1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 1: Welcome back, guys. We have quite an exciting day here 2 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,159 Speaker 1: at you need therapy headquarters a living room. I have 3 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:21,319 Speaker 1: my friend Hannah Johnson. So Hannah is one of my 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: oldest friends. We both went to the same high school. 5 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,639 Speaker 1: Hannah came to our middle school. Right, you can become 6 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: an angel school later. And in middle school I was 7 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 1: a cheerleader, so cool, And then in high school I 8 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,920 Speaker 1: was like, no, I'm not going to go with the 9 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,880 Speaker 1: cheer out. I'm gonna stick with my my soccer roots. 10 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: And I was a soccer player. But Hannah continued to 11 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: do the cheerleading thing, and you know, I guess that 12 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: automatically made us at enemies or something. I don't know. Anyway, 13 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: we had separate front groups for the most part, but 14 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: then I kind of integrated into your group. Yes, And 15 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: there was a little something that happened earlier in our 16 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: days that kind of gave us a little bit of 17 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: a that's why you're gonna I thought you were going 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 1: to talk about me shuffling feet, but I was going 19 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: to tell you, I'm not going to tell the other Okay, yeah, 20 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: I don't tell that. What keeps some for your imagination. 21 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: But so she started hanging out with our group of 22 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: friends more. And because I had this idea of her 23 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 1: that made up this will just go to show how 24 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: we can just mature as human beans. Catherine and high 25 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: school was probably a little more judgmental than Catherine as 26 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: the therapist today in human Today. But you know, when 27 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 1: you already have this idea about something in your head, 28 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: you just find all of the evidence to support it. 29 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: So I had this idea of who you were, and 30 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 1: I would gather random evidence, including the fact that you 31 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: shuffled your feet when you walked, and that's like why 32 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: I didn't like you or something. It's like, I like 33 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: this girl. She can't even pick up her feet when 34 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: she walks, Like she's definitely not cool. And you were like, well, 35 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 1: Catherine has resting pitch. Like Catherine looks like she's gonna 36 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: murder me every time I look in her directions. Oh 37 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: my god. And then I think we hung out like 38 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: one time, and they were like, oh, we actually like 39 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: each other. It's like, you're actually really cool and funny. 40 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 1: And anyway, look at the snow that happened when we 41 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 1: were like sixteen, and look at the snow. So I 42 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: asked her to come talk and be on the show 43 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,720 Speaker 1: for a couple of reasons. But then we literally were 44 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: just sitting here five seconds ago before I pressed record, 45 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,519 Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, you know, I could talk about 46 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: this and that, and I had forgotten like span of 47 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: her life that is like very cool. And then I 48 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 1: always like bragged about you four. So We're going to 49 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,119 Speaker 1: talk about a lot of things, and who knows where 50 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: this is going to go, because when I'm with a 51 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 1: friend it seems like we get off topic a little 52 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: bit more. So this could be a wild ride or 53 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: could be very um, you know, straight and narrow. We'll see. 54 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 1: We're gonna talk a lot about a lot of things, 55 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: specifically around like how to be grateful for the life 56 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 1: that you have versus the life that you may be 57 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: like planned for, or the life that you're told is 58 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 1: the right life to live, or any of that. And 59 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 1: so we're gonna talk about that. But I want to 60 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 1: start with something like along the same lines but also 61 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: different because Hannah went to school college, what was your 62 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: degree in journalist? Journalism got a degree and she went 63 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: to school, and I'm like telling your stories for you. 64 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: I promised someone to ask the mind here. Um, And 65 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: then when she graduated college instead of doing what most 66 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: people do, it's like get a job. They either like 67 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: stay in that town or maybe they will move back 68 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: home or yeah, they'll do all these like the normal things, 69 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: the steps. She didn't do that, and you took what 70 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: I would say, a huge risk. And so I want 71 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:56,160 Speaker 1: you to talk about what you did after college. And 72 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 1: I will say I knew maybe two people in my 73 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: vicinity that did something like this, so to me, it 74 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 1: was a huge deal. So I want you to talk 75 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: about what you did, and then we'll just go from there. 76 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: So like after college, you graduated, everybody was whatever. You 77 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: had a long term boyfriend, what did you do? So, Yeah, 78 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: I stayed through the summer and worked that summer in 79 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: Knoxville and kind of saved up. And then yeah, I 80 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: packed up my little hail damaged car. Oh my gosh, 81 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: I forgot about Yeah, um packed it up and didn't 82 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: have a job. Knew to people in l A. But 83 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: I just knew that for some reason in my you know, 84 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: in my heart, I had to do this and I 85 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: had to do something different and live in a different 86 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,600 Speaker 1: part of the country. Um, and really challenged myself because 87 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: I felt that if I didn't do it right at 88 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: this moment, it would have never happened. So yeah, I 89 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: said goodbye to my boyfriend and packed up my stuff 90 00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: and drove across the country two thousand miles by myself. Um, 91 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 1: when you said goodbye, you didn't know what we tried 92 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: to do long distance. She didn't made it sound she 93 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: just said like see you later. She didn't say I'm 94 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: breaking up with you. So it was very Yeah, it 95 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: wasn't easy to leave, for sure, but I mean, and 96 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: we tried to make it work. But you know, when 97 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: you're you're getting ahead of this, trying to build up 98 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 1: some suspense what happened. So okay, you you packed up 99 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 1: your back. You have a job, No, I don't have 100 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,919 Speaker 1: a job. Have some leads, so she has some security 101 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: here in Knoxville. She has this boyfriend, you've been dating 102 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: since high school, you have a degree, you have connection 103 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 1: in terms. Yeah, you have um a place that you 104 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: could move back home and have no rent. You my friends, 105 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,040 Speaker 1: and you are like, cool, that's great. I'm going to 106 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 1: go to a place where I literally no probably one 107 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 1: or two people, and I don't have a job. And 108 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,359 Speaker 1: at that point I didn't honestly even know what I 109 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: wanted to do. I knew I wanted to be an 110 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 1: entertainment industry, but I had realized probably wasn't going to 111 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: be an e entertainment news reporter. Like I thought it 112 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,720 Speaker 1: was so cool, that would be cool, But no, I 113 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: I really was kind of yeah in this lost uh 114 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:24,039 Speaker 1: but excited and young, and so you end up getting 115 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,279 Speaker 1: a job. Yeah. So I drive to l A. I 116 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 1: think I had eight hundred dollars saved up at this point, 117 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: and I like I worked over the summer I saved up. 118 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: To me, I was a gymnastics instructor. I probably made 119 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 1: like nine dollars an hour. In college, I made eight 120 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 1: dollars an hour, and I thought I was killing it. Yes, 121 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 1: like I saved up money. I had eight hundred dollars. 122 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: That's not even enough to pay for rent for one 123 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: month in l No. My I we joke. My rent 124 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: in Knoxville was like three fifty a month, and we 125 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: were upset because it had gone up twenty dollars or something. 126 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: Mind you, this is back in two thousand, wells, back 127 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: in the day, so things I've gone up. Signal begins late. 128 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:04,159 Speaker 1: But wow, okay, so eight hundred eight dollars, So I 129 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 1: had to get a job as soon as I got there. 130 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: And I was very lucky where I had a good 131 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,679 Speaker 1: friend and a family friend that gave me a place 132 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: to stay when I moved out there and helped me out, 133 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: and so that was a huge blessing and honestly would 134 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 1: have been so lost without that. Very grateful for that. Uh. 135 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: And then yeah, as soon as I got out there, 136 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: I just started applying and any leads I had worth 137 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: with anyone in l A I was connecting with. And 138 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: I got a job pretty quick, being a freelance uh sports, 139 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 1: I don't even know what it's called. I was. I 140 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: was basically I was working at Fox Sports in the 141 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: highlights department and I would watch football all day. That 142 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: sounds like the guy's dream job, but for me, I 143 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: was so bored. Watched football games every day Saturday and Sunday, 144 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: like three or four games in a row, and I 145 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: would write the best plays down and then that gets 146 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: sent to the highlight department and they cut and edit 147 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: the highlights from each game. So where are you very 148 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: good at the I mean, yeah, I like football, I 149 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: like sports, watching it all day. They would give me 150 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,960 Speaker 1: all the Tennessee games because nobody there wanted to watch them, 151 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: So that was exciting. Know you had that job. Yeah, 152 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,119 Speaker 1: that was my first job. Yeah, and then I worked 153 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: there for a while and then I got a full 154 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: time PR job. But you go there not knowing exactly 155 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: what you want to do exactly. I'm open. So I 156 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: think that's very cool because a lot of people that 157 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 1: I see and I work with or I talked to, 158 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: it's like I have to have a plan, right, I 159 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,319 Speaker 1: need to have a plan. And and this is not 160 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,679 Speaker 1: what we're saying today. It's not like Hannah did this, 161 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,959 Speaker 1: you should do it. Like I just wanted to give 162 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,199 Speaker 1: an example of somebody's story because I don't think we 163 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: hear this that often. And it is a possible thing 164 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 1: like that you can like not you can survive and 165 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,679 Speaker 1: do this, but you go not knowing exactly what you 166 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: want to do, so you don't really have a plan. 167 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,559 Speaker 1: I'm just what you have done is you've let go 168 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 1: of like the uh and we will live in the South, 169 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 1: the Southern plan of what we're taught, not so much 170 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 1: that we're taught like nobody says like this is what 171 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: you should do and this is what is right, but 172 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 1: it's what we we see over and over and over again. 173 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 1: So we see the plan as you graduate, you marry 174 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,559 Speaker 1: the guy you're dating, you get a job, then you 175 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 1: end up buying a house, you have kids. Check. Yes, 176 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: So that's what we see. Nobody's like, this is what 177 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: you must do, but you had a road to that 178 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: plan and you're like, this doesn't feel right. Yeah. And 179 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,200 Speaker 1: I think also from my upbringing and my my family's story, 180 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: like seeing my parents get married so young and get 181 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: divorced and living through that, I was very much I'm 182 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,479 Speaker 1: going to do everything in my power to do opposite 183 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: of what they did because I'm not going to be 184 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: that that's not going to be my story. I wasn't, 185 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: you know, against marriage, but I was also like very 186 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: aware of that that doesn't always work the way that 187 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: we wanted to. And I want to to be what 188 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: like if you had a fill in that blank, you 189 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 1: can think about this for a second, but you've graduated, 190 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:09,840 Speaker 1: you're moving to l A. I want to be independent, 191 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: independent and free. Yeah, because independence means what I think 192 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,199 Speaker 1: for me, it just meant being able to take care 193 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: of myself. I've always felt that I can't and don't 194 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: want to rely on anybody else. Emotionally, financially, anything like that. 195 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,079 Speaker 1: Do you talk about this in therapy? I did talk 196 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:35,319 Speaker 1: about this in therapy. I think it's like really good 197 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: because that was the story, you know, I told myself 198 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: for a long time that that's how it had to be. Like, 199 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: I can't rely on anybody else. But what are you 200 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,880 Speaker 1: learning as different now? I've let a lot of that go. 201 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: I think at my core, yes, I'm still going to 202 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: be independent and do what's best for me and look 203 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 1: out for my heart and my best interest. But I 204 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 1: know how to rely on other people now for the 205 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: rights and the right. Yeah, it doesn't have to be 206 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: lack or white exactly. But she didn't hadn't learned this yet, 207 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: So Handison l a at this point. And this is 208 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: the other thing that I think that we can overlook. 209 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 1: Talk about this when it comes to like addiction and 210 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: eating disorders and stuff like that, and it kind of 211 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: makes people's heads turn. I say this with a grain 212 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: of salt in the sense it doesn't apply all the time. However, 213 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: a lot of times I will look at clients and 214 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, I think we should be a little bit 215 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: grateful for this part of your life. Like I think 216 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: you might be a little bit grateful for your eating 217 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: disorder or this, because it actually did help you survive 218 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: a certain time of your life and it was like 219 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,199 Speaker 1: your life raft. Now that life raft is now killing you, 220 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 1: so we've got to figure something out. But this actually 221 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 1: did do something. And I'm not calling your independence an 222 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 1: addiction or anything like that, but I think that you 223 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 1: having that outlook, you having that like all or nothing 224 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: for a second, like I have to go and do 225 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 1: all these things really worked for you because it's why 226 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 1: you are where you are now. Withoutgoing where you went, 227 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 1: you'd never be here. So that's not to say that 228 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: thank god she learned the lesson that she can rely 229 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: on people. Thank God she had a moment in her 230 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: life where she didn't know that so she could go 231 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: and do all of this. Because you did a lot 232 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: of cool things in l A. I know because I 233 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: visited her like every three I don't think I've ever 234 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 1: been to a place more times. It's a girl, no, 235 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,679 Speaker 1: But out of all my friends, you definitely one for 236 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: the most visits. Yeah, I loved having you. So you 237 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: go to l A, you get a job, you're like 238 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: doing the what goes on with the boyfriend? I think 239 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: we lasted six months. Yeah, and it was just I mean, 240 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 1: it got to the point where we both wanted different things. 241 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: I wasn't moving back, he wasn't moving to me, and 242 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: we just kind of grew apart. And I think that's 243 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: an okay and beautiful thing. And you know, he served 244 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 1: time in my life for a purpose, and yeah, we 245 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: moved on from each other. It was definitely hard in 246 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,240 Speaker 1: that moment. I remember it, but I'm so grateful for 247 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 1: it's something that you can look back on and be like, 248 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 1: in the moment, it was probably earth chattering. Yeah, although 249 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 1: I remember correctly what I just remember You've not you 250 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 1: were sad, but I remember you being like, I'm not 251 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: gonna I don't want to be with somebody that doesn't 252 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: want to be with me. Yes, I am. I'm very 253 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: much like that. Like once I'm done dating somebody or 254 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: out of a relationship and it's we've come to an 255 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,559 Speaker 1: agreement that it's not working or that they don't see it, whatever, 256 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm never this kind of extreme, but like 257 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: never talking to you again, you know, just very cut. 258 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 1: And but I think that there's a part of that 259 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,600 Speaker 1: that I would see when I was when we were younger, 260 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: and I would be so jealous of it because I'm like, 261 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 1: I wish I could see somebody not want to be 262 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,840 Speaker 1: with me, and we just not want to be with them. 263 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: And there's something about you not being valued the way 264 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: you know that you were worth being valued. That was 265 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 1: like a turn off for you. It's not what I want, 266 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: even though going back, you had the roadmap. You could 267 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,720 Speaker 1: have been married and had a house in Franklin, Tennessee, 268 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,199 Speaker 1: and like two years after graduation and you're like, that's 269 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: not the life I want, that is not worth it. 270 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: So you break up, You live in l A. You 271 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 1: kind of clay up higher and yeah, So I ended 272 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: up realizing I wasn't into pr I'm not into sports. Okay, 273 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 1: what do I want to do? So I kind of 274 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: took a year. I had an opportunity to become a 275 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: personal assistant to an actor, So that was kind of 276 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: my year and a half of I forgot about, let's 277 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: just take a break figure out what I want to do, Like, 278 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 1: do I want to get into try acting? Do I 279 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: wanna be in production? You know, trying to figure it out. 280 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 1: And so that was a time where I kind of 281 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: just yeah, I was on no big plan. I was 282 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 1: just taking time for myself, and during that time, I 283 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: was thinking about I remember a friend telling me when 284 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: I was trying to think about what what I wanted 285 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: to do next, She's like, well, what do you enjoy 286 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 1: doing in your free time? Like, what is something that 287 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: brings you joy and that you're also good at. So 288 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 1: maybe a hobby, but you're actually pretty good at the 289 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 1: hobby or you do on your spare time. And I 290 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: was like, I really like to plan. I like planning parties. 291 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: I like making an itinerary. I like making itineraries every 292 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: time we go on a trip. I'm making an itinerary 293 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: for my friends and I I'm planning birthday parties. I'm 294 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: planning bachelorettes. I love parties. I'm very social. Maybe I 295 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 1: should get into party planning. And so I just kind 296 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 1: of had this epiphany that that's what I wanted to do. 297 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: And so I started very small. I had, you know, 298 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 1: no experience, but I started very small, doing like the 299 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: kid's birthday parties and and stuff. And then I had 300 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: an opportunity where an event production company, a small boutique 301 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: event production company, was looking for an assistant and I 302 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 1: interviewed and got the job. And I was with that 303 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: company for three years and she taught me everything I 304 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: know and I got to work on huge studio, red 305 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: carpet premieres and after parties and the Golden Globes and 306 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: all this cool stuff. Um, she really took me under 307 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: her wing and took a chance on me. And what 308 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 1: was it like that year knowing that, like, I'm not 309 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 1: really working on my career, like I hear so often 310 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 1: people being worried about like wasting time, And the way 311 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: you described that felt very much like I took this 312 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 1: time to like, you know, I still had a job, 313 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 1: but I was able to like wonder and question and 314 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: maybe try auditioning for things if I wanted to. But 315 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: you don't talk about like, oh, I took this year 316 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 1: and I wasted all this time. How did you see 317 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: that year? And what keeps you from the mindset of 318 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: like almost like I have to figure this out because 319 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: I'm just getting older and everybody's else is getting ahead. 320 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: Everything I do has to be super purposeful and give 321 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: me experience. No, I think that was a great year 322 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 1: because is it gave me time to breathe I realized. 323 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,440 Speaker 1: I think the more things you do the better because 324 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 1: you can realize what you enjoy and what you don't. 325 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,120 Speaker 1: And so at that point, you know, I've been at 326 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: a desk job and pretty uneventful um little PR agency, 327 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: and and I wasn't happy there. So I knew I 328 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: didn't want to be somewhere where I'm sitting behind a 329 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 1: desk all day and waiting for it to hit five o'clock. 330 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 1: And so this was a really fun time where I 331 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,439 Speaker 1: got to explore different interests and hobbies and I had 332 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 1: more free time to kind of do what I wanted 333 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: to do. And this is a growth assumption. But I 334 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: think people who like, oh, I've got to figure this 335 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: out and I've got to stay on the course. I've 336 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 1: got to stay the plan, you end up wasting time 337 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 1: more than you're gaining time. Because if you would have 338 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 1: been like, well, I've already started this career in PR. 339 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,879 Speaker 1: I just have to like you know it, ladder and 340 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: see it through and work hard and get to work, 341 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,120 Speaker 1: you then are in a job that you don't even 342 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: want anyway. And then if you want to actually figure 343 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: out what you really love, it's like then I you 344 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: have to go back and start, and then you're older 345 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 1: and all that, but you're like, no, Like what I 346 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,639 Speaker 1: needed is like a part of my life where I 347 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: wasn't working towards something. I was working towards figuring something out. 348 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:15,159 Speaker 1: I wish that maybe after college we all take a 349 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: year off, because if I would have taken a year 350 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: off after high school, I probably wouldn't have gone to 351 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,920 Speaker 1: the college that I went to. Who knows what I 352 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 1: want to do. But if I would have taken a 353 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: year after college, I'm like, I wonder because you're so young, 354 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,639 Speaker 1: it's a life decision. It's like, how do you How 355 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: do you pick your major? I don't know how many 356 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: people actually use their major. I use mine. Okay, well 357 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 1: you're the exception. But like I changed my major like 358 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: five times. I went in as a nursing major. Could 359 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:58,919 Speaker 1: you ever see me as a nurse? You clean it up? Yeah? Well, 360 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 1: but I wanted to be a history major. Like what 361 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,640 Speaker 1: in the world I just I didn't know, So I'm like, oh, 362 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 1: I wish that, but I felt this urgency to figure 363 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 1: I have to figure it out because if I don't 364 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 1: figure it out, then I'm not going to get my degree, 365 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,040 Speaker 1: and that I'm not going to know what to do. 366 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,320 Speaker 1: And you're in this space where you're like, I'm in 367 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,679 Speaker 1: l A. I don't like this job. I need a second, 368 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: and then you actually do find a career that you love. 369 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: When I was in it, it was really tough. I 370 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: was basically working just with my boss to produce these 371 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: huge events, and I was super green, and it was tough. 372 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 1: I remember crying a lot, but I also remember loving 373 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 1: it and being excited to go into the office each 374 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: day and to be on my feet and to pick 375 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:45,359 Speaker 1: out cool decor and accessories for the event, and it 376 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: was a lot of fun. And so I realized, Okay, 377 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: I think I might be good at this. And I 378 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: kind of just rode that way for three years. Okay, 379 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: and then you decide at some point, my time here 380 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: is up. That being said, eventually your time in l 381 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,679 Speaker 1: A comes to end. So this is also a part 382 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 1: of your life that I forgot about. Yeah, so what 383 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 1: did you do and why did why were you? Like 384 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,959 Speaker 1: I need to I just realized I had been I 385 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: was super burnt out, and not just from the job 386 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,240 Speaker 1: but from l A in general. It's a hard, hard 387 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: city life. You know, you're you're sitting in traffic takes 388 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 1: an hour to get a parking spot at Trader Joe's. 389 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: You're surrounded by beautiful people seven So it was tough. 390 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,400 Speaker 1: It was taking a toll on me. I had very 391 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,199 Speaker 1: little luck in the dating scene, mostly because I was, 392 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: you know, focused on my career and everybody else there 393 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: is too, and we're all young. But I was really 394 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:42,000 Speaker 1: ready for that and craving that, and just felt that 395 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: I needed to get to get out. And I didn't 396 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: know if Nashville was the answer, but I realized as 397 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: more times that I was coming home to visit, and 398 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: Nashville was growing and it was becoming the city UM 399 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,920 Speaker 1: and I would come home for holidays and whatnot and 400 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 1: have so much fun, and I would be sad. It 401 00:20:58,600 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: got to a point where I would be sad to 402 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: leave Nashville and not excited to go back to l A. 403 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: And that's when I knew that my time was over. Um. 404 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,000 Speaker 1: And I had taken everything out of the city that 405 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 1: that I could and learned everything I could from it 406 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: and made great relationships out there and experience, but it 407 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 1: was time to go, and so I knew I wanted 408 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: to do something big before I just went home and 409 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 1: got another job. So I had gotten really into yoga, 410 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: and that was my safe place when I was in 411 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,520 Speaker 1: l A. It's when everything kind of calmed down where 412 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 1: I could go for an hour and turn off my 413 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: phone and just listen to connect my mind, my body 414 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:39,439 Speaker 1: and be with myself. So I decided to go to 415 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 1: Bali and become a yoga teacher and go through training 416 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 1: for three weeks. So and I'm over here being like, 417 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,159 Speaker 1: she's crazy. She went to l A by herself with 418 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: a hundred dollars And then she's like, Okay, I'm ready 419 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 1: to come home, but first I'm going to just like 420 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 1: go to Bali for a really long time by myself. Yeah, 421 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: that was a big step, and that was something I 422 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,719 Speaker 1: saved for and and I really meditated on. And I 423 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 1: had no idea if it was the right thing to 424 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: do or if I was so silly and I should 425 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: just go straight home. But I'm so glad I did 426 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: because but what does that even mean? Like what is 427 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,880 Speaker 1: the right thing to do? Because I think that there 428 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 1: are a million choices that I've made throughout my life 429 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,960 Speaker 1: that could have changed how my life goes. And how 430 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,560 Speaker 1: do I know if it's the right thing to do? 431 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,560 Speaker 1: Because how do I maybe it didn't work out, but 432 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,880 Speaker 1: maybe that not working out or something happening is leading 433 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,920 Speaker 1: me to something else, something else. It's not so I think. 434 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that, because I think we 435 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:46,120 Speaker 1: get paralyzed making decisions a lot of times of like, well, 436 00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: what if this happens, or what if I'm supposed to 437 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: do this, or what I'm supposed to take that job. 438 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, then you would have taken it. You 439 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: would do it. Yeah, just have to pick something. So 440 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 1: you're like, I have a feeling I want to do 441 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,199 Speaker 1: this thing. I don't know if it's the right thing 442 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: to do, because how do we actually know that? And 443 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 1: you go to Bali. Yeah, so yeah. I traveled around 444 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,880 Speaker 1: for ten days with a friend and then I went 445 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,080 Speaker 1: into the program alone. Didn't know anyone. It was twenty 446 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 1: other people from around the world, And for three weeks 447 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,520 Speaker 1: we woke up at five am and meditated and did 448 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 1: yoga all day and learned and hung out by the 449 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: beach and it was an amazing experience. It was all, 450 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 1: you know, all in inclusive. We didn't leave the resort 451 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: the whole time. I made great friendships and it was 452 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: pretty pretty life changing. How did Hannah pre BALI come 453 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: home differently. I think I was able to let go 454 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 1: of the hustle and the dizziness and the day to 455 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 1: day that we get stuck on. I think our society 456 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 1: puts a lot of emphasis on being busy and how 457 00:23:51,520 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 1: that's so admirable and cool. Okay, you come back and 458 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 1: you come with this awareness of like, okay, there's not 459 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,400 Speaker 1: just yeah. I just had this inner piece where I 460 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 1: knew I was going to be okay, and I had 461 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:14,160 Speaker 1: let go of a lot of baggage and pain and suffering, 462 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 1: and I had let that go, and this is going 463 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 1: to be the start of my new life and I 464 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,880 Speaker 1: can create it to be whatever I wanted to be. 465 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,679 Speaker 1: And I think I knew I still wanted to do 466 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,119 Speaker 1: events at the time in some capacity, but I was 467 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 1: in no rush to get back in it. The first 468 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 1: six months I moved in with my mom. I walked dogs, 469 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:37,000 Speaker 1: oh my god, which I'm not cut out for. By 470 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 1: the way, it was a time that I took for 471 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: myself where I was, you know, I'm going to get 472 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 1: back in the hustle. Why not take this time to 473 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:50,920 Speaker 1: just travel. I traveled a lot that six months. I um, yeah, 474 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,479 Speaker 1: I just took a day by day, and I was 475 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: I was happy. But what I'm sitting here thinking and 476 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,720 Speaker 1: and some of you will know Hannah because you're listening 477 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,359 Speaker 1: to because you know Hannah, but some of you don't. 478 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 1: And as she's talking that there is a quality that 479 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: you hold that is very much like it's gonna be fine, 480 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 1: but not in like a toxic like what you're worrying 481 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 1: about doesn't matter. You just have this air that like, yeah, 482 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to live my life and I'm going to 483 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: take this trip or I'm going to do this thing, 484 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,960 Speaker 1: or I'm not going to do that thing. I'm going 485 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 1: to go on this date. Like the anxiety you have 486 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: is if you do have, it is so well regulated 487 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,119 Speaker 1: with this idea. And I think it speaks to you 488 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 1: coming back from Bali. You said I had released a 489 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: lot of stuff and I knew that I was going 490 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 1: to be taken care of. And what we aren't talking 491 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: about is and not that we're avoiding, and I just 492 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: don't think it's like that important part of this conversation 493 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: is the trauma that Hannah has gone through. All of 494 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: us have gone through stuff, and so we're not talking 495 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 1: about that part. We're kind of like hitting on like 496 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: these like cool highlights of your life. When you said that, 497 00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,159 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, like you had this experience is 498 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: where you like let go and you probably, I'm assuming 499 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 1: had an awareness of like I've been through a lot 500 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: of stuff and like look where I am. I think 501 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,479 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be okay. And you take that home with 502 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 1: you and now you're not in this like fret all 503 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: the time where I can get in that. I know, 504 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 1: I am like I've got to figure this out, or 505 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,480 Speaker 1: I've I've got to make this new thing, or I've 506 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 1: got to do this, or if I don't, I can 507 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: get very anxious and ask a lot of these what ifs, 508 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:35,160 Speaker 1: and you're like almost like what's the point of that question? Yeah, 509 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: I think I've learned to not concentrate so much on 510 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,680 Speaker 1: the past. I think you know, you you learn from 511 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 1: your past and you grow from it, but there's no 512 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 1: sense in replaying those memories and trauma and things over 513 00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 1: and over in your head and and even looking towards 514 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 1: the future. I think it's great to have goals and 515 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: uh to want to strive towards something or to manifest 516 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 1: things in your future that that you want to see 517 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: how and that's all great, But if you're not living 518 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,399 Speaker 1: right here in this moment, us sitting on the couch, 519 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,879 Speaker 1: you know, talking to each other as friends, and what 520 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,120 Speaker 1: am I doing? I want to be here. I want 521 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:15,400 Speaker 1: to be Yeah, you're missing your actual life because you're 522 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:19,160 Speaker 1: planning or you're looking back, which is like not that profound. 523 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: At the same time, it kind of is if you 524 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 1: think about it, kind of makes everything else go away, right, 525 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 1: because how often do we here be present? Be present? 526 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 1: Be present, be present? You should be present, We should 527 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,719 Speaker 1: be present, you should be more present. But it's like, 528 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 1: are we actually listening to what we are saying? Are 529 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: people listening to what people are saying to them? Because 530 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,760 Speaker 1: what you just said, it's like, yeah, Like if I'm 531 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: continuously focusing on what I didn't do, if I made 532 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,400 Speaker 1: the wrong choice, or what happened to me in that relationship, 533 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,239 Speaker 1: or what if I never find another one, then I 534 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 1: am literally missing out on the fact that I do 535 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 1: have a good life. My life isn't bad. There's things 536 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,959 Speaker 1: I don't have. My life isn't bad, which kind of 537 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 1: leads us in to this other conversation. We're going to 538 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: just like wrap the story up. Hanna moves back to Nashville. 539 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: She ends up getting a job eventually, and she just 540 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:12,600 Speaker 1: bought a condo. Yes, was anything I missed? Uh? Probably? Yeah, 541 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: I have. Yeah, I have a job that I love. 542 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 1: I'm still doing events. I bought a condo. So I 543 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: want to talk about, like, because you are in your 544 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,879 Speaker 1: thirties and you did leave behind in your early twenties 545 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: the path that you had to this like life that 546 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: we're told we should have, and now you're in your 547 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 1: thirties and like you don't have that life, but you 548 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: also have a good life, but you also are in 549 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,959 Speaker 1: the space where like you probably don't have everything that 550 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: you would have wanted to have at this point, right, Yeah, 551 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,800 Speaker 1: So I want you to talk about like how really 552 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,120 Speaker 1: more in depth of how you've managed to be there, 553 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 1: because we can't. I can't get wrapped up in what 554 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: I don't have versus what I have. I remember my 555 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: dad telling me I was in l A. This was 556 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 1: probably like five six years ago, and I was feeling 557 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: really lonely and sad about what I didn't have. I 558 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 1: didn't you know, a lot of my friends were getting 559 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 1: married around that time, um starting to have kids, and 560 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 1: I was just like, what am I doing I'm I'm, 561 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 1: you know, have a roommate. I live in this tiny 562 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 1: place in l A. I'm I'm hustling. I'm working a job. 563 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: But that's about it. That's all I have, and I'm 564 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 1: ready for a relationship. But I'm just sad I haven't 565 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: found I haven't found it. I don't know why, I 566 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,840 Speaker 1: don't know what I'm doing wrong. And I remember him 567 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: just saying, Hannah, if you want all those things, I 568 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: have no doubt that you will have that one day. 569 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 1: You will have a partner, you will have marriage, you 570 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,560 Speaker 1: will have kids if you want that. But enjoy where 571 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: you're at right now. Enjoy this moment because it's going 572 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: to fly by, and you're going to be looking back 573 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 1: thinking how cool was it that I got to go 574 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: on this trip with my friends and not have to 575 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: think twice, or that I can do whatever I want 576 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,480 Speaker 1: whenever I want. And I think that about that a 577 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,200 Speaker 1: lot today even, and I'm sitting in my apartment by 578 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: myself and just thinking, oh, I I used to you know, 579 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 1: I had roommates all all through l A and we 580 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: had so much fun together. But I remember being in 581 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,680 Speaker 1: l A and thinking, oh, this is great, but I 582 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 1: can't wait to have my own space. When I have 583 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,239 Speaker 1: my own space, I'm gonna decorate how I won and 584 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 1: it's going to be so peaceful and whatnot. And now 585 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,840 Speaker 1: I have that and it's great, But I'm looking back, 586 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,280 Speaker 1: I oh, I missed those nights where we sat on 587 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: the couch and stayed up till three in the morning 588 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,400 Speaker 1: talking about life. And so yeah, And I think the 589 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 1: same goes for relationships and marriage. And I think, you know, 590 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 1: I have a lot of single friends and I was 591 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,840 Speaker 1: single a very long time as well, and it can 592 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: be super disheartening, and you can go on date after 593 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,560 Speaker 1: date and and just feel the constant letdown of well, 594 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 1: what did what did you do to manage that? Because 595 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 1: you are in a relationship now, but you weren't for 596 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,880 Speaker 1: a very long time, and you were in four hundred weddings, 597 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: and you had so many friends have kids and even 598 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,760 Speaker 1: you being my friend, and you've been there when I 599 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: was in relationships. I don't want to give off the 600 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,240 Speaker 1: idea that being jealous is bad, because I do think 601 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,960 Speaker 1: that jealousy and envy offer us like a roadmap to 602 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 1: things we want. But you were always very supportive, even 603 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: if you were like, really, you know, so how did 604 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 1: you manage that? For me? Being a good friend is 605 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: something that's always been really important to me, being a 606 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 1: good daughter, being a good friend. And I am genuinely 607 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: happy when one of my best friends gets engaged or 608 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 1: has a kid or a wedding that I get to 609 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 1: be in because it's such a huge thing, right and 610 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 1: and it's exciting and this there's this new chapter of 611 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,120 Speaker 1: our life and we're seeing our friends grow up and 612 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,560 Speaker 1: it's beautiful. And I will be there to plan every 613 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 1: bachelrette and baby shower and shower you with love and 614 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,520 Speaker 1: and support. But my friends do the same for me, 615 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: And so I think I'm really lucky in that way 616 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: that just because I'm not going through, you know, a 617 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: life moment of getting engaged, I still have friends that 618 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: fly across the country to come to my birthday party, 619 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: you know, or drive my girlfriend she's she's pregnant right now, 620 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,240 Speaker 1: she has a kid. She drove all the way from 621 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 1: Memphis to be there for me for a weekend and 622 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 1: show her support, you know, in ways she can. And 623 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: I just think that's so cool because it's so important 624 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: to celebrate your friends, especially your friends that aren't going 625 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:27,120 Speaker 1: through those big life stages because it's funny. I had 626 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 1: I had a friend get engaged recently, and I said, 627 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,080 Speaker 1: how was it, How was um, you know, telling everyone? 628 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 1: And she told me she said, it's been really overwhelming. 629 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 1: And I said why And she said, I've never had 630 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,960 Speaker 1: so many people comment and and and reach out to 631 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 1: me for me doing nothing. She's like, I didn't do 632 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,720 Speaker 1: anything to get this ring. I fell in love and 633 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,880 Speaker 1: and that's great, and I'm super excited, but I've done 634 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 1: so much cooler ship in my life that nobody even 635 00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:00,360 Speaker 1: knows or has been there to support me. You know, 636 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,080 Speaker 1: she doesn't get as much attention. Yeah, and I and 637 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 1: I wonder about that a lot. Yeah. And it's and 638 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 1: in the world, it makes me sad because how many 639 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 1: of our friends have started their own business, bought their 640 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,840 Speaker 1: house by themselves, got promoted at work, left to toxic 641 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,240 Speaker 1: relationship whatever it is that these are things that they 642 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: actually did and and created and started and how cool. 643 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 1: But people are out here doing badass things all day long. 644 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,640 Speaker 1: But the picture you get the mostgramlights on is if 645 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: you get engaged, or you post your new boyfriend or like, 646 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 1: what the hell is that? That's so frustrating today now 647 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 1: because I've never actually never thought about that, and I 648 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 1: whoever your friend is, I freaking love her. She was 649 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: like wait a second, like she's like this, have done this, this, 650 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,760 Speaker 1: and this just's like this is awesome. Yeah, I'm so 651 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 1: happy and like it felt nice that people were congratulating 652 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 1: me short and like but yeah, like I actually didn't Yeah, 653 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,880 Speaker 1: I didn't do it. I just need a moment to 654 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:04,360 Speaker 1: process that myself. But that I think speaks to the 655 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,840 Speaker 1: society we're in and why it's so hard to be 656 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,120 Speaker 1: like my life is still good because what is praised 657 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 1: the highest is like somebody's getting married. But it's like, 658 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 1: but also, like, have we even stepped back to see 659 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,160 Speaker 1: like do we even want to get married? Or exactly 660 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,000 Speaker 1: that's what I'm told is going to bring me happiness 661 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,600 Speaker 1: that actually know that, Like I might really like living 662 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: by myself and being able to make my own decisions 663 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,840 Speaker 1: because it might be a manufactured desire, yeah, Or I 664 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 1: might want to be with a person and never get 665 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 1: married to them and just look together. And but I 666 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 1: don't get congratulated for that. You get asked questions. Right, 667 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: it's messed up. Need to normalize people doing whatever the 668 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:48,560 Speaker 1: hell they want exactly. God bless America. Honestly, you know 669 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,399 Speaker 1: what it really bothers me is when people say, oh, 670 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 1: we're going to start a family now, and they mean 671 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 1: they're going to start trying for kids. It's like, aren't 672 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 1: you already a family. I'm a family with my cat 673 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: and my house. I doesn't say, can I just be 674 00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 1: a family with like me and what do I have? 675 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:06,440 Speaker 1: You are a family with your friend circle, you'd circle 676 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 1: they're your family, right. So that makes me think of 677 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,399 Speaker 1: something that I've said to my friend. A couple weeks ago, 678 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,880 Speaker 1: around Christmas, I got exposed to COVID and so I 679 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: had to get tested and make sure I didn't have 680 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,439 Speaker 1: COVID before I went to my parents for Christmas, and 681 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: I said, I think that my mom was worried. And 682 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:26,800 Speaker 1: I was like, I think she's just worried because everybody 683 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,279 Speaker 1: else has a family, but I don't have one. And 684 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,960 Speaker 1: he's like, you know, you do actually have a family, 685 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,720 Speaker 1: and maybe she's worried because you're part of that family, 686 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,879 Speaker 1: like that her family, And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 687 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,200 Speaker 1: but I like forget that. It's like I still have 688 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 1: a family. I don't have this thing, but that doesn't 689 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,520 Speaker 1: mean I don't have other things and that as you 690 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 1: were talking earlier, I wanted to stop you, but I 691 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,760 Speaker 1: was just letting you go because you were saying good stuff. 692 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,719 Speaker 1: But when we're talking about and we're thinking about being 693 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 1: able to be like supportive and grateful for our friends 694 00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:00,359 Speaker 1: who are getting things that we don't have, I think 695 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 1: happens a lot is two things. One they're getting something 696 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,080 Speaker 1: I don't have, but I want it so now that 697 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 1: it's like I'm behind or something like that. But somebody 698 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,800 Speaker 1: else getting something you want doesn't make you less likely 699 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 1: to one day get that, Like many people can have 700 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 1: that like their success or there what accomplishment or their 701 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 1: whatever it is, doesn't take away from your ability to 702 00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,399 Speaker 1: also have that. Ye, And I was just gonna say, 703 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,040 Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean that they're not looking at your life, 704 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what do you have? And that was 705 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,719 Speaker 1: the other part of that is the lack of one 706 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:42,720 Speaker 1: thing does not create You know, when you multiply something 707 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,799 Speaker 1: by zero at zero, it's like that doesn't happen with 708 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,759 Speaker 1: your life, like you not having We're just gonna stay 709 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 1: on this track. A marriage doesn't. You don't multiply your 710 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,960 Speaker 1: life by that and now you have nothing, like you 711 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,799 Speaker 1: still have a lot of things. But that's like what 712 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,840 Speaker 1: we do in our minds. It's like I have nothing 713 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,680 Speaker 1: because I don't have that. I have nothing. It's like 714 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:07,799 Speaker 1: waiting better. But it's like we're actually going back to 715 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,839 Speaker 1: the present part. If I actually was honest with my 716 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,200 Speaker 1: life and I sat here and I looked at what 717 00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,839 Speaker 1: I had, I would probably come up with a lot 718 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 1: of stuff. That doesn't mean I don't want more whatever. 719 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,439 Speaker 1: That's just going to be a thing. I do want 720 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,760 Speaker 1: other things I don't have, but I do have things, 721 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 1: and the more I can focus on that, the less 722 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,719 Speaker 1: of a lack I feel. But we just like multiply 723 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 1: the things we don't have our life by them, and 724 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 1: then we think we have nothing. Yeah, and I think 725 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,799 Speaker 1: it's okay to want those things, but it goes back 726 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: to being practicing gratitude every day for what you have 727 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:47,680 Speaker 1: right now and living in that moment and not being enough. Yes. 728 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 1: And I will say this because I think gratitude has 729 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,759 Speaker 1: gotten kind of a bad reputation too in the past year, 730 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,520 Speaker 1: because everybody's like toxic positivity and that's a thing, but 731 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 1: also positivity is also something that we need to survive 732 00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,399 Speaker 1: and gratitude something that we need to survive, and that 733 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,440 Speaker 1: is like any other experience in our lives. It's a 734 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:10,320 Speaker 1: both and kind of thing. I can be so grateful 735 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:15,040 Speaker 1: for my life and sad I can be so frustrated 736 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:18,760 Speaker 1: with parts of my life and so ecstatic about others. 737 00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And I 738 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,920 Speaker 1: think actually that it should should never be all or nothing. 739 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,160 Speaker 1: I think it should always be a little bit of both, 740 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,239 Speaker 1: because it gives us something to work towards, and it 741 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 1: also gives us some like something to hold on too, 742 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,880 Speaker 1: but we don't do that very well. Yeah, it reminds 743 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,400 Speaker 1: me a story. My friend was over and she's in 744 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,080 Speaker 1: my apartment and um, she's like, what is it like 745 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,640 Speaker 1: waking up here? She has two she's married, she has 746 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,880 Speaker 1: two young kids, and she's working mom too, superhero, always 747 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,239 Speaker 1: on the go. And she's like, what is it like 748 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 1: waking up here on Saturday morning and just being alone 749 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,640 Speaker 1: and being in quietness? And I was like, it's actually 750 00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,960 Speaker 1: pretty magical. I can drink my coffee, I can read 751 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,719 Speaker 1: a book, I have peace and quiet, I can do 752 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,960 Speaker 1: literally whatever I want when I wake up on Saturday morning. 753 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,640 Speaker 1: And I said, but I also look at your life 754 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,000 Speaker 1: and I think how great it must be to wake 755 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,880 Speaker 1: up next to your husband and to have two babies 756 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,520 Speaker 1: jumping on you at six am and showing you love 757 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:20,800 Speaker 1: and excited. I want that one day, not right now, 758 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,880 Speaker 1: but both are good. Both are good, and both are beautiful, 759 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,279 Speaker 1: and and she's living in that moment right now, and 760 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,279 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that I won't have that one day. 761 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:34,279 Speaker 1: But I'm really happy for my quiet Saturday mornings right now. 762 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know if you felt this way, but 763 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 1: I know that. Like I remember specifically telling somebody when 764 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,319 Speaker 1: I was working at a camp one summer that, like, 765 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:49,680 Speaker 1: I wanted to be married at twenty three, sorry's cute 766 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,680 Speaker 1: it would be, And I wanted to have a kid 767 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: at like and then like twenty nine. Gosh, that sounds awful. Meanwhile, 768 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,880 Speaker 1: I just want everybody to know I'm thirty two and 769 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:07,799 Speaker 1: have zero children, and I am grateful for that. Like 770 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,719 Speaker 1: I wanted something based on what I thought would make 771 00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:15,360 Speaker 1: me happy, based on again what I'm shown, But the 772 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 1: reality is I really don't know, but I am very 773 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,400 Speaker 1: happy to not have You're where you're supposed to be, 774 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,600 Speaker 1: and so I do want to just send that message 775 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,759 Speaker 1: to everybody that like, hey, maybe what you want is 776 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,880 Speaker 1: different than what you think you want and leave space 777 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,600 Speaker 1: for that, especially when you are in there's like really 778 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,600 Speaker 1: like young times and I don't know anything about the 779 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: world that grows so much. Yeah, I didn't know what 780 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,160 Speaker 1: it would be like to be like single in my 781 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,440 Speaker 1: twenties and like a semi big city and be able 782 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,840 Speaker 1: to do like I am so happy I have and 783 00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,920 Speaker 1: I'm so happy I didn't have a kid at seven nine, 784 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:55,759 Speaker 1: because that's not that's that's in your head. Yeah, it's 785 00:40:55,840 --> 00:41:00,319 Speaker 1: like not the plan that I would plan now making 786 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,359 Speaker 1: the plan all right, Well, thank you for being here. 787 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,400 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. This was fun and I'm so 788 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:09,440 Speaker 1: proud of you. Also, this is like so cool that 789 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 1: you this is what probably just started as a hobby 790 00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,120 Speaker 1: and something that you were exploring and you had fun 791 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,640 Speaker 1: doing it. And a couple of people who decided to 792 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,440 Speaker 1: listen to it. Yeah, so here we are. Thank you. Um. 793 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,280 Speaker 1: I will be back on Wednesday for couch Talks per usual. 794 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,200 Speaker 1: If you guys have any questions, you can send them 795 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,920 Speaker 1: to Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. You 796 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:35,160 Speaker 1: can follow the podcast at you Need Therapy podcast. You 797 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,799 Speaker 1: can follow me at cat dot de fata and you 798 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:43,720 Speaker 1: can follow Hannah at hand fran five what I'm private, 799 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:47,680 Speaker 1: Oh but whatever. They can follow me, you can request 800 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,879 Speaker 1: and you can play the game. Well, she accept flide 801 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:55,319 Speaker 1: into my d M. Maybe they have a question. Yeah, 802 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:58,080 Speaker 1: you can ask me a question about anything. Yeah, anyway, 803 00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,839 Speaker 1: all right, Well, I will talk to you guys later 804 00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:06,400 Speaker 1: and have the day you need to have. By h