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Speaker 1: Who chow we are at the end of the year.

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Speaker 1: I finally finished this recap episode for y'all when y'all

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Speaker 1: get to her gems for some of my favorite episodes.

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Speaker 1: So I just love doing this episode because I'm just like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: I interviewed so many women and all of them just

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Speaker 1: dropped so many gems that she can use every day

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Speaker 1: throughout your life. So I really can't wait for you

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Speaker 1: guys to hear this. And also, your girl is in

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Speaker 1: her fourth bookstore, so we have one that is located

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Speaker 1: in downtown Brooklyn and the fourth one is located in Nashville, Tennessee.

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Speaker 1: So I would include more details, but I'm super excited.

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Speaker 1: I'm cool. Cha has been a long year, but has

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Speaker 1: been a long and good year. So as always, thank

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Speaker 1: you all so much for supporting the kid. I really

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Speaker 1: do appreciate y'all and I really do hope you all

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Speaker 1: enjoy this recap of Happy New Year everyone. Welcome you

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Speaker 1: are now listening to the Professional Profession. Hey, Professional Home

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Speaker 1: Girls is the kid of a name from the PSD podcast,

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Speaker 1: the only place where you would hear interviews from black

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Speaker 1: women an honestly on stories that will enlighten and expand

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Speaker 1: on taboo topics. Now. If you hear someone that sounds familiar,

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Speaker 1: mind the business that pays you child. If you like

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Speaker 1: the PhD podcast, please rate, review and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

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Speaker 1: Please five star reviews only. Hold me Down, Don't Hold

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Speaker 1: Me Up. Merchant is now available on this site as

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Speaker 1: well as my book list, so please make sure you

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Speaker 1: visit the link in the show notes below. You can

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Speaker 1: connect with the kid on Instagram at the Professional home

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Speaker 1: Girl and at the PSD podcast. If you are on Twitter,

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Speaker 1: please follow me at the PhD podcast now. If you

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Speaker 1: are all caught up with episode, listen to the bonus

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Speaker 1: episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account. To support,

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Speaker 1: please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the

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Speaker 1: PSD podcast now. Please keep in mind that all of

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Speaker 1: my guests are Anness. So let's again this week's episode.

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Speaker 1: You know you have a relationship with God, but what

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Speaker 1: would your advice be to those who don't really know

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Speaker 1: God for themselves when it comes to overcome and this

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Speaker 1: addiction or addictions addictions? For me personally, I would say

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Speaker 1: my my relationship will go is what literally helped me

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Speaker 1: break free from it um and I found that I

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Speaker 1: couldn't do it in my flesh and it was literally

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Speaker 1: through them how much the Holy Spirit. But for um,

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Speaker 1: those who don't have a relationship with God, UM, I

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Speaker 1: would say that, you know, take every day as it

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Speaker 1: at a time. Um, don't look I always say, don't

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Speaker 1: look at yesterday, don't think about tomorrow, just take every

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Speaker 1: day at a time. For me, like I can't really

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Speaker 1: speak without including God, I can't really speak without including

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Speaker 1: Jesus because for me personally, that is the only reason

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Speaker 1: why I can say that I'm free from it, because

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Speaker 1: I have experienced what it was like to be addicted

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Speaker 1: and not be saved, and I knew that for me

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Speaker 1: personally that I wasn't able to overcome in my instance

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Speaker 1: at all, And it was only when I began to

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Speaker 1: surrender to God after I got saved that I was

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Speaker 1: able to be free once and foll because it was

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Speaker 1: His strength and not my own. Um. I would say

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Speaker 1: that accountability can really help in just having that long

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Speaker 1: term help and support from people around you. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: I was that you said that people treat you differently

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Speaker 1: now since you do have virus here. Yeah, so that's

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Speaker 1: that's the one thing that I definitely noticed, and it's

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Speaker 1: it's actually kind of weird, I would say, I in

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Speaker 1: terms of I think it's disgusting and it's the worst

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Speaker 1: part is it's it's mostly from black people, mostly black men.

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Speaker 1: So I would say when I had a darker skin tone,

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Speaker 1: I I didn't get a lot of reception from black

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Speaker 1: men as much as I do now that I have

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Speaker 1: a lighter skin tone, And it's kind of upsetting because

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Speaker 1: nothing's really changed about me. I mean, yeah, I've had

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Speaker 1: some cosmetic procedures here and there, but even when I

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Speaker 1: didn't have those and I was just lighter, that's where

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Speaker 1: I saw the biggest difference in how they would talk

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Speaker 1: to me and you know, things like that, just even

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Speaker 1: walking down the streets. So it's weird because I'm still

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Speaker 1: in the same body and I'm still the same person,

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Speaker 1: but just how I've been treated been treated or if

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Speaker 1: the words are kinder and a little bit nicer and matter,

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Speaker 1: it's it's messed up, it really is. But they're not

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Speaker 1: a mess with your psyche just a little bit, because

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Speaker 1: I know that I probably like with damn, was that

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Speaker 1: not good enough? Being dark skinned? Yeah, So that's that's

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Speaker 1: definitely something that I always think about like even for example,

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Speaker 1: like going into a club before I was lighter, I

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Speaker 1: would remember like even like where I was like, they

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Speaker 1: would say they would look at me a little bit

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Speaker 1: longer and try to decide if they're gonna let me in,

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Speaker 1: even though I feel like I'm the same person or

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Speaker 1: but now it's it's completely different. And I don't understand

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Speaker 1: why that's the mental shift. Yeah, I um, because you

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Speaker 1: had every pretty much every person get family right a

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Speaker 1: little to you in the book, and I was reading

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Speaker 1: with your sisters was saying about you, and it was

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Speaker 1: like you was that girl. Oh I was that girl.

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Speaker 1: I was TV stuff right, I mean, my life put

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Speaker 1: it like this. When I got clean, my sister came

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Speaker 1: down and I was a treatment at that time. She

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Speaker 1: took me shopping and we were going to buy underclothes

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Speaker 1: and she said, what side you where. I said, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what you're talking about. I said, I've never

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Speaker 1: bought my own clothes, and She's like, what the hit?

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Speaker 1: So especially, all I had to say is I want

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Speaker 1: a blue dress. And when I came home there was

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Speaker 1: twenty blue dresses hanging around the house. You know. When

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Speaker 1: I got a meet Coke, she gotta meet Coke. So

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. There was a lot I did not know.

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Speaker 1: So when I got clean at two, life began for me.

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Speaker 1: That's when I started living because you know, and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna say this too, I would do everything I did

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Speaker 1: over again. M h. People go, you're crazy, No, because

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Speaker 1: that's my journey, that's my story. She can't take a

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Speaker 1: person's story from them. Everybody has the right, whether it's good, bad,

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Speaker 1: or in different, to have their story. And and and

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Speaker 1: so God made that my story, even me wrapping my

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Speaker 1: body with dope, getting on the plane, like I owned

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Speaker 1: the plane, get into get into Detroit. I can't Detroit

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Speaker 1: because the gown bring it to They trying to kill him.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm about of him, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: like I need to go. So it is what it is.

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Speaker 1: Take I I hate seeing. Let me read you the solf.

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Speaker 1: This is not what this is about. Why don't you

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Speaker 1: need to snap somebody's edges over reading? Like, relax, do

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Speaker 1: the reading and tell the I know, yeah, like I cannot,

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Speaker 1: like I can't take it. This is about helping people,

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Speaker 1: it's not about breaking them down. Right, do you feel

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Speaker 1: like psychis are the new wellness coaches, m or people

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Speaker 1: under this umbrella. That's interesting. I only say it's interesting,

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Speaker 1: and I can agree with that in a sense, um,

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Speaker 1: because I think people have gotten tired of respecting medicine.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Um. I think people are now saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is not working for me. Let me try this, um,

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Speaker 1: let me meditate, let me take shadow work. You know,

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Speaker 1: I offer that to my own clients and it changes

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Speaker 1: their life. And they've been to plenty of therapists, a

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Speaker 1: lot of them on medication, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: and it has not worked. So yeah, I do believe that.

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Speaker 1: I do believe. Yes, Um. What one of the ways

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Speaker 1: that I give my introduction of myself is I um

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Speaker 1: give a little testimony in terms of how the biased family.

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Speaker 1: What I learned, what I learned about life, and that

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Speaker 1: is that we are all in the time of the

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Speaker 1: good life, and when we're in the good life, we

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Speaker 1: think that everything should be well. But what I learned

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Speaker 1: is that their levels in the good life that still

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Speaker 1: should be grateful for, because when you're in the good life,

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Speaker 1: you don't realize that even when everything isn't going the

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Speaker 1: way you wanted to go, you don't realize that you

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Speaker 1: were in the good life until the second thing comes,

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Speaker 1: and that's the nightmare. And the nightmare is where you

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Speaker 1: can breathe. You can't think, you you can't imagine, Um,

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Speaker 1: how did this happen to me? And just looking at

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Speaker 1: our current events when we look at Miami, Florida with

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Speaker 1: the collapse of the condo, all of a sudden, people

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Speaker 1: were doing life and then the nightmare comes, and that's

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Speaker 1: where the unthinkable happens. And you you keep trying to

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Speaker 1: wake up from this dream. You keep shaking yourself and

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Speaker 1: shaking yourself, but the dream continues on. So what I

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Speaker 1: like to share in terms of taking life's lemons and

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Speaker 1: make lemonade, is that we all have lemons in our lives.

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Speaker 1: We have things that we don't like, but those lemons

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Speaker 1: if you use them and in the right way. I

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Speaker 1: was on an interview with someone earlier and they gave

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Speaker 1: the analogy that when years ago the lemons and I'm sorry, um,

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Speaker 1: the lemon and the sugar go together used to be

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Speaker 1: a remedy years ago when people weren't feeling well or

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Speaker 1: like me, when they have a call for something like that.

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Speaker 1: So the lemon and the sugar goes together. And that's

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Speaker 1: the balance that is in life. And we think sometimes

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Speaker 1: today that there is a place that we can find

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Speaker 1: in life where I won't have to deal with anything.

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Speaker 1: These challenges won't happen to me. I can avoid the

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Speaker 1: pitfalls that that people are going through. But the reality

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Speaker 1: is is that life will find you. You cannot hide

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Speaker 1: from life. Money can't do it, position can't do it.

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Speaker 1: Life will catch up with you. Now it may not

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Speaker 1: be publicly like it was with me, but um in

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Speaker 1: the depths of my two sons, but life will catch

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Speaker 1: up with you and other areas of your life that

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Speaker 1: you're dealing with. So we have the good life, we

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Speaker 1: have the nightmare. And the fourth point is life after death,

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Speaker 1: and and life after death means that how do I

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Speaker 1: gather the pieces together? My God, how do I start over?

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Speaker 1: How do I even get my mind in a place

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Speaker 1: where where I can think to move on? How how

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Speaker 1: can I do that? And and then when when some

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Speaker 1: people like to rush the process, so no, I can

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Speaker 1: get over this. I can keep it moving. But as

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Speaker 1: I said earlier, if you don't deal with life, life

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Speaker 1: will deal with you. And it takes the time that

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Speaker 1: it takes to go through these processes that are required

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Speaker 1: for us to rebuild and refocus and reset and move

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Speaker 1: on and the fort. So I know, like any other marriage,

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Speaker 1: I probably had your issues. But were there any rare

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Speaker 1: flash that you overlook? If I'm honest, which I try

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Speaker 1: to be, there's a lot of I looked over. It's

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Speaker 1: because I was just talking to my my friend Erica,

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Speaker 1: and I was talking about the things I looked up

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Speaker 1: from when even when we were younger, and my mom

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Speaker 1: used to tell me that he feels like he's better

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Speaker 1: than you. You need to be careful with him because

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Speaker 1: like he's been to you, like our backgrounds were very different.

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Speaker 1: He kind of grew up like in the class, you know,

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Speaker 1: I grew up in the hood. Now that just this

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Speaker 1: and um like even then, like starting really early, like

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Speaker 1: the way he would treat me was kind of show

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Speaker 1: me that he kind of felt and he was kind

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Speaker 1: of doing me a favorite of being with me. But

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Speaker 1: when you don't have like a sense of self worth

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Speaker 1: and your identity, it's kind of like tied to being

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Speaker 1: with this person. Like my life became about shifting and

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Speaker 1: shaping to the person that he wanted me to be.

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Speaker 1: So I could see in the side is boxing and

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Speaker 1: beating him, like it was very important for me to

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Speaker 1: beat with him. I mean the last couple of weeks

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Speaker 1: I've had time to reflect on it. But that's the

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Speaker 1: space that I was in at the time. So it

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Speaker 1: wasn't like self worth wasn't wasn't a thing like for me.

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Speaker 1: He was just like it was tied to him. So

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Speaker 1: if I could change and be who he wants me

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Speaker 1: to be and being he wants me, then everything he's

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Speaker 1: right in the world. And this is kind of like

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Speaker 1: the space that I operated in. Unfortunately, so it was

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Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. I know it. And I also

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Speaker 1: because I was going through your posts and I saw

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Speaker 1: that you mentioned that your husband was the first male

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Speaker 1: I sided your family to tell you that he loves you.

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Speaker 1: So do you think at one point that you validate

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Speaker 1: yourself worth from other people, especially men since she wasn't

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Speaker 1: receiving it from home. Yeah, I mean I grew up

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Speaker 1: without my dad, so um, I mean like if you

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Speaker 1: started like really earliest for me, So like I grew

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Speaker 1: without my dad on top of being a listed by

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Speaker 1: by Mill with my family, So like you know, I

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Speaker 1: was always kind of taking work in validation from some men,

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Speaker 1: especially do you think that because you've been through so much.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I've been through a lot too, so I

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Speaker 1: can only imagine the things that you've been through. How

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Speaker 1: exhausted it is. You think you just might be tired?

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Speaker 1: Good girl. Yes, yeah, that might be a reason why

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Speaker 1: you may that you may be in this relationship. Um,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know you love her. I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: take away from that girl. Tired an't even the word.

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Speaker 1: Um right, and after so much, it's not even being tired,

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Speaker 1: It's just it's just being fed up. You don't want

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Speaker 1: to sit there and have to deal with somebody else's bullshit.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna go to the next guy for him to

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Speaker 1: tell you he's got seven kids, Um, tim baby mama's

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Speaker 1: and you gotta deal with all the baby mamas and

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Speaker 1: the drama with that and going in and out of

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Speaker 1: jail because this girl want to fight you or calling

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Speaker 1: you in the middle of the night. I don't. I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm good God, I don't want to go through nothing

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Speaker 1: else in life. And I'm already still just you know,

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Speaker 1: still going through it. So do you trust him? Absolutely not?

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Speaker 1: M You notice sounds crazy right in my homies, I

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Speaker 1: am after what I've been through with this man, I'd

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Speaker 1: be a damn fool to trust him, so right, No,

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Speaker 1: I don't trust them. Um, honestly, do I think this

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Speaker 1: marriage will last? No? I don't. Mm hmmm. Am I

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Speaker 1: gonna give it my all to try to make it last? Yes?

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Speaker 1: I think you have already? Yeah, I have, and did

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Speaker 1: your family and my encourageance that's identified the person of

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Speaker 1: telling did I know you'll have Dominicans? I'm very proud. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think we are called from Yes, we're very proud,

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Speaker 1: but we're also very colorist. A lot of colorism in

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Speaker 1: Dominican community. So you know, like my dad he says

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Speaker 1: he's a white Dominican um. He says, I'm a white

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Speaker 1: Dominican um. And yeah, like I have aunts and stuff

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Speaker 1: that are like, no, you're not right. So here it's

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Speaker 1: so like it's so complex. There's different depending on the

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Speaker 1: person and stuff. But because of colorism, there is a

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Speaker 1: piece of like people encouraging it. Right, I'm like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're white, Oh yeah, you're you're you know, you're so

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Speaker 1: pretty because you right, you have good hair. So that

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Speaker 1: is very new. And what about the family member? There's

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Speaker 1: darking about it. Yeah, I mean that's also been a

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Speaker 1: source of pain, you know, like growing up with my

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Speaker 1: cousins that like we're told they had the bad hair,

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Speaker 1: Like I was told more often that I was pretty

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Speaker 1: or that I was smart. Um, so that's all of pain.

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Speaker 1: So that it and then because of that, I was

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Speaker 1: like bullied and you know, because that was that was different,

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Speaker 1: But it was because the adult like encouraging me and

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Speaker 1: celebrating the fact that I was white passing mhm. I

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Speaker 1: have a question for you, because I people talk about suicide,

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Speaker 1: I don't look at it from that aspect of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, a person needing assistance with things or they're

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Speaker 1: just really going through it, because sometimes life is just

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Speaker 1: that fucking hard. Yeah, So what are your thoughts when

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Speaker 1: people say that when people take their lives the way

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Speaker 1: that they're selfish or they not consider it, Like, how

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Speaker 1: do you feel about that? I understand because I felt

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Speaker 1: that way at certain points throughout my grieving process, and

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Speaker 1: I'm still going through the grieving process, right because you

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Speaker 1: never fully I think you would say good yeah, right, um,

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Speaker 1: And so I understand at you know, at first, I

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Speaker 1: was angry at my dad for that exact reason, like

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Speaker 1: why why did you make this decision, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you had a choice, right, suicide is a choice. But

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Speaker 1: then you know, now that I'm older and I understand

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Speaker 1: mental health and I understand the emboids in your brain,

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Speaker 1: I understand, you know, and also just kind of going

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Speaker 1: through my own journey with my own mental health and

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Speaker 1: my own you know, struggles I go through, I can

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Speaker 1: understand how someone can get to that point right right exactly.

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Speaker 1: So I just try to give people as much understanding.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is not a thing to say like,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, still excided answer, because it's still never the answer, right, um.

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Speaker 1: But I've learned to give my dad grace and understand

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Speaker 1: that many, I would say, probably even of the people

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Speaker 1: that commit suicide, that's not the decision that they would

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Speaker 1: have liked if they were in the right state of mind,

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Speaker 1: you know, like for the fact that someone took their

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Speaker 1: own life, something really internally must have been going wrong,

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Speaker 1: and if you know, they were there properly, that wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have been the decision that they would have made. So

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Speaker 1: I mean, I only try to think about it as

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Speaker 1: much anymore, you know, and it is what it is

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Speaker 1: at this point, But I mean I can understand why

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Speaker 1: people take it as selfish because you do leave behind

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Speaker 1: a bunch of people that miss you. You leave. Now

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Speaker 1: everyone's morning. You know, now everyone has to go to

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Speaker 1: your funeral and know that this could have been avoided.

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Speaker 1: So I get it. But you know, life is tough

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Speaker 1: and you know specific years and stuff like that. I

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Speaker 1: like to look at the planet so I know for sure, Um,

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Speaker 1: Jupiter is moving into Pisces in so um, I personally

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00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people's money are You're still

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Speaker 1: gonna see this, like third of people get it deeper

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Speaker 1: into spirituality or just um focusing more on side hustles

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Speaker 1: right to supplement their income, people trying to save more.

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Speaker 1: Like I kind of just feel like it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: one of those coming of age years, Like it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be like another major turner point, like how COVID was

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Speaker 1: a major turner point. Right, It's set a completely different

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Speaker 1: scene or like energy from nineteen right, because twenty nineteen

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Speaker 1: girl by everybody was like everybody was going to come

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Speaker 1: up at twenty nineteen, right, like everybody was starting a

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Speaker 1: little kidd of business and they lashes business like everybody

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Speaker 1: would starting something. But I feel like COVID came and

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Speaker 1: shot a whole lot of ship down and it really

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Speaker 1: showed I don't want to say who was called, but

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Speaker 1: it really weeded out like who was really going to

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Speaker 1: survive on their own without that ninety five versus who

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Speaker 1: was going to get scared and go back to pocket it.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like two is gonna be another time

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Speaker 1: where people it's like a revival of some swere like

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00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:03,479
Speaker 1: people just gonna be like trusting themselves, trusting you know,

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Speaker 1: their vision or whatever their mission isn't life Like, They're

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Speaker 1: gonna feel a strong pull to keep it going. So

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Speaker 1: that's what I see overall. Um Aside from that, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think people are gonna grow a little tired of

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Speaker 1: um government trying to you know right now Uncle Sam

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Speaker 1: type energy, Like there's gonna be a lot of pushback,

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Speaker 1: like now we ain't letting you play with us like this.

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Speaker 1: So the people are gonna like kind of share one

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Speaker 1: boys and get like a lot of pushbacks up. Mm

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Speaker 1: hmmm mmm. So there's what do you recommend to look

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Speaker 1: for when it comes to choosing a midwife. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: whether it's a midwife for O, B, D W in

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00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: any type of provider, I feel like you want one

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Speaker 1: who okay, like if you came in, if they came

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00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 1: to the room once, the one who you feel comfortable

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Speaker 1: with asking questions. You know, you want someone who's like

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Speaker 1: knowledgeable in the field. You want someone who you feel

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Speaker 1: like listens to you, because I feel like a lot

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Speaker 1: of providers will be like, Okay, this is the plan,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, no, that's not what you should say.

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Speaker 1: It's like, basically, what I'm trying to do is I

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Speaker 1: give you all your options so that we can make

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Speaker 1: an informed decision. Like it's not a one way streak

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Speaker 1: of like I'm making other decisions for you. It's me

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Speaker 1: helping you to pick a decision that's best for yourself.

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Speaker 1: And so I feel like, make sure your provider is like,

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Speaker 1: you know, somebody that you feel comfortable with, that you

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00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: feel like gives you all your options. Um, who doesn't

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Speaker 1: like um you know, make you feel bad for not

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00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: picking a certain decision. Um, So I think those are

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00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 1: good things. And make sure they listen to you. Like

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00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 1: I feel like the major thing about like, you know,

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Speaker 1: maternal mortality and women you know, more black women dying

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Speaker 1: in birth is just not being listened to and not

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Speaker 1: being heard. One who's definitely gonna that you feel like

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00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: it's gonna listen to you and you know, have your

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00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,959
Speaker 1: best interests at heart. So and that's where like, you know,

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00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 1: sometimes doulas come in because they're advocates and they can help,

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00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: like you know, what kind of questions to ask, and

389
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,159
Speaker 1: it's latest is so important, like if you have like

390
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,159
Speaker 1: if you're you know, pregnant, please take a child birth class,

391
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: like so you can find out like what your what

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00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 1: your body is doing. Like I feel like that's why

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Speaker 1: I went into the field because a lot of people

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00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: don't do it or they're like I just kind of

395
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: figure it out. But it's like you don't know anything

396
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 1: that's going on, and you have to be an advocate

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Speaker 1: for yourself and your body. So you have I feel

398
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Speaker 1: like our you know, culture just needs more education. So

399
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: it's like make sure you learn about it research like

400
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 1: going Google, like what things should I know about birth?

401
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 1: Or what things should I know about helping my baby?

402
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: Like just don't go in there blind, you know, And yeah,

403
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:53,199
Speaker 1: like you want to be able to make decisions and

404
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 1: things like that. So and if I'm not mistaken, you

405
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Speaker 1: went to a conference, I guess it was sometimes this

406
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 1: year I about the mortality rate for black women. Right,

407
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Speaker 1: Did I go to a conference, girl? I might have.

408
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 1: I go to a lot of no, because I remember

409
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: I was listening to the episode you was on an

410
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: episode on the podcast, and you were just speaking about

411
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Speaker 1: how pretty much how black women don't feel safe birth

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Speaker 1: and it was like one of the biggest conference in

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Speaker 1: d C because the mortality rate was really high. Oh yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: you're right. So our mayor, Mayor Marriel Bowser, she had

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Speaker 1: a conference in d C because DC has one of

416
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 1: the highest maternal mortality rates. And it was just a

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00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 1: big conference of providers doctors trying to come like come

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Speaker 1: together to figure out like what's not working, you know,

419
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Speaker 1: and you know, it was just like back in the day,

420
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,719
Speaker 1: it was just like, oh, it's because black people, you know,

421
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 1: have health issues, so obviously they're more likely to die

422
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 1: or because they you know, are living a socio economics

423
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: thing be so they I mean, I'm not gonna say

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00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 1: that we don't have like, you know, health issues, like

425
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: you know, there it's a lot of obesity and you know,

426
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: the African American community. But also but that wasn't like

427
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: the point because when like Beyonce and Serena came out

428
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 1: and told about their experiences with birth and they're rich

429
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: like millionaires. It showed that it's not just based on

430
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: your socio economic status or you having some type of

431
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: health problem. It shows that because of their skin, they're

432
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 1: treated differently. Serena blatantly said, she said that something was

433
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: wrong with her and she was having trouble breathing, and

434
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 1: no one listened to her, and she really advocated for herself,

435
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 1: and she ended up having a blood clot that could

436
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: have went to her lungs and killed her. So it's

437
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: just like if somebody that's rich and famous still has

438
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 1: some problem, it doesn't have to do with that. Like,

439
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: so it's like that's why it's so important to not

440
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: be scared to speak up, you know, and so like

441
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,959
Speaker 1: and that's what we can't we're coming about like to

442
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: discuss like what can we do in our city to like,

443
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: you know, help prevent this type of types of things

444
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: from happening. So it just it felt and really important

445
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 1: to other people that I didn't stay quiet. And actually,

446
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: I mean in addition to social media, because I started

447
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: even using like Instagram as a place as a platform,

448
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:19,120
Speaker 1: and my blog is a platform, um, but even just

449
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: in my own daily life, like I started changing the

450
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: way that I dressed, and like, different religious communities have

451
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: different rules, but in my community, we could sort of

452
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 1: within guidelines choose what we wanted to wear. And I

453
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: had been wearing a veil for most of my time

454
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: in the convent. Then I just decided, like I wanted

455
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 1: to own all of my cultural identity, and part of

456
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: that is my hair and um, and I even like

457
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much of an impact that was

458
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 1: going to make any for other people. And then, you know,

459
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 1: like even for my students, or when I started traveling

460
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: and speaking and was at schools, or even on Zoom

461
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: because then, you know, then we had to mostly move

462
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: to Zoom for things. And then I was speaking with

463
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 1: schools that were predominantly African American, and like all a

464
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: lot of the little girls would comment on my hair

465
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 1: and they just played love my hair or whatever. And

466
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 1: how much I realized that mattered to them, that I

467
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 1: was still a part of their world, like their world

468
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: was also mine and we were in it together. And

469
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: that's that's why I started saying, like this is something

470
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: I do need to continue talking about and and sharing about,

471
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,479
Speaker 1: and um, even in the context of religious life, you know,

472
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: because like we said at the beginning, a lot of

473
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: people assume that all sisters and nuns are white and um,

474
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: showing the world that that we are also like not

475
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: as diverse as you know, maybe some places or some organizations,

476
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 1: but we are still diverse, like we're not um yeah,

477
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: like we're not separate from the mix of this world,

478
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 1: like we're part of it too. And I yeah, it

479
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 1: was scary because then it was like it left me

480
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 1: open to um negative comments and yeah yeah, but ironically

481
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: it was it was actually a place that I experienced privilege,

482
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 1: I feel like on a real level for the first

483
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: time because I am a sister and so people wouldn't

484
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: be really unkind because they're like, well, the sister, so

485
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 1: I'll like sort of chap my month. They're like yeah,

486
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: they're like I'm gonna tell her that I disagree, but

487
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it really nice. Do you feel like

488
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: a lot of things working sticks together? Um, I mean

489
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: I've gotten to see two sides of that. I got

490
00:29:54,840 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: introduced to the industry through sex trafficking, so um, through

491
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: the lenses of a person who's being trafficked. I would

492
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: definitely say no, not at all. Uh, sex workers definitely

493
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: don't stick together. But me being trafficked was only you know,

494
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: one year out of ten of me being in the industry. Um,

495
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 1: as I've gotten more mature and really just been able

496
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: to be in a better position to network and meet

497
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: more people. UM, I can't say that all sex workers

498
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: stick together, but UM yeah, I think sex workers, for

499
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,959
Speaker 1: the most part, they do stick together. And you know,

500
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: I had fog foggy lenses going through being sex trafficked

501
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: and being in the industry, But even through being trafficked,

502
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 1: meeting some of the sex workers who I didn't meet, Um,

503
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: those are like some of the best people that you'll

504
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: ever meet in your life. They could just have met

505
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: you and they'll give you like the last of their

506
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: possessions to give you the shirt off their back. And

507
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: I don't say that as some like cliche ship Like

508
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 1: I really went through experiences to know that they would

509
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: look out for somebody who they didn't know like that.

510
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: And that's that's not everybody, not even just in the industry.

511
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: That's just not all people. A lot of people are

512
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: selfish and you know, they don't really care about the

513
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 1: next person to going through m hmm. Now I thought

514
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 1: this was funny. How is it that you're afraid of

515
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: scary sh don't Yeah, I know, honestly, I don't know,

516
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 1: like for sure, for sure why that's the case, but

517
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: it's true. And I think it's just my personality type,

518
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: like I'm a very like I have a lot of

519
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: anxiety and like I think I was a very anxious child.

520
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: And it's just something about the the images, like my

521
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 1: body remembers, like like I don't understand how people can

522
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: go to movie theaters it there and watch a scary

523
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: movie for two hours like hate me because I love

524
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: scary movies, Like anybody would tell you, like if I

525
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: want to relax, like I literally scary movies every night

526
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 1: to put me to sleep. I can't do it, and

527
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 1: I can't. I try, Like I Jurassic Park when I

528
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: was a kid. Jurassic Park scared the ship out of me.

529
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: It was so scary. Like the images, like the sounds

530
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: like and my like I love movies and like I'll

531
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: anticipate what's gonna happen and like thinking about what's happening

532
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: or the streccial situation like um, I think I think

533
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: it's cortisol I think that the stress hormone, like when

534
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 1: it floods my body, Like some people can just like

535
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 1: like that it'll go away and they'll lead the theater

536
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: and it goes away, but it stays in my body,

537
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: like it'll stay there, and my my mind will still

538
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: be at that heightened sense of like that fight or

539
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 1: flight feeling, you know, and it's a tenseness. And then

540
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: I'll try to sleep and like my brain would just

541
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: pull those images and my heart would be fluttering, and

542
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: it's like it is so hard for me to shake

543
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: that cortisol, to shake that you know, high level of stress.

544
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 1: So I just don't do it. No, I love no,

545
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: I love dramas, but like I can't. I don't like

546
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: bloody things, like if I see people getting their heads

547
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: chopped off or legs chopped off, like my brain will

548
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: doesn't replay that image, Like I can't like shut her off,

549
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: and like why am I thinking about it? I can't

550
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: turn off, so like I just avoid it, And like

551
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: I don't like the dark a nightlights my people in

552
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: the dark. Um just like you know, I don't know

553
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: what it is. I think it's just because I think

554
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist. But I think when

555
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: we were younger, like that's just the world that we

556
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: lived in. Like my mom was always praying against demons,

557
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: like the middle of the night, yelling, screaming, so like

558
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: I remember being at night like just scared, like oh

559
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: my gosh, like if I walk it on the hallway,

560
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: demon's gonna come into my soul, you know, things like that,

561
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 1: and like just being stressed about it. And so I'm

562
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 1: just trying to unlearn those things. I feel like, is

563
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: really is really a struggle. Yeah, tell you you was

564
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 1: telling the story when you was a kid or something.

565
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: You want to go to the bathroom. Yeah, listen, I'm

566
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: not even kidding. Like at her church, like at my

567
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,360
Speaker 1: mom's first couple of churches, they was they feel like

568
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 1: if they're praying against demons, right, Like you have the

569
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,760
Speaker 1: congregation there, like people are praying like any demon of sickness,

570
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: anybody here who's sick, we're gonna pray and let me pray,

571
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 1: pray die in the prant of demons, right, So they're

572
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,320
Speaker 1: their rationale was that like if we're praying out these demons,

573
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: they got to go into somebody's body. And so like

574
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 1: if you're if they see if someone wandering around, they're

575
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 1: going to enter your body, and so you have to

576
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 1: be careful to like not leave the sanctuary because you

577
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: never know there might be a loose demon wandering around

578
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: looking for a soul to infiltrate, you know. Um, so

579
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: we're just scary, like I don't know, like living with that,

580
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 1: you know, and even normal things like if you sleep

581
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: too long right then, like oh you have the spirit

582
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: of whatever you know of sleeping everything was a spirit

583
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,359
Speaker 1: Like oh my gosh, I'm okay, am I all right?

584
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 1: Like what's going on? Yeah, I'm not gonna lie because

585
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: I in the South. That is so true though, because

586
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,359
Speaker 1: like if you sleep too long, you can't wake up,

587
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,320
Speaker 1: but you can't move with you up there said the

588
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 1: devil running your back. You ever heard that? Yeah, yeah, no,

589
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: I haven't heard. I hadn't heard that specifically, but like, yeah,

590
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: I I I understand the idea of like a lot

591
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: like everything negative is caused by some kind of spirits.

592
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 1: Like as a kid, like that's the world you live

593
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: in where it was like, you know, I'm constantly scared

594
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: of spirits and things like that. And also I think

595
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 1: just naturally who I am, like with my my own

596
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 1: hormones or whatever, like shaking that stress is harder for

597
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: me for my body mm hmm. Now I would say

598
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,760
Speaker 1: between both books, you really put an emphasis on pleasure

599
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 1: being a source of power. Why do you think so?

600
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: Because if you think about how you feel when you

601
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: are burned out, you have given everything you have to

602
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 1: give everybody else you, I mean, you're at the point

603
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,760
Speaker 1: where you're just like, I can't, I can't, I can't

604
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: do anything of elth here. I am gonna lay here

605
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 1: in the dark until I don't know, forget everything because

606
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: you don't have the energy. You've given it to everybody

607
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 1: else and you haven't turned any of that towards yourself.

608
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: So when you are doing the things that you do

609
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 1: for other people for yourself, when you're feeding yourself, well,

610
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: they're making sure you're comfortable, when you're making sure you're happy.

611
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:26,439
Speaker 1: You have the things you want, you have the things

612
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,320
Speaker 1: you need to you know, are doing the things that

613
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 1: you like to do. You're going the places you like

614
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 1: to go. You're saying no when you feel like saying no, Like,

615
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 1: all of that is going to maintain and restore that

616
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: energy that you're given out to everybody else. And to me,

617
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: that's their power. That's your power to you know, do

618
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: the things that you want to do. You can't, I

619
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: don't know, write a book that you've been wanting to

620
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: write if you spend all your energy elsewhere and don't

621
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 1: have no energy left at the end of the day

622
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 1: because you gave it away. But if you're really taking

623
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: care of yourself, which is why I say that pleasure

624
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: is radical self care. It's censoring yourself, putting yourself out,

625
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: which is taboo, especially for women, to say, na, I

626
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 1: don't care who else is over here, this is about

627
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: me and really putting that energy for yourself. You can

628
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: do anything. You got the energy, the right that you

629
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,919
Speaker 1: got the energy to, you know, do those things, those

630
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,720
Speaker 1: brings that come to your mind. You have the energy.

631
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: So one are some common topics that you receive from clients.

632
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 1: I know one thing I read was niggas you want

633
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: to do intests conversations. I'm like, oh, that's weird. Yeah. Um,

634
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 1: I do have a couple of intest callers, one guy

635
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:50,359
Speaker 1: I do. I charged a premium right for that too. Um.

636
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: Race plate calls are kind of popular. I'm not a

637
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: huge fan of race play calls, so if I do engage,

638
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: I definitely triple my race for that. So what did

639
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 1: they be? M uh huh? And I necessarily with that

640
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,720
Speaker 1: not remind myself beat you at work and you charge

641
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: and to permit it because I remember I called myself,

642
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 1: who is she talking to you? He's like, bit she

643
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 1: talking to you? This is what he called what's um?

644
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: And I tell girls all the time, listen, if you

645
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: know that it's not your thing, you know you cannot

646
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 1: handle it, don't do it. Um. I know a lot

647
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: of girls come into this industry because they're caught between

648
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: a rock and hard spot. You know, they have certain

649
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: traumas and triggers that they're dealing with. If you know

650
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: something that's going to set you off, don't do it.

651
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: And you even have young young girls coming to your

652
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: store asking you for a bias on how to start

653
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: a business. Yes, and that's that's one thing I can

654
00:38:55,719 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: actually express emotion about because that's really lead my whole goal.

655
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 1: And that's what I wanted to do. When I sat

656
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: there and my mom told me about the beauty supply store,

657
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: I told her, like, you know, I want to inspire

658
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 1: young people and to see parents bringing their children and

659
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 1: you know, telling them, like you know, just bringing their

660
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:20,439
Speaker 1: children and their children being so excited just to see

661
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: me and ask me questions is really the greatest, greatest

662
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: part about owning the store. And that's the part that

663
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 1: I can really cry about because it's like wow, like

664
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: this wasn't my dream, but to see something I aspired

665
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,479
Speaker 1: to do come true in life is amazing because I

666
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 1: didn't know I would accomplish it this way. I thought

667
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,720
Speaker 1: just being a doctor in the future and someone seeing

668
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 1: me as a doctor would help them. I didn't know

669
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,720
Speaker 1: that my voice would reach this far and help so many.

670
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 1: So that's really the most the greatest part about all

671
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: of this. And you only just begannest facts and your

672
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: memory because I feel like we're jumping all over the place.

673
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: But y'all, her story is amazing. People talk about your

674
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 1: book later, um, and in your documentary you shared that

675
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,760
Speaker 1: your father, what you already spoke about, was very absta

676
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 1: towards your mother, and there was an incident when you

677
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: stood up to your father to protect your mom and

678
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 1: he shot at you and your siblings. So in what

679
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 1: ways did that affect you? Well? I had he when

680
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 1: he went to when he jumped on my mom. I

681
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: was just tired. I had already made up in my

682
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 1: mind that if he touched my mom again. So I

683
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: had already build this up throughout the week because you'all

684
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: saw it so much. And so yeah, and so we did.

685
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 1: I jumped on him and my brother. It was just

686
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:55,399
Speaker 1: me and Javans and so and Javans was about eight

687
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 1: seven or eight or something like that, and so he

688
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: had to buy the leg stuff. But I was literally

689
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: on his back, just touching him, and he slung us

690
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: off and he went in his pocket. He always kept

691
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: a pistol. He went in his pocket and he shot

692
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: at us, and we ran out the house. We had

693
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 1: these huge pine trees in the yard and we literally

694
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 1: stood up undergroom. He didn't know where we went because

695
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 1: it was dark, and then finally we ran down to

696
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 1: the neighbor's house. Um. And that to me made me

697
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 1: feel like UM, and my dad would do that, and

698
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 1: my dad would shoot at me. So somebody else, and

699
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 1: so I I and if my dad jumped on my mom,

700
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 1: maybe some man tried to jump on me. And I'm

701
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: not gonna have that. So I started developing that mindset

702
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: at a young age that I just not gonna let

703
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: no man mistreat me. You're not gonna do me any

704
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 1: kind of way. If anybody get done any kind of way,

705
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it to you. You're not definitely not

706
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: gonna do it to me. And I'm not going to

707
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: be in love with nobody to the point that you

708
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 1: can do anything to me. I don't love like that.

709
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: And uh, A big part I know that, like a

710
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: big part of my tail is about owning you know,

711
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 1: your body and your sexuality. UM, but a part of

712
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 1: that has to do with like my own development and

713
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 1: where I'm at and the fact that, like, um, for

714
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 1: a while, I didn't feel like I did that. UM,

715
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 1: my first sexual experience was great as a young child,

716
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: and so I had like detached from my body in

717
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 1: a way, um, in a lot of ways and neglected it.

718
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: And then when I started to be sexually active, I

719
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 1: waited quite a while to do that, and I was

720
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,359
Speaker 1: just for the taking. I was really wrapped up and

721
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 1: being a quote unquote good girl and being likable and

722
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: pleasing a man, and you know, like faking orgasms, like

723
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 1: trying to get chose instead of experiencing pleasure for myself

724
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,839
Speaker 1: and like not shying away from that, and so I'm

725
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: really coming into that now. Unfortunately you know COVID now

726
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 1: good love and joy. But you know, I'm just I

727
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 1: have always and I've always somehow been very independent and

728
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 1: very clear about who I was and my work and

729
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 1: my and my value, but it often didn't translate into

730
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: intimate relationships. Um, So now that it is translating, I'm like, oh,

731
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: y'all got me fucked up? Like I'm not I'm not

732
00:43:56,719 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 1: intimate from like high school and college, like as not

733
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:03,320
Speaker 1: who I am Like I'm a grown ass woman and

734
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 1: I'm not. I will never tell anybody that I'm just

735
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: not it's it's not yours. And I think that for me,

736
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 1: that kind of verbage is um that makes me uncomfortable.

737
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,720
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that other people shouldn't. I'm just saying

738
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 1: that I feel like when you when we do engaging

739
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 1: that kind of um, that kind of language with folks

740
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: and with with with partners, men, women, non binary, whatever,

741
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 1: that you know, not everybody is adult enough to hear

742
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 1: that and not and not use that power. You know,

743
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: some people, some people they use their they don't use

744
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: their powers for good. And so I would love to

745
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 1: be able to be in a partnership where I felt

746
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 1: safe enough that you know where yeah, you know, I

747
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: don't feel like this person has feels ownership over me.

748
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 1: But my my experience just hasn't been that, So I'm good.

749
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 1: So what is the advice that you would give to

750
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:04,879
Speaker 1: those they really want to get surgery but they're too

751
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: afraid to get it done. I would say, just do

752
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: your research or consult with someone and just understand that

753
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 1: this is something that is done all throughout the world

754
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 1: thousands of patients every single day. And if you're going

755
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 1: to someone who is safe and reputable and you don't

756
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: have any major health concerns, there's no reason why you

757
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 1: should feel like this is something that is going to

758
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,439
Speaker 1: be life or death. Of course, everything has some type

759
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 1: of risk associated with it, but when you are going

760
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 1: to safe, reputable surgeons who are credited and know what

761
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 1: they're doing, it's not really a worry. And a lot

762
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: of times people just need to hear that, and I'm like, listen,

763
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: this doctor has never ever had a death ever, and honestly,

764
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 1: none of the doctors who I'm recommending to you are.

765
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: So I've already done all that research for you. I've

766
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:58,800
Speaker 1: made sure that you are in safe hands. And unfortunately,

767
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 1: because anything happen on any day, my list do have

768
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 1: to change an update. So there are doctors who unfortunately

769
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: no longer are on my list, like there's a doctor

770
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: who I love down in Miami, um and a lot

771
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 1: of Michael Bacterium infection cases came out of his clinic

772
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: last year, So you cut, I can't recommend you for

773
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 1: a solid year to eighteen months without a single bacterial

774
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 1: case like um And. He is someone who is very

775
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 1: very well known down in Miami and is known as

776
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: one of a very major popular doctor down there. But unfortunately,

777
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:37,760
Speaker 1: you can't have several bacteria cases coming out like one. Okay,

778
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 1: something happened to well, this is looking shaky. Three plus Nah,

779
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: something's going on. Equipment is not being properly sanitized. Something

780
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 1: is happening, and it's leading to a lot of flesh

781
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:53,920
Speaker 1: eating bacteria cases like no. So yeah, it's massy, So

782
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: I definitely have to update my list and make sure

783
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 1: that I say a breast of what's going on, saying

784
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 1: the splastic surgeries streets and on these blows and in

785
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: these groups, making sure that I am always constantly lurking

786
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 1: and looking for everything because of course, if I was

787
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: in these groups under my own name, I would get blocked,

788
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: I would even get accepted. Yeah, so I'm always lurking.

789
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm in like at least a hundred different plastic surgery groups, blogs,

790
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 1: forums that I'm just reading all the time to see

791
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 1: what's happening, because a lot of these cases and Bomby

792
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,320
Speaker 1: cases never get publicized, like a lot of these girls

793
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: keeping in these little private groups and forms and things

794
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 1: like that, so the average person is never going to

795
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,320
Speaker 1: know that it happens. So in what place? Because I

796
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,800
Speaker 1: want to play office politics? So there has been official

797
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 1: to them in the long run. So office politics, and

798
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: I think that what's true about office politics is that

799
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 1: the only thing that people know about them is that

800
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 1: they're bad. I hate politics. You know, when someone did

801
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 1: something to me and I didn't like it. Politics. I

802
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: don't have time. I did a lot about this recently.

803
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 1: I don't have time to play games. I don't play games, right,

804
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: you know this kind of attitude that people have, And

805
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: I'm like you, you're not playing games, but you're playing yourself, right,

806
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 1: Like you think that often you only know about the

807
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: bad side of office politics. All you know is about

808
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: the lying and the sucking up and the rumors, and

809
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 1: you think that that's what office politics is. You literally

810
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 1: think that you think that the only thing office politics

811
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 1: is good for us, for sucking up and for rumors

812
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 1: and for lies and manipulation, and for people trying to

813
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 1: get to the top and position themselves and posture themselves

814
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 1: in front of the boss. What you don't know is

815
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:33,319
Speaker 1: that there's a whole other side to office politics, which

816
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: looks like positioning yourself as a highly capable, high achieving

817
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 1: professional who gets things done. There's a whole another side

818
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 1: to office politics which will allow you to have your

819
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 1: ideas taken seriously, which will allow you to influence the

820
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 1: what decisions that other people make in the office, that

821
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 1: will help you position yourself to a higher level of

822
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: leadership and actually get your recognized, get your contributions recognized

823
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 1: by the organization. Right. But because you don't play games

824
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 1: quote unquote, and you don't got time to be in

825
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 1: people fail or whatever you whatever excuse you're using right

826
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 1: now to not really engage in politics and not actually

827
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 1: invest to learn how to use them in a meaningful way,

828
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: you play yourself, right, and so you only know the

829
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: bad side you think it's and then and then you're

830
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 1: mad because you're like, oh, someone so got a promotion

831
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 1: over me, and so they playing favorites. You're not playing

832
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:25,319
Speaker 1: at all. You're not even playing the game. You're not

833
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: even in the game because your ego, your ego has

834
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: you so stand off, is so hurt. So you know,

835
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: whatever that you are won't even engage in the professional

836
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: development that you need to learn how to use office

837
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: politics to your advantage. So some of the things that

838
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,720
Speaker 1: happened to you would have broken a lot of people.

839
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 1: What do you think motivation to keep going because you've

840
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 1: been through a lot of stuff. Honestly, God like God,

841
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: when I said, God like, he's been promising me from

842
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 1: the beginning that he got me. And I didn't understand

843
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 1: at first. You know, um, I didn't want to believe

844
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, well, God, if you promise me,

845
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 1: then why this happened to me? You know, why? Why me?

846
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: You know? But to show me that I have a purpose.

847
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:17,240
Speaker 1: And I understand that a lot of people is stuck.

848
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,399
Speaker 1: And I sometimes I'm kind of confused of why why

849
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: be stuck unless you want to be stuck? But you know,

850
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 1: sometimes people don't know how to come out of stuff

851
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 1: because they don't have that support, they don't have that love,

852
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: they don't know who God is, they don't embrace mother nature.

853
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: You know. Um, So I understand because there was one

854
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 1: point where I was stuck. I was confused, and I

855
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 1: thought maybe if I moved from city to city, because

856
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: that is something I did at a young age. I

857
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: just kept moving hoping that you know, something that happened

858
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:52,720
Speaker 1: for me, or eventually I'll change, or you know, stuff

859
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 1: like that. So I understand. But get up, breathe, trust God,

860
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 1: pray about it. You can get of it. Mm hmm.

861
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: So now that you are an educator, what do you

862
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 1: want people to take away from this lifestyle or from

863
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 1: being a part of swingers. I I want people, what

864
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 1: I really truly want is for people to not just

865
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 1: think of swinging as an activity, but as a windell

866
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:29,319
Speaker 1: or adore to their life, to their journey, to their

867
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 1: to their true selves. Like everything that happens in this lifestyle,

868
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 1: the good, the bad, and the ugly, use it to

869
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: learn about yourself. Even if I was even if I

870
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 1: had a husband, I would say this lifestyle journey has

871
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 1: nothing to do with him. It's going to have everything

872
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:54,399
Speaker 1: to do with me because I know how I am.

873
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 1: Like I'll give you I'll give a great example. In

874
00:51:57,440 --> 00:52:01,879
Speaker 1: the past, even in the beginning up my swinging, I

875
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 1: was highly insecure in relationships. So when I got with somebody,

876
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to be with them, you know

877
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I was just afraid about everything,

878
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:20,360
Speaker 1: and what I am. I had to learn was how

879
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:25,839
Speaker 1: do I become okay with sharing and being shared? So

880
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 1: the best thing to do is just to do it.

881
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 1: It's just to do it and then don't react, like,

882
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 1: don't react on him. It's gotta it's all gotta be

883
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: about me. This is the most selfish journey I'm going

884
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 1: to be on because I need to learn about myself.

885
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: I need to learn that when I have those feelings

886
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 1: pop up, why am I having them? Why is it there?

887
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 1: It's always about learning about myself. Why do I feel

888
00:52:56,719 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: like that? Even now and even outside of being in

889
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 1: a relationship, Like if I go to someone else's event

890
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,399
Speaker 1: and I feel like, oh, they did that better than

891
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:08,840
Speaker 1: I did, you know what I mean? I need to

892
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 1: I asked myself questions, why do I feel like that?

893
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:13,560
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Why do I Why do

894
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 1: I do this or why do I do that? And

895
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 1: then I try to heal whatever it is that that's

896
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,720
Speaker 1: going on with me. I feel like when you became

897
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: a part of this lifestyle, it really made you deep. No, no, yes,

898
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: it makes you things that made you insecure. It made

899
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 1: you really dig deep and find out the why and

900
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: the root of it. Yes, yeah, yeah. And once I

901
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:41,560
Speaker 1: start figuring figuring out myself, now I'm soaring. You know,

902
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, you know what I'm like, I can

903
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 1: I can become and get in a relationship today. And

904
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 1: when we go to a party, that man has zero rules,

905
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 1: he has zero rules. You go do what you what

906
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 1: you gotta do, come back when you're ready, you know,

907
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 1: the hook back up or whatever. You know. I're gonna

908
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 1: have fun, because my my fun is not also me

909
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 1: doing my thing, but watching you be happy. I'm just curious,

910
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: what do you want your legacy to be? I want

911
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: my legacy two leave a place on this earth that

912
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 1: shows who I was as a person and what this

913
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:45,280
Speaker 1: world can do better of. And that's letting people express

914
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:53,240
Speaker 1: themselves and their way shape or form with more support

915
00:54:54,680 --> 00:55:05,240
Speaker 1: and um, I'd say humbleness, um and telling my story

916
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 1: because I have different stories that all add up to mine,

917
00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: and I think eventually telling my story of how I

918
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 1: overcame losing myself mm hm, and how I came back

919
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:28,280
Speaker 1: and how I lost myself again and how I came back,

920
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 1: And I want my legacy to be letting people know

921
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:42,880
Speaker 1: that in your hardest times, that is what your strength

922
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:48,279
Speaker 1: is going to make or break you. And to always

923
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:51,320
Speaker 1: just know that no matter what, if you feel alone,

924
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 1: you always have yourself and you can do it. It

925
00:55:56,080 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 1: doesn't matter who you are, what you have, where you

926
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:05,560
Speaker 1: came from, or you know what you've done, as long

927
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 1: as you keep going and keep getting better at whatever

928
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 1: you want to do. That's just what I want to

929
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:16,240
Speaker 1: inspire others to do. And also just being a person

930
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 1: a person of whether it's mistakes, a person of um,

931
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 1: just things that make you. It doesn't have to be perfect,

932
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be great, And just not judging

933
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,520
Speaker 1: people for what they've been through. You don't know why

934
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 1: they had to do what they do or so I

935
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:40,840
Speaker 1: think just being more more more realizing that we are

936
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: all human and we all make a way for ourselves

937
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 1: the way that we know how to, because everybody is

938
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 1: not brought up the same way. Everybody doesn't have what

939
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: everybody else have. Everybody's not taught what people are taught.

940
00:56:57,320 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 1: Me and my husband had very different upbringings in different lifestyles,

941
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 1: and and we made an amazing kid and he's going

942
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 1: to be our legacy. So it's just being yourself and

943
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 1: getting back up, not just one time. It's okay if

944
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: you fall a bunch of times, just get back up

945
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:27,919
Speaker 1: and keep going mm hm, never give up. I hope

946
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 1: that I really enjoy the recap of one. I mean,

947
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 1: it could have been way longer, so you have to

948
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:37,919
Speaker 1: go through and listen to the episodes. But I really

949
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 1: do hope that the Professional home Girl podcast remind you

950
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: that tough times don't last, but professional home Girls do.

951
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,439
Speaker 1: As always, Thank y'all so much for supporting the kid,

952
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 1: and happy New Year until next time. Everyone Later