Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Get this.
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Speaker 1: All right, let's get into the episode.
Speaker 3: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hi, Oh is this the gek?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 3: I'm doing all right? I'm doing all right. My name
Speaker 3: is Nick. Should just go into what I'm calling about?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 3: So last year I moved in with some good friends
Speaker 3: of mine from work and we've become pretty close, like
Speaker 3: we kind of do everything together because we live together.
Speaker 3: So they're married. It's a man and a woman. They're married.
Speaker 3: They've had this relationship where like he's okay with her
Speaker 3: seeing other women because she kind of explorts that, and
Speaker 3: he's just committed to her. And that's I've always found
Speaker 3: that interesting. It's never been my thing or anything, but
Speaker 3: so we we did. We do this thing where we
Speaker 3: have movie nights and we watch movies for hours and
Speaker 3: then you know, kind of hang out quotes. So a
Speaker 3: month ago, we're like watching movies and then he needs
Speaker 3: for work because we usually say it pretty late, and
Speaker 3: she's kind of acting weird, and I kinda I'm like, hey,
Speaker 3: what's up? And she goes, So I've didn't mean to
Speaker 3: tell you this, but I'm like madly in love with you,
Speaker 3: and I I'm in love with him too, so I'm
Speaker 3: kind of exploring in my head like possibly pursuing polyamory.
Speaker 3: And he didn't know about this. I definitely didn't.
Speaker 4: Know about this.
Speaker 3: So and I have this like I has this problem
Speaker 3: where like when something sprung on me, I kind of
Speaker 3: immediately react like, oh, it's fine, it's fine, but like
Speaker 3: obviously I had to process this and I'm really not
Speaker 3: sure how to go about it because we're all still
Speaker 3: like friends and live together. But like it's just it's
Speaker 3: it's put it put me in a weird pas because
Speaker 3: I'm not interested at all. I never was, and I'm
Speaker 3: just not sure how to move forward.
Speaker 1: I guess, okay, do so all right, let me let
Speaker 1: me get this straight here. So this guy, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: this guy, I think I get it. So this guy,
Speaker 1: he is dedicated only to this girl, but they have
Speaker 1: an arrangement where the girl is free to you know,
Speaker 1: have sex with whoever she wants, or be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with whoever she wants or anything like that.
Speaker 3: Women is what they discussed.
Speaker 1: Oh, strictly women, correct.
Speaker 3: And so he didn't know about this, and she told
Speaker 3: me first because she said if she wouldn't if she
Speaker 3: didn't tell me first, she wouldn't be able to tell
Speaker 3: me at all. So I was like, okay. So I
Speaker 3: was worried after the fact, like if she tells him
Speaker 3: because he's one of my best friends, Like I love
Speaker 3: this dude to death. And I was like, well, is
Speaker 3: he gonna like change his opinion of me? Or is
Speaker 3: he gonna, you know, get mad at me? It's not
Speaker 3: his character. I didn't expect it, but it was still
Speaker 3: a thing that I was fearing. And so she told
Speaker 3: him and he was not hostile towards me at all, thankfully,
Speaker 3: but like he definitely didn't like hearing that, and it
Speaker 3: definitely affected his mental health. Like he came to me,
Speaker 3: and this guy never cries, but he was crying to me.
Speaker 3: And I'm just in a situation that technically partially not
Speaker 3: involved in because I'm not interested, but it also is
Speaker 3: surrounding me, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Okay, So in as far as what should you do,
Speaker 1: I mean, I agree with your sective, but this really
Speaker 1: kind of has nothing to do with you, right is Uh,
Speaker 1: you're not going to pursue a relationship with your friend's wife, correct,
Speaker 1: Your your friend's wife has feelings for you, which is
Speaker 1: not within your control. It's good that your friend knows
Speaker 1: about them, and it's good that your friend knows that.
Speaker 1: It's good that everyone knows that there's not like weird
Speaker 1: hidden resentments and things right boiling up. But I mean,
Speaker 1: fuck man, as far as what you do and I
Speaker 1: don't know, go outside, well it got even weirder.
Speaker 3: Well because I've been you know, I've been single for
Speaker 3: a little over a year now, I moved out here
Speaker 3: single because I was living with my ex, so I
Speaker 3: needed to get out of that. But I've been like,
Speaker 3: you know, scrolling through the apps and stuff, and I
Speaker 3: finally got a match with somebody recently and was supposed
Speaker 3: to go on a date. And she actually got hurt
Speaker 3: by that news, so hurt that she had to leave
Speaker 3: the house and leave her husband alone because it was
Speaker 3: her or her feelings. And that killed him because like,
Speaker 3: you're my wife, you know. It's like it's just such
Speaker 3: a weird thing, and I it's like, that's my business. Though,
Speaker 3: why are you so affected by it?
Speaker 1: Like, I don't know, it hurts weird your friend's wife's
Speaker 1: feelings that you were going on in dates?
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, because she couldn't have me, you know, so
Speaker 3: it sounds ridiculous and that's that's kind of how But
Speaker 3: but she still wants to be friends, and like I,
Speaker 3: I kind of put a pause on that because I
Speaker 3: needed to process my feelings. But lo and behold, two
Speaker 3: weeks ago, I got laid off from my job, and
Speaker 3: they it's almost like, I don't want to say she
Speaker 3: used that scenario to kind of brush it under the rug,
Speaker 3: but like she just started talking to me again to
Speaker 3: console me and stuff, and like I kind of reciprocated
Speaker 3: it because I am an off to have spot right now,
Speaker 3: but like I also still need to process very.
Speaker 1: Feeling. Let me ask you some questions, Uh, do you
Speaker 1: do you have genuine interest in continuing to have a
Speaker 1: platonic friendship with this woman?
Speaker 3: I do, But at the same time, people like she
Speaker 3: keeps saying how she wants them to go back to normal,
Speaker 3: and it's like that's not really a possibility because what
Speaker 3: is normal anyway? But the dynamic is completely changed. Like
Speaker 3: I can't I can't do or say anything without realizing
Speaker 3: that it has some heavier weight in her mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's all legit, that's all legitimate. That's
Speaker 1: all very legitimate to feel whenever you hang out with
Speaker 1: do you have like your own kind of independent relationship
Speaker 1: with her and as well as an independent relationship with
Speaker 1: the guy?
Speaker 3: Uh, I'd say that's a fair statement. Yeah, I do.
Speaker 3: Like we we kind of have our own dynamic when
Speaker 3: we're all three together, and then when we're individually together,
Speaker 3: it's like our own other thing. So yeah, there there's
Speaker 3: there's pieces of every like individual relationship that are unique yet.
Speaker 1: Dude, when's the last time you all three of you
Speaker 1: hung out?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean technically we lived together, so anytime we're
Speaker 3: out in the living room, it's like for my uh actually,
Speaker 3: the last time we actually went out and did something
Speaker 3: was for my birthday, like the week before all that
Speaker 3: shit went down. We went out for dinner and stuff.
Speaker 3: But even then, like, when I think about going out,
Speaker 3: it's like, when I think about it now, it's like
Speaker 3: my perspective is just completely rattled and changed, you know, obviously,
Speaker 3: mm hm.
Speaker 5: M hm, m hm.
Speaker 1: Uh is any part of you considering taking a break
Speaker 1: from hanging out with these people for a while.
Speaker 3: Yeah, uh yeah, it's just it's kind of hard to
Speaker 3: uh navigate since I lived with them, and it's like,
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm I'm in my room a lot anyway,
Speaker 3: I'll say that for sure.
Speaker 1: So Okay, Well, here's another thing. You're this couple sounds
Speaker 1: like they got a lot of ship to work out
Speaker 1: together that ain't got nothing to do with you. So
Speaker 1: I maybe it could be a good idea to let
Speaker 1: them work that out, you know, not not not drag
Speaker 1: you into it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like they have a tendency to do
Speaker 3: that to include me.
Speaker 1: Do you feel that way, do you feel like they
Speaker 1: have some boundaries?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's a malicious thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a malicious doesn't sound like a
Speaker 1: malicious thing. It sounds like everyone in this situation is confused.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't think. I don't think I've never
Speaker 3: I've never dealt with polyamory like this, and I've never
Speaker 3: even been in a situation like this in my life.
Speaker 1: So I don't think that dragging you into it is
Speaker 1: a action of malice as much as it is an
Speaker 1: action of aimlessness and comfort.
Speaker 3: I think I'm I'm a very good friend of them.
Speaker 3: I know, I know that at least.
Speaker 1: So Okay, Well, is is is your continued interaction with
Speaker 1: them and uh involvement in their conflict bringing you unpleasantness?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Because I have a lot of my own shit
Speaker 3: going on. Like I said, I just got laid off
Speaker 3: and I'm trying to, you know, work on myself, and
Speaker 3: it's kind of hard when I have to worry about
Speaker 3: two other people as well.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, I don't think it would be such a
Speaker 1: bad idea then, to uh, well let them figure their
Speaker 1: own stuff out. Yeah. Yeah, who did you go on
Speaker 1: the dates.
Speaker 3: Uh no, it is no, I got you.
Speaker 1: Didn't even go You didn't even go on the date
Speaker 1: you made everyone made a whole big fucking deal about
Speaker 1: it and you didn't even know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was my thing. I stopped at that too.
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, well.
Speaker 1: What's your deal? Are you trying to date more or yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm open to it. Yeah, but I'm also trying to,
Speaker 3: you know, get my own ship in order as well.
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, I just I think I just need
Speaker 3: some space really mentally and physically.
Speaker 1: Well, you sound like a nice, handsome guy. I think
Speaker 1: it'll all work.
Speaker 3: Out well, ship. Thank you, you're handsome to get go.
Speaker 1: Hey, Nick, is there anything else you want to say
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys are awesome. I might check out your
Speaker 3: tour or two, so we'll see what's up.
Speaker 1: Oh sure, I hope to see if the baby all right.
Speaker 3: Have a good night, Nick Forever.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 5: Hello?
Speaker 3: Is this the jet?
Speaker 1: Yes? Who is this?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, this is Daniel.
Speaker 1: Daniel. What's going on?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: You know, just enjoying an extra day off for the holidays.
Speaker 1: How are you, m Daniel? It says here that you
Speaker 1: bought a one way ticket to somewhere many many miles
Speaker 1: away and that worked out for.
Speaker 3: You, Yeah, punky ear ago, I just kind of well,
Speaker 3: I quit my job. I sold everything I owned, passed
Speaker 3: everything I could into a backpack, and moved two thousand
Speaker 3: miles away to start over. I was definitely very mannic
Speaker 3: in the middle of that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, and how long ago did you say?
Speaker 3: This was about a year ago.
Speaker 1: And what was it that compelled you to catapult yourself
Speaker 1: so far away?
Speaker 3: I fucked, I mean ever since the pandemic. It's like
Speaker 3: a license on this ship I was going through. Were
Speaker 3: divorced and my job industry kind of went. Was one
Speaker 3: of the first to go in COVID. You know, I
Speaker 3: was a restaurant manager. So jobst shitty, life got shitty. Uh,
Speaker 3: decided why not and take a chance, leave the South,
Speaker 3: go somewhere better.
Speaker 1: Mhm. And can I ask where you went?
Speaker 3: Seattle?
Speaker 1: You went to Seattle? And uh, why did you pick Seattle?
Speaker 3: It was sound of like I was just a dart
Speaker 3: on the map. Honestly, it didn't really matter.
Speaker 1: And do you know anybody in Seattle at the time?
Speaker 3: No, no, no, not at all.
Speaker 1: Okay, did you have any money.
Speaker 3: I had a lot of thousand dollars from selling my
Speaker 3: shitty car, and yeah, that was about it.
Speaker 1: Okay. So apparently it says here that this all kind
Speaker 1: of worked out for you. So let's talk about, Well,
Speaker 1: let's talk about when you first got there. I mean,
Speaker 1: what did you do if you only had a thousand dollars?
Speaker 1: How did you, you know, rent an apartment or eat
Speaker 1: food or do anything. I assume you went there without.
Speaker 3: A job, all right, So I had a job offer,
Speaker 3: kind of. I planned a whole move in less than
Speaker 3: two weeks, and I was just applying to jobs on indeed,
Speaker 3: like it was just slightly on a datemap of the
Speaker 3: mess got like this really sketchy job offer at a
Speaker 3: restaurant for ghost kitchens don't recommend here out of ten
Speaker 3: tried working that, got an apartment with some roommates that
Speaker 3: I didn't know. It was really sketch for a minute,
Speaker 3: like in terms of getting of my life sorted out,
Speaker 3: especially because I was very managed when I got here.
Speaker 3: I ended up in a psych hospital like two months
Speaker 3: two three months after I got here. It was a
Speaker 3: whole thing.
Speaker 1: How did you wind up in a in a psych hospital?
Speaker 1: If you don't mind sharing. I mean any aspect of
Speaker 1: this you don't want to but.
Speaker 3: No, yeah, no for sure. So I don't know if
Speaker 3: you're familiar with media. Was bipolar disorder, but if you
Speaker 3: if you get too far up, you go into psychosis.
Speaker 3: And I kind of lost my marbles very very legitimately.
Speaker 3: I was like hearing shit scene ship I was. I
Speaker 3: was not sleeping, and then I got like taken to
Speaker 3: the er and got admitted to a place and help
Speaker 3: me get back on medication, which is probably the only
Speaker 3: reason why I'm still able to be functional up here.
Speaker 3: It's then, it's been interesting, mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Was there a certain event or catalyst, you know during
Speaker 1: that two months that kind of sent you over the edge?
Speaker 3: That was during the holidays. You know, I don't have
Speaker 3: any contact with my family two thousand miles away. Wondering
Speaker 3: if I made the right decision. Just catapulting my life
Speaker 3: away that stressful. I mean, most people don't do that,
Speaker 3: you know, without support.
Speaker 1: What was the job that you came there to do.
Speaker 3: I was cooking at the time. I'm not doing that
Speaker 3: job anymore, but I was just cooking for a restaurant
Speaker 3: at the time.
Speaker 1: Okay, And how is that treating.
Speaker 3: You that was all right? I mean I didn't like it.
Speaker 3: I mean that's why I quit. Now I have a
Speaker 3: much better job. But it did what it needed to
Speaker 3: do to help me sustain myself for sure.
Speaker 1: Okay, So when you're in the psych hospital, how long
Speaker 1: does it take and what are the prerequisites for getting
Speaker 1: out of there?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 1: How do how do you? How do how do they
Speaker 1: know when you're like chilled to leave?
Speaker 3: I mean you meet with a doctor every day and
Speaker 3: like a therapist. And I say this all so loosely
Speaker 3: because you're really not supervised that much, but you just
Speaker 3: have to meet like a certain criteria which is like
Speaker 3: not a danger to yourself for others not in psychosis,
Speaker 3: like stable on medsleeping, eating, you know, a relatively functional
Speaker 3: human being.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: I was only there for like a week.
Speaker 1: And what did you do when you got out?
Speaker 3: I went immediately back to work. Actually well, I mean
Speaker 3: I quit a couple of months later, but I started
Speaker 3: realizing I visit sober, so I got sober in that
Speaker 3: meantime as well, went into real therapy, started taking care
Speaker 3: of myself, left the toxic ask service industry.
Speaker 1: So you said that this move ultimately worked out for you.
Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit about what your life is
Speaker 1: like now and how it's better than it was a
Speaker 1: year ago.
Speaker 3: I would say I'm a lot more stable in terms of,
Speaker 3: like I'm not freaking out all the time, not chasing
Speaker 3: the super highs and lows of life. Stable housing. I've
Speaker 3: never lived in a place longer than six months, and
Speaker 3: I've been here a year, in the same apartment, starting
Speaker 3: to have a support group of friends. It's weird, you know,
Speaker 3: Like I had so many people where I was before
Speaker 3: I lost my shit in the old place I was,
Speaker 3: and I didn't really I took it all for granted.
Speaker 3: And now I'm like actually making an effort to be
Speaker 3: a better person and like be there for people around
Speaker 3: me and not be a drunk piece of shit all
Speaker 3: the time, on top of not taking my medication. Stably employed,
Speaker 3: which is weird and different. Work a weird job by
Speaker 3: comparison to what I've ever done, But it's fun.
Speaker 1: What do you do now?
Speaker 3: I make candles?
Speaker 1: You make candle maker? That very very relaxing, very relaxing.
Speaker 1: How did you get into candles?
Speaker 3: Yeah? One of my roommates at the time was working
Speaker 3: for the candle place and they realized do you want
Speaker 3: to you want to make candles? And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that sounds great and it's super super fun. It's interesting,
Speaker 3: it's relaxing when it, you know, I can be even
Speaker 3: there's a lot to do, and there's a lot to
Speaker 3: do in the making candles. Are you don't really think about it?
Speaker 3: M hm?
Speaker 1: And do you have friends in Seattle? Now?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I have mostly the people that I've met
Speaker 3: through recovery groups since I got sober, and I put
Speaker 3: a lot of effort into doing all that stuff to
Speaker 3: help other people in recovery.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So these friends that you've met through the
Speaker 1: recovery groups, so I'm curious and I guess, like what,
Speaker 1: what do their stories usually sound like? Do they sound
Speaker 1: similar to yours? Did they move to a place far away?
Speaker 1: And did they have like similar home lives to you?
Speaker 3: I mean yes? And now, you know, it's interesting when
Speaker 3: you hear people's stories because you know, a lot of
Speaker 3: it's different, a lot of it's the same. It all
Speaker 3: kind of has the same general timeline. I don't know.
Speaker 3: You know, if you hang around enough people that are
Speaker 3: at it, some alcoholics, you're going to hear your story
Speaker 3: like everyone thinks they're so different when they come in,
Speaker 3: you know, and we're all the same, you know, there's
Speaker 3: a little differences here and there, but everyone's it's all
Speaker 3: similar as plenty of people that have you know, fucked
Speaker 3: off across the country of the world, or than just
Speaker 3: as chaotic as I have in different ways.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm hmm. Yeah. I feel like that's good though, right.
Speaker 1: I mean, you I'm in thinking that your situation is unique,
Speaker 1: and the once you learn it's not, I feel like
Speaker 1: that makes you feel a little bit better, does it not?
Speaker 5: It?
Speaker 3: Can it? Can it?
Speaker 4: Also?
Speaker 3: You know, I feel like a lot of people at
Speaker 3: least I wouldn't seek for me at least. I I'm
Speaker 3: so like, I'm so special and unique, and this is
Speaker 3: why I'm messed up, and that's why I can't be fished.
Speaker 3: And then you meet like ten plus people with the
Speaker 3: same situation. You're like, well, now I have no excuse?
Speaker 3: What the hell? Which is good and bad? You have
Speaker 3: the accountability, right.
Speaker 1: I guess I guess I feel like there is Yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying by being like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: I have no excuse, But that also can be kind
Speaker 1: of a good thing. You know, you see somebody who
Speaker 1: adult is something that you dealt with and now you
Speaker 1: feel as though, Okay, well, I guess if this person
Speaker 1: was able to overcome the obstacles, then so can I.
Speaker 1: And it's good that it's been a friend group for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've met a lot of people that I did
Speaker 3: along with very well and I can just be myself
Speaker 3: and it's something that I'm not used to.
Speaker 1: You know, so you said you're not used to it
Speaker 1: is this? Is this one of the first times in
Speaker 1: your life where you have had a solid group of friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. I mean I was married for a while
Speaker 3: and pretty isolated from everyone, and my marriage wasn't great.
Speaker 3: My family life was not great either, and I didn't
Speaker 3: really made a lot of effort to meet people, and
Speaker 3: the friends that I did have it was pretty toxic
Speaker 3: between both my end and their end. Yeah, this is
Speaker 3: I would say, like the first time that I've ever
Speaker 3: felt quite comfortably okay with the people in my life
Speaker 3: and happy with that.
Speaker 1: That's great. Have you spoken to your family at all
Speaker 1: or are they completely out of the picture.
Speaker 3: You know, my dad has called a handful of times
Speaker 3: in the last few months, but other than that, no,
Speaker 3: I don't always speak to anyone in my family and
Speaker 3: that's all right with me.
Speaker 1: Mmm, you say that's all right with you? Is that
Speaker 1: something is becoming alright with that something that was kind
Speaker 1: of like a process for you.
Speaker 3: Yes, and no. I mean my relationship with my family
Speaker 3: has never been amazing. It's kind of hard to be
Speaker 3: no or a little contact with your family, even if
Speaker 3: you had a bad family life, I guess from what
Speaker 3: I've noticed with other people too, because I mean, you
Speaker 3: have that idea of what you wish your family was,
Speaker 3: and like, that's what I feel like I clean onto
Speaker 3: the most when I'm upset. It's like not that, it's
Speaker 3: the idea of what I wish it was, And just
Speaker 3: making that distinction.
Speaker 1: Helps, right, And you can get lost in that with
Speaker 1: anything with the idea of how life was, with the
Speaker 1: idea of how you wish you know your job was,
Speaker 1: or the idea of how you wish your friends were.
Speaker 1: It's like you can you can really spend a lot
Speaker 1: of time stacking trying to stack reality against expectations, and uh,
Speaker 1: reality will almost always lose. Yeah, yeah, h But the
Speaker 1: one thing that reality does have over expectations is that
Speaker 1: it is real. Yeah, In the name. What's next for you?
Speaker 1: Do you have a strong desires for your life outside
Speaker 1: of building candles or do you live day by day
Speaker 1: hanging out.
Speaker 3: I'd say it's a little bit of both. I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to get through the day, obviously, but
Speaker 3: I have plans to hopefully go to college at some point.
Speaker 3: But I did it and with them in a health field.
Speaker 3: Short term, buy a fucking car. I haven't had a
Speaker 3: car since i've here and.
Speaker 1: That sucks, But.
Speaker 3: A little bit both take it day by day, try
Speaker 3: to make things better. It's kind of hard to find
Speaker 3: a direction in your mid twenties, you know, when you
Speaker 3: haven't had one, and then you like, you like gaining
Speaker 3: sentience and you're like, oh shit, have to actually make
Speaker 3: a life h whole thing.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, well you don't have to. You you
Speaker 1: do not have to do you totally well, you totally
Speaker 1: could have. You know, you don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1: You totally could have just continued to drink every day
Speaker 1: and sit around and not do anything.
Speaker 3: That's fair, but you didn't.
Speaker 1: But you decided you wanted to build a life. This
Speaker 1: is pretty cool. You have to do that. I totally
Speaker 1: could have just drunkenly wandered the streets forever, and I
Speaker 1: would I and I wouldn't have blamed you for that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have blamed you for that. That sounds fun.
Speaker 1: It's kind of.
Speaker 3: No, I did you walk around downtown seattles when you
Speaker 3: were here at all? Like it's not like it's not it?
Speaker 1: Oh no, I mean no, it's fun until some bad happens.
Speaker 1: But until I mean the just the experience, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's uh. I mean, I'm definitely like a
Speaker 3: wander West person. They urged to like just like live
Speaker 3: nomadically and ship and do that. It's great, but the
Speaker 3: world isn't built for that unfortunately, for long term sustainably.
Speaker 1: Daniel, is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we.
Speaker 3: Go have a have a good night. Hope everyone got
Speaker 3: through the holidays all right, and it can be a
Speaker 3: tough time for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, uh, take care man, appreciate your sharing. By Daniel.
Speaker 1: I like Daniel. Oh fuck, I forgot. I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask a more candle related questions, such as what his
Speaker 1: favorite candle is or what candle takes the most time
Speaker 1: to make I feel like certain candles probably take longer
Speaker 1: to make than others, like uh, like chat names some candles?
Speaker 1: What are different kinds of candles? Like lavender? Like, lavender
Speaker 1: probably takes a lot longer to make than tea because
Speaker 1: tea is everywhere. But how do you get lavender? If
Speaker 1: somebody put a gun into my head and was like,
Speaker 1: you have twenty four hours to secure some lavender, they'd
Speaker 1: have to shoot me in the face. So I don't
Speaker 1: know where. I don't know where I would get it.
Speaker 1: But yet these candle companies produce hundreds of thousands of
Speaker 1: lavender candles every year. Where are they getting all this
Speaker 1: lavender from?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, Hello, Hello, Hi?
Speaker 1: Who is this?
Speaker 5: This is Grace?
Speaker 1: Hi, Grace. How can I What's what's going on?
Speaker 5: Nothing too specific? I must stay at home mom, So
Speaker 5: I guess if he has like any interesting topics for there?
Speaker 1: Okay, what are you at home with your kids right now?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, he's he's uh, he just turned one a
Speaker 5: few days ago.
Speaker 1: Oh really, how has it been being a mother? Well?
Speaker 5: This is my second time around, and the first time
Speaker 5: I was fifteen and the second time. I'm twenty two,
Speaker 5: so it's really different.
Speaker 1: You were fifteen when you had your first kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what was that experience? Like that must have been extremely difficult.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 4: Home life was a lot harder than school.
Speaker 5: I mean, you know, kids are like, look at that
Speaker 5: pregnant chick here in high school.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but ultimately.
Speaker 5: It was like what was going down like at home
Speaker 5: that made it I think, you know all the more
Speaker 5: uh uh complicated?
Speaker 1: Are you okay? I was talking about what was going
Speaker 1: on at home?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah?
Speaker 1: What was going on?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, Well, during uh the time that I got pregnant,
Speaker 5: my mom and my stepdad at the same time, uh
Speaker 5: broke up, and my mom, me and my brothers moved
Speaker 5: in with my boyfriend's mom, who I mean, my mom
Speaker 5: only knew her for during you know, the little times
Speaker 5: that teenagers bring their boyfriends over or whatever.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: And during that time, my mom was also struggling with
Speaker 5: pill addictions, so she was in and out, and my
Speaker 5: dad was going through it and kind of went I
Speaker 5: don't know, like he just like disappeared and lived in
Speaker 5: the woods for a while.
Speaker 1: So when you had this kid at fifteen, who was
Speaker 1: helping you?
Speaker 5: It was I mean, I had my boyfriend at the time,
Speaker 5: and I was living with his mom, and while my
Speaker 5: parents were going through the waves of going through a
Speaker 5: breakup of I don't know, like fucking ten years, my
Speaker 5: boyfriend's mom was taking care of me and the boys.
Speaker 1: Okay, so your boyfriend's mom was helping you take care
Speaker 1: of and your boyfriend, I assume was the was the
Speaker 1: father of the kid.
Speaker 5: Of the first one. We ended up having a falling
Speaker 5: out and and I went into the dating world after
Speaker 5: being in a ten year relationship with a guy that
Speaker 5: I dated in high school and uh, surprise, surprise, I
Speaker 5: got knocked up again.
Speaker 1: So and now is your current boyfriend helping you with
Speaker 1: this kid?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, he's very different from my first relationship. He uh,
Speaker 5: and it's it's definitely like because I was fifteen, it's
Speaker 5: a lot of me and him doing things, me and
Speaker 5: my current partner. And when I was younger, like I
Speaker 5: just I guess I just didn't realize how much like
Speaker 5: his mom really did to help with my first kid.
Speaker 1: Right, And so your you're the father of the first kid.
Speaker 1: Is he still around helping out with the first kid?
Speaker 1: He's still in the first kid's life.
Speaker 5: He's still in the first kid's life, but we had
Speaker 5: quite the dramatic fallout. He was undiagnosed by polar when
Speaker 5: we were together, and so we had not the healthiest
Speaker 5: of relationships because of his uh how angry he'd get.
Speaker 5: And then you know, when someone's yelling at you, you
Speaker 5: might say something mean back or whatever. You know. So
Speaker 5: once we broke up, I think I was a trigger
Speaker 5: for him, and he had tried to commit suicide after
Speaker 5: after I officially like said that we were done, he
Speaker 5: commit tried to commit suicide and whenever I'd come around
Speaker 5: once he got back from the hospital, I was like
Speaker 5: a trigger for him. So he just doesn't really talk
Speaker 5: to me. But he's still a part of my first
Speaker 5: kids relation, like law life, Like she's week one week off,
Speaker 5: but like he doesn't want to be friends with me,
Speaker 5: mm hmm, but.
Speaker 1: He's still in the kid's life. Yeah, okay, And how
Speaker 1: old is your first kid? Now?
Speaker 4: I don't want to do she's nine years old?
Speaker 1: Nine years old? Okay, Now, how does how what's her
Speaker 1: relationship like with the baby? How does she feel about
Speaker 1: having a baby, a baby sibling?
Speaker 5: She was excited, but she he also going through like
Speaker 5: the emotions of not being the only kid in the
Speaker 5: house anymore. And her dad actually had a kid with
Speaker 5: another woman before I had a kid, so she kind
Speaker 5: of like already had that.
Speaker 1: Kind of So so you're okay, So when you were fifteen,
Speaker 1: you had a kid with this guy? Was the guy
Speaker 1: also fifteen?
Speaker 5: Yeah, we actually coincidentally had the same exact birthday, did
Speaker 5: so he was.
Speaker 1: Like and and when he was by the time he
Speaker 1: was fifteen, he had already had a kid with somebody else.
Speaker 5: No, no, he he we had our first kid together.
Speaker 5: And then when we broke up shortly after or he
Speaker 5: started dating some his current woman and then they had
Speaker 5: a kid, okay, and then a.
Speaker 4: Little bit after that I ended up.
Speaker 5: Having a kid.
Speaker 1: All right, So she has two half siblings. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: by the way, how's your baby doing. They've been present
Speaker 1: on this call, and I don't know if you're changing
Speaker 1: a diaper with one hand and talking on the phone
Speaker 1: with the other.
Speaker 5: No, he's in my arms. I'm just walking around in
Speaker 5: a circle and he's waving his hand and he just
Speaker 5: likes to be a.
Speaker 4: Part of the scene.
Speaker 5: He's a pretty happy kid, just a little needy, you know,
Speaker 5: classic baby.
Speaker 1: I assume that I mean it's you're twenty two.
Speaker 5: Now I'm actually twenty five and now, so he's actually
Speaker 5: he just turned one, So I got I got pregnant
Speaker 5: at twenty four and then had him, or maybe I
Speaker 5: had I actually had him at twenty foo and got
Speaker 5: pregnant at twenty three.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think you said you got pregnant at twenty two.
Speaker 5: Yeah, twenty three is when, because he's a year now,
Speaker 5: so and I turned twenty five, not long ago like
Speaker 5: last so I think I think it was like twenty
Speaker 5: three is when I got pregnant with him.
Speaker 1: So how is being a mother at twenty five different
Speaker 1: than it was ten years ago? At fifteen?
Speaker 5: It's a lot more like like independent, like you when
Speaker 5: you're like stay at home mom. I mean, it's a
Speaker 5: lot of just like this person depending on you, this
Speaker 5: little being. And when I was fifteen, I mean, Luna
Speaker 5: was like a classic baby, but she was a big grandma's.
Speaker 4: Girl like she it's like his mom would take dinner for.
Speaker 5: Us, you know, or like play on the meals and
Speaker 5: do the shopping. And if Luna was having a rough
Speaker 5: time sleeping, like she'd just she'd just come into the
Speaker 5: room and take her and try to put her to
Speaker 5: sleep while me and her son tried to catch some
Speaker 5: more disease. You know, like it was like this selfless
Speaker 5: like a woman that really, I guess just really helps
Speaker 5: try to make it not terribly overwhelming.
Speaker 1: Tell me real quick about, like, you know, outside of
Speaker 1: being a mom, what is your life like, Like, do
Speaker 1: you work, do you have dreams? Do you what do
Speaker 1: you what is your life like outside of being a mom?
Speaker 4: Or I got pregnant with my newest kid.
Speaker 5: I was in college, and I want to I want
Speaker 5: to be a teacher for little ones, mainly just as
Speaker 5: I guess of me feeling like kids, you know, need
Speaker 5: that person that listens or whatever. But I like, currently
Speaker 5: I just stay at home and I'm doing whatever, uh
Speaker 5: my newest son needs, And I mean trying to find
Speaker 5: fun things to do. Like a lot of the time
Speaker 5: I passed time by just showing up at a state
Speaker 5: sales and garage sales and talking to a bunch of people.
Speaker 1: You passed the time by going to.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean I'll always end up finding something too,
Speaker 5: But I mean it's a lot of fun just going
Speaker 5: to estate sales and asking the people that are running it,
Speaker 5: like who lived here? Or just hearing like stories about
Speaker 5: the person who lives there and or just talking to
Speaker 5: some random person there. Like it's it's like one of
Speaker 5: the little creative ways that I've found connection without.
Speaker 4: Having to like.
Speaker 5: Go out to like big events or something.
Speaker 1: So you go to these estates try to make friends,
Speaker 1: you know, with no intention of buying anything, but just
Speaker 1: to talk to people and learn about the estate and
Speaker 1: make connections.
Speaker 5: I know they're definitely to buy stuff too, but I'm
Speaker 5: I am eager to hear about like I guess just
Speaker 5: talking to other people.
Speaker 1: Okay, Like on top of.
Speaker 5: Looking around and finding stuff, there's a lot of fun
Speaker 5: conversations that just happen because people like they love talking
Speaker 5: to babies, so they just come up and they'll just
Speaker 5: start talking to my son and they'll be like you
Speaker 5: know when someone's talking to a baby or kind of
Speaker 5: talking to you too, So then you just start a
Speaker 5: conversation from there. And then I'm like standing there for
Speaker 5: thirty minutes or an hour just like talking to this person.
Speaker 1: And this has been a way for you to connect
Speaker 1: with other people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like a little less pressure, you know.
Speaker 1: Uh huh, can I answer your question?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you lonely at all, Like do you
Speaker 1: do you have like friends that you have to talk
Speaker 1: to and stuff.
Speaker 5: I'm definitely, I'm definitely like there is is that loneliness,
Speaker 5: you know, Like it's different when you have that buddy
Speaker 5: that you can call and just come hang out with
Speaker 5: you for three hours just sitting and watching your son
Speaker 5: play with the same toy, you know, and you guys
Speaker 5: just like sitting and talking and like there's definitely like
Speaker 5: that connection. There's there's a lot of it's hard to
Speaker 5: have friends with people that don't have kids are kind
Speaker 5: of like are I almost want to say, kids prove
Speaker 5: like they're prepared to just kind of a molestly do
Speaker 5: something for the same like over and over again, or
Speaker 5: like go to a park and be hell aboard with
Speaker 5: your buddy and have fun and chill out, you know.
Speaker 4: But I just go to.
Speaker 5: Places and then have conversations. It's just I don't have
Speaker 5: to continue to have conversations with them afterwards. I get
Speaker 5: my bucket filled of socializing.
Speaker 1: How's your relationship with the father, Like what does is
Speaker 1: he kind of at work all day? What's your relationship
Speaker 1: like with him?
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's the bread winner, so he goes to work
Speaker 5: and he'll come back. And when he's home, I mean
Speaker 5: immediately I'm like.
Speaker 4: Really excited to have another grown up with me.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I mean our relationships it's pretty good. It's
Speaker 5: you know, every relationship is discovering the quirks and things
Speaker 5: with another person. And I guess just getting through it
Speaker 5: or learning to be not frustrated by the factor. You know, But.
Speaker 1: What are your like looking to the future, what what
Speaker 1: do you hope?
Speaker 5: I I want to obviously finish college because I've been
Speaker 5: pursuing it since I was in school, like since I
Speaker 5: graduated high school. And I mean whether that's just because
Speaker 5: I actually want to be a teacher or not, because
Speaker 5: like you know, as you go through life, you're like,
Speaker 5: well maybe I want to be this, or maybe I
Speaker 5: want to be that. I just feel like I spent
Speaker 5: so much time in that I I want my prize,
Speaker 5: I want my I want my associates. So there's that,
Speaker 5: and then I guess just I don't know, classic living
Speaker 5: life in the way that I can whatever makes me
Speaker 5: happy in the moment.
Speaker 1: Okay, I wanted to ask you this, in in this
Speaker 1: moment of your life, do you feel happy?
Speaker 5: I I mean that's a that's a that's a tough question.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I feel great and sometimes you know, depression and
Speaker 5: postpartum they're they're both really right in it, and it's
Speaker 5: just like it's.
Speaker 4: Hard to see all those good things and feel all
Speaker 4: those good things.
Speaker 5: So, I mean, I think as a parent, like a
Speaker 5: parent life, I'm happy, but individually, I I've I'm depressed.
Speaker 5: I'm I could I could use some friendship probably m
Speaker 5: hm hm hm, you know a partners with friends, but like.
Speaker 4: You're what the motherfucker all the time?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I guess I can see why. It's you know,
Speaker 1: an attractive thing to like, you know, go to these
Speaker 1: like estate sales or garage sales and just like you
Speaker 1: can bring the kid, and the kid gets to talk
Speaker 1: to people, and you get to talk to people and
Speaker 1: it kind of gets you out of the house and
Speaker 1: works for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's almost always like a good conversation because
Speaker 5: I mean, you have a baby, you have this person
Speaker 5: that kind of brings up those positive feelings and all that,
Speaker 5: you know, so it's it's it's almost guaranteed of a
Speaker 5: good conversation, whether or not I can feel the flow.
Speaker 4: Of it and have a good conversation is different.
Speaker 5: But like baby people with babies usually like people coming
Speaker 5: in to have a conversation, they're they're positive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this like you know, depression and loneliness. That
Speaker 1: sounds like it kind of ebbs and flows as do
Speaker 1: you know it does with a lot of you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, all all people experience the stuff and in
Speaker 1: an ebb and flow way. Looking to the future. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you're you're still very young. Are you hopeful
Speaker 1: for the future.
Speaker 5: I am. I'm pretty hopeful. Like there's things that stress
Speaker 5: me out, like along with being a parent, I kind
Speaker 5: of like breaking I don't know if it's the right word,
Speaker 5: like breaking the fourth wall. Like I just kind of
Speaker 5: like the world is a lot bigger than just my house,
Speaker 5: just my living room, just what I'm teaching my kids
Speaker 5: in my home, Like, and I.
Speaker 4: Get stressed out about the big world.
Speaker 5: There's so many opinions, there's so many there's so much hate,
Speaker 5: you know, But like I think it gives me hope
Speaker 5: hearing my daughter say something that is like loving and
Speaker 5: non judgmental, and it's like I think I'm doing my
Speaker 5: part in what makes me feel like I'm making a change.
Speaker 5: The people that are leaving my house are going to
Speaker 5: be loving and accepting, and I'm I'm gonna chase my
Speaker 5: dreams of whatever being a teacher. Maybe I want I
Speaker 5: want to release a book someday, you know, I'm so
Speaker 5: maybe release in a book at some point.
Speaker 1: But you know, you're you're you're talking about this big
Speaker 1: world that's scary with all the people who are you know,
Speaker 1: kind of negative or have these opinions and whatnot. That's
Speaker 1: something I've been thinking about a lot. And it's like,
Speaker 1: I think the best thing you can do and at
Speaker 1: least this is what works for me to kind of
Speaker 1: combat the anxiety of of of trying to take in
Speaker 1: the entire world is doing the best you can to
Speaker 1: create your own world and to make it in your
Speaker 1: own design. And you can do that, you know, And
Speaker 1: and that's kind of what you do when you have
Speaker 1: a kid, is you have this opportunity to, you know,
Speaker 1: take kind of the things that in the philosophies that
Speaker 1: you don't feel good about in the worlds and combat
Speaker 1: them with you know, philosophies that you do feel good about.
Speaker 1: You know how you were saying that it makes you
Speaker 1: feel really good when your daughter is saying positive things. So, like,
Speaker 1: you know, you have the opportunity and however small a scale,
Speaker 1: your universe is like literally, if your universe just consists
Speaker 1: of you and your kids, and that's it, and that's
Speaker 1: your garden to water, you know, that's that's your little
Speaker 1: part of the world that you can influence and uh
Speaker 1: make however you you desire. I mean, you can't you know,
Speaker 1: control your kids' lives and shing like that, but you
Speaker 1: can positively influence them in the way that you feel
Speaker 1: as though you should be. And I feel like just
Speaker 1: focusing on doing that the best that you can, uh
Speaker 1: fades away way all of the things about the outside
Speaker 1: world that can be stressful, and you're just focusing on
Speaker 1: your own. Yeah, and that's the best you can do.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's true. That's true. I guess, I guess
Speaker 5: I don't really think. I mean it's true. Like I
Speaker 5: have my two kids and that is like my little
Speaker 5: world and whatever I put into it is it's kind
Speaker 5: of like what is a reality in it? Yeah, or
Speaker 5: a motivator?
Speaker 1: What is your name again, Gracie, Gracie, Gracie, thanks for
Speaker 1: sharing all this stuff. This is this is interesting and
Speaker 1: I I wish you good luck in cultivating a good
Speaker 1: environment for you, yourself and your kids. It seems like
Speaker 1: you're really out there doing the best you can for
Speaker 1: yourself and them.
Speaker 5: You know, I do what I can. You know, nobody's perfect,
Speaker 5: but you know, we're all just we're all just pushing
Speaker 5: towards something. You know, I don't know what it is,
Speaker 5: but we all just want to be happy.
Speaker 1: Gracie, is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 5: Just uh, you know, just just.
Speaker 4: Take it day by day.
Speaker 5: People, just take it day by day. We got this.
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling, Gracie.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: You know. I hate babies a lot. I really don't
Speaker 1: like them, but I liked her, and by extension, I
Speaker 1: guess that means I like her baby. It's hard. You
Speaker 1: can't really like a baby because they are. They possess
Speaker 1: no traits really, you know, like when you decide whether
Speaker 1: or not you do or don't like a person, it's
Speaker 1: usually based off of traits that they possess that can
Speaker 1: be positive or negative. But babies they just are, I mean,
Speaker 1: they suck. Also, by the way, if you were judging
Speaker 1: a baby on the same standard that you were judging
Speaker 1: a person, and a person was crying and screaming all
Speaker 1: the time. You might not like that person, but we
Speaker 1: give babies the benefit of the doubt because they're babies,
Speaker 1: which is a good thing we should give. We should
Speaker 1: give babies the benefit of the doubt. I liked the
Speaker 1: thing that Gracie said where She's like, I get anxious
Speaker 1: about all the everything in the world and the people
Speaker 1: and their opinions I think about a lot of time,
Speaker 1: especially because like I'm on the fucking Internet and I'm
Speaker 1: always looking at people's opinions and things, and I think
Speaker 1: at a certain point, when it gets so overwhelming and
Speaker 1: you try to fucking take in everyone's everything all the time,
Speaker 1: you have to just go, Okay, fuck all of this,
Speaker 1: fuck everyone else. I'm gonna sit in quiet and decide
Speaker 1: what I is important to me, and then in my
Speaker 1: own garden, whatever that looks like, whether it's your job,
Speaker 1: or your family, or your friends, or your fucking conversations
Speaker 1: you have with the people just in your life at
Speaker 1: the Best Buy or whatever, how could you best do
Speaker 1: yourself in your own life and not worry about any
Speaker 1: other noise outside of that. It's something I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get better at. I hope all babies are fine. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna wish them prosperity, but I hope they're okay.
Speaker 5: Goes on the line, I'm taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 5: Never be kept goosting his ride who was teaching you
Speaker 5: a cloud of your life, but he's not ready.
Speaker 1: An expert