WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Glory Days, Guac Stays 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:01.440 Cutbooms. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.360 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.200 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.480 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.600 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.480 hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:30.680 with Ben Mahler starts right now. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:34.400 In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:41.440 Mahler and Danny g Radio Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas. 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:44.640 As you know because you were a regular listener to 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:48.000 the Overnight show, we are in Las Vegas at a 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:53.560 secret location, deep in the heart of Sin City, doing 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.440 this podcast. We did the radio show from Vegas. I've 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:58.640 not done the show out of Vegas in a while. 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.640 It was cool, it's fun. There's a vibe here, there's 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:04.640 a different energy in Vegas. Had a good time with 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.679 that and kind of neat. Now. Today is Friday, the 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:14.520 twenty second day of August. Tomorrow is the Malor Meet 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:18.920 and Greet here in Vegas. Fired up. Hopefully you can 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:21.479 make it. If you're here in Vegas, you live here. 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:25.400 If you're local. You better be here, and if not, 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:27.800 if you're coming into town, well thank you for that. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:31.880 It's the Stakeout Bar and Grill. We'll be upstairs. There's 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:36.880 a downstairs and upstairs right near NLV forty eight hundred 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:39.800 South Maryland Parkway. All the information is on the social 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:44.160 media channels there. Slug the Hostess with the Mostess is 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:47.640 putting this thing together tomorrow and we're excited about that. 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:50.960 There'll be a special menu, we'll have a few surprises 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:54.000 along the way you get to schmooze. I'll be there, 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:59.200 Loreina will be there, Cooper Loop will be there. Hopefully 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:01.600 you'll be there as well. A good time. We don't 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:04.480 do these things that often, but when we do, there's 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:08.400 always really good stories, always really good stories that pop 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.240 up from these Mallard meet and greets. Now today is 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:17.240 National Tooth Fairy Day this Friday, and I'm not gonna 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:20.639 spend too much time on this because we're a sporty podcast, 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:26.240 unless we're not. I did learn something that I'm sure 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.960 Alf the Alien, o Pinter and Ferg Dog were well 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:33.200 aware of, but I was not. I assume the position 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:37.720 that the tooth fairy goes back hundreds of years that 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:42.000 this is one of those things that goes way way, way, 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:48.800 way way back. But now, according to my research, the 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:53.040 little creature that would pop up and give you a 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:57.760 little money, I know. The American Dental Association helps out 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.799 on that. They're big fans of the tooth so that 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:05.720 little tooth fairy creature, the Toothair a fictional character. Obviously, 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.799 they trace it back to the nineteen twenty so it's 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:10.799 a little over one hundred years ago, which seems like 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:14.400 a long time but in the big picture, not that 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:17.959 not that long a time ago. And the person who 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:23.160 is credited with the mother of the tooth Fairy is 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:28.960 a woman named Eser Watkins Arnold, three names, which means 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:32.120 she might have been a serial killer. I'm kidding, unless 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:36.680 I'm not, but anyway, ether Esther Watkins Arnold wrote an 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:42.280 eight page playlet for children in nineteen twenty seven, so 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.840 a little less than a hundred years ago. The three 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:51.560 act playlet first introduced the tooth Fairy to parents. And yeah, 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:54.760 there have been fairies around for thousands of years. The 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:56.880 myth the legends of fairies have been around for a 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:02.320 long time. However, this is supposedly the first time that 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:08.040 this connection between the fairy and the tooth took place. 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.240 So there you go. On this podcast though the fifth 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:14.880 hour today on this Friday from Vegas, before I get 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:18.000 some more sleep, we've got the Glory Days before the 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:24.560 Glory Days American Injustice as well, but we'll begin with this. 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:30.120 So every so often in my life's work, the business 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:33.520 that I have chosen, the universe taps you on the 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:36.279 show there and says, hey, kid, I know you're not 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:38.680 a kid, but just pretend you're a kid. Hey kid, 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:42.679 remember where you came from. So I got that tap 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:47.000 not long ago. The gods of radio called me back, 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:53.600 and know not literally, not literally, nobody's picking up the 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:57.000 bat phone in twenty twenty five saying hey, get down here, kid. 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:00.760 We've got an opening because the Farm Report and the 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.800 oh bits right between that we need somebody to fill 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:08.080 some time. But metaphorically, if I could say the word, 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:12.240 that would help. Metaphorically, So Dave Smith texts me, and 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:14.159 you might not know who that is, which on paper, 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:19.440 the name Dave Smith could mean you know anyone. Right, 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:23.400 there's probably eleven million Dave Smith in the continentally United States. 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:27.440 In fact, you have probably sat next to three people 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:31.320 named Dave Smith and an Applebee's on a Thursday night. 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:36.440 Another couple that a Chick fil a like on a Saturday. 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:42.159 But this Dave Smith was in the radio game. Either 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:45.400 that or he was in the Witness Protection program. I 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.160 think radio, but who knows. Now, if you were in 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.920 Los Angeles in the late nineties and the early two thousands, 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:59.719 you knew the Bennon Dave Show. The Ben and Dave Show. 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:03.240 We had our own little song was broadcast on the 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:08.080 blowtorch AM eleven fifty, which is now a political talk 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:12.960 radio station, but back then it was kiss AM, which 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:17.120 would later become KXTA that likely means nothing to you. 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:21.840 This is the kind of radio station that ran slogans 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:27.480 like we got big balls, that kind of thing. Now, 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:31.800 some of you have followed my radio sojourn. This was 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:36.440 after I worked as an intern and a radio reporter, 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:41.360 started out in San Diego. This was before I would 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:46.320 host Dodger Talk on the Dodger Radio Network, and also 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:49.719 before my twenty plus year run here at Fox Sports Radio, 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:56.040 before podcasting was even a word, there was the Ben 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:59.440 and Dave Show. Now we were not big time, however, 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:05.720 we smelled the scent of big Time like a Bassett hound. 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.479 We could smell big Time. We walked past and rubbed 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:15.680 shoulders with big Time. We were down the hall from 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:17.880 Rick Dy's. Now, if you're not in radio, and you're 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:19.480 not of a certain age, you have no idea who 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:23.840 Rick D's is. But for those that are of the 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:28.120 age and those that know the history of radio, Rick 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:33.200 D's was not only a morning DJ. He printed money 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:38.320 every morning on Kiss FM one h two point seven 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:44.480 Kiss f M, the iconic top forty radio station in 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:48.080 Los Angeles. And there was Rick Dy's, the morning man, 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:54.040 right there, booming into those microphones. Now these had the name, 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:58.280 these had the cachet. He also had gold records on 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:02.480 the wall. Mister Discouck someone that I was well aware 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:04.880 of growing up in southern California, and he was a 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:09.400 national figure as well. And on the other side of 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:13.880 the building from Kiss FM, we had a fax machine, which, 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:19.000 for you children of the iPhone era, was a machine that, 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.120 believe it or not, would spit out curly pieces of 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:26.600 paper from random strangers. And this, believe it or not, 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:31.480 was how listeners to the radio would Texas. There was 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:36.160 no text messaging back in those days. A facts never 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:40.840 heard of them. Now. Tried telling a gen Zer that 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:45.840 you once begged people to send you jokes via facts 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:51.120 at midnight on a Wednesday. They'll look at you like 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:55.120 you're describing the Pony Express, Like what's wrong with you, 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:59.800 you old head boomer. But somehow it all worked, all 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:05.559 the jigsaw puzzle pieces worked. Now we were daypart nomads 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:09.400 on the Ben and Dave Show. We did middays, we 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:15.120 worked nights, we did mornings occasionally. Essentially we were the 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:19.560 Swiss Army Knife, although we had day parts, as they're 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:22.480 called in radio. If a shift opened up, they would 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:25.880 just toss Ben and Dave in there like duct tape 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:32.720 on a leaky pipe, and what do you know, it stuck. 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:37.839 It stuck. We did game shows that made no sense. 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:43.920 We picked fights with other LA radio stations because local 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:49.560 radio wars are fun. They're fun. Why not. We handed 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:54.600 the microphone to goofball characters who had no business being 0:09:54.640 --> 0:10:01.720 within ten miles of an FCC licensed transmitter. It was chaotic, 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:05.120 it was dumb, the dumb, dumb, dumb, and it was 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:10.160 also glorious. And here's the thing about that show. All 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:14.280 these years later, people listened a lot of people listened 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:19.320 kids would call from their bedrooms with landlines, back when 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:23.120 the phone court would stretch across the hall and go 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.559 on and on and on. We're talking about junior high 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:29.480 school punks dreaming of being the next Mike Piazza or 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:31.839 Nick van Exel, who were the big stars in LA. 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:34.959 Remember at that time, there was no NFL football in LA. 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.760 That was after the Rams had left and the Raiders 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:44.040 had gone back to Oakland. We had teenagers hiding under 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:48.560 the covers with a walkman, college kids diving around the 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:53.800 valley at one am. Right, we had all of those 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.199 things had We had all of those things that were 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:01.160 part of it. And truckers were there, just like we 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:03.200 have on the overnight trukkers who thought we were either 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.560 funny or insane. Long shortman down at the Port of LA. 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:12.480 And those listeners, they're in their thirties, their forties, their 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:17.480 fifties now or older. And those same young punks that 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:23.680 were listening to the Benendeve Show, they've got mortgages, receding hairlines, cholesterol, meds, 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:28.760 bad knees, a sore back, a wife or an ex wife, 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:34.319 kids of their own. However, they remember, all right, they do, 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:37.880 and so when Dave reached out to me about doing 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:42.280 a reunion podcast. I hadn't spoken to him in over 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:48.400 a decade. Our lives have taken different turns in different directions, 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:53.320 and your work friends you're not real friends, and so 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:57.360 you just go your separate ways. And so we set 0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:02.439 a time. He hit record, and then the flag is up. 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:09.360 Suddenly here I am twenty two again. I'm in my 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:13.680 head selling the weight loss wonder drug of the nineteen 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:20.280 nineties body Shaper, which would become Body Solutions. I'm doing 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:24.800 live remotes at a Jiffy Lube in Van Eyes at 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:30.720 seven am on a Saturday, where nobody showed up because shocker, 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.000 no one wants to change their oil and watch two 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:37.559 guys talk about random nonsense into microphones at that hour 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.599 on a Saturday, and I know getting yelled at. I 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.920 remember getting yelled at by the program director who was 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:48.359 basically pig vomit from the Howard Stern movie Private Parts 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:53.240 minus the Charm, Minus the Charm. And this reunion hoot 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:56.319 and Nanny. We'd agreed was going to be one show. 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:58.480 It's gonna be one episode. We'll do it, we'll get 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:00.840 it done with. That's it, And it became two shows 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.920 and then three shows, and before you knew it, it 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:08.880 was a bloody mini series that we had in our hands. 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:14.600 And because once the nostalgia faucet you turn that bad 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.960 boy on, it does not stop drinping. Right, whatever, it's 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.040 nostalgic for you, I'm sure you're the same way for me. 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:25.160 This was a very nostalgic conversation. I hadn't thought about 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:26.960 the Ben and Dave show in a long time. I've 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.960 met a lot of listeners and my travels around to 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.920 the different meet and greets, I'm sure tomorrow I'll probably 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.600 run into somebody who's a Ben and Dave listener. And 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.079 you go through this stuff and you just start remembering 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.560 things that you hadn't thought about, and Dave brought up 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:45.480 stuff that I hadn't thought about in a long time. Now, 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.800 if you want to hear any of this, you can 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:50.800 go over to YouTube. This is not my product, this 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:54.440 is his show. It's not my show. You just search 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:59.600 on YouTube Dave Smith's Unleashed podcast. And if you weren't 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.880 in LA and we have a national following now, which 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.160 we're very lucky to have that stage, if you weren't 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.640 in LA back in the nineties or the early two thousands. 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:12.040 This is either going to feel like a fun time 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:16.040 capsule or like listening to middle aged guys tell inside 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:20.600 jokes at some dive bar that you were not at. 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:25.760 And that's fine, that's fine, that's radio. That's audio content. 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.040 I know this is a podcast, but it's audio radio. 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:32.520 Same thing. Ninety percent of you, and I'm going low. 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:36.360 I think that's actually higher than that. Ninety five ninety 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.880 nine percent will not get it. But for those that do, 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.560 whatever percent that is, whether it's one percent, five percent, 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.280 ten percent, whatever percentage of people listening to me right now, 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.160 you know who you are who get it. You're nodding 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:51.560 right now. I was a kid when I started in radio. 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:53.760 We talked about this with Danny g. Danny was younger 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:57.680 than I was. I was nineteen at the mighty six 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:02.040 ninety in San Diego. I was twenty two by the 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:05.800 time I got my first talk show opportunity, and I 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:07.240 had my own show for a little bit. Then I 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:09.440 did the Ben and Dave Show, and I had no 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.480 clue at that time. You start out young, you have 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:14.840 an idea, you have everything mapped out, and then it's 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:18.040 the old line that God you make your plans, and 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.800 God laughs at you. Right, you have other ideas for 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:24.520 your life. And so I had no concept whether or 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.120 not I was going to be chewed up and spit 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:33.720 out by broadcasting, and I got in the final fumes 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:38.080 of the glory days of radio. Now, radio to me 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:41.120 is very important, and to you it's very important. It's 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:45.040 changed a lot, it's changed a lot. Three decades later, 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:50.040 almost well, it turned out that things have worked out 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:53.040 much better than I could have ever dreamed of. And 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:56.320 here's the secret that nobody really tells you when you're young. 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:59.320 And I'm not like, I don't think of myself as 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:01.120 super Bowl, but it's a good life lesson if you're 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:04.040 younger and you're listening to this, it's a secret that 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:11.600 nobody really gives you. The glory days weren't the big days. 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:14.160 You know, had some really cool things, big moments where 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:19.600 I've been around, certain things that have been legendary and 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:24.040 things that will be remembered for long long after I'm gone. 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:27.720 But the glory days, they were the early days, the dumb, 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.480 the messed up, fly by the seat of your pants, 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.560 make it up as you go, glory days before the 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:37.480 glory days and I want you to know if you're 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:41.080 still listening, God bless you. But if you ever listen 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:42.720 to the Men and Dave show back in those days 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:46.240 and you called it, or you sent us a fax, 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.720 or in your head, you played a game show and 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:54.120 you listen along, and you maybe you showed up to 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:59.200 a remote that we did at a sports bar, thank 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:03.000 you and also congratulations because you were part of this. 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:08.840 You were part of that whole experience which still means something, 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:12.960 it still matters, and so for that, I thank you. 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:19.320 I do seriously, I'm not just blowing smoke. Turning the page. 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:24.760 We go to what I'm calling an American injustice. So 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:27.600 the other day before I got here to Vegas for 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:29.240 the Malor Meet and greet, which is going to be 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:34.240 tomorrow at three o'clock Vegas time. Three to five. Before that, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:41.640 in the cavernous hallways of the iHeart Radio Building, home 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:46.240 of the premier networks, were legends of broadcasting over the 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:50.160 years of work like Casey Cason and Rush Limbaugh right 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:55.480 there in Sherman Oaks, the kind of corporate broadcast palace 0:17:56.200 --> 0:18:01.320 where they serve radio with a side of corporate bureaucracy. 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.600 But we don't see that side at night, because we're 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:09.119 there when those corporate weasels are fastest leep. And so 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:11.520 I was doing my daily steps. Now, if you don't 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:15.040 know this, my mischi goosis, my grandfather would say, my 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:18.119 mom would say, during the commercials, and we don't have 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:20.879 a lot of commercials because it's a very popular show 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:25.119 and we do few commercials. So during the commercials, I 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:30.240 attempt to push back the plague that I have been 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:35.440 given of a sedentary job, and I attempt to keep 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:44.520 my blood flowing. That's right, steps, because that's what you do. Now. 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:46.400 I've done this for a long time. This has been 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:49.439 my one of my things that I've done for a while. 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.440 So you count them. You try to get to ten thousand, 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:57.920 or twelve thousand or fifteen thousand. We're all essentially gerbils 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:01.400 on the wheel of health app, whatever app you use, 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:07.960 and we're competing against time, We're competing against our fellow 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:12.840 homo sapiens. Now, I got the Apple Watch on one wrist. 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.240 I've got I guess you could say shame on the other, like, 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:20.600 you gotta do this, you gotta get your steps in anyway, 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:27.160 So somewhere around the corridors in a very short, very 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:32.359 short commercial break on the Ben Mallor Overnight radio show. 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:39.080 I hear off in the distance a faint clank. Now 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:44.200 this was a metallic banging sound that I heard off 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:49.679 in the distance in the blue yonder. At first, I 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:52.040 was thinking, well, what is that. It's like, maybe there's 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:56.840 doing some construction, or maybe there's a janitorial maintenance guy 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:01.760 that's tightening some bolts somewhere down the hall. And then 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:05.880 I realized, hey, stupid, it's the middle of the night. 0:20:06.160 --> 0:20:10.080 They don't repair things in the middle of the night, 0:20:10.280 --> 0:20:13.639 and other than working on the roads, they don't do construction, 0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:17.000 real construction in the middle of the night. And there's 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:20.520 nobody else in the building other than the crew that 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:24.800 was there for the radio show. Okay, So then I'm like, 0:20:25.080 --> 0:20:26.760 what is this? I keep hearing this in and I 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:30.879 was like, did a raccoon get in the ceiling duct? 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:35.240 Was there a super duper cockroach that was hit with 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:41.120 nukes and was bouncing around the ceiling or worse, a 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:47.200 fentanyl freak or meth head showed up. So I kept 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:52.640 walking and no, that was not the case. So as 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:56.160 I get closer, as you might imagine the way these 0:20:56.200 --> 0:20:59.240 things work, the noise got louder, got a little sharper, 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:05.639 and then the big reveal. It was not a raccoon, 0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:11.160 It was not a cockroach that had been hit with nukes. 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:15.879 Wasn't a fentanyl freak or a meth head. There I 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:20.359 saw in front of me the kid from Liar Liar, 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:26.119 Justin Cooper, the producer of the Ben Maler Show. And 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:34.480 there's Coop standing in front of this much taller, broader monster, 0:21:34.600 --> 0:21:38.440 this vending machine. And he's standing there like he had 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:42.960 just discovered the Rosetta Stone, not the malar of Rosetta Stone, 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:49.000 the actual Rosetta Stone. However, this was not the Rosetta 0:21:49.040 --> 0:21:53.240 Stone as you might imagine it. This was the stone 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:57.160 that was made out of glass. And behind it, taunting 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:01.520 Cooper Loop, was a bag, not just any bag, a 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:07.359 bag of guacamole chips. Now you're likely wondering who would 0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:12.040 buy quak chips at a vending machine at two in 0:22:12.080 --> 0:22:19.160 the morning, Robert Nick Mnison, Well, I will not say 0:22:19.359 --> 0:22:23.280 who that person is, but their name rhymes with koop alop. 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:27.320 It could happen at any moment, Ben that right there. 0:22:28.200 --> 0:22:31.520 So the chips, though they refuse to budge. So here 0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:35.639 I am standing next to Koop and the machines in 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:39.720 front of us, and the quak chips are really wedged 0:22:39.760 --> 0:22:43.439 in there, dangling though, just enough where you're like, well, 0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:47.480 I know they're wedged, but maybe maybe that thing's gonna 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:53.439 fall down. And a crime had been committed. A crime 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:58.199 had been committed, and the victim here was Coop. The 0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:03.000 culprit was an early nineteen nineties. This is our person 0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:08.960 of interest in early nineteen nineties. Vending machine. A monstrosity, 0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:11.919 if you will, that's the proper way to describe it. 0:23:12.119 --> 0:23:15.320 The great equalizer of office life. Now we were at 0:23:15.359 --> 0:23:18.360 a radio station, but there's an office there as well, 0:23:18.400 --> 0:23:20.879 like the vending machine. Let me tell you what the 0:23:20.960 --> 0:23:24.560 vending machines like. I got the perfect analogy. The vending 0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:31.360 machine is like going to the ballet. A beautiful, amazing 0:23:33.480 --> 0:23:41.000 stripper who is programmed to tease, to tantalize, but ultimately 0:23:41.080 --> 0:23:45.960 to deny what you want unless maybe you pay extra. 0:23:46.000 --> 0:23:49.919 I'm just saying. I'm just saying. So now I should 0:23:49.920 --> 0:23:53.520 tell you that I leapt into actually be very proud 0:23:53.560 --> 0:23:57.680 of me, that I'm not just a gas bag. No, no, no, 0:23:57.720 --> 0:24:00.919 I did the thing that any red blood American or 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:06.840 Canadian or Mexican would do now here. I am some 0:24:07.040 --> 0:24:10.040 just middle aged, red blooded American. I got a couple 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:14.520 of decades there, sports talk, radio, service time, got a 0:24:14.560 --> 0:24:16.760 bad knee back that's aching. 0:24:16.840 --> 0:24:22.960 And here I am trying to tip the machine. I'm 0:24:23.040 --> 0:24:27.320 using my superman like strength. I told myself, you must 0:24:27.359 --> 0:24:33.000 have been herculean resolve. My internal voice was saying Herculean resolved. 0:24:33.920 --> 0:24:36.919 You know, the drill push from the side, rocket like 0:24:36.960 --> 0:24:39.240 a baby rocket, A little bit. 0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:41.359 Not too much, you don't want to tip it over. 0:24:41.920 --> 0:24:46.160 Got a rocket like you're moving a stubborn sofa through 0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:51.200 a narrow doorway at your apartment. And Coop and I 0:24:51.280 --> 0:24:53.600 we start doing this side by side. So I'm on 0:24:53.600 --> 0:24:59.040 one side, Coops on the other. It's like synchronized swimming 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:06.560 versus Goliath, except Goliath is filled with do Rito's, snickers 0:25:06.800 --> 0:25:12.840 and PEPSI and sadly, I must report to you, my 0:25:13.040 --> 0:25:17.120 fellow member of the mal or militia, but this story 0:25:17.240 --> 0:25:22.160 does not, I repeat, does not have a happy ending. 0:25:23.720 --> 0:25:30.120 You see, we failed the machine. Despite a minutes long battle. 0:25:31.359 --> 0:25:34.720 The machine did not yield, the chips did not drop. 0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:42.560 Coop walked away, hungry, quacamoleleus no chips, and both of 0:25:42.640 --> 0:25:48.000 us were a little defeated. But here's the thing. I 0:25:48.080 --> 0:25:51.359 want you to know that we were not failures because 0:25:51.359 --> 0:25:54.960 we tried. And that is the mantra for those that 0:25:55.000 --> 0:25:59.240 have been on the vending machine battlefield. If you rattle 0:25:59.359 --> 0:26:04.400 the cave and the snack does not fall, it's not 0:26:04.880 --> 0:26:08.879 you must have quit. It's you're still the man because 0:26:08.920 --> 0:26:15.520 at least you had the intentional fortitude to try. You 0:26:15.760 --> 0:26:21.120 gave it the old effort. That's what matters. And that's 0:26:21.160 --> 0:26:23.520 a pretty good jumping off point. So let's pause right there. 0:26:23.920 --> 0:26:28.600 So vending machines. Vending machines are one of the last 0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:34.560 bastions of American injustice if you think about it. And no, 0:26:34.720 --> 0:26:38.480 I am not drinking ayahuasca tea in the Amazon with 0:26:38.600 --> 0:26:42.400 Joe Rogan and Aaron Rodgers. Just think about this though. 0:26:43.240 --> 0:26:46.600 Let me workshop this, Let me workshop this, So think 0:26:46.640 --> 0:26:53.040 about American injustice. You feed the vending machine dollars, Chris 0:26:53.560 --> 0:27:01.920 Green dollars or some cases quarters heavy honest, You make 0:27:01.960 --> 0:27:07.199 your selection, You punch in a thirteen a thirteen, You 0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:12.120 make your selection, and sometimes the machine decides it's stubborn. 0:27:12.240 --> 0:27:15.640 It just says no, It says this is not your day, 0:27:16.280 --> 0:27:19.879 and it takes your money. It then mocks you. The 0:27:19.920 --> 0:27:23.800 way it mocks you is it dangles your your booty, 0:27:24.040 --> 0:27:29.159 your bounty, your prize bounty in plain sight. It offers 0:27:29.200 --> 0:27:34.160 no refunds. There's no appeals court, there's no complaint line, 0:27:34.800 --> 0:27:40.000 there's no arbitration panel in New York City. There's no 0:27:40.160 --> 0:27:45.680 billboard lawyers saying which vending machine hurts you? You see, 0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:50.919 there's just the cool indifference of a little spiral piece 0:27:50.960 --> 0:27:56.520 of metal that refuses to just turn one more time. Now, 0:27:56.600 --> 0:28:03.560 Professor Rashid Wallace taught me years ago, Tommy ben Ball 0:28:03.800 --> 0:28:13.600 don't lie. However, vending machines absolutely do. They absolutely do. 0:28:13.680 --> 0:28:20.320 And here's the kicker. There is a high resolution video 0:28:21.720 --> 0:28:28.160 I am talking professional video that's right of this whole thing, 0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:35.600 the vending machine brew Haha, this massive hunk of glass 0:28:35.880 --> 0:28:41.120 and aluminum that should be sold at a nineteen nineties 0:28:41.240 --> 0:28:45.240 vintage store in you know, it's just mocking its victims. 0:28:45.760 --> 0:28:52.960 The beast is under twenty four seven surveillance. I'm talking 0:28:52.960 --> 0:28:58.240 about video security cameras. It's like the Pentagon or Fort 0:28:58.360 --> 0:29:03.360