00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. 00:00:17 Speaker 2: But you're a guess to my home. 00:00:21 Speaker 1: You gotta come to be empty, And I said, no, guest, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Brichard Winecker. I hope you're having a nice day. I hope wherever you are currently is less on than where I am right now. What else is going on? All my house plants are currently alive. Things are going okay, and I hope they're going even better for you. 00:01:10 Speaker 2: Oh. 00:01:10 Speaker 3: I did drive my car directly off the curb today from the gas station. That woke me up. I'm ready to go. The bottom of my car is probably leaking oil at this point, but that's something I'll deal with in the future, because right now I want to I have something else to deal with. Oh, the snake is rattling in the bush. 00:01:30 Speaker 2: That was the oil for dripping. 00:01:32 Speaker 3: It's both because when you're dealing with Chris Fleming, you've got snake in the bush and you've got oil on the driveway. Chris, Welcome to my Did I introduce you I feel this is Chris Fleming everyone, one of the all time greats. Oh my god, really of course, and you're wearing sunglasses which we spoke briefly before we again recording, but they look incredible. Yeah, I was worried that might it would be a hard time. I would have a hard time establishing path with these puppies on. But luckily that's established mostly through my through my nose. It's right, I go, I go through the party. That's so that's my that's my bridge. And I are feeling it right now. You know, I'm going to say again, your hair does a lot of the work for you. It's just immediately I feel at peace and welcome in the Chris Fleming aura with your hair. 00:02:22 Speaker 2: With the Shelley d of course. I mean it's a little sigourney w I like casting them in like a first grade classroom, you know. 00:02:35 Speaker 3: I love picturing them kind of like Peanuts style characters. 00:02:40 Speaker 2: What does Jones Jones? Even though there's no other people with their last names or even with the letters jonesy, How are you? Where are you? 00:02:55 Speaker 3: First of all, I'm in the pagoda. Oh you're in the pagoda. So the last time we there was a chance that you were going to head east. 00:03:03 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I had the opposite of what's manifest. I had manifest East in me a little while ago. But then I decided, then I backed out. 00:03:09 Speaker 3: You know, was there any particular reason or was just you didn't want to drive across the country. 00:03:14 Speaker 2: I go, I go off of primal feelings bridge, that's kind of word, that's kind of what I do. I don't. I don't deliberate. And the day I saw you, how did I seem the day I saw you on your doorsteps seemed you know, you. 00:03:29 Speaker 3: You seemed in right in between spaces at the time. I mean you were in it. You've darkened my doorway. You were wearing a tank top. Can you can you darken a doorway in a tank top? I don't know, but you did. 00:03:42 Speaker 2: Darken the darkened the door? Is that? What is that? What people say? You darkened my doorway? Oh? It's I love I love that how you were just I thought you were just making that up. I don't know. I feel like, is it. 00:03:53 Speaker 3: Sexy or or was I ruining your doorway? No, it's definitely sexy. I mean you had a mask on, you had sunglass. Is you were definitely. I mean, but your arms were laid bare and you were nude arms. Yeah, totally nude arms. A very summary. Look, this was a few weeks ago. We're now, you know, we're headed into fall here, But at the time, I felt like you were torn between coasts. I'm just gonna say it. There was no set plan. 00:04:23 Speaker 2: There's there's never been a set plan, you know. And and I I'm a I was once described as a butterfly by by by a therapist. 00:04:34 Speaker 3: Yeah, any particular butterfly monarch. That actually is the end of my knowledge of butterfly names. 00:04:42 Speaker 2: If you knew more, I would have swamped the bench, I think. I don't. I don't think she necessarily knew breeds either. I don't know. I think but the way she was basically just saying that I'm a flight risk, I'm just I'm really slipped. I have a hard time, kind of hungry. I didn't. I don't think I planted my feet till my thirtieth birthday. Sure, I don't think. I you know, I don't think I had the confidence for stillness through through your twenty third. Just the wind should be blowing you about, you should be flapping your wings, and thank you. Thirty you just give up and plant you get into the pagoda. She was an eighty year old woman and she said she had this really hey y since she texts like this, since she said, you're a betterfy, You're beautiful to a lot of people me. She made some comment that I wasn't her type, and she then went on to say that, and I. 00:05:38 Speaker 4: Was like, why are you telling me that, doctor Anne? And she said, well, even if we were alone on a desert island for six months, I still wouldn't touch you. 00:05:50 Speaker 2: I was like, what are you doing? 00:05:53 Speaker 3: I feel like comparing comparing someone to an animal or a bug or an insect is a good entry point to telling them that you're not not their type? Where to start with them as a human? And you say you're not you know that really is a harsh way to go about it. But suddenly you're thinking of yourself as a butterfly. Okay, I'm not your type of butterfly. Did you did you receive any mental health help from this woman or was she just kind of hitting on you and comparing you to insects? 00:06:22 Speaker 2: Do you think that that? Okay, yeah, I've been tossing around, so you think she was just nagging me. Yeah, of course it was a long, calm nag. Is that a yeah, that's that's said away. That's going to make me sleep easier because because my take was she just I thought she was just just just just stomping me in the mud. Did I get end today? I opened. I was open to mental health, uh, suggestions from her. I don't know if anything worked. I mean, she was one of those people. She was like more of a mystic I think than okay. Yeah, and so it was kind of more like is she's one of those people that if you ever asked them about being a witch, they they don't answer directly, you know, but they don't react strongly either. Certainly. 00:07:12 Speaker 3: Yeah, the witch's answer should never be a heart yes or no. I mean, you're essentially a witch. So, I mean I don't know about that, but you're living in the seen where magic. 00:07:25 Speaker 2: I just did it. That was witch. It was so subtle. I didn't even know. I just that's what that's what we're taught at, which you yeah, you just got witched. That's your break show about to get witched. Yeah, I take the form of many different different woodland creatures. Have you done it. 00:07:50 Speaker 3: Have you been able to do any type of traveling over the last few months, or is it have you been planted here in Los Angeles? I have. 00:07:58 Speaker 2: I've been. I've kind of been the the wheel of a car a lot. I've been kind of locomoting around a lot like that. Yeah, have you you know, I've I will go on drive, certainly, but I have I need to do that. I need to do that many hours a day. There are some things so I need to drive for two hours, which I know is not the best in terms of leaving a carbon footprint, but I need to. I'm driving two Hummer stretch hummers. You're kind of like a water score essentially. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, one one leg through each moon roof. Yeah, being towed by a semi truck. And there's a pre prom in each one of mean teens from Laguna Beach. This is a mad Max pre prom and they're all yeah, and they're all fucked up on virgin peanut coladas in the back they're placebo messed. This is just for you to go pick up a plant at the nursery. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Are you moving around a little bit? Are you in a saucer of something? I actually am. 00:08:59 Speaker 3: I just realize that I'm in a I got a new office chair which doesn't squeak, but it's also a like a twisty office chair. So I'm uh, and my legs are crossed, and so I'm I'm twirling. I'm essentially twirling throughout this podcast. This is yeah, I've seen you appear either. Yeah, the line of your movement has been impossible. 00:09:19 Speaker 2: I'm squatting in roller skates and just kind of rolling around the room. You got you were you were high up in the corner by the fire alarm for a second, and then you were then you were behind that door. I didn't want to call it out because I know it's not a visual visual format, but I'm just buzzing around the room like a wasp. When was the last time you got stung? 00:09:44 Speaker 3: I actually got stung last year, and wow, the first time as an adult. And for years heading up to this, I was always that, you know, because I got stung as a kid, and of course it like makes you cry and it's just this horrifying experience. And then you don't get stung for a long time and you forget. You're just like did that hurt? 00:09:59 Speaker 2: What? 00:10:00 Speaker 3: But what is that experience? And so I was actually curious, and this hornet did me the favor. It stung me right in the palm, and it of course hurt. I mean it wasn't like devastating, but it hurts. I mean it's a creature defending itself with what it thinks is deadly force. 00:10:16 Speaker 2: Have you been stung? It was that the kind that does it, the ones that do it, and then I the one that that's that's when it's flattering, right of course you were willing to give up existing to trying to harm me, to harm me slightly. Yeah, I guess they're defending the hive or something. Well, I think there's some that are just absolute dicks, right, Like I think that's I think that's Washston hornets. No, I haven't. I haven't been stung in a while, but I was speaking of someone who did, and and so I've been I've had it on my mind because because I guess there's the difference between when you get it, like as a teen and versus like you kind of find out every ten years whether or not you're allergic. 00:10:58 Speaker 3: Right, Oh, really, so this have been really traumatic for me, And fortunately I had discovered I'm still bulletproof. 00:11:05 Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, but so you're fine. You got to write you got in the palm. That's kind of that's that's profound. Yeah, it is. You got to write in the pans labyrinth. 00:11:17 Speaker 3: That is such a great word for palms right over my eyes. I was doing the pants Labyrinth and the bees were trying to uncover my eyes. 00:11:26 Speaker 2: Do you ever do you ever? Well? I was we were just writing a scene in this thing where someone crashes what you just reminded me of? So where someone crashes. I crashed my best but into an Italian restaurant three times in a row, and on the SD time. Each time I come out with raviolays on my eyes and ID to peel them barnacles. Yeah, exactly. Do you ever you were saying renaming, uh, palm? Do you rename parts of your body? Ever? 00:11:57 Speaker 3: I don't think I ever have you know? You get yours? You're calling your feet, your dogs, your paws, your your border collies, your border colleges, your cocker. I call my feet my bessngies. 00:12:13 Speaker 2: Do you have any other names for parts of your body? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, my shoulders are my parrot holders. That's so interesting. 00:12:18 Speaker 3: I was going to ask about your shoulders, and I wonder if that's because of this great shirt you're wearing, or maybe we're just on the same wave length here. But your parrot holders that's great. I've just yeah, apparently there are a lot of native parrots to Los Angeles. 00:12:32 Speaker 2: There's a there's a theory, and there's like this old wives tale that gets passed around. I used to live in South Pasadena and they they send it up. A pet store either was robbed or burned down in like the thirties, and all these parrots escaped and then repopulate the town, and like every morning, like they scream at your window at five am and just like cause absolute absolute rainforest. I hope. 00:12:55 Speaker 3: That's kind of like the fun, kind of whimsical version of the alligation or in the sewer story, right. 00:13:01 Speaker 2: Right, right, It's kind of it's kind of fucked up logic though, because then when there'd be like goldfish and puddles everywhere you went, you know, right, and yeah, just adorable puppies everywhere we go. Durabils in the mailboxes. Right where do gerbils naturally exist? 00:13:18 Speaker 3: Is that that go. 00:13:21 Speaker 2: They come into existence. That's where I mean from the dog for the cost of raspberries. Yeah, you could get blueberries today or a gerbil. It's like three ninety nine. Do we want driscolls or the gerb? Have you got the gerb? Have you ever owned a gerbil or a rodent? No? Oh, My mom was allergic to dogs, and I was a real am, a real dog head, and so I researched all these breeds that were hypoallergenic. I spent like my entire I was like I had beakers and everything, and I was doing all these experiments till I was like ten, just like going through like new guinea singing dog, all these like dangerous animals. But the one that we arrived at was a hedgehog that then cause her any arm, which actually isn't in a rodent, right, it's like some other it's like freaky marsupio. 00:14:06 Speaker 1: Is that right? 00:14:07 Speaker 2: Yeah? That's Do they have a pouch? I don't know. There are a lot of. 00:14:10 Speaker 3: Things that have a pouch that probably don't probably shouldn't have a pouch. I feel like a pouch on a marsupial. They're dragging that along the ground. It doesn't feel really evolutionarily correct to me, But I'm pretty sure you. 00:14:24 Speaker 2: Think that some animals have pouches that don't deserve them. 00:14:26 Speaker 3: Is that you Yeah, absolutely, they haven't earned them. The only the only animal that I really think has earned it, of course, is the kangaroo. Kangaroo, and otherwise it just feels like a knockoff, or they just haven't earned it, like the hedgehog. 00:14:42 Speaker 2: Which may not you think like you think the kangaroo is like the head of Cotillion, and everyone else is just showing up with a knockoffs couchbacks. Yeah, that's a good point. I mean a possum that definitely does not deserve that. Wait, does a possums have a pouch? 00:14:59 Speaker 3: Oh? 00:14:59 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they're the trash as marsupial. The apossum, this creature. 00:15:03 Speaker 3: Every time I learned something new about an apossum, the scarier it becomes to mean. These things, oh oh yeah, came out of a portal at some point. They they every one of them looks like it's been alive since the beginning. They are so terrifying. I don't understand why there isn't a bigger, a bigger backlash against the most people seem okay with the possums. I am scared to death. 00:15:29 Speaker 2: No, no, no, they're absolute night freaks. I mean they have shark teeth, they are they have horrifying They all look like they've been rolling around in lint. And they have just white eyes with no pupils. Right, Oh is that true? I think so? They blind? No, they're tail seas on the end of the tail. Yeah, yeah, their eyes are just white. They're they're team, they're jagged and yeah. 00:16:03 Speaker 3: And while people aren't looking, the tail kind of goes up scorpion style and looks around. 00:16:07 Speaker 2: It's kind of a periscopia. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 00:16:11 Speaker 3: And those things are thick too, They're extremely thick. I mean that you could just slice that up and put it on a sandwich, so essentially a horrifying rat sausage. 00:16:20 Speaker 2: And the worst, my least everything about the possums is that they speak in soul fedge. Have you have you had many run ins with possums in Los Angeles? Oh god no. My last running with a possum was actually not even what we call possums. But in Australia, we Mara Wilson and I were we were being told about these possums everywhere, like every austen is like warning us about these possums or they would just talk about them, throw it around. And then one night after like we had a bunch of elderberry cocktails, they were like, oh, look, yeah, yeah, there's those possums. And the what we saw was something that doesn't exist even on Google Images. This is something that like in kindergarten, you know, you think you kind of you get like the gist of of of animals, you know, your topmost, and then like you learn the endangered stuff as it goes on. But these what we saw what the Australians are calling possum. They're about five six they they have tiny tiny heads like like head the size they probably weighed about two hundred pounds, but heads ahead the size of my fist. Okay, no eyes, crop tail, polka dotted like a cow kind of right, big fupa big pupa arrow postel hat. These things were not what we call possum. Well, I uh, and I assume they travel and herds. This is there were three of them. I have a very blurry photo because I was screaming at the top of my lungs and jumping and I saw them waving around in the air and you were just doing everything you could to get a picture. I was doing the Copa cavanda up top trying to get help. I was waving the helicopters and everything. Yeah, I was calling my dad Christ up. It's one in the morning. 00:18:21 Speaker 3: I mean, the things that are happening animal wise in Australia are I wouldn't even say unnatural supernatural. I would go beyond supernatural. I uh, supernatural, I mean I think lends some level of mystique, whereas the things in Australia are just I It's just there's a black hole spitting them out somewhere on and it feels a little Do you remember in Super Mario Brothers three that when you go to the giant world and everything is large? 00:19:00 Speaker 2: Sure? Sure that that was in Super Mario sixty four too. That's right. I feel like Australia's tiny, tiny island or something right. 00:19:07 Speaker 3: About as close as we're gonna get to that where everything is just seven times larger than it needs to be. Everything could just use a little bit of shrinking. 00:19:19 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and there and a lot of them are just temperament wise, are hell bent on chaos. A lot of the creatures, like the thing it is called the magpie the kids have to wear during magpie season. The kids have to wear helmets that have magpie faces painted on the top so that they don't get attacked by magpie magpies. That but they won't even do something. They nest and then they will just like leave within like like a four mile radius of their nest. They just want to kill everybody, will drill a hole in your child's head. Yeah, yeah, the animals there, what I mean, They're turning children's skulls into nests all over us. The animals are definitely made by our sins, absolutely, Chris, what do you think is happening at the bottom of the ocean a silent disco? 00:20:16 Speaker 3: So yeah, that probably that makes sense. Actually, you've got the fish with the lights on them, You've got well absolutely remember. 00:20:23 Speaker 2: The Planet's Deep Sea episode where some of the animals are just clearly made up, like clearly cgi. 00:20:29 Speaker 3: Or it's just like like a glitch in a video game. Essentially one of them is just a white cube, a perfectly cute, a perfectly edged cube, something from an old asplue. 00:20:42 Speaker 2: Just remember there was one animal that was like attached to a rock and was just like getting pummeled by a waterfall for its entire terrible six year lightspan. What is that? 00:20:54 Speaker 3: What is the Greek myth who gets his liver plucked out? That feels like the under the sea version of that. I can't remember who gets his liver plucked for eternity? 00:21:05 Speaker 2: But Christ, according to mythology, he's as closest I'm going to get to a Greek god. Let me ask you, Bridget, what do you think is happening at the bottom of. 00:21:15 Speaker 3: The c I think planning. I think a lot of planning, planning, planning, plotting, and scheming, that's all. I mean, it's been too quiet, too long. They have a lot of space down there. And I mean the closest to anyone's gotten is James Cameron, and we all know he's probably on their side. 00:21:35 Speaker 2: Uh, it's it's wait, I confuse him with who's the other one that wrote Jerry Maguire. Oh that's uh, I don't know. Jonathan Nicky. It's based out of a long form improv by Jonathan Livnicky. They kind of loo it was a documentary about him, Yeah, and it just turned in. Tom Cruise kind of kind of got greedy, you. 00:22:00 Speaker 3: Know, uh, you know, little Jonathan later became kind of an extreme bodybuilder. 00:22:05 Speaker 4: Yes. 00:22:06 Speaker 3: And the only reason I know this, the only reason I know this was I think in about twenty eleven New Year's Eve, just it came to me I should tweet something about I think Jonathan Libniki has big things in store for the new year. Several months later, he's all over the news, tanned to all hell muscle. 00:22:28 Speaker 2: You predicted it. I predicted it. You knew Libniki was up to something. I knew something told me he had something in the works for us. And you're tapped in. Man, all you got to do to be a witch's pay attention. That's what they say. And that's what that's where. That's why you got. You got the vacuum hugged hooked up to the walls. You're not even plugged into the and you're not you know, it's one of those vacuums. 00:22:50 Speaker 3: Is this? 00:22:51 Speaker 2: You know it's you know, the central vac Is that? Yeah, you're on central vac. 00:22:58 Speaker 3: To be able to just put a hose to the wall and suddenly you're vacuuming. Oh oh, your walls are just full of airs. It's sucking at all times. 00:23:07 Speaker 2: What is that? The house is always in a constant suck. Our house is part tornado. I never understood that when I saw that as a kid, Right, how does that happening? What does that technology and where does it go? Yeah, it's always just. 00:23:24 Speaker 3: And it's just blowing into the neighbor's house or where is that into the core of the earth, directly into the core of the earth. 00:23:32 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's yeah, it is way beneath the foundation and it just vacuums everything into the into the magma. The middle of the earth is just full of dust and gum wrappers. When you said you knew what Jonathan Nikki was up to and twenty you're You're like, the only way I knew was and I was thinking you were going to say you had Google alerts set for Jonathan Nicky. Well I do now, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. He that movie was such an embarrassment of riches that it had too many. It's like what BookSmart tried to do with like twenty characters, you know, they did it with like five, Like each one is just like stealing the goddamn show. 00:24:12 Speaker 3: Well, you get Lipniki in there, and you every frame he's on it. What is that blog called the perfect frame or every frame, a picture or something. I don't know, every one of those should just be LIPNICKI just was he in another movie post Maguire or was that the end of the road for our little Jonathan God. 00:24:31 Speaker 2: I'm sure there's some exposes on where he what he's done, But well, I confuse him. He kind of came around the same time. He wasn't in Simon Birch. That was someone else. No, I think that was Simon Birch. I think that was simply Yeah, got it. I forgot about Simon Birch. I mean, you can't. 00:24:58 Speaker 3: I feel in that was I do know. I was in eighth grade. I remember very specifically Simon Birch coming out that year and did not see the film. 00:25:06 Speaker 2: Well, you don't need to. You ever play sim City when you were young, Yeah, of course, you know, when you were really feeling like an absolute you know, agent of chaos, you could just go and select every natural disaster right and destroy the town. That was basically what happened in Simon Birch. Every bad thing that could happen happen. There's a monster stump on Simon Burch. Yeah, there's like an alien invasion. It's like there's a brief possession. Yeah, that terrible thing. He like, it's really messed up, Like you really should watch it. It's really stunning. 00:25:46 Speaker 3: It was. 00:25:47 Speaker 2: It was a big movie for a substitute teacher that I had that feels like a substitute teacher movie to put in. It's mister hons open is that just like the four. 00:25:59 Speaker 3: DV use that the school library has pink flamingos? Of course, just all of the John Waters collection. 00:26:08 Speaker 2: John Waters can be played for a seventh grade class. That would really that's that should happen. That's what I would do if I was substitute teaching again. I put it on. Have you substitute teach taught? Absolutely? Really? Oh yeah, oh yeah from two thousand and nine to two tho it was only like a year actually, yeah, my hometown. Right after right after I graduated, I went to I'm Afraid So, and by fellow students, the kindergarteners, they would chase me around the gym. It was. It was messed up. They would call me at like four am and they'd be this wonderful woman Cheryl, Yeah, because those are the hours and she has died or whatever, and if we need to write somebody, and she would give me the pick of the litter whatever. She'd be like, you want to teach eighth grade tech ed today? Or you want to teach second grade? I mean the people who teach like kindergarten through third grade. It's like you are risking your life because those kids are just they are. 00:27:09 Speaker 3: Yeah you say this, And I did like an after school job teaching second graders. And you know, I'm not a large man. There were a lot of elementary schoolers who were quiet powered to you. They were essentially my size, and they have no qualms about being mean to you. 00:27:25 Speaker 2: So no, no, no, no. If you have a single pimple right then you then they diagnosed you with chicken poks immediately. What's that about? I look like you're really going through it. Did you have any real problem? Students? 00:27:46 Speaker 3: I feel like you would be a great substitute teacher. I feel like you'd be smoking in class. 00:27:50 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, no, I was. I was quite good at it. It was one of my few one of my one of my the only jobs I was I was good at. I wasn't good at teaching them anything. But you don't have to or you know a word. So but I didn't even. I didn't do any of that either. It was it was mostly just kind of some wrap sessions, you know. Oh, there was one class where I would do a physical challenge and we would we would have to they would pick one of their own to race me up a hill and I always lost, and I would like almost throw up from you would pick one of their own. This is like the lottery or something. This is Shirley Jackson store. It's called one of their own. And better man who's beaten to death by children? That is substitute teaching. You never never, no, no, no. But I talked to a huge game somebody who would be fast. You're slender, you know. You know it takes a while for the twins to cook up. You know that's because they're so long. Yeah yeah, And I'm really institute teacher Khakis and probably not ready to run. Yeah yeah. Did you ever you ever teach? I didn't. Besides the after school I did that thing. 00:29:05 Speaker 3: And then I was also a lunch lady for a period, and oh my god, really I was Oh yes, an elementary school in Riverton, Utah. 00:29:14 Speaker 2: I was. 00:29:16 Speaker 3: The one male member of the cafeteria staff, and I was also the one member who was like under probably sixty years old. And I worked with a lovely bunch of ladies. 00:29:28 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:29:29 Speaker 3: But I was hired because one student had a what's called PKU. She couldn't eat protein. So I was in charge of making like olive tacos for her or I'm gonna have any protein. No protein, it's a genetic disorder, I believe. 00:29:46 Speaker 2: Wow. 00:29:46 Speaker 3: So I was in charge of making these odd little meals and then would help the ladies out when I was done making the meals. 00:29:53 Speaker 2: You're making raspberry steaks and stuff. Yeah, exactly, water cake. Wow. I worked with a bunch of ladies for a while. There's six six older women. When I was in front of work at the front of desk at a health club for a little while. When you get close, No, no, this was two thousand and six in Massave juice. Sorry, that's that's a time. That's not a place in Massachusetts to me. But it wasn't la know it was ten and six, so sorry. Yeah, and it was one of those yeah, and those women, ay, I was. I just started doing stand up and they would come to my shows and Marshal, my boss, she would heckle me. So she would just like she would be so loud during the whole show that she that like the club owner would be like, hey, like if you can, can you want to like announce your friend and then like a will you stop talking? And she would like bring me up on the stage. That's three times you've got to get back in touch with this person. I know I'm really bad at that. Oh I'd lose touch. I you know, you gotta you gotta lose touch. You gotta leave them all behind. You've got to cut ties. You got to cross the you got to afford the river. You can't look back. You got to you gotta be like Matt ingeberts In and put your phone on. Do not disturb you ever breakthrough that e Does he ever allow you in? Yeah? Occasionally. 00:31:23 Speaker 3: That's something he and I have in common and something I think that was really a turning point for just my mental well being. It wasn't about twenty twelve I realized I cannot have the phone on vibrate, I cannot have a sound. This has just got to be a silent device that I look at occasionally, and so I miss essentially every call that comes in, which. 00:31:43 Speaker 2: Is well, if you look at it it's like thirty five missed calls. 00:31:46 Speaker 3: I'll call the person back and hope that somebody hasn't died. But you know, I can't the whoever thought of the feature that. You know, the phone will buzz or ding once and then if you haven't looked at it, it will do it againlater should absolutely be put in a I don't know, work. 00:32:05 Speaker 2: A compromising position. 00:32:08 Speaker 3: Position, because that is the most irritating thing I can possibly imagine. My phone's on total silent, my voicemail boxes is essentially always pull. 00:32:19 Speaker 2: To. Yeah, I feel like you could get away with a ring tone. Oh I do? Oh yeah, yeah, full blast you mean. 00:32:28 Speaker 3: William tell overture. I feel like that's the classic ringtone. 00:32:34 Speaker 2: My friend tried to she tried to make the Grizzly Man audio her ring. Yeah, that's just that I thought when you said that, it's really that's really bad. No, I don't. I just I just do vibrate and then so I just have phantom vibrating all day. I just think that my my hips actually vibrate quite a bit. Yeah, you're kind of just buzzing a town. I got zumba body, I got the phantom zoomba are you in shorts right now? I am in shorts. Are you check them out? Let's see these Those are great shorts. Those are comfortable. Yeah, they get tighter in the wash, so they really hug. Yeah. 00:33:15 Speaker 3: I've got to have a I've got various scrunny legs. I've got to have a recently washed short, or it looks like I'm wearing a diaper. Yeah, so that's my I'm actually eagerly anticipating Gene season. But I'm also recently had a premonition that we're very close. We're teetering on the edge of cargo pants making a full comeback, and I wow, I think, wow, and that's going to be a you know, I've already lived through one era of that, and I think that we're getting close to another. And it makes me sick that I have to do it again. Does does fashion exist anymore? 00:33:52 Speaker 2: You know? 00:33:52 Speaker 3: I've this has actually been a topic on this podcast a couple of times because I'm very worried, and it doesn't. It seems like we are post fashion, and so that's what I'm holding on to. I just won't wear cargo pants, I'll say, you know, I'm not I'm not up with the trend of cargo pants. 00:34:07 Speaker 2: I'm gonna let just be a thing. You're gonna wear, just a full latex one that with no divide. Right, that's my look, just a full allus in orderland caterpillar. You have to be carried by other human beings or carted around or dragged by a komatsu. That's a that's at least my spring look. Yeah yeah, yeah, the taper off tail, I'm not doing a wide leg tail tapered leg taper. You want to closed close little nightmare before Christmas hill. 00:34:47 Speaker 3: We earlier in the podcast, I uh mentioned that you had darkened my doorstep doorway. We've never really come around to whether that's a phrase or not. Tank top s your mailbox. You smash my mailbox. You drove by in a Suzuki sidekick with a baseball bat and just smash my mailbox, just my fifth Yeah. Weeks later you show up again, and of course this time I've got my mace. 00:35:17 Speaker 2: I got my taser and mace like a swinging well. I also have that that's on that's on my holster, your ankle asaurus. But I you know, I peek out the door and I see you standing there, and I think, does this have to do with him smashing the mailbox or what is it? But you were singing, Yeah, I hear, That's that's why I came to the door in the first place. This is, you know, three am. I've got my night cap on, I've got my night. 00:35:45 Speaker 3: Gown, and I was holding notes. I hear, like the the wind chimes start to just really whale, I'll just say whale. And then I hear this light singing. I think, who's at the door? So I go and peek out. It's Chris tank Top on his shoulders. He's holding a bag. And we had to actually discuss you being on this podcast prior to this, and you know, our relationship is full of ups and downs, and so we had planned on you and being on this podcast, and of course it's called I said, no gifts. I thought, God knows what Chris is going to do now. But you were holding a bag and you gave it to me and then vanished with the the promise that you may be headed to the East coast. So I thought, I don't Tampa what this is yet. Back to Tampa. 00:36:37 Speaker 2: I was opening a restaurant in an airport in Tampa. At Tampa International, and you've now launched the restaurant. It's a closed. This is a bullshit Chris is bullshit eatery, Chris is bullshit eat station opened and closed just like that. But to Tampa it will be remembered and it will just kind of sit there empty in the Tampa airport for years to come. But I put this bag in my closet and I just thought, well, we'll get to it when we get to the podcast. I'll ask him. Then I got to get to bed. You didn't get curious in the night. You didn't get curious at night. I'm ready to go back to sleep, and for all I knew it was this was all just a dream. So no, I saw you go back to sleep when I was I was. I did stick around a little bit, and I saw you creep back comforting. I saw you creep back in. 00:37:29 Speaker 3: I appreciate you just kind of bing the mother to me at that point and letting baby get back to sleep. 00:37:36 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm an MG, but you are You're an OGMG in the classic mother Goose, Ye your money, old goose, Old goose, mother Goose. 00:37:54 Speaker 3: But weeks later, as this podcast came to be, or as we got closer to recording, I thought I should look at the closet and see that bag is still there. For all I knew, it could have dissolved or vanished again in the night. 00:38:05 Speaker 2: I could have taken it back. Yeah, right, And but here it is. 00:38:08 Speaker 3: And I have to ask you, is I mean, the podcast is a pretty I mean, it's pretty clear what I want out of this, and it's that I don't want gifts. 00:38:15 Speaker 2: But is this a gift for me? Yeah? You know, I knew that, and I know that that's, you know, inappropriate to do that, but based on where I'm from and everything, it just seemed like it's just maybe it's the contrarian in me. I don't know, or anti Sorry if I'm told you know that, I can't sure. It's just in the pantry I got. I'm in there, you're eating the cookies. You've got your hands, I'm standing, I'm I'm doing the Fox Star, I'm hanging in the pantry. Okay, I'm eating the checks. So yeah, I don't know. I just figured I don't know, it's it was the forbidden fruit aspect of it for me that maybe get it for you. Okay, Yeah, Well, I mean, should I open it here on the podcast. I would love that. Yeah, I would love for you to do that. Yeah, yeah, Mike and Mike in stand I. 00:39:02 Speaker 3: Should say, uh, it's now in a green. You know when it initially came to me, it was in more of a plastic shopping bang. And it's now in a green, this beautifully wrapped green what appears to be also a reusable shopping bag. 00:39:17 Speaker 2: Well, you started a plastic bag. It ages really well with the type of plastic that I gave you. It dresses itself up over time. And do I see like a little fuchia wrapping paper inside pink? 00:39:31 Speaker 3: This is something that could you know this plastic will last generations. I'll pass it down. 00:39:35 Speaker 2: You know that the coloring, the pink in the and the green. And I know this is an audio format, but for you Bridger, what that is to me is you ever see that the hit Nicole Nick Junior show Eureka's Castle. I never saw Eureka's Castle. Okay, there's a there's a there's a dragon, looks kind of like a horse. Who's in it? Who with that exact coloring? Interest? And it was it was It was the first TV show that I ever truly enjoyed. And what was the premise of Eureka's Castle. It was it was like a botched imagine like a botched Jim Henson. Like, imagine if we lived in a world where other people tried their hand at Jim Henson's style puppetry, right, you know, very few have tried, but this these ones had, They had some pizazz. There was like there was a bat. There were these two swamp twins that were chemically dependent on peanut butter and yeah, yeah, they were like they lived in the basement and the swamp and like, and they were always wet and like you would show them peanut butter and they. 00:40:38 Speaker 3: Like. 00:40:39 Speaker 2: And then there was developing. Yeah, yeah, I'm developing a reboot for it. But yeah, anyway, so that's okay, and it's it was a fantastic show. But anyway, sorry, sorry, please do keep going Eureka's Castle. Aside, I'm gonna I'm gonna open this gift beautify it wrapped. I would say, a team effort and let's see what's in here. So here we go to the inner shell of a lot of tissues. Yeah, a lot of tissue. Tissue is crucial with a gift bag otherwise, what's the garbage? 00:41:08 Speaker 3: How much weight isn't isn't that? Do you think that what I'm currently holding? Yeah, I'm going to say this is like I would say point eight ounces point ounces Okay, actually no that I don't think that that that would weigh nothing. I would say what I was trying to say was point eight pounds. So I'm saying I'm actually gonna say eleven ounces. We're not quite at a pound or a few ounces, shy. 00:41:32 Speaker 2: This was my backup idea for a gift. I know that you said you did ask for no gifts, but this was my backup, my first ide My first idea for you was, oh, of course, Shelty. I was going to be a sheltery. I thought that would be a chelty dog. Yeah, a shell and cheap dog. 00:41:48 Speaker 3: I would have loved that, you know, I would have. I would have taken care of it as if it were my own. 00:41:54 Speaker 2: And he was going to be elderly. I love an elderly dog. Yeah, yeah, but anyway, I didn't. I didn't give you him. Well, you know, there's always another episode that you can Yeah, yeah, that's with the dog. Weigh me down with the dog. 00:42:11 Speaker 3: I'm now going to open this. Let's see what's happening in here. Oh, oh my god, there's a receipt. 00:42:20 Speaker 2: Did you mean to leave the. 00:42:24 Speaker 3: This is from Hodgin's Antiques. This is really something. This is really something that Yeah, oh my god, you've given me what is a essentially a like a mask for a masquerade ball. 00:42:41 Speaker 2: Yeah, I see. Should I put this on for a minute? I mean this will become muffled for a moment. Put on for more than a minute, Bridge, this is your mask now. Oh yes, I'm going to screenshot you right now if you don't mind, so, I'm. 00:42:55 Speaker 3: Going to talk a little bit louder. I hope that the audio is coming through in some way through the podcast. 00:43:03 Speaker 2: It is, I'm hearing you. 00:43:05 Speaker 3: Ideally, this is how I would record every episode of a podcast. I mean, this is how I'd like to start every zoom. At the very least, it's frightening, but it's also joyous. 00:43:15 Speaker 2: Your power has exponentially increased. I'm gonna I'm going to remove it for a moment. I feel like I'm a different person when I'm in the mask. Well that's the power, that's the beauty of the mask. Bridger. That's true. You wear that around who do you become? Who do you when you Who do you become when you wear it? And who are you again when you remove it? That's those are two big questions that you want to think of when you wear the mask. Just now, I was a silver emperor. Yes, it's all become at a different time wearing this mask as a whole other story. Yes, are you? Are you a big mask owner? I'm a real mask giver. Yeah, I like to give I So I walked by that place is right by my boba shot, okay, and so I see it every day and they hang the masks out. It's like kind of like like a like a little trap for me because when I see it, I got to have it. Yeah. No, I love that kind of comedian Larte style. I just I think it's a good thing to have. I think it's a good thing to put up in your wall. I think it's a good thing to wear. I think it's Yeah, I think it's I mean, I'm also like a real supporter of the whole eyes wide hut concept. Right of course, I only just recently saw that movie. You know, what did you think? What did you think? I had a wonderful time it's such a good time. 00:44:36 Speaker 3: You know. It's not my favorite of his movies, but certainly an experience. 00:44:43 Speaker 2: The whole movie to me feels like and maybe it's because he died like right after he finished it, but it feels like a hole. It's like it's like a winding down type thing. Yeah, it does feel that way. It's just like you're kind of coolly driving the bus and back into the state. It's not it's not like. 00:45:02 Speaker 3: Thrilling kind of doesn't really go anywhere. 00:45:08 Speaker 2: No, no, no, it ends back up with kid min eating double stuff oreos in the kitchen like it never happened. And Tom Cruis's character's name, he shares a last name with my best friend, so it's like it's his name is Tom Hartford. I'm not interested in that. I'm just interested in finding out who your best friend is, Chris Hartford Hartford. If I was like Mitt Romney, you mitten Ann out on the boat, just yeah, we all agree on a lot of stuff, but we're best friends. Actually we do agree, yeah, and everything. It helps him with everything. Me and Mitt. Yeah, no, Bridge right that that mask, I saw it and I thought of you. I think it has that kind of spells on it? Should I ring them into the microphone? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it's playful. It's also it's also it has the potential to be a little icy, you know, in a good way. Oh right, I think it's got like a good I think it's poised. I think it's yeah, no, I think I think it's got everything. And it's also obviously got it's got the ability to dazzle. Right, it's got the ebbs. I mean, that's the first thing it does, and it'll be the last thing it does, is dazzle. I mean we're currently I mean, and this is also deeply topical. We're in the middle of a pandemic. Uh you know what, what are you talking about? Chris? The less you know, the better. All I can say is, hit up a party, go to a grocery store. I have been What do you mean? What do you think I do every night? Big parties with young Hollywood? Yeah no, no shoes you have? And the Twitch gamer gang and the creator mansions. Is that what those are called? I've just looked TikTok mansions. Yes, the TikTok mansions are in the Librea tar pits and each one TikTok mansion is the tiny elephant, and then the other one is the other TikTok mantain. It's the big mob elephant and they make TikTok content there and they can't leave. It's actually a concept I think that I've like read as many specscripts about it's like content creators being like under like not being allowed to leave a property. But it's become like I think that is truly what it is. I think they are like, they can't leave, you can live. I think they can. I think I think they live. They live there on dance here, but you may never leave. You can dance, you can't ever leave. Yeah, I like that. They can't leave. Yeah, they can't. They can't ever go outside. 00:47:43 Speaker 3: I watched a tour of one. I think it was like pro gamers who have all moved into some Beverly hills, like fifty million dollar mansion, and it was, you know, it was the epitome of taste and class. 00:47:54 Speaker 2: Let's just leave. 00:47:57 Speaker 3: A mini refrigerator on every wall, just essentially a monster energy went to architectural school. Yeah, yeah, it's an interesting phenomenon we're dealing with. 00:48:14 Speaker 2: Uh. Yeah, I love when people get tons of money. Like I'm always like I'm one of those people are and like show me what happened, Like I want to see what what what happens when they get it. 00:48:25 Speaker 3: Well, it's a little bit like dumping the ooze on the turtle. It's like, what's gonna happen? 00:48:30 Speaker 2: I mean, what do you mean dumping the ooze on the turtle? You know, like you know from Ninsha turtles. 00:48:35 Speaker 3: You know they've got this green ooze and you drop that ooze on something and you don't know what you're actually going to get. You might get a teenager, you may get a wise old rat. 00:48:44 Speaker 2: Uh. It's like finding the vaccine. Like you could think we could be mixing avocado oil and and like bras and sprite remix and that can be it. You know, if you're sitting on the couch the right way and you hit yeah. I mean you don't know until you try. You ever have those those fruit slice candies, Like they're non branded, and I've heard they're big in the Jewish community, but I would have to go to specialty candy stores and like like I like my aunts would always bring them to me almost as like a like a peace offering at every event, they would like, they wouldn't bring anyone anything else, but they'd bring me these fruit slices. Events were constantly a war with people the offerings. Yeah, yeah, a lot of family wars that I was at the center of, and they would try to be putting them out by yeah, being diplomatic with me. Did you know what I'm talking about. 00:49:50 Speaker 3: It's like like weirdly accurate or like weirdly realistic looking little pieces of fruit. 00:49:56 Speaker 2: It's hard to know because I just yeah, it's like if you were to cut an ringe kind of thing. Yeah, but they're blue raspberry. Oh my god, Oh blue raspberry. I mean, as far as it's the king of flavors, always, always, you know, it's so much fun. 00:50:11 Speaker 3: If the nineteen nineties brought us anything, it's blue raspberry, which I mean it's you've got blue raspberry on one end of the spectrum and banana on the other, and then you've got various other things happening in between. But blue raspberry, I mean, the history of the invention of blue raspberry, what genius. There's no such thing as a blue raspberry nature is there? 00:50:37 Speaker 2: No? 00:50:37 Speaker 3: No? 00:50:38 Speaker 2: And and whoever came up with that new exam there's there's there's probably a word for it, maybe in German or something, but like for how satisfying it is when you think of of what a blue like eating blue raspberry like it's it's it's so titillating. Maybe it's like tied up with the whole, like Yoshi's Island type thing. 00:51:01 Speaker 3: Oh, it does feel like something a fruit that Yoshi would have to eat. 00:51:05 Speaker 2: My sister one time when I had a I think I had food poisoning, and my sister was in her room when we were growing up, and she was blasting the Yoshi's Island theme, the Yoshi story theme song as I was vomiting in her bathroom and I just was like begging her to stop, and she couldn't hear me. I was like, please further love, please turn it out. It's just like taunting me. 00:51:34 Speaker 3: Yeah, that feels like real. Uh, you know that could be used in torture situations. That song is, Yeah, that's a definitely guantanamo hit. 00:51:42 Speaker 2: I have number three, number three months played on Guano. It's a very odd little song. Is it cars for kids? Yo, Max Yoshi's Store, Lose Yourself and that I want to hear a mashup of Lose Yourself and the Yoshi Store can make it happen. Podcast listeners reach out to your mashup friends put this together for us too. The mash up what is no longer in vogue, But I'll tell you what I love a mashup. It's the blue raspberry thing. That's what you like. It's it's it's two things that shouldn't be that are. It's titillating. Have you ever been to a masquerade ball? I mean I've been to like Sarah Lawrence parties where they try to do that kind of thing. I'm not familiar with Sarah Lawrence party. Oh sorry, Sarah Lawrence University is on. It's where Julius Styles went and ten Things I Hate about you or maybe you never see her go, but that's like where it's like her fumba and Louise Cliff that's like it's it's that's where she ends up. And it's just like a very morose, formally all women's college where it's a lot of a lot of people that identify as you know, black sheeps of their communities go and they don't speak to each other when they're there, and at parties sometimes they would. They would literally just be asleep, all lining up against a wall. 00:53:16 Speaker 3: And so yeah, yeah, I am not able to uh if you're going to tell me something I needed in the context of Julia Styles that she's kind. 00:53:26 Speaker 2: Of my my as far as a visual, visual or audio learner, you're a Julia Styles learner. Can can Hollywood stop making Julia Styles play narcs for one guy? Damn second? Yeah, let her have some fun, let her be the fun person. Let her have those They did and say the last dance and then they were like, that's enough. You've had your fill, Julia, You've. 00:53:48 Speaker 3: Had Yeah, you filled your cup. Now get back to be in the hall security. You know, I've never been to a masquerade ball. I uh, you know, I guess the close this is a wedding or prom or something. 00:54:03 Speaker 2: But how great would it be to wear a mask to a ball? I mean they were they were so smart back in the day, like to because then you're just going off of bizazz instead of like what you like physical. It's great, it's a great idea. 00:54:16 Speaker 3: It really levels the playing field for everybody. And you know, a pauper for a night can become a prince. And I think they have the funds to acquire gorgeous, a beautiful the head to the antique store, a silver mask. 00:54:28 Speaker 2: Yeah. Do you think silver was the right color for you? I think it was. 00:54:31 Speaker 3: I think silver is perfect. I think silver is you know, it's it gives me a little extra I think people the first thought is gold for you, you know, because of my hair, and but I think silver adds an extra level of disguise. So when I'm wandering around my neighborhood in this, nobody's going to know. 00:54:50 Speaker 2: Gold is tough because I need to wear gold. You do kind of always look like Michael Jackson and remember the Time music video whatever, and that's the and that's like the best you're gonna You're gonna look right right like white and gold. It's like I always, I've always, like you know, kind of thought about toss the idea around in my head, like I like, why I shouldn't be wearing more gold? 00:55:18 Speaker 3: I feel like, but you could get away with some gold wrist chains. Yeah, heavy gold chain around the neck. Yeah, like one that like ends in the zyphiite right exactly where, like it looks physically uncomfortable. It's like, is that hitting his bone all the time? Yes, well, yeah, a chain that ends with like a little my face right here it says, hey, I mean Halloween is just around the corner. Are you gonna Are you going to do anything for Halloween? Or you know, this year feels like we're shutting it down. 00:55:55 Speaker 2: It's just what's tough. It's like nearing the holidays. It's it's like that in a way that pandemic did happen at that at a time. That was nice because in the beginning, like we aside from like or in my culture, I guess I don't know what holidays another, but like in like the big ones and like you know, they're all crammed into remember December. The fact that we're about to get all that, you know, pummeled, it's like it's gonna like, yeah, it's going to be really weird. Halloween will certainly still be happening, because that's a state of mind. Sure, sure, you're just feeling spooky. Yes, yes, they feel you can. You can very very easily frighten your own self and your own home, right you. 00:56:40 Speaker 1: Uh. 00:56:41 Speaker 3: Leanne Rhymes said it best. I think you can't kill the Moonlight? 00:56:45 Speaker 2: Is that is that that song? Yeah? Yeah, I feel like that about Halloween getting taken away from us. Yeah, Rymes Leanne Ryan saved it. 00:56:54 Speaker 3: She her empowering Halloween anthem can't kill the Moonlight and be more topical this year. So hopefully this podcast will increase her sales and LeeAnne will. 00:57:09 Speaker 2: Awe yes, she'll retain the crown. It's surging because yeah, back when Bob Dole tried to take away Halloween and LeAnn Rhymes ret least can't fight the Moonlight. Oh is it called can't fight the moonlight? What is it called? I think? Oh, which is different? Can't can't? I actually think thematically it works for Halloween either way. Oh, definitely the moon Leanne Ryan and Rhyme's sounds kind of like like creepy right right, going to you kind of like a second. But I think it was just the spookiness overwhelmed us and we're back. It's because I I went to LeAnn Rhymes dot com you started torrenting her discography. Can't fight them at night? Got it? 00:57:53 Speaker 3: Can't fight the moonlight? Could use a few more like chains being dragged across the ground or bones clinking, you know, But there's always a room for a me remix or again, a mashup a man moaning just from underground the entire time, just a base level moaning, a. 00:58:15 Speaker 2: Horse really far away. Leahne rhymes, is the headless Horseman isn't the best? Isn't the best story? Oh wait? 00:58:28 Speaker 3: The headless Horseman phenomenal. Always scary, so scary it will scare me until you know, a lot of things don't scare me that much anymore, but a headless horseman the you know, the old colonial backdrop we've got, We've got pork about crane. 00:58:45 Speaker 2: And the only character in media I that it related to. 00:58:50 Speaker 3: I mean you, I mean you have taught ask about crane is taught. You've kind of got you cut a slim road. 00:58:58 Speaker 2: I have rode as a about crane has road. 00:59:01 Speaker 3: Right, I mean you You've been across plenty of bridge. 00:59:08 Speaker 2: And uh been chased. I have been chased. I would be chased across a bridge. All I want. 00:59:21 Speaker 3: To successfully get to the other side of a bridge and my enemy is on the other side. Oh satisfaction. 00:59:27 Speaker 2: I think that story gave me OCD. Wow. If you don't cross the bridge to the. 00:59:34 Speaker 3: All right, Oh yeah, of course that's I feel like a lot of old fairy tales and that sort of thing. Do have some sort of OCD element built in where it's just like absolutely, there's this rule, and if this rule is broke, broken, your head will. 00:59:49 Speaker 2: Get a dumpkin smashed right into your tramp stamp. 00:59:55 Speaker 3: Chris, I feel like it's time to play a game. Do you want to play Gift Master or gift or a curse? 01:00:02 Speaker 2: Gift or a curse? 01:00:03 Speaker 3: Okay, cool, give me a number between one and ten nine. Okay, I need to do some calculating. So while I do this, you've got a minute or so to promote something, to recommend something, to just say whatever you want. 01:00:15 Speaker 2: You have the microphone. I'll be right back, all. 01:00:17 Speaker 3: Right, I. 01:00:20 Speaker 2: Would like to recommend I'd like to promote the film Jerry Maguire is new. It's good. It's got like a huge running length, so you can like sit with it and watch it for as long as you want. You got Renee es Elwigger has a sister in it who's really calming. Her name is Bonnie Rait. She's like she's the kind of lady that you know. Renee spills like like mashed potatoes and like toxic waste on her jumper right before I eving to go out with Tom some great wholays Jerry McGuire film, and you know, she like stays very level headed and cool, and it's like it's okay, it's okay, stick calm, just put on this wet white tea. Everything's going to be good. And then that's also, Oh, you're back. 01:01:17 Speaker 3: I'm glad you were able to get the word out about Jerry McGuire. I feel looking up on Jerry McGuire dot com. This podcast is between Lene Rhymes and Jerry McGuire. I feel like this could have been recorded in late nineteen ninety six and no one would know any better. I mean, for listeners, for all you know, this was recorded four years millennium. Oh what I have one more point about Jerry McGuire. The use is it uses Bruce Springsteen's Secret Garden for eleven. 01:01:49 Speaker 2: Seconds worth worth the two hundred thousand dollars. 01:01:54 Speaker 5: D dude, she's got a secret guy. She's got Jonathan Litnig, she's got. 01:02:07 Speaker 2: On the bag. 01:02:08 Speaker 3: It's clean, Chris, this is how gift or a curse works. I'm going to tell you three things. You're gonna tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why and I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. There are correct answers, So of course, first up, let's see here. You know I always just loose track of them almost immediately. 01:02:27 Speaker 2: Oh here we go. 01:02:28 Speaker 3: Okay, gift he a curse? Experimental ice cream flavors. 01:02:38 Speaker 2: Like hibiscus radish right, you know, rose lamb a curse? And why elitist exclusive? It's exclusive? I don't stand for it. It's more about it's more about feeling good about yourself for for liking it, for saying I like I like this, I enjoy this crab cantalope flavor than it is about actually enjoying it. 01:03:12 Speaker 3: So curse absolutely. I mean that, I mean that it's kind of a softball. We all know that experimental ice cream flavors are a curse. Why am I going out for a treat if it's going to be a challenge. No treat should be a challenge. It's a you know, and they're more stuffing it, more expensive ice cream retailers, and so you're paying what five six dollars to not enjoy something I don't understand. Just give me a classic peanut butter, give me a mint chip rough. 01:03:41 Speaker 2: Yeahad Actually, don't even give it. I don't. Don't give it to me cold. Give me fudge. I don't understand why ice cream is it's uncomfortable. It's like it's the same thing about red hots. Don't have it, make it. They take the comfort out, take the discomfort out. Give me like an ice cream. I don't like being cold. Man. I got like, I get it. I get frostbite easy on my cheek. Oh okay, sure, I'm not going to just put myself in that I did a rod for no reason. Give me fudge. 01:04:07 Speaker 3: You're headed to the fudge shop, which is always spelled with a double pn an e. 01:04:12 Speaker 2: U. 01:04:13 Speaker 3: I can I can understand that. I rarely do I think I should get some fudge, but I like that attitude. I mean, I think fudge that's because you're not at the end of your life, you know, looking back. That's that's why everyone gets to the end of their life and thinks I should have eaten more fudge. 01:04:30 Speaker 2: Yeah, we're moving around too fast to stop, and me like, I deserve some fudge right now. I mean, you ever have panucci? What's panucci? It's like a maple. I didn't know what it was. I didn't know I was really bad at Like if you tell me something something and it's like, that's what that is. I justop Panucci. I just described it as Panucci. But it's like it's almost like those candy corn pumpkins. Oh okay, you're losing me. But if they were good, they were like like you know how you know how good they look and how good that you think they're going to be when you have them, and then you're like, this is going to never leave my system. 01:05:03 Speaker 3: Somewhere between grainy and waxy. 01:05:08 Speaker 2: It's like that. But if it was actually what you wanted it to be, and tell me the name again, Panucci Panucci. So that's a pe n like penis, but then it goes you see. You see, that's that's how I learned spelling. It always has to be around penis, penis based and like penis. You see. 01:05:29 Speaker 3: H Okay, I'm gonna have maple flavored. I love a maple flavor. I love a maple donut. Same maple, sir, old fashioned, give it to me. M A T has asked bless Emma Thompson. No, this is from listener Hannah no last name, so you know this could be one of the Hannah Amazon Television series original. She's an assassin. She this is a little girl who can kill. She has written into the podcast to suggest airport airport massage shops gifter a curse. 01:06:07 Speaker 2: Oh, it's a curse. Why because because you are you have to show your massage face to the world. The whole point of feeling pleasure is being able to relief, is being able to do it under under a bridge. You know, you want to be alone, but to have to be on display while you're while you're feeling relief, comfort and pleasure, that is that is an absolute curse. So, yeah, cursed. 01:06:34 Speaker 3: All of your massages are being done by trolls under bridge. Yes, yes, again, Wow, I mean you're you're you're two for two here, of course. I mean what scenario do you feel comfortable in an airport? 01:06:50 Speaker 5: Uh? 01:06:50 Speaker 3: Comfortable enough to just suddenly have a stranger rubbing your body? I would be the tension I would be, you know, mattle, Just get a chair, quiet and serene, and I need to be away from others. You know, it's the same thing with the mall people getting message in the middle of the mall. What are what has happened to you that that's led you to this? I don't understand it as well. 01:07:17 Speaker 2: I think it's the Messus's friends that it's just a marketing thing. I don't think anyone. I think it's I mean maybe psychopaths, but like I know that's what it is. 01:07:26 Speaker 5: You know what that is. 01:07:27 Speaker 2: It's the same thing with the that the Israeli government does, uh Israel. It's like it's really a TSA or whatever too. They don't really you don't go through any screen. They just psychologically analyze you to make sure you're not going to be like be up to no good on the plane in the airport. How do they do? They just I guess they're just like really good at reading like the facial cues and like airport massage. Yeah, they ask you a box of your briefs. But like in America, it's probably like if you are willing to subject you, if you're willing to put yourself out there and get an airport massage, you're probably put on a watch. You're probably yeah, that's what that is. Insecurity. Yes, that's homeland security. That's all that is. Okay, fantastic. My sister saw Eric Andre getting them once. 01:08:11 Speaker 3: I mean, of course that's the one person that I can imagine getting an airport. 01:08:16 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm charmed by that. 01:08:19 Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, fully on board for Eric andre An Airports. Otherwise, there's something going on with you, and I don't know what to tell anybody. Okay, two out of two, we're headed into the final thing here. This is a gift for a curse. Okay, the Golden Age of television gift? 01:08:38 Speaker 2: He a curse. It's a gift. Why it's the golden age of television. That's your reasoning, that's your reasoning. Yeah, it's in the name. What do you mean? 01:08:55 Speaker 3: Of course it's a gift, Chris. You have been flying so high. The butterfly flies so high, but it can only go so far. 01:09:04 Speaker 2: And say that you've. 01:09:05 Speaker 3: Incinerated in the sun. The Golden age of television's a curse. What a golden age is always a curse because every other age beyond it is no longer golden. 01:09:16 Speaker 2: Wait, the gold is the golden age of television, like mad Man, I thought you were talking about like the thirties. 01:09:20 Speaker 3: You name it, you, I mean the golden fish of television is also deeply personal. So what's your going ranche of television? I guess I don't know. I am Okay, that's silent film. Okay, I'm sorry. I guess I guess you were when you said that. I imagine the Twilight Zone. Now I think the you know, at least as far as contemporary peel oh, the current I think television critics will tell you the golden age of television probably lasted between two thousand and nine and two thousand and probably seventeen. 01:09:55 Speaker 2: When you say when ended at the one TV show, was it suits that ended? 01:10:03 Speaker 3: It suits any golden age. So it was like Breaking Bad, Bad, Madmen, the Wire, the Spective, True Detective. What else have we The Fuller House, Fuller House, you know I have. I have been to Jeff Franklin's home, really, which is built on the site of the Manson murders. And uh, two weeks after I met my boyfriend, he was doing a these living room shows that are like hosted of these mansions or whatever, and he was singing, and when he invited me, I went, and it was, you know, of course, exactly as horrible as you can possibly. There's a shark tank, there's a wall in the house that is just a collectible place with Elvis on them. It is the bottom of taste. 01:10:58 Speaker 2: Well, I'm with you up for the shark tank aspect of that. Are there actual sharks in there? 01:11:05 Speaker 3: Yeah, there were actual sharks. This was maybe one of the most surreal moments of my entire life. 01:11:11 Speaker 2: I love that. I love. I cannot wait to get exotic animal money. That's that's what I want. So that's how the only reason I wanted shark my first bind o fasa. Hey what fasasa fasa. I'll send it to you. It's like a it's like a South American horse cat. Oh, it's like they have a tiny little head. And you love an animal with the tiny head. Yeah, abortion, you gotta see that. You gotta see it. Naturally cropped ears. I'm chatting it to you right now and to Steven. 01:11:52 Speaker 4: This thing. 01:11:53 Speaker 2: Yeah, check that out. Hopefully that's right. Hopefully I did copy it and just didn't send you something else on my clipboard, because that's better revealing what I copy. It's f A s A f o s okays falsa. Yeah, it's an animal that everyone's kind of agreed to not talk about. Oh, you've chatted it to me. Yeah, yeah, okay, let me click this. Yeah beautiful. Oh this is uh like a land order. This is the otter of the mountain or the desert toward the jungle. I think I would make it a tape heir too. What t a p I R. It's like a it's like a pig horse. 01:12:37 Speaker 3: Wow, this is a whole new world for me. I feel like, oh, of course, yeah, I'm familiar with this creature. I see you owning both of these and at some point we want to oh, right, a while. 01:12:47 Speaker 2: Ago you but you need to get a dangerous animal license for that. And also they're very dangerous. 01:12:51 Speaker 3: And don't rule anything out. Yeah, well you got two out of three on gift or a curse. It's better than some, worse than others. But it's your own personal score. 01:13:05 Speaker 2: So yeah, that's me in general. 01:13:11 Speaker 3: Let's answer some questions. This is called I said no questions, and people writing into I said no gifts at gmail dot com and they have, you know, they have hit a point in their life that they have no choice but to reach out to a podcast for answers. So let me read the first one to you. This is Bridger. My parents have been strictly quarantining in order to watch my daughter while my husband and I work were both in healthcare. Normally, I would get themself care gifts like pedicures and massages as a thank you for the free babysitting. Any ideas for a thank you gift that doesn't involve exposure to other. 01:13:45 Speaker 2: People people really turn to you for actually. 01:13:50 Speaker 3: But yeah, and this is from Katie and Florida. She may may be a former customer of your restaurant at the Tampa Airport for all we know. Yeah, no, she was Katie's looking for, you know, and she wants a gift that does not there's no exposure to other people, and in any other situation, first thought, fireworks spectacular. I would say for her to do for her parents fireworks great idea, But you know, we as we record this, the west coast of the United States is on fire right just being tortured. But she's in Florida, so maybe we don't rule it out because it's very wet there. 01:14:30 Speaker 2: It's very humid there. 01:14:33 Speaker 3: So you know, first thought, Katie, your parents, you call them one night, it's maybe they're getting out of bed for this. You say, mom and Dad, look out the window. They look out the window and suddenly there is an expertly choreographed fireworks spectacular. Maybe spells out mom and dad spells out thank you. That's up to you or the pyrotechnic expert, IRA technician. Is that what that person's called. I don't know, Chris, what are you thinking watching the kids? 01:15:07 Speaker 2: I think you should get them a framed photo of the Everglades? Have you been to the Everglades? 01:15:16 Speaker 3: No? 01:15:16 Speaker 5: Yeah? 01:15:17 Speaker 3: You want an air boat blasting through the evergl. 01:15:19 Speaker 2: Yes, that's I think where I would make most sense that the vehicle on an airboat going in nice cool fifteen mph. 01:15:32 Speaker 3: Let's just say Katie fireworks spectacular framed photo of the Everglades. Either of these won't involve any interaction. Or you know, there's always the sending a gift card for dinner to order out. You know, yes, lazy. You've got a lot of work to do, and your parents are probably the last. They've probably been eating a lot of like cold chicken nuggets off your kids plates. Maybe it's time to send mom and dad dinner. 01:15:59 Speaker 2: I think that door dash or Postmates to work. 01:16:02 Speaker 3: Yeah, you like, let the person know to just leave it at the doorstep and then mom and dad don't get exposed to anything and suddenly they're having a nice dinner. And maybe you combine all three gifts. I'm a big proponent of combining gifts for confusion and satisfaction. 01:16:20 Speaker 2: I am The best gift I ever gave was the most enjoyed gift I've ever gave my dad. He will accept no gifts like you much like you, and I gave him a headlamp one year and that that is the finest gift I've ever. 01:16:34 Speaker 3: Headlamp is a I feel like everybody could use a headlamp. 01:16:38 Speaker 2: Oh totally, totally so fun. I mean, just to wear one at all times. Why not? Then you're just ready to blast light wherever you go, because you don't want to hold a light, like if you just you can just like push a button and you're illuminating of your own path. 01:16:53 Speaker 3: Any situation where you need a flashlight, you also need both hands exactly, So headlamps is You're in trouble, right, You're I mean, always always in trouble in the dark. 01:17:02 Speaker 2: In that type of sit you're in huge trouble with that. If you're if you're in the dark, you are in huge trouble, Katie. I hope that that helps. 01:17:13 Speaker 3: We have one more to answer here, Chris, and this one starts out with a good day Bridger, So you know you know where that's from. Where that's from. This person, let's just say it right off the bat, is writing in from Australia. This person's name is Patrick and his question is it's not about what to get somebody, but it is what three questions should one ask a person to determine what is a good present to buy for them? 01:17:34 Speaker 2: Wow? Okay, what are you afraid of? 01:17:37 Speaker 3: Oh? 01:17:37 Speaker 2: Perfect? Do you have any food allergies? And what's your least favorite song? Perfect? 01:17:47 Speaker 3: That's gonna zero in on, essentially the perfect gift for any person. Who do you see when you look in the mirror? How much money do you make a year? Why did you do the last thing you did? Why have you been ignoring my calls? These all feel like, you know, these are going to help narrow down what this person's looking for, what's on their wish list? 01:18:22 Speaker 2: When did you deactivate Facebook? When was the last time you felt the ocean mask or no mask? Mask or no mask? 01:18:35 Speaker 3: That's going to tell you, you know, their political stance. That's going to tell you just generally how much time they're spending on the internet and what part of the internet right, how they feel about their lower face. That I mean that all phone is going to give you a wealth of options for gifts. 01:18:50 Speaker 2: How much time they've spent in Nashville. 01:18:53 Speaker 3: Yeah, because you don't ask that, then suddenly you're buying them a hard rock Cafe T shirt that they already own. 01:18:59 Speaker 2: And I think, I think a good question to get to know somebody is what is what is your what is your e break song? And that to me is what if you were driving down a highway and you're listening to radio and a song is playing and you don't want the song to change so bad that you're willing to pull the e brake while driving? What is that song for you? 01:19:19 Speaker 3: If that's an interesting Uh, that's a great question. I don't even know if I have an answer to that. Do you have an answer? 01:19:24 Speaker 2: You were listening to Van Halen, Wait what is it? 01:19:27 Speaker 1: Yeah? 01:19:27 Speaker 2: Fastcar by Tradie Chapman, And of course we do not speak about what was playing before the Zoom meeting started. That was that was in the confidence. I was playing that too, in absolute utter confidence. 01:19:39 Speaker 3: Well, actually, I'm ready to scream it from the rooftops man Halen blasting what man Halen song? Was it? 01:19:46 Speaker 2: Love Comes walking in I think is what it's called. And then you face a change and the thing is the same and the dreams on mad love comes walking beautiful. 01:20:01 Speaker 3: Well I think that, I mean we that's at least nine questions we gave you, Patrick. Yeah, I don't know that any of those is going to uh, actually, you know, I think they're all perfect. And you just take your take your pick the litter, and go forth and get your friends and family the ideal gift this holiday, and choose the run. Always choose the runt, because that run otherwise is going to be left to die in the run. Chris, I have just had an absolutely wonderful time. 01:20:35 Speaker 2: With you here. I've had I've had the loveliest time. 01:20:39 Speaker 3: I'm now the owner of this beautiful, frightening, dazzling masquerade mask, which is going to open a lot of doors for me. Ye, doors close a lot emotionally, physically, a lot of its going to slam shut. 01:20:56 Speaker 2: So people, you don't realize how many doors you need to close till till you hit a certain level of wisdom. 01:21:01 Speaker 3: You know, right, You've got to You've got to do. It's editing. It's essentially just editing. Yes, yes, but you know, it's thank you again for this and we're just going to wrap up the podcast here by everyone. I you know, I hope you have our nice rest of your day. I hope that as Halloween creeps around the corner, you find a safe way to put on a mask and sit in your home quietly with some eerie music and Leanne Rimes reach out. Let's get this Halloween. You've got the next monster mash on your hands. So you and I we combine forces and we get this thing back on the charts. 01:21:36 Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that. 01:21:38 Speaker 3: Thank you again, and everybody go do your thing. I said no gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter. At I said no gifts, And if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you found me, and why not leave a review while you're at it? 01:22:12 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear, But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests, your presences, presents, and I already had too much stuff. So how did you dare to surbey me?