1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,480 Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. 2 00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:03,559 Speaker 2: Breakfast Club. 3 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 3: Ye's the most dangerous morning to show to Breakfast Club. 4 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 3: Charlamagnea god, just hilarious, envyous out but law and Ross 5 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 3: and we got some special guests. Uh, The Vall and 6 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 3: Kadeen Ellis are here. Good morning, my people, Blessed Black 7 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 3: and Holly Favor. 8 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 2: How y'alleel. 9 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,640 Speaker 4: I'm happy to be back home. 10 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 5: It's a globe that I feel like I have the 11 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 5: minute I hit the Guardia Airport. 12 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 4: It's just being back home in Brooklyn. I feel like 13 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,519 Speaker 4: it brings us to life again, New York room. I do. 14 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 2: I do have enough to move back to. 15 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 5: Come and get my little fixed, you know, get my 16 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 5: baking nugg and cheese like I get. 17 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 4: I get back there. 18 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:45,239 Speaker 2: You go, there you go. Now, y'all are here for 19 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 2: a bunch of different things. 20 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:50,240 Speaker 3: But y'all rebranded the Dead Ass Podcast to Ellis ever 21 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 3: after discussed discussed the growth for that title. 22 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, well it was it was a lot for us. 23 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: So when we first started that Ass podcast, it was just, 24 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: you know, it was like we were joking about versus 25 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: women and what husbands feel versus wives feel. But over 26 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: the course of six years, we watched how that kind 27 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 1: of exploded on the internet, And we don't want to 28 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,479 Speaker 1: take credit for being a reason why there's a man 29 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: versus women debate, but the shit is annoying. Yeah, we 30 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: kind of just feel like we want to put out 31 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: content that people can say, let's elevate and move forward. 32 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: So let's talk about topics that really affect us. For example, 33 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: we we will take credit for this. In twenty seventeen, 34 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: we've blogged our third son being born at home right, 35 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: and we've blogged the whole process for about six months, 36 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: and a new study came out that as of twenty eighteen, 37 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: home births in black community have gone up, and we 38 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: feel like that's a direct correlation for us showing young 39 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: black girls like there's a different option. And the reason 40 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: why that happened was because with our first child, we 41 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 1: almost lost k and she had to have twenty four 42 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: stitches of survven my bad, let me not take me. Yeah, 43 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: she had to have emergency surgery right after pregnancy. And 44 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: we did a lot of studies on black maternal health 45 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: and were like, let's just use our platform to focus 46 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: on positive So we said ELI several after was to 47 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: change because this is us after we've evolved as humans 48 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: on the therapy, working on being a better couple, working 49 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: on being a better people. So that's what it's about. 50 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 3: So had nothing to do a moving out of New 51 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 3: York and not even using the term dead ass no. 52 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 2: More were still. 53 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 5: And the crazy part about it, we had to fight 54 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 5: for the name dead Ass initially because you know, if 55 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 5: you're not from New York and if you're at these 56 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 5: companies that have you know, mostly white folks that we 57 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,399 Speaker 5: don't know what that means. How will we ever get 58 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 5: ad dollars behind a name like that? They're not going 59 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:33,959 Speaker 5: to subscribe to that. 60 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 4: So there was a lot of explaining that had to 61 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 4: be done. But we start, we stayed true to it. 62 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 5: I think part of us really didn't want to detach 63 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 5: from that New York persona for a long time, but 64 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 5: it's time. 65 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 6: I do like that. 66 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: Who made that exectively, I'll take credit for it, but 67 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: we always do everything collective, even dead Ass, Like we 68 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: sit down and talk about it and we're like, what 69 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: you think about this? What you think about that. We 70 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 1: had a couple of the options. We also liked House 71 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: of Ellis. We liked that list of a rafter because 72 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: it was the evolution of after what after all the bullshit, 73 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, after all the talking about 74 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: what we had to do to get to this point, 75 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: and if you ever followed us, that's what we're known for. 76 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: We're honest about what we've been doing, what we've done. 77 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 1: We don't hold back, So tell us what we want 78 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 1: to keep doing. 79 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 5: Three years in the game, almost fifteen married. Yeah, you know, 80 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 5: people have literally watched us over the past maybe what 81 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 5: decade on social media, just putting our life out there, 82 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 5: sharing with people and hoping people can relate. 83 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 7: Y'all are definitely the rougherence point for a lot of 84 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:35,119 Speaker 7: people because even my son's dad Rome, Oh my god, 85 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 7: my first done. 86 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 6: My first son's dad man, he man you and you 87 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 6: got to listen with this one, y'all. 88 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 7: Even y'all shows. He follows everything y'all doing. He has 89 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 7: five kids by five different you know minds, you know, 90 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 7: and he likes to he'll listen to one of y'all 91 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 7: poll gusts and he'll be calling them telling him no, no, no, 92 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 7: because with developing coady said Dave David, you know, and 93 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 7: while he gets home, creates a lot of arguments, but 94 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 7: he hain't the developed type. 95 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 6: You just tell him listen to the podcast. 96 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: I don't try to preach you ain't, but it's. 97 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 8: Right because y'all real life though, like y'all the way 98 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 8: you've been going through stuff on y'all. I watched y'all 99 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 8: channel a lot. Way y'all deal with stuff. Y'all were 100 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 8: the first time that I saw a young black couple 101 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,039 Speaker 8: that was still like regular, like. 102 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 9: And like, I was like, oh, they probably hang U. 103 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 9: I will go at and stuff like that. 104 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 4: And we still do. Yeah, we walk around and people 105 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 4: be like, why y'all without security? Why y'all? And I'm like, 106 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 4: cause it's my hood, Like what you mean? 107 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: You know? 108 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 8: I felt like he could relate to y'all because that's 109 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 8: like a big thing for your audience. 110 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: I will say this about Room, like the vow now, 111 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: wasn't the the vour when I first started. Okay, the 112 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: divour when I first started was probably close to the 113 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: room I was. I don't know him, but I was immature. 114 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: I lacked emotional intelligence. I didn't understand you know what. 115 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: But I take pride in showing the growth because I 116 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 1: don't want anyone to ever be like I got to 117 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: be perfect to be accepted. Nahu all that I was 118 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: never perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm a fuck up again. 119 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 1: Hopefully y'all give me grace if I fuck up. You 120 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That's what I want people to 121 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 1: walk around the earth feeling like you don't got to 122 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: be perfect for people to just accept you. And if 123 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: you expecting everybody to accept you, that's a problem anyway. 124 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. 125 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 4: No, to be honest, we almost just didn't do the 126 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 4: podcast anymore. 127 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 5: So last February we had a bunch of live, sold 128 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 5: out shows Apollo. 129 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 4: It was like historic, it was great. So we're like, 130 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 4: you know what, why don't we go out on a high? 131 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 4: You know, we did all we've done. 132 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 5: I feel like we've spoken aloud, you know, dealt with 133 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 5: our issues publicly as a form of therapy through the podcast, right, 134 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 5: and we felt like we've done all we had to 135 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 5: do in the podcast space, and people literally like, you 136 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,280 Speaker 5: guys cannot do this. 137 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 4: And to your point, we meet people on the. 138 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 5: Regular the airport, random places and they're like, y'all can't 139 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 5: stop doing this because you have saved my marriage or 140 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 5: you've showed me that I'm able to open up to 141 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 5: my partner and bring up these topics that are once 142 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 5: taboo or uncomfortable to discuss, you know, and people say, 143 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 5: if they wanted the value, you have to be a 144 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 5: Kadeen and vice versa. 145 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,679 Speaker 10: So tell Row make sure that he's on the straight 146 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 10: and era. 147 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,360 Speaker 3: And I think one thing that is great about what 148 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 3: y'all do is just open lines of communication. That's it now, 149 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,720 Speaker 3: regardless if you're in a you want to start a podcast, 150 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:33,359 Speaker 3: that's what you should have with your partner. 151 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 2: If y'all want to just. 152 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 3: Sit in y'all living room every day and say, Okay, 153 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 3: we're gonna talk for two hours, but we're going to talk. 154 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,040 Speaker 2: We may not recording and put it out, they're going 155 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 2: to talk. It's just about. 156 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 4: Communication encouraging that absolutely. 157 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 1: And you know what's funny, most people when we first 158 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: started the podcast thought it was so crazy. Y'all talk 159 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 1: to each other. And I'm like, you talk about sex, 160 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: you talk about money, you talk or how could. 161 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 4: You talk to her like that? Like people were offended. 162 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 8: For me, they felt like you were like the super controlling, 163 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 8: like arrogant this is all about me. 164 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 4: And I'm from it, but I get it right. 165 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: And I had to accept that because you have to 166 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: show people over time, right. You can't expect people when 167 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: you first put something out to say know who I am. 168 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 1: It took years. We did our podcast for seven years 169 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 1: fifteen seasons, won a Webby Award, but it took time. 170 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: In the beginning, it was so much like pushback of 171 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: the arrogant, the violent asshole. He always talks down. But 172 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 1: what I realized they weren't used to seeing an educated 173 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: black man speak about his emotions. And it triggered a 174 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: lot of women. You know what I'm saying, Like that's 175 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: the fact, Like I'm not going to sit back here 176 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: and not say what I need and require, because I'm 177 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 1: also going to ask her what she needs and require, 178 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: and I'm going to deliver on that. But now this 179 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: is my turn to talk about it. And a lot 180 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: of people didn't like it. But now it's come more normalized. 181 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: Like I used to when we lived in New York, 182 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: I heard Charlamagne every morning talk about mental health. My 183 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: sons now know about mental health. It's not taboo anymore, 184 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: and they speak their feelings. Mom, I don't feel good 185 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: about this. I'm nervous about that. Now we want to 186 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: keep showing young men like that's okay. 187 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 5: You know what, especially within our community, black men and 188 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 5: women are always pitted against each other. And if we 189 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 5: want our black men to open up to us, why 190 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 5: not create a space for them to do that. So 191 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 5: I'm like, Devout, I want you to be honest with me. 192 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,200 Speaker 5: It doesn't have to be a little honesty, but I 193 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 5: want you to be honest and transparent about how you feel, 194 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 5: because I'm not trying to guess. Like, the good thing 195 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 5: about Deval and I for the years that we've been 196 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 5: together is that we've always given each other a choice, 197 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 5: and the choice happens because we are fully communicative about 198 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 5: the things that we want and need. 199 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 4: So every morning I wake up with the choice to 200 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,559 Speaker 4: be here, and I decide to be here. And it's 201 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 4: been working for us. 202 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 3: You know, y'all been together twenty two years. Me and 203 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 3: my wife been together twenty six to be twenty seven. 204 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 3: I want to ask the ball, when did you and 205 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 3: it's gonna sound crazy to some people listening, when did 206 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,679 Speaker 3: you realize Kadeen was a safe space for you to 207 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,559 Speaker 3: be your absolute most vulnerableness. 208 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 1: Wow, that's a good question. And I always preface I'm 209 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: a preface by saying this. The first five years of 210 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,240 Speaker 1: our marriage was terrible, right, And it wasn't terrible for 211 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 1: the reasons people think it was terrible. People automatically assume 212 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: it's terrible because of infidelity or money, But that wasn't it. 213 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: It was terrible because I did not feel safe telling 214 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 1: her how I felt about things, so I bottled it up. 215 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: I suppressed it. I would go in the bathroom, sit 216 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: on the toilet, turned the shower, and I'd be crying, 217 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,679 Speaker 1: trying to figure out where, you know, what I was 218 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: going to do with my life. Because I just come 219 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: from being in the NFL making a lot of money. 220 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: I had to start all over again, and I felt 221 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: like less of a man. But I can't tell that 222 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: to my wife. And it was one day she was 223 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,599 Speaker 1: pregnant with Cairo, and I had said to her, we 224 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,319 Speaker 1: were having a whole argument about stuff, and I was 225 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 1: just at the point, and you know how it is 226 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: when you're a man, you get to the point where 227 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,319 Speaker 1: you just don't care no more. I was done. We 228 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: was getting divorced, and I was like, you know what, 229 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 1: you lazy, don't You don't trust me, you don't believe 230 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: in me, don't do all this and She's like, if 231 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,599 Speaker 1: I'm not lazy, I'm fucking pregnant. And I was like, 232 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 1: the hormones, like the attitude, like the nausea. She was like, 233 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: I was trying to find a way to surprise you 234 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,079 Speaker 1: and tell you. And I said, well, why didn't you 235 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 1: just tell me? And then when I said why didn't 236 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: you just tell me? It hit me. Why don't I 237 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,319 Speaker 1: just tell her what I'm going through? That was the 238 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: moment I wrote about it in our book We over 239 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,599 Speaker 1: Meet New York Times best seller, by the Way, But 240 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 1: it was that moment I said to her, why don't 241 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: you just tell me? And then it was like, why 242 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,319 Speaker 1: don't you tell her? And from that moment on it 243 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 1: was twenty and sixteen. The minute I feel something sometimes 244 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 1: she don't be in a mood. I was like, yo, 245 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: we gotta sit on talk and she'd be like, and 246 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,079 Speaker 1: I tell her. And the minute we've done, we've made 247 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: a decision that we're not going to argue about it. 248 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: We're not gonna harbor no resentment. If we don't agree. 249 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: We don't agree. But that's how I feel, this is 250 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: how you feel, and we work towards, you know, being better. 251 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,719 Speaker 3: That's why I asked, because it doesn't matter how long 252 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 3: you're with a person, and it don't have anything don't 253 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 3: do with you. 254 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 2: It really just us as men. Absolutely, when do we realize, Okay, 255 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 2: this is a safe space. 256 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 3: Is this woman that I have devoted my life to 257 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,439 Speaker 3: the mother and my children is a safe space for me. 258 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 2: It's hard for men to find safe spaces. Man, we don't. 259 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: I can't even find safe spaces amongst my boys. Forget 260 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: a woman. If I go to tell my homeboy that 261 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: I'm feeling a way nigga, you soft jazz, and it's like, 262 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: am I you know what I'm saying? You asking? Am 263 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: I you know what I am? Let me tough en up. 264 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: So if my homies feel like that about me, I 265 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: can't tell my girl I'm going through it. It took maturity. 266 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: It took me to realize that I chose this woman 267 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 1: and she chose me to spend the rest of our 268 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,559 Speaker 1: lives together. What my homies think don't matter, what the 269 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: world think don't matter as long as we can get 270 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 1: on the same page. So she's always the first person 271 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,079 Speaker 1: I go to now. But it wasn't always like that, 272 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: and that's when we struggled the most. 273 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's a resilience there because think about it, 274 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,319 Speaker 5: we could have thrown in the towel a long time ago. 275 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 5: So when we meet people now and they're dating phases 276 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 5: and they're just like, what should we do? 277 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 4: They're writing for advice on the podcast all the time, and. 278 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 5: We're just like, I feel like this generation at least 279 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 5: coming up, nobody wants to put the work in. Nobody 280 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 5: wants to tough things out, Nobody wants to be honest. 281 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 5: You show up as a representative of yourself and you're 282 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 5: expecting someone to be honest with you. You know, it's 283 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 5: really hard out there. 284 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 4: So we went through that. 285 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 5: Together, and it was hard as individuals trying to grow 286 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 5: at seventeen, eighteen years old. 287 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,679 Speaker 4: Now we hit the fourth floor, y'all, you know, forty one. 288 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 5: It's like so many years of trying to grow together, 289 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 5: to respect each other's space, figure out who we are, 290 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 5: grow as individuals, raise children at the same time. I mean, 291 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 5: when I look back on our years, it's it's insane. 292 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:27,840 Speaker 6: Yeah. 293 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 7: I love how transparent y'all are with the public and 294 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 7: even with y'all fans, Like you know, y'all built so 295 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 7: it's like a fan base for like marriages and you 296 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 7: know people who been even divorced, like look for y'all, 297 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,080 Speaker 7: look to y'all for advice because y'all put it out there, 298 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 7: the highs and the lows. 299 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 6: Right. How do y'all handle disagreements in front of your kids? 300 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 5: Though? 301 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 7: Because if y'all y'all real with us, right, how is it? 302 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,439 Speaker 7: And then you know, parents, you got two types of 303 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,199 Speaker 7: like situations like that. A lot of parents don't like 304 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 7: their kids to see them like it's not realistic. 305 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: Though, So we handle disagreements as a family spot on. 306 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: If we disagree on something and the kids are there, 307 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 1: we're going to have a discussion. And the minute we 308 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,839 Speaker 1: have a discussion, I will go to Jackson and say, 309 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 1: you see how I spoke to your mom? You see 310 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,680 Speaker 1: how I don't got to be disrespectful. You see how 311 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:15,840 Speaker 1: I don't got to raise my voice. Do you understand 312 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: what it means to have empathy towards someone who thinks 313 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 1: differently than you? And they be like, yeah, I see it, 314 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 1: And I'm like, now I understand this. Me and your 315 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: mom may disagree, but that's my wife. Because they going 316 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,079 Speaker 1: to be somebody's husbands someday. They have to see what 317 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: it's like. So I never wanted to put my kids 318 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,839 Speaker 1: in a situation where I was. My parents never argued 319 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,280 Speaker 1: in front of me, but then they would go in 320 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 1: the room and be screaming and hollering. I'd be like, yo, 321 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: what is going on? Then your pops come out. You're 322 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,520 Speaker 1: like that, why are you talking to mom like that? 323 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: He looking at you, like, boy, that's my wife. I'm checking. 324 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: I'm like all. But then that didn't give me any 325 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 1: emotional maturity to deal with my wife for the first 326 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 1: five years. So there was a couple of days where 327 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,079 Speaker 1: I came home and I was making making money, she 328 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: wasn't working, and the fool wasn't ready because she had accident. 329 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, what's going on? Because I'm thinking that this 330 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 1: is what a man is supposed to be, and she 331 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: was like, from well, that's not the response. 332 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 10: Starts to go in. 333 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: It just started to realize that that's what that wasn't 334 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,320 Speaker 1: the way like the stuff that we saw growing up, 335 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: and we just felt like if I emulate this, I'll 336 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: be successful. Wasn't making me feel good. 337 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 2: We didn't know no better we did it. 338 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 3: I mean that's what you was learning from just observing, 339 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 3: like there's no manual that comes with any of it. 340 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 3: That's why, you know, I give my father a lot 341 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 3: of grace because when me and my father had a 342 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 3: real conversation and he told me about his mental health 343 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 3: issues and I knew about his substance, it just made 344 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 3: me realize, Oh, he just the man trying to figure 345 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 3: it out, like I was. 346 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: Two months ago. 347 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 4: My dad stayed with us to help with the Oh yeah, 348 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 4: that's a story. 349 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna try to talk about this without crying 350 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: because I watched my dad and my mom came and 351 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: it was the same thing happened, and my dad was 352 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: kind of short with my mom and I was in 353 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: the car, and now I'm grown, so I'm and my 354 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 1: dad gets short with my mom and I'm like, yo, 355 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: you having a little tantrum for no reason. I need 356 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: to chill right, And my dad looking at me like, nigga, 357 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: I'm still your pops. But he's still like, you know what. 358 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: We talk about this later. We go in the living 359 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: room and we have like a three hour conversation, and 360 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: just like your dad, he was telling me all the 361 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: things he'd been through, all his fears, all his worries, 362 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 1: and for the first time I saw my father as 363 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 1: a human and I said, Yo, you were just trying 364 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 1: to do that. You got married at twenty one, you 365 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 1: had me at twenty two to my brother at twenty four. Wow, 366 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: Like who taught you? My grandfather was an army guy, 367 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 1: didn't talk much. You know what I'm saying, Dudes, I 368 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: say not as I do, following my lead, like nobody spoke. 369 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 1: So after speaking to my father, man, my heart got 370 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 1: so big because I saw him as a person, like 371 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: now he' my dude. Now like, yo, pops, just talk. 372 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,120 Speaker 1: And here's the funny part. He said to me at 373 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: the end of it, I got to be better for 374 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: your mom. I was like, that's why I said, I'm 375 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: trying to do it, not cry, because my mom is 376 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 1: my heart. You know, you grow up in the house 377 00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: and you my mom's small on status. She's five too, 378 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: and my dad is six footy, big right, And I 379 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: see sometimes my mom's be like I'm like dealing with 380 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: him today. And I told her my mom don't have 381 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 1: a voice in his house because sometimes you don't give 382 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: her a voice. And he looked at me and said, 383 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do better for your mom and for the 384 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: rest of the week I saw him try. Now, he 385 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: still had to slip ups like we all do, like 386 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: I do, you know, but he tried, and I was like, 387 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 1: this is making me feel good because it's not always 388 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: about paying it forward. Sometimes you got paid back. Teach 389 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 1: that generation how we do things now, and he's open 390 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: to it. 391 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 4: Our podcast even we meet people who are older than 392 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 4: us and they will be like, wow, you guys. 393 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 5: You guys are younger, but you guys are talking about 394 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 5: things that I've experienced my entire life. We've actually opened 395 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 5: up the gates for discussions too. With my side of 396 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 5: family as well. I've been from a careeran household, like 397 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 5: having discussions about how you feel about things like that 398 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 5: wasn't really a thing. And my mom has opened up 399 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 5: to her son, she hasn't even opened up to me. 400 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 5: I feel like as a family unit, intergenerationally, we're starting 401 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 5: to just heal so that way we can pass sat 402 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 5: down to our boys, you know, and to piggyback off 403 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 5: of deval with your question, Jess. They see sometimes the disagreements, 404 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,120 Speaker 5: but there's such an abundance of love in our house 405 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 5: that we sometimes. 406 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 4: Get flat for about you know, grabbing my ass or 407 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,160 Speaker 4: you know, walking past. 408 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 5: And kissing and you know kiro our second, So we'll 409 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 5: be like getting away from each other. But the love 410 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,680 Speaker 5: is so abundant that the moments that we may have disagreements, 411 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 5: it far is like outweighed by what they see between 412 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,119 Speaker 5: mom and dad and. 413 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 4: The love that we share. 414 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,119 Speaker 8: Now, you said that your mother in law's talking to 415 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 8: you now like differently, now, like what are the conversations 416 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 8: like now at this stage of the of the marriage. 417 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 9: This is where they were. 418 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 1: Prior once again understanding where to meet my mother in law. 419 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: My mother in law is a West Indian woman from Jamaica, 420 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 1: came here when she was seventeen. There's a lot of 421 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: intersectionality between West Indian people and American people, right, but 422 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: there's also a lot of disconnect right coming here, a 423 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: lot of West Indian people just thought that Americans were 424 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: lazy because we wouldn't do the jobs that they were 425 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: willing to come over here and do. And I had 426 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:03,920 Speaker 1: to explain to her I thought process as black Americans 427 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,240 Speaker 1: and what we fought for, but us even talking about 428 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: history as black people led to me understanding like why 429 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,400 Speaker 1: did you come here? She's I came here from seventeen 430 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,639 Speaker 1: from Jamaica looking for a better life. I came here 431 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,159 Speaker 1: by myself, had to live with my mom's friends. If 432 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 1: I came home late from working at Burger King, I 433 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: had to sleep in the hallway on the floor because 434 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 1: they thought that I was out gallivanting. I started to 435 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 1: see her. When I started to see her and realize 436 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,120 Speaker 1: who she was and realized how she protected the things 437 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: she loved, I understood why she was so hard on 438 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: me when I was coming after and courting her daughter. 439 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 1: So once I was able to put my wall down 440 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 1: because I saw her, I was able to understand. And 441 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,440 Speaker 1: then once I put my wall down, she put hers. 442 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 1: And now in the house. That's my biggest ally because 443 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,439 Speaker 1: when she's my mother in law will be like Kadeen, 444 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 1: when that last time me going on the dates, it 445 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:53,919 Speaker 1: be like I'll have the kids. She'll tell her like, yo, 446 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: go put on something nice, go take And I'm like, 447 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: this is the things that when people people need to 448 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: see that because we hear all of the messed up 449 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: stuff you live with your in laws that'shit crazy. And 450 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but maybe it's not. Because maybe I 451 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,800 Speaker 1: could take my wife on a date because the grandkids 452 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: are taken care of by their grandparents and people that 453 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,359 Speaker 1: I never thought about it like that, Yeah, their grandparents. 454 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're able to survive. That's why we're here today, 455 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:19,679 Speaker 4: you know, back home. 456 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,800 Speaker 3: Also, man, just everything I'm here to just just have 457 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,879 Speaker 3: conversations with your parents, have conversations with your in laws, 458 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 3: like they had a life before they were yours, and 459 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 3: there's so much you can learn from that about where 460 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 3: you are. 461 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:33,960 Speaker 7: Yes, absolutely, I look more about her by speaking to 462 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 7: her parents. 463 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we worried about that in the book 464 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:36,200 Speaker 4: as well. 465 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 5: By speaking to the in laws, you're able to kind 466 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 5: of get a better understanding of your spouse and the 467 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 5: things that make them tick and why they are the 468 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 5: way they are. There's certain things about develop like oh 469 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 5: that was a. 470 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 4: Direct correlation between what happened with your mom or why 471 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 4: your dad. 472 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: Is the way he is. 473 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 4: So it's just about getting to have a better understanding 474 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 4: across the board. 475 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 8: I watched you on The Lover's Yeah. One of the 476 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,920 Speaker 8: things that y'all talked about. I was like, you guys 477 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 8: are so honest about this. The conversation when he wanted 478 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 8: you to dress up like the main Yeah, it was 479 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 8: a maz right. 480 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 4: Yeah, it'd be a different character. 481 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,760 Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, because it but when you said that, you 482 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 8: like y'all were talking about the fact that when he 483 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 8: actually do it, he was like, I don't really know 484 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 8: about that, but we can meet in the middle. 485 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,360 Speaker 9: And he was like, no, this is what I want. 486 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 8: And I'm like, Yo, if I had that conversation in 487 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 8: my group chat, my friends probably would hate my person 488 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 8: after that because they would feel like, hold on, what's 489 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,199 Speaker 8: going on here? Because you should be able to make 490 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,399 Speaker 8: your choices. But for you, it was like, well, I 491 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,040 Speaker 8: want to make sure that my men, you know what 492 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 8: I mean, Like. 493 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 4: Because who are we trying to appease the group chat 494 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:37,200 Speaker 4: or man? 495 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,240 Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm saying but even talking about that publicly, I 496 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 8: was like, oh, like they y'all be really getting to 497 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 8: the ships. 498 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 6: Well, Lauren, don't she don't have a man. 499 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 4: Like the group chat. 500 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 3: She was with girls this weekend in Atlanta. We had 501 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 3: the Black Podcast Festival. She was surrounded by and she 502 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,160 Speaker 3: went to Magic City got with a scripple. 503 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 8: Like you said, do you guys discuss how far you're 504 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 8: going to go in those real conversations, because getting into 505 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 8: the bedroom, I was like, dang, nothing's off limits. 506 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,680 Speaker 5: I mean really Yeah, everything's pretty much been on the 507 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 5: table with us, like there's nothing that's and we feel 508 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,639 Speaker 5: like if we show up as our true shelves, nobody 509 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 5: could hold nothing against me, nobody. 510 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 4: There's no room for you to create a narrative. 511 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 5: You know. It's funny we have with the evolution of 512 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 5: the podcast now a new segment that we've introduced that 513 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 5: people are loving so far, and it's called op or 514 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 5: no op, and it's pretty much do you have an 515 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 5: opinion about this better? 516 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 4: Or do you not? Okay? 517 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 5: So we've realized that with social media, everybody got a phone, 518 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 5: everybody got so everybody got an opinion sometimes about things 519 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 5: you have nothing, no knowledge about, no facts, no expertise, 520 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 5: but everybody wants to comment on something. So we're trying 521 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 5: to now push forward about the bat the sexes is done. 522 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 5: Now we're trying to push forward, thinking to myself, do 523 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 5: I am I a sound mind? Do I have the 524 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,399 Speaker 5: facts to be able to comment on something and have 525 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 5: an opinion? Or can I just let some things go? 526 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 4: You know, like let's start that as a culture, we 527 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 4: don't always have to have an opinion about something. 528 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, like you don't. 529 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,399 Speaker 3: I don't need to know if you think you can 530 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:29,240 Speaker 3: be the gorilla's. 531 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,880 Speaker 4: Doing that, Like, what do I think about? I don't 532 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,399 Speaker 4: know what's the scenario of this is happening right now? 533 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: Anything in and the Barack Obama stuff. 534 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 6: Oh and Kanye said, you know he was talking his 535 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 6: cousin's pens. 536 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 4: Somebody. 537 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,200 Speaker 1: How you feel about that? I don't feel about about Kanye. 538 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 1: I'll go do interviews, I'll go do press, and it'll 539 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 1: be pressed about the book, right And the first thing 540 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 1: I sit down is like, you have a book coming out, 541 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,120 Speaker 1: Kanye West said, And I'm like, what the fuck does 542 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: that with my here? And they like, what do you 543 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 1: think about it? Don't think about it? 544 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 5: Then? 545 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,119 Speaker 1: Until you told me about it, I didn't know what happened, 546 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,240 Speaker 1: So I don't have an opinion on it. And it's 547 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 1: like you don't get from that he was, because let's 548 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: think about the world. 549 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 10: I wouldn't. 550 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,520 Speaker 8: I would coming on the family tip like, well, Kanye 551 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,880 Speaker 8: said he can't see his kids because he came out. 552 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: I would have asked, well, I mean that's that's how 553 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: they tried to like yeah, but ultimately is clickbait because 554 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: what they wanted was to be like d Val talks 555 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: about Kanye Yep, that's ultimately what they wanted. So we're 556 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: trying to create a trend where it's like, say, for example, 557 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,960 Speaker 1: sel Main just asked anything about it, and then the 558 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: interview goes, I don't have an opinion. 559 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 6: And then now you're disappointed. 560 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want to talk about that. I don't 561 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 1: want to talk about any of that. I do want 562 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: to bring up something though, what's that? Because Lauren brought 563 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 1: up about the sex thing, and I do want to 564 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: bring up this point. Right, if a man says this 565 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: is what I required, this is what I want. The 566 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 1: first thing in the group chat all the girl is 567 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 1: not you should be able to have a choice, right, 568 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: But as her husband, I asked her, what do you want? 569 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 1: What you required? In the minute she says what she 570 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 1: wants to require. There's no negotiating. So for us, what 571 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 1: we're trying to show people is that there doesn't have 572 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 1: to be a battle of the sexist. She said that 573 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: her man wants this, she's gonna do it. He said, 574 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 1: his wife wants this, he's gonna. 575 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 4: Do Why would we not want to do that for 576 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 4: each other. 577 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,560 Speaker 1: I'm not pledging allegiance to my gender. I'm pledging allegiance 578 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,439 Speaker 1: to my partner, like this is make sure I get 579 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: that on Camelon what I'm saying when I've seen that, 580 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,479 Speaker 1: my God, make sure you get that and make sure 581 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 1: you're zooming real quick what I said again, because I'm 582 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,200 Speaker 1: not pledging allegiance to my gender, pledging allegiance to my 583 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:53,720 Speaker 1: partner partner. 584 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 5: But no. 585 00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: But seriously, though, that's why it's easy for me to 586 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 1: just be honest, because it's just like if your boys 587 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 1: are upset, man, you said that, yeah, so like we 588 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,440 Speaker 1: ain't working, Like, well, you're not gonna do nothing for me, 589 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: so yeah, so my wife wants this. This is what 590 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: I'm doing. 591 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:11,639 Speaker 2: I could if you let me, do you like. 592 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 8: What happens in those moments though, where you or her 593 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 8: are like yeah no, but I'm just sitting on it. 594 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 9: I don't want to do that. 595 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,359 Speaker 1: Then we talk about it and see there's been times. 596 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: There's been times like I'm like, yo, yo, you ain't 597 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: gonna dress up. She's just like. 598 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 4: I'm like word raine check check, like range check rae. 599 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 1: But then in the morning, I'm gonna wake up and 600 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be get a tap and I'm gonna open 601 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: my eyes and she's gonna be in that nurse outfit 602 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:54,119 Speaker 1: or something, because sometimes she's not. We don't understand that. 603 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 4: Man, business is this stuff going on? 604 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,400 Speaker 1: You know you ain't trying to the night? Okay, there 605 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:00,920 Speaker 1: go the rest of our life. 606 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 2: Bro. 607 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like it's never a 608 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: deal breaker, Like if you wan't doing this tonight, then 609 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: you want to be a problem. You don't want to 610 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 1: dress up tonight? Fine, well sometimes she'll be like, you 611 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,240 Speaker 1: know what, I ain't dressed up tonight, but I'm gonna 612 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 1: bless you though, and ill dress up tomorrow. You know 613 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: what I'm saying that we talked about. 614 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,960 Speaker 6: You know, has there ever been a role that you 615 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,440 Speaker 6: ain't want to play? Like I ain't doing that. 616 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 9: That's not not. 617 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: I got I got stories, bro, anything like it was like, 618 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: you haven't dressed like a white girl, and he dressed 619 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 1: up like the black guy like doctor she was. I 620 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:35,560 Speaker 1: was doctor Umar and my bad Doctor Umar. I know 621 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 1: that's not sacrilegious to me. I don't want to go 622 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: that would actually be a really good role player, you 623 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:41,120 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. 624 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 4: I just want to California. 625 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:50,600 Speaker 1: Yes, I know that's what he was doing. 626 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 4: Bro. I was very specific, what did you ask for? 627 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 10: It was like, down to a detail. 628 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 5: I had color contacts, and I think I had done 629 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 5: like a photo shoot or something. 630 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: This is fun this is funny, right, she had did 631 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,119 Speaker 1: a photo shoot with you now, but she had on 632 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 1: these hazel colored contexts on this big curly. 633 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,879 Speaker 10: Like yeah, it was a big looked like different. 634 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,239 Speaker 1: She didn't like herself like somebody else. I was like yo. 635 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,920 Speaker 1: I was like, yo, I want you to put on 636 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 1: a cheerleader outfit. 637 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:17,360 Speaker 10: Bomb right. 638 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 1: So now she's like, I got you, babe. This was 639 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,000 Speaker 1: this was New Year. We were at our parents' house. 640 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,920 Speaker 1: We was having quiet sex for a couple of days. 641 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 4: It was over it. 642 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 1: I want I'm trying to back back. 643 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. 644 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,479 Speaker 1: So we get home and Kelly, right, I'm sitting at 645 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: the edge of the bed. I'm waiting she come out. 646 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: There's no weave, there was no contacts, and she had 647 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: on the leotar. 648 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 10: It was this real cute sava. 649 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 8: It was. 650 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 4: With it and I was like this and he was like, 651 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:53,920 Speaker 4: that's not what I asked for. 652 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,879 Speaker 2: She walked over all seductively. 653 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 1: She had music. We had a fireplace. She put the 654 00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 1: fireplace on. 655 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 2: She's I'm sitting like. 656 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,359 Speaker 1: This, right, So she get down, she got her hands 657 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 1: on my knees. She going down like then she gets 658 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: to the bottom and she like what's up? 659 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,359 Speaker 2: Like this is like, what's this not for you? 660 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:13,680 Speaker 5: Sir? 661 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: I'm like with the contact, she's like the vout. I'm 662 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,399 Speaker 1: downstairs right now handling business. I said, no, we've no contact. 663 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 1: And you got on this dirty ass leotard. 664 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:33,440 Speaker 10: That's this dusty ass leotar. 665 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,159 Speaker 4: I'm like, first of all, it's not a leotard, it's 666 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 4: a teddy. 667 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 10: And I had a stain. 668 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 1: It was. 669 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 2: Because it wasn't what I wanted wanted. 670 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 1: I was just mad. 671 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 4: I was just mad because you did not get exactly 672 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 4: what you asked for. 673 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 1: I'm still here to do the job. 674 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 2: And she didn't even have heels on. 675 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: So I got mad, right, So I got up and 676 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 1: I go in the bathroom. Right, But it just so happened. 677 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,040 Speaker 1: When I walk in the bathroom, I seen all her 678 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: heels lined up in the closet and we just moved 679 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: to this big house. I said, you got all these heels, 680 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 1: yet you ain't put no heels on. So going there 681 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 1: and I threw all the heels off the closet. 682 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 10: The thing I'm standing up. 683 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 4: I was like, you gotta pick every shoe up? Are 684 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 4: you kidding me? 685 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: She says to me, look at your stupid ass in 686 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,960 Speaker 1: there throwing heels around and your dick's still hard. 687 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 2: That's what broke me out of it. 688 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,480 Speaker 1: I looked at her, I started laughing and we sung. 689 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 2: After that. 690 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,200 Speaker 1: It was a wrap. It was just like look a 691 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: look at us, like look at like, look at us. 692 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 4: And I was picked all the shoes. 693 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's the shoes. 694 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: We said that, we picked the shoes up, and we 695 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 2: got time. 696 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,479 Speaker 4: Like he asked for one thing and I was like, here, 697 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 4: I'm doing something else. 698 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 6: Cute and he was like yeah. 699 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: He was. 700 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 2: Sounded like a tyler per. 701 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 4: Ye did y? 702 00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 7: Y'all never thought about doing the reality show. 703 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:01,720 Speaker 4: We've turned out it. 704 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,400 Speaker 9: On YouTube channel, So why not crazy because. 705 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 1: We control everything everything. One thing I fear because we 706 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 1: sat down with it and I don't want to put 707 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 1: producers out there. We've sat down with number of producers, right, 708 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 1: this is always the first thing. 709 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:16,560 Speaker 5: This is. 710 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: So and so I know, I know, y'all, look you're perfect. 711 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 1: I get it right. So there's nothing that you don't 712 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 1: have Anybody like she's not there, and I'm like, the 713 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 1: first meeting, you're coming to me and asking me things 714 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: that disparaging things that I can say about my wife 715 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 1: may get a funk on my face. I'm not doing this. 716 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 1: I got I got four sons, and that's what you 717 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 1: want me to do. No, I personally, I know this 718 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,480 Speaker 1: is going to get some slack, But I love Bill 719 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: Cosby right, not for the things that he did, but 720 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,720 Speaker 1: for what he represented. This man was so brilliant in 721 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 1: the fact that he had a black psychologist on the 722 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,840 Speaker 1: set of The Cosby Show every day to make sure 723 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: that everything they put out didn't show black people in 724 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,960 Speaker 1: a disparaging way. Right, Like when you think about The 725 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 1: Cosby Show, a different from world, Lil Bill, this is 726 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,240 Speaker 1: the content we want to create. We have a cartoon 727 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: series that we've been pitching for about our kids called 728 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 1: The Elisis and the time Machine because we wrote a 729 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: book called The Lysis and the Time Machine. Why do 730 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: we have to say black lives matter? And it's an 731 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 1: animated series about history. These are the things I want 732 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 1: to do. I don't want to get on television and 733 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: argue with my wife about trivial stuff. I'm also not 734 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: going to include my friends right, for example, your friends 735 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:25,400 Speaker 1: with just hilarious? 736 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 5: What she like? 737 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 1: I know that's the stuff they ask and I'm like, 738 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. So it's like we're not doing 739 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 1: the reality show thing unless we own it. 740 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 8: How y'all deal with people trying to bring out the 741 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 8: like what like the negative or whatever? Because I remember 742 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 8: when people were a lot of people do still a 743 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 8: couple goals? You guys, but I remember you guys had 744 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 8: a conversation I think you had it again on the 745 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 8: Lovers by shampodcast too, about how when people post y'all 746 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,960 Speaker 8: as couple goals, people instantly are like, it's no way, 747 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 8: it's as happy and as good as it was all 748 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:52,160 Speaker 8: the time. 749 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 5: And people it's funny because we have a contingent of 750 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 5: people who've been following us for so long, literally since 751 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 5: our Brooklyn apartment days when that was holding up his 752 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,200 Speaker 5: iPhone to now we have people who will jump in 753 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 5: and be like, no, don't come for the aalysis like 754 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 5: if you're new here, clearly you don't understand the track 755 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 5: record that they have and what they've shared over the years, 756 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 5: and it hasn't always been perfect, but they've actually led 757 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,080 Speaker 5: us in to have a front row seat to see 758 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 5: them work through their issues. 759 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: I will say this though, when you learn to have 760 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,960 Speaker 1: empathy for people, right, I can understand that if you 761 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 1: grew up and you've never seen a positive black family 762 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 1: and all you've seen is just despair and violence and anger, 763 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 1: when you see this on Instagram, there's no way you're 764 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,440 Speaker 1: going to believe this is real. So I understand that. 765 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: That's why I don't get upset at it. I got 766 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 1: to look at some of my family and they look 767 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:39,680 Speaker 1: at me. These are people who know me and be 768 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,440 Speaker 1: like you and King really always happy, all y'all, and 769 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, NA, were not always really have people We 770 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,040 Speaker 1: talk about the stuff and they're like you really talk 771 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 1: And these are my family members. So if a stranger 772 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 1: who's never met me before feels that way, then I 773 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: understand you've never seen it. How could I be mad 774 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:57,480 Speaker 1: at something that you've never seen before. 775 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,360 Speaker 8: I have empathy to ages a part of it, because 776 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,920 Speaker 8: like for me, I never before I got here and 777 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 8: saw like Charlotmagne and be be young in a marriage 778 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 8: and the happy and I don't know young people who 779 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 8: are just like happily married. 780 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,840 Speaker 9: Maybe you're like it's like they're old. 781 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,040 Speaker 8: That's why they're happy, because they're like, it's where else 782 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,880 Speaker 8: you're gonna go, right, Versus y'all are young, living life, 783 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 8: your kids are growing up. 784 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,240 Speaker 9: Y'all doing things. Y'all both for working and y'all are 785 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 9: figuring it. 786 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,240 Speaker 5: Out, absolutely figuring out. And then people always ask us 787 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 5: to why how do you guys keep this up for 788 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 5: so long? I mean, you've been in the social media 789 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:29,680 Speaker 5: game doing all this for ten years. 790 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:29,959 Speaker 9: Y'all work? 791 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:30,760 Speaker 4: How do you keep it up? 792 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,000 Speaker 5: And it's like, this is not a facade, there's nothing 793 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 5: to keep up. We're not trending on something or I 794 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,320 Speaker 5: legit love her to death, Like this is just us 795 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,960 Speaker 5: literally recording and putting out our life. 796 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:42,920 Speaker 4: Oh you put out so much? You gotta share everything? 797 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: We don't. 798 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,240 Speaker 4: We share a sixty second video that's in a day. 799 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: If you go back and look, there's one four hundred 800 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 1: and forty minutes in a day, right, I share one 801 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,400 Speaker 1: minute video that means you know, one one thousandth of 802 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 1: what happened my day. 803 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 2: You don't know these people get that, don't But we 804 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 2: also got. 805 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,480 Speaker 1: To understand that they don't know us. So if they're 806 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:08,840 Speaker 1: commenting they're commenting from their own experience. Oftentimes it's projections. 807 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 1: I'm never going to let someone else is projecting projection 808 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 1: define my day, Like I can't sit back and look 809 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,880 Speaker 1: at the comments and then just be like all these people. No, 810 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,799 Speaker 1: unless you know a hit dog holla and you feel 811 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: seen and you're doing something unsavory and I was like, damn, 812 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 1: they see me. That's when you kind of feel a way. 813 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,359 Speaker 1: But I don't I know what my intentions are. So, hey, 814 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: you feel this question. 815 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 3: When it comes to personal issues between y'all, do you 816 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 3: feel like you have to work it out in the 817 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,960 Speaker 3: public because of how much of y'all lives y'all. 818 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: Share with the audience. 819 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:37,360 Speaker 10: Definitely not. 820 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 5: No, there's a lot of things that happen behind closers. Again, 821 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 5: to davals point, you see a portion of what we share, 822 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,000 Speaker 5: you know, but we may after the fact talk about 823 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 5: it on the podcast, like, hey, guys, we were going 824 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 5: through this in this moment. Here's how we were able 825 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:53,560 Speaker 5: to internally process it, deal with it, overcome it, agree 826 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 5: to disagree, and then we'll share it on the podcast 827 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 5: and say, hey, guys, has anybody ever been in a 828 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:01,680 Speaker 5: position where this has happened, and then more times often 829 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 5: than not, you realize, damn, I'm not the anomaly here 830 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 5: in the situation. 831 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 4: There are other couples, there's other. 832 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 5: Men, there's other women who are dealing with the same things. 833 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 5: We've even realized that sometimes there's women who are more like. 834 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:13,839 Speaker 4: I agree with the val on this one. 835 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,439 Speaker 5: Sorry, k like happen with me all day, or vice versa. 836 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,360 Speaker 5: The guys would be like, hey, you, my girl, I 837 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,759 Speaker 5: felt you when you said this. So no, you know, 838 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:25,280 Speaker 5: some things we do still believe are for private places 839 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,560 Speaker 5: and other things can be for public consumption. 840 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,880 Speaker 7: Because people will feel like they know your life based 841 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 7: off that one minute that you would. 842 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,680 Speaker 4: Tell for sure, and then they create a whole narrative around. 843 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 7: A whole narrative, like when I'm fourteen, our second my 844 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,680 Speaker 7: cousin Dick, he could have been on the honor roll, 845 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 7: he could have won the basketball game that day in school. 846 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:53,360 Speaker 2: People listen, man, the ball ellis. 847 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,400 Speaker 3: I love talking to y'all because growing as individuals is 848 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,400 Speaker 3: a lot by itself, but growing as a couple is insaneess. 849 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 3: Not constantly communicating, you know, you might wake up one 850 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 3: day and not know who that person is. 851 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,640 Speaker 2: So we can learn anything from y'all. Constantly communicate with 852 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 2: your part. 853 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:09,759 Speaker 4: Yes, indeed, and thanks for growing with us. 854 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:11,399 Speaker 5: To Charlemagne, I mean we've been on the Breakfast Club 855 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 5: a couple of times of course the years A third time. 856 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 4: I appreciate you for always rocking with us. 857 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,319 Speaker 6: Appreciate it so great to. 858 00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 5: Thank you. 859 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 6: That's work. 860 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,359 Speaker 1: Thank you and y'all making other people the same thing here, 861 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 1: like the things y'all are doing here talking about mental health. 862 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,480 Speaker 1: I can't stand politics because it gets on my nerves. 863 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,840 Speaker 1: But bringing the information to people, that's all we can do. 864 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 5: Right. 865 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: The greatest thing you can give humans is inspiration, and 866 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,320 Speaker 1: the Breakfast Club is inspiring people. I hope y'all know 867 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,359 Speaker 1: that we appreciate y'all and this has been a part 868 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:44,600 Speaker 1: of our lives since living here. 869 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 6: Thank you. 870 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:47,400 Speaker 1: Yes, my kids know y'all too. 871 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,920 Speaker 4: We keep them still very very New York. 872 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:55,919 Speaker 2: It's the ball Dean Ellis. 873 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,200 Speaker 3: Make sure you subscribe to the podcast ELI ever After 874 00:36:58,239 --> 00:36:59,520 Speaker 3: if you're not subscribed already. 875 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 2: It's the Breakfast Club. 876 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 1: Wake that ass up early in the morning. The Breakfast Club. 877 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:08,799 Speaker 5: M HM