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Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's crib. In this episode,

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Speaker 1: we are talking guys, I can't even I can't even

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Speaker 1: say it seriously because it's it's it's so shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: a thing, but it's a thing. We're talking to moms

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Speaker 1: over the age of forty, women who had babies over forty, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, in case you guys didn't know, if

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Speaker 1: you have a baby over the age of thirty five,

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Speaker 1: it's called a geriatric pregnancy, So whatever asshole came up

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Speaker 1: with that name, thank you so much. Definitely a man

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Speaker 1: um so more and more women are waiting to have

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Speaker 1: children later in their life for a variety of reasons.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about what it's like, the good

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Speaker 1: things and the challenges and some of the unique experiences

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Speaker 1: that make up what it's like to be a mom

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Speaker 1: over forty. So let's get started. And what's crazy is

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Speaker 1: that this awesome group of women that we have collected

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Speaker 1: are sort of like the Broadway women now that I

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Speaker 1: am on Broadway, but sitting next to me, we have

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Speaker 1: my dear dear friend Natasha Yvette Williams, who I share

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Speaker 1: a dressing room with over at waitress. Those are the

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Speaker 1: sweet sounds coming out of her voice because you guys,

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Speaker 1: she plays Becky and waitress and she brings the entire

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Speaker 1: house down every night. Um, she's really scary because I

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Speaker 1: do a huge vogal warm up and I asked her

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Speaker 1: how do you warm up for your big song? And

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Speaker 1: she said, I have a pepsi And that's how I

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Speaker 1: knew I was in big trouble now. Um. We have

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Speaker 1: also here Rachel Sklar, who is also affiliated with the

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Speaker 1: Broadway because she is in a BMI workshop right now

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Speaker 1: on being a lyricist, which is super exciting. Hi Rachel,

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Speaker 1: Hi Rachel. We met through a mutual friend, Yes, yes

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Speaker 1: we did. Um Jamie Jamie Selter, who you guys. Jamie

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Speaker 1: is a guest on the Milestones episode and goes way

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Speaker 1: back with my husband and me. But I was emailing

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Speaker 1: her like, who do you know that's like a kick

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Speaker 1: ass mom in her forties and she was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: hello Brooklyn, guys, Oh please don't be sorry. We're moms.

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Speaker 1: We can't even remember to self, we can't Natasha's cellphones dead,

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Speaker 1: Jennifer's cellphones on. Um. Yeah, I was reaching out to

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Speaker 1: Jamie like I need moms in their four days and

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Speaker 1: she was like, well, you have to meet Rachel. Duh,

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Speaker 1: it's so nice to meet you in person. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for having me. Um. And then our last amazing guest

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Speaker 1: is Jennifer Bullock and she joins us today. Is also

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Speaker 1: a Broadway mama. Um, and she is actually here with

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Speaker 1: her sweet sweet daughter Brooklyn, who um. If you guys

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Speaker 1: hear her at any point she made, Brooklyn might be

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Speaker 1: coming in and out definitely screaming. She's almost too so yes,

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Speaker 1: so real quick, let's go around, Natasha. How old are

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Speaker 1: your kids and how old were you when you had them?

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Speaker 1: My kids are seven years. I have a set of twins,

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Speaker 1: boy girl twins that are seven and I've had them

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Speaker 1: at four. Yes, you look incredible, Oh my god. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and Rachel you Um, it's just me. I'm a single mom.

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Speaker 1: I have a daughter named Ruby who's almost three and

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Speaker 1: a half. And I got knocked up at forty one

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Speaker 1: had a forty two. It was not planned, but it

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Speaker 1: was fortuitous. And what about you, Jennifer. Um, I got

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Speaker 1: pregnant after like a lot of trying at forty four

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Speaker 1: via IVF and had her. Um, you know, from when

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Speaker 1: I was forty three and had her when I was

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Speaker 1: forty four. Ladies, let's give us all around and applause, right, um,

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Speaker 1: so all three of you, Um, it wasn't a surrogate

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Speaker 1: adoption situation. All three of you guys actually got Oh

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Speaker 1: you had IVF you said, yeah, right, Um? How many

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Speaker 1: rounds did it take? Just one? I'm super lucky. That's great. Um.

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Speaker 1: And for you guys, did you for Rachel Natasha? Did

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Speaker 1: you guys have challenges conceiving? And was the doctor very

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Speaker 1: much like, well, you're old and that's why, or like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I may have had challenges conceiving that I

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Speaker 1: wasn't aware of, but apparently not forty one years old

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Speaker 1: and old fashioned. You got straight up knocked up, straight

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Speaker 1: up knocked up fairly soon into the relationship, which was

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Speaker 1: short lived by my account of the calendar. Um, and uh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess, uh you know, what can I say? I

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Speaker 1: just had the womb of a of a non geriatric woman,

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Speaker 1: I guess. And you decided, I mean you wanted to

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Speaker 1: keep or you wanted to be a mom, like oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, like when you got pregnant, did you know

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Speaker 1: already that the relationship may not work or work in inkling?

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Speaker 1: But I always knew that I want to be a

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Speaker 1: mom I had had previously. This happened when I was

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Speaker 1: forty one, and during my whole forty year I had

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Speaker 1: this like quiet internal existential crisis about did I miss

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Speaker 1: the boat? What am I gonna do? How am I

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Speaker 1: going to make this happen? You need willing sperm in

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Speaker 1: order for this to happen. It is difficult to come

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Speaker 1: by often, um, particularly as a single, unpartnered person, And

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Speaker 1: and it was expensive otherwise, and I wasn't in a

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Speaker 1: position to bankroller or even really honestly think about it.

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Speaker 1: It was just so this was dumb luck. Wow, the

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Speaker 1: dumbest luck. Wow wow. And um really quick to go

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Speaker 1: back to you, Jennifer, like you had you been trying?

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Speaker 1: Were you a relationship for a really long time? You

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Speaker 1: had been trying for a while. Did you start trying

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Speaker 1: after forty? Yeah? So I actually got pregnant at forty

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Speaker 1: and had a miscarriage, and um, then I got pregnant

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Speaker 1: really soon after that again um, and had another risk carriage.

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Speaker 1: And then from there nothing just went, you know, into

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Speaker 1: you did have difficulties conceiving. Did your doctor along the

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Speaker 1: way say blame your age? UM. Initially no, I was

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Speaker 1: living in the Midwest at the time, or actually, sorry,

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Speaker 1: I was in d C. And I was seeing a

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Speaker 1: doctor there who was like, hey, let's do a panel.

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Speaker 1: Let's figure out what's going on with your body. Let's see,

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Speaker 1: you know, if maybe you have a clouding issue or

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Speaker 1: if there's something going on. So they did kind of say,

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Speaker 1: you know, age could be a factor, but it wasn't

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Speaker 1: like this is the factor. So we went and did

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Speaker 1: a panel and did find some things that were wrong.

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Speaker 1: I had did have a clouding disorder. I had UM.

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Speaker 1: Also an ability folic acid I can't it's antif hr

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Speaker 1: luck right g mutation, So I had that too UM

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Speaker 1: And then I thought, okay, well we'll fix those problems.

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Speaker 1: Started trying again and nothing, and then I finally went

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Speaker 1: to see a specialist who specializes in mini IVF, which

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Speaker 1: is actually four older women. The theory behind it is

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Speaker 1: that IVF gives you a whole lot of drugs, which

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Speaker 1: creates a whole live eggs. Like shaking an apple tree.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna get unripe apples. You're gonna get apples. That

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Speaker 1: apple You're just gonna shake it, and everything's gonna fall

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Speaker 1: on the ground and that's what you're gonna get. Um,

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Speaker 1: And he was saying that a lot of what you

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Speaker 1: get in an IVF cycle and an older woman is

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Speaker 1: unusable eggs. So he said, rather than give you all

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Speaker 1: of that medicine, we're gonna give you just a couple

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Speaker 1: of drugs to create the best eggs possible. And even

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Speaker 1: though we'll only get a couple, those will be the best.

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Speaker 1: So yeah. So um, anyway, so that was our journey

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Speaker 1: and uh and yeah, and it was pretty awesome. And

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Speaker 1: like I said, we got pregnant right away. Um, we're

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Speaker 1: really lucky. And what about you, Nitasha, I had lots

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Speaker 1: of problems. I miscarried as well. It's not that part,

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Speaker 1: but I miscarried twice and I, um, but my doctor

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Speaker 1: did not tell me it was my age. She don't

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Speaker 1: my weight because I'm overweight. Um, she talked about my weight.

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Speaker 1: And then we also I also got tested and I

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Speaker 1: found out I had a blocked ovary. Only one of

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Speaker 1: my ovaries worked or whatever or was open um. So

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Speaker 1: then we did some flushing and we did a whole

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Speaker 1: bunch of other stuff. Um. But I had gotten pregnant

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Speaker 1: prior to that and miscarried so I knew that I

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Speaker 1: could get pregnant, but just carrying it was the thing

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Speaker 1: for me. And then it took like seven years and nothing.

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Speaker 1: We were trying and nothing. So then I took some um,

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Speaker 1: something called cloe mid trying to some kind of drug

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Speaker 1: that fertility drug to help your eggs come out UM,

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Speaker 1: and that's I think. So yeah, but I you know,

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Speaker 1: I was having such difficulty for that stretch that I

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Speaker 1: thought they weren't going to run in this family. I

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Speaker 1: had a miscarriage to at thirty five, and the doctor

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Speaker 1: was definitely she only said it once, but you won't

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Speaker 1: forget it, which is she said, like, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: there is just sometimes splitting gets I guess when the

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Speaker 1: embryo or the chromosomes are splitting or that. She's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we don't know for sure yet, but like

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Speaker 1: that doesn't seem to go as easily or smoothly when

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Speaker 1: you're older. And I was like, say what, um, especially

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Speaker 1: because I feel like, you know, we are coming into

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Speaker 1: this time where there's just there's a lot I mean,

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Speaker 1: we're just not getting married off at thirteen. We're just

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Speaker 1: not We are told, you know, but we're told like

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Speaker 1: you can have it all, you know, So you're like,

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Speaker 1: hold up, if I'm supposed to have it all and

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to have this career and I'm supposed to

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Speaker 1: focus on me and be a badass and get this

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Speaker 1: whole career happening, than marry the right person, find a

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Speaker 1: partner and all of these things, Like how am I

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Speaker 1: going to get that all done by a certain age

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Speaker 1: to then be a mom? I mean, it's just it's

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Speaker 1: a lot. Can we go around and talk about how

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Speaker 1: your pregnancy was as as being in you like, did

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Speaker 1: you feel I mean, I think you can feel like

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Speaker 1: shit at any age pregnant, but but were you told

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Speaker 1: or do you think your pregnancy was different in any way?

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Speaker 1: I know that they do actually do different sort of testing,

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Speaker 1: right and watch you differently? What do you Rachel's give

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Speaker 1: me if you're looking at me? So I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: go first. I'm short. I had a shockingly uneventful pregnancy.

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Speaker 1: For my first time in the office, I you know,

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Speaker 1: I was told I was geriatric. I found that amusing,

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Speaker 1: But that was literally the only time that I was

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Speaker 1: treated like I was old. I'm in New York. I

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Speaker 1: went to downtown O b G Y n uh down

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Speaker 1: in Soho. They were completely unfazed. Nobody treated me like

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Speaker 1: I was anything other than what they had seen many times. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just everything. I had a very I was very lucky.

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Speaker 1: I had a very good, happy, easy pregnancy. I you know,

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Speaker 1: I just I had this adorable bumps it was. I

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Speaker 1: was before I have told myself, like, don't get crazy

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Speaker 1: if you put on weight, like, don't get like, just like,

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Speaker 1: whatever happens, you're going to deal with it, like you

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Speaker 1: have this baby, You're so lucky. But also for the

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Speaker 1: through the first trimester, like every day, I just like,

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Speaker 1: please just make it through the day. Please just make

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Speaker 1: it through the day, because I knew what the risks

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Speaker 1: for and I knew I was lucky. I knew this

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Speaker 1: was a miracle baby. And by the time, I mean

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Speaker 1: I like, I was not no longer with or on

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Speaker 1: very good terms with with my child's father, sort of

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Speaker 1: probably halfway through the first trimester. So this was the one.

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Speaker 1: There wasn't there wasn't there were no more kicks that

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Speaker 1: this particular can with this particular persona so um so Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I just I did. I had a really wonderful,

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Speaker 1: lucky pregnancy, and I didn't you know. The only the

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Speaker 1: only thing that that um went awry was when it

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Speaker 1: came time for delivery, and uh, you know, I had

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Speaker 1: to vary a diva cervix that didn't you know, I

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Speaker 1: just didn't want to open, and so I ended up

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Speaker 1: having a c section at the last minute. But I

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Speaker 1: mean otherwise everything was great, you know, knocking all the

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Speaker 1: wood all about. I had a horrible time. I was

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Speaker 1: sick every day from the first day I even know

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Speaker 1: I was pregnant, un till the child until they took

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Speaker 1: the babies out. Um, I was on my floor in

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Speaker 1: the bathroom because the tie was cold. Um, just sleeping

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Speaker 1: every day almost I was on it every day, but

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Speaker 1: I was in the majority of the time. I mean

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Speaker 1: my husband would come home and know where I knew

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Speaker 1: where I was on the bathroom floor, and he was

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Speaker 1: like good. I was like, yep, I'm good, and I

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Speaker 1: just sort of stayed there. Um. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: had anything to do with age or just well? No,

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Speaker 1: I think well I think looking back now, mind, you

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Speaker 1: haven't never carried a baby up until except for the twins,

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Speaker 1: for any length of time, and I think it was

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Speaker 1: because it was twins. I had a horrible doctor as well,

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Speaker 1: who made me feel awful and everything that I called

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Speaker 1: and said, oh my vagina is clicking, I'm okay, you're

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Speaker 1: I'm fifteen weeks. I was fifteen weeks because yes, at

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Speaker 1: that first tribemester, I'm just especially after having a couple

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Speaker 1: of misscaverages, I'm like, just please, can I just get

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Speaker 1: to twelve weeks? You know? Um? So I got to

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Speaker 1: fifteen and then my body started clicking. I was walking

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Speaker 1: and making noises and a little bit of pain, and

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Speaker 1: so I called the doctor and she would be like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're pregnant. That's basically it, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: that kind of that's the I had. So um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I should have left, but I didn't even know enough

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Speaker 1: to leave, you know what I mean. So at thirteen weeks,

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Speaker 1: she said, oh, we're gonna have a c section. There's

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Speaker 1: I mean, I had maybe one test prior to that,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, but can we just she said, no,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have twins, and so we're just gonna You're

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Speaker 1: gonna have a C section. And I was like, oh, okay, um,

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Speaker 1: because I didn't again, I didn't know enough to ask

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Speaker 1: any questions. Older mom, but ignorant you know, in terms

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Speaker 1: of my body and what it does, because I really

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Speaker 1: didn't even want kids for until I turned that thirty

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Speaker 1: eight maybe, and then all of a sudden it was everything,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was I woke up, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm yes, and is this all there is? Basically, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing what I want to do. I'm you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm having my career or whatever. But this is there

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Speaker 1: got to be more to it than this. And then

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Speaker 1: from that moment on it was about me giving to

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Speaker 1: someone else, you know. Um so, but yes, the pregnancy

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Speaker 1: itself was very difficult, and as my body changed weekly,

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Speaker 1: I did not have a doctor that helped me through

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Speaker 1: that and understand that and all the stuff I was findings,

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Speaker 1: Oh this means you're you have diabetes or this meslah blah,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't have any of those things. But I

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Speaker 1: did have um, morning sickness every day, um every day.

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Speaker 1: And yes, what about you, Jennifer, how do you feel

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Speaker 1: how your pregnancy? Um? My pregnancy was pretty smooth and easy. However,

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Speaker 1: I was pregnant in the Midwest, so I did not

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Speaker 1: have the same kind of yeah cool whatever experience. They

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Speaker 1: were you treated old like scared where they like by

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Speaker 1: like this is like a miracle if you survive kind

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Speaker 1: of Yeah. I mean my doctor was great. I don't

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Speaker 1: mean that I had a bad doctor, but the general

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Speaker 1: kind of energy. Yeah, the general like feeling when I

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Speaker 1: went in there, I was like, whoa, She's alive, still here,

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Speaker 1: still kick in. Um. So that part was did they

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Speaker 1: have you do extra testing? Yeah? They did. They considered

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Speaker 1: me just super high risk because I had the Linen

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Speaker 1: factor five, I had the m f mt h f

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Speaker 1: r G mutation, so and I was I V Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So those three things together was like, were you so

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Speaker 1: scared the whole time? I mean that must compound on itself,

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Speaker 1: like you know I was, and I wasn't just because

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Speaker 1: I was like you know what, I'm a Broadway chick,

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Speaker 1: like we keep good like we we're young at hard

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Speaker 1: We're not you might I might be like physically old,

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Speaker 1: but I'm feeling like I'm okay. Plus I was in

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Speaker 1: the fitness field, so I was you know, I had

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Speaker 1: been working out regularly but prior to my pregnancy, and

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Speaker 1: I was working out through my pregnancy, so I was

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Speaker 1: doing things to help myself. Um. But yeah, so anyway,

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Speaker 1: there were lots of extra tests. Um. There was just

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Speaker 1: a general kind of theme of let's cross our fingers

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Speaker 1: and hope that you get through it. And um, I

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Speaker 1: did have morning sickness, but it kind of waned after

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Speaker 1: the three months, which was good. And then after that

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Speaker 1: I felt pretty well. I didn't have any complications of

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Speaker 1: any sort. Um. My doctor threw a curveball at me

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Speaker 1: at like thirty eight weeks, was like, we're going to

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Speaker 1: induce you next week. And I had been like I

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Speaker 1: wanted to go into labor naturally, like I was trying.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be naturally, wanted to go into labor naturally.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to just kind of try to not have

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Speaker 1: any drugs. So that one was a little like I had.

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Speaker 1: The same thing happened, and it was because of my age. Again,

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Speaker 1: I think I think there's I think actually, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know because we don't have a documents episode, but

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Speaker 1: I think there is. I think there are Actually, when

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Speaker 1: you're above thirty five, certain insurance companies do require you

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Speaker 1: to do extra testing. I think that that come with

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Speaker 1: your insurance package of being pregnant or whatever above a

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Speaker 1: certain age. I'm pretty sure, but that yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: thirty five geriatric test that could hurt your baby too,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean that they amniotic strongly recommend

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Speaker 1: you take and right do you remember? I did not.

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Speaker 1: I felt like the other tests had made me sufficiently confident.

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Speaker 1: I mean, who could be confident in anything? But I

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Speaker 1: sort of made my piece with that that I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I I felt I was so shaky about that first

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Speaker 1: trimester and you know the delicate balance of just getting

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Speaker 1: through it, that I was like, I'm not I'm not

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Speaker 1: interfering with that ecosystem. Yeah. I I was told around

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Speaker 1: thirty eight or nine weeks that Albie's stomach was not

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Speaker 1: growing at the percentage rate that they wanted him to.

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Speaker 1: And so they said the same to me, like you're

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Speaker 1: not going a day over forty weeks, we're gonna induce you.

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Speaker 1: And I was so pissed because I of course had

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Speaker 1: this birth plan in my head of like, the baby's

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Speaker 1: going to go into labor naturally and he's going to

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Speaker 1: decide his birth date, dime into astrology, all this hippie

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Speaker 1: dippie crap um. But he said the specialist in l A,

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Speaker 1: like the number one guy, was like, oh no, no,

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Speaker 1: you're thirty five, You're not going a day over over

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Speaker 1: your forty week mark, um, which you know that's like

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Speaker 1: a super you know, in in Europe and Canada and

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Speaker 1: things like that, they actually have like labor windows where

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Speaker 1: it's like they're they're good within three weeks early or

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Speaker 1: forty two weeks late, whatever. But here in the States,

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Speaker 1: it's very much like this date. Um, So, I was

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Speaker 1: induced and it was totally because of my age, um

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Speaker 1: because he came out completely fine. But um so, um

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Speaker 1: did you guys? Yeah, I got yes, I had a

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Speaker 1: like a surgery, like I went to sleep. Oh yes,

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Speaker 1: she had one of those labors that we talked about

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Speaker 1: on this podcast. Yeah. In season one are my Obi

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Speaker 1: was like, oh yeah, it could even get so bad

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Speaker 1: that they knock you out for your favor for a

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Speaker 1: twelve hours. And I met the person that they did

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Speaker 1: that too, and it's Natasha. I didn't meet my babies

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Speaker 1: until twelve hours later. But um, and I didn't find

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Speaker 1: out that's how you story boy, a boy and a girl.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know their sexiest prior to two. I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to know their sexiest so um because I was

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Speaker 1: waiting on the doctor to say it's a boy, it's

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Speaker 1: a girl. I really wanted that, sure, and I did

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Speaker 1: that to happen. But anyway, so that didn't happen because

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Speaker 1: my epidural didn't work. So because I have a my

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Speaker 1: spine is bent or something. So anyway, they couldn't get

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Speaker 1: the epidural to work because I wanted drugs. I did

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Speaker 1: want drugs and I wanted to just be awake to

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Speaker 1: hear them say what was But anyway, Um, but anyway,

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Speaker 1: that didn't work. So then they had to put me

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Speaker 1: to sleep. But did they ask you? Did they say

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Speaker 1: we're going to be putting you under I mean I don't.

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Speaker 1: They said they have to. They told me they have

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Speaker 1: to put me to sleep because the door didn't work

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Speaker 1: and we had waited too long for anything else I

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Speaker 1: think to work. So um, but the day prior to that,

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Speaker 1: my I had them at thirty seven weeks. Um, but

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Speaker 1: I had a scheduled c section at forty weeks. But

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Speaker 1: when I went in, you know at that time, you're

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Speaker 1: going in weekly or whatever, and um, one of them

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Speaker 1: was sitting on the other or smushing Baby A, was

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Speaker 1: smushing baby B. And then they so then they said

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Speaker 1: tomorrow you have to come and let's take her out,

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Speaker 1: take them out now, um, tomorrow. So that was my

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Speaker 1: So they induced you give you that you tried to

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Speaker 1: do it and no, no, no, they didn't induce me.

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Speaker 1: They I didn't try to do it. I was always

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Speaker 1: going to do a C section from thirteen weeks, not

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Speaker 1: by choice, but that's what my doctor told me that

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Speaker 1: I had to do because as I was having twins.

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Speaker 1: That's what she told me. Um. So I knew I

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Speaker 1: was having a c section, but it was just supposed

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Speaker 1: to be two weeks later than me going in and

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Speaker 1: send them saying, oh no, this baby is you know,

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Speaker 1: getting smashed, so let's take them out, um at thirty

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Speaker 1: seven weeks. Ever, fine, they were fine. They stayed in

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Speaker 1: the nick for a while. But I'm saying, you know, so,

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Speaker 1: what kind of um like going from what I also

389
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Speaker 1: think is crazy about having a baby in your forties

390
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Speaker 1: and thirty five. I'm just gonna let myself in with

391
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Speaker 1: you guys, UM is that you've already been an adult

392
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Speaker 1: doing your own crap for like a really long time,

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Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean? Like I think there

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Speaker 1: are people who have babies in their early twenties or

395
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Speaker 1: they were mid twenties, and like, come on, let's be honest,

396
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Speaker 1: they still don't even like really, I mean, you're they're

397
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Speaker 1: just becoming adults themselves, you know what I mean. Like

398
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Speaker 1: we're sitting here and like we all had careers when

399
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 1: we were working double the adult time, double the adult time.

400
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Speaker 1: So like was it's such a shock for you guys,

401
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Speaker 1: like to all of a sudden, you're forty years around

402
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Speaker 1: the sun and now we are high Brooklyn. Yeah, we're

403
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Speaker 1: talking about you and how awesome you are. You're forty

404
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,479
Speaker 1: years around the sun. Like now all of a sudden,

405
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Speaker 1: you you're not the center of that anymore, or like

406
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 1: your life is drastically changing because you've been an adult

407
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Speaker 1: for longer. Like well, I do actually think that there's

408
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Speaker 1: a distinction here between being in your being five you'r

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Speaker 1: late thirties and being over forty because of the sort

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Speaker 1: of like the intense emotional journey that takes place between

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Speaker 1: you know, at thirty five, at least for me, you're

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Speaker 1: just being treated like a real adult as a woman, right,

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Speaker 1: Like women are so diminished and marginalized and just naturally

414
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Speaker 1: like it's so career wise, you're sort of like just

415
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Speaker 1: hitting your stride. You're just that That was my experience um,

416
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Speaker 1: and you know, but also like people change how they

417
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Speaker 1: approach you, like when you're when you're thirty five, they're like, so,

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Speaker 1: when are you gonna have kids? I turned forty, people

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Speaker 1: stopped asking me even if I wanted kids, everyone just

420
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Speaker 1: to seem even my parents, the conversation just ended. So

421
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Speaker 1: they're like there, like there's no chance. But there's like

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Speaker 1: a personal internal grappling if you do want children, or

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Speaker 1: if there's something that you have been sort of thinking about,

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Speaker 1: if you're if you just think, you know, like I'm

425
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: gonna meet this person or whatever. Maybe you're in a

426
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 1: long relationship that doesn't work out, whatever happens, because there's

427
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 1: a lot of things that can't work out or that

428
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,479
Speaker 1: go you know, as you have not expected. Let's be honest, like,

429
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: you know, the life that goes according to plan is

430
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 1: kind of a boring life. Um. But the so that

431
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: you you also there's like a coming to grips with it.

432
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 1: So for me, I didn't by the time I realized

433
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 1: I was pregnant, there was there the window for I

434
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,680
Speaker 1: haven't done this, I haven't done that, like that had

435
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: firmly passed. And so I think that for me, even

436
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,360
Speaker 1: though career wise, I've definitely given up a lot by

437
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,679
Speaker 1: being a single mom and just I just can't attend

438
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: the same things. I can't show up in the same way.

439
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 1: But you know, I always in my head, I'm like, well,

440
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,719
Speaker 1: I had all that, I had all that, the freedom

441
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 1: to like run around and do everything, but I didn't

442
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 1: have Ruby. Now I have Ruby, and that's sort of

443
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:27,719
Speaker 1: that's everything. Yep, yep, yeah. I think forty is this

444
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: huge looming number because my girlfriends in l A like

445
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: that are single or you know, they have that number

446
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 1: drilled into their mind of like, well, us external it

447
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: has to be like if I'm thirty seven and I

448
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: don't meet the guy by thirty eight and then get

449
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: married by thirty nine, if we want to date for

450
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 1: a year and then get pregnant, like I'm never going

451
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: to make it in under the forty market's never gonna

452
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: happen for me. And then what happens after forty is

453
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: it just my vagina drives up and is dead, Like

454
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: clearly not in Rachel's case, clearly not Natasha's place, and

455
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: clearly on Jennifer's case. So really hope it's still going

456
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: strong and you're good to go, Like I am single.

457
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 1: I mean, oy, that portion of the podcast on my

458
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: bumble profile fantastic Katie's Crib and the crib knows you

459
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: will be finding Rachel Sclars bumble Um. So yeah, I

460
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,640
Speaker 1: don't know what, Like, I don't know where in society

461
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: that number, Like, if thirty five is the geriatric pregnancy,

462
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: what is it about forty that is the fucking thing? Um? Yeah,

463
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: because I believe that you're in the same way that

464
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: I had an experience with Gosh, let's hope you live. Um.

465
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: A lot of doctors just don't believe the pregnancy. I mean,

466
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 1: and you know there is you know, your body's aging,

467
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: it's changing. But I know so many women that have

468
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: gotten pregnant over forty that I start to wonder if

469
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 1: these beliefs that your potential is one percent or whatever

470
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: there's two percent, is actually factual. I just don't I

471
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: just don't know. Well, they say that over thirty five

472
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: your eggs come out faster. You know, you're produce see

473
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: more eggs after because the eggs are just trying to

474
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: get out. You got all these million, a million eggs,

475
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: and right they're coming out faster because your body's like okay,

476
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: we're taking what's going on. You haven't done anything with

477
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: me yet, you know what I mean? So they're they're

478
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: kicking out faster, so you actually can get pregnant easier.

479
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm not easier, but with more eggs ratio after thirty five,

480
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: because they're coming out at a doubled rate. Did you

481
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 1: the um? Your body can make babies because it's that's

482
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 1: what it's designed to do. Let's talk about disadvantage and advantages,

483
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 1: which Rachel touched on, which was, you know, we got

484
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,479
Speaker 1: to live some awesome adult years. Um. I always think

485
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 1: about the disadvantage of like, you know, my mom was

486
00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 1: twenty six when she got pregnant with me, and we've

487
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 1: had this beautiful, incredible adult relationship for a really long time,

488
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 1: and she, god willing, is going to be around for

489
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 1: a lot of my son's life. You know, she's sixty

490
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 1: two years old, and um, do you guys I sometimes

491
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: think about you know, like my friend that's dad is

492
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: forty seven and has a newborn, right, it's hilarious, Brooklyn, Um,

493
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 1: But like what happens at their college graduation when the

494
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: dad is seventy seven? You know, Like, do you guys

495
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 1: think about that? Do you care yes, I think about

496
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: you do because you're a one year old. You're forty

497
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: four and you have a one to year so, but

498
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 1: initially it never I never really thought of it until

499
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: I was at a Walmart in Kansas and the lady

500
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 1: was like my grandma, and I just was my ward.

501
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 1: If you don't know, just don't ask. And I just

502
00:27:55,160 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 1: discovered other people making a bigger deal out of it, like, oh,

503
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 1: look at you, you know, just you know, how are

504
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 1: you feeling? How's it keeping up with the tither? I'm like,

505
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: what do you think? Like, I don't know. So I

506
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: felt like society kind of made me feel that way.

507
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 1: I didn't feel that way initially, but society, please don't

508
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 1: eat my shoe. But society was making me feel that way.

509
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 1: And then as a result, all of a sudden, I

510
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: was like, oh, no, you know, I'm an old mom.

511
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: Am I gonna miss? Like? Am I going to be

512
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: there for my daughter when she's older and going through

513
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 1: some difficulties? You know? So I started to think of

514
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: it after society made a big deal of it, which

515
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 1: was kind of a drag because it didn't really even

516
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: dawn on me until that point. What about um, I

517
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: think about it a lot, and I thought about it

518
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: because my my mother had me at thirty two, which

519
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: at that time, I think she's old. Because everybody in

520
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 1: my class that I went to school with, all their

521
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: moms were younger than my mom and my dad. So

522
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: I always felt like I had an older parent. UM,

523
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: and my brother is thirteen years younger than me. My

524
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: mother had him at forty two. Forty two and she

525
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: was dead to the world in the bed she could

526
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 1: not We were in North Carolina, UM and had her daughter.

527
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: Her daughter was great, but just society and our environment,

528
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 1: our community was very judgmental of her. I think, um,

529
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,239
Speaker 1: and she's married, now married and had a baby, but

530
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 1: it was it was a surprise to her and UM.

531
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: But my brother said something to me about UM because

532
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: they were forty two when he was born. He has

533
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: because my mother passed in November. He said he was

534
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: always expecting them to not be around because they were older,

535
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: and that was his position as a person who was

536
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 1: born to a forty two year old mother. So so yes,

537
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: I think about it. But because he said that to me,

538
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 1: I think about it because I'm like, oh, I've done

539
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: the same thing, and now my kids, my mother's gone

540
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: and she didn't. I mean, she met my my children,

541
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 1: but they don't have the same type of relationship with

542
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: a grandmother that I, you know, would have wished for them.

543
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: So that's certainly a downside. What do you think for me?

544
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 1: I think about it all the time too. I mean

545
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 1: I thought about it a lot prior to Ruby. My

546
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: parents didn't have grandchildren, and I you know, that was

547
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: a big part of wanting a child was also to

548
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: give them that it was just part of the package

549
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: of um. And you know, we our family, it's I

550
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: have a sister, we had a brother who passed away early,

551
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: and sort of we like in the family. I it

552
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: was like this feeling of like, oh, there's this like

553
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 1: peace that isn't happening. And then when Ruby was born,

554
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: it you know, our family was a family of five again,

555
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 1: and you know that the joy like there's no guarantees

556
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 1: on anything, there's really like I think about that even

557
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: like honestly getting anytime, like getting into a getting into

558
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 1: the uber today, like I walking into the house, I'm like,

559
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: like the not to be like really like a downer,

560
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: but just I often think about when I get on

561
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: the FDR, like I hope it don't get into an

562
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: accent like this thing makes a more life or death cycle.

563
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: Until being I never had so many thoughts of like,

564
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: when I'm driving a car, just all of you owning me,

565
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: and because you're so you just really feel part of

566
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 1: this sort of human flow cycle. Well particularly and yeah,

567
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: I mean you you particularly have been part of enterprises

568
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: that have contemplated death in many forms. So I mean

569
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: it's just you. Yeah, So I do I think about that.

570
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: I don't think about it in terms of me that much.

571
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: And maybe it's because I'm I'm a single mom. I

572
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: live in New York. I sort of I roll with

573
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: whoever I'm rolling with. I mean, I'm I don't feel

574
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: like the old mom in in the mom group I am,

575
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: but I know you the oldest I am. I am,

576
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: but it and sometimes I'm like, wow, I'm like a

577
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 1: decade old than you, um you know, to like some

578
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,959
Speaker 1: of my mom friends. But I don't know, I feel

579
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: I like I'm I'm Ruby's mom. Ruby. I don't think

580
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: Ruby would look around and be like I wish I

581
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: had a younger mom. I mean, I'm sure when she's thirteen,

582
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: she'll look at other moms and be like mom, the

583
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: other moms are so much cool. I mean, thank you.

584
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: But your kid at thirteen, I'm pretty sure she's not

585
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: going to think it, but would be an age probably,

586
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 1: But I mean, I do I think about that. I

587
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: just you know, we're so lucky that we can take

588
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: like so many like photos and videos like we can,

589
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 1: we can. I have enough, And I think about I

590
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 1: have enough sort of digital stuff to preserve, like like,

591
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: at least my daughter will be able to know her

592
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: family members of God forbid, somebody is not there at

593
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 1: least people to say, look at how much they loved you,

594
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 1: even though you can't not do it if you want,

595
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: if you want to do it, yeah, it's not I mean,

596
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: even even at my loss, I don't think I do

597
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: it any differently, you know, I don't. I don't think

598
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: I do it any differently because the joy of them

599
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 1: is worth even the price is. Oh I hope I'm

600
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: around for longer to help them become who I want

601
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 1: them to be. So there's this rush to get all

602
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 1: that information in sometimes, but um, the choice that there

603
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 1: was no other choice, you know, no other choice, no otherwise,

604
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: and they had to had to happen regardless of how

605
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 1: you know, if I had been fifty or however old

606
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 1: um Janet Jackson just like fifty right now? Damn? Can

607
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: we what about advantages? Because I think, I mean, I

608
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: feel like there are definite advantages. Definitely being more established,

609
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 1: hopefully you know, hopefully enabled to in terms of care

610
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: for your child or do some things that you know

611
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: you would like to do, and having traveled or done

612
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: whatever you wanted to do, had time to do that

613
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: makes you more I mean I was like in twenties,

614
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 1: I had zero dollars, like zero, I mean, I was

615
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: a waitress. And yes there's that thing like you don't

616
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: need money for a baby, you just need love and

617
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: like fine, but yeah, but like I literally having in

618
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 1: one room and I could have done it, but it

619
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 1: would have looked very different. And I have to say,

620
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 1: I spend a lot of time and career and valued

621
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 1: time on my career to get to a place and

622
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: have health insurance. And I have to say, like these

623
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 1: worries about whether or not I'm going to be around

624
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: for his whole thing or whatever. It's like yeah, but

625
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,720
Speaker 1: then in my twenties, I would have been completely worried

626
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 1: about him having fucking health insurance. So it's like, you know,

627
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 1: I yes, And I traveled a bunch, which was great,

628
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: and I got to spend a lot of really lovely

629
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: quality time with my husband, who I haven't seen in

630
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 1: the entire year of Albi's life except on stage at waitress. Um,

631
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: but what do you guys advantages for you have them? Um?

632
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 1: I kind of agree with what you were saying Rachel

633
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 1: before how like I didn't really know myself until I

634
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: turned forty. I didn't know who I was or what

635
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,320
Speaker 1: I mean I was. I stellf still feel like I'm learning,

636
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 1: but I definitely kind of established myself as a human

637
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 1: being somewhere around the age of forty. So like Natasha

638
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: was saying, like I was more suited, more capable of

639
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: taking care of a child because I was comfortable with

640
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: who I was. I was not wishing that I was

641
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: doing other things like getting my nails painted or club nine.

642
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: Actually never clubbed, you know something like that. Yeah, Like,

643
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: I just was happy being me and I knew what

644
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: I would be able to offer a child. And I

645
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: think that nature has ad percent got it wrong. I

646
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: think that women in their forties are in something not

647
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 1: for everybody. Obviously, you can be supermature and be sixteen.

648
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 1: But a lot of women in their forties are just

649
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: more capable, more suitable, more able to be the mom

650
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 1: my daughter's on the phone, um, more capable to be

651
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: the mom that you know I wanted to be, you know,

652
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: and um, So I think there's a huge advantage to waiting,

653
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 1: in a huge advantage to really being secure in yourself

654
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 1: and knowing who you are and having done all those

655
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: things I've done nationally, tours like I've had, I've traveled,

656
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: I've done it, and now it's her. It's everything about her.

657
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 1: So I think, like the the identity piece that you're

658
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 1: talking about, right is um for me. I get a

659
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 1: kick out of being known as Ruby's mom. Like I

660
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 1: don't feel like, oh, you don't feel resented, Like I

661
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: don't feel like my I don't have an identity or

662
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: or it's being subsumed in the mom thing. I mean,

663
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: I'm in a lot of mom groups. I love mom groups.

664
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: I stand for mom groups. So do I. But I

665
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: and so I see I see so like you know

666
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: a lot of women who really struggle with their identity

667
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,879
Speaker 1: being seemed into that of their children, particularly if they're

668
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 1: if they're staying home and so I mean the first

669
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: A lot of my friends told me, like, the first

670
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: few years are gonna be hard. They're gonna be hard.

671
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: It's gonna be hard to see the career things that

672
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 1: you want to do, you're not gonna be able to

673
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: do them. And it's just it's just powerful, of course,

674
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,240
Speaker 1: and I and I really did see like a turning

675
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 1: point when Ruby was around like two two and a half.

676
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 1: I just was able to do more things. And then

677
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 1: I was able to do the b and my musical

678
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: theater workshop and just you know, you have a whole

679
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: other life. But um, you know, when when you talk

680
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 1: about being forty, being more established, like I was definitely

681
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: more established in my career, but I was also an entrepreneur, freelancer, creative.

682
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: So in my twenties, I was a lawyer. So if

683
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: I had gotten pregnant as a lawyer in my twenties,

684
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 1: I would have had far fewer financial concerns. When you

685
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: talk about living in a room, I was in a

686
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: room I was my first year with Ruby was in

687
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 1: my studio apartment on the Lower East Side. That was

688
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 1: my like you know, like my I'm in my thirties.

689
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,399
Speaker 1: I guess I'm not going to move when I get

690
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 1: into my forties apartment. Um, and it and it worked.

691
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,719
Speaker 1: It was fine. I mean, I you know, slapping her

692
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: in the car seat with everything up four flights of

693
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,399
Speaker 1: stairs whatever, everybody makes it work. I and but then

694
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: also having Ruby or Funny, and I was pregnant, just

695
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: was the fire needed to light under me. I was like, okay,

696
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: I'm a single mom. I'm gonna response for this child.

697
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: I guess I have to start putting making money, you know,

698
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 1: ahead in the priority list. And as a creative you

699
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 1: you're always like money. You know what I wanted to

700
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 1: I want to do my art. I mean there's nobody

701
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:36,880
Speaker 1: who can say more definitively like I prioritize my creative

702
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: life over money than a person who left law to

703
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: be a freelance writer. I mean, had I stayed in law,

704
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,400
Speaker 1: things would have been very different right now. Um, but

705
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 1: for you, part of me not meant for you know,

706
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: but but I do think that there is something about

707
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: no matter where you are, there is something very clarifying

708
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: about when I touched I said before is said, Okay,

709
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: I'm responsible for another person. It's not about me anymore.

710
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 1: Are time to get the financial house in order, so

711
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 1: a couple more questions, how did your um. We talked

712
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 1: a little bit about this, Rachel, But did any of

713
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: you guys have and you talked about this in the

714
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: Midwest Doctor's feeling some way, But did you guys have

715
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: any family or friends that reacted poorly or wonderfully to

716
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: you guys? Being pregny into the age you are like,

717
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: my dad was nervous. Like I'd be like, Dad, are

718
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:25,840
Speaker 1: you excited. He'd be like, well, I'm anxious. I'm like,

719
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: are you but anxious and excited. He'd like, well, I'm

720
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: excited and anxious. Um, but you know, but otherwise, my

721
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 1: my family's is amazing. Yeah, my my sister has been

722
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: a godsend. I mean I really I often don't feel

723
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,919
Speaker 1: like a single parent, Like I like, I started something

724
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: called the Luckiest. I always say I'm so lucky. To Ruby,

725
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 1: I'm always say we're the luckiest. I feel really lucky.

726
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 1: I am very supported. I have a great sister, she

727
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:52,320
Speaker 1: comes and visits all the time. My family, my parents

728
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 1: are amazing. My cousin Jacob, who lives in New York,

729
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 1: always comes like we have I have a great village. Yeah,

730
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: I have a UM. I don't remember right, you have

731
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: to have a village. I don't think I've had anybody unsupportive.

732
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: I did have people a little nervous for me, just

733
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 1: because of my losses, um and because um when my

734
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 1: second mischaracters were very soon after my first UM, so

735
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 1: I got right back on the horse and they were like, look,

736
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: can you just stick ammitted? And then there was this

737
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 1: dry spell and I was like, no, we gotta go,

738
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 1: we go, you know. Um. But I didn't have anybody

739
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 1: that was really unsupportive. I just had a few people

740
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: that were a little nervous for me. But yeah, I

741
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: think I would say the same people were definitely cautious around.

742
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:43,240
Speaker 1: You know. How's how you how you feeling everything? Okay?

743
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 1: I mean, do you guys feel that like the support

744
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 1: system that you guys are talking about is it. Do

745
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 1: you feel like it's different or more involved than other

746
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: less involved because everyone's like, oh, you're old enough, you

747
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 1: were you're you're you're good to go. And I will

748
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 1: say to that same extent, um, my father is no

749
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:10,240
Speaker 1: longer alive and my mother is too elderly to help

750
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,880
Speaker 1: with my daughter. So I don't have that same kind

751
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,479
Speaker 1: of you know, oh, mom will come over and watch.

752
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 1: You know, my mother in law is some more than capable,

753
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,800
Speaker 1: but they lived down in North Carolina, so it's far away.

754
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 1: So my family, my you know, my my older brother,

755
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: he has kid, he's had his kids. They're one of

756
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 1: them in college already. So that was the weird thing

757
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 1: for me was just having this like nobody really available.

758
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 1: My younger brother just recently, who's forty five, just recently

759
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: had a child. It's six months older than Brooklyn. Wow.

760
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: So but we live about an hour and a half apart,

761
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 1: so that makes it a little bit challenging to But yeah,

762
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 1: so for me, like the support system is there in theory,

763
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: but not in my every day and my every day

764
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: it's in her all the time, no nanny, no sitters. Yeah,

765
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 1: she's here right now representing My own support system is

766
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: mostly friends and a few family members because I don't

767
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,280
Speaker 1: have any family near me. My husband has a brother,

768
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:19,720
Speaker 1: a couple of brothers here and so they're family helps

769
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 1: out and reaches out. But I missed because I'm from

770
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: North Carolina in a big family, and I really miss

771
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: everybody chipping in. And my sister lives in Virginia and

772
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,919
Speaker 1: it's just so far, but we make sure the kids

773
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:35,320
Speaker 1: are together every summer and um, but but I would

774
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: love a little bit more village, you know, um, just

775
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 1: for my own sanity. And you're very good at like

776
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 1: you have a really good nanny, syt today today the

777
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 1: nanny is great. Um. But yeah, it's it's you know,

778
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 1: it's but it has not stopped in seven years. It

779
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 1: had not stopped in terms of me searching and trying

780
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 1: to find what is right. Yeah, yeah, I mean I

781
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: created one. I created my village. First of all. Living

782
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 1: in New York, you have a village of helpers in

783
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 1: the form of apps. Right, I can get food delivered

784
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 1: to me, you know, Amazon Prime. I can get what

785
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: I need very easily, which is helpful. That's still, I

786
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: don't want to sugarcoat what it is to be a

787
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,280
Speaker 1: single mother, or even just to be a mother, like

788
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: like just having a child, having the responsibility of a

789
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 1: child and the needs of a child. It's not like,

790
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:27,839
Speaker 1: I mean, Brooklyn is being extraordinarily right now, but it's

791
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: you know, there were many many times I would bring

792
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 1: Ruby with me to a conference or whatever, and like

793
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,320
Speaker 1: a lot of times even when I'd be I I

794
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:38,880
Speaker 1: do tv UM here and there and I'd be asked

795
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: to do a remote segment and it would just be

796
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: me and her, and I'd be like, the only way

797
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: I can be sure that she's going to be quiet

798
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 1: is if I nurse her on camera. So f y

799
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,320
Speaker 1: I if she comes off the boob, we might have

800
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 1: to end the segment. But I did segments like that

801
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: a bunch of times. It was totally fine. Um, it

802
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: just it does requires just some doing. But um, I

803
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: will say that when I put her in daycare, it's

804
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,359
Speaker 1: such a fruitful relationship with the other moms. I these

805
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: are her friends. These are best friends. I mean, and

806
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 1: I love the moms like we have the greatest time,

807
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:11,280
Speaker 1: it really and so that that has been a definite

808
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 1: benefit to me. So I have this great village because

809
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: I do my family. They live in Toronto, and um,

810
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: it can be hard sometimes it's but um yeah, it's

811
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,840
Speaker 1: really everything seems really easy when you're sitting talking about it,

812
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:27,440
Speaker 1: when you're like you have a deadline and your child

813
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 1: is screaming or whatever, just pooped all over the place.

814
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 1: Like it's not always. I've had some people like like

815
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: talking about this social media or whatever. I don't know

816
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: that we were talking about it but I'm talking about now,

817
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 1: like you know, like you say, when you're when you're

818
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: having those moments where, um, your child is throwing macaroni

819
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: across the room or whatever they're doing being children, and

820
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,760
Speaker 1: then you have the judgment of people like say I said,

821
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: I tweeted one day, Oh my god, somebody helped me.

822
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 1: My child just put macaroni all over blah blah blah.

823
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: And then to have attacks I've had attacks this way. Um,

824
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: you should be grateful you have those children. And I

825
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm grateful, but I don't want mcaroni,

826
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: yes and cheez it's all in the furniture. I'm grateful.

827
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 1: But to have that type of um mentality come thrown

828
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: at you and to say, you know, you should know

829
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 1: better and you should blah blah blah. I think we

830
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 1: as women need to help and parents just give ourselves

831
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 1: a little bit more of a break, you know, um

832
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:34,360
Speaker 1: for the human side of Yeah, that's a huge guilt

833
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: in this in this podcast because we have so many moms.

834
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 1: Is yes, the judgment and surrounding yourself with people and

835
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,720
Speaker 1: loved ones in your village, whoever that may be, whether

836
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 1: it's chosen or blood or whatever. But like people who

837
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:49,920
Speaker 1: support you and don't judge you. And and um, I

838
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 1: want to go around really quickly while we before we end,

839
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: and just say, do you guys have any words of

840
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: wisdom or advice to a either women who are in

841
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 1: their forties and may not have a kid but really

842
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: want one, or maybe a new mom who's in her

843
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,799
Speaker 1: forties and just had a baby. Doesn't have to be

844
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: rocket science, can just be like good luck whatever, say

845
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 1: that you can. You can be a mom. There are

846
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 1: millions of ways to do it. Um. I have so

847
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 1: many friends who had performing careers who chose to become

848
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: mothers later in life, and whether they did it with

849
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,320
Speaker 1: their own eggs, a donor egg, they adopted a child,

850
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: they used to surrogate. Um, you know, I know literally

851
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,360
Speaker 1: a woman that has done every one of those roots

852
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: and they are all so happy and in love with

853
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 1: their children. So I don't think that you ever have

854
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: to write motherhood off. UM. I feel that I can

855
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 1: always be something that can be in your life if

856
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 1: you choose for it to be there. I love that.

857
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 1: That's great, Rachel, all of that for sure, I think, Um.

858
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 1: I always I always say that I'm a cautionary tale.

859
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: Because I just got so lucky. I would never say

860
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: you can't plan for luck. Luck is not a strategy.

861
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: If you want to have children, then definitely do as

862
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 1: I say, not as I did, because I flailed for

863
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 1: years and and wanted it, didn't want to articulate it

864
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 1: this there's still this sort of feeling like shame in

865
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 1: admitting that you haven't found the partner to have the children,

866
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 1: like you know, and this was this was all what

867
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:21,359
Speaker 1: I had, bottling me up and feeling like, what's wrong

868
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: with me? What am I? Am I going to be

869
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: able to do it? Doing that calculus of like am

870
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,360
Speaker 1: I gonna like when I meet him? How soon is

871
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 1: it to be able to be impregnated? Like that's a

872
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: crazy way to think in relation and you don't even

873
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 1: you don't need the relationship. I have been a very

874
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: happy single mom. I am delighted that she has a

875
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 1: good relationship with her father. I am delighted that we

876
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 1: were never legally bound, and I am pretty sure that

877
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 1: he feels the same way. Uh, and so I think.

878
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 1: But I will say also is in terms of legality,

879
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:57,320
Speaker 1: is if there's no shame in in asking for help

880
00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 1: and support the you know, the the villa kind. Thank

881
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 1: you Hillary Clinton for that phrase. Um and uh and

882
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: the legally obligated kind too. I see so many women

883
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: again in these mom groups and my single mom groups

884
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 1: who say that they didn't want to ask for helper.

885
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 1: That I mean, it's it's it's paying for your child.

886
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 1: It's that's what we do. That's what we all do,

887
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 1: what all parents should do. I love that. I just

888
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: have advice for just dotting everything that has been said before.

889
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: If you want children, do it, just do it. Do

890
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 1: like Nike. I'm a supporter of Nike. Um, just do

891
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: it um. Because and that doesn't mean you have to

892
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 1: birth them or whatever. It doesn't doesn't mean anything. It

893
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,879
Speaker 1: just means see a child that that needs and you

894
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:48,240
Speaker 1: can go and parent and help and help that parent

895
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 1: or mentor or do whatever you can to sort of

896
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 1: feel the need or the emptiness that you might feel

897
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,359
Speaker 1: inside of your that's what you're feeling for being a mother.

898
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 1: If you want to be a mother, be a mother,

899
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be a child that comes

900
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: from you. Um. And then if you are an older mother,

901
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 1: I want to say, just leave all the shame, the guilt,

902
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 1: the judgment and all that stuff. Out the door. I

903
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: love your child. Do the best you can every day,

904
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: get up, do the best you can, try to do

905
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:16,280
Speaker 1: better than you did yesterday, and that's all you can do.

906
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 1: Cannot thank you guys. Thank you, thank you, Natasha, thank you, Rachel,

907
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:24,799
Speaker 1: thank you, Jennifer, thank you, Brooklyn, Thank you guys so much.

908
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:28,080
Speaker 1: This is so inspiring. I can't even tell you and

909
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 1: I like Brooklyn says bye bye, say bye Katie's Crib.

910
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: Can you say that bye? Thank you guys so much

911
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: for listening and for your amazing feedback and tweets and

912
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 1: messages and reviews and sharing Katie's Crib with your friends

913
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 1: and your family. It means so so much to me,

914
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: So please keep it coming and check us out on

915
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: shawanda land dot com. Make sure to subscribe so you

916
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: never miss an episode. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher,

917
00:49:55,400 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 1: and wherever you get your podcasts. Do I love you

918
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 1: want it Where I want to want you? I love

919
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 1: you want to get you where I want you. I

920
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,840
Speaker 1: don't you want it where I want to want you.

921
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 1: I lot to get you where I want you