Speaker 1: Okay. I mean, we'll struggle through this, but well we'll
Speaker 1: get there. That's the spirit dating, I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: and I heart radio podcast. Hello everyone, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining me on this week's episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating. I'm still de Ungler joined in
Speaker 1: studio with Tanya, rad Mark, and Easton my three favorite people.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here. Guys, it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel good when Tanya's here. It honestly feels incredible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like this is gonna be a good show. Because Tanya's here,
Speaker 1: we don't have to worry about anything normally. Come in
Speaker 1: here like very nervous and anxious, uncertain really about what
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about, Uncertain if I'm going to
Speaker 1: be able to give advice and if I do, if
Speaker 1: it's gonna be good advice. But for some reason, when
Speaker 1: I walk into the studio and Tanya sits next to me,
Speaker 1: I have this level of comfortability that's unmatched otherwise nice,
Speaker 1: so nice, and I don't Oh my god, I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. And I think that it's just
Speaker 1: because you're so confident in yourself and your opinions, and
Speaker 1: it's nice to have someone that can um kind of
Speaker 1: fire it back just as quickly, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just it's very comforting. It's nice to have you here.
Speaker 1: There's not a radio show or a podcast in the
Speaker 1: world that wouldn't be more entertaining with Tanya. I fully
Speaker 1: believe that as well. Yeah, Eastern, do you want to compliment?
Speaker 1: Not only does Tanya bring an air of confidence and
Speaker 1: excitement to the show, she's just a ray of beauty.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, thank you guys so much. I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: that and just replay it for every day. I feel
Speaker 1: sad now, thank you. And now the studio smells like
Speaker 1: kimwa and green beans. I tend to add my smell
Speaker 1: everywhere I go, which is who can blame you? All right?
Speaker 1: So for this week's episode, we're going to be talking
Speaker 1: pretty much exclusively about breakups, how to do them, how
Speaker 1: not to do them, why to do them? Well, we
Speaker 1: got into this a little bit last week towards the
Speaker 1: end when you and Becca stopped by. We said, if
Speaker 1: you're long distance, let's say long distance like a plane
Speaker 1: ride away, do you fly to them to break up
Speaker 1: with because it seems extreme, and I think the conclusion
Speaker 1: that we drew from that was depending on how long
Speaker 1: the relationship was, depending how ingrained you two are with
Speaker 1: each other, that it all kind of depends. But I
Speaker 1: think more often than not, it's you can owe it
Speaker 1: to that person to be in person with them while
Speaker 1: you're breaking up with And that's a conclusion that we
Speaker 1: drew last week, and so this week we're going to
Speaker 1: just kind of expand upon that a little bit more.
Speaker 1: And I think that this topic kind of stems a
Speaker 1: little bit from the episode of The Bachelor that we
Speaker 1: watched this week with Ari and um, he kind of
Speaker 1: awkwardly ends it a little bit with with some of them.
Speaker 1: I think that he initially ends it with what is
Speaker 1: her name? Lauren s at the vineyard and NAPA, and
Speaker 1: then he sends Anally's home, and um, yeah, we just
Speaker 1: decided to kind of stem from that a little bit.
Speaker 1: But I got we got this email from Kate actually
Speaker 1: about this very topic. Nice she'd like to weigh in
Speaker 1: love the podcast. I found this week's topic about long
Speaker 1: distance travel for breakups particularly interesting because I have firsthand
Speaker 1: experience with this. Well. I didn't live across the country
Speaker 1: from my then boyfriend. We were three hours up by car,
Speaker 1: and things have been rocking for the last month of
Speaker 1: our two year relationship. I remember vividly one Wednesday morning,
Speaker 1: after a particularly bad fight over the phone, he asked
Speaker 1: if he can come visit me on Friday. I was
Speaker 1: supposed to be the one driving down there, so him
Speaker 1: asking to switch the plants put an uneasy pit in
Speaker 1: my stomach. I asked him, right then, are we okay?
Speaker 1: He said, yeah, but I want to talk. I knew
Speaker 1: in my heart that he was making the trip to
Speaker 1: break up with me, and to be honest, I think
Speaker 1: it would have been easier on me if he had
Speaker 1: just done it on the phone and stayed with the anxiety.
Speaker 1: It broke my heart when you walked out the door
Speaker 1: for the last time. I have a suspicion that most
Speaker 1: people who are about to break up have some idea
Speaker 1: that it's coming, and my experience prolonging the process by
Speaker 1: making a long trip in an ordeal out of it
Speaker 1: causes more heartache than it does. Good m that's Caitlin Tanya.
Speaker 1: I agree with her. I do think that like there
Speaker 1: is like a little bit of a hunch, like you
Speaker 1: feel like it's coming. But um, I'm just speaking from
Speaker 1: personal experience. I feel like you guess, I don't know
Speaker 1: how long did you say how long they were together?
Speaker 1: Two years? I feel like you owe it to that
Speaker 1: person to do it to face to face and not
Speaker 1: just me personally. I agree. I met someone yesterday, a
Speaker 1: friend of a friend. We basically it was like all
Speaker 1: three of us just went and got coffee and Jacob beer,
Speaker 1: and she was telling me how she just ended her
Speaker 1: three year relationship with her boyfriend, like two weeks ago,
Speaker 1: the very first day of the year, and how she
Speaker 1: woke up in the morning realized that she didn't want
Speaker 1: to be with her boyfriend anymore, her boyfriend of three years,
Speaker 1: and then they literally spent the entire day together, essentially
Speaker 1: breaking up with each other, closing that door, and like
Speaker 1: allowing themselves to move on. It's still a little bit
Speaker 1: different because one of them didn't travel together. There's location,
Speaker 1: But it's like, I think that the best way to
Speaker 1: break up with someone, and I'm horrible at breaking up
Speaker 1: with someone. I think that reason number eight thousand, five
Speaker 1: hundred twenty seven that I'm not the Bachelor is because
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to break up with twenty eight women.
Speaker 1: It's just it's awful every time. No matter what, and
Speaker 1: what she was telling me was that she had such
Speaker 1: a a certain level of closure that she's never had
Speaker 1: before because of kind of that prolonged breakup, and it
Speaker 1: just I feel like that she benefited from that. And
Speaker 1: so I think that anytime you're able to like meet
Speaker 1: that person face to face, kind of discuss why it
Speaker 1: didn't work out, kind of have that post mortem right away,
Speaker 1: then it allows you to close that door and open another,
Speaker 1: like a day together breaking up. And I'll admit when
Speaker 1: she was telling me the story, I was like, this
Speaker 1: is kind of weird. She was like, we didn't like
Speaker 1: cook up. There was no like physical spark at all
Speaker 1: while we were breaking up. It was basically just like
Speaker 1: us kind of going through the relationship, understanding why it
Speaker 1: didn't work. And it's like a grand finale, the season
Speaker 1: finale of her relationship. And it seems like a very
Speaker 1: mature way to break up with someone. And I think
Speaker 1: that we all kind of strive for that level of maturity,
Speaker 1: especially in the breakups, because that's kind of often when
Speaker 1: we see ourselves, um the most I guess immature, most volatile, emotionally,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. So if you're able to kind of
Speaker 1: go through that process and and on good terms while
Speaker 1: still closing the door and like hoping the best for
Speaker 1: the next for the other person. And that's like a
Speaker 1: very mature and I think even like if you're not
Speaker 1: in like a long serious relationship and you break up
Speaker 1: with somebody over the phone, Like I was kind of
Speaker 1: dating a guy and he had lived in New York,
Speaker 1: and so it was kind of like it was never
Speaker 1: we were never an official relationship, but we would every
Speaker 1: time we would see each other. He flew out here
Speaker 1: for work a while I was out there, we would,
Speaker 1: you know, would be like we were dating and I'll
Speaker 1: never forget. He called me, and I like just knew.
Speaker 1: I knew something was weird, and he kind of ended
Speaker 1: things over the phone, but in such a mature way.
Speaker 1: He was like, I met somebody out she lives in
Speaker 1: New York, and I really want to give it a shot.
Speaker 1: And it's nothing against you. Was never gonna you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, it was just so such a mature way
Speaker 1: of like ending it that I was like, and they
Speaker 1: had no hard feelings yet it sucked and I cried
Speaker 1: and I was sad, but there was no UM. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I think like I just I respect him
Speaker 1: so much, and I wish that everybody could like take
Speaker 1: a note from from him, because you know, we always
Speaker 1: like try and like either like not ghost but like
Speaker 1: try and just like you know, oh, maybe if I
Speaker 1: stopped hanging out with her as much or maybe you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like try and just go the
Speaker 1: easy way out of things, and if we were all
Speaker 1: just more upfront and honest with each other, I think
Speaker 1: it would make the healing process a lot better for everybody.
Speaker 1: I was gonna share this story last week. It doesn't
Speaker 1: it wasn't me personally, but a friend of mine was
Speaker 1: dating this guy in New York for probably four or
Speaker 1: five or six months, so similar to your that dating experience.
Speaker 1: And I think we had gotten lunch, maybe like back
Speaker 1: in October November or something like that, and I was
Speaker 1: talking to her about it, and she was telling me
Speaker 1: about how, you know, like enthralled with this guy she is,
Speaker 1: and how much she likes him and appreciates him. He
Speaker 1: was like a firefighter in New York or something like that, um,
Speaker 1: and how happy she was. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: she like saw on one of her friends Instagram's a
Speaker 1: video of this other guy who she's always like known
Speaker 1: and admired, and then she saw the video and she
Speaker 1: was like, all of a sudden, something snapped inside of
Speaker 1: her and was like, that's my husband right there, like
Speaker 1: a completely different guy. And apparently she goes to d
Speaker 1: M him. He had already sent her a d M
Speaker 1: from like two years ago or something like that. They
Speaker 1: somehow initiated conversation, begin to FaceTime, and the second they
Speaker 1: start facetiming each other, she's like even more convince It's
Speaker 1: like this is her husband, and he's convinced that she
Speaker 1: is his wife. And then so they like they have
Speaker 1: this like two week relationship where they haven't really met
Speaker 1: each other face to face, but they've been talking every
Speaker 1: day via FaceTime, via text, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: And he lives in Los Angeles while she lives in
Speaker 1: New York and heard the girl that the god she's
Speaker 1: dating still lives in New York. And they decide that
Speaker 1: the guy that she just has been facetiming decides that
Speaker 1: she wants he wants to come to New York to
Speaker 1: visit her, And so she goes to the guy that
Speaker 1: she has been you know, dating whatever in New York
Speaker 1: and says, hey, similar to you, Like, Hey, there's this
Speaker 1: other guy that I feel this like on definable spark with.
Speaker 1: And while I appreciate everything that you and I had
Speaker 1: and everything you've done for me, I think that I
Speaker 1: would owe it to myself to explore this. And so
Speaker 1: even when I talked to her last, I talked to
Speaker 1: her maybe like a month ago, and she was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: even the the guy that I was dating in New
Speaker 1: York before, I'm this guy that I'm dating now, Like
Speaker 1: he'll check in on me every once in a while,
Speaker 1: and like he handled it very maturely because we were
Speaker 1: able to end things so amicably and he's like very
Speaker 1: supportive of this new relationship that I have and I
Speaker 1: don't know. Like that again, a kind of an interesting
Speaker 1: story and maybe not necessarily applies to this topic, but
Speaker 1: it's just weird how when you end things so maturely
Speaker 1: like that, it kind of allows you to um grow
Speaker 1: and move on. And so there's a lesson there because
Speaker 1: no one wants to do it. We're all nervous about
Speaker 1: doing it, but maybe if you're just as honest as
Speaker 1: you can possibly be, there's a path to no hard
Speaker 1: feelings or like more closure, so that you're not like
Speaker 1: in this perpetual pattern of pain, right, Because isn't it
Speaker 1: better to make said that before? Yeah, the perpetual pattern
Speaker 1: of pain? Yeah, I tend to do it to myself.
Speaker 1: It's better to leave them sad than to leave them bitter,
Speaker 1: angry and question marks and question mark right, like when
Speaker 1: you just get ghosted. Ashley is on the phone, Dean. Well,
Speaker 1: so it's nice about this episode before we jump on
Speaker 1: this phone call with Ashley is. Ashley is a friend
Speaker 1: of all of us in the in the studio here,
Speaker 1: and she I don't know if we're gonna get into
Speaker 1: this with her specifically, but she just broke up with
Speaker 1: her boyfriend face to face. And then we're gonna call
Speaker 1: her other friend, Brittany, who broke up with her boyfriend
Speaker 1: over the phone, and so we're gonna kind of get
Speaker 1: both of their experiences. We're gonna get Analysa's experience with
Speaker 1: the breakup on television, So we're gonna get a couple
Speaker 1: of different perspectives here, which would be nice. I like it, Actually,
Speaker 1: are you there, I'm here? What's up? Ash How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? How are you? I'm good? Thanks for taking
Speaker 1: the time to call in. I know we discussed a
Speaker 1: little bit the other day about kind of how all
Speaker 1: of this was going to go. Um, but today we're
Speaker 1: talking about breakups and we know that you just got
Speaker 1: out of a long term relationship and we appreciate you
Speaker 1: calling in and talking a little bit about it. Of course,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me. I hope that your former boyfriend
Speaker 1: is not a listener to this podcast, or do we
Speaker 1: hope that he is. I really hope not either already
Speaker 1: of like his his girls, like friends that are girls,
Speaker 1: because I know that they're this podcast so well. I
Speaker 1: think if they're listening out there, thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: That's all I can say. All right, So tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit more about it, can you guys? Can
Speaker 1: you give I guess the listeners a little bit of
Speaker 1: a background. I know that, um, I kind of filled
Speaker 1: them in. Like I said, you guys have been dating
Speaker 1: for a little bit. And what we're really discussing today
Speaker 1: is maybe like the proper way to break up with
Speaker 1: someone or even just like experiences that we've had with
Speaker 1: breaking up with people, UM, so that other people can
Speaker 1: kind of learn from it. Yeah, I think that it
Speaker 1: all just depends. Like our relationship was long distance. So
Speaker 1: I think that when you're dating someone for you know,
Speaker 1: X amounts of years, then I guess the proper way
Speaker 1: to do it is to like tell them to their face.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to be broken up to the
Speaker 1: like in front of I don't know if like face
Speaker 1: to face. That's so nerve wracking because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, you can't change it, right, It's like
Speaker 1: you're not going to change their mind or convince them otherwise.
Speaker 1: So I guess it's some type of closure thing. How
Speaker 1: did you and your boyfriend break up? Because I thought
Speaker 1: you guys did break up face to face? We did.
Speaker 1: We did, which is why I was like really nervous,
Speaker 1: and I initially wanted to do it over text, and
Speaker 1: then he kind of said, like no, I deserve like
Speaker 1: for you to sit down and do it face to face.
Speaker 1: But we were long distance, so the only way that
Speaker 1: I can do that is for me to drive three
Speaker 1: a half hours to him and like slit there. And
Speaker 1: the sad part is he didn't let me leave after that,
Speaker 1: so like felt trapped and it was the most uncomfortable
Speaker 1: awkward thing because here he is like trying to convince me,
Speaker 1: like no, no, no, we're meant to be, like, this
Speaker 1: is what I could work on, Here's what I can do,
Speaker 1: here's what can change. It's like no, no, no, you
Speaker 1: don't understand. This is not not for me, Like this
Speaker 1: is me breaking up with you, and we just have
Speaker 1: to like accept that and walk away. So I think
Speaker 1: that's the hardest part about breaking up with someone's in
Speaker 1: person is just like that awkward encounter of like seeing
Speaker 1: that person face to face and not being able to
Speaker 1: just like walk away or turn around when you can.
Speaker 1: And that's exactly what you're trying to avoid, was having
Speaker 1: him giving him the opportunity to kind of talk you
Speaker 1: out of it. It sounds like right right, right yeah,
Speaker 1: because at the I mean, at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you don't want to hurt anyone. It's never your intention to,
Speaker 1: you know, do that. And so I think that that
Speaker 1: was what fucking thing, But over text, I could all
Speaker 1: be avoided what He wouldn't let me leave his house.
Speaker 1: He literally was just like, no, just stay for one
Speaker 1: more hour. This is the last time I'm going to
Speaker 1: see you. Then it was like no, just like sleep
Speaker 1: in the morning like the least, and I'm just like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you don't understand, like this is goodbye forever, Like I
Speaker 1: hope that we can be friends one day, but this
Speaker 1: is just not working out, Like I don't have to
Speaker 1: say that like five different languages. I don't understand. But
Speaker 1: don't you think that after the three year relationship that
Speaker 1: you guys had, you did kind of owe it to
Speaker 1: him to have it face to face? And I'm glad
Speaker 1: that you didn't do it over text, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: that he's glad, and maybe in hindsight you might be
Speaker 1: as well. Or do you still feel like you wish
Speaker 1: you had done it over text over the phone? No,
Speaker 1: I think face to face definitely brings closure, and it's
Speaker 1: it kind of steals the deal. As as sad and
Speaker 1: heartbreaking as it is, you do oh that to your
Speaker 1: person because if you think about it, you spent however
Speaker 1: many years with someone and they kind of get this
Speaker 1: part of you and a part of your heart. I guess,
Speaker 1: and I don't know that those are experiences that you
Speaker 1: kind of will ever get back and hopefully ones that
Speaker 1: you can cherish unless something horrible happened, you know, if
Speaker 1: someone cheated or you know, whatever, But if it ends
Speaker 1: on a healthy out and face to face isok good.
Speaker 1: It does bring closure, and at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: it kind of it's a heartbreak face to face, and
Speaker 1: you know, feelings are hurt, but they're able to kind
Speaker 1: of move on and figure out like, Okay, I guess
Speaker 1: this is it. Now onto the next chapter of my life.
Speaker 1: And what was the reason for you, guys any of
Speaker 1: the relationship. I think the long distance was the hardest part.
Speaker 1: And when you're young, you know, in twenty three, so
Speaker 1: it's kind of you're just figuring out this stage of
Speaker 1: your life with your career and like post college and
Speaker 1: figuring out your friends and living in like a new city.
Speaker 1: And I think that you kind of have to discover
Speaker 1: yourself before you try and love somebody else, because how
Speaker 1: do you love someone else if you don't love yourself yet?
Speaker 1: And I think that the like the most difficult decision
Speaker 1: to make and to kind of recognize. And we had
Speaker 1: an adult conversation about it, which was amazing. And that
Speaker 1: was pretty recent, wasn't it. Yeah, that was pretty recent.
Speaker 1: He's awesome, He's incredible. It just it never works out
Speaker 1: to what you wanted to in long distance is so tough,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know how people do international long distance
Speaker 1: or let alone, like with another state. He lived in
Speaker 1: the same state as me, just you know, four hours
Speaker 1: or and a half four hours away, and it was
Speaker 1: still very difficult. Granted he like traveled the world for
Speaker 1: her like him, But do you do you kind of
Speaker 1: look at it like this, like if so so you
Speaker 1: guys ended things on a good note or at least
Speaker 1: on a positive as positive as it possibly could be
Speaker 1: to allow you and him to kind of have the
Speaker 1: time to work on yourselves. Do you kind of like
Speaker 1: that because it enables you or gives you the opportunity
Speaker 1: to maybe circle back in, you know, five six years
Speaker 1: after you're able to kind of focus on yourself a
Speaker 1: little bit. Or is it something where once you've broken
Speaker 1: up someone, there's no interest ever getting back with that
Speaker 1: person again. No, I always leave that door open. It
Speaker 1: depends it depends on like it depends on who it is.
Speaker 1: Like with this guy, for sure, I can definitely see
Speaker 1: myself like being with him, and you know, however many
Speaker 1: years and but with another guy that I've dated, I
Speaker 1: dated for like five months or you know whatever, I
Speaker 1: could never picture my fis like that breakup. I will
Speaker 1: never go back to that only we can only be friends.
Speaker 1: But there's probably one guy that I can say that with,
Speaker 1: and that's probably this guy, the one we're talking. The
Speaker 1: interesting thing about it, too, is once you begin to
Speaker 1: work on yourself a little bit more and focus on yourself,
Speaker 1: you could be a completely different person in the next
Speaker 1: four or five years. And it might just be moved anyways.
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, definitely, I don't even feel like I'm
Speaker 1: the same person I was three years ago when we
Speaker 1: first met, So it would just every I feel like
Speaker 1: you're constantly involving and hopefully you change with your person.
Speaker 1: But sometimes you guys aren't on the same pace and
Speaker 1: you go at different speeds, and that's okay when you're
Speaker 1: when you're young, it doesn't matter what how old you are.
Speaker 1: You need to discover yourself first and then circle back
Speaker 1: when the time is right. That's interesting that because that
Speaker 1: touches a lot of what we've talked about just recently,
Speaker 1: is the long distance, the breaking up face to face
Speaker 1: over the instead of over the phone, all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. So that pretty much covers everything that we
Speaker 1: talked about just lately, Um, And how are you doing
Speaker 1: now with everything? You guys don't talk anymore? You're kind
Speaker 1: of completely severe communication or we kind of cut it
Speaker 1: off till cold Turkey in the beginning, and now we're
Speaker 1: actually friends, which is amazing, and um, I'm seeing him
Speaker 1: for dinner to night to rekindle the romance or just
Speaker 1: too it might be a little too soon, I think
Speaker 1: ash to be honest, I know I think so too.
Speaker 1: But we we had another adult conversation about it and
Speaker 1: just said like, hey, we were best friends before we
Speaker 1: were even lovers, and so that kind of takes precedent
Speaker 1: of what we can rekindle before we can build into
Speaker 1: our relationship. He's not going to let you leave the restaurant.
Speaker 1: I know. That's why I'm going to be in a
Speaker 1: public setting that way, I could screen help just in
Speaker 1: case that's not bad. Tany is over here shaking her head.
Speaker 1: I just I feel I just feel like he'll get
Speaker 1: his hopes up thinking like he's going to be able
Speaker 1: to win you back over. And that's how what I think.
Speaker 1: I think He's just trying to guy who thinks you
Speaker 1: can win you back over. That's why he wanted you
Speaker 1: to stay at his house all that long. He thought,
Speaker 1: if you stay longer, he's got a shot until you
Speaker 1: walk out the door. He still got to and now
Speaker 1: he really has had some time to like give the
Speaker 1: reasons why he thinks you guys should stay together, and
Speaker 1: he can really explain it over a nice meal and
Speaker 1: some wine. Meal to him as the door opening a crack. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is him courting me tonight. Yes, basically, is this
Speaker 1: a bad idea? Should I fail? Yes? No? Am I
Speaker 1: going to have to do to break up all over
Speaker 1: again today? I feel I think it's going to feel
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, I think I'm going to do the
Speaker 1: text one tonight, probably to bail. If you do what
Speaker 1: I'm going through with it, just make sure you keep
Speaker 1: everything very light. I would say, you know, don't talk
Speaker 1: about like the past relationship, don't talk about I don't know,
Speaker 1: don't don't allow that door to reopen just yet at
Speaker 1: the very least, But maintain that friendship if you guys
Speaker 1: were friends beforehand. And that's only if you do decide
Speaker 1: to go through with it again. Tanya advises not to.
Speaker 1: But you obviously know yourself in the relationship a little
Speaker 1: bit better than we do. Yeah, we agreed to like
Speaker 1: not talked about the past, and we agreed to just
Speaker 1: talk about the people that we are right now and
Speaker 1: moving forward, and hopefully that he's on the same page
Speaker 1: as me. I guess well, I guess we'll see. We'll
Speaker 1: have to circle back with you and see how it
Speaker 1: all goes. But actually, thank you so much for calling
Speaker 1: in and sharing that with us. Of course, thanks for
Speaker 1: having me, thanks to the advice. Yeah, we'll talk to you.
Speaker 1: Let's follow up with that, Okay, good luck. Bye. So
Speaker 1: next up we have Ashley's perspective of breaking up face
Speaker 1: to face. I don't really know how well it's going
Speaker 1: for her if she's getting dinner with her ex boyfriends tonight.
Speaker 1: But next up we have Brittany, who's also a friend
Speaker 1: of the podcast, who, on the contrary to that, has
Speaker 1: broken up with someone recently over text. So let's see
Speaker 1: what she has to say. Brett, are you there? Hi? Guys, Hey,
Speaker 1: how are you good? How are you good? So we
Speaker 1: just had Ashley on the phone, obviously, you know Ashley, Um,
Speaker 1: she was just telling us about how she broke up
Speaker 1: with her boyfriend face to face. Listen a little bit
Speaker 1: more about your situation. So I think we talked about
Speaker 1: a little bit about this the other day, and you
Speaker 1: broke up with someone over text, so we want to
Speaker 1: hear kind of your side on things and why you
Speaker 1: did it that way and what the pros and cons
Speaker 1: to it are. I guess yeah, well I was going
Speaker 1: to do it face to face. I felt like I
Speaker 1: kind of owed that to him, but um, we were
Speaker 1: texting one night and he kind of prompted me and
Speaker 1: like opened up a door for me to go ahead
Speaker 1: and just do it through text, Like he was like,
Speaker 1: I can tell you've been off, Like is there something
Speaker 1: going on? Is everything okay between us? And so instead
Speaker 1: of just being like yeah, it's fine and like waiting
Speaker 1: to do it in person, I just thought I should
Speaker 1: do it right then. So I did, and it was
Speaker 1: definitely I a lot. It was really harder doing doing
Speaker 1: it over a text because he didn't like quite get it,
Speaker 1: and it took me three hours to explain to him,
Speaker 1: like until he finally was like, okay, we're done, Like
Speaker 1: I get it, just breaking up with me. But I
Speaker 1: was just like trying to be nice about it, I think,
Speaker 1: and then through text it's just really hard to communicate
Speaker 1: and I personally would not do it over a text again.
Speaker 1: Can you give us a little bit of backstory? How
Speaker 1: long were you too, like dating for how serious were
Speaker 1: you guys all that kind of stuff. We were dating
Speaker 1: for three months, Um, I mean we weren't dating anyone else,
Speaker 1: so we were pretty serious. Uh. He did live a
Speaker 1: little bit over an hour away, so it was in
Speaker 1: those three months. I think we saw each other like
Speaker 1: between ten to twelve times, so that's a lot of times.
Speaker 1: It's like four times a month, once a week. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we tried to make it work. Um, and then I
Speaker 1: think that he was just moving a lot faster than
Speaker 1: I wasn't it. And I just wanted to be honest
Speaker 1: with him and break it up when he gave me
Speaker 1: the opportunity to. And so you were saying you were
Speaker 1: planning on doing it face to face, but once the
Speaker 1: door or once the window of opportunity to do it
Speaker 1: via tex was open, I can see how you You
Speaker 1: you kind of like get fed up almost where you're like,
Speaker 1: all right, well, if you're gonna give me this opportunity,
Speaker 1: m as well just strike while it can and and
Speaker 1: just take care of it. It was such a weight
Speaker 1: off my shoulders to like once that happened. How long
Speaker 1: ago was this? This was the day before Christmas Eve?
Speaker 1: So Christmas Eve Eve, Yes exactly, but I also felt
Speaker 1: bad about doing it. Then. I wanted to wait till
Speaker 1: after the holidays, but I couldn't do it. Was he heartbroken?
Speaker 1: Did he not handle it well? I know it took
Speaker 1: three hours to convince him. He did not handle it
Speaker 1: well at all. I felt so bad. I still get
Speaker 1: like the weekly text being like if I want to
Speaker 1: meet up and like try to figure out like a
Speaker 1: common ground between the two of us. But I think
Speaker 1: it's done on my end at least. Wait, breat Can
Speaker 1: we talk about this for a second, because you told
Speaker 1: me the story not too long ago. Can we can
Speaker 1: we dive a little bit deeper? Or do you wanted
Speaker 1: to leave it at that? Yeah, we can dive deeper. Well,
Speaker 1: not necessarily deeper, but I just want to share. Can
Speaker 1: you can we share? Um? Maybe? Because that was the
Speaker 1: holiday season? Right? So how did the how did the
Speaker 1: breakup fold unfold? I guess more specifically because there was
Speaker 1: a piece of that that you're leaving out if I
Speaker 1: remember correctly, Wait, like before, like the day before it happened. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying in the spirit. He was very much
Speaker 1: in the spirit of Christmas. He was like every date
Speaker 1: he would bring me a gift. Um. And then for
Speaker 1: the date like before Christmas, he picked me up and
Speaker 1: we were going to go to your show. And he
Speaker 1: picked me up and when I got into his car,
Speaker 1: he like reached into the back feet and had a
Speaker 1: basket of about I don't know, like ten of fifteen
Speaker 1: gifts wrapped in Christmas wrap, and I mixed CD in there,
Speaker 1: and I literally had nothing for him, Like I had
Speaker 1: no idea we were doing Christmas gifts or that we
Speaker 1: were ever going to do that. And so do you
Speaker 1: think that kind of prompted the breakup or would you
Speaker 1: did you already have that in mind a little bit? Um,
Speaker 1: It definitely you know, encouraged me to do it because
Speaker 1: he was way more into it, and it freaked me
Speaker 1: out that he did all that. So yeah, definitely had
Speaker 1: a um, definite key and that break up. And I
Speaker 1: think it's safe to say that you kept kept all
Speaker 1: the gifts as you should. I mean I had already
Speaker 1: opened up one of the bottles of wine that were
Speaker 1: in there, so I couldn't give that back anyways. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and once you once you crack up in the first bottle,
Speaker 1: I mean you might as well to keep everything else well,
Speaker 1: I think that the lesson and the takeaway from this
Speaker 1: is kind of what we've been saying consistently as well
Speaker 1: as I mean, they did it for three months, and
Speaker 1: I think that three months is an appropriate amount of
Speaker 1: time to be able to break up with someone over text, um, Brittany,
Speaker 1: as you know, we just said Ashley on the phone,
Speaker 1: and she said that they were dating for three years,
Speaker 1: and I think that breaking up with someone over text
Speaker 1: of three years is a little bit different than three months.
Speaker 1: I agree, all right, Well, it's nice to have that perspective.
Speaker 1: How are things now? He you said, he still texts
Speaker 1: you every once in a while to see how you're doing.
Speaker 1: He does, Yeah, I just um, I put on my
Speaker 1: red receipts so that he knows I see them, and
Speaker 1: I'm responding, that's actually so good. That's so good. Britney
Speaker 1: is a savage. It's so good. I love turning on
Speaker 1: yours just to rub it in their. Is it red
Speaker 1: receipts or read receipts? I say read receipts, Well it
Speaker 1: means they read it, but well they are spelled. The
Speaker 1: same works for both. I'm going to stick with read
Speaker 1: read receipts, all right, all right, Brittany, Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for sharing that with us, and um, I mean,
Speaker 1: good luck with everything. I know that, like you said,
Speaker 1: he reaches out all the time. So maybe maybe he'll
Speaker 1: convince you one way or the other to kind of
Speaker 1: continue dating. And we'll see. Yeah, we'll see about that.
Speaker 1: We'll see. Well, good luck, enjoy your wine, enjoy all
Speaker 1: your gifts, and talk to you soon. All right, what's
Speaker 1: the ground? I know it just hurts me. I like
Speaker 1: sympathize with the person getting broken up with because I'm
Speaker 1: just always the one getting broken up with, so my
Speaker 1: heart hurts for the other party. And because in life
Speaker 1: there are dumpers and there are dumpies pretty persistently. You're
Speaker 1: a dumpy. I'm a dumpy. I would wady rather be
Speaker 1: a dumpy than a dumper. But what have you been
Speaker 1: historically the dumper? Yeah? I think I think it's a
Speaker 1: healthy mixture of both. Have been dumped a bit, okay,
Speaker 1: But I've deserved to be dumped whenever I get dumped.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to deny that. Like when you get dumped,
Speaker 1: do you think you deserve to be dumped? Nos? Dump?
Speaker 1: But like like for the for Ashley, our first caller
Speaker 1: when she said that her boyfriend wanted to have dinner.
Speaker 1: They want to get dinner. I can sympathize with him
Speaker 1: because I was after my three year relationship. I just
Speaker 1: wanted anything like any little crack, like we kept a
Speaker 1: friendship and that kept me hopeful that we'd get back together.
Speaker 1: And when I found out that that wasn't going to happen,
Speaker 1: I basically just said, we cannot speak anymore because it's
Speaker 1: given keep like keeping the hope alive. Actually, these guys
Speaker 1: literally rehearsing all of the things dinner tonight to try
Speaker 1: to win her heart. Yeah, and that hurts my heart.
Speaker 1: I feel for him, like I that's why I told
Speaker 1: her not to go, because for him it's better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a tough one. I think that the only way
Speaker 1: that I can relate to that story from Ashley's ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend's perspective is there was a girl that I did
Speaker 1: in college who I was obsessed with us even after
Speaker 1: we broke up, Like I constantly tried to like, let's
Speaker 1: get dinner, Let's like at least meet up and have
Speaker 1: a conversation, and she did a very good job of
Speaker 1: shutting me out and not allowing that to happen, but
Speaker 1: like once every nine months to a year she would
Speaker 1: be like, all right, let's go talk about things over
Speaker 1: lunch or something like that, or like we'd see each
Speaker 1: other at a party and like we would have this long,
Speaker 1: you know, heartfelt conversation. And all that does for me
Speaker 1: is like reopen up a potential avenue for us to
Speaker 1: get back together. When she's clearly shut that possibility out
Speaker 1: of her mind, regardless of what said or what happens,
Speaker 1: like that's not a possibility for her anymore. But I
Speaker 1: continue to kind of cling onto that possible, um, and
Speaker 1: that only just leads to hurting a little bit more pains.
Speaker 1: So I understand what she's saying. Um, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's definitely as the dumpy, I can see the appeal
Speaker 1: of getting dinner, But as the dumper, it should almost
Speaker 1: be like no tany when you you were blindsided the
Speaker 1: big one, the big breakup that was face to face,
Speaker 1: that was a via FaceTime. FaceTime. I think FaceTime is
Speaker 1: the bridge between phone calls and well, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: phone calls nowadays are so rare that it is almost
Speaker 1: more personal than it used to be. You know, it's
Speaker 1: a step up from text, but I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't mind the phone called breakup of its long distance.
Speaker 1: But so he was in another state FaceTime. You did
Speaker 1: not see it coming. Did you vomited literally vomited? Did
Speaker 1: you get an inkling? Did you start to get nauses
Speaker 1: as you kind of felt, are we heading down this
Speaker 1: road right now? No idea? Until he said it, you
Speaker 1: had no idea, no idea. But then after he after
Speaker 1: it happened, I was like going back in the weeks
Speaker 1: prior and like he was being like wishy washy about
Speaker 1: making plans for like holiday weekends and like things like that.
Speaker 1: That was like, how did I not see this? It
Speaker 1: was August four years and you did vomit, vomited and
Speaker 1: then well, well yeah, I put it down. I went
Speaker 1: and vomited, and then I had grab my whole family
Speaker 1: was in town because it was my dad's birthday. So
Speaker 1: I grabbed my sister because I kind of blacked out,
Speaker 1: like I wasn't like seeing straight, Like I was not
Speaker 1: blacked out, but like I just knew that four years
Speaker 1: into a relationship. So I grabbed my sister, and I
Speaker 1: had my sister stand on the other side of my
Speaker 1: phone so she could hear everything he was saying so
Speaker 1: that she could like tell me after the fact, because
Speaker 1: I knew that I would just wasn't going to hear
Speaker 1: anything he was saying. It was very traumatic. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: let's let's go back to that for a second. Then,
Speaker 1: how do you think for our listener's sake, do you
Speaker 1: think that there's a way that he could have handled
Speaker 1: it better or you could have handled it better had
Speaker 1: he saw you in person, or it had you done
Speaker 1: it over a text. How would you have preferred that
Speaker 1: to go down? Obviously knowing that the breakup was going
Speaker 1: to happen in hindsight, right, how do you wish he
Speaker 1: went about it? If? I guess there's like no perfect
Speaker 1: there's no perfect science to it. Um. I I wish
Speaker 1: that I would have maybe had a little of a
Speaker 1: heads up, but this was coming, like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe lobbying a text saying hey, things, I
Speaker 1: really needed to talk about things. Things aren't going great,
Speaker 1: Like can we talk, like maybe just like a buffer
Speaker 1: text and so I know that something's coming. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like being blindsided completely is like a lot. And um,
Speaker 1: I don't know if being in person would have helped
Speaker 1: at the time, I was like, what an whole He
Speaker 1: didn't fly out to do this, but I don't know
Speaker 1: if that would have helped in hindsight, what was his reason?
Speaker 1: That's a whole. We don't need to get into it.
Speaker 1: The family stuff is do you think was the like
Speaker 1: family religion? Oh, I think you talked about this with
Speaker 1: Becca last Yeah, sub in with Becca Tilly. If you
Speaker 1: don't listen to that podcas us to be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in. Yeah, yeah, it was. It was a lot.
Speaker 1: It was big, bigger issues that um and you think
Speaker 1: those are real, right? That was just an excuse totally, yes.
Speaker 1: And there was a lot of like he had health
Speaker 1: issues in the family that I think was like kind
Speaker 1: of just making making everything like more intense in his life.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Making decisions like okay, I need
Speaker 1: to like do this and he's married now, he's married now?
Speaker 1: When he when he dropped the bomb on face time?
Speaker 1: How long was it till the end of the conversation.
Speaker 1: It was pretty long. I think I was on the
Speaker 1: FaceTime for like maybe half an hour. I had a
Speaker 1: thing with a young lady who lived in Pennsylvania and
Speaker 1: I had to end it over the phone, and I
Speaker 1: called her and said, hey, I don't think things are
Speaker 1: going blah blah blah, and then she just said okay, bye,
Speaker 1: hung up. I did not speak to her clean break well.
Speaker 1: She goes okay by click and how are you guys
Speaker 1: diating for like three months? Four months? Yeah? I think that, um,
Speaker 1: like when you're know, when somebody's explaining the reasons why,
Speaker 1: like and I think when you're so in love, you're
Speaker 1: blinded by things and you just think, like, oh, in
Speaker 1: due time, he'll come around, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like who want to raise our kids this way? Or
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I think we kind
Speaker 1: of trick ourselves into thinking that your love is so
Speaker 1: strong that it's going to beat all those things. Right
Speaker 1: if the stages you're in denial, this is not happening,
Speaker 1: he'll come around anger. How dare he? That? A whole bargaining?
Speaker 1: Right when I was like, oh, if I love to Arizona,
Speaker 1: I don't depression when it's starting to sink in acceptance
Speaker 1: and then you can move on. When are we going
Speaker 1: to get to that party right now? Acceptance of so bargaining?
Speaker 1: I know you're married, but Dean, what do you do
Speaker 1: want to work out because you're looking good over there. Thanks. Thanks.
Speaker 1: Mark was commenting on your arms, uh bis and tries
Speaker 1: to be specific, that's biceps and triceps for those at home,
Speaker 1: for the lesser in fort the front arm, in the
Speaker 1: back arm. So one of my things is I focused
Speaker 1: solely on the glamour muscles, which are the bias that
Speaker 1: tries the chest and the and the apps. Um. But
Speaker 1: it's it's everyone, you know, it's kind of sets resolutions
Speaker 1: for themselves to to eat healthier, go to the gym more.
Speaker 1: And you see a reflection of that when you try
Speaker 1: and go to the gym, you'll see, you know, the
Speaker 1: gym's packed like, uh, like a can of sardines. You
Speaker 1: can't really use any of the machines you want, you
Speaker 1: can't use any the weights you want, a lot of
Speaker 1: things are missing. You really have to wait your turn,
Speaker 1: and it's not really conducive to getting as in shape
Speaker 1: as you want. So one best, one great way to
Speaker 1: curb that is just to work out at home. And
Speaker 1: me specifically, I have issues with like I'll tell myself
Speaker 1: all day that I'm gonna go to the gym later
Speaker 1: at night, and then I just don't want to go
Speaker 1: through the process of getting to the gym. So it's
Speaker 1: nice about Beach Body is you don't have to go
Speaker 1: through the process of getting to the gym or going
Speaker 1: to the yoga studio or going to the workout class
Speaker 1: because you can just do it in your home, on
Speaker 1: your Apple TV, on your real coup whatever it is.
Speaker 1: UM Essentially, what you do is is they have all
Speaker 1: these different workouts designed for you for whatever mood you're in.
Speaker 1: If you want to have just a relaxed cardio or
Speaker 1: relaxed yoga, you can do that. If you want to
Speaker 1: um Tutania's point, if you want to go all out
Speaker 1: forty five minutes, they have that as well. So they
Speaker 1: have like under thirty minute workouts, dance workouts, extreme result workouts,
Speaker 1: low impact cardio, all this stuff that's really going to
Speaker 1: be suitable for exactly what you're looking for. And the
Speaker 1: best part about it is that it's in your own home,
Speaker 1: so you don't have to wait around for a machine.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be worried about being embarrassed in
Speaker 1: front of people. I sometimes worry that people are like
Speaker 1: looking at me, and you know they're not you know
Speaker 1: they're not looking at you, but you still have this
Speaker 1: weird feeling that they are UM and sometimes you know what,
Speaker 1: if you're feeling good after you maybe use Beach Body
Speaker 1: for a little bit, then you can go to the
Speaker 1: gym and show everyone the new results that you've been
Speaker 1: working on. UM. You know what this is also genius
Speaker 1: is if you have a workout DVD at home, it
Speaker 1: gets so monotonous to do the exact same DVD every
Speaker 1: day because you just have to memorize every little thing
Speaker 1: that they say, and a person in the backs easy
Speaker 1: is at one point you remember exact because you memorize it.
Speaker 1: But there's so many that you can choose from on here.
Speaker 1: There's over six hundred different ones, different every day for
Speaker 1: what is that almost two years almost. They're always adding
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Speaker 1: adding new programs. If you go on Beach Body, you
Speaker 1: can actually order some like resistance spans as well. So
Speaker 1: once you get used to the body way and moving
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Speaker 1: to improve, UM, you can jump on the website order
Speaker 1: resistance spans and and even more gear that they have
Speaker 1: on there. And it's deeper than gym membership. I think
Speaker 1: that a lot of people these days are paying, you know,
Speaker 1: in the triple digits for for a monthly gym membership.
Speaker 1: I have some friends that pay like two a month
Speaker 1: for a gym membership, um, and it's just it's crazy
Speaker 1: to me. That's like four thousand dollars a year that
Speaker 1: they're spending just on a membership to go to a
Speaker 1: gym when you can do exactly that and even get
Speaker 1: better results at your home. And if you want to
Speaker 1: try Beach Body, it's honestly, you're gonna see results. You're
Speaker 1: gonna be more motivated to work out because again, you
Speaker 1: don't have to travel to the gym, you're not gonna
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Speaker 1: A end to three zero three zero three zero, you're
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Speaker 1: which means all the workouts, all the nutrition information, which
Speaker 1: we didn't mention, by the way, that's key. The nutrition
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Speaker 1: It is huge because a lot of people think that
Speaker 1: just working out is enough and a lot of times
Speaker 1: you'll see results, but to see really the results that
Speaker 1: Easton has over here and has seen himself. You really
Speaker 1: need to be eating healthy as well. UM, so that's
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Speaker 1: again texting to thirty thirty thirty for beach Body on demand.
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Speaker 1: into it. They have workout routines for all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. And then once you want to start kicking,
Speaker 1: but you're able to kind of kicking and overdrive. Everything
Speaker 1: should be on demand nowadays because it pretty much is
Speaker 1: right use on demand, podcast on demand, your TV shows
Speaker 1: around demand. Finally, this is a genius this idea. Finally, Finally,
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Speaker 1: just like snap your fingers and your body will be
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Speaker 1: and to get in shape like you've wanted to for all.
Speaker 1: And while we're on the subject of breakups and how
Speaker 1: awkward they can be, we have a very special guest
Speaker 1: in studio today, an Alice, who was on this season
Speaker 1: of The Bachelor with Ari. We just watched your episode
Speaker 1: and her and Ari how to split, and we're excited
Speaker 1: to have her in here and talk a little bit
Speaker 1: more about it. Hi, Alice, how are you? Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for coming and joining me Antonia and Mark
Speaker 1: and Easton. Of course you're a regular at this point.
Speaker 1: This is to day two in around I'm like, finally
Speaker 1: maybe getting a ban of it. I don't know, it
Speaker 1: feels really weird, like having headphones on and talking into Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I've done this for however many months, and I
Speaker 1: still don't have the hang of it at all. But
Speaker 1: it's a slow and steady maturation process. Here we are.
Speaker 1: So we talked a little bit the other day about this,
Speaker 1: and we talked to some callers earlier about breakups, and
Speaker 1: I guess it's great to have you in here because
Speaker 1: you had quite the interesting breakup on The Bachelor. Um,
Speaker 1: do you mind talking a little bit about that? Um no,
Speaker 1: not at all. Uh so, yes, it was the last
Speaker 1: last night. Sure, um it was an epic episode for me.
Speaker 1: Um so I I basically, Um, I had a moment
Speaker 1: with Ari where I put it out there that I
Speaker 1: thought he should be the one to kiss me. I
Speaker 1: wanted him to like be a man and step up
Speaker 1: and make a move and uh and he was like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't think we're there yet. And so obviously that's
Speaker 1: always a really uncomfortable thing for somebody to say that,
Speaker 1: And um, I was slightly taken aback just because he
Speaker 1: had kissed everyone in the house at that point. So
Speaker 1: I kind of felt like, dude, really, like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're on a dating show, Like just maybe pretend to
Speaker 1: like me a little bit. Um. I mean, I'm sort
Speaker 1: of glad at the end of the day because watching
Speaker 1: him kiss all the girls on TV, I'm actually glad
Speaker 1: that we didn't kiss. Uh. Well, so I don't. I've
Speaker 1: never really watched The Bachelor before, and you might find
Speaker 1: that surprising because I've been on three reality TV shows
Speaker 1: this year. I didn't watch Next season. I maybe watched
Speaker 1: like one episode of ben season, but nothing before that,
Speaker 1: and especially not like chronologically as the season's unfolded. And
Speaker 1: have you been a fan of the franchise. I've sort
Speaker 1: of watched them on and off. I guess my question is,
Speaker 1: is this typical of a bachelor to have kissed? Because
Speaker 1: a he's kissing everyone and not just like pex, he's
Speaker 1: like full blown making out with everyone. Is this is
Speaker 1: this like par for the course? I think that's the thing,
Speaker 1: like you totally said it is that I think there
Speaker 1: have been bachelors in the past like kiss you know,
Speaker 1: most of the girls, but not to the extent. I
Speaker 1: mean he is like slobbering all over their face and
Speaker 1: girls are mounting him. I mean it's like really intense
Speaker 1: already on episode three, And so what do you think?
Speaker 1: So when he said that he didn't think that your
Speaker 1: relationship was there for a kiss, what do you think
Speaker 1: that the relationship was lacking that he had with However,
Speaker 1: basically every other cast member at that point, Well, so,
Speaker 1: I mean from the get go, I sort of felt
Speaker 1: that our chemistry was lacking and uh, and I just
Speaker 1: felt like for me, I was a nervous wreck. I
Speaker 1: felt really anxious and I sort of needed him to
Speaker 1: just like give me that moment to be like no,
Speaker 1: I am interested in you, and maybe it would have
Speaker 1: kind of calmed my nerves a little bit just to
Speaker 1: have him leaning for a kiss, and and you know
Speaker 1: I would have been like, Okay, yeah, this is not
Speaker 1: so bad. Um, he actually is interested. But because we
Speaker 1: didn't have that chemistry, you know, it wasn't gonna happen.
Speaker 1: I just kept thinking because for me personally, I've had
Speaker 1: relationships where sometimes it's not until like the fifth date
Speaker 1: that you're kind of like, oh, actually I like this guy. Um,
Speaker 1: So I was like, you know, this could grow, it
Speaker 1: could develop. Also, there are times that sometimes you kissed
Speaker 1: someone and then you're like WHOA. I was not expecting
Speaker 1: to have those feelings come up, and I was thinking, well,
Speaker 1: you know what if we kissed, maybe that could happen
Speaker 1: with us. So I was actually I was. I think
Speaker 1: I was most disappointed at night with his reaction to it,
Speaker 1: because I felt like he wasn't even giving me any
Speaker 1: sort of chance, right, And that was the most disappointing thing.
Speaker 1: I was talking about this a little bit earlier with Ashley.
Speaker 1: I about because you didn't necessarily ask him for a kiss.
Speaker 1: You asked, how did that conversation go? You asked him
Speaker 1: if he was going to kiss you or something like that. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I said something to the effect of, like I've heard
Speaker 1: in the house that most of the girls are saying
Speaker 1: they have to be the one to make the first move,
Speaker 1: and I just feel like it would be really nice
Speaker 1: for you to make that move and kiss me first.
Speaker 1: And then he said what he said, it reminds me
Speaker 1: of on my season when Fred asked Rachel. It's it's different,
Speaker 1: but it's somewhat similar. If I think Fred asked Rachel
Speaker 1: if you could have a kiss, and I feel like
Speaker 1: that's kind of I don't know, I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: of the phrase. I know there's a very specific phrase
Speaker 1: for it's kind of almost like an achilles healed relationship
Speaker 1: is like when you have to not have to, but
Speaker 1: when you bring up that, it kind of makes it.
Speaker 1: It kind of makes it almost too awkward to overcome
Speaker 1: from that point, right right, And like the fact that
Speaker 1: he didn't want to, not maybe he's not even that
Speaker 1: he didn't want to, but the fact that he didn't
Speaker 1: make that move earlier on to establish that chemistry, it
Speaker 1: kind of forced your hand to to kind of even
Speaker 1: create a little bit more awkwardness to be like, well,
Speaker 1: what the hell are you doing? Are you gonna kiss me?
Speaker 1: Or you're gonna kiss me, especially when you're making out
Speaker 1: with all of my friends over here, you know, um,
Speaker 1: and so that's challenging. So do you think that aside
Speaker 1: from that, do you think that if you were to
Speaker 1: go back, you could have handled anything differently? Or would
Speaker 1: you Are you kind of happy with head unfolded? I know,
Speaker 1: like obviously, Um, it was still pretty early on. It
Speaker 1: was like week two or week three or something like that,
Speaker 1: so you didn't really give you a whole lot of
Speaker 1: times to develop like feelings for him. Um, as great
Speaker 1: of a guy as you might be. But are you
Speaker 1: do you like wish you handled anything differently? Because again,
Speaker 1: like you said, if you guys can share a kiss,
Speaker 1: or maybe even if you were around for one more week,
Speaker 1: it would have allowed the relationship to mature so much more. Right,
Speaker 1: And when I did pull him aside and talk to
Speaker 1: him at the end before I left, I I kind
Speaker 1: of was hoping that he was going to say, you
Speaker 1: know what, like, yeah, this I can see that this
Speaker 1: is really stressing you out, and it's a difficult situation.
Speaker 1: But things might get a little bit easier from here.
Speaker 1: It's not going to be as intense like some of
Speaker 1: the dates, and I'd really like for you to stick
Speaker 1: around just to get to know you a little bit better.
Speaker 1: But he was just like, no, you know, uh, but
Speaker 1: I do feel like hindsight is is interesting, you know,
Speaker 1: after watching it all back. Like I said earlier, I
Speaker 1: am actually really glad I didn't kiss him. I I
Speaker 1: don't know what kind of grosses me out watching him
Speaker 1: kiss other girls, And not that I'm like jealous or anything.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, it's a lot of girls don't know
Speaker 1: if I don't know if i'd want to be one
Speaker 1: of one of them. I'll be honest. When I was
Speaker 1: watching it the first time, because admittedly i've seen it
Speaker 1: twice already, when I was when I was watching it
Speaker 1: the first time and you guys were having that initial conversation,
Speaker 1: I was like, he's definitely gonna keep around for at
Speaker 1: least one more week to to see where the relationship
Speaker 1: can go. But when he sent you home or I
Speaker 1: guess when you went home, I don't want to say
Speaker 1: that he sent you home, but when you went home,
Speaker 1: I was pretty shocked because I honestly thought that he
Speaker 1: was gonna, at the very least like be interested to
Speaker 1: see where one more week might lead you guys to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean in that conversation too, it was it was
Speaker 1: a longer conversation that was that was cut down a bit,
Speaker 1: and he was like, I really love all these things
Speaker 1: about you, and um, you know, so I do feel
Speaker 1: like he saw a lot in me. He just we
Speaker 1: both knew that it wasn't there and uh. And I
Speaker 1: think he at that point he had already established some
Speaker 1: really really strong relationships, and I think that was also
Speaker 1: difficult because he he was having a hard time seeing
Speaker 1: past those And I think that was part of my
Speaker 1: problem being there too, is that I was I was
Speaker 1: seeing those relationships form and thinking like, Okay, he's already
Speaker 1: made up his mind, you know, and he's not even
Speaker 1: like I felt like his body language towards me, like
Speaker 1: everything was just kind of not interested. So I really
Speaker 1: felt like I was trying so hard, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why am I trying this hard for a guy that
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not even sure I'm into, right, because you
Speaker 1: haven't had the time to build that correction exactly. So
Speaker 1: do you think in the spirit of this conversation that
Speaker 1: we're having on this podcast, specifically the spirit of of
Speaker 1: breakups and how to go about them. Do you think
Speaker 1: that there's anything that maybe he could have done? Because
Speaker 1: as a viewer, I was surprised to see it happen
Speaker 1: on the spot like that, um, instead of either at
Speaker 1: the road ceremony or stead of even just giving one
Speaker 1: more week, like giving it one more week. So do
Speaker 1: you think that there's something that he could have done
Speaker 1: differently that would have been better for you or for him,
Speaker 1: or for anything, or maybe even on your side? Um?
Speaker 1: I mean for me personally, I'll just say that it
Speaker 1: was a huge kind of growing moment for me because
Speaker 1: I kept thinking that night I was really struggling with
Speaker 1: like do I confront him or not? And if I
Speaker 1: would have been at a party and there was a
Speaker 1: guy I was dating who was kind of like being
Speaker 1: aloof for acting the way he was, I would have
Speaker 1: just up and left, Like I wouldn't have said anything.
Speaker 1: I would have just left and then never talked to
Speaker 1: him probably again. In this in this hypothetical situation, this
Speaker 1: boy that you're dating is not also making out with
Speaker 1: fourteen other groups, right, But that's the thing, Like I
Speaker 1: usually am a non confrontational person, Like I do not
Speaker 1: like to um to call somebody out on anything. So
Speaker 1: for me, like having to go up to him and
Speaker 1: actually say something to him took so much courage and
Speaker 1: so much uh strength from like on my part, just
Speaker 1: because it's not how I usually act. So for me,
Speaker 1: I felt like that was actually it was a very
Speaker 1: it was a good moment, like to learn that about
Speaker 1: myself that I can do that. You know. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just like you guys have both been on the show,
Speaker 1: so maybe you like get it more. But like I
Speaker 1: can't imagine dating somebody that you know is like how
Speaker 1: awkward to like be in a group of girls and
Speaker 1: having all these girls be like, oh, yeah, I kissed
Speaker 1: him it was good, or I made the move and
Speaker 1: just like talking, but you're talking about the same guy.
Speaker 1: Like I can't even date more than one person at
Speaker 1: a time. Same Like I just am not built that way,
Speaker 1: you know what. I think some people are really good
Speaker 1: at like having the burners and like, you know, doing
Speaker 1: all that. It's so hard for me to do that.
Speaker 1: So like just imagining myself having a conversation with girls
Speaker 1: that I'm becoming friends with talking about the same guy
Speaker 1: and we're all making out with him, I would literally
Speaker 1: lose my marbles and not only that too, but coupled
Speaker 1: with the uncertainty or or kind of the understanding that
Speaker 1: your relationship isn't the strongest with him as the others
Speaker 1: are because my situation might be a little bit different.
Speaker 1: I was woefully certain wrong. Might I ad that I
Speaker 1: that I had the strongest relationship out of all the guys?
Speaker 1: So when people have those conversations, I was like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just you know, that doesn't matter. That's all semantics
Speaker 1: at this point, because my relationship is the strongest. Um.
Speaker 1: But if you're if you don't necessarily feel as strongly
Speaker 1: about the relationship that you have, then I can definitely
Speaker 1: see why you would kind of need like a validation
Speaker 1: of the relationship to be like, hey, if this relationship
Speaker 1: is going to go any further, like I need this
Speaker 1: from you, and I want you to at least express
Speaker 1: physically that we're interested in each other and that there
Speaker 1: will be a potential for relationship moving forward. Um, it
Speaker 1: was just really weird. I thought that kind of how
Speaker 1: it all unfolded, it was it was, I mean, it
Speaker 1: was a super uncomfortable, awkward evening yeah. I mean even
Speaker 1: living through it and then watching it back was probably
Speaker 1: even worse, but you know, it happened, it's done. I
Speaker 1: lived through it. I'm I definitely don't regret going on
Speaker 1: the show. I am so happy that I did not
Speaker 1: end up with all. I will just say, not that
Speaker 1: I think he's like a terrible guy or anythink he's
Speaker 1: just not my person. And if I would have continued
Speaker 1: on the journey, I'm pretty sure I would have started
Speaker 1: to develop feelings just because of the environment thing in
Speaker 1: and so I actually think, you know, everything happens for
Speaker 1: a reason, and I'm glad that it all unfolded the
Speaker 1: way it did for me. Yeah. Yeah, Well, like we
Speaker 1: were saying, I think it was it was almost at
Speaker 1: that threshold too where you weren't there long enough to
Speaker 1: develop real feelings, but you were there for enough time
Speaker 1: to at least like develop something. So any any more
Speaker 1: time spent there than you, like you said, you would
Speaker 1: have developed real feelings because of the environment. Whatever it is. Um,
Speaker 1: was there anything that I guess happened that we didn't
Speaker 1: see that. Maybe I didn't get aired that questions because
Speaker 1: there's always so much like obviously you're filming twenty four
Speaker 1: hours a day, seven days a week, for so long,
Speaker 1: but we only have two hours every Monday night to
Speaker 1: see it. So is there anything that, like like a
Speaker 1: conversation or like anything like that that didn't get aired?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm trying to think there were. There were things,
Speaker 1: but I don't know how interesting they are, how kind
Speaker 1: of I don't know if they add to the to
Speaker 1: the conversation at all. Um, Yeah, I know there are. Well,
Speaker 1: I will tell you one really funny thing. So when
Speaker 1: I went out to to meet him that first time
Speaker 1: that night, I was walking out and a little frog
Speaker 1: jumped in front of me and I picked it up,
Speaker 1: like just a little you know wild No, no, sorry, Um,
Speaker 1: like that very last night that I left, there was
Speaker 1: just like right on the pathway walking out kind of
Speaker 1: by the pool, was a frog and it jumped in
Speaker 1: front of me and I just picked it up. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what I'm going to talk
Speaker 1: to him, you know about tonight, but I have this
Speaker 1: frog now, so I'm gonna make that something, you know,
Speaker 1: kiss the frog. So I actually that was like my line.
Speaker 1: When I walked up. I said something so stupid, but
Speaker 1: I said something like I've kissed a lot of frogs,
Speaker 1: and then I think, I don't know if I don't
Speaker 1: know if he caught that or anything. At the joke,
Speaker 1: he was just like, what is this girl doing? But
Speaker 1: do you have no fear of frogs? Now off the ground?
Speaker 1: I saved a lizard from the pool too. I'm actually
Speaker 1: like a huge animal lover. I just you know, I
Speaker 1: just get nervous sometimes. You got your trick. Did you
Speaker 1: make any girlfriends? Like are there girls that you're going
Speaker 1: to keep in touch with? You think definitely, Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of girls in the house that I really
Speaker 1: bonded with and I think are amazing. But again, like
Speaker 1: going back to dating one guy with all these girls, Like,
Speaker 1: I feel like it is kind of weird at the
Speaker 1: end of the day to be like, oh, guys, like
Speaker 1: if you did end up, if I ended up with Ari,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could really be friends with
Speaker 1: some of those girls or any of those girls. It's
Speaker 1: just so weird. So I don't know. I feel like
Speaker 1: I'll actually probably be able to stay friends with the
Speaker 1: girls but last longer on the show, just because they'll
Speaker 1: be like, we know, it's like we can hang out
Speaker 1: with her, we can invite her to our wedding us.
Speaker 1: She's not going to be a threat. It takes a
Speaker 1: very comfortable person to be okay with like whoever wins right,
Speaker 1: whoever wins in quotes, whoever ends up with Ari has
Speaker 1: to be very comfortable in herself and in her relationship
Speaker 1: with him in order to maintain friendships with everyone else
Speaker 1: from the cast. That's why when I look back at
Speaker 1: my inn, like Brian has done a tremendous job of
Speaker 1: being a very confident person in their relationship, like he
Speaker 1: is very wholehearted leaf wanting to maintain friendships with everyone
Speaker 1: from the season, and that's very I mean, it's it's
Speaker 1: you've got to give the guy props for that, Like,
Speaker 1: that's hard to do. I don't think I could do that,
Speaker 1: especially the final three that assuming everyone goes to a
Speaker 1: fantasy suite, like that's that's got And again we don't
Speaker 1: know what happens in the fantasy suits. But um, I
Speaker 1: mean kudos to Brian and everyone else that's been through
Speaker 1: that and is able to maintain those friendships. Did you
Speaker 1: go to the fantasy suite? You didn't make it that far? Now, Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: I really think I would totally lose my brain if
Speaker 1: I was on the Bachelor dating one guy with all
Speaker 1: because and I like get really close with Like I'm
Speaker 1: a girl's girl. So if I'm like in a house
Speaker 1: with however many girls, like they're gonna be my sisters
Speaker 1: by the time I leave. Like that's just how I roll.
Speaker 1: I could not imagine like just all coming home and
Speaker 1: being like, how was your day, and I'd be like,
Speaker 1: it definitely was weird. I don't know, And I kind
Speaker 1: of I knew that going into it, and I knew
Speaker 1: like I'm probably going to be one of those people
Speaker 1: that loses my marbles or my brain or whatever, you know.
Speaker 1: But um, and I did a little bit. You know.
Speaker 1: I felt like if I wouldn't have left when I did,
Speaker 1: I would have had a full blown panic attack on
Speaker 1: national television. I was like leading up to just because
Speaker 1: it is so hard and you're like seeing things and
Speaker 1: you're hearing things, and um, yeah, it's just it's hard
Speaker 1: not to always compare yourself. And I think for me
Speaker 1: that was like one of the hardest things was just
Speaker 1: being having like all my insecurities come out, because like
Speaker 1: when you're dating somebody in real life, there's the potential
Speaker 1: that they could be dating other people. But it's not
Speaker 1: in your face. You don't see it. You just it
Speaker 1: just could happen, and it's like in your brain. But
Speaker 1: like to be actually seeing and hearing it every day
Speaker 1: would be well. Also, like to know that they're amazing women.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. If you're on a dating site and
Speaker 1: the guy that you think you're dating is dating other people.
Speaker 1: You don't know those girls, and you can make up
Speaker 1: these terrible stories in your head and right and be
Speaker 1: like she's this terrible person. You know, he's gonna like
Speaker 1: me more anyways, whatever, But when you're living with those people,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, gosh, she's amazing, or like you see
Speaker 1: you know, you see them in their bathing suits and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, she's like her body is better than mine.
Speaker 1: Like you just pinpoint everything, and it does drive you
Speaker 1: a little bit crazy, those damn securities we talked earlier.
Speaker 1: Time you get broken up with out of the blue
Speaker 1: after four year relationship breakups have been the theme so far.
Speaker 1: I got I was the victim of the rare triple
Speaker 1: ghosting with three girls in a row, ghost and me.
Speaker 1: Dean's done some dumping, had his heart broken. What about
Speaker 1: you more of the dumper or the dumpy outside of
Speaker 1: reality television. UM, I think it's been like a pretty
Speaker 1: equal Yeah. I've definitely had my fair share of breakups,
Speaker 1: But most of the time I feel like what happens
Speaker 1: with me is I get the what I call is
Speaker 1: like being put on the leash, like it ends, but
Speaker 1: then I'm like on the leash for three or four
Speaker 1: years where they just sort of keep me on the
Speaker 1: back burner. Why is that? Um, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: mean the common thread I get from almost every guy
Speaker 1: date is like you're the girl I'm gonna marry, or
Speaker 1: you're the type of girl I want to marry, or
Speaker 1: like you know those types of things. I think I'm
Speaker 1: not ready for you yet. I think that's the thing
Speaker 1: a lot of times is they think that they're ready
Speaker 1: and then they're like I'm not, and maybe she's ready
Speaker 1: and that scares them and so they just sort of
Speaker 1: like keep me around just in case. But I've had,
Speaker 1: I mean, I've had my affairship of bad breakups and
Speaker 1: just like crazy, um crazy stories. My uh my ex
Speaker 1: actually met somebody on a plane. We were like talking
Speaker 1: about getting married literally the week before and then he
Speaker 1: met somebody on a plane coming back from England and
Speaker 1: now they're married. How long were you guys dating for?
Speaker 1: It was like about a year? Was it was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I was twenty nine, it was a serious relationship.
Speaker 1: He was like thirty years a long time. Yeah, has
Speaker 1: that affected your trust issues since then? Have you had
Speaker 1: a relationship since then? You don't let your boyfriends fly anymore?
Speaker 1: Like more flying for you for ten minutes you can
Speaker 1: meet somebody. Yeah, no, it's actually so flying doesn't bother me,
Speaker 1: but New Year's bothers me. I feel like every time
Speaker 1: I've been in a serious relationship, it's like New Year's
Speaker 1: and then a couple of weeks, a couple of months afterwards,
Speaker 1: they break up with me. Those are like the ones
Speaker 1: that have ended on their part, And I always feel
Speaker 1: like it's like something happened on New Year's, Like did
Speaker 1: they cheat on me? I don't, I don't know, or
Speaker 1: like everyone has revelations like when a New yeark comes,
Speaker 1: we're like, Okay, I'm gonna do this this year, and
Speaker 1: they're but the stats to back that up, you know,
Speaker 1: cheating Monday is the Monday after the New Year is
Speaker 1: the most affair start that day, because once people get
Speaker 1: through the New Years is when they think, well I
Speaker 1: need something different in Okay, while we're on that topic,
Speaker 1: I was having I was thinking about this the other day.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've had a Nearest kiss in nine years.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe not nine, but maybe like seven or six
Speaker 1: or seven years, and just the New Yarest kiss. I
Speaker 1: don't honestly don't think I've had one in that amount
Speaker 1: of time. I don't want to get off subject, but
Speaker 1: this is just a realization I came to and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what's going on. I'm with you. I haven't either. What's
Speaker 1: said is that there's hundreds of people for both of you, really,
Speaker 1: that would love to have a New Year's kiss. I
Speaker 1: just think that we put so much pressure on ourselves
Speaker 1: to be like, all right, at midnight, we gotta find
Speaker 1: someone that we can kiss. Yeah, and it's just like
Speaker 1: it just never happens for me. Never. Never. We're not
Speaker 1: all as lucky as you are. Mark. Yeah, twenty years
Speaker 1: run and hopefully we'll be so lucky. Yeah. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: So how does this I guess break up with Ari
Speaker 1: rank on your list of breakups? Um? I think it's
Speaker 1: probably like a seven no, no, but like like maybe
Speaker 1: like worst breakup versus breakup. Yeah, so we'll worst breakup. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he's probably like the middle of the pack somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably like middle ish. I've definitely had worse. I feel
Speaker 1: like the thing that was the worst part of it
Speaker 1: was that it was televised on national television. Yeah and so,
Speaker 1: and because the entire conversation wasn't aired, you know, I
Speaker 1: mean that maybe is good and bad. I don't know, um,
Speaker 1: but there were probably other pieces in there that were
Speaker 1: would have been compelling for people to see, you know,
Speaker 1: just to see like what the whole conversation was and
Speaker 1: like how it really came came to that, um to
Speaker 1: me being like Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna go. Then,
Speaker 1: you know, not story critical for him, but maybe story
Speaker 1: critical for your breakup, if if that makes sense. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also just I mean for my own my own
Speaker 1: brain to be like, guys, it was it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 1: You know, it maybe looked really bad, but but it
Speaker 1: really wasn't that bad. I when I left, I actually, um,
Speaker 1: so this is actually something they didn't air. So when
Speaker 1: I left, he walked me out, and then a couple
Speaker 1: of the girls like burst through the gate and they
Speaker 1: were like, they told us we couldn't come out here,
Speaker 1: but we're not letting you leave without saying goodbye. And
Speaker 1: then and then that's when the water works really started.
Speaker 1: That's when I just started bawling because it was I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like you do You're living in a house with
Speaker 1: these people, and those are the closest relationships that you form.
Speaker 1: Especial say that early on, and so that was actually
Speaker 1: like more of my breakup story was like leaving all
Speaker 1: of them. That seems to be a trend because in
Speaker 1: the week prior's episode, that girl left and she said,
Speaker 1: I'm not sad to be saying goodbye to you. I'm
Speaker 1: sad because I'm saying goodbye to all my friends in
Speaker 1: the house. Right. I wonder if that's going to be
Speaker 1: a continuous thing. That's sort of how I felt that
Speaker 1: last night too. I kept really I was having like
Speaker 1: an inner battle, like do I say something? Do I not?
Speaker 1: Because I felt like if I didn't say something, I'm
Speaker 1: like you had thought maybe I'd be safe for another
Speaker 1: week or two, but I was like, Okay, I've already
Speaker 1: made friends. I don't need the show to travel, So
Speaker 1: what like, why am I really here for this guy
Speaker 1: that I'm like, I don't really know if I'm into him,
Speaker 1: you know, and he's definitely not into me. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: what's the point. But let's say in this type, let's
Speaker 1: make a hypothetical scenario up just for the sake of it.
Speaker 1: Let's say we got to the Let's say we got
Speaker 1: to near the end, maybe not like Final one, but
Speaker 1: final four. You could see yourself at least being open
Speaker 1: to that, right, I mean, It's it's difficult because you
Speaker 1: only know him for two weeks however long it was,
Speaker 1: but you still went into it knowing that A was
Speaker 1: about slat, knowing that there was a real possibility at
Speaker 1: whatever type of relationship that you guys could have had. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and I was really hoping that there would
Speaker 1: have been chemistry and that we would have had a
Speaker 1: lot more in common. But uh, I think if it
Speaker 1: would have gotten to that that point where I was
Speaker 1: like final four something, I would have uh seen a
Speaker 1: different side of him, Like when I watched Crystal's date
Speaker 1: back where they went to his hometown and they were
Speaker 1: watching those hometown videos. I actually I think I was
Speaker 1: like one of the only people that was jealous of
Speaker 1: that date watching it back, because people are like that
Speaker 1: was so awkward and so weird. But I felt like
Speaker 1: she got to see a different side of him, and
Speaker 1: he really had to let his hair down because he
Speaker 1: was being shown. He was showing himself in a very
Speaker 1: very vulnerable way. And um and I do think that
Speaker 1: it was probably easier for their relationship to form then
Speaker 1: because he had already been kind of yeah, just he
Speaker 1: he had been exposed to her, you know. So if
Speaker 1: I had been like Final four, I would have hoped
Speaker 1: that I got to the point where I saw like
Speaker 1: more desponsive humor or like saw him let that guard down.
Speaker 1: But I really didn't feel like he was very warm
Speaker 1: and fuzzy, especially in those couple of first weeks. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it was he wasn't comfortable or what,
Speaker 1: but I think it's probably just a matter of being
Speaker 1: spread so thin with all the all the girls, they're
Speaker 1: having the same conversations. I mean, I can only imagine
Speaker 1: how's difficult to be. But so, so what do we
Speaker 1: are we going to see more from you? Future Bachelor shows,
Speaker 1: Winter Games? Well no not. Are you open to the
Speaker 1: opportunity like totally. I feel like why not. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've done like dating sites, I've dated a lot. I'm
Speaker 1: alrty three now like why not? You know, I just
Speaker 1: I'm open to any way to meet somebody. At this point,
Speaker 1: I'm excited to see the new crop of guys that
Speaker 1: come out so I can compare, we can compare my
Speaker 1: season other season and see which one stacks up. I'm
Speaker 1: excited because it might be my future husband on the
Speaker 1: next There you go. Do you have a fear of
Speaker 1: crabs or the ocean or anything like that? No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I feel like the really funny thing was is that
Speaker 1: in all of my questionnaires and like different things that
Speaker 1: I did for the process to be on the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: I never said anything about a fear of like rumper
Speaker 1: cars or dogs. I don't think anyways, so like they
Speaker 1: didn't know any of that. They just really they must
Speaker 1: have just I don't know, they dug deep. Just the
Speaker 1: luck of the Irish, I guess the luck of it. Well,
Speaker 1: the funny thing was, I actually wanted to be a
Speaker 1: race car driver for a long time, and I like
Speaker 1: used to have no fear of like cars and speed
Speaker 1: and like adrenaline, you know, but and then the same
Speaker 1: thing with dogs. But they know they love they love
Speaker 1: to make good TV. Did they starting a Fashion in
Speaker 1: Paradise soon? No? No? I starts summing in June, I think. Okay,
Speaker 1: so there's still quite some time because there's has to
Speaker 1: be the Bachelortte season well in at least. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us, being vulnerable and being vulnerable
Speaker 1: and being honest too. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like you said, you weren't like faking any of those
Speaker 1: reactions or any of those feelings, so that's rare. That's
Speaker 1: where to come back. So thank you for doing all that.
Speaker 1: I think that's why people like like The Bachelor so
Speaker 1: much and like listening to podcasts like this, because I
Speaker 1: think love is such a universal thing everybody can relate to.
Speaker 1: So yeah, thanks for being vulnerable and opening up. Who
Speaker 1: was speaking of love? I want to talk about Soulmates
Speaker 1: for at least five minutes before I let you leave
Speaker 1: for the rest of the day, because you guys talked
Speaker 1: about it last week on Becca's podcast, and we're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about that. Sorry, that was a little off tangent analys.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much again. Um, we look forward to
Speaker 1: potentially seeing you on Bachelor in Paradise. Yeah, we're gonna
Speaker 1: keep our fingers crossed for love and um best of
Speaker 1: luck with everything. I'm sure we'll be seeing more you soon.
Speaker 1: Did you guys ever read Plato Symposium in like college
Speaker 1: or anything we used? We used a bit from Plato
Speaker 1: Symposium in our wedding, Alison, And what was it? Part
Speaker 1: about the people being split, and that's exactly what I
Speaker 1: wanted to bring up. That's my favorite story of all time. Okay,
Speaker 1: so in the symposium, Um, I can't remember which philosopher
Speaker 1: it was, but essentially what it was back in ancient
Speaker 1: Greek times, there was this they were saying, like they're
Speaker 1: humans at the time, had four arms, four legs, and
Speaker 1: two heads, right, and they were basically two separate people
Speaker 1: but in love with each other and attached at every
Speaker 1: level of their body. Um and Zeus. I think it
Speaker 1: was was scared of the power that humans possessed when
Speaker 1: they had the two heads and they're essentially two people
Speaker 1: in one. So what he did was he struck them
Speaker 1: with lightning to split them in half. And then what
Speaker 1: what someone sold, what's what someone's present day soulmate is,
Speaker 1: is us trying to find that other half that we
Speaker 1: were ultimately connected, remember, right, something along the line. I'm
Speaker 1: butchering the story, but it's something like that, right. My
Speaker 1: My wife, my now wife, is very touched by that story,
Speaker 1: and she wanted to one of her friends read it
Speaker 1: in front of everyone during the ceremony, and I pretended
Speaker 1: like I had heard it before, and I was like, oh, yes,
Speaker 1: of course, but a symposium that'll I would curl up
Speaker 1: every night and read that before the first time I
Speaker 1: heard she read it to me, you know, a couple
Speaker 1: of months before, and it brought me to tears. If
Speaker 1: that was a beautiful idea, so beautiful, and it's just
Speaker 1: so funny to think about people with two heads and
Speaker 1: four legs and four that idea is so funny to me.
Speaker 1: And so do you believe in soulmates? Dan, I do
Speaker 1: believe in soulmates? And that's come on, a soulmates, yes,
Speaker 1: that you're destined to spend the rest of your life with.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of maybe why I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people find the ability to relate to that stories,
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of people believe that, and
Speaker 1: it's just like a fun way to like visualize it,
Speaker 1: you know, um, but yeah, that was just the one
Speaker 1: thing I want to touch on. Well, thank you for
Speaker 1: I was outnumbered. Everybody believed in more than once. So
Speaker 1: I I go back, I go back and forth on
Speaker 1: that's like remember the argument, I think, mark me the
Speaker 1: argument of one of your friends. Or maybe your parents
Speaker 1: lost their significant other and then remarried and then they
Speaker 1: had their new soulmate even though they had their first
Speaker 1: soul mate. I don't know. I don't know about that,
Speaker 1: but I all I know is that my wife and
Speaker 1: I crossed paths is a number of times before we
Speaker 1: actually imagined. So I felt like that was a universe
Speaker 1: pushing us together. So somehow there's some sort of magnet
Speaker 1: magnetism there. You've got a bunch of emails about changing
Speaker 1: the name of the show. Kevin says it should be help.
Speaker 1: Dating is really difficult with Dean Anglers mouthful, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I like it, Kate, I agree with me, and it
Speaker 1: should be help. Dating sucks. Michelle had a number of ideas.
Speaker 1: Does dating suck with Dean Unglert? Dating meets Dean with
Speaker 1: Dean Unglert? Dean there date that? My god, that's pretty funny.
Speaker 1: Who sucks at dating with Dean Unglert and we suck
Speaker 1: at dating with the younger. That's all from Michelle. She
Speaker 1: put some thought into it dated that that's good, And
Speaker 1: Brittany says, I one hundred thousand percent back Dean and
Speaker 1: changing the name of the podcast. It's really narrowly steered
Speaker 1: the topics of conversation that he's able to have with
Speaker 1: his guests, and it's negatively impacting the show. Amy listening,
Speaker 1: Dean has so much more than sucking at dating or
Speaker 1: even just dating to talk about more bachelor Binfoll, family troubles,
Speaker 1: growing up as a nomad, losing a family member, doing illness,
Speaker 1: et cetera. Dean could carry a much broader podcast than
Speaker 1: he is doing right now. Please let them change the
Speaker 1: premise of the podcast and listens, make get bored and
Speaker 1: tune out. Thanks for reading. It's Brittany. What's funny is
Speaker 1: so we had that guest last week, Diane. Yes, Diane
Speaker 1: was great. She was great, And we got to this
Speaker 1: point where we were talking about race in America and
Speaker 1: it kind of like it's obviously different for everyone, And
Speaker 1: for like a second there, I was thinking, I was like,
Speaker 1: we're having a real conversation right now. This is fun.
Speaker 1: And then I got back and I was talking to roommates.
Speaker 1: I was like, we had like a great, like great
Speaker 1: conversation on my podcast for the first time, not the
Speaker 1: not the first time, but it's nice to be able
Speaker 1: to have conversations that aren't just dating. She was called
Speaker 1: help and we think everything she lift lifted here, growing
Speaker 1: up as a nomad, losing a family member, family troubles,
Speaker 1: We've had all that stuff on this show. I agree.
Speaker 1: I guess we can continue to expand upon them because
Speaker 1: that's relationships. Was our family relationship, that's true. But we
Speaker 1: can talk. We can talk about like ideas instead of events.
Speaker 1: Maybe sometimes I don't know. Alright, well, can we hit
Speaker 1: a couple of emails before we wrap? I feel bad
Speaker 1: for Lindsay. Lindsay's got a situation heidean. Have been recently
Speaker 1: given an ultimatum in my relationship with my boyfriend of
Speaker 1: two years and want some advice. Ultimatums good. My boyfriend's
Speaker 1: six and twenty three well lived other than an apartment
Speaker 1: with our nine month old Bernie's mountain dog Kylo deal
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend randomly one day applied for a home
Speaker 1: loan and I expressed that I didn't want a house yet.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. I'm still getting used to San Diego.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I want to settle here permanently,
Speaker 1: although why wouldn't she in San Diego? He then said,
Speaker 1: I need to make a decision. I need to choose
Speaker 1: to live in San Diego the rest of my life
Speaker 1: with him and our dog because he's not moving anywhere,
Speaker 1: or to leave because our relationship would be over and
Speaker 1: make things hard. And my dad recently got diagnosed with cancer,
Speaker 1: and I had expressed that I want to move back
Speaker 1: to be closer to him. He refuses to leave. I'm stuck. Lindsay,
Speaker 1: First of all, I'm so sorry about your dad. That's terrible.
Speaker 1: Hopefully everything's gonna work out fine. But my feeling is,
Speaker 1: if he's serious about this relationship being a relationship, it
Speaker 1: needs to be a relationship, right. I would never have
Speaker 1: applied for a home loan without including my at the
Speaker 1: time girlfriend on those thoughts, because if you're part, if
Speaker 1: she's part of your future, that's her home too, right.
Speaker 1: He needs to have equal responsibility to way and our
Speaker 1: big decisions like that. Especially, I think he's checked out.
Speaker 1: I think that he wants her to choose to not
Speaker 1: continue the think do you think or maybe he just
Speaker 1: feels comfortable enough in the relationship to steer them in
Speaker 1: the direction that he wants them to go. So he's
Speaker 1: like an alpha male kind of thing, and he's saying,
Speaker 1: this is the right decision for us, let's do it. Yeah, maybe,
Speaker 1: I guess so. The ultimatum at the end of the
Speaker 1: day is if he if she moves in with him
Speaker 1: in the new house, they're together. If she doesn't move
Speaker 1: in with him, then they're over. I guarantee you. Even
Speaker 1: if she doesn't move into the house with them, they're
Speaker 1: still together. There's that's not an I think that he's
Speaker 1: trying to make it seem like it's one or the other.
Speaker 1: But I guarantee if she says, sorry, I'm not comfortable
Speaker 1: moving in the house with you, I want to either
Speaker 1: live on my own separately in an apartment and we
Speaker 1: can still date. I He'll build pent be okay with that.
Speaker 1: That's what I think she should do. If she's really
Speaker 1: that questioning of it, I don't know. I think he's
Speaker 1: overstepped here. Yeah. It's hard because I feel like it
Speaker 1: should have been something that they both agreed on, because
Speaker 1: if he does by the house, then it's his house
Speaker 1: and she'll just be living in it. And then if
Speaker 1: they get married, like it's still just his house. You
Speaker 1: know he had the house before they were married to
Speaker 1: like legally yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's not great.
Speaker 1: I think that again, I think that she should force
Speaker 1: his hand in and basically give him an ultimatum. And
Speaker 1: on the flip side of it, not the ultimates are good.
Speaker 1: But again I'm saying, like, think about it from his perspective,
Speaker 1: say they break up because she didn't move into the
Speaker 1: house with him, and he's telling his friends, what, why
Speaker 1: do you guys break up? He's like, well, I wanted
Speaker 1: to move into this house with me and she said no.
Speaker 1: It's like, that's not really a reason to break up
Speaker 1: with someone. It's just it's just another thing for the
Speaker 1: relationship to kind of build upon. True. But I think
Speaker 1: he's putting himself first, and I think because of that,
Speaker 1: she needs to put herself first. She needs to figure
Speaker 1: out what does she want if because it sounds to
Speaker 1: me she wouldn't written this email if she didn't if
Speaker 1: she really was excited about living in San Diego in
Speaker 1: this house. But I'm I guess. The point that I'm
Speaker 1: trying to make is that it's not binary. It's not
Speaker 1: if she moves in with him there together. If she
Speaker 1: doesn't move in, they're broken up. I'm saying, like, if
Speaker 1: she doesn't move in with him, she could still be
Speaker 1: in a relationship with him, whether he whether he says
Speaker 1: so or not. Like I think that he's just saying
Speaker 1: that because he, I there, wants to force her hand
Speaker 1: up to move in with her. You don't think he
Speaker 1: wants her to move in with him, But a relationship
Speaker 1: can exist even though they're not living together. The point
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to make, especially so what's our advice
Speaker 1: for her, I say, if you don't want to move
Speaker 1: into house with them, don't move into house with him.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you're still gonna be dating him in six months.
Speaker 1: And we get a lot of these, we get a
Speaker 1: lot of we broke up, but he is still keeping
Speaker 1: me around and actually and at least mentioned this sort
Speaker 1: of thing as well. Stephanie says, I'm twenty years old.
Speaker 1: I was dating someone for about three months. He works
Speaker 1: at the gym I go to every day. One day
Speaker 1: he told me he needed space, he felt he rushed
Speaker 1: into our relationship and he wasn't ready for anything romantic.
Speaker 1: He broke up with his ex girlfriend right before he
Speaker 1: pursued me. Didn't give himself enough time to process that. Okay, respectfully,
Speaker 1: I stopped all communication and give him what he wanted.
Speaker 1: What I want, Respectfully, I stopped all communication to give
Speaker 1: him what he wanted. But when I go to the
Speaker 1: gym and he's working, he's still super flirty and friendly.
Speaker 1: He goes around the gym every twenty minutes to check
Speaker 1: the floor, but really to check me out, and even
Speaker 1: texts me to my workouts, commenting on what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: One day, I was talking to one of my guy
Speaker 1: friends there and he texted me afterwards, did you talk
Speaker 1: to him just to piss me off? So obviously he
Speaker 1: was jealous. I was talking to one other guy breaking
Speaker 1: up with him. Heard a lot because they really liked him.
Speaker 1: But he's sending mixed messages. He doesn't want to be
Speaker 1: with me. But until texts me and watches me at
Speaker 1: the gym, what does he want? I don't understand. Help.
Speaker 1: By the way, I love your podcast, Stephanie, get a
Speaker 1: new gym membership somewhere else distance. She needs to separate
Speaker 1: from this guy. I think you're right. I think this
Speaker 1: is such a typical guy thing, Like he wants he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with her,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't want to say goodbye to or either.
Speaker 1: What is it is this benching? Is that what he's doing?
Speaker 1: Is he benching her? He's keeping her handy just in
Speaker 1: case you made a point maybe in like episode four
Speaker 1: of Image Control, and I think that that could be
Speaker 1: what this guy is doing too. Like they broke up
Speaker 1: because of him. It sounds like he broke up with
Speaker 1: this but he maybe wants her to still think of
Speaker 1: him positively, so by being nice and friendly to her
Speaker 1: while she's at the gym. Kind of means like when
Speaker 1: she's talking about him to her friends, she'll stay still
Speaker 1: say positive things about him. Could be that, it's just
Speaker 1: it's just something that could be. I mean, he's just
Speaker 1: kind of not sure what he wants. He's just yeah,
Speaker 1: he's just like that's the worst thing when somebody ends
Speaker 1: things with you because they say you're great, You're You're
Speaker 1: the kind of girl I want to end up with.
Speaker 1: Would say you're amazing, Yeah, but I'm not ready for
Speaker 1: you yet. It's like then by you don't get to
Speaker 1: be my friend and watch me work out? I agree?
Speaker 1: Did you remember ship? Did you move on with your life? Ye?
Speaker 1: Do not respond to his text, turn on your red
Speaker 1: receipts and don't respond read receipts. All right, I think
Speaker 1: that'll do it for this week. Well, that'll do it
Speaker 1: this week. He's over it. So I would like to
Speaker 1: thank Ashley and Brittany for calling in and sharing their
Speaker 1: breaking up stories, and Analysa of course for joining us
Speaker 1: and sharing her experience on The Bachelor with Ari and
Speaker 1: that awkward breakup and a lot of her awkwardness throughout
Speaker 1: the entire show. And it sounds like I was quick
Speaker 1: to judge her as a bit of a hypochondriac. It
Speaker 1: sounds like she's not so much, it's just she has
Speaker 1: these weird triggers. Um, of course, thanks to Tanya mark Easton.
Speaker 1: Biggest thanks goes to beach Body on Demand for just
Speaker 1: being the most incredible on demand workout service out there,
Speaker 1: saving us all time having to go to the gym.
Speaker 1: Don't forget. You know, at the time you thought I'm
Speaker 1: going to definitely text Dean to thirty thirty, but now
Speaker 1: you've listened to the rest of the show. You could
Speaker 1: forget that. Don't forget that, right, go tech Dean to right.
Speaker 1: So now that you're opening your phone to see how
Speaker 1: much more time has left in this podcast, what you
Speaker 1: can do is just jump right over to that message
Speaker 1: screen and text Dean D E A N to three
Speaker 1: zero three zero three zero and start getting that Beach
Speaker 1: Body that we've all, you know, free trial membership, all
Speaker 1: the workouts to nutrition information for free. Yeah, and how
Speaker 1: can you beat that? Can't? And by the way, guys,
Speaker 1: I've been cooking a lot lately for myself. I've been
Speaker 1: eating chicken and vegetables and fruit smoothies every morning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they say as are made in the kitchen. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: what they say. I waited myself the other day. I
Speaker 1: weigh a hundred and ninety six pounds, which is an
Speaker 1: insane amount for me. I don't think I've ever been
Speaker 1: close to two D before. And you're proud of this,
Speaker 1: not at all you seemed proud. So I'm getting high.
Speaker 1: It's get out of control. So I'm gonna use Beach
Speaker 1: Bodies workout routine and it's nutritional information to probably drop
Speaker 1: like ten pounds or so to one slim as in
Speaker 1: I think, And on that note, thank you for tuning
Speaker 1: into this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: I'm Dean Anglert, and maybe next week I'll suck a
Speaker 1: little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with
Speaker 1: Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio, or subscribe wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcasts.