Speaker 1: Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1: So I was looking on the internet while I prepare
Speaker 1: for this episode, and I saw something that said the
Speaker 1: following report states that loneliness is as deadly as smoking
Speaker 1: fifteen cigarettes a day. That's a little heavy. Okay, you
Speaker 1: can't always believe everything you read on the internet, but
Speaker 1: it says here in the caption the US Surgeon General.
Speaker 2: So you think so.
Speaker 1: First of all, they have a blue check. This is
Speaker 1: from Wealth. Is the name of the account on Instagram,
Speaker 1: the US Surgeon General. That kind of makes it a
Speaker 1: little official, right right.
Speaker 2: Also other stuff.
Speaker 1: The US Surgeon General has declared loneliness a public health epidemic,
Speaker 1: stating that it poses health risks as deadly as smoking
Speaker 1: up to fifteen cigarettes a day, costing the health industry
Speaker 1: billions of dollars annually. About half of US adults say
Speaker 1: they've experienced loneliness, with research indicating that isolation elevates a
Speaker 1: person's likelihood for experiencing depression, anxiety, and dementia, and increases
Speaker 1: the risk of premature death by nearly thirty percent. Listen, So,
Speaker 1: of course, you know me, I went to the Googles
Speaker 1: and started researching because I was like, this is BS.
Speaker 2: This seems a little aggressive and what did I find?
Speaker 2: Lo and behold, I'm just going to read an excerpt.
Speaker 1: Moreover, loneliness is associated with increased risks of cardiovascular disease,
Speaker 1: including coronary heart disease and stroke, metabolic syndrome, functional disability, dementia,
Speaker 1: and mild cognitive impairment.
Speaker 2: So let me just tell you.
Speaker 1: If you're feeling sad and lonely, listen, listen, don't play
Speaker 1: with it. With the song say, don't play with it.
Speaker 1: Don't play with it, don't play with it, don't play
Speaker 1: with it. You need to take some steps, some necessary
Speaker 1: steps to get that in order, and hopefully this episode
Speaker 1: so we'll help you in doing that.
Speaker 2: I can't see the bat that has it.
Speaker 1: Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome to hand me my purs
Speaker 1: the podcast. I am Mimi Walker, and I will be
Speaker 1: your forever host each and every time you tune into
Speaker 1: this podcast.
Speaker 2: So go ahead and get comfortable.
Speaker 1: Go get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether
Speaker 1: that's alkaline water, some Starbucks, nitro coal brew, a little
Speaker 1: bit of Mowett and Sean don or some hot tea
Speaker 1: and honey, go light yourself a candle, some incense or
Speaker 1: burn some sage and just get ready to chill out
Speaker 1: and have a good time. What's up, friends and ken,
Speaker 1: it's Mimi Resident Auntie Supreme here and hand me my purse.
Speaker 1: And today I am sipping on a drink. I got
Speaker 1: some from Starbucks. Let me check it out. It says
Speaker 1: here that it is a Venti iced Peach green tea lemonade.
Speaker 1: I've never had one before, but I got one today.
Speaker 1: Why because I'm a Starbucks addict. I am a fiend,
Speaker 1: and not necessarily for the drinks, but it's the cult
Speaker 1: that I've joined. I have all of these Starbucks tumblers.
Speaker 1: I love them. I collect them. I said I was
Speaker 1: going to stop buying them. I have not and I
Speaker 1: will not. And I collect the stars on the app,
Speaker 1: the rewards points so that I can get these cups
Speaker 1: for free. I don't buy the cups, I get them
Speaker 1: for free. And so I was going to get ninety
Speaker 1: stars if I ordered certain things today. So I went
Speaker 1: and ordered those things and that has been my dinner.
Speaker 1: And I got this iced tea. I had to order
Speaker 1: a iced tea, and so I like it. I give
Speaker 1: it an eight out of ten stars. I would order
Speaker 1: it again. It's a great drink to add to my
Speaker 1: summertime arsenal. It's a refreshing What is refreshing, It's a
Speaker 1: refreshing drink. Let me taste it.
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it a nine out of ten because
Speaker 1: it's good. It's not too sweet. Like I said, it's refreshing.
Speaker 1: I'm excited and I can't wait to order one and
Speaker 1: add a little bit of alcohol to it, you know,
Speaker 1: make it a grown up drink.
Speaker 2: So that's what I'm drinking today. What are y'all sipping on?
Speaker 2: Friends in Ken?
Speaker 1: For today's jam, I decided to select a song by
Speaker 1: an artist that I love that I've seen live and
Speaker 1: she gives big like black girl magic vibes in a
Speaker 1: different kind of way. And because I'm a different kind
Speaker 1: of black girl, I'm a little bit weird, a little
Speaker 1: bit alternative, you know, like I do my own thing.
Speaker 1: I love to see that represented in art, particularly in music,
Speaker 1: because it's an opportunity for other black people, particularly black girls,
Speaker 1: to see, like being a black girl is not a
Speaker 1: monolithic experience. So when she came out, I was extremely
Speaker 1: excited and I got into her music immediately. I've seen
Speaker 1: her live, like I said, and her first album, if
Speaker 1: you get a chance to. I can't tell you what
Speaker 1: the name of it is because I can't think of it,
Speaker 1: but it's the album cover where the album covers in
Speaker 1: black and white and she's sitting and it's like she's
Speaker 1: vomiting a gold glitter. Listen to that album. That album
Speaker 1: is amazing. I mean, it's a classic. I listened to
Speaker 1: it from beginning to end, with the exception of the song.
Speaker 1: And because she has a song and and it kind
Speaker 1: of freaks me out. I don't know what it is
Speaker 1: about the song that scares me, but it does anyway.
Speaker 1: This song is from I want to say her third
Speaker 1: or fourth album. Song is called Can't Get Enough of Myself,
Speaker 1: and it's a song that I listen to when I
Speaker 1: am in a space where you know, my self esteem
Speaker 1: may not be at one hundred, it might be at
Speaker 1: seventy five or eighty or forty, but it is a
Speaker 1: song I listen to when I need to remind myself
Speaker 1: who the hell I am. It's a song that I
Speaker 1: listen to when I want to get back into my
Speaker 1: Muhammad Ali mo, I'm a bad motherfucker and I'm a
Speaker 1: dope chick. And when I forget that, I listen to song.
Speaker 1: I have a whole play list dedicated to when I'm
Speaker 1: feeling that way, but this song is on that playlist
Speaker 1: because I need to be reminded, like, since you dope,
Speaker 1: and what are you doing? And sometimes if I could
Speaker 1: be honest, sometimes when I'm not down on the self
Speaker 1: esteem or if I'm not feeling like I'm not that
Speaker 1: great and I know that if I'm sitting in my greatness,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna listen to it anyway because it's like, oh
Speaker 1: wait a minute, and don't you forget it. So anyway,
Speaker 1: the song is called Can't get Enough of Myself? Like
Speaker 1: I said, and I just want to read one part
Speaker 1: to you. Of course, there's going to be a link
Speaker 1: in the show notes to the video. There's actually a
Speaker 1: music video on YouTube, and this part of the song
Speaker 1: I love It says, all I want to do is
Speaker 1: what I do well in a gambler.
Speaker 2: But honey, I put money out is much better for
Speaker 2: your health. Now listen to this. This is how you
Speaker 2: know I'm black.
Speaker 1: I never knew it said, because my brand of vain
Speaker 1: glory is much better for your health. I always said,
Speaker 1: because my friends all think worrying is much better. WHOA,
Speaker 1: oh man, that's definitely definitely excuse me, not what it says.
Speaker 1: It says because my brand of vain glory is much
Speaker 1: better for your health. If you don't know what vain
Speaker 1: glory means, I'm not gonna tell you. You can always look
Speaker 1: it up on your own. And you know what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do. I will support you. I'm gonna put the
Speaker 1: definition in the show notes because I love you and
Speaker 1: I want people to know more words. But I definitely
Speaker 1: thought when she said because my brand of vain glory
Speaker 1: is much better for your health, I definitely and I
Speaker 1: will continue to sing because my friends all think worrying
Speaker 1: is much better for your health. And that's what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do. And nobody's gonna stop me, because who.
Speaker 2: Won't check me?
Speaker 1: Boo, I'm gonna say it anyway. Check the song out.
Speaker 1: Like I said, it's in the show notes. I hope
Speaker 1: that you like it, watch the video, and please, please
Speaker 1: please do yourself the favor of listening to her first
Speaker 1: album because it is really, really, really good. Now let's
Speaker 1: go ahead and get into this show, why don't we Okay,
Speaker 1: friends and ken, So we're gonna go ahead and get
Speaker 1: this party storedy. Talk to you and my content accent,
Speaker 1: my West Coast voice, my West Coast accent. Let's go
Speaker 1: ahead and get this porty storeded. So today we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about loneliness and the difference between loneliness versus
Speaker 1: being alone or solitude. Okay, oftentimes people confuse loneliness with
Speaker 1: being alone or solitude, but let me make it really
Speaker 1: clear for you guys, it's a real last difference. As
Speaker 1: I did the research for this episode, I came across
Speaker 1: something that said, and loneliness is associated with feelings of
Speaker 1: unwantedness and emptiness. It's about not being with other people
Speaker 1: or feeling unwanted by other people. Loneliness is heavy as
Speaker 1: much as it is empty. It weighs on our minds
Speaker 1: and our bodies. In addition, loneliness involves an involuntary type
Speaker 1: of social pain caused by a lack of connection, regardless
Speaker 1: of physical proximity to other people.
Speaker 2: End quote.
Speaker 1: Then I read that solitude and contrast is the choice
Speaker 1: to be alone and use that time either for reflection
Speaker 1: or simply enjoyment. In one's own company. It's about being
Speaker 1: present with oneself rather than the lack of company. Solitude
Speaker 1: is a choice. We can ebb and flow between solitude
Speaker 1: and being social. The option is always there to connect
Speaker 1: back with other people, and to do so rather seamlessly.
Speaker 1: Loneliness and contrast can't be turned on and off. So
Speaker 1: end quote. Okay, So there it is. There's a difference.
Speaker 1: One is a choice and the other is essentially a
Speaker 1: feeling we don't seem to have control of, or do we.
Speaker 1: The real question is, or the real thing to look at,
Speaker 1: is that we have a lot more control over our
Speaker 1: feelings than we know, and then we give ourselves credit
Speaker 1: for mainly because although we don't always control situations, we
Speaker 1: can control how we react to those situations. Even if
Speaker 1: we are not able to control our innate or immediate reaction,
Speaker 1: we can step back and adjust. So if something happens
Speaker 1: and your initial reaction is disappointment or sadness or confusion,
Speaker 1: if you just pause for a second, you can adjust
Speaker 1: your feelings and emotions. It's all about being more rational
Speaker 1: with our processing. And I've said before on this show
Speaker 1: that anger is a secondary emotion. We experience something else first.
Speaker 1: Almost every time exactly, Yes, we do. We experience emotions
Speaker 1: like disappointment, sadness, confusion, and then we start to sit
Speaker 1: in those initial emotions that we are sometimes not really
Speaker 1: pleased with the outcome or with the fact that someone
Speaker 1: or something has led us to this place or gotten
Speaker 1: us to this place in our emotions, and then boom boom,
Speaker 1: ma'am about about boom pal. So then we're angry, and
Speaker 1: we assume that you know, we're just angry, but we
Speaker 1: don't really look back and realize that I'm angry as
Speaker 1: a result of the fact that I'm disappointed and what happened.
Speaker 1: I'm disappointed in this person, or I'm sad because this
Speaker 1: person hurt my feelings, or I'm confused because I don't
Speaker 1: really understand what's going on. There are instances where loneliness
Speaker 1: can be connected to some mental health issues or mental illnesses.
Speaker 1: I'm not finna sit here and pretend like people don't
Speaker 1: deal with loneliness as a result of their depression.
Speaker 2: Not doing that. This podcast is all.
Speaker 1: About acknowledging, accepting, and understanding that people have mental health issues.
Speaker 1: I'm one of them. But sometimes it's not about depression.
Speaker 1: In situations like this where it is not like this,
Speaker 1: like the one I'm talking about. But in situations where
Speaker 1: mental health is the issue, or mental illness is the issue,
Speaker 1: it may actually be outside of our control. However, if
Speaker 1: you aren't dealing with mental illness to that degree excuse me,
Speaker 1: or mental health issues that are directly connected to your loneliness,
Speaker 1: you may have the power to handle it or to
Speaker 1: deal with it on your own. If this feeling of
Speaker 1: loneliness where you're feeling unwanted and empty, has you feeling
Speaker 1: like you want to harm yourself, you absolutely need to
Speaker 1: talk to somebody immediately. If you are feeling feelings of
Speaker 1: feeling withdrawn, or you know it's consuming you and taking
Speaker 1: up your most of your day, you definitely need to.
Speaker 2: Talk to someone immediately.
Speaker 1: But in the feeling of being feeling unwanted and empty,
Speaker 1: let's look at not necessarily what can cause it, but
Speaker 1: let's look at the healing part. And like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about people who are suffering from mental
Speaker 1: illness and dealing with loneliness as a result of their
Speaker 1: mental illness because I am not a therapist. I've said
Speaker 1: that many times, says ain't no therapist, I'm just a
Speaker 1: chick that's been healing and trying to guide other folks
Speaker 1: to healing and not necessarily healing with me or.
Speaker 2: Through this podcast.
Speaker 1: But however, you can get to the healing when I
Speaker 1: get to it, by any means necessary. Oh yeah, So
Speaker 1: if you're not new here to hand me my purse,
Speaker 1: you already probably know where I'm going with this, and
Speaker 1: that is baby, what's up?
Speaker 2: But you're loving yourself first? Let's do that first?
Speaker 1: Yes, really, let's let's get to the place where we
Speaker 1: talk about you wanting yourself first. I feel like so
Speaker 1: often we seek so much outside validation, acceptance, love, acknowledgement,
Speaker 1: friendship and company from other sources instead of going to
Speaker 1: the first source, which is you. You are the first source.
Speaker 1: You are the source. Okay, so I don't understand, Well,
Speaker 1: let me not say I don't understand. Let me take
Speaker 1: that back. I do understand, But I want us to
Speaker 1: get to a place where we seek out the love,
Speaker 1: the acceptance, the validation, the friendship, the company, the companionship
Speaker 1: within ourselves before we seek it from outside sources. Don't
Speaker 1: get me wrong, I do acknowledge that some people are
Speaker 1: not in close proximity to people that they know people
Speaker 1: that they trust and people that they love. However, when
Speaker 1: you are in the space where you may not have
Speaker 1: a community, you have the ability and the power to
Speaker 1: build a community for yourself.
Speaker 2: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Speaker 1: Come on now, because so many times people just choose
Speaker 1: to lay down and take it right and become a victim.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we have to be proactive about our life. We
Speaker 1: got to be proactive about our own healing our life
Speaker 1: and creating the life that we want. So let's say
Speaker 1: you're not around people that you know, trust and love. Okay,
Speaker 1: seek people out to build the community. But see the
Speaker 1: problem is that that takes work, and quite frankly, it
Speaker 1: seems to me that sometimes people are just not willing
Speaker 1: to put in the work to create the life that
Speaker 1: they want. Relationships don't fall from the sky. It's not
Speaker 1: gonna happen. Connections just don't come out of a shower stream.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to put that Jamaican airhorn in here
Speaker 1: because I just got this new sampler app and I.
Speaker 2: Love Jamaican air horns. One more time.
Speaker 1: Like I said, connections don't just come out of the
Speaker 1: shower head. They don't come out of the water source.
Speaker 1: Keep in mind that I'm speaking about relationships in the
Speaker 1: general sense, not only about romantic relationships the general sense.
Speaker 1: So I'm talking about platonic relationships, relationships with your family, friendships,
Speaker 1: relationships with the milkman. You know nothing in particular, but
Speaker 1: I am specifically speaking about connections. We're responsible for creating
Speaker 1: the connections that we desire in our lives. Nobody else
Speaker 1: is responsible for our joy, our happiness, our peace of mind,
Speaker 1: our healing. That is our responsibility. And it's all about
Speaker 1: being intentional. When it comes to solitude, it's all about
Speaker 1: intention and choice. Come on, let me talk about God
Speaker 1: one time.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: God gives us free will to make choices and to
Speaker 1: decide what we want. Okay, So when it comes to solitude,
Speaker 1: it's all about intention and choice. And I said that
Speaker 1: this was going to be the year of intention. Solitude
Speaker 1: is basically the decision to spend time with you for you,
Speaker 1: by yourself. You always have the option to spend time
Speaker 1: with others when you choose to do so, and you
Speaker 1: can also do so without a lot of turbulence. The
Speaker 1: process can be really effortless, and like the quote said,
Speaker 1: it could be seamless. And this way of living puts
Speaker 1: the full responsibility on you to create one the life
Speaker 1: that you want, create the boundaries that you want, and
Speaker 1: create the community around you that you choose. Have you
Speaker 1: noticed that the key to this it's all about like
Speaker 1: you choosing is your choice, your decisions, is taking control
Speaker 1: of your own life and not allowing life to just
Speaker 1: happen to you. It's making life happen for you. We
Speaker 1: should all practice solitude from time to time. Y'all know,
Speaker 1: I'm a staunch advocate of it. I love being alone.
Speaker 1: It's my jam, okay, And from time to time, even
Speaker 1: if you can't, we should all find some time to
Speaker 1: spend with ourselves, even those of us who are partnered,
Speaker 1: who have children, who work around others. I work around
Speaker 1: roughly nine hundred and fifty people every day, Monday through Friday,
Speaker 1: I'm around and in proximity to nine hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: around nine hundred and fifty people. Listen, I need some
Speaker 1: time alone. Nine hundred and fifty other human beings.
Speaker 2: That's a lot. That's a lot.
Speaker 1: So I know a lot of people are probably like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's always talking about being alone. Baby, It's the only
Speaker 1: time that I get to be with me. We gotta
Speaker 1: find time in our days, weeks, months, and years to
Speaker 1: spend quality time with ourselves. How else do you get
Speaker 1: to know who you are? Okay, people talking about I
Speaker 1: don't want to be my best self? Well, baby, who
Speaker 1: is your worst self? Who is your normal self? How
Speaker 1: are you gonna get to your best self when you
Speaker 1: don't even know who you are? How you're gonna get
Speaker 1: to know who you are when you don't spend any
Speaker 1: time with yourself in reflection? And it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be anything big. I say that all the time. Healing
Speaker 1: does not have to be a meteor shower. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be grandios. It could simply be sitting on
Speaker 1: a park bench, going to a restaurant and ordering something
Speaker 1: delicious and eating it alone and enjoying it by yourself,
Speaker 1: savoring the taste of the food, the smell of the food,
Speaker 1: the sounds in the restaurant, the sights that you see.
Speaker 1: Going to the movies by yourself. I know people who
Speaker 1: would rather die than go to the movies by themselves.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you some baby. I like to talk
Speaker 1: in the movies, so you may want to go to
Speaker 1: the movies by yourself. Yes, I talk in the movies.
Speaker 1: It's what I do. I'm a talker. It's what I do,
Speaker 1: very loquacious. I talk or I go to sleep. Wanted
Speaker 1: it to go to the movies by yourself, take a
Speaker 1: long drive. And these are just things that I These
Speaker 1: are just recommendations because these are things.
Speaker 2: That I like to do.
Speaker 1: I love a long ride by myself. Every car that
Speaker 1: I purchase has to have a sun roof, because there's
Speaker 1: something about I remember living in California and I remember
Speaker 1: my stepmother had a Nissan Stanza and it had a
Speaker 1: sun roof, and I just remember being able to look
Speaker 1: up through the sunroof and see in the sky. It
Speaker 1: did something to me. Every car that I own has
Speaker 1: to have a sun roof. I open that bad boy up,
Speaker 1: that sun comes beaming down. Sometimes I can't open it
Speaker 1: all the way because it's cold where I live, but
Speaker 1: I can open open the screen or move the screen
Speaker 1: back and let the sun come in. It's something about it.
Speaker 1: It does something to me. It makes me excited. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to explain it.
Speaker 2: I like it. It's my jam.
Speaker 1: Okay, take a long drive, put on some music. Get
Speaker 1: a playlist. Ain't nothing like a playlist. Get a playlist.
Speaker 1: Take a long drive. If you don't drive, take a
Speaker 1: long ride, get on the train, get on the Amtrak
Speaker 1: and go somewhere and come back. Get on the local
Speaker 1: public transportation if it's safe, honey, because sometimes Jesus Jesus Jesus,
Speaker 1: it ain't always safe, okay, And if it ain't safe,
Speaker 1: then don't but find it. Create what you want, create
Speaker 1: what you need, Walk around the mall and do some
Speaker 1: people watching.
Speaker 2: Honey. Let me tell you someone I like. I love
Speaker 2: watching people. I love it.
Speaker 1: You know why, because people are hilarious. Why in the
Speaker 1: world is that, honey, Because That's what I'll be saying
Speaker 1: when I be looking at these people sometimes.
Speaker 2: What in the world is that it brings me joy?
Speaker 2: And I don't even need to do it with anybody else.
Speaker 2: I can do it by myself.
Speaker 1: Solitude is creating peace for yourself, and you deserve it.
Speaker 1: You owe it to yourself. There's so many people who
Speaker 1: are afraid to experience these things alone, or any major
Speaker 1: moment alone, and I think we need to look at
Speaker 1: why we are afraid of spending quality time with ourselves.
Speaker 1: We are our closest friend, our most dear love. I
Speaker 1: say this shit all the time behind the world. Can
Speaker 1: you be a friend, a lover, or a partner to
Speaker 1: anyone when you cannot do these things for yourself? Why
Speaker 1: would anyone want to spend time with you if you
Speaker 1: don't even want to spend time with you?
Speaker 2: Babe? Come on now, let me say that one more
Speaker 2: time more Chile.
Speaker 1: Why would anyone want to spend time with you if
Speaker 1: you don't even want to spend time with you? In
Speaker 1: Sit in it for a seconds. Sit in that solitude
Speaker 1: will actually help you to become a better version of
Speaker 1: yourself in partnerships, your friendships, your familiar relationships, even your
Speaker 1: very surface level interactions. It cultivates authenticity, which is going
Speaker 1: to help you to feel better about being your true self.
Speaker 1: And that's because you're absolutely fine with being you. Nobody's
Speaker 1: presence in your life should cause you to lose yourself.
Speaker 1: Excuse me when you are fully aware of the best
Speaker 1: parts of you and not that the loss of our
Speaker 1: loved ones won't cause herd or pain in our lives,
Speaker 1: because you know, grief is grief that's gonna happen. You
Speaker 1: know you get sad when you lose somebody or even
Speaker 1: a breakup. However, you won't be lost. You won't lose yourself.
Speaker 1: You grieve and then you find a way to move forward.
Speaker 1: So now let's talk about some ways to cope with
Speaker 1: and heal your feelings of loneliness. First things first, I
Speaker 1: pop up freaks, all the honeys, dummies, playboy bunnies, those
Speaker 1: wanting money girl by get it together, Mimi. The first
Speaker 1: thing I'm gonna say, you already know where I'm going
Speaker 1: with this. Seek out some professional help. Speak to a
Speaker 1: therapist or a counselor maybe even a psychiatrist, because they
Speaker 1: can offer you help that I can't. Your mama can't,
Speaker 1: your daddy can't, your best friend can't, not, your pastor,
Speaker 1: you're a mom, your rap buy, a Buddhist monk, nobody.
Speaker 2: You need some professional help.
Speaker 1: And even if your mama, your best friend, your pastor,
Speaker 1: a mom, rabbi or Buddhist monk is a therapist or counselor,
Speaker 1: you need to talk to somebody that has no buy in,
Speaker 1: that is not biased, and that can be objective, and
Speaker 1: they can't quite frankly. Next, make sure you are practicing
Speaker 1: self care. Here at hand, me, my purse. We don't
Speaker 1: play about self care. This is what we do. It's
Speaker 1: what we do. Take care of yourself. Eat good food,
Speaker 1: Eat healthy food, but also eat food that makes you
Speaker 1: feel good. Don't overindulge. Listen, ain't nothing wrong. We're going
Speaker 1: to five guys. Ain't nothing wrong. We're going to get
Speaker 1: some ice cream. There's nothing wrong. Don't let nobody tell
Speaker 1: you that you can't have what you like to have sometimes,
Speaker 1: please you can. I don't be having it every day.
Speaker 1: Don't overdo it. Don't overindulge. You can have it sometimes.
Speaker 1: Don't overindulge in alcohol and drug usage. And this includes weed.
Speaker 1: I don't care what y'all say. Anything that's mind altering.
Speaker 1: Overindulging it in it can't be a good idea. Have
Speaker 1: it sometimes. If you want to have your weeds, have
Speaker 1: your weeds.
Speaker 2: I don't care.
Speaker 1: Don't overindulge, though, Get out and move around. But on
Speaker 1: the flip side, rest when your body needs rest, lay down,
Speaker 1: keep still sometimes, and if possible, spend time. I always
Speaker 1: say this, spend time outside in nature. Being outside in
Speaker 1: the natural element of the earth is essential. Get out there,
Speaker 1: get some fresh air, get some sunshine on your face,
Speaker 1: on your body, on the skin on your body. If
Speaker 1: you can go to a beach, wear some shorts, were
Speaker 1: some shorts sleeves. If not, definitely, just get some fresh
Speaker 1: air and let God shine that sun on your beautifully
Speaker 1: crafted face. Also, you want to make sure that you
Speaker 1: stand busy. Not having a lot of things to do
Speaker 1: while you are experiencing feelings of loneliness is a sure
Speaker 1: fireway to take a little trip to a town called Depressionville.
Speaker 1: Find a hobby, go running, go window shopping. Do something
Speaker 1: to keep busy. Paint, draw write poetry, write a novel,
Speaker 1: write letters to Santa Claus. Do something to keep your
Speaker 1: mind and body if possible, as active as you can.
Speaker 1: Practice meeting people by talking to strangers. Now I'm not
Speaker 1: saying to pick up stray weirdos on the street, but
Speaker 1: I am saying to talk to the lady in the
Speaker 1: produce section of the grocery store about the price of
Speaker 1: avocados if necessary, the man who brings you up to
Speaker 1: the gas station or the drug store, talk to him,
Speaker 1: say hi, make a joke. Work on your communication skills.
Speaker 1: Part of the problem is that people are afraid to
Speaker 1: talk to other people. And I know that's easy for
Speaker 1: me to say because I got a big mouth and
Speaker 1: I like to talk. But figure it out because the
Speaker 1: truth of the matter is, and I notice ain't gonna
Speaker 1: sound good. Somebody's gonna like what I'm about to say.
Speaker 1: But the reality is you the one that's lonely. So
Speaker 1: if you lonely, and I'm not talking about people who
Speaker 1: are dealing with mental illness, so please shut up. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about you who just won't go out, who are
Speaker 1: just like in Hermitville, get your ass out the house,
Speaker 1: go do something. Work on your communication skills, like I said,
Speaker 1: talk to people, build a network for yourself. And lastly,
Speaker 1: some of us have a network. Tap into the network
Speaker 1: of humans that you do have readily available. Call your
Speaker 1: friend from high school or college, Go visit your aunt
Speaker 1: or your uncle, call your cousin that lives in another state.
Speaker 1: Stay active within the communities that already exist for you,
Speaker 1: because some of y'all ain't doing that. And then y'all
Speaker 1: saying I'm lonely, take some responsibility for the situations that
Speaker 1: you're in. I'm not with being a victim. Ain't it
Speaker 1: ain't my ministry and it shouldn't be your damn ministry either.
Speaker 1: And like I said, if you truly have no community,
Speaker 1: create one, Like I said, start with the man at
Speaker 1: the drug store that I mentioned earlier. Take whatever the
Speaker 1: necessary steps are to curate the life you desire for yourself.
Speaker 1: That includes the people around you and the relationships that
Speaker 1: you want in your life. We're all responsible for the
Speaker 1: energy that we want to see in our lives, So
Speaker 1: stop sulking and being negative about the lack of people
Speaker 1: around you. Seek them out, Go out and see the world,
Speaker 1: and see the people God placed here on earth for you.
Speaker 1: Make a friend or call your old friend. You're the
Speaker 1: only person on this planet who can truly under stand
Speaker 1: one who can truly understand you, but also who can
Speaker 1: truly understand how to make you completely happy. Own your joy,
Speaker 1: because it's your job. It ain't nobody else's job.
Speaker 2: Own your joy?
Speaker 1: All right, friends, and can let's go ahead and get
Speaker 1: into the straight facts question for today's episode. Over the
Speaker 1: past four years or so, I've watched my three sons
Speaker 1: go through some pretty serious breakups. Not in the sense
Speaker 1: that they had to get a divorce, because they're all
Speaker 1: relatively still young, but as young men, they've had relationships
Speaker 1: that did not work out and they were heartbroken. It's
Speaker 1: hard to watch your baby boys. Oh she's a mom Mama,
Speaker 1: they're your baby boys.
Speaker 2: I bet they like forty.
Speaker 1: It's hard to watch your baby boys go through those
Speaker 1: painful situations and tell that she's a nurturer. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: wonder if they're trying to find what me and their
Speaker 1: dad have, or what they think me and their dad have,
Speaker 1: gets in the way of them genuinely connecting with partners.
Speaker 1: I want to offer them words of comfort and words
Speaker 1: of advice, but I also don't want to seem like
Speaker 1: that messy mama that's all up.
Speaker 2: In their love lives.
Speaker 1: My oldest two sons have been told that they're really
Speaker 1: nice and really great guys and such gentlemen with nearly
Speaker 1: every breakup. What advice would you give as an auntie
Speaker 1: to three young men in this situation who are looking
Speaker 1: for committed relationships. Joy of Randallstown, Maryland, Well, Joy, you
Speaker 1: sound like a loving mommy. These boys have their mama
Speaker 1: and their dad, and their mom and their dad are married.
Speaker 1: One thing that could be happening is you already said it.
Speaker 1: Maybe they are chasing what you and your husband have
Speaker 1: or what their mom and dad have, and if it
Speaker 1: don't fit, then they must have quit. But like, seriously,
Speaker 1: if it doesn't fit their ideal or the ideology that
Speaker 1: they have around partnership, then that might get in the way.
Speaker 1: Or they could be mama's boys. Okay, And don't nobody
Speaker 1: like being in no relationship with no MoMA's boy. I
Speaker 1: know because I was in a relationship with one early
Speaker 1: on when I was in college, and god, damn it,
Speaker 1: it was a lot.
Speaker 2: It was. I'm sorry, but it was it was a lot.
Speaker 1: And his mom had a lot to say and she
Speaker 1: didn't think I was good enough for him, which was
Speaker 1: very interesting. Yeah, exactly, what the hell, But that's not
Speaker 1: about me. That's neither here or there. Back to you, Joy,
Speaker 1: they could be MoMA's boys, so I mean, it also
Speaker 1: could be the partners that they're looking at. I think
Speaker 1: that this is why it's important to do some soul searching,
Speaker 1: because if you don't know who you are, you're going
Speaker 1: to seek out the wrong people every time. Every time
Speaker 1: it sounds like they're kind, it sounds like they're nice,
Speaker 1: unless they bugle wolfs, unless they are mud ducks, if
Speaker 1: they're ugly.
Speaker 2: I said it, I said what I said. I'm just joking.
Speaker 1: Everybody's handsome, everybody's beautiful, everybody can find something beautiful about everybody.
Speaker 1: But I doubt that that is it. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: that that's not it. Like, it's probably not that, it's
Speaker 1: probably that they're probably mama's boys or you know, you
Speaker 1: said it. They're seeking out like what you and their
Speaker 1: dad have. And as an auntie, what I would say
Speaker 1: is to stop being so pressed to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody else and just take this time while
Speaker 1: you're young to spend some time with yourself and figure
Speaker 1: out who you are. All too often in our society,
Speaker 1: like people are so pushed to be in partnership. And
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, partnership is important. We should seek
Speaker 1: out partnership. It's fine to be in relationship. I'm not saying,
Speaker 1: you know that you should only be by yourself and
Speaker 1: be alone and solitude is the only way. That's not
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, and I just
Speaker 1: said it earlier, if you don't want to be with you,
Speaker 1: why the fuck would anybody else want to be with you?
Speaker 1: Like seriously, Like that's it. So maybe take a break
Speaker 1: from seeking out all these partnerships and take a break
Speaker 1: from looking for all these heavy partnerships, like when you're young, like,
Speaker 1: be free, date all the people. Protect yourself, particularly sexually, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually,
Speaker 1: all of elisee. Protect yourself, But just have a good time.
Speaker 2: Date all the.
Speaker 1: Different people to see what kind of person you want,
Speaker 1: because if you keep getting in all these heavy relationships
Speaker 1: like you ain't gonna ever get a chance to figure
Speaker 1: out who you are and what you like because you're
Speaker 1: spending all this time being with a partner.
Speaker 2: And it's not gonna work out.
Speaker 1: Now, date all the people. Don't be an asshole, but
Speaker 1: date all of the people. Okay, And that's all Auntie
Speaker 1: Mimi got to say. Just have a good time. Don't
Speaker 1: be a jerk, but have a good time. Date around
Speaker 1: you know, and understand that what your mom and your
Speaker 1: daddy got is just that, it's what your mom and
Speaker 1: your daddy got. And understand that what your mom and
Speaker 1: your daddy got didn't wasn't always roses in tulips. Nobody's
Speaker 1: relationship is roses and tulips. You have to cultivate a
Speaker 1: beautiful relationship. You gotta work hard at it. But because
Speaker 1: you know they probably weren't born, they don't know about
Speaker 1: the hard part. They just know about how awesome. It
Speaker 1: looks now. So just day around, have a good time,
Speaker 1: and work on spending time with you so you know
Speaker 1: who you are, so that when you get into a
Speaker 1: relationship it'll be healthy. It'll be healthy, and there'll be
Speaker 1: freedom in your relationship, trust, honesty, loyalty, because you would
Speaker 1: have spent time figuring out who you are. And that's
Speaker 1: all I got to say about that, Friends in Camp.
Speaker 1: For today's we Got to Do Better segment, I decided
Speaker 1: to go to one of my favorite books by Susan L. Taylor,
Speaker 1: who is who used to be the editor in chief
Speaker 1: of Essence magazine years ago. She's the Beautiful Sister. The
Speaker 1: last time I quoted from this book, I described her
Speaker 1: she was the beautiful like caramel complexed or like toffee
Speaker 1: complexed system that had always wore straight back cornrows very intricately,
Speaker 1: like almost like they were woven.
Speaker 2: And she had a big forehead and people would make
Speaker 2: jokes about it.
Speaker 1: But the woman is stunning. She had a large gap
Speaker 1: in her teeth. I always thought she was so freaking pretty.
Speaker 1: She is part of the reason that I want my
Speaker 1: gap back. And I'm going to see if I can
Speaker 1: get in visiline and get my gap back. But this
Speaker 1: quote is from her book In the Spirit. If you
Speaker 1: don't have it, see if you can get your hands
Speaker 1: on it. It's so beautiful and it's not like a
Speaker 1: cover or cover read. It's one of my favorite kind
Speaker 1: of books where you can put it down, pick it up,
Speaker 1: open a random page, and just read and it feeds
Speaker 1: your soul. So I'm going to read a quote from
Speaker 1: that book and it says, and it's a direct quote
Speaker 1: from Susan L. Taylor, we have to declare ownership of
Speaker 1: our lives, with conviction and with a force equal to
Speaker 1: the law of gravity behind it, declay, I am in
Speaker 1: charge of me, of my thoughts and actions, and I
Speaker 1: have the power to live my heart's desires. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: read that one more time for you, Okay. We have
Speaker 1: to declare ownership of our lives with conviction and with
Speaker 1: a force equal to the law of gravity behind it, Declare,
Speaker 1: I am in charge of me, of my thoughts and actions,
Speaker 1: and I have the power to live my heart's desires.
Speaker 1: Thank you, sister Susan L. Taylor for that gem, that
Speaker 1: beautiful piece. The first thing that I want to do
Speaker 1: is say thank you to God first, because God is supreme,
Speaker 1: and I recognize and appreciate the grace and mercy that
Speaker 1: God extends to me every single day of my black
Speaker 1: ass life. I want to say thank you to my people.
Speaker 1: I want to say thank you to each and every
Speaker 1: one of you that's been rocking with me since day one,
Speaker 1: ever since March the first of twenty twenty. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. I appreciate you for being here.
Speaker 1: And if you just started listening today, I thank you
Speaker 1: for that as well. Either way, I'm grateful beyond measure.
Speaker 1: I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my friends,
Speaker 1: my friends and Ken, all of my supporters, and of course,
Speaker 1: most importantly, every single.
Speaker 2: One of you guys out there listening.
Speaker 1: I love you so much and it is nothing short
Speaker 1: of an honor to share my time and energy with you,
Speaker 1: especially if you keep coming back to spend time with me.
Speaker 1: I look forward to the next time that we get
Speaker 1: to do this with one another. Now, before you exit
Speaker 1: out of whatever streaming service you're using to listen to this,
Speaker 1: stop what you're doing, and if you haven't already done so,
Speaker 1: look for the subscribe or follow button click on it
Speaker 1: if it's an option in the streaming service where you're listening. Next,
Speaker 1: I want you to go on over to Instagram and
Speaker 1: follow me at at Handy My Purse Underscore Podcast. Also
Speaker 1: follow me on Twitter at hmmp Underscore podcast, and on
Speaker 1: Facebook just search for Handing My Purse podcast, although I'm
Speaker 1: not very active on Facebook, forgive me for that. If
Speaker 1: you listen on a streaming service or medium that allows
Speaker 1: you to do so, please rate and review the show
Speaker 1: or give it a thumbs up if you can. Please
Speaker 1: be sure to share Handing My Purse the podcast with
Speaker 1: your friends, your loved ones, and even your enemies, because
Speaker 1: honestly the best way for people to find out about
Speaker 1: this show is by you guys telling them all about it.
Speaker 1: So tell a friend to tell a friend, to tell
Speaker 1: a friend. Please submit your questions for the straight fac
Speaker 1: segment to Hello at Hanmymipurse dot com with the subject
Speaker 1: line straight Facts, or feel free to send me a
Speaker 1: DM on Instagram or Twitter. Who knows your question may
Speaker 1: be featured on an upcoming show. So remember that show
Speaker 1: notes are always available in the episode description. Wherever you're
Speaker 1: listening to Handy My Purse, be sure to take a
Speaker 1: look at the show notes because that is where I
Speaker 1: put all of the links and the other information that
Speaker 1: I mentioned during the show that you may want to
Speaker 1: check out, in addition to some stuff that I just
Speaker 1: want to share with you, and just an fyi. The
Speaker 1: opening and closing music for Handy My Purse is provided
Speaker 1: by none other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes.
Speaker 2: Friends and Ken.
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to you looking forward to listening to
Speaker 1: hand Me My Purse the podcast each and every Tuesday,
Speaker 1: and I'm out this bitch peace. Handy My Purse is
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