Speaker 1: If I ever do have time to watch porn, I'm
Speaker 1: always gonna look at a woman that looks like my goalwake.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, that's what I'll look like. Too much, hey,
Speaker 1: too much or not enough? It brings us closer. What's up? Everybody?
Speaker 1: Welcome to Adult Say. I'm your host Michelle Ute, joined
Speaker 1: by my cow.
Speaker 2: Host Jordan Carlos.
Speaker 1: Now you know, no, I'm excited. I'm excited. I've been
Speaker 1: trying to work out friends. Yeah, yeah, because I'm writing
Speaker 1: a show, and every time I ride a sex scene,
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's add some cardio to the midst wear
Speaker 1: them teeth whitening strips, like.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, get the teeth right, now, get the
Speaker 3: body right, get the teeth right.
Speaker 2: What what you been doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm doing some overall bullshit and then also the
Speaker 1: peloton and then like long dog walks and then all
Speaker 1: so just trying to get that upper body strength going.
Speaker 1: I just got a jump rope and what do you
Speaker 1: think that?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 4: Tall?
Speaker 2: Those are your words? All right? So is it? Are
Speaker 2: you double dutching it or what you're doing? Because that
Speaker 2: can get you in shape? You're double dutch.
Speaker 1: Double dutching it. Now I'm already married to a Dutch
Speaker 1: grass single Dutch that shit, I'm good on that vanilla
Speaker 1: ice cream. You and your wife work, Ali, Are you
Speaker 1: still just like with the yoga? Are you like high
Speaker 1: intensity yoga?
Speaker 3: I do, yeah, yoga and then pilates. Pilates are my
Speaker 3: friend right now. So plates are fun and they're easy
Speaker 3: psy Japanese. Once you get into it, it's like you
Speaker 3: have to make sure that you do it every single
Speaker 3: day and then it won't hurt.
Speaker 1: No, I'm out for these reasons.
Speaker 2: I'm out.
Speaker 1: I'm Barbara Corkoran. No, I'm met. Was his name, Dame
Speaker 1: Wayne's what's his name?
Speaker 2: Oh no, not, that's not one of these agains you
Speaker 2: always do, you guys. It's a memory whirlpool and we
Speaker 2: all have to throw a line out like swim with
Speaker 2: the current. Go with it. It'll shoot you out. I
Speaker 2: swear to God, ask for a lifelig can not.
Speaker 1: I cannot do you remember like the only I'm sure
Speaker 1: a lot of listeners like won't remember this. But there's
Speaker 1: this thing called TV guide back in the day, who
Speaker 1: you didn't even have TV. You just had this little
Speaker 1: publication that would tell you what's on the TV. And
Speaker 1: that was it, and yeah, I just feel like everybody
Speaker 1: has a good memory because they had less things to remember.
Speaker 1: There's so much cou Yeah, people will be like, did
Speaker 1: you see that meme? It's like, bitch, I'm body training
Speaker 1: two kids, I have two dogs. I have two really
Speaker 1: big titties, delicious, backfat and the loving husband. You think
Speaker 1: I fucking know about that meme? Also, yes, I did
Speaker 1: see it, but like.
Speaker 2: What I know?
Speaker 1: Why did I see the meme?
Speaker 3: Because it's jack hammered into your skull. Let me ask
Speaker 3: you this, what who do you have a personal trainer?
Speaker 1: You know it gets personal.
Speaker 2: Deeply personal. She'd be talking about your mother.
Speaker 1: Yes, No, I have a really hilarious friend named Irene Bremise.
Speaker 1: She is also a comedian. We have been doing comedy
Speaker 1: together for I know you know her, but the people
Speaker 1: don't know her. Bitch. Come on, sorry I called you
Speaker 1: a bitch. I'm hungry. Come on. So she's a very
Speaker 1: hilarious comedian. She's got an album out, she's got a
Speaker 1: podcast check her out Bremas b R E M I S.
Speaker 1: And she's also Yeah, she's also a trainer. She trains
Speaker 1: a lot of comedians and she's really good at it.
Speaker 1: And so we do zoom sessions. I did try to
Speaker 1: work out with a male trainer last summer, and by
Speaker 1: the third or second or third meeting Jordan, I just
Speaker 1: broke down doing the squads and I started to cry
Speaker 1: and I had to leave. Oh no, there was just
Speaker 1: something about a man telling me what to do and
Speaker 1: my body rejected that idea. And I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not comfortable. I'm not comfortable, and he was fine, he
Speaker 1: was lovely, but I was like, no, no, I can't
Speaker 1: do this feely. And I made this like very hard
Speaker 1: decision to just a year before that, like we started
Speaker 1: a pandemic. Then I will only go to female doctors.
Speaker 1: And so when you surround yourself in your safe space
Speaker 1: and then you go back out into the world, you're like,
Speaker 1: oh no, no, no, I can't. There's been many times
Speaker 1: where I've just left the Bronx Zoo because I'm just
Speaker 1: like the line the people two the twenty nineteen that
Speaker 1: they're serving, like getting mad at you in your face
Speaker 1: and yelling and stuff like just okay with like the
Speaker 1: casual I can't do it anymore, you know. And back
Speaker 1: in the day, I didn't mind saying I was here
Speaker 1: too bitch. You know what. I mean, what you gonna do.
Speaker 1: I didn't mind the little New York hey girl, Hey,
Speaker 1: but now I'm just like, yeah, I'm just like Stranger Danger.
Speaker 1: I turn into eleven from Stranger Things. I get a
Speaker 1: little bloody nose. I'm like, gotta go, as long.
Speaker 2: As you find the right fit.
Speaker 3: I me, I just do the videos with women that
Speaker 3: basically look like my wife. So it's a white woman
Speaker 3: screaming at me to give her four more of something,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, all right, okay, so this it's it comes.
Speaker 1: I think we all learned your kink. I'm not gonna judge.
Speaker 1: I got it. I get it.
Speaker 3: So I'm just glad that you're doing dynamic movement, working out,
Speaker 3: taking care of yourself.
Speaker 2: Do you feel stronger.
Speaker 3: It's not about your looks, but it's about you feeling stronger,
Speaker 3: Like you feel stronger and more tapable.
Speaker 1: What I feel stronger and more capable overall as a
Speaker 1: mom taking care of my family and the pandemic. And
Speaker 1: that really is just like a slow burn. But right now,
Speaker 1: exercise and just feels like, oh fuck, I have time
Speaker 1: for me. And when I tell you I have time
Speaker 1: for me, it's ten minutes here, it's thirty minutes there, right.
Speaker 1: I just have to make the time because there's so
Speaker 1: many there's so many excuses to not do it. But
Speaker 1: I want to be one of these bitches the South
Speaker 1: of France, ninety seven years old, with raisin titties out,
Speaker 1: drinking fucking rose, Pistine, la Pistine all day long. Yes,
Speaker 1: with a cornish hen do comprol So that's what I want.
Speaker 1: And so I need the mackerel, I need the fish oil.
Speaker 1: We need to do it. You know what we need
Speaker 1: to do too? Yeah, yeah, you know what we need
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, we know.
Speaker 1: You say, you go, you go, you go, you go,
Speaker 1: you go, you go, you go.
Speaker 3: I know what it is, and I'm ready. I'm ready spaghetti.
Speaker 3: But hopefully these two people will be joining you on
Speaker 3: the beach. Got some very funny people on our show today.
Speaker 3: One of my favorites, just like a comics comic.
Speaker 1: I gotta admit, Yeah, she did season one. She's amazing.
Speaker 1: I've known her since I started comedy in New York.
Speaker 1: Y'amnica Sanders, y'all, I get ready. She was in Life
Speaker 1: of Bath Honey. She was so good with them beautiful
Speaker 1: brown cities yes, and who's the other guest? Jordan let
Speaker 1: him know.
Speaker 3: Well, it's the ever hilarious and so tall. I gotta
Speaker 3: I gotta comment on people's hype because I'm just medium.
Speaker 3: The very funny Matt bet As. I love saying that name.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's got a great podcast. He is so funny,
Speaker 1: so quick. I just and he bakes and he has
Speaker 1: great thighs and there's so much more you need to
Speaker 1: know about him.
Speaker 5: So you go is Juah the ride Brocly makes a
Speaker 5: motherfucking nose.
Speaker 1: What's up? Y'all're fucking here?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, we did it and have that. We
Speaker 2: cannot tell me, cannot have that.
Speaker 1: I can't go out by myself.
Speaker 2: You know you're doing great. You got a babysitter, You're out,
Speaker 2: You're doing it.
Speaker 1: Yeahs the babysit up. We'll see how it goes. You
Speaker 1: guys adulting. I missed you guys so much. I missed
Speaker 1: you guys so much. How many y'all broke up with
Speaker 1: friends and or family members during the pandemic. I didn't
Speaker 1: know it was spring cleaning, but I was like, bye, bitch.
Speaker 2: You got rid of friends during during the panic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're still here, thank God, we are still here, you.
Speaker 6: Know what I mean?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Who did you name some names? Name some fucking names.
Speaker 1: I had some friends, like old friends from college and
Speaker 1: ship who were just like that was such a patian.
Speaker 1: Oh oh oh.
Speaker 2: What, oh what in the my dad names? Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: what in the black church is going on? She's like, oh,
Speaker 2: gip it my tambourine.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: It's all right, it's all right, love him.
Speaker 1: We just needed one. But I love you.
Speaker 3: So you you streamlined. You streamlined friends.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of them were like, why why are
Speaker 1: you gonna get vaccinated? That's poison? And I was like,
Speaker 1: you eat taco bell, bitch, Like, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: It's true and you swallow way worse in college, So don't.
Speaker 7: Act like.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 2: I was caught off gone.
Speaker 1: I didn't know we needed a tech rehearsal for the
Speaker 1: air boy.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about what I did during the pandemic. I
Speaker 2: do it, friend. I went from progressive to woke, and.
Speaker 3: I canceled all my kid's books. The first one was Goldilocks.
Speaker 3: I came for her because she was the world's first Karen.
Speaker 3: So I believe welcome to my ted talk this white woman.
Speaker 3: She breaks into a house. She has the caucasidy to
Speaker 3: break into a house because she's hungry, because she's.
Speaker 2: Hungry, hungry. The knife, the knife to break it house,
Speaker 2: just bam, and then becomes yelp all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: like too hot, too cold, I want to speak to
Speaker 2: the man of Jule. Then she starts breaking on a furniture.
Speaker 8: How are you gonna break how are you gonna break it?
Speaker 2: A child?
Speaker 3: She breaks the furniture could sustain the weight of a
Speaker 3: bear until that moment, but now she's breaking it just bam,
Speaker 3: just breaking, bam, breaking all the Wayfair hurts.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, my face hurts, because it's real.
Speaker 2: Why don't we look at these books? Everybody?
Speaker 3: Yeah, But the most Karen moment, the most Karen moment, yeah,
Speaker 3: is when the bears come home. When the bears come back,
Speaker 3: these black bears come back to their home or twenty
Speaker 3: twenty two bears of color, when they come back to
Speaker 3: their house. Yes, yes, they come back. They're like, excuse me, wrong,
Speaker 3: house Miths. And She's like, oh my god, I am
Speaker 3: so terrified. I feel so afraid of these black bears.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, ha ha, Oh.
Speaker 1: My gosh, should I be laughing? It's too realm. You
Speaker 1: know what, maybe we can make it into a movie
Speaker 1: and Jordan Peele will direct. Oh you know, you know, no,
Speaker 1: we got to bring our first guests out. We got
Speaker 1: a lot of show to get to and this is
Speaker 1: fun as fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, our first guest. It's a writer podcaster.
Speaker 3: His podcast is called Unhappy Hour and his book Everything
Speaker 3: is Awful by It. Today, please give a warm welcome
Speaker 3: to Matt Bellason.
Speaker 9: Yes, yes, yes, yes, or yes mori Yes, you're just
Speaker 9: right over there, Matt Belliside, Matt Belliside.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a delightful last name.
Speaker 6: I love.
Speaker 7: This is water God, damn is it just hard Seltzer?
Speaker 2: That's heart Truly, I.
Speaker 7: Drank card Seltzer. It is truly. Shout out to truly, shout.
Speaker 3: Out our sponsor, truly really make it happen with truly today. Yeah, well,
Speaker 3: thanks for coming, Matt.
Speaker 10: Thank you for having me. I literally like bought tickets
Speaker 10: to be in the audience. And then Michelle dmmian was like.
Speaker 2: You, I love that spot.
Speaker 1: Yes, do you remember the first time you were in love?
Speaker 3: Oh God, that demands an airhorn, Like, do you remember that?
Speaker 1: Remember the first time you were in love? Was it mutual?
Speaker 1: Were you able to get your show?
Speaker 7: Obviously not? It Wasn't it happens.
Speaker 10: I'm from Chicago, the suburbs of Chicago.
Speaker 7: Shout out, other white people. I did. I fell in
Speaker 7: love with a straight guy in college. Bad news. Don't
Speaker 7: do that ever.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean, was he what happened?
Speaker 1: Was here?
Speaker 7: Is what happened? I don't have a vagina? Is what happened?
Speaker 1: Or bullfuck?
Speaker 7: I'm not going to do the math on that joke.
Speaker 2: What was it about him that was?
Speaker 6: Was he?
Speaker 1: Just?
Speaker 7: Honestly nothing?
Speaker 6: So?
Speaker 7: I don't really know.
Speaker 10: Yeah, literally, it was like a skinny white engineer.
Speaker 7: Nothing was going for him.
Speaker 2: Okay, he was rich though, Okay any security security?
Speaker 7: His dad was like an oil baron.
Speaker 6: What's his name?
Speaker 2: We'll bleep, we will totally bleep it out.
Speaker 10: I'm sure his yaw is being seized right now. Oh
Speaker 10: my god, who won in the end?
Speaker 1: Exactly when was the first time you fell in love?
Speaker 1: And it was mutuel?
Speaker 3: We're still working on that. Uh, did you have a
Speaker 3: COVID love or no? Did you did you know the love?
Speaker 3: Do you have a COVID love?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 7: I mean this guy right here in my right hand.
Speaker 1: Mine is my left hand.
Speaker 3: This is fascinating, but I'm right.
Speaker 1: I'm righty. That's why I wanted to feel different. I
Speaker 1: give her a break. Over here, I dribble with both hands.
Speaker 1: But go ahead, craziest COVID hookup.
Speaker 10: I didn't really do a COVID. I was like deep
Speaker 10: in a bubble, you know what I mean, Like the.
Speaker 7: Wall was thick of the bubble wall was thick.
Speaker 3: So you were you were worried about your Why why
Speaker 3: were you worried? Some I mean beyond obviously.
Speaker 2: Okay, so dead.
Speaker 7: I didn't go on one day clear like COVID day
Speaker 7: height of COVID. Yeah. I threw caution into the wind.
Speaker 1: Went on a date.
Speaker 7: We went to like hide What is the park called
Speaker 7: Grand Highline?
Speaker 9: Sure?
Speaker 7: Hyde Park?
Speaker 2: Is that in New York? Hyde Park? Hyde Park in Chicago?
Speaker 2: And New York Park?
Speaker 10: Okay, okay, what's the one on like thirty fourth Street?
Speaker 10: Everyone shouted something different, the one near the library. Oh
Speaker 10: it's like I said, like.
Speaker 2: For Bryant Bryan Bryan Park Park. Okay, okay, down, this
Speaker 2: is a nice man. Yeah, well that from there?
Speaker 7: The fuck is the matter with you? I'm gonna get
Speaker 7: a shot on my way out from there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what did y'all talk about before you met up?
Speaker 1: Are you gonna like elbow? Are you gonna take your masks?
Speaker 6: Like? Hi?
Speaker 10: No, we didn't really like yeah, we didn't preface it. Honestly,
Speaker 10: this is a red flag from the beginning. He we
Speaker 10: we match on Tinder. We were talking and it was
Speaker 10: going good. And the day that we match on Tinder,
Speaker 10: we exchange numbers and he.
Speaker 7: Facetimed me without.
Speaker 2: Notice. Who does that?
Speaker 1: Someone from another country?
Speaker 2: Still went on a date with him?
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you pick up the FaceTime?
Speaker 7: I denied it like two times, and he was very insistent.
Speaker 1: By the third time.
Speaker 10: I was like fine, fine, fine, I'd like put clothes
Speaker 10: on and was like, okay, I can answer it.
Speaker 1: I mean I kind of get that though, because he
Speaker 1: wants to know that you're real too, yup.
Speaker 7: But not out of nowhere.
Speaker 2: You can't.
Speaker 1: You got to schedule a FaceTime.
Speaker 7: Right right right.
Speaker 2: I need a notice beforehand, Gotta get the Glas squad.
Speaker 1: I don't schedule my face times with a stranger someone
Speaker 1: you just met that day. That's true, you have a point.
Speaker 7: And then afterwards it was like fire. The day was fine,
Speaker 7: nothing like bad.
Speaker 10: Like nothing bad happened, but then he started sending me
Speaker 10: like a tree that he wrote you.
Speaker 2: It's not even about me.
Speaker 10: That would have been better if I got like sonnets
Speaker 10: in my name. No, it was just like about how
Speaker 10: lonely he was.
Speaker 2: What's his.
Speaker 1: Probably here tonight?
Speaker 2: I know here might be.
Speaker 7: I'm so sorry. If you are, you're nice.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been in love with someone who is
Speaker 1: still in the closet?
Speaker 7: No, Michelle, it's twenty twenty two.
Speaker 10: Actually it happened, though, I know, I know, but I haven't.
Speaker 7: I haven't. I kind of like run the other way.
Speaker 10: I'm like, yeah, I could fall too easily, So I know,
Speaker 10: like that is one bad situation that after a first
Speaker 10: day after we match.
Speaker 7: I'm like, this is it. This is the one. So
Speaker 7: I gotta be careful.
Speaker 2: You fall in love too easily or absolutely yeah you literally.
Speaker 10: I'll I like, I match with someone. I mean, I'm psychotic,
Speaker 10: don't do this, but I'll image with someone and then
Speaker 10: like obviously you like find their mom's LinkedIn and like.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Got the mom's LinkedIn?
Speaker 2: As John Oliver was you got hold in a minute? Wait?
Speaker 3: Wait, wait, back back up. How do you find their
Speaker 3: mama's LinkedIn?
Speaker 1: How you doing it?
Speaker 7: I've been deep deep rethearch.
Speaker 2: Okay, the liam is going on, but on LinkedIn people
Speaker 2: can see that you saw their pain.
Speaker 10: I have a burner account, Babe's okay.
Speaker 2: We need Oh my god, I don't really have a burner.
Speaker 10: Account on LinkedIn that I use because I know they
Speaker 10: notify schmat You're like, oh my god, what lists is
Speaker 10: he on?
Speaker 7: And I'll yeah find out, you know where they were?
Speaker 2: What his mama is?
Speaker 6: Is it? Deep boat?
Speaker 1: Make some noise if y'all have a burner account.
Speaker 2: This is the honest section over here. They're like, we
Speaker 2: would count.
Speaker 1: I wonder if they're boot up. Make some noise of
Speaker 1: your boot up.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 6: Wow.
Speaker 1: Someone was like, fuck, yes, I got a burner account.
Speaker 1: I guess that's a what in the catfish is going wrong?
Speaker 2: That's why he thinks you're a romantical.
Speaker 1: You're romantical, you're a serial monogamous.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I think that's true.
Speaker 10: But yeah, I'm not going to like send some one
Speaker 10: poetry after a first date.
Speaker 3: So you're romantic, but you get turned off by people
Speaker 3: that are perhaps more romantic.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, no, I'm like psychologically fucked.
Speaker 1: I mean, all this weekly, I gotta ask, I gotta ask,
Speaker 1: do you know why? Because sometimes the why sets us free.
Speaker 2: This self help session. It's not wrong, it's not wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna move on. But I just have one question.
Speaker 1: I'm just have one question. Do you believe that you
Speaker 1: are worthy of love?
Speaker 2: What if I said no?
Speaker 3: What if I'm here to tell you all the things
Speaker 3: no matter what?
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, good.
Speaker 10: I feel berated into an answer that seems like I'm
Speaker 10: not being genuine.
Speaker 7: But of course I know.
Speaker 1: I know you're I know you're just are you a person?
Speaker 7: I love a com?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Okay, homophobia?
Speaker 1: If you love rom coms, maybe I can suggest a
Speaker 1: movie called Marry Me. Okay. So we're gonna get to
Speaker 1: the questions from the audience, but we always like to
Speaker 1: close our little chitty chat with what's the most adult
Speaker 1: thing you've done for yourself in like the past? I
Speaker 1: don't know what day is I I.
Speaker 10: Had I had my first adult tooth pulled this week?
Speaker 2: Are you okay in the back.
Speaker 10: Or wisdom to you? They pulled? I was I was brave, Yeah,
Speaker 10: I was the bravest boy.
Speaker 1: That's where else do.
Speaker 2: You get your wisdom to you?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Why are we bringing all of ours? Put it off?
Speaker 2: Why is this turn into a town hall meeting?
Speaker 4: Okay, when he's a teenage I got.
Speaker 7: It's not like your first period, like you can do
Speaker 7: it later in life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, So how did that feel?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 7: Are you yead? Actually?
Speaker 1: Did you get the bike it in?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 7: They didn't give me any pain meds.
Speaker 2: I really.
Speaker 1: They didn't over the counter.
Speaker 7: No, no, no, yeah.
Speaker 10: He was just like, you could do the you know,
Speaker 10: you know I can't.
Speaker 2: Who said that you can do? Doctor said that.
Speaker 7: I don't even know his name. Actually, that's.
Speaker 1: It's like a bad mushroom trip. Let's do some question.
Speaker 2: First question, First question.
Speaker 3: How do you have casual sex while respecting your boundaries?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: So easy?
Speaker 7: Right, you have a sheet in between you with a
Speaker 7: hole in it.
Speaker 1: Why at the Amish wedding is going on? I will
Speaker 1: say when I was single, rate to mingle ale. I'm
Speaker 1: telling this to a room full of strangers, I was
Speaker 1: so fucked up that I couldn't have an orgasm unless
Speaker 1: it wasn't one.
Speaker 7: I stand.
Speaker 1: This is true, and so I would bring them home
Speaker 1: and put them in the shower, because then I would also,
Speaker 1: let's get that shit clean first all. But also let's
Speaker 1: see how giving you are. Are you giving me most
Speaker 1: of the water or is this all about you?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 10: I don't know how to do it with straight men. Yeah,
Speaker 10: you're bringing that. You better wash it off for.
Speaker 7: Straight men.
Speaker 10: I have one of my other straight friends in college
Speaker 10: told me he didn't wash his asshole.
Speaker 7: He just let the soap do the work.
Speaker 2: Yep, yep.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 7: I was like, that's not how boubles work at all.
Speaker 10: Not at all, That's not how soap works.
Speaker 3: You gotta get in there with like lovat. Okay, so
Speaker 3: casual sex me, I have formal sex.
Speaker 2: I like to we're at tuxedo and a cumber Bunton
Speaker 2: tuxedo more like fuck sedo done with the come on,
Speaker 2: come on, all right, what about you?
Speaker 6: What about you?
Speaker 2: Done? I need you to repeat the question. Spelling rules,
Speaker 2: you keep.
Speaker 1: Your boundaries with casual sex.
Speaker 2: I have a shared note that I air dropped the people.
Speaker 6: Well, are you.
Speaker 1: Trying to Derek Jeter motherfuckers with a text? You know
Speaker 1: Derek Jeter back in the day he had a gift
Speaker 1: basket for bitches in the one night stand, which I'm like,
Speaker 1: I wish I had a motherfucker gift basket.
Speaker 3: I okay, Then when do you wash your privates in
Speaker 3: the rotation?
Speaker 1: Just talk about this.
Speaker 7: People are really struggling with this.
Speaker 2: When do you watch your ass?
Speaker 1: That's wild every day?
Speaker 7: Multiple times?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I look at like ads for bedets and I'm like, beidays.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm like that could be me. I want that.
Speaker 2: I want a bed day.
Speaker 1: I have a Japanese toilet. Oh, I just got it.
Speaker 1: She fancy and it's my best friend gas Miles. One
Speaker 1: of those bitches like I gots to every time I
Speaker 1: take a shit. I gotta take a shower. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I gotta thank.
Speaker 6: You so much.
Speaker 1: You want to stand me so much, But I gotta
Speaker 1: feel clean all little fall and when I take a shit,
Speaker 1: I feel like my toes are dirty somehow. I'm just
Speaker 1: like no. When people just like drop a deuce and
Speaker 1: go out in the world and shake people's hands, I'm like, huh.
Speaker 2: For me personally, ass comes last. It's like ass last.
Speaker 1: Are you just doing that because it rhymes.
Speaker 2: Yes and it works?
Speaker 3: Ass Last, Get the rest of your body then get
Speaker 3: in there in the backfield.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess it depends what kind of
Speaker 1: day I've had. I never really realized, especially being a
Speaker 1: twin mom. I just go in fast. I get the hotspots,
Speaker 1: like a fucking walk of shame. I'm like, get gut.
Speaker 1: And it's nice to take a long, meaningful shower sometimes
Speaker 1: with music. I take showers with music. Now. I never
Speaker 1: did that before, but that just makes it. You can
Speaker 1: like really see the SuDS and shit. And then I
Speaker 1: even take my tie. I stay in that steamy shower
Speaker 1: and put oil all my body, just a nice little oil.
Speaker 3: Okay, it's gonna it's nice.
Speaker 1: And you know what really inspired me. I hate to
Speaker 1: say it, but like TikTok, everybody's out here doing their
Speaker 1: hair and looks so meaningful, and that's not me. I
Speaker 1: look like the last five minutes of Top Chef, I'm
Speaker 1: like trying to get all the ingredients on the plate
Speaker 1: for Tom Calichio. These pictures out here were full sprays.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I gotta do that.
Speaker 2: What's the next question? One more question? One more question?
Speaker 2: Next question?
Speaker 3: I'm here, Yeah, all right, Do you have any tips
Speaker 3: on maintaining friendships?
Speaker 10: I mean, I just feel like if you're asking the question,
Speaker 10: you gotta, you know, give them back to Jesus.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I.
Speaker 7: Give them back to God?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I feel like people forget it about You know,
Speaker 10: you have to put in the work in a friendship,
Speaker 10: just like an actual relationship.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, you.
Speaker 10: Gotta go on friend day. It's you know, right? Yeah,
Speaker 10: fuck every once in a while.
Speaker 2: Thank you if you want.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 6: That fellasy.
Speaker 1: What time do you guys have to get home tonight?
Speaker 1: Let's just get to our next guest.
Speaker 2: You want to get to the next guest, Let's do it.
Speaker 2: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: She's fucking amazing. She's a dope comedian. She's also an
Speaker 1: act dress. You can catch her on Hulu and Amy
Speaker 1: Schumer's new show Life and Back. Please give it up
Speaker 1: for yer.
Speaker 2: Na Sunder Yes, yes, yes, yum yums.
Speaker 1: When am I supposed to sit here?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sit there.
Speaker 2: We're blessed to have it.
Speaker 1: Ya.
Speaker 2: How you doing?
Speaker 4: I saw you standing Michelle's I was nervous. I'd have
Speaker 4: to stand.
Speaker 2: Let me ship, Let me get this for you.
Speaker 1: Why do you have your mask on your hands?
Speaker 2: Where are you going?
Speaker 1: Just in case? Ship Pap Paul I can't prepare it?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: Looking cute as fuck? Yeah, you look cute, y'all look cute.
Speaker 3: The last time you were here, you told us the
Speaker 3: best story ever. Yeah, about your friend that you walked
Speaker 3: over on the bridge.
Speaker 2: Walked here and I.
Speaker 1: Got into another fight, uh with a friend. No, I
Speaker 1: got into what are we talking about?
Speaker 2: Whatever you want?
Speaker 1: We were talking. I think we were talking about friendships
Speaker 1: the episode you did, and you were like, I had
Speaker 1: to walk a friend over the bridge, and that's the
Speaker 1: best time to have a conversation with someone you don't
Speaker 1: like because you can just leave them.
Speaker 4: Leave and you got rid of them. I haven't talked
Speaker 4: to that person since. And I got into a fight,
Speaker 4: physical fight. Maybe it was physical, metaphysical, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I have to be very I have to be very
Speaker 4: careful with the details because I can't say who I
Speaker 4: got you, because it's how I profile.
Speaker 1: Williams allegedly is going on.
Speaker 2: Wow you and Anthony Fauci.
Speaker 1: I used to suck his dick for the cure.
Speaker 4: But can you imagine, Yeah, I got into I didn't
Speaker 4: get I was This is about friendship again, right where
Speaker 4: you have to like, you gotta assess your friends, right,
Speaker 4: even when they got like millions of dollars you gotta
Speaker 4: be like, I can't funk with you no more. Somebody
Speaker 4: got into a fight with them and I was there
Speaker 4: and it all, all of the fight broke out on
Speaker 4: a stretch of road that is in New York City.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be too specific.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, it's not.
Speaker 1: A very busy stretch of road.
Speaker 4: And one minute I was I was in a car
Speaker 4: and the next minute I was fighting outside of the car.
Speaker 1: Inspire just nigga shit.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 2: Interesting, half the crowd is like, now, no white people,
Speaker 2: y'all get.
Speaker 4: Nigga sh y'all started nigga shit. Niggas took over nigga
Speaker 4: shit from y'all. But yeah, no, it was just wild
Speaker 4: and it was like you know, you got you, you know,
Speaker 4: you just go, you know, let me maybe I don't
Speaker 4: get in a car with them no more, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean. Like, so our friendship, all our friendship
Speaker 4: has to be in a place.
Speaker 1: With no wheels.
Speaker 4: Right, the older you get, the more you have to compartmentalized. Like,
Speaker 4: you know, you got a drunk girl, like whoever woo,
Speaker 4: that's the drunk bitch, right, So you got that girl
Speaker 4: that's always like so you're like, you know, I can't
Speaker 4: go nowhere with her, you know what I'm saying, that
Speaker 4: requires anything but woo. You know you can't take her
Speaker 4: to the library, you know, you know what you're getting into?
Speaker 1: No balance, you know what I'm saying, Like, none of that.
Speaker 2: It's got to be like ass concert something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I realized doing First Wives Club
Speaker 1: a lot of the black actors. I looked around at
Speaker 1: one meeting and it was all white executives and then us,
Speaker 1: and I was like, holy shit, we all are just
Speaker 1: code switching right now. And didn't even fucking no, I
Speaker 1: didn't even realized we were doing it. But we're all
Speaker 1: like sitting up and doing the thing. And I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: And no one talks about that because you want to
Speaker 1: keep your job, you want to make money, and uh,
Speaker 1: I'm the wrong person. I don't know.
Speaker 4: That's why when I came out here, y'all barely was clad.
Speaker 4: Y'all know who fuck I am? Because my mouth has
Speaker 4: done a lot to my career.
Speaker 1: That's not true. No, I don't code switch you either
Speaker 1: on my ship or not.
Speaker 4: But I get it with a bunch of white people
Speaker 4: at a black network or eyeballing you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I think.
Speaker 1: I also think there's a healthy balance, like.
Speaker 4: Right, don't even like, wait a minute, why a fuck
Speaker 4: all these white people at b ET, Brian, You's something
Speaker 4: wrong so you gotta Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think there's a healthy balance because I saw you
Speaker 1: work with Meredith Vera in daytime TV on a couch.
Speaker 4: Well, they was constantly in my ear about toning it down.
Speaker 4: Oh really yeah, I got into a lot of shit there.
Speaker 4: One of my biggest things I'll say, and this is
Speaker 4: no disrespect to anybody, but I will say this, which
Speaker 4: I think is probably really a hindrance in my career.
Speaker 4: They wanted to talk to about something that I told
Speaker 4: them I didn't want to talk about, right shit, And
Speaker 4: this wasn't on Mareadith's on some of the other people there,
Speaker 4: and they wanted to talk about it.
Speaker 1: I got silent.
Speaker 4: I said, well, you know, I can't be the person
Speaker 4: that's not going to talk about this shit because I'm
Speaker 4: the person that makes the sh so funny.
Speaker 1: But they they risked it.
Speaker 4: So I just sat on camera for four minutes and blinked,
Speaker 4: and they.
Speaker 1: Was in my ear, you're gonna say something.
Speaker 4: I was like, you know, I mean, I won't do
Speaker 4: that again, but I felt that, like, you know, I
Speaker 4: won't do that again, because I mean I.
Speaker 1: Was younger than I mean not. It wasn't like I
Speaker 1: was twelve.
Speaker 4: But sometimes you just have to figure out how to
Speaker 4: process what you don't want to fuck with, but also
Speaker 4: that you are part of a group of people who
Speaker 4: have to, you know, look like is popping so and it.
Speaker 1: Really is for everybody. We have a friend who's Persian.
Speaker 1: He's like also twenty years in, I think year fifteen,
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm gonna stop doing auditions with an accent,
Speaker 1: like I have to stop doing that. Yeah, for me,
Speaker 1: it was I was getting a lot of lesbian rolls
Speaker 1: to audition four oh girl, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: I believe love is love. But like by year one
Speaker 1: and a half two, I was like, stop, just give
Speaker 1: it to someone who's gay, please, because they deserve that shit.
Speaker 1: So I feel like, yeah, give old somebody who's gay.
Speaker 4: And then also I get roles for like fifty sixty
Speaker 4: year old women. I'd be looking at myself like, here,
Speaker 4: what are you giving off?
Speaker 1: I was in an audition. I was in an audit.
Speaker 4: And it was one of the women from two to
Speaker 4: seven time, I'm not getting.
Speaker 6: You out on.
Speaker 4: Girls. She came with the window still. It was one
Speaker 4: of the ladies whom to two seven. I forget who
Speaker 4: the one, you like, one of the periphery bitches and
Speaker 4: you know when you're like, oh yeah, yeah, you know
Speaker 4: that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: So I was with her.
Speaker 4: It was her, It was Spike Lee's sister was there.
Speaker 4: And the light skin I think it was a light
Speaker 4: skin on viv Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, we don't know.
Speaker 4: But they all got to work, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 4: because you know, they all got kicked out of the
Speaker 4: Belet mansion.
Speaker 2: But I forget one.
Speaker 4: But I looked at the women and I'm not ragging
Speaker 4: on these women. These are all accomplished women, you know,
Speaker 4: talented women, obviously gorgeous women. But I'm not in not
Speaker 4: even in their age range, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 4: Like they in my mom's age range. So I'm trying
Speaker 4: to figure out what the fuck am I doing here,
Speaker 4: trying to not beat them out of a road that like,
Speaker 4: why wouldn't they get it? Why you gotta have all
Speaker 4: this extra chocolate just laying around?
Speaker 1: Can I tell you? Can I tell you now that
Speaker 1: I'm on the other side. Yeah, there's one person in
Speaker 1: that group that loves you and wants people to see you.
Speaker 1: That's what that is. So it's not like you are
Speaker 1: like them and you're all together. It's just it is.
Speaker 1: It is a truly, it's like a producer or someone
Speaker 1: on the team that's just like, please bring her in.
Speaker 1: She's so funny. If she doesn't do this, just let
Speaker 1: her show you the chop she got. She could do
Speaker 1: something else. That's what the fuck that is. So like,
Speaker 1: never waste that moment because.
Speaker 4: You've never feel like somebody will start clapping. Do not
Speaker 4: start clapping.
Speaker 1: We could do my airhorn.
Speaker 3: I will say for my part, I often and this
Speaker 3: is bullshit. I constantly like get auditions for computer tech
Speaker 3: and I don't know what that's about, when obviously I'm
Speaker 3: accounts receivable, you know.
Speaker 6: The fuck?
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Can I get another milk stout?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Can I get more?
Speaker 6: Jose?
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much. I'm just gonna yell
Speaker 2: it out.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite moments. I don't know the first
Speaker 1: time y'all met, but I remember meeting you for the
Speaker 1: first time was at Hamburger Harry's Gladys something of the
Speaker 1: other was yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: The North remembers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Lock, it was a Wednesday, a little blustery high,
Speaker 3: wore a light jacket ahead.
Speaker 1: I don't remember.
Speaker 4: I studied under Maya Angelou, you know she never forget
Speaker 4: Sonny Yeah, oh oh my goodness. No, but I remember Gladys. Yeah,
Speaker 4: we did Hamburger, Harry's. Yeah, I'm interested in the hearing
Speaker 4: what you know, Youmber? So this is this is It
Speaker 4: was a real pay you do.
Speaker 1: It's kind of kind of spot where you had to
Speaker 1: pay for the open mic and then pay for the drink.
Speaker 1: You just had to pay to be there. And uh,
Speaker 1: I remember when you walked on stage, and this was
Speaker 1: a long time ago. You had no fucking care in
Speaker 1: the world. It was your time, no matter the funk.
Speaker 1: What you had, box braids, if very like plus sized
Speaker 1: poetic justice. And I looked at you and it wasn't
Speaker 1: even like you were laughing at your own jokes. But
Speaker 1: it was just like it was just so dynamic in
Speaker 1: a way where I was like, she got it, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, but not only on stage, but
Speaker 1: it's just like you definitely were all working through some shit.
Speaker 1: But it was just like I felt like right away,
Speaker 1: if she ain't right you're gonna try and figure it out,
Speaker 1: Like what is it call when someone is curious and
Speaker 1: wants to learn and grow.
Speaker 2: They're curious. Yeah, intellectually curious. Intellectually curious.
Speaker 1: But Mahogany Hallmark car.
Speaker 3: Yes, she asked, I answered, yeah, you'd already made it
Speaker 3: STI the finish line.
Speaker 2: You did great. But you're intellectually curious. That's what I
Speaker 2: love about you.
Speaker 3: And you're always like just like true to who you
Speaker 3: are in every no matter what.
Speaker 2: As a matter of fucking what.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly where my career is.
Speaker 6: Where it is.
Speaker 1: Fuck that, hold on, locker, hold.
Speaker 2: On, congratulations.
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, Wait a minute, like you're on all
Speaker 3: ten apps right, life and.
Speaker 4: Bath No, I mean listen, let me just say something
Speaker 4: to these young kids out here so they can really
Speaker 4: get the vibe. I locked into who the fuck I
Speaker 4: was a long time ago, but I had a lot
Speaker 4: of things that had me locking. I moved to New
Speaker 4: York when I was twenty going on twenty one. I
Speaker 4: wasn't experienced with a lot of shit. I had a
Speaker 4: lot of motherfuckers trying to move me certain ways, do
Speaker 4: certain shit to me, and I just had to get
Speaker 4: get tough about who I was, right, So that's where
Speaker 4: that came from. And then I went overboard with it
Speaker 4: because then you put like a hard shell up and
Speaker 4: you're like, well, you're not gonna fuck with me.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do my shit.
Speaker 4: And I know that there's something there and I can't
Speaker 4: have people influencing who I am in the process of
Speaker 4: me trying to find out who I am. So then
Speaker 4: you know, you get to a point like now I'm
Speaker 4: leveling out right because I used to.
Speaker 2: Be wow, you know what I mean. I used to
Speaker 2: be real wow.
Speaker 4: I used to damn motherfucker. I used to fight niggas
Speaker 4: like yes, and I don't even know how to fight
Speaker 4: like that, but they know it. They know I had
Speaker 4: like one too many, like male comics say some shit
Speaker 4: to me, and I was like, the next nigga to
Speaker 4: say some shit to me.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be wearing this mic in your pe hole.
Speaker 3: And I and yeah, a nigga, I've apologized and still
Speaker 3: I think that, you know, I think we come to
Speaker 3: a good place.
Speaker 1: You know, since you started, How do you think the
Speaker 1: landscape has changed in the industry for a black female
Speaker 1: comedian and yankes? You know, that's so that's so deep.
Speaker 2: Or how has it changed for you?
Speaker 4: You know, I listen, I'm I think of myself as
Speaker 4: we all think ab ourselves as individuals, right, we never
Speaker 4: really think about how people see us. So when we
Speaker 4: go into stuff, we just want the best, like everybody
Speaker 4: else wants the best. We want the opportunity to show
Speaker 4: who we are and there's differences and this and that.
Speaker 4: I mean, I think there's more opportunity for black women
Speaker 4: to show differences, right, because it used to be like
Speaker 4: you have to be this type that type, or you
Speaker 4: had to do this certain thing, not do this certain thing,
Speaker 4: you had to be on the side. Couldn't really be
Speaker 4: distarve it, you know. But also I think that's because
Speaker 4: a lot of black women, you know, you Me, you know, Phoebe, Calise,
Speaker 4: a lot of black women have been in the business
Speaker 4: and doing comedy for a long time now. So we
Speaker 4: all sort of got to this place where we already
Speaker 4: know what the fuck we want, we know what we
Speaker 4: want to say, and then we also have, like you know,
Speaker 4: support is very important, you guys, coming out and supporting people.
Speaker 4: If you want to see more people do their thing,
Speaker 4: you got to support them because that's what you know
Speaker 4: the industry looking for. They don't give a fuck about
Speaker 4: anything else. Who won't come out and watch the show,
Speaker 4: who won't come out and support So the more you
Speaker 4: guys root for the people you want to see, the
Speaker 4: more you get to see this beautiful blanket of different
Speaker 4: people and not the same sort of story all you
Speaker 4: know over and over and over again.
Speaker 1: Take cpen, Okay, get to the questions real quick.
Speaker 2: Okay. The question is what would you change about your
Speaker 2: first time?
Speaker 1: First time? What doing comedy?
Speaker 2: Yeah? His first time?
Speaker 6: Me?
Speaker 1: Nothing. I mean maybe it would be someone that I know,
Speaker 1: but my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend,
Speaker 1: and I would saving myself a marriage. So I was like,
Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm a fuck i'ma have sex with someone
Speaker 1: who bought a lot of shirts from me at the
Speaker 1: Cherry Hill Mall when I worked at Merricka.
Speaker 3: Around stage, set the stage.
Speaker 1: So we went back to his Honda Accord in the
Speaker 1: Cherry Hill Mall park a lot and uh, I wore
Speaker 1: as on the first time.
Speaker 2: And that man today.
Speaker 1: And then he took me to Camden to get I
Speaker 1: bought my first joint anyone from South Jersey. Cool cool,
Speaker 1: cool coo cool.
Speaker 2: I swear he made the Campbell soup at Camden.
Speaker 1: Right, what about your first time?
Speaker 4: Wait, you got to a cherry popped at Cherry Hill?
Speaker 4: Talk about the wonder years? You use a condo?
Speaker 1: Yes, he was.
Speaker 4: Really prepared for somebody buying shirts and shit at the mall. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's not like a half hands a motherfucker just buying
Speaker 4: shirts at the mall.
Speaker 1: And Mary go around. It was a straight nigga that
Speaker 1: came in America. He boss shirt. Yeah, it was back to.
Speaker 2: School and he got a.
Speaker 1: Lot of Calconie.
Speaker 2: What in the euphoria was half do you want to
Speaker 2: do it? You want to fuck me?
Speaker 4: Yes, that's not like an episode of the Cosmic show. Hey, motherfucker,
Speaker 4: it was still around.
Speaker 3: It was my first time. Uh, there're not not a
Speaker 3: lot I want to change about it. Uh what can
Speaker 3: I change? I actually was looking at the stat not
Speaker 3: the it was the Empire State Building while I was.
Speaker 2: Enjoying this woman's body.
Speaker 4: Uh so it was uh Empire said, were you fucking Madonna?
Speaker 2: She had a really cool, cool apartment and it had
Speaker 2: a great view.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm gonna focus on this and
Speaker 3: like not come quickly, you know, like I'm really gonna
Speaker 3: know you were in college impressed? No, well, yeah I
Speaker 3: was in college. I made it through my freshman year
Speaker 3: just like unfazed. You know, nobody wanted this. And so
Speaker 3: then I got to New York City and uh, this
Speaker 3: lady picked me up and it was like, I was like,
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 2: So much.
Speaker 1: Was going on? Don what about you?
Speaker 2: Uh? If I could change anything, I would I would
Speaker 2: just wait a little longer. I would have waited. Okay,
Speaker 2: can we ask? I was like eighth, ninth grade or so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, wowbody, this is no judgment.
Speaker 2: So that's why I would have waited. I didn't know
Speaker 2: what the funk I was doing. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Clear, So we got to be worried.
Speaker 2: We have a very desperate question that just says taxes
Speaker 2: S O S. Holy shit, leave leave I feel you.
Speaker 2: Why did you buy a ticket to this.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say, I feel you. The I R
Speaker 1: S is fucking real.
Speaker 2: So we love the I R S. We love them.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, go to each and R block. Don't
Speaker 1: call one eight hundred number. Ask your smartest friend. If
Speaker 1: you have a friend like that looks like Jordan, we
Speaker 1: should ask some about your taxes.
Speaker 2: And you'd be right to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta do your taxes. What's the next question?
Speaker 3: The next question is is how do you make new
Speaker 3: friends as an adult?
Speaker 1: Fuck?
Speaker 2: You say hi friend? Now, I'm kidding. Uh, I don't know.
Speaker 3: There's something about like there's something about adults, like there's
Speaker 3: a I was listening to this podcast that never begins.
Speaker 3: Well but uh, but it's like it's like there's coconut
Speaker 3: people and then there's peach people. And coconut people are
Speaker 3: hard on the outside and soft on the inside or
Speaker 3: Sabra thank you israelm and peach people happen to be
Speaker 3: like soft on the outside with them the more.
Speaker 2: You get but listen, but the closer.
Speaker 3: You get to the center, it's harder, like a pit,
Speaker 3: and it's harder to penetrate. Most Americans are like, we're
Speaker 3: like peaches. We're like, well, we'll small talk with you
Speaker 3: and bullshit with you, but but but we don't let
Speaker 3: people in.
Speaker 2: So the so the question is like, yeah, Yams is
Speaker 2: like all right, motherfucker.
Speaker 6: I didn't know.
Speaker 2: What would question is can you make that? You know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, that's the question.
Speaker 3: I've been able to make a few friends as of
Speaker 3: So you're you're a peach.
Speaker 2: You're I'm a Oh I'm a hell of a peach.
Speaker 3: But uh, but I feel like I've let myself go
Speaker 3: in some in some instances and actually made friends. I
Speaker 3: lost a friend. I lost a friend for real, like
Speaker 3: to suicide and so and.
Speaker 2: So like like three years ago. Yeah, three years ago.
Speaker 3: So making new friends like was was really hard. But
Speaker 3: you can do it and you don't have to be
Speaker 3: the best friends. And I think that was my problem,
Speaker 3: is like trying to be the best friend and replace
Speaker 3: that person. You can never do that, but you can
Speaker 3: have a friendship and need something to another person.
Speaker 2: This got really fucking serious.
Speaker 3: But I think it's I think it's important because you'll
Speaker 3: never be able to replace that person, but you'll add
Speaker 3: a new like paint to the palate. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: the more you know, everybody, I'm gonna get through this.
Speaker 3: What was the question, how do you make a friends?
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, don't ask that question. That's a bad starter. No,
Speaker 4: But but I'm trying to figure out who in here.
Speaker 1: Don't have a friend.
Speaker 4: Everywhere I look, it looked like everybody bundled up and
Speaker 4: shipped together. So there's somebody out there that's feeling lonely
Speaker 4: looking for friends. I say, don't look for friends, you see,
Speaker 4: because you're putting too much into it. I always have
Speaker 4: I'm a I'm a coconut bro talk.
Speaker 1: I'm out of peach.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm a scorpio in November, scorpio.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, you have cats, and you are like a cat.
Speaker 1: I don't know what your looks mean. No, I don't
Speaker 1: know what's gonna happen. I'm not gonna speak to you.
Speaker 4: Here's the thing, right, I have my own self, the
Speaker 4: processes that's happening inside of me at any point in time.
Speaker 4: My friends who have known me for years, No, the
Speaker 4: first couple of minutes you around me, I gotta get
Speaker 4: back into the group. I don't care if I saw
Speaker 4: you yesterday, so I'm not probably not gonna fuck with you.
Speaker 4: And I also don't want you to say nothing to me.
Speaker 4: So I'm a difficult for. I'm a difficult for.
Speaker 1: It's like fifty first date. It's yes, over and over.
Speaker 4: And over, and I'm very I'm temperamental. I'm in a mood,
Speaker 4: I'm in a thing. I'm processing something. I'm having a
Speaker 4: whole theater in my head.
Speaker 6: Now.
Speaker 4: People don't understand that if I let you stay in
Speaker 4: my space and I don't say get the fuck away
Speaker 4: from me, de means I love you. Here's the thing
Speaker 4: I'm like. It is very much the wiring inside of me.
Speaker 4: I don't have so much energy that I can expend because,
Speaker 4: like I, once I get into.
Speaker 1: Giving you energy, I'm giving you all my energy.
Speaker 4: I'm giving you everything. I'm not the friend you call
Speaker 4: to give you a smile, give you any positive.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not that.
Speaker 4: I'm the friend you call when it's time to go,
Speaker 4: like when you like, bitch, I donet exhausted every resource.
Speaker 2: I'm about to do that.
Speaker 4: Then then i'm the bitches like, okay, all right, that's me.
Speaker 4: I can help you. Rock bottom bitches is who I need.
Speaker 4: Don't call it's because if you call me, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 4: It's ten of the niggas you could have called before me.
Speaker 4: I'm busy break and when everything is done, bitch, and
Speaker 4: I'll help you rebuild.
Speaker 1: From the murk.
Speaker 2: But I don't. I don't want to be the third or.
Speaker 4: Fourth bitch you call out of twenty bitches.
Speaker 3: I want to be the twentieth son. You're like the
Speaker 3: Michael Clayton of friends. I got you, I.
Speaker 1: Know, by the way, all right, So we got to
Speaker 1: wrap it up. What's the most adult thing you did
Speaker 1: for yourself in the last last two months? Most adult
Speaker 1: think you did for yourself? I cuss these motherfuckers out.
Speaker 4: Cut Steve's white nigga's out on a plane coming from
Speaker 4: Boca Boca return. But some buker bitch tried to get
Speaker 4: wrong with me on a plane, and.
Speaker 1: I took that bitch to task.
Speaker 4: But I'm glad this is the way I took her
Speaker 4: to task in a very adult way.
Speaker 1: It wasn't It wasn't old school.
Speaker 4: Yam where it's just like, you know what, I gotta
Speaker 4: unbuckle my seat until the bitch next to me hold
Speaker 4: my drink. I'm gonna jump the fuck over here, and
Speaker 4: I'm gonna rip this bitch apart. It was very much
Speaker 4: like passive aggressive, which I'm learning very you know what
Speaker 4: I mean, Like I was thrown Yeah, yeah, I know
Speaker 4: how to be a passive aggressive bitch.
Speaker 1: So here's what happened. Quick. I gotta nucule, got rap up.
Speaker 1: I gonna be quick quick.
Speaker 4: So I was flying back from I was in Boca,
Speaker 4: but I had to go to Fort Lord to Dale
Speaker 4: on the Florida.
Speaker 1: To me, I just want to piss on it. Excuse
Speaker 1: me be from there.
Speaker 4: So you know, if I was be able to fly
Speaker 4: for laughter zel, So this is what I did on
Speaker 4: my way back, you know, with the COVID and shit,
Speaker 4: I don't want motherfucker sitting next to me. So I
Speaker 4: had clocked this one flight that didn't have anybody in
Speaker 4: my rum, right, but that required me to go to Newark. Okay, right,
Speaker 4: but nobody here Newark, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You gotta like balance it.
Speaker 4: So of course by the time it was time for
Speaker 4: me to take the flight, now motherfuckers want to sit
Speaker 4: there some bitch your kid, you know, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean, Like, bitch, you ain't had to get on
Speaker 4: here with this motherfucker. And then the kid trying to
Speaker 4: touch me because he thinks I'm somebody Like, no, nigga,
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: You go to your dad, right. So now I.
Speaker 4: Now, because I can't focus on this family who's having
Speaker 4: a good time. They happy, right because they done found
Speaker 4: two seats that they thought they wasn't gonna have. And
Speaker 4: I'm pissed because they got the two seats. I didn't
Speaker 4: want them to fucking have. So now I can't focus
Speaker 4: on him because I don't want to get him no attitude.
Speaker 4: So you know how you just start looking in the
Speaker 4: space head right, so you don't. So I'm just looking
Speaker 4: in a little space. So now it's feeding time. Feeding
Speaker 4: time on the plane is where most of the fights
Speaker 4: are gonna happen moving forward. I'm just telling you because
Speaker 4: I already peak game. So feeding time and they apparently
Speaker 4: feeding you on these flights. Now, I was in first class.
Speaker 4: They chucked a bar. I said, bitch, a box and
Speaker 4: it had peanuts and ship in it. I said, no, bitch,
Speaker 4: I'm not I'm just gonna fly economy.
Speaker 1: Now, that's what you niggas is doing out here.
Speaker 4: But so I'm looking in the little, the little you know, space,
Speaker 4: and uh, the woman said, you know, the flights kept
Speaker 4: going back.
Speaker 1: She says, well, you know, everybody, you got it actively.
Speaker 4: Now, where you're actively eating and drinking and stuff, you
Speaker 4: can take your mask down. But if you're not actively
Speaker 4: eating and drinking, you got to keep your mask up.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: She done said that ship a thousand times, and they
Speaker 4: started to ring in my spirit.
Speaker 1: I said, what she saying it.
Speaker 4: And then I look at these niggas in front of me,
Speaker 4: white niggas, and the bits have her mask right here.
Speaker 2: Right on her shit.
Speaker 1: But then she took it.
Speaker 4: Off and I said, ma'am, you gotta put your mask
Speaker 4: back on. Said because it's been like twenty minutes and
Speaker 4: you you not actively eating and drinking right, And I said,
Speaker 4: I know you're gonna have an attitude whatever.
Speaker 1: She goes. She turns around. She goes, if you have
Speaker 1: a problem, maybe you should stay home.
Speaker 2: Incorrect? Incorrect? Did you yo?
Speaker 1: She had a little husband next to her.
Speaker 4: He had a damn boufont one of them fucking bouffonts.
Speaker 2: Would all the.
Speaker 4: Hairspray that kept it together. She team, I ain't couples going. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's what I said. I said, Well, first of all,
Speaker 4: I said, listen, I said, I don't know why I'm
Speaker 4: talking to you about some shit you supposed to do.
Speaker 4: This is not some man did I create. We're supposed
Speaker 4: to be having our masks.
Speaker 2: Please.
Speaker 4: I don't know because I didn't cuss her out, Okay.
Speaker 1: Right, your I didn't you know what I said to her.
Speaker 1: I said, listen, let me tell you something.
Speaker 4: I'm telling you this and a nice way because I
Speaker 4: came here to work.
Speaker 1: There's no reason for me to go to Florida, bitch
Speaker 1: unless I'm working right now.
Speaker 4: Clearly you a dusty ass bitch because you flying from
Speaker 4: fucking Fort lorda Dale to Newark, bitch.
Speaker 2: I mean you stay home, bitch.
Speaker 1: Don't nobody need Who the fuck need the bitch.
Speaker 2: Going for Fort lorda Dale.
Speaker 1: To new work bits and.
Speaker 5: Your fucking husband and his goddamn boo fuck.
Speaker 1: Why Jane, do.
Speaker 2: Get on your feet, get on your feet for your
Speaker 2: Monikas Dondos. I love you, but tear red. Oh my god, wow, Ryan.
Speaker 1: With us all the things. We love your questions, we
Speaker 1: love your spirit.
Speaker 2: Three.
Speaker 1: I also have deodorant. I love my deodorant for my
Speaker 1: thighs so I don't chafe. And those are the things
Speaker 1: I love. And I love you. Jordan.
Speaker 2: I love you too, Michelle.
Speaker 3: I realized the love that you have for me is
Speaker 3: like an unconditional love because I'm a member of the
Speaker 3: family and you're like, oh my god, look at this guy.
Speaker 1: Oh well what a mess. Yeah, yes, all the fucking time.
Speaker 1: But I love myself more. So I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, bye bye, fair this has been an exactly
Speaker 3: right production.
Speaker 1: Our Senior producer is Natalie Wrinn.
Speaker 2: Senior Managing Producer is Hannah Kyle Praig.
Speaker 1: This episode was sound design and.
Speaker 8: Mixed by Andrew Eapen and engineered by Ryo Bomb.
Speaker 1: Our guest booker is Patrick Cottner.
Speaker 2: Our theme song is by DJ don Will.
Speaker 1: Photography by Rai Spender Molst, artwork by Jamie Bechtel.
Speaker 8: Executive produced by Karen Kilgarret, Georgia Hartstark and Danielle Kramer.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pot.
Speaker 8: Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com
Speaker 8: m