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Speaker 1: I'm ready for labor. Of course you would be. But

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Speaker 1: I will say if labor and delivery was that bad,

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Speaker 1: everyone would be an only child dead. Hey, I'm Cadine

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Speaker 1: and we're the Ellises. You may know us from posting

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Speaker 1: funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly

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Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need

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Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most

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Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the term that

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Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow Talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts writing out.

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Speaker 1: We had lots of stories because we got mad kids, y'all.

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Speaker 1: But this story in particular is the morning of Kaz's

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Speaker 1: birth right, and in full of you who watched our

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Speaker 1: birthing vlog, you remember how it started. I'm sleeping the bed,

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Speaker 1: k runs in the room, shakes me, shakes me about

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what what what she goes? Baby, I think

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Speaker 1: it's time, Betty. I think it's sounded like a wounding,

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Speaker 1: know she would like Mimi, and she was the nerves

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Speaker 1: coming down the throat and I was like, what's the matter.

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Speaker 1: She was just like, I know, I don't think I'm ready.

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Speaker 1: But we was ready because a week private I already

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Speaker 1: inflated the pool. All we had to do was put

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Speaker 1: some water in there. Whence the kid was ready. Um,

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Speaker 1: we called the minute we knew how water broke. We

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Speaker 1: called her parents, called her brother, sister, called my brother, UH,

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Speaker 1: called my sister. We called my parents, we called doll,

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Speaker 1: we called the god parents, and we was getting prepared.

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Speaker 1: So the funny thing is when you're having a home birth,

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Speaker 1: people don't realize that the best part about having a

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Speaker 1: home birth is that you can include family to create ambiance. So,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've been doing this fatherhood thing for a

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Speaker 1: little bit now, So I knew that our baby was

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Speaker 1: gonna come within six hours, because that what Kyroe. He

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Speaker 1: came within six hours. So I told everybody rushed over there,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted the first couple hours of the home

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Speaker 1: birthing process to be kind of like Thanksgiving in Christmas,

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Speaker 1: so we all got together in the living room. We

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Speaker 1: were watching movies. Kay was bouncing on the boats suit ball,

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Speaker 1: I was pushing on her hips in her back, and

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Speaker 1: Zakari came and acted to the duel. In that moment,

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Speaker 1: she was helping with the whole home birthing process, and

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Speaker 1: in six hours, almost on the dots, Cats came was born.

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Speaker 1: Push it really good, Push it real good, getting ready

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Speaker 1: to push, getting ready to push. The crazy part about

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Speaker 1: pushing that I think only women who have experienced it. No,

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Speaker 1: when time comes to push, there's no way not to push.

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Speaker 1: There's just no way not to push. That's just how

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Speaker 1: it works. It's almost as if the body just un

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Speaker 1: involuntarily starts pushing and you have no choice but to

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Speaker 1: ride the wave and go with it. Before you get started,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. We can pay some bills,

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Speaker 1: and when we come right back, we're gonna get into

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Speaker 1: your birth, involved into home. Yeah, I'll pick up on

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Speaker 1: my version of Devour story time and how I felt

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Speaker 1: in that moment. We'll be right back that wounded goat situation,

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Speaker 1: because that could sense the shakiness in my voice. It

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Speaker 1: was one of those things where in that moment, I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was empowered. Leading up to this process,

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Speaker 1: we had done our due diligence, We did our research.

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Speaker 1: I got the blessing from my O B G. Y

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Speaker 1: Into then transferred to a midwife. I vetted to Kia.

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Speaker 1: Our midwife shoutouts as a Kia she is like second

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Speaker 1: to none. And I did my research. I had my

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Speaker 1: visits with her. She told me how to channel the

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Speaker 1: idea of pain into that moment when I'm going to

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Speaker 1: meet my baby. There were so many things, you know,

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Speaker 1: and then it hit me like I'm actually supposed to

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Speaker 1: employ all those things that I've learned right now, you know.

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Speaker 1: So it was just one of those moments where I

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Speaker 1: I just I knew it was coming. There was no

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Speaker 1: way to stop it. There was only one way out,

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Speaker 1: you know. Um, and he's nervous. I was nervous. She

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Speaker 1: was nervous. He was nervous. I was nervous. Um. It

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Speaker 1: did help, though, having family and friends nearby to just

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Speaker 1: kind of, you know, take the edge off, take my

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Speaker 1: mind off of things. Cad was born a couple of

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Speaker 1: days after Thanksgiving, so it was like, you know, family

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Speaker 1: was in town, My grandmother was there. Um, so the

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Speaker 1: distraction was nice, you know. And I'll never forget my brother,

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Speaker 1: who was probably even more nervous for me. At various

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Speaker 1: points throughout labor. He was like, he'll come over to

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Speaker 1: me and whisper and he'd be like, you know, you

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Speaker 1: don't have to do this right, Okay, you know the

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Speaker 1: hospitals like tim in this away, right, we can go

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Speaker 1: to the hospital, okay, and I know, let's let's take

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Speaker 1: take them back to Jackson. And how we even got

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Speaker 1: to this home birthing process because it wasn't like, hey,

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Speaker 1: let's just have a home. It was like a process

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Speaker 1: to get here from child one to child three. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was very thought out. So let's start initially. I

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Speaker 1: don't think we've ever told this full story on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: When they when it came time to for Jackson's birth. Um,

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Speaker 1: I was in the gym. We were living in Brooklyn

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Speaker 1: at the time, very young, I believe, and Kay was

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Speaker 1: pregnant but she was still working at mac so at

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Speaker 1: the time. When she was working at mac her diet

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Speaker 1: and her exercise routine was horrible, terrible because the Johnny Rockets,

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Speaker 1: like everyday they knew me. And you know, it's something

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Speaker 1: about people wanting to feed pregnant people. I think they

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Speaker 1: don't want to stig in there. EI. They're like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: you want this, Johnny Rocketsburg and fries. You're gonna get

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Speaker 1: this right now. So they and they made sure she

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Speaker 1: was happy. But it was very high sodium right on

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Speaker 1: top of the fact that she was working crazy. I

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Speaker 1: was in retail that she was getting dehydrated. So she

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Speaker 1: went to the hospital and your living enzymes were elevated,

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Speaker 1: so they thought she had pre clamps here. So because

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Speaker 1: her liberal enzymes are elevated, they were like, hey, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna induce you and get the baby out there because

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Speaker 1: not safe. So I'm in the gym. I get a

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Speaker 1: phone call. Hey, we're gonna induce K. So I'm like cool.

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Speaker 1: That was around eight o'clock, nine o'clock. I got this

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Speaker 1: phone call. Um. First she told me she was just

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Speaker 1: going to the doctor. That's what she said, to get

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Speaker 1: checked out. Then she said, hey, baby, it's gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna induce me. So I was like cool. This

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Speaker 1: was three weeks prior to when Jackson was supposed to

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Speaker 1: be born. So I finished my my set at the gym.

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Speaker 1: I had some clients at it. You finished. You didn't

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Speaker 1: just drop everything in league because you don't remember that.

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Speaker 1: You told me like, don't rush because there's going to

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Speaker 1: be a process for them to induce me, and there's

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Speaker 1: nothing you can do when you get here, So finish.

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Speaker 1: So I finished my clients. When I was done my clients,

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Speaker 1: about nine o'clock, I headed to the hospital and then

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Speaker 1: that's when all of the excitement started with the epidural.

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Speaker 1: All right, yeah, I promise y'all if I catch the

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Speaker 1: woman on the street that administered the epidural, I'm fighting

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Speaker 1: her to this day. To this day, I've never in

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Speaker 1: my life ever wanted to put hands on the woman,

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Speaker 1: especially elderly woman. And she wasn't really that she was

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Speaker 1: the elderly, but elderly, but she was older than us

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Speaker 1: because we was in our twenties at that time. But

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Speaker 1: I wanted to fight this woman. We were in it

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Speaker 1: when in the room and case sitting on the bed

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Speaker 1: and she had asked for an epiduro. Um, no you

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Speaker 1: didn't ask for well, real quick, when the induction started,

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Speaker 1: the nurse came in and said, just so you know,

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Speaker 1: this thing can take up to twenty four hours to

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Speaker 1: even start working. Actively, So if you were to get

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Speaker 1: an epidural, it would be wise because you get some sleep,

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Speaker 1: you won't be tired by the time the baby comes,

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Speaker 1: you'll be able to push. So she kind of almost

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Speaker 1: sold me the idea of the epidural because I didn't

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Speaker 1: necessarily ask for it in the beginning. It was just like, girl,

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Speaker 1: you're about to get into so there's ship might hit

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Speaker 1: the fan, just so you know it's available to you.

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Speaker 1: And that's where the temptation comes. Being in the hospital.

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Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you see your first baby here

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Speaker 1: about this pane. So it's like, damn, let me just

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Speaker 1: go ahead and get this epidural because I don't want

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Speaker 1: to feel it. And both her mom and my mom

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Speaker 1: had three kids naturally, no epidrol, no nothing, so I

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Speaker 1: don't We never even had the discussion. That's another thing

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Speaker 1: about young parents and not knowing. Kadina and I had

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Speaker 1: never had the conversation of whether to get an epidul

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Speaker 1: or not hit an epidule, which is something I think

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Speaker 1: you should have with your partner. And definitely have a

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Speaker 1: birthing plan, which we're gonna talk about our birthday plan

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Speaker 1: on our next podcast, but have a birthing plan with

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Speaker 1: your partner so that you're not caught off guard like

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Speaker 1: Codina and I were caught off guard in that moment.

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Speaker 1: So I come in there. They decide they're gonna give

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Speaker 1: it the epidule. They're like, hey, Mr Ellis, you know

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Speaker 1: you can stay. So of course I'm gonna stay. This

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Speaker 1: is my baby. I'm sitting there in front of her,

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Speaker 1: and the lady goes, you want to sit down, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I need to say. I got to too,

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Speaker 1: so I'm good with needles. She put out the needle.

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Speaker 1: The needle was like this big yo, like eight ft

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Speaker 1: long bro. So instantly my legs get weak, right, So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, ye know, I'm about to go to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: Codein grabs me right. She's like, You're not going nowhere, right,

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Speaker 1: So I was like, I sounded like you look, you

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Speaker 1: look me dead in my eyes. You look at me.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you ain't going out a damn place.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, not doing it. I was like, all right,

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Speaker 1: so I'm gonna stay. So I was supposed to be

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Speaker 1: holding her up, but realistically she was holding me up

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Speaker 1: because I legit was about to pass out right. The

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Speaker 1: lady takes the needle, she goes inside. Codein goes who

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Speaker 1: like Michael Jackson, right, and then the lady pulls the

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Speaker 1: needle out, and I'm like, what happened? I literally felt

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Speaker 1: like I was electrocuted, but only on the right side

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Speaker 1: of my body, so like my left arm and leg

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Speaker 1: jerked forward in an involuntary motion that I felt like

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Speaker 1: I got shot. So she clearly hit some sort of nerves,

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Speaker 1: the nerve. So then she goes, you moved, you moved,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, she didn't move. She didn't move

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Speaker 1: until after you pulled the freaking needle out, right. But

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Speaker 1: he's like, you stop moving, Like she was very harsh,

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Speaker 1: so you must stop moving, you must stop moving. So

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Speaker 1: out I went from being like like nervous and feeling

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Speaker 1: queasy to get in real mad. Like I was like real,

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Speaker 1: real mad. Right, So now I'm not even holding cadein anymore.

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Speaker 1: I got my hands down on the bed and I'm

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Speaker 1: just watching the lady because I'm just watching what she's doing.

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Speaker 1: So she goes in again, and the Codeine is sitting

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Speaker 1: there and she's holding my holding my arms in my shirt.

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Speaker 1: I got my my arms on the bed and then

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Speaker 1: Codeine goes again, and I see Codeine like clench up again,

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Speaker 1: and lady pulls it out and she's like, tell her

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Speaker 1: stop moving, and I'm like, yo, she's not moving, like

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Speaker 1: you don't know what you're doing. So now me and

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Speaker 1: her are having this little back and forth and codeans

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Speaker 1: like about please about please, about please. So I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying anything. I'm sitting there. The lady goes in for

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Speaker 1: a third time and finally gets the needle in. Right

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Speaker 1: at this point, I asked you how she feels. She

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Speaker 1: actually feels fine, but she said she felt like some

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Speaker 1: tingling in your leg. Yeah, well at that point once

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Speaker 1: it was in, I don't know. Again, I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what to expect her what you feel. So I did

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Speaker 1: start to feel a little bit of tingling, a little

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Speaker 1: bit of numbness, But then I also still felt pressure

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Speaker 1: as I began to progress in it, so feeling the pressure,

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Speaker 1: I still felt a little pain. So I feel like

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Speaker 1: I kind of just got a botched epidural job, like

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Speaker 1: it didn't see what it was supposed to do. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't giving what it was supposed to give, and she

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Speaker 1: didn't understand the assignment clearly. And I think it's important

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Speaker 1: for parents to know that you could ask questions prior

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Speaker 1: to it. What should I feel during this epidural? What

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Speaker 1: are the best practices, what are the red flags? What

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Speaker 1: to look for, what not to look for? Absolutely, before

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Speaker 1: you get any procedure done to you, you should know.

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Speaker 1: And we didn't educate ourselves. We we really didn't have

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Speaker 1: that conversation, which to us was a ball drop on

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Speaker 1: our part. That wasn't anyone else's ball drop, but that

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Speaker 1: was our ball were young parents, for sure. So time

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Speaker 1: goes on, and as time goes on, the night turns

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Speaker 1: into daytime. It's about nine, nine thirty in the morning.

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Speaker 1: I forgot what Tim Jackson was born, but it is

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Speaker 1: not in the morning. I still remember nine times. I

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Speaker 1: know you remember times. I'm pretty sure you would. It's

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Speaker 1: not thirty in the morning. The Dodgs like, hey, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. This is gonna take some time.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get some breakfast. Codine was telling me

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Speaker 1: that she did not feel good. She was just like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like something's coming coming. That's

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Speaker 1: what she kept saying to me. I feel like something's coming, baby.

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Speaker 1: And I was just like, all right, well, let me

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Speaker 1: get the doctors. She's like, oh, I'm gonna grab a coffee,

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Speaker 1: I said, doc. She says, she feels like something coming.

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Speaker 1: She's like her first baby. You know it's gonna take time.

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Speaker 1: I went back in the in the thing. All I

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Speaker 1: seen was here coming out, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: and it feels like I feel like I should push.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I should push. Your Coadine was pushing

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Speaker 1: at times, and then I guess the contraction wasn't supposed

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Speaker 1: to be coming. So I called the durst, I said, nurse, nurse, nurse,

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Speaker 1: I see the baby. Jackson is crowning now, right, Kaye

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Speaker 1: pushes one time, half his head is out. Then the

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Speaker 1: doctor comes flying in. Right, didn't get a chance to

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Speaker 1: get the coffee. She's like, okay, then okay, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: push one more time. You're gonna push one more time

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Speaker 1: because he's like when when? When? When? When? And then

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Speaker 1: um the doctor was looking at the contraction made Kaye pushes,

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Speaker 1: Jackson comes out bound. Jackson was born with a club

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Speaker 1: foot five months agram we knew. So they saw him

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Speaker 1: with the club foot. They immediately took him to the

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Speaker 1: orthopedic surgeon to fit him for his cast. Because he

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Speaker 1: had to put the cast, and then it was just

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Speaker 1: me codein and her mom in the room. Her mom

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Speaker 1: walks out, I'm like, hey, babe, how are you feeling.

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Speaker 1: How you're feeling? Codine is looking starting to look a

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Speaker 1: little flush and then look a little great, like you

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Speaker 1: see this golden brownness this point, I don't have. This

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Speaker 1: golden browness was not golden brown. It was looking like this,

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Speaker 1: like a slab of slate. So I'm like, baby, are

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Speaker 1: and she's like, I'm just kind of tired. So then

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Speaker 1: I stepped from up top to go down to see

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Speaker 1: if everything was okay down there, because I know that

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Speaker 1: you had at least check down there to see that everything.

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Speaker 1: That's awfully brave of you, because most men don't want

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Speaker 1: to see down there because they don't know if it's

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Speaker 1: gonna go back to them. Well, it's a good thing

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Speaker 1: that I did, because I went down there and it

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Speaker 1: was like Texas chains all Mexica, like it was just blood.

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Speaker 1: Was just she out like when I was like, my

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Speaker 1: is this supposed to look like this? Now? Her mom

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Speaker 1: had three kids. My mom had three kids. Her mom

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Speaker 1: directive nursing. Her mom came down and said, um, no,

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Speaker 1: calls for the nurse, calls for the nurse, calls for

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Speaker 1: the doctor. The nurse comes in, the nurse calls for

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Speaker 1: the doctor. They all run in now, and when they

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Speaker 1: run in, they're like prep the o R. They start

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Speaker 1: looking inside of her, and I'm asking questions. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what's happening, what's happening, what's happening. At this point, they

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Speaker 1: will cadine away and I kept asking what's happening? And

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Speaker 1: then I don't remember anything after that, and that's what

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Speaker 1: my mom. I don't remember much after that either. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: my mom was just like they had to calm me down,

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Speaker 1: sit me down, and then connine went to surgery for

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Speaker 1: four hours. So my case was very rare. Um what

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Speaker 1: must have happened along the way, but just only what

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Speaker 1: we can deduce now after I spoke to my doctor

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Speaker 1: when it happens is that, um, I might have my

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Speaker 1: body might have been pushing, or I might have been

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Speaker 1: shame when I wasn't supposed to, but it was hard

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Speaker 1: to tell because the epidural didn't really give me a

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Speaker 1: sign of that, and I tore internally, which I didn't

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Speaker 1: even know was a thing. So most women will have

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Speaker 1: to have what they call in a psotomy where they

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Speaker 1: have to cut you at the bottom or you may tear.

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Speaker 1: I tore internally, so my servix is what tour so

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Speaker 1: to repair that. It was kind of like, even just

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Speaker 1: thinking about it now, I'm just like, how do they

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Speaker 1: even get in there to do that? You know? Um?

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Speaker 1: So I do remember going into the o r um again,

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Speaker 1: very cold, sterile room. But my doctor, who I absolutely

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Speaker 1: loved to this day, she was like, don't worry about it.

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Speaker 1: Everything's gonna be fine. The anaesthesiologist was just like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you haven't had a cocktail in a while, what's your

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Speaker 1: favorite drink? Ha ha ha, you know, trying to give

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Speaker 1: me a little concoction to put me out. But I

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Speaker 1: do remember my two legs being up in these stirrups.

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Speaker 1: I kind of felt like I was in like a

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Speaker 1: like a meat shop, you know, when they hang cows

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Speaker 1: from their feet and stuff like that to drink the

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Speaker 1: blood that was me. I was the cow, um And

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Speaker 1: I remember just being there. And then the last thing

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Speaker 1: I remember was a team of like student doctors coming in.

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Speaker 1: There was like at least to ten of them, and

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Speaker 1: I guess it was because my case was so rare.

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Speaker 1: How I tour that they wanted to maybe, you know,

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Speaker 1: show them what to do in this case, watch and learn. Um.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it was a situation that in the moment,

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Speaker 1: I guess I didn't understand the severity of it. But

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Speaker 1: coming out of it, UM, I remember waking up by

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Speaker 1: myself on a cot with internally in my cervix. Um,

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Speaker 1: I was like, put two more of a good measure,

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Speaker 1: you know, just just okay, you know, um. And then

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Speaker 1: I didn't get to see Jackson or you for like

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Speaker 1: it was about like five six hours. I think that

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Speaker 1: I didn't get to see y'all because I had to

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Speaker 1: have the surgery and then recover and then come out

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Speaker 1: of recovery to see him. Um. So it was a minute.

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Speaker 1: It was. It was a very scario. I remember when

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Speaker 1: when they were willing you away, thinking it's just going

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Speaker 1: to be one of those times when I have my son,

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Speaker 1: but then I lose my wife, Like that was the

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00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,920
Speaker 1: first thing going through my mom and then I seriously, well, no,

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Speaker 1: that's how I felt coming out, because I don't even

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Speaker 1: remember being mad. And then I don't remember much after that,

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Speaker 1: which is like funny to me because I've never blacked

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00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 1: out an anger blacked out, but I remember being extremely tied.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep that night because I was up with you.

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Speaker 1: I pretty much watched you sleep the whole night, and

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Speaker 1: my mom said they had to really calm me down

356
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Speaker 1: and sit me down. And then I remember coming out thinking,

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Speaker 1: am I going to see my wife again? When all

358
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,199
Speaker 1: the time, particularly black women going in to have a

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Speaker 1: baby and husbands are significant others leaving with just the baby.

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Speaker 1: This is important for men to understand about being an

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Speaker 1: advocate for your wife, right. And this is why I

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00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:47,199
Speaker 1: speak so much about um um infant mortality rates as

363
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Speaker 1: well as maternity mentality rates, because if I don't go

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Speaker 1: down there and check and say, hey, this doesn't look right,

365
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,199
Speaker 1: no one would have noticed, you know, because everyone was

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Speaker 1: focused on Jackson at the time, as they should have been,

367
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Speaker 1: but no one even check to see if Cadeen was

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Speaker 1: all right after the baby came out. So if I

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Speaker 1: don't say nothing and I run after Jackson as well,

370
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Speaker 1: and I'm not an advocate for you, I'm not constantly checking,

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00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,399
Speaker 1: who knows what happens if I leave the room and

372
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,200
Speaker 1: you're just sitting there because you were minutes away from

373
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Speaker 1: needing a full blood transfusion, which means you were losing

374
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:23,119
Speaker 1: blood a lot. And after that whole ordeal and finally

375
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 1: coming out of it and and getting a chance to

376
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 1: see you with Jackson and you and I remember I

377
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:32,199
Speaker 1: remember saying this, I'm not having any more understanding, like

378
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,239
Speaker 1: I have my son and I have my wife. I

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00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 1: am good. And we had made a decision. I think

380
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Speaker 1: subconsciously that's why there was a five year gap between

381
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,879
Speaker 1: Jackson and Cairo. Yeah, in retrospect, I think until too,

382
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 1: because I always said I didn't want to have big

383
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Speaker 1: gaps between kids. I was like, I want to have

384
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Speaker 1: my kids kind of back to back, get it done,

385
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,240
Speaker 1: and then here we are. But that was it was scary.

386
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,639
Speaker 1: It was scary, and it wasn't It wasn't a great

387
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 1: process for us, and it wasn't something it was memorable

388
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,920
Speaker 1: for all the wrong reasons, you know, But it wasn't

389
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 1: something that made me be like, I can guess I

390
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,680
Speaker 1: can do this again, right. But I mean that was

391
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 1: a learning experience for us because then it taught us

392
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,719
Speaker 1: the next time around that what we needed to do

393
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 1: was do a little bit more research, which we did

394
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 1: um when time came for Cairo, because we're like, all right,

395
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 1: let's see how we can how I can potentially labor

396
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,399
Speaker 1: at home as long as possible so that I'm not

397
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,680
Speaker 1: tempted if labor were to start naturally, that I may

398
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,479
Speaker 1: not be tempted to want to have any kind of

399
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: payment intervention, and I might want to just try to

400
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 1: do this naturally. And you and I and at this

401
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 1: point we had a full birthing plant, like Codeine was pregnant.

402
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 1: She and I said, this is what this is what

403
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 1: we're going to do. We're going to labor at home. Now.

404
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,600
Speaker 1: Once again, we thought we had three more weeks to

405
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,439
Speaker 1: prepare because we didn't have a crib, we didn't have

406
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,159
Speaker 1: the best in then our apartment was being renovated, and

407
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:52,399
Speaker 1: the apartment renovation was supposed to be done about a

408
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 1: week prior to you going in labor. So even though

409
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,639
Speaker 1: we had a plan, we still you know, God has

410
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,480
Speaker 1: a way of looking at your plan and then laughing

411
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 1: like you don't. So we you know, at the time,

412
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 1: we were like, we're gonna We're gonna labor at home,

413
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: which means we're not going to go to the hospital

414
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: until the very very last minute. This way, they can't

415
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,680
Speaker 1: tempt us with getting the upper door and we'll deal

416
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 1: with the pain at home. So I was watching a

417
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 1: ton of documentaries. I was also way more active to

418
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: remember when Cairo, So at this point I was pretty

419
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 1: much freelancing as a makeup artistle. I wasn't working retail

420
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 1: anymore where I had those rigorous retail hours. I was

421
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 1: able to create my own schedule, so that way I

422
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 1: was able to really incorporate taking care of myself. So

423
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 1: I was spinning up until I was thirty five weeks,

424
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: I want to say with Cairo um and I felt

425
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: like I was really in the best shape of my

426
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 1: life and pregnant at the same time. So that's helpful.

427
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 1: You were you were putting the work in and that's

428
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 1: the best part about our transition and why we like

429
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 1: to talk about this because we have three different birthing experiences.

430
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,959
Speaker 1: So when people ask us about hospital births, we can

431
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 1: talk to you about hospital births. If they ask us

432
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 1: about home births, we can talk to you about home births.

433
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 1: If they asked us about an epidural, we can give

434
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: you our experience. We also did a natural hospital birth,

435
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 1: and with Cairo, I remember reading these documents, documents, watching

436
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: these documentaries and reading all these different articles and the

437
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 1: biggest thing was pain management and constant movement during labor.

438
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 1: So when cage water broke that morning, we didn't panic.

439
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 1: We were staying at my parents house. Her water broke,

440
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 1: she immediately said, we're going to do the first six

441
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 1: hours as if I would do a normal day. So

442
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 1: she went and took Jackson to school. That's what my

443
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 1: doctor said. She was like, give us some time in

444
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 1: about six hours coming and I'm like, okay, I could

445
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 1: do that. She took Jackson to school, her and Sakari Um.

446
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: I still went to work. I still had clients to

447
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: take um After I think about the three hour market

448
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: was about nine o'clock. I met her at my parents house.

449
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,400
Speaker 1: So after we met at my parents house, she went

450
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 1: for makeup, and my son is about to meet me

451
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: looking cute. And the funny thing is we had done

452
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: our last maternity shoot with Josh the day before that,

453
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: so I had a whole we even I was feeling cute.

454
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, this is the thought to be popping.

455
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 1: Then she was like, I was like, you know what,

456
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 1: let's go back to the apartment. Let's do some shopping.

457
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 1: After we do some shopping, We're gonna put snack. We did.

458
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 1: We did because I'm like, this is not going to

459
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: happen soon, you know, and think about it. This is

460
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 1: not an induction. My first pregnancy was an induction. So

461
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: I'm like riding the wave. And at this point, I'm

462
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: having contractions, but in my mind, I guess they're bearable

463
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 1: for me, you know, And I turned. I came to

464
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,359
Speaker 1: find out I'm a g I had no idea I did.

465
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: I felt my pain tolerance was really low, um, but

466
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: apparently not because the contractions were coming periodically. We were

467
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 1: timing them and stuff, and you know, I kind of

468
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: had a time in my mind. I think the doctors

469
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: had to come around one o'clock. So I'm like, all right, well,

470
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 1: you know what. My water had broken with Cairo. It

471
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 1: was like quarter to seven, quarter to seven, and I

472
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: got to get Jackson ready for school. So it was

473
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 1: just kind of like all right, going through the day.

474
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, if we're going to be in the hospital,

475
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,080
Speaker 1: Devout is the most snack and ass person I know,

476
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: so I was like, let me get him some snacks.

477
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 1: You know, you'd be snagging, So I was I'm gonna

478
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: get him some SESSI I'm still thinking about you even

479
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: when I'm in labor. My water broke. Yes, you're welcome,

480
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 1: and so we got snacks and went back to the apartment.

481
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: We had to get the car seat, like all that

482
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 1: stuff was still there. Um and then I'll until the

483
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: mucus plug came out. The mucus plug came out before

484
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 1: that was out early. It was a drop. So there's

485
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: a moment. There's a moment in labor, right y'all where

486
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: you know you're getting these contractions. They come, they go,

487
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 1: they come, they go, But there's a moment when I'm

488
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: assuming this is when the baby's head fully like drops

489
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 1: into your SERVEX. And at that moment was when I knew.

490
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 1: I thought, Lord, labor was beginning. At this point, I

491
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, this is what they talk about. This

492
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: is that moment that women being there screaming, throwing it fit,

493
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: throwing their husband's out. I'm like, this is the moment,

494
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,400
Speaker 1: this is it. She was perfectly fine. She was walking

495
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: to the incinerator. Your mother was like, guys, I think

496
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: you know you know her mom and she's like, guys, guys,

497
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: mom was nervous. She was like, so we're all acting

498
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: like we know what we're doing. We prose, you know,

499
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 1: we're just like we're like, yo, mon chill. Me and

500
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 1: Tristan like your mother always panicking. And all we heard

501
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: was and then Tristan looked at me. I looked at

502
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: him just I was like, I think we need to

503
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: go to the hop. You know. I'll run outside to

504
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 1: see k k is holding her stomach and she looking

505
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 1: at me. Yeah, and she like, I don't know what happened.

506
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 1: But so now I'm like, all right, let's go, let's go,

507
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 1: k K mom grab the keys. Tristan grabbed his keys.

508
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: We like me and Kate shuffling to ship into the

509
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: to the elevator because every two steps she was screaming.

510
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 1: So I'm holding her stomach this point, the contractions were

511
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,479
Speaker 1: like I'm holding her, I'm holding her stomach and I'm

512
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 1: holding her lower back. She got her arm around my

513
00:25:56,240 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: neck and in my face every time she screaming, and

514
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 1: the whole way I'm walking through the car liked. Then

515
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: I get in the car and I try to put

516
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 1: her in the car and try to let go, and

517
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 1: she would not let go of my face. So now

518
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, you gotta let go on my face. So

519
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: I could drive the car, so she let go on

520
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: my face. I closed the door. I get into the car,

521
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: and the driverside to may not get in. The driverside

522
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,880
Speaker 1: hands faith and around my neck. She held my neck

523
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 1: in my face. And this video evidence the whole entire

524
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: time she held my neck in my face. I was

525
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: driving with eyes, with fingers in my pupils and everything.

526
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: I'm taking everything. It was like a movie on those

527
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,399
Speaker 1: things where we're on our way. Now we know that

528
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: the hospitals like ten minutes away, but she gets stuck

529
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 1: behind it access the ride truck. You know, that's like

530
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: putting down the putting down the part of the part

531
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: that the wheelchair goes in. It was. It was like

532
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: then it's like a school bus, you know, trying to

533
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 1: get from the Crown Heights to Park Slope. Y'all know

534
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 1: what that's like. If you're from Brooklyn, you know what

535
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: that is. Kay's mom is in the back, so car

536
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: is in the back, scarring. Never had no baby before ever, Right,

537
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: it's a card in the bank. He's a nursing training.

538
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: Purse your lips and blame. Purse your lips and blow that.

539
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 1: My mom is like, okay, honey, don't think about it, okay,

540
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 1: don't think about it. I'm like, don't think about what

541
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,919
Speaker 1: this is ad the fact that I am about to

542
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 1: squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of an

543
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: opening the size of a lime, that's what's going through

544
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: my mind. So clearly I'm thinking about it. Okay. So

545
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: Devo pulls into the remember that she was moaning in

546
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: the car, uh, and I feel like you wanted to

547
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 1: tell everybody to shut the hell up, but you we

548
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: have no energies. I was just quiet. I was dealing

549
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: with the fingers in my ears and my eyes whips

550
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: into the emergency sections and my sister runs out and

551
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 1: she's like, I need a wheelchair. So DEVI was like, hey,

552
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna part the car. I'll be right upstairs. That's

553
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 1: a devil, will not leave me, said, because the way

554
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: I'm feeling right now, this this is, this is not

555
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: gonna go well. The baby's gonna be here any minute now.

556
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: And at this point, I'm literally feeling as though I'm

557
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 1: sitting on his head, like there's just something, there's the pressure,

558
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: and I don't know if it was pressure or his head,

559
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,679
Speaker 1: but find out, lady, it was his head, because I

560
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 1: literally he was crowning at this point. Um so my sister,

561
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 1: you know, I get shuffle kind of from the side

562
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: of the chair in the car to the wheelchair. My

563
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 1: sister takes me upstairs and de valcoes to park the car,

564
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: which I told him not to do. I said, leave

565
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: that bitch right there by a hydrant. Do what you

566
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: gotta do. Get the ticket. Get told I don't care,

567
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: you're going to miss this. I should have listened at

568
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: the time. I still thought you had time. But um

569
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: I went to park the card. It was a whole ordeal.

570
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: They're the guy that the park intendant was. I was like,

571
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: I'm having a baby and having a baby. He was like,

572
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: everybody here is having babies. You wanted to fight him too.

573
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: He's like, I want to fight the dual lady. I

574
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: wanted to fight him. So then the lady from him

575
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: that he's go in front of me. He's walking around

576
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: the car super slow. I'm like, bro, bro. So then

577
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: he gives me the ticket. I run to the elevator

578
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: and he's just like, you might as well take the stairs.

579
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: The elevator takes a while, so I run from the

580
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: bottom floor in the parking garage all the way up

581
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: four flights of stairs to get to the top of

582
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: the door. Door locked. Now I gotta run all the

583
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 1: way back down I go. And while I run down,

584
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: i'm running down, I'm looking right at him. As soon

585
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: as I get doing with this baby, I'll come back

586
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: and funk you up. So when I get to the elevator,

587
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: push the elevator button. The elevator goes all the way up.

588
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: Get to the hospital elevator. The hospital elevator doors is

589
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: like crazy wine, right, And it seems as if every

590
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: time it was about to close, somebody stuck their hand.

591
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: It was like and the door opened back up and

592
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: they like wheeled somebody from a wheelchair in and they

593
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: were on the fourth floor. So that happened like every floor,

594
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: second floor, third floor was get to the triage center,

595
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: but before that. So now I'm in triage. They want

596
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: to know my name, my insurance and all that. I

597
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: can't speak to you right now regarding that. They want

598
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: to examine me. So I get onto the you know,

599
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: the bed and triage. And at this point I'm like

600
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 1: telling myself, kidding, if you open your legs, this baby

601
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: might just fly out. And Devot is going to miss it.

602
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: So this whole time, I'm thinking about you again. Baby,

603
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to vot to miss this birth.

604
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: So what do I do. I completely get into like

605
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: a fetal position, and I faced the wall and I'm

606
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: just holding my stomach and just ignoring everybody at this point,

607
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: defying all the laws of childbirth, defying everything, and to

608
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: the point where the doctor has to ask my sister

609
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: if I need a translator for sign language because he

610
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 1: thought I was hard of hearing. He thought that I

611
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 1: was ignoring him so heavy that he thought I was dead,

612
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm just an any who. So so

613
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 1: at this point, so at this point, all I'm thinking

614
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: to myself. So my sisters on the phone with Devout

615
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:45,959
Speaker 1: and she's like you have to come now, like you

616
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: have to get here now. This is when I'm in

617
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 1: the literally, So it's to the point where I think

618
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: the doctor was over me and he was like I

619
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: have to examine this woman. Um, and the nurse grabs

620
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: one of my knees and pull was my leg open

621
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: and Cayro literally shot right out like like pushed the

622
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: eject button and he came out like I didn't have

623
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: to do anything. More that was it. I think me

624
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 1: holding my legs closed, which keep him in, And then

625
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: that's exactly that's exactly why the way he self ejected

626
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: out of my body into this world with such a

627
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 1: figure and such a life and determination, not waiting for

628
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: devot or anybody. Uh, y'all can't keep me in the box.

629
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: That was literally Cairo's motte coming out. Y'all can't keep

630
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 1: me in the box, keep me in the literal box.

631
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: Landed on the table. The doctor didn't even get to

632
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: like like hold him out. He just kind of fell

633
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: out on the table, and I kid you not. Thirty

634
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: seconds later rolls in he was like, are you kidding me?

635
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 1: Are you? I just missed it? And then I went

636
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 1: to go. I literally went to run back to go

637
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 1: beat up, and Sokari grabs me and I was just like, no,

638
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: come inside, coming out, and I see Cairo and I

639
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: see k and and Cairo's in the corner, I mean,

640
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: is in the corner. Cried. That was her first time

641
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: witnessing all of that. I told the car bro I

642
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: told you what was happening was bad, but it was amazing.

643
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 1: How after that experience, so you think about after I

644
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,479
Speaker 1: had Jackson being completely out of it, drugged up, not

645
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: knowing what's going on, have a very vague memory about

646
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: what happened, Whereas with Cairo, I remember us being in

647
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: the triage bed, being transferred over to a gurney, going

648
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: into an actual room, delivering the placenta. Everyone's checking out Cairo.

649
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: You actually did a video like within maybe twenty minutes

650
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: of having Cairo. I was alert, he was alert, we

651
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: were all just like it was almost like one of

652
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: those things where when the minute the pain stopped and

653
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 1: the baby was out stack to normal, had this baby

654
00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:00,239
Speaker 1: at home literally this week. I just say it at

655
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: home and had this baby, and that's exactly what the

656
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: damn hospital bills. And having a baby, and I'm like,

657
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: I had the baby. Nobody delivered that baby. I had it.

658
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: But then this doctor someone so you know, in the hospital,

659
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 1: everybody comes to see you, everybody makes a cameo, and

660
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: then you get billed. I didn't need so much as

661
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: a motron after Cairo. And then and when we refused

662
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: all of the medication, you know what they did, they

663
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: were like they were like, since you good. I'm like, yep,

664
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,959
Speaker 1: I'm actually good. Didn't need so much as a moron.

665
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: So I was like, you know what, baby, next time

666
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: we do the baby at home, we're doing at home.

667
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: So that's the evolution of how we got to home

668
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 1: birthing because we tried the hospital twice, once with eaduro,

669
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: once without it, and we found out we were better

670
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 1: without it, right right right, And I mean it just

671
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 1: was one of those things where I just had a

672
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 1: real trust in my body at that point, and I

673
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: had a confidence in myself, like I totally had a

674
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 1: chip on my shoulder, had a little bit of swag

675
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: going into it, like you know. And this is completely

676
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: not disregarding hospital experience or doctors in general, because they're

677
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: very necessary. Y'all went to school for mad years because

678
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: you know a lot of stuff that we don't. UM,

679
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 1: but you O b G. I am before who I

680
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: absolutely love and adore UM. I was going to her

681
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 1: for years, UM since Jackson, and she literally gave me

682
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 1: her blessing and said, getting, you know what, if I

683
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 1: had to pick somebody for a textbook pregnancy and labor

684
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: and delivery, and this is what you want to do,

685
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 1: I fully support you UM in that. She said, call me,

686
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 1: text me when the baby's here, let me know how

687
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: it goes. So that made me feel even better about

688
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,839
Speaker 1: it because sometimes you know there could be a little

689
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,360
Speaker 1: bit of attention or a little bit of a debate

690
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: between doctors and midwives and how they move UM. So yeah,

691
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 1: the hospitals are very necessary for some people who can't

692
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: deliver at home or can't be under a midwives care

693
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: because they have whatever pre existing conditions. So that's something

694
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: that's when a case by case spaces. Always make sure

695
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: to tell people, do your research, know your history, and

696
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 1: consult with somebody first. But and if you don't want

697
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,840
Speaker 1: to do hospitals or home, they have birth and centers.

698
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 1: There's a bunch of different options depending on what your

699
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 1: your lifestyle is, depending on what you want to do.

700
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: For Codeine and I, it was important, especially after having Cairo,

701
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: to be able to document the process because we wanted

702
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: to document doing a natural birth and we knew we

703
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: couldn't document anything in the hospital. So having a home

704
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: birth for us was also important because we get a

705
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 1: chance to document um and get to have a testimony

706
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 1: of what we've been what we went through during that process.

707
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 1: Because it was it was important for both of us,

708
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: especially after experiencing the first labor was to show people

709
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 1: what the labor process was like. And we we both

710
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 1: made a decision to to sit down, and that was

711
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,320
Speaker 1: part of our preparing for labor moments was we wanted

712
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 1: to document. We wanted to have these moments for our boys,

713
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: for but for ourselves, but also for people who don't

714
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: know what it's like to give birth so they can

715
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: see it and be like, oh, this is what I

716
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: need to write, or this is an option too, Like

717
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: so many people don't understand that this is an option

718
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: that they have. And I'll tell you about all the

719
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,320
Speaker 1: side eyes that I got, you know, with people looking

720
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 1: at me like are you crazy? Like why would you

721
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 1: have a baby at home? Who does that? Nowadays? Like

722
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: we're just so conditioned to believe that it's a medical

723
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: situation or a medical emergency to give birth or bring

724
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: forth life, whereas is something that the body tends to

725
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: naturally do on its own. Um again in case by case,

726
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 1: But after having the two experiences that I had, I

727
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, this might be a route

728
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 1: that we want to try. And I'm so happy we

729
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 1: did that because I always said if I were to

730
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 1: have another baby, I would definitely want to go to

731
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 1: home birth route and here we are, and I think

732
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 1: it's like you said once again, it's always important to say,

733
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: whatever decision you make, you must consult, consult your primary

734
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: care physician, your O, B, G, y N. And have

735
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 1: constant discussions throughout the pregnancy process because things can change

736
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 1: in the heartbeating. You have to know, hey, is this

737
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 1: even safe for us to do anymore. The biggest thing

738
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,359
Speaker 1: about preparing for labor um that Codeine and I are

739
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 1: going to constantly implore us to have constant conversations but

740
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: comfort and constant movement, and we're going to do a

741
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: whole episode on the birthing process. So that's why we're

742
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: not talking too much about it. But when it came

743
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 1: time for us to prepare for labor, it was, it was.

744
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 1: It was a fun, a fun time. Yeah, definitely, and

745
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to this time. So let's take a

746
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: quick break and then we come back to your favorite party.

747
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: Shown still knows you, she pregnant, She still knows you.

748
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: But we're gonna take a quick You notice I've been

749
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 1: holding my teacup this whole time because I can't quite

750
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: leave fullard to table. I would put it down. We'll

751
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: be back. All right, guys, we're back to Conn's favorite

752
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 1: part of the show. Listen letters. I ain't gonna lie.

753
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 1: This is my favorite party show too. I can't know

754
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: at this point, we know I've been put it on

755
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: me is fine, but I'll go ahead and read the

756
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 1: first one. Ready. All right, hey, y'all. First, I'd like

757
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: to say I absolutely love you guys and your family.

758
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 1: Thank you. Now onto the Shenanigans, because you know I

759
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,399
Speaker 1: love Shenanigans. Tell me tell me. I am twenty eight

760
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: and my husband is thirty. We've been married for two years,

761
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 1: but have been together for twelve years now. The first

762
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: nine years of our relationship, I worked to pay the

763
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 1: bills and held us down while he became a quote

764
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:30,320
Speaker 1: unquote entrepreneur. Should never happened, she said in a parentheses.

765
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,760
Speaker 1: During this time, we had a daughter and I became

766
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: diagnosed with an illness that took a toll on my body,

767
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: and needless to say, I was unable to perform the

768
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: way I used to, and well, he cheated. I took

769
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: him back because of our daughter, and he pleaded that

770
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 1: he would never it would never happen again. Blah blah blah. Okay,

771
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,399
Speaker 1: fast forward to today. I just gave birth to our

772
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: second daughter, and we are now foster and we now

773
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: foster his nephew. I was laid off from my job

774
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: because of COVID and now he is primarily taking care

775
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: of the bills, well his bills, I should say. Along

776
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: with having a baby, I became sick again, and well

777
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: he cheated again. I've been struggling with postpartum depression, this illness,

778
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,840
Speaker 1: and now all my emotions with him cheating. My question

779
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 1: is how do I get back to myself? And although

780
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 1: he claims to be quote unquote all in, how do

781
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: I let it go? Oh? How do I let go?

782
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 1: Is it selfish of me not to think of my

783
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 1: not to think of my girls first? Do I stay

784
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 1: and work through it? Or is this a never ending cycle?

785
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:38,959
Speaker 1: Do men change? Please help? Signed a mad black woman? Yikes,

786
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 1: damn sis listen. I'm I'm never wanted to be the

787
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: bearer of bad news. I believe that all people have

788
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: the ability to change if they want to change. You

789
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying. But based on her story, it

790
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 1: seems like he's a user. She was She was just

791
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 1: working the whole entire time while he was being an entrepreneur.

792
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 1: Entrepreneurs ship never happens. I've heard that story. We've heard

793
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,240
Speaker 1: that story before. Um, then she got sick, he cheated,

794
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 1: She got sick again, he cheated. It seems as if

795
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 1: as long as things are convenient for him, he's all in,

796
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: and the minute things are not convenient, then he's out.

797
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: That don't sound to me like somebody who wants to

798
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 1: be in a relationship. It sounds like someone who's in

799
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: a relationship for convenience. And we've seen that from a

800
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: lot of people like I. That breaks my heart, you

801
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying that that that really does break

802
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 1: my heart right because yeah, when she's at her lowest

803
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: points is when he's he's out right. Yeah, And that's like,

804
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:47,320
Speaker 1: that's not cool at all, especially how the postpartum depression

805
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 1: hits of that. First of all, you know, I've been

806
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,800
Speaker 1: quote as being a misogynist and sexist because of mine thoughts.

807
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: But any man who lets there, why I work for

808
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: nine years while you try to build a business and

809
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: take care all the bills? To me, it's corny. I'm sorry,

810
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 1: that's just corny. Like you can you can build your

811
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 1: business and work a job you don't have to just

812
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 1: not work to build your business. I know that firsthand.

813
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: Like when I first retired from the NFL, I still

814
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: work doing a job I didn't want to do, just

815
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 1: to be able to have money come in while building

816
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: my business. So I just hate that excuse that, you know,

817
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: I couldn't do nothing. I was building my business. No,

818
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,359
Speaker 1: you can work this twenty four hours in a day.

819
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: You just don't sleep. Yeah, man, you don't sleep. And

820
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: then you get a woman pregnant. Wow, she's working and

821
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 1: you're working on your business. That never happens, and she

822
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: gets sick, and then you cheat. That's fucking corny, like,

823
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,320
Speaker 1: like you gotta be accountable. Story that was my friend.

824
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 1: If that was my friend, like my homeboy would have

825
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 1: been like, bro, you sound like a douche bag. Bro,

826
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: Like that's the extreme level of boyness. And I don't

827
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: I don't like to judge people, but I can only

828
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: just tell you what my thought processes is based on.

829
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And maybe I'm old school

830
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: for thinking that you should still pay the bills while

831
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: you're building your business, but I said, I'm just not

832
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,320
Speaker 1: going to ever change that. And it's a perfect example

833
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,479
Speaker 1: how she has a baby and get six she can't

834
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: work no more now with a family. You see what

835
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying. He never ever has to worry about his

836
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: body changing while getting pregnant. That's why, in my mind,

837
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 1: it's always important if you're going to lay down with

838
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 1: a woman and possibly get her pregnant, you have to

839
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 1: have your finances in order because anything can change in

840
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: her body, especially having a baby. That's why I think

841
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 1: that almost planned to have the woman not returned to

842
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: work first, you know what I mean. Or she returns

843
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 1: on her terms, you know what I'm saying, like and

844
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: and it could be you can call me a massage.

845
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 1: This is what sexist all you want, but I don't care.

846
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: A woman dedicates her body to giving you a child

847
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 1: or giving you guys a child, and then has to

848
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 1: be forced to go back to work in the best

849
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 1: in six weeks time. You're only in your own but

850
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: it's the truth though, You're you're only to cool sacrifice

851
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: a contribution during the pregnancy process to make sure that

852
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: everything is taken care of as a man. If that's sexist,

853
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: if that's massagistic, I'll be that till I die. But

854
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: for you to do that to your girl, and then

855
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: she because she got sick. That's corny, right, and she

856
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:17,879
Speaker 1: has to if it's selfish for her to not think

857
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: of for girls first, I think you would be thinking

858
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: of your girls first if you're in a situation where

859
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: you're removing yourself for your own happiness and your own sanity,

860
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: and I'm sure it's not a happy household. If your

861
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 1: children are experiencing you being depressed or having to to

862
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: deal with is it selfish to not think of for

863
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 1: girls first. I think she's thinking about herself. Oh yeah, no,

864
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 1: it's not yeah exactly, that's not well, yeah, that's kind

865
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,320
Speaker 1: of what I meant. Um No, I think you should

866
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 1: think of how you feel first, because if you're happy,

867
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: in turn, are agree you have to take care of

868
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: you know, self preservation is important because if you're not

869
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 1: happy that the girls are going to see that and

870
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 1: you don't want them to grow up and hopefully you

871
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: can find a way to co parent. All right, good

872
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: luck to you Sis number two. Hello Codeine and Devoured.

873
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: First off, I'm a huge fan of yours. I've been

874
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: married to my husband for a year now. We have

875
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 1: three children together. My oldest is now seven years old,

876
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 1: and I had my son last year in July. Congratulations Mama.

877
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant with number three when

878
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: my youngest was only seven months old. My pregnancy with

879
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 1: my son was very difficult. I was sick the entire

880
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,439
Speaker 1: nine months. I had gestational diabetes. He was about three

881
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 1: pounds overweight throughout my entire pregnancy, and sometimes it was

882
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,280
Speaker 1: even hard for me to walk. So as you can imagine,

883
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,399
Speaker 1: I was relieved when I finally got my body back

884
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: when he was born. When I found out I was

885
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,760
Speaker 1: pregnant again just seven months later, damn, you'll be getting

886
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 1: it in um. I was really depressed and considered an

887
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: abortion many times, and to be honest, if it wasn't

888
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: for my sisters and my mother talking me out of it,

889
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 1: I probably would have gotten the abortion. Not because I

890
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: didn't want to have a third baby, but because my

891
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 1: son is a big handful and I just couldn't see

892
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 1: myself being pregnant while taking care of such a young

893
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 1: boy who never sits still and literally will touch anything

894
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: he can reach and makes one thousand message throughout the

895
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: day not to miss me. Doesn't listen to me or

896
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 1: ship or ship, So if I say stopped, don't touch

897
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: that give it to me. It doesn't work, so I

898
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 1: have to get my pregnant off the couch and chase

899
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 1: behind him every pretty much all day to keep him

900
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: from getting into things. Dealing with that while trying to

901
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 1: fight pregnancy fatigue has been a nightmare. My husband is

902
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 1: definitely a huge help, but he works full time so

903
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: that I don't have to, so the days when he's

904
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: working and I'm home alone with the children are miserable

905
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,280
Speaker 1: from me. On top of that, my oldest is developmentally delayed,

906
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:34,879
Speaker 1: and it's still almost depending on me and her dad

907
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,239
Speaker 1: just as much as the baby is. Wow. I have

908
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: to wash her up, brush her teeth, tie her shoes,

909
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: et cetera. There's very little she knows how to do

910
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: on her own. I see you too with your boys,

911
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 1: and you both seem so infatuated with them, and I

912
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 1: sometimes wonder why I don't feel that way with my children. Um.

913
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 1: I don't get happy when I see them, I don't

914
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 1: miss them when they're gone. I really don't enjoy spending

915
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 1: time with either of them. And I know it sounds bad,

916
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: but having my children around means nothing is going to

917
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,280
Speaker 1: go smoothly. It never does, which is why I value

918
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,240
Speaker 1: the little breaks I get. I guess my real concern

919
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 1: is that I'll end up not being close to my

920
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,239
Speaker 1: children as to grow up, because they're causing me so

921
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:12,320
Speaker 1: much stress right now. All this may just be a

922
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 1: pregnancy home almost talking. But I know Codeine and Cairo

923
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: and Cass backs back. Oh, I know Codein had Kiro

924
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: and cats back to back. And I'm just wondering if

925
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 1: you guys ever felt the way I do now, or

926
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 1: if things will ever get better again. I love my children,

927
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 1: but these last couple of years have been a really

928
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 1: dark time for me. Any advice? Wow, you know what's funny.

929
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 1: I think we spoke recently about a mother that I

930
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: spoke to recently that was just like, of course you

931
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 1: have to throw out there, I love my children to death.

932
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 1: But had I known, yes, because you never wanted to

933
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: be misconstrued as like, oh damn, you know my kids,

934
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 1: like we don't care about them. Of course you do.

935
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 1: But it's just like, had I known everything that was

936
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 1: going to go into being a mom or into parenting,

937
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 1: than I would have really reassessed if this was the

938
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: route that I want it to go. Um, And I understand,

939
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 1: I understand with Cairo and Katz. They were back to back.

940
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 1: That was challenging for us. Um what you hear about

941
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 1: a lot of people who have children back to back

942
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 1: in a short amount of time, because it's that two

943
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 1: under two or that two under three or three under three, Um,

944
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,919
Speaker 1: that can get to be very stressful. UM. I think

945
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: what saved us um is having well you who are

946
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 1: at the time was an entrepreneur as well, so having

947
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: a flexible schedule to be able to jump in and

948
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 1: out when needed, and being a super involved dad, which

949
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 1: you still are to this day. Which she said her

950
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 1: husband wants to work full times and all the bills

951
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: so it's kind of everything is on her, you know, Um,

952
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 1: and the stay at home mom doesn't always get the

953
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:43,359
Speaker 1: respect you know, or the acknowledgement that they deserve, knowing

954
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:46,239
Speaker 1: that they have to always be on, like there's never

955
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,879
Speaker 1: really a time to clock out. So I think that

956
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: feeling of guilt that you feel where you're just like, man,

957
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is like I'm cool with

958
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 1: my break. You should be able to be okay with

959
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: a break for example, like everybody needs that you need

960
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 1: that time to refresh. I think that also saved us

961
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 1: was having our village around us. I want to ask her,

962
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:07,160
Speaker 1: I know your mom and your sister is convinced you

963
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 1: not to have the abortion. Are your mom's and your

964
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 1: sisters around to help you know? Are they able to

965
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: kind of take maybe one child? You said your son

966
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: is a lot to do with. Are they able to

967
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 1: take him for a couple of hours so you can

968
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: focus on your older daughter who may need more help,

969
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:22,359
Speaker 1: or is there anyone that you can kind of, you know,

970
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: tag in that you can get some time to yourself.

971
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 1: That's very, very important in general, regardless of the space

972
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:31,879
Speaker 1: between your children, regardless of how many children, that time

973
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: is necessary. What I think the first thing is we

974
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 1: have to normalize women being able to to vocalize how

975
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: they feel about things and not being judged by other people,

976
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: especially people who don't experience what they experienced. For example,

977
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 1: a mom has to say I love my children before

978
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 1: she says how she feels, because typically it's people without

979
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: children who will criticize. Is how can you say that

980
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 1: you blessed to have children until you have children and

981
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 1: understand what that feeling is like. You should not the

982
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 1: size or judge someone for having emotions that you've never felt.

983
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 1: Before because you've never experienced it. That's number one. Number two,

984
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:09,359
Speaker 1: feeling those feelings is typically part of hormones number one.

985
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: But when you're postpartum and prenatal at the same time,

986
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: because that you you you go from one extreme hormonal

987
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 1: situation to dealing with sleep deprivation, which also causes a

988
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 1: lot of changes in your mental capacity. Then on top

989
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 1: of that, being pregnant again. Yes, you're gonna feel overwhelmed.

990
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 1: Is it okay for you to film overwhelmed? Absolutely? Are

991
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: your kids going to be annoying? Listen? Look, I mean,

992
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: look right in the camera. All right, Look, kids are

993
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: fucking annoying. Bro, They're annoying. You want to know why,

994
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: because we as parents expect them to see the world

995
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,879
Speaker 1: through our lens, right, And that's not their problem, that's

996
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: our problem. So they annoy us because they don't they're

997
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 1: not prepared to do the things that we expect them

998
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: to be able to do at whatever it age we

999
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 1: expect them to be able to do. It is it

1000
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 1: is it? Is it something wrong with the kids? No,

1001
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean it doesn't annoy you as a parent,

1002
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 1: especially if you have multiple you have a child is delayed, right,

1003
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: so you still have to brush your teeth. She has

1004
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 1: her child with seven, brush your teeth, wash your clothes.

1005
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 1: You have a one year old who was being a

1006
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:17,280
Speaker 1: one year old, run around not listening, and you're pregnant

1007
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:22,319
Speaker 1: by yourself. That's gonna annoy anybody. So Mama, don't don't

1008
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: sit here and feel like you're the worst mom in

1009
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: the world and you're a bad parent. No, these feelings

1010
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:28,839
Speaker 1: that you're feeling are normal. What you have to do

1011
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 1: is be solution oriented. For me, I knew it would

1012
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: be in my best interests, even though it wasn't the

1013
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: easiest at time to move Kay's grandma in and have

1014
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: Kay's mom over to help while we had the two

1015
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: under two, you know, because you know, people say you

1016
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 1: don't really want to live with your in laws. I

1017
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,839
Speaker 1: lived with my grandmother in law and at some point

1018
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 1: my mother in law, and it was the best decision

1019
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 1: I ever made because it allowed my wife to get

1020
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,840
Speaker 1: a break, It allowed me to get a break. I

1021
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 1: was still working fourteen now was just like he is,

1022
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: so when you come home from working fourteen hours, you

1023
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 1: don't want to jump right in and have to juggle

1024
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 1: two kids. And then we had Jack because it's usually

1025
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 1: the handoff that happens. At that point. It's like, I've

1026
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 1: been with these kids all day. Don't even look at me.

1027
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 1: I need a shower, I need a break, I need

1028
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 1: a cigarette, I need whatever your thing is. Do people

1029
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 1: smoke cigarettes? I don't know, but I need something. But

1030
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 1: if you was pregnant smoking a cigarette? But but no,

1031
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 1: but I feel you because then then it's this is

1032
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 1: what happens. Well, who's being selfish? You've been with the

1033
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 1: kids all day. I've been at work all day. The

1034
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:33,359
Speaker 1: minute I come home, you want to hand the kids

1035
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: off for me to get a break. But I want

1036
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 1: to at least take a break from being at work.

1037
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 1: So then it becomes this situation is annoying. Then it

1038
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: becomes a whole marital situation, right, and that happens, and

1039
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 1: you don't even want to deal with that that that happens.

1040
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 1: But if you lean on your village and you and

1041
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 1: I tell us to all these dudes, man, we were

1042
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:53,320
Speaker 1: having a conversation with um. I don't want to I

1043
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: don't want to out them. But people who are close

1044
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 1: to us, and they're like, I don't know if I

1045
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 1: want my mother in law to live with me and

1046
00:51:57,960 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 1: I was like, bro, let me explain something to you.

1047
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: If you have as many hands on deck as possible

1048
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 1: when that child first gets here, the sooner you will

1049
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 1: be able to get your relationship back, and you'll be

1050
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 1: able to find a sense of peace to navigate within

1051
00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:16,720
Speaker 1: this new family dynamic. Like that's that is the truth.

1052
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 1: You may think I don't want it because I want

1053
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 1: to be able to handle everything, But bro, it's the

1054
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: best thing you can ever do is rely on your village.

1055
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 1: And like you said, well, Kay asked your mom and

1056
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 1: your sisters convince you where they at though? Where they

1057
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: at though? Is the question? Well we know where y'all

1058
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 1: can find us at. And that's that dead as dead.

1059
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 1: Ask advice at gmail dot com. If you want to

1060
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 1: be featured as a listener letter, be sure to email

1061
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 1: us D E A D A S S A D

1062
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:55,480
Speaker 1: V I C E because sometimes I'll be forgetting the

1063
00:52:55,520 --> 00:53:00,760
Speaker 1: e at gmail dot com. All right, MO, the truth time,

1064
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 1: and with the truth time, I got a very simple

1065
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 1: moment of truth. There's no amount of over preparing you

1066
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: can do for delivery or labor. There's no you you

1067
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: have to read as many books, watch as many documentaries,

1068
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 1: but most importantly, gentlemen, listen to your partner, be an

1069
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: advocate for her when she's going through the process. The

1070
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:24,439
Speaker 1: large part of the information you can get, you're gonna

1071
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: get from this woman right here and this little person inside.

1072
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 1: They're gonna let you know how they're feeling and what's

1073
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,959
Speaker 1: going on. And it's your responsibility to let everyone else

1074
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 1: in that room, doctors, attorneys, mothers, let them know what

1075
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:40,839
Speaker 1: she needs. So prepare, prepare, prepare, absolutely, And it kind

1076
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:42,759
Speaker 1: of spirals into mind I pretty much was gonna say,

1077
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: make sure you do your due diligence, regardless of what

1078
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,479
Speaker 1: route you decide to take, regardless of you know what

1079
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 1: people are saying about what you should do. You know

1080
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 1: yourself best, make sure you have a plan, make sure

1081
00:53:56,680 --> 00:54:00,840
Speaker 1: you research and whatever that is. Also keep in mind

1082
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 1: that it may have to change or shift, because that's

1083
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 1: how pregnancy and labor and delivery is. At any moment,

1084
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 1: something can just completely throw that birthing plant out the

1085
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,920
Speaker 1: window and you gotta roll with the punches. But if

1086
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 1: you've got a good, good person next to you, if

1087
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 1: you got your person next to you, um, everything will

1088
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 1: be all right, right. I love that love you, ellis

1089
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 1: love your Ellis, So be sure to find us on

1090
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:29,279
Speaker 1: social media, y'all. Um the Instagram page. I see people

1091
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 1: are engaging there now, which is nice um and that's

1092
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: dead Ass the podcast. So find us on Instagram there

1093
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 1: and you can always find me Kadina I am and

1094
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 1: you know where to find me. I am devout And

1095
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 1: if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

1096
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:47,960
Speaker 1: review and subscribe as. Dead Ass is a production of

1097
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 1: I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the

1098
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 1: Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at

1099
00:54:54,520 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 1: dead as the podcasts and never miss a thing I