WEBVTT - No. 58: The Difference Between Loneliness + Being Alone + Choosing Solitude - It Ain't The Same! 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:03.040 Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:08.320 So I was looking on the internet while I prepare 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:13.720 for this episode, and I saw something that said the 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:18.520 following report states that loneliness is as deadly as smoking 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:23.000 fifteen cigarettes a day. That's a little heavy. Okay, you 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:25.599 can't always believe everything you read on the internet, but 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:28.840 it says here in the caption the US Surgeon General. 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:30.000 So you think so. 0:00:30.080 --> 0:00:32.040 First of all, they have a blue check. This is 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:36.000 from Wealth. Is the name of the account on Instagram, 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:39.400 the US Surgeon General. That kind of makes it a 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:41.920 little official, right right. 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:43.040 Also other stuff. 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:47.640 The US Surgeon General has declared loneliness a public health epidemic, 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:51.760 stating that it poses health risks as deadly as smoking 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:58.040 up to fifteen cigarettes a day, costing the health industry 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:02.160 billions of dollars annually. About half of US adults say 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:06.440 they've experienced loneliness, with research indicating that isolation elevates a 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:10.760 person's likelihood for experiencing depression, anxiety, and dementia, and increases 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:16.560 the risk of premature death by nearly thirty percent. Listen, So, 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.720 of course, you know me, I went to the Googles 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:21.440 and started researching because I was like, this is BS. 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:23.880 This seems a little aggressive and what did I find? 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:26.240 Lo and behold, I'm just going to read an excerpt. 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:31.760 Moreover, loneliness is associated with increased risks of cardiovascular disease, 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:39.000 including coronary heart disease and stroke, metabolic syndrome, functional disability, dementia, 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:41.120 and mild cognitive impairment. 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:43.520 So let me just tell you. 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:48.000 If you're feeling sad and lonely, listen, listen, don't play 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.320 with it. With the song say, don't play with it. 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:52.040 Don't play with it, don't play with it, don't play 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:56.080 with it. You need to take some steps, some necessary 0:01:56.120 --> 0:02:00.000 steps to get that in order, and hopefully this episode 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.040 so we'll help you in doing that. 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:23.679 I can't see the bat that has it. 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:27.440 Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome to hand me my purs 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:30.640 the podcast. I am Mimi Walker, and I will be 0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:33.560 your forever host each and every time you tune into 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:34.440 this podcast. 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:36.560 So go ahead and get comfortable. 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:39.799 Go get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:44.880 that's alkaline water, some Starbucks, nitro coal brew, a little 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.560 bit of Mowett and Sean don or some hot tea 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.840 and honey, go light yourself a candle, some incense or 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.880 burn some sage and just get ready to chill out 0:02:55.000 --> 0:03:06.560 and have a good time. What's up, friends and ken, 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.760 it's Mimi Resident Auntie Supreme here and hand me my purse. 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.359 And today I am sipping on a drink. I got 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.520 some from Starbucks. Let me check it out. It says 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:19.639 here that it is a Venti iced Peach green tea lemonade. 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.280 I've never had one before, but I got one today. 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:26.000 Why because I'm a Starbucks addict. I am a fiend, 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:29.800 and not necessarily for the drinks, but it's the cult 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.560 that I've joined. I have all of these Starbucks tumblers. 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:34.560 I love them. I collect them. I said I was 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.720 going to stop buying them. I have not and I 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.240 will not. And I collect the stars on the app, 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.000 the rewards points so that I can get these cups 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:44.680 for free. I don't buy the cups, I get them 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:48.040 for free. And so I was going to get ninety 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:51.320 stars if I ordered certain things today. So I went 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:53.480 and ordered those things and that has been my dinner. 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:55.760 And I got this iced tea. I had to order 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.840 a iced tea, and so I like it. I give 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.080 it an eight out of ten stars. I would order 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:03.640 it again. It's a great drink to add to my 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:08.120 summertime arsenal. It's a refreshing What is refreshing, It's a 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:10.440 refreshing drink. Let me taste it. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:13.400 I like it. 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:15.400 I'm gonna give it a nine out of ten because 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:19.040 it's good. It's not too sweet. Like I said, it's refreshing. 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.480 I'm excited and I can't wait to order one and 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:23.440 add a little bit of alcohol to it, you know, 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:24.760 make it a grown up drink. 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.520 So that's what I'm drinking today. What are y'all sipping on? 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:35.200 Friends in Ken? 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:40.000 For today's jam, I decided to select a song by 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:44.159 an artist that I love that I've seen live and 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:50.880 she gives big like black girl magic vibes in a 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.600 different kind of way. And because I'm a different kind 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:56.080 of black girl, I'm a little bit weird, a little 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:59.360 bit alternative, you know, like I do my own thing. 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:05.679 I love to see that represented in art, particularly in music, 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:11.880 because it's an opportunity for other black people, particularly black girls, 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:14.520 to see, like being a black girl is not a 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:20.040 monolithic experience. So when she came out, I was extremely 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:24.600 excited and I got into her music immediately. I've seen 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:27.800 her live, like I said, and her first album, if 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.200 you get a chance to. I can't tell you what 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:32.000 the name of it is because I can't think of it, 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.440 but it's the album cover where the album covers in 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:39.479 black and white and she's sitting and it's like she's 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:43.680 vomiting a gold glitter. Listen to that album. That album 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:46.840 is amazing. I mean, it's a classic. I listened to 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.960 it from beginning to end, with the exception of the song. 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:52.000 And because she has a song and and it kind 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:53.320 of freaks me out. I don't know what it is 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:55.640 about the song that scares me, but it does anyway. 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:58.720 This song is from I want to say her third 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:02.000 or fourth album. Song is called Can't Get Enough of Myself, 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.320 and it's a song that I listen to when I 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:09.920 am in a space where you know, my self esteem 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:12.240 may not be at one hundred, it might be at 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:16.919 seventy five or eighty or forty, but it is a 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:20.000 song I listen to when I need to remind myself 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:23.280 who the hell I am. It's a song that I 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:25.440 listen to when I want to get back into my 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:31.400 Muhammad Ali mo, I'm a bad motherfucker and I'm a 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.880 dope chick. And when I forget that, I listen to song. 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.120 I have a whole play list dedicated to when I'm 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:40.839 feeling that way, but this song is on that playlist 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.960 because I need to be reminded, like, since you dope, 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.920 and what are you doing? And sometimes if I could 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.239 be honest, sometimes when I'm not down on the self 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:54.159 esteem or if I'm not feeling like I'm not that 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:57.080 great and I know that if I'm sitting in my greatness, 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.839 I'm gonna listen to it anyway because it's like, oh 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:04.360 wait a minute, and don't you forget it. So anyway, 0:07:04.400 --> 0:07:06.080 the song is called Can't get Enough of Myself? Like 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.320 I said, and I just want to read one part 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:12.080 to you. Of course, there's going to be a link 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.760 in the show notes to the video. There's actually a 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:19.640 music video on YouTube, and this part of the song 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:21.680 I love It says, all I want to do is 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.080 what I do well in a gambler. 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:34.440 But honey, I put money out is much better for 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:39.280 your health. Now listen to this. This is how you 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:39.880 know I'm black. 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:41.960 I never knew it said, because my brand of vain 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:44.400 glory is much better for your health. I always said, 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:50.760 because my friends all think worrying is much better. WHOA, 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:55.920 oh man, that's definitely definitely excuse me, not what it says. 0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:59.640 It says because my brand of vain glory is much 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.400 better for your health. If you don't know what vain 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:07.400 glory means, I'm not gonna tell you. You can always look 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:09.640 it up on your own. And you know what I'm 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.080 gonna do. I will support you. I'm gonna put the 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:14.680 definition in the show notes because I love you and 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:19.560 I want people to know more words. But I definitely 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.800 thought when she said because my brand of vain glory 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:24.800 is much better for your health, I definitely and I 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:28.480 will continue to sing because my friends all think worrying 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:32.400 is much better for your health. And that's what I'm 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:36.160 gonna do. And nobody's gonna stop me, because who. 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:36.560 Won't check me? 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:40.360 Boo, I'm gonna say it anyway. Check the song out. 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:42.360 Like I said, it's in the show notes. I hope 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:46.680 that you like it, watch the video, and please, please 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:51.680 please do yourself the favor of listening to her first 0:08:51.800 --> 0:09:10.160 album because it is really, really, really good. Now let's 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:17.880 go ahead and get into this show, why don't we Okay, 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.600 friends and ken, So we're gonna go ahead and get 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:25.160 this party storedy. Talk to you and my content accent, 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.920 my West Coast voice, my West Coast accent. Let's go 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:34.200 ahead and get this porty storeded. So today we're going 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:41.160 to talk about loneliness and the difference between loneliness versus 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:48.000 being alone or solitude. Okay, oftentimes people confuse loneliness with 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:50.840 being alone or solitude, but let me make it really 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:55.160 clear for you guys, it's a real last difference. As 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:59.160 I did the research for this episode, I came across 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:03.400 something that said, and loneliness is associated with feelings of 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:08.320 unwantedness and emptiness. It's about not being with other people 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:13.160 or feeling unwanted by other people. Loneliness is heavy as 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:17.400 much as it is empty. It weighs on our minds 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:23.400 and our bodies. In addition, loneliness involves an involuntary type 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:28.679 of social pain caused by a lack of connection, regardless 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:30.800 of physical proximity to other people. 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:33.160 End quote. 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:39.120 Then I read that solitude and contrast is the choice 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:42.840 to be alone and use that time either for reflection 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:49.200 or simply enjoyment. In one's own company. It's about being 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:55.480 present with oneself rather than the lack of company. Solitude 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:59.559 is a choice. We can ebb and flow between solitude 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:03.480 and being social. The option is always there to connect 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:07.240 back with other people, and to do so rather seamlessly. 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:12.360 Loneliness and contrast can't be turned on and off. So 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:17.520 end quote. Okay, So there it is. There's a difference. 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:21.360 One is a choice and the other is essentially a 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:26.160 feeling we don't seem to have control of, or do we. 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:33.800 The real question is, or the real thing to look at, 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:38.000 is that we have a lot more control over our 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.960 feelings than we know, and then we give ourselves credit 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:44.520 for mainly because although we don't always control situations, we 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:50.280 can control how we react to those situations. Even if 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:54.760 we are not able to control our innate or immediate reaction, 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.000 we can step back and adjust. So if something happens 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:01.880 and your initial reaction is disappointment or sadness or confusion, 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:04.760 if you just pause for a second, you can adjust 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:08.480 your feelings and emotions. It's all about being more rational 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:11.560 with our processing. And I've said before on this show 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:15.760 that anger is a secondary emotion. We experience something else first. 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:23.160 Almost every time exactly, Yes, we do. We experience emotions 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:28.720 like disappointment, sadness, confusion, and then we start to sit 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:32.280 in those initial emotions that we are sometimes not really 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:35.959 pleased with the outcome or with the fact that someone 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.240 or something has led us to this place or gotten 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:43.280 us to this place in our emotions, and then boom boom, 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:48.680 ma'am about about boom pal. So then we're angry, and 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:54.000 we assume that you know, we're just angry, but we 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.240 don't really look back and realize that I'm angry as 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:00.679 a result of the fact that I'm disappointed and what happened. 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:03.600 I'm disappointed in this person, or I'm sad because this 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:07.120 person hurt my feelings, or I'm confused because I don't 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:12.120 really understand what's going on. There are instances where loneliness 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.840 can be connected to some mental health issues or mental illnesses. 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:19.080 I'm not finna sit here and pretend like people don't 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:21.679 deal with loneliness as a result of their depression. 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:25.360 Not doing that. This podcast is all. 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:30.960 About acknowledging, accepting, and understanding that people have mental health issues. 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:35.000 I'm one of them. But sometimes it's not about depression. 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:38.719 In situations like this where it is not like this, 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:41.680 like the one I'm talking about. But in situations where 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:46.440 mental health is the issue, or mental illness is the issue, 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:51.280 it may actually be outside of our control. However, if 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:55.880 you aren't dealing with mental illness to that degree excuse me, 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.600 or mental health issues that are directly connected to your loneliness, 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.040 you may have the power to handle it or to 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:05.040 deal with it on your own. If this feeling of 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:11.920 loneliness where you're feeling unwanted and empty, has you feeling 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.280 like you want to harm yourself, you absolutely need to 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:19.520 talk to somebody immediately. If you are feeling feelings of 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.720 feeling withdrawn, or you know it's consuming you and taking 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.200 up your most of your day, you definitely need to. 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:27.400 Talk to someone immediately. 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:31.640 But in the feeling of being feeling unwanted and empty, 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:35.240 let's look at not necessarily what can cause it, but 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.040 let's look at the healing part. And like I said, 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:41.480 I'm not talking about people who are suffering from mental 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:44.640 illness and dealing with loneliness as a result of their 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.880 mental illness because I am not a therapist. I've said 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:49.680 that many times, says ain't no therapist, I'm just a 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:53.960 chick that's been healing and trying to guide other folks 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:59.480 to healing and not necessarily healing with me or. 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:00.560 Through this podcast. 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:03.000 But however, you can get to the healing when I 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:06.920 get to it, by any means necessary. Oh yeah, So 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:09.400 if you're not new here to hand me my purse, 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.360 you already probably know where I'm going with this, and 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:16.600 that is baby, what's up? 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.840 But you're loving yourself first? Let's do that first? 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:23.400 Yes, really, let's let's get to the place where we 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:28.720 talk about you wanting yourself first. I feel like so 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:35.560 often we seek so much outside validation, acceptance, love, acknowledgement, 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:41.280 friendship and company from other sources instead of going to 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:44.960 the first source, which is you. You are the first source. 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.960 You are the source. Okay, so I don't understand, Well, 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:51.080 let me not say I don't understand. Let me take 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:57.160 that back. I do understand, But I want us to 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:02.840 get to a place where we seek out the love, 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:08.000 the acceptance, the validation, the friendship, the company, the companionship 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:12.280 within ourselves before we seek it from outside sources. Don't 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.080 get me wrong, I do acknowledge that some people are 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:18.800 not in close proximity to people that they know people 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:21.600 that they trust and people that they love. However, when 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:23.560 you are in the space where you may not have 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:27.280 a community, you have the ability and the power to 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.680 build a community for yourself. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:31.680 Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:36.880 Come on now, because so many times people just choose 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:41.800 to lay down and take it right and become a victim. 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:49.400 Sometimes we have to be proactive about our life. We 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:52.600 got to be proactive about our own healing our life 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.120 and creating the life that we want. So let's say 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:58.200 you're not around people that you know, trust and love. Okay, 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:02.000 seek people out to build the community. But see the 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:05.159 problem is that that takes work, and quite frankly, it 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.879 seems to me that sometimes people are just not willing 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.040 to put in the work to create the life that 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:13.840 they want. Relationships don't fall from the sky. It's not 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:17.040 gonna happen. Connections just don't come out of a shower stream. 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.000 I just wanted to put that Jamaican airhorn in here 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.720 because I just got this new sampler app and I. 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:27.320 Love Jamaican air horns. One more time. 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:31.639 Like I said, connections don't just come out of the 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.120 shower head. They don't come out of the water source. 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.199 Keep in mind that I'm speaking about relationships in the 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:44.520 general sense, not only about romantic relationships the general sense. 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:49.640 So I'm talking about platonic relationships, relationships with your family, friendships, 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:54.720 relationships with the milkman. You know nothing in particular, but 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:59.879 I am specifically speaking about connections. We're responsible for creating 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:03.000 the connections that we desire in our lives. Nobody else 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:13.119 is responsible for our joy, our happiness, our peace of mind, 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:16.760 our healing. That is our responsibility. And it's all about 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:20.359 being intentional. When it comes to solitude, it's all about 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:25.359 intention and choice. Come on, let me talk about God 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:25.960 one time. 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:26.679 Okay. 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:32.320 God gives us free will to make choices and to 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:37.240 decide what we want. Okay, So when it comes to solitude, 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:40.320 it's all about intention and choice. And I said that 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:44.440 this was going to be the year of intention. Solitude 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:47.560 is basically the decision to spend time with you for you, 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:52.000 by yourself. You always have the option to spend time 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:54.879 with others when you choose to do so, and you 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:58.119 can also do so without a lot of turbulence. The 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.600 process can be really effortless, and like the quote said, 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:04.760 it could be seamless. And this way of living puts 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:09.480 the full responsibility on you to create one the life 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:14.000 that you want, create the boundaries that you want, and 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:17.720 create the community around you that you choose. Have you 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:22.800 noticed that the key to this it's all about like 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:28.320 you choosing is your choice, your decisions, is taking control 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:30.840 of your own life and not allowing life to just 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:35.240 happen to you. It's making life happen for you. We 0:19:35.280 --> 0:19:37.760 should all practice solitude from time to time. Y'all know, 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:42.399 I'm a staunch advocate of it. I love being alone. 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:46.520 It's my jam, okay, And from time to time, even 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:48.800 if you can't, we should all find some time to 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:52.000 spend with ourselves, even those of us who are partnered, 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:55.399 who have children, who work around others. I work around 0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:59.960 roughly nine hundred and fifty people every day, Monday through Friday, 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:04.880 I'm around and in proximity to nine hundred and fifty 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:10.280 around nine hundred and fifty people. Listen, I need some 0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:16.359 time alone. Nine hundred and fifty other human beings. 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.240 That's a lot. That's a lot. 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:22.240 So I know a lot of people are probably like, oh, 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:24.480 she's always talking about being alone. Baby, It's the only 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:28.960 time that I get to be with me. We gotta 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.480 find time in our days, weeks, months, and years to 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.400 spend quality time with ourselves. How else do you get 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:38.040 to know who you are? Okay, people talking about I 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:39.479 don't want to be my best self? Well, baby, who 0:20:39.560 --> 0:20:43.560 is your worst self? Who is your normal self? How 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:44.879 are you gonna get to your best self when you 0:20:44.880 --> 0:20:46.959 don't even know who you are? How you're gonna get 0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:49.080 to know who you are when you don't spend any 0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:53.800 time with yourself in reflection? And it doesn't have to 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:56.520 be anything big. I say that all the time. Healing 0:20:56.600 --> 0:21:03.000 does not have to be a meteor shower. It doesn't 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:05.320 have to be grandios. It could simply be sitting on 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:09.359 a park bench, going to a restaurant and ordering something 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:14.560 delicious and eating it alone and enjoying it by yourself, 0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:18.960 savoring the taste of the food, the smell of the food, 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:22.720 the sounds in the restaurant, the sights that you see. 0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:27.679 Going to the movies by yourself. I know people who 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:31.200 would rather die than go to the movies by themselves. 0:21:32.440 --> 0:21:33.840 Let me tell you some baby. I like to talk 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:35.280 in the movies, so you may want to go to 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:38.800 the movies by yourself. Yes, I talk in the movies. 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:40.960 It's what I do. I'm a talker. It's what I do, 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:45.639 very loquacious. I talk or I go to sleep. Wanted 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:48.320 it to go to the movies by yourself, take a 0:21:48.480 --> 0:21:51.080 long drive. And these are just things that I These 0:21:51.080 --> 0:21:52.879 are just recommendations because these are things. 0:21:52.760 --> 0:21:53.399 That I like to do. 0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:58.040 I love a long ride by myself. Every car that 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:02.160 I purchase has to have a sun roof, because there's 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:06.120 something about I remember living in California and I remember 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:08.800 my stepmother had a Nissan Stanza and it had a 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:11.400 sun roof, and I just remember being able to look 0:22:11.440 --> 0:22:14.080 up through the sunroof and see in the sky. It 0:22:14.119 --> 0:22:16.640 did something to me. Every car that I own has 0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:21.320 to have a sun roof. I open that bad boy up, 0:22:21.359 --> 0:22:24.399 that sun comes beaming down. Sometimes I can't open it 0:22:24.400 --> 0:22:26.320 all the way because it's cold where I live, but 0:22:26.400 --> 0:22:29.159 I can open open the screen or move the screen 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:32.760 back and let the sun come in. It's something about it. 0:22:32.760 --> 0:22:35.720 It does something to me. It makes me excited. I 0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:37.680 don't know how to explain it. 0:22:37.880 --> 0:22:40.240 I like it. It's my jam. 0:22:40.760 --> 0:22:44.000 Okay, take a long drive, put on some music. Get 0:22:44.040 --> 0:22:47.359 a playlist. Ain't nothing like a playlist. Get a playlist. 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:51.480 Take a long drive. If you don't drive, take a 0:22:51.520 --> 0:22:55.440 long ride, get on the train, get on the Amtrak 0:22:55.480 --> 0:22:59.640 and go somewhere and come back. Get on the local 0:23:00.680 --> 0:23:05.440 public transportation if it's safe, honey, because sometimes Jesus Jesus Jesus, 0:23:05.480 --> 0:23:07.640 it ain't always safe, okay, And if it ain't safe, 0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:11.920 then don't but find it. Create what you want, create 0:23:11.960 --> 0:23:14.479 what you need, Walk around the mall and do some 0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:15.199 people watching. 0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:19.320 Honey. Let me tell you someone I like. I love 0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:21.960 watching people. I love it. 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:25.879 You know why, because people are hilarious. Why in the 0:23:25.960 --> 0:23:28.720 world is that, honey, Because That's what I'll be saying 0:23:28.920 --> 0:23:30.840 when I be looking at these people sometimes. 0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:34.879 What in the world is that it brings me joy? 0:23:34.960 --> 0:23:37.000 And I don't even need to do it with anybody else. 0:23:37.040 --> 0:23:38.040 I can do it by myself. 0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:42.760 Solitude is creating peace for yourself, and you deserve it. 0:23:42.880 --> 0:23:45.880 You owe it to yourself. There's so many people who 0:23:45.880 --> 0:23:50.359 are afraid to experience these things alone, or any major 0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:52.680 moment alone, and I think we need to look at 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:56.600 why we are afraid of spending quality time with ourselves. 0:23:56.920 --> 0:24:01.720 We are our closest friend, our most dear love. I 0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:03.959 say this shit all the time behind the world. Can 0:24:04.000 --> 0:24:06.439 you be a friend, a lover, or a partner to 0:24:06.600 --> 0:24:10.320 anyone when you cannot do these things for yourself? Why 0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:12.359 would anyone want to spend time with you if you 0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:13.879 don't even want to spend time with you? 0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:17.080 Babe? Come on now, let me say that one more 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:18.920 time more Chile. 0:24:22.400 --> 0:24:25.360 Why would anyone want to spend time with you if 0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:28.800 you don't even want to spend time with you? In 0:24:29.040 --> 0:24:33.440 Sit in it for a seconds. Sit in that solitude 0:24:33.440 --> 0:24:35.800 will actually help you to become a better version of 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:43.040 yourself in partnerships, your friendships, your familiar relationships, even your 0:24:43.160 --> 0:24:48.679 very surface level interactions. It cultivates authenticity, which is going 0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:51.160 to help you to feel better about being your true self. 0:24:52.240 --> 0:24:55.240 And that's because you're absolutely fine with being you. Nobody's 0:24:55.240 --> 0:24:59.360 presence in your life should cause you to lose yourself. 0:24:59.400 --> 0:25:02.200