker 1: Our first caller is Becca. She lives in Portland. Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I've been with my high school sweetheart for over twenty
Speaker 1: years and I'm worried I'll never find a way out.
Speaker 1: We got married when I was eighteen, he was nineteen,
Speaker 1: and got pregnant with our first son five months later.
Speaker 1: By the time I was twenty four, I had four
Speaker 1: beautiful bull ways, all under the age of five. Her
Speaker 1: kids are seventeen, sixteen, fourteen, and thirteen right now. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Yeah. We were both raised conservative christian so
Speaker 1: getting married young, especially to the person you lost your
Speaker 1: virginity too, wasn't abnormal. We've gone through major changes together,
Speaker 1: like leaving Christianity because we just couldn't stomach it and
Speaker 1: didn't want to raise our kids in it, moving to
Speaker 1: the other side of the country for a more liberal
Speaker 1: and accepting culture, and supporting each other through college and
Speaker 1: career opportunities wherever possible. We've also been each other's primary
Speaker 1: support system, like when his mom and my dad died
Speaker 1: within six months of each other while we were dating
Speaker 1: in high school. I was happy with our little life
Speaker 1: until we were really starting to become who we are
Speaker 1: now post Christianity. Since then, it has been a personal
Speaker 1: hell now lasting over ten years. We've gone to three
Speaker 1: different marriage therapists, and we're recently separated for a year
Speaker 1: in one. Until this past summer, I was so happy
Speaker 1: having my own house and having a really healthy co
Speaker 1: parenting dynamic, as well as a pretty good business partnership.
Speaker 1: He had joined my business right before we separated. After
Speaker 1: spending a year separated, I was ready to start the
Speaker 1: divorce paperwork, and he asked if we could try to
Speaker 1: work at it a little more instead. So I said yes,
Speaker 1: but slowly, and we would still be living apart. After
Speaker 1: a few weeks, the owner of the house I rented
Speaker 1: had an emergency and needed to sell quickly, so I
Speaker 1: moved back in with my husband temporarily. Now we're buying
Speaker 1: our family's dream house together, and I feel sick to
Speaker 1: my stomach daily, but I know this is a very
Speaker 1: necessary and practical decision that I just have to do.
Speaker 1: I want to suck it up and try to wait
Speaker 1: it out until at least are older two have left
Speaker 1: the house, maybe two to five years. But being in
Speaker 1: a relationship I really don't want to be in is
Speaker 1: taking a toll on my mental health. Any advice, Becca,
Speaker 1: god Hi, This is Mandy Moore, our special guest today
Speaker 1: god Career. Yeah, this makes my whole year. I mean,
Speaker 1: we just read your letter and good my heart goes
Speaker 1: out to you. It sounds like, can you okay, First
Speaker 1: of all, breakdown, what's the problem? Why is it hell?
Speaker 1: When you use that that's a strong word. I think
Speaker 1: the best way I can summarize it is just we're
Speaker 1: not compatible. We're really good friends and I have a
Speaker 1: ton of respect for him and he has a ton
Speaker 1: of respect for me. But it's like I'm a square
Speaker 1: peg and he's a round hole, and like trying to
Speaker 1: fit together isn't working, and it's kind of causing damage
Speaker 1: with each of us just as people. So which we
Speaker 1: can do that, we can sacrifice for our kids. It's
Speaker 1: just not super healthy, right Is there a lot of arguing? Oh? No,
Speaker 1: we don't argue anymore past that. No. I mean, we
Speaker 1: can get into it, but we just choose not to,
Speaker 1: you know. We we're more like conflict adverse at this point. Okay,
Speaker 1: And you're in the process of buying this dream house
Speaker 1: together with both of your money's. How is that working?
Speaker 1: So it's my money, but he's a contractor, so he's
Speaker 1: going to fix it up and I'm financing, if that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Okay, And you made that decision because you
Speaker 1: wanted just to provide your kids with a dream house. Yes,
Speaker 1: And it helps us do a really good exit in
Speaker 1: like five years after we sell it, so it's it's
Speaker 1: super practical. Okay, okay, is there a way for you
Speaker 1: to live separate lives in this house that, especially if
Speaker 1: you're building it or renovating it or doing something where
Speaker 1: you you at least feel a little bit more comfortable
Speaker 1: to have some semblance of independence. Well, that's what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out, because I think we're both open
Speaker 1: to that. But it's hard to not get sucked into
Speaker 1: the everyday life of everything with everyone. I mean, if
Speaker 1: we're living like the year that we lived separately, we
Speaker 1: both grew so much, but it was because we each
Speaker 1: had a quiet house once a week. So us all
Speaker 1: being together, you just you know, it's a big family
Speaker 1: and we you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like, okay, guys, go away. You
Speaker 1: can't mean me right now. So it's like trying to
Speaker 1: find a strategy and a structure to get through this
Speaker 1: time period is kind of what I'm trying to figure out. Okay,
Speaker 1: So that's good to know. So first of all, it's
Speaker 1: not You're not in some abusive situation where you're arguing
Speaker 1: on a daily basis or being too in a disrespectful way.
Speaker 1: So okay, So it's this is okay. So I think
Speaker 1: it's a huge opportunity for you to create a completely
Speaker 1: like Gwyneth Caaltro did with conscious uncoupling. You can create
Speaker 1: a new set of ideas for how your family is
Speaker 1: going to get through this next period of time. And
Speaker 1: complete honesty with your children and your husband is the
Speaker 1: most respectful way to do that and with them about
Speaker 1: what you guys are planning to do. And I think
Speaker 1: sitting down with your husband and figuring out can you
Speaker 1: have your own bedroom and he have his own bedroom
Speaker 1: in this new house? Right? We could get to that eventually.
Speaker 1: That could be a dream. I did say that like
Speaker 1: months ago, if I ever was to live with someone
Speaker 1: ever again, I went to primary suites. I never want
Speaker 1: to stare at bed with a guy ever again, unless
Speaker 1: you know I need to, unless it's an emergency for
Speaker 1: for certain occasions, and then you gotta get out. I
Speaker 1: want to read my book. I want. I loved going
Speaker 1: to bed early. It was amazing for the first time. Listen,
Speaker 1: you're talking to the choir. I love sleeping by my
Speaker 1: fucking self, and I love going to bed at eight o'clock.
Speaker 1: I can't even tell you how much I loved amazing.
Speaker 1: I know. So that's like the light at the end
Speaker 1: of the tunnel for me, just in my own bed,
Speaker 1: Like if I had that, i'd be I'd be pretty good, honestly. Well,
Speaker 1: then you need to get that. That's gonna be a
Speaker 1: part of the deal moving forward. Seriously, the standards are
Speaker 1: low here. We just need to get our separate bedroom. Yeah, seriously,
Speaker 1: if that look how happy you are even talking about it?
Speaker 1: I know, well, and that's why I wrote it, because
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well, if anyone will know what
Speaker 1: to do with Chelsea, Okay, So listen, you need to
Speaker 1: set it up. You have to have a conversation with
Speaker 1: your husband and say, listen, I'm really looking forward, not
Speaker 1: dreading this new period of time that we're going to
Speaker 1: have with our family. Obviously, your kids are the most
Speaker 1: important things to both of you, Otherwise you wouldn't be
Speaker 1: revisiting your marriage in the first place. So, but you
Speaker 1: have to make it very clear to him, because you
Speaker 1: don't know, giving yourself enough of the space within this
Speaker 1: marriage may make you want to be in the marriage
Speaker 1: for a longer period of time, even after your kids
Speaker 1: are gone. I know that doesn't sound palatable in this moment.
Speaker 1: But what you need is space. We all need it,
Speaker 1: you know. And I think when we feel crowded and
Speaker 1: we feel we kind of sometimes feel suffocated by our
Speaker 1: families and by our husbands. And this is like a
Speaker 1: perfect opportunity to try a different dynamic within your family
Speaker 1: and have him respect that and say this is how
Speaker 1: it's going to be best for me to move forward.
Speaker 1: You're in your room, I'm in my room. We're going
Speaker 1: to operate as a family, and I want you to
Speaker 1: ask for what you need and I'm going to ask
Speaker 1: for what I need. Yeah, I think that all makes
Speaker 1: perfect sense. So how do you help not get into
Speaker 1: that code dependency kind of thing? But I think a
Speaker 1: lot of couples and families can do, especially if you're
Speaker 1: in each other's space, just not identifying your own needs anymore,
Speaker 1: because like your needs become their needs and you can't
Speaker 1: even tell the difference. Does that make sense? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it makes sense. And I think listen. Codependency is
Speaker 1: something that everybody experiences every time you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and it's it's it's I know it's can be such
Speaker 1: a dirty phrase, but it's not. It's what happens when
Speaker 1: people are in a relationship, but if you want to
Speaker 1: get your independence back, that involves and requires a constant
Speaker 1: conversation about like what the parameters are where you know
Speaker 1: you should use this as an experimental couple, like Okay,
Speaker 1: let's do this for six months and then we'll we'll
Speaker 1: sit down and discuss is this working for you? Is
Speaker 1: this working for me? What could be better for you?
Speaker 1: What could be better for me? Whether or not you
Speaker 1: guys want to continue to have sex with each other,
Speaker 1: whether or not you guys want to be involved in
Speaker 1: each other's lives and your each other's social circles. How
Speaker 1: do you want to handle all of that? Who's going
Speaker 1: to handle the kids, and who's in charge of car pooling,
Speaker 1: who's in charge of food, who's in charge of this
Speaker 1: and that and all the other things that come along
Speaker 1: with children. Luckily that I don't know about, but I think,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I think you have a
Speaker 1: huge opportunity to have a really healthy relationship moving forward
Speaker 1: with your husband, and who knows what it could spark,
Speaker 1: because as long as you're taking care of yourself, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna be so resentful and you're not going to
Speaker 1: be so upset about the situation that you're living in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I also want to say, like, who says you
Speaker 1: can't have a night off. Maybe it's not something you
Speaker 1: tell your kids like I need a night off from you,
Speaker 1: but they're teenagers. Maybe there's one night a week that
Speaker 1: you tell your husband like this is your night with
Speaker 1: the kids, and maybe it's Fridays and my night with
Speaker 1: the kids of Saturdays, and we each go to our
Speaker 1: own thing that night, so that he can have a
Speaker 1: little freedom as well, you can have some freedom. Did
Speaker 1: you ever see that show Splitting Up Together? Is that
Speaker 1: with uh Jenna Fisher and Oliver Hudson And we have
Speaker 1: had both of them on the show. But it's great.
Speaker 1: They make a little bachelor pad in the backyard out
Speaker 1: of the garage to have continuity for the kids. The
Speaker 1: kids stay in the house and then each week the
Speaker 1: parents split off, like they split it up, they switch off,
Speaker 1: I should say, but it's kind of what we're talking
Speaker 1: about here. I think I saw one episode of that,
Speaker 1: maybe like five years ago. Maybe to all of this.
Speaker 1: I love I love that idea. It's I guess a
Speaker 1: part of me is like when my kids were at
Speaker 1: their dad's house, I didn't feel like they could ever
Speaker 1: see that as rejection because they still saw me a
Speaker 1: little bit on those weeks, but to see me in
Speaker 1: the house and doors locked, and I guess they just
Speaker 1: gotta get over it. He can take them out also,
Speaker 1: like he can take them out to dinner. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think listen, everyone's codependent anyway. I think that language is
Speaker 1: kind of unhelpful sometimes, you know, Katherine, you're you want
Speaker 1: to consider you and Brad codependent. I mean at some point, yeah,
Speaker 1: what they say is like interdependent is the healthy version
Speaker 1: of that, But absolutely I can't do anything without him. Mandy,
Speaker 1: what about you and your husband or do you feel
Speaker 1: like you're interdependent? I don't know, that's a good question.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a much healthier relationship now
Speaker 1: than I have been in the past, But I do
Speaker 1: feel I do feel somewhat. I mean, it's hard to
Speaker 1: be in a romantic relationship with somebody and not feel interdependent,
Speaker 1: like it's you just become you know, And I just think, listen,
Speaker 1: I think what you really it sounds like with you
Speaker 1: when you because you're talking about your kids and your
Speaker 1: husband and kind of the same vein you need time
Speaker 1: to yourself and that's something. Children respect boundaries. I know
Speaker 1: you're a mother and there's a huge responsibility that comes
Speaker 1: with that, but children respect boundaries, and you're also setting
Speaker 1: a great example by you know, placing those boundaries, you know,
Speaker 1: for them, so when they're adults and they're dealing with
Speaker 1: their relationships with their children and significant others, they can
Speaker 1: also behave in a respectable manner. And so you saying,
Speaker 1: like Saturday nights, i'm off or from this period of time,
Speaker 1: even for this one hour each day, I need for
Speaker 1: myself in my room. Whatever you need is okay to
Speaker 1: ask for you know, understanding that these are still children
Speaker 1: and that you're their mom, and I think you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel a lot healthier and a lot more optimistic, you know,
Speaker 1: about your situation, instead of thinking that you're living in
Speaker 1: some sort of hell, because you're not. This isn't hell.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just not your most ideal situation. But
Speaker 1: you can make it one. Yeah, okay, okay, great, great, Well,
Speaker 1: you know, keep us posted, hit us up in like
Speaker 1: six months and let us know what's going on and
Speaker 1: how it worked. And if you've got the second bedroom, yes,
Speaker 1: you know you're gonna get that second bedroom. That's a prerequisite.
Speaker 1: You have to that's a man that this is a mandate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not negotiable. Okay, okay, and good luck with your new house.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Nice to
Speaker 1: meet you. Back up meet you. Well, that's not hell.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: hell is Iran? That's hell. So I mean, isn't it funny? Though?
Speaker 1: Oh that looks good. What are you drinking? Lemon water?
Speaker 1: Coconut water? I could see there was a hue in
Speaker 1: it I liked. I'm very water sensitive because I hate
Speaker 1: water so much that I have to have flavors. So
Speaker 1: whenever I see anything in water, I'm like, whoa, what what?
Speaker 1: What's the name some electroclight powder or something? Oh? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: water is so boring. Anytime I'm on a plane and
Speaker 1: they hand me like a little room temperature bottle of
Speaker 1: Dasani water, I want to throw it right out the window.
Speaker 1: Jasania is garbage. Dasani is literally just like tap water.
Speaker 1: It's made by Coca Cola, so of course it's garbage. Yes,
Speaker 1: I thought that was going to be a much more
Speaker 1: depressing set of circumstances. I did too, just literally needs
Speaker 1: like an hour to herself and her own room. I
Speaker 1: was like, you're getting a new house. This seemed easy, Yes,
Speaker 1: And from there, you know, like Chelsea said, is an
Speaker 1: investment opportunity and they can have that plan and be
Speaker 1: on their way out in a few years. I'm excited
Speaker 1: to see what her life looks like to once the
Speaker 1: kids all are grown up and out of the house,
Speaker 1: because she was such a young young mother. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's going to reclaim herself in this next chapter. That's
Speaker 1: so much to look forward to totally. And it's also
Speaker 1: too messy, like to move out and then move back
Speaker 1: in and then move out again. It's like that is
Speaker 1: very disruptive, even though the circumstances were, you know, prevented
Speaker 1: anything else from happening. Maybe, but it would be so
Speaker 1: disruptive for the kids. You know, that's so confusing and
Speaker 1: unfair to them. And at a certain point you do
Speaker 1: have to be the parent when you are one, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what else do we have? Catherine? Who's name? Well, our
Speaker 1: next caller is Carly. Carly says, dear Chelsea. I'm a
Speaker 1: twenty eight year old female that works as a freelance
Speaker 1: video production project manager. Hiring crew, managing schedules and budgets, etcetera.
Speaker 1: My work and income is steady. My income is not
Speaker 1: as high as I wish it was, but I still
Speaker 1: have enough to live and be adult it sometimes. I
Speaker 1: also love the flexibility that being a freelancer provides. The
Speaker 1: problem is I've been working in the same lane for
Speaker 1: six years now, and I haven't really felt much growth
Speaker 1: in my career, in the path, or in my income.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of anxiety around feeling financially stable,
Speaker 1: but I'm also so exhausted from worrying about it. Worrying
Speaker 1: about money is the exact reason my parents got divorced,
Speaker 1: and I can feel it having an effect on my
Speaker 1: relationship as well. I don't love what I do, but
Speaker 1: I don't know where else to turn. I can see
Speaker 1: a future where I'm a successful business owner, but I
Speaker 1: can't figure out a path there or what it looks like.
Speaker 1: I know I have the skills to do something more,
Speaker 1: but I feel stagnant and lost when it comes to
Speaker 1: my work life. So how do I stop worrying so
Speaker 1: I can kick start my future and really start building
Speaker 1: something I'm proud of? Thank you? Carly, Hi, Carly, Hi,
Speaker 1: Carly Hi, Carly, how are you Hi. We have Mandy
Speaker 1: Moore here today as our special guest. I mean, nice
Speaker 1: to meet you, to thank you guys for having me.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, we're happy to talk to you. So you
Speaker 1: freelance mostly. I like your skis in the background. Thank
Speaker 1: you for that extra touch. You're welcome. I was just
Speaker 1: scrolling through Instagram. Stay where the most snow has been
Speaker 1: so far? I was like, I've got a lot of snow.
Speaker 1: I'm in Evergreen, Colorado. But anyway, Yes, I freelance. I
Speaker 1: have four study clients and so I have steady income.
Speaker 1: But I just feel like I don't know what the
Speaker 1: next step is. I don't know where to go from here.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily love what I do, and I feel
Speaker 1: like if I loved what I did, the money would follow.
Speaker 1: And it's just it's exhausting. It's constantly just spiraling in
Speaker 1: my brain all the time. And you know, my partner
Speaker 1: doesn't love when I'm constantly worried about the same thing
Speaker 1: in circles and and I just want to feel like
Speaker 1: I'm working towards something mm hmm. And what is your
Speaker 1: line of work? Video production? I work a lot with
Speaker 1: ad agencies, so we do a lot of commercials and
Speaker 1: social media ads and stuff like that. Okay, and you're
Speaker 1: not passionate about it, No, not really. I mean I
Speaker 1: like the project management aspect of it, and I know
Speaker 1: I'm good at what I do. I just I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't feel aligned with with the work. But would
Speaker 1: you feel aligned with doing like video managed, like that
Speaker 1: kind of video management for something other than another subject
Speaker 1: since you have that skill set potentially? Yeah. And I
Speaker 1: try and reach out to as many people as I
Speaker 1: can outdoor stuff and surfing magazines and everything in and
Speaker 1: um yeah, just nothing seems to come to fruition. And
Speaker 1: I think it's just because I'm not my heart's not
Speaker 1: in it. Mm hmm, Okay. I do kind of wonder.
Speaker 1: So you say you like the project management portion of it,
Speaker 1: but it's a lot running around, like you're basically running
Speaker 1: your own business, but you are also the technician in
Speaker 1: your business, so you're the person going out and filming,
Speaker 1: you're on set every day. I wonder if you may
Speaker 1: be at a point in your career where, rather than
Speaker 1: find something totally different, it's time to level up, so
Speaker 1: where you are hiring somebody underneath you as subcontractor to
Speaker 1: go out and actually be the technician who's actually doing
Speaker 1: the work, and you are building a business because project management,
Speaker 1: that's what building a business is all about, is overseeing things,
Speaker 1: making sure people get where they need to be, that
Speaker 1: things get delivered on time and all that sort of thing.
Speaker 1: Is that somewhere where you see yourself in the future. Yes,
Speaker 1: I've definitely thought about that, and I think that would
Speaker 1: be amazing. I just don't know if I'm into video
Speaker 1: production anymore. I don't know it's a good thing, Like
Speaker 1: I just it's again like that's where my skill set is,
Speaker 1: and that's where I feel like I should be. But
Speaker 1: I want to try something new. Maybe there's some other
Speaker 1: path for me where I can use that that same
Speaker 1: skill set and still be outside and not necessarily behind
Speaker 1: my laptop all day totally, which I also understand is
Speaker 1: part of working too. What are you interested in doing? Like,
Speaker 1: what do you like to do outside? Ski? What are
Speaker 1: you passionate about? Yeah, I live in the mountains, so
Speaker 1: I'm outside a lot, just working like on our property,
Speaker 1: like chopping wood and skiing and and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: and so I love that kind of stuff and that
Speaker 1: is definitely like what I look forward to after work
Speaker 1: and on weekends and stuff like that. We have a dog.
Speaker 1: I thought about my grandma things I should rescue animals.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know how I could make a
Speaker 1: career out of all of that, though, especially when I'm
Speaker 1: worried about financial stability. Well, I mean, what if you
Speaker 1: split up what you're doing, Like, what about if you
Speaker 1: love being outside? What about because I mean, I know
Speaker 1: a ski guide you're not going to be be making
Speaker 1: ridiculous amounts of money, but it combines two things that
Speaker 1: you really love, which is earning money and skiing. What
Speaker 1: about doing something like that as a supplemental thing so
Speaker 1: that you can kind of start to figure out what
Speaker 1: will work in the future, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think if you if you don't have to work
Speaker 1: like a hun your percent in this one field that
Speaker 1: you're kind of over, and you start giving yourself a
Speaker 1: little bit more space to enjoy the work that you're
Speaker 1: doing while you're still making money. I know, ski guides
Speaker 1: don't make tons of money, but you know, you could
Speaker 1: be a private ski guide and make a decent amount
Speaker 1: of money with tips and everything, if you know, if
Speaker 1: you're a my ski guy you'd be making a lot
Speaker 1: of money because I love that ship, you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: what about doing something like that and kind of splitting
Speaker 1: your time between the two things more important before we continue,
Speaker 1: I think the negative conversation you're having about finances is
Speaker 1: having a deltarious impact on your whole vibe. Right when
Speaker 1: you have a negative thought pattern and cycle of thoughts,
Speaker 1: you have to understand you're here because you got yourself here.
Speaker 1: You've made it this far, so you could depend on
Speaker 1: yourself worrying and worrying and worrying just grows an issue
Speaker 1: and it makes it bigger. So I really need you
Speaker 1: to either start meditating, start writing the gratitude list every
Speaker 1: single morning when you wake up, or start saying positive
Speaker 1: affirmations to yourself. Because these things, while they sound silly,
Speaker 1: they change your energy level, They change your vibe. So
Speaker 1: once you practice, you put into practice. Do you have
Speaker 1: any practices like either of those three things I just mentioned. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do try to meditate quite a bit lately, I've
Speaker 1: kind of gotten away from it, but will try harder. Yes,
Speaker 1: I should try. Don't try do it. I'm telling you
Speaker 1: it will make a difference. It will make a difference
Speaker 1: in your frequency and the vibes you're putting out. We
Speaker 1: get into negative thought patterns. That doesn't mean you're going
Speaker 1: to have these thought patterns forever there. Nothing is permanent.
Speaker 1: Nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. So if you could
Speaker 1: just keep that in mind, this feeling of being broke
Speaker 1: all the time is not permanent either. It's temporary. You
Speaker 1: have so much going for your beautiful person, you have
Speaker 1: a partner, you seem like, you love the outdoors. It
Speaker 1: gives you so much joy, Like there's all these great
Speaker 1: things that are already happening in your life and this
Speaker 1: is just one one aspect of it that isn't where
Speaker 1: it needs to be right now. And when you change
Speaker 1: the way you think about things, things start to happen
Speaker 1: in a different way in your life, and opportunities will
Speaker 1: present themselves that maybe weren't there before. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1: It's a great point. Yeah, and I think the financial
Speaker 1: stuff too, Like Chelsea said, it is kind of all
Speaker 1: in your head. You've mentioned like I have enough to
Speaker 1: live on, but I'm so stressed about money, and that
Speaker 1: is something that can be reframed offline. I'll get your address,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to send you a couple of books.
Speaker 1: One is You Are a Badass, which will help you
Speaker 1: reframe a lot of things and maybe start thinking outside
Speaker 1: of the box of what your career might look like,
Speaker 1: what you love to do. And the other one is
Speaker 1: the sequel, You are a bad as at making money,
Speaker 1: And that for me was so helpful and like reframing
Speaker 1: how I thought about money, how I thought about my
Speaker 1: relationship to money, what it means, because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, it's just numbers, but it means so
Speaker 1: much more in our minds, Like it's this big looming thing,
Speaker 1: and when you get a handle on how you feel
Speaker 1: about it, things do start to change. Thank you. Yeah, Mandy,
Speaker 1: I know you had sort of a very big, scary
Speaker 1: career transition. Is there any wisdom you want to share
Speaker 1: about like what you through? No, I mean, I I'm
Speaker 1: just in all listening to you, Chelsea, like off the
Speaker 1: top of your head rattle off fantastic advice. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure this is why you have this very podcast.
Speaker 1: I mean, I kept hearing you talk about the money
Speaker 1: aspect of things too, and it's like just finding finding
Speaker 1: your passion and finding something to sort of bring a
Speaker 1: little bit more joy into your world. Like, I feel
Speaker 1: like the money conversation becomes less of a thing and
Speaker 1: it will have less relevance and presence in your life.
Speaker 1: It's just echoing what you guys said. I love that
Speaker 1: idea though, of finding a way to create that balance
Speaker 1: of your You still have your responsibilities, you're really good
Speaker 1: at your at your job, but like maybe incorporating the
Speaker 1: the skiing or bringing the outdoor components into your life
Speaker 1: and finding a way to make money doing that, and
Speaker 1: it's sort of like the best of both worlds and
Speaker 1: it will maybe help bring whatever the next transition and
Speaker 1: chapter of your life and career maybe a help sort
Speaker 1: of bring it into focus a little bit sooner. And
Speaker 1: just meeting people too might be helpful. Here's meeting new
Speaker 1: people like you know, trail guiding, mountain biking, hiking, all
Speaker 1: of the things that sound like they're up your alley
Speaker 1: in Colorado. I mean, everyone in Colorado's into all of
Speaker 1: that stuff. So it seems like there's a lot of
Speaker 1: outlets for you. But I also would recommend you know,
Speaker 1: sit down with yourself each morning and write the things
Speaker 1: that bring you joy, you know, what makes you happy,
Speaker 1: and write those so that they're louder in your mind
Speaker 1: than the thoughts that are negative. Be grateful about all
Speaker 1: of the things that you do appreciate. You know, the
Speaker 1: fact that you love to chop wood, the fact that
Speaker 1: you love to be in the outdoors. You know, those
Speaker 1: are all gifts. And just keep thinking about that, and
Speaker 1: I think your conversation with yourself will start to change
Speaker 1: just by you rehbituating yourself. Yeah. Also start putting all
Speaker 1: of this on TikTok, because I follow like three people
Speaker 1: on TikTok, and one of them is just like a
Speaker 1: woman who was a homesteader, farmer lady, it's just chops wood.
Speaker 1: It's amazing a minute, people loveld it. Definitely. You have
Speaker 1: an Instagram account, start with that. That's so funny. You
Speaker 1: know this. This woman said to me my makeup artist
Speaker 1: in New York. She's just doing my makeup yesterday and
Speaker 1: she goes, I had this vision of you with a
Speaker 1: female would chopper. I go, what, And now I'm talking
Speaker 1: to you. I'm like, I go on my lesbian now
Speaker 1: and she goes, I don't know, it was so weird.
Speaker 1: Maybe she's really yeah, it really was, but she meant romantically,
Speaker 1: so I don't know. I mean, so that would be
Speaker 1: a big leap from this podcast to us dating. But
Speaker 1: you know, it's funny and maybe she is like happening.
Speaker 1: It's true. You're welcome to come chopping with us anyway.
Speaker 1: You know, just do those things, take them into account,
Speaker 1: and seriously, just start doing these little practices because they
Speaker 1: make a difference in each person's life. And I can
Speaker 1: attest to it. I've had major transformations just by really
Speaker 1: listening to myself and trying to turn those negative thoughts
Speaker 1: upside down. And you know, money couldn't have your whole
Speaker 1: life to worry about that, so worry about your happiness first.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for calling in.
Speaker 1: Of course, let us know how everything goes. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: nice to meet. Good luck with your TikTok account. Thanks
Speaker 1: look out for that. Okay, bye bye bye. I love her.
Speaker 1: It's hard to tell somebody it's like, hey, become a dentist.
Speaker 1: It's hard to tell somebody like what to do when
Speaker 1: they're in that situation without knowing that much about a person.
Speaker 1: But also, like twenty eight is that time in your
Speaker 1: life where it's like, what the funk am I doing?
Speaker 1: You know, lots of transitions. Yeah, well let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back to finish up
Speaker 1: with Mandy and Chelsea. And we're back, Katherine, which career
Speaker 1: when you were mentioning Mandy's career transition, which one were
Speaker 1: you talking about? I know, Mandy you had mentioned before
Speaker 1: you made the jump to this as us it was
Speaker 1: like you were a sort of at your wits end.
Speaker 1: Is that right? Yeah? I mean I was like in
Speaker 1: a really toxic relationship and it's sort of made me
Speaker 1: feel and my life feels so small, and I think
Speaker 1: I had been working from such a young age and
Speaker 1: feeling like I had let the machine sort of cool down,
Speaker 1: and trying to like start that back up again what
Speaker 1: it felt impossible, and I felt like I just kept
Speaker 1: hitting every wall, and I thought like maybe it was
Speaker 1: the universe telling me, like you've had your time and
Speaker 1: be grateful for it. Now it's time to move on
Speaker 1: and figure out what you want to do next and
Speaker 1: maybe go back to school. Made move back to Florida,
Speaker 1: and so I had a lot to kind of unpack
Speaker 1: and fight through to sort of figure out and quiet,
Speaker 1: like you said, sort of quiet the negativity and figure
Speaker 1: out like how to just keep putting one ft in
Speaker 1: front of the other. So it did feel like I'm
Speaker 1: major point of transition in life. And isn't that so funny? Though?
Speaker 1: It's so it's like the darkest before the dawn, and
Speaker 1: then you get this huge show that is just like
Speaker 1: a jug or not for a society, and and you
Speaker 1: were in that situation thinking that way about yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like this, I'm no one likes me, I'm
Speaker 1: not a good actor. I can't like I would audition
Speaker 1: for things, and it was just like nothing was firing
Speaker 1: on any cylinder whatsoever. And so it was difficult to
Speaker 1: go sort of reckon with myself, like is this something
Speaker 1: I'm even passionate about anymore? Am I really any good
Speaker 1: at this? Like? Have I had my moment in the
Speaker 1: sun and again just be grateful for it and sort
Speaker 1: of bow out gracefully. There was like so many directions
Speaker 1: I sort of could have gone and and then lo
Speaker 1: and behold, that particular job just sort of came into
Speaker 1: my life and changed everything. But I think I also
Speaker 1: had done a lot of the work in order for
Speaker 1: that opportunity to sort of present itself. I can still
Speaker 1: relate to that. I can still relate to all of
Speaker 1: those feelings, and it's so important for us to talking
Speaker 1: about that because people look at us like we have
Speaker 1: all this success and all this you know, everyone's a
Speaker 1: human being. Everybody has self doubt. Everybody thinks like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, is it's my time in the sun over?
Speaker 1: Like I've had that exact thought at different parts of
Speaker 1: my career so many times, going I guess that's just it,
Speaker 1: and it's like no, when you know what your purposes
Speaker 1: and you know what your purposes and you know Catherine,
Speaker 1: what your purpose is, it's like you're never done. There
Speaker 1: are just different phases to what is happening, and sometimes
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel great or it doesn't feel but those
Speaker 1: are usually just young thoughts that creep up and we
Speaker 1: have these kinds of insecurities and then right before you
Speaker 1: know it, you get another confirmation that you're exactly where
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be and you're doing exactly what you're
Speaker 1: meant to be doing. Yeah, And those moments of self doubt,
Speaker 1: like I've come to realize, like those moments where just
Speaker 1: the natural ebb and flow of life of like the
Speaker 1: wave cresting and then falling back into it's all part
Speaker 1: of it. Those moments of downtime can be used as
Speaker 1: moments reflection and fuel you for the next ride wherever
Speaker 1: you're going after you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 1: I've I've come to sort of try to view it,
Speaker 1: I guess in that context. Yeah, my friend once said
Speaker 1: something to me. There's a time for planting, and then
Speaker 1: there's a time to harvest. Don't forget about the time
Speaker 1: to plant, like that is as valuable asters Yeah, and
Speaker 1: we get and when things get quiet, it's a it's
Speaker 1: another growth spurt. But we don't always see it that
Speaker 1: way until it's over and then we go, oh oh,
Speaker 1: so how much more powerful would it be to have
Speaker 1: the growth spurt and know you're going through the growth spurt? Yeah? Well,
Speaker 1: as we wrap up, Mandy, is there any advice that
Speaker 1: you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Yes, I'd love
Speaker 1: to hear both of you. I'm constantly asking myself this question,
Speaker 1: But I wonder what advice you would have in terms
Speaker 1: of what are some small ways that both of you
Speaker 1: find to bring a little bit of extra joy into
Speaker 1: your daily life. Well, I just started writing that grated
Speaker 1: you thing every morning. My friend told me to do
Speaker 1: it for twenty one days, and I've passed the twenty
Speaker 1: one days. And now I got home last night and
Speaker 1: I did it at night, and then I did it
Speaker 1: again this morning. And I have to say that, like
Speaker 1: my level of joy has increased significantly since I started
Speaker 1: writing that list, and that's a new thing for me.
Speaker 1: But I am just joyful because when you have to
Speaker 1: write what you're grateful for your I'm like my bed
Speaker 1: room service, Like what am I? You run out of things?
Speaker 1: But then it just it's a such a reflection of
Speaker 1: how great things are, you know. And I guess maybe
Speaker 1: since the election, everything seems a little bit more joyful,
Speaker 1: so maybe I'm giving credit to something, you know, like
Speaker 1: that brings me like I'm so happy. I'm so happy
Speaker 1: that this happened and it's looking like, you know, democracy
Speaker 1: is still intact, and that makes me joyful. But I
Speaker 1: really think this thing about reminding yourself what to be
Speaker 1: grateful for, because when you write it every morning, you know,
Speaker 1: you kind of want to like differentiate, you could repeat yourself,
Speaker 1: but you know, makes you think about all the people
Speaker 1: in your family, and it makes it all your friends
Speaker 1: and all a little people in your life that not
Speaker 1: little people but the people you don't see as much
Speaker 1: or that play smaller roles in your life, you realize
Speaker 1: how integral they are, you know, as instagral as the
Speaker 1: people you spend more time with. So it's always just
Speaker 1: a good reminder. And do you literally just write a
Speaker 1: list or do you like elaborate I write could be like,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the dinner I had last night. I'm
Speaker 1: grateful for my assistant Carla. I'm grateful for my bow.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful my sister had safe surgery. It's just like,
Speaker 1: can be all over the I'm grateful that my special
Speaker 1: is coming out on Netflix. You know, like it can
Speaker 1: be materialistic, it can be a person. It could be
Speaker 1: I'm grateful to be alive. I just yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I I used to kind of essue all of that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, and now I'm really knee deep in
Speaker 1: all of it. And it shows, like I feel younger
Speaker 1: and lighter and happier. What about you, Catherine, what brings
Speaker 1: you joy? Well, this is something I've been doing lately
Speaker 1: that feels very outside of the box for me because
Speaker 1: I'm an excellent cook, but I am a terrible baked.
Speaker 1: Like I know myself to be a bad baker. I
Speaker 1: always forget to put on a timer or I don't
Speaker 1: measure correctly. But I've decided to just do the easiest
Speaker 1: possible version of baking. I just looked up what is
Speaker 1: the easiest recipe for biscuits, and I've been making them,
Speaker 1: and amazingly they've been turning out perfectly. So like once
Speaker 1: a week, I've just been making biscuits and I feel
Speaker 1: like the homemaker, like I can finally make So that's
Speaker 1: something that's been just like small, and I like brings
Speaker 1: me joy once a week. So I love both of
Speaker 1: these things. Guys, I might incorporate like a chocolate chip
Speaker 1: cookie instead of a bisk but I love that these
Speaker 1: are both two very very concrete bits of advice in
Speaker 1: terms of joy. I saw I read somewhere recently that
Speaker 1: if you can just cook yourself one meal even a week,
Speaker 1: just the act of cooking yourself the food and then
Speaker 1: eating the food is an act of joyfulness. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, and I'm like, you know, I do
Speaker 1: get some satisfaction when I make myself scrambled eggs that
Speaker 1: don't go you know, sideways, like or that start out
Speaker 1: as over easy and then turn into scrambles anyway. Do
Speaker 1: you do anything Mandy like that? Do you have a
Speaker 1: practice like meditation or anything like that. I don't, but
Speaker 1: hearing some of your advice today on the show, I
Speaker 1: definitely want to be more active about incorporating that into
Speaker 1: my my routine. Yeah, especially with two little babies, like
Speaker 1: You've got to really have to exercise probably so much
Speaker 1: patience I can imagine, and we have to for the
Speaker 1: next eighteen year. Yeah, exactly. But I'm going to start
Speaker 1: the gratitude journal and the gratitude journaling like that. Just
Speaker 1: that feels like a very easy practice to start and
Speaker 1: keep up. Awesome. Well, it was such a delight seeing
Speaker 1: you spending some time with you. You're so beautiful inside
Speaker 1: and out. Thanks you too, both of you. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. This was such a fantastic way to spend
Speaker 1: an hour. I really appreciate it. Yeah, and I hope
Speaker 1: to see you so than later. Mandy. I hope so
Speaker 1: to thank you both. Have a good one. Thank you
Speaker 1: to bye bye. If you are enjoying what you're hearing,
Speaker 1: you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast,
Speaker 1: and you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: subscribe and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So if
Speaker 1: you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced by
Speaker 1: Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
Speaker 1: by Brad Dickert.