Speaker 1: Oh hello everybody. Hi, Hi Katherine, Hi, how are you, Chelsey.
Speaker 1: I'm We're gonna get started right away today with my
Speaker 1: upcoming stand up dates. I'm coming to Hawaii on July one, ohho,
Speaker 1: July three to Maui, and I'll be at the Just
Speaker 1: for Last Comedy Festival in Montreal July hosting a gala,
Speaker 1: a gala also pronounced as gala. I am in Vancouver
Speaker 1: August twelve, two shows in Vancouver. I'm in Calgary Saturday,
Speaker 1: August thirteen and Sunday August four. That's Calgary. And then
Speaker 1: I have tons of dates coming up in the fall,
Speaker 1: starting with Saratoga, California, Niagara Falls, Long Beach, California, Bakersfield, California,
Speaker 1: Pasa Roblais, California, Wheatland, California, and lots of places in Florida, Tampa,
Speaker 1: Fort Myers, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, and the list goes
Speaker 1: on and on. Oh in San Diego and Riverside, California.
Speaker 1: So lots of dates in California and Tucson, Colorado. Springs. Anyway,
Speaker 1: go to Chelsea Handler dot com for your tickets. I
Speaker 1: will see you guys all there. These will be the
Speaker 1: final dates of my Vaccinated and Horny tour, and I
Speaker 1: can't wait to see all of you in person now
Speaker 1: that everybody, well most people are vaccinated and officially horny.
Speaker 1: That's with three ease at the end of Catherine, just
Speaker 1: in case you didn't know how to spell horny perfect Anyway,
Speaker 1: I am getting ready to go to Hawaii with our
Speaker 1: eighteen nieces and nephews. I think it's a team, but
Speaker 1: the number keeps increasing every day. I don't know if
Speaker 1: people are giving birth each day in Joe's family or what,
Speaker 1: but we have already exceeded the maximum capacity in the
Speaker 1: house that we've rented. I have seven of my nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews coming, and then Joe has like twelve, and
Speaker 1: then some other miscellaneous people will not miscellaneous people friends,
Speaker 1: but like at additions. So we are about to embark
Speaker 1: on a two week vacation with adult children. Wow. That's
Speaker 1: kind of the dream though, like when I moved to
Speaker 1: kill the children it is. I'm like, I just want
Speaker 1: to be the fun aunt who like lives in California
Speaker 1: and they get to come visit and summer with me.
Speaker 1: That's all I want. I know, I know, I did
Speaker 1: you know I was very passionate about that. When I
Speaker 1: was starting to come up and becoming successful, all I
Speaker 1: wanted to do was like shower attention and spoil them.
Speaker 1: And now I don't have that same passion set. I
Speaker 1: love to be around them, but I don't. I'm not
Speaker 1: like I'm but Joe is. Joe has that passion, so
Speaker 1: he's gonna have to so he'll bring it out in me,
Speaker 1: which is interesting because he has a kid, so you'd
Speaker 1: think that most of that energy would go towards just
Speaker 1: his own No. No, he spreads a love. That's what
Speaker 1: I love about him is he's not even just about
Speaker 1: his own kid. He's about he loves watching all the
Speaker 1: kids together, all the cousins together. You know. So now
Speaker 1: we're joining our families. Hopefully we'll see if there are
Speaker 1: any hookups. Joe's like, you're dirty, He's like, what are
Speaker 1: you saying. I'm like, well, it's possible. I mean it
Speaker 1: worked with you two. The girls, the girls in my
Speaker 1: family are on my side. I'll have boyfriends, so they
Speaker 1: probably won't be a hook up, but you never know.
Speaker 1: There's chemistry. Yeah, anything can happen in Hawaii. It's a
Speaker 1: romantic setting, exactly my dad once went to Hawaii on
Speaker 1: like a business trip without my mom and he was like,
Speaker 1: I will never go back as a one person by myself.
Speaker 1: It was like it was terrible. He wasn't even heartbroken,
Speaker 1: and he was like, this is for couples. It's exactly,
Speaker 1: it is for couples. Our guest today has a book
Speaker 1: out just came out in paperback. It's called Sunshine Girl,
Speaker 1: An Unexpected Life. You know her from her work on
Speaker 1: e Er, The Good Wife and now the Morning show
Speaker 1: on Apple TV pull Us. She is an Emmy, Golden
Speaker 1: Globe and sag Ward winner. Please welcome Julianna Margulis. Hi. Julianna, Hi, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to see you in person, so happy.
Speaker 1: The last time we saw each other was at the Beacon,
Speaker 1: at my show at the Beacon. Yeah, you came to
Speaker 1: the show. Thank you for coming. I've always always loved you.
Speaker 1: I've always loved you admired your work. We've met over
Speaker 1: the years at different social events, different boyfriends houses. I
Speaker 1: say boyfriends concerning me because you've been married for quite
Speaker 1: some time now to your lover and a half years.
Speaker 1: Oh that's not that. Actually, I would have thought you
Speaker 1: were married longer than that. But we've been together sixteen years,
Speaker 1: sixteen years, sixteen and a half. But I love your
Speaker 1: love story, which you talk about in your book Sunshine Girl,
Speaker 1: which if you haven't read that book already, congratulations on
Speaker 1: the success of your book, because I know it's been
Speaker 1: on the New York Times Bestseller for how many weeks.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I don't. I don't know that
Speaker 1: type of person who would pay attention to that. And
Speaker 1: I can vouch for her when she says that she
Speaker 1: means it. I was just happy you guys sent a
Speaker 1: car for me today. I thought I was going to
Speaker 1: be on the subwhere you have a very like a
Speaker 1: thrifty mentality. Regardless of how much success you've had over
Speaker 1: the years, with all of your shows with e Er,
Speaker 1: with The Good Wife, with everything in between, you still
Speaker 1: act like you are scraping pennies together. It is bizarre.
Speaker 1: I mean literally, just before I got here, I sent
Speaker 1: my this. I hate saying assistant, but I sent my
Speaker 1: assistant on vacation because he needed it. He really need
Speaker 1: a vacation. My husband's in London, my kids in school,
Speaker 1: and my housekeeper. After reading your book, I was laughing
Speaker 1: at myself because I have a housekeeper who comes twice
Speaker 1: a week, and Tuesday she comes, and I thought, how
Speaker 1: am I going to walk the dog before I get
Speaker 1: in the car to come to see Chelsea. And then
Speaker 1: I literally went. I went up to her. She's been
Speaker 1: my housekeeper for twenty years, and I said, Sam, any
Speaker 1: chance you want to make some extra cash? And I
Speaker 1: handed her money to go and walk my dog. But
Speaker 1: I hadn't even thought of that until I was like
Speaker 1: putting on makeup, going I'm not gonna be able to
Speaker 1: walk the dog. First of all, my housekeeper takes my
Speaker 1: dog every time I leave, which is I haven't been
Speaker 1: home in three weeks. We never even discussed it. She
Speaker 1: takes both dogs, and she has full full she has
Speaker 1: She is their mother and she has full control over
Speaker 1: their schedules. And sometimes when I come back into town,
Speaker 1: if because I've been on tour for the better part
Speaker 1: of a year, if I come back on a Saturday,
Speaker 1: I have maybe a couple of days to spend with
Speaker 1: my baby bees. She won't even bring them back for
Speaker 1: me on the Saturday. She'll bring them back on Monday
Speaker 1: when she comes back. When she comes back to work
Speaker 1: is when she brings the dogs suits. Yeah, whatever suits her,
Speaker 1: and we have a power dynamic that is in her favor.
Speaker 1: So I have no say in this situation. But it's
Speaker 1: so good. Yeah, and I mean it should be a
Speaker 1: television show, all right now, Well, actually, that's funny you
Speaker 1: mentioned that we're making it into a television show. It
Speaker 1: should be. We're making my last book into a show.
Speaker 1: For Peacock life will be the death of me. And
Speaker 1: a big part of the story is my cleaning lady
Speaker 1: and my dog's relationship because she's been my cleaning lady
Speaker 1: for fifteen years and she calls me baby Pig. That's
Speaker 1: her nickname for me, and so a lot of my
Speaker 1: friends also call me baby pig Pig. It's a long story.
Speaker 1: It involves chocolate nutclusters, but we can get into that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we can get into that at another time. I want
Speaker 1: to talk a bit about your book because we have
Speaker 1: some commonalities that I think are going to surprise you.
Speaker 1: One is our love for Carly Simon. I also love
Speaker 1: Carly Simon. Yeah. I grew up with her son and
Speaker 1: Ben and Sally, her son and daughter. I used to
Speaker 1: hang out with Sally and there was a bunch of girls.
Speaker 1: I hung out with them Martha's Vineyard and we would
Speaker 1: go over to Carly Simon's house and I had never
Speaker 1: met it. I was probably like eleven twelve years old.
Speaker 1: I had never met a celebrity, and I remember Carly
Speaker 1: Simon came out and then James Taylor was always around.
Speaker 1: But had you listened to her music before you met her? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: my whole family because of the vineyard, Like Carly Simon
Speaker 1: is gospel up there, you know. I mean she should
Speaker 1: be gospel everywhere, but primarily because she lives on the vineyard,
Speaker 1: and so our whole family is whiz down with Carly Simon.
Speaker 1: And I remember going over to her house and I
Speaker 1: was hanging out with all my girlfriends and they ordered
Speaker 1: pizza and Carly Simon came out to the pool and
Speaker 1: she was picking up the pizza and I just was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, no, she can't carry pizza boxes. And
Speaker 1: I got up and was like grabbing them out of
Speaker 1: her hands like an idiot, you know, like a sycophan.
Speaker 1: And I was just a little girl. I'm like, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'll carry those for you. And I remember being so
Speaker 1: so nervous, and then I remember the next time I
Speaker 1: went over there, I was like, you've got to get
Speaker 1: to get it together, Like she's this is embarrassing. Mean,
Speaker 1: while I was a little girl like charmed by it. Yeah, doubtful.
Speaker 1: I wasn't that charming. But that we have in common
Speaker 1: our love for Carly Simon. And then another thing we
Speaker 1: have in common is being prompt and early for everything,
Speaker 1: because nobody ever picked you up from school. I mean, I,
Speaker 1: I got here eight minutes early. I got here, I
Speaker 1: got here fourteen minutes early. I have to be early.
Speaker 1: Even if I try to be late, I get somewhere
Speaker 1: and then I have to sit in the car and
Speaker 1: wait so I don't look like a dick for getting
Speaker 1: there so early. It's the story of my life. That's
Speaker 1: why I married my husband because he was early to
Speaker 1: our first date and I was early and embarrassed, and
Speaker 1: I walked in and he was already at the bar,
Speaker 1: half a drinking. He's like, I'm gonna marry you. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you even went to that dinner party
Speaker 1: because you weren't going to go to that dinner party.
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to go. And then you recalled a
Speaker 1: piece of advice that your father had given you, which
Speaker 1: is you know you never was your grandfather my father's father. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the book was originally called The Left instead of a Right.
Speaker 1: You never know, but I don't know. Random House didn't
Speaker 1: think it was a good title. Publishers never liked the
Speaker 1: titles that we come up with. Yeah, I mean, I've
Speaker 1: come up with every title from my book and my
Speaker 1: current book that I'm working on. I wanted to be
Speaker 1: called the Filipino in Me as a double ententtra It's
Speaker 1: so good, I know, because it means two things. It
Speaker 1: means the one thing and then it means all the
Speaker 1: things that he brings out in me right. And they're like, well,
Speaker 1: I feel like they're going to tell me that it's
Speaker 1: going to exclude a certain part of the prob just
Speaker 1: because it's Filipino means it's only geared towards Filipino. From
Speaker 1: six New York Times bestseller books, Chelsea, I think you
Speaker 1: can call it whatever the funk you want to Thank you, Julia.
Speaker 1: That's to my editors. Okay, I hope you're listening, But
Speaker 1: back to your book, you take us through. I was
Speaker 1: just saying this off air, but I want to say
Speaker 1: it on air. You take us through a story. Your
Speaker 1: book is so well done because there's a beginning, in
Speaker 1: the middle and an end, which I appreciate as an
Speaker 1: avid reader of memoirs, and you answer all the questions
Speaker 1: that you raise throughout the book, Like I was like, well,
Speaker 1: what's going to happen with Alec? And then what's going
Speaker 1: to happen with this? And they're better be closure on
Speaker 1: the relationship and you better actually call your father out
Speaker 1: and you wrap everything up and you know, you answer
Speaker 1: all the questions the reader has going through the book
Speaker 1: with you. But I think would surprise me most about
Speaker 1: your book is how tough you are and how much
Speaker 1: ship you had to endure as a little girl and
Speaker 1: just tough it out without crying because our dispositions are different.
Speaker 1: I was a spoiled brat and if I didn't get
Speaker 1: what I wanted, if I my parents pulled any nonsense
Speaker 1: that I wasn't down with, like they never heard the
Speaker 1: end of it. So reading about you always wanted your
Speaker 1: father's approval and adoration and not being able to stand
Speaker 1: up for yourself and just kind of be dragged around
Speaker 1: the world by your mother, who you know, whose priorities
Speaker 1: were all over the shop, which you know, you bring
Speaker 1: up a great point in which every one of us
Speaker 1: realizes when we get older, is that our parents are
Speaker 1: people too. They're not just our parents, they actual yeah,
Speaker 1: and they make mistakes. Yeah, And god, I hope my
Speaker 1: kid knows that when he gets older, because I'm sure
Speaker 1: I'm making a million mistakes. But that being said, my
Speaker 1: mother made a few colossal mistakes. So how does that
Speaker 1: when you have that disposition growing up? You want to
Speaker 1: be sunshine girl, you want to be the smiley girl.
Speaker 1: You don't want to upset your visits with your father
Speaker 1: because some of them sometimes they had been far few
Speaker 1: and far between, right, and you lived all over the place.
Speaker 1: You lived in England, you lived in Paris, that was later,
Speaker 1: but you your mom kind of dragged you back and
Speaker 1: forth to England a couple of times. Paris, England, New York, England,
Speaker 1: New Hampshire, England, mostly England, mostly England, and sometimes not
Speaker 1: under the most ideal circumstances. And so how does one
Speaker 1: person going through all of that, when do you learn
Speaker 1: to stand up for yourself? You know it was weird
Speaker 1: is once I got out of middle school and was
Speaker 1: in high school, I seem to stand up for myself
Speaker 1: in glass and with friends more than I could at
Speaker 1: home or than I could with my dad, for sure,
Speaker 1: because I only wanted him to love me because we
Speaker 1: had so little time together. I didn't want it. I
Speaker 1: never wanted him to disapprove, and I stood up to
Speaker 1: my mother by the time I got became a teenager
Speaker 1: all the time. But with men, what I started to
Speaker 1: find out with all these relationships I had these long
Speaker 1: term five years, five years and then ten years. I
Speaker 1: just would shut up, and I realized I was just
Speaker 1: by the time I was thirty five, I was in
Speaker 1: those relationships because it's what I knew. It's how I
Speaker 1: knew how to be around difficult people like your mom,
Speaker 1: like my mom. So you were mimicking your relationship with
Speaker 1: men like a lot of people don't talk about that.
Speaker 1: People say, oh, it's your father, your relationship with your father.
Speaker 1: If that's fractured, then you have your daddy issues or
Speaker 1: however you want to frame that, and that's a replication
Speaker 1: of your relationship with your father. But it is true
Speaker 1: that we replicate the most difficult relationships. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: think also I was looking for a permanent relationship when
Speaker 1: I was fifteen, and so I was with a guy,
Speaker 1: a wonderful guy actually, and we're still we still text
Speaker 1: each other to this day. He was the mechanic who
Speaker 1: could build any house. And the truth is he was
Speaker 1: five years older than me, which is a big difference
Speaker 1: when you're fifteen and someone's twenty. Well, it's also illegal.
Speaker 1: I have one of those. Yeah, I don't, because that
Speaker 1: that's happened to me too. I was writing about it
Speaker 1: one book, My Matter is like, you know this is illegal.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get him in trouble. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: now there's a statue of limitations, so don't worry going
Speaker 1: to get in trouble. And I would like to make
Speaker 1: the argument that at fifteen, I was fucking forty five,
Speaker 1: so I see where you're coming from. For me, it
Speaker 1: was like he called all the shots because he was
Speaker 1: the adult. He had the car, he had the you know,
Speaker 1: he was out of school. He was picking me up
Speaker 1: on his motorcycle. You know. There was something about him
Speaker 1: for me that was like, oh I found home. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course. And so I didn't really have a voice.
Speaker 1: I didn't say I don't like this, I don't like
Speaker 1: that until I got to college. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I think we're We're done because I started,
Speaker 1: I wanted to explore, and then, of course I end
Speaker 1: up with a man who's gay for how many years?
Speaker 1: Another five years? Another five I'm I'm a loyalist, for sure.
Speaker 1: I stayed very loyal, But I stayed in them because
Speaker 1: I didn't want to upset anybody, right, I didn't want
Speaker 1: to hurt anybody. I didn't want to be the bad
Speaker 1: guy I used to have. I used to have these
Speaker 1: visions of the Tenure relationship, which was really the difficult relationship.
Speaker 1: The other two I'm really good friends with, but the
Speaker 1: Tenure relationship. I used to have these fantasies that I'd
Speaker 1: come home from work and I'd find a woman in
Speaker 1: my he was living in my house. I'd find a
Speaker 1: woman in my bed with him, and then I could
Speaker 1: leave because I have a reason and it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: my fault. That was the scenario I played every time
Speaker 1: I drove into the driveway. It's amazing to me, it's horrible,
Speaker 1: it's just amazing to me. And I won't pretend that
Speaker 1: I didn't google who that person was that you were
Speaker 1: talking about, because I did. I had to find out
Speaker 1: who you were talking about. But don't you think I tactfully? Yes?
Speaker 1: And the reason I don't name him is because this
Speaker 1: book isn't I don't want to throw anyone under the bus.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about my as a woman, my
Speaker 1: reaction to this. It was my fault. You know, I
Speaker 1: have to take responsibility. And it wasn't until I realized
Speaker 1: when I was in therapy twice a week for a
Speaker 1: year after I left that relationship, that was really my mom.
Speaker 1: He was my mom because that was always eggshells, not
Speaker 1: knowing what mood, what country, what boyfriend, what whatever she
Speaker 1: was throwing at me. I obviously was comfortable with with
Speaker 1: the uncomfortable nous, But I mean I beat myself up
Speaker 1: for a good year, going who are you? Why did
Speaker 1: you allow that you weren't happy? And that's a lot
Speaker 1: of what the book is about is like finding your
Speaker 1: own narrative. You don't have to hold onto your childhood,
Speaker 1: but we do. We do. And then, and I think
Speaker 1: you know, mentioning therapy after you get out of a
Speaker 1: difficult relationship is so relatable to so many listeners because
Speaker 1: it's only after I was in a very troubling relationship
Speaker 1: probably one of the last times I met you was
Speaker 1: at his house upstate, New York. And that was a
Speaker 1: completely unhealthy relationship where I was not I had no agency,
Speaker 1: I had no for me, you know, I could tell
Speaker 1: the person and that I a spouse and the person
Speaker 1: that people think that I am or perceived me to be.
Speaker 1: Like everything just flew out the window with the chemistry
Speaker 1: between us. It was just so off. And again I
Speaker 1: can't blame him. I participated in that, But when you
Speaker 1: come out of that kind of relationship, you it is
Speaker 1: your responsibility to do the work to figure out why
Speaker 1: you stayed in that relationship. And then I do believe
Speaker 1: that's what draws the right person to you, absolutely, because
Speaker 1: you get healthy and then you bring a healthy towards you.
Speaker 1: And I think it's for me, especially for me because
Speaker 1: I had overlap boyfriend since I was fifteen to thirty five.
Speaker 1: For me, it was finally being happy being alone. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: what you talk about in the book, and I talked
Speaker 1: about that, like my my favorite Valentine's I hate Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: It's such as it's like I can't believe these people
Speaker 1: make money off of a d like that drives my
Speaker 1: husband's like, we'll celebrate the day we met, because that,
Speaker 1: to me is Valentine's daying like great, But I was
Speaker 1: working on the last season of The Sopranos and um,
Speaker 1: and it was Valentine's Day and I got off work
Speaker 1: early and I just moved into this great loft and
Speaker 1: soho and by myself, a three bedroom loft, and so
Speaker 1: like for me, I was like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: looking especially for you. You can't even believe you have
Speaker 1: a house today. I can't. I can't. And I went
Speaker 1: to my favorite bookstore, McNally's on Prince Street, and I
Speaker 1: bought three books that I really wanted to read, and
Speaker 1: I made myself a bubble bath, poured a glass wine,
Speaker 1: put on the music I wanted to listen to, and
Speaker 1: spent Valentine's Day night in the tub with a glass
Speaker 1: of wine and my book. And I was in heaven.
Speaker 1: And three days later I met my husband. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like you find peace within yourself and then you then
Speaker 1: you are able to recognize also to see right, to
Speaker 1: recognize what is the best thing for you rather than
Speaker 1: to perpetuate old habits. Well, and what makes me happy,
Speaker 1: not what makes them happy, and so when I when
Speaker 1: I met Keith, it was this is who I am,
Speaker 1: Take it or leave it. And I had this in
Speaker 1: the book and I got edited out. I did have
Speaker 1: a great editor, and there's no fat on the book.
Speaker 1: We we there's a whole other book on the floor
Speaker 1: or But there was this great moment. Keith and I
Speaker 1: had had a really fun night out. We were a
Speaker 1: little a lot hungover, and I had this white runner
Speaker 1: in the hallway from my bedroom to the kitchen and
Speaker 1: we woke up. We were probably four weeks, five weeks
Speaker 1: into the relationship, and it was Sunday morning. You know,
Speaker 1: nothing better than like making coffee and getting on the
Speaker 1: couch with the paper or whatever. I was. It was
Speaker 1: heaven for me. And we're walking down and he's behind me,
Speaker 1: and we're walking down the hallway and I see this
Speaker 1: huge ball of fluff on the carpet and I bent
Speaker 1: down to pick it up because that is who I am.
Speaker 1: And he went, seriously, can we have coffee first before
Speaker 1: you start cleaning? He was saying it sweetly, not judgmentally.
Speaker 1: And I hovered over that piece of fluff and I
Speaker 1: picked it up and I turned around and I said,
Speaker 1: this is who I am. No matter how hungover I am,
Speaker 1: I will always clean up. And he went great, my
Speaker 1: apartments down the street you wanted, I have tons of
Speaker 1: fluff balls feel free. But it was one of those
Speaker 1: for me, a defined moment that I had found myself
Speaker 1: and a relationship. That was in the galley because I
Speaker 1: read that that's what you sent me originally, and I've
Speaker 1: read that scene and that's not in the book that
Speaker 1: I've reread this week, So that was in the galley. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's interesting that you cut that out, cutting out fat.
Speaker 1: It's so hard to edit, you know sometimes when you're
Speaker 1: trying to tell your whole story. I can relate to
Speaker 1: that for sure. But I think what you mentioned is
Speaker 1: so important for our listeners to hear too, that alone
Speaker 1: time where you really discover who who you are and
Speaker 1: what makes you happy and what what is what is
Speaker 1: contributing to your self worth and self esteem rather than
Speaker 1: what is kind of taking away from it. You know,
Speaker 1: like it's all of our responsibilities to kind of fill
Speaker 1: ourselves up and make ourselves whole. It's nobody else's responsibility.
Speaker 1: You know, you can't blame anyone else for your self
Speaker 1: doubt or your insecurity. People can trigger us, and they
Speaker 1: can because we have all of our histories. And then
Speaker 1: you have the power not to be around them, or
Speaker 1: you have the power to react in a different that
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good. Yeah, exactly, And and that is the
Speaker 1: beauty of getting older. I have to say, I know
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that suck about getting older.
Speaker 1: What do you think sucks the worst about getting older?
Speaker 1: My eyes? I can't see anything. Look at this. I
Speaker 1: know I can't even read this right now. These are
Speaker 1: called bunny eyes. I told the woman to send me
Speaker 1: a bunch yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then she goes
Speaker 1: one like this, yeah, I'm like, and then you can
Speaker 1: hold them up. So she brought me a bag of
Speaker 1: him at my last show in like Long Island, and
Speaker 1: they're like, I guess the prescribe. My prescription just keeps
Speaker 1: decreasing or increasing whatever. So now I can't even use these.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck. And then makeup putting on makeup. If
Speaker 1: I don't have a magnifying mirror, I'm screwed because I
Speaker 1: can't if I shut one eye, I can't see that.
Speaker 1: I So when you if you check into a hotel
Speaker 1: and they don't have a magnifying mirror and you have
Speaker 1: a thing because I usually of course, of course, you
Speaker 1: do your own makeup. She styles herself, she does her
Speaker 1: own grocery shopping, she's her own chambermaid. Is that still
Speaker 1: a word chambermaid? It is my house and it's me.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that I think I would say the eyes
Speaker 1: is one. And also just like I'm just I'm nine
Speaker 1: years older than you. I just had a birthday and
Speaker 1: I'm I think I'm nine years I just turned fifty six.
Speaker 1: But i just started noticing, like my skin feels like
Speaker 1: it's getting looser, like just a little bit. But I'll
Speaker 1: tell you the myth about menopause because you talk about
Speaker 1: it sometimes. So here's what's great about it. I'm going
Speaker 1: to talk about the positivity of it. Great. The positivity
Speaker 1: of it is when I would get my period, like
Speaker 1: three days before my period, my boobs would ache and
Speaker 1: they'd grow a size and I'd have to have a
Speaker 1: different and it just was achy. And you were talking
Speaker 1: about that when you go through menopause, everything stays the same.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I never worry about what I used
Speaker 1: to worry about. With all that, I don't get moody.
Speaker 1: I've had a very easy time of it, but it's
Speaker 1: probably because I eat really well in exercise. But for
Speaker 1: me anyway, I'm like, oh, I never have to worry
Speaker 1: about my boo boobs aching or I mean during pen demic,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know the word bra. It was like
Speaker 1: I was free and easy and nothing hurt. So that's
Speaker 1: actually something really lovely to look forward to. And also
Speaker 1: no one talks about this what what actors go through
Speaker 1: when you're on a set. It is very different. The
Speaker 1: day you get your period, it's horrible and you're in
Speaker 1: the time, especially when I was Alicia Floor. You're in
Speaker 1: all the tight things and it all fit during the fitting,
Speaker 1: and then you have your period and you're you're running
Speaker 1: to change your TI. None of that matters anymore. Like
Speaker 1: I don't worry about wearing white and you don't have
Speaker 1: the mood swing, Well, you're wearing a white jumpsuit right now,
Speaker 1: so I can vouch for that. In homage to Chelsea
Speaker 1: and I have my period, so she's obviously celebrating that.
Speaker 1: But there is something that that's the good parts. I
Speaker 1: haven't had a bad one, so the worst I don't
Speaker 1: get mood swings. What I get is did you get
Speaker 1: mood swings before like during your period. Yeah, oh my god. Okay,
Speaker 1: good because they sound like all my symptoms. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I would get mood swings, I'd feel a key, I'd
Speaker 1: be like I don't want to do this, and I
Speaker 1: would crave chocolate like it like that I had to
Speaker 1: eat chocolate right, like it was chemical. Yeah, and now
Speaker 1: I just don't right. And the worst part is actually
Speaker 1: I heard Brookshields talking about this, which was great. You know,
Speaker 1: they call them hot flashes and she said she was
Speaker 1: in London and she said to some guy who was
Speaker 1: checking her luggage. She was like, I'm sorry, I'm having
Speaker 1: a hot flash and he said, no, in our country,
Speaker 1: we call them power surges. And I thought, I like that,
Speaker 1: you know. And so when when you do get a
Speaker 1: hot flash, is like, no, I just look really doey.
Speaker 1: Yeah right. They can be annoying and they wake you
Speaker 1: up at night. But it hasn't been so bad. Well,
Speaker 1: this is very very good. This is inspiring. I'm very
Speaker 1: excited to go through menopause and about this period thing.
Speaker 1: It's horrible. I know it's going to be. I'm just
Speaker 1: like so over it, you know. Oh, I can't wait
Speaker 1: to get that text You're gonna be so happy that
Speaker 1: I've gotten I'm going through menopause. How long is that
Speaker 1: actual process of menopause because my sister said that it
Speaker 1: can be take anywhere from two to five years. I've
Speaker 1: heard up to ten years. Oh gosh, really, I think
Speaker 1: it really depends on the woman. I've had friends who
Speaker 1: have gone through menopause at forty you know. I didn't
Speaker 1: go through until so I really think it depends. And
Speaker 1: here's a little tip. I don't know if it's true,
Speaker 1: but my my guy in college is said, I was
Speaker 1: so smart, but when I had terrible, debilitating period cramps
Speaker 1: when I was in high school and my mother told
Speaker 1: me to take evening primrose oil and it just stayed
Speaker 1: with me all these I always take it every day
Speaker 1: every day. And my guy in college is said, that
Speaker 1: has helped you through menopause. Oh good to know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: primrose oil. Or do you take the capsules or did
Speaker 1: you take it? Took the Yeah, the little capsule, Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I take those every night. People should take that. That's
Speaker 1: really good for PMS two. By the way, it's great,
Speaker 1: and it's great for your skin, good for your skin, hair, nails,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. I think. Okay, So back to your book.
Speaker 1: We're going to pivot away from menopause for those of
Speaker 1: you who aren't on the heels of it, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna go back to Sunshine Girl. Back to your book.
Speaker 1: I want to know what your relationship is like with
Speaker 1: your two sisters. Well, it's good. My eldest sister, after
Speaker 1: she read the book, called me crying and thanked me
Speaker 1: because she did. I think it's really something to be
Speaker 1: able to. Um. Yeah, First of all, I asked their
Speaker 1: permission because it's their childhood too, but I had to
Speaker 1: write it in my what you know, And that's why
Speaker 1: I say in the book. You know, I really do
Speaker 1: think you see the world differently depending like with you,
Speaker 1: we're the youngest, right the order you were born in
Speaker 1: dictates how you see the world. So my eldest sister,
Speaker 1: who I still you know, it's so interesting because I
Speaker 1: feel bad for her that she felt like she had
Speaker 1: to mother me. She she was nine when I was three.
Speaker 1: You know, like she's nine, that's a baby. And yet
Speaker 1: she said to me, I always felt guilty that I
Speaker 1: got the best years of mom and Dad. I got
Speaker 1: to see them as a married, in love couple and
Speaker 1: you never even lived with dad, so you know, it's
Speaker 1: a it's a juxtaposition between what's worse. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I was so protected by them, and that's why
Speaker 1: by the time I got in the part of the
Speaker 1: book where I sort of left home and became my
Speaker 1: own person and was on my own path, I didn't
Speaker 1: want to talk about them anymore, because that that's their
Speaker 1: life now, you know. I think my my eldest sister,
Speaker 1: Alexandra said to me, it was amazing to see it
Speaker 1: on the paper. It's one thing to feel it and
Speaker 1: remember it in your own mind, but to see it
Speaker 1: on the page is very different. Yeah, So I think
Speaker 1: they're genuinely she's happy that someone told that story, right,
Speaker 1: because even though your experiences are are different because of
Speaker 1: the ages. And I know she moved out earlier when
Speaker 1: she's like fourteen, right, she basically said to your mother,
Speaker 1: like sunk off, she said, not I can't live with
Speaker 1: you anymore, right, I mean, And so there must be
Speaker 1: a lot of guilt that goes with that too, leaving
Speaker 1: the two of you behind in a sense, not that's
Speaker 1: that's not that that's what she did. But I'm sure
Speaker 1: that you could, you know, there's guilt from her for her.
Speaker 1: But even though your situate, your experiences differ, you still
Speaker 1: have that understanding, like siblings are the only people in
Speaker 1: the world who understand what you went through. It is
Speaker 1: I mean, last week I went to see my stepmother,
Speaker 1: who's still alive. Literally every time I leave the nursing home,
Speaker 1: I look up. I'm like, Dad, seriously, this is when
Speaker 1: you left me. She turned ninety and I had spent
Speaker 1: three hours feeding her. But the whole drive home, which
Speaker 1: was a good three hours from Great Barrington, Massachusetts, I
Speaker 1: called my sister and I said, Okay, now I have
Speaker 1: because she lives in California. Now I have to tell you.
Speaker 1: And we just laughed and cried the whole way home.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have that, and by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm saying this now, and I'm I'm slightly freaking out
Speaker 1: because I only have one one kid, so I don't know,
Speaker 1: but he has very stable parents, so hopefully he won't
Speaker 1: have the same complaints that me and my sisters have.
Speaker 1: But it really helps because and also my mom who
Speaker 1: just got diagnosed with dimension. I had to move her
Speaker 1: into an assisted living place. The funny parts of it
Speaker 1: and the sad parts of it. I just call her.
Speaker 1: I have her support no matter what. You know, She's
Speaker 1: always there and appreciative that I'm doing all the work.
Speaker 1: But I'm happy to do it because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, like what am I gonna do not
Speaker 1: be there for them? You have to be there for them,
Speaker 1: right absolutely. When my father was in a nursing home,
Speaker 1: I remember my brother and I were leaving driving back
Speaker 1: one day and his son was in the backseat, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I was about to go to Africa,
Speaker 1: and I was like, if dad dies while I'm in Africa,
Speaker 1: I go, do I have to come back? My brother,
Speaker 1: my brother Glenn looking, he was like he's just seeing
Speaker 1: the look on the Stacey because typically Chelsea people return
Speaker 1: from whatever trips they're on to go to their parents funeral.
Speaker 1: And then my I go, all right, I'm just asking,
Speaker 1: like I was just putting it out there. Obviously I'll
Speaker 1: come back if that's what's expected of me. And my
Speaker 1: nephew in the back it is like so he said
Speaker 1: something like, well, maybe we can just kill you or something,
Speaker 1: and I was like, fuck, I guess I said the
Speaker 1: wrong thing. If an eight year old knows better than
Speaker 1: I do. But yeah, you do have a lot of
Speaker 1: responsibilities as as a child when you become an adult.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting the whole cycle of parenting, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I just I never as a kid respect in
Speaker 1: my parents because I didn't think they had any business
Speaker 1: having this many children, you know. I just I couldn't
Speaker 1: ever think about my mother in terms of her as
Speaker 1: her own history, her own life that she had before
Speaker 1: I was ever there. I could never think about my
Speaker 1: father in those terms. To me, they were only my
Speaker 1: parents and they were there to service me. But that's
Speaker 1: that's truthful. How is a child supposed to understand what
Speaker 1: their parents have gone through before? I try to tell
Speaker 1: my kid. I said to him, I was like, any
Speaker 1: chance you want to read the book? He's like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm good. Yeah, And he said, he's like, Mom, I
Speaker 1: have you every day. I know who you are. He
Speaker 1: won't watch me act ever, He's like, it's just embarrassing.
Speaker 1: And I mean he came to the set a couple
Speaker 1: of times. I was on The Good Wife for seven
Speaker 1: years and maybe by the time he was eleven, he
Speaker 1: came to the set because he wanted to sit behind
Speaker 1: the camera and you know, check out all the equipment,
Speaker 1: but not because he wanted to see me act. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's amazing how immunity you've become to something as soon
Speaker 1: as you're exposed to it. Right. Oh, it's like, I mean,
Speaker 1: what's funny now is because The Good Wife wasn't a
Speaker 1: show that kids in his class would watch, but with
Speaker 1: The Morning Show because I'm playing this kick out lesbian
Speaker 1: journalist and his his grade. The hundred kids that are
Speaker 1: in eighth grade have identified as something other, and I
Speaker 1: would say good half of that, or lesbian girls. Thirteen
Speaker 1: year old lesbian girls who are crazy in love with
Speaker 1: Laura Peterson so suddenly has some currency. He's like, wait,
Speaker 1: what's up character you're playing because people were talking about her,
Speaker 1: talking about her? And I was like, who's talking about her?
Speaker 1: Who watching you? You're too young to watch the Morning Show.
Speaker 1: He's like, they're all watching mom. But there's I think
Speaker 1: as he gets older he might appreciate it more. But
Speaker 1: he said he's embarrassed because he's like, I know he
Speaker 1: was my mom. I don't want to know you as
Speaker 1: anyone else. And I think that's healthy and good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it probably is. I'm sure he's fine. You guys are
Speaker 1: both very stable so I'm sure he's not going to
Speaker 1: have any sort of drama. I mean, he hasn't had
Speaker 1: drama that you've grown up with because we always correct, right,
Speaker 1: I mean you you stop that cycle? Yeah, everyone overcorrects.
Speaker 1: Whoever doesn't have a good experience with their parents does
Speaker 1: the opposite or perpetuates the cycle, which clearly you're not doing.
Speaker 1: Another are fascinating thing that I know you've spoken about
Speaker 1: ad nauseum. But you turned down twenty seven million dollars
Speaker 1: when they wanted to renew you for two more years
Speaker 1: on e ER, which I remember reading and going fuck.
Speaker 1: But I've also turned down significant amounts of money, not
Speaker 1: twenty seven million dollars. But when I was leaving e
Speaker 1: they thought it was a joke like that. I you know,
Speaker 1: I was trying to negotiate. I'm like no, no, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I'm over this, and they're like no, and they kept
Speaker 1: throwing more and more money, and at one point I went, wow,
Speaker 1: that's a lot of money. But I'm still not interested.
Speaker 1: So I can relate to that. But I didn't know
Speaker 1: that about you until I read your book. I didn't
Speaker 1: know about that twenty seven million dollars that they wanted
Speaker 1: to keep you on the er. And I certainly didn't
Speaker 1: know that you people were on television giving you, like
Speaker 1: Barbara Walters and Joy Be Horror and people on the
Speaker 1: View and whatever other television shows were talking smack about
Speaker 1: you turning down that money, like as in, who does
Speaker 1: this woman think she is? Because that that kind of money.
Speaker 1: If you turn that down, that means you think you're
Speaker 1: better than that. Yeah, which wasn't the case. Which isn't
Speaker 1: the case. It's not about being better than that. It's
Speaker 1: about being done with something. I wanted to live my
Speaker 1: life and I want to move back to New York.
Speaker 1: I was doing a play for two and six or
Speaker 1: five dollars a week. Yeah, I didn't you know, until
Speaker 1: people started talking like that about it. I hadn't thought
Speaker 1: of it that way. And it was my dad that really.
Speaker 1: He was like, you know, honey, when you say no
Speaker 1: to something, people ask themselves what they would say no to,
Speaker 1: and they wouldn't say no to that. So then they
Speaker 1: get mad at you for having the courage to do
Speaker 1: it because it's something they wouldn't do. But the way
Speaker 1: the View, all those chicks on the View, which I
Speaker 1: is still to this day, have not been on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't blame you. I'm not gonna go on it
Speaker 1: because they never listen. I'm I'm I get it. I'm
Speaker 1: a somewhat public figure, and so people can rip me
Speaker 1: to shreds or they have the right right. That's okay.
Speaker 1: They can't do it to my kid, but they can
Speaker 1: do it to me. But when it's a woman, and
Speaker 1: I was thirty two, and when they're saying, who does
Speaker 1: she think she is? She's not some spring chicken is
Speaker 1: what Barbara walters and then Joy Behar was like, women
Speaker 1: can't turn down that kind of you know, it was
Speaker 1: all about. There was no female support. There was no
Speaker 1: someone saying, well, wait a minute, she's doing this play
Speaker 1: and she's off going off to you know, blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and maybe wow, maybe money isn't the most important thing
Speaker 1: in the world to her. But no one took any
Speaker 1: side except pouncing on who does she I guess they
Speaker 1: thought I thought I was going to be some big
Speaker 1: movie star, which that wasn't even my wheelhouse. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to work. I wanted to work doing other things.
Speaker 1: Six years is a long time to play the same character.
Speaker 1: I understand. Yeah, there's a seven year which I think
Speaker 1: for everything. You know, they talk about that for marriage,
Speaker 1: but it's in life too. It happens in friendships, it's
Speaker 1: it happens in work relationships. You know, it happens in
Speaker 1: in every molecule in your body. Every seven years that
Speaker 1: your hair changes, your nails change. So suck on that, everybody.
Speaker 1: That's actually a Jewish thing. Seven years as a cycle.
Speaker 1: Well it's not just a Jewish thing, but you know,
Speaker 1: in Judaism seven years is always like a renewal, and
Speaker 1: every seven years is meaningful in that regard. But tell
Speaker 1: the story about out how you made that decision. You
Speaker 1: talked to your father, who, by the way, is so
Speaker 1: sagacious and his advice giving throughout the book, Like he's
Speaker 1: just kind of like this old wise man, you know,
Speaker 1: which is kind of exactly what you want a father
Speaker 1: to be. But tell the story about going to the
Speaker 1: bookstore after right, So is it still there the Boodhi
Speaker 1: bo so on Melrose. Yeah, So I went to the
Speaker 1: Boodie Tree bookstore and I actually had never been in
Speaker 1: it before, and I thought it was that same thing
Speaker 1: that my grandfather was. You never know, a left instead
Speaker 1: of a right, like just go with what the feeling
Speaker 1: is and so I went and I picked out a book.
Speaker 1: I didn't know the author, it said. The book title
Speaker 1: is Awakening the Buddha Within by Syria Ramdas. And I
Speaker 1: bought the book. I sort of like, you know, put
Speaker 1: my finger down the down the shelf and just picked
Speaker 1: that book. And I brought it home and the boyfriend
Speaker 1: who I was trying to leave for five years was there,
Speaker 1: and he was one of the people saying, you gotta
Speaker 1: take the money, you gotta take the money. He was
Speaker 1: living a very nice life in my Santa Monica house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I bet that's another thing. I was like, she better
Speaker 1: not take money watches with that guy, he'll never leave. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I took the book upstairs into my bedroom and
Speaker 1: I shut the door, and I sat down on a
Speaker 1: chair and I closed my eyes and I opened up
Speaker 1: the book and I just took my finger and pointed
Speaker 1: at a line in the book and I opened my
Speaker 1: eyes and I couldn't make this up. The line said,
Speaker 1: I realized my mission in life was to learn more,
Speaker 1: not earn more. And I'm not a religious person at all,
Speaker 1: but I truly I was like, that was like divine intervention.
Speaker 1: You know, I would say so, and then I read
Speaker 1: the whole book because I was fascinated. And this was
Speaker 1: a guy who was a Wall Street genius and making
Speaker 1: millions and millions of dollars a day and waking up
Speaker 1: every morning feeling empty, like why aren't I happy? And
Speaker 1: he ended up giving it all away and becoming a
Speaker 1: monk and he found his happiness, and it was it
Speaker 1: was sort of that. It was that was a lightning
Speaker 1: bolt moment where I thought, do what you want to do,
Speaker 1: don't do and that was the beginning of the end
Speaker 1: of that relationship. You know, when I when I started realizing, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm in charge of my own life. No one else is,
Speaker 1: because no one else is living it. You can tell
Speaker 1: me what you want me to do, but you're not
Speaker 1: in my shoes. And it felt really empowering. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it is really empowering. I hope more women do
Speaker 1: the same thing and feel like, you know, the self
Speaker 1: worth that comes along with making that decision, because regardless
Speaker 1: of how anybody else perceives that, there is a lot
Speaker 1: of sort of self worth and just saying no to
Speaker 1: anything that doesn't behoof you or suit your needs or interests.
Speaker 1: At that point, you know, it's not like you're screwing
Speaker 1: anybody over. You're just standing up for yourself and directing
Speaker 1: your own life. Anyway. We could talk for hours about
Speaker 1: just whatever, but we actually have some advice to be
Speaker 1: giving out, dolling out joy and I hope you're prepared
Speaker 1: for those. I'm so excited. I listened to this podcast
Speaker 1: and I'm always like, how are they going to answer that? Okay, Catherine,
Speaker 1: tell us what we have in store for us today. Well,
Speaker 1: we have. We're starting with a question that has to
Speaker 1: do exactly with what we were just talking about. Money
Speaker 1: and you know, choosing the right job for yourself, that's fulfilling.
Speaker 1: We have some sister issues. We've got a whole bunch
Speaker 1: of good stuff. So we'll take a quick break and
Speaker 1: we'll be back with Julianna and Chelsea. Okay, Julianna and
Speaker 1: I are going to just take a quick sprints. We'll
Speaker 1: be right back and we're back. We're back. Well, our
Speaker 1: first question comes from Nile. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm
Speaker 1: a thirty three year old irishman living in New York
Speaker 1: City for over ten years now. Like a lot of
Speaker 1: the Irish diaspora, I assimilated into a career in the
Speaker 1: bar and restaurant industry. For most of that time, I
Speaker 1: didn't always love it. I knew there was something more
Speaker 1: out there for me, but I could never get clear
Speaker 1: on what. Plus, it was fun, easy money, relatively free
Speaker 1: of stress, which is how I aspire to live my
Speaker 1: life as much as possible. Next thing, I know, I've
Speaker 1: been doing it for eight years with no plan for
Speaker 1: really what I want to do. When the pandemic hit
Speaker 1: in I reevaluated this was my oportunity and my sign
Speaker 1: that it was time to branch out into something new.
Speaker 1: When an administrative position became available with a nonprofit suicide
Speaker 1: prevention organization I was familiar with, I applied, and, to
Speaker 1: my disbelief, was hired to work there. I was so happy.
Speaker 1: After years of aimlessly floating through the bar and restaurant
Speaker 1: industry of New York City, I found a calling that
Speaker 1: aligned so much with my heart and my purpose. For context,
Speaker 1: I lost a beloved friend to suicide four years ago
Speaker 1: and vowed that her loss would not be in vain
Speaker 1: and that I would make some small difference where I could.
Speaker 1: I found being a small part of an organization that
Speaker 1: helped those like my dear friend in their darkest hours,
Speaker 1: to find hope and a way forward to be indescribably
Speaker 1: rewarding and fulfilling. There was only one problem. I could
Speaker 1: not survive on what I was earning. All of our
Speaker 1: services are completely free of charge to the clients, and
Speaker 1: the organization relies completely on fundraising, donations and grants from
Speaker 1: the city. I have amassed six thousand dollars in credit
Speaker 1: card debt over the past year to try and stay aflow.
Speaker 1: I worked out a compromise with my employer that they
Speaker 1: would hire an intern so I could finish work earlier
Speaker 1: and do an evening shifter to in a bar for
Speaker 1: much needed supplemental income. This was still not enough to
Speaker 1: survive on. After a lot of internal battling, I now
Speaker 1: know that the practical solution is that I will, with
Speaker 1: a heavy heart, have to give my notice and go elsewhere,
Speaker 1: elsewhere being for now back to serving drinks. I would
Speaker 1: have stayed in my job until retirement age were it
Speaker 1: not for the financial side of things. It's very disappointing,
Speaker 1: but I've tried my best. I feel very overwhelmed and
Speaker 1: lacking in confidence and even thinking of where to go next.
Speaker 1: I just want to make a decent income that doesn't
Speaker 1: have me stressing about money constantly, but also hopefully continue
Speaker 1: in a similar role that makes a small difference somehow
Speaker 1: to someone somewhere. Huge Thanks for the excellent podcast and
Speaker 1: the lives that helps. Nile Hi, Nile Hi, Nile Hi,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. You're here today with Julietta Margutie
Speaker 1: she's our special guest, and Catherine, our producer. Hi Julia
Speaker 1: to High Chelsea next to see you again, Katherine. How
Speaker 1: we're good? How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 1: Obviously you've just heard my my submission there, so you've
Speaker 1: got kind of filled in. I'm a week through my
Speaker 1: two weeks notice now, so halfway there no clear plan
Speaker 1: on what's coming next, as I say, it will be
Speaker 1: a temporary stop gap back to the bar, pay off
Speaker 1: my credit card, which is kind of the big like
Speaker 1: cloud of dread that's been hanging over me recently, and
Speaker 1: then beyond that I'll figure it out. But I'm very
Speaker 1: like I live, like as I say, under a lot
Speaker 1: of like dread and anxiety. So not having a very
Speaker 1: clear long term plan of what comes next is like
Speaker 1: very overwhelming to me. So as I said, I would
Speaker 1: have stayed in this job happily until the retirement where
Speaker 1: it not for the financial side of things. But I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to reframe it and look at it in
Speaker 1: a more positive way and think, well, maybe you would
Speaker 1: have grown stale and stagnant staying in a job or
Speaker 1: in any aspect of life for too long. So maybe
Speaker 1: this is kind of the push out of my come
Speaker 1: for it zone that I do need as well. So
Speaker 1: I'm trying to like train myself to sort of view
Speaker 1: it in a in a new way. But yeah, the
Speaker 1: dread and the fear and then the nerds keep kind
Speaker 1: of creeping back up. I guess, So what are you
Speaker 1: doing in the interim? You're going back to the bar,
Speaker 1: You're in a bartend or weight tables. What's you're trying
Speaker 1: to pay off your debt? Yeah, exactly. They don't pay
Speaker 1: you anything at the suicide heartline that oh no, I
Speaker 1: do I do get I do get paid there. I
Speaker 1: have a salary. It's just it is it's not enough
Speaker 1: nonprofit and I'm just not surviving on it unfortunately, and
Speaker 1: I haven't been for a while. But I kind of
Speaker 1: pushed to the back of my head because I was thinking, well,
Speaker 1: pros far away the cons. There's so much of this
Speaker 1: job that I love, and you know, someday I'll you know,
Speaker 1: be breaking even. But then it's kind of I woke
Speaker 1: up to it recently and I was going, Okay, I
Speaker 1: really need to do something about this or the whole
Speaker 1: of finance financial struggle that I'm deep digging myself into,
Speaker 1: is going to continue. So I really wrestled with the
Speaker 1: decision to leave. I really don't want to. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of it as well. If I don't have
Speaker 1: particularly high level of self esteem or confidence, and I
Speaker 1: got so much of that from doing this line of
Speaker 1: work because I knew how much it was helping other
Speaker 1: people to be some small part of it, and mentioning
Speaker 1: as well that suicide is something I've been personally affected by.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I took tremendous self worth and esteem and
Speaker 1: everything from itself. Was all of that as well. I
Speaker 1: don't get the same boats from waiting tables carry no ship.
Speaker 1: That's the way. It's a good way to take away
Speaker 1: your self esteem. But listen, you've had this positive that
Speaker 1: you've had this that's not gonna happen to you. You've
Speaker 1: had this positive experience right doing what you really got
Speaker 1: fulfilled from, so you know like where that lies, and
Speaker 1: is there a way for you to do that on
Speaker 1: a part time level, like to volunteer a couple of
Speaker 1: days a week when I know you need to pay
Speaker 1: off your credit cards now, so that's the most important thing.
Speaker 1: But is there a way to stay working for this
Speaker 1: nonprofit on a more minimal basis. I'm sure there could be,
Speaker 1: and we did discuss that, but again, I just feel
Speaker 1: it's not probably a viable long term solution. Definitely, there's
Speaker 1: going to be case by case basis like volunteer like
Speaker 1: for fundraising events and certain things like that, but doing
Speaker 1: it on a continuous basis, I don't think it's going
Speaker 1: to really be feasible. I wouldn't rule it out, certainly.
Speaker 1: If it's something that becomes, you know, an opportunity, I
Speaker 1: will definitely available. I just don't think it's you know,
Speaker 1: really feasible right now. At least maybe it's something that
Speaker 1: I can revisit a little bit of a better situation. Well,
Speaker 1: I would just say, you know, if that brought you
Speaker 1: as much fulfillment as you're describing, it's worth holding onto it.
Speaker 1: Even if it's a day or a day a week,
Speaker 1: you know, even if you go in on a Sunday
Speaker 1: for four hours or you know whatever. I think that's
Speaker 1: valuable to keep in mind, you know, to have an
Speaker 1: attachment to that still, or look for another place where
Speaker 1: you can volunteer for those hours, you know, just for
Speaker 1: like one day a week, or you know, where you're
Speaker 1: really talking to people. And in the meantime, I would say,
Speaker 1: you know, if you've found such value and fulfillment in that,
Speaker 1: I think what you need to look for the next
Speaker 1: six months should be about you paying off your credit cards,
Speaker 1: which I'm sure you can do waiting table, I mean
Speaker 1: bart doing wait tables, You're going to be able to
Speaker 1: make cash quickly. But you should be looking in the
Speaker 1: direction of therapy, like in counseling and helping people. Right,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we need people like you. You're doing
Speaker 1: God's work. Absolutely. I had actually thought about that prior
Speaker 1: to securing the job that I'm not leaving. I had
Speaker 1: thought about initially going back to school and training to
Speaker 1: be a therapist, and then it was kind of the
Speaker 1: going back to school aspect that sort of scared me
Speaker 1: because then you're in more debt, right, well, yeah, exactly, yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, So I wouldn't really that out either.
Speaker 1: I would love to get involved that kind of work
Speaker 1: on the therapeutic side. As I mentioned, I'm on the
Speaker 1: administrative side currently, but you know, the training and qualifications
Speaker 1: that are needed, I would certainly be willing to do it.
Speaker 1: It's just the time and the expense as well. That's
Speaker 1: what kind of holding me back a little bit at
Speaker 1: the moment. I don't think you should quit cold Turkey
Speaker 1: because you just said it yourself that it's given you
Speaker 1: this kind of confidence that you're helping people. There's very
Speaker 1: few of people like you in the world that actually
Speaker 1: get fulfillment from helping other people, and so don't quit completely.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't because you need it as much as they
Speaker 1: need it. So if you could even on a Sunday,
Speaker 1: you know, like you're gonna have a day off. I
Speaker 1: was a bartender and a waitress, so you're definitely a
Speaker 1: day off. You have a day off, and I know
Speaker 1: it's not the most fun thing to have to work
Speaker 1: on your day off, but it feeds you. It seems
Speaker 1: to feed your soul, and so you I don't think
Speaker 1: you should shut that door. And I think that ultimately
Speaker 1: you should start talking to people and finding out how
Speaker 1: you can get the training somehow where you can still
Speaker 1: work and not end up being in debt, so that
Speaker 1: you can do this for a living. I agree with that,
Speaker 1: and I think there are different tiers of counseling. Right.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to get certified, there's an mfc C.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to go to school for two years. Obviously,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna want to devote from what I can
Speaker 1: tell so far. You don't want to go to school
Speaker 1: and then get your masters and then become a psychiatrist.
Speaker 1: That's a longer journey. But there are many other tiers
Speaker 1: of helping people and becoming a counselor that are achievable
Speaker 1: even without extra cash. You know, there are grants that
Speaker 1: you can apply for. You can help put yourself through
Speaker 1: school so that you don't end up being in debt.
Speaker 1: You know, you can go to a community college program
Speaker 1: and get the certification you need to become a counselor
Speaker 1: to work for you know, there are so many different
Speaker 1: kind of I'm not well schooled or versed in all
Speaker 1: of these different therapy programs, but I know a friend
Speaker 1: of mine that went for two years and as now
Speaker 1: a counselor, so you know there are different You just
Speaker 1: have to do the research and actually find out what
Speaker 1: can work for you because something that is contributing a
Speaker 1: you're helping people and that's never wrong. That's always just
Speaker 1: a great direction to head in and you're helping yourself.
Speaker 1: So you have to like have a little faith in
Speaker 1: the process and not be overwhelmed by the commitment moving
Speaker 1: into it, you know, and start asking the people you're
Speaker 1: working with who work there too, like what would you
Speaker 1: do if you wanted to ultimately go to school? But
Speaker 1: I can't because you know, who do you know? And
Speaker 1: who should I talk to? It's it's something I was
Speaker 1: always afraid to ask for help. I thought I had
Speaker 1: to do everything on my own. And man, I love
Speaker 1: not being scared of asking for help anymore. It's changed
Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, you've got to ask the people around
Speaker 1: you what would you do if you I always say
Speaker 1: that to everybody, to doctor, what would you do if
Speaker 1: you were me? How would you do it? And you
Speaker 1: just get a different perspective. That's so true as well.
Speaker 1: And you've actually highlighted something from me that I haven't
Speaker 1: considered before, which is my need to be independent and think, no,
Speaker 1: I can do this alone, I don't need help, I
Speaker 1: don't need support has probably exacerbated the situation that I'm
Speaker 1: now in so definitely, and I'm actually not short on
Speaker 1: contacts and resources and people that I'm sure can help
Speaker 1: me get along to use use them. It just takes
Speaker 1: one person to say the one thing you need to
Speaker 1: hear to get you on your journey. Literally one person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the more forthcoming you are too, people, you know, like
Speaker 1: you'd be surprised how many people really take pride in
Speaker 1: helping other people. You know you're not being you know,
Speaker 1: the people who aren't there or aren't available for that
Speaker 1: will let you know that they're not available for that,
Speaker 1: but you it just like Julianna just said, it takes
Speaker 1: one person to kind of help steer you in the
Speaker 1: right direction or help aid you and finding out the
Speaker 1: right information you need to proceed with a program or
Speaker 1: to sign up for a program, or to go to
Speaker 1: night school, or to fit it in around your bartending hours.
Speaker 1: You know, at least then you know that you're bartendering
Speaker 1: as a means to an end. It's not just interminable
Speaker 1: and probably now because of you know, The silver lining
Speaker 1: of COVID is there's probably so many online courses you
Speaker 1: could do that you can do from your your bed
Speaker 1: on your computer when you get home from work. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and do it in your own time, and it might
Speaker 1: take you five years. You're thirty three, you're so young.
Speaker 1: I know you don't think that, but you are. You're
Speaker 1: really young. So it takes you ten years at forty three,
Speaker 1: where you'll still be so young. You'll be a fully
Speaker 1: licensed therapist and can go about your life the way
Speaker 1: you want to live it. Don't pressure yourself about time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so true. Not everything is to be immediate and instantaneous,
Speaker 1: and now we want it right away, and it's scary.
Speaker 1: And trust me, you're obviously smart enough to know that
Speaker 1: you better start paying back all the debt you oh
Speaker 1: on your credit cards six thousand dollars. I'm so glad
Speaker 1: you said that. In not you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it could be a lot worse. You're in the bud
Speaker 1: so you have a right and to speak a little
Speaker 1: bit to the self esteem issue. Now. I read a
Speaker 1: lot of emails, and in two years of reading these emails,
Speaker 1: this is one of the most beautiful emails I've read
Speaker 1: it's really beautiful. You have skills with communication that are
Speaker 1: far above average, and so wherever you land, whether it's
Speaker 1: back with the same nonprofit or somewhere else, you are
Speaker 1: able to communicate in a way that any employer would value.
Speaker 1: So don't sell yourself short. I think wherever you land,
Speaker 1: you're going to do really, really well. And with that accent,
Speaker 1: my god, right, Yeah, it's a weird win situation. Send
Speaker 1: alone will get you in the door. Hopefully we're at
Speaker 1: the shot. It's worth the shot. I'll talk all day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and just remember you know, intentionally your intentions are good
Speaker 1: when everything is aligned and you're kind of following your
Speaker 1: purpose in your life. And this really sounds like it's
Speaker 1: going to be your purpose. Things aligned for you more
Speaker 1: easily than you think. Like, So, you're in a situation
Speaker 1: right now, and if you take the steps to get
Speaker 1: yourself on the road to becoming a counselor to becoming
Speaker 1: some sort of therapist, and you figure out, Okay, how
Speaker 1: am I going to do this and how am I
Speaker 1: going to achieve this and set up a plan, things
Speaker 1: are going to happen for you that you didn't see coming,
Speaker 1: and things people will come into your life that will
Speaker 1: help assist that and will help make it happen for you,
Speaker 1: because there becomes like a magnetic attraction. You know, when
Speaker 1: your intention is clear and you're doing a good and
Speaker 1: you're doing good work, things will start to open up
Speaker 1: for you. So you have to believe in that. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: that's so true. I recently find out tree therapy as
Speaker 1: well that I'm addicted to negative thinking, so I'm trying
Speaker 1: to work in all of that as well, so again
Speaker 1: reframing it and instead being optimistic and positive and open
Speaker 1: to risks and you know, taking a gamble and opportunities,
Speaker 1: which I'm so allergic and cautious to you right now,
Speaker 1: and I don't really know why because it's obviously not
Speaker 1: working very well for me, but you'll never know unless
Speaker 1: you try, right exactly. Yeah, yeah, no regrets, don't have regrets.
Speaker 1: And the antidote to negative thinking is to be listening
Speaker 1: to someone else, you know, which is what your goal is.
Speaker 1: That takes you out of your own head and your
Speaker 1: own ass and then you you don't have time to
Speaker 1: be thinking negatively when you're talking to other people listening
Speaker 1: to their problems, you know. So yeah, I think that
Speaker 1: you know exactly what you should do and what steps
Speaker 1: you should take moving forward, just to get yourself, you know,
Speaker 1: in the mode of having a plan and having a
Speaker 1: time frame so you're not freaking out and living in
Speaker 1: this kind of fearful situation or position or thinking absolutely, well,
Speaker 1: now I want you to get your act together and
Speaker 1: then follow back up with us and make and let
Speaker 1: us know when you do have something going on and
Speaker 1: you have enrolled yourself into a program and what your
Speaker 1: game plan is, because I think that's going to add
Speaker 1: to your self esteem a lot too. I absolutely will. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you. You know, I don't have too many good
Speaker 1: ideas when I drink, but I was having a couple
Speaker 1: of glasses of one the other night because I was
Speaker 1: so depressed after knowing that I'd behind my noticing, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to write into Chelsea, that's
Speaker 1: a good idea. I did, And look at that quick
Speaker 1: turn around. You wrote this email after a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. Yeah, so there we go reframing it and
Speaker 1: thinking more positively. Yeah for the advice and encouragement this
Speaker 1: has been. You're the cutest nile. Good luck with everything. Fine, Yes,
Speaker 1: I have no doubt you're gonna be great. Thank you, guys,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Take care than have a great day.
Speaker 1: Up top, sister, up top. That was great. That was awesome.
Speaker 1: I wasn't he just wonderful? He was so sweet and adorable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so nice to see a man caring so much
Speaker 1: and not like that. Men don't care, but sometimes it
Speaker 1: feels like they really don't. It's so nice to hear
Speaker 1: men being so thoughtful about things. Yeah, and having that
Speaker 1: he's a softie, like there was something so open about
Speaker 1: his heart. Yeah. Yeah, God, when we do need more
Speaker 1: people like him? Yeah, right, exactly. Remember when in the
Speaker 1: days where we had people would support artists, you know,
Speaker 1: the rich people. Where are those people they're supposed to
Speaker 1: support all these people that make the world better in
Speaker 1: art and music and struggling musicians and therapists. We need
Speaker 1: those back. We need to start a mentor program. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: we need people like Elon Musk to stop spending their
Speaker 1: money on shuttlecocks and spending it on actually making the
Speaker 1: world a better place. So we'll start with that, Okay, Catherine,
Speaker 1: who do we have next? Next? We have Taylor? Taylor,
Speaker 1: says dear Chelsea. My entire adult relationship with my little
Speaker 1: sister has revolved around being there for her while she
Speaker 1: struggled with mental health, bouts of substance abuse, and an
Speaker 1: abusive relationship. She's twenty two and Taylor, by the ways.
Speaker 1: I was the one who showed up when it got
Speaker 1: ugly between her and her boyfriend, and answered countless times
Speaker 1: when she called intoxicated and crying. Last year, she and
Speaker 1: her boyfriend finally separated. My family and I were hopeful
Speaker 1: that she would move on and recover, But before he
Speaker 1: even moved out, my sister had already found a new guy.
Speaker 1: Six months later, she's now living with him, and our
Speaker 1: relationship has ceased to exist. I can't tell if she
Speaker 1: has shunned me to avoid my disapproval or if she
Speaker 1: just doesn't need me to help pick up the pieces anymore.
Speaker 1: Either way, I feel angry at her for what she
Speaker 1: put me through, especially now that it feels like I've
Speaker 1: lost her. I missed my sister, but I have no
Speaker 1: idea how to build a relationship with her, given the
Speaker 1: shaky foundation it was built on in the first place.
Speaker 1: I know you're very close with your sisters, How can
Speaker 1: I put my feelings aside? And make my way back
Speaker 1: into her life. Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hi, Hi, Hi. We
Speaker 1: have Julianna margu Lis with us today to see you both.
Speaker 1: You too, nice to see you. It sounds like you
Speaker 1: really love your sissy. Yes, I definitely miss her. Okay,
Speaker 1: So explain to me what happened where the break was.
Speaker 1: So after my sister broke up with her boyfriend, she
Speaker 1: immediately started dating someone new and I found out through
Speaker 1: hearsay in the family because she was a little too
Speaker 1: I guess scared to tell me. And that's sort of
Speaker 1: where the rift came. Can I just ask you something
Speaker 1: when when she was going through this breakup with the boyfriend,
Speaker 1: was she a mess on? Were you picking her up
Speaker 1: off the floor? Was she despondent? Yeah? It was bad.
Speaker 1: It was bad, and you you were there for her. Yes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they had like their last fight and I had showed
Speaker 1: up and it was very dramatic. And then a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks that went by, I'd check in with her
Speaker 1: and I had heard through the grapevine, but she already
Speaker 1: had a new boyfriend and that her boyfriend was moving out.
Speaker 1: And you haven't spoken to her since that. Last time
Speaker 1: I have spoken to her. I saw her at Christmas
Speaker 1: and it was just like very she was just very standoffish,
Speaker 1: and I tried to express my concern. And I'm a
Speaker 1: little angry at her obviously for not telling herself, and
Speaker 1: so I haven't really reached out since. And so, yeah,
Speaker 1: well let me ask you one question. You said she
Speaker 1: drinks a lot, right, Does she use drugs too? She
Speaker 1: smokes spot, okay, but she doesn't do anything heavier like
Speaker 1: cocaine or ecstasy or any of that stuff, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: So it just sounds like she feels a little shame, right,
Speaker 1: she's embarrassed for being in this relationship, because why else
Speaker 1: would she retreat from you when you've been there for
Speaker 1: her this whole time unless she feels a little bit
Speaker 1: embarrassed by her own behavior. Yeah, it's it's it's shame
Speaker 1: she didn't have the balls to tell you. And also
Speaker 1: she probably knows she's wrong. You don't you don't take
Speaker 1: up with someone else right after you, you know, that's
Speaker 1: that's her being afraid to be alone and get her
Speaker 1: life together, and she knows you probably can see that.
Speaker 1: I'm just sad that it came at like the cost
Speaker 1: of me, right, Well, I mean I think there's a
Speaker 1: couple of ways you can handle this. I mean, either
Speaker 1: you can put it in an email, or you can
Speaker 1: sit down with her and talk to her. I mean
Speaker 1: I always like an email better because obviously emotions a
Speaker 1: run high in person, and then sometimes you can be
Speaker 1: reactive when in an email you can just kind of
Speaker 1: put everything down and edit it and look at it
Speaker 1: a million times before you feel like sending it, and
Speaker 1: then sometimes never send it. But in this case, it
Speaker 1: sounds like you know it's your sister for life. I'm
Speaker 1: sure you're gonna want to send something to her and
Speaker 1: and kind of repair whatever, not repair, but I guess salvage, Yeah,
Speaker 1: salvage your relationship so that you have one. But there's
Speaker 1: really no harm in reminding her of like the role
Speaker 1: that you've played, you know, and how important that role
Speaker 1: is to you, and that how important she is to you.
Speaker 1: You are her bigger sister, right, you're twenty five and
Speaker 1: she's twenty two. Yeah, correct, Right. Those relationships can be
Speaker 1: fraught and they can be dramatic. My sisters certainly have
Speaker 1: bailed me out a million times in my life. I've
Speaker 1: been horrible when I was a teenager and a young adult.
Speaker 1: I was a nightmare and they put up with it
Speaker 1: and they loved me just the same. And so I
Speaker 1: can really relate to your love for your sister because
Speaker 1: she just seems like she's going through a pretty selfish
Speaker 1: time in her life. And some people can be really
Speaker 1: self absorber. Doesn't mean they're going to be that way forever.
Speaker 1: I'm not like that anymore. I always always think of
Speaker 1: my sisters before I think of myself, just because of
Speaker 1: all the stuff that I had. They had to endure
Speaker 1: uh from me, and they still loved me. But maybe
Speaker 1: she feels like you're judging. You know, she feels judged
Speaker 1: by you, and you have every right to feel that
Speaker 1: way about her. You're gonna have judgment, of course, but
Speaker 1: beneath all of that is just love and sisterhood and
Speaker 1: you're from the same family and that's never gonna go away.
Speaker 1: So it's important for you to remind her that no
Speaker 1: matter what happens, you're her sister and you love her.
Speaker 1: That's above and beyond everything else, and that you always
Speaker 1: want a relationship with her, and that you never know
Speaker 1: what can happen in life, and you would hate for
Speaker 1: anything terrible to happen. While the two of you aren't speaking,
Speaker 1: so it's so important to keep the communication open. You know,
Speaker 1: first and foremost is to remind her, Julianna, what do
Speaker 1: you think about that? I think you hit the nail
Speaker 1: on the head when you said write it down. I
Speaker 1: personally would write a letter, not an email, because I
Speaker 1: think there's something to be said about the weight of
Speaker 1: having to open up snail mail and having it, you know,
Speaker 1: emails disappear, or they go to the junk box where
Speaker 1: she can pretend she never got it, or but you
Speaker 1: type it up on your computer and save it for
Speaker 1: yourself and print it out. Once you start writing things down,
Speaker 1: things become much more clear. But I also know from
Speaker 1: family members of my own being heavy drinkers, they tend
Speaker 1: to see things negatively and as judgment. So I would
Speaker 1: start the letter by saying, what exactly what you said
Speaker 1: to us I miss you, because I think the second
Speaker 1: you say how you're really feeling, she won't see it
Speaker 1: as judgment. She'll see it as you reaching out. And
Speaker 1: and I know if I had gotten a letter from
Speaker 1: my sister that said I miss you and I'm worried
Speaker 1: about you, and I want you to know that you're
Speaker 1: a big part of my life, and I understand, and
Speaker 1: you have another boyfriend, that doesn't mean you have to
Speaker 1: check out on me. I'm not here to judge you.
Speaker 1: This is your life. But remember I'm here and I
Speaker 1: love you and I want you to be okay. You know,
Speaker 1: it goes both ways to like I want to say,
Speaker 1: you're also not her punching bag, right because because family,
Speaker 1: you know, just because your family, you're supposed to be
Speaker 1: there all the time, and then when they're horrible to you,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to take it. You're not, and you you
Speaker 1: don't have to. You can get up and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: if if this all goes wrong and she starts lashing
Speaker 1: out at you, you're then going to just have to
Speaker 1: take the power back and say I'll be back in
Speaker 1: your life when you want to treat me with respect
Speaker 1: and love the way I love you, And you're going
Speaker 1: to have to make that choice. Yeah, that kind of
Speaker 1: goes to what Chelsea was saying, like, hopefully this is
Speaker 1: just like a short time in her life where she's
Speaker 1: you know, having a selfish time, and I want to
Speaker 1: definitely approach the communication in a loving way. And I
Speaker 1: think that's probably been my mistake in the past and
Speaker 1: why she has reacted this way because she knows that
Speaker 1: I come from this like big sister dynamic of like
Speaker 1: what are you doing? You know? Or I told you so,
Speaker 1: or yeah you don't the second you wave your finger.
Speaker 1: But if you come at them with love, where does
Speaker 1: she have to go? She can't really go anywhere else. Right,
Speaker 1: do you know anything about her new boyfriend? Is he
Speaker 1: good influence or anything negative or positive? From what my
Speaker 1: family said, he's very similar to her last boyfriend and
Speaker 1: so not. Everyone was very excited to hear that news. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: then then you want to leave your judgment out of
Speaker 1: that as well, because that's another thing that's just going
Speaker 1: to push her away. If she feels any sort of
Speaker 1: judgment on the relationship. You could say, I miss you,
Speaker 1: I don't even I would love to get to know
Speaker 1: your new boyfriend. However, you want to spend time together.
Speaker 1: Like if you don't want to spend time alone and
Speaker 1: you want to spend time with your boyfriend, he's welcome
Speaker 1: to just make it an open, open invitation to her
Speaker 1: so that there is no defense to put up right,
Speaker 1: so she doesn't have to protect herself from anything. And yeah,
Speaker 1: starting with I miss you and I love you, instead
Speaker 1: of laying it all out. I think getting reconnecting with
Speaker 1: her first and getting her as your confidant again and
Speaker 1: being close to her is the best move in order
Speaker 1: just to keep her close so that she knows she
Speaker 1: can trust you and that whatever happens, you'll still be there.
Speaker 1: Is it just the two of you? We have one
Speaker 1: older brother. You have an older brother. Are you close
Speaker 1: with him? Yeah? I'm really close with him. Here's my suggestion,
Speaker 1: because Chelsea, now we're just talking before the podcast, like
Speaker 1: nobody knows you and your family, like your siblings. It
Speaker 1: would be really great if you could um have him
Speaker 1: read the letter before you send it, because he'll see
Speaker 1: things in it. You know, you don't want any judgmental
Speaker 1: or negativity in the letter, and you may only be
Speaker 1: meaning it from your heart, but might come out harsh
Speaker 1: when another person reads it. So I highly suggest you
Speaker 1: asked your brother to read it before you put it
Speaker 1: in the envelope and send it. Also, it's nice to
Speaker 1: have someone in your corner, you know, for you to
Speaker 1: say to him, I'm just know you're hurt. Obviously, otherwise
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have called in. I can see that you're hurt,
Speaker 1: but that but that it's so touching that you miss
Speaker 1: your little sister and love her. So come from that place.
Speaker 1: And then if she chooses, it's her choice. She's also
Speaker 1: is really young, she's twenty two. But if she and
Speaker 1: she's and she's self medicating with alcohol, right, So if
Speaker 1: she chooses to ignore it, then you've done your part
Speaker 1: and then you have to work on how to let
Speaker 1: go just for a while, probably not forever. You're right.
Speaker 1: I like the idea of having my brother Rita for sure,
Speaker 1: because if yeah, you can talk anything that it's coming
Speaker 1: off not how I wanted to come on, And he
Speaker 1: knows her, so he knows probably how she'll react to something.
Speaker 1: So it'll be helpful to have another set of eyes
Speaker 1: on that for you to feel confident when you send
Speaker 1: it that you sent the right message. Yeah, I love that. Good. Yeah, well, Taylor,
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes and if your sister
Speaker 1: responds or what happens with that, Okay, I will for sure.
Speaker 1: Thank you well so much. So you're welcome, Taylor. Good
Speaker 1: luck with everything, good luck, thank you bye bye. Oh
Speaker 1: what a cutie. That's a good advice to have her
Speaker 1: brother look at it. Yeah, we have that going on
Speaker 1: in our family all the time because we have so
Speaker 1: many kids. And whenever, whenever anyone has to have a
Speaker 1: talk with anyone, I always am volunteering because I have
Speaker 1: no problem with confrontation, and my sister Simone will always
Speaker 1: step in and go, no, no, let me do it.
Speaker 1: I'll do it. And then finally I've learned that when
Speaker 1: I say things, it can come across in a much
Speaker 1: different way than if a regular, normal, calmer person says them.
Speaker 1: So I'll say to my sister, I'll assign her a
Speaker 1: role and say, hey, you need to talk to Roy
Speaker 1: about this, and she'll be like okay, okay. And then
Speaker 1: a month goes by and I'll go, hey, did you
Speaker 1: talk to Roy? And she's like ah, And I go, well,
Speaker 1: don't tell me not to confront to everybody if you're
Speaker 1: not going to pick up the pieces, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I just couldn't get around to it.
Speaker 1: She's like, I didn't have it in me. So we
Speaker 1: some people have a real hard time with having those
Speaker 1: difficult conversations. They're hard, Yeah, right, they're hard, and it
Speaker 1: takes it does take a village. And yeah, because you
Speaker 1: have to. You have to consider how what you're saying
Speaker 1: is going to be received, not just saying it. That
Speaker 1: was my mistake for a while, just saying it and
Speaker 1: putting it out there, and it's like, that doesn't work.
Speaker 1: You have to consider the other person and where they're
Speaker 1: coming from and how they are going to take that
Speaker 1: information in. You wrote that beautifully in your book. Oh
Speaker 1: thank you. It's great because I don't think people really
Speaker 1: think that way. And it takes you also out of
Speaker 1: yourself for how you're going to respond to somebody. You know,
Speaker 1: why did that upset me? Oh maybe they didn't mean
Speaker 1: it like that, you know, just because we're so quick
Speaker 1: to jump to conclusions and and and to anger. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's just not a healthy place to live. No,
Speaker 1: it's not my Dan. My psychiatrist always says, you know,
Speaker 1: like any time you're in a state of reactivity, like
Speaker 1: there's no point in even communicating because you're not ever
Speaker 1: going to solve anything. You have to take your reaction
Speaker 1: and then take ten minutes and then there's your response.
Speaker 1: That was freaky, by the way, because I was so
Speaker 1: invested in your relationship with Dan, and I loved your
Speaker 1: sessions with him. That I in my head, I knew
Speaker 1: what he sounded like. And then who was on the
Speaker 1: podcast and was walking through Washington script Prok was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is Dan. I didn't think like that took me out.
Speaker 1: That's yeah, I know. Dan's the best. He's so smart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Joe and I have gone two couples counseling, like twice
Speaker 1: with Dan and Joe because Joe hasn't had that kind
Speaker 1: of counseling. And like, you know, as a relationship, we
Speaker 1: all have our own histories. You can trigger something and
Speaker 1: someone when you're not doing anything, you know, or you
Speaker 1: think you're not doing anything. And so we went into
Speaker 1: Dan once and we did like a two hour session
Speaker 1: of just explaining to us how emotions work and how
Speaker 1: every memory is imprinted in our body from childhood and
Speaker 1: that things that were traumatizing, even though they don't resemble
Speaker 1: what's happening right now, it is bringing up a very
Speaker 1: instance from your childhood. And Joe must have said the
Speaker 1: same five things I said in our first session, first
Speaker 1: session with Dan, which is my childhood has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with this, and it's like, no, no, that's everyone's mistake.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I said. I I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about my childhood, my mother's dad, my brother's dad,
Speaker 1: not first. Yeah, like I'm walking around with a broken
Speaker 1: leg and thinking it's going to fix itself. So it
Speaker 1: is interesting to get he laid the foundation I left that.
Speaker 1: I left our session that day and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I feel like I just got like
Speaker 1: psychology one oh one. I could listen to that ship
Speaker 1: for hours. It's so fascinating it. I mean, that's what
Speaker 1: I was going to do if acting didn't pan out,
Speaker 1: because it's it's it's behavior. It's what I do for
Speaker 1: a living, right, I watch people's behavior and what makes
Speaker 1: them tick. What why do you act that way? And
Speaker 1: you act that way? It's all about the childhood, man,
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but look how nicely you've turned
Speaker 1: out with your childhood and being so unmoored. You know,
Speaker 1: look how nicely you turned out. That's like that's a
Speaker 1: huge victory lap. Yeah, thank god. I mean, I also
Speaker 1: think I got really lucky in that both of my
Speaker 1: parents were open to hearing it and to fessing up.
Speaker 1: I think parents of their generation they're not all there
Speaker 1: yet because and I know it's hard to confront your parents,
Speaker 1: especially when when they're older. But they both were receptive
Speaker 1: and well, and they both really loved you. They just
Speaker 1: had their own issues. And that's the same thing with
Speaker 1: my family. I was very loved, even though I was
Speaker 1: neglected by my parents, you know, not being picked up
Speaker 1: from Hebrew school fifteen times in a row. I'm like, listen, assholes,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna make me go to Hebrew school, you
Speaker 1: need to pick my ass up. You think I want
Speaker 1: to go to Hebrew school and learn Hebrew, Like, I'm
Speaker 1: not down with that at all. So yeah, and I
Speaker 1: remember Dan saying, oh god, your parents are's so traumatizing
Speaker 1: not being picked up from school. I'm like, damn, none
Speaker 1: of us were picked up from school and we're all fine.
Speaker 1: He goes, no, that's that's abandonment. And I'm like, well
Speaker 1: that seems dramatic. And then you come around to the
Speaker 1: notion You're like, that was abandonment. Well, yeah, and you
Speaker 1: remember those things. So many people kept asking me how
Speaker 1: did you remember all these things in the book, because
Speaker 1: you're write so clearly about them, and like, you remember,
Speaker 1: I remember being five years old and my mother, my
Speaker 1: mother dropped me off to kindergarten, which was up this
Speaker 1: big hill and my sisters went to the school. I
Speaker 1: could see it from the top of the hill, and
Speaker 1: I walked my little five year old self walked up
Speaker 1: and we didn't have kindergarten that day, and my motherhood
Speaker 1: drove away and went to work, and I just sat there.
Speaker 1: And I remember it clear as day, because you remember trauma,
Speaker 1: you don't remember everyday normalcy. Yeah, And I remember sitting
Speaker 1: there and thinking, should I walk down the hill and
Speaker 1: tells an adult? And I just sat there till three
Speaker 1: pm until she came to pick me up. And this
Speaker 1: was before phones everybody, okay, So she sat there doing
Speaker 1: fucking nothing. For that reminds me of my sister. My sister,
Speaker 1: for two weeks went to school with my three brothers.
Speaker 1: They were going to the elementary school. They were all
Speaker 1: a year apart. My sister started going with them, and
Speaker 1: after two weeks the school called my mother and they're like,
Speaker 1: your daughter is four. She can't be in school with
Speaker 1: your with your sons. And my mom was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she can't. It's like what, But that's like my mom.
Speaker 1: She never even told us in school, she just dropped us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a funny story. I mean, oh, my God and
Speaker 1: they and then you basically picked your classroom. You're like,
Speaker 1: I guess I'll be in this. I guess I'll be
Speaker 1: in A six or whatever it was six A Okay, Catherine,
Speaker 1: what do we have? I love this? Our last question
Speaker 1: comes from Renee Dear Chelsea. She's not this one's just
Speaker 1: an email. She's in Australia, so the timing is a
Speaker 1: little Yes, that's good, right. I shouldn't have you read this.
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty three year I'm a thirty three year
Speaker 1: old primary school teacher from Melbourne. Your podcast was my
Speaker 1: saving grace through lockdown and it helped me realize my worth,
Speaker 1: strength and independence. For that, I'm incredibly grateful. I have
Speaker 1: an incredible boyfriend who have been with for five years.
Speaker 1: This October we plan on rock climbing around the world
Speaker 1: for two years starting this December. There's just one problem.
Speaker 1: I've dreamed about getting married since I was six years old,
Speaker 1: and it means nothing to him. My parents have been
Speaker 1: happily married for forty seven years. His separated when he
Speaker 1: was eighteen. Here's some of our history. He broke up
Speaker 1: with me a week after we first got together because
Speaker 1: he panicked and thought he was making a big mistake.
Speaker 1: I was the first person in over ten years he's
Speaker 1: been in a relationship with. He always tells me he
Speaker 1: adores me and wants to spend the rest of his
Speaker 1: life with me. It happened again on our fourth anniversary
Speaker 1: last year, when I jokingly asked him if he'd ever
Speaker 1: want to marry me quote one day, he paused and
Speaker 1: said he doesn't believe in it. Three days later, he
Speaker 1: broke up with me, saying we were two different and
Speaker 1: we wanted different things. Over the next two days, we
Speaker 1: had the best conversations as we cried together each time
Speaker 1: he felt he was making a big mistake by ending it.
Speaker 1: He apologized, and two days later we were back on.
Speaker 1: He said he'd think about marriage and he still wants
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of his life with me. Over
Speaker 1: six months have passed, and there are times when I
Speaker 1: fall asleep crying because I feel so heartbroken that he
Speaker 1: doesn't feel the same about this form of commitment. There's
Speaker 1: no doubt that he adores me and means everything he says.
Speaker 1: He also assures me that he's not going to break
Speaker 1: up with me again when he panics. I also don't
Speaker 1: want him to marry me one day just to shut
Speaker 1: me up. I'm incredibly flexible in our relationship and committed
Speaker 1: to making him happy. I always wanted kids and to
Speaker 1: get married. Kids are maybe for us, but I'm not
Speaker 1: willing to sacrifice marriage too. I believe he's got some
Speaker 1: unresolved issues from his childhood. He's avoidant, and I'm anxious.
Speaker 1: Individual or couple's counseling is off the table. He's one
Speaker 1: chapter into our relationship book, my psychologist suggested, but he's
Speaker 1: not invested. We're about to explore putting my name on
Speaker 1: the loan for his house that we just finished renovating.
Speaker 1: This is a huge step for him. Nothing in his
Speaker 1: life shows me that i'm his quote life partner. Besides
Speaker 1: us living together, I don't know how I can feel
Speaker 1: secure and get peace of mind before we travel together.
Speaker 1: Oh wise one, please help yours truly run a Holy moly,
Speaker 1: how how old did they say? Did they say? She's
Speaker 1: thirty three? And I believe he's about the same age. Okay, so,
Speaker 1: first of all, there's so many red flags. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I hate to say this. There are so many red flags.
Speaker 1: And you can talk all you want, but he has
Speaker 1: to show you and he hasn't so far. He's saying
Speaker 1: I'll never do this and I'll never do that, and
Speaker 1: I want this and I want that, but he's not
Speaker 1: giving what you want. And you both have very different
Speaker 1: views on how you want to live your adult lives.
Speaker 1: You definitely don't want to get married to a man
Speaker 1: who doesn't believe in marriage. Now, marriage isn't everything. I
Speaker 1: never wanted to get married. You know, some people just
Speaker 1: love being partners and that's great, but it sounds like
Speaker 1: you really want to be married. Then you said, I
Speaker 1: always envisioned my life married with children. He doesn't want children,
Speaker 1: but but I won't app not having marriage. Like already,
Speaker 1: there's so many red flags going up that this is
Speaker 1: not your life partner. This might have been a moment
Speaker 1: partner unless you can get into therapy and figure it out.
Speaker 1: I think these are going to keep coming up every time.
Speaker 1: Well also, I think she said therapy is off the table.
Speaker 1: Why is therapy off the tape? He's not interested in
Speaker 1: going to therapy. That is a big red flag. And
Speaker 1: I agree with Julianna that there was like there are
Speaker 1: multiple red flags because breaking up with you a he
Speaker 1: freaked out after you know what, a week of dating
Speaker 1: you or some short amount of time and broke up
Speaker 1: with you and then did it again when you brought
Speaker 1: up marriage at four years, Like, that's that's deep into it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you've been together four years, so like that's. Yes, of
Speaker 1: course he has emotional trauma from his childhood. We all do.
Speaker 1: But if he's not willing to do that work, then
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be willing to sacrifice something that means that
Speaker 1: much to you. I agree with Julianna marriages and everything.
Speaker 1: I don't care about being married, but if it matters
Speaker 1: to you, that is what is important. That is paramount
Speaker 1: to his thoughts. And you being excited that he's going
Speaker 1: to put your name on his loan for the house
Speaker 1: is also a red flag because that is not a
Speaker 1: sign of anything, like, if anything, you're setting yourself up
Speaker 1: to possibly be responsible for his loan, you know, without
Speaker 1: any commitment from him. So I don't know why that's
Speaker 1: a good idea. Also, something in your letter really struck me.
Speaker 1: You said, the last six months you go to bed crying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're about to go on a two year rock climbing
Speaker 1: trip with this person, so you're only going to have
Speaker 1: that person in your life. I want to stop you.
Speaker 1: I know this sounds awful and I probably shouldn't say this,
Speaker 1: but you're thirty three and I know he seems like
Speaker 1: the love of your life. Right now, you have a
Speaker 1: huge life in front of you. Before you go rock
Speaker 1: climbing with this guy, you have got to figure out
Speaker 1: your stuff and get him into therapy with you to
Speaker 1: find out if this is a trip you want to
Speaker 1: take for two years. Absolutely, and if somebody is so
Speaker 1: intransigent that they will not commit to going to therapy
Speaker 1: to figure out the very I guarantee you if you
Speaker 1: put it on the table to him and say I
Speaker 1: cannot move forward with this relationship unless you go into counseling,
Speaker 1: I guarantee you he'll go. And if he doesn't, then
Speaker 1: that is exactly the sign you need to move on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I know this is hard to hear. I understand
Speaker 1: we've all been in love and thought that this person
Speaker 1: was the person. But this person isn't showing you that
Speaker 1: they're your person. Because when you fall in love with everyone, Hey,
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't. I would prefer not to get
Speaker 1: married my boyfriend right now, all he wants to do
Speaker 1: is talk about getting married I will marry him because
Speaker 1: it's so important to him, because I love him. At
Speaker 1: some point I'll do that, you know, so so like.
Speaker 1: But those are the compromises you make for people that
Speaker 1: you're in love with. You don't just have your set
Speaker 1: of rules and then are in transigent about everything else.
Speaker 1: You have to meet people in the middle, and you're
Speaker 1: bending over backwards in a relationship where he's not doing
Speaker 1: the same. And I'm sure you're thinking in your mind
Speaker 1: right now, well, I didn't list all the things he
Speaker 1: does for you. It doesn't matter. If being married for
Speaker 1: you is that important, then he has to show up
Speaker 1: in that way for you. And then you can also
Speaker 1: and consider what why is marriage so important to you?
Speaker 1: Maybe it isn't as important as you think. But as
Speaker 1: long as you feel that way and he's not meeting
Speaker 1: you halfway, then then there really is nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1: And yes, going to bed crying and all of that
Speaker 1: is not that that doesn't mean you're with the right person.
Speaker 1: That means you're with the wrong person. So I just
Speaker 1: have to say I was with a guy who I
Speaker 1: was so madly in love with, and we were dating
Speaker 1: for two weeks. I mean, we were never apart, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, one day he just said
Speaker 1: he panicked, and he goes, I need a week away
Speaker 1: from you. And I was twenty five, and I was
Speaker 1: like okay, and then cried my eyes out for two weeks,
Speaker 1: like totally sobbing my eyes out. Didn't know why he
Speaker 1: needed time away from me. I didn't know what was
Speaker 1: going on. And then he just showed up at my
Speaker 1: door after the two weeks was up as if nothing
Speaker 1: had happened, and I was so happy to see him
Speaker 1: because I was so in love with him. That is
Speaker 1: not red flag number one. That is red flag whole relationship,
Speaker 1: because it kept happening over and over again. We were
Speaker 1: together for ten years. Believe me, it happened all the time,
Speaker 1: and I kept thinking, it's a phase, it's at this
Speaker 1: I get gave it excuses, and I was crying all
Speaker 1: the time at night, not knowing what was going on
Speaker 1: because he had to deal with his own ship. He
Speaker 1: couldn't deal in a relation. You cannot be in a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship until you have made yourself healthy. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that is the truth. And it sounds like this guy
Speaker 1: needs to make himself healthy. He probably has a lot
Speaker 1: of separation issues. If he's from divorced parents, he needs
Speaker 1: to get help before he can meet you equally in
Speaker 1: this relationship because right now it does not sound equal.
Speaker 1: And trust me when I say the problems will get bigger. Yes. Also,
Speaker 1: him getting healthy is one thing, but you being in
Speaker 1: this relationship is also an indicator that you're not very healthy,
Speaker 1: you know, or as healthy as you can be, because
Speaker 1: you're tolerating this, and you need to stand up for
Speaker 1: yourself and put your foot down, like if this isn't
Speaker 1: acceptable for you, then it's not acceptable for you, and
Speaker 1: you have to figure out why you're tolerating it. You
Speaker 1: said yourself that he's an avoidance and you're an anxious
Speaker 1: That means that the dynamic is unhealthy because anxious people
Speaker 1: should never be with avoidance. They feed off of you.
Speaker 1: They feed off of your neediness because that's how they
Speaker 1: perceive it as neediness. You need to get married, You
Speaker 1: need to have your name on the You need me
Speaker 1: to be committed to you. That dynamic will never shift
Speaker 1: until you shift it, and staying in the relationship, you
Speaker 1: won't shift anything. I think what you just said, Chelsea
Speaker 1: is the most valuable thing you could say to any
Speaker 1: woman in a relationship like this, what do you you
Speaker 1: need to put yourself first? Why are you in this
Speaker 1: relationship where you're not happy? We never look at that,
Speaker 1: And I think that's exactly it. Once you start going there,
Speaker 1: you're going to figure it out for yourself. But don't settle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and just just don't confuse you thinking you're in love
Speaker 1: with someone as the love of your life. You don't
Speaker 1: know what's coming. I've I thought that multiple times in
Speaker 1: my life, that I was with the love of my
Speaker 1: life and guess what I wasn't And Julianna, I think
Speaker 1: you felt that way. As my mother used said collar
Speaker 1: crying in this horrible relations she'd be like, I don't
Speaker 1: understand you. There's so many men out there. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't feel like that at the point. At
Speaker 1: the time, you feel like this is your only person,
Speaker 1: it's your whole world, and it's hard to see beyond
Speaker 1: the circumstance you're in currently. But I promise you there
Speaker 1: are billions of people out there and you have no
Speaker 1: idea what's coming your way. When you say to the universe,
Speaker 1: these are my standards and this is what I'm going
Speaker 1: to going to be willing to tolerate. I guarantee your
Speaker 1: whole world changes. It'll change. And this is what I want,
Speaker 1: right down on a piece of paper, what you want,
Speaker 1: and then really be truthful. Can he give that to you?
Speaker 1: Because if he can't, I bet you dollars to donuts,
Speaker 1: someone else can dollars to donuts. You heard it here
Speaker 1: for first. I haven't heard that in a long time.
Speaker 1: Thank you for revisiting that phrase, dollars to donuts. So
Speaker 1: sorry about the bad feedback. I mean, it's not bad feedback.
Speaker 1: It's good feedback, but it's not going to be what
Speaker 1: you want to hear. But keep in touch with us
Speaker 1: and let us know what happens, let us know if
Speaker 1: you made any big moves. Take care of yourself first. Yes,
Speaker 1: please take care of yourself because you can't rely on
Speaker 1: another person to do that for you. Good luck, and
Speaker 1: with that, we'll take a quick break and be right
Speaker 1: back with Julianna and Chelsea and we're back. Well, Julianna,
Speaker 1: do you have any advice you'd like to get from Chelsea?
Speaker 1: I do medical advice. It's medical ish, Dr Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 1: So I read your book and I was really fascinated
Speaker 1: by the ayahuasca chapter. Also because I've had a few
Speaker 1: friends who have done it and who have told me
Speaker 1: about it. Now, I am not a person. I've never
Speaker 1: been good on pot. I've tried all my friends who
Speaker 1: do gummy, They're like, you haven't had the right kind.
Speaker 1: Every time I do it, it just doesn't bode well
Speaker 1: with me. But the idea of ayahuasca kind of intrigues me.
Speaker 1: So I want to ask cue, one, would you do
Speaker 1: it again? Two? Would you advise someone who has not?
Speaker 1: Like I've never done ascid? I don't like tripping really right.
Speaker 1: I don't like being not in control. Like what I
Speaker 1: love about having a margarita is I know I can
Speaker 1: have two and that's my limit, and then I drink
Speaker 1: some water and I'm fine. You know, I can monitor that.
Speaker 1: I don't like being I get scared to be out
Speaker 1: of control. But I think it would be really good
Speaker 1: for me. And what you described about you and your
Speaker 1: sister on the beach together, I thought, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I want to I want to see where my trip goes.
Speaker 1: What would you say to someone who's never tried it, Honestly,
Speaker 1: knowing you as I know you, I would say, you're
Speaker 1: a pretty healthy person and that you're pretty even keeled
Speaker 1: and stable, and I would say that you don't need
Speaker 1: to do something like that. I would say that that
Speaker 1: is for people who are really searching and are really
Speaker 1: haven't resolved any of their childhood trauma. And I feel
Speaker 1: like you have and that you are in a good
Speaker 1: state of mind. And while it can open up doors
Speaker 1: and bring you to different places, I don't think it's
Speaker 1: worth the anxiety of leading up to it. Being a
Speaker 1: type a personality like you are, I don't think it's
Speaker 1: worth it. There's vomiting involved, people ship their pants, You're
Speaker 1: throwing up in a bucket, there's a shaman like can
Speaker 1: It can be very intense. And with somebody who doesn't
Speaker 1: have a tolerance for drugs, it's it's not necessary, Like
Speaker 1: I would say it if you were really in a
Speaker 1: bad place or you needed to get clarity on something.
Speaker 1: But I feel like you have a lot of clarity
Speaker 1: and you are in a really good place, and I
Speaker 1: just would say it's unnecessary. Dr Chelsea, I feel so
Speaker 1: relieved that I don't have to go down that path.
Speaker 1: Let's put this on the record for the first time,
Speaker 1: I'm advising somebody to not do drugs. Actually this isn't
Speaker 1: the first time, but I would have to be honest
Speaker 1: with you because you just don't need it, you really do.
Speaker 1: I love that answer. I really was expecting something else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't you know what, to tell you the truth.
Speaker 1: I don't think i'll do it again either. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've always had groups of girlfriends that want to do
Speaker 1: these ayahuasca retreats, and I always say I'll do it.
Speaker 1: But if I hadn't been doing it on camera, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have done it either, because I you know it is.
Speaker 1: It was a beautiful experience, and I'm just going to
Speaker 1: leave it at that. I don't need to tempt my
Speaker 1: fate again. I love it. Thank you. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: that's one thing checked off my list. I don't have
Speaker 1: to do it. I really appreciate it. You are an
Speaker 1: absolute delight. I just love you. I adore you. You're
Speaker 1: such a You're such a positive and ebulliant person to
Speaker 1: have around, and I just love seeing you every time
Speaker 1: I get to see you. So I'm so psyched that
Speaker 1: you're on the podcast and then we got to do
Speaker 1: in a person I'm so just listeners. Just so you know,
Speaker 1: I listened to Chelsea's podcast since its inception while I
Speaker 1: was alone in my kitchen and lockdown cooking. It felt
Speaker 1: so good to hear people I love and respect and
Speaker 1: can make me laugh. And I literally text Chelsea after
Speaker 1: almost like I listen to an episode and not text
Speaker 1: on Oh my god, you had so and so on.
Speaker 1: So I'm a huge fan, you know, Thank you, Thank you,
Speaker 1: and make sure you read Sunshine Girl. And you can
Speaker 1: always find Julianna on the Morning Show currently, and then
Speaker 1: you can just go back and rent all of the
Speaker 1: Good Wife. What's that on Hulu? You don't have to
Speaker 1: rent it. I'm sure it's on somewhere. Yeah, yeah, Netflix,
Speaker 1: Netflix is how they're pronouncing it now. But thank you
Speaker 1: so much for being here. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: It was a blast. So if you'd like to ask
Speaker 1: Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.