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Speaker 1: Today, I fed up by leaving class for some glup

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Speaker 1: glup nine thousand and getting soaked in fluids.

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Speaker 2: The way you did the well, this phenomenal. I am.

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Speaker 2: I'm impressed, honestly. The way you throw that neck, bro,

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Speaker 2: you know, cut me feeling. It's good, good great.

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Speaker 1: I used to make that, make that noise all the

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Speaker 1: time when I was a kid, and it would it

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Speaker 1: would annoy my sisters.

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Speaker 2: Like good good.

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Speaker 1: It was like it's like, you know, you have weird

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Speaker 1: or something that you annoy your sibling with that, you know,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was an annoying kid. Oh yeah, oh yeah, okay, op. Background.

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Speaker 2: I met my girlfriend in college.

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Speaker 1: We had a class together and sat next to each

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Speaker 1: other after texting about the.

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Speaker 2: Homework of Classic with the homework, doing each other about

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Speaker 2: a bang, bought a boom. You're in a zoom room,

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Speaker 2: you're in your dorm room, and then you're making the

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Speaker 2: boom boom two bars. Oh yeah, And we realized we

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Speaker 2: really liked each other. Yeah, you did.

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Speaker 1: One thing led to another, and by the middle of

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Speaker 1: the semester.

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Speaker 2: We were dating. Yeah, let's go a raditor getting laid.

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Speaker 1: You never see it, never see it. We were pretty inseparable.

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Speaker 1: But one day we were at school spending the day

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Speaker 1: together as usual, classic classic, more background. She didn't have

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Speaker 1: a car, so we'd meet at school since she took

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Speaker 1: the bus.

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Speaker 2: Okay, makes sense logistically, I get it.

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Speaker 1: I commuted thirty minutes to school in my car, and

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Speaker 1: that day we did homework together and ate at Mo's

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Speaker 1: the Brito place as usual.

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Speaker 2: Homework together? What was it? An in person oral presentation?

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Speaker 1: I got a problem you could solve? Ooh, my ass?

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Speaker 1: The answer is you. I'm like, what can I say here?

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Speaker 2: I got a problem you can solve? My ass? The

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Speaker 2: answer is D.

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Speaker 1: There we go. He brought it back.

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Speaker 2: It isn't saying a multiple choice quiz. This is my gig.

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Speaker 2: This is one option. You brought it back.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for Ah. That's right now before I continue.

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Speaker 1: This girl has a drive to get it on unlike

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Speaker 1: anything I've ever seen before.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that libido going through the reef bowl.

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Speaker 1: Yes, now I have a pretty high libido, actually really

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Speaker 1: high libido to be on.

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Speaker 2: How high? How high is it? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: But if I was like an eight out of ten,

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Speaker 1: she was at least an eleven.

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Speaker 2: That's uh, that's more than ten.

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Speaker 1: That is uh.

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Speaker 2: We're breaking the charts over like how much is that?

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Speaker 1: Is that?

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Speaker 2: Like? Is that like one time a day, two times

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Speaker 2: a day, three times a day? That's a question. Maybe

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Speaker 2: every time she's just like get it, get it. Maybe

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Speaker 2: she's not satisfied, mate, But.

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Speaker 1: Would you keep coming back if you're unsatisfied? Would you

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Speaker 1: be would you be just clawing them down?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Like McDonald's is okay, but yeah, people

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Speaker 2: eat there a lot. This is Maybe it's just cheap

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Speaker 2: and accessible. That could be it. That could be it.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I'm not saying your dick is McDonald's, but I'm

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Speaker 2: saying your dick is McDonald's. That's right. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, soft fries, real o, real limb, buddy, real limb.

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Speaker 2: You know you went on a soggy fry.

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Speaker 1: You went from animal oil to vegetable oil. Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: now we get it. Yeah, roasted.

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Speaker 2: But you know, I'm a typical guy here, so I'm

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Speaker 2: not complaining. Don't complain.

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Speaker 1: I'll take some pootin anywhere I can get it. Until

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Speaker 1: one day, we're in class, we'd only been dating for

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Speaker 1: a few months maybe less, okay, and she sends me

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Speaker 1: a text saying she wants.

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Speaker 2: To slob on my freaking knob. Oh wow, oh yeah wow,

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Speaker 2: she's she's setting those those dects and that ain't about

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Speaker 2: the homework anymore.

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Speaker 1: We we passed those grading rubrics, we're we're being graded

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Speaker 1: on a whole nother curve. Now she she's polishing the

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Speaker 1: royal sceptic, right, So I responded like right now, and

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Speaker 1: she was like, yes, right now, give it to me.

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Speaker 1: I was not in the mood, but that can change

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Speaker 1: pretty quickly, so I go with it. Zero complaints here

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Speaker 1: because the lecture is boring as usual and it's a

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Speaker 1: really big class, so no one would pay any mind if.

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Speaker 2: We both left. Do you know what else is big op.

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Speaker 1: The opportunity to leave this relationship because we've already established

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Speaker 1: this puny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, McDonald sug French fries, that's all right.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to think, like, what's what's another like

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Speaker 1: McDonald's euphemism we could use and for god knows what reason,

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Speaker 1: you know, we're not trained comedians over here. For some reason,

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Speaker 1: I thought like, like yogurt balls, yogurt suck on those

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Speaker 1: little chicken nugs, just chicken see chicken nuggets.

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Speaker 2: That's better.

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Speaker 1: When I thought of the scrow Tom I thought I

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Speaker 1: went straight to parfas I don't know, really yogurt and

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Speaker 1: screwed them. I'm like, I don't see them. How can

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Speaker 1: I insult his genitals more? And that's that's what my brain.

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Speaker 2: I feel like the yogurt would be what would come

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Speaker 2: out of the salgie ball.

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Speaker 1: See, these are things that make so much more sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're work shopping. We're work shopping finding it where you know,

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Speaker 1: we're finding our way around it.

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Speaker 2: That's right. Just like see he's gonna find her way

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Speaker 2: around that soggy.

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Speaker 1: Sucking that salt right off of it.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, right out of it.

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Speaker 1: Now, thirteen year old me would be cheering and jumping

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Speaker 1: up and down at the celebration.

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Speaker 2: So I see no wrong.

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Speaker 1: At first, I thought he was saying he was thirteen,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, damn, hold on.

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Speaker 2: But luckily he's smart in college and getting laid. Luckily

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Speaker 2: that is the past. Okay, So we leave. It's about

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Speaker 2: a fifteen minute walk to the parking lot, just enough

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Speaker 2: time for him to get warmed up. We held hands

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Speaker 2: the whole walk, and we didn't say a word. We

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Speaker 2: held hands the walk. Yeah, those those poems are real

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Speaker 2: sweaty you sure ain't that. She was sure she's not

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Speaker 2: holding hands on the walk, so she can give your

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Speaker 2: hands on that.

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Speaker 1: Maybe if we maybe, if we cut the sound in half,

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Speaker 1: then that'll confuse the algorithms and they won't fag us.

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Speaker 2: And we're talking about roosters. Caw awk.

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Speaker 1: Awkward. Yeah yeah, cockword, cockword. We're just inventing new words

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Speaker 1: from you. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the TikTok double speak exactly. Now.

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Speaker 1: I knew what was about to go down, and when

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Speaker 1: no one was in our vicinity, she'd give me a

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Speaker 1: little touch, little glug. She was always about her business

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Speaker 1: and she knew what she was doing. And it was

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Speaker 1: at this point I was completely turned on.

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Speaker 2: There we go, Hey, hey, switched around that Libidos backing gear.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: Now we went to the parking garage, which was decently packed,

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Speaker 1: by the way, and sit in the backseat.

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Speaker 2: I love the parking garage is where we're at. I

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Speaker 2: know it.

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Speaker 1: Like I thought we were going to the bathroom or something,

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Speaker 1: which I mean, of.

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Speaker 2: The two places, the parking garage, I feel like it's

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Speaker 2: maybe a little more romantic. I was not expecting you

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Speaker 2: to say more romantics. We're taking someone for a little romance.

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Speaker 1: I think it's kind of like with the bathroom. It's

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Speaker 1: like I guess more, I don't know. Yeah, that's that's

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Speaker 1: the car is like, it could be great because if

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Speaker 1: there's no one around.

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Speaker 2: But if everyone well, depending on your kink, you know,

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Speaker 2: more people are around, Hey, the more the merrier. Some people,

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Speaker 2: yeah yeah, some people are like, oh damn, there's people

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Speaker 2: right outside.

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Speaker 1: Now we're on the fourth or fifth floor. She proceeds

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Speaker 1: to go down on me very enthusiastically.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Lots of an enthusiastic lug, lots.

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Speaker 1: Of spitting and gagging, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: We're going, We're going in death.

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Speaker 1: Whoever is editing this, I am so sorry. It's winterish,

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Speaker 1: so we're both wearing a few layers. It's got to

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Speaker 1: be a challenge something we don't have here in La.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, we're ready to go instantly. Oh yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: one of those it's one of.

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Speaker 1: Those gophers through the boxer, whole slob on the knob

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Speaker 1: jobs if you catch my drift.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's like, I you know, I don't even think

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Speaker 2: about that as a as in a warm climate.

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Speaker 1: But as warmers we don't. We don't think about it.

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Speaker 1: But maybe like like that is just so freezing.

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Speaker 2: It's so freezing that like you gotta you gotta make

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Speaker 2: sure everything's covered except your member and then that gets covered. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, the things, the things you don't have to

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Speaker 1: think about in warm places. Wow, we're learning so much,

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Speaker 1: so much. Now. Everything is going well until she gags

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Speaker 1: and immediately stops. I ask her what's wrong, and she

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Speaker 1: starts hispanic.

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Speaker 2: She says hispanic. She starts hispanic.

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Speaker 1: No, your son, your soy problemo.

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Speaker 2: I am a problem much, Yes, I can I can do.

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Speaker 2: I can do in Spanish carro uh mucho problema called

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Speaker 2: me book Uh e. That was that was pretty decent.

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Speaker 2: I think I was a month ago. You know, do

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Speaker 2: you accept credit cards? There we go.

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Speaker 1: God, That's what I would say, because that's what I know.

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Speaker 1: She's looking up and she's like, do you take credit

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Speaker 1: card to your own girlfriend? Oh goodness. So she's panicking

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Speaker 1: and not hispanicking, not his panicking. No, she starts to panic,

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Speaker 1: and she says, I think I spit too much. And

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Speaker 1: I'm very reassuring and say no, don't worry.

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Speaker 2: I like it a lot.

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Speaker 1: Then she says, no, you don't understand. I think I

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Speaker 1: spit too much. I'm a bit confused at first, and

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Speaker 1: then the smell hits. Oh no, I hate throw up.

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Speaker 1: I hate it more than anything in the entire world.

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Speaker 1: To me, it is the worst smell in existence. And

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Speaker 1: now he has it all over his body.

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Speaker 2: I am mortified.

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Speaker 1: And we just had Joe, and we just had burritos

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Speaker 1: from Moe's.

200
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Speaker 2: Which have you been to Mo's? No?

201
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Speaker 1: It is literally Chipotle on steroids, Like literally they have

202
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Speaker 1: the fattest burritos, like as fat as your chipole.

203
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah, dude, Chipotle is already huge. Not dude,

204
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Speaker 2: these are these are like you cannot finish huge.

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Speaker 1: A much like ok, okay, not just burritos, tiny chips, man,

206
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Speaker 1: the chips. I immediately opened the door and get out.

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Speaker 1: The next minute happened so fast. I'm outside of my car.

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Speaker 1: Shlang shlang, flop in to and fro and I start,

209
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Speaker 1: you can myself, No, if any civilian walked up to

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Speaker 1: me right now, they would have called nine to one one.

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Speaker 2: What an insanely awful site?

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Speaker 1: Could you?

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Speaker 2: Could you imagine you walked.

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Speaker 1: Up on the scenario, someone's just flopping around just like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, feels so bad for opde. I get

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Speaker 1: my crap together and survey the damage done. In the

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Speaker 1: back seat, she is profusely apologizing on the verge of tears.

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Speaker 1: I get a rag and a spare shirt from my

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Speaker 1: trunk and start cleaning.

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Speaker 2: Man. Good thing he had that handy. Yeah, Jesus.

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Speaker 1: It was admittedly quick and an effective cleanup. Most of

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Speaker 1: it was on Manta regions and which I wiped off

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Speaker 1: in the panic, I littered the shirt and rag. Bad

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Speaker 1: guy moment. Sorry, it was a life or death I

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Speaker 1: hate that stuff.

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Speaker 2: Now. I get in my car and I start driving home.

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Speaker 1: I live with a few rooms, I live with a

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Speaker 1: few roommates, and I know that no one is home.

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Speaker 1: Now that all that mess is over with, I reassure

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Speaker 1: her that it's okay.

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Speaker 2: It was an accident. Boyfriend, good boyfriend, good, good boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: And then I'm not one bit mad who gets mad

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Speaker 1: over accidents. However, she was on a loop saying sorry,

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Speaker 1: being super jittery, So I thought, okay, that's fine.

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Speaker 2: Life is pretty good for the next few hours. Oh no.

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Speaker 2: We got home. We shower one at a time.

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Speaker 1: We're new to dating and thought that doing it together

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Speaker 1: might not be the best thing just yet. Then We're

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Speaker 1: cuddling in my bed, fresh and clean as a daisy,

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Speaker 1: and the panic has subsided. Long story short, we get

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Speaker 1: freaking freaking.

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Speaker 2: In the sheets again. Damn she she can't be stopped,

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Speaker 2: can't be stopped. And I greet her with.

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Speaker 1: The largest, largest load, largest largest load. Yeah yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I greet her with the largest load of fresh milk

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Speaker 1: I've ever produced to this day. Cow baby, that's right,

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Speaker 1: coming straight from the farm.

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Speaker 2: Double A grade, pasteurized, grade A pasteurized, also homogenized organic,

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Speaker 2: that's right, full fat, cage free. Oh they have they

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Speaker 2: don't make cage free milk. I don't know what's up

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Speaker 2: with that. Yeah, all these cows and cages, all these.

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Speaker 1: Cows are just locked in there, good gravy. We're not

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Speaker 1: talking about actual cows, by the way. Where that we're

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Speaker 1: still in the uphe MESM, so you can we'll leave

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Speaker 1: that up to interpretation. Yes, now, I think starting and

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Speaker 1: then stopping getting frisky has something to do with that

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Speaker 1: large load.

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Speaker 2: But who knows.

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Speaker 1: Life is good and it's getting late, so it's time

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Speaker 1: to drop her home. We go outside, it is freezing

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Speaker 1: and we have about a thirty minute ride home. She

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Speaker 1: lives with her parents, who are super strict. They don't

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Speaker 1: even know that she has a boyfriend. Oh cultural thing.

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Speaker 1: When I go to open my car door, I realized

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Speaker 1: it's locked. Not only locked, I see the keys in

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Speaker 1: the passenger seats. Oh no, he is about to be starranded. No,

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Speaker 1: we are stranded. She is already a few fake stories

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Speaker 1: deep with her parents, and now it's gonna get bad

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Speaker 1: if I don't get her home soon. Triple A takes forever.

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Speaker 1: I end up having to buy her a forty five

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Speaker 1: dollars uber home. I just break the window. How much

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Speaker 1: is a broken window? It's like one hundred plus, which

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Speaker 1: honestly may be worth it. Not it's that's a decent idea.

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Speaker 1: Actually that's like a it's so dumb it might work

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Speaker 1: night now to a broke college student. That was like

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Speaker 1: forty mcchickens at the time, so it was a huge loss.

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Speaker 2: I love how he measures in mcchickens. That's like the

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Speaker 2: true college way to measure income. Like how many rab

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Speaker 2: and noodles?

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Speaker 1: How many mcchickens, how many Budweiser can Yeah, are we

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Speaker 1: talking here, let's get to brass tacks. So it was

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Speaker 1: definitely an eventful day. I have some fond memories of it.

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Speaker 2: Though, Well, it sounds like everything worked out.

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Speaker 1: This this is super super insane, but it seemed it

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Speaker 1: worked out. But yeah, there is an update. Oh boy,

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Speaker 1: hopefully our parents can find out. Wow the update. We

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Speaker 1: are no longer in a relationship. What I thought it

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Speaker 1: was going well? I felt like after all that happened

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Speaker 1: and they kind of had an happy end bonding moment,

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Speaker 1: you would think you would think that they would stay together.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. That's sad. I thought they had been going.

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Speaker 2: I broke up with her a while back. As the

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Speaker 2: relationship developed, so did its flaws. She was awesome though,

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Speaker 2: and our honeymoon phase was awesome too. For everyone saying

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Speaker 2: today I fed up by getting it on, you're wrong. Well,

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Speaker 2: didn't end all happily ever after, but kind of. There

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Speaker 2: was a few happy ending There was a few happy

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Speaker 2: endings before. Sure, sometimes it's all you can ask for.