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Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Get this.

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Speaker 2: I'm coming to over forty cities across the United States,

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Speaker 2: the UK, Europe, and Australia to do this here Therapy

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Speaker 2: Gecko Podcast Live. These shows will involve bringing folks from

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Speaker 2: the audience up on stage to talk to a gecko

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Speaker 2: about whatever they want, just like we do on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: The shows are completely unplanned, completely unpredictable, and they will

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Speaker 2: be a lot of fun. So if you're a fan

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Speaker 2: of the podcast, you should definitely come out. Tickets are

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Speaker 2: available right now at therapy geckotour dot com and you

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Speaker 2: should get them before they are sold out. That's therapy

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Speaker 2: geckotour dot com. We'll put the link in the episode

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Speaker 2: description as well. The live shows are are very fun,

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Speaker 2: they're very geko wee, and I hope to see you there.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: Hello.

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Speaker 1: Hi, Oh is this the gek?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm doing all right? I'm doing all right. My name

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Speaker 3: is Nick. Should just go into what I'm calling about?

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Speaker 1: Sure?

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Speaker 4: All right?

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Speaker 3: So last year I moved in with some good friends

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Speaker 3: of mine from work and we've become pretty close, like

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Speaker 3: we kind of do everything together because we live together.

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Speaker 3: So they're married. It's a man and a woman. They're married.

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Speaker 3: They've had this relationship where like he's okay with her

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Speaker 3: seeing other women because she kind of explorts that, and

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Speaker 3: he's just committed to her. And that's I've always found

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Speaker 3: that interesting. It's never been my thing or anything, but

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Speaker 3: so we we did. We do this thing where we

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Speaker 3: have movie nights and we watch movies for hours and

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Speaker 3: then you know, kind of hang out quotes. So a

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Speaker 3: month ago, we're like watching movies and then he needs

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Speaker 3: for work because we usually say it pretty late, and

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Speaker 3: she's kind of acting weird, and I kinda I'm like, hey,

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Speaker 3: what's up? And she goes, So I've didn't mean to

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Speaker 3: tell you this, but I'm like madly in love with you,

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Speaker 3: and I I'm in love with him too, so I'm

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Speaker 3: kind of exploring in my head like possibly pursuing polyamory.

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Speaker 3: And he didn't know about this. I definitely didn't.

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Speaker 4: Know about this.

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Speaker 3: So and I have this like I has this problem

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Speaker 3: where like when something sprung on me, I kind of

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Speaker 3: immediately react like, oh, it's fine, it's fine, but like

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Speaker 3: obviously I had to process this and I'm really not

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Speaker 3: sure how to go about it because we're all still

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Speaker 3: like friends and live together. But like it's just it's

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Speaker 3: it's put it put me in a weird pas because

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Speaker 3: I'm not interested at all. I never was, and I'm

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Speaker 3: just not sure how to move forward.

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Speaker 1: I guess, okay, do so all right, let me let

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Speaker 1: me get this straight here. So this guy, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: this guy, I think I get it. So this guy,

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Speaker 1: he is dedicated only to this girl, but they have

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Speaker 1: an arrangement where the girl is free to you know,

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Speaker 1: have sex with whoever she wants, or be in a

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Speaker 1: relationship with whoever she wants or anything like that.

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Speaker 3: Women is what they discussed.

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Speaker 1: Oh, strictly women, correct.

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Speaker 3: And so he didn't know about this, and she told

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Speaker 3: me first because she said if she wouldn't if she

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Speaker 3: didn't tell me first, she wouldn't be able to tell

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Speaker 3: me at all. So I was like, okay. So I

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Speaker 3: was worried after the fact, like if she tells him

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Speaker 3: because he's one of my best friends, Like I love

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Speaker 3: this dude to death. And I was like, well, is

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Speaker 3: he gonna like change his opinion of me? Or is

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Speaker 3: he gonna, you know, get mad at me? It's not

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Speaker 3: his character. I didn't expect it, but it was still

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Speaker 3: a thing that I was fearing. And so she told

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Speaker 3: him and he was not hostile towards me at all, thankfully,

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Speaker 3: but like he definitely didn't like hearing that, and it

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Speaker 3: definitely affected his mental health. Like he came to me,

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Speaker 3: and this guy never cries, but he was crying to me.

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Speaker 3: And I'm just in a situation that technically partially not

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Speaker 3: involved in because I'm not interested, but it also is

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Speaker 3: surrounding me, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So in as far as what should you do,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I agree with your sective, but this really

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Speaker 1: kind of has nothing to do with you, right is Uh,

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Speaker 1: you're not going to pursue a relationship with your friend's wife, correct,

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Speaker 1: Your your friend's wife has feelings for you, which is

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Speaker 1: not within your control. It's good that your friend knows

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Speaker 1: about them, and it's good that your friend knows that.

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Speaker 1: It's good that everyone knows that there's not like weird

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Speaker 1: hidden resentments and things right boiling up. But I mean,

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Speaker 1: fuck man, as far as what you do and I

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Speaker 1: don't know, go outside, well it got even weirder.

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Speaker 3: Well because I've been you know, I've been single for

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Speaker 3: a little over a year now, I moved out here

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Speaker 3: single because I was living with my ex, so I

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Speaker 3: needed to get out of that. But I've been like,

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Speaker 3: you know, scrolling through the apps and stuff, and I

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Speaker 3: finally got a match with somebody recently and was supposed

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Speaker 3: to go on a date. And she actually got hurt

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Speaker 3: by that news, so hurt that she had to leave

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Speaker 3: the house and leave her husband alone because it was

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Speaker 3: her or her feelings. And that killed him because like,

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Speaker 3: you're my wife, you know. It's like it's just such

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Speaker 3: a weird thing, and I it's like, that's my business. Though,

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Speaker 3: why are you so affected by it?

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Speaker 1: Like, I don't know, it hurts weird your friend's wife's

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Speaker 1: feelings that you were going on in dates?

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, because she couldn't have me, you know, so

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Speaker 3: it sounds ridiculous and that's that's kind of how But

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Speaker 3: but she still wants to be friends, and like I,

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Speaker 3: I kind of put a pause on that because I

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Speaker 3: needed to process my feelings. But lo and behold, two

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Speaker 3: weeks ago, I got laid off from my job, and

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Speaker 3: they it's almost like, I don't want to say she

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Speaker 3: used that scenario to kind of brush it under the rug,

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Speaker 3: but like she just started talking to me again to

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Speaker 3: console me and stuff, and like I kind of reciprocated

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Speaker 3: it because I am an off to have spot right now,

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Speaker 3: but like I also still need to process very.

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Speaker 1: Feeling. Let me ask you some questions, Uh, do you

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Speaker 1: do you have genuine interest in continuing to have a

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Speaker 1: platonic friendship with this woman?

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Speaker 3: I do, But at the same time, people like she

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Speaker 3: keeps saying how she wants them to go back to normal,

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Speaker 3: and it's like that's not really a possibility because what

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Speaker 3: is normal anyway? But the dynamic is completely changed. Like

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Speaker 3: I can't I can't do or say anything without realizing

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Speaker 3: that it has some heavier weight in her mind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's all legit, that's all legitimate. That's

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Speaker 1: all very legitimate to feel whenever you hang out with

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Speaker 1: do you have like your own kind of independent relationship

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Speaker 1: with her and as well as an independent relationship with

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Speaker 1: the guy?

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Speaker 3: Uh, I'd say that's a fair statement. Yeah, I do.

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Speaker 3: Like we we kind of have our own dynamic when

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Speaker 3: we're all three together, and then when we're individually together,

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Speaker 3: it's like our own other thing. So yeah, there there's

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Speaker 3: there's pieces of every like individual relationship that are unique yet.

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Speaker 1: Dude, when's the last time you all three of you

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Speaker 1: hung out?

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Speaker 5: Uh?

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean technically we lived together, so anytime we're

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Speaker 3: out in the living room, it's like for my uh actually,

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Speaker 3: the last time we actually went out and did something

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Speaker 3: was for my birthday, like the week before all that

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Speaker 3: shit went down. We went out for dinner and stuff.

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Speaker 3: But even then, like, when I think about going out,

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Speaker 3: it's like, when I think about it now, it's like

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Speaker 3: my perspective is just completely rattled and changed, you know, obviously,

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Speaker 3: mm hm.

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Speaker 5: M hm, m hm.

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Speaker 1: Uh is any part of you considering taking a break

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Speaker 1: from hanging out with these people for a while.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, uh yeah, it's just it's kind of hard to

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Speaker 3: uh navigate since I lived with them, and it's like,

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm I'm in my room a lot anyway,

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Speaker 3: I'll say that for sure.

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Speaker 1: So Okay, Well, here's another thing. You're this couple sounds

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Speaker 1: like they got a lot of ship to work out

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Speaker 1: together that ain't got nothing to do with you. So

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Speaker 1: I maybe it could be a good idea to let

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Speaker 1: them work that out, you know, not not not drag

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Speaker 1: you into it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like they have a tendency to do

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Speaker 3: that to include me.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel that way, do you feel like they

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Speaker 1: have some boundaries?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's a malicious thing.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's a malicious doesn't sound like a

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Speaker 1: malicious thing. It sounds like everyone in this situation is confused.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't think. I don't think I've never

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Speaker 3: I've never dealt with polyamory like this, and I've never

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Speaker 3: even been in a situation like this in my life.

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Speaker 1: So I don't think that dragging you into it is

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Speaker 1: a action of malice as much as it is an

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Speaker 1: action of aimlessness and comfort.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm I'm a very good friend of them.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know that at least.

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Speaker 1: So Okay, Well, is is is your continued interaction with

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Speaker 1: them and uh involvement in their conflict bringing you unpleasantness?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Because I have a lot of my own shit

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Speaker 3: going on. Like I said, I just got laid off

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Speaker 3: and I'm trying to, you know, work on myself, and

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Speaker 3: it's kind of hard when I have to worry about

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Speaker 3: two other people as well.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, I don't think it would be such a

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Speaker 1: bad idea then, to uh, well let them figure their

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Speaker 1: own stuff out. Yeah. Yeah, who did you go on

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Speaker 1: the dates.

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Speaker 3: Uh no, it is no, I got you.

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Speaker 1: Didn't even go You didn't even go on the date

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Speaker 1: you made everyone made a whole big fucking deal about

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Speaker 1: it and you didn't even know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was my thing. I stopped at that too.

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Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, well.

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Speaker 1: What's your deal? Are you trying to date more or yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm open to it. Yeah, but I'm also trying to,

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Speaker 3: you know, get my own ship in order as well.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, I just I think I just need

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Speaker 3: some space really mentally and physically.

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Speaker 1: Well, you sound like a nice, handsome guy. I think

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Speaker 1: it'll all work.

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Speaker 3: Out well, ship. Thank you, you're handsome to get go.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Nick, is there anything else you want to say

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Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys are awesome. I might check out your

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Speaker 3: tour or two, so we'll see what's up.

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Speaker 1: Oh sure, I hope to see if the baby all right.

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Speaker 3: Have a good night, Nick Forever.

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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 5: Hello?

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Speaker 3: Is this the jet?

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Speaker 1: Yes? Who is this?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, this is Daniel.

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Speaker 1: Daniel. What's going on?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: You know, just enjoying an extra day off for the holidays.

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Speaker 1: How are you, m Daniel? It says here that you

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Speaker 1: bought a one way ticket to somewhere many many miles

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Speaker 1: away and that worked out for.

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Speaker 3: You, Yeah, punky ear ago, I just kind of well,

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Speaker 3: I quit my job. I sold everything I owned, passed

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Speaker 3: everything I could into a backpack, and moved two thousand

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Speaker 3: miles away to start over. I was definitely very mannic

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Speaker 3: in the middle of that.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, and how long ago did you say?

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Speaker 3: This was about a year ago.

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Speaker 1: And what was it that compelled you to catapult yourself

228
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Speaker 1: so far away?

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Speaker 3: I fucked, I mean ever since the pandemic. It's like

230
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Speaker 3: a license on this ship I was going through. Were

231
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Speaker 3: divorced and my job industry kind of went. Was one

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Speaker 3: of the first to go in COVID. You know, I

233
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:26,880
Speaker 3: was a restaurant manager. So jobst shitty, life got shitty. Uh,

234
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Speaker 3: decided why not and take a chance, leave the South,

235
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Speaker 3: go somewhere better.

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Speaker 1: Mhm. And can I ask where you went?

237
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:37,480
Speaker 3: Seattle?

238
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,880
Speaker 1: You went to Seattle? And uh, why did you pick Seattle?

239
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,840
Speaker 3: It was sound of like I was just a dart

240
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,880
Speaker 3: on the map. Honestly, it didn't really matter.

241
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Speaker 1: And do you know anybody in Seattle at the time?

242
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,520
Speaker 3: No, no, no, not at all.

243
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Speaker 1: Okay, did you have any money.

244
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,600
Speaker 3: I had a lot of thousand dollars from selling my

245
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,280
Speaker 3: shitty car, and yeah, that was about it.

246
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:13,959
Speaker 1: Okay. So apparently it says here that this all kind

247
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 1: of worked out for you. So let's talk about, Well,

248
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,320
Speaker 1: let's talk about when you first got there. I mean,

249
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,360
Speaker 1: what did you do if you only had a thousand dollars?

250
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:27,600
Speaker 1: How did you, you know, rent an apartment or eat

251
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,400
Speaker 1: food or do anything. I assume you went there without.

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00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,920
Speaker 3: A job, all right, So I had a job offer,

253
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,920
Speaker 3: kind of. I planned a whole move in less than

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00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,240
Speaker 3: two weeks, and I was just applying to jobs on indeed,

255
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,880
Speaker 3: like it was just slightly on a datemap of the

256
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,920
Speaker 3: mess got like this really sketchy job offer at a

257
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:49,600
Speaker 3: restaurant for ghost kitchens don't recommend here out of ten

258
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,320
Speaker 3: tried working that, got an apartment with some roommates that

259
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,880
Speaker 3: I didn't know. It was really sketch for a minute,

260
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,000
Speaker 3: like in terms of getting of my life sorted out,

261
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 3: especially because I was very managed when I got here.

262
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 3: I ended up in a psych hospital like two months

263
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,640
Speaker 3: two three months after I got here. It was a

264
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 3: whole thing.

265
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,720
Speaker 1: How did you wind up in a in a psych hospital?

266
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,800
Speaker 1: If you don't mind sharing. I mean any aspect of

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00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:17,640
Speaker 1: this you don't want to but.

268
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 3: No, yeah, no for sure. So I don't know if

269
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,040
Speaker 3: you're familiar with media. Was bipolar disorder, but if you

270
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,160
Speaker 3: if you get too far up, you go into psychosis.

271
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Speaker 3: And I kind of lost my marbles very very legitimately.

272
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Speaker 3: I was like hearing shit scene ship I was. I

273
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,320
Speaker 3: was not sleeping, and then I got like taken to

274
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 3: the er and got admitted to a place and help

275
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,960
Speaker 3: me get back on medication, which is probably the only

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Speaker 3: reason why I'm still able to be functional up here.

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00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,520
Speaker 3: It's then, it's been interesting, mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Was there a certain event or catalyst, you know during

279
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,880
Speaker 1: that two months that kind of sent you over the edge?

280
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,320
Speaker 3: That was during the holidays. You know, I don't have

281
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:10,840
Speaker 3: any contact with my family two thousand miles away. Wondering

282
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 3: if I made the right decision. Just catapulting my life

283
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 3: away that stressful. I mean, most people don't do that,

284
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,400
Speaker 3: you know, without support.

285
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,760
Speaker 1: What was the job that you came there to do.

286
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,120
Speaker 3: I was cooking at the time. I'm not doing that

287
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 3: job anymore, but I was just cooking for a restaurant

288
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,280
Speaker 3: at the time.

289
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,320
Speaker 1: Okay, And how is that treating.

290
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,280
Speaker 3: You that was all right? I mean I didn't like it.

291
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,720
Speaker 3: I mean that's why I quit. Now I have a

292
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,960
Speaker 3: much better job. But it did what it needed to

293
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,000
Speaker 3: do to help me sustain myself for sure.

294
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Speaker 1: Okay, So when you're in the psych hospital, how long

295
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 1: does it take and what are the prerequisites for getting

296
00:16:59,240 --> 00:16:59,840
Speaker 1: out of there?

297
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 5: Like?

298
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,800
Speaker 1: How do how do you? How do how do they

299
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,000
Speaker 1: know when you're like chilled to leave?

300
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,320
Speaker 3: I mean you meet with a doctor every day and

301
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,600
Speaker 3: like a therapist. And I say this all so loosely

302
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 3: because you're really not supervised that much, but you just

303
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,560
Speaker 3: have to meet like a certain criteria which is like

304
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,880
Speaker 3: not a danger to yourself for others not in psychosis,

305
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 3: like stable on medsleeping, eating, you know, a relatively functional

306
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:25,880
Speaker 3: human being.

307
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:27,160
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

308
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:29,560
Speaker 3: I was only there for like a week.

309
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 1: And what did you do when you got out?

310
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 3: I went immediately back to work. Actually well, I mean

311
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:45,000
Speaker 3: I quit a couple of months later, but I started

312
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,840
Speaker 3: realizing I visit sober, so I got sober in that

313
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:54,200
Speaker 3: meantime as well, went into real therapy, started taking care

314
00:17:54,280 --> 00:18:03,160
Speaker 3: of myself, left the toxic ask service industry.

315
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,800
Speaker 1: So you said that this move ultimately worked out for you.

316
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit about what your life is

317
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,399
Speaker 1: like now and how it's better than it was a

318
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:11,920
Speaker 1: year ago.

319
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,359
Speaker 3: I would say I'm a lot more stable in terms of,

320
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,679
Speaker 3: like I'm not freaking out all the time, not chasing

321
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 3: the super highs and lows of life. Stable housing. I've

322
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,080
Speaker 3: never lived in a place longer than six months, and

323
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:28,639
Speaker 3: I've been here a year, in the same apartment, starting

324
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 3: to have a support group of friends. It's weird, you know,

325
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 3: Like I had so many people where I was before

326
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 3: I lost my shit in the old place I was,

327
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 3: and I didn't really I took it all for granted.

328
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 3: And now I'm like actually making an effort to be

329
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 3: a better person and like be there for people around

330
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,879
Speaker 3: me and not be a drunk piece of shit all

331
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:55,080
Speaker 3: the time, on top of not taking my medication. Stably employed,

332
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,680
Speaker 3: which is weird and different. Work a weird job by

333
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,160
Speaker 3: comparison to what I've ever done, But it's fun.

334
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 1: What do you do now?

335
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,880
Speaker 3: I make candles?

336
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:14,240
Speaker 1: You make candle maker? That very very relaxing, very relaxing.

337
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:16,640
Speaker 1: How did you get into candles?

338
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 3: Yeah? One of my roommates at the time was working

339
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 3: for the candle place and they realized do you want

340
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 3: to you want to make candles? And I was like, yeah,

341
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 3: that sounds great and it's super super fun. It's interesting,

342
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 3: it's relaxing when it, you know, I can be even

343
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 3: there's a lot to do, and there's a lot to

344
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 3: do in the making candles. Are you don't really think about it?

345
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 3: M hm?

346
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 1: And do you have friends in Seattle? Now?

347
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,160
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I have mostly the people that I've met

348
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 3: through recovery groups since I got sober, and I put

349
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,199
Speaker 3: a lot of effort into doing all that stuff to

350
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 3: help other people in recovery.

351
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So these friends that you've met through the

352
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 1: recovery groups, so I'm curious and I guess, like what,

353
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 1: what do their stories usually sound like? Do they sound

354
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 1: similar to yours? Did they move to a place far away?

355
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 1: And did they have like similar home lives to you?

356
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,199
Speaker 3: I mean yes? And now, you know, it's interesting when

357
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 3: you hear people's stories because you know, a lot of

358
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,439
Speaker 3: it's different, a lot of it's the same. It all

359
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,879
Speaker 3: kind of has the same general timeline. I don't know.

360
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,719
Speaker 3: You know, if you hang around enough people that are

361
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 3: at it, some alcoholics, you're going to hear your story

362
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 3: like everyone thinks they're so different when they come in,

363
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 3: you know, and we're all the same, you know, there's

364
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 3: a little differences here and there, but everyone's it's all

365
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 3: similar as plenty of people that have you know, fucked

366
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 3: off across the country of the world, or than just

367
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 3: as chaotic as I have in different ways.

368
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:59,360
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm hmm. Yeah. I feel like that's good though, right.

369
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 1: I mean, you I'm in thinking that your situation is unique,

370
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 1: and the once you learn it's not, I feel like

371
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: that makes you feel a little bit better, does it not?

372
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 5: It?

373
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 3: Can it? Can it?

374
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 4: Also?

375
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,119
Speaker 3: You know, I feel like a lot of people at

376
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 3: least I wouldn't seek for me at least. I I'm

377
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 3: so like, I'm so special and unique, and this is

378
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 3: why I'm messed up, and that's why I can't be fished.

379
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,199
Speaker 3: And then you meet like ten plus people with the

380
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,880
Speaker 3: same situation. You're like, well, now I have no excuse?

381
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,919
Speaker 3: What the hell? Which is good and bad? You have

382
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,400
Speaker 3: the accountability, right.

383
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,400
Speaker 1: I guess I guess I feel like there is Yeah, sure,

384
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying by being like, oh, you know,

385
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: I have no excuse, But that also can be kind

386
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: of a good thing. You know, you see somebody who

387
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 1: adult is something that you dealt with and now you

388
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 1: feel as though, Okay, well, I guess if this person

389
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: was able to overcome the obstacles, then so can I.

390
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 1: And it's good that it's been a friend group for you.

391
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

392
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've met a lot of people that I did

393
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 3: along with very well and I can just be myself

394
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,119
Speaker 3: and it's something that I'm not used to.

395
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,199
Speaker 1: You know, so you said you're not used to it

396
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,679
Speaker 1: is this? Is this one of the first times in

397
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,160
Speaker 1: your life where you have had a solid group of friends.

398
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. I mean I was married for a while

399
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 3: and pretty isolated from everyone, and my marriage wasn't great.

400
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 3: My family life was not great either, and I didn't

401
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,159
Speaker 3: really made a lot of effort to meet people, and

402
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 3: the friends that I did have it was pretty toxic

403
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 3: between both my end and their end. Yeah, this is

404
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 3: I would say, like the first time that I've ever

405
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 3: felt quite comfortably okay with the people in my life

406
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 3: and happy with that.

407
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 1: That's great. Have you spoken to your family at all

408
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,479
Speaker 1: or are they completely out of the picture.

409
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 3: You know, my dad has called a handful of times

410
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 3: in the last few months, but other than that, no,

411
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 3: I don't always speak to anyone in my family and

412
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 3: that's all right with me.

413
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: Mmm, you say that's all right with you? Is that

414
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,440
Speaker 1: something is becoming alright with that something that was kind

415
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 1: of like a process for you.

416
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 3: Yes, and no. I mean my relationship with my family

417
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 3: has never been amazing. It's kind of hard to be

418
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 3: no or a little contact with your family, even if

419
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,199
Speaker 3: you had a bad family life, I guess from what

420
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 3: I've noticed with other people too, because I mean, you

421
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,199
Speaker 3: have that idea of what you wish your family was,

422
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 3: and like, that's what I feel like I clean onto

423
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 3: the most when I'm upset. It's like not that, it's

424
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 3: the idea of what I wish it was, And just

425
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 3: making that distinction.

426
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: Helps, right, And you can get lost in that with

427
00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,080
Speaker 1: anything with the idea of how life was, with the

428
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: idea of how you wish you know your job was,

429
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: or the idea of how you wish your friends were.

430
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,360
Speaker 1: It's like you can you can really spend a lot

431
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: of time stacking trying to stack reality against expectations, and uh,

432
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: reality will almost always lose. Yeah, yeah, h But the

433
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: one thing that reality does have over expectations is that

434
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: it is real. Yeah, In the name. What's next for you?

435
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: Do you have a strong desires for your life outside

436
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 1: of building candles or do you live day by day

437
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 1: hanging out.

438
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 3: I'd say it's a little bit of both. I mean,

439
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to get through the day, obviously, but

440
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 3: I have plans to hopefully go to college at some point.

441
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 3: But I did it and with them in a health field.

442
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 3: Short term, buy a fucking car. I haven't had a

443
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 3: car since i've here and.

444
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: That sucks, But.

445
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 3: A little bit both take it day by day, try

446
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 3: to make things better. It's kind of hard to find

447
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 3: a direction in your mid twenties, you know, when you

448
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 3: haven't had one, and then you like, you like gaining

449
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 3: sentience and you're like, oh shit, have to actually make

450
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 3: a life h whole thing.

451
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: Well, you know, well you don't have to. You you

452
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 1: do not have to do you totally well, you totally

453
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 1: could have. You know, you don't have to do anything.

454
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 1: You totally could have just continued to drink every day

455
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: and sit around and not do anything.

456
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 3: That's fair, but you didn't.

457
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 1: But you decided you wanted to build a life. This

458
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: is pretty cool. You have to do that. I totally

459
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: could have just drunkenly wandered the streets forever, and I

460
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,360
Speaker 1: would I and I wouldn't have blamed you for that.

461
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,640
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have blamed you for that. That sounds fun.

462
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: It's kind of.

463
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 3: No, I did you walk around downtown seattles when you

464
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 3: were here at all? Like it's not like it's not it?

465
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 1: Oh no, I mean no, it's fun until some bad happens.

466
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 1: But until I mean the just the experience, you know

467
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.

468
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's uh. I mean, I'm definitely like a

469
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 3: wander West person. They urged to like just like live

470
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 3: nomadically and ship and do that. It's great, but the

471
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 3: world isn't built for that unfortunately, for long term sustainably.

472
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,439
Speaker 1: Daniel, is there anything else you want to say to

473
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we.

474
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 3: Go have a have a good night. Hope everyone got

475
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 3: through the holidays all right, and it can be a

476
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 3: tough time for a lot of people.

477
00:26:53,800 --> 00:27:00,919
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, uh, take care man, appreciate your sharing. By Daniel.

478
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: I like Daniel. Oh fuck, I forgot. I wanted to

479
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 1: ask a more candle related questions, such as what his

480
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 1: favorite candle is or what candle takes the most time

481
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 1: to make I feel like certain candles probably take longer

482
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: to make than others, like uh, like chat names some candles?

483
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 1: What are different kinds of candles? Like lavender? Like, lavender

484
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: probably takes a lot longer to make than tea because

485
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: tea is everywhere. But how do you get lavender? If

486
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 1: somebody put a gun into my head and was like,

487
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: you have twenty four hours to secure some lavender, they'd

488
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,360
Speaker 1: have to shoot me in the face. So I don't

489
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,120
Speaker 1: know where. I don't know where I would get it.

490
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: But yet these candle companies produce hundreds of thousands of

491
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 1: lavender candles every year. Where are they getting all this

492
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 1: lavender from?

493
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 3: Uh?

494
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, Hello, Hello, Hi?

495
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: Who is this?

496
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 5: This is Grace?

497
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: Hi, Grace. How can I What's what's going on?

498
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 5: Nothing too specific? I must stay at home mom, So

499
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 5: I guess if he has like any interesting topics for there?

500
00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: Okay, what are you at home with your kids right now?

501
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, he's he's uh, he just turned one a

502
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 5: few days ago.

503
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: Oh really, how has it been being a mother? Well?

504
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 5: This is my second time around, and the first time

505
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 5: I was fifteen and the second time. I'm twenty two,

506
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 5: so it's really different.

507
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: You were fifteen when you had your first kid. Yeah,

508
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 1: what was that experience? Like that must have been extremely difficult.

509
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 2: It was.

510
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 4: Home life was a lot harder than school.

511
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 5: I mean, you know, kids are like, look at that

512
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 5: pregnant chick here in high school.

513
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, but ultimately.

514
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 5: It was like what was going down like at home

515
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 5: that made it I think, you know all the more

516
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 5: uh uh complicated?

517
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: Are you okay? I was talking about what was going

518
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: on at home?

519
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 5: Oh yeah?

520
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: What was going on?

521
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, Well, during uh the time that I got pregnant,

522
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 5: my mom and my stepdad at the same time, uh

523
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 5: broke up, and my mom, me and my brothers moved

524
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 5: in with my boyfriend's mom, who I mean, my mom

525
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 5: only knew her for during you know, the little times

526
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 5: that teenagers bring their boyfriends over or whatever.

527
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:55,479
Speaker 4: You know.

528
00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 5: And during that time, my mom was also struggling with

529
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 5: pill addictions, so she was in and out, and my

530
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 5: dad was going through it and kind of went I

531
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 5: don't know, like he just like disappeared and lived in

532
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:17,479
Speaker 5: the woods for a while.

533
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: So when you had this kid at fifteen, who was

534
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: helping you?

535
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 5: It was I mean, I had my boyfriend at the time,

536
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 5: and I was living with his mom, and while my

537
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 5: parents were going through the waves of going through a

538
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 5: breakup of I don't know, like fucking ten years, my

539
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 5: boyfriend's mom was taking care of me and the boys.

540
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 1: Okay, so your boyfriend's mom was helping you take care

541
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: of and your boyfriend, I assume was the was the

542
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 1: father of the kid.

543
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 5: Of the first one. We ended up having a falling

544
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 5: out and and I went into the dating world after

545
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 5: being in a ten year relationship with a guy that

546
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 5: I dated in high school and uh, surprise, surprise, I

547
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 5: got knocked up again.

548
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: So and now is your current boyfriend helping you with

549
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 1: this kid?

550
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, he's very different from my first relationship. He uh,

551
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 5: and it's it's definitely like because I was fifteen, it's

552
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 5: a lot of me and him doing things, me and

553
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 5: my current partner. And when I was younger, like I

554
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 5: just I guess I just didn't realize how much like

555
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 5: his mom really did to help with my first kid.

556
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 1: Right, And so your you're the father of the first kid.

557
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: Is he still around helping out with the first kid?

558
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: He's still in the first kid's life.

559
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 5: He's still in the first kid's life, but we had

560
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 5: quite the dramatic fallout. He was undiagnosed by polar when

561
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 5: we were together, and so we had not the healthiest

562
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 5: of relationships because of his uh how angry he'd get.

563
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 5: And then you know, when someone's yelling at you, you

564
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 5: might say something mean back or whatever. You know. So

565
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 5: once we broke up, I think I was a trigger

566
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 5: for him, and he had tried to commit suicide after

567
00:33:54,400 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 5: after I officially like said that we were done, he

568
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 5: commit tried to commit suicide and whenever I'd come around

569
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,719
Speaker 5: once he got back from the hospital, I was like

570
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 5: a trigger for him. So he just doesn't really talk

571
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 5: to me. But he's still a part of my first

572
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 5: kids relation, like law life, Like she's week one week off,

573
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 5: but like he doesn't want to be friends with me,

574
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 5: mm hmm, but.

575
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:35,879
Speaker 1: He's still in the kid's life. Yeah, okay, And how

576
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: old is your first kid? Now?

577
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,760
Speaker 4: I don't want to do she's nine years old?

578
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 1: Nine years old? Okay, Now, how does how what's her

579
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,240
Speaker 1: relationship like with the baby? How does she feel about

580
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 1: having a baby, a baby sibling?

581
00:34:55,480 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 5: She was excited, but she he also going through like

582
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 5: the emotions of not being the only kid in the

583
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 5: house anymore. And her dad actually had a kid with

584
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 5: another woman before I had a kid, so she kind

585
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 5: of like already had that.

586
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: Kind of So so you're okay, So when you were fifteen,

587
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 1: you had a kid with this guy? Was the guy

588
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: also fifteen?

589
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, we actually coincidentally had the same exact birthday, did

590
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 5: so he was.

591
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 1: Like and and when he was by the time he

592
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: was fifteen, he had already had a kid with somebody else.

593
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:51,280
Speaker 5: No, no, he he we had our first kid together.

594
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 5: And then when we broke up shortly after or he

595
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,359
Speaker 5: started dating some his current woman and then they had

596
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 5: a kid, okay, and then a.

597
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 4: Little bit after that I ended up.

598
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:06,399
Speaker 5: Having a kid.

599
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: All right, So she has two half siblings. Yes, okay,

600
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:19,240
Speaker 1: by the way, how's your baby doing. They've been present

601
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 1: on this call, and I don't know if you're changing

602
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 1: a diaper with one hand and talking on the phone

603
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: with the other.

604
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 5: No, he's in my arms. I'm just walking around in

605
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 5: a circle and he's waving his hand and he just

606
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 5: likes to be a.

607
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 4: Part of the scene.

608
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 5: He's a pretty happy kid, just a little needy, you know,

609
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 5: classic baby.

610
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,720
Speaker 1: I assume that I mean it's you're twenty two.

611
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:51,240
Speaker 5: Now I'm actually twenty five and now, so he's actually

612
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 5: he just turned one, So I got I got pregnant

613
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 5: at twenty four and then had him, or maybe I

614
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 5: had I actually had him at twenty foo and got

615
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 5: pregnant at twenty three.

616
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: Okay, I think you said you got pregnant at twenty two.

617
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, twenty three is when, because he's a year now,

618
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 5: so and I turned twenty five, not long ago like

619
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 5: last so I think I think it was like twenty

620
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 5: three is when I got pregnant with him.

621
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: So how is being a mother at twenty five different

622
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: than it was ten years ago? At fifteen?

623
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 5: It's a lot more like like independent, like you when

624
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 5: you're like stay at home mom. I mean, it's a

625
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 5: lot of just like this person depending on you, this

626
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 5: little being. And when I was fifteen, I mean, Luna

627
00:37:55,600 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 5: was like a classic baby, but she was a big grandma's.

628
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 4: Girl like she it's like his mom would take dinner for.

629
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 5: Us, you know, or like play on the meals and

630
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 5: do the shopping. And if Luna was having a rough

631
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 5: time sleeping, like she'd just she'd just come into the

632
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 5: room and take her and try to put her to

633
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 5: sleep while me and her son tried to catch some

634
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 5: more disease. You know, like it was like this selfless

635
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 5: like a woman that really, I guess just really helps

636
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 5: try to make it not terribly overwhelming.

637
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 1: Tell me real quick about, like, you know, outside of

638
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: being a mom, what is your life like, Like, do

639
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: you work, do you have dreams? Do you what do

640
00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 1: you what is your life like outside of being a mom?

641
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 4: Or I got pregnant with my newest kid.

642
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 5: I was in college, and I want to I want

643
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 5: to be a teacher for little ones, mainly just as

644
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 5: I guess of me feeling like kids, you know, need

645
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 5: that person that listens or whatever. But I like, currently

646
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 5: I just stay at home and I'm doing whatever, uh

647
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 5: my newest son needs, And I mean trying to find

648
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 5: fun things to do. Like a lot of the time

649
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 5: I passed time by just showing up at a state

650
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 5: sales and garage sales and talking to a bunch of people.

651
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: You passed the time by going to.

652
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean I'll always end up finding something too,

653
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 5: But I mean it's a lot of fun just going

654
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 5: to estate sales and asking the people that are running it,

655
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 5: like who lived here? Or just hearing like stories about

656
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 5: the person who lives there and or just talking to

657
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 5: some random person there. Like it's it's like one of

658
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 5: the little creative ways that I've found connection without.

659
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 4: Having to like.

660
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 5: Go out to like big events or something.

661
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: So you go to these estates try to make friends,

662
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: you know, with no intention of buying anything, but just

663
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,879
Speaker 1: to talk to people and learn about the estate and

664
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: make connections.

665
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:55,280
Speaker 5: I know they're definitely to buy stuff too, but I'm

666
00:40:56,239 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 5: I am eager to hear about like I guess just

667
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 5: talking to other people.

668
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: Okay, Like on top of.

669
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 5: Looking around and finding stuff, there's a lot of fun

670
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 5: conversations that just happen because people like they love talking

671
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 5: to babies, so they just come up and they'll just

672
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 5: start talking to my son and they'll be like you

673
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 5: know when someone's talking to a baby or kind of

674
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 5: talking to you too, So then you just start a

675
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 5: conversation from there. And then I'm like standing there for

676
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 5: thirty minutes or an hour just like talking to this person.

677
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: And this has been a way for you to connect

678
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:33,760
Speaker 1: with other people.

679
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like a little less pressure, you know.

680
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 1: Uh huh, can I answer your question?

681
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:44,959
Speaker 5: Yeah?

682
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you lonely at all, Like do you

683
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 1: do you have like friends that you have to talk

684
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 1: to and stuff.

685
00:41:55,840 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 5: I'm definitely, I'm definitely like there is is that loneliness,

686
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 5: you know, Like it's different when you have that buddy

687
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 5: that you can call and just come hang out with

688
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 5: you for three hours just sitting and watching your son

689
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 5: play with the same toy, you know, and you guys

690
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 5: just like sitting and talking and like there's definitely like

691
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 5: that connection. There's there's a lot of it's hard to

692
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 5: have friends with people that don't have kids are kind

693
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:37,280
Speaker 5: of like are I almost want to say, kids prove

694
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 5: like they're prepared to just kind of a molestly do

695
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 5: something for the same like over and over again, or

696
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,919
Speaker 5: like go to a park and be hell aboard with

697
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 5: your buddy and have fun and chill out, you know.

698
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 4: But I just go to.

699
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 5: Places and then have conversations. It's just I don't have

700
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 5: to continue to have conversations with them afterwards. I get

701
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:08,800
Speaker 5: my bucket filled of socializing.

702
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: How's your relationship with the father, Like what does is

703
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: he kind of at work all day? What's your relationship

704
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: like with him?

705
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:26,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's the bread winner, so he goes to work

706
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,799
Speaker 5: and he'll come back. And when he's home, I mean

707
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 5: immediately I'm like.

708
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 4: Really excited to have another grown up with me.

709
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 5: So yeah, I mean our relationships it's pretty good. It's

710
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 5: you know, every relationship is discovering the quirks and things

711
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 5: with another person. And I guess just getting through it

712
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 5: or learning to be not frustrated by the factor. You know, But.

713
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 1: What are your like looking to the future, what what

714
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: do you hope?

715
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 5: I I want to obviously finish college because I've been

716
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 5: pursuing it since I was in school, like since I

717
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 5: graduated high school. And I mean whether that's just because

718
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 5: I actually want to be a teacher or not, because

719
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 5: like you know, as you go through life, you're like,

720
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 5: well maybe I want to be this, or maybe I

721
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 5: want to be that. I just feel like I spent

722
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 5: so much time in that I I want my prize,

723
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:53,439
Speaker 5: I want my I want my associates. So there's that,

724
00:44:54,120 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 5: and then I guess just I don't know, classic living

725
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 5: life in the way that I can whatever makes me

726
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 5: happy in the moment.

727
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: Okay, I wanted to ask you this, in in this

728
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:16,840
Speaker 1: moment of your life, do you feel happy?

729
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 5: I I mean that's a that's a that's a tough question.

730
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 5: Sometimes I feel great and sometimes you know, depression and

731
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 5: postpartum they're they're both really right in it, and it's

732
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 5: just like it's.

733
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 4: Hard to see all those good things and feel all

734
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 4: those good things.

735
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 5: So, I mean, I think as a parent, like a

736
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 5: parent life, I'm happy, but individually, I I've I'm depressed.

737
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 5: I'm I could I could use some friendship probably m

738
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 5: hm hm hm, you know a partners with friends, but like.

739
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 4: You're what the motherfucker all the time?

740
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 5: You know?

741
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I guess I can see why. It's you know,

742
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,879
Speaker 1: an attractive thing to like, you know, go to these

743
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: like estate sales or garage sales and just like you

744
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: can bring the kid, and the kid gets to talk

745
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: to people, and you get to talk to people and

746
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: it kind of gets you out of the house and

747
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: works for you.

748
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's almost always like a good conversation because

749
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 5: I mean, you have a baby, you have this person

750
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 5: that kind of brings up those positive feelings and all that,

751
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:57,919
Speaker 5: you know, so it's it's it's almost guaranteed of a

752
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 5: good conversation, whether or not I can feel the flow.

753
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,840
Speaker 4: Of it and have a good conversation is different.

754
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 5: But like baby people with babies usually like people coming

755
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 5: in to have a conversation, they're they're positive.

756
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this like you know, depression and loneliness. That

757
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: sounds like it kind of ebbs and flows as do

758
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 1: you know it does with a lot of you know,

759
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 1: I mean, all all people experience the stuff and in

760
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: an ebb and flow way. Looking to the future. Yeah,

761
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 1: you know, you're you're still very young. Are you hopeful

762
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: for the future.

763
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 5: I am. I'm pretty hopeful. Like there's things that stress

764
00:47:54,280 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 5: me out, like along with being a parent, I kind

765
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 5: of like breaking I don't know if it's the right word,

766
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 5: like breaking the fourth wall. Like I just kind of

767
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 5: like the world is a lot bigger than just my house,

768
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 5: just my living room, just what I'm teaching my kids

769
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 5: in my home, Like, and I.

770
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 4: Get stressed out about the big world.

771
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 5: There's so many opinions, there's so many there's so much hate,

772
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 5: you know, But like I think it gives me hope

773
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 5: hearing my daughter say something that is like loving and

774
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 5: non judgmental, and it's like I think I'm doing my

775
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 5: part in what makes me feel like I'm making a change.

776
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 5: The people that are leaving my house are going to

777
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 5: be loving and accepting, and I'm I'm gonna chase my

778
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 5: dreams of whatever being a teacher. Maybe I want I

779
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 5: want to release a book someday, you know, I'm so

780
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 5: maybe release in a book at some point.

781
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:09,320
Speaker 1: But you know, you're you're you're talking about this big

782
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,239
Speaker 1: world that's scary with all the people who are you know,

783
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,879
Speaker 1: kind of negative or have these opinions and whatnot. That's

784
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,400
Speaker 1: something I've been thinking about a lot. And it's like,

785
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 1: I think the best thing you can do and at

786
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 1: least this is what works for me to kind of

787
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 1: combat the anxiety of of of trying to take in

788
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 1: the entire world is doing the best you can to

789
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 1: create your own world and to make it in your

790
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 1: own design. And you can do that, you know, And

791
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,359
Speaker 1: and that's kind of what you do when you have

792
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 1: a kid, is you have this opportunity to, you know,

793
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: take kind of the things that in the philosophies that

794
00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: you don't feel good about in the worlds and combat

795
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,880
Speaker 1: them with you know, philosophies that you do feel good about.

796
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:07,279
Speaker 1: You know how you were saying that it makes you

797
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 1: feel really good when your daughter is saying positive things. So, like,

798
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 1: you know, you have the opportunity and however small a scale,

799
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: your universe is like literally, if your universe just consists

800
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 1: of you and your kids, and that's it, and that's

801
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: your garden to water, you know, that's that's your little

802
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:36,399
Speaker 1: part of the world that you can influence and uh

803
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:44,600
Speaker 1: make however you you desire. I mean, you can't you know,

804
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 1: control your kids' lives and shing like that, but you

805
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:48,399
Speaker 1: can positively influence them in the way that you feel

806
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:54,359
Speaker 1: as though you should be. And I feel like just

807
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:58,800
Speaker 1: focusing on doing that the best that you can, uh

808
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 1: fades away way all of the things about the outside

809
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 1: world that can be stressful, and you're just focusing on

810
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: your own. Yeah, and that's the best you can do.

811
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's true. That's true. I guess, I guess

812
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 5: I don't really think. I mean it's true. Like I

813
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,720
Speaker 5: have my two kids and that is like my little

814
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 5: world and whatever I put into it is it's kind

815
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 5: of like what is a reality in it? Yeah, or

816
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 5: a motivator?

817
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:47,840
Speaker 1: What is your name again, Gracie, Gracie, Gracie, thanks for

818
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 1: sharing all this stuff. This is this is interesting and

819
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:58,320
Speaker 1: I I wish you good luck in cultivating a good

820
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: environment for you, yourself and your kids. It seems like

821
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,799
Speaker 1: you're really out there doing the best you can for

822
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: yourself and them.

823
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 5: You know, I do what I can. You know, nobody's perfect,

824
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 5: but you know, we're all just we're all just pushing

825
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,360
Speaker 5: towards something. You know, I don't know what it is,

826
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,720
Speaker 5: but we all just want to be happy.

827
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 1: Gracie, is there anything else you want to say to

828
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?

829
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:38,839
Speaker 5: Just uh, you know, just just.

830
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 4: Take it day by day.

831
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 5: People, just take it day by day. We got this.

832
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling, Gracie.

833
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 5: Thank you.

834
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 1: You know. I hate babies a lot. I really don't

835
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: like them, but I liked her, and by extension, I

836
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: guess that means I like her baby. It's hard. You

837
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 1: can't really like a baby because they are. They possess

838
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:14,799
Speaker 1: no traits really, you know, like when you decide whether

839
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: or not you do or don't like a person, it's

840
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 1: usually based off of traits that they possess that can

841
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 1: be positive or negative. But babies they just are, I mean,

842
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,240
Speaker 1: they suck. Also, by the way, if you were judging

843
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 1: a baby on the same standard that you were judging

844
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,120
Speaker 1: a person, and a person was crying and screaming all

845
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 1: the time. You might not like that person, but we

846
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:34,760
Speaker 1: give babies the benefit of the doubt because they're babies,

847
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 1: which is a good thing we should give. We should

848
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 1: give babies the benefit of the doubt. I liked the

849
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:45,400
Speaker 1: thing that Gracie said where She's like, I get anxious

850
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,720
Speaker 1: about all the everything in the world and the people

851
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:49,520
Speaker 1: and their opinions I think about a lot of time,

852
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:51,920
Speaker 1: especially because like I'm on the fucking Internet and I'm

853
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:55,879
Speaker 1: always looking at people's opinions and things, and I think

854
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 1: at a certain point, when it gets so overwhelming and

855
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 1: you try to fucking take in everyone's everything all the time,

856
00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: you have to just go, Okay, fuck all of this,

857
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: fuck everyone else. I'm gonna sit in quiet and decide

858
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 1: what I is important to me, and then in my

859
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: own garden, whatever that looks like, whether it's your job,

860
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 1: or your family, or your friends, or your fucking conversations

861
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:26,839
Speaker 1: you have with the people just in your life at

862
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:33,319
Speaker 1: the Best Buy or whatever, how could you best do

863
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 1: yourself in your own life and not worry about any

864
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: other noise outside of that. It's something I'm trying to

865
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 1: get better at. I hope all babies are fine. I'm

866
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 1: not gonna wish them prosperity, but I hope they're okay.

867
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 5: Goes on the line, I'm taking your phone calls every night.

868
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:05,320
Speaker 5: Never be kept goosting his ride who was teaching you

869
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 5: a cloud of your life, but he's not ready.

870
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 1: An expert