Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect, oh Ship we want to air.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your
Speaker 1: girl just hilarious. Now listen. A couple of days ago,
Speaker 1: it was Mother's Day and I want to take the
Speaker 1: time to acknowledge all the mothers like I did on
Speaker 1: my Live On actual Mother's Day, I took my mother
Speaker 1: to Vegas. As y'all know, my mother had a really
Speaker 1: hard year last year, one of the hardest years of
Speaker 1: her life following her divorce. Her and my dad are
Speaker 1: in a good space right now. And just a brief
Speaker 1: update on me and my dad. We are communicating now.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy about it. He texted me and told
Speaker 1: me Happy Mother's Day. Yass out yet, you know I
Speaker 1: was happy as hell. Japa for joy. No one wants
Speaker 1: to be without their dad if their dad is alive.
Speaker 1: No one wants to be without their dad if their
Speaker 1: dad isn't alive. You know what I mean. In most instances,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be without a dad. So I'm
Speaker 1: so happy that that man reached out to me. That
Speaker 1: was a quick update. Now my mother, I got to
Speaker 1: see her smile so hard. I got to see her
Speaker 1: glow like right before my eyes. I got to see
Speaker 1: her just thrive off of herself and be in her
Speaker 1: most comfortable space and her most confident state. I've got
Speaker 1: to see that she has lost weight. My mom has
Speaker 1: one of the most beautiful smiles, she has the prettiest
Speaker 1: skin like. She's just a radiant, beautiful black woman. And
Speaker 1: it really blots here to my eyes on actual Mother's
Speaker 1: Day because she was so overwhelmed with happiness. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I had a show at the Mirrage on Friday. Now, y'all,
Speaker 1: I don't think it was gonna be a good weekend
Speaker 1: because this is the first time I haven't sold out
Speaker 1: a casino in Vegas. Now, I want a couple of
Speaker 1: months ago me and ch Go being co headlined together
Speaker 1: at the Mirage. But every year before that, I've sold
Speaker 1: it out every time. And this particularly year, Chris Rock
Speaker 1: was right across the street. That's Heaser was doing his
Speaker 1: show Friday and Saturday. You know, so surrounding all of
Speaker 1: his controversy, you know, with the slap and everything, people
Speaker 1: are curious to see what he has to talk about
Speaker 1: on stage, although he told everyone that he's not even
Speaker 1: talking about getting slapped and ship until he gets paid.
Speaker 1: I don't know who he's suing or who's paying him,
Speaker 1: but he said he's not talking about that ship, which
Speaker 1: I can respect. But people wanted to just see if
Speaker 1: he would even briefly touch on it. So of course
Speaker 1: my show was shortened by people who wanted to go
Speaker 1: see Chris Rock. I ain't gonna lie. I wanted to
Speaker 1: go see the Nicotu. But um, overall, the show was
Speaker 1: sevent sold out. I wish it could have been a hundred,
Speaker 1: but I'm still blessed in Holly favorite to say that
Speaker 1: I put seventy of the whole capacity, and the seats
Speaker 1: that night on Friday, they all came to laugh at
Speaker 1: the infamous jet hilarious. So I do think everyone that
Speaker 1: came out, and all the people who bought their moms
Speaker 1: out to my show. Like I said, I didn't think
Speaker 1: it was gonna be a good weekend because I hate
Speaker 1: under selling, but my mom's happiness made up for that.
Speaker 1: We landed Friday. I took her to restaurant that she's
Speaker 1: never even seen. I took her to see Bruno, Mars
Speaker 1: and Anderson Pack, you know, Silk Sonic. She sat right
Speaker 1: next to Titia Campbell, Gina from Martin. A lot of
Speaker 1: people don't know her real name. I don't know how
Speaker 1: you can't, but yeah, she had a blast. She had
Speaker 1: a ball. I was very excited for her, and for
Speaker 1: the first time I felt like her parents. Growing up,
Speaker 1: all my mother did for me and my brother was
Speaker 1: trying to make us happy, worked hard day and day out.
Speaker 1: Her and my dad. No, we really didn't get to travel.
Speaker 1: I mean that really wasn't on our palette growing up,
Speaker 1: small family from Baltimore. However, me and my brother were
Speaker 1: still spoiled. We just never really got to travel a
Speaker 1: lot of places, just because that just wasn't my family's thing.
Speaker 1: So as I stepped into my stardom and I started traveling,
Speaker 1: my mother became very curious. But she was always scared
Speaker 1: to get on a plane. She never wanted to ste
Speaker 1: on a plane for longer than an hour, so you know,
Speaker 1: she just never flown as much. When I say this
Speaker 1: woman had the time of her life, and me watching that,
Speaker 1: it was like she was just reborn again, the happiness
Speaker 1: across her face every day, every day we did something.
Speaker 1: I took her to Madam Two Sides, the Museum you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of y'all probably already went there. She could
Speaker 1: not believe it. She's never seen a wax figure in
Speaker 1: her face before. Just the smaller things made her so appreciative.
Speaker 1: I took her an s t K, one of the
Speaker 1: best steakhouses in Vegas. In my opinion. STK is beautiful.
Speaker 1: I took it a Benny Hanna you know she had
Speaker 1: She's had hibachi before, but it was just a different experience.
Speaker 1: The chef that we got, he was a comedian, actually
Speaker 1: an influencer, you know, this Asian duty was hilarious, funny
Speaker 1: as hell. The food was good, the atmosphere was banging,
Speaker 1: you know. With at Benny Hanna's you made get seated
Speaker 1: with strangers unless your party is big enough to take
Speaker 1: up the whole table. Me being just hilarious, I don't care.
Speaker 1: I'm a people's person. Anyway, we set with strangers. This
Speaker 1: woman had a smile. I know, her cheekbones got to
Speaker 1: be hurting. Okay, she had so much fun and like
Speaker 1: I said, for the first time, she wasn't making me happy.
Speaker 1: I was making her happy. It was just making me
Speaker 1: happy to see her smile. All my mom has done
Speaker 1: has lived her life for her children and her family,
Speaker 1: like she just always was a provider and a caretaker
Speaker 1: for us, where she kind of like forgot about herself
Speaker 1: throughout the years. Because even her job consists of taking
Speaker 1: care of kids. She's a childcare administrator, she has a preschool,
Speaker 1: she takes care of children. So she's been taking care
Speaker 1: of people her whole life. Not to mention her mom,
Speaker 1: who was now deceased, my grandmother, Arline, she took care
Speaker 1: of her too, So that's all she's been doing. And
Speaker 1: she's been just the most selfless woman up until now.
Speaker 1: It's never too late to start living for yourself. Never
Speaker 1: too late. My mom is fifty four. She has so
Speaker 1: much life left that she didn't even realize until she
Speaker 1: started living for herself, until she started taking risk, until
Speaker 1: she started living spontaneously and just being more outgoing and
Speaker 1: not worrying about failing, and not worrying about who's watching,
Speaker 1: and not worrying about the validation of other people. And
Speaker 1: in that I'm not even talking about social media. WI
Speaker 1: hasn't talking about her family, you know, trying to look perfect.
Speaker 1: She's always been the perfect mom to me, but now
Speaker 1: she's more perfect than she's ever been. If you love me,
Speaker 1: You'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Mother's Day I got to spend it with my mom
Speaker 1: out of town and another element, so that made me
Speaker 1: feel good. But I also wanted to make up for
Speaker 1: her being without her mom on Mother's Day. My mother
Speaker 1: and my grandmother were very close. My grandmother had other children,
Speaker 1: but she was the closest to my mother, and it
Speaker 1: was very hard when we lost her. It was hard
Speaker 1: for my mother, and she still didn't shed one tear
Speaker 1: in front of her children. She's just been the backbone
Speaker 1: for the family since I was born. But I know
Speaker 1: it hurts her. I'm grown now and I can think
Speaker 1: back on things, and I'm like, I remember hearing her
Speaker 1: cry at night, she would close her door, stuff like that,
Speaker 1: just struggling, not having her mom, not being happy, not
Speaker 1: you know, but she will wake up and put that
Speaker 1: smile on every day where now she doesn't have to
Speaker 1: wake up and where a mask for a smile, It's
Speaker 1: genuinely there. I want to pay how much to the
Speaker 1: people who have lost their moms as well, just like
Speaker 1: my mother, he gets very hard being without the person
Speaker 1: that birth with you, especially if you were very close
Speaker 1: to them. I have friends who don't have their moms anymore.
Speaker 1: I have x Is who has lost their moms. I
Speaker 1: have family who has lost their moms, and it affects
Speaker 1: them all differently. I see Ashton's dad, he doesn't have
Speaker 1: his mom. It affects Rome tremendously that he doesn't have
Speaker 1: his mother. Keisha was his everything. He found his mother dead.
Speaker 1: That's a story that he tells quite frequently, and it
Speaker 1: hits him like a ton of bricks every time he's
Speaker 1: telling the story, whether he's drunk or sober. He hasn't
Speaker 1: moved on yet. Rome is thirty. He lost his mom
Speaker 1: twenty years ago. Some people never get over that hurt
Speaker 1: of losing someone. That's why he feels abandoned in certain relationships.
Speaker 1: That's why he feels abandoned so much. That's why I'm
Speaker 1: always there for him. That's why he's never gonna stop
Speaker 1: being my friend, my closest friend. Rome is like my
Speaker 1: best friend. We're not attracted to each other at all,
Speaker 1: but I would give him my last I would do
Speaker 1: anything for him that he needed me to do within reason,
Speaker 1: of course, you know, and I know he would do
Speaker 1: the same. He's a very fragile person. He's a great
Speaker 1: person and he has great intentions, but he's a very
Speaker 1: damaged person. He's so fragile, and that comes from losing
Speaker 1: his mother. I remember having a conversation with him where
Speaker 1: he actually had blamed her for leaving. You know, you
Speaker 1: can start actually developing that in your mind, developing a
Speaker 1: certain blame on the person that you lost in your
Speaker 1: mind if you feel as if you didn't get a
Speaker 1: proper goodbye. And that's how he felt. That's how he
Speaker 1: felt for a long time. And he's come a long way,
Speaker 1: because no, he doesn't feel that way anymore. But I
Speaker 1: remember when I first met him, it really really hurt him.
Speaker 1: We were heading into our twenties. We were both eighteen
Speaker 1: going on nineteen. Had Ashton when I was twenty, and
Speaker 1: ever since that year, I just every Mother's Day since
Speaker 1: I met Rome, I've had twelve Mother's Days with him,
Speaker 1: and each one is always the same as hard. He'll
Speaker 1: get flowers, he'll go to his mom's grave and talk
Speaker 1: to her for hours, He'll cry four hours. He'll drink
Speaker 1: that day to try to numb the pain of missing
Speaker 1: her and reminiscing when I'm trying to tell him, it's
Speaker 1: okay to reminisce, and it doesn't always help reassuring these
Speaker 1: people that their mother is in a better place, because
Speaker 1: that's not a better place to them. The better place
Speaker 1: will be with them. But things happen in life. You
Speaker 1: know when you can't either let it scar you or
Speaker 1: build you make you stronger. Like I said, I've had
Speaker 1: exes who has lost their moms and it affects them
Speaker 1: tremendously because these men don't really know how to love.
Speaker 1: If they've lost their mom at young ages, the life
Speaker 1: was cut short, so their mother didn't get finished raising
Speaker 1: a lot of them, So how would they know how
Speaker 1: to go about loving and securing friendships and being able
Speaker 1: to even parent themselves. It affects you in different types
Speaker 1: of ways. I have a friend she lost her mother
Speaker 1: and you would never even know. Of course, she has
Speaker 1: those days where she she dreads Mother's Day. She has
Speaker 1: her days where she just feels like this would be
Speaker 1: so much easier with my mom. But she's such a
Speaker 1: bubbly person and she spreads love. She continues to make
Speaker 1: sure she's there for people. She has such a huge heart.
Speaker 1: Then I have friends who have lost their moms who
Speaker 1: I know are on drugs now because they can't deal
Speaker 1: with the every day being without that person. They were
Speaker 1: so close to them, they can't let the hurt go.
Speaker 1: I just want to let you guys know, it gets better.
Speaker 1: It can get better. You have to be open to
Speaker 1: things like therapy, talking to your other family members. Talk
Speaker 1: to your dad. If you don't have your dad, talked
Speaker 1: to your grandparents, you don't have your grandparents, go look
Speaker 1: for love and those cousins and your aunt's your uncle's.
Speaker 1: Family is like the biggest thing you know, and a
Speaker 1: lot of times family deceive you. But family is really
Speaker 1: all you have in this world if you think about it,
Speaker 1: And that's why you have to try to make the
Speaker 1: best of it, because when you leave this earth, it's
Speaker 1: really not about what you didn't get to do. It's
Speaker 1: about the people that you leave behind and how much
Speaker 1: they miss you and the memories and the thoughts that
Speaker 1: they have of you when you're gone. You know a
Speaker 1: lot of people always say, oh, you didn't care until
Speaker 1: he died, You didn't care until she died. You didn't care,
Speaker 1: And that is true. I always feel that. So that's
Speaker 1: why you have to check on your family's You have
Speaker 1: to stay in better in people's lives. Even if you
Speaker 1: don't really necessarily deem it necessary, you will when they pass.
Speaker 1: If they're your family. Everyone who's going through something with
Speaker 1: their mother, you only get one of those. If there
Speaker 1: are drug addictions, if they're selfishness. I was just watching
Speaker 1: eight miles. That's really a true story because there are
Speaker 1: moms like that, Rabbit's mom, the character Eminem played, which
Speaker 1: I believe was his self. That's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's a true story. It's a true story because there
Speaker 1: are really moms like that who depend on men who
Speaker 1: put other people before their their children, who put habits
Speaker 1: before their children, who put you know, men, friendships, going out, nightlife, anything,
Speaker 1: your children. Remember that. Your children are like sponges, and
Speaker 1: then they remember and they can one day pull you
Speaker 1: up on this ship. Hold up, hold up, I know
Speaker 1: the ship getting good. But listen to just a couple
Speaker 1: of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: I have family members who don't even have relationships with
Speaker 1: their parents because of how they were neglected growing up,
Speaker 1: and I still pushed them to go and make that right.
Speaker 1: You never know what someone is going through when you
Speaker 1: become a mother at a young age and you don't
Speaker 1: even have the slightest of of a good upbringing, then
Speaker 1: that's projected onto your children and should is hereditary. That
Speaker 1: shi is in your blood, that sh is in your
Speaker 1: personality and traits that are passed down from your parents.
Speaker 1: So you have to break cycles and you have to
Speaker 1: realize that you have to figure out ways to do
Speaker 1: that methodically. I also want to give a shout out
Speaker 1: to the moms who can't have children but they still
Speaker 1: raise children, the moms who don't have children biologically, but
Speaker 1: they still raise children, because just because you didn't pop
Speaker 1: a baby out does not mean you are not a mother.
Speaker 1: My mother is a mother to so many kids that
Speaker 1: she didn't even biologically have. My mother biologically has two children,
Speaker 1: but she has so many other kids that she's raised
Speaker 1: and she's helped raise. There are women who take other
Speaker 1: people's kids, and my great grandmother she did. They care
Speaker 1: for a living. One day, somebody left their child and
Speaker 1: never came back. She could have took that child to
Speaker 1: their father. She could have took that child to the
Speaker 1: emergency contact on the damn card. She took that baby
Speaker 1: in Richard, he's my cousin and even though my great
Speaker 1: grandmother raised Richard with all the love and care that
Speaker 1: she could I'm talking about, gave him everything he wanted,
Speaker 1: spoiled him to the point where he was bad. He
Speaker 1: was bad as shit, and he got away with everything.
Speaker 1: And that's because he was favored by my great grandmother
Speaker 1: because he was left there, so she always had a
Speaker 1: soft spot. She always sympathized with his behavior. She always
Speaker 1: let him get away with a lot of ship because
Speaker 1: that was his way of lashing out. He missed his mother.
Speaker 1: She left him as a kid. I think he was
Speaker 1: like five or six. That affected him. He grew up
Speaker 1: and he's now grown grown ass man and he still
Speaker 1: has issues, mental issues. But his mother did too. She
Speaker 1: was a young woman, beautiful young lady, but she had
Speaker 1: issues and that's why she left her son. She knew
Speaker 1: he would be safe with my great grandmother. That doesn't
Speaker 1: justify her leaving him, which as a mother, she still
Speaker 1: had to make that decision as a young addict mentally ill,
Speaker 1: she still knew to leave him with someone that she
Speaker 1: knew would take care of him. But that still affects
Speaker 1: him even as an adult right now. And it's bad
Speaker 1: because he don't know where she is. And my great
Speaker 1: grandmother has now passed, and he was so bad growing
Speaker 1: up that he burned a lot of bridges with a
Speaker 1: lot of my family. So it's just like now he
Speaker 1: could probably be lost again, you know. So it's a pattern.
Speaker 1: It's a generational curse a lot, and people go through things.
Speaker 1: You never know what they're going through and you never
Speaker 1: know how they're coping to get through it. So with
Speaker 1: that being said, I do want to shout out every
Speaker 1: kind of mother, the biological moms, the foster care moms.
Speaker 1: That is a hard thing to do, being a foster
Speaker 1: care more. My aunt has been a foster care mom forever.
Speaker 1: She has had children that has abused her, stolen from
Speaker 1: her everything. You never know what you're gonna get when
Speaker 1: you adopt. You never know where these people come from,
Speaker 1: who birth these kids, just how messed up their parents were,
Speaker 1: what they're gonna be like, what they actually inherited from
Speaker 1: their parents, You don't know. It's like reaching in a
Speaker 1: hat with your eyes cloths and pulling out something you
Speaker 1: don't know what it's gonna be. That's anonymous, that's a gamble,
Speaker 1: but it's nothing wrong with it. That just goes to
Speaker 1: show you people have hearts. If you can really take
Speaker 1: on the responsibility of raising someone that you did not
Speaker 1: biologically have, that you know may potentially have problems that
Speaker 1: didn't come from you, you are a brave ass person. Now.
Speaker 1: A lot of people do it for the wrong reasons.
Speaker 1: A lot of people adopt children for money. A lot
Speaker 1: of people get into the foster care business for benefits,
Speaker 1: which is fucked up as well. But you do have
Speaker 1: people that genuinely care for kids, genuinely care for these
Speaker 1: orphans and motherless children and perilous children. That takes a
Speaker 1: certain type of person, And I just want to commend
Speaker 1: those who do the work because you will forever be
Speaker 1: blessed in ways that you can't even imagine. And just
Speaker 1: like that, I'm gonna end this episode because this is
Speaker 1: very emotional for me. I love you guys. Tune in
Speaker 1: next week every week. Too Carefully Reckless and in my
Speaker 1: deepest Pam voice, peace. Oh. Carefully Reckless is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.