WEBVTT - #14 Breaking Up is Hard to Do 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:02.920 Okay. I mean, we'll struggle through this, but well we'll 0:00:02.920 --> 0:00:07.240 get there. That's the spirit dating, I Suck at Dating 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:12.959 and I heart radio podcast. Hello everyone, thank you so 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:15.560 much for joining me on this week's episode of Help 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.119 I Suck at Dating. I'm still de Ungler joined in 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:22.160 studio with Tanya, rad Mark, and Easton my three favorite people. 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:24.520 Thank you so much for being here. Guys, it doesn't 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:28.680 feel good when Tanya's here. It honestly feels incredible. Yeah, 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:30.880 like this is gonna be a good show. Because Tanya's here, 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:34.280 we don't have to worry about anything normally. Come in 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:37.600 here like very nervous and anxious, uncertain really about what 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:40.280 I'm going to talk about, Uncertain if I'm going to 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:41.760 be able to give advice and if I do, if 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:43.559 it's gonna be good advice. But for some reason, when 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:45.960 I walk into the studio and Tanya sits next to me, 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:49.800 I have this level of comfortability that's unmatched otherwise nice, 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:53.080 so nice, and I don't Oh my god, I don't 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:55.000 know what it is. And I think that it's just 0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:58.240 because you're so confident in yourself and your opinions, and 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:00.760 it's nice to have someone that can um kind of 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:03.040 fire it back just as quickly, and I don't know, 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:04.760 it's just it's very comforting. It's nice to have you here. 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.000 There's not a radio show or a podcast in the 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:09.800 world that wouldn't be more entertaining with Tanya. I fully 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.720 believe that as well. Yeah, Eastern, do you want to compliment? 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:19.200 Not only does Tanya bring an air of confidence and 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.959 excitement to the show, she's just a ray of beauty. 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:26.080 Oh wow, thank you guys so much. I'm gonna take 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:29.160 that and just replay it for every day. I feel 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.800 sad now, thank you. And now the studio smells like 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:37.400 kimwa and green beans. I tend to add my smell 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:40.520 everywhere I go, which is who can blame you? All right? 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:42.880 So for this week's episode, we're going to be talking 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:46.240 pretty much exclusively about breakups, how to do them, how 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:49.440 not to do them, why to do them? Well, we 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:51.240 got into this a little bit last week towards the 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.720 end when you and Becca stopped by. We said, if 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:56.880 you're long distance, let's say long distance like a plane 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:59.800 ride away, do you fly to them to break up 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:03.720 with because it seems extreme, and I think the conclusion 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:05.400 that we drew from that was depending on how long 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.360 the relationship was, depending how ingrained you two are with 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:10.640 each other, that it all kind of depends. But I 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.200 think more often than not, it's you can owe it 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:15.240 to that person to be in person with them while 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.360 you're breaking up with And that's a conclusion that we 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.200 drew last week, and so this week we're going to 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:21.880 just kind of expand upon that a little bit more. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.160 And I think that this topic kind of stems a 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:26.720 little bit from the episode of The Bachelor that we 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:31.520 watched this week with Ari and um, he kind of 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:34.000 awkwardly ends it a little bit with with some of them. 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:35.720 I think that he initially ends it with what is 0:02:35.760 --> 0:02:38.800 her name? Lauren s at the vineyard and NAPA, and 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:42.120 then he sends Anally's home, and um, yeah, we just 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.120 decided to kind of stem from that a little bit. 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:45.960 But I got we got this email from Kate actually 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.640 about this very topic. Nice she'd like to weigh in 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.040 love the podcast. I found this week's topic about long 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:55.040 distance travel for breakups particularly interesting because I have firsthand 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.080 experience with this. Well. I didn't live across the country 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:00.680 from my then boyfriend. We were three hours up by car, 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:02.800 and things have been rocking for the last month of 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:06.799 our two year relationship. I remember vividly one Wednesday morning, 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:09.480 after a particularly bad fight over the phone, he asked 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:11.639 if he can come visit me on Friday. I was 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:14.080 supposed to be the one driving down there, so him 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.320 asking to switch the plants put an uneasy pit in 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.760 my stomach. I asked him, right then, are we okay? 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:23.200 He said, yeah, but I want to talk. I knew 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:24.720 in my heart that he was making the trip to 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:26.200 break up with me, and to be honest, I think 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:27.920 it would have been easier on me if he had 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:30.000 just done it on the phone and stayed with the anxiety. 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:32.000 It broke my heart when you walked out the door 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.440 for the last time. I have a suspicion that most 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:36.320 people who are about to break up have some idea 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:39.640 that it's coming, and my experience prolonging the process by 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.640 making a long trip in an ordeal out of it 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:47.520 causes more heartache than it does. Good m that's Caitlin Tanya. 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.600 I agree with her. I do think that like there 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.280 is like a little bit of a hunch, like you 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:59.880 feel like it's coming. But um, I'm just speaking from 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:03.160 personal experience. I feel like you guess, I don't know 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:04.480 how long did you say how long they were together? 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:06.920 Two years? I feel like you owe it to that 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.440 person to do it to face to face and not 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:13.320 just me personally. I agree. I met someone yesterday, a 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.360 friend of a friend. We basically it was like all 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.120 three of us just went and got coffee and Jacob beer, 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.120 and she was telling me how she just ended her 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:23.840 three year relationship with her boyfriend, like two weeks ago, 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:27.520 the very first day of the year, and how she 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:29.760 woke up in the morning realized that she didn't want 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.239 to be with her boyfriend anymore, her boyfriend of three years, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.320 and then they literally spent the entire day together, essentially 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:39.120 breaking up with each other, closing that door, and like 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:41.200 allowing themselves to move on. It's still a little bit 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:43.480 different because one of them didn't travel together. There's location, 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:45.400 But it's like, I think that the best way to 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:47.280 break up with someone, and I'm horrible at breaking up 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.760 with someone. I think that reason number eight thousand, five 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:52.000 hundred twenty seven that I'm not the Bachelor is because 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:53.839 I wouldn't be able to break up with twenty eight women. 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:57.719 It's just it's awful every time. No matter what, and 0:04:57.880 --> 0:04:59.640 what she was telling me was that she had such 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.560 a a certain level of closure that she's never had 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:06.440 before because of kind of that prolonged breakup, and it 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:09.080 just I feel like that she benefited from that. And 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.479 so I think that anytime you're able to like meet 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:14.280 that person face to face, kind of discuss why it 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:16.680 didn't work out, kind of have that post mortem right away, 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:19.080 then it allows you to close that door and open another, 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.520 like a day together breaking up. And I'll admit when 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:23.560 she was telling me the story, I was like, this 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:25.680 is kind of weird. She was like, we didn't like 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:27.920 cook up. There was no like physical spark at all 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:30.240 while we were breaking up. It was basically just like 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.920 us kind of going through the relationship, understanding why it 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:36.279 didn't work. And it's like a grand finale, the season 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:39.080 finale of her relationship. And it seems like a very 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:40.920 mature way to break up with someone. And I think 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:42.680 that we all kind of strive for that level of maturity, 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:44.600 especially in the breakups, because that's kind of often when 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:49.120 we see ourselves, um the most I guess immature, most volatile, emotionally, 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:51.479 whatever it is. So if you're able to kind of 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:53.520 go through that process and and on good terms while 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.680 still closing the door and like hoping the best for 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:57.520 the next for the other person. And that's like a 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.440 very mature and I think even like if you're not 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.840 in like a long serious relationship and you break up 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:03.680 with somebody over the phone, Like I was kind of 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:06.320 dating a guy and he had lived in New York, 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.280 and so it was kind of like it was never 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:10.760 we were never an official relationship, but we would every 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:12.279 time we would see each other. He flew out here 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:13.960 for work a while I was out there, we would, 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.240 you know, would be like we were dating and I'll 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:18.520 never forget. He called me, and I like just knew. 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.440 I knew something was weird, and he kind of ended 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:24.760 things over the phone, but in such a mature way. 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:26.880 He was like, I met somebody out she lives in 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.320 New York, and I really want to give it a shot. 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:31.400 And it's nothing against you. Was never gonna you know, 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:33.360 I mean, it was just so such a mature way 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:37.240 of like ending it that I was like, and they 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.400 had no hard feelings yet it sucked and I cried 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:42.640 and I was sad, but there was no UM. I 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:44.680 don't know, I think like I just I respect him 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.200 so much, and I wish that everybody could like take 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:50.560 a note from from him, because you know, we always 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:53.080 like try and like either like not ghost but like 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:56.120 try and just like you know, oh, maybe if I 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.080 stopped hanging out with her as much or maybe you 0:06:58.120 --> 0:06:59.359 know what I mean, like try and just go the 0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:01.280 easy way out of things, and if we were all 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:03.520 just more upfront and honest with each other, I think 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:06.200 it would make the healing process a lot better for everybody. 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:08.799 I was gonna share this story last week. It doesn't 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.560 it wasn't me personally, but a friend of mine was 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.040 dating this guy in New York for probably four or 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:16.920 five or six months, so similar to your that dating experience. 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:21.160 And I think we had gotten lunch, maybe like back 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:22.760 in October November or something like that, and I was 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:24.040 talking to her about it, and she was telling me 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.720 about how, you know, like enthralled with this guy she is, 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:28.520 and how much she likes him and appreciates him. He 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.880 was like a firefighter in New York or something like that, um, 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.120 and how happy she was. And then all of a sudden, 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:38.280 she like saw on one of her friends Instagram's a 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:41.000 video of this other guy who she's always like known 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.600 and admired, and then she saw the video and she 0:07:43.720 --> 0:07:45.360 was like, all of a sudden, something snapped inside of 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:47.040 her and was like, that's my husband right there, like 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:49.600 a completely different guy. And apparently she goes to d 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:51.600 M him. He had already sent her a d M 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.120 from like two years ago or something like that. They 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:57.520 somehow initiated conversation, begin to FaceTime, and the second they 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:00.160 start facetiming each other, she's like even more convince It's 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:02.480 like this is her husband, and he's convinced that she 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.800 is his wife. And then so they like they have 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:07.760 this like two week relationship where they haven't really met 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:09.400 each other face to face, but they've been talking every 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:11.400 day via FaceTime, via text, all that kind of stuff. 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:13.680 And he lives in Los Angeles while she lives in 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:15.320 New York and heard the girl that the god she's 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:19.560 dating still lives in New York. And they decide that 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.880 the guy that she just has been facetiming decides that 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:23.360 she wants he wants to come to New York to 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:25.640 visit her, And so she goes to the guy that 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:27.680 she has been you know, dating whatever in New York 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.760 and says, hey, similar to you, Like, Hey, there's this 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:34.280 other guy that I feel this like on definable spark with. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.839 And while I appreciate everything that you and I had 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:38.800 and everything you've done for me, I think that I 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:41.400 would owe it to myself to explore this. And so 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:42.959 even when I talked to her last, I talked to 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.720 her maybe like a month ago, and she was like, yeah, 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:47.280 even the the guy that I was dating in New 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:49.160 York before, I'm this guy that I'm dating now, Like 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:50.600 he'll check in on me every once in a while, 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:52.880 and like he handled it very maturely because we were 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:54.800 able to end things so amicably and he's like very 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:56.960 supportive of this new relationship that I have and I 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.319 don't know. Like that again, a kind of an interesting 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:01.760 story and maybe not necessarily applies to this topic, but 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.680 it's just weird how when you end things so maturely 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:07.480 like that, it kind of allows you to um grow 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:09.400 and move on. And so there's a lesson there because 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:11.280 no one wants to do it. We're all nervous about 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:13.320 doing it, but maybe if you're just as honest as 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:16.080 you can possibly be, there's a path to no hard 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:19.280 feelings or like more closure, so that you're not like 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:22.440 in this perpetual pattern of pain, right, Because isn't it 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.439 better to make said that before? Yeah, the perpetual pattern 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:27.040 of pain? Yeah, I tend to do it to myself. 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.880 It's better to leave them sad than to leave them bitter, 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:34.360 angry and question marks and question mark right, like when 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:37.520 you just get ghosted. Ashley is on the phone, Dean. Well, 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.200 so it's nice about this episode before we jump on 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.400 this phone call with Ashley is. Ashley is a friend 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.120 of all of us in the in the studio here, 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.480 and she I don't know if we're gonna get into 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:49.080 this with her specifically, but she just broke up with 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:50.880 her boyfriend face to face. And then we're gonna call 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:52.760 her other friend, Brittany, who broke up with her boyfriend 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:54.719 over the phone, and so we're gonna kind of get 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:56.880 both of their experiences. We're gonna get Analysa's experience with 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.040 the breakup on television, So we're gonna get a couple 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.920 of different perspectives here, which would be nice. I like it, Actually, 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:04.840 are you there, I'm here? What's up? Ash How are you? 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:07.720 I'm good? How are you? I'm good? Thanks for taking 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:09.280 the time to call in. I know we discussed a 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.679 little bit the other day about kind of how all 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.320 of this was going to go. Um, but today we're 0:10:14.320 --> 0:10:16.240 talking about breakups and we know that you just got 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:19.760 out of a long term relationship and we appreciate you 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:22.600 calling in and talking a little bit about it. Of course, 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:24.800 thanks for having me. I hope that your former boyfriend 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:26.440 is not a listener to this podcast, or do we 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:30.120 hope that he is. I really hope not either already 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.960 of like his his girls, like friends that are girls, 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:37.400 because I know that they're this podcast so well. I 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:40.480 think if they're listening out there, thank you for listening. 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:44.640 That's all I can say. All right, So tell us 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.000 a little bit more about it, can you guys? Can 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:47.800 you give I guess the listeners a little bit of 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.040 a background. I know that, um, I kind of filled 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:52.360 them in. Like I said, you guys have been dating 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:54.640 for a little bit. And what we're really discussing today 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:56.840 is maybe like the proper way to break up with 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:58.760 someone or even just like experiences that we've had with 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:00.920 breaking up with people, UM, so that other people can 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:04.720 kind of learn from it. Yeah, I think that it 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:08.520 all just depends. Like our relationship was long distance. So 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:13.040 I think that when you're dating someone for you know, 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:17.360 X amounts of years, then I guess the proper way 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:19.760 to do it is to like tell them to their face. 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.120 But I don't want to be broken up to the 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:25.800 like in front of I don't know if like face 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.200 to face. That's so nerve wracking because at the end 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.240 of the day, you can't change it, right, It's like 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.040 you're not going to change their mind or convince them otherwise. 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.880 So I guess it's some type of closure thing. How 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:38.320 did you and your boyfriend break up? Because I thought 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.400 you guys did break up face to face? We did. 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.840 We did, which is why I was like really nervous, 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:46.640 and I initially wanted to do it over text, and 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:50.480 then he kind of said, like no, I deserve like 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.280 for you to sit down and do it face to face. 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:57.000 But we were long distance, so the only way that 0:11:57.400 --> 0:11:59.640 I can do that is for me to drive three 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:03.600 a half hours to him and like slit there. And 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.280 the sad part is he didn't let me leave after that, 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:11.679 so like felt trapped and it was the most uncomfortable 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.959 awkward thing because here he is like trying to convince me, 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.520 like no, no, no, we're meant to be, like, this 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:21.000 is what I could work on, Here's what I can do, 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:23.079 here's what can change. It's like no, no, no, you 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:27.120 don't understand. This is not not for me, Like this 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.320 is me breaking up with you, and we just have 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.880 to like accept that and walk away. So I think 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.760 that's the hardest part about breaking up with someone's in 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:39.600 person is just like that awkward encounter of like seeing 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:41.600 that person face to face and not being able to 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.319 just like walk away or turn around when you can. 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:46.760 And that's exactly what you're trying to avoid, was having 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:48.880 him giving him the opportunity to kind of talk you 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.560 out of it. It sounds like right right, right yeah, 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:52.960 because at the I mean, at the end of the day, 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.760 you don't want to hurt anyone. It's never your intention to, 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:59.560 you know, do that. And so I think that that 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:03.240 was what fucking thing, But over text, I could all 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:08.680 be avoided what He wouldn't let me leave his house. 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:12.040 He literally was just like, no, just stay for one 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.679 more hour. This is the last time I'm going to 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.440 see you. Then it was like no, just like sleep 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:21.480 in the morning like the least, and I'm just like no, no, no, 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:26.960 you don't understand, like this is goodbye forever, Like I 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:29.079 hope that we can be friends one day, but this 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:32.280 is just not working out, Like I don't have to 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.240 say that like five different languages. I don't understand. But 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.160 don't you think that after the three year relationship that 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:38.920 you guys had, you did kind of owe it to 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.000 him to have it face to face? And I'm glad 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:42.280 that you didn't do it over text, and I'm sure 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.000 that he's glad, and maybe in hindsight you might be 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:45.680 as well. Or do you still feel like you wish 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:49.400 you had done it over text over the phone? No, 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:53.840 I think face to face definitely brings closure, and it's 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.400 it kind of steals the deal. As as sad and 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.679 heartbreaking as it is, you do oh that to your 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:01.880 person because if you think about it, you spent however 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:04.680 many years with someone and they kind of get this 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:08.200 part of you and a part of your heart. I guess, 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:11.640 and I don't know that those are experiences that you 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:13.760 kind of will ever get back and hopefully ones that 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:18.360 you can cherish unless something horrible happened, you know, if 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:20.400 someone cheated or you know, whatever, But if it ends 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.200 on a healthy out and face to face isok good. 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:24.560 It does bring closure, and at the end of the day, 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:27.680 it kind of it's a heartbreak face to face, and 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:31.520 you know, feelings are hurt, but they're able to kind 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.520 of move on and figure out like, Okay, I guess 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:36.920 this is it. Now onto the next chapter of my life. 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:38.200 And what was the reason for you, guys any of 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:42.480 the relationship. I think the long distance was the hardest part. 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.040 And when you're young, you know, in twenty three, so 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:49.640 it's kind of you're just figuring out this stage of 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.720 your life with your career and like post college and 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.720 figuring out your friends and living in like a new city. 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:58.560 And I think that you kind of have to discover 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:02.480 yourself before you try and love somebody else, because how 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.840 do you love someone else if you don't love yourself yet? 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:09.040 And I think that the like the most difficult decision 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:11.120 to make and to kind of recognize. And we had 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.600 an adult conversation about it, which was amazing. And that 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:16.760 was pretty recent, wasn't it. Yeah, that was pretty recent. 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.960 He's awesome, He's incredible. It just it never works out 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.480 to what you wanted to in long distance is so tough, 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:27.200 Like I don't know how people do international long distance 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.520 or let alone, like with another state. He lived in 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:32.360 the same state as me, just you know, four hours 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:34.040 or and a half four hours away, and it was 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:37.280 still very difficult. Granted he like traveled the world for 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.720 her like him, But do you do you kind of 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.000 look at it like this, like if so so you 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.760 guys ended things on a good note or at least 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:46.640 on a positive as positive as it possibly could be 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:48.720 to allow you and him to kind of have the 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.000 time to work on yourselves. Do you kind of like 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.720 that because it enables you or gives you the opportunity 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.000 to maybe circle back in, you know, five six years 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:57.480 after you're able to kind of focus on yourself a 0:15:57.480 --> 0:15:59.800 little bit. Or is it something where once you've broken 0:15:59.880 --> 0:16:02.480 up someone, there's no interest ever getting back with that 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:07.600 person again. No, I always leave that door open. It 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:10.960 depends it depends on like it depends on who it is. 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:15.560 Like with this guy, for sure, I can definitely see 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:20.440 myself like being with him, and you know, however many 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:25.240 years and but with another guy that I've dated, I 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.680 dated for like five months or you know whatever, I 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:31.800 could never picture my fis like that breakup. I will 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:34.760 never go back to that only we can only be friends. 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:38.080 But there's probably one guy that I can say that with, 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:41.040 and that's probably this guy, the one we're talking. The 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:42.640 interesting thing about it, too, is once you begin to 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:44.520 work on yourself a little bit more and focus on yourself, 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:46.080 you could be a completely different person in the next 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:48.960 four or five years. And it might just be moved anyways. 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.440 But yeah, no, definitely, I don't even feel like I'm 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:54.040 the same person I was three years ago when we 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:56.480 first met, So it would just every I feel like 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:59.720 you're constantly involving and hopefully you change with your person. 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:03.200 But sometimes you guys aren't on the same pace and 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:05.600 you go at different speeds, and that's okay when you're 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:07.560 when you're young, it doesn't matter what how old you are. 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.880 You need to discover yourself first and then circle back 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:12.000 when the time is right. That's interesting that because that 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:13.920 touches a lot of what we've talked about just recently, 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:16.440 is the long distance, the breaking up face to face 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:17.959 over the instead of over the phone, all that kind 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.000 of stuff. So that pretty much covers everything that we 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.280 talked about just lately, Um, And how are you doing 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.919 now with everything? You guys don't talk anymore? You're kind 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:28.600 of completely severe communication or we kind of cut it 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:33.680 off till cold Turkey in the beginning, and now we're 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:37.600 actually friends, which is amazing, and um, I'm seeing him 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:41.919 for dinner to night to rekindle the romance or just 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:44.440 too it might be a little too soon, I think 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:48.240 ash to be honest, I know I think so too. 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:52.159 But we we had another adult conversation about it and 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:57.120 just said like, hey, we were best friends before we 0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:00.480 were even lovers, and so that kind of takes precedent 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:04.480 of what we can rekindle before we can build into 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.080 our relationship. He's not going to let you leave the restaurant. 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:09.919 I know. That's why I'm going to be in a 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:12.639 public setting that way, I could screen help just in 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:16.200 case that's not bad. Tany is over here shaking her head. 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:21.720 I just I feel I just feel like he'll get 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:23.440