Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanta way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to.
Speaker 2: Be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and
Speaker 2: give us time and they terminol and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 3: wanna welcome you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about every scared he was it fine?
Speaker 4: Malcorn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do
Speaker 5: you need a ride? This is Chris Fairban.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Cool Gareth.
Speaker 5: I startled you again? You did?
Speaker 1: You went real loud mm hmm. But I you know
Speaker 1: that's on me.
Speaker 5: You know what happened?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 6: Somehow during the word welcome, which is a pretty soft ware.
Speaker 6: I don't know how this happened. I bit in my cheek.
Speaker 6: Oh and so there was a substantial amount of pain.
Speaker 5: Near the front right on the side. Oh, welcome, welcome,
Speaker 5: and welcome blood to my mouth. It is a problem.
Speaker 5: My dad and I share sharp molar edges.
Speaker 1: Oh shit. Yeah, this is the family secret.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's the ancient family secret of how to always
Speaker 6: have a anchors.
Speaker 5: Biting the side of your mouth with your razor sharp molars.
Speaker 1: Well I have the same.
Speaker 4: I guess I must have razor sharp mollers too, because
Speaker 4: I do the thing where I bite one section and
Speaker 4: then just keep on biting it over and over.
Speaker 1: They feel bad.
Speaker 5: It's called chewing your cut where it becomes a pattern.
Speaker 1: It's called being dumb, just like cows are. Look at
Speaker 1: this cool Santa Ria shop.
Speaker 5: I don't practice that.
Speaker 1: What do you. I don't know the next link.
Speaker 5: I don't either.
Speaker 6: I mean my sublime material used to be just that,
Speaker 6: but I don't do it anymore.
Speaker 5: I think you started with three eleven. You got no
Speaker 5: crystal ball. Crystal ball, thank you?
Speaker 6: And if you did have a crystal ball, wouldn't you
Speaker 6: predict that if you had a million dollars you were
Speaker 6: about to spend it? So maybe you open up an
Speaker 6: extra can diversify in preparation for them. I'm reading too
Speaker 6: much into the lyrics, sorry, Bradley.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's like and to your Dalmatian. Turns out, I
Speaker 5: know a lot about Sublime.
Speaker 4: I have no idea what you're talking about all right now,
Speaker 4: Bradley is a singer and subpl did you not know
Speaker 4: the Santorea part.
Speaker 1: Even I did know that, Okay, that's all.
Speaker 4: And you know why, because when I didn't have a
Speaker 4: DS I was gonna say DVD a CD player in
Speaker 4: my car around the time that song came out, what
Speaker 4: the like, early two thousands, Yeah, I would.
Speaker 1: I would listen to terrestrial radio while I.
Speaker 4: Drove and if that song came on, I would turn
Speaker 4: it so fast because there's certain songs I can't listen
Speaker 4: to at all, Right, that's one of them.
Speaker 1: Kokomo's another way down.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm afraid that. I kind of like when that
Speaker 6: Sublime song comes on. As much as I make fun
Speaker 6: of white guy reggae, I do kind of there's part
Speaker 6: of me that there was a time in my life,
Speaker 6: you know where three eleven and Sublime it just spoke
Speaker 6: to me.
Speaker 5: Sure, you know, I I've always.
Speaker 1: Been irie, No, I know. I.
Speaker 4: I mean, I think you would have to love it
Speaker 4: to be so good at making fun of it, right, right.
Speaker 1: Part of it.
Speaker 4: I think people don't understand that if you're mocking them
Speaker 4: to your to their face, they're basically admitting they're in
Speaker 4: love with you, right.
Speaker 5: And that's what that is.
Speaker 6: And when I did a show in San Francisco for
Speaker 6: a bunch of guy.
Speaker 5: There are dreadlock.
Speaker 6: DJs that did like rosta DJ and I don't think
Speaker 6: they would call it rosta DJA. But that's one of
Speaker 6: the first times I made fun of them and they
Speaker 6: were right there. I didn't know they were right there,
Speaker 6: and they actually kind of turned into Gary Oldman from
Speaker 6: True Romance.
Speaker 5: They wanted to kill me.
Speaker 1: They did.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they weren't very happy, and I'm like, hey man,
Speaker 6: it's all out of love, it's all alone.
Speaker 5: And they didn't. They weren't on board.
Speaker 1: White reggae people better have a sense of humor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: had best. Yeah, that's not a threat. No, sorry, it's
Speaker 1: just the way it came out. I'm practicing Sandria on there.
Speaker 6: This guy's from Hawaii in front of me. When I
Speaker 6: went to Hawaii, everyone was just listening. It's like they
Speaker 6: to Sublime, Sublime everywhere.
Speaker 5: They didn't. They don't get new music.
Speaker 1: There, oh, all the way over to Hawaii.
Speaker 5: Yeah. The ocean.
Speaker 1: The ocean inhibits it.
Speaker 5: I think it has to have something to do with it.
Speaker 6: Not anymore, but in the terrestrial radio days, sure, the
Speaker 6: signal just didn't make it across across those waters.
Speaker 4: So They basically were there with some old reggae, some
Speaker 4: white reggae.
Speaker 5: And some coconuts and some string and.
Speaker 1: Of course the ukulele.
Speaker 5: They had to make dew.
Speaker 1: Then they did, Oh boy, what's.
Speaker 4: Going on in this part of the North America with everybody?
Speaker 5: Oh? You mean my life?
Speaker 6: Sure, I'm going to Montana tomorrow, And it's okay to say,
Speaker 6: because it's going to be a surprise.
Speaker 5: I'm showing up at my nephew's graduation.
Speaker 6: But by the time this airs at Wolf already happened,
Speaker 6: so I'm not spoiling it.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, your sister lives in Montana.
Speaker 5: She lives in Spokane, Washington.
Speaker 1: I knew it.
Speaker 5: I knew it was very close. There's just one little
Speaker 5: panhandle of Idaho that gets in the way.
Speaker 1: But oh, so they're celebrating his graduation at your dad's.
Speaker 6: Nope, I'm gonna fly to Montana. Oh, hang out with
Speaker 6: my dad for a day, then drive across that panhandle.
Speaker 6: I mansions got it into Spokane, Washington.
Speaker 5: Got it.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 4: I was so confused. And then I'd love for you
Speaker 4: to text me every stop you make. Yes, just let
Speaker 4: me know where you are a panhandle next time you
Speaker 4: hear from me.
Speaker 6: I'll be in Courtelain in Washington near Hayden Lake, the
Speaker 6: place where all the White Supremacs are used to hang out.
Speaker 5: And then they were kicked out and went to Illinoi's.
Speaker 1: Did they really?
Speaker 5: I think so?
Speaker 1: Is that where they went?
Speaker 5: I think they went to Illinois.
Speaker 4: And then they went onto the internet. Yes, I haven't gotten
Speaker 4: kicked off of.
Speaker 5: That there one dozen strong.
Speaker 4: I went once and played Moscow, Idaho. No brag, but
Speaker 4: it did happen.
Speaker 5: Did you? Did you do stand up comedy or music there? Yes?
Speaker 5: You had.
Speaker 4: It was a one nighter you were required to do
Speaker 4: if that if you played the Seattle Comedy Underground remember
Speaker 4: that club?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 4: I was middling for Patten and as the middler, you
Speaker 4: had to go and headline a one nighter in a
Speaker 4: holiday and bar in Moscow, Idaho.
Speaker 1: You I've told you the story. When I got there,
Speaker 1: I went with the opener, who was a man who
Speaker 1: is close to seventy.
Speaker 4: He told all street jokes like the hey McLeod, get
Speaker 4: off of my U. Those remember those, like they're like
Speaker 4: drunk uncle at a wedding jokes?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I wish I knew more of them. For when
Speaker 5: people ask me, im, I know any jokes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that one you can keep that for you.
Speaker 1: That's a free one for you.
Speaker 6: This is me putting it in my front pocket for
Speaker 6: the panhandle.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So we got there.
Speaker 4: He drove went, We drove from Seattle to It's pretty long.
Speaker 1: We get there. They gave us.
Speaker 4: A hotel room in the holiday and we get there
Speaker 4: there watching I believe this time it was either Seinfeld.
Speaker 1: Or a sports game. They all wanted to watch.
Speaker 4: The guy running the show turned off the show, and
Speaker 4: when it's time for comedy, so people like literally booed
Speaker 4: and were mad and drunk, and then Grandpa gets up
Speaker 4: and tells fifteen mediocre street jokes and then I have
Speaker 4: to get up in headline and I got I would
Speaker 4: say twelve minutes into my act. People were bringing shots
Speaker 4: up on the stage and going drink, drink, drink and
Speaker 4: shot some shit. And I was like, I don't drink.
Speaker 4: I'm an alcoholic. I don't drink drake.
Speaker 1: Get it. And then I finally told I was like,
Speaker 1: I'll give you one last joke.
Speaker 5: I told it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I think you guys want the TV part
Speaker 1: turn back on.
Speaker 4: That's what we're gonna do, and I just fucking left
Speaker 4: and as I walked out, so it's just like super
Speaker 4: awkward quiet as I walked off stage, and then as
Speaker 4: I walked out the door, because literally out of the door.
Speaker 1: Of the bar, you turned right down the hallway and
Speaker 1: my room was three doors down.
Speaker 5: Oh no.
Speaker 4: So I was just like I'm not doing this, Like, well,
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna fight with you fucking people.
Speaker 1: And I was a middler. I wasn't a.
Speaker 5: Headliner who went up at the end, just another.
Speaker 1: No, no, that was supposed to be me. I was
Speaker 1: supposed to.
Speaker 5: Headline it this when what's this?
Speaker 4: This was in nineteteen, I'd say ninety six or.
Speaker 6: Okaven, okay, okay, that's all. I didn't know you had
Speaker 6: stopped been not drinking, so damn.
Speaker 1: Well, it's not funny. Ninety seven is when I stopped.
Speaker 6: Wow uh oh, And there was a fresh like, hey,
Speaker 6: quit sending these shots up.
Speaker 5: I not long ago would drink all of them, right.
Speaker 4: But also it was this thing where they were it
Speaker 4: was like a weird way of fucking with me by
Speaker 4: giving putting shots on the table like it was very confrontational,
Speaker 4: but they were pretending it was like we're all partying,
Speaker 4: and it's like, I'm not only am I not partying,
Speaker 4: I don't like it here and I don't and none
Speaker 4: of you care one whit about my comedy ideas.
Speaker 1: So let's fucking let's end this charade.
Speaker 6: You were in a situation what would be the worst,
Speaker 6: which I've never experienced, where you.
Speaker 5: Were just a couple walls away from the bar.
Speaker 6: You could have ran gotten into bed and then overheard them, yes,
Speaker 6: saying how they didn't like that, they hate a b.
Speaker 5: That's an extra. That would have been the worst.
Speaker 4: But as I walked out the door, the bouncer as
Speaker 4: I walked by him, just right into my ear went
Speaker 4: boo what Wow.
Speaker 1: And that's just one of the many stand up comedy
Speaker 1: experiences I got.
Speaker 5: Why did he feel the need to do.
Speaker 1: That because I bailed on the show.
Speaker 4: I basically got up and was like, you guys suck,
Speaker 4: this sucks and left.
Speaker 1: So I think he just was thought I was a quitter,
Speaker 1: which he was right.
Speaker 5: Wow, I had had a similar experience like that.
Speaker 1: Please hold, please hold.
Speaker 5: Oh We're at Starbucks.
Speaker 4: Hi? Can I get a double tall one pump Mocha?
Speaker 4: And can I get a Venti Vanilla? Did you say
Speaker 4: iced Yeah, an ice Venti vanilla latte.
Speaker 5: All of the nice Venti vanilla latte.
Speaker 4: Also, can we have two of those two iced Ventana
Speaker 4: vanilla lattis.
Speaker 5: Oh my vanilla. It's gonna be super sweet. That'll be fine.
Speaker 1: It'll be exciting.
Speaker 6: Pretending it's an ice cream. Yeah, I'm not, thank you booze.
Speaker 6: And man, it makes me want candy. It's so weird.
Speaker 1: It's not weird. It's all sugar. Loose is sugar and
Speaker 1: you just need to replace it.
Speaker 6: The other day, the other night it was late, I
Speaker 6: had to walk to the liquor store and get a
Speaker 6: Snickers ice cream bar.
Speaker 5: I'm really I feel like I'm growing.
Speaker 1: Up because you walked yourself down.
Speaker 5: Oh man, it was good too. I ate it real fast.
Speaker 1: I love all sweets, except.
Speaker 4: I don't like almond flavored things or mars pan And
Speaker 4: that's weird.
Speaker 5: What is mars.
Speaker 4: Marsa pan is like when you go in to a
Speaker 4: fancy bakery or candy store and they've shaped like sugar
Speaker 4: and almond oil and all these different things into pretty
Speaker 4: little It'll look like a piece of fruit, or it'll
Speaker 4: look like they basically sculpture. It's candy. Sculpture and then
Speaker 4: when you eat it, it tastes like almond oil. It tastes
Speaker 4: like it's almond flavors.
Speaker 5: I don't want that.
Speaker 1: It's not good.
Speaker 4: No, but like princesses and royalty have it.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 4: So the card that we're being that we're using today, yes, yes,
Speaker 4: is to Chris, Karen is Stephen from Rock Sand and Lewis.
Speaker 1: I think that's what this says. It looks like or
Speaker 1: Roxanne and Lexi.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is more great, Yeah, Rock Sand and Lexi.
Speaker 1: It does from or.
Speaker 5: It looks like Lorraine to me, Okay.
Speaker 1: Lorraine, Roxanne, Lexi or Lewis. Thank you so much.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and next time, don't use a big fat mark.
Speaker 5: What is it's like that? There was that person?
Speaker 1: Can you see what that says? That they're from this
Speaker 1: place Wisconsin? Oh wow, I think that's an R or
Speaker 1: is it a queue?
Speaker 5: Yeah boy, it's oh boy boy, I that is oh man,
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Thank you you too.
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, I didn't I thought you you caught that one.
Speaker 5: No, no, I gave it. I gave it. I handed
Speaker 5: it back.
Speaker 1: Good manners, Chris.
Speaker 5: These they have they have no straw. So we're saving
Speaker 5: the turtles.
Speaker 6: But they're kind of dangerous, right, I really, I've really
Speaker 6: been enjoying my turtle ambassadorship.
Speaker 1: Oh have you gotten a lot of heat off that.
Speaker 6: I'm yeah, just not from the turtle industry yet, but yeah,
Speaker 6: from fans.
Speaker 1: They take a while though.
Speaker 4: You remember turtles, they're not going to respond as quickly
Speaker 4: as say a hair even on the corporate level.
Speaker 1: They're they're they're they're a different breed.
Speaker 5: But I'm yeah, I've been been eating a lot of sugar.
Speaker 5: I've been staying at home. I went bowling the other night.
Speaker 5: I did some gardening.
Speaker 6: I I'm feeling bad because my neighbor she planted seeds
Speaker 6: in her garden. Nothing really came up, but mine is
Speaker 6: flourishing and we get the same amount of sunline.
Speaker 5: It asked to me, she's not watering enough. Oh, these
Speaker 5: flowers are everywhere.
Speaker 6: They are wild ones. I'd never done that, so it's
Speaker 6: very exciting to me. I just feel like I'm growing up.
Speaker 6: And I bowled very well.
Speaker 1: That's exciting.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that's where my life is at.
Speaker 1: Well, do you do you want to know where my
Speaker 1: life is out?
Speaker 5: I do.
Speaker 1: There's the new Wi Fi and my house doesn't work.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work.
Speaker 4: That's how I discovered that I have an outbox on
Speaker 4: my email because I've been sending emails hitting send and
Speaker 4: they don't go through, and then they go sit in
Speaker 4: the outbox and then don't go through even when the
Speaker 4: internet comes back.
Speaker 5: So you thought people just weren't getting back to you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean no, it would be mid conversation where
Speaker 4: a bunch of people are going back and forth. I
Speaker 4: think I'm having my say, and the next day I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: all those emails are just sitting over here. And then
Speaker 4: I go to watch TV and every like I was
Speaker 4: on Netflix first and hit play, and then a thing
Speaker 4: came up that said this television show will be available
Speaker 4: in five hours. So it's been like that until this
Speaker 4: is the final example of something awful. I woke up
Speaker 4: the other morning and had a text that was from
Speaker 4: a friend at seven thirty in the morning, someone I've
Speaker 4: been speaking with lightly, and I was like, oh, that's
Speaker 4: kind of fun, like immediately texting at seven thirty more yea,
Speaker 4: and it was yeah, so like at eight thirty, I
Speaker 4: just responded, and then about four minutes later realized just
Speaker 4: because your phone says that the text was delivered at
Speaker 4: seven thirty in the morning. Doesn't mean that's when it
Speaker 4: was since right, So, actually, on the other end of that,
Speaker 4: it looked like unsolicited I sent someone to text at.
Speaker 1: Eight thirty in the morning.
Speaker 4: Right, yeah, Now my life has been ruined by bad WiFi.
Speaker 5: Really you think that that ended it?
Speaker 1: I mean, who knows. But I can't. I can't.
Speaker 4: I don't have it in me to withstand the humiliation
Speaker 4: of looking like the kind of person that would text
Speaker 4: another person that they are not really technically involved with.
Speaker 1: At fucking eight thirty in the morning.
Speaker 5: I can't.
Speaker 1: That's I've lived my whole life to not be that person.
Speaker 5: It's not. It's not as bad as if it were.
Speaker 6: You know, two with three in the morning, you know
Speaker 6: that's when you seem like a weirdo. What early in
Speaker 6: the morning. It's like, man, she gets up, she gets
Speaker 6: stuffed done early. I gotta start waking up early. You
Speaker 6: probably motivated this person.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think it's like when you're sleeping you wake up
Speaker 4: and someone's staring at you.
Speaker 6: People, I'm getting real good at saying the right thing crossers.
Speaker 1: I don't know how short her jacket is.
Speaker 5: Look at him calling her names? Is they're not getting along.
Speaker 1: You guys, don't fight these pedestrians. That's the last thing
Speaker 1: we want to see.
Speaker 5: At least save it for the curb. Don't fight mid street.
Speaker 1: Oh that taco truck right there that we just passed
Speaker 1: is the best one in LA. Many people say so.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I hear that there's always some taco truck that's
Speaker 6: claiming to be the best.
Speaker 4: I mean, I have to say, such a competitive market,
Speaker 4: it's very competitive, and everyone's doing a great job.
Speaker 1: A few of them are not good, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 6: There is a or summer just like you might as
Speaker 6: well have gone to a restaurant because there's a vegan
Speaker 6: one by my house that I got a burrito and
Speaker 6: it was twelve dollars. I don't know a lot of
Speaker 6: brick and mortar twelve dollars burritos, much less one that
Speaker 6: has a slight hint of gasoline.
Speaker 4: They're like, help us keep our van on the street. Yeah, hey,
Speaker 4: the extra go the extra.
Speaker 5: Mile was it was good. It was good, though.
Speaker 4: I mean I had a case idea from one I
Speaker 4: think the one that's outside the Virgil, that permanent one
Speaker 4: outside the Virgil.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, so good. Yeah, that place. Is
Speaker 5: that is one that I've heard that's the best.
Speaker 4: I mean, I honestly think there's probably about five that
Speaker 4: you could easily say are the best. Yeah, because they're
Speaker 4: just making like the chicken. When you get that like
Speaker 4: chicken in a case of they and it's that red
Speaker 4: marinated chicken.
Speaker 1: Fuck, what more do you want?
Speaker 6: There was a I can't Anthony Bourdain one of his shows,
Speaker 6: No Limits, No no Something.
Speaker 5: No Borders, no Border. Yeah, something like that. Yes, that's
Speaker 5: what there is.
Speaker 6: There was some guy that started in the food cart
Speaker 6: business early on and now has many, many.
Speaker 5: Actual restaurants. But it was a really interesting story.
Speaker 6: And then they talked about the La riots and his
Speaker 6: parents hanging out on rooftops with machine guns.
Speaker 5: Really yeah, it was like about Koreatown.
Speaker 6: And they were talking about going into this sizzler where
Speaker 6: he and his friends would take meatballs and put them
Speaker 6: in the taco shells and have these meatball tacos. And
Speaker 6: I've never been so confronted because ever since that episode,
Speaker 6: I've wanted to go to that sizzler and have myself
Speaker 6: a meatball talk. Sure, I haven't yet, though, I just
Speaker 6: can't bring myself.
Speaker 4: To do it, you know, what's funny and this might
Speaker 4: help you with that. Georgia just told me Georgia hard
Speaker 4: Shark of the podcast my favorite mind. Yes, yes, right
Speaker 4: here on the exactly right now. But she said that
Speaker 4: her and Vince went to a sizzler recently and it
Speaker 4: was great. And I said, did they still have nacho
Speaker 4: cheese at their salad bar? And Vince began to described
Speaker 4: to me what they have at the salad bar and
Speaker 4: it's nuts. They have like all sorry, all kinds of
Speaker 4: like appetizers. It sounds crazy.
Speaker 5: It's like a new and improved Sizzler.
Speaker 1: I think scissors. Really, Yeah, they're trying their best.
Speaker 6: Do they still have just a trough of brown pudding
Speaker 6: with some excess of ranch that like there's always, yes,
Speaker 6: someone's always they just placed the dressing too close to
Speaker 6: the pudding because it's an end of salad decision.
Speaker 5: I guess, yes, And there's always a ranch spattered X here.
Speaker 1: This marks the spot where I saw the pudding I
Speaker 1: always like.
Speaker 4: And when a salad bar there was a restaurant called
Speaker 4: the Green Mill and Pedalima. There was like strictly for
Speaker 4: old people. You had to be like over eighty to
Speaker 4: really enjoy it. Yeah, and they had a big old
Speaker 4: salad bar and their thing was clean peaches. Remember when
Speaker 4: clean peaches were just like that was like the and
Speaker 4: cottage cheese were like in a salad bar.
Speaker 1: A big move. The clean peaches, you said, cling seelion.
Speaker 5: I've never I just would say canned peaches, shiny, syrupy peaches.
Speaker 4: Right, Except the cling, I think is the is the
Speaker 4: like type of peach.
Speaker 6: Or it's the sound that can makes when you drop
Speaker 6: it into the ling.
Speaker 5: I figured it out there. It is.
Speaker 4: That's why we're doing this, that's why we try so hard.
Speaker 4: I just think it's time to reapproach Sizzler. The last
Speaker 4: time I was there was in the nineties and it
Speaker 4: was so depressing. I almost took my own.
Speaker 5: But your own food there.
Speaker 1: I always took my own turkey sandwich, but it was rough.
Speaker 4: It was just like super old people eating super slowly
Speaker 4: and it's smelled not great.
Speaker 1: But Vince said, it's a totally different story.
Speaker 5: Wow, I should go to that.
Speaker 6: I've been eyeball in that one in Korea Town for
Speaker 6: close to a decade.
Speaker 1: There's also one in Atwater that I think is the
Speaker 1: one he was talking about. By that costco.
Speaker 6: Oh I gotta go to that one that sounds better
Speaker 6: be less crowded, less ranch, Yeah, better parking.
Speaker 5: There's no parking in Koreatown.
Speaker 1: No, there isn't.
Speaker 4: And I had a friend that hunt apartment there once
Speaker 4: and her car got stolen like three times.
Speaker 5: Was it a hount accord?
Speaker 1: Probably?
Speaker 5: Yeah, they get stolen a lot. That's why I keep
Speaker 5: mine in my garage. It's it's been very nice though.
Speaker 5: No one's trying to break in my garage and the
Speaker 5: ghost has not been visiting at all.
Speaker 1: Do you think it could have been pipes or something?
Speaker 6: Well, you know, there was objects disappearing and reappearing, right,
Speaker 6: that was But yes, is it is it me being
Speaker 6: misplacing them? I'm starting to condence myself that it was
Speaker 6: just my brain, but it really wasn't, especially those first
Speaker 6: couple of times.
Speaker 5: And there were.
Speaker 6: Times, like I said before, where I realized it was
Speaker 6: something that I'd put in my pocket and then I'd
Speaker 6: apologize to the ghost. But I did when I burned
Speaker 6: incense and sage, I did say out loud, you can
Speaker 6: hang out here when I'm out of town, And I
Speaker 6: was being serious, like you, it's hard to tell jus
Speaker 6: to get on out I don't want them to retaliate
Speaker 6: and suddenly there's a butcher knife flying through the air
Speaker 6: slowly at me.
Speaker 1: So you're doing more of a shared space.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we have a Google calendar, we both. I just
Speaker 5: let them know. I mark out my dates. My my
Speaker 5: ghost is my new manager does a lot of my scheduling.
Speaker 1: That's nice and gets real aggressive with the pay rate.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I hope. So, yeah, it was. It was
Speaker 6: a businessman in his life.
Speaker 4: Look, if your ghost can't get you New Faces this year,
Speaker 4: you need to fire that.
Speaker 6: I already did New Faces, and I was reminded by
Speaker 6: Chad Daniels, who I did this club in Winnipeg.
Speaker 5: Called Rumors. It was very fun.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's that's this is a slut and everyone knows
Speaker 6: it's all that. That's the most scandalous thing, not my sluttiness.
Speaker 1: Everyone's talking about.
Speaker 5: It's called they tell jokes here.
Speaker 6: But Chad in what's the comic like the week before
Speaker 6: me and he's he told the story of us at
Speaker 6: New Faces in Montreal, where we you know, I was
Speaker 6: very hungover on stage and I said out loud during
Speaker 6: one of the more impertin sets in my career, do
Speaker 6: you guys have you ever gotten so drunk with Chad
Speaker 6: Daniels that you forgot your closer? Well, I have, and
Speaker 6: then that's how I ended my set. And Dave Wrath
Speaker 6: was my manager at the time, and he just looked
Speaker 6: down at Chad and he's like, you son of a bitch,
Speaker 6: And it was like fun. It was a fun beginning
Speaker 6: mistake and one of my first big mistakes.
Speaker 1: That's hilarious.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, you know, I bet my life would have
Speaker 5: been the same had I remembered that closer.
Speaker 6: I'd be in the same position right now. We're in
Speaker 6: the same shirt.
Speaker 1: Your hair would be definitely different.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you'd have probably a nicer car. This is a
Speaker 5: nice one, though.
Speaker 1: You have impacted my life. Do you see what your
Speaker 1: drinking does.
Speaker 5: To my car? It is what we found out me.
Speaker 6: If I had done a better set mine, everything in
Speaker 6: my life would be the same, but somehow yours would
Speaker 6: be better.
Speaker 1: This would be a.
Speaker 4: Mercedes SL five hundred and I would get huge fucking.
Speaker 5: Wheels, just slightly better seats.
Speaker 1: Oh you have a seat warmer? Yeah I don't, but
Speaker 1: you do.
Speaker 6: Think about those, the domino effect, the butterfly effect. If
Speaker 6: I can mention my favorite Ashton movie.
Speaker 4: Oh Jerry, have you seen that movie?
Speaker 5: I started?
Speaker 1: It is unbelievably badly great. It is it is, you
Speaker 1: have to watch it.
Speaker 5: I one time was auditioning for something and apparently the
Speaker 5: production company was owned by Ashton Kutcher. It wasn't called
Speaker 5: Punked Industries or anything.
Speaker 1: So now and I know Trick Incorporated.
Speaker 6: It is called Chucker Hats Academy of Bro Browie Arts
Speaker 6: b Bro. And I went into the They had a
Speaker 6: giant Butterfly Effect poster.
Speaker 5: So after I read these lines, oh no, I said,
Speaker 5: oh you guys big fans of the movie Butterfly Effect.
Speaker 5: And I laughed. And then they're like, well we we
Speaker 5: made that that our company is owned by Ashton Coucher.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh, so, I'll just see myself out then.
Speaker 6: But then there was a gym in there, like where
Speaker 6: and U and I walked in the gym and he
Speaker 6: was like, well lifting weights in the gym?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 5: And then he said hi, and he seemed really nice.
Speaker 1: Did you amologize?
Speaker 4: Do you say, oh, I just ripped the Butterfly effected
Speaker 4: new I'm just.
Speaker 5: Glad it happened down the hallway.
Speaker 4: Can I just tell you that I used to do
Speaker 4: a ten minute chunk on the butterfly effect.
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
Speaker 5: I got a finish watch.
Speaker 1: You have to watch it. Did you get to the
Speaker 1: part where he has a prosthetic arm?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: Please do. It's so great.
Speaker 6: Wasn't that the movie where he's someone a director said
Speaker 6: you have to take an acting class, probably.
Speaker 5: Because he's kind of in the seventies show he does that.
Speaker 1: He's perfect, it's perfect Cassid.
Speaker 6: But man, in this he's like freaking out. There's psychological
Speaker 6: stuff happening. It's like a thriller. Yeah, and he takes
Speaker 6: you out of it very very often.
Speaker 4: But I would argue this, Look, you can't make a
Speaker 4: good movie by yourself.
Speaker 1: If you're Ashton Kutcher. Script needs to be good.
Speaker 4: You need good directors, right, You need somebody that can
Speaker 4: make a realistic looking prosthetic on that's not on him,
Speaker 4: And he.
Speaker 1: Was bringing what they knew exactly what he could bring.
Speaker 5: To the table.
Speaker 1: He made that movie.
Speaker 4: And nobody was helping him with good fun good things
Speaker 4: to say, or good ways to say it.
Speaker 1: So he was totally on his own.
Speaker 5: Do you think he wrote it really and directed it? No?
Speaker 4: No, no, I'm just saying that you know those people in
Speaker 4: that room saying, well we made it are as responsible,
Speaker 4: if not more so, than anybody else, because you can't
Speaker 4: you know what I mean, he doesn't know what a
Speaker 4: good movie script. Probably it was he was twenty five, right,
Speaker 4: he was only on one TV show.
Speaker 1: He was a model. He was an underwear model, right.
Speaker 4: So like he's like, oh, this is what a cool concept,
Speaker 4: which it was a cool concept.
Speaker 1: The execution was fucking disastrous things.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, to the point where it's a great movie
Speaker 4: to watch.
Speaker 6: It is it kind of like powder where you just
Speaker 6: can't believe some of these things are happening.
Speaker 4: And also you get like, because I think everybody loves
Speaker 4: Ashton Kutcher, I think, I mean aside from the punk shit.
Speaker 6: And the fact that right right some reason, Yeah, you
Speaker 6: would never be like, oh that asshole.
Speaker 4: No, because he has a great face and it seems
Speaker 4: like a guy you went to high school with, and
Speaker 4: he's kind of he has a good vibe emotionally.
Speaker 6: How what are his eyebrows telling you? Because I know
Speaker 6: you put a lot away to the eyebrows.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I get a blankness from his eyebrows that actually,
Speaker 4: I bet you over the years, Like you know, he
Speaker 4: was who did he play?
Speaker 1: He played Steve Jobs.
Speaker 4: And there are people who said the Steve Jobs that
Speaker 4: Ashton Kutcher did that movie was better than the one.
Speaker 5: That Fastbender Spinder Dead.
Speaker 4: There are people that say that because he looked exactly
Speaker 4: like him and the acting was really good. So man,
Speaker 4: you know, he may have grown and changed and taken
Speaker 4: that acting class that was recommended. Right, it doesn't make
Speaker 4: the butterfly effect any less valid as a form of entertainment.
Speaker 4: Like everything doesn't need to be an Oscar winning thing.
Speaker 4: I get just as much, if not more, entertainment out
Speaker 4: of the butterfly effect than I do some fucking I don't.
Speaker 6: For some reason, I had to stop watching watching it abruptly,
Speaker 6: and I remember vividly turning, pausing it.
Speaker 5: But it still says the.
Speaker 4: Arm come and grab you out of your accouch, And
Speaker 4: then there's Ashton Kutcher.
Speaker 1: Buddy, it's just a prop, buddy, don't be scared.
Speaker 6: Oh God, I'm so glad he didn't hear me make
Speaker 6: fun of it.
Speaker 4: Well, also, boy, did you hear he just he had
Speaker 4: to be a witness in a murder trial because a
Speaker 4: girl that he had just started dating was murdered by
Speaker 4: a serial killer. What yes, and he just had to testify.
Speaker 4: It's heartbreaking, like when he was he was going over
Speaker 4: to her house to meet her to go out on
Speaker 4: a date with her, and she didn't answer the door,
Speaker 4: and so he like looked around and all this different
Speaker 4: stuff and left and she was inside the house she'd
Speaker 4: been murdered.
Speaker 1: So for a little while he was one of the suspects.
Speaker 5: When what's this? What year? Well he just.
Speaker 4: Testified like with it like a month ago, but I
Speaker 4: don't know what year it happened.
Speaker 6: Oh, man, God, Stephen just handed me a picture of him.
Speaker 6: He looks he's handsome.
Speaker 1: He's a beautiful man. And isn't that funny? Nice?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, the murders too.
Speaker 1: It's like he just started dating some girl that he likes.
Speaker 5: That's so awful. It's awful.
Speaker 1: It's awful.
Speaker 5: And he probably got approval from Demi and Bruce Willis
Speaker 5: to date the girl and they.
Speaker 6: Have like a very tight knit Oh now, it sounds
Speaker 6: like I'm making life someone dying.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, but I think no, this was
Speaker 4: way before, I think, right, Stephen, are you looking at
Speaker 4: that article?
Speaker 5: Man?
Speaker 1: No one really cares about the story but me.
Speaker 5: No, I care, I do care.
Speaker 6: I feel bad that I tried to make jokes. Oh,
Speaker 6: when I hear about someone dying, I have to make jokes.
Speaker 6: I make good jokes in hospital too. I get nervous,
Speaker 6: and it's my defense mechanism.
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm not judging you. It's the reason I have
Speaker 1: this beautiful car.
Speaker 5: I went.
Speaker 6: I don't know how to act when real emotions are needed.
Speaker 6: I went to the doctor. My shoulders have been clicking
Speaker 6: and have weird bumps in them, and I can't bring
Speaker 6: my arms back. So I went to a doctor and
Speaker 6: I'm like, hey, I got click any bumpity shoulders and
Speaker 6: I couldn't. I kept trying to make him laugh, just
Speaker 6: because I was nervous about things. And then I think
Speaker 6: that I and he was laughing. This doctor's become my friend.
Speaker 6: And then he just laughed right through the part where
Speaker 6: he's supposed to tell me what's wrong with me, and
Speaker 6: I feel like I'm.
Speaker 1: Just he's trying to get you to come back. Maybe
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: I think I'm just My own comedy is going to
Speaker 6: kill me because I can't stop. I didn't stop to
Speaker 6: think about what I need to tell him.
Speaker 1: Oh, because you were riffing so hard.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm riffing and riffing.
Speaker 6: And then it's like wait, and then the reason that
Speaker 6: came here wasn't to do a little concert, or was it?
Speaker 5: Or was it? Now? This is That's my version of
Speaker 5: a one man show, one guy in the audience.
Speaker 4: The doctor is different than the new male adult friend
Speaker 4: you've made recently, Right right, two different adult male friends know.
Speaker 5: I exchanged phone numbers with an age appropriate man that
Speaker 5: it's not my new friend.
Speaker 6: We go skateboarding and he's also an artist. We have
Speaker 6: a lot in common. We were set up by my
Speaker 6: buddy Jim. Yeah, I have a new friend in my neighborhood.
Speaker 6: And we go and we go skateboarding, we play but bowlding.
Speaker 6: It's very fun. It's weird as an adult to do
Speaker 6: because I meet guys all the time. I'm like that
Speaker 6: guy was not And it seems weird ye in your
Speaker 6: forties to say, hey, can I call you sometime?
Speaker 5: I don't know why.
Speaker 4: Well, first of all, because people don't call each other anymore, right,
Speaker 4: just never ask that question again in your lifetime, right right,
Speaker 4: No one wants you to call them.
Speaker 5: The answer is no, No, I played it cool. I
Speaker 5: was like, hey, I'll touch you and we'll go skating. Dude, Hey,
Speaker 5: do you want.
Speaker 1: Me to send you an emoji that's hard to interpret?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, sounds good, A yelling shadow profile head.
Speaker 4: Now, what time in the morning do you want it?
Speaker 4: Because I can go as early as six.
Speaker 6: Am, depending on when my phone lets me know you
Speaker 6: sent me something.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 6: No, it's been great. I love my new neighborhood. I
Speaker 6: have friends. I have that garden. I mentioned that was
Speaker 6: an exciting part of the podcast.
Speaker 4: You're making friends, you're gardening. You're talking about gardening.
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: It's new life. It's a new life.
Speaker 5: I have new gardening friends. Are you going to have
Speaker 5: a party? I hat You're right.
Speaker 6: There's a lot of I got to get to a
Speaker 6: good stopping point of what well I'm now. I'm deciding
Speaker 6: to make my room kind of camping themed. I'm going
Speaker 6: to put a over the bed. I'm going to get
Speaker 6: some faux grass and put that at the base of
Speaker 6: my tree wallpaper wall, and uh, I.
Speaker 1: Want grass like astro.
Speaker 5: It is not. It's better nascro turf.
Speaker 6: It's the new stuff that people use in lieu of
Speaker 6: growing grass. There's even like fake dried grass in it. Oh,
Speaker 6: it looks very realistic. It's three dollars a square foot.
Speaker 6: It's like a little bit of an investment.
Speaker 1: How many square feet did you get?
Speaker 6: I'm gonna get twelve by twelve by two, so we're
Speaker 6: now looking Yeah, twelve by three.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm gonna get a hundred bucks.
Speaker 1: Worth nice and I'm gonna.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I'm gonna like have it be a wavy
Speaker 6: line like a golf course or something. Okay, Yeah, I'm
Speaker 6: going to have that in the corner with maybe a
Speaker 6: Coleman lantern. And it's just going to be a little strange,
Speaker 6: I think, But it's what I want to do. And
Speaker 6: I want to have my bed tan to canvas stand.
Speaker 5: Over my bed.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: There's a hotel I Data.
Speaker 6: In Big Bear and each room was themed camping style
Speaker 6: and I really enjoyed it there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think I want to do that to my room.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, you shouldn't do exactly what you want to
Speaker 1: that room.
Speaker 6: Do you think I'm describing that strange? Is it strange?
Speaker 1: I'm trying to picture going into that room romantically?
Speaker 5: Oh right, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: When you're going to bring home one of your twenty
Speaker 4: three year olds.
Speaker 5: That you like to bring home, right, right, what's she
Speaker 5: going to.
Speaker 4: Feel about suddenly being on camping and I'm and I'm
Speaker 4: wearing a boy scout uniform.
Speaker 1: You're like, please put on this dead mother dress.
Speaker 6: Please don't mind me. I'm licking a lollipop. I'm wearing
Speaker 6: a propeller hat.
Speaker 1: I like my youth and I want to recapture it.
Speaker 6: I do more interesting. Yeah, I think it'll only classy.
Speaker 6: I'm making it sound ridiculous, Okay, but it is. My
Speaker 6: apartment's almost ready. You're right, I should have a party.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm just saying I think I think you're ready.
Speaker 1: And you throw really good parties, don't you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I've thrown parties before. It'll be a good time.
Speaker 4: I think you have a good combination of friends because you,
Speaker 4: of course have the comedy element. But then you pull
Speaker 4: in that very for two me, in my opinion, what
Speaker 4: really adds to a party skateboarders.
Speaker 5: And civilian civilian skateboarders.
Speaker 4: Normal people and skateboarders, which I wouldn't necessarily group together.
Speaker 6: When I lived in Austin, I would throw parties and
Speaker 6: it would be exactly half skater dudes and half comedian people,
Speaker 6: and it's so fun to watch them interact.
Speaker 4: What I find the times I've seen skater dudes interacting
Speaker 4: with comedians is that comedians will joke about shitting on
Speaker 4: the floor, and skater dudes will shit on the floor.
Speaker 1: Am I right about that?
Speaker 5: Right? Right?
Speaker 4: And they'll be mad if you joke about it and
Speaker 4: don't do it, they'll be like, what are you even
Speaker 4: talking about this for?
Speaker 1: You should just be doing it?
Speaker 5: Have I?
Speaker 6: I feel this is every time I say if I
Speaker 6: told this before, it usually is, but you don't notice
Speaker 6: sometimes and it's okay.
Speaker 5: The experience of new for each of us.
Speaker 1: That's the beauty this podcast is neither of us remember anything.
Speaker 5: Our brains are shrinking at the same rate.
Speaker 1: It's so comforting.
Speaker 6: I didn't shit on a floor, but I did get
Speaker 6: my mind on a floor.
Speaker 3: By uh.
Speaker 6: I was going up and I saw that the girl
Speaker 6: recently that owned the cabin, and she told she I
Speaker 6: knew I had gotten away with it without being blamed
Speaker 6: for the vehicle manner on the floor.
Speaker 5: But I went outside and it was winter, and I.
Speaker 1: Hate to ask questes.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, you're not going to explain how it got
Speaker 4: on the floor. What the excuses or anything, or do
Speaker 4: you want to skip that part?
Speaker 5: I can. I'm telling it in a weird order.
Speaker 1: Are you going to reveal later? What happened?
Speaker 6: The pipes were shut off at the apartment and so
Speaker 6: or at the cabin. It was a cabin far off,
Speaker 6: and she said we had to go to the bathroom first,
Speaker 6: and I ignored those that request, and then once I got.
Speaker 5: There, I really had to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 6: And there was no bathroom up there, and it was winter,
Speaker 6: and so I went outside in the snow and accidentally
Speaker 6: the boots I had put on had stepped in it.
Speaker 6: Oh and at night, I went back in and they
Speaker 6: had all gone to sleep.
Speaker 5: They're playing board games.
Speaker 1: It was me.
Speaker 6: I was the third wheel. It was two friends and
Speaker 6: their dates. And I went in and I walked through
Speaker 6: the cabin like it was white, white carpet.
Speaker 1: In a cabin.
Speaker 5: Yes, they're asking for it right exactly.
Speaker 6: That's why I felt okay lying and I forgot what
Speaker 6: the lie was. But she said recently, she said, remember
Speaker 6: when we went to the cabin and you stepped in
Speaker 6: wolf shit and I so then I realized, oh, I
Speaker 6: could somehow convince them and it was like nineteen ninety
Speaker 6: five where no one knew that much about.
Speaker 1: Wolves, right, you couldn't you couldn't google anything.
Speaker 5: I lied. I just lied.
Speaker 1: Wolf verst human shit.
Speaker 5: I lied. Good.
Speaker 1: What kind of fucking Paris Hilton cabin were you going to?
Speaker 5: It was beautiful.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they were wealthy, they lived in their was just
Speaker 6: people playing polo.
Speaker 5: I'll never forget that. No, really, Yeah, there was a
Speaker 5: polo cord in the back.
Speaker 1: Did you shoot on the polo court?
Speaker 5: No? No, I saved it for the cabin.
Speaker 6: And I knew they some butler would just take They
Speaker 6: had people that worked at the house that they.
Speaker 5: Didn't make eye contact with.
Speaker 6: It's very It's one of my I had first times
Speaker 6: feeling really uncomfortable around people with money.
Speaker 5: And her parents were much older and anyway, so I
Speaker 5: went up and tracked shipped through their cabin quote unquote
Speaker 5: wolfshit through their cabin.
Speaker 4: Uh. I mean the only the only embarrassing story that's
Speaker 4: similar to that is we one time stayed in my
Speaker 4: cousin's uh loft apartment in Portland, me Greg Brren, Lisa Landang, Paul.
Speaker 1: It was a real people, It was a real cavalcade
Speaker 1: of superstars.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Lyn, just having fun and then of course it
Speaker 4: turned very not fun because my cousin's loft he was
Speaker 4: gone for you know, like a month, and he his
Speaker 4: loft that it was a shared bathroom. I think they
Speaker 4: call those Jack and Jill bathrooms. So there's a door
Speaker 4: on our side and then a door on the other
Speaker 4: side connecting to the other apartment, and you know what
Speaker 4: I mean.
Speaker 1: And basically the bathroom was in the middle of it.
Speaker 4: Oh too sure, and the person who lived in the
Speaker 4: other apartment locked the door so we couldn't get into
Speaker 4: the bathroom because.
Speaker 6: I think he thought from the inside, Yeah, my cousin
Speaker 6: was gone, I had an apartment like that.
Speaker 5: Then the neighbor did it to me all the time.
Speaker 1: Nightmare.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's awful.
Speaker 4: So and because that's back when we were still drinking.
Speaker 4: So then one morning I woke up and I was
Speaker 4: just like I tried to open this door with every
Speaker 4: like knife, and I tried to break into it in
Speaker 4: every way, and finally I just took like one of
Speaker 4: their free weekly papers and went up to the roof
Speaker 4: and like and like, like I was training myself as
Speaker 4: a puppy.
Speaker 1: I shot on a weekly paper and then folded it up.
Speaker 5: I'm so glad you're sharing this.
Speaker 6: I thought, there's no way you're gonna tell that story
Speaker 6: as embarrassing I was. I felt, you're making me feel better.
Speaker 6: That's why I'm doing it. Thank you for doing that.
Speaker 6: I really put myself out there. Mine's disgusting. And then
Speaker 6: I tracked it through the apartment and then you just
Speaker 6: you just told me about at least you kept it on.
Speaker 5: The roof, I mean.
Speaker 4: And the funniest thing was because I was like, so
Speaker 4: I folded up and I'm like, now I have to
Speaker 4: find a garbage can.
Speaker 1: To put human waste it Like this is a bit
Speaker 1: of a thing.
Speaker 4: So they don't put it in the corner, right, put
Speaker 4: in the corner to like take care of it.
Speaker 6: No no, no, no, no, no no, and put baby
Speaker 6: shit in the corner.
Speaker 4: And Greg Barrett as I'm coming down, No Greg Barrett
Speaker 4: is coming up. It was so hilarious and we were
Speaker 4: just like we'd look at each other and we were
Speaker 4: all none of us were getting.
Speaker 1: Along on this trip, and everybody was fighting.
Speaker 4: Everybody was drinking and fighting and it was hilarious and
Speaker 4: it was just like and and people were kind of
Speaker 4: mad at me, like because there was no bathroom.
Speaker 1: I was like, we can stay in my cousin's place.
Speaker 4: And then it was just like, there's no bathroom and
Speaker 4: there was no air conditioning and it was boiling hot.
Speaker 6: It was kind of nuts and that somehow that was
Speaker 6: your fault that it was a Jack and Jill style bath.
Speaker 4: An unbreakable into I feel like if you have a
Speaker 4: bathroom like that, the lock should be one of those
Speaker 4: kinds that if you stick a butter knife in it
Speaker 4: and turn it, you.
Speaker 1: Can open it from the right side. You shouldn't be
Speaker 1: able to like completely lock the bathroom.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, and that's probably a fire hazard one.
Speaker 6: When I first moved ast and I moved into this
Speaker 6: tiny room, it was above a noodle like a restaurant,
Speaker 6: so it always smelled like good uh like fuh, you know,
Speaker 6: it's like fast or faux or.
Speaker 5: Four or five five faux or FuMB and the.
Speaker 1: Neighbors smelled like the blood of an englishman.
Speaker 5: Yes, it very much did. And what do you deal
Speaker 5: with a drunken Irish sailor?
Speaker 1: Did you cut his belly with a rust? Yeah?
Speaker 6: So you had I known that back then, my living
Speaker 6: situation would have been fine. The neighbor was a guy
Speaker 6: who I would make like we weren't allowed to have
Speaker 6: anything in there, like a hot plate or anything.
Speaker 5: I had a microwave, so everything. There was no kitchen,
Speaker 5: it was just a room.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I would slam the microwave and a half hour
Speaker 6: later he would had there'd be a three page written
Speaker 6: note like describing the experience of me slamming my microwave
Speaker 6: and how the sound of it travels down the wall,
Speaker 6: across the floor and against his brain like a rubber malleche,
Speaker 6: and the writing I'd get more intense, and he'd be
Speaker 6: I'll give you two more chances. He told me I
Speaker 6: had a couple more microwave slams before he would have
Speaker 6: to tell the landlord, who was this very stern German
Speaker 6: woman who loved him and didn't like me. One time
Speaker 6: that he did the same thing. He locked the Jack
Speaker 6: and Kill bathroom and I knocked on his door. I'm like,
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I had to get into my apartment. You
Speaker 6: locked the door, and he was frustrated, shirtless, oddly ripped
Speaker 6: like Ned Flanders.
Speaker 5: Oh oh, and he but he get on top like that,
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, Balding.
Speaker 6: Balding always had a band aid on his bald head
Speaker 6: like he shaved it, and every once in a while
Speaker 6: there'd be but he was he was fucking was ripped.
Speaker 5: And his mattress.
Speaker 6: I remember walking through his room and and trying not
Speaker 6: to look at anything, but it was a serial killer
Speaker 6: looking room. His mattress was bound up, rolled up and
Speaker 6: wrapped with like bungee cords. And the noises he was
Speaker 6: making at night I thought were like sex noises. I
Speaker 6: didn't know. But he was boxing. He was punching his mattress.
Speaker 6: He'd be in there boxing. He had a giant computer.
Speaker 6: And then on the wall was pictures of people, and
Speaker 6: I swear that I glanced up and it looked like
Speaker 6: a picture of a of a class of kids.
Speaker 5: Maybe he's uncle, I don't know. There was scary.
Speaker 6: His wall had pictures of and it looked very victimy
Speaker 6: and he was shirtless and it's matt and there was
Speaker 6: no other belongings.
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, you have no clothes. There was a
Speaker 5: pile of laundry. What city this was in? Austin?
Speaker 6: And the letters kept coming and I was getting more
Speaker 6: and more scared. And there was times where he'd be
Speaker 6: sobbing and he would ask for help and I would
Speaker 6: just hide and pretend I wasn't there. He was like
Speaker 6: a crazy person. What did he So I decided to
Speaker 6: move out. Yeah, And and the day I was.
Speaker 5: Getting ready and packing, he just knocked on my door
Speaker 5: and he looked all healthy and normally he's like, hey,
Speaker 5: see you later. I just want to say it was
Speaker 5: nice living next to you.
Speaker 6: I got a job in California, so I'm move and
Speaker 6: I'd never heard him say anything, but he wanted to
Speaker 6: shake my hand and say goodbye.
Speaker 5: I moved out because of him, and then he beat
Speaker 5: me to it.
Speaker 1: And then he's still moving.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I wanted to I'm like, wait, I'll stay now,
Speaker 6: but the crazy bandaid guy murderer left but it.
Speaker 5: Was too late.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, that asshole.
Speaker 5: And that's the last time I left alone until now.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 5: Yeah, here he is right now.
Speaker 6: Oho told you I moved to California. I know neighbor,
Speaker 6: he really and he wasn't. He was an accountant and
Speaker 6: that's all I knew about him. And he was athletic,
Speaker 6: like it did make sense that he is repped. He's
Speaker 6: riding his mountain bike all the time. But but he
Speaker 6: was real creepy.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The crying is tough because it's a lot to be
Speaker 4: scared of somebody, and that can be like, Okay, this
Speaker 4: is a physically threatening person, and I understand him in
Speaker 4: this one way, but the crying folds in the humanity
Speaker 4: of like, oh, we're all just we're all just crumbling interior.
Speaker 1: Right, it's so sad.
Speaker 6: I would hear noises and I thought when maybe he's
Speaker 6: having weird sex, maybe he has a pet chin chill up,
Speaker 6: maybe that's not maybe, you know, I just couldn't pinpoint
Speaker 6: all the noises, but it was all weird stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 6: And I just kind of wasn't paying attention. But once
Speaker 6: I was paying attention, I'm like, I got to get
Speaker 6: out of here. This guy's gonna kill me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think you were right.
Speaker 4: I think always better to try to move out away
Speaker 4: from those people because it's where you live.
Speaker 1: Like, you have to feel safe and relaxed where you live.
Speaker 1: You know, you can't.
Speaker 4: You just can't have like a threat hanging over you
Speaker 4: and pretend that's not going to affect you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was.
Speaker 1: Kind of One day.
Speaker 4: There was a guy that lived across the hall from
Speaker 4: me when I lived in my tragic studio apartment on Grace,
Speaker 4: and I think he was a really nice guy actually,
Speaker 4: but he came over one time. I think he could
Speaker 4: smell that I smoked pot and cigarettes and drank, and
Speaker 4: so he came over one day, knocked on the door
Speaker 4: and was like, Hey, do you want to watch the
Speaker 4: Simpsons together? And then I was just like in that moment,
Speaker 4: I was just like, if I say yes, and like,
Speaker 4: go into that guy's house.
Speaker 1: He lives across the hall.
Speaker 5: It would be even better if he looked like.
Speaker 1: He did have those kind of eyes where the irises
Speaker 1: don't go to the bottom. And it scared me.
Speaker 4: And then when, of course, when I talked about it
Speaker 4: on stage, which of course I did, I was like,
Speaker 4: and I'm almost positive there was a fine mist of
Speaker 4: blood on his face. I was like, no, no thanks,
Speaker 4: no thanks, But he did. He was just a regular guy,
Speaker 4: and I was just you know, out of my mind.
Speaker 5: And and he had he just had bright freckles.
Speaker 4: He just it was just entirely made up because I
Speaker 4: was just saying, everyone wants to kill you.
Speaker 6: A fine mist of blood is a very vivid st He.
Speaker 4: Doesn't realize the blowback blood from his last victim is actually.
Speaker 1: Still on his face. Yeah, its me over to watch
Speaker 1: the Simpson.
Speaker 6: And then you're gonna call up a spatter technician or
Speaker 6: whatever the blood spatter.
Speaker 4: Blood a dexter type just to wipe his face with
Speaker 4: a with a gloved finger.
Speaker 5: Yep.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, it's like I could have who fucking knows this
Speaker 1: sliding door.
Speaker 4: Style that could have been my U the one capital T,
Speaker 4: capital O and I was a paranoid lunatic.
Speaker 1: That was just like, I can't you can't be near me,
Speaker 1: you live too close.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well you did that. You're making a good point.
Speaker 6: I really thought there's people that are driving like bats
Speaker 6: out of hell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone's a terrible driver. It's just awful.
Speaker 5: It's been a whole day of that for me.
Speaker 6: I really again, I want to thank you for telling
Speaker 6: your Roof Pooh story. You're welcome you really, I can't
Speaker 6: believe you did. That's one of the nicest things you've
Speaker 6: done for me.
Speaker 4: You're always Yes, I liked improv, but also those stories.
Speaker 4: I've been listening to storytelling podcasts recently where everybody has
Speaker 4: a shit story and even though it's like it's the
Speaker 4: funniest thing to tell because it's so humilating, but everyone laughs,
Speaker 4: because everyone's done some version of it and is keeping
Speaker 4: it a secret.
Speaker 6: And I've always wanted to have a group of storytellers
Speaker 6: and go on the road and call it Tour of
Speaker 6: duty on.
Speaker 7: Roll Well line, I'll do it. Oh, yes, the name is,
Speaker 7: the name is everything. Uh, but it is everyone does
Speaker 7: have no I really did.
Speaker 5: We. Johnny Pemberton and I have both.
Speaker 6: Had whatever colon issues in the past. It's very serious,
Speaker 6: but we both had some stories and we talked.
Speaker 5: That's to her duty. I already had.
Speaker 1: And can that was yours already?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 4: Stephen's choking right now, but I think really subconsciously he
Speaker 4: wants to tell a poop story.
Speaker 1: Stephen, get on.
Speaker 5: You gotta give me a minute. I will think that
Speaker 5: I know I have one. I mean, I definitely know.
Speaker 8: I peed in my pants in front of everybody in
Speaker 8: camp when I was a kid. Oh how old I
Speaker 8: think I was like eight. But the nicest part was
Speaker 8: when the teacher took me aside to change my pants.
Speaker 8: She was like, she told me a story about how
Speaker 8: she peed her pants, like on the freeway waiting in traffic.
Speaker 5: That was like, that was just nice to hear as
Speaker 5: a kid. For like an adult to be.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, it's okay, it happens all the time.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like Adam Sandler turning to the other kids
Speaker 6: and saying, hey, peeing your pants is the coolest yes,
Speaker 6: and then they're.
Speaker 5: Like, hey, look I'm peeing. Mind also the best saint ever.
Speaker 4: Have you ever heard Sarah Shaeffer tell that story in
Speaker 4: her stand up where she was at the grocery store
Speaker 4: in New York City and she like got off the subway,
Speaker 4: had to pee, but then had to get some stuff
Speaker 4: at the grocery store and by the time she was
Speaker 4: checking out, she had to pee.
Speaker 1: So bad she just peed standing at the checkout.
Speaker 4: Wow, she just couldn't hold it anymore and was like
Speaker 4: She's like, it was like physically painful. It was like
Speaker 4: a medical emergency. And so she's like, I just stood there, peeded,
Speaker 4: and then got my groceries and walked away. It's not
Speaker 4: as you have to hear her tell it. It's so
Speaker 4: fucking funny.
Speaker 5: My consciously, Yeah, I've done.
Speaker 6: I'm one time in Houston driving they have something called
Speaker 6: the loop and I couldn't get I didn't know where
Speaker 6: I was, I couldn't get off the freeway. There's cars everywhere.
Speaker 6: I had to go so bad that I just for
Speaker 6: some reason. I had a cardboard box in the seat
Speaker 6: next to me. I folded it out, sat on it,
Speaker 6: and while I drove, and let me tell you, exhilarating.
Speaker 1: Yes, right, God, what a relief.
Speaker 5: It feels great.
Speaker 1: I did that. Once we drank. We were going to.
Speaker 5: Do what you want.
Speaker 4: We were driving to go see the cure in San Francisco.
Speaker 4: We drank the whole way there from Sacramento, and when
Speaker 4: we got onto the Bay Bridge, I had to pee
Speaker 4: so bad.
Speaker 1: It was the same situation where I was almost crying.
Speaker 4: I grabbed a big gulf cup, peed into it in
Speaker 4: the back seat, and then right as we get off
Speaker 4: the bridge, the first stop light we hit.
Speaker 1: I just opened the door and put the big out
Speaker 1: on the side one, which is disgusting, but I was.
Speaker 1: It was a genuine emergency.
Speaker 5: It's I think that everyone hides that.
Speaker 6: Oh, I mean, I mean we are every time we
Speaker 6: make a weird noise, it's because we're saying cars almost
Speaker 6: ran into each other.
Speaker 4: Because we're German, cars attack other people on the street.
Speaker 1: Yeah, has that been an hour? I think it has.
Speaker 4: Right, This is a nice tight this is this one
Speaker 4: is it's personal, it's clean, it's fast and clean and personal.
Speaker 5: Don't you think.
Speaker 6: I'd like to apologize also, not to keep going back
Speaker 6: and revisiting moments that weren't.
Speaker 5: Good during the podcast. But I do not like how
Speaker 5: I made light.
Speaker 6: Of the murder of Astre's girlfriend that's been eating away
Speaker 6: at me. Okay, and I if anyone knows her, I'm
Speaker 6: sorry for your loss and that because it's really sad.
Speaker 6: But the minute I hear about a murder, I just
Speaker 6: got to make jokes.
Speaker 1: I know it's discomfort. It's a very scary thing.
Speaker 4: You know, we're all gonna die, and whether we die
Speaker 4: violently at the hand of someone psychotic, or we just
Speaker 4: fall out of our car and have our head get
Speaker 4: rolled over by a bus, whatever.
Speaker 5: It might see aneurysm on the toilet, I was gonna say,
Speaker 5: shot with.
Speaker 1: An arrow by a child which is also falling in love.
Speaker 4: You can interpret it one of two ways.
Speaker 1: The most.
Speaker 5: You just turned a murdering a chucky doll nus the
Speaker 5: menace murderer in the Cupid. All of a sudden, he's
Speaker 5: wearing diapers because it's the.
Speaker 1: Same fucking thing.
Speaker 4: He might as well be a serial killer, that Cupid,
Speaker 4: the way he destroys lives.
Speaker 6: Well, that's it right, Yeah, the only what do I
Speaker 6: have to plug? I'm going to Pedaluman doing shows.
Speaker 1: Where Gin Distillery.
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, that's the place. That's the place, and that
Speaker 6: isn't I was going to see. I mean it's with
Speaker 6: Caitlin Yill and Jackie Kashion are people that we both love,
Speaker 6: and that's it's in. I think that's not until it's
Speaker 6: it's a way's way. I shouldn't be.
Speaker 1: It's in August still, people time to plant.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you live in Pedaloma or in the Bay Area
Speaker 4: and you're up for a good comedy show in Pedaloma.
Speaker 1: I don't do you know the name of the Gen Distillery.
Speaker 1: There's only one one.
Speaker 6: I think it's the Gen Distillery. But I do know
Speaker 6: that it's going to be on the seventh, seventeenth.
Speaker 1: Or is it the Mystic Theater.
Speaker 5: I think it's on the Gin thing sounds better.
Speaker 1: It's on Corona Road.
Speaker 4: My sister literally lives three minutes away from that Gen Distillery.
Speaker 1: So those guys will go watch you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you should come with and then we'll podcast now
Speaker 5: on the way and we'll drop you off.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, but.
Speaker 5: We can't take you back. We're flying. No, just kidding.
Speaker 4: I would I would do that. I would totally do that. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I'll do a drop in tight four. I was gonna say,
Speaker 4: do you want to understand upon the show? You gotta
Speaker 4: ease back into.
Speaker 1: It at some point I'm gonna have to or just
Speaker 1: leap back into it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or Stephen, do you have some information Chris Fairbanks
Speaker 4: dot com slash tour that the Griffo Distillery.
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: Does it say it's on Corona Road or does it? Chris?
Speaker 5: You have the address on your website.
Speaker 4: I know the Griffoh Distillery in Pedalama, California, which they
Speaker 4: I think they booked on a good comedy shows.
Speaker 6: I'm excited about it. And next month in July, I'm
Speaker 6: going to be in Austin in Houston.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll promote those in the middle.
Speaker 5: Yeah, just go to my website.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Chris, Chris Fairbanks dot com slash tour.
Speaker 6: Yes, yes, I think that is what it is, or
Speaker 6: slash shows shows.
Speaker 4: Come on, I know I call it shows shows with
Speaker 4: a Z tour.
Speaker 6: There's so much pressure to string a bunch of them
Speaker 6: in succession like it's no my sporadic shows take it
Speaker 6: anywhere I want it to. I just want I just
Speaker 6: have mine flights. I try and have as many flights
Speaker 6: a different places as possible.
Speaker 4: Other than that, you can't promise anything, but you will
Speaker 4: be flying somewhere.
Speaker 5: Except for laughs, Karen, I don't.
Speaker 1: Have anything to plug.
Speaker 4: I am on vacation soon and I don't want to
Speaker 4: do anything, and I'm not going to do anything, and
Speaker 4: no one.
Speaker 1: Can make me.
Speaker 5: Well, it's good to see you again, friend, Thank you
Speaker 5: so much. Good to see you against Stephen.
Speaker 4: Stephen, thank you for making this happen for it, thank
Speaker 4: you for being our guest.
Speaker 1: You are such a good guest.
Speaker 6: I hate to break it to you all listening right now,
Speaker 6: but we don't have a guest this episode.
Speaker 4: We uh, we might as well plug Stephen. Yeah, Stephen
Speaker 4: has a podcast called the Percast. You have a couple
Speaker 4: see Jurassic right, Yes, the per Cast?
Speaker 1: What's the other one?
Speaker 5: Those are the only two right now? And then and
Speaker 5: then everything else is exactly right.
Speaker 1: And then he is the head engineer of the exactly
Speaker 1: right network.
Speaker 6: And uh, that's a lofty engineer because there's a lot
Speaker 6: there's a friend of mine. He used to design uh
Speaker 6: submarine hatches and I need to design that sauna care toothbrush?
Speaker 6: You guys are both engineers. It's very You're a sound
Speaker 6: engineer to live up to. And he's a I don't
Speaker 6: know engineer. No, no, I think that's when you designed
Speaker 6: our ways in streets. I think a mechanical engineer.
Speaker 1: Mechanical, mechanical, and I.
Speaker 5: Am a joke engineer and training, which explains my stripe.
Speaker 4: And I'm an imagineer, but I don't work for Disney.
Speaker 4: I'm actually working actively against them.
Speaker 6: And I'm a rocketeer and I do work for Disney,
Speaker 6: and I'm an ear nose and throat doctor.
Speaker 1: Ah this has been Do you need a ride?
Speaker 6: I am a r.
Speaker 1: I leave you wanna way back? Either way?
Speaker 2: We want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 2: you claim us time and Tournano and Gabe.
Speaker 3: We want to send you up instead. We want to
Speaker 3: welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all that it re scared her? Was it fine? Melbourn?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need.
Speaker 5: With Karen and Chris
Speaker 3: H