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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice on relationships, on dating, sex, work, parenting, and more.

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Speaker 1: Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve Harvey FM and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. Okay, we could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're gonna read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. Let's go. Let's buckle

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Speaker 1: up and hold on tight. We got it for you here.

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Speaker 1: It is a Strawberry letter. Dear Stephen Shirley. The subject

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Speaker 1: her old man is taking care of my family. Jumped

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Speaker 1: ahead of myself, excited to get into this one. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I have two children with my high school sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: We both come from seriously dysfunctional families, and we were

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Speaker 1: all each other had. Shortly after we graduated, I got

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Speaker 1: incarcerated for eighteen months on a drug possession charge. During

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Speaker 1: this time, my kid's mother met an older guy and

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Speaker 1: he began to take care of her and my kids.

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Speaker 1: He ought her a new car and moved her and

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Speaker 1: the kids into an upscale apartment. I'm not a fool,

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Speaker 1: so I know there was give and take in this situation,

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Speaker 1: but I was locked up, so what could I say?

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Speaker 1: I've been out of jail for about nine months, and

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Speaker 1: he has continued to cover all of my family's expenses.

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Speaker 1: I talk to my girl about the older guy, and

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Speaker 1: she says she has no problem with me staying with

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Speaker 1: her and getting my life back on track. But here's

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Speaker 1: a big problem. I can't take the disappearance of my

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Speaker 1: girl once or twice a week. I know where she's going,

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Speaker 1: but we never talk about it, and feel I feel

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Speaker 1: more and more emasculated each time she disappears. I have

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Speaker 1: a decent job, but it's not the type of job

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Speaker 1: that will keep her in the lifestyle she's accustomed to.

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Speaker 1: The only way I know how to do that would

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Speaker 1: be to go back to doing what got me sent

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Speaker 1: to jail years ago. My girl told me that she

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Speaker 1: hopes I can step up to the plate and take

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Speaker 1: care of my family, so she can let the guy

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Speaker 1: go and we can be a family again. I appreciate

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Speaker 1: this guy for holding it down while I was gone,

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Speaker 1: but she needs to let him go now and adjust

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Speaker 1: her lifestyle a little bit, but a little bit. I

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Speaker 1: have thought about leaving while I still have some pride

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Speaker 1: and dignity, but I couldn't stand leaving my children again,

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Speaker 1: Is it too much to ask for her to move

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Speaker 1: to a less expensive apartment so we can build a

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Speaker 1: new life together. She says she loves me more than anything,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not so sure. What should I do? Please advise, Well,

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Speaker 1: if she loved you more than anything, it seems like

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Speaker 1: she would be with you, and she would have already

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Speaker 1: left this older guy. And if you love her like

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Speaker 1: you say you do, you have to take that chance.

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Speaker 1: You got to take that risk and ask her, you know,

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Speaker 1: what does she want to do? Or will she come

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Speaker 1: back to you and move to a lesser lifestyle. You know,

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you get introduced to different things and newer things,

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Speaker 1: you get accustomed to it and you don't want to

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Speaker 1: leave that situation. But you know you can take the

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Speaker 1: risk and ask her, please don't go back to doing

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Speaker 1: what you used to do to make money. You already

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Speaker 1: know the end of that movie. Okay, you know that

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Speaker 1: drugs is not the way to go. I do hope

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Speaker 1: you get yourself together. I really do. You sound like

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Speaker 1: a decent guy. You know. However, you're moving in with

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Speaker 1: her knowing the circumstances. You know, is there a time limit?

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Speaker 1: Are you have you made a plan? You know, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to stay with you for a couple of months

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Speaker 1: until I get myself together. Then I'm gonna get my

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Speaker 1: own and I want you and the kids to come

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Speaker 1: back to me. That seems how it should work out,

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Speaker 1: you know, And then you won't have to sit there

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Speaker 1: and watch her go back and forth to this man

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Speaker 1: and all of that. So that's my advice to you.

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Speaker 1: Save your money, get yourself together, get out of there

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Speaker 1: with her where you can see what's going on, and

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Speaker 1: ask her if she wants to come back. Do you

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Speaker 1: really still want her back? If you love her, then

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Speaker 1: that's what you're gonna have to do. I don't think

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Speaker 1: you should, uh, you know, leave your kids and all

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Speaker 1: of that, but get your own stuff, your own self stuff,

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Speaker 1: and and uh, you know, get your own house so

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Speaker 1: you can be with her and be with your family

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Speaker 1: if that's still what she wants to do. But even

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Speaker 1: if she doesn't come with you, you'll have your own

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Speaker 1: place where your kids can come. Steve, Oh, this is

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Speaker 1: a pretty sad letter because this is a young brother

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Speaker 1: that wrote this letter. And you know, I could have

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Speaker 1: a ton of jokes for this, but let me try

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Speaker 1: to help you, a little soldier. Let me. Let me

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Speaker 1: try to just give you what I think. You got

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Speaker 1: two kids, which is your ultimate responsibility, which your high

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Speaker 1: school sweetheart. You both came from seriously dysfunctional families, you say,

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Speaker 1: And so that's pretty much explains what we're gonna hear

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Speaker 1: in this letter. You say, shortly after y'all graduated, you

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Speaker 1: got inconcrated for eighteen months for drug possession. Then while

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Speaker 1: you away, your baby mama met an older man, and

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Speaker 1: he began taking care of her and my kids, well

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Speaker 1: the kids he had a hundred kids. That put y'all

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Speaker 1: in the upscale apartment. You know. Then you say, I

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Speaker 1: ain't no food, So I know there was some give

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Speaker 1: and taking this situation, but I was locked up, So

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Speaker 1: what could I say? Now, you've been out of jail

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Speaker 1: now for nine months, and he has continued to cover

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Speaker 1: all of my family's expenses. You just said a little

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Speaker 1: bit earlier. You know that some give and taking this relationship.

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Speaker 1: He's continuing to take care of all your family's expenses.

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Speaker 1: I talked to him a girl about the older guy.

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Speaker 1: She says, she ain't got no problem with me staying

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Speaker 1: with her, getting my life back on track, which is

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Speaker 1: exactly what she didn't had to tell this man that

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Speaker 1: my baby's father got out of jail and I need

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Speaker 1: to help him so he can get his life on track.

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Speaker 1: Not an older guy. Young man then went along with

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Speaker 1: this because she got to come over there a couple

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Speaker 1: of times a week, and that's all it was. And

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Speaker 1: so they had a little arrangement going. So as long

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Speaker 1: as she keep coming over two times a week, this

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Speaker 1: ain't gonna be no problem for her, I mean for him.

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Speaker 1: So you talk to my girl, she said, she ain't

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Speaker 1: got a problem with you staying with her. But here's

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Speaker 1: the big problem. I can't take the disappearance of my

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Speaker 1: girl once it twice a week. I know where she's going,

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Speaker 1: but we never talk about it, and I feel more

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Speaker 1: and more emasculated each time she disappears. Yes you do,

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Speaker 1: and yes you should, and we come back. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: tell you what I think. All right, We're gonna have

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Speaker 1: part two of Steve's response coming up at twenty three

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Speaker 1: after the hour. Subject of today's Strawberry letter, her old

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Speaker 1: man is taking care of my family. We'll be back

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Speaker 1: right after this. You're listening, all right, Steve, Come on,

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Speaker 1: let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject her old man

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Speaker 1: is taking care of my family. Here's a deal without

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Speaker 1: the jokes. Here's a young man that was high school

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Speaker 1: sweetheart to have two kids. So after they graduated, he

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Speaker 1: got arrested on drug possession. He served eighteen months. While

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Speaker 1: he was away, his girl started dating this older man.

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Speaker 1: He moved her and them two kids into an upscale apartment,

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Speaker 1: and when he got out, he wanted to get his

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Speaker 1: life back together. So he thinking he had something, She said,

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Speaker 1: I don't mind you stand here while you get your

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Speaker 1: life together, sounding me like, you know, get yourself together

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Speaker 1: and then get your stuff and get out. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying she don't mind you coming over util

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Speaker 1: you get your life together. But you know that as

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Speaker 1: a give and take, this man paying all these bills,

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Speaker 1: taking care of these kids. She disappears twice a week now.

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Speaker 1: When she disappears, a young man just throws you into something,

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Speaker 1: and you say, you feel more and more asculated. Now

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Speaker 1: that's a pretty good word for somebody that's been locked

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Speaker 1: up for eighteen months. So you've obviously taken some time,

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Speaker 1: and you're pretty articulately God, the way you even put

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Speaker 1: this letter together. So I got a decent job, but

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Speaker 1: it's not the type that will keep her in the lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: She's accustomed to that. The only way that you know

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Speaker 1: how to do that, you say, is go back to

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Speaker 1: the thing that got you locked up. Okay, now, let's

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Speaker 1: be for real now, partner being locked up, there's nothing

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Speaker 1: in your house worth getting locked up for or less.

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Speaker 1: Somebody try to do bodily harm to your wife and kids.

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Speaker 1: This ain't your wife, and these are your kids. Now,

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Speaker 1: if you protect your kids life, that's one thing. But

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Speaker 1: you want to buy some stuff, so you're gonna go

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Speaker 1: back in prison cause of that? Oh no, sir, Oh no, sir,

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Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, We're not gonna do that no more.

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Speaker 1: You know, sometimes when you get when you get locked up,

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you lose stuff like your freedom or everything

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Speaker 1: you own. Sometimes God trying to get our attention to

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Speaker 1: let us see something, and you might be getting the

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Speaker 1: attention of what you see. Maybe your girl is a

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Speaker 1: little bit tricky. Now, look, she disn't appeared twice a week,

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Speaker 1: But then you know, she told you that she hope

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Speaker 1: you can step up to the plate and take care

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Speaker 1: of my family so she can let the guy go.

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Speaker 1: What so in other words, until you can prove to

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Speaker 1: be more. She ain't letting this other guy go. Hold up, man,

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Speaker 1: what kind of chick is this? Now? And we can

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Speaker 1: be a family again. Whoa wait a minute. But until then,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep sleeping with this dude over here. You

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Speaker 1: don't need to say nothing, because he taking care of

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Speaker 1: business that you couldn't. Now you said I appreciated this

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Speaker 1: guy for holding it down while I was gone. Now

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Speaker 1: you didn't stop saying that you didn't. That's a nice

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Speaker 1: manly thing to say, But you didn't appreciate that because

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Speaker 1: you wish you was here doing it yourself. That he

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Speaker 1: got a little bit more money than you. Now your

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Speaker 1: family over there, and now you say you appreciate him

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Speaker 1: holding it down. But she needs to let him go

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Speaker 1: now and adjust her lifestyle a little bit. I have

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Speaker 1: thought about leaving, you know, while I still have some

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Speaker 1: pride and dignity, but I couldn't stay leaving my children again.

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Speaker 1: It's too much to ask of her to move? Is

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Speaker 1: it too much to answer? To lose a Spencer apartment

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Speaker 1: so we could build a new life together. She says,

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Speaker 1: she loves me more than anything. Well, or you can

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Speaker 1: find that out. All you got to do is say, baby,

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Speaker 1: I got the money for a lesser apartment. I want

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Speaker 1: my family together. I don't want you to have to

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Speaker 1: try to service this debt with this older guy. I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to have to pay for your rent

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Speaker 1: with your body. So I think we all adjust. I

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Speaker 1: got us a place we can all be in here.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be a little bit tight. And you find

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Speaker 1: out right away if she loves you or she loved

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Speaker 1: the arrangement she got. Does she love you or she

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Speaker 1: loved lifestyle she got? And I ain't really saying nothing

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Speaker 1: bad against this little girl. She got put in a

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Speaker 1: tough position when you got sent away for eighteen months.

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Speaker 1: But now you're back and you want some things and

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Speaker 1: go back to where they were. But sometimes they're not

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Speaker 1: meant to go back to where they were, young man,

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Speaker 1: And that's oftentimes where we have to learn in life.

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Speaker 1: The things we want may not be what's in the

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Speaker 1: plan and the master plan. So you gotta kind of

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Speaker 1: be open to that because maybe you're finding out some things.

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Speaker 1: If it ain't this dude right here, partner, it could

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Speaker 1: be somebody else. Now I'm not gonna do what women

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Speaker 1: do is say that wants a cheat always and cheat.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that, I'm saying, but you got

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Speaker 1: to at least find out if she's willing to cut

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Speaker 1: some of this goal, if she loves you more than

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Speaker 1: anything and want y'all to work together as a family,

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Speaker 1: or she gonna keep servicing this debt because that's what

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Speaker 1: she doing, and that puts you the bad position. And

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Speaker 1: you don't gonna write it to masculate you. Every time

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Speaker 1: you look out the door, you know your girl going

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Speaker 1: somewhere twice a week, staying out all times a night,

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Speaker 1: and you're at the house these kids. You know where

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Speaker 1: she at, but y'all don't say nothing about it. I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to get frustrated and then wind up

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Speaker 1: doing something stupid. So before you do that, I know

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Speaker 1: you think if you walk away that it's just gonna

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Speaker 1: push her into his arms. But she's already in his arms,

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Speaker 1: so you're really not pushing her nowhere. You're just moving

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Speaker 1: out so you can get yourself together, and I think

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Speaker 1: you need to focus on that. Keep taking care of

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Speaker 1: your kids. Don't never stop taking care of your children.

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Speaker 1: That's our responsibility as men. Whether we're in love with

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Speaker 1: the girl or not anymore, has nothing to do without responsibility.

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Speaker 1: As men and fathers, you have a main obligation to

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Speaker 1: take care of your children. If you do that, then

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Speaker 1: you're being a man. There's nothing that says you have

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Speaker 1: to stay with her, try to work through it or

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Speaker 1: work it out. If you don't want to, you don't

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Speaker 1: have to, but you do have to take care of

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Speaker 1: them kids. That's not in then option or an excuse.

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Speaker 1: So take care of kids and then ask her if

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Speaker 1: she ready to make this thing a family. You know,

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Speaker 1: everybody make mistakes, and give her a chance to let

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Speaker 1: you know where she stands on it. That's my suggestion.

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Speaker 1: That's right. You can post your comments on Today's Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook, and

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Speaker 1: don't forget to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show