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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. I think

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Speaker 1: that D's love languages are a great starting point for

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Speaker 1: us to connect more deeply with our loved ones, including

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Speaker 1: your friends, family, people you care about, but also with yourself.

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Speaker 1: I think that once we dive deeper into this conversation,

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Speaker 1: we can explore what does it mean, what does it

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Speaker 1: look like for you to show up and give yourself

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Speaker 1: the love that you may be seeking or the love

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Speaker 1: that you may desire. Today's episode is sure to provide

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Speaker 1: you with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. If you

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Speaker 1: have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode,

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Speaker 1: please leave us a review to let us know we're

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Speaker 1: on the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday,

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Speaker 1: so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace

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Speaker 1: dot com to access our exclusive after show and other

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Speaker 1: bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you.

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Speaker 3: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 2: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please

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Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 1: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 1: black women can just.

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Speaker 2: Be Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 2: her Space podcast? Are you currently a resident of the

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Speaker 2: state of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

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Speaker 2: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

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Speaker 2: Brussard dot com.

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Speaker 4: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 4: U E B r ou Ssard dot com to schedule

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Speaker 4: a free fifteen minute consultation.

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Speaker 2: I look forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 2: Our quote of the day comes from one of my favorites,

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Speaker 2: Zora Neil Hurston. Love makes your soul crawl out from

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Speaker 2: its hiding space. I'm gonna say that one more time

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Speaker 2: for the people in the back. Love makes your soul

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Speaker 2: crawl out from its hiding space.

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 3: T you know how we do this?

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Speaker 2: Girl?

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Speaker 1: I do, But I don't even have any words. I

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Speaker 1: know you're about to ask me what does this mean

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Speaker 1: to me? Or what do I think about the quote?

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Speaker 1: But I don't know. I feel like it's self explanatory.

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Speaker 1: I feel like when I hear you say that, it

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Speaker 1: gives me feelings and not necessarily words. So same, I

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Speaker 1: guess maybe it does geld be words because what comes

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Speaker 1: to mind for me, it's just like excitement, bliss, smiles, happiness, love,

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Speaker 1: good energy, yes, all those things.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I felt a when I first came

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Speaker 2: across the quote. I felt a peace, like felt at peace,

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Speaker 2: and I felt this like settling in my gut right

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Speaker 2: of like like like my soul said, yes, like that

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Speaker 2: that is exactly what love is because if it's if

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Speaker 2: love is making your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

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Speaker 2: To me, now I'm getting the words to me. To me,

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Speaker 2: what that.

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Speaker 3: Means is.

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Speaker 2: Love is creating that space where you feel seen, where

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Speaker 2: you feel.

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Speaker 3: Heard, where you belong, where.

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Speaker 2: Where you feel loved, like literally, like the love is

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Speaker 2: there right where you feel like you can show all

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Speaker 2: of the parts of yourself and love is like yes,

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Speaker 2: come on, I'm ready for it, Bring it on.

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Speaker 1: Yes girl. Okay, So now the words like you said,

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Speaker 1: the words a flow and it comes. So another thing

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Speaker 1: that came up for me, dom as you were sharing

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Speaker 1: that is I think what you said that. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: looking at the quote again, what do the fo'ks say?

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Speaker 1: Love makes You're so croud of his hiding space we

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Speaker 1: live in. This world can be tough, right, This world

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Speaker 1: can be tough, and I think sometimes we walk into

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Speaker 1: the world guarded and protected, and so there may be

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Speaker 1: aspects of yourself that are hidden. But when you read

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Speaker 1: the quote and as you begin to explain it more

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Speaker 1: and what it means to you, it made me think

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Speaker 1: about safety. And there's nothing like being in a space

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Speaker 1: with someone one where you feel safe and secure and

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Speaker 1: you can let your flaws out. You can just really

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Speaker 1: be yourself and not have to worry about judgment or yeah,

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Speaker 1: like judgment or criticism. It's just like it's safe for

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Speaker 1: you to just be you. And that is a beautiful

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Speaker 1: thing that everyone deserves, lady, including you, because and so, lady,

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Speaker 1: you may you may have heard of the book, I

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Speaker 1: think many people of us, many people of us, child's

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Speaker 1: been a long day. Many of us have heard of

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Speaker 1: the popular book The Five Love Languages right by Gary Chapman,

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Speaker 1: doctor Gary Chapman. And these love languages are concepts created

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Speaker 1: by doctor Chapman through his long time work as a

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Speaker 1: marriage counselor. And I don't know about you, don but

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Speaker 1: I think that these love languages are a great starting

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Speaker 1: point for us to connect more deeply with our loved ones,

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Speaker 1: including your friends, family, people you care about, but also

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Speaker 1: with yourself. You know. I think that once we dive

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Speaker 1: deeper into this conversation, we can floor what does it mean,

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Speaker 1: what does it look like for you to show up

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Speaker 1: and give yourself the love that you may be seeking

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Speaker 1: or the love that you may desire, And so I

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Speaker 1: think that that's something that we can dive into today. Lady.

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Speaker 1: I do want to emphasize that as we chat about

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Speaker 1: this today, we are not coming here as experts. We're

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Speaker 1: coming here as experts of our own experience, and so

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Speaker 1: we're not really gonna talk a lot about doctor Chapman's work,

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Speaker 1: but more so our personal experiences. What Dom and I

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Speaker 1: have learned from taking the quiz, what Dom and I

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Speaker 1: have learned from possibly maybe we'll dive into, you know,

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Speaker 1: what has been like being in these streets on you know,

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Speaker 1: wherever we've been in our journey over the past you know,

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Speaker 1: teen years, and just how it's shown up. So let's

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Speaker 1: dive into what the love languages are Dom, so that

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Speaker 1: we can let people know if they don't know, all right.

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Speaker 2: So, lady, if you are not familiar with what the

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Speaker 2: love languages are, so you can go you can actually

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Speaker 2: go to the number five love languages dot com and

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Speaker 2: take the quiz, and what you will find is that

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Speaker 2: the five love languages, according to doctor Chapman, acts of service,

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Speaker 2: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. Now,

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Speaker 2: I know that there are other scholars and other mental

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Speaker 2: health professionals who have said that there are more love

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Speaker 2: languages than just those five, and that it's more nuanced

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Speaker 2: than that. And I would agree that there are lots

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Speaker 2: of ways in which we express and receive love. But

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Speaker 2: I think that these five are, like you mentioned before, Terry,

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Speaker 2: a starting point to understanding yourself in relationship with yourself

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Speaker 2: and others. And so I'm gonna read them one more

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Speaker 2: time and we're gonna dive. We're going to dive into

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Speaker 2: them acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation,

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Speaker 2: and physical touch. All right, Now, see you took the

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Speaker 2: quiz I did. Shall we tell the people what our

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Speaker 2: love languages are?

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Speaker 1: I mean, it feels a little personal. No, I'm explaining it.

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Speaker 1: We can tell them, We could tell people, I can

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Speaker 1: go first of you want you know what, DOMA. I

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Speaker 1: took this years ago, and I do believe that mind changed,

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Speaker 1: Like when I'm looking at it now, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I think that this's changed. So I think that's really interesting. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so my primary love language based on the quiz that

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Speaker 1: was very challenging to complete, by the way, because I

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Speaker 1: felt like as I was taking it. So basically, lady,

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Speaker 1: if you haven't taken the quiz, it'll give you two options, right,

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Speaker 1: and you choose for each question, you choose one of

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Speaker 1: the options, and I for most of the options, I

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Speaker 1: was like, both, I'm on boat, but I did my

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Speaker 1: best life it's the one that I preferred. So it

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Speaker 1: says my primary love language is words of affirmation, and

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Speaker 1: it says that this is like a thirty seventy percent.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't able to see the others because you have

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Speaker 1: to upgrade to unlock the percentages of the other love languages.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that's mine down, what about yours?

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Speaker 2: So I will say that I've had a similar that

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Speaker 2: I had a similar experience of taking the quiz, and

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Speaker 2: having taken the quiz multiple times since it first came out.

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Speaker 3: I say that personally.

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Speaker 2: I like to take it periodically, like every couple of years,

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Speaker 2: to kind of get a sense of if there's been

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Speaker 2: some change. And I think that for some people, depending

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Speaker 2: on the season they're in in life and things that

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Speaker 2: they may have gone through, their love language can change

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Speaker 2: over time. What I will say is my primary love

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Speaker 2: language has not changed.

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Speaker 3: It has been.

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Speaker 2: Consistent over time. Now how much it's been like how

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Speaker 2: much it's been the primary compared to the others, some

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Speaker 2: of that has shifted over time. But my primary love

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Speaker 2: language at thirty seven percent is quality time and that

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Speaker 2: has been that has been consistent. And so, lady, if

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Speaker 2: you know your love language is quality time, what that

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Speaker 2: means is that, like you really value undivided attention from

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Speaker 2: other people, that you like to spend meaningful, uninterrupted time

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Speaker 2: with the people that you care about. And it doesn't

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Speaker 2: necessarily have to be like in a deep conversation. It

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Speaker 2: could just be that y'all are sitting there watching a

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Speaker 2: movie and there's no conversation about what's happening in the movie.

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Speaker 2: You're but you're both watching the movie. Or it could

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Speaker 2: be that you're engaged in what we call parallel play,

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Speaker 2: so you're in the same room, but you're doing different activities.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, So for me, quality time is my primary,

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Speaker 2: my primary love language. I see words of affirmation for you,

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Speaker 2: I do see that.

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Speaker 1: Really it's funny, too done, because I feel like you

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Speaker 1: shared it with me. The quality time was yours a

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Speaker 1: while ago, and I can see how that shows up

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Speaker 1: in our friendship. And I think mine used to be

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Speaker 1: quality time, but that was my primary one. And now kids,

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Speaker 1: where's your information? So I'm gonna have to sit with

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Speaker 1: that a little bit and process it more. But what

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Speaker 1: I will say, lady, is what that can mean for

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Speaker 1: you is you want to encourage your partner to affirm

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Speaker 1: and appreciate and listen actively to you, but also to

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Speaker 1: share with you when they appreciate you, Like I think

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Speaker 1: that in this stage in life two don I'm more

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Speaker 1: vocal and I'm very much into conversing with my loved one,

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Speaker 1: so I want to have a conversation. I want to talk,

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Speaker 1: and so I think that for me words of affirmation,

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Speaker 1: like I have affirmations, I you know, share with myself

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Speaker 1: for myself, but I think understanding, like how your partner

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Speaker 1: feels about you, that's important to me now. And I

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Speaker 1: think that kind of falls into the conversation aspect, so

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Speaker 1: we did quality time, words of affirmation. Then you have

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Speaker 1: physical touch, which is self explanatory. But how would you

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Speaker 1: communicate that. Well, that's nonverbal use of body language and

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Speaker 1: touch to show love. Right, So, whether it's tugging, whether

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Speaker 1: it's touch appropriately clear, it's appropriate, touch, sensual. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say, because it could have been inappropriate, we

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Speaker 1: might like it, but it's consensual, yes, yes, yes, yes.

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Speaker 1: So whether it's just like well, slap on the ass

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Speaker 1: when you're the kitchen cooking, you know, or you're just

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Speaker 1: on the you know, you on a couch chilling and

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Speaker 1: you just got your legs on your bou thing, whatever

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Speaker 1: it might be, right, physical touch. Hey lady, it's Terry here,

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Speaker 1: Mom and I want to take a moment to thank

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Speaker 1: you for choosing to listen to our podcast. We love

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Speaker 1: you for real, and we want to give you a

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Speaker 1: chance to learn more about what's important to us. So

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Speaker 1: tell us what you think about this.

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Speaker 5: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 1: Hopefully this is of your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 1: click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady, we'll

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Speaker 1: hop right back into the conversation, and then what else

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Speaker 1: do we have don Receiving gifts m H.

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Speaker 2: So receiving gifts is more about that little you were

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Speaker 2: in the store and you know that that person's favorite

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Speaker 2: treat is peanut butter eminems and so you pick up

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Speaker 2: you're in the grocery store line and you pick up

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Speaker 2: that thing of peanut butter eminem's and you bring that

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Speaker 2: to them, right or it's you know that they like

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Speaker 2: every holiday to exchange gifts, and it's not simply okay,

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Speaker 2: we're going to set a budget and we go get

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Speaker 2: whatever and bring it back. A person whose love language

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Speaker 2: is receiving gifts really a preates when those things when

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Speaker 2: those items that they receive have some thought behind it

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Speaker 2: and really reflect who they are as a person. And

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Speaker 2: so whether it's that picking up those peanut peanut butter

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Speaker 2: eminem's in the grocery store line, or gifting them that

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Speaker 2: three carried diamond ring that they've been talking about, and

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Speaker 2: anything in between, it's about the thought and intention behind

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Speaker 2: the item that shows you love and appreciate them, and

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Speaker 2: then that brings us to acts of service. Acts of

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Speaker 2: service really is actions speak louder than words. So it's

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Speaker 2: you said you needed your yard cut, your grass cut,

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Speaker 2: and you mentioned it two days ago. I just happened

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Speaker 2: to have a lawnmar so I'm gonna come over and

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Speaker 2: cut your grass for you. Or I know that you

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Speaker 2: are really tired after a long day at work, and

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Speaker 2: so even though you said tonight was gonna be the

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Speaker 2: night that you're gonna cook, because I know you came

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Speaker 2: home tired, I'm gonna step in and I'm going to

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Speaker 2: cook for you. So it's about the actions that demonstrate

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Speaker 2: the love and the care and concern.

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Speaker 1: I love it. It's funny if we're reading over these,

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about how I definitely have preferred like there's

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Speaker 1: definitely a primary and I'm like, I'm like on the fence.

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Speaker 1: I feel like words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality

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Speaker 1: time are like my top three those That's just what

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Speaker 1: I feel might and it vacillates between them because some

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Speaker 1: days it's like, and I love gifts. That's another thing,

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Speaker 1: because you were talking about the giftsing, like I love

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Speaker 1: receiving gifts, but it's not at the top of my list,

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Speaker 1: Like the surprise gifts are great. But I was thinking

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Speaker 1: about a question.

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Speaker 3: You're not going to turn, so I want to switch.

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Speaker 1: It up a little bit down. Can you think of

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Speaker 1: a time we can talk about a friend first, and

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Speaker 1: maybe we'll go into a lever but can you think

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Speaker 1: of a time when a friend did something or tried

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Speaker 1: to engage with one of your love languages but they

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Speaker 1: maybe missed the mark. Because I can think of an instance.

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Speaker 1: And the reason I want to talk about this verst

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Speaker 1: is because I think that it be helpful to talk

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Speaker 1: about how you can communicate with your loved ones about

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Speaker 1: what your love language is and how they can support that.

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Speaker 1: I think it's helpful to kind of reciprocate. But I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking about a situation where someone well let me just

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Speaker 1: say this first. I like functional gifts usually, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: I like a gift. I don't like a lot of

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Speaker 1: clutter in my space, and so I like a gift

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Speaker 1: that I can do something with. So if you won't

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Speaker 1: give me a gift, give me some buy me some

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Speaker 1: almond milk. Okay, Like give me something I could use.

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Speaker 1: Buy me some Clorox wipes. Okay, give me some Clorox

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Speaker 1: wipes or something. She would love some Clorox wifes to

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Speaker 1: girl listen or something that matches my esthetic, you know, like,

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Speaker 1: get me something that I can actually use. Right, And

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Speaker 1: so I remember years ago a friend I don't want

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Speaker 1: to give the specifics, but a friend got me a

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Speaker 1: gift and it was something that was really random. It

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Speaker 1: was so random. And I'm very particular about what I

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Speaker 1: eat and when I put my body, but it was

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Speaker 1: something random, and it was a flavor that I don't

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Speaker 1: really like and haven't tried. It was like some type

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Speaker 1: of shake. I'll just put it that way. And I

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Speaker 1: got the gift and it was like, okay, the thought, right,

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Speaker 1: I'm grateful it was the thought accounts. But because I

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Speaker 1: had gotten this person gifts before, and I was very

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Speaker 1: like particular, and I did research and I tried to

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Speaker 1: custom make the experience for them. I was a little

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Speaker 1: let down because I was like, damn, like, I appreciate

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Speaker 1: the fact that you did something, but you didn't really

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Speaker 1: even consider me when you did this. You kind of

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Speaker 1: just like let me. It felt like it was just

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Speaker 1: let me just give you this shits. I can cross

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Speaker 1: it off about to do this, say I did it,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't. I ended up not even using it

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Speaker 1: because I didn't like it. It was, you know. So that's

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Speaker 1: one instance I can think of, which is why I

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Speaker 1: think it's important for us to communicate with those that

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Speaker 1: we love and those that we care about about what

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Speaker 1: our love language is, but also the things that we

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Speaker 1: like and enjoy and appreciate. So that's my example. Do

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Speaker 1: you have one where someone maybe missed the mark?

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Speaker 2: You know what's fascinating is typically our brains will hold

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Speaker 2: on to the negative experiences more so than the positive ones.

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Speaker 2: And what's fascinating is, right now, even as you ask

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Speaker 2: that question, I am not coming up. My brain is

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Speaker 2: not letting me come up with a time where someone

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Speaker 2: missed the mark. All that keeps coming to mind for

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Speaker 2: me are the multiple instances in which people got it right,

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Speaker 2: like people didn't miss the mark. But I think part

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Speaker 2: of what that is is that I have been, for

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Speaker 2: like I said at the beginning, very consistent in quality

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Speaker 2: time is that top primary love language, and so people

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Speaker 2: are pretty good about the people in my life are

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Speaker 2: pretty good about recognizing that and getting giving that all

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Speaker 2: right and then receiving it when I when I give it,

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Speaker 2: And so I can't I'm not able to think of

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Speaker 2: a time that was that someone missed the mark.

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Speaker 3: And I'm actually kind of glad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad because what that tells me is that

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Speaker 2: the headspace that I'm in is a general generally like

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Speaker 2: just I'm in a space of joy. Yeah, that I'm

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Speaker 2: really struggling to come up with something negative, and so

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna. I'm just I'm sorry, I can't answer the.

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Speaker 1: Question this time. That's good. I want to hear a

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Speaker 1: positive too, But I also want to ask you said

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Speaker 1: that the people in life generally show up and they

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Speaker 1: give you that quality time. Is that a conversation that

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Speaker 1: you're having with them or is it something that they

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Speaker 1: just do, Like, how do they know that that is

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Speaker 1: something that's important to you?

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Speaker 3: I think it's mixed. So I think that.

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Speaker 2: So there are some people that I have clearly had

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Speaker 2: conversations with and like said like quality time.

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Speaker 3: Is important to me.

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Speaker 2: I might not have used the words it's my love language,

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Speaker 2: but I have said, like, spending time with friends and

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Speaker 2: family is important to me, right, And I know that

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Speaker 2: I've said that exact sentence. Spending time with friends and

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Speaker 2: family is important to me across every setting of my life.

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Speaker 2: So if you know me, if you really know me,

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Speaker 2: then you know that's making time for friends and family

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Speaker 2: is a priority for me. And so I think people

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Speaker 2: tend to know that, Like people in my life tend

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Speaker 2: to know that that's how I'm showing love, right, and

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Speaker 2: that's how I like to receive love. And they also

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Speaker 2: know that if I'm not able to give that to

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Speaker 2: them at a particular time, it's because I'm probably giving

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Speaker 2: it to other people and there's no malice behind it.

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Speaker 2: That that is how I show up for That's how

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Speaker 2: I show up for.

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Speaker 3: People, and that if I'm there with you, I'm there

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Speaker 3: with you.

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Speaker 1: What about an example, because you said you could think

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Speaker 1: of so many examples of where people actually did hit

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Speaker 1: the mark. What are some of those examples.

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Speaker 2: I think about my surgery, my surgery that I had

400
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Speaker 2: last year, and I think about my sisters who showed up.

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Speaker 2: I think about my friends who stopped by, and so

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Speaker 2: for me, it's okay, so I'm having surgery, like I

403
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,479
Speaker 2: can't go nowhere, I can't do nothing, and you showed

404
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 2: up to take care, right, so I can't and I

405
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 2: legit can't do shit because I'm on bed race and

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00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 2: they showed up to take care and to make sure

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Speaker 2: that I really wasn't doing shit, because that's hard to since,

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00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 2: but to show up in that space. And there were

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Speaker 2: times where we did nothing right, but it meant a

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Speaker 2: lot that they took time out of their schedule to

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Speaker 2: be there with me, and so I think that's a

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Speaker 2: bigger ask.

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Speaker 3: But I think about, like on a day to.

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Speaker 2: Day, I think about our friendship, and I think about

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00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 2: when we have when we set aside, like, okay, so

416
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 2: we need to set aside time to record episodes and

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00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,640
Speaker 2: handle the business side of things, but we're also very

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Speaker 2: intentional about but we also need time for our friendship.

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Speaker 2: And so for me, like that quality time that's being

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Speaker 2: set aside is important and to me, that's a demonstration

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Speaker 2: of how our friendship mean, what our friendship means to

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Speaker 2: each of us.

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Speaker 1: M h, I like that. I like that. That's a

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00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 1: good example. It's funny because when I think about our friendship, yes,

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Speaker 1: that is definitely an etai I think about. But even

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Speaker 1: though I told y'all I'm not like huge on getting gifts,

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Speaker 1: a couple of things that come to mind for me

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Speaker 1: down one in particular, so that best so Dom got. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let me give you the backstory. So a while back,

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Speaker 1: this is probably like last year. I think Dom had

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00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: this really cute best I forgot where you got it from.

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00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: Was it Northstum or something? Maybe? Okay, Now I'm had

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00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 1: this cute vest on and I say, oh, now guess

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00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 1: this cute girl. And then boom, just going about my

435
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: day and one day in the mail, I get this vet,

436
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: the same vest in the mail, and I was so shocked,

437
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: and I was so surprised because I really did like it,

438
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 1: and the fact that it just showed up at my house,

439
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I was so grateful.

440
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: I wore that thing today. Girl. I'd been wearing that

441
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: vests all the time, and so I thought that was

442
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 1: really sweet. And even though I'm not huge on getting gifts.

443
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: It's the thoughtfulness for me, especially if I and not

444
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 1: that I was expecting this, but when I articulate that, hey,

445
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: I really appreciate or I like this, and then it

446
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 1: pops up, I'm like that was so kind, Like that

447
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 1: means that meant so much to me. And again it's functional, right,

448
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: it's like the clocks right, yes, the almond milk. I'm

449
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 1: gonna use that thing, right, I would say, I just

450
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,120
Speaker 1: have a couple more off the top of my head down.

451
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: So I think about my siblings. They often, like many

452
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: of you if you listen to the podcast, you know

453
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,880
Speaker 1: that I raised my younger siblings, and so they'll reach

454
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 1: out to me now that they've grown now in their

455
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 1: twenties and whatnot, and they'll reach out and like on

456
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 1: Mother's Day, they'll thank me for you know, being a

457
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 1: mother figure and just think me for the things I've

458
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,239
Speaker 1: done and I'm Another thing that comes up to is

459
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: years ago, I got a compliment from one of my

460
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: colleagues and it was a very it was a guy,

461
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 1: but it was a very respectful compliment and it was

462
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 1: a compliment about my appearance. But you know what's so

463
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 1: the reason that stood out to me is because I

464
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: was so covered with what I was wearing, like I

465
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 1: wasn't wearing something revealing. It was literally this, Okay, y'all

466
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:27,679
Speaker 1: picture this. It was this big, chunky ass turtleneck and

467
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 1: I was like literally like covered from neck to toe

468
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: and I received a compliment. I thought that was really

469
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: great to receive a compliment about my appearance when I

470
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: wasn't wearing something where you could see my shape or

471
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: where something was revealing. And that just meant a lot

472
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 1: to me. And it stands out to me years ago,

473
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: like from years ago, because it was just a very

474
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: like innocent, respectful, but a high compliment. You know. Does

475
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 1: that make sense?

476
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: Yes, yes it does. And I think you know when

477
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 2: you said that words of affirmation was your love language,

478
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 2: you know, and I said, yeah, I see that. I

479
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 2: can say that I see that because I literally do

480
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,360
Speaker 2: write like in our conversations. I think about our converse,

481
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 2: our text conversations for us when we're handling business, but

482
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 2: also when we're when we're communicating with our team, right

483
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 2: that you you are great about expressing appreciation, right and

484
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 2: and giving compliments and so and it comes so naturally.

485
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 2: And so that's why I said that I could I

486
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 2: could see that in that being your primary love language.

487
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 1: Wait, okay, I want to dig into this more because

488
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: when you said that, a couple of feelings came up,

489
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,479
Speaker 1: not necessarily negative. But after this conversation, Dim, I want

490
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: to talk about the challenges and possible solutions around expressing

491
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: love languages.

492
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 3: But what what.

493
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: In your mind says that that's my main primary love language?

494
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: Because I'm the one acting that out, Like what your what?

495
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: What is your process like in your mind?

496
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 2: On and know? Because typically so, the way that the

497
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 2: love languages typically work is that even though it's how

498
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 2: we like to receive it, we usually demonstrate our love

499
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 2: language like we show people what our love language is, right,

500
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 2: And I think that's where conflict comes in, and we'll

501
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 2: talk about that in a second. But for you, you

502
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 2: demonstrate it all the time, like you live it, right,

503
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 2: and so you consistently and naturally give words of affirmation

504
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 2: to everyone in your life, right, Like I've witnessed it

505
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 2: in multiple settings, not just like between you and I

506
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 2: or with our team, like other people that we engage with.

507
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: I've seen you do that, right. And then so I'm

508
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 2: gonna share some thing that you shared with me. I'm

509
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 2: not gonna get too personal. But there's a there's a

510
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 2: song that you and Baby Z's sing in the mornings,

511
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 2: and it is about affirmations, right. I've added it to

512
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 2: my morning playlist by the.

513
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: Way, I love it, Oh love okay.

514
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 2: But that embodies your love language, words of affirmation, Like

515
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 2: you're so you're even affirming your daughter on a daily basis,

516
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 2: Like it's a natural part of your routine.

517
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: So can we just tell I mean, let me know

518
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: if you want to share this story down, but we

519
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: could take a little detoy. I don't mind sharing the song,

520
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: so y'all. The song is from Gracie's Corner and it's

521
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: called I think it's called I Promise to Love Myself

522
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 1: and it's on my abundance playlist and I think it

523
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 1: is the best song to listen to in the morning

524
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: in the mirror. But Dom, can we just talk about

525
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: the moment you and I had when you were when

526
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 1: you came to visit and I was like, girl, let

527
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: me tell you about this song and I put the

528
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: song on that such a special moment. It felt like

529
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: a moment from a movie. We're like girlfriends are hanging

530
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: out and it was just such a vibe.

531
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: So a great combination that was. And when you say that,

532
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 2: that's like, okay, So if that was a great demonstration

533
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 2: of combination of both of our love languages, yes should.

534
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 1: We should we paint that picture for them because I

535
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: feel like about okay. So we're in my place for

536
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: like recording the podcast because Don flew up from a

537
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: so Caw to come to San Francisco to meet me,

538
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: and we're recording the podcast and we're taking a little

539
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: break because it's been a long day and we're spending

540
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: quality time and whenever Don I visited each other, we

541
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: like have each other's snacks and we're like very intentional

542
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: about setting the you know, the environment up for the

543
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: for the guests. And so we're listening to this Gracies

544
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: Corner song and during our break, we're like up, we're dancing,

545
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: we're in the mirror, we're like you know, just giving

546
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: each other, like just showing each other. And it was

547
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: such a vibe like just I promise to love myself

548
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: is the are the words of the song. And it's's

549
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: like yes, I sure do, and so yeah, it's just

550
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: it was beautiful. I love the moment.

551
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 3: Yes, and I appreciate you sharing that.

552
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, it truly embodied in the demonstration of both of

553
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 2: our love languages.

554
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: And Tom, now that you say that, it does make

555
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: it reminds me of, like you said, we're going to

556
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: talk about the conflict, but it reminds me of how

557
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: people often do they treat others the way they want

558
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 1: to be treated, right, Yeah, A lot of times you

559
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: say it's funny because I didn't. I don't really realize

560
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: the fact that I love to give people compliments and

561
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: I love to let people know that they're appreciated. And

562
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: it's funny because one of my good friends she told me,

563
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 1: she's like, you often say like I appreciate you, like

564
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,239
Speaker 1: you say that a lot, and I do mean it

565
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: and it's just so natural for me to say. But

566
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: she pointed it out to me, and she's like, yeah,

567
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: So she pointed it out, and I was like, oh, Okay,

568
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that I say that so much, but

569
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: I really do. So I say all that to say, well,

570
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: I wonder if we can talk about what does it

571
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,719
Speaker 1: look like to communicate your love language to your people,

572
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: whether your love or your friend family, Because I think

573
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: I think that it really depends on who the person is,

574
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: because I think about relationships that I have with certain

575
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: people where like certain family or friends where it's like

576
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: a playful type of relationship. And so you know, like

577
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: I have a cousin and we used to be super

578
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: tight when I was younger, and we would kind of

579
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: like come for each other like in a playful, loving way,

580
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: like that's just our rapport that's our vibe together, and

581
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: so we used to just like you know, some people

582
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: might call it joning, you joning on your cousin, whatever

583
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: it might be, right, yep, And so we would do that.

584
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: And I think that it depends on the relationships. Some

585
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: relationships may not it may feel like you may feel

586
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: silly bring it up, right. You may be like, I

587
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: don't know, I feel weird, And maybe that's not Maybe

588
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 1: that's not the relationship where you have that conversation based

589
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 1: on the nature of the relationship. So I think that

590
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: it would be important for us to talk about what

591
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: are some suggestions on how to talk to people in

592
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: your life about it, because some people may not be

593
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 1: familiar with it, some people may think it's silly, some

594
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 1: people may not be open to it. So I think

595
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 1: that just talking about this could be helpful. I will

596
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: say for me personally, again, I love to converse with

597
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 1: the people in my life, and so I love introducing

598
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: people to new things. So I'd be like, hey, like,

599
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 1: I found this new you know, I found this new

600
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 1: concept or this tool, and I would love to connect

601
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: more deeply with you. So I think we should take

602
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 1: a look at it together. I think that's a very

603
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 1: simple way that I would bring it up to someone

604
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 1: in my life. What about you, don what do you think.

605
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 2: I was thinking about that as you were saying that,

606
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 2: I was thinking about examples of different times when it

607
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 2: cook how it would actually look right. So think about

608
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 2: like if you're dating someone, right, you meet someone new

609
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:41,879
Speaker 2: and you're dating, one of the questions you might ask is, hey,

610
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:49,240
Speaker 2: you know, like I'm curious, what's your love language? And

611
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 2: they might look at you and be like, well, my what,

612
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 2: And then that's an opportunity for you to explain the concepts.

613
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 2: But also it's you can also say, you know, it's

614
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 2: not necessarily about using the words like my love language,

615
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 2: but really this is a conversation on what's important to me,

616
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 2: like how I want the people in my life to

617
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 2: demonstrate that they care about me that they love me,

618
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 2: that they see me, and what does that look like

619
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:26,879
Speaker 2: for you? Like, Will I, how can I show you

620
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 2: if I care about you, if I love you? Like,

621
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 2: how do you know through my actions? Like what are

622
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,839
Speaker 2: the things that I'm doing that will let you know that?

623
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 2: And I think for people who aren't necessarily familiar with

624
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 2: love languages, that's another way of getting at love languages

625
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 2: without necessarily using the language love language.

626
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: I like that. I think that's a really good point

627
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 1: town So lady, there you have it. Those are some

628
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: suggestions on how you might want to initiate the conversation

629
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: if you haven't already with your loved ones. But now

630
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 1: let's talk about some of these challenges, don because one

631
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: of the things I was thinking about is the challenges

632
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: that arise when people face or when people have differing

633
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: love languages, or if someone is sort of in a

634
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,880
Speaker 1: mental space where they're like, I would love someone to

635
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 1: do this for me, So I'm going to do that

636
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 1: for someone else, and that's not always the case. And

637
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 1: what it makes me think about Hopefully I don't butcher

638
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: this story too much, but I remember years ago on

639
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 1: Red Table Talk, Will and Jada had an episode and

640
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: despite how you might feel about them because I know

641
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: they've been in the news over the past couple years whatever.

642
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 1: This episode was really powerful from a partnership perspective on

643
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 1: how Will was learning to love Jada in the way

644
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: that she wanted to be loved versus the way that

645
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 1: he wanted to be loved or the way that he

646
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: thought she wanted to be loved. And I think, long

647
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 1: story short, what happened was he had I think there

648
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: were two instances where he had she had it was

649
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: her birthday or something, and he had planned this big,

650
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: extravagant party for her, and she was like, Ninja, I

651
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 1: don't want like she she was like, I don't want

652
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: a party. That's not what I want. But he, because

653
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 1: of how it would look optically and because of what

654
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: he may have wanted, he did that for her, but

655
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: that's not what she wanted. He did what he would

656
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 1: have wanted. And I think the second thing was he

657
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: bought this big ass house and presented it to her,

658
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,479
Speaker 1: and she was like, I didn't want this big ass house.

659
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: This is what you wanted. And so I think understanding

660
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: like being very clear on what do I want, what

661
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: do I want someone else to do? For me, And

662
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: then what is the person that I'm engaging with, whether

663
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: it's my friend, my lover, or my family member, what

664
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: do they want? What have they verbalized me? Because it

665
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: ain't nothing worse than a motherfucker that don't listen when

666
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: you tell somebody what you want and they go and

667
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: do what they want to do, or they do what

668
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 1: they think you want. When you Didne said love for

669
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: God and told you.

670
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 3: What I want made a plane, ate it plane and time.

671
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but at this stage and

672
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 1: age in my life, I'm a woman who usually knows

673
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: what I want. So when I'm very specific and I

674
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 1: ask for something, I did the research. I didn't send

675
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 1: you to moup with links. So go get this thing. Okay,

676
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 1: that hard and in that hard, go get this thing.

677
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: So that is I think one of the challenges that

678
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: can come up is when people their love language is

679
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 1: different or they're kind of in this mental state of like,

680
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what I want people to do for me.

681
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: What do you think about that?

682
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 4: Dom?

683
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: Well, I think with that it's actually it's actually normal.

684
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:25,760
Speaker 2: M as messed up as it is, that is actually

685
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 2: normal behavior for folks to engage in it's the thing.

686
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 2: It's something that we have to kind of work around.

687
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to say unlearned, because to unlearn it

688
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 2: would mean that you're denying yourself your love language, and

689
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 2: I don't and that's not what I'm saying at all.

690
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: If so, I'll use myself as an example. If my

691
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 2: love language is quality time, then automatically you will know

692
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:03,800
Speaker 2: how I feel about you if I'm giving you my time, Right,

693
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 2: that's like an automatic easy thing for me to demonstrate.

694
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:13,840
Speaker 2: That comes naturally for me because that's my top love language.

695
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 3: Now the work for me is then to learn the

696
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:25,400
Speaker 3: love language of the people around me. And while I

697
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 3: will always give the quality time because that's my love

698
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:33,279
Speaker 3: language and what comes easy, I am also going to

699
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:38,879
Speaker 3: be intentional about giving that person's love language back to them.

700
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,720
Speaker 3: So it's the dance of doing both.

701
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 2: So I'm going to give you my quality time, but

702
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 2: if words of affirmation is your love language, then I'm

703
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 2: also going to give you.

704
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 3: Words of affirmation.

705
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 2: And it may take more work for me to do

706
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 2: it initially, It's going to take some work for me

707
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,359
Speaker 2: to make sure that I'm being intentional about doing it,

708
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 2: but I'm going to do that because that's your love language.

709
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 2: The struggle that a lot of people have is they

710
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 2: expect to give and receive.

711
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 3: Only in their love language.

712
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: And that's an unrealistic expectation give and receive. Yes, yes,

713
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,359
Speaker 2: people be like, listen, my love language is quality time.

714
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 3: That's the only language I know.

715
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 2: So I'm going to give you quality time, and I

716
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 2: want you to give me quality time back.

717
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 3: That's how you're going to demonstrate that you love me. Sure,

718
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 3: but where's the reciprocity?

719
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 1: Exactly? Exactly? You know what? Dom It makes me think

720
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 1: about something else that I think is very real and

721
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 1: very plous of all right, and this is that some

722
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 1: people just don't have it available to give and it's

723
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: an unfortunate situation. And I've been there before. And so

724
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: what I mean by this is you tell them what

725
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: you desire, you tell them what you need, and they

726
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 1: just don't show up. And I think that it's easy

727
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: to be angry, it's easy to be upset, it's easy

728
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 1: to get bitter about it. But I think that at

729
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 1: the end of the day, it's all it's all like contextual, rightly,

730
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 1: So you have to think about your own situation. I know,

731
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 1: in my situation here was a particular relationship where I

732
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: was like saying, hey, I need this, can you do

733
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: this for me? Hey? Girl, like can you meet me here?

734
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: Like this is what I need? And I was meeting

735
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 1: the other person's needs like showing up with their love language,

736
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 1: but they were not reciprocating, and over a long period

737
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 1: of time, things were not changing, and so it just

738
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 1: kind of left me in a position where I was

739
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: kind of like disengaged, where I was just like, well,

740
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: i don't feel like I'm being prioritized and I'm given

741
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,399
Speaker 1: given giving, but I'm not really receiving in the way

742
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: that I've communicated. And so at some point, I think

743
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 1: we do have to make a decison, you know, on

744
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 1: is this something like it am I just gonna like, Okay,

745
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 1: it's fine, I'll just deal with this, Like if I'll

746
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: just I'll just accept what this relationship has to offer,

747
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:13,359
Speaker 1: Or am I just gonna maybe just part ways for now,

748
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: maybe revisit the friendship later or whatever it might be.

749
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: So I think that that's something to also consider that

750
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:20,839
Speaker 1: some people they just don't have it available to give.

751
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: Also might be a seasonal thing. Maybe someone's going through

752
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 1: a rough patch or time. I know, for me, the

753
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 1: past year has been wild, and so I have not

754
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 1: been able. There have been some friends where I'm like,

755
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I don't have time to do X y

756
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: Z with you. I just don't. I have other priorities.

757
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: So I think that again, it's contextual. We have to

758
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 1: think about what are all the other parts, what are

759
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 1: all the other players and the situations that are kind

760
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 1: of impacting the scenario.

761
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that that's important because you know, when

762
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 2: you've communicated what your love language is or what you

763
00:42:55,680 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 2: need from a partner and they aren't providing it to me,

764
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 2: the first question is a step back and ask have

765
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 2: I communicated it? So if you've said yes, yes, I've

766
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 2: communicated in multiple ways in multiple times, are they communicating

767
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 2: in a different language, because it might be that they

768
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 2: are struggling to demonstrate in your love language, but they

769
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 2: are giving it to you in theirs. And if that's

770
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 2: the case for me, that's room for conversation and you

771
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 2: get to decide, you know, within that conversation, Okay, can

772
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 2: I adjust? Can they adjust? Right, it's a conversation. I

773
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,280
Speaker 2: think it's different if the person isn't giving at all, right,

774
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 2: and it's still a conversation, it's still a check in,

775
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:53,839
Speaker 2: it's still approaching it with curiosity because there may be

776
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 2: something that's happening that's preventing them from doing it. They

777
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 2: might want to, but they're something's preventing it from happening,

778
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 2: which I think is a different experience than being with

779
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 2: someone who is completely unwilling, and then that's the person

780
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 2: that you got to part ways from. But I think

781
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 2: approaching from a space of curiosity of what's happening in

782
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 2: this dynamic, what's preventing you from communicating or giving me

783
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 2: showing up for me in the way that I've directly asked,

784
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 2: And let's see if we can come to a solution.

785
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 2: If we can't, then cool, we can part ways.

786
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: I like that. That's a really good point, Dom and

787
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: it makes me think about something else now. And I lady,

788
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be as realistic as possible here, right,

789
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 1: And this is a safe space and no judgment, y'all.

790
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,440
Speaker 1: We are all working progress. And I'm still working through

791
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: my traumas, my child with trauma, adult trauma, and all

792
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 1: that stuff. So I say all that to say, what

793
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 1: about Okay, I'm thinking about my primary love language, and

794
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about community hating this to people, and I'm

795
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. I just gave an example of how

796
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,919
Speaker 1: you can communicate, like oh yeah, the love languages, let's

797
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 1: talk about it, right, But in day to day life,

798
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 1: like on some real right, it's a real shit right now,

799
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: saying to someone I need more words of affirmation from you,

800
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 1: that feels extremely vulnerable. It feels kind of needy, and

801
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:28,399
Speaker 1: it feels uncomfortable. So I want to talk about how

802
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 1: we can possibly have like a conversation about that, because

803
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 1: I know for me, like at this phase of my life,

804
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: I give myself a lot of words of affirmation and

805
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 1: I don't ever want it to be forced from the

806
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 1: people that are in my life. So when it happens,

807
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. I'm like, oh great. If I get

808
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 1: recognition from you know, the podcast or the you know,

809
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,879
Speaker 1: any projects that I work on or job, it's like, oh,

810
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 1: this is great. But asking for it to me sometimes

811
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 1: just feels a little like cringey, where it's like I

812
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 1: don't want to I don't want to say for it.

813
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 1: Here's also don real quick. It depends on who I'm asked,

814
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,360
Speaker 1: Like if I'm talking to you and I'm like Hey, lady,

815
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: I would like to feel more appreciated. It's different than like,

816
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 1: let's say yeah, it's different. And that's what I was

817
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: going to say. That is it does depend on the

818
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 1: nature of the relationship and close mouths don't get fed.

819
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 3: Say it again, close mouths don't get fed. So true,

820
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:33,280
Speaker 3: And I.

821
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 2: Feel that vulnerability right like I feel it, And vulnerability

822
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 2: is tough. I'm consistently continually working on the vulnerability, right.

823
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 2: It is tough, and you won't get it if you

824
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,839
Speaker 2: don't ask for it. And so maybe you don't say

825
00:46:54,880 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 2: to the person. Maybe it feels high risk to say, hey,

826
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 2: you know, words of affirmation is my love language.

827
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 3: I need you to give that to me. Maybe we

828
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 3: don't use it in that way.

829
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:14,920
Speaker 2: Because that does feel high risk, right, Maybe we say,

830
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 2: you know, when you congratulated me the other day, that

831
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 2: made me feel really good, like it, can you do

832
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 2: that more often? And so I'm not I didn't I

833
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 2: didn't you you didn't hear me use any I didn't

834
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: say affirmations. I didn't say love language. I didn't say

835
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 2: any of that. I named a specific behavior that they

836
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 2: engaged in that I appreciated that that provided my love

837
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 2: language and I thank them for it so that hopefully

838
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,479
Speaker 2: they and hopefully they.

839
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 1: Will do it again. Mm hmmm. I like that, rewarding

840
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: the good behavior. I like that. Yes, Now, even though

841
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 1: I told you that this is something that I feel,

842
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,880
Speaker 1: depending on who it is, of course, I feel a

843
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 1: little uncomfortable. One thing I did do or that I

844
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,920
Speaker 1: have done in the past is I've done this with

845
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:07,279
Speaker 1: loved ones and friends where I'm like, let's are you

846
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: open to an activity, right, and usually people are like, yeah, activity, yeah,

847
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 1: tell me what it is? What is it? And so

848
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,959
Speaker 1: I'll say, let's talk about or let's share like five

849
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 1: things we appreciate about one another. So that way I

850
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 1: get a chance to because I'm very thoughtful about this,

851
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 1: I love to let people know, like specifically, I appreciate

852
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 1: it when you did this, this, and this, So I

853
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 1: get a chance to express that. But then I also

854
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 1: get a chance to receive the response, so that it

855
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 1: is one way, an additional way that I've used that

856
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 1: and kind of moved through that discomfort. So I appreciate

857
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 1: that response. I appreciate your response as well. Done. So lady,

858
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: we just brainstorm. We just giving you some ideas as

859
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: we're working through and you know, living our lives and learning.

860
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 2: Well we keep and we you know, we are specifically

861
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 2: talking about our own personal priority love languages, but it

862
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 2: applies to all of them, right, so whether it's physical touch,

863
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 2: So now I will say physical touch is one that

864
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 2: again you need to be mindful of and need to

865
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 2: be appropriate and consensual because not everybody likes to be

866
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 2: touched and some people with acts of service, some people

867
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 2: don't like for you to do things for them. So

868
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I, no, that's true.

869
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 1: I feel that some people don't, right, some people.

870
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 2: Don't, and so I think it's important to constantly check

871
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 2: in with folks right on what it is that they want,

872
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 2: and if you're the recipient recipient of it, to give

873
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 2: feedback to say, hey, I really appreciated that. Thank you,

874
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 2: Oh I really liked when you did, and name the

875
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 2: specific behavior. And so lady, I also want you to

876
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 2: take into consideration that there might be other ways in

877
00:49:56,719 --> 00:50:02,280
Speaker 2: which love is expressed for you. I think the biggest

878
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 2: takeaway for us is that communication is key. I can't

879
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 2: say it enough. Closed mouths don't get fed. So it's

880
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 2: important to let the people in your life know how

881
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 2: they can show you that they love you. If you

882
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 2: aren't in a space where you feel comfortable with that

883
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 2: direct vulnerability, you can show appreciation for the specific behaviors

884
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 2: that they do and say I can you do this

885
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 2: more often?

886
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:39,839
Speaker 1: Communication is key, Communication is key, and closing mouth. Don't

887
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 1: get fat. I do want to circle back to something

888
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 1: we talked about in the intro and just maybe you

889
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 1: don't have a lover, maybe you don't have a lot

890
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 1: of friends. How can we fill our own cup with

891
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 1: the different love languages? So I just want to give

892
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 1: a couple of examples, because honestly, I feel like I

893
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 1: can give an example for each one down. I don't

894
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 1: know about you, go you can do that. Maybe we can,

895
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,840
Speaker 1: like each given example on whatever we feel comfortable with.

896
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 1: When it comes to words of affirmation, definitely like affirmations

897
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 1: in the mirror, we talked about the Gracie's Corner. I

898
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: promised to love myself song. I would also say, this

899
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,200
Speaker 1: may be weird, but I'm like, really, I'm a manifestor.

900
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,759
Speaker 1: I'm all into the manifestation. Woo all that right, And

901
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 1: so sometimes y'all don't laugh at me because this is

902
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:24,720
Speaker 1: just my process and it works for me. But sometimes

903
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 1: I text myself. I know myself funny, but I text

904
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,480
Speaker 1: myself things that I text myself. I talk to myself

905
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 1: a lot, Okay, so I text myself. I don't be

906
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 1: responded to myself, so don't them. Don't get carried away now.

907
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:38,840
Speaker 1: But I do text myself.

908
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 2: I do.

909
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,640
Speaker 1: I create a lot of voice notes as well, and

910
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: just like just positive things for myself that I can

911
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 1: re listen to because I think it's really helpful in

912
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 1: developing the relationship with myself based on who I am

913
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 1: and where I am in life right now. So that's

914
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: what I do to fill my cut by way of

915
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 1: words of affirmation, physical touch. I mean, I feel like

916
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:03,800
Speaker 1: that's probably explanatory on how you can Yeah, yeah, that's right.

917
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 1: What I'll say is listen, tune into the pomp Par

918
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,240
Speaker 1: episode that we did a couple of weeks ago, because

919
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,360
Speaker 1: I had an amazing experience by myself. I'm not going

920
00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 1: to talk too much about it right now, but I

921
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:16,440
Speaker 1: had an amazing experience by myself recently using some of

922
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 1: the pomp Par stuff. So that's one way, Lady, that

923
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: you can dig into the physical touch. But you can also,

924
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 1: like in addition to masturbation, which which is what I'm

925
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 1: referring to. You can also massage your body, hug yourself.

926
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 1: I hug myself as well, Like give yourself big hugs,

927
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,840
Speaker 1: like touch on yourself, put lotion on your body, and

928
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: oils on your body and all that good stuff. It

929
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: doesn't have to necessarily be sexual. You can also give

930
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 1: yourself love and affection that is non sexual, receiving gifts.

931
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I love the shot, you know, right, don't

932
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 1: don't look at my Amazon card, don't look at my Amazon.

933
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 3: History now, don't look at my Macy's card.

934
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:02,840
Speaker 1: Okay, of your business, but give you myself.

935
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:06,279
Speaker 3: You know, is that a Nicholas you have on right now?

936
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm, it's cute or whatever.

937
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 4: I like?

938
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 3: Add some hairworks. You better go ahead saying you know

939
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 3: a little something.

940
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it ain't tricking if you got it. No, I'm

941
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,479
Speaker 1: just playing all right, y'all. And then quality it's late, y'all. Okay,

942
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:26,479
Speaker 1: it's been a long day and a week. It's late.

943
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:29,760
Speaker 1: I'm being silly. Quality time and the quality time with yourself.

944
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:33,280
Speaker 1: I think that it's important. It's been quality time with yourself.

945
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you dom what you do when

946
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: you're by yourself that you consider quality time, and I'm

947
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: happy to share some of my quality time as well.

948
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 2: I've talked about this on another episode, but one of

949
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 2: my favorite quality time activities is my do nothing Sunday

950
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 2: where I get up and I make brunch for myself

951
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 2: and I have on my what I call my old

952
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 2: man Sunday grooves, and so I got some good music,

953
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 2: so good music playing, and I'm in there and I

954
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 2: cook a good breakfast and I sit and enjoy that

955
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 2: by myself. So that, I mean, that's one thing that

956
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:15,439
Speaker 2: I do. I love to read for fun, bubble bats. Yeah,

957
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 2: I enjoy my own company. So I try to in

958
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 2: addition to my one do nothing day a month, I

959
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:30,320
Speaker 2: try to have time regularly where I really shut everything

960
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,279
Speaker 2: out and it's just me.

961
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:34,800
Speaker 1: I love that dom same here I will say I

962
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 1: didn't always love being by myself and spending time with myself,

963
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: but I do nowadays, Like at this, you know, this

964
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 1: facing life INSTI saying bubble bats, breakfast, stretching sometimes or

965
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 1: working out, or just like just being Like sometimes I

966
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 1: go see a nice view and just sit and like

967
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 1: look at the moon or the sky, just you know,

968
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 1: just chilling and vibing out and just being with my thoughts.

969
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 1: I think that's really therapeutic as well. And then that's

970
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 1: but out least of course, we have acts of service,

971
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: And I don't know when I think of acts of

972
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 1: service for myself. Maybe I'll probably think that something after

973
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: the episode, you know that goes when you like, oh,

974
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 1: I should have said this on the episode, But I'm

975
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 1: thinking acts of service shit running errands. That doesn't feel

976
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 1: like acts of service, So I don't think that's it.

977
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:20,880
Speaker 1: Maybe getting a massage or something. But I don't know

978
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: how would you determine or label acts of service for yourself?

979
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 2: Service would be. We've talked about this on previous episodes.

980
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 2: You like putting together furniture like the I like stuff

981
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:38,080
Speaker 2: from my camp. That's an act of service for yourself.

982
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 2: That's a great example of an act of service for yourself.

983
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 1: That feels like I wasn't even thinking like making breakfast,

984
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 1: but I feel like that feels like work to me.

985
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I don't feel.

986
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 2: Acts of service is really but the acts of service

987
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 2: is about doing those things right like it really is

988
00:55:55,600 --> 00:56:00,560
Speaker 2: about engaging in those activities that make life easier.

989
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, okay, okay, that's a good one. I didn't

990
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 1: think about that, all right, lady, Well we have the

991
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: after show. Anything else we should talk about on the

992
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:11,760
Speaker 1: main episode down or should we jump into the after show?

993
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 2: No, I think we covered it all, lady. If you

994
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 2: want a few more juicy tidbits about our personal lives

995
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 2: and how we display our love languages, you need to

996
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 2: hop on over to Patreon and check out this after show.

997
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,239
Speaker 1: Go get that tea, lady, and you can head on

998
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,640
Speaker 1: over to heirspace podcast dot com. Click on Patreon to

999
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,359
Speaker 1: join our Patreon community, and Lady, make sure you also

1000
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 1: connect with us on Instagram at Herspace podcast on Instagram

1001
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 1: and we will catch you in the after show.

1002
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1003
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1004
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,880
Speaker 2: mental health, but it's by no means meant to be

1005
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1006
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:03,279
Speaker 2: mental health provide. If you are someone you know is

1007
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

1008
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

1009
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1010
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at herspace podcast dot com,

1011
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:21,120
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon link to get

1012
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 1: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show.

1013
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me. The universe

1014
00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 1: is conspiring for my success. I trust the process and

1015
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 1: surrender to the flow.