WEBVTT - The Playbook: From One Chapter to the Next

0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000
<v Speaker 1>This is the most traumatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:10.039
<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the

0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:13.560
<v Speaker 1>home office in Austin, Texas. We have been very busy

0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.520
<v Speaker 1>this semester, and I say semester because it is dealing

0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.560
<v Speaker 1>with school. The kids are back at school, they're at

0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.120
<v Speaker 1>college at TCU. We have a daughter, a son who

0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:25.760
<v Speaker 1>is a senior. And Laura and I were going to

0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:28.440
<v Speaker 1>going over our calendar, which we do from time to time,

0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:30.720
<v Speaker 1>of like, Okay, when are you going to be out

0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:33.040
<v Speaker 1>of town? What trips are you taking? And I've kind

0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:37.160
<v Speaker 1>of based my calendar on Josh's lacrosse schedule. He plays

0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:40.600
<v Speaker 1>lacrosse at TCU and this is it. It's a senior year.

0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:43.000
<v Speaker 1>And so I was debating this trip coming up with

0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.400
<v Speaker 1>Lauren and I was like, well, I may not go,

0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.320
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, he's only got a few more of

0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.200
<v Speaker 1>these left. This is another chapter closing in his life.

0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.840
<v Speaker 1>And so we have this discussion about just that of

0:00:55.280 --> 0:01:00.520
<v Speaker 1>chapters closing in life, whether it's yours, your own kids,

0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:05.760
<v Speaker 1>and being present for those and kind of drinking them

0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.200
<v Speaker 1>in as much as you can, because when they're gone,

0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:15.399
<v Speaker 1>they're gone. And with Josh who's playing lacrosse. It's been

0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.960
<v Speaker 1>a journey of and it's the culmination of everything. Right,

0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.480
<v Speaker 1>It's not it has nothing, well, very little to do

0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:25.320
<v Speaker 1>with lacrosse. It's just the culmination of a lifetime of

0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:29.000
<v Speaker 1>watching him grow play sports. I coached him in little

0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:32.160
<v Speaker 1>league and in soccer, and you know, remember when he

0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:35.560
<v Speaker 1>could barely hold a stick playing lacrosse and now here

0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:37.800
<v Speaker 1>he is a senior in college and he has his

0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:40.399
<v Speaker 1>last few games that I just want to be a

0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:41.920
<v Speaker 1>part of. And I'm glad you came up with me

0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:46.120
<v Speaker 1>the other day and watched. It's just fun and my

0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:48.920
<v Speaker 1>heart gets filled up and I get sad and I

0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:51.120
<v Speaker 1>get emotional because that door is closing.

0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:53.960
<v Speaker 2>That's what I wanted to ask you, is how you

0:01:55.000 --> 0:02:00.360
<v Speaker 2>approach that mentally, emotionally? What are you thinking about it?

0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.080
<v Speaker 2>Because you said something to me that stuck out as

0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.000
<v Speaker 2>we were driving through campus. You said, gosh, you know,

0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.080
<v Speaker 2>in just a couple years, Taylor will be done and

0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:10.000
<v Speaker 2>then we like won't be up here anymore. I mean

0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:11.840
<v Speaker 2>now we go to TCU a lot, we have two

0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:15.720
<v Speaker 2>kids there. There's parents' weekends and lacrosse games and sorority

0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:17.080
<v Speaker 2>weekends and all these.

0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:20.000
<v Speaker 1>Things across that campus a million times back and forth.

0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:21.880
<v Speaker 2>And by the way, we're very blessed to have two

0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:23.920
<v Speaker 2>kids at the same school. It's been so fun for

0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:26.480
<v Speaker 2>us and so great that they share this experience. But

0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:29.040
<v Speaker 2>you said that, you said we won't be up here anymore.

0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.160
<v Speaker 2>And I noticed that you said it in kind of

0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:35.680
<v Speaker 2>this emotional, reflective way, and it's not even really a

0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:38.880
<v Speaker 2>thought that crossed my mind. And that kind of made

0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:42.320
<v Speaker 2>me realize. I think you and I approach chapter closings

0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:45.959
<v Speaker 2>a little bit differently. But first tell me what went

0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:47.560
<v Speaker 2>through your mind, and what goes through your mind?

0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.320
<v Speaker 1>I think to be very deep at your own mortality.

0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:54.640
<v Speaker 1>It is your own life kind of flashing before your eyes.

0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:59.000
<v Speaker 1>I remember when my kids went to kindergarten or pre

0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:03.520
<v Speaker 1>k whatever it is, early days at Westminster in California,

0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.160
<v Speaker 1>up in Westlake Village, and I remember like were they

0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.560
<v Speaker 1>were there for the first couple of years of school,

0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:10.919
<v Speaker 1>and there's this oak tree and we're like sitting I'm

0:03:10.919 --> 0:03:12.760
<v Speaker 1>like talking to a buddy, and I'm like, man, are

0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:15.480
<v Speaker 1>we ever going to leave this courtyard? And you know,

0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:17.600
<v Speaker 1>are we gonna be sitting under this oak tree forever?

0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:19.560
<v Speaker 1>And then boom, like that it's gone and you're in

0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.240
<v Speaker 1>elementary school, and then boom, you're in middle school and

0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:26.360
<v Speaker 1>then high school. And it's just things fly by so fast.

0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.640
<v Speaker 1>And you know whoever came up with the line that

0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:32.359
<v Speaker 1>you know the years go by.

0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:34.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh, the days are long, but the years are short.

0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:38.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's so true. Days are so long, and but

0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.320
<v Speaker 1>the years do fly by, and that all of a sudden,

0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:44.800
<v Speaker 1>I vividly remember trying to think about where's Josh going

0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:47.360
<v Speaker 1>to go to college? And then it's like TCU and

0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:49.839
<v Speaker 1>so now he's there, and now it's he's already coming

0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:52.160
<v Speaker 1>to an end, and he's already thinking about that next chapter.

0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:57.720
<v Speaker 1>I think we're all blessed with God gives us this

0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:01.560
<v Speaker 1>blessing of not being away of those things were going

0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.320
<v Speaker 1>through ourselves, like do you remember the last time you

0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:07.920
<v Speaker 1>walked off stage in high school? Right?

0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:09.480
<v Speaker 2>No, it doesn't hit you at the moment.

0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:11.880
<v Speaker 1>Right And I for me, I played college soccer and

0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:16.640
<v Speaker 1>I loved soccer. I don't remember walking off the field

0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.440
<v Speaker 1>and thinking this is it. I've scored my last goal.

0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.920
<v Speaker 1>I've you know, this is it my last truly competitive game.

0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:25.400
<v Speaker 1>Now I went on and played a little semi pro

0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:29.000
<v Speaker 1>and goofed around, but you know, for some reason, and

0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I think it's to protect ourselves from ourselves. You don't

0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:37.520
<v Speaker 1>have that realization. But my point is I do have

0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:40.599
<v Speaker 1>that realization for Josh as a parent as a parent,

0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:43.279
<v Speaker 1>and I have that realization for Taylor as her dad

0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:47.360
<v Speaker 1>and watching her take these steps and watching Josh, you know,

0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:48.480
<v Speaker 1>I I, well.

0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.080
<v Speaker 2>You're so right that you can't convey that to them.

0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.560
<v Speaker 2>You can say it, but it doesn't sink in, like

0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:55.719
<v Speaker 2>it's like self protection.

0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:57.960
<v Speaker 1>I spoke to me. I went back to Oklahoma City

0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.200
<v Speaker 1>University where I went to college and played soccer, and

0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.680
<v Speaker 1>I spoke to the team one time and they said,

0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, my coach, who the late great Brian Harvey,

0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:08.840
<v Speaker 1>was like, he called me Harry. He's like, Harry, you

0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.240
<v Speaker 1>do have anything to say to the team? I said, yeah,

0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:16.960
<v Speaker 1>enjoy everyfing moment. And what I meant by that is

0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:19.719
<v Speaker 1>like I remember he used to you know, practice, practice sucked.

0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.120
<v Speaker 1>You're like, oh, it's hot or it's cold or it's whatever,

0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:25.360
<v Speaker 1>and you're just running your brains out and getting yelled at.

0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:29.160
<v Speaker 1>And I would give anything to know that. At two

0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:32.440
<v Speaker 1>thirty every day I got to go play soccer, like

0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.440
<v Speaker 1>what think of it? It's recess, but back then it was

0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:38.280
<v Speaker 1>like a job, right. And so I told joshuas he's

0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.040
<v Speaker 1>heading into this senior year because he's just kind of

0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:43.440
<v Speaker 1>getting going, and I said, hey man, this is it.

0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.080
<v Speaker 1>I said, I don't expect you to understand what that means,

0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:49.200
<v Speaker 1>but just go enjoy every moment and when you walk

0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:51.919
<v Speaker 1>out there at practice or a game, just smile and

0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:54.480
<v Speaker 1>know that you got your boys with you and this

0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:57.520
<v Speaker 1>is it, like this is awesome, and just enjoy those

0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:01.119
<v Speaker 1>moments more than anything because you take that last shot,

0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:03.520
<v Speaker 1>you will have that last goal, and that you know,

0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.919
<v Speaker 1>the game of life ticks down on everybody. And so

0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:11.039
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to also drink that in with you this

0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:13.120
<v Speaker 1>season and go to more of his games and try.

0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:16.880
<v Speaker 2>And say, yeah, well, I mean I think there is

0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.680
<v Speaker 2>exactly what you're talking about, some self preservation in not

0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:23.159
<v Speaker 2>having that full awareness, because if you did, you'd be

0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:25.840
<v Speaker 2>too sad to enjoy the moment. Yeah, there's also something

0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:29.680
<v Speaker 2>triumphant and amazing and like, you know, yeah, I'm playing

0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:31.680
<v Speaker 2>lacrosse and I'm a senior, and so you want that

0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.720
<v Speaker 2>to be joyful. And I think I'm a little bit

0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:39.239
<v Speaker 2>more like I don't stop and think about that stuff

0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:44.080
<v Speaker 2>as much, but I kind of do it consciously because

0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:46.640
<v Speaker 2>I go back to this a lot. But I think

0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.520
<v Speaker 2>it is because of my dad. Like I think that

0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:54.680
<v Speaker 2>when my dad died, which was sudden. I realize I've

0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:57.039
<v Speaker 2>said this before, but you don't know what life's going

0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:02.720
<v Speaker 2>to throw at you, right, And so that applies in

0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:06.400
<v Speaker 2>a multitude of ways that philosophy, Like I don't really

0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.920
<v Speaker 2>like to stop and think, oh, this might be say

0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:11.360
<v Speaker 2>you're moving out of a house. I don't want to

0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:13.400
<v Speaker 2>stop and think, oh, you know, we're moving out of

0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:15.560
<v Speaker 2>this house. It's sad because I want to focus on

0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:18.559
<v Speaker 2>where are we going and what's next, and like let's

0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.920
<v Speaker 2>look at the happy stuff. And then also I just think,

0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:26.080
<v Speaker 2>you don't know. For all you know, you could come

0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:28.000
<v Speaker 2>back to this neighborhood. You don't know where life's going

0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:29.440
<v Speaker 2>to go or what's where it's going to take you.

0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:32.559
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, Josh, like a little bit where my mind

0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:36.120
<v Speaker 2>goes is Okay, don't be sad because it's over. Be

0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:38.560
<v Speaker 2>happy that it's happened. And yes, Josh is closing this

0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:42.280
<v Speaker 2>chapter of Lacrosse, but you know he hadn't. I mean,

0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:45.240
<v Speaker 2>they went to champion, they were district champions. He had

0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:46.080
<v Speaker 2>so many great.

0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:47.160
<v Speaker 1>Wills of the national tournaments.

0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:50.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I think, well, I hope he continues not

0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:51.760
<v Speaker 2>in the same way, but I hope he like finds

0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:52.960
<v Speaker 2>other ways to play lacrosse.

0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:55.440
<v Speaker 1>Well, and you bring up an interesting and.

0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:57.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying you're like depressed and I'm just saying,

0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:58.000
<v Speaker 2>you know, but.

0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:01.120
<v Speaker 1>I do look at things sentimentally. But I agree when

0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:03.240
<v Speaker 1>when it's you, when you're in that moment, like when

0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.240
<v Speaker 1>I was in college, Well, you're still competing, Like like

0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.200
<v Speaker 1>Josh is competing now. He's not going to have this

0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.720
<v Speaker 1>thirty thousand foot view of life and reflect on it

0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:13.920
<v Speaker 1>now because he's trying to win. He wants to go,

0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:16.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, to win the conference and go to the

0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.320
<v Speaker 1>national championship again. And like you're trying to win, so

0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:22.440
<v Speaker 1>you don't stop and think. Also, by the way, this

0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:27.280
<v Speaker 1>is it for me and so as an adult though,

0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:29.640
<v Speaker 1>like when we moved out of the house in LA

0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:33.040
<v Speaker 1>when we moved here to Austin, that's the house didn't

0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.520
<v Speaker 1>have tremendous meaning for me. But at the same time,

0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:41.280
<v Speaker 1>there were it was a it was a time a

0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:44.240
<v Speaker 1>very interesting and special time in my life were the kids.

0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:48.920
<v Speaker 1>I was a single dad, which was bizarre and crazy.

0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.240
<v Speaker 1>I never thought I would be, but I was. And

0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.720
<v Speaker 1>I watched the kids grow up there, you know, going

0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:56.199
<v Speaker 1>through elementary school, they went to middle school, went through

0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.600
<v Speaker 1>high school in that house. So I remember when everybody

0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.320
<v Speaker 1>was gone and the house was empty, and well, I

0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:04.199
<v Speaker 1>just walked through the house. And you have these pictures

0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:06.760
<v Speaker 1>that come up in your head, these videos, if you will,

0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:13.040
<v Speaker 1>memories of taking pictures outside before dances, or you know,

0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:15.800
<v Speaker 1>throwing Taylor her birthday, the mom and me a birthday

0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.440
<v Speaker 1>party that you and I threw her. Just stuff like

0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:21.720
<v Speaker 1>that that just were sweet memories. Now I haven't thought

0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:23.840
<v Speaker 1>about that house, and I didn't particularly like that house.

0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:28.320
<v Speaker 1>I love this house fifty thousand times more. So it's

0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:30.840
<v Speaker 1>not that I miss it or lament the fact that

0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:33.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm gone, but I do hold some of those things

0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:37.440
<v Speaker 1>to your And same thing with Joshua. You know, I

0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:43.000
<v Speaker 1>remember driving home from Palm Springs. That's where his last

0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:46.640
<v Speaker 1>big club lacrosse tournament was. This thing called Sandstorm. You

0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.400
<v Speaker 1>can drive out to Palm Springs, and I remember driving

0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.400
<v Speaker 1>home and every year we would stop at the in

0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:53.600
<v Speaker 1>and out Burger on the way home get a burger,

0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.880
<v Speaker 1>and we'd drive home. And I pulled in and got

0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.120
<v Speaker 1>a burger. I'm actually getting choked up thinking about it.

0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.240
<v Speaker 1>I got a Hamburger and I literally tears come to

0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.920
<v Speaker 1>my eyes. And I was just thinking. I was looking

0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:08.720
<v Speaker 1>across at this eighteen year old man, and I'm like,

0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.160
<v Speaker 1>this is the last time I'm going to probably be

0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:14.040
<v Speaker 1>in like a hotel room with him. Like I just

0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:17.240
<v Speaker 1>was pick up in an out burger, coming home from

0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:20.600
<v Speaker 1>a game, doing our thing, you know, where he's reliant

0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.760
<v Speaker 1>on me. You know, he's a man, but he's not

0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:27.120
<v Speaker 1>a man yet. So it just that crushed me and

0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:31.280
<v Speaker 1>I realized that was it. So some of these chapters closing,

0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:36.920
<v Speaker 1>it's gratifying, exciting, you're so proud, but at the same time,

0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:52.120
<v Speaker 1>it's okay to be sad and miss them.

0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:55.320
<v Speaker 2>I think I'm realizing we're different than this. Maybe part

0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:56.720
<v Speaker 2>of it is that I don't like to be sad.

0:10:56.920 --> 0:11:00.640
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, okay, so you mentioned you mentioned why year different,

0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.880
<v Speaker 1>probably because of your dad and the way you reflect

0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:06.160
<v Speaker 1>on life, but you didn't how does that translate then

0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:07.800
<v Speaker 1>about how you see things.

0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:14.280
<v Speaker 2>I think that grief made me realize that the most

0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:18.559
<v Speaker 2>the single most dangerous thing people can do, I feel,

0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:21.680
<v Speaker 2>for their own mental health is to be stuck in

0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.600
<v Speaker 2>a chapter of their life. Greed is to not move forward,

0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.120
<v Speaker 2>is to when life throws the traumatic thing at you,

0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:31.560
<v Speaker 2>to get lost in it and not keep going.

0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:33.640
<v Speaker 1>It then defines you the rest of your life.

0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:37.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like the I mean, grief is part of my

0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:41.679
<v Speaker 2>life for sure, but you can't let it define you exactly.

0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:46.040
<v Speaker 2>And I think that, yeah, if people allow that, and

0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:48.080
<v Speaker 2>I do think it's a choice, it can ruin your life.

0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:50.680
<v Speaker 1>So people who then, by the way, just to be clear,

0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.520
<v Speaker 1>we're not saying forget, hey, move on, suck it up

0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:55.880
<v Speaker 1>and move on and forget. It's not that, but it's

0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:57.800
<v Speaker 1>just if you live in that.

0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.200
<v Speaker 2>You need to keep going. You need to move forward

0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:06.679
<v Speaker 2>with your life. And I think that like because of

0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:11.080
<v Speaker 2>that mentality, I just don't like to be sad when

0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:14.280
<v Speaker 2>a chapter is closing. I like to think, Okay, well,

0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:17.080
<v Speaker 2>what's the exciting thing we're doing. And I really can

0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:18.840
<v Speaker 2>probably take a lesson from you in this that it

0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.680
<v Speaker 2>is important to do what you're talking about and to

0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:26.720
<v Speaker 2>soak in a moment, like to reflect, to think back

0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.560
<v Speaker 2>on Like sometimes I think I don't think back on

0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:34.040
<v Speaker 2>things enough, but you know it's out of fear of

0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:37.520
<v Speaker 2>thinking back on them too much. But yeah, like I

0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.880
<v Speaker 2>would approach, you know, I want to allow the space

0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:45.439
<v Speaker 2>for your very real emotions and feelings about like your

0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:48.880
<v Speaker 2>child is growing up and you've done all this stuff

0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.920
<v Speaker 2>as a parent, How could you not reflect on all that.

0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.319
<v Speaker 2>I so like, hear what you're saying. My first instinct

0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.480
<v Speaker 2>would be to say, like, but yeah, but like now

0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:58.319
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna have all these other great memories to be

0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:00.600
<v Speaker 2>made with Josh, Like we're gonna watch you know, get

0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:06.880
<v Speaker 2>his first job and then hopefully all these great times ahead.

0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:09.560
<v Speaker 2>But I need to allow for the moment of reflection

0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:11.600
<v Speaker 2>before the moving forward.

0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:15.200
<v Speaker 1>And I don't know, you know. And again, even thinking

0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.400
<v Speaker 1>about just I always get so emotional, like they did

0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:21.240
<v Speaker 1>this to us on purpose, and it was beautiful. But

0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.520
<v Speaker 1>when Taylor where Taylor went to school, they did a

0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:26.080
<v Speaker 1>father daughter dance, which they do a lot of places,

0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.640
<v Speaker 1>but one thing they did was there was a book

0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:30.600
<v Speaker 1>and so every year they took a picture and you

0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:32.679
<v Speaker 1>would sit down with your daughter and you would write things,

0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:36.559
<v Speaker 1>different questions, different things, and a lot of times it

0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.280
<v Speaker 1>would be the same questions, so every year would be

0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.520
<v Speaker 1>a little different answer, right. And the point is when

0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:43.320
<v Speaker 1>you get to your senior year, they would give you

0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.600
<v Speaker 1>this book and you see all these pictures. And I

0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:49.920
<v Speaker 1>remember the very first father daughter dance. This is back

0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:53.400
<v Speaker 1>when she was in elementary school. And I left the house.

0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:56.000
<v Speaker 1>I went to go get flowers. I got all dressed

0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.880
<v Speaker 1>up because I wanted to pick her up from from house.

0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.040
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to ring the doorbell. I wanted her to

0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:03.640
<v Speaker 1>come to the door in her dress and see what

0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:05.760
<v Speaker 1>it was like to be picked up on a date,

0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.400
<v Speaker 1>how she should be treated that I brought her flowers

0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:10.560
<v Speaker 1>and opened the door for her, et cetera. And then

0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:13.360
<v Speaker 1>we're dancing that night, you know, and you know, it's

0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.840
<v Speaker 1>back in the it's the cliche, it's the Steve Martin.

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:20.080
<v Speaker 1>You know, she's standing, she's standing on your shoes dancing,

0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:21.480
<v Speaker 1>you know. And then next thing you know, you're at

0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:25.320
<v Speaker 1>her wedding and you can't help but flash forward. And

0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.880
<v Speaker 1>it is the flashing forward which is what made me

0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:32.560
<v Speaker 1>think of this. It's thinking forward of one day, God

0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.880
<v Speaker 1>bless and God willing, I will be walking her down

0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:38.040
<v Speaker 1>the aisle and I will be dancing that first dance

0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:40.600
<v Speaker 1>with her at her wedding, But here I am now

0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:44.880
<v Speaker 1>with her standing on my shoes, and that passage of

0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:49.920
<v Speaker 1>time goes so quick, and you just you try to

0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.760
<v Speaker 1>hold onto it as much as you can without, as

0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:56.360
<v Speaker 1>you said, living in that moment and letting that define you.

0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:58.040
<v Speaker 1>You know, she's not always going to be a little girl.

0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:02.440
<v Speaker 1>And I've loved every single stage that Taylor and Josh

0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:04.640
<v Speaker 1>have been through. I truly have, and I'm excited for

0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.520
<v Speaker 1>the next one. Taylor's in college and she's a sophomore.

0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 1>It's it feels like she'll be in college forever, doesn't it.

0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:12.920
<v Speaker 1>Like Josh is a senior. You know, it goes quick,

0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:14.600
<v Speaker 1>but it feels like Taylor's going to be at this

0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.600
<v Speaker 1>place for a long time and it's only two more years.

0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:21.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Well, And I also I struggle a little bit

0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.520
<v Speaker 2>because sometimes I'm like, I don't want to think about

0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.000
<v Speaker 2>that too much because I just want to enjoy the moment.

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:30.720
<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm realizing something as you're talking to like,

0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:38.720
<v Speaker 2>maybe I struggle with the reflecting part because with my dad,

0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:42.520
<v Speaker 2>I only have the past to look at.

0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:55.000
<v Speaker 1>No, He's made you emotional, Yeah.

0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:55.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, maybe that's part of it, is that, like I

0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:57.240
<v Speaker 2>don't want to reflect because all I can do is

0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.320
<v Speaker 2>look back. I don't have anything to look forward to,

0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:06.359
<v Speaker 2>so that I did not expect this. On this podcast

0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:09.200
<v Speaker 2>today we were like, let's do a quick little podcast

0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:12.720
<v Speaker 2>about closing chapters. I should have known closing chapter that

0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:14.280
<v Speaker 2>has a bigger connotation to.

0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:16.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.200
<v Speaker 2>I mean, maybe that's part of it. And I think

0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:25.160
<v Speaker 2>maybe I do need to I for sure have a

0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:29.280
<v Speaker 2>little bit of like a fear of reflecting too much, Yeah,

0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.400
<v Speaker 2>because then exactly this will happen. Then I'll get sad.

0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.480
<v Speaker 2>And maybe what I'm afraid of is getting stuck in

0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:35.960
<v Speaker 2>that Like I just want to make sure I'm not

0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:37.200
<v Speaker 2>getting stuck in that place.

0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:43.440
<v Speaker 1>The late great Jim Valvano, who I admired and liked

0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:47.000
<v Speaker 1>very much. He was a famous basketball coach who famously

0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.480
<v Speaker 1>died of cancer, and before he left, he gave one

0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.360
<v Speaker 1>of the greatest speeches of all time at the SP's

0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:56.600
<v Speaker 1>on the ESPN Sports Awards, and he said, every day

0:16:56.920 --> 0:17:00.520
<v Speaker 1>you should laugh, you should cry, something should move you

0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:04.119
<v Speaker 1>to tears, something should create that emotion, and you should think.

0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.080
<v Speaker 1>And we've done all that in the matter of the

0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:11.479
<v Speaker 1>last twenty minutes. Let's close this chapter. Let's close this chapter.

0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:15.080
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thanks for sharing, and this is why I

0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:17.679
<v Speaker 1>love our talks because we've both got emotional today, we

0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:19.639
<v Speaker 1>both laughed and it's definitely given us a lot to

0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.479
<v Speaker 1>think about. So thank you, Jim Valvano, and thank you

0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:27.000
<v Speaker 1>for listening. Truly appreciate you, guys, and I hope you

0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:30.520
<v Speaker 1>have taken a little something away from today's podcast. Always

0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:33.160
<v Speaker 1>love it. We'll talk to you again next time because

0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:36.280
<v Speaker 1>we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening.

0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.120
<v Speaker 1>Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever

0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.280
<v Speaker 1>and make sure to write us a review and leave

0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.760
<v Speaker 1>us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.