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Speaker 1: Oh hello everybody. Hi, Hi Katherine, Hi, how are you, Chelsey.

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Speaker 1: I'm We're gonna get started right away today with my

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Speaker 1: upcoming stand up dates. I'm coming to Hawaii on July one, ohho,

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Speaker 1: July three to Maui, and I'll be at the Just

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Speaker 1: for Last Comedy Festival in Montreal July hosting a gala,

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Speaker 1: a gala also pronounced as gala. I am in Vancouver

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Speaker 1: August twelve, two shows in Vancouver. I'm in Calgary Saturday,

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Speaker 1: August thirteen and Sunday August four. That's Calgary. And then

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Speaker 1: I have tons of dates coming up in the fall,

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Speaker 1: starting with Saratoga, California, Niagara Falls, Long Beach, California, Bakersfield, California,

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Speaker 1: Pasa Roblais, California, Wheatland, California, and lots of places in Florida, Tampa,

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Speaker 1: Fort Myers, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, and the list goes

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Speaker 1: on and on. Oh in San Diego and Riverside, California.

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Speaker 1: So lots of dates in California and Tucson, Colorado. Springs. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: go to Chelsea Handler dot com for your tickets. I

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Speaker 1: will see you guys all there. These will be the

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Speaker 1: final dates of my Vaccinated and Horny tour, and I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to see all of you in person now

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Speaker 1: that everybody, well most people are vaccinated and officially horny.

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Speaker 1: That's with three ease at the end of Catherine, just

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Speaker 1: in case you didn't know how to spell horny perfect Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I am getting ready to go to Hawaii with our

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Speaker 1: eighteen nieces and nephews. I think it's a team, but

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Speaker 1: the number keeps increasing every day. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: people are giving birth each day in Joe's family or what,

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Speaker 1: but we have already exceeded the maximum capacity in the

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Speaker 1: house that we've rented. I have seven of my nieces

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Speaker 1: and nephews coming, and then Joe has like twelve, and

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Speaker 1: then some other miscellaneous people will not miscellaneous people friends,

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Speaker 1: but like at additions. So we are about to embark

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Speaker 1: on a two week vacation with adult children. Wow. That's

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Speaker 1: kind of the dream though, like when I moved to

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Speaker 1: kill the children it is. I'm like, I just want

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Speaker 1: to be the fun aunt who like lives in California

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Speaker 1: and they get to come visit and summer with me.

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Speaker 1: That's all I want. I know, I know, I did

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Speaker 1: you know I was very passionate about that. When I

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Speaker 1: was starting to come up and becoming successful, all I

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Speaker 1: wanted to do was like shower attention and spoil them.

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Speaker 1: And now I don't have that same passion set. I

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Speaker 1: love to be around them, but I don't. I'm not

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Speaker 1: like I'm but Joe is. Joe has that passion, so

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Speaker 1: he's gonna have to so he'll bring it out in me,

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Speaker 1: which is interesting because he has a kid, so you'd

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Speaker 1: think that most of that energy would go towards just

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Speaker 1: his own No. No, he spreads a love. That's what

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Speaker 1: I love about him is he's not even just about

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Speaker 1: his own kid. He's about he loves watching all the

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Speaker 1: kids together, all the cousins together. You know. So now

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Speaker 1: we're joining our families. Hopefully we'll see if there are

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Speaker 1: any hookups. Joe's like, you're dirty, He's like, what are

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Speaker 1: you saying. I'm like, well, it's possible. I mean it

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Speaker 1: worked with you two. The girls, the girls in my

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Speaker 1: family are on my side. I'll have boyfriends, so they

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Speaker 1: probably won't be a hook up, but you never know.

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Speaker 1: There's chemistry. Yeah, anything can happen in Hawaii. It's a

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Speaker 1: romantic setting, exactly my dad once went to Hawaii on

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Speaker 1: like a business trip without my mom and he was like,

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Speaker 1: I will never go back as a one person by myself.

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Speaker 1: It was like it was terrible. He wasn't even heartbroken,

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Speaker 1: and he was like, this is for couples. It's exactly,

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Speaker 1: it is for couples. Our guest today has a book

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Speaker 1: out just came out in paperback. It's called Sunshine Girl,

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Speaker 1: An Unexpected Life. You know her from her work on

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Speaker 1: e Er, The Good Wife and now the Morning show

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Speaker 1: on Apple TV pull Us. She is an Emmy, Golden

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Speaker 1: Globe and sag Ward winner. Please welcome Julianna Margulis. Hi. Julianna, Hi, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to see you in person, so happy.

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Speaker 1: The last time we saw each other was at the Beacon,

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Speaker 1: at my show at the Beacon. Yeah, you came to

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Speaker 1: the show. Thank you for coming. I've always always loved you.

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Speaker 1: I've always loved you admired your work. We've met over

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Speaker 1: the years at different social events, different boyfriends houses. I

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Speaker 1: say boyfriends concerning me because you've been married for quite

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Speaker 1: some time now to your lover and a half years.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's not that. Actually, I would have thought you

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Speaker 1: were married longer than that. But we've been together sixteen years,

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Speaker 1: sixteen years, sixteen and a half. But I love your

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Speaker 1: love story, which you talk about in your book Sunshine Girl,

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Speaker 1: which if you haven't read that book already, congratulations on

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Speaker 1: the success of your book, because I know it's been

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Speaker 1: on the New York Times Bestseller for how many weeks.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I don't. I don't know that

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Speaker 1: type of person who would pay attention to that. And

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Speaker 1: I can vouch for her when she says that she

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Speaker 1: means it. I was just happy you guys sent a

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Speaker 1: car for me today. I thought I was going to

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Speaker 1: be on the subwhere you have a very like a

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Speaker 1: thrifty mentality. Regardless of how much success you've had over

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Speaker 1: the years, with all of your shows with e Er,

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Speaker 1: with The Good Wife, with everything in between, you still

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Speaker 1: act like you are scraping pennies together. It is bizarre.

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Speaker 1: I mean literally, just before I got here, I sent

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Speaker 1: my this. I hate saying assistant, but I sent my

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Speaker 1: assistant on vacation because he needed it. He really need

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Speaker 1: a vacation. My husband's in London, my kids in school,

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Speaker 1: and my housekeeper. After reading your book, I was laughing

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Speaker 1: at myself because I have a housekeeper who comes twice

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Speaker 1: a week, and Tuesday she comes, and I thought, how

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Speaker 1: am I going to walk the dog before I get

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Speaker 1: in the car to come to see Chelsea. And then

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Speaker 1: I literally went. I went up to her. She's been

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Speaker 1: my housekeeper for twenty years, and I said, Sam, any

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Speaker 1: chance you want to make some extra cash? And I

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Speaker 1: handed her money to go and walk my dog. But

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Speaker 1: I hadn't even thought of that until I was like

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Speaker 1: putting on makeup, going I'm not gonna be able to

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Speaker 1: walk the dog. First of all, my housekeeper takes my

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Speaker 1: dog every time I leave, which is I haven't been

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Speaker 1: home in three weeks. We never even discussed it. She

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Speaker 1: takes both dogs, and she has full full she has

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Speaker 1: She is their mother and she has full control over

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Speaker 1: their schedules. And sometimes when I come back into town,

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Speaker 1: if because I've been on tour for the better part

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Speaker 1: of a year, if I come back on a Saturday,

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Speaker 1: I have maybe a couple of days to spend with

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Speaker 1: my baby bees. She won't even bring them back for

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Speaker 1: me on the Saturday. She'll bring them back on Monday

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Speaker 1: when she comes back. When she comes back to work

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Speaker 1: is when she brings the dogs suits. Yeah, whatever suits her,

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Speaker 1: and we have a power dynamic that is in her favor.

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Speaker 1: So I have no say in this situation. But it's

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Speaker 1: so good. Yeah, and I mean it should be a

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Speaker 1: television show, all right now, Well, actually, that's funny you

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Speaker 1: mentioned that we're making it into a television show. It

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Speaker 1: should be. We're making my last book into a show.

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Speaker 1: For Peacock life will be the death of me. And

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Speaker 1: a big part of the story is my cleaning lady

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Speaker 1: and my dog's relationship because she's been my cleaning lady

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Speaker 1: for fifteen years and she calls me baby Pig. That's

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Speaker 1: her nickname for me, and so a lot of my

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Speaker 1: friends also call me baby pig Pig. It's a long story.

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Speaker 1: It involves chocolate nutclusters, but we can get into that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we can get into that at another time. I want

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Speaker 1: to talk a bit about your book because we have

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Speaker 1: some commonalities that I think are going to surprise you.

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Speaker 1: One is our love for Carly Simon. I also love

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Speaker 1: Carly Simon. Yeah. I grew up with her son and

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Speaker 1: Ben and Sally, her son and daughter. I used to

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Speaker 1: hang out with Sally and there was a bunch of girls.

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Speaker 1: I hung out with them Martha's Vineyard and we would

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Speaker 1: go over to Carly Simon's house and I had never

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Speaker 1: met it. I was probably like eleven twelve years old.

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Speaker 1: I had never met a celebrity, and I remember Carly

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Speaker 1: Simon came out and then James Taylor was always around.

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Speaker 1: But had you listened to her music before you met her? Oh? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: my whole family because of the vineyard, Like Carly Simon

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Speaker 1: is gospel up there, you know. I mean she should

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Speaker 1: be gospel everywhere, but primarily because she lives on the vineyard,

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Speaker 1: and so our whole family is whiz down with Carly Simon.

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Speaker 1: And I remember going over to her house and I

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Speaker 1: was hanging out with all my girlfriends and they ordered

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Speaker 1: pizza and Carly Simon came out to the pool and

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Speaker 1: she was picking up the pizza and I just was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, no, she can't carry pizza boxes. And

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Speaker 1: I got up and was like grabbing them out of

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Speaker 1: her hands like an idiot, you know, like a sycophan.

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Speaker 1: And I was just a little girl. I'm like, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'll carry those for you. And I remember being so

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Speaker 1: so nervous, and then I remember the next time I

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Speaker 1: went over there, I was like, you've got to get

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Speaker 1: to get it together, Like she's this is embarrassing. Mean,

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Speaker 1: while I was a little girl like charmed by it. Yeah, doubtful.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't that charming. But that we have in common

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Speaker 1: our love for Carly Simon. And then another thing we

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Speaker 1: have in common is being prompt and early for everything,

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Speaker 1: because nobody ever picked you up from school. I mean, I,

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Speaker 1: I got here eight minutes early. I got here, I

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Speaker 1: got here fourteen minutes early. I have to be early.

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Speaker 1: Even if I try to be late, I get somewhere

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Speaker 1: and then I have to sit in the car and

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Speaker 1: wait so I don't look like a dick for getting

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Speaker 1: there so early. It's the story of my life. That's

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Speaker 1: why I married my husband because he was early to

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Speaker 1: our first date and I was early and embarrassed, and

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Speaker 1: I walked in and he was already at the bar,

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Speaker 1: half a drinking. He's like, I'm gonna marry you. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that you even went to that dinner party

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Speaker 1: because you weren't going to go to that dinner party.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't going to go. And then you recalled a

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Speaker 1: piece of advice that your father had given you, which

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Speaker 1: is you know you never was your grandfather my father's father. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the book was originally called The Left instead of a Right.

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Speaker 1: You never know, but I don't know. Random House didn't

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Speaker 1: think it was a good title. Publishers never liked the

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Speaker 1: titles that we come up with. Yeah, I mean, I've

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Speaker 1: come up with every title from my book and my

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Speaker 1: current book that I'm working on. I wanted to be

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Speaker 1: called the Filipino in Me as a double ententtra It's

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Speaker 1: so good, I know, because it means two things. It

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Speaker 1: means the one thing and then it means all the

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Speaker 1: things that he brings out in me right. And they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: I feel like they're going to tell me that it's

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Speaker 1: going to exclude a certain part of the prob just

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Speaker 1: because it's Filipino means it's only geared towards Filipino. From

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Speaker 1: six New York Times bestseller books, Chelsea, I think you

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Speaker 1: can call it whatever the funk you want to Thank you, Julia.

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Speaker 1: That's to my editors. Okay, I hope you're listening, But

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Speaker 1: back to your book, you take us through. I was

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Speaker 1: just saying this off air, but I want to say

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Speaker 1: it on air. You take us through a story. Your

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Speaker 1: book is so well done because there's a beginning, in

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Speaker 1: the middle and an end, which I appreciate as an

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Speaker 1: avid reader of memoirs, and you answer all the questions

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Speaker 1: that you raise throughout the book, Like I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: what's going to happen with Alec? And then what's going

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Speaker 1: to happen with this? And they're better be closure on

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Speaker 1: the relationship and you better actually call your father out

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Speaker 1: and you wrap everything up and you know, you answer

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Speaker 1: all the questions the reader has going through the book

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Speaker 1: with you. But I think would surprise me most about

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Speaker 1: your book is how tough you are and how much

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Speaker 1: ship you had to endure as a little girl and

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Speaker 1: just tough it out without crying because our dispositions are different.

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Speaker 1: I was a spoiled brat and if I didn't get

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Speaker 1: what I wanted, if I my parents pulled any nonsense

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Speaker 1: that I wasn't down with, like they never heard the

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Speaker 1: end of it. So reading about you always wanted your

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Speaker 1: father's approval and adoration and not being able to stand

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Speaker 1: up for yourself and just kind of be dragged around

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Speaker 1: the world by your mother, who you know, whose priorities

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Speaker 1: were all over the shop, which you know, you bring

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Speaker 1: up a great point in which every one of us

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Speaker 1: realizes when we get older, is that our parents are

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Speaker 1: people too. They're not just our parents, they actual yeah,

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Speaker 1: and they make mistakes. Yeah, And god, I hope my

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Speaker 1: kid knows that when he gets older, because I'm sure

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Speaker 1: I'm making a million mistakes. But that being said, my

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Speaker 1: mother made a few colossal mistakes. So how does that

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Speaker 1: when you have that disposition growing up? You want to

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Speaker 1: be sunshine girl, you want to be the smiley girl.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to upset your visits with your father

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Speaker 1: because some of them sometimes they had been far few

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Speaker 1: and far between, right, and you lived all over the place.

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Speaker 1: You lived in England, you lived in Paris, that was later,

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Speaker 1: but you your mom kind of dragged you back and

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Speaker 1: forth to England a couple of times. Paris, England, New York, England,

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Speaker 1: New Hampshire, England, mostly England, mostly England, and sometimes not

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Speaker 1: under the most ideal circumstances. And so how does one

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Speaker 1: person going through all of that, when do you learn

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Speaker 1: to stand up for yourself? You know it was weird

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Speaker 1: is once I got out of middle school and was

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Speaker 1: in high school, I seem to stand up for myself

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Speaker 1: in glass and with friends more than I could at

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Speaker 1: home or than I could with my dad, for sure,

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Speaker 1: because I only wanted him to love me because we

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Speaker 1: had so little time together. I didn't want it. I

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Speaker 1: never wanted him to disapprove, and I stood up to

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Speaker 1: my mother by the time I got became a teenager

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Speaker 1: all the time. But with men, what I started to

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Speaker 1: find out with all these relationships I had these long

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Speaker 1: term five years, five years and then ten years. I

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Speaker 1: just would shut up, and I realized I was just

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Speaker 1: by the time I was thirty five, I was in

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Speaker 1: those relationships because it's what I knew. It's how I

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Speaker 1: knew how to be around difficult people like your mom,

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Speaker 1: like my mom. So you were mimicking your relationship with

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Speaker 1: men like a lot of people don't talk about that.

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Speaker 1: People say, oh, it's your father, your relationship with your father.

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Speaker 1: If that's fractured, then you have your daddy issues or

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Speaker 1: however you want to frame that, and that's a replication

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Speaker 1: of your relationship with your father. But it is true

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Speaker 1: that we replicate the most difficult relationships. Yeah, And I

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Speaker 1: think also I was looking for a permanent relationship when

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Speaker 1: I was fifteen, and so I was with a guy,

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Speaker 1: a wonderful guy actually, and we're still we still text

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Speaker 1: each other to this day. He was the mechanic who

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Speaker 1: could build any house. And the truth is he was

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Speaker 1: five years older than me, which is a big difference

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Speaker 1: when you're fifteen and someone's twenty. Well, it's also illegal.

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Speaker 1: I have one of those. Yeah, I don't, because that

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Speaker 1: that's happened to me too. I was writing about it

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Speaker 1: one book, My Matter is like, you know this is illegal.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna get him in trouble. And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: now there's a statue of limitations, so don't worry going

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Speaker 1: to get in trouble. And I would like to make

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Speaker 1: the argument that at fifteen, I was fucking forty five,

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Speaker 1: so I see where you're coming from. For me, it

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Speaker 1: was like he called all the shots because he was

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Speaker 1: the adult. He had the car, he had the you know,

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Speaker 1: he was out of school. He was picking me up

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Speaker 1: on his motorcycle. You know. There was something about him

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Speaker 1: for me that was like, oh I found home. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course. And so I didn't really have a voice.

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Speaker 1: I didn't say I don't like this, I don't like

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Speaker 1: that until I got to college. And then I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I think we're We're done because I started,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to explore, and then, of course I end

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Speaker 1: up with a man who's gay for how many years?

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Speaker 1: Another five years? Another five I'm I'm a loyalist, for sure.

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Speaker 1: I stayed very loyal, But I stayed in them because

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to upset anybody, right, I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to hurt anybody. I didn't want to be the bad

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Speaker 1: guy I used to have. I used to have these

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Speaker 1: visions of the Tenure relationship, which was really the difficult relationship.

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Speaker 1: The other two I'm really good friends with, but the

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Speaker 1: Tenure relationship. I used to have these fantasies that I'd

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Speaker 1: come home from work and I'd find a woman in

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Speaker 1: my he was living in my house. I'd find a

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Speaker 1: woman in my bed with him, and then I could

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Speaker 1: leave because I have a reason and it wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: my fault. That was the scenario I played every time

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Speaker 1: I drove into the driveway. It's amazing to me, it's horrible,

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Speaker 1: it's just amazing to me. And I won't pretend that

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Speaker 1: I didn't google who that person was that you were

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Speaker 1: talking about, because I did. I had to find out

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Speaker 1: who you were talking about. But don't you think I tactfully? Yes?

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Speaker 1: And the reason I don't name him is because this

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Speaker 1: book isn't I don't want to throw anyone under the bus.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about my as a woman, my

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Speaker 1: reaction to this. It was my fault. You know, I

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Speaker 1: have to take responsibility. And it wasn't until I realized

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Speaker 1: when I was in therapy twice a week for a

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Speaker 1: year after I left that relationship, that was really my mom.

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Speaker 1: He was my mom because that was always eggshells, not

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Speaker 1: knowing what mood, what country, what boyfriend, what whatever she

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Speaker 1: was throwing at me. I obviously was comfortable with with

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Speaker 1: the uncomfortable nous, But I mean I beat myself up

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Speaker 1: for a good year, going who are you? Why did

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Speaker 1: you allow that you weren't happy? And that's a lot

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Speaker 1: of what the book is about is like finding your

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Speaker 1: own narrative. You don't have to hold onto your childhood,

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Speaker 1: but we do. We do. And then, and I think

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Speaker 1: you know, mentioning therapy after you get out of a

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Speaker 1: difficult relationship is so relatable to so many listeners because

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Speaker 1: it's only after I was in a very troubling relationship

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Speaker 1: probably one of the last times I met you was

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Speaker 1: at his house upstate, New York. And that was a

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Speaker 1: completely unhealthy relationship where I was not I had no agency,

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Speaker 1: I had no for me, you know, I could tell

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Speaker 1: the person and that I a spouse and the person

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Speaker 1: that people think that I am or perceived me to be.

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Speaker 1: Like everything just flew out the window with the chemistry

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Speaker 1: between us. It was just so off. And again I

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Speaker 1: can't blame him. I participated in that, But when you

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Speaker 1: come out of that kind of relationship, you it is

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Speaker 1: your responsibility to do the work to figure out why

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Speaker 1: you stayed in that relationship. And then I do believe

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Speaker 1: that's what draws the right person to you, absolutely, because

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Speaker 1: you get healthy and then you bring a healthy towards you.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's for me, especially for me because

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Speaker 1: I had overlap boyfriend since I was fifteen to thirty five.

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Speaker 1: For me, it was finally being happy being alone. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: what you talk about in the book, and I talked

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Speaker 1: about that, like my my favorite Valentine's I hate Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 1: It's such as it's like I can't believe these people

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Speaker 1: make money off of a d like that drives my

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Speaker 1: husband's like, we'll celebrate the day we met, because that,

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Speaker 1: to me is Valentine's daying like great, But I was

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Speaker 1: working on the last season of The Sopranos and um,

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Speaker 1: and it was Valentine's Day and I got off work

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Speaker 1: early and I just moved into this great loft and

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Speaker 1: soho and by myself, a three bedroom loft, and so

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Speaker 1: like for me, I was like, oh my god, I'm

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Speaker 1: looking especially for you. You can't even believe you have

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Speaker 1: a house today. I can't. I can't. And I went

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Speaker 1: to my favorite bookstore, McNally's on Prince Street, and I

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Speaker 1: bought three books that I really wanted to read, and

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Speaker 1: I made myself a bubble bath, poured a glass wine,

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Speaker 1: put on the music I wanted to listen to, and

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Speaker 1: spent Valentine's Day night in the tub with a glass

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Speaker 1: of wine and my book. And I was in heaven.

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Speaker 1: And three days later I met my husband. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: like you find peace within yourself and then you then

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Speaker 1: you are able to recognize also to see right, to

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Speaker 1: recognize what is the best thing for you rather than

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Speaker 1: to perpetuate old habits. Well, and what makes me happy,

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Speaker 1: not what makes them happy, and so when I when

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Speaker 1: I met Keith, it was this is who I am,

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Speaker 1: Take it or leave it. And I had this in

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Speaker 1: the book and I got edited out. I did have

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Speaker 1: a great editor, and there's no fat on the book.

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Speaker 1: We we there's a whole other book on the floor

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Speaker 1: or But there was this great moment. Keith and I

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Speaker 1: had had a really fun night out. We were a

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Speaker 1: little a lot hungover, and I had this white runner

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Speaker 1: in the hallway from my bedroom to the kitchen and

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Speaker 1: we woke up. We were probably four weeks, five weeks

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Speaker 1: into the relationship, and it was Sunday morning. You know,

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Speaker 1: nothing better than like making coffee and getting on the

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Speaker 1: couch with the paper or whatever. I was. It was

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Speaker 1: heaven for me. And we're walking down and he's behind me,

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Speaker 1: and we're walking down the hallway and I see this

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Speaker 1: huge ball of fluff on the carpet and I bent

385
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Speaker 1: down to pick it up because that is who I am.

386
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Speaker 1: And he went, seriously, can we have coffee first before

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Speaker 1: you start cleaning? He was saying it sweetly, not judgmentally.

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Speaker 1: And I hovered over that piece of fluff and I

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Speaker 1: picked it up and I turned around and I said,

390
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Speaker 1: this is who I am. No matter how hungover I am,

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Speaker 1: I will always clean up. And he went great, my

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Speaker 1: apartments down the street you wanted, I have tons of

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Speaker 1: fluff balls feel free. But it was one of those

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Speaker 1: for me, a defined moment that I had found myself

395
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Speaker 1: and a relationship. That was in the galley because I

396
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,080
Speaker 1: read that that's what you sent me originally, and I've

397
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Speaker 1: read that scene and that's not in the book that

398
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:14,439
Speaker 1: I've reread this week, So that was in the galley. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's interesting that you cut that out, cutting out fat.

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Speaker 1: It's so hard to edit, you know sometimes when you're

401
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 1: trying to tell your whole story. I can relate to

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00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 1: that for sure. But I think what you mentioned is

403
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Speaker 1: so important for our listeners to hear too, that alone

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00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 1: time where you really discover who who you are and

405
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 1: what makes you happy and what what is what is

406
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,440
Speaker 1: contributing to your self worth and self esteem rather than

407
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 1: what is kind of taking away from it. You know,

408
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,920
Speaker 1: like it's all of our responsibilities to kind of fill

409
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Speaker 1: ourselves up and make ourselves whole. It's nobody else's responsibility.

410
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Speaker 1: You know, you can't blame anyone else for your self

411
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:51,000
Speaker 1: doubt or your insecurity. People can trigger us, and they

412
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 1: can because we have all of our histories. And then

413
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,879
Speaker 1: you have the power not to be around them, or

414
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,359
Speaker 1: you have the power to react in a different that

415
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,560
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good. Yeah, exactly, And and that is the

416
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Speaker 1: beauty of getting older. I have to say, I know

417
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Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that suck about getting older.

418
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Speaker 1: What do you think sucks the worst about getting older?

419
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Speaker 1: My eyes? I can't see anything. Look at this. I

420
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 1: know I can't even read this right now. These are

421
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: called bunny eyes. I told the woman to send me

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00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,440
Speaker 1: a bunch yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then she goes

423
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Speaker 1: one like this, yeah, I'm like, and then you can

424
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 1: hold them up. So she brought me a bag of

425
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 1: him at my last show in like Long Island, and

426
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 1: they're like, I guess the prescribe. My prescription just keeps

427
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: decreasing or increasing whatever. So now I can't even use these.

428
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck. And then makeup putting on makeup. If

429
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: I don't have a magnifying mirror, I'm screwed because I

430
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,600
Speaker 1: can't if I shut one eye, I can't see that.

431
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,119
Speaker 1: I So when you if you check into a hotel

432
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 1: and they don't have a magnifying mirror and you have

433
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,439
Speaker 1: a thing because I usually of course, of course, you

434
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,639
Speaker 1: do your own makeup. She styles herself, she does her

435
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 1: own grocery shopping, she's her own chambermaid. Is that still

436
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 1: a word chambermaid? It is my house and it's me.

437
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 1: But yeah, that I think I would say the eyes

438
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,680
Speaker 1: is one. And also just like I'm just I'm nine

439
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,119
Speaker 1: years older than you. I just had a birthday and

440
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm I think I'm nine years I just turned fifty six.

441
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 1: But i just started noticing, like my skin feels like

442
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 1: it's getting looser, like just a little bit. But I'll

443
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 1: tell you the myth about menopause because you talk about

444
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: it sometimes. So here's what's great about it. I'm going

445
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,120
Speaker 1: to talk about the positivity of it. Great. The positivity

446
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: of it is when I would get my period, like

447
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 1: three days before my period, my boobs would ache and

448
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 1: they'd grow a size and I'd have to have a

449
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: different and it just was achy. And you were talking

450
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 1: about that when you go through menopause, everything stays the same.

451
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I never worry about what I used

452
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,399
Speaker 1: to worry about. With all that, I don't get moody.

453
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 1: I've had a very easy time of it, but it's

454
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:54,360
Speaker 1: probably because I eat really well in exercise. But for

455
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 1: me anyway, I'm like, oh, I never have to worry

456
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 1: about my boo boobs aching or I mean during pen demic,

457
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: I didn't even know the word bra. It was like

458
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: I was free and easy and nothing hurt. So that's

459
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 1: actually something really lovely to look forward to. And also

460
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 1: no one talks about this what what actors go through

461
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 1: when you're on a set. It is very different. The

462
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 1: day you get your period, it's horrible and you're in

463
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 1: the time, especially when I was Alicia Floor. You're in

464
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 1: all the tight things and it all fit during the fitting,

465
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: and then you have your period and you're you're running

466
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 1: to change your TI. None of that matters anymore. Like

467
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 1: I don't worry about wearing white and you don't have

468
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,880
Speaker 1: the mood swing, Well, you're wearing a white jumpsuit right now,

469
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: so I can vouch for that. In homage to Chelsea

470
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 1: and I have my period, so she's obviously celebrating that.

471
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: But there is something that that's the good parts. I

472
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,360
Speaker 1: haven't had a bad one, so the worst I don't

473
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: get mood swings. What I get is did you get

474
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 1: mood swings before like during your period. Yeah, oh my god. Okay,

475
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 1: good because they sound like all my symptoms. Oh yeah,

476
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: I would get mood swings, I'd feel a key, I'd

477
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: be like I don't want to do this, and I

478
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 1: would crave chocolate like it like that I had to

479
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,640
Speaker 1: eat chocolate right, like it was chemical. Yeah, and now

480
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,439
Speaker 1: I just don't right. And the worst part is actually

481
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 1: I heard Brookshields talking about this, which was great. You know,

482
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 1: they call them hot flashes and she said she was

483
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: in London and she said to some guy who was

484
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,719
Speaker 1: checking her luggage. She was like, I'm sorry, I'm having

485
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 1: a hot flash and he said, no, in our country,

486
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,640
Speaker 1: we call them power surges. And I thought, I like that,

487
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: you know. And so when when you do get a

488
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: hot flash, is like, no, I just look really doey.

489
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,199
Speaker 1: Yeah right. They can be annoying and they wake you

490
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 1: up at night. But it hasn't been so bad. Well,

491
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: this is very very good. This is inspiring. I'm very

492
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 1: excited to go through menopause and about this period thing.

493
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: It's horrible. I know it's going to be. I'm just

494
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 1: like so over it, you know. Oh, I can't wait

495
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,679
Speaker 1: to get that text You're gonna be so happy that

496
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: I've gotten I'm going through menopause. How long is that

497
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 1: actual process of menopause because my sister said that it

498
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 1: can be take anywhere from two to five years. I've

499
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: heard up to ten years. Oh gosh, really, I think

500
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: it really depends on the woman. I've had friends who

501
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,160
Speaker 1: have gone through menopause at forty you know. I didn't

502
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: go through until so I really think it depends. And

503
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 1: here's a little tip. I don't know if it's true,

504
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 1: but my my guy in college is said, I was

505
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 1: so smart, but when I had terrible, debilitating period cramps

506
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,640
Speaker 1: when I was in high school and my mother told

507
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: me to take evening primrose oil and it just stayed

508
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: with me all these I always take it every day

509
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 1: every day. And my guy in college is said, that

510
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: has helped you through menopause. Oh good to know. Yeah,

511
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 1: primrose oil. Or do you take the capsules or did

512
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: you take it? Took the Yeah, the little capsule, Yeah, okay,

513
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: I take those every night. People should take that. That's

514
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: really good for PMS two. By the way, it's great,

515
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: and it's great for your skin, good for your skin, hair, nails,

516
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: all that stuff. I think. Okay, So back to your book.

517
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 1: We're going to pivot away from menopause for those of

518
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 1: you who aren't on the heels of it, and we're

519
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,120
Speaker 1: gonna go back to Sunshine Girl. Back to your book.

520
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 1: I want to know what your relationship is like with

521
00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 1: your two sisters. Well, it's good. My eldest sister, after

522
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: she read the book, called me crying and thanked me

523
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: because she did. I think it's really something to be

524
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 1: able to. Um. Yeah, First of all, I asked their

525
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 1: permission because it's their childhood too, but I had to

526
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 1: write it in my what you know, And that's why

527
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: I say in the book. You know, I really do

528
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 1: think you see the world differently depending like with you,

529
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 1: we're the youngest, right the order you were born in

530
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: dictates how you see the world. So my eldest sister,

531
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: who I still you know, it's so interesting because I

532
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: feel bad for her that she felt like she had

533
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,120
Speaker 1: to mother me. She she was nine when I was three.

534
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 1: You know, like she's nine, that's a baby. And yet

535
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 1: she said to me, I always felt guilty that I

536
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: got the best years of mom and Dad. I got

537
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: to see them as a married, in love couple and

538
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 1: you never even lived with dad, so you know, it's

539
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: a it's a juxtaposition between what's worse. I don't know,

540
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 1: but I was so protected by them, and that's why

541
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: by the time I got in the part of the

542
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: book where I sort of left home and became my

543
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 1: own person and was on my own path, I didn't

544
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: want to talk about them anymore, because that that's their

545
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: life now, you know. I think my my eldest sister,

546
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 1: Alexandra said to me, it was amazing to see it

547
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: on the paper. It's one thing to feel it and

548
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 1: remember it in your own mind, but to see it

549
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: on the page is very different. Yeah, So I think

550
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: they're genuinely she's happy that someone told that story, right,

551
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 1: because even though your experiences are are different because of

552
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 1: the ages. And I know she moved out earlier when

553
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: she's like fourteen, right, she basically said to your mother,

554
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 1: like sunk off, she said, not I can't live with

555
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: you anymore, right, I mean, And so there must be

556
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: a lot of guilt that goes with that too, leaving

557
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 1: the two of you behind in a sense, not that's

558
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 1: that's not that that's what she did. But I'm sure

559
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: that you could, you know, there's guilt from her for her.

560
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: But even though your situate, your experiences differ, you still

561
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 1: have that understanding, like siblings are the only people in

562
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 1: the world who understand what you went through. It is

563
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 1: I mean, last week I went to see my stepmother,

564
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 1: who's still alive. Literally every time I leave the nursing home,

565
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: I look up. I'm like, Dad, seriously, this is when

566
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: you left me. She turned ninety and I had spent

567
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: three hours feeding her. But the whole drive home, which

568
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: was a good three hours from Great Barrington, Massachusetts, I

569
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: called my sister and I said, Okay, now I have

570
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,919
Speaker 1: because she lives in California. Now I have to tell you.

571
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 1: And we just laughed and cried the whole way home.

572
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: And if you don't have that, and by the way,

573
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying this now, and I'm I'm slightly freaking out

574
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 1: because I only have one one kid, so I don't know,

575
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: but he has very stable parents, so hopefully he won't

576
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: have the same complaints that me and my sisters have.

577
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 1: But it really helps because and also my mom who

578
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,679
Speaker 1: just got diagnosed with dimension. I had to move her

579
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: into an assisted living place. The funny parts of it

580
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 1: and the sad parts of it. I just call her.

581
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 1: I have her support no matter what. You know, She's

582
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: always there and appreciative that I'm doing all the work.

583
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,479
Speaker 1: But I'm happy to do it because at the end

584
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,199
Speaker 1: of the day, like what am I gonna do not

585
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 1: be there for them? You have to be there for them,

586
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 1: right absolutely. When my father was in a nursing home,

587
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: I remember my brother and I were leaving driving back

588
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 1: one day and his son was in the backseat, and

589
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 1: I was like, I was about to go to Africa,

590
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 1: and I was like, if dad dies while I'm in Africa,

591
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 1: I go, do I have to come back? My brother,

592
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: my brother Glenn looking, he was like he's just seeing

593
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: the look on the Stacey because typically Chelsea people return

594
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,360
Speaker 1: from whatever trips they're on to go to their parents funeral.

595
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 1: And then my I go, all right, I'm just asking,

596
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: like I was just putting it out there. Obviously I'll

597
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: come back if that's what's expected of me. And my

598
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: nephew in the back it is like so he said

599
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: something like, well, maybe we can just kill you or something,

600
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: and I was like, fuck, I guess I said the

601
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: wrong thing. If an eight year old knows better than

602
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: I do. But yeah, you do have a lot of

603
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: responsibilities as as a child when you become an adult.

604
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: It's so interesting the whole cycle of parenting, you know,

605
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: Like I just I never as a kid respect in

606
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: my parents because I didn't think they had any business

607
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: having this many children, you know. I just I couldn't

608
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: ever think about my mother in terms of her as

609
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 1: her own history, her own life that she had before

610
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: I was ever there. I could never think about my

611
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 1: father in those terms. To me, they were only my

612
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: parents and they were there to service me. But that's

613
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: that's truthful. How is a child supposed to understand what

614
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: their parents have gone through before? I try to tell

615
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 1: my kid. I said to him, I was like, any

616
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: chance you want to read the book? He's like, no,

617
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: I'm good. Yeah, And he said, he's like, Mom, I

618
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: have you every day. I know who you are. He

619
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: won't watch me act ever, He's like, it's just embarrassing.

620
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: And I mean he came to the set a couple

621
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: of times. I was on The Good Wife for seven

622
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 1: years and maybe by the time he was eleven, he

623
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: came to the set because he wanted to sit behind

624
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: the camera and you know, check out all the equipment,

625
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: but not because he wanted to see me act. Yeah.

626
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: It's amazing how immunity you've become to something as soon

627
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 1: as you're exposed to it. Right. Oh, it's like, I mean,

628
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: what's funny now is because The Good Wife wasn't a

629
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: show that kids in his class would watch, but with

630
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: The Morning Show because I'm playing this kick out lesbian

631
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: journalist and his his grade. The hundred kids that are

632
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 1: in eighth grade have identified as something other, and I

633
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: would say good half of that, or lesbian girls. Thirteen

634
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 1: year old lesbian girls who are crazy in love with

635
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 1: Laura Peterson so suddenly has some currency. He's like, wait,

636
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: what's up character you're playing because people were talking about her,

637
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: talking about her? And I was like, who's talking about her?

638
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: Who watching you? You're too young to watch the Morning Show.

639
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 1: He's like, they're all watching mom. But there's I think

640
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: as he gets older he might appreciate it more. But

641
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: he said he's embarrassed because he's like, I know he

642
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: was my mom. I don't want to know you as

643
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 1: anyone else. And I think that's healthy and good. Yeah,

644
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: it probably is. I'm sure he's fine. You guys are

645
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: both very stable so I'm sure he's not going to

646
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: have any sort of drama. I mean, he hasn't had

647
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: drama that you've grown up with because we always correct, right,

648
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 1: I mean you you stop that cycle? Yeah, everyone overcorrects.

649
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 1: Whoever doesn't have a good experience with their parents does

650
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: the opposite or perpetuates the cycle, which clearly you're not doing.

651
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: Another are fascinating thing that I know you've spoken about

652
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: ad nauseum. But you turned down twenty seven million dollars

653
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: when they wanted to renew you for two more years

654
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: on e ER, which I remember reading and going fuck.

655
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: But I've also turned down significant amounts of money, not

656
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: twenty seven million dollars. But when I was leaving e

657
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: they thought it was a joke like that. I you know,

658
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: I was trying to negotiate. I'm like no, no, I'm done.

659
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm over this, and they're like no, and they kept

660
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: throwing more and more money, and at one point I went, wow,

661
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: that's a lot of money. But I'm still not interested.

662
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: So I can relate to that. But I didn't know

663
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 1: that about you until I read your book. I didn't

664
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: know about that twenty seven million dollars that they wanted

665
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,479
Speaker 1: to keep you on the er. And I certainly didn't

666
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: know that you people were on television giving you, like

667
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: Barbara Walters and Joy Be Horror and people on the

668
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 1: View and whatever other television shows were talking smack about

669
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: you turning down that money, like as in, who does

670
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: this woman think she is? Because that that kind of money.

671
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: If you turn that down, that means you think you're

672
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: better than that. Yeah, which wasn't the case. Which isn't

673
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: the case. It's not about being better than that. It's

674
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: about being done with something. I wanted to live my

675
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: life and I want to move back to New York.

676
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: I was doing a play for two and six or

677
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 1: five dollars a week. Yeah, I didn't you know, until

678
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 1: people started talking like that about it. I hadn't thought

679
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 1: of it that way. And it was my dad that really.

680
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: He was like, you know, honey, when you say no

681
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: to something, people ask themselves what they would say no to,

682
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 1: and they wouldn't say no to that. So then they

683
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: get mad at you for having the courage to do

684
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: it because it's something they wouldn't do. But the way

685
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: the View, all those chicks on the View, which I

686
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: is still to this day, have not been on. Yeah,

687
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: I don't blame you. I'm not gonna go on it

688
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: because they never listen. I'm I'm I get it. I'm

689
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: a somewhat public figure, and so people can rip me

690
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 1: to shreds or they have the right right. That's okay.

691
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: They can't do it to my kid, but they can

692
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: do it to me. But when it's a woman, and

693
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: I was thirty two, and when they're saying, who does

694
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,080
Speaker 1: she think she is? She's not some spring chicken is

695
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: what Barbara walters and then Joy Behar was like, women

696
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: can't turn down that kind of you know, it was

697
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 1: all about. There was no female support. There was no

698
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: someone saying, well, wait a minute, she's doing this play

699
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: and she's off going off to you know, blah blah blah,

700
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 1: and maybe wow, maybe money isn't the most important thing

701
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: in the world to her. But no one took any

702
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: side except pouncing on who does she I guess they

703
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: thought I thought I was going to be some big

704
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 1: movie star, which that wasn't even my wheelhouse. I just

705
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: wanted to work. I wanted to work doing other things.

706
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: Six years is a long time to play the same character.

707
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: I understand. Yeah, there's a seven year which I think

708
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: for everything. You know, they talk about that for marriage,

709
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: but it's in life too. It happens in friendships, it's

710
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 1: it happens in work relationships. You know, it happens in

711
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: in every molecule in your body. Every seven years that

712
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: your hair changes, your nails change. So suck on that, everybody.

713
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 1: That's actually a Jewish thing. Seven years as a cycle.

714
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: Well it's not just a Jewish thing, but you know,

715
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: in Judaism seven years is always like a renewal, and

716
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: every seven years is meaningful in that regard. But tell

717
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: the story about out how you made that decision. You

718
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: talked to your father, who, by the way, is so

719
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: sagacious and his advice giving throughout the book, Like he's

720
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: just kind of like this old wise man, you know,

721
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:11,879
Speaker 1: which is kind of exactly what you want a father

722
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: to be. But tell the story about going to the

723
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: bookstore after right, So is it still there the Boodhi

724
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: bo so on Melrose. Yeah, So I went to the

725
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: Boodie Tree bookstore and I actually had never been in

726
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,879
Speaker 1: it before, and I thought it was that same thing

727
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,720
Speaker 1: that my grandfather was. You never know, a left instead

728
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 1: of a right, like just go with what the feeling

729
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: is and so I went and I picked out a book.

730
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 1: I didn't know the author, it said. The book title

731
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: is Awakening the Buddha Within by Syria Ramdas. And I

732
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 1: bought the book. I sort of like, you know, put

733
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: my finger down the down the shelf and just picked

734
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: that book. And I brought it home and the boyfriend

735
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 1: who I was trying to leave for five years was there,

736
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:52,959
Speaker 1: and he was one of the people saying, you gotta

737
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: take the money, you gotta take the money. He was

738
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,439
Speaker 1: living a very nice life in my Santa Monica house. Yeah,

739
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: I bet that's another thing. I was like, she better

740
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 1: not take money watches with that guy, he'll never leave. Yeah.

741
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 1: And I took the book upstairs into my bedroom and

742
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,319
Speaker 1: I shut the door, and I sat down on a

743
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: chair and I closed my eyes and I opened up

744
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 1: the book and I just took my finger and pointed

745
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 1: at a line in the book and I opened my

746
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,760
Speaker 1: eyes and I couldn't make this up. The line said,

747
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 1: I realized my mission in life was to learn more,

748
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: not earn more. And I'm not a religious person at all,

749
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: but I truly I was like, that was like divine intervention.

750
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: You know, I would say so, and then I read

751
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: the whole book because I was fascinated. And this was

752
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 1: a guy who was a Wall Street genius and making

753
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: millions and millions of dollars a day and waking up

754
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: every morning feeling empty, like why aren't I happy? And

755
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: he ended up giving it all away and becoming a

756
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: monk and he found his happiness, and it was it

757
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 1: was sort of that. It was that was a lightning

758
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: bolt moment where I thought, do what you want to do,

759
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 1: don't do and that was the beginning of the end

760
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: of that relationship. You know, when I when I started realizing, oh,

761
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: I'm in charge of my own life. No one else is,

762
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: because no one else is living it. You can tell

763
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: me what you want me to do, but you're not

764
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: in my shoes. And it felt really empowering. Yeah, I

765
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: think it is really empowering. I hope more women do

766
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: the same thing and feel like, you know, the self

767
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: worth that comes along with making that decision, because regardless

768
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 1: of how anybody else perceives that, there is a lot

769
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 1: of sort of self worth and just saying no to

770
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 1: anything that doesn't behoof you or suit your needs or interests.

771
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 1: At that point, you know, it's not like you're screwing

772
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: anybody over. You're just standing up for yourself and directing

773
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: your own life. Anyway. We could talk for hours about

774
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: just whatever, but we actually have some advice to be

775
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 1: giving out, dolling out joy and I hope you're prepared

776
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: for those. I'm so excited. I listened to this podcast

777
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: and I'm always like, how are they going to answer that? Okay, Catherine,

778
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 1: tell us what we have in store for us today. Well,

779
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: we have. We're starting with a question that has to

780
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 1: do exactly with what we were just talking about. Money

781
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: and you know, choosing the right job for yourself, that's fulfilling.

782
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,879
Speaker 1: We have some sister issues. We've got a whole bunch

783
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: of good stuff. So we'll take a quick break and

784
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: we'll be back with Julianna and Chelsea. Okay, Julianna and

785
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: I are going to just take a quick sprints. We'll

786
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: be right back and we're back. We're back. Well, our

787
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: first question comes from Nile. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

788
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 1: a thirty three year old irishman living in New York

789
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: City for over ten years now. Like a lot of

790
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 1: the Irish diaspora, I assimilated into a career in the

791
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: bar and restaurant industry. For most of that time, I

792
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 1: didn't always love it. I knew there was something more

793
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: out there for me, but I could never get clear

794
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: on what. Plus, it was fun, easy money, relatively free

795
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: of stress, which is how I aspire to live my

796
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 1: life as much as possible. Next thing, I know, I've

797
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 1: been doing it for eight years with no plan for

798
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 1: really what I want to do. When the pandemic hit

799
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:01,280
Speaker 1: in I reevaluated this was my oportunity and my sign

800
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: that it was time to branch out into something new.

801
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 1: When an administrative position became available with a nonprofit suicide

802
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: prevention organization I was familiar with, I applied, and, to

803
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 1: my disbelief, was hired to work there. I was so happy.

804
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: After years of aimlessly floating through the bar and restaurant

805
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: industry of New York City, I found a calling that

806
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 1: aligned so much with my heart and my purpose. For context,

807
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 1: I lost a beloved friend to suicide four years ago

808
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: and vowed that her loss would not be in vain

809
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: and that I would make some small difference where I could.

810
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: I found being a small part of an organization that

811
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 1: helped those like my dear friend in their darkest hours,

812
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 1: to find hope and a way forward to be indescribably

813
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 1: rewarding and fulfilling. There was only one problem. I could

814
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 1: not survive on what I was earning. All of our

815
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 1: services are completely free of charge to the clients, and

816
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: the organization relies completely on fundraising, donations and grants from

817
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: the city. I have amassed six thousand dollars in credit

818
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: card debt over the past year to try and stay aflow.

819
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 1: I worked out a compromise with my employer that they

820
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,280
Speaker 1: would hire an intern so I could finish work earlier

821
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: and do an evening shifter to in a bar for

822
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 1: much needed supplemental income. This was still not enough to

823
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: survive on. After a lot of internal battling, I now

824
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 1: know that the practical solution is that I will, with

825
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: a heavy heart, have to give my notice and go elsewhere,

826
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 1: elsewhere being for now back to serving drinks. I would

827
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: have stayed in my job until retirement age were it

828
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: not for the financial side of things. It's very disappointing,

829
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: but I've tried my best. I feel very overwhelmed and

830
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 1: lacking in confidence and even thinking of where to go next.

831
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,240
Speaker 1: I just want to make a decent income that doesn't

832
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: have me stressing about money constantly, but also hopefully continue

833
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 1: in a similar role that makes a small difference somehow

834
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: to someone somewhere. Huge Thanks for the excellent podcast and

835
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:52,800
Speaker 1: the lives that helps. Nile Hi, Nile Hi, Nile Hi,

836
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. You're here today with Julietta Margutie

837
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: she's our special guest, and Catherine, our producer. Hi Julia

838
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 1: to High Chelsea next to see you again, Katherine. How

839
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 1: we're good? How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good.

840
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: Obviously you've just heard my my submission there, so you've

841
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 1: got kind of filled in. I'm a week through my

842
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,439
Speaker 1: two weeks notice now, so halfway there no clear plan

843
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: on what's coming next, as I say, it will be

844
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: a temporary stop gap back to the bar, pay off

845
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: my credit card, which is kind of the big like

846
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 1: cloud of dread that's been hanging over me recently, and

847
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 1: then beyond that I'll figure it out. But I'm very

848
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 1: like I live, like as I say, under a lot

849
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 1: of like dread and anxiety. So not having a very

850
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: clear long term plan of what comes next is like

851
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: very overwhelming to me. So as I said, I would

852
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,319
Speaker 1: have stayed in this job happily until the retirement where

853
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 1: it not for the financial side of things. But I'm

854
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: not trying to reframe it and look at it in

855
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 1: a more positive way and think, well, maybe you would

856
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 1: have grown stale and stagnant staying in a job or

857
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: in any aspect of life for too long. So maybe

858
00:40:58,719 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: this is kind of the push out of my come

859
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 1: for it zone that I do need as well. So

860
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: I'm trying to like train myself to sort of view

861
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 1: it in a in a new way. But yeah, the

862
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 1: dread and the fear and then the nerds keep kind

863
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 1: of creeping back up. I guess, So what are you

864
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 1: doing in the interim? You're going back to the bar,

865
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 1: You're in a bartend or weight tables. What's you're trying

866
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: to pay off your debt? Yeah, exactly. They don't pay

867
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: you anything at the suicide heartline that oh no, I

868
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: do I do get I do get paid there. I

869
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 1: have a salary. It's just it is it's not enough

870
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: nonprofit and I'm just not surviving on it unfortunately, and

871
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: I haven't been for a while. But I kind of

872
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: pushed to the back of my head because I was thinking, well,

873
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 1: pros far away the cons. There's so much of this

874
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: job that I love, and you know, someday I'll you know,

875
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,879
Speaker 1: be breaking even. But then it's kind of I woke

876
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 1: up to it recently and I was going, Okay, I

877
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 1: really need to do something about this or the whole

878
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: of finance financial struggle that I'm deep digging myself into,

879
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 1: is going to continue. So I really wrestled with the

880
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 1: decision to leave. I really don't want to. I think

881
00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: a lot of it as well. If I don't have

882
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: particularly high level of self esteem or confidence, and I

883
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: got so much of that from doing this line of

884
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 1: work because I knew how much it was helping other

885
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: people to be some small part of it, and mentioning

886
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: as well that suicide is something I've been personally affected by.

887
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: So yeah, I took tremendous self worth and esteem and

888
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 1: everything from itself. Was all of that as well. I

889
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:23,799
Speaker 1: don't get the same boats from waiting tables carry no ship.

890
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: That's the way. It's a good way to take away

891
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: your self esteem. But listen, you've had this positive that

892
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: you've had this that's not gonna happen to you. You've

893
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: had this positive experience right doing what you really got

894
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 1: fulfilled from, so you know like where that lies, and

895
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 1: is there a way for you to do that on

896
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 1: a part time level, like to volunteer a couple of

897
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 1: days a week when I know you need to pay

898
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: off your credit cards now, so that's the most important thing.

899
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 1: But is there a way to stay working for this

900
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 1: nonprofit on a more minimal basis. I'm sure there could be,

901
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 1: and we did discuss that, but again, I just feel

902
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 1: it's not probably a viable long term solution. Definitely, there's

903
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: going to be case by case basis like volunteer like

904
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: for fundraising events and certain things like that, but doing

905
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: it on a continuous basis, I don't think it's going

906
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 1: to really be feasible. I wouldn't rule it out, certainly.

907
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: If it's something that becomes, you know, an opportunity, I

908
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 1: will definitely available. I just don't think it's you know,

909
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: really feasible right now. At least maybe it's something that

910
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 1: I can revisit a little bit of a better situation. Well,

911
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 1: I would just say, you know, if that brought you

912
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: as much fulfillment as you're describing, it's worth holding onto it.

913
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:31,839
Speaker 1: Even if it's a day or a day a week,

914
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: you know, even if you go in on a Sunday

915
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: for four hours or you know whatever. I think that's

916
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: valuable to keep in mind, you know, to have an

917
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: attachment to that still, or look for another place where

918
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 1: you can volunteer for those hours, you know, just for

919
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 1: like one day a week, or you know, where you're

920
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: really talking to people. And in the meantime, I would say,

921
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: you know, if you've found such value and fulfillment in that,

922
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 1: I think what you need to look for the next

923
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 1: six months should be about you paying off your credit cards,

924
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: which I'm sure you can do waiting table, I mean

925
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 1: bart doing wait tables, You're going to be able to

926
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: make cash quickly. But you should be looking in the

927
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: direction of therapy, like in counseling and helping people. Right,

928
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we need people like you. You're doing

929
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:15,800
Speaker 1: God's work. Absolutely. I had actually thought about that prior

930
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:18,319
Speaker 1: to securing the job that I'm not leaving. I had

931
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 1: thought about initially going back to school and training to

932
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: be a therapist, and then it was kind of the

933
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: going back to school aspect that sort of scared me

934
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 1: because then you're in more debt, right, well, yeah, exactly, yeah,

935
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, So I wouldn't really that out either.

936
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 1: I would love to get involved that kind of work

937
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: on the therapeutic side. As I mentioned, I'm on the

938
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: administrative side currently, but you know, the training and qualifications

939
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 1: that are needed, I would certainly be willing to do it.

940
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 1: It's just the time and the expense as well. That's

941
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: what kind of holding me back a little bit at

942
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: the moment. I don't think you should quit cold Turkey

943
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 1: because you just said it yourself that it's given you

944
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 1: this kind of confidence that you're helping people. There's very

945
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 1: few of people like you in the world that actually

946
00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: get fulfillment from helping other people, and so don't quit completely.

947
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 1: I wouldn't because you need it as much as they

948
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 1: need it. So if you could even on a Sunday,

949
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 1: you know, like you're gonna have a day off. I

950
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: was a bartender and a waitress, so you're definitely a

951
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 1: day off. You have a day off, and I know

952
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: it's not the most fun thing to have to work

953
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: on your day off, but it feeds you. It seems

954
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: to feed your soul, and so you I don't think

955
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 1: you should shut that door. And I think that ultimately

956
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 1: you should start talking to people and finding out how

957
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:29,439
Speaker 1: you can get the training somehow where you can still

958
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: work and not end up being in debt, so that

959
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 1: you can do this for a living. I agree with that,

960
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 1: and I think there are different tiers of counseling. Right.

961
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to get certified, there's an mfc C.

962
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,760
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to go to school for two years. Obviously,

963
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: you're not gonna want to devote from what I can

964
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: tell so far. You don't want to go to school

965
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,919
Speaker 1: and then get your masters and then become a psychiatrist.

966
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: That's a longer journey. But there are many other tiers

967
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: of helping people and becoming a counselor that are achievable

968
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 1: even without extra cash. You know, there are grants that

969
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: you can apply for. You can help put yourself through

970
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 1: school so that you don't end up being in debt.

971
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 1: You know, you can go to a community college program

972
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:09,720
Speaker 1: and get the certification you need to become a counselor

973
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: to work for you know, there are so many different

974
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 1: kind of I'm not well schooled or versed in all

975
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 1: of these different therapy programs, but I know a friend

976
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: of mine that went for two years and as now

977
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 1: a counselor, so you know there are different You just

978
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: have to do the research and actually find out what

979
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 1: can work for you because something that is contributing a

980
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 1: you're helping people and that's never wrong. That's always just

981
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 1: a great direction to head in and you're helping yourself.

982
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 1: So you have to like have a little faith in

983
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: the process and not be overwhelmed by the commitment moving

984
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 1: into it, you know, and start asking the people you're

985
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: working with who work there too, like what would you

986
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 1: do if you wanted to ultimately go to school? But

987
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 1: I can't because you know, who do you know? And

988
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 1: who should I talk to? It's it's something I was

989
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,239
Speaker 1: always afraid to ask for help. I thought I had

990
00:46:56,280 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 1: to do everything on my own. And man, I love

991
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: not being scared of asking for help anymore. It's changed

992
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,240
Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, you've got to ask the people around

993
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: you what would you do if you I always say

994
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 1: that to everybody, to doctor, what would you do if

995
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 1: you were me? How would you do it? And you

996
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: just get a different perspective. That's so true as well.

997
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 1: And you've actually highlighted something from me that I haven't

998
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: considered before, which is my need to be independent and think, no,

999
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: I can do this alone, I don't need help, I

1000
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: don't need support has probably exacerbated the situation that I'm

1001
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: now in so definitely, and I'm actually not short on

1002
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 1: contacts and resources and people that I'm sure can help

1003
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,959
Speaker 1: me get along to use use them. It just takes

1004
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 1: one person to say the one thing you need to

1005
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,439
Speaker 1: hear to get you on your journey. Literally one person. Yeah,

1006
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 1: the more forthcoming you are too, people, you know, like

1007
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,320
Speaker 1: you'd be surprised how many people really take pride in

1008
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 1: helping other people. You know you're not being you know,

1009
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 1: the people who aren't there or aren't available for that

1010
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 1: will let you know that they're not available for that,

1011
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 1: but you it just like Julianna just said, it takes

1012
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,800
Speaker 1: one person to kind of help steer you in the

1013
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: right direction or help aid you and finding out the

1014
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: right information you need to proceed with a program or

1015
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 1: to sign up for a program, or to go to

1016
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 1: night school, or to fit it in around your bartending hours.

1017
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 1: You know, at least then you know that you're bartendering

1018
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: as a means to an end. It's not just interminable

1019
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 1: and probably now because of you know, The silver lining

1020
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 1: of COVID is there's probably so many online courses you

1021
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 1: could do that you can do from your your bed

1022
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,879
Speaker 1: on your computer when you get home from work. Yeah,

1023
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 1: and do it in your own time, and it might

1024
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 1: take you five years. You're thirty three, you're so young.

1025
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: I know you don't think that, but you are. You're

1026
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: really young. So it takes you ten years at forty three,

1027
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: where you'll still be so young. You'll be a fully

1028
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: licensed therapist and can go about your life the way

1029
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: you want to live it. Don't pressure yourself about time. Yeah,

1030
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 1: that's so true. Not everything is to be immediate and instantaneous,

1031
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 1: and now we want it right away, and it's scary.

1032
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 1: And trust me, you're obviously smart enough to know that

1033
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: you better start paying back all the debt you oh

1034
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: on your credit cards six thousand dollars. I'm so glad

1035
00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 1: you said that. In not you know what I mean. Yeah,

1036
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,960
Speaker 1: it could be a lot worse. You're in the bud

1037
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 1: so you have a right and to speak a little

1038
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 1: bit to the self esteem issue. Now. I read a

1039
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 1: lot of emails, and in two years of reading these emails,

1040
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 1: this is one of the most beautiful emails I've read

1041
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 1: it's really beautiful. You have skills with communication that are

1042
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 1: far above average, and so wherever you land, whether it's

1043
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: back with the same nonprofit or somewhere else, you are

1044
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: able to communicate in a way that any employer would value.

1045
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 1: So don't sell yourself short. I think wherever you land,

1046
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,720
Speaker 1: you're going to do really, really well. And with that accent,

1047
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 1: my god, right, Yeah, it's a weird win situation. Send

1048
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 1: alone will get you in the door. Hopefully we're at

1049
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 1: the shot. It's worth the shot. I'll talk all day. Yeah,

1050
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 1: and just remember you know, intentionally your intentions are good

1051
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,319
Speaker 1: when everything is aligned and you're kind of following your

1052
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 1: purpose in your life. And this really sounds like it's

1053
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 1: going to be your purpose. Things aligned for you more

1054
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: easily than you think. Like, So, you're in a situation

1055
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: right now, and if you take the steps to get

1056
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: yourself on the road to becoming a counselor to becoming

1057
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: some sort of therapist, and you figure out, Okay, how

1058
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:21,360
Speaker 1: am I going to do this and how am I

1059
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 1: going to achieve this and set up a plan, things

1060
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:25,399
Speaker 1: are going to happen for you that you didn't see coming,

1061
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 1: and things people will come into your life that will

1062
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 1: help assist that and will help make it happen for you,

1063
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: because there becomes like a magnetic attraction. You know, when

1064
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 1: your intention is clear and you're doing a good and

1065
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 1: you're doing good work, things will start to open up

1066
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 1: for you. So you have to believe in that. Yeah, absolutely,

1067
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 1: that's so true. I recently find out tree therapy as

1068
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 1: well that I'm addicted to negative thinking, so I'm trying

1069
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 1: to work in all of that as well, so again

1070
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 1: reframing it and instead being optimistic and positive and open

1071
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 1: to risks and you know, taking a gamble and opportunities,

1072
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 1: which I'm so allergic and cautious to you right now,

1073
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 1: and I don't really know why because it's obviously not

1074
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 1: working very well for me, but you'll never know unless

1075
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: you try, right exactly. Yeah, yeah, no regrets, don't have regrets.

1076
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: And the antidote to negative thinking is to be listening

1077
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: to someone else, you know, which is what your goal is.

1078
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 1: That takes you out of your own head and your

1079
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 1: own ass and then you you don't have time to

1080
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 1: be thinking negatively when you're talking to other people listening

1081
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 1: to their problems, you know. So yeah, I think that

1082
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 1: you know exactly what you should do and what steps

1083
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:28,920
Speaker 1: you should take moving forward, just to get yourself, you know,

1084
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: in the mode of having a plan and having a

1085
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: time frame so you're not freaking out and living in

1086
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 1: this kind of fearful situation or position or thinking absolutely, well,

1087
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: now I want you to get your act together and

1088
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 1: then follow back up with us and make and let

1089
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:46,800
Speaker 1: us know when you do have something going on and

1090
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 1: you have enrolled yourself into a program and what your

1091
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: game plan is, because I think that's going to add

1092
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:55,439
Speaker 1: to your self esteem a lot too. I absolutely will. Yeah,

1093
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 1: thank you. You know, I don't have too many good

1094
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,399
Speaker 1: ideas when I drink, but I was having a couple

1095
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:00,800
Speaker 1: of glasses of one the other night because I was

1096
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 1: so depressed after knowing that I'd behind my noticing, and

1097
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:05,439
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to write into Chelsea, that's

1098
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:09,399
Speaker 1: a good idea. I did, And look at that quick

1099
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 1: turn around. You wrote this email after a couple of drinks.

1100
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. Yeah, so there we go reframing it and

1101
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,360
Speaker 1: thinking more positively. Yeah for the advice and encouragement this

1102
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 1: has been. You're the cutest nile. Good luck with everything. Fine, Yes,

1103
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 1: I have no doubt you're gonna be great. Thank you, guys,

1104
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Take care than have a great day.

1105
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: Up top, sister, up top. That was great. That was awesome.

1106
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:40,919
Speaker 1: I wasn't he just wonderful? He was so sweet and adorable. Yeah,

1107
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: it's so nice to see a man caring so much

1108
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: and not like that. Men don't care, but sometimes it

1109
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 1: feels like they really don't. It's so nice to hear

1110
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 1: men being so thoughtful about things. Yeah, and having that

1111
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 1: he's a softie, like there was something so open about

1112
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: his heart. Yeah. Yeah, God, when we do need more

1113
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 1: people like him? Yeah, right, exactly. Remember when in the

1114
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 1: days where we had people would support artists, you know,

1115
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 1: the rich people. Where are those people they're supposed to

1116
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 1: support all these people that make the world better in

1117
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:15,839
Speaker 1: art and music and struggling musicians and therapists. We need

1118
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 1: those back. We need to start a mentor program. Well, yeah,

1119
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: we need people like Elon Musk to stop spending their

1120
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 1: money on shuttlecocks and spending it on actually making the

1121
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 1: world a better place. So we'll start with that, Okay, Catherine,

1122
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:36,280
Speaker 1: who do we have next? Next? We have Taylor? Taylor,

1123
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,959
Speaker 1: says dear Chelsea. My entire adult relationship with my little

1124
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 1: sister has revolved around being there for her while she

1125
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 1: struggled with mental health, bouts of substance abuse, and an

1126
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,720
Speaker 1: abusive relationship. She's twenty two and Taylor, by the ways.

1127
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: I was the one who showed up when it got

1128
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 1: ugly between her and her boyfriend, and answered countless times

1129
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:59,400
Speaker 1: when she called intoxicated and crying. Last year, she and

1130
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 1: her boyfriend finally separated. My family and I were hopeful

1131
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 1: that she would move on and recover, But before he

1132
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: even moved out, my sister had already found a new guy.

1133
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 1: Six months later, she's now living with him, and our

1134
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 1: relationship has ceased to exist. I can't tell if she

1135
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 1: has shunned me to avoid my disapproval or if she

1136
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: just doesn't need me to help pick up the pieces anymore.

1137
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,800
Speaker 1: Either way, I feel angry at her for what she

1138
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 1: put me through, especially now that it feels like I've

1139
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,520
Speaker 1: lost her. I missed my sister, but I have no

1140
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 1: idea how to build a relationship with her, given the

1141
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 1: shaky foundation it was built on in the first place.

1142
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 1: I know you're very close with your sisters, How can

1143
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 1: I put my feelings aside? And make my way back

1144
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: into her life. Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hi, Hi, Hi. We

1145
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:48,080
Speaker 1: have Julianna margu Lis with us today to see you both.

1146
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: You too, nice to see you. It sounds like you

1147
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:56,040
Speaker 1: really love your sissy. Yes, I definitely miss her. Okay,

1148
00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 1: So explain to me what happened where the break was.

1149
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 1: So after my sister broke up with her boyfriend, she

1150
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,879
Speaker 1: immediately started dating someone new and I found out through

1151
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,879
Speaker 1: hearsay in the family because she was a little too

1152
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 1: I guess scared to tell me. And that's sort of

1153
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 1: where the rift came. Can I just ask you something

1154
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 1: when when she was going through this breakup with the boyfriend,

1155
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,360
Speaker 1: was she a mess on? Were you picking her up

1156
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 1: off the floor? Was she despondent? Yeah? It was bad.

1157
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:31,560
Speaker 1: It was bad, and you you were there for her. Yes. Yeah,

1158
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 1: they had like their last fight and I had showed

1159
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 1: up and it was very dramatic. And then a couple

1160
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 1: of weeks that went by, I'd check in with her

1161
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 1: and I had heard through the grapevine, but she already

1162
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 1: had a new boyfriend and that her boyfriend was moving out.

1163
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 1: And you haven't spoken to her since that. Last time

1164
00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:50,840
Speaker 1: I have spoken to her. I saw her at Christmas

1165
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 1: and it was just like very she was just very standoffish,

1166
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 1: and I tried to express my concern. And I'm a

1167
00:55:56,840 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: little angry at her obviously for not telling herself, and

1168
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:06,839
Speaker 1: so I haven't really reached out since. And so, yeah,

1169
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 1: well let me ask you one question. You said she

1170
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 1: drinks a lot, right, Does she use drugs too? She

1171
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 1: smokes spot, okay, but she doesn't do anything heavier like

1172
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 1: cocaine or ecstasy or any of that stuff, right, Okay,

1173
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 1: So it just sounds like she feels a little shame, right,

1174
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:25,359
Speaker 1: she's embarrassed for being in this relationship, because why else

1175
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 1: would she retreat from you when you've been there for

1176
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 1: her this whole time unless she feels a little bit

1177
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:33,160
Speaker 1: embarrassed by her own behavior. Yeah, it's it's it's shame

1178
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 1: she didn't have the balls to tell you. And also

1179
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,879
Speaker 1: she probably knows she's wrong. You don't you don't take

1180
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,799
Speaker 1: up with someone else right after you, you know, that's

1181
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 1: that's her being afraid to be alone and get her

1182
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 1: life together, and she knows you probably can see that.

1183
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 1: I'm just sad that it came at like the cost

1184
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 1: of me, right, Well, I mean I think there's a

1185
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 1: couple of ways you can handle this. I mean, either

1186
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:58,880
Speaker 1: you can put it in an email, or you can

1187
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 1: sit down with her and talk to her. I mean

1188
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:03,759
Speaker 1: I always like an email better because obviously emotions a

1189
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:05,600
Speaker 1: run high in person, and then sometimes you can be

1190
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 1: reactive when in an email you can just kind of

1191
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 1: put everything down and edit it and look at it

1192
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 1: a million times before you feel like sending it, and

1193
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 1: then sometimes never send it. But in this case, it

1194
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: sounds like you know it's your sister for life. I'm

1195
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 1: sure you're gonna want to send something to her and

1196
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:23,960
Speaker 1: and kind of repair whatever, not repair, but I guess salvage, Yeah,

1197
00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:27,480
Speaker 1: salvage your relationship so that you have one. But there's

1198
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:30,360
Speaker 1: really no harm in reminding her of like the role

1199
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 1: that you've played, you know, and how important that role

1200
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 1: is to you, and that how important she is to you.

1201
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,480
Speaker 1: You are her bigger sister, right, you're twenty five and

1202
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 1: she's twenty two. Yeah, correct, Right. Those relationships can be

1203
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 1: fraught and they can be dramatic. My sisters certainly have

1204
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 1: bailed me out a million times in my life. I've

1205
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 1: been horrible when I was a teenager and a young adult.

1206
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 1: I was a nightmare and they put up with it

1207
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:57,440
Speaker 1: and they loved me just the same. And so I

1208
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 1: can really relate to your love for your sister because

1209
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 1: she just seems like she's going through a pretty selfish

1210
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 1: time in her life. And some people can be really

1211
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:06,680
Speaker 1: self absorber. Doesn't mean they're going to be that way forever.

1212
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 1: I'm not like that anymore. I always always think of

1213
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 1: my sisters before I think of myself, just because of

1214
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 1: all the stuff that I had. They had to endure

1215
00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 1: uh from me, and they still loved me. But maybe

1216
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 1: she feels like you're judging. You know, she feels judged

1217
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 1: by you, and you have every right to feel that

1218
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 1: way about her. You're gonna have judgment, of course, but

1219
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 1: beneath all of that is just love and sisterhood and

1220
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,320
Speaker 1: you're from the same family and that's never gonna go away.

1221
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 1: So it's important for you to remind her that no

1222
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,240
Speaker 1: matter what happens, you're her sister and you love her.

1223
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 1: That's above and beyond everything else, and that you always

1224
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 1: want a relationship with her, and that you never know

1225
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: what can happen in life, and you would hate for

1226
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 1: anything terrible to happen. While the two of you aren't speaking,

1227
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:54,560
Speaker 1: so it's so important to keep the communication open. You know,

1228
00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: first and foremost is to remind her, Julianna, what do

1229
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 1: you think about that? I think you hit the nail

1230
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: on the head when you said write it down. I

1231
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: personally would write a letter, not an email, because I

1232
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 1: think there's something to be said about the weight of

1233
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: having to open up snail mail and having it, you know,

1234
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 1: emails disappear, or they go to the junk box where

1235
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 1: she can pretend she never got it, or but you

1236
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: type it up on your computer and save it for

1237
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 1: yourself and print it out. Once you start writing things down,

1238
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: things become much more clear. But I also know from

1239
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:31,360
Speaker 1: family members of my own being heavy drinkers, they tend

1240
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 1: to see things negatively and as judgment. So I would

1241
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 1: start the letter by saying, what exactly what you said

1242
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:42,760
Speaker 1: to us I miss you, because I think the second

1243
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: you say how you're really feeling, she won't see it

1244
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: as judgment. She'll see it as you reaching out. And

1245
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,280
Speaker 1: and I know if I had gotten a letter from

1246
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: my sister that said I miss you and I'm worried

1247
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 1: about you, and I want you to know that you're

1248
00:59:56,600 --> 01:00:00,080
Speaker 1: a big part of my life, and I understand, and

1249
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,160
Speaker 1: you have another boyfriend, that doesn't mean you have to

1250
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 1: check out on me. I'm not here to judge you.

1251
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,240
Speaker 1: This is your life. But remember I'm here and I

1252
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: love you and I want you to be okay. You know,

1253
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,360
Speaker 1: it goes both ways to like I want to say,

1254
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 1: you're also not her punching bag, right because because family,

1255
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: you know, just because your family, you're supposed to be

1256
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: there all the time, and then when they're horrible to you,

1257
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 1: you're supposed to take it. You're not, and you you

1258
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 1: don't have to. You can get up and say, Okay,

1259
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 1: if if this all goes wrong and she starts lashing

1260
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 1: out at you, you're then going to just have to

1261
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,920
Speaker 1: take the power back and say I'll be back in

1262
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: your life when you want to treat me with respect

1263
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 1: and love the way I love you, And you're going

1264
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 1: to have to make that choice. Yeah, that kind of

1265
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 1: goes to what Chelsea was saying, like, hopefully this is

1266
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 1: just like a short time in her life where she's

1267
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 1: you know, having a selfish time, and I want to

1268
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 1: definitely approach the communication in a loving way. And I

1269
01:00:57,080 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 1: think that's probably been my mistake in the past and

1270
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 1: why she has reacted this way because she knows that

1271
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 1: I come from this like big sister dynamic of like

1272
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 1: what are you doing? You know? Or I told you so,

1273
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 1: or yeah you don't the second you wave your finger.

1274
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: But if you come at them with love, where does

1275
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 1: she have to go? She can't really go anywhere else. Right,

1276
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 1: do you know anything about her new boyfriend? Is he

1277
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:25,480
Speaker 1: good influence or anything negative or positive? From what my

1278
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 1: family said, he's very similar to her last boyfriend and

1279
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 1: so not. Everyone was very excited to hear that news. Okay, Well,

1280
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 1: then then you want to leave your judgment out of

1281
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 1: that as well, because that's another thing that's just going

1282
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: to push her away. If she feels any sort of

1283
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 1: judgment on the relationship. You could say, I miss you,

1284
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:44,080
Speaker 1: I don't even I would love to get to know

1285
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 1: your new boyfriend. However, you want to spend time together.

1286
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:48,760
Speaker 1: Like if you don't want to spend time alone and

1287
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 1: you want to spend time with your boyfriend, he's welcome

1288
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:53,640
Speaker 1: to just make it an open, open invitation to her

1289
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:56,760
Speaker 1: so that there is no defense to put up right,

1290
01:01:57,200 --> 01:02:00,400
Speaker 1: so she doesn't have to protect herself from anything. And yeah,

1291
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 1: starting with I miss you and I love you, instead

1292
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 1: of laying it all out. I think getting reconnecting with

1293
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 1: her first and getting her as your confidant again and

1294
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:13,439
Speaker 1: being close to her is the best move in order

1295
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,400
Speaker 1: just to keep her close so that she knows she

1296
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 1: can trust you and that whatever happens, you'll still be there.

1297
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 1: Is it just the two of you? We have one

1298
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: older brother. You have an older brother. Are you close

1299
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 1: with him? Yeah? I'm really close with him. Here's my suggestion,

1300
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 1: because Chelsea, now we're just talking before the podcast, like

1301
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:34,280
Speaker 1: nobody knows you and your family, like your siblings. It

1302
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 1: would be really great if you could um have him

1303
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:40,240
Speaker 1: read the letter before you send it, because he'll see

1304
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 1: things in it. You know, you don't want any judgmental

1305
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 1: or negativity in the letter, and you may only be

1306
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 1: meaning it from your heart, but might come out harsh

1307
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: when another person reads it. So I highly suggest you

1308
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 1: asked your brother to read it before you put it

1309
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 1: in the envelope and send it. Also, it's nice to

1310
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:58,480
Speaker 1: have someone in your corner, you know, for you to

1311
01:02:58,520 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 1: say to him, I'm just know you're hurt. Obviously, otherwise

1312
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:03,160
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have called in. I can see that you're hurt,

1313
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:06,720
Speaker 1: but that but that it's so touching that you miss

1314
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:09,800
Speaker 1: your little sister and love her. So come from that place.

1315
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 1: And then if she chooses, it's her choice. She's also

1316
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 1: is really young, she's twenty two. But if she and

1317
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:20,160
Speaker 1: she's and she's self medicating with alcohol, right, So if

1318
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 1: she chooses to ignore it, then you've done your part

1319
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:25,360
Speaker 1: and then you have to work on how to let

1320
01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:29,240
Speaker 1: go just for a while, probably not forever. You're right.

1321
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 1: I like the idea of having my brother Rita for sure,

1322
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:36,919
Speaker 1: because if yeah, you can talk anything that it's coming

1323
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 1: off not how I wanted to come on, And he

1324
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,240
Speaker 1: knows her, so he knows probably how she'll react to something.

1325
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:44,959
Speaker 1: So it'll be helpful to have another set of eyes

1326
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: on that for you to feel confident when you send

1327
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 1: it that you sent the right message. Yeah, I love that. Good. Yeah, well, Taylor,

1328
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:57,240
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes and if your sister

1329
01:03:57,520 --> 01:04:01,640
Speaker 1: responds or what happens with that, Okay, I will for sure.

1330
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 1: Thank you well so much. So you're welcome, Taylor. Good

1331
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 1: luck with everything, good luck, thank you bye bye. Oh

1332
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 1: what a cutie. That's a good advice to have her

1333
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:13,840
Speaker 1: brother look at it. Yeah, we have that going on

1334
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 1: in our family all the time because we have so

1335
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:19,160
Speaker 1: many kids. And whenever, whenever anyone has to have a

1336
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 1: talk with anyone, I always am volunteering because I have

1337
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 1: no problem with confrontation, and my sister Simone will always

1338
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 1: step in and go, no, no, let me do it.

1339
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:30,440
Speaker 1: I'll do it. And then finally I've learned that when

1340
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:32,400
Speaker 1: I say things, it can come across in a much

1341
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:35,360
Speaker 1: different way than if a regular, normal, calmer person says them.

1342
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 1: So I'll say to my sister, I'll assign her a

1343
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 1: role and say, hey, you need to talk to Roy

1344
01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:43,640
Speaker 1: about this, and she'll be like okay, okay. And then

1345
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 1: a month goes by and I'll go, hey, did you

1346
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:49,440
Speaker 1: talk to Roy? And she's like ah, And I go, well,

1347
01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:52,040
Speaker 1: don't tell me not to confront to everybody if you're

1348
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:54,560
Speaker 1: not going to pick up the pieces, and she's like,

1349
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I just couldn't get around to it.

1350
01:04:56,520 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 1: She's like, I didn't have it in me. So we

1351
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,120
Speaker 1: some people have a real hard time with having those

1352
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:05,040
Speaker 1: difficult conversations. They're hard, Yeah, right, they're hard, and it

1353
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,400
Speaker 1: takes it does take a village. And yeah, because you

1354
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:10,080
Speaker 1: have to. You have to consider how what you're saying

1355
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:12,280
Speaker 1: is going to be received, not just saying it. That

1356
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: was my mistake for a while, just saying it and

1357
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:16,480
Speaker 1: putting it out there, and it's like, that doesn't work.

1358
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:18,560
Speaker 1: You have to consider the other person and where they're

1359
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:20,560
Speaker 1: coming from and how they are going to take that

1360
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 1: information in. You wrote that beautifully in your book. Oh

1361
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:26,480
Speaker 1: thank you. It's great because I don't think people really

1362
01:05:26,560 --> 01:05:29,000
Speaker 1: think that way. And it takes you also out of

1363
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:31,520
Speaker 1: yourself for how you're going to respond to somebody. You know,

1364
01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 1: why did that upset me? Oh maybe they didn't mean

1365
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,200
Speaker 1: it like that, you know, just because we're so quick

1366
01:05:37,240 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 1: to jump to conclusions and and and to anger. Yeah,

1367
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:43,520
Speaker 1: and it's just not a healthy place to live. No,

1368
01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 1: it's not my Dan. My psychiatrist always says, you know,

1369
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:50,280
Speaker 1: like any time you're in a state of reactivity, like

1370
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 1: there's no point in even communicating because you're not ever

1371
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:55,800
Speaker 1: going to solve anything. You have to take your reaction

1372
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,760
Speaker 1: and then take ten minutes and then there's your response.

1373
01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:00,800
Speaker 1: That was freaky, by the way, because I was so

1374
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:03,360
Speaker 1: invested in your relationship with Dan, and I loved your

1375
01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:07,440
Speaker 1: sessions with him. That I in my head, I knew

1376
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:09,920
Speaker 1: what he sounded like. And then who was on the

1377
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:13,400
Speaker 1: podcast and was walking through Washington script Prok was like, Oh,

1378
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:18,520
Speaker 1: this is Dan. I didn't think like that took me out.

1379
01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:23,280
Speaker 1: That's yeah, I know. Dan's the best. He's so smart. Yeah,

1380
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:25,920
Speaker 1: Joe and I have gone two couples counseling, like twice

1381
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:29,520
Speaker 1: with Dan and Joe because Joe hasn't had that kind

1382
01:06:29,560 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 1: of counseling. And like, you know, as a relationship, we

1383
01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:34,920
Speaker 1: all have our own histories. You can trigger something and

1384
01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:37,040
Speaker 1: someone when you're not doing anything, you know, or you

1385
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:39,880
Speaker 1: think you're not doing anything. And so we went into

1386
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 1: Dan once and we did like a two hour session

1387
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:45,320
Speaker 1: of just explaining to us how emotions work and how

1388
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:48,440
Speaker 1: every memory is imprinted in our body from childhood and

1389
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:51,760
Speaker 1: that things that were traumatizing, even though they don't resemble

1390
01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:54,560
Speaker 1: what's happening right now, it is bringing up a very

1391
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:57,360
Speaker 1: instance from your childhood. And Joe must have said the

1392
01:06:57,480 --> 01:07:00,280
Speaker 1: same five things I said in our first session, first

1393
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 1: session with Dan, which is my childhood has nothing to

1394
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:05,600
Speaker 1: do with this, and it's like, no, no, that's everyone's mistake.

1395
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I said. I I don't want to

1396
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:09,400
Speaker 1: talk about my childhood, my mother's dad, my brother's dad,

1397
01:07:09,480 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 1: not first. Yeah, like I'm walking around with a broken

1398
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:15,000
Speaker 1: leg and thinking it's going to fix itself. So it

1399
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:17,760
Speaker 1: is interesting to get he laid the foundation I left that.

1400
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:19,480
Speaker 1: I left our session that day and I was like,

1401
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:21,440
Speaker 1: oh my god, I feel like I just got like

1402
01:07:21,520 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 1: psychology one oh one. I could listen to that ship

1403
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:27,960
Speaker 1: for hours. It's so fascinating it. I mean, that's what

1404
01:07:28,040 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 1: I was going to do if acting didn't pan out,

1405
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:31,920
Speaker 1: because it's it's it's behavior. It's what I do for

1406
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:35,240
Speaker 1: a living, right, I watch people's behavior and what makes

1407
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:37,720
Speaker 1: them tick. What why do you act that way? And

1408
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 1: you act that way? It's all about the childhood, man,

1409
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but look how nicely you've turned

1410
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:46,160
Speaker 1: out with your childhood and being so unmoored. You know,

1411
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:48,760
Speaker 1: look how nicely you turned out. That's like that's a

1412
01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:53,479
Speaker 1: huge victory lap. Yeah, thank god. I mean, I also

1413
01:07:53,560 --> 01:07:56,240
Speaker 1: think I got really lucky in that both of my

1414
01:07:56,320 --> 01:07:59,840
Speaker 1: parents were open to hearing it and to fessing up.

1415
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:03,880
Speaker 1: I think parents of their generation they're not all there

1416
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:06,240
Speaker 1: yet because and I know it's hard to confront your parents,

1417
01:08:06,360 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 1: especially when when they're older. But they both were receptive

1418
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:12,240
Speaker 1: and well, and they both really loved you. They just

1419
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:14,160
Speaker 1: had their own issues. And that's the same thing with

1420
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:16,439
Speaker 1: my family. I was very loved, even though I was

1421
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:19,479
Speaker 1: neglected by my parents, you know, not being picked up

1422
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,599
Speaker 1: from Hebrew school fifteen times in a row. I'm like, listen, assholes,

1423
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:24,360
Speaker 1: if you're gonna make me go to Hebrew school, you

1424
01:08:24,439 --> 01:08:26,360
Speaker 1: need to pick my ass up. You think I want

1425
01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:28,840
Speaker 1: to go to Hebrew school and learn Hebrew, Like, I'm

1426
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:32,640
Speaker 1: not down with that at all. So yeah, and I

1427
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:35,240
Speaker 1: remember Dan saying, oh god, your parents are's so traumatizing

1428
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 1: not being picked up from school. I'm like, damn, none

1429
01:08:37,080 --> 01:08:39,559
Speaker 1: of us were picked up from school and we're all fine.

1430
01:08:39,720 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 1: He goes, no, that's that's abandonment. And I'm like, well

1431
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:45,320
Speaker 1: that seems dramatic. And then you come around to the

1432
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:48,000
Speaker 1: notion You're like, that was abandonment. Well, yeah, and you

1433
01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:50,760
Speaker 1: remember those things. So many people kept asking me how

1434
01:08:50,800 --> 01:08:52,720
Speaker 1: did you remember all these things in the book, because

1435
01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:55,839
Speaker 1: you're write so clearly about them, and like, you remember,

1436
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:58,920
Speaker 1: I remember being five years old and my mother, my

1437
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:02,160
Speaker 1: mother dropped me off to kindergarten, which was up this

1438
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 1: big hill and my sisters went to the school. I

1439
01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:06,760
Speaker 1: could see it from the top of the hill, and

1440
01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:08,800
Speaker 1: I walked my little five year old self walked up

1441
01:09:08,880 --> 01:09:12,320
Speaker 1: and we didn't have kindergarten that day, and my motherhood

1442
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:17,360
Speaker 1: drove away and went to work, and I just sat there.

1443
01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:20,799
Speaker 1: And I remember it clear as day, because you remember trauma,

1444
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:25,400
Speaker 1: you don't remember everyday normalcy. Yeah, And I remember sitting

1445
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 1: there and thinking, should I walk down the hill and

1446
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,400
Speaker 1: tells an adult? And I just sat there till three

1447
01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:33,360
Speaker 1: pm until she came to pick me up. And this

1448
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:36,679
Speaker 1: was before phones everybody, okay, So she sat there doing

1449
01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:40,639
Speaker 1: fucking nothing. For that reminds me of my sister. My sister,

1450
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:43,519
Speaker 1: for two weeks went to school with my three brothers.

1451
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:45,479
Speaker 1: They were going to the elementary school. They were all

1452
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:48,439
Speaker 1: a year apart. My sister started going with them, and

1453
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 1: after two weeks the school called my mother and they're like,

1454
01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:54,960
Speaker 1: your daughter is four. She can't be in school with

1455
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:58,040
Speaker 1: your with your sons. And my mom was like, oh,

1456
01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:01,519
Speaker 1: she can't. It's like what, But that's like my mom.

1457
01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:03,960
Speaker 1: She never even told us in school, she just dropped us. Yeah,

1458
01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:05,800
Speaker 1: that's a funny story. I mean, oh, my God and

1459
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:09,439
Speaker 1: they and then you basically picked your classroom. You're like,

1460
01:10:09,560 --> 01:10:11,120
Speaker 1: I guess I'll be in this. I guess I'll be

1461
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:19,360
Speaker 1: in A six or whatever it was six A Okay, Catherine,

1462
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 1: what do we have? I love this? Our last question

1463
01:10:22,439 --> 01:10:27,160
Speaker 1: comes from Renee Dear Chelsea. She's not this one's just

1464
01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:29,840
Speaker 1: an email. She's in Australia, so the timing is a

1465
01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:36,680
Speaker 1: little Yes, that's good, right. I shouldn't have you read this.

1466
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty three year I'm a thirty three year

1467
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:45,160
Speaker 1: old primary school teacher from Melbourne. Your podcast was my

1468
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:48,160
Speaker 1: saving grace through lockdown and it helped me realize my worth,

1469
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:52,080
Speaker 1: strength and independence. For that, I'm incredibly grateful. I have

1470
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:54,559
Speaker 1: an incredible boyfriend who have been with for five years.

1471
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:57,679
Speaker 1: This October we plan on rock climbing around the world

1472
01:10:57,800 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 1: for two years starting this December. There's just one problem.

1473
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:04,880
Speaker 1: I've dreamed about getting married since I was six years old,

1474
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:07,720
Speaker 1: and it means nothing to him. My parents have been

1475
01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:11,120
Speaker 1: happily married for forty seven years. His separated when he

1476
01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:14,600
Speaker 1: was eighteen. Here's some of our history. He broke up

1477
01:11:14,680 --> 01:11:17,120
Speaker 1: with me a week after we first got together because

1478
01:11:17,160 --> 01:11:19,360
Speaker 1: he panicked and thought he was making a big mistake.

1479
01:11:19,960 --> 01:11:22,200
Speaker 1: I was the first person in over ten years he's

1480
01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:24,680
Speaker 1: been in a relationship with. He always tells me he

1481
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:27,080
Speaker 1: adores me and wants to spend the rest of his

1482
01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:30,560
Speaker 1: life with me. It happened again on our fourth anniversary

1483
01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:33,120
Speaker 1: last year, when I jokingly asked him if he'd ever

1484
01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 1: want to marry me quote one day, he paused and

1485
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:38,720
Speaker 1: said he doesn't believe in it. Three days later, he

1486
01:11:38,840 --> 01:11:41,040
Speaker 1: broke up with me, saying we were two different and

1487
01:11:41,120 --> 01:11:44,280
Speaker 1: we wanted different things. Over the next two days, we

1488
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:47,559
Speaker 1: had the best conversations as we cried together each time

1489
01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:49,960
Speaker 1: he felt he was making a big mistake by ending it.

1490
01:11:50,439 --> 01:11:53,120
Speaker 1: He apologized, and two days later we were back on.

1491
01:11:53,960 --> 01:11:56,080
Speaker 1: He said he'd think about marriage and he still wants

1492
01:11:56,120 --> 01:11:58,160
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of his life with me. Over

1493
01:11:58,320 --> 01:12:00,680
Speaker 1: six months have passed, and there are times when I

1494
01:12:00,720 --> 01:12:03,600
Speaker 1: fall asleep crying because I feel so heartbroken that he

1495
01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:06,960
Speaker 1: doesn't feel the same about this form of commitment. There's

1496
01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:09,760
Speaker 1: no doubt that he adores me and means everything he says.

1497
01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:12,519
Speaker 1: He also assures me that he's not going to break

1498
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:15,160
Speaker 1: up with me again when he panics. I also don't

1499
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:17,320
Speaker 1: want him to marry me one day just to shut

1500
01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:20,879
Speaker 1: me up. I'm incredibly flexible in our relationship and committed

1501
01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:23,519
Speaker 1: to making him happy. I always wanted kids and to

1502
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:26,040
Speaker 1: get married. Kids are maybe for us, but I'm not

1503
01:12:26,160 --> 01:12:29,120
Speaker 1: willing to sacrifice marriage too. I believe he's got some

1504
01:12:29,240 --> 01:12:32,879
Speaker 1: unresolved issues from his childhood. He's avoidant, and I'm anxious.

1505
01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:36,559
Speaker 1: Individual or couple's counseling is off the table. He's one

1506
01:12:36,640 --> 01:12:40,200
Speaker 1: chapter into our relationship book, my psychologist suggested, but he's

1507
01:12:40,240 --> 01:12:43,519
Speaker 1: not invested. We're about to explore putting my name on

1508
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:46,200
Speaker 1: the loan for his house that we just finished renovating.

1509
01:12:46,520 --> 01:12:48,840
Speaker 1: This is a huge step for him. Nothing in his

1510
01:12:48,960 --> 01:12:52,080
Speaker 1: life shows me that i'm his quote life partner. Besides

1511
01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:54,400
Speaker 1: us living together, I don't know how I can feel

1512
01:12:54,400 --> 01:12:56,880
Speaker 1: secure and get peace of mind before we travel together.

1513
01:12:57,280 --> 01:13:03,439
Speaker 1: Oh wise one, please help yours truly run a Holy moly,

1514
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,320
Speaker 1: how how old did they say? Did they say? She's

1515
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:13,400
Speaker 1: thirty three? And I believe he's about the same age. Okay, so,

1516
01:13:13,560 --> 01:13:15,960
Speaker 1: first of all, there's so many red flags. I'm sorry,

1517
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:20,200
Speaker 1: I hate to say this. There are so many red flags.

1518
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:24,400
Speaker 1: And you can talk all you want, but he has

1519
01:13:24,479 --> 01:13:27,280
Speaker 1: to show you and he hasn't so far. He's saying

1520
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:29,000
Speaker 1: I'll never do this and I'll never do that, and

1521
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,720
Speaker 1: I want this and I want that, but he's not

1522
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:34,479
Speaker 1: giving what you want. And you both have very different

1523
01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:37,479
Speaker 1: views on how you want to live your adult lives.

1524
01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:40,120
Speaker 1: You definitely don't want to get married to a man

1525
01:13:40,479 --> 01:13:44,120
Speaker 1: who doesn't believe in marriage. Now, marriage isn't everything. I

1526
01:13:44,240 --> 01:13:47,040
Speaker 1: never wanted to get married. You know, some people just

1527
01:13:47,240 --> 01:13:49,920
Speaker 1: love being partners and that's great, but it sounds like

1528
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:53,000
Speaker 1: you really want to be married. Then you said, I

1529
01:13:53,080 --> 01:13:57,839
Speaker 1: always envisioned my life married with children. He doesn't want children,

1530
01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:01,799
Speaker 1: but but I won't app not having marriage. Like already,

1531
01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:04,960
Speaker 1: there's so many red flags going up that this is

1532
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:07,679
Speaker 1: not your life partner. This might have been a moment

1533
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:11,120
Speaker 1: partner unless you can get into therapy and figure it out.

1534
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:14,040
Speaker 1: I think these are going to keep coming up every time.

1535
01:14:14,479 --> 01:14:16,960
Speaker 1: Well also, I think she said therapy is off the table.

1536
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:19,519
Speaker 1: Why is therapy off the tape? He's not interested in

1537
01:14:19,600 --> 01:14:21,479
Speaker 1: going to therapy. That is a big red flag. And

1538
01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:23,400
Speaker 1: I agree with Julianna that there was like there are

1539
01:14:23,479 --> 01:14:27,760
Speaker 1: multiple red flags because breaking up with you a he

1540
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,880
Speaker 1: freaked out after you know what, a week of dating

1541
01:14:30,920 --> 01:14:33,200
Speaker 1: you or some short amount of time and broke up

1542
01:14:33,240 --> 01:14:35,160
Speaker 1: with you and then did it again when you brought

1543
01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:39,760
Speaker 1: up marriage at four years, Like, that's that's deep into it. Yeah,

1544
01:14:39,840 --> 01:14:42,640
Speaker 1: you've been together four years, so like that's. Yes, of

1545
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:45,760
Speaker 1: course he has emotional trauma from his childhood. We all do.

1546
01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:47,920
Speaker 1: But if he's not willing to do that work, then

1547
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:50,680
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be willing to sacrifice something that means that

1548
01:14:50,840 --> 01:14:53,000
Speaker 1: much to you. I agree with Julianna marriages and everything.

1549
01:14:53,040 --> 01:14:55,320
Speaker 1: I don't care about being married, but if it matters

1550
01:14:55,360 --> 01:14:58,640
Speaker 1: to you, that is what is important. That is paramount

1551
01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:01,559
Speaker 1: to his thoughts. And you being excited that he's going

1552
01:15:01,600 --> 01:15:04,120
Speaker 1: to put your name on his loan for the house

1553
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:07,160
Speaker 1: is also a red flag because that is not a

1554
01:15:07,200 --> 01:15:10,519
Speaker 1: sign of anything, like, if anything, you're setting yourself up

1555
01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:14,400
Speaker 1: to possibly be responsible for his loan, you know, without

1556
01:15:14,439 --> 01:15:16,679
Speaker 1: any commitment from him. So I don't know why that's

1557
01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:20,560
Speaker 1: a good idea. Also, something in your letter really struck me.

1558
01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:24,800
Speaker 1: You said, the last six months you go to bed crying. Yeah,

1559
01:15:25,439 --> 01:15:28,120
Speaker 1: you're about to go on a two year rock climbing

1560
01:15:28,200 --> 01:15:31,240
Speaker 1: trip with this person, so you're only going to have

1561
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:34,920
Speaker 1: that person in your life. I want to stop you.

1562
01:15:35,320 --> 01:15:38,240
Speaker 1: I know this sounds awful and I probably shouldn't say this,

1563
01:15:39,360 --> 01:15:41,320
Speaker 1: but you're thirty three and I know he seems like

1564
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:43,280
Speaker 1: the love of your life. Right now, you have a

1565
01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:46,479
Speaker 1: huge life in front of you. Before you go rock

1566
01:15:46,560 --> 01:15:49,160
Speaker 1: climbing with this guy, you have got to figure out

1567
01:15:49,200 --> 01:15:50,960
Speaker 1: your stuff and get him into therapy with you to

1568
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:53,320
Speaker 1: find out if this is a trip you want to

1569
01:15:53,400 --> 01:15:57,240
Speaker 1: take for two years. Absolutely, and if somebody is so

1570
01:15:57,439 --> 01:16:01,200
Speaker 1: intransigent that they will not commit to going to therapy

1571
01:16:01,280 --> 01:16:03,920
Speaker 1: to figure out the very I guarantee you if you

1572
01:16:04,000 --> 01:16:06,320
Speaker 1: put it on the table to him and say I

1573
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:09,759
Speaker 1: cannot move forward with this relationship unless you go into counseling,

1574
01:16:10,400 --> 01:16:12,800
Speaker 1: I guarantee you he'll go. And if he doesn't, then

1575
01:16:12,880 --> 01:16:16,519
Speaker 1: that is exactly the sign you need to move on. Yeah,

1576
01:16:16,560 --> 01:16:18,439
Speaker 1: and I know this is hard to hear. I understand

1577
01:16:18,840 --> 01:16:20,599
Speaker 1: we've all been in love and thought that this person

1578
01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:23,160
Speaker 1: was the person. But this person isn't showing you that

1579
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:25,680
Speaker 1: they're your person. Because when you fall in love with everyone, Hey,

1580
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:27,519
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't. I would prefer not to get

1581
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:29,920
Speaker 1: married my boyfriend right now, all he wants to do

1582
01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:32,599
Speaker 1: is talk about getting married I will marry him because

1583
01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:35,000
Speaker 1: it's so important to him, because I love him. At

1584
01:16:35,080 --> 01:16:40,840
Speaker 1: some point I'll do that, you know, so so like.

1585
01:16:41,280 --> 01:16:43,560
Speaker 1: But those are the compromises you make for people that

1586
01:16:43,680 --> 01:16:46,120
Speaker 1: you're in love with. You don't just have your set

1587
01:16:46,160 --> 01:16:48,760
Speaker 1: of rules and then are in transigent about everything else.

1588
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:51,479
Speaker 1: You have to meet people in the middle, and you're

1589
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:55,040
Speaker 1: bending over backwards in a relationship where he's not doing

1590
01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:57,000
Speaker 1: the same. And I'm sure you're thinking in your mind

1591
01:16:57,120 --> 01:16:59,000
Speaker 1: right now, well, I didn't list all the things he

1592
01:16:59,080 --> 01:17:02,120
Speaker 1: does for you. It doesn't matter. If being married for

1593
01:17:02,240 --> 01:17:04,439
Speaker 1: you is that important, then he has to show up

1594
01:17:04,479 --> 01:17:06,519
Speaker 1: in that way for you. And then you can also

1595
01:17:06,560 --> 01:17:08,880
Speaker 1: and consider what why is marriage so important to you?

1596
01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:11,559
Speaker 1: Maybe it isn't as important as you think. But as

1597
01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:13,320
Speaker 1: long as you feel that way and he's not meeting

1598
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:16,240
Speaker 1: you halfway, then then there really is nothing to talk about.

1599
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:19,280
Speaker 1: And yes, going to bed crying and all of that

1600
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:21,880
Speaker 1: is not that that doesn't mean you're with the right person.

1601
01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:24,320
Speaker 1: That means you're with the wrong person. So I just

1602
01:17:24,439 --> 01:17:26,080
Speaker 1: have to say I was with a guy who I

1603
01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:28,160
Speaker 1: was so madly in love with, and we were dating

1604
01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:30,920
Speaker 1: for two weeks. I mean, we were never apart, and

1605
01:17:30,960 --> 01:17:32,479
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, one day he just said

1606
01:17:32,640 --> 01:17:35,000
Speaker 1: he panicked, and he goes, I need a week away

1607
01:17:35,040 --> 01:17:37,680
Speaker 1: from you. And I was twenty five, and I was

1608
01:17:37,720 --> 01:17:40,679
Speaker 1: like okay, and then cried my eyes out for two weeks,

1609
01:17:40,760 --> 01:17:43,080
Speaker 1: like totally sobbing my eyes out. Didn't know why he

1610
01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:44,720
Speaker 1: needed time away from me. I didn't know what was

1611
01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:46,080
Speaker 1: going on. And then he just showed up at my

1612
01:17:46,120 --> 01:17:47,639
Speaker 1: door after the two weeks was up as if nothing

1613
01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:50,040
Speaker 1: had happened, and I was so happy to see him

1614
01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:52,519
Speaker 1: because I was so in love with him. That is

1615
01:17:52,600 --> 01:17:57,440
Speaker 1: not red flag number one. That is red flag whole relationship,

1616
01:17:57,560 --> 01:18:02,400
Speaker 1: because it kept happening over and over again. We were

1617
01:18:02,439 --> 01:18:05,479
Speaker 1: together for ten years. Believe me, it happened all the time,

1618
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:07,560
Speaker 1: and I kept thinking, it's a phase, it's at this

1619
01:18:07,680 --> 01:18:11,080
Speaker 1: I get gave it excuses, and I was crying all

1620
01:18:11,360 --> 01:18:14,280
Speaker 1: the time at night, not knowing what was going on

1621
01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:16,479
Speaker 1: because he had to deal with his own ship. He

1622
01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:19,200
Speaker 1: couldn't deal in a relation. You cannot be in a

1623
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:24,200
Speaker 1: healthy relationship until you have made yourself healthy. Yeah, and

1624
01:18:24,479 --> 01:18:26,559
Speaker 1: that is the truth. And it sounds like this guy

1625
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:29,479
Speaker 1: needs to make himself healthy. He probably has a lot

1626
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:32,880
Speaker 1: of separation issues. If he's from divorced parents, he needs

1627
01:18:32,960 --> 01:18:35,960
Speaker 1: to get help before he can meet you equally in

1628
01:18:36,040 --> 01:18:39,360
Speaker 1: this relationship because right now it does not sound equal.

1629
01:18:39,520 --> 01:18:45,719
Speaker 1: And trust me when I say the problems will get bigger. Yes. Also,

1630
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:49,080
Speaker 1: him getting healthy is one thing, but you being in

1631
01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:52,080
Speaker 1: this relationship is also an indicator that you're not very healthy,

1632
01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:55,360
Speaker 1: you know, or as healthy as you can be, because

1633
01:18:55,400 --> 01:18:58,000
Speaker 1: you're tolerating this, and you need to stand up for

1634
01:18:58,080 --> 01:19:00,760
Speaker 1: yourself and put your foot down, like if this isn't

1635
01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:03,040
Speaker 1: acceptable for you, then it's not acceptable for you, and

1636
01:19:03,120 --> 01:19:05,400
Speaker 1: you have to figure out why you're tolerating it. You

1637
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:08,120
Speaker 1: said yourself that he's an avoidance and you're an anxious

1638
01:19:08,640 --> 01:19:12,439
Speaker 1: That means that the dynamic is unhealthy because anxious people

1639
01:19:12,439 --> 01:19:14,880
Speaker 1: should never be with avoidance. They feed off of you.

1640
01:19:15,400 --> 01:19:18,200
Speaker 1: They feed off of your neediness because that's how they

1641
01:19:18,280 --> 01:19:21,000
Speaker 1: perceive it as neediness. You need to get married, You

1642
01:19:21,080 --> 01:19:23,000
Speaker 1: need to have your name on the You need me

1643
01:19:23,080 --> 01:19:26,080
Speaker 1: to be committed to you. That dynamic will never shift

1644
01:19:26,160 --> 01:19:28,519
Speaker 1: until you shift it, and staying in the relationship, you

1645
01:19:28,600 --> 01:19:31,559
Speaker 1: won't shift anything. I think what you just said, Chelsea

1646
01:19:31,720 --> 01:19:33,360
Speaker 1: is the most valuable thing you could say to any

1647
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:36,000
Speaker 1: woman in a relationship like this, what do you you

1648
01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:38,400
Speaker 1: need to put yourself first? Why are you in this

1649
01:19:38,520 --> 01:19:42,160
Speaker 1: relationship where you're not happy? We never look at that,

1650
01:19:43,120 --> 01:19:45,760
Speaker 1: And I think that's exactly it. Once you start going there,

1651
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:49,400
Speaker 1: you're going to figure it out for yourself. But don't settle. Yeah,

1652
01:19:49,479 --> 01:19:52,240
Speaker 1: and just just don't confuse you thinking you're in love

1653
01:19:52,320 --> 01:19:54,599
Speaker 1: with someone as the love of your life. You don't

1654
01:19:54,640 --> 01:19:58,200
Speaker 1: know what's coming. I've I thought that multiple times in

1655
01:19:58,280 --> 01:19:59,600
Speaker 1: my life, that I was with the love of my

1656
01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:03,760
Speaker 1: life and guess what I wasn't And Julianna, I think

1657
01:20:03,880 --> 01:20:06,639
Speaker 1: you felt that way. As my mother used said collar

1658
01:20:06,720 --> 01:20:08,800
Speaker 1: crying in this horrible relations she'd be like, I don't

1659
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:11,560
Speaker 1: understand you. There's so many men out there. Yeah, I know,

1660
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:13,880
Speaker 1: and it doesn't feel like that at the point. At

1661
01:20:13,960 --> 01:20:15,920
Speaker 1: the time, you feel like this is your only person,

1662
01:20:16,040 --> 01:20:18,000
Speaker 1: it's your whole world, and it's hard to see beyond

1663
01:20:18,120 --> 01:20:22,000
Speaker 1: the circumstance you're in currently. But I promise you there

1664
01:20:22,080 --> 01:20:25,479
Speaker 1: are billions of people out there and you have no

1665
01:20:25,640 --> 01:20:28,639
Speaker 1: idea what's coming your way. When you say to the universe,

1666
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:31,120
Speaker 1: these are my standards and this is what I'm going

1667
01:20:31,160 --> 01:20:34,400
Speaker 1: to going to be willing to tolerate. I guarantee your

1668
01:20:34,400 --> 01:20:37,000
Speaker 1: whole world changes. It'll change. And this is what I want,

1669
01:20:37,160 --> 01:20:39,800
Speaker 1: right down on a piece of paper, what you want,

1670
01:20:40,200 --> 01:20:42,560
Speaker 1: and then really be truthful. Can he give that to you?

1671
01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:45,799
Speaker 1: Because if he can't, I bet you dollars to donuts,

1672
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:48,599
Speaker 1: someone else can dollars to donuts. You heard it here

1673
01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:50,720
Speaker 1: for first. I haven't heard that in a long time.

1674
01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:54,000
Speaker 1: Thank you for revisiting that phrase, dollars to donuts. So

1675
01:20:54,240 --> 01:20:57,080
Speaker 1: sorry about the bad feedback. I mean, it's not bad feedback.

1676
01:20:57,120 --> 01:20:58,640
Speaker 1: It's good feedback, but it's not going to be what

1677
01:20:58,760 --> 01:21:00,920
Speaker 1: you want to hear. But keep in touch with us

1678
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,880
Speaker 1: and let us know what happens, let us know if

1679
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:06,040
Speaker 1: you made any big moves. Take care of yourself first. Yes,

1680
01:21:06,200 --> 01:21:08,320
Speaker 1: please take care of yourself because you can't rely on

1681
01:21:08,360 --> 01:21:12,160
Speaker 1: another person to do that for you. Good luck, and

1682
01:21:12,280 --> 01:21:15,400
Speaker 1: with that, we'll take a quick break and be right

1683
01:21:15,479 --> 01:21:24,400
Speaker 1: back with Julianna and Chelsea and we're back. Well, Julianna,

1684
01:21:24,479 --> 01:21:26,719
Speaker 1: do you have any advice you'd like to get from Chelsea?

1685
01:21:27,520 --> 01:21:33,200
Speaker 1: I do medical advice. It's medical ish, Dr Chelsea Handler.

1686
01:21:33,920 --> 01:21:38,040
Speaker 1: So I read your book and I was really fascinated

1687
01:21:38,080 --> 01:21:42,280
Speaker 1: by the ayahuasca chapter. Also because I've had a few

1688
01:21:42,320 --> 01:21:44,040
Speaker 1: friends who have done it and who have told me

1689
01:21:44,040 --> 01:21:47,280
Speaker 1: about it. Now, I am not a person. I've never

1690
01:21:47,360 --> 01:21:49,479
Speaker 1: been good on pot. I've tried all my friends who

1691
01:21:49,560 --> 01:21:51,360
Speaker 1: do gummy, They're like, you haven't had the right kind.

1692
01:21:51,760 --> 01:21:54,320
Speaker 1: Every time I do it, it just doesn't bode well

1693
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:58,519
Speaker 1: with me. But the idea of ayahuasca kind of intrigues me.

1694
01:21:58,960 --> 01:22:02,200
Speaker 1: So I want to ask cue, one, would you do

1695
01:22:02,320 --> 01:22:09,439
Speaker 1: it again? Two? Would you advise someone who has not?

1696
01:22:09,680 --> 01:22:12,880
Speaker 1: Like I've never done ascid? I don't like tripping really right.

1697
01:22:13,280 --> 01:22:15,439
Speaker 1: I don't like being not in control. Like what I

1698
01:22:15,520 --> 01:22:18,320
Speaker 1: love about having a margarita is I know I can

1699
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:20,559
Speaker 1: have two and that's my limit, and then I drink

1700
01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:23,439
Speaker 1: some water and I'm fine. You know, I can monitor that.

1701
01:22:24,120 --> 01:22:26,599
Speaker 1: I don't like being I get scared to be out

1702
01:22:26,640 --> 01:22:28,920
Speaker 1: of control. But I think it would be really good

1703
01:22:29,040 --> 01:22:32,120
Speaker 1: for me. And what you described about you and your

1704
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:35,360
Speaker 1: sister on the beach together, I thought, oh my god,

1705
01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:38,360
Speaker 1: I want to I want to see where my trip goes.

1706
01:22:39,400 --> 01:22:42,960
Speaker 1: What would you say to someone who's never tried it, Honestly,

1707
01:22:43,800 --> 01:22:46,639
Speaker 1: knowing you as I know you, I would say, you're

1708
01:22:46,640 --> 01:22:50,280
Speaker 1: a pretty healthy person and that you're pretty even keeled

1709
01:22:50,520 --> 01:22:53,680
Speaker 1: and stable, and I would say that you don't need

1710
01:22:53,760 --> 01:22:56,519
Speaker 1: to do something like that. I would say that that

1711
01:22:56,680 --> 01:22:59,519
Speaker 1: is for people who are really searching and are really

1712
01:23:00,240 --> 01:23:03,599
Speaker 1: haven't resolved any of their childhood trauma. And I feel

1713
01:23:03,680 --> 01:23:06,200
Speaker 1: like you have and that you are in a good

1714
01:23:06,280 --> 01:23:09,719
Speaker 1: state of mind. And while it can open up doors

1715
01:23:09,960 --> 01:23:13,000
Speaker 1: and bring you to different places, I don't think it's

1716
01:23:13,040 --> 01:23:16,800
Speaker 1: worth the anxiety of leading up to it. Being a

1717
01:23:16,920 --> 01:23:20,160
Speaker 1: type a personality like you are, I don't think it's

1718
01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:24,320
Speaker 1: worth it. There's vomiting involved, people ship their pants, You're

1719
01:23:24,439 --> 01:23:26,680
Speaker 1: throwing up in a bucket, there's a shaman like can

1720
01:23:26,800 --> 01:23:30,240
Speaker 1: It can be very intense. And with somebody who doesn't

1721
01:23:30,320 --> 01:23:35,000
Speaker 1: have a tolerance for drugs, it's it's not necessary, Like

1722
01:23:35,120 --> 01:23:37,240
Speaker 1: I would say it if you were really in a

1723
01:23:37,360 --> 01:23:40,080
Speaker 1: bad place or you needed to get clarity on something.

1724
01:23:40,160 --> 01:23:42,000
Speaker 1: But I feel like you have a lot of clarity

1725
01:23:42,080 --> 01:23:44,120
Speaker 1: and you are in a really good place, and I

1726
01:23:44,240 --> 01:23:47,920
Speaker 1: just would say it's unnecessary. Dr Chelsea, I feel so

1727
01:23:48,080 --> 01:23:50,200
Speaker 1: relieved that I don't have to go down that path.

1728
01:23:50,439 --> 01:23:52,559
Speaker 1: Let's put this on the record for the first time,

1729
01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:56,519
Speaker 1: I'm advising somebody to not do drugs. Actually this isn't

1730
01:23:56,560 --> 01:23:58,200
Speaker 1: the first time, but I would have to be honest

1731
01:23:58,240 --> 01:24:00,519
Speaker 1: with you because you just don't need it, you really do.

1732
01:24:00,680 --> 01:24:03,960
Speaker 1: I love that answer. I really was expecting something else. Yeah,

1733
01:24:04,080 --> 01:24:05,599
Speaker 1: I wouldn't you know what, to tell you the truth.

1734
01:24:05,640 --> 01:24:07,200
Speaker 1: I don't think i'll do it again either. I mean,

1735
01:24:07,320 --> 01:24:09,040
Speaker 1: I've always had groups of girlfriends that want to do

1736
01:24:09,080 --> 01:24:11,120
Speaker 1: these ayahuasca retreats, and I always say I'll do it.

1737
01:24:11,640 --> 01:24:13,240
Speaker 1: But if I hadn't been doing it on camera, I

1738
01:24:13,240 --> 01:24:15,400
Speaker 1: wouldn't have done it either, because I you know it is.

1739
01:24:16,200 --> 01:24:18,200
Speaker 1: It was a beautiful experience, and I'm just going to

1740
01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:19,920
Speaker 1: leave it at that. I don't need to tempt my

1741
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:23,040
Speaker 1: fate again. I love it. Thank you. I'm not gonna

1742
01:24:23,280 --> 01:24:25,519
Speaker 1: that's one thing checked off my list. I don't have

1743
01:24:25,680 --> 01:24:28,200
Speaker 1: to do it. I really appreciate it. You are an

1744
01:24:28,200 --> 01:24:31,000
Speaker 1: absolute delight. I just love you. I adore you. You're

1745
01:24:31,040 --> 01:24:35,080
Speaker 1: such a You're such a positive and ebulliant person to

1746
01:24:35,240 --> 01:24:37,640
Speaker 1: have around, and I just love seeing you every time

1747
01:24:37,680 --> 01:24:39,880
Speaker 1: I get to see you. So I'm so psyched that

1748
01:24:39,960 --> 01:24:41,439
Speaker 1: you're on the podcast and then we got to do

1749
01:24:41,479 --> 01:24:44,240
Speaker 1: in a person I'm so just listeners. Just so you know,

1750
01:24:44,479 --> 01:24:48,439
Speaker 1: I listened to Chelsea's podcast since its inception while I

1751
01:24:48,520 --> 01:24:51,639
Speaker 1: was alone in my kitchen and lockdown cooking. It felt

1752
01:24:51,680 --> 01:24:54,120
Speaker 1: so good to hear people I love and respect and

1753
01:24:54,160 --> 01:24:57,360
Speaker 1: can make me laugh. And I literally text Chelsea after

1754
01:24:57,400 --> 01:24:59,760
Speaker 1: almost like I listen to an episode and not text

1755
01:24:59,840 --> 01:25:01,400
Speaker 1: on Oh my god, you had so and so on.

1756
01:25:01,880 --> 01:25:05,519
Speaker 1: So I'm a huge fan, you know, Thank you, Thank you,

1757
01:25:05,840 --> 01:25:07,680
Speaker 1: and make sure you read Sunshine Girl. And you can

1758
01:25:07,720 --> 01:25:11,280
Speaker 1: always find Julianna on the Morning Show currently, and then

1759
01:25:11,320 --> 01:25:12,920
Speaker 1: you can just go back and rent all of the

1760
01:25:13,160 --> 01:25:15,519
Speaker 1: Good Wife. What's that on Hulu? You don't have to

1761
01:25:15,560 --> 01:25:21,760
Speaker 1: rent it. I'm sure it's on somewhere. Yeah, yeah, Netflix,

1762
01:25:22,000 --> 01:25:24,600
Speaker 1: Netflix is how they're pronouncing it now. But thank you

1763
01:25:24,680 --> 01:25:26,360
Speaker 1: so much for being here. Thank you for having me.

1764
01:25:26,439 --> 01:25:28,760
Speaker 1: It was a blast. So if you'd like to ask

1765
01:25:28,840 --> 01:25:32,400
Speaker 1: Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at

1766
01:25:32,479 --> 01:25:33,400
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.