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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: This week listener guest is Dakota Evivold. She lives in Minnesota.

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Speaker 2: She's been married for two years, has a seven seven

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Speaker 2: month old baby girl, and she is our special guest

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Speaker 2: this week. Cannot wait to talk to her. And remember,

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Speaker 2: if you want to be a special guest on our

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Speaker 2: listener episode, please feel free to dm us at the

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Speaker 2: wind Down podcast And again you can be incognito if

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Speaker 2: you want, or you can join on zoom whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: But we'd love to chat with you. I'd love to

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Speaker 2: talk to you and let's get her on.

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Speaker 3: Hey, how are you?

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Speaker 1: My gosh good, how are you? I'm true.

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Speaker 3: Oh, you're so sweet. It's nice to meet you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's nice to meet you too.

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Speaker 3: So where are you based.

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Speaker 1: I'm in Fergus Falls, Minnesota, Minnesota. In Minnesota.

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Speaker 3: Mock the accent.

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Speaker 1: Everybody says I have an accent.

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Speaker 2: No, but it's only because when I get around my

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Speaker 2: Michigan people, I've got Rachel. I'm going to call you

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Speaker 2: out right now, girl, if you're listening. But she like

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Speaker 2: she specifically has like the strongest of the accents in

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Speaker 2: my little girl, in my girl group in Michigan, but

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Speaker 2: very like a's, like the Nasally A's and stuff, And

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Speaker 2: I had to kind of train myself to get out

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Speaker 2: of that when I moved to Los Angeles because a

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Speaker 2: casting director had made fun of me, I dropped it.

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Speaker 2: But when I'm around my friends or my mom, I'm like, hey, mom,

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Speaker 2: I want to snack. You know, Alan will then hear it?

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Speaker 1: Is it pretty strong?

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Speaker 2: Ben, You're it's not as bad as other people that

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Speaker 2: I know from Minnesota. Yeah. But anyway, so you've been

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Speaker 2: married for two years. You have a seven month old

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Speaker 2: baby girl.

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Speaker 1: I do, yes, congrats, thank you. She's the sweetest. I

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Speaker 1: didn't know until I had my own child that being

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Speaker 1: a mom is literally the best thing in the whole

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Speaker 1: wide world. It is, and I've been waiting my whole life,

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Speaker 1: so it's it's so cool.

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Speaker 3: How old are you?

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Speaker 1: I am twenty seven?

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Speaker 3: My seven?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's I mean, it's the best

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Speaker 2: and it's also the hardest too, And I feel like

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Speaker 2: you're at that such a sweet age, Like I think

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Speaker 2: six to like ten months or six to a year

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Speaker 2: is one of my favorite stages because they're just starting

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Speaker 2: to roam a bit, they're starting to just like really

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Speaker 2: the smiles, Like it's such a sweet age.

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Speaker 1: It really is. It's wonderful.

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Speaker 2: Where do you feel like you might be struggling a

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Speaker 2: bit in first being a first time mom, well, making.

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Speaker 1: Time for myself and then making time for my husband

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Speaker 1: like each other in our marriage, Like it's it's a

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Speaker 1: whole new ball game when you have a child. It's crazy,

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Speaker 1: I'd say, that's where I'm struggling.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, no, I hear that. Are you guys? Do

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Speaker 3: you guys want another one?

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Speaker 1: We do?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I feel like quite yet, but no, for sure,

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Speaker 3: for sure, I feel like it's it's one.

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Speaker 2: The The one to two was the hardest jump from

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Speaker 2: what I remember relationally, because it's you just it's it's

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Speaker 2: not that you're out numbered, but it's just it's one

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Speaker 2: person for each kid basically, and so then it's that connection.

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Speaker 2: So the most you guys can focus on, you know,

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Speaker 2: talking things out. I think one of the things that

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Speaker 2: is one of the best things that like I've learned

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Speaker 2: in my marriage with Alan is like he really expected

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Speaker 2: me to read his mind a lot, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I don't. I can't, you know, because I'm like I'm

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Speaker 2: I've got enough stuff in my mind that I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to process what Jolie needs or what Jayson needs, or

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Speaker 2: what Roman needs or this or that rather and like

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Speaker 2: just being literally asking them and be like, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I can't read your mind, So you tell me what

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Speaker 2: you need or how I can help or how I

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Speaker 2: can show it for you, how I can make your

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Speaker 2: day better because I didn't know that you had all

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Speaker 2: those things to do today, you know. And so I

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Speaker 2: think like keeping the communication line with you and your

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Speaker 2: husband is probably like the best piece of advice that

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Speaker 2: I could say to to just because then if not,

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Speaker 2: like that's where I feel like resentment starts to brew.

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Speaker 1: Right, you know, I've been listening to podcast actually I

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Speaker 1: looked it up. I think since twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 3: I believe, Thanks girl.

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Speaker 1: So I was just listening to the other one the

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Speaker 1: other day about you guys doing your check ins on Sunday.

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Speaker 1: So I kind of want to try that to see

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Speaker 1: how that would go.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, it's been such a game changer, and I think

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Speaker 2: what's been the most helpful and why we both enjoyed

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Speaker 2: it is because of that, like not mine, really, I

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Speaker 2: don't know that he has an insanely busy week coming up,

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Speaker 2: or I didn't know that he had emotions around the

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Speaker 2: World Cup stuff or that he you know, he was.

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Speaker 3: Feeling certain things about that, and.

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Speaker 2: Talking about those things made me be softer that week

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Speaker 2: because I know that he might be personally struggling with

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Speaker 2: something or going through something, or he needs you know,

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Speaker 2: me to just like give him a hug because he's

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Speaker 2: stressed or whatever it is like that. It's I just

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Speaker 2: feel like it's helped us so much because and then

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Speaker 2: I'm able to be like, all right, I feel discouraged

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Speaker 2: because I haven't you know, booked the last few things

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Speaker 2: and I got feedback or whatever it is, you know,

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Speaker 2: or need help with this, and I feel like it's

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Speaker 2: all on my should.

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Speaker 3: It's just I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I just find it really helpful and it's been like

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Speaker 2: a really good tool for us. So I'm glad that

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Speaker 2: you're going to try it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm gonna try it. He's gonna be like what totally?

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Speaker 2: And I think that's where I was listening to this podcast.

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Speaker 2: I think it's called the Secure Attachment Podcast. Pretty sure

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Speaker 2: that's what it's called. But the guy that was like

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Speaker 2: talking about his feelings he's like, I have to like

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Speaker 2: literally say I'm putting on like a corny suit because

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Speaker 2: for men it's really hard to talk about feelings and listen,

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Speaker 2: I married a Scotsman and like their feelings like they

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Speaker 2: don't they like He's like, it takes a second to

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Speaker 2: like process, especially just for men in general, I think.

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Speaker 2: But I think he'll love you more to see your vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely give it a try.

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Speaker 2: Will you let me know how it goes too, I

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Speaker 2: will absolutely Yeah, okay, and so talk to me. You're

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Speaker 2: also going to open up you want to open up

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Speaker 2: a daycare?

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Speaker 1: I am so Previously, I was a preschool teacher for

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Speaker 1: about four years and then I told myself every since

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Speaker 1: I was really young that I wanted to open up

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Speaker 1: a daycare when I had kids. And I have the

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Speaker 1: amazing opportunity of renting a daycare pod in Fergus So

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Speaker 1: they're actually just building it now. It's amazing, thank you.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it'll be two sides to the daycare. We'll

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Speaker 1: have our own side and then there'll be another daycare

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Speaker 1: on the other side. So yeah, hopefully this fall or

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Speaker 1: this winter we'll get to move into it. I'll get

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Speaker 1: to have my little girl.

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Speaker 2: What is something that you see is the best thing

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Speaker 2: that daycares do and one thing that you're like, this

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Speaker 2: will not happen at my daycare.

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Speaker 1: I would say the best thing is you can literally

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Speaker 1: make your own curriculum, you can do your own art.

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Speaker 1: You can just meet the needs of every child because

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Speaker 1: every child has different needs, and you can just give

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Speaker 1: them more one on one attention, and you can connect

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Speaker 1: more with the families. And then I would the negative

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Speaker 1: I guess I would see is maybe trying to juggle

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Speaker 1: it all. I guess to make sure you're met and

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Speaker 1: the needs everybody and making sure all the families are happy.

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Speaker 1: And I guess I'm a person that likes to make

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Speaker 1: everybody happy for sure.

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Speaker 2: But what I've learned is that there's always going to

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Speaker 2: be someone that's not right, you know, and then like

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Speaker 2: just sticking to what who you because I mean, I

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Speaker 2: get hate right. And it's like I used to try

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Speaker 2: to be like, Okay, I'm too They're saying I'm to this,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to be this or I'm too that.

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Speaker 3: Okay, now I'm going to try.

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Speaker 2: To not talk about this or whatever, and then it's

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Speaker 2: just becomes exhausting. So it's just sticking to what who

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Speaker 2: you are, who Dakota is, who like the mission of

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Speaker 2: your of your school, And obviously you want to listen

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Speaker 2: to the moms, but that mom is going to have

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Speaker 2: a different opinion to the next mom, to the next moment.

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Speaker 2: Right Personally, I just toured some daycares and they had

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Speaker 2: a feelings box where they put the kids in a

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Speaker 2: literal box when they have feelings.

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Speaker 3: I don't like it, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: So, but the next mom next to me might love

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Speaker 2: that because that's the right place for them to have feelings.

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Speaker 2: I want my kids to have feelings, but I don't

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Speaker 2: want them to go in a box.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And if you have a box, that's awesome for

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Speaker 2: your daycare. Speaking of daycares, though, because I just had

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Speaker 2: this conversation with a friend, I'm trying to decide what

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Speaker 2: to do with Roman for this coming school year. What

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Speaker 2: would you say to the mom that has guilt for

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Speaker 2: sending their kid every day to a daycare?

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Speaker 1: What I would say was sorry. What I would say

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Speaker 1: is I'm going to treat your child like my own child,

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Speaker 1: So they're going to get the most long and attention

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Speaker 1: that you would give them and then they're in the

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Speaker 1: best care. I guess that would be my answer because

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Speaker 1: me myself, like I honestly didn't want to put my

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Speaker 1: child in daycare because it's hard to trust people. And

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Speaker 1: so that's why it's my top priority to make the

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Speaker 1: parents feel comfortable and feel good about bringing their child

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Speaker 1: expect every day.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think it's hard too, because people like I go

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Speaker 2: on the forums and stuff and they're like, oh, this

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Speaker 2: is happening at that daycare, and it's it is to

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Speaker 2: your point, it is really hard to trust, you know,

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Speaker 2: dropping your kids off and going okay, because at least

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Speaker 2: when they're here I kind of can oversee and be

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Speaker 2: aware and it's a one on one as opposed to

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Speaker 2: him sitting there like one time he was soiled for.

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Speaker 3: Way too, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: It's like I and then I get real mama bear

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Speaker 2: on it.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 3: But also you guys have a lot of kids, right

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Speaker 3: mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: But anyways, any other advice questions or what would.

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Speaker 1: What would you tell a first time parent that you

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Speaker 1: wish you would have known.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's a really good question, first time parent that

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Speaker 2: I wish I would have known. I mean, listen, there's

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Speaker 2: always the cliche but very true enjoy every minute because

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Speaker 2: it goes really fast. And I mean that is I

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Speaker 2: was actually sitting in the sauna earlier today when I

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Speaker 2: was prepping this and I was looking back. My ex

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Speaker 2: mother in law texted me about a video that she

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Speaker 2: saw of Jolie that was really young. She's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: do you mind sending that to me? And so I

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Speaker 2: was scrolling through to find the video to send her,

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Speaker 2: and I'm just like, God, look how little they are. Like,

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Speaker 2: it really does go so incredibly fast. And I think

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Speaker 2: through the years of now having three, I just I'm

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Speaker 2: reminding myself that like every day I'm literally like just

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Speaker 2: like when I just potty train, like I'm literally doing

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Speaker 2: everything that I know how to do now, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean. Like, I know I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: do things perfectly if I'm I'm having a bad day,

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Speaker 2: but I would just say, like, again, this is so cliche,

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Speaker 2: the soak in every moment, but it does go by

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Speaker 2: so incredibly fast that like again even looking at old

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Speaker 2: you know, my wedding and Roman and his little kilts

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Speaker 2: and he was around the same is your baby girl,

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Speaker 2: right now, and I'm just like, oh, like what I

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Speaker 2: would give to like hold that little baby again, you know.

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Speaker 2: And so I would just say soaking every every single

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Speaker 2: second of it because it does just go by so fast.

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Speaker 2: And then just like give yourself an immense amount of

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Speaker 2: grace on the bad days because there's been moments that

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Speaker 2: I have lost it because I have my own stuff,

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Speaker 2: and all you have to do is restart the next day.

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Speaker 3: You know, you're a great mom. You're gonna have moments.

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Speaker 3: That's the thing.

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Speaker 2: Like you're we're all just like doing our absolute best.

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Speaker 2: And don't get down on yourself because you had.

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Speaker 3: A bad day.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that is that is great.

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Speaker 2: And kiss your husband each other, you know, don't let that,

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Speaker 2: don't let that fade.

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Speaker 1: He's like, oh, we should do that more often.

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Speaker 2: I'm like I know, yeah, I think yeah, you know

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Speaker 2: in them because it just once seven am hits in

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Speaker 2: our house, it's.

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Speaker 3: Boom, We're just like passing. It's get busy.

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Speaker 2: So it's it's just one of those things where you know,

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Speaker 2: at the end of the day, you guys are providing

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Speaker 2: this safe place for them. You got to protect your

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Speaker 2: safe thing with your husband. So mm hm and I'm

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Speaker 2: really excited for you and your daycare and all the things,

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Speaker 2: and I really appreciate you coming on the show.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I want to just say, I'm just the biggest

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Speaker 1: fan and you are just one. You're just like a

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Speaker 1: great role model, so like well, watching your story and

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Speaker 1: hearing about it, like, you're just amazing. So i just

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Speaker 1: wanted to share that with you. And I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: I got to talk to you today.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm so happy that I got to talk to

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Speaker 2: you too. That's very sweet. I appreciate you and I

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Speaker 2: just appreciate you listening and being kind.

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Speaker 3: That's very nice. So thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely all right, best of luck, go Dake checkens

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Speaker 2: with your husband. I can't wait to hear how they go.

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Speaker 2: DM me let me know, Yes, I will.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much to take care.

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Speaker 3: All right, you two girl. Bye bye