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Speaker 1: It's time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you

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Speaker 1: need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click the submit Strawberry Letter button is right there,

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Speaker 1: and we could be reading your letter live on the air.

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Speaker 1: You never know, it could be yours. It could be yours.

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Speaker 1: Buckle up, hold on tight. We got it for you.

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Speaker 1: Hear it ease Strawberry letter, all right, thank your nephew. Subject.

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Speaker 1: I'm the wife, not the mistress. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm

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Speaker 1: a forty seven year old wife and my husband and

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Speaker 1: I have been married for four years. During the entire

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Speaker 1: four years, all of the arguments that we have had

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Speaker 1: that we have are over his ex wife, the mother

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Speaker 1: of his only son. She lives two hours away, and

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Speaker 1: at times he will drive to see his son and

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Speaker 1: this woman will not let him visit with the child,

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Speaker 1: depending on her mood. When she is in a mood,

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Speaker 1: it affects him, so that affects me. I've had numerous

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Speaker 1: conversations with him about why she still affects him in

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Speaker 1: that way, and I've told him it means he still

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Speaker 1: cares about her. He always says he's irritated because it's

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Speaker 1: a waste of his time. He slipped up and mentioned

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Speaker 1: one day that she had company when he was there,

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Speaker 1: and it messed up his whole visit to note there

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Speaker 1: was a man in the house he bought. I put

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Speaker 1: that in the back of my mind because I think

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Speaker 1: that's what really irks him. He's a great dad, but

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Speaker 1: his son is fifteen, so he's not really into his

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Speaker 1: dad like that anymore. He prefers to be with his

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Speaker 1: friends on weekend, but this woman and my husband insists

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Speaker 1: on making him visit the womanly. The woman's family lives

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Speaker 1: ten minutes from us, so my husband spends time over

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Speaker 1: there when the woman and his son are in town.

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Speaker 1: She will not drop the boy off over here. And

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Speaker 1: all I can think is that he still enjoys hanging

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Speaker 1: around her family and spending time with her, and that

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Speaker 1: is why we argue. He has no rebuttal. When I

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Speaker 1: accuse him of putting her first, all he says is

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Speaker 1: that I would understand if I had a child, and

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Speaker 1: then that starts another argument. I want to be the

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Speaker 1: number one. I want to be number one, but it's

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Speaker 1: difficult with his ex wife ever present in my marriage.

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Speaker 1: There can only be one Missus Dowdry from here on out.

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Speaker 1: Do I have to wait until this boy is eighteen

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Speaker 1: and have his own life to be a priority in

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Speaker 1: my husband's life? Okay, this letter is interesting and kind

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Speaker 1: of confusing. I don't think at all it's about priority.

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Speaker 1: I think this letter is about you thinking your husband

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Speaker 1: still cares and has feelings for his ex wife. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think that's what's causing the problems. I do agree

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Speaker 1: with you that his son at fifteen wants to hang

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Speaker 1: out with his friends and not his dad. I mean,

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Speaker 1: most teenagers want to do that. But I completely disagree

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Speaker 1: with you that your husband's anger is because he still

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Speaker 1: cares for his ex Anyone, anyone would be iritated if

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Speaker 1: they drove two hours and still couldn't see their child.

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Speaker 1: Let me ask you this though. There are a bunch

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Speaker 1: of unanswered questions that I have. Do you have a

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Speaker 1: relationship at all with the son? It certainly doesn't sound

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Speaker 1: like it. You know you're his stepmother, right. Why don't

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Speaker 1: you go with your husband when he goes to visit

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Speaker 1: his son? I mean, does he not want you to go?

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Speaker 1: Or are you not welcome over? There. What is the issue.

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Speaker 1: Why doesn't the husband bring the son to your home?

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Speaker 1: And why doesn't the ex wife drop him off over?

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Speaker 1: There a lot of unanswered questions here. I think they've

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Speaker 1: been left out of this letter. It makes me think

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Speaker 1: were you're the mistress before? Is that why all of

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Speaker 1: this is going on? I don't know. Food for thought.

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Speaker 1: On my end, I can also see your husband being

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Speaker 1: irked by another man sitting up in the house that

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Speaker 1: he bought. It still doesn't mean he has feelings for

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Speaker 1: his ex. It could simply mean to him, why doesn't

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Speaker 1: this man get them a house if they're heading in

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Speaker 1: that direction. I think he would prefer a better example

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Speaker 1: of a man around his son and nothing more than that,

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Speaker 1: because that's what parents do. They make it happen. So

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Speaker 1: I think you need to support this black dad, your husband,

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Speaker 1: in his effort to spend quality time with his son,

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Speaker 1: and be happy that he wants to do that. I

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Speaker 1: just think you need to please stop all this arguing

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Speaker 1: and just do your part to make this a real

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Speaker 1: family unit here. I think that's what's missing. Steve. Well, lady,

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Speaker 1: you've got so many things miskewed in this letter. You've

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Speaker 1: just I think your interpretation of a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: is off. Now you're forty seven year old wife and

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Speaker 1: your husband and I have been married for four years,

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Speaker 1: So you got married at forty three according to this letter,

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Speaker 1: and I'm listening, you don't have any children, so you

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Speaker 1: already are not going to understand a lot of what's

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Speaker 1: going on him during the four years. All the arguments

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Speaker 1: that we have over his ex wife, the mother of

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Speaker 1: his only son. She lives two hours away, and at

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Speaker 1: times he would drive to see his son and this

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Speaker 1: woman would not let him visit with the child. Wow,

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Speaker 1: And that's depending on her mood. When she is in

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Speaker 1: a mood, it affects him so that it affects me.

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Speaker 1: I've had numer conversations about him or why she still

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Speaker 1: affects him that way, and I've told him it means

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Speaker 1: he still cares about her. What how did you pull

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Speaker 1: that out of that? What are you talking about? That's

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Speaker 1: not what that means at all. The man drives two hours,

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Speaker 1: can't see his son, and you think and then guess

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Speaker 1: what you do? It affects him, so that affects me.

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Speaker 1: This letter is filled with how you're affected. You ignore

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Speaker 1: the fact that this man is trying to have relationship

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Speaker 1: with his son. That drove two hours. And then this

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Speaker 1: helfer who is using the child as a pond, which

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Speaker 1: they oftentimes do. And now he's irritated because he can't

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Speaker 1: see his son. Now you still care about her? Why

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Speaker 1: did you get that from? How? And it affects him?

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Speaker 1: So now it affects me. It's always about you. He says,

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Speaker 1: he's irritated because it's a waste of time. That don't

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Speaker 1: sound like a fact. That's true. He slipped up and

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Speaker 1: mentioned one day that he had company. He didn't slip up.

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Speaker 1: He told you you don't slip This ain't a slip off.

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Speaker 1: He told you one day. I'll tell you when to

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Speaker 1: come back. You get response coming up at twenty three

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Speaker 1: minutes after the our subject of today's Strawberry Letter, I'm

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Speaker 1: the wife, not the mistress. M all right, we'll get

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Speaker 1: back into it right after this. You're listening show, All right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry Letters. Subject I'm

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Speaker 1: the wife the mistress. Okay, so you're forty seven years old,

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Speaker 1: you've been married for four years, you have no children,

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Speaker 1: and during the four years, all who you have an

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Speaker 1: argument over is about his ex wife, the mother of

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Speaker 1: his only son. She lives two hours away. He drives there,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes a woman uses the child as a pond

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Speaker 1: and won't let him see he's irritated. The old takeaway

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Speaker 1: from that whole thing is the reason when it affects him,

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Speaker 1: it affects you. And the reason he's affected by that

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Speaker 1: as because he still cares about her. What are you

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Speaker 1: kidding me? But then when he tells you he's really

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Speaker 1: irritated because it's a waste of his time, which is true,

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Speaker 1: you get that wrong. And then here's another thing. You

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Speaker 1: say he slipped up one time and mentioned one day

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Speaker 1: that she had company when he was there, and he

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Speaker 1: messed up his whole visit to know that that was

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Speaker 1: a man in the house he bought. He didn't slip off.

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Speaker 1: That's not a slip up story. I went to see

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Speaker 1: my son, and that tick me off that there's another

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Speaker 1: dude in here in the house I bought. Men feel

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Speaker 1: that way. I'm telling you right now, every man I

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Speaker 1: know will feel that way, including me. I'm sitting up

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Speaker 1: here and pavement. It's how his fool has got his

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Speaker 1: feet up over here in the house. I didn't bought.

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Speaker 1: I'm paying for a court and gay to her. I

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Speaker 1: gotta take care of my son. Now, this dude over him?

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Speaker 1: Cook it man, please, I know getting here aware he

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Speaker 1: mad as he should be. I put that in the

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Speaker 1: back of my mind because I think that's what really

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Speaker 1: irks him. Yeah, it really does irk him. It ain't

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Speaker 1: had nothing to do, but he care about her. He's

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Speaker 1: a great dad. But his son is fifteen, so he's

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Speaker 1: not really into his dad like that anymore. He prefers

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Speaker 1: to be with his friends on the weekend. Are you crazy?

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Speaker 1: Are you crazy? Lady? So now you're trying to sweep

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Speaker 1: under the rug the father son relationship because he's a

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Speaker 1: team age and his assessment is he really ain't into

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Speaker 1: his dad like that no more. He really is into

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Speaker 1: his dad. Fifteen year old boys, they might take him

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Speaker 1: for granted, but they be into their dad because if

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Speaker 1: that dad ain't there, we out a whole nother problem.

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Speaker 1: But you're so selfish, you can't see this. You's a

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Speaker 1: selfish lady. Man. But this woman and my husband insists

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Speaker 1: on making him visit. He has to visit my husband

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Speaker 1: and this woman insist that he visited. What are you

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Speaker 1: talking about? You have to spend time with your children.

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Speaker 1: You have to invest in your son. He fifteen, he's

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Speaker 1: at an impressionable age. What are you talking about? This woman?

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Speaker 1: And my husband insists on making him visit. He got

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Speaker 1: to he asked for the visitation rights. Man, you ain't

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Speaker 1: got no kids. You're tripping. You're tripping, you really are.

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Speaker 1: And then this, this woman's family lives ten minutes from us,

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Speaker 1: so my husband spend times over there when the woman

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Speaker 1: and his son are in town. She will not drop

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Speaker 1: the boy off over here, don't you see? So now

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Speaker 1: if he want to see his son, he gotta go

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Speaker 1: over there. She will not drop the boy off over here.

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Speaker 1: She's using this boy as a pond. She's making him

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Speaker 1: jump through all the hoops. All I can think that

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Speaker 1: he steals enjoys hanging around her family and spending time

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Speaker 1: with her. And that's why how you get that the

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Speaker 1: woman won't drop the boy off. He got to go

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Speaker 1: over there. He must send joy spending time with the family.

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Speaker 1: He don't want to go over there, but it's his

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Speaker 1: only chance to see in the sun. But you so

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Speaker 1: damned selfish and self sent it. You keep making this

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Speaker 1: about you. You're gonna mess up a relationship that's well needed,

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Speaker 1: and this boy gonna be lost without his dad. And

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Speaker 1: then when I tell him that he has no rebuttal

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Speaker 1: when I accused him of putting her first, because what,

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Speaker 1: Roberto is it? Because why can you bottle to something

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Speaker 1: that's not the cause. He's dumbfounded. He really can't believe

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Speaker 1: how ignorant you are. That's really what the damn I'm married?

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Speaker 1: Is she serious? He doesn't have a rebuttal for that.

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Speaker 1: All he says is that I would understand if I

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Speaker 1: had a child, And then that starts another argument that

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Speaker 1: ain't his faultry handle child? Y'all got married at forty.

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Speaker 1: I want to be the number one, But it's difficult

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Speaker 1: with his ex wife ever president in my marriage because

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Speaker 1: she's using the child as a pawn. Don't you get it?

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Speaker 1: Don't be stupid. The woman knows she's creating dissension in

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Speaker 1: your house, and she uses the son to create the dissension.

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Speaker 1: She knows exactly what she's doing because she's cunning. So

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Speaker 1: now she's making his life as miserable as she can.

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Speaker 1: But you don't see that though, since you know everything,

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Speaker 1: don't you know how women can be? Don't you. I

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Speaker 1: bet every woman listening to this knows how they can

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Speaker 1: be do. I have to wait until the boy is

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Speaker 1: eighteen and has his own life to be a priority

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Speaker 1: in my own husband's like, you're a priority in his life,

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Speaker 1: but his son is a priority too. And when he

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Speaker 1: turns eighteen, I got more news for you. Children don't

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Speaker 1: go away at eighteen. This ain't Falster care. When his

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Speaker 1: son turns eighteen, he gonna still need his dad. My

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Speaker 1: son still need me. I wish they'd go away somewhere,

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Speaker 1: but they don't. They don't. They don't, and they stick

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Speaker 1: around and they need us. And that's what parents do.

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Speaker 1: And you need to realize that you're a part of

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Speaker 1: a man that is a parent. So you should start

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Speaker 1: acting more like a parrot instead of a spoil self

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Speaker 1: sined wife. You're gonna make him regret knowing you, lady,

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Speaker 1: keep on. Yeah, that's probably why you ain't been married before,

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Speaker 1: all right, Steve, thank you. Leave your comments on Today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter at Instagram, on Steve Harvey Fm, and check

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Speaker 1: out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. Up next, more

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Speaker 1: trending stories on some entertainment news as well. Right after this,

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Speaker 1: you're listening to the Dame Harvey Morning Show