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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 1: I never told your production of I Heeart Radio Today's

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Speaker 1: that Monday Mini is brought to you by a listener.

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Speaker 1: We actually read her email on our video game Me

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Speaker 1: Too in the video game Industry episode Um not just

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Speaker 1: a video game, but we did it focus of particular

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Speaker 1: chunk of it to Too in the video Game Industry,

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Speaker 1: and she discussed how she started dating someone else for

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Speaker 1: a long time I might add to avoid dating someone else.

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Speaker 1: So the whole reason she was dating this guy was

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Speaker 1: not to date another guy, which essentially to ward off

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Speaker 1: the harassment she was getting from a married man who

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Speaker 1: was her boss. And and that made us think. We

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Speaker 1: started thinking about how many times I was have we

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Speaker 1: made up things and how many conversations have I had

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Speaker 1: with people about no, you may not get denied, and

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Speaker 1: this whole like nos a, yes, it's bush. It's literally

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Speaker 1: us saying we are scared of the fallout if we

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Speaker 1: reject you. And I think that was part of the things,

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Speaker 1: like we need to talk about that. What are some

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Speaker 1: of the things that we have done and we have

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Speaker 1: seen done in order to let a guy down easily

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Speaker 1: so we're not yelled at, harassed, stocked, or sometimes even murdered. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's one of those things where we touched on it

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Speaker 1: very briefly in that episode where at least for me,

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Speaker 1: I had a moment of oh wow, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: how many things I do that indicate that I'm not

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Speaker 1: entirely safe, and we just sort of do them. And

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Speaker 1: there was actually a c I think it got cut

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Speaker 1: from Annie in the City, the movie that is SIMI

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Speaker 1: about my life, um, where the director and I were

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Speaker 1: having conversation and he was like, just, what is something

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Speaker 1: you would talk about with a friend, uh, who is

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Speaker 1: a woman that you've just met that you know, ladies

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Speaker 1: were bond over. And I was like, well, you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: all these tactics that we do when it comes to

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Speaker 1: rejecting dudes. And he was shocked and he was like what,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh yeah. We had a whole conversation

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Speaker 1: about it, and a lot of them were going to

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Speaker 1: talk about in here. But he was very, very surprised.

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Speaker 1: He was like, so probably all women would get this,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh yeah, yeah, absolutely too real

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Speaker 1: and we all just kind of stay each other like

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Speaker 1: giving each other nods. I mean it goes as far

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Speaker 1: as women pretending to be friends with strangers in order

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Speaker 1: to get rid of someone who was talking them, literally

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Speaker 1: walking and stalking them. And I was saying many of

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Speaker 1: those interactions because it happens more often than you think.

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Speaker 1: Oh sure, um, I would love from anybody in Australia, right,

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Speaker 1: and if this is actually true, because I have a

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Speaker 1: friend when I was in Australia and he told me

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Speaker 1: there's this thing called the AUSSI wink, and you can

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Speaker 1: wink at somebody in a particular way and they're supposed

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Speaker 1: to come and pretend that they know you, like, come

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Speaker 1: over and talk to you, and so you can get

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Speaker 1: out of a situation. And it's frequently, or at least

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Speaker 1: that what he explained it to me, it's frequently used

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Speaker 1: by women to kind of signal this guy is bothering me,

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Speaker 1: but he could have been pulling my legs. So I

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Speaker 1: would love to know if that's actually true. I was

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Speaker 1: gonna say, if he knows about it, doesn't that they

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Speaker 1: take away from it actually being able to work. That's

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Speaker 1: why I asked him. I'm like, well, if everybody knows

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Speaker 1: about this thing that if I do, it, wouldn't it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't the person I'm trying to get away from. No,

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Speaker 1: unless I try to do he doesn't see it. Well,

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Speaker 1: I know there's been bars that those specific thing like

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Speaker 1: has specific orders, and I think it's in a bathroom.

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Speaker 1: I've seen that where they're like order this if you

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Speaker 1: are in trouble. Yeah, yeah, there's definitely And I know

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Speaker 1: there's like one place where they can like what is

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Speaker 1: it asked for, Andrea or some Yeah, there's there's things

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Speaker 1: in place. Um. One of the big ones that comes

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Speaker 1: to me right off the top of my head is

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Speaker 1: you say you have a boyfriend or a husband, you

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Speaker 1: have someone else. So a guy asked you out and

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Speaker 1: you say, oh, I already have a boyfriend, which is

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Speaker 1: sad because when you think about it, what you're really

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Speaker 1: saying is almost like I belong to someone else. And

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Speaker 1: the reason I think of it that way is because

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Speaker 1: I've gotten especially more lately. Um. Either the response from

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Speaker 1: this guy being he shouldn't have let you out alone,

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Speaker 1: or show me a picture, show me proof. And then

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Speaker 1: I even had a picture one time. It wasn't a

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Speaker 1: fake board, it was a real boyfriend. I had a

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Speaker 1: picture showed the guy and he was like, well, I'm

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Speaker 1: better looking than him. Okay, I know, I know that

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Speaker 1: that tells you so much about who that person is. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've actually add that too, And I would say this,

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Speaker 1: and I'd be like, I have a boyfriend, and they'll

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, you, only you won't. He won't let

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Speaker 1: you have other friends, he wont let you talk to

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Speaker 1: other guys. And I'm like, I don't know what's happening.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, a majority of these situations, I

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Speaker 1: think he was a maintenance man that worked at my

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Speaker 1: apartment complex, so automatically he has access to everything I

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Speaker 1: have and he knows who I am. So me putting

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Speaker 1: on this like line kind of terrified and my only

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Speaker 1: thought is I don't want to say I'm not interested

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Speaker 1: in you, because what if he does something that I

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Speaker 1: know There was a report at one point that a

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Speaker 1: woman did get attacked because she rejected a man and

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Speaker 1: he entered her barbet mm hmm, you know, and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. Like we make up these lines, not only

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Speaker 1: because for me it's not I have ownership, but it

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Speaker 1: was like I have protection, yeah, yeah, which is very sad.

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Speaker 1: And I actually wore a wedding ring or an engagement

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Speaker 1: ring when I would do my job because I would

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Speaker 1: have to go into homes and do investigations and such,

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Speaker 1: and I purposely would wear wedding rings and engagement rings

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Speaker 1: just to try to see that would war them off. Now,

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Speaker 1: of course I didn't always work, but that was definitely

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Speaker 1: at tactic that I would use as well. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I know, like I've never done that, but I have

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Speaker 1: friends that did, and I like briefly researched it. I

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Speaker 1: can't remember the statistic, but it was so interesting. It

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Speaker 1: was like married women are more attracted to men with wadings. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I don't remember, but there was a fascinating statistics, So

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Speaker 1: go look at up if you're interested. I know, there's

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Speaker 1: that debate of if you're with someone, that means that

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Speaker 1: you are actually past the minia tests that you can

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Speaker 1: commit and be with someone. Now, that wouldn't be the

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Speaker 1: case that they were having an affair, I guess, um,

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Speaker 1: But that's kind of that whole conversation. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: like when you see women talking about men with children

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Speaker 1: and they're actually good fathers. How attractive they are? Sure?

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Speaker 1: Kind of like that, Yeah, and sort of related, I

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Speaker 1: guess is uh the um, I'm a lesbian when a

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Speaker 1: guy asked you out saying that you're a lesbian, which

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Speaker 1: is problematic in a lot of ways. Um, right, But

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Speaker 1: the response, I really only tried this a couple of

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Speaker 1: times when I was in college, and I guess I

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Speaker 1: was bisexual, But that wouldn't have helped. Um was prove it.

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Speaker 1: I would get prove it a lot. Kiss her like point,

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Speaker 1: they pointed, somebody like kiss her um or the best sleaziest. Well,

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Speaker 1: you haven't met me yet. Oh oh yeah, I've definitely

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Speaker 1: seen the I can turn you. Yeah, very offensive, gross response.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I haven't. I've never used that tactic because I

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Speaker 1: don't identify as a lesbian or bisexual. So I'm like, uh,

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Speaker 1: but I've definitely done the uh I'm with so and so,

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Speaker 1: whether it's a friend of mine and maybe I mean literally,

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Speaker 1: I'm in the same space as you should leave me alone.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, no, that's awful. I've never that would make

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Speaker 1: me want to punch someone. Just punch someone. Yeah, it's gross.

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Speaker 1: And then, at least in one instance, this person, this

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Speaker 1: guy followed me around the rest of the night and like,

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Speaker 1: you know, not talking to me, but kind of observing

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Speaker 1: as though he was trying to like collect proof that

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Speaker 1: I was not I was lying, or he was very

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Speaker 1: gross about it. He was like, oh, I'd love to

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Speaker 1: see two women kiss, you know. Oh yeah. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: definitely had moments when I would reject someone and because

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Speaker 1: we were still in that same place, whether it's a bar,

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Speaker 1: whether or whatever, and he would be watching me that

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Speaker 1: I would be like, I gotta we gotta go, I

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Speaker 1: gotta go, we gotta go. But it was just too much,

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Speaker 1: even though he may not have been following me, but

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Speaker 1: he kept watching to see my interactions or do you

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Speaker 1: see where I was, and then coming popping up and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, uh, we gotta go. Yeah. Well, then there's

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Speaker 1: that whole thing of like whenn't you reject somebody and

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Speaker 1: it becomes like a negotiation where they're like, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: I you know it. We can just be friends. I

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Speaker 1: can take you home, um or and you're like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's okay, and then you become like a withholding bitch

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Speaker 1: because you're too good for me. You won't even we

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Speaker 1: can't even be friends, right, which has been said many

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Speaker 1: a times, many a times, um And but yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: definitely that same level when we see as as our

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Speaker 1: listener wrote to us about how she actually dated someone

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Speaker 1: and it was a toxic relationship, but it was for

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Speaker 1: her a better situation than being harassed by a married

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Speaker 1: man and her boss. And I was just like, that's

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Speaker 1: where it comes to be so unfortunate. That not that

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Speaker 1: it's a waste, but you have to put yourself in

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Speaker 1: one bad situation to get away from another. And it

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Speaker 1: happens way more than we want to talk about. There

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Speaker 1: was a whole episode, um, and it's not the same thing,

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Speaker 1: but in Dirty Rock where a woman pretends to be

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Speaker 1: really really over the top silly and maybe you know,

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Speaker 1: girl Lee and then tucks up with like the least um,

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Speaker 1: the weakest one of the bunch because he squills at

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Speaker 1: the ends and get her or whatever. But like she

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Speaker 1: says that she slips with them for protection, And I

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Speaker 1: think that happens more often than we look at because

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Speaker 1: it's if in a world that's cold, the only way

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Speaker 1: you can be protected is if having a man on

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Speaker 1: your arms to show that you are worth to be protected. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes I mean I've definitely been asked out while

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Speaker 1: I was with a boyfriend, Um, like standing next to me,

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Speaker 1: I think it was pretty clear we were together. That's

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Speaker 1: happened more than once to know. So when we were

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Speaker 1: at a karaoke night we were all together, it was

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Speaker 1: kind of one of those weird moments I had. I

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Speaker 1: was with my partner, he was there. I literally was

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Speaker 1: sitting in his lap because there was no other place

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Speaker 1: for us to sit, and this dude kept hitting on

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Speaker 1: me to the point that my partner looks at him,

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Speaker 1: looks at me, looks at him, he goes it kind

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Speaker 1: of waves yeah, and then don't even know what's happening

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Speaker 1: and continue to tell me how sexy I am because

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Speaker 1: of this and this, and I'm like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what's happening. Yeah, but he continue and this was like

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Speaker 1: not too long ago. And then after we left, he

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Speaker 1: was like he just did not care I was there,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, yep, but that's the other part. That's

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Speaker 1: another thing that we've done. Like that was an actual

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Speaker 1: moment of like, no, really, this is I have a partner.

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Speaker 1: I'm not this time. I'm not making him up. He's

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Speaker 1: not in Canada, I promise. But we used the group tactic,

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Speaker 1: like I would not go out alone typically not because

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid to be alone, but because of things like this,

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Speaker 1: and if I'm going to a club, it's not gonna

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Speaker 1: be two or three of us, it's gonna be five

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Speaker 1: to ten of us. Because if a small group, it's

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Speaker 1: almost like we're pray you know that that big pounds

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Speaker 1: and sometimes we felt like we had to have one guy.

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Speaker 1: It might just be one guy, but that makes such

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Speaker 1: a big difference, and it's absurd that it us. But

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Speaker 1: it's a defensive tactic that we think about before going out,

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Speaker 1: and this sort that this has to be a measure

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Speaker 1: today and even more so today because there's just such

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Speaker 1: an almost like conspiracy theory that if you if you're

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Speaker 1: a girl like this, then you're a man hater and

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Speaker 1: therefore you should be disciplined and conquered and told you

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Speaker 1: are wrong right right, or you're just being cruel. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: my friends and I when we would go out to

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Speaker 1: a usually clubs more so than bars, we would have

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Speaker 1: like a the listener wrote in about this to a

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Speaker 1: different listener, um kind of this fifteen minute where we

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Speaker 1: would check in if you were like dancing with somebody

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Speaker 1: or or somebody was talking to you, where we would

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Speaker 1: just go over and um. A lot of times, even

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Speaker 1: if you were like oh no, I'm good. We kind

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Speaker 1: of pull you away, like I gotta talk to just

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Speaker 1: to check away from that person. If they want to

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Speaker 1: go back, they can, but um, just having those players place. No, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we definitely would. We would go dancing, and it's been

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Speaker 1: a long time since I've gone to a disco tech Yes, um,

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Speaker 1: a club or any of that. We would actually have

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Speaker 1: plans because I don't know what it is about dance

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Speaker 1: floors that if a girl is dancing or however it

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Speaker 1: may be, that it's an invite for a guy to

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Speaker 1: grind up on you no matter what. And that has

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Speaker 1: happened to me way too many times where we will

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Speaker 1: actually do what turn to get you out of the situation.

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Speaker 1: So I will grab a girl's hands or they will

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Speaker 1: grab mine. We turned them to put them into the

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Speaker 1: middle of the group to get them away from the guys.

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Speaker 1: Like that's where we had to go. And when we

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Speaker 1: would go out with guys, I literally had my guy

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Speaker 1: friends block, body block them, body checked them to move

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Speaker 1: them out the way. But that's the level of having

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Speaker 1: to do so I was at it, not even at clubs.

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Speaker 1: I was at a show, an outdoor show, and they

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Speaker 1: were and I was sending to my next to my

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Speaker 1: two massive six ft four pound guy friends, and he

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Speaker 1: still came up on me to the point the dude

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Speaker 1: my friend and had to come in between us and

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Speaker 1: go man and pu pull me physically to him. But

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Speaker 1: that's the level of where you go. Yeah, I actually

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Speaker 1: you weren't here for this, Samantha. I think you had

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Speaker 1: just left. But at the last dragon Con, we were

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Speaker 1: at some dance thing and this guy just like would

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Speaker 1: not leave me alone, and like, I kept moving and

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Speaker 1: he would follow. And he was dressed as nandor from

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Speaker 1: what we do in the Shadows, which resually bumps me

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Speaker 1: out because now every time I see that, I think

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Speaker 1: of it. Um, Like my friends, I had like a

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Speaker 1: group of four or five friends and they were all

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Speaker 1: dancing around me, and he kept like pulling me out

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Speaker 1: of the center, and um, I would I was like

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Speaker 1: physically pushing him away, going back, and he would keep pulling,

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Speaker 1: And finally one of my friends like got into his

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Speaker 1: face and was pointing at him. It was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, you're being creepy. I don't know how you

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Speaker 1: don't understand it, not like just went off, and my

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Speaker 1: other friend was like, let's just go That's why I

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Speaker 1: do love your friends. They you have like a different

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Speaker 1: level of handling. Like one person will confront one person

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Speaker 1: will just take away, and one person will just like

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Speaker 1: slither you into the darkness. I'm very glad, I'm very

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Speaker 1: glad for them. That was I'm so glad they were there.

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Speaker 1: She my friend who yelled him. She described him as

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Speaker 1: it looked like he was a hunter, Like he was

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Speaker 1: just he pinpointed you. He thought you had some weakness

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Speaker 1: that he could exploit and if he was coming for you.

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Speaker 1: And again, this is what we talked about when we

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Speaker 1: talk about grooming. I know this is a little more serious, no,

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Speaker 1: but they do. They you find the weakest, what they

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Speaker 1: feel is the weakest, or what could be exploited, in

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Speaker 1: order to use that as a higher ground or a

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Speaker 1: way of taking uh advantage of a situation. And that's

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Speaker 1: that same freaking tactic that we see as adults and

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Speaker 1: even strong women. That is so disarming to me that

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Speaker 1: I I kind of just sit there, like, what's what

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Speaker 1: just happened? Wait? Should I feel guilty about this? Should

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Speaker 1: I be the one that I should feel like this?

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Speaker 1: Did I just heard that guy's feelings? Oh? No, I

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00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 1: heard that guy's feelings. Oh yeah, yeah, that's another important

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Speaker 1: part of it too. Um is I talked about this

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Speaker 1: all the time, but that that if the fear of

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Speaker 1: rejecting someone outright, that either the situation will escalate, UM,

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Speaker 1: but at at the very least probably being called a

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Speaker 1: tease or UM being told like, well you sort of

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Speaker 1: owe me this rum entitled to this. Probably not outright,

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00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:38,560
Speaker 1: but essentially that's what they're saying, and then feeling guilty

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Speaker 1: about that, like, oh did I was I sending signals?

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Speaker 1: But what did I do to attract this attention? Um?

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Speaker 1: With that guy at Dragon Con. I even specifically told

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Speaker 1: that guy, I'm not interested in anything other than being

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Speaker 1: here with my friends tonight, and he just so. It

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Speaker 1: makes me mad because sometimes I will outright object someone

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Speaker 1: and then I have to take other tactics, and then

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Speaker 1: they really mad and say like, well, if you just

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Speaker 1: told me that's what I did, and you didn't listen

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Speaker 1: to me, so I had to come up with something else. Um.

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Speaker 1: I remember one time. So there's this thing called the

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Speaker 1: rejection Hotline. I'm not sure if it's still a thing.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, UM, where it's a number that you

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Speaker 1: give out and they call it and it's like, so sorry,

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00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 1: but this person was not actually interested in you, you know,

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Speaker 1: And I I used it for a brief period of

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Speaker 1: time in college. I felt really bad about it, to

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Speaker 1: be honest. But one guy freaking recognizes the number really yes,

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Speaker 1: and that blew my mind. I was thinking, how many

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Speaker 1: women have given you this number that you recognize it

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Speaker 1: by well? And on top of that, yeah, I've had

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Speaker 1: guys would I give them the wrong number? Call it

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Speaker 1: in front of me? And what do I do? Now?

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Speaker 1: What do I do now? And I've been tricked into

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Speaker 1: thinking that they're like, here, I put your number hand,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you the US or as as it

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00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 1: was like as an advice or something, or maybe we

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00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 1: talked about a book or something, and then he asked

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00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 1: me out, and I'm like, what just happened. I've also

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00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 1: had guys hit on me from work so I'm calling

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00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,760
Speaker 1: for something or I met them, and then I get hey,

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00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,159
Speaker 1: I met you through this. I'm like, whoa what? And

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00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 1: then we just saw the Twitter post of the woman

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Speaker 1: who was speeding and the cop who stalked her to

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Speaker 1: ask her on a day. I think he got fired

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00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 1: or at least discipline who knows, He's probably somewhere else,

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00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 1: But I mean, stuff like that is a continued tact

345
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Speaker 1: of like, wow, the audacity of doing this in this

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00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 1: intimidation level is so absurd. And again this is kind

347
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 1: of and we've been long winded. This is a whole

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Speaker 1: level of conversation, even though we're trying to make it

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Speaker 1: light of it, you know, or at least just making

350
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Speaker 1: a reality of what has happened, the fact that's put

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Speaker 1: women and then uh, gender nonconforming people at risk, because

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00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 1: there's this whole conversation of who was owed what? And again,

353
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 1: who have some repeatedly say it doesn't matter what signs

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Speaker 1: or signals, It doesn't matter. I may have felt like

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00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 1: I actually did like you, and then up into that point,

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00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel good anymore, knows no, or if I'm

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00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,880
Speaker 1: giving you signals that I'm walking away or making excuses

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Speaker 1: of not allowing this to happen, take that it's not

359
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 1: a challenge. Stop this whole eighties nineties mentality of chasing

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Speaker 1: women down and making her yours and conquering is bullshit.

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Speaker 1: And I'm getting very angry about this, as we can tell,

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00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,320
Speaker 1: because it's too common and too much and it puts

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Speaker 1: so much emotional trauma on the people who as occurring

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Speaker 1: to that you have no idea the lasting impact that

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00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 1: has forever not only just takes away from who they

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Speaker 1: are as humans, takes away from their morality. It takes

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00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 1: from their self esteem. It takes from their whole perception

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Speaker 1: of being okay and being in the right to be

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Speaker 1: protected and having a self worth to be able to

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Speaker 1: know what they want. By the way women can know

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Speaker 1: what they want. You don't have to change their mind. Yeah,

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00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 1: and they can change their mind. And maybe if you

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Speaker 1: decided to be a great person, and this goes for

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00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:11,360
Speaker 1: everyone in anyone right, that can happen, and a relationship

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00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 1: can grow. That's different. Friendships can grow to be something else.

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00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 1: But if it doesn't, it is not your right to

377
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 1: have something that they don't want you to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

378
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: The amount of guilt I've felt over the years for

379
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,399
Speaker 1: stuff like that, um, thinking that I did something wrong,

380
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 1: But I do love that you brought up. I've a

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00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 1: lot of times I'd be like, oh, I sent these

382
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: signals and I didn't mean to and not but now

383
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 1: I agree, like there are other signals I sent to

384
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,479
Speaker 1: they were I'm not into it. Um, and they just

385
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 1: weren't picking up on those signals. Yeah if I even

386
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 1: was sending signals to the otherwise. But and just overall,

387
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: believe women if they say they're not interested, if they

388
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 1: say they only want something for two seconds and they

389
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: don't want it later, okay in the story next Yes, Yeah,

390
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 1: I'm done and I'm preaching to the choir again. I

391
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 1: know those but a man, you get me on this

392
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Speaker 1: sometimes I can't slow down. It gets me worked up

393
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 1: to um and I I've only just begun to realize

394
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 1: how much like like we talked about in that love episode,

395
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 1: where I feel like people just see me as a

396
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,959
Speaker 1: sex object and how damaging that is, and how I

397
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: don't I can't trust anybody that that's not all they want. Um.

398
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 1: So stuff like this just reinforces that. UM and I

399
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: did want to end on something that I call the

400
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 1: Cold war, And a lot of people misunderstand this, but

401
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 1: basically what this is is this is a security measure

402
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: I've had to put in place where I won't text

403
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: if I suspect there's any interest. I will never ever

404
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 1: ever text you first. I will never like contact you first. Um.

405
00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: And if it's a straight guy and he's married, same

406
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 1: rules apply. Just because I've gotten caught up in so

407
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 1: many situations I did not want to be caught up

408
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 1: in and I didn't realize what was happening. So it's

409
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 1: called the Cold War. It's like a stalemate. Oh, I'm

410
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: with you. I was with you in that level of

411
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 1: like if you're married, I think you're safe, as in,

412
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 1: we can have a friendship and I don't realize there's

413
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:25,640
Speaker 1: anything beyond that. Yeah, and sometimes sometimes there isn't, but

414
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 1: it messes with the relationship for one reason or another.

415
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: Is a conversation that couple probably need to have as

416
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: to why that is. But it's happened enough that I've

417
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 1: had to put this rule in place. Uh, it's good rules,

418
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 1: unfortunately that we have to but yeah, pretty for all

419
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: these unfortunately we have to hear. Um. So we would

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00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 1: love to hear from listeners if you have any tactics

421
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,959
Speaker 1: he used or anything that's worked particularly well. Um. I

422
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 1: know some listeners have written in about ways that they

423
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: feel like they have helped somebody realize what they're doing.

424
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: So if you want to send us those, you can

425
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 1: send them to our email at Stuff Media Mom Stuff

426
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 1: at iHeart media dot com. You can find us on

427
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 1: Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told You are on Twitter

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Speaker 1: and mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our super

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Speaker 1: producers Andrew Howard and j J. Pauseway too good guys,

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Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told

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Speaker 1: You his protection of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts

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Speaker 1: from I Heeart Radio, vis iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows