Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: If you really want to understand what's going on with
Speaker 3: the twenty sixteen GOP candidates, all you had to do
Speaker 3: was spend New Year's Eve with Fox News, which gave
Speaker 3: each candidate the chance to express New Year's wishes to
Speaker 3: the American people.
Speaker 4: This year, my resolution is to preserve our liberties and
Speaker 4: restore prosperity across America.
Speaker 5: My resolution for twenty sixteen is to do everything I
Speaker 5: can to not just restore the American dream, but to
Speaker 5: expand it to reach more people.
Speaker 2: I hope you've had a good twenty fifteen, but I'm
Speaker 2: hoping you're going to have a better twenty sixteen. Good
Speaker 2: luck with your resolutions. Mine is try to stay off
Speaker 2: the ice cream in Iowa.
Speaker 3: I love this. You know what I enjoyed about this
Speaker 3: whole night was that you really got a sense for
Speaker 3: the candidates. Understand everyone. Rand Paul lives in some libertarian utopia.
Speaker 3: I don't know what that background is. Marco Rubio, he's
Speaker 3: clean cut, middle of the road. Mike Huckabee, he's just happy.
Speaker 1: To be here.
Speaker 3: And Rick Santorum knows that there's only one battle in Iowa.
Speaker 3: He has a chance of winning this year. And it's
Speaker 3: not against Jeb and Donald, it's against Ben and Jerry.
Speaker 3: Ted Cruz also took some time out to talk. I
Speaker 3: wish he didn't and let's hear what he had to say.
Speaker 5: Eric and Kim.
Speaker 2: It's great to be with you.
Speaker 6: Happy New Year.
Speaker 4: You know, twenty sixteen is going to be an incredible year.
Speaker 4: Twenty sixteen is going to be the last year of
Speaker 4: the Obama presidency. Twenty sixteen is going to be the
Speaker 4: last year before Hillary retires permanently to Chappaquah. Twenty sixteen,
Speaker 4: he is going to be the last year that we
Speaker 4: have Obamacare.
Speaker 3: You know what I hate. This is actually the part
Speaker 3: where Ted Cruz was trying to fillibuster New Year's and
Speaker 3: this is going to take a while, so you know what,
Speaker 3: let's just put him. Let's just put him down. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's let's leave him down there.
Speaker 6: We're gonna come.
Speaker 3: Back to This goes on for a while anyway. Now,
Speaker 3: not everyone was as enthusiastic as Senator Cruise about the
Speaker 3: new year.
Speaker 4: To all my friends, I hope that we have a prosperous,
Speaker 4: healthy and secure New Year's.
Speaker 2: Happy New Year, everybody.
Speaker 6: He had more time We gave.
Speaker 2: Him as much time as.
Speaker 6: You know what.
Speaker 1: It was, short and sweet.
Speaker 3: That's exactly what you can expect from the Bush campaign.
Speaker 6: Short and sweet.
Speaker 3: He has unlimited resources and he doesn't do anything with them.
Speaker 3: This guy is still going. Let's see what Coddie Fiorina
Speaker 3: had on her mind.
Speaker 4: While you're an exciting Times Square.
Speaker 2: We're here in Mason Neck, Virginia with our grandkids, our
Speaker 2: daughter and our son in law.
Speaker 3: Was that a sarcastic woohoo? And this is the couch
Speaker 3: where we span ristmiss New Year's and let's be honest,
Speaker 3: probably where we'll spend the election night.
Speaker 6: Wooo oh. And look at cruise. He's still talking.
Speaker 3: Nobody wants to hear your story. Man, it's New York's e.
Speaker 6: If you want to get a hammit and.
Speaker 3: Watch strangers and stupid hats kissing. This guy's still talking.
Speaker 3: But the best moments of the nights. Best moments had
Speaker 3: to be when Fox brought on Donald Trump. Now, he
Speaker 3: was supposed to do the countdown for them to Midnights,
Speaker 3: but for some strange reason, he didn't countdown when everyone
Speaker 3: else was counting down. And then after that he proceeded
Speaker 3: to have his own mini countdown by him. You know what,
Speaker 3: just watch the thing, just watch him, stay.
Speaker 6: With us or get back with you.
Speaker 3: Right drops, we're doing the countdowns, Dad.
Speaker 6: Okay, whoa agree due for?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 6: Yeah? Donald Trump gets his own countdown. I'm so rich.
Speaker 6: I give five more seconds of New Year's Eve.
Speaker 3: And if you think about it, actually makes sense. Donald
Speaker 3: Trump is basically the human embodiments of Times Square.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: They both old, loud, flashy, and full of garbage, and
Speaker 3: New Yorkers can't understand what everyone else sees in them.
Speaker 6: They're a perfect match.
Speaker 5: John.
Speaker 2: The last time on Slimming Down with Steve, I chose
Speaker 2: a personal trainer, but as you know, exercise alone just
Speaker 2: won't cut it. Today, we're going to focus on nutrition.
Speaker 2: Join me as I visit a top New York City nutritionist.
Speaker 2: My name is Steve.
Speaker 3: With me.
Speaker 2: Before a nutrition is like Mariam Papo can offer advice,
Speaker 2: she has to learn about the eating habits of her patient.
Speaker 7: Just tell me if you've eaten these in the last week.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 7: Cheese yes, fried chicken yes, other fried foods yes, hot
Speaker 7: dogs yes, salami yes, snack chips yes, bacon yes, sausage yes.
Speaker 1: Sweet roll?
Speaker 7: What's sweet roll like? A Danish.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 7: What type of milk do you drink buttermilk? What type
Speaker 7: of oil do you use? W?
Speaker 2: D forty usually peanut oil.
Speaker 7: When you have chicken, is it with the skin or
Speaker 7: without the skin?
Speaker 2: Just the skin? What am I doing wrong? It didn't
Speaker 2: take long for Miriam to observe that I needed more
Speaker 2: vegetables in my diet, so she offered to make me
Speaker 2: a healthy meal.
Speaker 7: Look how beautifully green these.
Speaker 2: Are green things. The supermarket was gonna be a lot
Speaker 2: of fun. This is beef tongue. If you were to
Speaker 2: eat this, wouldn't your food essentially be tasting you? We
Speaker 2: did have fun, But now it was off to the
Speaker 2: kitchen to make pasta prima vera, which in Italian means
Speaker 2: no meat for Steve, that looks good. Yeah, what makes
Speaker 2: pasta primavera such a healthy dish.
Speaker 7: Because it's usually using all fresh vegetables?
Speaker 2: Bam, right like that, chef. Finally it was time to indulge.
Speaker 7: Let'st again.
Speaker 2: Let's say grace first.
Speaker 1: Oh, good games all around, Parson from heaven oble than Lord,
Speaker 1: thank board for all these Lord. I really want to
Speaker 1: thank you Lord. I wanna thank you Lord, or thank
Speaker 1: you Lord.
Speaker 2: Ah bod.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 8: That's all right, Steve Carral. Ladies and gentlemen, why, first
Speaker 8: of all, thank you for allowing us to go on
Speaker 8: this emotional journey with you. Now, how is the new
Speaker 8: diet going for you?
Speaker 2: Well, it's been tough, John, because I've had to find
Speaker 2: ways to incorporate vegetables into my nutritional regime.
Speaker 8: I think you mean regimen, not regime, John.
Speaker 2: You do what you need to lose weight. I'll do
Speaker 2: what I need to do. Okay, Now take a look
Speaker 2: at this. If you'll notice it says all vegetable, right,
Speaker 2: A couple of scoops of this, I get all the
Speaker 2: vegetables I need.
Speaker 8: I actually think it's shortening vegetable shortening, so it doesn't it.
Speaker 2: Serves up just like ice cream.
Speaker 3: What was your revolution this year? Sleep better?
Speaker 7: Well?
Speaker 3: Does that mean oh, okay, like just getting more sleep?
Speaker 3: The way you made it sound is like you're grading
Speaker 3: your sleep. Like you're in bed and then you're sleeping,
Speaker 3: and then you're like, I gotta do this better. This
Speaker 3: is I can't sleep like this. I'm not sleeping. Or
Speaker 3: are you one of those people who sleep to their
Speaker 3: eyes open? Those people creep me out? Have you seen
Speaker 3: those people who like sleep, but then their eyes are
Speaker 3: like they do this thing, and then you talk to
Speaker 3: them and then they just like they don't say anything.
Speaker 3: That's that's the creepiest shit ever. Yeah, in Africa we
Speaker 3: burn people like that. You can't just be like, how
Speaker 3: your eyes open at night? What are you doing? You'll
Speaker 3: be bewitching us? And have you been sleeping better?
Speaker 7: How?
Speaker 3: What do you mean you make sleep a priority? What
Speaker 3: does that mean?
Speaker 6: Reason?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, I see. I thought you were saying like,
Speaker 3: when you get into bed, there's like other priorities that
Speaker 3: you might have. And then now you're like, nah, from
Speaker 3: now and I sleep in this bed, sleep hygiene. I
Speaker 3: like this. This is very cool. I like this. This
Speaker 3: is a good resolution to have you see, this is
Speaker 3: what I'm talking about. These are pandemic resolutions. What's my
Speaker 3: resolution for the new year? I'm gonna sleep more? See,
Speaker 3: and now you look like you're doing something. Imagine if
Speaker 3: you said this ship in like twenty seventeen, you'd be
Speaker 3: a loser, do you know what I mean? What are
Speaker 3: you gonna do for the new year? I'm gonna sleep more?
Speaker 3: People would be like what a loser? Now people are like, wow, powerful.
Speaker 2: In today's segment, I'd like to turn my attention to
Speaker 2: what some might consider a radical way to take off
Speaker 2: the pounds, But for me, it's just another chapter in
Speaker 2: my weight loss odyssey. My name is Steve. With me,
Speaker 2: I've been trying to slim down through diet and exercise,
Speaker 2: but I still feel like one hundred and ninety pounds
Speaker 2: of crap, but one hundred and seventy five pound bag signed.
Speaker 2: For some desperate measures, I decided to slim down the
Speaker 2: old fashioned way, the surgical way. So I met with
Speaker 2: New York plastic surgeon doctor James Reardon. How much weight
Speaker 2: can I lose in a liposuction procedure?
Speaker 5: This is one of the typical canisters that contains the
Speaker 5: fat and the fluid that's removed. You can remove four
Speaker 5: or five of these.
Speaker 2: You can remove four or five of those from my ass.
Speaker 1: No, it's not.
Speaker 5: People think that's true, but it's not.
Speaker 2: I am a fat, ugly person. Do you think I
Speaker 2: would be a good candidate for liposuction.
Speaker 5: It's not going to make you handsome if you're not
Speaker 5: handsome to begin with it.
Speaker 2: Do you think I'm handsome?
Speaker 5: You're not doing it for your face, You're doing it
Speaker 5: for your body image?
Speaker 2: Do you think I should do it for my face?
Speaker 5: No? No, absolutely not anyway.
Speaker 2: I was there for a liposuction, a surgical procedure usually
Speaker 2: reserved for older men with titties. And what could be
Speaker 2: more natural than sucking fat out with a stainless steel too.
Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of people turns about entering into
Speaker 2: this sort of procedure.
Speaker 5: That's the reason we see the patients usually twice in
Speaker 5: consultation beforehand. If they need some sedation and feel they needed,
Speaker 5: we will give them some sedation the night before.
Speaker 2: Would it be possible to get sedated during one of
Speaker 2: the consultations?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 2: No, I was beginning to think that doctor Reardon was
Speaker 2: a bit too conservative for my taste. I needed a
Speaker 2: surgeon with a tan, A tan you can trust. What
Speaker 2: sort of other procedures do you do besides liposuction?
Speaker 5: Virtually all cosmetic procedures.
Speaker 3: Including facelift and eyelid surgery, and breast surgery.
Speaker 2: Breast surgery, right, let's talk about breast augmentation, Okay? Is
Speaker 2: that a fun surgery to do? Is it a fund
Speaker 2: surgery for me to do? It is because the change
Speaker 2: is rather immediate? Would that be a fun surgery for
Speaker 2: me to watch.
Speaker 7: I don't know of any surgery it would be fun
Speaker 7: for you to watch.
Speaker 2: Well, that one might be. Doctor Gold recommended we focus
Speaker 2: on my surgery, and besides, my decups didn't need enlarging anyway.
Speaker 2: This is a recent photograph of me. What are my
Speaker 2: problem areas? When he regained his ability to speak, Doctor
Speaker 2: Gold weighed my options. It all seemed ast too good
Speaker 2: to be true. But there was a downside.
Speaker 5: The greatest downside is you can die.
Speaker 2: Steve Carell, Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 5: Steve Carell.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 8: For people at home who are watching this, which one
Speaker 8: of these two doctors that you met with would you recommend?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: Both are excellent surgeons, but a little bit pricey. Now,
Speaker 2: if you're like me and your show won't pay for
Speaker 2: the procedure, you will have to look for alternatives.
Speaker 8: So did you go with another plastic surgeon one that
Speaker 8: was less expensive?
Speaker 2: Well, not exactly. My mom has an excellent pediatrist and
Speaker 2: he watched the procedure on the Learning Channel. I thought
Speaker 2: he was comfortable enough with it and thought he'd give
Speaker 2: it a whirl and just look at the results. I
Speaker 2: couldn't be happier. Check this out.
Speaker 8: Oh my god, I know.
Speaker 6: I look at me.
Speaker 2: I feel so thin.
Speaker 1: Oh god, Oh.
Speaker 2: I got to just sit down.
Speaker 1: For We'll be right back after that.
Speaker 6: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 6: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
Speaker 6: The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.
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