WEBVTT - “I’M IN A LOVE TRIANGLE” 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.000 Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Get this. 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:06.800 I'm coming to over forty cities across the United States, 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:12.160 the UK, Europe, and Australia to do this here Therapy 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:17.120 Gecko Podcast Live. These shows will involve bringing folks from 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.880 the audience up on stage to talk to a gecko 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:24.160 about whatever they want, just like we do on the podcast. 0:00:24.800 --> 0:00:29.360 The shows are completely unplanned, completely unpredictable, and they will 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:31.479 be a lot of fun. So if you're a fan 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:35.360 of the podcast, you should definitely come out. Tickets are 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:39.680 available right now at therapy geckotour dot com and you 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.840 should get them before they are sold out. That's therapy 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:47.440 geckotour dot com. We'll put the link in the episode 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:51.400 description as well. The live shows are are very fun, 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:55.520 they're very geko wee, and I hope to see you there. 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.400 All right, let's get into the episode. 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:57.920 Hello. 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:00.240 Hi, Oh is this the gek? 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:01.040 Yeah? 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:01.400 How are you? 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:05.200 I'm doing all right? I'm doing all right. My name 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:09.200 is Nick. Should just go into what I'm calling about? 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:11.679 Sure? 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:12.360 All right? 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:17.160 So last year I moved in with some good friends 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:22.399 of mine from work and we've become pretty close, like 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:24.360 we kind of do everything together because we live together. 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:30.120 So they're married. It's a man and a woman. They're married. 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:37.479 They've had this relationship where like he's okay with her 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:40.840 seeing other women because she kind of explorts that, and 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:45.080 he's just committed to her. And that's I've always found 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:48.200 that interesting. It's never been my thing or anything, but 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:53.200 so we we did. We do this thing where we 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:56.640 have movie nights and we watch movies for hours and 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:59.400 then you know, kind of hang out quotes. So a 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:03.560 month ago, we're like watching movies and then he needs 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:06.400 for work because we usually say it pretty late, and 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:11.200 she's kind of acting weird, and I kinda I'm like, hey, 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:14.920 what's up? And she goes, So I've didn't mean to 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:18.440 tell you this, but I'm like madly in love with you, 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:22.480 and I I'm in love with him too, so I'm 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:28.680 kind of exploring in my head like possibly pursuing polyamory. 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:31.959 And he didn't know about this. I definitely didn't. 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:32.200 Know about this. 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:37.440 So and I have this like I has this problem 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:41.520 where like when something sprung on me, I kind of 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:44.680 immediately react like, oh, it's fine, it's fine, but like 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:51.000 obviously I had to process this and I'm really not 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.359 sure how to go about it because we're all still 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:58.440 like friends and live together. But like it's just it's 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.919 it's put it put me in a weird pas because 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:05.720 I'm not interested at all. I never was, and I'm 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:08.480 just not sure how to move forward. 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:16.280 I guess, okay, do so all right, let me let 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:20.480 me get this straight here. So this guy, no, no, no, no, 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:22.360 this guy, I think I get it. So this guy, 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:29.120 he is dedicated only to this girl, but they have 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:33.000 an arrangement where the girl is free to you know, 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:35.920 have sex with whoever she wants, or be in a 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:38.960 relationship with whoever she wants or anything like that. 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:41.200 Women is what they discussed. 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.000 Oh, strictly women, correct. 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:52.160 And so he didn't know about this, and she told 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:54.960 me first because she said if she wouldn't if she 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:56.880 didn't tell me first, she wouldn't be able to tell 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:59.600 me at all. So I was like, okay. So I 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:02.480 was worried after the fact, like if she tells him 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:04.360 because he's one of my best friends, Like I love 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:07.000 this dude to death. And I was like, well, is 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.320 he gonna like change his opinion of me? Or is 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:11.360 he gonna, you know, get mad at me? It's not 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:13.640 his character. I didn't expect it, but it was still 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.320 a thing that I was fearing. And so she told 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:22.840 him and he was not hostile towards me at all, thankfully, 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:30.839 but like he definitely didn't like hearing that, and it 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:34.200 definitely affected his mental health. Like he came to me, 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:37.080 and this guy never cries, but he was crying to me. 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:42.039 And I'm just in a situation that technically partially not 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:44.680 involved in because I'm not interested, but it also is 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:47.279 surrounding me, if that makes sense. 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:52.760 Okay, So in as far as what should you do, 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:55.880 I mean, I agree with your sective, but this really 0:04:56.120 --> 0:05:00.400 kind of has nothing to do with you, right is Uh, 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:06.520 you're not going to pursue a relationship with your friend's wife, correct, 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:11.920 Your your friend's wife has feelings for you, which is 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:15.119 not within your control. It's good that your friend knows 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:18.599 about them, and it's good that your friend knows that. 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.960 It's good that everyone knows that there's not like weird 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:26.640 hidden resentments and things right boiling up. But I mean, 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:31.000 fuck man, as far as what you do and I 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:33.679 don't know, go outside, well it got even weirder. 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:38.480 Well because I've been you know, I've been single for 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:41.040 a little over a year now, I moved out here 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:43.000 single because I was living with my ex, so I 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:45.120 needed to get out of that. But I've been like, 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.080 you know, scrolling through the apps and stuff, and I 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:51.080 finally got a match with somebody recently and was supposed 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:54.160 to go on a date. And she actually got hurt 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:56.080 by that news, so hurt that she had to leave 0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.640 the house and leave her husband alone because it was 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:02.120 her or her feelings. And that killed him because like, 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:05.760 you're my wife, you know. It's like it's just such 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:09.800 a weird thing, and I it's like, that's my business. Though, 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:11.680 why are you so affected by it? 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:16.120 Like, I don't know, it hurts weird your friend's wife's 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.440 feelings that you were going on in dates? 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:23.279 Yes, yeah, because she couldn't have me, you know, so 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:31.479 it sounds ridiculous and that's that's kind of how But 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:36.040 but she still wants to be friends, and like I, 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.880 I kind of put a pause on that because I 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.240 needed to process my feelings. But lo and behold, two 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:45.360 weeks ago, I got laid off from my job, and 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.080 they it's almost like, I don't want to say she 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:50.400 used that scenario to kind of brush it under the rug, 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:53.800 but like she just started talking to me again to 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:58.000 console me and stuff, and like I kind of reciprocated 0:06:58.000 --> 0:06:59.680 it because I am an off to have spot right now, 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.400 but like I also still need to process very. 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:08.520 Feeling. Let me ask you some questions, Uh, do you 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:15.640 do you have genuine interest in continuing to have a 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:17.640 platonic friendship with this woman? 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:26.240 I do, But at the same time, people like she 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:28.520 keeps saying how she wants them to go back to normal, 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.960 and it's like that's not really a possibility because what 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:36.680 is normal anyway? But the dynamic is completely changed. Like 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:40.840 I can't I can't do or say anything without realizing 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:44.239 that it has some heavier weight in her mind. 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:47.640 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's all legit, that's all legitimate. That's 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:51.320 all very legitimate to feel whenever you hang out with 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:55.360 do you have like your own kind of independent relationship 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:58.560 with her and as well as an independent relationship with 0:07:58.600 --> 0:07:58.960 the guy? 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:04.000 Uh, I'd say that's a fair statement. Yeah, I do. 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:07.960 Like we we kind of have our own dynamic when 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:10.680 we're all three together, and then when we're individually together, 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.320 it's like our own other thing. So yeah, there there's 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:18.040 there's pieces of every like individual relationship that are unique yet. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:20.440 Dude, when's the last time you all three of you 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:20.960 hung out? 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:23.480 Uh? 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:26.240 Well, I mean technically we lived together, so anytime we're 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:30.040 out in the living room, it's like for my uh actually, 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:31.680 the last time we actually went out and did something 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.960 was for my birthday, like the week before all that 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:37.440 shit went down. We went out for dinner and stuff. 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:40.920 But even then, like, when I think about going out, 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:42.640 it's like, when I think about it now, it's like 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:48.960 my perspective is just completely rattled and changed, you know, obviously, 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:51.680 mm hm. 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:53.920 M hm, m hm. 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:57.360 Uh is any part of you considering taking a break 0:08:57.400 --> 0:09:00.520 from hanging out with these people for a while. 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:06.840 Yeah, uh yeah, it's just it's kind of hard to 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:10.720 uh navigate since I lived with them, and it's like, 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:12.959 I mean, I'm I'm in my room a lot anyway, 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:14.680 I'll say that for sure. 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:19.240 So Okay, Well, here's another thing. You're this couple sounds 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:22.559 like they got a lot of ship to work out 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:28.120 together that ain't got nothing to do with you. So 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:34.480 I maybe it could be a good idea to let 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:38.800 them work that out, you know, not not not drag 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:39.520 you into it. 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:42.360 Yeah. 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.360 Yeah, I feel like they have a tendency to do 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:45.560 that to include me. 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:47.800 Do you feel that way, do you feel like they 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:49.200 have some boundaries? 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:51.480 Yeah, I think that's a malicious thing. 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:54.000 I don't think it's a malicious doesn't sound like a 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:58.680 malicious thing. It sounds like everyone in this situation is confused. 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:05.320 Yeah, And I don't think. I don't think I've never 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:07.520 I've never dealt with polyamory like this, and I've never 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.200 even been in a situation like this in my life. 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:14.400 So I don't think that dragging you into it is 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.480 a action of malice as much as it is an 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:22.400 action of aimlessness and comfort. 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:24.720 I think I'm I'm a very good friend of them. 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:26.040 I know, I know that at least. 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:32.240 So Okay, Well, is is is your continued interaction with 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:39.359 them and uh involvement in their conflict bringing you unpleasantness? 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:43.040 Yeah? Because I have a lot of my own shit 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:44.760 going on. Like I said, I just got laid off 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:47.320 and I'm trying to, you know, work on myself, and 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:49.720 it's kind of hard when I have to worry about 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:51.160 two other people as well. 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:56.360 Okay, Yeah, I don't think it would be such a 0:10:56.400 --> 0:11:00.120 bad idea then, to uh, well let them figure their 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:05.120 own stuff out. Yeah. Yeah, who did you go on 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.080 the dates. 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:11.040 Uh no, it is no, I got you. 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.280 Didn't even go You didn't even go on the date 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:16.240 you made everyone made a whole big fucking deal about 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:17.280 it and you didn't even know. 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:20.120 Yeah, yeah, that was my thing. I stopped at that too. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:21.400 I was like, yeah, well. 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:27.360 What's your deal? Are you trying to date more or yeah? 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:30.720 Yeah, I'm open to it. Yeah, but I'm also trying to, 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.679 you know, get my own ship in order as well. 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:36.280 But yeah, yeah, I just I think I just need 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:39.280 some space really mentally and physically. 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:45.439 Well, you sound like a nice, handsome guy. I think 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:46.280 it'll all work. 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:49.160 Out well, ship. Thank you, you're handsome to get go. 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.079 Hey, Nick, is there anything else you want to say 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:53.400 to the people of the computer before we go? 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:56.560 Yeah, you guys are awesome. I might check out your 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:58.200 tour or two, so we'll see what's up. 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.120 Oh sure, I hope to see if the baby all right. 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:04.600 Have a good night, Nick Forever. 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:07.000 Hello. 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:07.520 Hello? 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:08.920 Is this the jet? 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:10.560 Yes? Who is this? 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:13.080 Oh my god, this is Daniel. 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:14.959 Daniel. What's going on? 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:16.880 Oh? 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.120 You know, just enjoying an extra day off for the holidays. 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:24.760 How are you, m Daniel? It says here that you 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:31.240 bought a one way ticket to somewhere many many miles 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:35.880 away and that worked out for. 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:42.079 You, Yeah, punky ear ago, I just kind of well, 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:44.920 I quit my job. I sold everything I owned, passed 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:49.280 everything I could into a backpack, and moved two thousand 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.880 miles away to start over. I was definitely very mannic 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:52.679 in the middle of that. 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:56.600 But yeah, and how long ago did you say? 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.000 This was about a year ago. 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:06.880 And what was it that compelled you to catapult yourself 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:07.720 so far away? 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:11.920 I fucked, I mean ever since the pandemic. It's like 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:13.600 a license on this ship I was going through. Were 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.679 divorced and my job industry kind of went. Was one 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:19.160 of the first to go in COVID. You know, I 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:26.880 was a restaurant manager. So jobst shitty, life got shitty. Uh, 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:30.200 decided why not and take a chance, leave the South, 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:31.079 go somewhere better. 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:35.080 Mhm. And can I ask where you went? 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:37.480 Seattle? 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:41.880 You went to Seattle? And uh, why did you pick Seattle? 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:44.840 It was sound of like I was just a dart 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.880 on the map. Honestly, it didn't really matter. 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:52.199 And do you know anybody in Seattle at the time? 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:56.520 No, no, no, not at all. 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:00.080 Okay, did you have any money. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.600 I had a lot of thousand dollars from selling my 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:08.280 shitty car, and yeah, that was about it. 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:13.959 Okay. So apparently it says here that this all kind 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:18.280 of worked out for you. So let's talk about, Well, 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.320 let's talk about when you first got there. I mean, 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:23.360 what did you do if you only had a thousand dollars? 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:27.600 How did you, you know, rent an apartment or eat 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:30.400 food or do anything. I assume you went there without. 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.920 A job, all right, So I had a job offer, 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.920 kind of. I planned a whole move in less than 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:40.240 two weeks, and I was just applying to jobs on indeed, 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:41.880 like it was just slightly on a datemap of the 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:44.920 mess got like this really sketchy job offer at a 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:49.600 restaurant for ghost kitchens don't recommend here out of ten 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.320 tried working that, got an apartment with some roommates that 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:57.880 I didn't know. It was really sketch for a minute, 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.000 like in terms of getting of my life sorted out, 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:05.000 especially because I was very managed when I got here. 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:06.880 I ended up in a psych hospital like two months 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:08.640 two three months after I got here. It was a 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:09.120 whole thing. 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.720 How did you wind up in a in a psych hospital? 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:16.800 If you don't mind sharing. I mean any aspect of 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:17.640 this you don't want to but. 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:21.960 No, yeah, no for sure. So I don't know if 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.040 you're familiar with media. Was bipolar disorder, but if you 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:28.160 if you get too far up, you go into psychosis. 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:33.560 And I kind of lost my marbles very very legitimately. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:35.600 I was like hearing shit scene ship I was. I 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.320 was not sleeping, and then I got like taken to 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:43.800 the er and got admitted to a place and help 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:45.960 me get back on medication, which is probably the only 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.600 reason why I'm still able to be functional up here. 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:51.520 It's then, it's been interesting, mm hmm. 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:59.440 Was there a certain event or catalyst, you know during 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.880 that two months that kind of sent you over the edge? 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.320 That was during the holidays. You know, I don't have 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:10.840 any contact with my family two thousand miles away. Wondering 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:13.800 if I made the right decision. Just catapulting my life 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:19.040 away that stressful. I mean, most people don't do that, 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.400 you know, without support. 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:24.760 What was the job that you came there to do. 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:28.120 I was cooking at the time. I'm not doing that 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.760 job anymore, but I was just cooking for a restaurant 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:31.280 at the time. 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:33.320 Okay, And how is that treating. 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.280 You that was all right? I mean I didn't like it. 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:37.720 I mean that's why I quit. Now I have a 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:42.960 much better job. But it did what it needed to 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.000 do to help me sustain myself for sure. 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:52.560 Okay, So when you're in the psych hospital, how long 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:59.200 does it take and what are the prerequisites for getting 0:16:59.240 --> 0:16:59.840 out of there? 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:00.680 Like? 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:02.800 How do how do you? How do how do they 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:05.000 know when you're like chilled to leave? 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:09.320 I mean you meet with a doctor every day and 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.600 like a therapist. And I say this all so loosely 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:15.399 because you're really not supervised that much, but you just 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:17.560 have to meet like a certain criteria which is like 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.880 not a danger to yourself for others not in psychosis, 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:25.240 like stable on medsleeping, eating, you know, a relatively functional 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:25.880 human being. 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:27.160 Mm hmm. 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:29.560 I was only there for like a week. 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:34.720 And what did you do when you got out? 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:39.600 I went immediately back to work. Actually well, I mean 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:45.000 I quit a couple of months later, but I started 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:47.840 realizing I visit sober, so I got sober in that 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:54.200 meantime as well, went into real therapy, started taking care 0:17:54.280 --> 0:18:03.160 of myself, left the toxic ask service industry. 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:06.800 So you said that this move ultimately worked out for you. 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:08.320 Tell me a little bit about what your life is 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:11.399 like now and how it's better than it was a 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:11.920 year ago. 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.359 I would say I'm a lot more stable in terms of, 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:18.679 like I'm not freaking out all the time, not chasing 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.280 the super highs and lows of life. Stable housing. I've 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:25.080 never lived in a place longer than six months, and 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:28.639 I've been here a year, in the same apartment, starting 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:34.080 to have a support group of friends. It's weird, you know, 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:37.800 Like I had so many people where I was before 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.760 I lost my shit in the old place I was, 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:44.000 and I didn't really I took it all for granted. 0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:46.280 And now I'm like actually making an effort to be 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:48.480 a better person and like be there for people around 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:50.879 me and not be a drunk piece of shit all 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:55.080 the time, on top of not taking my medication. Stably employed, 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:58.680 which is weird and different. Work a weird job by 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.160 comparison to what I've ever done, But it's fun. 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:02.960 What do you do now? 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:05.880 I make candles? 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:14.240 You make candle maker? That very very relaxing, very relaxing. 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:16.640 How did you get into candles? 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:20.760 Yeah? One of my roommates at the time was working 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.480 for the candle place and they realized do you want 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:25.359 to you want to make candles? And I was like, yeah, 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:29.480 that sounds great and it's super super fun. It's interesting, 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.000 it's relaxing when it, you know, I can be even 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:34.520 there's a lot to do, and there's a lot to 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.080 do in the making candles. Are you don't really think about it? 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:38.000 M hm? 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:42.640 And do you have friends in Seattle? Now? 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:47.160 Yeah? Yeah, I have mostly the people that I've met 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:50.520 through recovery groups since I got sober, and I put 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:54.199 a lot of effort into doing all that stuff to 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:55.720 help other people in recovery. 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.240 Mm hmm. So these friends that you've met through the 0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:03.080 recovery groups, so I'm curious and I guess, like what, 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:06.840 what do their stories usually sound like? Do they sound 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:14.240 similar to yours? Did they move to a place far away? 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:19.040 And did they have like similar home lives to you? 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:23.199 I mean yes? And now, you know, it's interesting when 0:20:23.240 --> 0:20:26.040 you hear people's stories because you know, a lot of 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:27.439 it's different, a lot of it's the same. It all 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:30.879 kind of has the same general timeline. I don't know. 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:34.719 You know, if you hang around enough people that are 0:20:34.720 --> 0:20:37.040 at it, some alcoholics, you're going to hear your story 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:40.720 like everyone thinks they're so different when they come in, 0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:43.040 you know, and we're all the same, you know, there's 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:45.760 a little differences here and there, but everyone's it's all 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:47.679 similar as plenty of people that have you know, fucked 0:20:47.680 --> 0:20:51.320 off across the country of the world, or than just 0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:53.560 as chaotic as I have in different ways. 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:59.360 Mm hmmm hmm. Yeah. I feel like that's good though, right. 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.439 I mean, you I'm in thinking that your situation is unique, 0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:05.080 and the once you learn it's not, I feel like 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:07.320 that makes you feel a little bit better, does it not? 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:07.800 It? 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:09.439 Can it? Can it? 0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:09.720 Also? 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:13.119 You know, I feel like a lot of people at 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:15.480 least I wouldn't seek for me at least. I I'm 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:18.439 so like, I'm so special and unique, and this is 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:21.200 why I'm messed up, and that's why I can't be fished. 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.199 And then you meet like ten plus people with the 0:21:23.240 --> 0:21:25.880 same situation. You're like, well, now I have no excuse? 0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:29.919 What the hell? Which is good and bad? You have 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:33.400 the accountability, right. 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:35.400 I guess I guess I feel like there is Yeah, sure, 0:21:35.400 --> 0:21:37.280 I see what you're saying by being like, oh, you know, 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.800 I have no excuse, But that also can be kind 0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:42.000 of a good thing. You know, you see somebody who 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:44.399 adult is something that you dealt with and now you 0:21:44.440 --> 0:21:47.320 feel as though, Okay, well, I guess if this person 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:51.480 was able to overcome the obstacles, then so can I. 0:21:51.520 --> 0:21:55.040 And it's good that it's been a friend group for you. 0:21:56.760 --> 0:21:57.080 Yeah. 0:21:57.160 --> 0:21:59.560 Yeah, I've met a lot of people that I did 0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:01.800 along with very well and I can just be myself 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:04.119 and it's something that I'm not used to. 0:22:04.680 --> 0:22:09.199 You know, so you said you're not used to it 0:22:09.280 --> 0:22:12.679 is this? Is this one of the first times in 0:22:12.720 --> 0:22:16.160 your life where you have had a solid group of friends. 0:22:17.680 --> 0:22:21.560 Yeah. Yeah. I mean I was married for a while 0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:27.080 and pretty isolated from everyone, and my marriage wasn't great. 0:22:28.880 --> 0:22:33.520 My family life was not great either, and I didn't 0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:36.159