WEBVTT - Episode 7 - Dolph Maddux Presents... (with Rob Huebel) 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:09.040 Welcome to get It to Dutch, a screenwriter's Journey. I'm Mark, 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:12.119 I'm Brendan, and we are going to jump right into 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:16.360 it because we have an episode for the Ages today 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:19.000 and just a little bit we will tell you about 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:23.160 our amazing guest, a true Hollywood legend, one of our 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:26.119 all time favorites since we were little kids. Man. But 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:28.960 first let's get through any new business. I will start, 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:31.639 even though I'm not allowed to talk about it, I 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:35.240 am putting a budget together on a little something called 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:40.000 I can't talk about it. You know what that sounds fine? 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:40.640 What is it? 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.479 Well? I mean you asked me not to talk about it, 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:46.040 but I have a line producer and. 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:48.800 We told you to not talk about a lot of things. 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:52.640 Okay, fair enough. A line producer reviewed my script for 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:57.160 ARABORI well, you said he talk about it, but he 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.320 said there was a lot, So anyway, good point. 0:00:59.480 --> 0:00:59.760 Fuck. 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:01.440 But so I got a budget? 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:03.360 What got the budget? 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:07.679 It came in at a few hundred million dollars, which 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.640 means it's oh fucking blockbuster. Wow. 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.319 I don't think that's the case. 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:15.560 That is, that's a lot of money. 0:01:15.720 --> 0:01:18.160 My friend, she's got a little computer program that runs 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:20.440 the numbers and she said that this one sizzled the 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:22.959 app So, wow, that's pretty. 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:25.040 So you broke a computer with how bad your movie 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:25.560 is going to be? 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:29.520 No, it's not bad. It's that she mostly does independent stuff. 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.360 So I think that whatever spreadsheets she was using it 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:34.440 it kind of blew the doors off it. I think 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:40.160 that's a good thing. That is a talking about it. Oh, Greg, 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:41.160 do you have any new business? 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:43.759 Well, I do have some new business before we get 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:47.640 into this very exciting episode, I guess that has can't wait. 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:53.160 Small setback with today we are with finding it? 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:57.080 Oh, what's the setback? 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:03.920 So what happened was this I was witnessed observed someone say, 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:10.000 caught by duck post post coital with his mother the le. 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:14.919 Post post coital. This was after after you were cuddling. 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:18.560 Well, I was so again you know what I mean? 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:22.320 But post post coordal is after the shower, after the 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.120 showers on like the couch, after the shower, after. 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:26.840 The cigarette, and then you were pre coil again. So 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:28.360 you were kind of gonzo nosing. 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:30.400 Yeah, your underwear. I was rising to the occasion. 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:34.040 But gonzone nosing that means you've got like a hook 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:35.000 a hooked yea. 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.400 But your underwear, So your underwear catches yourself mid thong 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:40.640 and benz, it's kind of like so you're kind of 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:42.560 bentch so you're not all the way there. But if 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:43.520 like the underwear went. 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:49.120 Away, I wasn't wearing unravel. I wasn't wearing underwear, but 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.800 I was still gonzo nosing. But that's just the natural. 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:53.000 You just run a natural gone. 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:54.359 I run a natural curve. 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:57.320 You have a hook, yeah, dog leg left or right? 0:02:57.440 --> 0:02:58.880 You slice her? Or do you hook? 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:00.480 I call it an nose dive? 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:01.840 Oh you go down? 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.240 Yeah, it's a gonzo note. Have you ever seen the Muppets? 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:06.519 Of course I've seen the Muppet, But Gonsos doesn't go 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:07.520 to the left or to the right. 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:11.960 Got a twisted dick can go any number of directions. 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.880 I call dick John c Riley, mister cellphane no, because 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:16.760 he gets a job done. 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:17.280 Huh. 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:18.200 He's a great actor. 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.040 He gets You could have picked so many names that 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:23.079 were way sexier than John c Ryley. 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:25.120 Kind of looks like John c Riley, you know. 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:29.480 Wow, Okay, anyway, there's been a setback. 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:31.840 Oh god, what what happened? 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:32.639 What happened? 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.960 Well, when Duck caught us, he was how do I 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:36.440 put this? 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:37.680 Oh? 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:41.240 Boy apoplectic? Oh he really really am it? Hard? 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:42.680 Way to go? 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:44.760 A what did you do? 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:45.160 Man? 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:49.000 Well, I I'm going to have to rendezvous with him later, 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:50.600 maybe on the duck boat, and see if we can 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.920 work things out. Fortunately for me, things have worked out 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.560 in a strange way with the widow because it kind 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.080 of turned out to be a boon financially. The widow 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:01.080 paid me off to just keep quiet about the whole thing. 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:05.160 Why because she's bound by Dutch's will not to take 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:09.480 another lover for ninety days after his death. Otherwise, you know, 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.880 she'd forego the entire fortune Airgo qui pro quo? 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.600 I see, So this is not great for us one, 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:18.400 with the whole duck situation. 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:21.520 I said, I'll deal with it, okay, some of this boon? 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:24.680 What are we talking about? What kind of boon are 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:25.560 you dealing with here? 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:26.320 It's not nothing? 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:28.440 Well, what is the sum of it? Mark? 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:32.240 It was a generous offer. How generous A tidy sum? 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:33.880 How tidy? 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:35.320 I'll be quite comfortable. 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:38.479 Okay. So listen, I'm in a position where I'm trying 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:41.640 to get some financing for a major motion picture which 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:45.599 we'll have a high rate of which one. I can't 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:50.599 say it for everyone, and so I am curious if 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.240 you are interested in being an investor. 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:57.360 At this time. I don't think we're looking for that. 0:04:57.600 --> 0:04:59.880 Who's we me and my fortune? 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.400 It is a fortune? What kind of fortune? 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:03.239 It's a wad? 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:05.239 How big of a wad? 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:06.240 Considerable? 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.120 What do you mean by considerable? Give me a give 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.080 me something I can hang my hat on. 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:13.799 Would you say it's a a king's ransom? 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.000 I would say it's a princely sum. 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.480 It's not helping a princess ransom that a king pays off. 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:21.760 That might be a pretty good chunk at hick. 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.440 If that's a king's ransom, it would be a princely 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.920 So if the prince got kidnapped, it's a princely sum. 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:29.960 It's definitely what a king would pay if a prince 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:33.200 got kidnapped, if the prince was his true son. 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:34.960 How much money do you have? 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:35.480 Man? 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.360 Just say it, guys, I'm gonna go ahead and jump 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:40.719 in here. I just want to remind us that we 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:43.120 have a big episode today and we should not be 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:44.359 getting into all this. 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:45.359 It's a really good point. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:48.599 Yeah, tell us how you ran into the guest. 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.160 Well, I have a story that could only happen in Hollywood. 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.560 I was out this morning from my usual hot bean 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.520 water at the Old Coffee Bean, and I happen to 0:05:57.600 --> 0:06:00.400 run in to one of the greatest actions stars of 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:04.160 all time, maybe greatest, maybe the best actor of all time. 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:06.279 I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he's 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:07.240 the greatest actor of. 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.599 All time, definitely the best actor of a certain favorite. 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.360 He's the best actor in the best genre. So he's 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:15.200 the best actor. I mean, this is a slam dunk, right, 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:15.839 he's the best. 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.279 Well, if you haven't guessed it by now, our guest 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.080 will be Dolphmatics. 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:28.760 Yes, Dolphmatics. It's legendary action. So I am so incredibly thrilled. Yeah, man, 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:33.359 my childhood was spent watching Dolph Maattox dex Fury movie. 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:37.279 I got Twelfth Blood, Twelfth Blood two, thirteenth Blood is 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:38.000 what they call. 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:39.760 It, Twelfth Blood three, the Last Drop. 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:42.640 I think the best one of all of them was 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:46.640 when he fought that Russian dog in Twelfth Blood. Five 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:48.560 Universal Donor, hasn't that amazing? 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.600 Five movies deep and they're just getting better. 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.240 That doesn't happen, It never happens, And I will say, 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.960 I was on his IMDb page earlier today, from nineteen 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:58.279 eight nine to about nineteen ninety seven. He is as 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:01.120 good as anyone who's ever made movies. I mean some 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:02.680 of the highest grossing. 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:03.640 Remember super Blood. 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:08.920 He had the blood of America in him, right. 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.200 Yeah, he could just bleed and bleed and bleed and 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:11.800 never die. 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:20.000 Remember the catchphrase, no one said it better, No one 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:22.600 said it at all. But he killed more women in 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:23.720 movies than anyone. 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:26.040 And you know what, back then, it didn't matter because 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:33.320 they were bad guys, bad about it. 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:38.000 What did happen to him? There was like some documentary about. 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:40.160 It that they fathered a child with Ricky Lake. 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:40.760 Yeah. 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.040 I also heard he pulled the sword on Michael Eisner 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:44.520 at a shareholders meeting. 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:46.840 That I do remember hearing about that. 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:48.200 What's that kid's name? 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:51.760 Superior? All of his children have the names of Great Lakes. 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:52.560 All five of them. 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:57.200 That's Great Lakes. I mean, he's been keeping a low profile, 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:59.520 at least in what he told me at the bean 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:01.720 and he but you know, when I talked to him 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:03.440 and I kind of told him what we were working on. 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:07.080 He apparently wants to make a comeback. He's looking for 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:10.400 a reboot for his most famous character, Dex Fury, and 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:14.280 so he's coming over today to hear a pitch from us. 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:16.480 It's amazing. We've been working on this pitch all week 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.880 and we're all in a complete alignment. One. 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.760 Never has the machine been running as hot and as 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:25.880 quick because all of us know this world, we know 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:27.880 his voice, and we were humming baby. 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:28.520 It was easy. 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:30.600 So we're going to take a quick break and when 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:49.160 we come back, Dolph Mattic, we are back, and we 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:54.440 are so excited to have a very special guest, the one, 0:08:54.520 --> 0:09:01.440 the only, mister Dolph Mattic. Thank you for being here. 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:01.960 Dolph. 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:06.000 I'm twelve year old me, mind blown. 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:08.880 Yeah, ten year old me, because I'm younger than these guys, 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:09.800 but just barely. 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:11.480 It's so so cool to. 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:14.400 Sorry, guys, I just am spacing on everybody's name. What 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:14.959 is your name? 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:18.000 I'm Greg, I'm the one that you met at coffee. 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:21.520 Being yep, I'm Mark, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.400 am Brendan got it all right, it's an honor. 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:28.040 I went as Dex Fury for Halloween for. 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:32.600 Man, my coffee something. Oh it's all right, Fuck it. 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:33.800 You don't really want his coffee? 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:34.200 It's all right. 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:36.760 Sorry, we have you sitting on the weight bench there. 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:41.840 Do you like to work out? What do you like 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:42.319 to work out? 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:44.920 I just clearly, Greg, do I like to work out? 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:46.920 Do I like? 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:51.720 Yeah? I was just trying to tee it up. 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:53.480 These muscles don't come for free. 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.080 Sweat, So what have you been up to? 0:09:57.360 --> 0:09:59.760 Sweat and blood is what carved this body. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.040 Do you believe when you lift weights a lot? Really, 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:04.199 that's the secret. 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:06.439 That's what I'm doing wrong. I need a little bit 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:06.880 more of that. 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:08.440 You've never lifted a weight in your life. 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:10.439 Shut the fuck up, Greg, I live them all the time. 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:11.160 I'm working on. 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:13.840 Why don't we quit sucking each other's dix? What's going 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:14.520 on here? Guys? 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:18.800 Well, we have a great script that we've written for you. 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:19.960 We think you're gonna love it. 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:24.280 Yeah, it's uh, of course, honoring the tradition of all 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:27.040 the great dex Fury movies. This is a new dex 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:27.760 Fury vehicle. 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:30.760 Yeah, dex Fury is back, and I think the world 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.600 is going to be very impressed with how fucking amazing 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:35.000 you look. You really do look great. 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:35.880 I appreciate it. 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.280 Yeah, So should should we see it up? 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:40.480 Should we get in. I mean, Dolf, it's up to you. 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:41.160 Do you want to hear it? 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:42.760 Yeah, let me just stretch out real quick. 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:47.000 Oh my god, wow, all good. Wow. Those are lats, 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:48.480 that's what those are. 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:51.200 These are lats. A lot of people think that's your trap. 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.360 It's not your trap, it's your lat. 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:56.800 For the listeners, Dolf is shirtless and he's given us 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.200 a little rundown on gun show. Maybe we should all 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:01.920 take our shirts off out. 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:07.240 I would put him back on. Okay, just slid him 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:07.559 back on. 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:10.760 Like chicken soup. It's very hot in here, oh, like 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:11.680 a can of Campbell's. 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.200 So before we get into it, can you just tell us, like, 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.640 what's a day in the life of Dolph? 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.480 Look like you know, uh, you know what. Every day 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:21.320 is different, man. Today was a tough day for me. 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:25.800 I was in a serious auto accident. Yeah. It was 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:27.319 like trying to make a left and there's a guy 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.280 that was in the intersection. He just wouldn't go. So 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:31.319 I just t boned him, you know, and I got 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.440 out him. I got out of my jeep and I 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:37.200 just fucking hauled ass. I fled scene on foot. You 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:40.960 probably heard some choppers outside at you. Well, that was 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:42.600 not me and the chopper. I do know how to 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:44.880 fly a chopper, but that was I was being chased, 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:48.800 so I just ran, you know, kept running. Uh, slathered 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:51.680 my body and face and mud to provide natural camo. 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:54.280 I wanted to ask about though, like super. 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.360 Blood exactly, like super Blood, A lot of the stuff 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:58.920 that I do in movies, I ripped that from my 0:11:59.000 --> 0:11:59.520 real life. 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:03.240 Really, that's what I love about your movies. Like a Schwartzenegger, 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:05.839 I don't believe you met an alien. You I bet 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:07.920 you tea boned a guy and covered yourself in mud 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.240 and ran from some cops. 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:10.960 Yeah, where's the guy? 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:14.600 Oh? I don't know. Yeah, I just fled, you know, 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:19.560 I hauled at the thing is man is like I 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:22.000 was pissed and I was late. You know, I had 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.199 to go get an egg sandwich or four, and I 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:27.200 was like late, So I just t boned the guy, 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:31.560 hauled ass, fled. I ran on over to Freedom Bagels 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.880 and got something to eat, and then I went and 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:36.880 did you know today was squat day? So I just 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:42.800 went and did a ton of squatsig. 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:43.160 Sandwiches up for grabs or that's. 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.600 I'm sorry, I mean they're all for me. There's four 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.080 of them, gotcha, But yeah, I'm gonna eat all those. 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:51.520 Did you make love to Vivical Bolt in real life? 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.600 Or who's ask Greg buddy? 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:59.480 What the hell? He said? 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:01.280 Everything was real from the movies. 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:04.559 You can ask ask again again. 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:07.240 So I just I guess what I'm wondering is like, 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:09.640 did you make love to Vivocable in real life? 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:09.839 Too? 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:14.440 Or please say no? I fucked her? 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:19.839 Whoa the real dirt? Wow? 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:25.920 This style of dogs we're talking about from behind? Yeah, 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.559 yeah was consensual. I mean, you know she obviously you 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:33.400 know you know, but yeah, so that happens a lot. 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:37.280 But anyway, So got in a car accident, fled, went 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.520 to the breakfast spot Freedom Bagels to get some food, 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:43.760 went to do some squats, and then I fucking lost 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:47.320 my ATM card. Oh you know, and I was like, 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.680 I was like so pissed, and I kicked open the 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:54.040 doors at the bank and I was like, everybody, get 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.000 on the fucking floor. Get on the floor. So everybody 0:13:57.000 --> 0:13:58.720 got down the floor. And then I realized like, oh, 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:01.600 I'm not here to like I'm not going to cause 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:03.600 a crime. I'm here to just find out whether or 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:05.920 not I could get a replacement ATM card. So I 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:09.440 was like, sorry, everybody, get up off the floor, put 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.880 your pants back on. I'm just trying to find if 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:13.720 I could get a new ATM card. 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:15.720 I mean, the card could have been on the floor, 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:17.760 so that is probably totally totally so. 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:21.480 To have them take their pants off too, yeah, no 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:23.640 one's going to run after you if they're pantless. 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:27.200 So it turns out it takes ten business days for 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:30.280 them to mail me a new ATM card. So I am, 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:33.760 currently you have to snow on cash. 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.080 Well, if you need some cash, I bet Mark's probably 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:36.800 gone something later. 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:41.960 Yeah, I mean, if do you need cash right now. 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:43.640 Why don't we do this and then we'll talk about 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:46.280 all that. Yeah, right right, anyway, that's that's kind of like. 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.400 A typical day for celebrities. 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.960 Are just like us, No, we're not absolutely right. 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.280 Yeah, it sounds like a really will day. I mean 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.600 almost two Dare I say felonies? 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.360 I mean, that's think it's worth getting into how they 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:02.160 would be categorized. 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:03.080 I don't think so at all. 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.600 Yeah, okay, fair enough. So here we are, like we said, 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:11.000 we're so excited about this. We know your movies backwards 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:14.120 and forwards, we know your voice, so we're very stoked 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:18.920 that you're here. And here's the pitch. Okay, your old friend, 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:22.080 Colonel Brigman shows up at this Siberian bar in the 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.120 middle of nowhere, and inside he finds decks in a 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.440 cage fighting a fucking bear. 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.480 And dude, you are back on the silver screen and 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:37.280 you are jacked right, jacked like like vein vein on 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:38.800 top of a vein on top of muscle. 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:39.960 The new c G I right. 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:43.560 Just you remember those old he Man characters that were 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:47.880 like fucking you know, pumping back down then to the neck. Yeah, 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:50.800 you can see it, throbbing, Yes, yeah, that's what we're 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:54.040 that's what we're going for, standing there, glistening and throbbing. 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:57.280 You got this fucking headband on and that's pretty much it. Right. 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:00.400 You've got pants on, but they're all ripped up, right 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.280 because and you also got those like double bullet fucking 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:10.680 criss crossy things whatever those and nobody knows bangalleros, so 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:12.360 you've got those on even though you don't have a gun. 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:14.400 And you're just standing there looking this bear dead in 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:14.800 the end. 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:16.680 And Brigman's there and he's got you know, this little 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.160 pencil neck dweeb who's from the CIA, and he's like, 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:20.600 we got to stop this, and. 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.000 Dex is trading blows with the bear, and finally he 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.440 gets him in a jiu jitsu arm bar and the 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:28.760 bear has no choice but to bite off his own arm. 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.960 So good, so good, so good. 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:33.400 Wow. 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.200 So Dex picks up the severed bear arm and he 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:38.680 just fucking nails him with it, and. 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:42.000 I hit the bear with his face, yeah yeah, and 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:45.160 then the bear like dick slapping Yeah. 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:51.200 With the bears one. Maybe we're but it changes I 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:52.480 think flow some degree. 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:56.000 So anyway, you fucking smack the barrel with his own dick, 0:16:56.200 --> 0:17:00.320 and he has this unbelievable amount of respect you. All 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:04.240 of a sudden, you two warriors make eye contact and 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:07.119 there's this amazing understanding between the two of you, and 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:09.160 the bear submits. 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:10.959 And then Brigman tells you that your old war buddies 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:13.720 were captured and he needs your help getting them back, 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:18.680 and then you know we're off. What do you think 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:23.399 just the opening, I mean, it's like welcome back experience. 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:25.520 It's some of our most inspired really is. 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:30.280 The bear is the bear like an American bear, Russian 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:33.280 Russian Russian bear, So you kind of like, don't feel 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:35.920 for it, and what why Why am I in the cage? 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.320 Like who would who would have put me in a cage? 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:40.640 I think under your own volition. You went in there 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.399 to fight the bear for money. It's kind of this 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:43.640 kind of like a. 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:45.960 Local hero, you know. I don't know what the Russian 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:49.200 word is for, like bear fucker or something, but everyone's 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:50.720 like betterfucker, betterfucker. 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:55.360 They're calling me a bear fucker. 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.480 In a good way. I think that's probably a good thing. 0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:57.600 They like that. 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.400 Yeah, but I'm not going to fuck a bear. 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:02.080 No, it's to you. 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:08.320 I'm not asking, I'm telling you, I'm not whatever. I 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:09.960 don't know, guys and more thinking about this. 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:12.159 Yeah, me too. 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:16.840 Not that hot on the bear or the just the bear. 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:19.240 It's not just the bear, it's kind of the whole thing. 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:22.119 Feels kind of like I don't want to like be 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:23.720 a dick about this, but it feels like kind of 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:24.240 played out. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:26.360 I was thinking this, you know, it. 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:32.720