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Speaker 1: Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your

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Speaker 1: warm embrace. Dear Sam, such it has since we started

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Speaker 1: the Okay Storytell podcast. Yes, and I have a message

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Speaker 1: for you, a delicious story that I think you'll love.

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Speaker 2: Sincerely Sam. But before that, thine, divine two minute outbreak

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Speaker 2: must happen, I bid thee farewell. See you in two minutes.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to share a room with my father's girlfriend's daughter,

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Speaker 3: but she won't back down.

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Speaker 2: Classic father girlfriend daughter story.

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Speaker 3: So I twenty two females, still live with my dad

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Speaker 3: by choice. My mom passed away when I was five,

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Speaker 3: and it's just been the two of us ever since.

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Speaker 3: He never dated anyone until now, and honestly, I'm proud

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Speaker 3: of him for finally opening up again.

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Speaker 2: His new girlfriend seems nice enough, and I want him

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Speaker 2: to be happy.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Unrealistic Boo And if

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Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 3: r slash Okay Storytime. Sub Brittete So she has three kids,

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Speaker 3: a son eighteen male, an older daughter twenty nine female

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Speaker 3: who doesn't live with her, and a young daughter, ten female. Recently,

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Speaker 3: they've been spending more time at her house and now

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Speaker 3: they're officially moving in. For context, we live in a

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Speaker 3: three bedroom house. My dad as the master bedroom, I've

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Speaker 3: had my own room my entire life, and the third

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Speaker 3: bedroom and the third bedroom is currently a guest room,

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Speaker 3: home office, and storage combo.

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Speaker 2: We also have a spacious basement and.

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Speaker 3: An attic, both mostly filled with old stuff, some of

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Speaker 3: it my mom's, but nothing that can't be moved or reorganized.

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Speaker 3: I'm a full time UNI student and I also work

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Speaker 3: part time at a restaurant. I get a small monthly

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Speaker 3: allowance from my dad, classic Indian dad behavior, lol, but

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Speaker 3: I still make my own money and support myself as

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Speaker 3: much as I can while I study. I even paid

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Speaker 3: him fifty dollars in rent, which is the most he'd

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Speaker 3: lent me give. I tried offering more, but he refused,

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Speaker 3: So I'm not freeloading.

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Speaker 2: I pull my weight.

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Speaker 3: Here's the issue. My dad told me that the ten

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Speaker 3: year old would be sharing my room. So it is

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Speaker 3: the miner as I suspected, as in, I'm supposed to

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Speaker 3: give up my privacy, routine and personal space to suddenly

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Speaker 3: share it with the fourth grader. I just don't think

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Speaker 3: it's appropriate for the fourth grader to be living with

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Speaker 3: this twenty two year old who she doesn't really know.

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Speaker 3: And here's the thing. She's not a bad kid, but

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Speaker 3: she's loud, high energy, and constantly wants attention.

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Speaker 2: She's dead. I just don't. I don't think that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: If it doesn't the twenty two year old and the

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Speaker 1: ten year old, their interests do not blind.

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Speaker 3: She talks NonStop, touches things without asking, and doesn't really

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Speaker 3: understand boundaries yet ten she'll go through my drawers, try

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Speaker 3: on my stuff, and bargin every in bargin even when

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Speaker 3: I'm clearly doing schoolwork or trying to nap. She's very

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Speaker 3: clingy with me too, probably because I'm the closest in

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Speaker 3: age among the women in the house.

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Speaker 2: But it's draining.

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Speaker 3: I tried being patient and nice, but I'm already struggling

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Speaker 3: to juggle school work and life. Sharing a room with

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Speaker 3: someone who wakes up early, makes noise, and doesn't understand

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Speaker 3: personal space would seriously affect my mental health and productivity. Also,

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Speaker 3: my dad actually agrees with me. He knows it's not

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Speaker 3: fair to ask me to give up my space, and

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Speaker 3: he's been trying to talk to his girlfriend about putting

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Speaker 3: her in the guest room instead. Yes, are we crazy? Yes?

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Speaker 2: Why are we talking? But girlfriend? Why? Why is why?

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Speaker 2: Is that not the immediate solution.

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Speaker 1: I think she's probably like I want her to feel

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Speaker 1: like accepted.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to feel like Jesus just don't want

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Speaker 2: me to get closer.

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Speaker 1: This is not the way to do that. You're basically

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Speaker 1: turning him into like jail cell exactly.

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Speaker 3: He also suggested that her son take the basement or attic,

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Speaker 3: and her son is completely fine with that. In fact,

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Speaker 3: he likes the idea of having the basement to himself

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Speaker 3: and said he could even turn it into his own space.

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Speaker 3: So it's not like anyone's protesting except his mom.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like the opinion of every guy ever.

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Speaker 3: But she still insists that her son needs his own

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Speaker 3: room and doesn't want her son in the basement for

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Speaker 3: reasons I honestly don't understand. She's not hearing anyone out,

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Speaker 3: including my dad. Meanwhile, I'm just expected to step aside

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Speaker 3: and give up the room I've had all my life,

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Speaker 3: like it's no big deal. I didn't ask for this

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Speaker 3: new setup. I'm trying to be supportive, but I also

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Speaker 3: didn't expect to be pushed out aside in my own

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Speaker 3: home just because my dad's starting a new chapter. I

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Speaker 3: don't hate the little girl, not at all. But I

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Speaker 3: also don't think it's fair for a twenty two year

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Speaker 3: old university student with a job to be rooming with

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Speaker 3: a ten year old who doesn't respect boundaries or understand

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Speaker 3: what quiet time means. It's not a minor in inconvenience.

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Speaker 3: It's a huge shift in my day to day life.

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Speaker 3: I just don't understand why they're putting these two people

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Speaker 3: together when they.

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Speaker 2: Have the room not to That is the big question.

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Speaker 1: It's gotta be some kind of sentimental, emotional, maybe appeal.

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Speaker 2: It's not a minor in convenience.

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Speaker 3: It's a huge shift in my day to day Actually,

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Speaker 3: that's exactly what it is.

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Speaker 2: So am I the ale consensus? No, I would say

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Speaker 2: definitely not. Yeah, No, of course you're not. You're what

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Speaker 2: you're own the room.

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Speaker 3: I think we I saw a couple comments, not after

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Speaker 3: we learned that it was a ten year old, but

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Speaker 3: I saw a couple of comments saying like, oh, well,

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Speaker 3: she can move out. Sure she is a university student.

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Speaker 3: Her dad has said, I want you to be able

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Speaker 3: to live here. I don't want you to pay et cetera.

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Speaker 3: And it just doesn't make sense in general for a

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Speaker 3: ten year old to be rooming with a twenty two

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Speaker 3: year old.

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Speaker 2: That's especially when there's more space.

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Speaker 3: Yes, commenters say to talk to her dad. Some also

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Speaker 3: point out it is inappropriate for a ten year old

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Speaker 3: to share a room with an adult. Others also say, oh,

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Speaker 3: pe should move into the basement themselves and put a

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Speaker 3: lock on the door. But then Opee has to give

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Speaker 3: up her room, which I still think is unfair for

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Speaker 3: her to have to leave the room that she's grown

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Speaker 3: up in.

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Speaker 2: A couple people think the girlfriend wants.

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Speaker 3: Her to move out, or that Ope should just move

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Speaker 3: out and avoid the drama.

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Speaker 2: And there is an update, folks, it.

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Speaker 1: Seems pretty clear that the dad's going to prioritize his

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Speaker 1: daughter over you.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think I think it's a little bit strange

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Speaker 3: that the dad isn't putting his foot downe a little

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Speaker 3: bit and saying like, hey, I understand that we're blending

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Speaker 3: the families, but like, this is my daughter's house as

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Speaker 3: much it is yours, and that's her room.

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Speaker 2: Update.

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Speaker 3: Some comments pointed something out my dad's girlfriend wants me out,

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Speaker 3: and the ones that told me to sit down with

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Speaker 3: my dad and talk to him privately, just us.

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Speaker 2: I did so.

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Speaker 3: This morning we went out for breakfast and I told

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Speaker 3: him I don't feel comfortable sharing my room. I don't

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Speaker 3: want to share my room. I told him I'm not

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Speaker 3: taking the attic or basement either. Listen to My room

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Speaker 3: was mine since I was a baby, so why would

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Speaker 3: I want to give it to someone else. He was

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Speaker 3: a bit hurt about this since I didn't actually tell

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Speaker 3: him how I felt about this whole ordeal.

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Speaker 2: What a you're telling him now?

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Speaker 3: My dad was born in India and is an only child,

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Speaker 3: while my mother had four brothers, so you can already

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Speaker 3: tell how the dynamic was like. My mom's parents favored

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Speaker 3: her brothers more than her blah blah blah, and my

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Speaker 3: dad didn't like that. He was twenty two when they

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Speaker 3: got married. He moved to Canada with my mom two

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Speaker 3: and twenty two and nineteen. Yes, it was a love marriage.

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Speaker 3: My dad got a job and went to school, started

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Speaker 3: his own business and took my mom to school and

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Speaker 3: they got financially stable. My mom got her degree in

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Speaker 3: medicine and my dad an accountant. They had me at

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Speaker 3: thirty and twenty seven. I was five when my mom

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Speaker 3: passed away. My dad is a bit of an irrational person,

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Speaker 3: not in a bad way, but when you piss him

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Speaker 3: off reguarding someone he cares deeply about, he's quick to

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Speaker 3: cut you off. My dad's girlfriend is forty three and

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Speaker 3: her eldest child is twenty nine two. You can do

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Speaker 3: the math anyway. After talking to my dad, he was

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Speaker 3: kind of pissed off at how blind he'd been, and

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Speaker 3: he was fuming. We went back home and you will

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Speaker 3: not believe what we saw. His girlfriend already moved her

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Speaker 3: daughter's clothes from the guest room to mine, and that

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Speaker 3: lit the fuse.

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Speaker 2: Yikes.

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Speaker 3: I started screaming at her not to touch anything in

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Speaker 3: my room. I honestly should have listened to those who

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Speaker 3: told me to put a lock on my door. My

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Speaker 3: dad intervened, told me to take the kids out of

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Speaker 3: the house, and they started arguing. Long story short, my

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Speaker 3: dad broke up with her. Wow he does not play

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Speaker 3: about you, girl. That's good, I guess.

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Speaker 1: Well, yeah, Like like she said, it's like you mess

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Speaker 1: with the wrong people, he will cut you off.

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Speaker 3: And it turns out she had lost her house to

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Speaker 3: debt and had nowhere else to go and she was

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Speaker 3: after my dad's money, but my dad was what she

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Speaker 3: described as stingy, as he didn't buy or anything.

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Speaker 2: I cackled that that's hair is old. His tie weich

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Speaker 2: song has sold his rhyme. She just wants the money.

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Speaker 3: We changed the locks as she printed out her own keys,

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Speaker 3: her own copy of the keys, and later got a

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Speaker 3: call from her ex husband, the baby daddy at the

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Speaker 3: ten year old, saying we should have kept her with us,

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Speaker 3: as she's now staying with him and his wife and

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Speaker 3: other kids, so it's now.

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Speaker 2: A crowded house.

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Speaker 3: Sorry.

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Speaker 2: Her ex called you. I was like, why didn't you?

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Speaker 2: Why didn't you kick her out? Now she's back with me.

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Speaker 2: I feel like my dad dodged the bo there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they were dating for a few months and all

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Speaker 3: this happened in a span of one day. Whoa good day,

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Speaker 3: Dian After a few months, Good day, good dad.

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Speaker 1: Do you have any fintal thoughts invest in locks for

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Speaker 1: your doors?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? And also, you know, if you got kids, if

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Speaker 3: you're trying to blend your family, make sure you're not

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Speaker 3: forcing your kids into each other's lives.

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Speaker 2: Ye.

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Speaker 3: That's not gonna be an effective way to make them friends.

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Speaker 3: It's also sad that he didn't date after my mom

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Speaker 3: passed away. I forgot this is his first girlfriend after

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Speaker 3: literally like not dating for freaking like oh like almost

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Speaker 3: twenty years.

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Speaker 1: Wow, well you got you got the mulligan out of

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Speaker 1: the way. Now you can find the real one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. And when he finally tried to, this is what happened.

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Speaker 3: My dad says it's best he stays a single widower.

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Speaker 3: No low keys, sad, but that's his decision. He needs therapy, dude.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes those people can be really cool though, you know,

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Speaker 3: also to mediocre prompt telling me to move out because

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Speaker 3: I'm twenty five, I'm twenty two, read and I don't

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Speaker 3: want to move out yet. There's no such thing as

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Speaker 3: it's time to move out when you have a great

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Speaker 3: relationship with your parents. Day. I'll move out when I want.

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Speaker 3: See how I said, I'll choose to stay with my dad. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's a choice. I can move out any time. But

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Speaker 3: guess what I choose. Yeah, choose. It's a choice not

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Speaker 3: to move out. Maybe after I graduate i'll move But honestly,

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Speaker 3: I hate being alone, so I don't know. Edit.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, can y'all stop telling me move out?

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Speaker 2: I genuinely don't want to be that, and my dad

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Speaker 2: doesn't either. They move out. Telling me to move just

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Speaker 2: because of a girlfriend is diabolical.

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Speaker 1: Move out.

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Speaker 2: My name is in the title deed, so I own

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Speaker 2: the house too. It's in my house. I have every

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Speaker 2: right to say no, I'll move out, for sure.

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Speaker 3: But what I feel like it I'm not a lazy

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Speaker 3: bump that doesn't know how to take care of herself.

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Speaker 2: I shirt my weight around here. I'm paying fifty bucks

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Speaker 2: in rent. I choose to stay with my dad. Why

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Speaker 2: is that so look down upon?

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Speaker 3: Let get someone stay with their parents not because of circumstances,

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Speaker 3: but by choice.

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Speaker 2: Because you're living in Canada, sweetie. We don't play around.

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Speaker 1: With that or failure if you're not out of your parents'

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Speaker 1: house by twenty one. Oh and I don't believe that

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Speaker 1: that's a Joe pe oh p is so wow.

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Speaker 2: It's okay, you can live with your dad. I'm not

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Speaker 2: judging you. It is the thing.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about it many times. I'm not judging Yopie

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Speaker 1: in this go live with your Dad hemisphere. It's like,

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Speaker 1: very strange, but.

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Speaker 2: Folks, yeah, that was the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy that Opie's dad stood up for her

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Speaker 3: and they're going to.

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Speaker 2: Live with each other forever.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend is going to a cabin alone with another

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Speaker 3: woman despite my objections.

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Speaker 2: Oh, this is the cabin of lone.

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Speaker 3: My Eggs twenty five male at the time and I

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Speaker 3: twenty five female at the time, started as friends at

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Speaker 3: work and our relationship was great. He was my best friend,

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Speaker 3: but issues came up with his longtime female friends. They'd say,

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Speaker 3: I love you, set on each other's laps, touch each

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Speaker 3: other in ways I felt were inappropriate. Despite expressing my

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Speaker 3: discomfort and asking him to set boundaries, he couldn't, so

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Speaker 3: I message the women myself out of frustration, which blew

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Speaker 3: up the situation. By the way, this comes from upper

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Speaker 3: class habits. And if you want to spit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime separate it so

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Speaker 3: fast forward. My current boyfriend, thirty one male and I

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Speaker 3: twenty nine female now, also started as close work friends

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Speaker 3: and developed a strong mutual relationship. We've been friends now

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Speaker 3: for eight months, officially dating for four months. He's a kind,

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Speaker 3: giving person and sees serving others as part of his faith,

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Speaker 3: which I admire. But a situation with his female friend,

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Speaker 3: Olivia thirty female is bringing back those same feelings of

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Speaker 3: being second. Olivia, who lives in another state, my boyfriend's

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Speaker 3: home state where he moved from almost a year ago

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Speaker 3: and knows about me, invited herself for his birthday weekend

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Speaker 3: this Memorial Day weekend and booked a cabin just for

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Speaker 3: the two of them Friday to Monday. She's shown no

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Speaker 3: interest in meeting me, and though I was initially supportive,

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Speaker 3: I now feel excluded and confused. That's weird. That is weird.

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Speaker 3: She booked a cabin just for the two of them

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Speaker 3: for his birthday week like no one else gets to

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Speaker 3: see him for his whole week of his birthday day

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Speaker 3: through Monday. He said multiple times that he doesn't even

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Speaker 3: want to go, that he feels trapped. Suspects she might

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Speaker 3: have romantic feelings and wouldn't normally hang out with her

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Speaker 3: this long, but he's going anyway because he feels bad.

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Speaker 3: She has chronic health issues and recently lost her doll.

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Speaker 3: I'm angry and sad. I don't expect to be the

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Speaker 3: center of anyone's universe, but I can't understand why he'd

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Speaker 3: prioritize someone he doesn't even seem close to over me,

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Speaker 3: especially when I've been clear about how this impacts me.

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Speaker 3: I want to be understanding and supportive, but I also

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Speaker 3: want to feel respected and prioritized. How do I approach

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Speaker 3: this without trying to control the situation or sacrificing my

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Speaker 3: own emotional well being? And there are some comments and

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Speaker 3: an update, But what say you invite yourself?

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Speaker 4: She invited herself, then you could do the same, be like, hey,

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Speaker 4: cabin for a weekend. That sounds like a great way

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Speaker 4: to spend time with each other and.

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Speaker 3: For me to beat her. Yeah, I think you'd go

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Speaker 3: to your boyfriend. You say, yeah, I would love to go.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then if she's like, oh, well it's just supposed

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Speaker 3: to be the two of us, then you're like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 3: so why so yeah? Why is it just supposed to

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Speaker 3: be the two of you for your whole birthday weekend?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Like you're going to a cabin.

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Speaker 4: Usually if you're like going away or something like that,

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Speaker 4: you are planning activities, you have any activities played?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what's going on beside cabin doing each other? Ooh?

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Speaker 3: Commentor if he feels trapped and has suspicions, then it

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Speaker 3: seems like a trap.

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Speaker 2: Therefore you ought to go too. It's his birthday weekend.

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Speaker 2: Why wouldn't you be there? Good luck? Opie says. She

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Speaker 2: told him that she doesn't want.

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Speaker 3: To be put in a position to have to explain

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Speaker 3: her chronic health conditions to someone she doesn't know. Mind you,

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Speaker 3: her entire health history is regularly posted about on her

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Speaker 3: public Facebook and doesn't want to have to pretend she's

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Speaker 3: okay when she isn't. I speculate this might be more

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Speaker 3: in regards to her potential feelings about he and I

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Speaker 3: being together. Commoner says, So he feels bad if he

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Speaker 3: disappoints her, but is okay with disappointing you. That tells

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Speaker 3: you all you need to know about his potential as

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Speaker 3: your boyfriend. Opie says, See, I don't know if it's

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Speaker 3: about disappointing her so much as he And this is

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Speaker 3: going to sound awful because it is sees her as somewhat.

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Speaker 2: Of a charity case.

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Speaker 3: If he thinks he's in a position to help someone

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Speaker 3: he wants to. But I think she's unnecessarily leaning on

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Speaker 3: him as a primary support even though, oh, she has

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00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,600
Speaker 3: so much support locally, and he's enabling her behavior by

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00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,920
Speaker 3: agreeing to this, Commoner says, he's still putting her before you.

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Speaker 3: It's especially bad since you said he suspects she's interested

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Speaker 3: in him romantically.

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Speaker 2: This is his chance to set her straight.

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Speaker 3: Instead, his behavior is keeping her engaged and Opie says,

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Speaker 3: that was my thought, but I was dreading the facts.

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Speaker 3: Connor says, maybe try telling him the truth that if

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Speaker 3: he goes on this trip, it'll be the end of

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Speaker 3: your relationship. If you won't put her in her place,

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Speaker 3: even when he's uncomfortable, then she'll always be around. You

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Speaker 3: really want to put up with her forever. It's only

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Speaker 3: been four months and you can already see it coming.

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Speaker 2: Is it worth it?

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Speaker 3: Ope says I don't think so, and I think this

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00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,160
Speaker 3: is definitely proving to be a litmus test. I can't

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Speaker 3: stand to be someone who doesn't learn from her past experiences.

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Speaker 3: Comeder says he thinks she has a romantic feelings for him.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't want to disappoint her, and it's his birthday.

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Speaker 3: Agreeing to a weekend in a cabin alone with her

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Speaker 3: will do nothing to help the situation. He's okay with

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Speaker 3: disappointing you run, don't walk away from him. Yes, it's

359
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,640
Speaker 3: only been four months, but he's in a relationship. He

360
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 3: shouldn't be spending the week and alone with someone that

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Speaker 3: has feelings for him, especially when that someone isn't his girlfriend. Oh,

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Speaker 3: he responds, funny enough, He and I have both talked

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Speaker 3: about how there's no win heck, he'd ever be with

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Speaker 3: someone like her romantically. His last girlfriend of seven years

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Speaker 3: also cheated on him, so he is literally no tolerance

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Speaker 3: for cheating.

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Speaker 2: So I'm actually not worried about that at all.

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00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,800
Speaker 3: It's purely the disrespect I feel from her, whether intentional

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Speaker 3: or not, and his seeming disregard for my feelings. Given

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Speaker 3: that I've expressed all of this to him, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to be the person to tell him to do

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Speaker 3: the wienerish thing and cancel last minute, even though I

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Speaker 3: was almost willing to suggest I pay her for his

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Speaker 3: half the cabin so he wouldn't need to go. Commonero says,

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Speaker 3: no offense, But you are being so naive. Are you

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Speaker 3: sure his ex really cheated on him? If he was

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00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,600
Speaker 3: cheated on, he wouldn't try to downplay what it means

378
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,560
Speaker 3: spending days with another woman alone. He's going to a

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Speaker 3: romantic getaway with a woman who he knows has feelings

380
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 3: for him. She may not be his type. That wouldn't

381
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,880
Speaker 3: stop most guys from sleeping with a woman. Though, you

382
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,280
Speaker 3: need to pay attention to his actions rather than his words.

383
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 2: He's playing both of you. Who knows what he's saying

384
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Speaker 2: about you to her?

385
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,200
Speaker 3: Is she being told that you are a charity case?

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00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,360
Speaker 3: Opie says, I'm confident about his ex cheating for many reasons,

387
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,560
Speaker 3: and I think that's why he didn't say no, because

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00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,199
Speaker 3: he knows nothing would happen in that regard. So he

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Speaker 3: thinks it's a non issue to go because I have

390
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,760
Speaker 3: nothing to worry about. Again, that was never my concern,

391
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,240
Speaker 3: and I think his past experience is giving him tunnel

392
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Speaker 3: vision on the issue being cheating, rather than the disrespect

393
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 3: of the entire situation. And there is a mini update

394
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 3: in response to a commoner of saying, she's really stretching

395
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 3: for excuses for him. So I just got the diagnosis

396
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 3: from the doctor. It turns out that I actually suffer

397
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,719
Speaker 3: from a chronic condition called delusion. There is an update.

398
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 3: Though I offered potential solutions, I offered compromises, I was

399
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,720
Speaker 3: clear with what was actually bothering me and that I

400
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 3: would never put him in this position. I told him

401
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,960
Speaker 3: he would be so incredibly hurt and rightfully so if

402
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 3: I did this to him. I told him he could

403
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,840
Speaker 3: decide for himself what he wants to do, and I

404
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,480
Speaker 3: told him what I wouldn't be tolerating from a partner

405
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 3: ignored and agreed that everything I was saying was true.

406
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,719
Speaker 3: Then he went, He's like, yeah, I totally agreed that

407
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,600
Speaker 3: it would be disrespectful if I went, so I will

408
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,480
Speaker 3: be going yeah.

409
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,160
Speaker 2: And that's when you say, Okay, I'm out of there.

410
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,280
Speaker 3: Because he wants to get out of the habit of

411
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,159
Speaker 3: being so flaky and he made a commitment, so he

412
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 3: has to go.

413
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,600
Speaker 4: I want to know, like if he's making any plans

414
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 4: with Ope for his birthday, Like, is this the only

415
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,520
Speaker 4: thing He's going to be doing for the.

416
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,240
Speaker 2: Thoughts about Ope's plan, I just worry.

417
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 4: I feel like there's like less to this story that

418
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 4: I'm happy with.

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00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:31,320
Speaker 2: I need.

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00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,560
Speaker 4: I really hope that the rest of the story has

421
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 4: like some kind of answer.

422
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,399
Speaker 2: I sure hope.

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00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,679
Speaker 3: So, oh, he's just like this, the boyfriend leaves and

424
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 3: she's just like, okay, yeah, I texted him that I'll

425
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 3: always love him now only as a friend. Like I

426
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 3: told him from the very beginning. Now I'm not even

427
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 3: sure I can or want to. Love is a choice.

428
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 3: The opposite of love is indifference, and he's all but

429
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,399
Speaker 3: told me he's indifferent to me, both as a partner

430
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 3: and as a friend. Thanks for the tough love.

431
00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,159
Speaker 2: Let it.

432
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,960
Speaker 3: I'd rather be angry at him, at myself for not

433
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 3: seeing this coming, then be sad when he's feeling absolutely

434
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 3: nothing and edit to add yes, I ended it.

435
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 2: Oh right, yeah, wow.

436
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 3: I can't even think about him or the situation without

437
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 3: being angry. I look forward to when the anger turns

438
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,400
Speaker 3: to indifference. In some of Opie's comments, Bomitter says, good

439
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,119
Speaker 3: on you, Opie. Did he respond to your text? Sorry,

440
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,840
Speaker 3: but there's no way that he did was the right choice.

441
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,160
Speaker 3: He dismissed your feelings completely. He never gave a crap.

442
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,400
Speaker 3: Opie says. He very ignorantly replied, does this mean you're

443
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 3: ending the relationship? And then patronizingly said, I admire you

444
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 3: for putting up your boundaries.

445
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 2: It's more than I've certainly done.

446
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 3: Commoner says, why would you love this a hole even

447
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: as a friend after he did this to you? Just

448
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,880
Speaker 3: go no contact and forget this person. He doesn't care

449
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,879
Speaker 3: about you at all, Opie says, in between sending that

450
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:53,200
Speaker 3: and now, he replied with nothing but patronizing support for

451
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 3: my ability to set the boundaries.

452
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 2: He couldn't.

453
00:19:55,920 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 3: He fully acknowledged what happened and responded with indifference. That's all,

454
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 3: since it made it impossible for me to want anything

455
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 3: to do with him. Bominer says, really, just cheating on you,

456
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,879
Speaker 3: full on in front of your face.

457
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 2: Huh, what a.

458
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 3: Pos Opie says. I speculate he feels content because he

459
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,400
Speaker 3: didn't lie about anything. Coominer says, this is the stupidest

460
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,639
Speaker 3: thing I've ever heard. He can't say no to a

461
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 3: holiday weekend get away because her dog passed away. Next

462
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,639
Speaker 3: it will be he couldn't turn down or offer to

463
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 3: bang all weekend because she was sad about her dog.

464
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:24,640
Speaker 2: Exactly.

465
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 3: Tell him to enjoy his holiday weekend. But after the holiday,

466
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 3: he'll need to find himself a new girlfriend. I spent

467
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,399
Speaker 3: way too much time married to someone who prioritized helping

468
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 3: and pleasing other people and putting me on the back burner.

469
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 3: It will never get better, Opie says, I am laughing

470
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 3: even admitting this, But my last ex His friend's dog

471
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 3: had also just passed away. I think I need to

472
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 3: start being more observant about whether my future partner's friends

473
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 3: have any dogs that might be on the brink of death.

474
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:55,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god. And that is the end of that story. Wow, wow, wow, Wow.

475
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 2: Weird coincidence or perhaps a lie.

476
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I'm glad she's out of there. It's only

477
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 4: four months in. You're fine, Yeah, get out of there.

478
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 4: Pay attention to actions over words.

479
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,639
Speaker 2: People, Oh man agreed. Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get

480
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 2: back to these stories.

481
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 1: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

482
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 1: keep the show alive.

483
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 4: My boyfriend keeps hinting that he wants to propose, but

484
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 4: he's not monogamous. Proposed to who looking for input from

485
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,920
Speaker 4: people who are slash have been in non monogamous relationships.

486
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 4: I'm twenty nine female in a three year relationship with

487
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 4: thirty six male. He is hinted a few times at marriage,

488
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 4: but there is one thing holding me back. About six

489
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 4: months into our relationship, he revealed to me that him

490
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 4: and his ex wife had tried swinging a few times,

491
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,640
Speaker 4: starting a year into their marriage, and then a few

492
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 4: times over the seven years that they were together. By

493
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Hufflepuffs are Better and if

494
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

495
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 4: r slash Okay storytime. Stub bred, I didn't know much

496
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 4: about the lifestyle, so I started listening to some non

497
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 4: monogamous hosted podcast and looking into it more to see

498
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,679
Speaker 4: if it was a lifestyle that I could ever consider.

499
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:58,680
Speaker 2: For him, he said that it.

500
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 4: Was an exciting, hot thing about the relationship and there

501
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 4: was healthy communication, and then it made them he and

502
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 4: his ex stronger and less likely to ever want to cheat.

503
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 4: After some deep inner reflection, I realized that it wasn't

504
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,439
Speaker 4: something that I wanted for myself. There are many reasons,

505
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,439
Speaker 4: but one of the bigger ones is that I'm a

506
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 4: slash demisexual. I only experienced spicy related attraction through deep bonds,

507
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,719
Speaker 4: so having spicy sleep with people that I don't have

508
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 4: a strong relationship with doesn't sound fun or hot for me,

509
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 4: and I don't want to share my partner, so I

510
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,400
Speaker 4: guess also because I'm clearly.

511
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 2: Monogamous with that kind of mindset, Ilo in bed, he

512
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 2: began sharing more and more of.

513
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 4: His fantasy about taking me to a non monogamous club,

514
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 4: and since it was during steamy time. I went along

515
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,720
Speaker 4: with his fantasy. It's natural to share fantasies in bed,

516
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 4: and even if it's not my thing, I believe in

517
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 4: letting my partner play out of fantasy. But he started

518
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 4: suggesting it outside of the bedroom casually, and once I

519
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 4: came to the conclusion that it wasn't for me. I

520
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 4: talked with him around month nine of our relationship. I

521
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 4: shared my concern that since swinging is one of his

522
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 4: big fantasies and the thing that he has enjoyed doing

523
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 4: in the past, could we ever have a future where

524
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 4: he's still is satisfied if it wasn't my thing. He

525
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 4: was very understanding and sweet and ensured me that he

526
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 4: could be happy without.

527
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 2: A non monogamous relationship for a year.

528
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 4: I felt pretty solid with this response, but as it

529
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 4: continues to be his only fantasy that he shares in bed,

530
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 4: it is hard for me to fully believe that he'll

531
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 4: be happy marrying me. The other day, he started talking

532
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 4: in bed about how he was turned on by a

533
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 4: thought that he had asked him to share, and he

534
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 4: said that he pictured me giving it another.

535
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 5: Whoo way, oh man, something spicy to someone. Yeah, do

536
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 5: some spicy related activities to someone doing another man acrobatics.

537
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 5: I asked if he was doing anything to me in

538
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,199
Speaker 5: this fantasy or just watching. He said that there was

539
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 5: another girl doing.

540
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 3: Some spicy activities while.

541
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 2: I'm with another guy.

542
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 4: I know that it's his spicy hobby, but it's hard

543
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 4: for me to hear from that that he's dreaming of

544
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 4: another girl pleasuring him while he's currently having spicy sleep

545
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 4: with me, and that is what turned him on in

546
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 4: the first place. He brings up swinging in about two

547
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 4: out of five of our spicy sleep encounters. I have

548
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 4: had two previous partners, and they were more of the

549
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,199
Speaker 4: you're the only one for me kind of guys, and

550
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 4: it made me feel so special.

551
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 2: So when he does.

552
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,919
Speaker 4: This, I end up feeling like I'm not enough. I

553
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 4: know that it's a monogamous mindset and my own insecurity.

554
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,680
Speaker 4: I share my insecurity about not being spicy enough for him,

555
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 4: but I avoid saying this because of those things that

556
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 4: he says in bed, because then he wouldn't be able

557
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 4: to live out that spicy fantasy at all, and I

558
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 4: don't want to take that away from him. He is

559
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 4: very open about all the things that he and his

560
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 4: ex wife did, and I like that he feels comfortable

561
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 4: to share without thinking that I'll shame him or get upset.

562
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 2: But honestly, it makes me feel like I'm lacking.

563
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 4: He used to have three ways, do swaps, and basically

564
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 4: all of his biggest spicy hobbies he got to play

565
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 4: out in real life with me.

566
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 2: He can't.

567
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 4: I truly love him and we're happy in every other sense.

568
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 4: We have now lived together for a year and he

569
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 4: wants me in his whole future. My question for anyone

570
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 4: in this non monogamous community, if you happened to fall

571
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 4: from a monogamous person, do you think you could be

572
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 4: satisfied at leaving the life or would you possibly regret

573
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 4: or resent marrying down the road, or just have any

574
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 4: thoughts to share in general, anything it might help me

575
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 4: work my way to a conclusion. He and his ex

576
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 4: only did it a couple of times a year, and

577
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 4: it wasn't that big a part of their life, but

578
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 4: a very happy one. I ask you, because I can't

579
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 4: speak to it with my friends. I think that they

580
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 4: would form a bad view of him because they are

581
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 4: all monogamous and probably would see it as him being

582
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,360
Speaker 4: driven by lust and not loving.

583
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 2: Or respecting me. You guys have a different mindset.

584
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 4: On love and spicy sleep, and I'm hoping for any

585
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 4: insight or suggestions of how and if this can work

586
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 4: long term.

587
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 2: And we do have some relevant comments.

588
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 4: E Spae fun couple says, is it possible that it

589
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 4: can work out? I suppose, but since he keeps bringing

590
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 4: it up, it's a valid concern and it would absolutely

591
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 4: give me pause. This is something that you both need

592
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 4: to work out before getting married in my opinion. Ope,

593
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,439
Speaker 4: he responds, thank you for the validation. I'm naturally a

594
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 4: person who feels bad for feeling bad and tries to

595
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,159
Speaker 4: avoid any conflict, so it helps to hear that it

596
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 4: is something that should give pause. Now, I just got

597
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 4: to figure out how to bring it up and try

598
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 4: to work it out in a way that works for

599
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:13,439
Speaker 4: both of us if possible. Thanks again, and the top comment, Damon, Pinky,

600
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 4: you need to hear this. This is not going to

601
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 4: work out. He has again and again made it clear

602
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 4: that that lifestyle is his number one fantasy and has

603
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 4: used steamy time to nudge you into it and for

604
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,120
Speaker 4: years not given up on the idea despite you being

605
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 4: clear about your preferences. If this was purely an imaginary fantasy.

606
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 4: It could be overcome, but he has actually tasted blood,

607
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 4: and unfortunately that never goes away. Basically, you'll be marrying

608
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 4: him expecting that he'll change, and he'll be marrying you

609
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,439
Speaker 4: expecting that he'll finally convince you to flip to the

610
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 4: other side. Basically a relationship built on false expectations. Heck,

611
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 4: he might even be thinking marriage is somehow going to

612
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 4: solve this dilemma in his favor. I can guarantee you

613
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 4: that once you're married, he'll float the idea of an

614
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 4: open marriage you need to exit. And we do have

615
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 4: an update of nineteen months later in Wow, do we

616
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 4: agree with those comments?

617
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think that he's already trying to

618
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 3: convince you already don't want to do this. I think

619
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 3: that going into marriage with this guy's best idea exactly

620
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 3: until you I mean you guys haven't even seemingly really

621
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 3: communicated about all of your thoughts on this either, Like,

622
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 3: do you even know what he's expecting in this marriage?

623
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 2: Does he want an open marriage? Do you know that

624
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 2: for sure? You know? It feels like if they did communicate,

625
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: it wasn't like.

626
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 3: All of the feeling no, I mean she's telling us

627
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 3: all this feelings that it seemed like she's told him.

628
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 4: But we do have an update nineteen months later, updating

629
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 4: because they've had a few people in my dms over

630
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 4: the months asking how it worked out, because they're in

631
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 4: a similar situation.

632
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 2: We did break up a few months.

633
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 4: After my post whoa okayang. I had showed him my

634
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 4: original post and talked with him about the unsurreness that

635
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 4: I had been feeling.

636
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 2: His response was, sure, if tomorrow you told me you

637
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 2: wanted to.

638
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 4: Swing, I'd be all for it, but I don't need

639
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 4: that in our relationship. Despite his words, over the next

640
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 4: few months, our relationship felt off. Both of us were

641
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 4: no longer comfortable it seemed, mentioning marriage anymore. And while

642
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 4: we were still enjoying each other's company and traveling and

643
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 4: doing things we loved, the love and security feeling wasn't there.

644
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 4: I would bring up that we didn't seem as connected,

645
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 4: but he would say that it was my anxiety talking

646
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 4: in my head. We went to a Halloween party with

647
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,360
Speaker 4: our friends, who are all in their thirties to forties

648
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 4: and have been married anywhere from five to fifteen years.

649
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 4: The couple who was hosting the party were mid thirties

650
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 4: with three hits. At the party, the husband, i'll call

651
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 4: him Trey, started flirting heavily with all the girls. He

652
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 4: was very wasted, most of us were at some level

653
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,119
Speaker 4: of intoxication, and was being very touchy feely. This was

654
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 4: extremely unusual behavior for him. His wife, who will call Kayla,

655
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 4: seemed a bit embarrassed, but was also giving us the

656
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,959
Speaker 4: okay with what was going on. We could tell to

657
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 4: some degree that they must.

658
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 2: Be opening up their relationship some way. Well.

659
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 4: Towards the end of the night, Trey began to make

660
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 4: out heavily with the girl in the corner of the pool,

661
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 4: who had been invited by them, but the rest of

662
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 4: us had never met before.

663
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 2: Her husband was socializing nearby.

664
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 4: But he knew what was happening, so we all just

665
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 4: shrugged it off as consenting adults and whatnot. However, when

666
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 4: Kayla came outside, it became obvious that she wasn't okay

667
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 4: with what she saw. She and Trey disappeared from their

668
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 4: own party for a while, and we all were wondering

669
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 4: if we might need to head home and give them

670
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 4: some privacy. They came outside, though and we could tell

671
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 4: that Kayla wasn't okay. Trey started apologizing publicly to everyone

672
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 4: and said, we've gotten into swinging, but it's very new

673
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 4: for us. Kyla and I promised that we would not

674
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 4: do things with others without one of us clearly giving

675
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 4: the okay. We invited this couple over tonight with the

676
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 4: potential plans of going further with them. I effed up

677
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 4: and started initiating deeper while Kayla was inside the house

678
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 4: and unaware and not present. Cayla privately later apologized to us,

679
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 4: saying that she had not planned on our group knowing

680
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 4: that they were swinging and had wanted to keep it private.

681
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 4: So when Trey had started flirting with everyone and being

682
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 4: Touchyphelia in general, she had felt embarrassed that we were

683
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 4: also thrown off at this party that she had hosted

684
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 4: for us, And then when she had come outside to

685
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 4: him already initiating with the couple that they invited, it

686
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 4: had broken the boundaries that she had set with him.

687
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 4: I left the party upset, for in my mind, Trey

688
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 4: had cheated by breaking that boundary and in front of

689
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 4: everyone who she had not wanted to know about.

690
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 2: Their open relationship.

691
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 4: This is her one friend group that she has, and

692
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 4: I can understand not wanting to share that part of

693
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 4: their lives with us since most of the group is monogamous.

694
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 4: My boyfriend's response was, yeah, he effed up, but this

695
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 4: is new for him and it's like a kid in

696
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 4: a candy shop. I mentioned to him how he had

697
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 4: once said that a benefit of swinging was less likely

698
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 4: to have cheating in a relationship, but that to me

699
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 4: this felt like cheating because if you said a boundary

700
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 4: and break it with another person, that counts. It was

701
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 4: a tense ride home the next time we had spicy sleep.

702
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 4: In the middle of it, he started bringing up me

703
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 4: kissing Kayla and then him kissing Kayla. I didn't want

704
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 4: to bring up that this upset me while having spicy

705
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 4: sleep because I just didn't know because the people please

706
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 4: her and me hates making people feel awkward or bad

707
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 4: in the moment. So I brought it up an hour

708
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 4: afterward that him bringing up Kayla didn't feel right, especially

709
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 4: after how that party had gone. He didn't argue about

710
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 4: it and said okay, but I could see from his

711
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 4: shut down facial expression that he wasn't happy with my response.

712
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 4: The next time we saw Trey and Kayla, they had

713
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 4: the couple from the party over at a board game night.

714
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 4: Looks like they had worked things out, and I was

715
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 4: happy for them. They were very flirty and kissing on

716
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 4: the other couple, and while it was still strange and

717
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,479
Speaker 4: new to see, I was happy that they were happy.

718
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 4: I was having a fun time with everyone, but I

719
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 4: could tell that my boyfriend was very moody, and everyone

720
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 4: kept asking him if he was okay. In the middle

721
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 4: of a board game I had just started up with

722
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 4: some friends, he came in and interrupted, very moodily, saying,

723
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 4: you ready to go on the car ride home?

724
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 2: I asked him what was up, and he was pretty

725
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 2: shut down.

726
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 4: It clicked with me that he was jealous of the

727
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 4: swinging happening in front of him. When I asked him

728
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 4: if that's what it was, he said I wouldn't say jealous,

729
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 4: and I asked what he would say, but he said

730
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 4: that he'd get back to me on it when he

731
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 4: could put it into words. So I dropped it for them.

732
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 4: But a few days passed and he wasn't showing signs

733
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 4: of opening the conversation, and my anxiety started to grow,

734
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 4: until finally I brought it up again. He said, it's

735
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 4: just hard to see what I can't have right in

736
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 4: front of me, which I responded, it's hard for me

737
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 4: to see you mad and moody about it because I

738
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 4: know that I'm the reason why I'm the one keeping

739
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 4: you from it. You say I'm enough, but then you

740
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 4: do things that make me feel like I'm not really.

741
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 4: Please be honest with me. He went back to saying

742
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 4: that I was and that it was my anxiety, saying

743
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 4: that I asked what we can do to make our

744
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 4: relationship work better because this wasn't working.

745
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 2: He mentioned that I could initiate more in bed. I

746
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 2: can understand that.

747
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 4: While I'm a very responsive partner who never has turned

748
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 4: down spicy sleep, I am not off in the initiator.

749
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 4: So I tried doing that, and he turned me down

750
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 4: on five separate occasions for reasons like you just vaped,

751
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 4: and I don't like babing because it leaves a sweet

752
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 4: artificial place in your mouth, and.

753
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 2: He vapes a lot. I'm stressed with work.

754
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 4: And there was one night that he was pleasuring himself

755
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 4: in the shower and I asked if I could join,

756
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 4: and he said that he'd come to the bed, but

757
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 4: I said I would.

758
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 2: Just get in a shower with him.

759
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 4: It worked out and I feel gross, but he said

760
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 4: that he wasn't interested in shower spicy sleep, so never mind, dude.

761
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 2: He's moving the globe bar.

762
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 3: He's like, oh, I want you to initiate more, and

763
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 3: then when you try to no.

764
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 4: I could get his reasons, but it left me vulnerable

765
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 4: because and Is has always been hard for me, and

766
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 4: to keep getting turned down after he would ask me

767
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 4: to try it.

768
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 2: More was hard. Then one night he said, take charge.

769
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 4: Do whatever you want with me. Don't be shy about it.

770
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 4: Whatever you want to do to me, just do it.

771
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 4: I started giving him special kiss to stall because I

772
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 4: was panicking in my head what did he want? Because

773
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 4: I felt like he was looking for me to do

774
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 4: something particular. I've never been super shy in bed, so

775
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 4: when he said those words, I felt like he was

776
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 4: hoping for something new or different.

777
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 2: In particular, i'ming on top.

778
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 4: And doing the basic dirty talk didn't seem like enough

779
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 4: for what he was asking. I stopped to tell him

780
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 4: because I had never felt panicked during spicy sleep like this,

781
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 4: and I said, hey, I know you might want me

782
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 4: to take charge, but is there something specific you'd like?

783
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 4: And he got frustrated and said, just be dominating like

784
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 4: I do for you. Well, what he does for me

785
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 4: is some more aggressive stuff, but he has never expressed

786
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 4: interest in that for himself, and I didn't think that

787
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 4: that's what he actually wanted.

788
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 2: So we asked, is there a video of what you

789
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 2: want for me? Or specifics?

790
00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,120
Speaker 4: But because I don't want to dominate without knowing what

791
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 4: it is you mean, he let out a frustrated size

792
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 4: to never mind. I felt pretty crestfallen as a people

793
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 4: pleaser and said, I'm going to go get some mare

794
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 4: really quick. I went downstairs and went to Reddit to

795
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 4: search how to dominate your man and get ideas and

796
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 4: give myself a pep talk. I came back upstairs and

797
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 4: hurt him in the shower, so I opened up the

798
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 4: door to hop in and give it a go, and

799
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 4: realized that he had already pleasured himself after I had left.

800
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 4: I awkwardly got out of the shower and cursed myself

801
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 4: on awkwardness. Looking back, I can't help but laugh at

802
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 4: myself trying to make it work with the wrong person.

803
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 4: Let's just jump forward to the breakup, because this post

804
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 4: is already, so dang long. I sat him down and

805
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 4: said that we're disconnected and not okay lately, and you

806
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 4: say you want me, but I don't feel that from you.

807
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 4: So I get the feeling that you don't know what

808
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 4: you want. And he admitted that he wasn't sure and

809
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 4: needed time. So I said, after three years, if you

810
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 4: don't know, then that's the answer I need. I know

811
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 4: that we love each other, but we need to break up.

812
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 4: This isn't it. He looked stunned. He began crying hard

813
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 4: and asked me to stay in the same bed that night,

814
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 4: told me one last time. He cried the whole night

815
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 4: while I comforted him, and he got saying I know

816
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 4: it isn't fair for you to have to come for

817
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 4: me like this, but thank you because I need you

818
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 4: right now. He also said things like I've been an

819
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 4: idiot because I thought some things were important and then

820
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 4: this happens and I actually see what's important. He began

821
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 4: asking for another chance, and I said that I wasn't

822
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 4: sure I could give that because I'd lost trust in

823
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 4: his love for me. He said that he'd prove it

824
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 4: back with time. No, well, in under a month, no,

825
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 4: he said in bed this month we're doing and we're

826
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 4: going to a.

827
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:27,720
Speaker 2: Spicy sleep club.

828
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 4: I was cool with part one, but not so much

829
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 4: with part two, but gave him the benefit of the

830
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 4: doubt that the second part was his fantasy in bed,

831
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 4: since he knew my limits at this point. But he

832
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 4: brought it up again next time we were in bed,

833
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 4: and I stopped him and said, we are at the

834
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 4: weakest point of our relationship that we've ever been, and

835
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 4: you really want to bring a spicy sleep club with

836
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 4: other people into the mix. It finalized for me the

837
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 4: ending of.

838
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 2: Us, and I'm so glad that it did.

839
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 4: Looking back, I can't believe that I stayed as long

840
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 4: as I did, because while he has the right to

841
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 4: want what he wants, it was clear that he wasn't

842
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 4: being honest with himself. He wants to be a nominalagamists

843
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 4: in a non monogamous relationship, and that's okay. Just don't

844
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 4: date a monogamous person and pretend otherwise. It was just

845
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 4: hurting us both. I definitely grew from it because it

846
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 4: made me realize what I wanted and needed in someone too.

847
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 4: A year has passed and I'm so happy and in

848
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 4: love with the right person. Okay, my anxiety has magically disappeared.

849
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 2: Go figure.

850
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,760
Speaker 4: I feel like enough as a partner in every way.

851
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 4: He's lighthearted, easy as breathing, and would do anything to

852
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 4: make me happy, which is great because I'm a giver too,

853
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,239
Speaker 4: so we never run the risk of using each other.

854
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,959
Speaker 4: He cherishes me, and I cherish him. I didn't even

855
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 4: know love could be this awesome. It's corny, I know,

856
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 4: But for anyone out there that is wondering if you're

857
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 4: with the right person, if you have to keep wondering,

858
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 4: and if you always feel like you're not enough, please

859
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 4: be brave enough to leave what you know and go

860
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,720
Speaker 4: be happy elsewhere. And there are some relevant comments Horror

861
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 4: Paper sixty five seventy fours's. First of all, none of

862
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,280
Speaker 4: this is normal swinging behavior. Trey and Kayla are effing idiots,

863
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 4: pray as a cheater and massively to missive of his

864
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 4: wife's boundaries and feelings.

865
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 2: At a vanilla party.

866
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 4: I know this isn't the purpose of the post, but

867
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 4: they brought you into their spicy sleep live without your

868
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 4: permission by engaging and swinging in front of you again

869
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 4: at a vanilla party, and your boyfriend's it's no big deal.

870
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 4: Response was horrific. Breaking your spouse's boundaries is a very

871
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 4: big deal, huge one. In fact, if my husband or

872
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 4: myself had done that, we'd have completely stopped swinging and

873
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 4: refocused on our marriage. I'm so glad that you two

874
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 4: realized your relationship couldn't work. Your ex was a giant

875
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 4: walking red flag and not a good representation of a

876
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 4: non monogamous relationship. Who wants a healthy and respectful relationship.

877
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 4: Hope he responds completely agree with everything you said. I

878
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 4: didn't go into it since it didn't pertain to the story.

879
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 4: But later Kayla Andrey and the couple that they chose

880
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 4: got real messy because the girl and the other couple

881
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 4: set her boundaries of not forming too much emotion because

882
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 4: they started buying each other's kids gifts and just becoming

883
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 4: more than what she wanted.

884
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 2: What that's weird?

885
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 4: When she tried to pull back her husband and Kayla

886
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 4: continued to communicate in private, almost ended two marriages. Oo

887
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 4: messy all around and not what swinging is meant to be.

888
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 4: But what happens when a couple isn't respectful of partner's

889
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 4: boundaries and put their own interests before their marriage It's

890
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 4: why I never liked my axis phrase that swinging prevents cheating.

891
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 4: Cheaters are cheaters in any relationship, monogamous or not. I

892
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 4: said that he and his ex wife had a great

893
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 4: communication in a healthy swinging relationship, and maybe that was

894
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 4: the truth, since they were both on the same page

895
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,280
Speaker 4: and never faced conflict in the time that they were together.

896
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 4: But I'm glad that I didn't marry him or immediately

897
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 4: agree to try swinging with him, because seeing how he

898
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 4: handled not getting what he wanted revealed plenty of red

899
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 4: flags and terrible communication. I hope, for the sake of

900
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 4: who he ends up with next, that he has worked

901
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 4: on himself a bit, because no one needs that energy

902
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,280
Speaker 4: in a relationship or in the non monogamous community in general.

903
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. Hey, it's

904
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 2: John here. We're gonna get back to the stories. Put

905
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 2: a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors that

906
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 2: keep the show going.

907
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 1: My boyfriend suggested that I get plastic surgery.

908
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 6: I refuse because you can't breathe out of your as

909
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 6: the left side of your nose.

910
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 2: Right.

911
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: So I've been with this guy for nearly two years

912
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 1: now and we were unofficially together for a while before that.

913
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 1: He is smart, funny, attractive, and is probably the best

914
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 1: thing to ever happen to me. We rarely argue, and

915
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 1: this is definitely the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.

916
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user throwaway eighty five

917
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: forty seven and if you want to submit your own stories,

918
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: go to the arsledgh ogay story.

919
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 2: And I'm subredde So.

920
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: I am a very straightforward person and I have always

921
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 1: prided myself on my ability to speak my mind about

922
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: things that I think are important, which is why I'm

923
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: struggling so much here because I have no idea how

924
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 1: to address the problem that I'm having or whether it

925
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: would even be appropriate.

926
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 2: For me to talk about it at all.

927
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: Okay, while my relationship makes me very happy, I don't

928
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: think my partner likes my chest, and it bothers me.

929
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 1: Throughout our relationship, I've noticed that he'll be on Instagram

930
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 1: a lot, which is normal and fine. But one day

931
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: I realized that his likes would consist entirely of underwear models, egirls,

932
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: twitch streamers that he's never watched, etc. And those photos

933
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: would all focused on their chest area. I thought nothing

934
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: of it at first. But one day I was on Instagram.

935
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: I switched to the likes tab and saw that my

936
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: boyfriend had just liked a bunch of photos that were

937
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,879
Speaker 1: basically just various close ups of women with large front

938
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 1: airbags in bras and bikinis. This shouldn't bother me, I know,

939
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,800
Speaker 1: it shouldn't. I feel silly riding this, but he never

940
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: ever comments on my front airbags.

941
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 2: I have a very small chest.

942
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: I am literally an a cup, and it's something I

943
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: have always been teased about. My sister and friends particularly

944
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 1: used to make comments about it, many of which have

945
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 1: stuck with me. I'm an adult now, age twenty one,

946
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: so people don't make childish comments like those anymore. But

947
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 1: I am very much aware of how flat chested I

948
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 1: am compared to other women. My boyfriend's axes quite busty,

949
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:47,840
Speaker 1: and so are all the women that he's attracted to.

950
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 1: But I am attracted to women as well, and I

951
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 1: find all body types to be beautiful. I initially thought

952
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 1: my boyfriend would be the same as me in that regard,

953
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 1: but I don't know. I feel like most people are

954
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:01,359
Speaker 1: not like that. Just being honest types, yeah, most people

955
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 1: aren't like every single body type down with that, Like, yeah,

956
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: if you are, that's cool. I got a type, dude,

957
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,760
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. It's just like, yeah, everyone's

958
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: type is different.

959
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 2: Quirky artsy girls, that's my time. Quirky art girls. Oh man,

960
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 2: I'm down bad for him. I don't know how it happened.

961
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 2: He is lovely to me, but there's just certain occasions

962
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 2: where I worry.

963
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: I'll try wearing cute bras or dresses that sort of

964
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 1: emphasize my chest a bit, and he won't be interested

965
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: or even compliment me. That's really unlike him, as he

966
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 1: usually is very complimentary and he'll say nice things about

967
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: every other part of me. The fact that he seems

968
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: disinterested in my chest does play upon my insecurity about

969
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 1: that area of my body.

970
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 2: But I know it isn't his fault.

971
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: I know if I were to ask him, he would

972
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: reassure me and say he thinks I'm beautiful.

973
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 2: Well, that's certainly what you would hope, he would say.

974
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 2: I just don't really know what to do.

975
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: I hear him talking about girls with his friends sometimes.

976
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: It makes me feel weird to know that he does that,

977
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: especially when he also is happy to like in a

978
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 1: appropriate photos on Instagram, knowing full well that all of

979
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 1: our friends can see his activity. I can't tell what

980
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: is really bothering me the most here, if I'm honest,

981
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 1: I don't know. If it's him only using Instagram to

982
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 1: look at other girls, the fact that these girls all

983
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: have bigger front air bags than me and I know

984
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,879
Speaker 1: he's not all that interested in my chest. The fact

985
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 1: that our mutual friends can see him liking these photos

986
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 1: of women in a lingerie while also knowing I can

987
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 1: see it too. I think I would care a little

988
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 1: bit less if these were just celebrities, but they're not

989
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:28,840
Speaker 1: one of the reoccurring girls.

990
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 2: They're reoccurring.

991
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah, dude, this is a problem where it's like,

992
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: I just want you to want me, please, and I

993
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: think you can clearly you clearly just want someone else.

994
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 1: One of the reoccurring girls is someone he knows, and

995
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 1: he went to her birthday party instead of mine this year.

996
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: In his defense, we were in different cities, but I

997
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,840
Speaker 1: did invite him, but he didn't want to travel that

998
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 1: day as it would take an hour for him to

999
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 1: get to me.

1000
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know. Is he just comfortable being with you?

1001
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know, Yeah, do you not

1002
00:42:58,120 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 2: press him on anything?

1003
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: Because if if I had a partner who went to

1004
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 1: a different girl's birthday.

1005
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 2: M hm, and then it's.

1006
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I can't make it out to you because

1007
00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 1: you're an hour away, you know, like an episode of television. Yeah,

1008
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, so we're breaking up because clearly

1009
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 1: you literally don't care about you.

1010
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 2: You have different priorities, right.

1011
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 1: I'd also like to clarify that I don't normally pay

1012
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: attention to what he does on social media. This was

1013
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: just something I noticed one day and began paying attention to.

1014
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 1: It has reached the point where I'll scroll through the

1015
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 1: likes tab on Instagram now just to see if he's

1016
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 1: still doing it, and he does it multiple times a day.

1017
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 1: I don't like how paranoid I'm be coming about this,

1018
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,840
Speaker 1: and I know it's unhealthy, which is why I'm writing

1019
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 1: this here.

1020
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 2: Should I address this with him? Is it even right

1021
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 2: for me to care?

1022
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 1: If you care about something and it makes you feel anything,

1023
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 1: you can feel free to care about it and want

1024
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,760
Speaker 1: to talk about it. It doesn't entitle you to anything,

1025
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 1: but you could certainly have a conversation about it. It's

1026
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with it. Oh, boy, I hope. I want

1027
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 1: everyone on earth to know that who said they were

1028
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: in a very healthy relationship?

1029
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 2: Who was that? Have we forgotten who she is?

1030
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: I also want to clarify that none of the photos

1031
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 1: are just selfies or anything like that. They are exclusively

1032
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: revealing in suggestive photos with front airbags being the primary focus.

1033
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: I obviously don't think there's anything wrong with people posting

1034
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: this sort of content, so I apologize if I've come

1035
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,320
Speaker 1: across that way. I'm just concerned about why my boyfriend

1036
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 1: is so fixated on these things when he will not

1037
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: comment on touch or even really look at my own

1038
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: chas update. I finally confronted my boyfriend twenty two male,

1039
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do now. Basically, I

1040
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: made a post a few days ago asking what to

1041
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: do because I was concerned about his Instagram to the

1042
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: point of it making me paranoid, and his disinterest in

1043
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 1: my chest was making me insecure. Jump cut to today.

1044
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 1: I finally had the chance to do what you were

1045
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 1: all suggesting and simply talk to him about it. So

1046
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,919
Speaker 1: about three or four hours ago I sat him down

1047
00:44:57,239 --> 00:44:59,320
Speaker 1: and after a lot of me struggling to get my

1048
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 1: words out, I blurted something along the lines of do

1049
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: you find my body attractive?

1050
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 2: He looked confused and said yeah, and then asked why.

1051
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 1: So I told him that I know my Bras's eyes

1052
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,319
Speaker 1: isn't exactly impressive, and that I see his likes on Instagram.

1053
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 1: His reply was really strange and immediately made me suspicious.

1054
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: He said, is it just my likes that bother you?

1055
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 1: Without acknowledging the other things I said? So I asked,

1056
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 1: what do you mean?

1057
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 2: Hmm?

1058
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 6: This does make me think because I like certain kind

1059
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 6: of content that's not who I am.

1060
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 2: I'll go ahead. I'm gonna let you get away with that.

1061
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 2: I won't dig So I asked what do you mean?

1062
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 1: For about a minute or two, we were going in

1063
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 1: a circle and it went something like this. Him, I

1064
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: was just checking it was only the likes. Me, What

1065
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 1: do you mean?

1066
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 2: Him? I just wanted to make sure you were talking

1067
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 2: about the likes.

1068
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 7: Me.

1069
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 2: What else would I be talking about?

1070
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: Him?

1071
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:51,280
Speaker 2: Nothing?

1072
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 4: Me?

1073
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 2: Have you been leaving comments?

1074
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 1: Him?

1075
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 7: Know?

1076
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 2: Why would that bother you?

1077
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 7: Me?

1078
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 2: I guess it depends on what they were? Him? So

1079
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 2: it's just the likes, then me? Was there anything else?

1080
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:05,240
Speaker 1: Him?

1081
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 7: No?

1082
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 2: Just checking out. You're only worried about the likes.

1083
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:15,720
Speaker 7: This gives me a reason to snoop. Snooping time, okay,

1084
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 7: snoopy time. Then the conversation went downhill from there. I

1085
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 7: tried to bring the conversation back to my initial point

1086
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 7: about how I was concerned that he didn't find me

1087
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 7: as attractive as them because of my brass eyes, and

1088
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 7: he just groaned really loudly inside he said, And I'm

1089
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 7: writing this word for word because it's stuck with me

1090
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 7: since he said it. Look, you're beautiful, but I just

1091
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 7: prefer big front airbags. So that's when you leave that guy,

1092
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 7: I would guess, I would guess I'd be like, then

1093
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 7: you should go, and you go, you know what, and

1094
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 7: you deserve to have your preference.

1095
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take myself.

1096
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna extricate myself because that was just about the

1097
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 1: least empathetic, worst way any human could have responded to

1098
00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 1: that situation. Okay, like, okay, no crap, but how is

1099
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 1: someone meant to respond to that? I just sort of

1100
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 1: sat there and didn't know what to say. So he

1101
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 1: took my hands and just started talking about how he

1102
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 1: thinks I'm pretty and wonderful and he loves me, but

1103
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: he has a specific type and that he can't really

1104
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: get turned on by flat chests.

1105
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 2: You've been dating me though, dude.

1106
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: It was weird malfunction. I might be an a cup,

1107
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 1: but I'm not half in flat. But that's not the issue.

1108
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: I'm just stunned that he said that anyway. I asked

1109
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 1: if he's ever been turned on by my front airbags

1110
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 1: and he's like, not really. Then I asked if he's

1111
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 1: ever been turned on my girls on Instagram and he said, well, yeah,

1112
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 1: have you seen their front airbags?

1113
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 6: You're seeing them Bentley's and Yayas and Bentley's.

1114
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,240
Speaker 2: Uh, that's stung, but that was obvious.

1115
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: I asked him why he doesn't just watch, you know,

1116
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 1: some adult content, and he said he does, but he

1117
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 1: likes Instagram as well because it's more personal. Lao, wtf?

1118
00:47:58,520 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 1: He walk away Girl.

1119
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 2: Got a constant where you can get it.

1120
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: Man, you gotta walk Now it's time to walk, dude,

1121
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: because it's more personal insanity. I asked if he had

1122
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 1: to ever message them, and he said he messaged the

1123
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: one girl that he actually knows and whose birthday he

1124
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: went to instead of mine, The worst one he could

1125
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 1: be messaging. He insisted it wasn't flirty or anything, and

1126
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: I believed him. I was very sad and quiet after

1127
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,240
Speaker 1: a while. So he just started saying that he isn't

1128
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 1: going to stop looking at other girls, because that would

1129
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 1: be like telling a kinkkeyperson that they can only have

1130
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 1: Vanilla's spicy time.

1131
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 2: I love this man's logic. It makes so much sense.

1132
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 1: He kept promising me that he still thinks I'm amazing

1133
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. But then, and still, while talking

1134
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 1: in this cute shipothetic voice, he said, if this is

1135
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 1: really getting to you, you could get a fun airbag job.

1136
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:56,600
Speaker 2: Just pump up your front airbags. This is the only

1137
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 2: solution he can see about moving forward. Wow.

1138
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 6: Wow, And you only have a problem because he prefers that,

1139
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 6: And now he's making it your problem. You see what

1140
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 6: he did there, Oh pie, You see the manipulation. If

1141
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 6: you're spinner eyes set, if you're so.

1142
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 1: Upset, maybe you could take about a little cosmetic surgery

1143
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 1: girl over.

1144
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, just google plastic surgery, babe. You'll be fine. Just

1145
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 2: spend like loads of money that you don't have. Sure,

1146
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, it's just that simple, isn't it.

1147
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 1: I think I stopped being sad at that point and

1148
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 1: started getting angry because I couldn't believe he said that,

1149
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: and I still can't. The most annoying part was that

1150
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 1: he was so chill about it, even after he had

1151
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: clearly hurt me. He just sort of shrugged off my

1152
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: reaction and continued, like, well, I just thought it would

1153
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 1: help you feel better.

1154
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:45,280
Speaker 2: I don't want surgery.

1155
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,240
Speaker 1: I am scared of hospitals, and I have had surgery

1156
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,920
Speaker 1: before and it was awful.

1157
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 2: He is fully aware of this.

1158
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 1: I've never wanted plastic surgery either, and I don't think

1159
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,479
Speaker 1: i'd even have the money for it, though I don't

1160
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 1: really know how much it costs. I just feel like

1161
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: though I've always had insecurities about not having large front

1162
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 1: airbags because it's something I was teased about and most

1163
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 1: people are bigger than me, but I've never felt the

1164
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 1: need to actively try and change it as a whole.

1165
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,280
Speaker 2: I do like my body, even if it's not perfect.

1166
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:18,359
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, I don't want surgery, and I know

1167
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: he's not forcing me to get it, but the way

1168
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 1: he said it and continued to talk about it, I

1169
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 1: just feel like, crap. Am I really that unattractive to him?

1170
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: I asked him to leave after a while because the

1171
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,439
Speaker 1: conversation was upsetting me too much and I just wanted

1172
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 1: to be alone. He was really sweet and kissed my

1173
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 1: forehead as he laughed. And it's making me feel like

1174
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm overreacting.

1175
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 2: Girls.

1176
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:43,279
Speaker 1: Stop it, he's gaslighting you right now. Stop stop. He's

1177
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 1: literally the best boyfriend I could ever ask for.

1178
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 7: It.

1179
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 1: No, he's not. He could be better, and he's always

1180
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 1: wonderful to me. I shouldn't be reacting like this to

1181
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 1: something so minor, And I know I'm being dramatic, but

1182
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 1: I just feel awful and I don't know what to do.

1183
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:58,240
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna get plastic surgery.

1184
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: But he literally isn't attracted to my body, So you leave, well,

1185
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 1: not my front airbags. I don't want him to cheat

1186
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 1: on me. I doubt he ever would anyway. He's honestly amazing,

1187
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 1: but he does prefer other girls. Girl, I'm convinced he

1188
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: cheated on you with that girl. He ditched you to

1189
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 1: go to her birthday instead. It's just about the likes, right,

1190
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 1: Just about the likes, right. He's like, it's well, how

1191
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 1: much do you know? That's what he was asking, What

1192
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 1: do you know? What do you actually what do you know? Yeah,

1193
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: see my likes because you don't know that I slept

1194
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 1: with that girl on your birthday.

1195
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 2: Ooh okay, yeah, it's just the likes.

1196
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:30,839
Speaker 1: You know how easy it is to say no, baby,

1197
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful and perfect and everything about you was

1198
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 1: wonderful and think you're atracted me and you're so beautiful.

1199
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,880
Speaker 6: It's just that I need you to have d cups. Oh, brother,

1200
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:40,760
Speaker 6: he probably wants ABCD to Z cups.

1201
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 1: I don't want him to Just listen how crazy this is.

1202
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 1: I don't want him to cheat on me. I doubt

1203
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 1: he ever would anyway. He's honestly amazing, but he does

1204
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: prefer other girls. What that means He's gonna leave me

1205
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 1: one day unless I get better for him. But I

1206
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: don't know how you leave him. Maybe start having manasia

1207
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 1: twelves with other girls. I could end so badly though,

1208
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 1: and I'm too anxious for that right now. I don't

1209
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: know what to do. You break up with him. This

1210
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: all happened today, so it's very fresh and I just

1211
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: feel awful and helpless. Any advice would be appreciated. Please

1212
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 1: break up with him. Break up with him?

1213
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that's the most healthy solution.

1214
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 2: But when you don't know, you don't know what's good

1215
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 2: for you. Yeah, it's true, that is true. Just please

1216
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 2: listen to some of these comments.

1217
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 6: But Dakota, we're almost done, right, Like she's about to

1218
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,840
Speaker 6: wrap up and have a solution ready.

1219
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 1: Totally, We're only halfway through comments. Comment one, don't change

1220
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 1: your body just because your boyfriend is an inconsiderate knucklehead.

1221
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,719
Speaker 1: Him constantly being like it's just likes right is suspicious.

1222
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: Him messaging that girl and going to her party and

1223
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: not yours is absolutely not cool. And telling you to

1224
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 1: change your body is a complete no. You can one

1225
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 1: hundred percent find a guy who loves your body and

1226
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: will make you feel insecure like that, and who will

1227
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 1: be more genuine to you. Ditch this guy and go

1228
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 1: find that guy instead. There's a second update, let's get

1229
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 1: into it. My boyfriend is in the shower and left

1230
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,800
Speaker 1: his phone behind because it was charging. Girl, why aren't

1231
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 1: you leaving him? My phone was on thirteen percent, so

1232
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 1: I decided to use the charger on. My boyfriend wasn't

1233
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: using his phone anyway. His screen lit up when I

1234
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 1: removed the charger, and his lock screen and background or whatever,

1235
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 1: you want to call. It is a picture of him

1236
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 1: holding another girl, holding holding holding holding His phone background

1237
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: is him with another girl. This is a crime, so

1238
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: you shouldn't do it. But I would have spiked that

1239
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:31,360
Speaker 1: phone immediately until it was into a million pieces.

1240
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 2: I would have stripd that phone. I'm gonna do that.

1241
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 2: It's a crime.

1242
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,840
Speaker 1: So this girl, let's call her Lucy, is a friend

1243
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: of his, so it shouldn't be strange. But this year

1244
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,320
Speaker 1: he chose to go to her birthday party instead of mine,

1245
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: and he likes a lot of inappropriate pictures of her

1246
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,760
Speaker 1: on Instagram. This is like the game of connect the dots,

1247
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: and all three dots are in a straight line, and

1248
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:53,400
Speaker 1: OP is going like where do I?

1249
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 2: How do where? I don't? Where do I go? He

1250
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 2: cheated on? You done?

1251
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,280
Speaker 1: I don't really know much about my boyfriend's dynamic with Lucy,

1252
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 1: but I know they communicate regularly. But I've never been

1253
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: suspicious of anything between them. I've also never seen this

1254
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:10,919
Speaker 1: photo before, but it seems very recent. I didn't unlock

1255
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: his phone because I feel like snooping would be a

1256
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 1: huge violation. But am I right in finding this a

1257
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: little odd? My phone background is always either a photo

1258
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 1: of him or a photo of the two of us,

1259
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,760
Speaker 1: and he'll make comments if I change it, only playful comments,

1260
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:28,440
Speaker 1: but he will jokingly sulk about it unless my lock

1261
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,279
Speaker 1: screen slash background is him or us. I know his

1262
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 1: background has been a picture of me for a while,

1263
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: so I'm not sure when he changed it. Should I

1264
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,160
Speaker 1: say anything? How do you feel? Do you feel like

1265
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 1: you want to say something? Do you feel like it

1266
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: bothered you? If it answers? Yes, say something, say something.

1267
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 1: I don't want him to think I'm angry. I'm not.

1268
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 2: I just find it a little strange. I suppose you

1269
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:50,800
Speaker 2: have the right to be angry.

1270
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 1: I feel like this this op maybe like grew up

1271
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 1: in an environment where they learned that, like, negative emotions

1272
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:00,799
Speaker 1: are like you can't you're not allowed to have them.

1273
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1274
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems that boy.

1275
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 1: Is because you should be furious at all of this

1276
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,439
Speaker 1: right now. I've also not been feeling very good about

1277
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 1: myself lately.

1278
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:11,399
Speaker 2: I wonder why.

1279
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: So I know I could be overthinking right now. Sorry,

1280
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 1: leave him say something really press the issue.

1281
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean, you know what's the hard thing

1282
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 2: to do. That's what you gotta do.

1283
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 6: Update number three, My gosh.

1284
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 1: My boyfriend of two years changed his phone background to

1285
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: another girl. I asked him about it, and he told

1286
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 1: me to get plastic surgery again. Life really is an

1287
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,640
Speaker 1: absolute effing adventure. Thank you for all of your messages.

1288
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: I'm on mobile and I don't know how to link

1289
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:45,439
Speaker 1: to my previous post, but basically, I unplug the charger

1290
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 1: for my boyfriend's phone while he was showering so that

1291
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: I could charge my phone. His screen lit up when

1292
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 1: I did this and revealed his lock screen with him

1293
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 1: holding a female friend, Lucy. He chose this friend's birthday

1294
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 1: over mine. I didn't blame him because he would have

1295
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:00,240
Speaker 1: needed to drive an hour to see me.

1296
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 2: Which is a very reasonable distance.

1297
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:09,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and is frequently liking inappropriate pictures of her bazongos.

1298
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 1: So here's the update. He came out of the shower

1299
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 1: and immediately made a bline for his phone. When he

1300
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 1: noticed I had unblugged it, he immediately asked why. I

1301
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 1: responded honestly and said that I had wanted to charge

1302
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: my phone. I then decided to do what everyone suggested.

1303
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 1: I asked him about his background. I wasn't aggressive or anything.

1304
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 1: I literally just said so I noticed I'm not your

1305
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 1: background anymore, in a playful tone, just like how he

1306
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 1: talks to me when I changed mine. He asked if

1307
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:38,400
Speaker 1: that was a problem, and I said no. But I

1308
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 1: didn't want the conversation to end like that, so I

1309
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 1: asked him why he chose that photo. He didn't like

1310
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 1: this question. He didn't raise his voice. He just looked

1311
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 1: at me funny and asked what I meant. He immediately

1312
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 1: got that defensive after he gave me that funny face look.

1313
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:54,759
Speaker 1: He then asked me if I was jealous of the

1314
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 1: girl in the picture. I said no, I was just

1315
00:56:57,239 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 1: surprised because I didn't realize they were that close. He

1316
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 1: asked me if I went through his phone, and I

1317
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 1: said no. This whole time he was being so calm

1318
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 1: and nice, and he really didn't seem at all angry.

1319
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:10,439
Speaker 1: He always was lovely to me, and he was being

1320
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:14,440
Speaker 1: so good about this. He really really is always lovely

1321
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: to me. And I mean that I doubt that because

1322
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: he skipped your birthday. But his question about me going

1323
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 1: through his phone worried me a little because why.

1324
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 2: Would he need to ask me that.

1325
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're starting to develop our ability to

1326
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:32,200
Speaker 1: sense suspicious things. Yeah, we're there, even though he remained

1327
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 1: super calm. He asked me again if I went through

1328
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 1: his phone, and he just kept asking. It was like him,

1329
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 1: did you go through my phone?

1330
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 7: Me? No?

1331
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 2: Him? Are you sure me? Yes? Him? Do you promise me?

1332
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1333
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 2: I promise.

1334
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 1: And then he said that it would be a deal

1335
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 1: breaker if he ever found out I had been snooping.

1336
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: I hadn't snooped and would never snoop. And I told

1337
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 1: him that. He just kissed me on the forehead and

1338
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 1: took his phone and basically just started messaging someone and

1339
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 1: watching stuff on his laptop.

1340
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 2: The forehead kisses.

1341
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: I've never hated foe head kisses more in my whole

1342
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 1: life than in this story.

1343
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,080
Speaker 2: I love four head kisses, but coming from.

1344
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 1: This guy, it just feels like it's when it feels dastardly.

1345
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:13,440
Speaker 1: He was just so, he's just watching that stuff on

1346
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 1: his laptop, so the conversation had clearly ended for him.

1347
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to say or do at this

1348
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 1: point because I was just feeling really guilty, but I

1349
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 1: was also concerned that he thought I wasn't trustworthy, and

1350
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:25,680
Speaker 1: I felt bad for bringing up the photo.

1351
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 2: I was really quiet, but just watched YouTube with him.

1352
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 3: For a pit.

1353
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:31,800
Speaker 1: Usually he gets pretty handsy with me when we watched

1354
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: uff together, and he did this time too, but I

1355
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 1: wasn't really feeling it, so I declined his advances. Kept

1356
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 1: trying and was playfully saying things like don't be so sulky.

1357
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 1: And when I said I wasn't sulking and I just

1358
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: wasn't in the mood, he said, this is because of Lucy,

1359
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:44,240
Speaker 1: isn't it.

1360
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 2: Oh No, he said he still had to play. This

1361
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 2: is because of Lucy, isn't it.

1362
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: He still had the playful voice, but it really surprised me,

1363
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 1: and I felt embarrassed and guilty and annoyed. I don't

1364
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 1: remember what I said, but I think I denied it

1365
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:58,200
Speaker 1: being due to her. He stopped touching me inside and

1366
00:58:58,240 --> 00:58:59,760
Speaker 1: then told me that he thought I was being too

1367
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,760
Speaker 1: elson insecure lately and that I was projecting all my

1368
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 1: feelings onto Lucy.

1369
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,080
Speaker 2: Oh boy, oh boy, going for the turn of the worst.

1370
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 2: Oh boy.

1371
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 1: He didn't shout or anything, and he seemed more disappointed

1372
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 1: or concerned than mad. But it was just so much,

1373
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 1: and I'm still really confused by it. Oh this is

1374
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 1: a professional gaslighter. This guy's gaslighting you like he is

1375
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 1: a street light in San Diego. I have never been

1376
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 1: a jealous person, but it's true that I can be

1377
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 1: insecure sometimes I don't feel good about my front airbags,

1378
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 1: and I don't feel good enough for my boyfriend because

1379
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: he's so amazing and so attractive.

1380
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 2: But your boyfriend sucked. Yeah.

1381
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 1: I've never ever let that affect anything, though, And this

1382
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 1: is truly the best and most healthy relationship I've ever

1383
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 1: been in. And we never ever have conflict, which is, folks, never,

1384
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: never will. I will always call that a red flag.

1385
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 1: Never having conflict in a relationship. Something is wrong there.

1386
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 1: People will naturally have I have conflict. Yep, you have

1387
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 1: to work through it together. I do find the solution, Like,

1388
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:09,160
Speaker 1: if you're never having conflict, it's because someone's manipulating the

1389
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:11,919
Speaker 1: situation so that there isn't any conflict ever.

1390
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, ah, I just wish Oh he could see

1391
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:15,640
Speaker 2: herself worth.

1392
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 1: I apologized and said I didn't mean to project, and

1393
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 1: I asked him what he meant by that. He said

1394
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 1: that it's obvious that my insecurity about my body is

1395
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:26,160
Speaker 1: having a bad effect on me and is making me

1396
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 1: jealous of girls with better bodies.

1397
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:31,880
Speaker 2: He's telling you this, Hugh were.

1398
01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 6: But like, the source of this is with him, and

1399
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 6: he's gonna he's not gonna fiss up.

1400
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:35,919
Speaker 2: This is weird. This is weird.

1401
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 1: Ah. Then he proceeded to unlock his phone and go

1402
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 1: to Lucy's Instagram and scroll through, showing me all the

1403
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 1: photos of her in various bikinis and cosplays, et cetera,

1404
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 1: while asking me if I felt jealous, this man's lucky

1405
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:49,560
Speaker 1: to be alive. At this point, I started to cry,

1406
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 1: and I'm still embarrassed by that. I wasn't crying out

1407
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 1: of jealousy. I just couldn't understand what was going on,

1408
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 1: and I was so embarrassed. My boyfriend didn't get angry

1409
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:00,400
Speaker 1: or anything. He just hugged me and said, see, you're

1410
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 1: too insecure. Then he began talking about how I should

1411
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 1: get a front airbag job. He's mentioned this several times

1412
01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:08,919
Speaker 1: over the past few days since. I asked him if

1413
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 1: he found my front airbags attractive and he said no.

1414
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 1: I told him I don't want surgery, and he knows this,

1415
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 1: but he said it's the only way I'm gonna stop

1416
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:19,800
Speaker 1: being insecure, and that I'm just going to resent other

1417
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 1: women if I don't change, or you can break up

1418
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:26,680
Speaker 1: with him and find the guy who appreciates you exactly

1419
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: where you are right now.

1420
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:31,360
Speaker 6: She's so far in she has years as she's been

1421
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 6: with him, and that's not an option.

1422
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:34,240
Speaker 2: It's hard.

1423
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:37,320
Speaker 6: She probably will be dumped by him. She will not

1424
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:39,120
Speaker 6: dump him. She will probably be dumped by him.

1425
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:42,920
Speaker 1: That's really just so wild to me. I'm so sorry,

1426
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 1: Ope that you had to go through this. He started

1427
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:48,920
Speaker 1: showing me photos of women who had gotten implants, saying stuff.

1428
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:51,560
Speaker 2: Like, look how happy she is, and look, this girl's even.

1429
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:56,160
Speaker 1: Bigger than Lucy. He's like, check out the implants I

1430
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 1: caught down at the pond. It's the biggest one in

1431
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 1: the county. Goodness, Gray, God, dude, I just felt miserable.

1432
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 1: I still do. Of all the things to say to me,

1433
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:10,640
Speaker 1: Why say this? Why show me this crap when I've

1434
01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 1: said I don't want surgery. He wasn't being mean, Yes

1435
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:17,280
Speaker 1: he was, but that crap really still sings. People can

1436
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:20,080
Speaker 1: be mean when they're not yelling. I told him that

1437
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:22,720
Speaker 1: I'm really not projecting onto Lucy at all, and that

1438
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 1: I didn't care about her front airbags. And I told

1439
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 1: him that I only mentioned his lock screen because he

1440
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:31,440
Speaker 1: always complains when mine isn't a photo of him or us.

1441
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 1: I was pretty distressed at this point. He wasn't really responding,

1442
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:37,560
Speaker 1: just sort of looking at me. It was frustrating. Then

1443
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:40,240
Speaker 1: I asked why he went to her birthday instead of mine.

1444
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 1: I was pretty worked up at that point, so I

1445
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,720
Speaker 1: just sort of blurted it out, yeah, because it's like

1446
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 1: the most important question that has yet to be asked.

1447
01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:50,800
Speaker 1: His response baffled me so much that I stopped crying

1448
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 1: because I was so confused. I'm still confused. He said

1449
01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:55,520
Speaker 1: he didn't go to her party and then he went

1450
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:55,919
Speaker 1: to mine.

1451
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:57,920
Speaker 2: Oh no, literally, oh.

1452
01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:01,320
Speaker 6: No, oh no, Oh no, girl, girl, girl, you know

1453
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 6: the truth. You know the truth right now, you know

1454
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:07,280
Speaker 6: the absolute truth. Oh my gosh, oh my god, Please

1455
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 6: tell me.

1456
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 1: This has got to be the last, last time, right yeah,

1457
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:14,240
Speaker 1: him trying this has to be the last one, Like

1458
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 1: we're getting closer to the end here, this has to

1459
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:19,520
Speaker 1: be the last thing. He said that finally made you go, oh,

1460
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 1: oh my god. This guy's literally just completely made up.

1461
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 2: This is all fake.

1462
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 1: Okay, So he said that he didn't go to her

1463
01:03:28,840 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 1: party and that he went to mine. Literally, all I

1464
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:35,320
Speaker 1: could say was what, And he said that he wouldn't

1465
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 1: have done that, and that I was just remembering wrong.

1466
01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:39,400
Speaker 2: I am not remembering wrong.

1467
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:42,960
Speaker 1: I remember it perfectly, and I remember us even talking

1468
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 1: on the phone about it that night. We've had conversations

1469
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: about him going to her party. I know some of

1470
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,280
Speaker 1: the people he went with. It literally happened, but he

1471
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:52,920
Speaker 1: said it didn't, while being completely common sincere, because he

1472
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 1: is a gaslighting sociopath, has no qualms lying through his.

1473
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 2: Teeth to you.

1474
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:00,640
Speaker 1: He said, I must have been to way to remember

1475
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,360
Speaker 1: the night properly. But that's ridiculous and not remotely true.

1476
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 1: He kept saying, don't you remember, and then telling me

1477
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 1: things that literally didn't happen that night. But he was

1478
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:13,960
Speaker 1: so sure. And now I'm doubting myself so much. Oh no, oh, no, oh, pie, Oh,

1479
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:16,000
Speaker 1: you're victim ople Oh but you're close. You're almost out,

1480
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 1: You're almost out, see the real, see the real. My

1481
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 1: birthday was very recently as well, So I don't know

1482
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:22,920
Speaker 1: why I'm struggling to remember.

1483
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,960
Speaker 2: I'm just so confused. He was certain.

1484
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:28,920
Speaker 1: He's not a liar, and he's never lied to me

1485
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 1: about anything before. But it's also just such a bizarre

1486
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:36,480
Speaker 1: thing to lie about. He was so serious though it

1487
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 1: was so weird. He changed the subject back to my

1488
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 1: front airbag size, and I just walked out of the

1489
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:44,640
Speaker 1: bathroom because I needed a breather. When I came back,

1490
01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:47,280
Speaker 1: he was watching Doom Patrol and acting as if nothing happened.

1491
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:49,240
Speaker 1: I got into bed and tried to sleep.

1492
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 2: This morning.

1493
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,160
Speaker 1: He was gone when I woke up, and we've spoken

1494
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 1: a lot less today because I don't know what to

1495
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:57,040
Speaker 1: say to him. I feel so confused and everything is

1496
01:04:57,120 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 1: just so bizarre right now. I don't understand what what happened,

1497
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm being crazy. I don't know

1498
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 1: what to do. I rang him a few hours ago

1499
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:08,600
Speaker 1: and apologize for everything, and he reassured me and said

1500
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:12,800
Speaker 1: that we'll sort out my body so I can stop

1501
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:13,840
Speaker 1: being so paranoid.

1502
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:16,680
Speaker 2: What okay?

1503
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask about the birthday thing again because

1504
01:05:19,320 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 1: it was just so weird, but I didn't know what

1505
01:05:21,240 --> 01:05:22,640
Speaker 1: to say, so I left it alone.

1506
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 2: Am I just paranoid? What should I do?

1507
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 1: I feel like I can't trust my own thoughts right now,

1508
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:30,440
Speaker 1: and I'm just so effing lost. I don't want to

1509
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:33,360
Speaker 1: lose him, Dang, I'm down bad.

1510
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:33,640
Speaker 2: Guys.

1511
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 1: Imagine being in love with just like an actual like

1512
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:37,600
Speaker 1: tumor of a person.

1513
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:40,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, you need good friends in your life. It feels

1514
01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:42,680
Speaker 6: like you have a lack of support grouped as well,

1515
01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 6: because like good friends will.

1516
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:44,760
Speaker 2: Tell you to get risk.

1517
01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:48,280
Speaker 1: I bet you this guy probably isolated her quite a bit,

1518
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 1: quite quite a bit.

1519
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 6: If you, guys, recognize that you're in a situation like this,

1520
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 6: reach out to a friend you're thinking of right now.

1521
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 2: Yes, reach out, reach out.

1522
01:05:57,280 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 1: Reach out to a friend that you know your partner

1523
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 1: doesn't want you to talk to, because I guarantee you

1524
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:02,680
Speaker 1: they have something to.

1525
01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 2: Say that will change your mind. Hmmm, that's why they

1526
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:07,920
Speaker 2: don't want you to talk to that person. Edit. The

1527
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:10,240
Speaker 2: reaction to this has really blown me away.

1528
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm reading as many of the comments as I can,

1529
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:15,200
Speaker 1: and I am taking all of your words on board.

1530
01:06:15,520 --> 01:06:17,360
Speaker 1: Thank you to each and every person who has taking

1531
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 1: the time to give me advice. I'm sorry if I

1532
01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:22,400
Speaker 1: haven't replied. There's a lot for me to deal with

1533
01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:25,520
Speaker 1: right now, and I'm very emotionally exhausted. I'd also like

1534
01:06:25,560 --> 01:06:28,040
Speaker 1: it if people could stop calling me idiot, stupid, etc.

1535
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:30,080
Speaker 1: You don't know what it's like to not be able

1536
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 1: to trust your own thoughts and feelings due to the

1537
01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 1: behavior of a master manipulator and because of your crazy childhood.

1538
01:06:34,680 --> 01:06:36,800
Speaker 1: We have a fourth update, and it's the final one.

1539
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 1: All right, here we go. This is going to be

1540
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 1: the last post I make about this situation. I want

1541
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 1: to put the whole thing behind me and focus on

1542
01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:47,160
Speaker 1: moving forward now. Yes, but my last post got a

1543
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 1: lot of responses, so I felt as though I needed

1544
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:51,720
Speaker 1: to say at least something on the matter. A lot

1545
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 1: of you have been greatly helpful to me in this time,

1546
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 1: and I appreciate that more than I can say to

1547
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,400
Speaker 1: those of you calling me an idiot.

1548
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 2: Or saying I was making uses for him. I wasn't.

1549
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:04,920
Speaker 1: Evidently I knew his actions were wrong, otherwise I wouldn't

1550
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:07,640
Speaker 1: have made the post to begin with. I clarified that

1551
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:10,440
Speaker 1: he was usually very nice to me, Because he was.

1552
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,360
Speaker 1: He's helped me through panic attacks, paid for a lot

1553
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:15,440
Speaker 1: of my food when I've had no money, defended me

1554
01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:19,120
Speaker 1: against a previous abs, and always been very attentive prior

1555
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:20,240
Speaker 1: to recent incidents.

1556
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:22,760
Speaker 2: Of course, I knew that his actions in my post

1557
01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:23,240
Speaker 2: were wrong.

1558
01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:25,360
Speaker 1: I was trying to stress that he is not normally

1559
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:27,600
Speaker 1: like this, and that he was not aggressive with me girl,

1560
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: It's okay. You can lean into whatever you were going through.

1561
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:31,959
Speaker 1: This is a man that I felt safe with because

1562
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:33,440
Speaker 1: he had given me all the reason in the world

1563
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:34,439
Speaker 1: to feel safe with him.

1564
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:35,480
Speaker 2: He protected me.

1565
01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:37,320
Speaker 1: From a lot and literally came to my aid at

1566
01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:39,480
Speaker 1: three am once when I was alone and distraught on

1567
01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:40,520
Speaker 1: some random beach.

1568
01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:42,600
Speaker 2: Of course, he had my complete trust.

1569
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:46,080
Speaker 1: Anyways, following my last post, I basically avoided him and

1570
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:48,240
Speaker 1: confided in some of my real life friends about it.

1571
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 2: Good thank you in doing so. One of them, Daisy,

1572
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 2: let's call her.

1573
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 1: That brought me to the realization that I was never

1574
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 1: that insecure about my body and that my boyfriend had

1575
01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:01,120
Speaker 1: simply been making me feel that way. It sort of

1576
01:08:01,120 --> 01:08:03,520
Speaker 1: feels like, oh way, it has been lifted in that regard.

1577
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:08,840
Speaker 1: But the realization made me so so so angry. I

1578
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:12,280
Speaker 1: rarely get angry, really, I didn't get that sense. But

1579
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:15,680
Speaker 1: talking to everyone and reading everything and learning more about

1580
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:17,400
Speaker 1: gas lighting made me so pissed.

1581
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 2: Then there was the icing on the cake.

1582
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:22,080
Speaker 1: Two of my friends confirmed that he did indeed go

1583
01:08:22,120 --> 01:08:25,559
Speaker 1: to Lucy's party. Yeah, of course, but Lucy hadn't actually

1584
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:31,040
Speaker 1: wanted him there. Oh yeah, at least know he didn't

1585
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:34,679
Speaker 1: cheat on you, but like not even because I'm I'm

1586
01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:36,760
Speaker 1: just glad that no one wants this guy.

1587
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:38,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like a loser.

1588
01:08:39,720 --> 01:08:43,160
Speaker 1: She apparently was very aware of his obsession with her

1589
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 1: and isn't entirely comfortable with it. Great, I guess I'm

1590
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:51,200
Speaker 1: effing blind. That is the that is true. You have been,

1591
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:54,960
Speaker 1: but now you see, and now we go go forward.

1592
01:08:55,040 --> 01:08:58,200
Speaker 1: Yeah with vision, you got it. That whole situation was

1593
01:08:58,280 --> 01:08:59,680
Speaker 1: really the final straw for me.

1594
01:09:00,240 --> 01:09:00,680
Speaker 2: Last night.

1595
01:09:00,680 --> 01:09:02,639
Speaker 1: When I saw him, I asked him about the party

1596
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:05,920
Speaker 1: again and whether he went to mine or Lucy's again.

1597
01:09:06,320 --> 01:09:09,080
Speaker 1: He said mine. I told him that I'm not an

1598
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 1: idiot and that our friends could all confirm his whereabouts.

1599
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:14,360
Speaker 1: He seemed bothered that I had been talking to people

1600
01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 1: about the situation, and he started with the whole your

1601
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:20,120
Speaker 1: jealousy is getting really bad, and at that point I

1602
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:23,360
Speaker 1: lost my temper. I told him I wasn't jealous. I

1603
01:09:23,439 --> 01:09:25,439
Speaker 1: was just trying to understand why he was lying to

1604
01:09:25,479 --> 01:09:28,639
Speaker 1: me about something so dumb. It wasn't even a good lie.

1605
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:30,960
Speaker 1: We had a pretty rough argument, and I brought up

1606
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:33,799
Speaker 1: his constant comments about surgery, and as we argued, little

1607
01:09:33,800 --> 01:09:36,120
Speaker 1: things started dawning on me about other stuff he had

1608
01:09:36,160 --> 01:09:39,800
Speaker 1: previously done. I cried a lot. I kept trying to

1609
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:42,280
Speaker 1: be calm, but it didn't always work. But yeah, A

1610
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:45,000
Speaker 1: spare you the gory details. I did try to break

1611
01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:46,800
Speaker 1: up with him, but I don't think it sunk in.

1612
01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:51,559
Speaker 6: Oh no, because it's either his way or no way.

1613
01:09:51,880 --> 01:09:54,679
Speaker 6: Oh no, oh no, OPI wow, you got it. Gotta

1614
01:09:54,720 --> 01:09:56,160
Speaker 6: make a real you gotta make a real you got it?

1615
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:56,519
Speaker 2: You got it?

1616
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 1: You got enough strength, you got it? Yeah, I think,

1617
01:09:58,520 --> 01:10:02,160
Speaker 1: and I think Op is read in their decision. Yes, oh,

1618
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:05,080
Speaker 1: he continues. As far as I'm concerned, We're over, but

1619
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,080
Speaker 1: he doesn't seem to really get it yet. I'm sure

1620
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:10,120
Speaker 1: he will soon. I've blocked him on everything and I'm

1621
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:12,320
Speaker 1: going to keep my distance. But we have a lot

1622
01:10:12,360 --> 01:10:14,599
Speaker 1: of the same friends, so fully cutting him out isn't

1623
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:15,960
Speaker 1: going to be as easy as I would like.

1624
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:17,479
Speaker 2: I'm done with this though.

1625
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:20,080
Speaker 1: He dominated so much of my life, and I'm still

1626
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:22,240
Speaker 1: doubting myself so much about everything.

1627
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:24,280
Speaker 2: But I have a lot of good friends helping me.

1628
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:29,280
Speaker 2: Thank God. Where have they been? Where have they been? Earlier?

1629
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:31,519
Speaker 2: Oh God?

1630
01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:34,800
Speaker 1: Apparently he was weird about Lucy even when he was

1631
01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:37,200
Speaker 1: with his AX so I think I might talk to

1632
01:10:37,240 --> 01:10:40,080
Speaker 1: her about the situation. You got it, You've made it here,

1633
01:10:40,120 --> 01:10:42,800
Speaker 1: whatever you do. Your assumption that he's just going to

1634
01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:46,000
Speaker 1: let this go is very wrong. He is going to

1635
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:49,080
Speaker 1: try to get you to he's trying to get you

1636
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:50,840
Speaker 1: back into his life. He's going to try to worm

1637
01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:52,360
Speaker 1: his way back in, and he's going to try to

1638
01:10:52,360 --> 01:10:53,040
Speaker 1: confuse you again.

1639
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:55,479
Speaker 2: He's not going to think.

1640
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:59,320
Speaker 6: He's not going to like hold any respect or honor

1641
01:10:59,439 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 6: to you breaking up with him.

1642
01:11:01,120 --> 01:11:02,519
Speaker 2: He's gonna be like, oh, yeah, that was you. Just

1643
01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:04,120
Speaker 2: he need to say that, I bet you.

1644
01:11:04,240 --> 01:11:06,320
Speaker 1: He comes to you and and he's like, you know,

1645
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:08,600
Speaker 1: I've thought about it, and I've decided we don't have

1646
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:09,160
Speaker 1: to break up.

1647
01:11:09,479 --> 01:11:11,720
Speaker 2: And she's'd be like, I think we're gonna work through

1648
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:12,160
Speaker 2: this together.

1649
01:11:12,240 --> 01:11:14,519
Speaker 1: He's like, yes, I decided we don't actually need to

1650
01:11:14,560 --> 01:11:16,920
Speaker 1: break up, So you know, I take back what I said.

1651
01:11:17,160 --> 01:11:18,760
Speaker 1: She'll be like, I was the one who said we're

1652
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:22,200
Speaker 1: breaking up. No, silly, don't you remember it was me

1653
01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:26,479
Speaker 1: I broke up with you. Wow, this guy's unhinged. I

1654
01:11:26,600 --> 01:11:29,760
Speaker 1: want to keep moving forward. I need to get past

1655
01:11:29,800 --> 01:11:31,880
Speaker 1: this effing fog in my brain that he put there

1656
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:34,200
Speaker 1: when we met. He told me he'd lost a sibling

1657
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:36,640
Speaker 1: in a car crash. No one ever spoke about it,

1658
01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:39,760
Speaker 1: and I thought that was strange. At the time, I

1659
01:11:39,840 --> 01:11:41,760
Speaker 1: thought it was due to grief, but now I think

1660
01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 1: no one spoke about it because it didn't effing happen.

1661
01:11:44,479 --> 01:11:46,760
Speaker 1: I had so much faith in this man, and for

1662
01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:48,920
Speaker 1: a long long time he really was my best friend.

1663
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:51,639
Speaker 1: I already miss him, and it effing sucks, but frankly,

1664
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:52,920
Speaker 1: I've overcome worse.

1665
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,040
Speaker 2: I'll be fine. No, I think you should go to

1666
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:55,599
Speaker 2: a therapist.

1667
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:57,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you need to go to a therapist

1668
01:11:57,439 --> 01:11:59,920
Speaker 1: and talk out this relationship and have a professional explo

1669
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:04,240
Speaker 1: to you exactly how messed up that relationship was. Because

1670
01:12:04,800 --> 01:12:08,839
Speaker 1: even that being like I've overcome it, I already miss him. Nah, dude,

1671
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:11,040
Speaker 1: you need to know this was This man was poison.

1672
01:12:12,439 --> 01:12:13,400
Speaker 2: Thank you for your support.

1673
01:12:13,680 --> 01:12:16,000
Speaker 1: All the messages were very overwhelming, but I read every

1674
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:17,920
Speaker 1: single one of them and they did help. I hope

1675
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:19,840
Speaker 1: you're all having a wonderful day, and I hope the

1676
01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:20,439
Speaker 1: same thing to you.

1677
01:12:20,439 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 2: Op. Right is the end of that story? Op you

1678
01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:29,240
Speaker 2: did it. You did it.

1679
01:12:29,320 --> 01:12:32,160
Speaker 6: You you have astray and you did it, and anyone

1680
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:34,760
Speaker 6: guys you're going through the song something like this, reach

1681
01:12:34,760 --> 01:12:35,360
Speaker 6: out to a friend.

1682
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:38,439
Speaker 2: You got it, you got it. Yes, uh.

1683
01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:42,559
Speaker 6: I believe that front airbag surgery should never be a

1684
01:12:42,600 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 6: thing because you're beautiful the way you.

1685
01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:49,719
Speaker 1: Are, unless it's hurting your back. Get him reduced, Yeah,