Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer Podcast year Nikki, Hey everyone, Happy Thursday. What's up?
Speaker 1: It's the Nicki Glazer Podcast. Guess what, guys, I'm in
Speaker 1: a fucking great mood today. No more Um sour Pus Glazer.
Speaker 1: I apologize for my mood the past three days, going
Speaker 1: through a little something. Some listen, It's doesn't happen as
Speaker 1: often as it used to on my other podcasts last year,
Speaker 1: but it's still gonna pop up here and there. But
Speaker 1: I was so excited to um that I got this
Speaker 1: day to be back to normal and be what I
Speaker 1: want to be for you, which is in a good
Speaker 1: mood and in the mood to laugh. Even though yesterday
Speaker 1: I did laugh a lot and had a lot of fun,
Speaker 1: even though I was in a negative headspace. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a fake like getting cheery and like being I mean obviously,
Speaker 1: I mean, I went through all the emotions yesterday. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys for letting me cry on my podcast. I
Speaker 1: Love you. UM got a lot of nice notes about it,
Speaker 1: and um yeah, and I thought I was gonna like
Speaker 1: regret so many of the things I went off on
Speaker 1: because it was just like me kind of you know,
Speaker 1: emotionally vomiting all over you guys, and um, I didn't.
Speaker 1: I had no regrets. I was just like, you know
Speaker 1: what you felt that way, and even if you do
Speaker 1: feel like, oh that was a little insane and spiraling,
Speaker 1: like who cares? Who doesn't you know? So uh, whenever yeah,
Speaker 1: like I said, whenever I annoy you or I'm just
Speaker 1: like not in the mood for you, like just no,
Speaker 1: I'll be back to my normal self and maybe take
Speaker 1: a second to go, Dude, I've had days like this
Speaker 1: and I don't want anyone listening to me, So turn
Speaker 1: it off or turn it to double the speed, and
Speaker 1: then I'll be I'll quickly zip through it. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like it's uh, it's weird when those moods
Speaker 1: come on, but it definitely lifted for me. I'm back
Speaker 1: on track. I'm taking my meds uh responsibly, because sometimes
Speaker 1: I try to stave off my meds because I, um,
Speaker 1: I want to be able to sleep or I want
Speaker 1: to um wait for to feel good, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I don't deserve to feel good so early in
Speaker 1: the morning, and then it'll I'll start feeling bad by
Speaker 1: the evening if I take it too early. So then
Speaker 1: I'll take my meds later, and then by the time
Speaker 1: I take it, the mood has already set in, and
Speaker 1: then I can't get out of it. So take your
Speaker 1: meds everyone, And if your meds don't work, and some
Speaker 1: days you also feel sad, um, journal or write a song,
Speaker 1: listen to some music. Ah, there's lots of ways to
Speaker 1: cope with feelings sad. No, what do you do to
Speaker 1: cope when you are in a mood that you know?
Speaker 1: Because when I get into really I was hanging out
Speaker 1: with a friend yesterday and they were saying that when
Speaker 1: they get in a really bad mood, they don't want
Speaker 1: me around because they're gonna they don't want anyone around
Speaker 1: because they will say really mean things to their loved
Speaker 1: ones and be like they don't trust themselves, like this
Speaker 1: person was saying, Like I was in a state of
Speaker 1: mind where I wanted to blow up my life, and
Speaker 1: I would have tried to blow up our friendship, like
Speaker 1: our relationship. I would have tried to like hurt you
Speaker 1: because I was in such a negative place, and I go,
Speaker 1: I relate to that. I don't do it too. For
Speaker 1: some reason, I don't do it to you, to this person,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't do it to know. I
Speaker 1: don't do it to my girlfriends, but I do it
Speaker 1: day Andrew, like, I understand that state of mind where like,
Speaker 1: there's someone where if you're in a bad mood around them,
Speaker 1: they should steer the fun clear and protect you should
Speaker 1: protect them from you by staying in your goddamn room
Speaker 1: all day because you know that you're going to be
Speaker 1: mean and you can't help it. And but the thing is,
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm getting to this. I told this person.
Speaker 1: I told my friend who avoids me when they're when
Speaker 1: they get these kind of moods, I go, we need
Speaker 1: I like being around you, and I want to help
Speaker 1: you get through those moods because I'm your friend and
Speaker 1: I love you, and oh, I want to come up
Speaker 1: with a way that you can let me know you're
Speaker 1: in that mood. I can prepare myself and enter into
Speaker 1: it knowing that the things you say are going to
Speaker 1: be hurtful and that you can't help them, and you
Speaker 1: can work on tools that prevent you from being your
Speaker 1: ugliest self because it is preventable. You just have to
Speaker 1: come up with tools. So I have a couple of
Speaker 1: tools for me when I want to be And by
Speaker 1: the way, it's not just Andrew, it's my It's my mom,
Speaker 1: My dad, Andrew are pretty much the three people in
Speaker 1: my life that I feel comfortable enough being really really
Speaker 1: nasty too when I'm sad, and it's like embarrassing to admit.
Speaker 1: And it's just because I love them and I know
Speaker 1: it's unconditional and that I can be. But it isn't
Speaker 1: like my parents. Maybe my parents is because I came
Speaker 1: out of my mom's pussy and my dad's dick at
Speaker 1: one point. You know, you do come out your dad's dick,
Speaker 1: um uh, But I didn't come out of Andrew's dick
Speaker 1: and or his pussy, and so he could just go
Speaker 1: fuck you, but then I go. But then the podcast,
Speaker 1: what's he gonna do? It's like no, no, no no, he
Speaker 1: could walk away from all of it. He doesn't need
Speaker 1: any of this ship if you're being abusive to him.
Speaker 1: So I have to work on protecting him from me
Speaker 1: when I'm in those moods. But most of all, I
Speaker 1: have to work on how I handle my mood because
Speaker 1: that's not okay. Just because you acknowledge that you're nasty
Speaker 1: when you're in those moods doesn't mean it gives you
Speaker 1: a free pass to be that way. So no, h
Speaker 1: do I know you're a person that struggles with your anger?
Speaker 1: What do you or like being in a mood and
Speaker 1: saying nasty stuff? Just because I've heard of it, and
Speaker 1: I would never even guess it for you. We've talked
Speaker 1: about it a little bit, what do you do? So
Speaker 1: similar to your friend who just needs their space from
Speaker 1: other people, That's exactly what I need. I just like
Speaker 1: cannot be around anybody, and then I just need to
Speaker 1: be with myself and either I'll distract myself by reading
Speaker 1: something or just trying to, you know, go through the
Speaker 1: techniques of like just talking myself through it. It's not
Speaker 1: like I just I guess a lot of it is
Speaker 1: thinking about like, well, do you really want your relationship
Speaker 1: to be this way? Like it could just be fun
Speaker 1: and harmonious and easy going. Why do you have to
Speaker 1: um like, uh, why do you have to pick a fight?
Speaker 1: Why do you have to have things escalate? Why does
Speaker 1: it have to go that way as opposed to working
Speaker 1: it out, just talking through and not getting so offended
Speaker 1: and then just kind of like working through why I'm
Speaker 1: getting offended. Can I put you in a position. Can
Speaker 1: I can we talk about specifics because I really do.
Speaker 1: I want to help myself here, I want to help
Speaker 1: others here. Let's say you're in a bad mood and
Speaker 1: maybe this doesn't you don't relate to this, so let
Speaker 1: me know if you do that. Um is, Let's say
Speaker 1: it's not related to your fiance who you live with.
Speaker 1: It's not he is not the cause of it, whatever
Speaker 1: that's putting you in this dark cloud. You don't. Let's
Speaker 1: say you're in a bad mood and just are looking
Speaker 1: really negatively at the world. Maybe something's going on with work,
Speaker 1: like it's out side of him, right, um Will you
Speaker 1: stay away from him during that time because you know
Speaker 1: that you'll be mean to him because they'll be in
Speaker 1: the wake, or do you bring him in? Truthfully, I
Speaker 1: haven't really felt that way in a very long time.
Speaker 1: Um so. But but it's because you've got help for it.
Speaker 1: So let's talk about before you got help for it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd probably just like isolate myself and be alone. But
Speaker 1: that's just like a negative thing I was doing to
Speaker 1: myself anyway. Yeah, because I see what happened was like
Speaker 1: this friend of mine, like all of a sudden, I
Speaker 1: thought they were mad at me and like had been
Speaker 1: given up on our friendship and wanted me out of
Speaker 1: their life because we went from being like very close
Speaker 1: friends to nothing in like, oh I went away to
Speaker 1: to loom and like went away. We kind of were
Speaker 1: like in touch then, like you know, you are with
Speaker 1: your people you love when on vacation, but like not
Speaker 1: a lot. And then came back and I thought I
Speaker 1: was going to pick back up to like best friends again,
Speaker 1: and it just didn't. And it was like almost like
Speaker 1: I had done something because it was such a drastic thing. However,
Speaker 1: this person I also knew, wasn't seeing anyone in their life,
Speaker 1: so I was kind of not taking it personally, but
Speaker 1: I was so angry at being cut out and not
Speaker 1: being brought in when a friend needs me clearly that
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm fucking done too. Then if you
Speaker 1: don't want to tell me, if you And then when
Speaker 1: I find out that this person is just going through
Speaker 1: a hard time and is actually protecting me from their
Speaker 1: anger and their sadness, I obviously understood it and was
Speaker 1: like totally fine with it. When this person was in
Speaker 1: a better state of mind, they could explain it. But
Speaker 1: I was like, next time. I can't promise you that
Speaker 1: next time, I'm not gonna want to fucking cut the
Speaker 1: rope when you do this to me because it felt
Speaker 1: so I don't like when friends abandoned me and change
Speaker 1: the tone of our relationship. Um, So I can't promise
Speaker 1: that next time, I'm just gonna be like, Oh, she's
Speaker 1: just in a bad mood and doesn't want to talk
Speaker 1: to me and like it's nothing personal. I might go
Speaker 1: to this like fuck her, you know, and like cut
Speaker 1: her off, and I don't want to do that. I
Speaker 1: want to remember that it's not me. But I also
Speaker 1: think that she can come up with a way of
Speaker 1: being able to like a code word, like a rooster
Speaker 1: type code word of being like I'm in one of
Speaker 1: these moods, stay away. But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: know that when you're in those moods, you need people.
Speaker 1: You can't do this alone. See, this person was like, seriously,
Speaker 1: if you would have come by, if you would have
Speaker 1: like stopped by and demanded to see me, or I
Speaker 1: would have tried to get you to leave by by
Speaker 1: saying the meanest things to you possible that would hurt
Speaker 1: you so much so that you couldn't ever see me again,
Speaker 1: like that's the state I was in and I wanted
Speaker 1: to like blow up every single thing in my life
Speaker 1: and I go okay, and the person was like, well
Speaker 1: it just for me. I just want to be there
Speaker 1: for my friends when they get into that and um,
Speaker 1: and I think that some of the things we result
Speaker 1: we go to when we're feeling really sad. And now
Speaker 1: I can only speak for myself, but when I'm really depressed,
Speaker 1: I want to listen to sad music that makes me
Speaker 1: feel as oppressed as I am when I'm suicidal and
Speaker 1: having those thoughts. I like to listen to podcasts about
Speaker 1: people who have killed themselves. I like my favorite suicide
Speaker 1: podcast that talk that interview people that have committed suicide,
Speaker 1: and I like hear how sad they are, and I
Speaker 1: like feel it and I feel justified in my sadness
Speaker 1: and I feel like they're right. And all of this
Speaker 1: is like the it's like laying in a coffin, like
Speaker 1: it's the worst thing you can do, like get out
Speaker 1: of that, even though it feels so good to wallow everyone.
Speaker 1: That's why sad music rocks is because people want to
Speaker 1: know that other humans feel the same way. When you
Speaker 1: get in those moods like like for me now with Andrew,
Speaker 1: like if I'm in one of those moods like I
Speaker 1: was the past couple of days of like wanting to
Speaker 1: say the things like wanting to put him down because
Speaker 1: he's in a cheery mood cleaning his room and I'm
Speaker 1: just like it's rooms not even clean, Like he shouldn't
Speaker 1: even feel like good about this, Like I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I did the fucking ugliest thing. When I was in
Speaker 1: did I can talk about this a podcast? When I
Speaker 1: was into Loom, I was such a content and I
Speaker 1: was able to apologize for it right away, kind of
Speaker 1: right away, you know, like an hour later. But Kristen
Speaker 1: and I were getting ready to go to breakfast, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, um, we were talking about like
Speaker 1: COVID Delta variant like sweeping the nation and how like
Speaker 1: it's it's looking like master Like we were just it
Speaker 1: was looking It was one of those days of the
Speaker 1: news where it just felt like things were gonna shut
Speaker 1: down again, and Kristen and I was just like, well,
Speaker 1: there goes my fucking fifty five city tour. I was
Speaker 1: just like kind of like like I don't even that's
Speaker 1: gonna be a logistical nightmare getting like scheduling that. But
Speaker 1: I was kind of like resolute, like good, I don't
Speaker 1: even want to go, Like I was so sad about
Speaker 1: life the past couple of weeks. I was just like whatever.
Speaker 1: And then Kristen was like talking about her husband's birthday
Speaker 1: and she was, I guess, you know, we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to look into a different place to go. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go to Hawaii and in September, but I guess or November,
Speaker 1: but now I guess we're gonna go. I have a
Speaker 1: fifty five city tour that needs to be figured out, like,
Speaker 1: and you're talking about a Hawaii trip. I literally said
Speaker 1: that as I'm like brushing my teeth with her, and
Speaker 1: she goes, and I loved her for this because I
Speaker 1: knew that was country. I know that they're starving kids
Speaker 1: in Africa. Everyone there's always something that's more red tape
Speaker 1: or more tragic or whatever based on like you know whatever,
Speaker 1: there's always someone who's like suffering more, and it's so
Speaker 1: shitty to throw that back at them. And I knew
Speaker 1: it as soon as I said it, and Kirsten usually
Speaker 1: just especially that last week was just like putting up
Speaker 1: with my bad mood and being a very nurturing friend
Speaker 1: and like letting those kind of like ducking those matrix
Speaker 1: sing those bullets, you know, bending backwards because she's very flexible.
Speaker 1: But this time, no, she just goes, Okay, well, um,
Speaker 1: just because your life is hard doesn't mean that other
Speaker 1: people don't have hard lives. And in different ways, she
Speaker 1: just said something very gentle. She was just like, it's
Speaker 1: you're like, just because you have fifty five dates doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that some people don't have one that is actually
Speaker 1: very important to them. And I was just like yeah,
Speaker 1: And I wasn't ready to like apologize, you know when
Speaker 1: you like, no, you're wrong, but you just can't. You
Speaker 1: just it's too embarrassing. So I just finished brushing my teeth.
Speaker 1: I went to breakfast, and I was just so sad,
Speaker 1: Like that was one of the last days we were there,
Speaker 1: and I was so sad because I knew what a
Speaker 1: bitch I had been to my friend, and how I
Speaker 1: had just exemplified the thing I hate more than anything,
Speaker 1: which is my life's worth worse than your Stop stop
Speaker 1: being sad about your life, because you don't have a
Speaker 1: right to be. Why are you sad about Corey Monty
Speaker 1: thought you didn't know him, and then I feel like
Speaker 1: my feelings are invalidated, Like I hate when people do that,
Speaker 1: and I did it to my best friend. And so
Speaker 1: later on we got back to the room, we were alone,
Speaker 1: and I was kind of just like you know, pouting
Speaker 1: about something new, and I was throwing things around. I
Speaker 1: was just like packing like my hat, my mess you,
Speaker 1: Hugh cage, my bed, and and Kristen's like talk to me,
Speaker 1: like what's what are what are your thoughts? And I
Speaker 1: was just like, she goes, She's so cute. She goes,
Speaker 1: what's it like when you get depressed? Like what does
Speaker 1: it feel like? Because she doesn't suffer with depression like mine.
Speaker 1: She has depression before, but it's been like triggered by
Speaker 1: massive life events that would have called for it, and
Speaker 1: mine's just kind of like out of nowhere. And she
Speaker 1: was like, what does it feel like? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I think that's when I said, it's being really mean
Speaker 1: and not having any control over how nasty I can be,
Speaker 1: and like, I mean, I had this moment with you
Speaker 1: and Carlisle that night where I said, I can't believe
Speaker 1: I was so nasty to Carlyle about um that one
Speaker 1: comic that she thought everyone knew like just dumb ship.
Speaker 1: And so I said, Kirsten, honestly, I've been in a
Speaker 1: bad mood for an hour and a half now because
Speaker 1: of how rude I was to you when I was
Speaker 1: brushing my teeth about Corey's forty birthday. And she goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that was like not that nice, but like
Speaker 1: I knew that you were, and I go she was like,
Speaker 1: I was nervous, like I like stood up, like I like,
Speaker 1: I just like couldn't take anymore. I like had to
Speaker 1: defend myself. And I was like, Leaves, yes, don't let
Speaker 1: me get away with this ship. And I'm not, that's
Speaker 1: it's not your responsibility to like like, that's not I
Speaker 1: don't ever want to make someone feel like, well, you
Speaker 1: let me treat you like that, So I'm going to
Speaker 1: it's your fault that, I mean, and you didn't stand
Speaker 1: up to me, stand up to me, pussy, that's like
Speaker 1: such a bully thing to do. But I was like, Kerson,
Speaker 1: I know how hard that was because I'm so scary
Speaker 1: when I mean, that was awesome and that made me
Speaker 1: be able to see the wrongs of my ways sooner
Speaker 1: than and I'm able to say now, like that's so
Speaker 1: rude and I'm so sorry that I did that, and
Speaker 1: that was and I can really say that like that
Speaker 1: came from a moment of like just being defenseless against
Speaker 1: the hairpin trigger of like my life is shitder and
Speaker 1: we all have it. It's okay, um, And I was
Speaker 1: able to forgive myself for that, and then by doing so,
Speaker 1: Kirsten was able to forgive me and um, and it's
Speaker 1: but it's so embarrassing to it. As much as I
Speaker 1: love to apologize, and I really do, it's not so
Speaker 1: easy when it's like an hour and a half after
Speaker 1: you do. It's the sooner. It's way easier to apologize
Speaker 1: for things years before than it is minutes after, and
Speaker 1: the quicker you can minimize that time between you saying
Speaker 1: it and apologizing. I told this best friend the other day,
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I love you enough that
Speaker 1: I think I would be able to I can. I
Speaker 1: think I can forgive anyone for anything. Let me be honest,
Speaker 1: if Donald Trump somehow did ayahuasca or something or at
Speaker 1: a different brain overnight like and just was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I've been the worst if he apologized for
Speaker 1: everything and was like I was such a dick, slob,
Speaker 1: selfish all these things. First of all, i'd go who
Speaker 1: wrote this script for him? Because he's unable to feel
Speaker 1: these feelings. I mean, I really look at Donald Trump
Speaker 1: as someone who is incapable of knowing these wrongs without
Speaker 1: some extreme medical intervention. Um, but I could forgive one.
Speaker 1: I really could so Um. I don't know. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna try to apologize sooner. My goal for this weekend
Speaker 1: and for the rest of my life is to the
Speaker 1: first time I go, you need to apologize, but not
Speaker 1: now because you're too scared. I'm going to Dancing with
Speaker 1: the Stars, bravery. Remember that I danced live on TV
Speaker 1: and that was the bravest thing I've ever done. And
Speaker 1: that if I can do that, I can apologize for
Speaker 1: something as soon as I know it's wrong. That's my
Speaker 1: challenge to myself. Let's get Andrew in here so I
Speaker 1: can apologize to him. Andrew, Andrew another silly up top. No,
Speaker 1: it was so fun. I'm just like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: talking about apologizing. And how did you sleep, buddy? How
Speaker 1: did I slept really well? Actually? Yeah, well, happy birthday?
Speaker 1: He uh, turned sixty six. It's my dad's sixty six birthday.
Speaker 1: Andrew I call I face timed him this morning. And
Speaker 1: Andrew hopped on the call with him and your guys relationship.
Speaker 1: He loves you so much. It made me laugh so hard.
Speaker 1: He just makes one of my dad for being old
Speaker 1: and like, you're like the my dad loves you and
Speaker 1: you're one of the only people that like I've seen
Speaker 1: actively talk ship with my dad in like a really funny,
Speaker 1: loving way and um, and he just gets such a
Speaker 1: kick out the best and like likes to give it back.
Speaker 1: It's really adorable. I get along very well with What
Speaker 1: do you say to him? You were making me laugh
Speaker 1: so fucking hard. Was making fun of He's getting new tea,
Speaker 1: has to get his teeth removed. He has to get
Speaker 1: my dad has like when he was a kid. This
Speaker 1: kind of a cute story his dentist and you know,
Speaker 1: back in the sixties, his dentist was like, did the
Speaker 1: next rain goes? You know, son, you have a tooth
Speaker 1: that's horizontal, that's like in your chin, growing on top
Speaker 1: of your other teeth, like a weird, you know, rogue tooth.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to have that surgically extract. You better
Speaker 1: tell your mom to schedule that, and my dad just
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I will, and then never told his mom.
Speaker 1: So cut to like sixty years later, he is his
Speaker 1: teeth are like feeling dead a little bit, and he
Speaker 1: went in and they're like, yeah, we gotta take out
Speaker 1: four teeth because this fucking weird horizontal teeth. Anyway, it's
Speaker 1: not gonna cost him fifteen tho dollars Andrews fifteen dollars
Speaker 1: I'll take out. You're just put in play dough. You
Speaker 1: don't need fucking teeth. No one cares about your and
Speaker 1: my dad. I just love the fact that, like he
Speaker 1: kind of showed his dentists, like the dentist was like,
Speaker 1: we gotta take this out, and he's like, no, we don't.
Speaker 1: It's been sixty Like he got sixty years out of it,
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, Like it wasn't even
Speaker 1: like the dentist was probably like we gotta knelt right away,
Speaker 1: and he got that story. Do you know many times
Speaker 1: I heard about the horizontal tooth growing up? I literally
Speaker 1: heard that story fifteen thousand times. For if I had
Speaker 1: a dollar for every time my dad told that story,
Speaker 1: he'd be able to pay for his teeth to get fixed. Um, no,
Speaker 1: it's it's and now my dad's my dad really is
Speaker 1: like one of these people that you know, he's going
Speaker 1: to get surgery and it's going to be a big
Speaker 1: deal in our house because my dad is a he
Speaker 1: he you know, I think men sometimes like get women
Speaker 1: can like stand pain and like traumatic like medical events
Speaker 1: a lot easier than men, and like less complain about
Speaker 1: it less because we're always kind of known as being
Speaker 1: hysterical and naggy and like emotional. So women tuck it
Speaker 1: down and like we've learned to like suppress our pain
Speaker 1: because it just we don't want someone to go, oh,
Speaker 1: this woman is just complaining too much. Let's just put
Speaker 1: our out of the misery and keep going. That's like
Speaker 1: you know, back in the or in tribes, if women
Speaker 1: cried enough, they just be like shut up, bitch and
Speaker 1: like probably kill you. So women just have to be like,
Speaker 1: I'm fine, nothing's wrong. But men can complain all they
Speaker 1: want because they also have to complain though. You know, no, no,
Speaker 1: it is not easy being men. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: men are bad and this is not you know, obviously,
Speaker 1: this is a generalization. But I've found that men get
Speaker 1: a little bit like a baby or when they're sick,
Speaker 1: which when I am in a relationship, I love when
Speaker 1: a guy is a widow baby and I get to go,
Speaker 1: are you a win a week? And I get to go, oh,
Speaker 1: are you sick? I will take care of you. I
Speaker 1: love like a little like man. That's just kind of
Speaker 1: like leaning into being a baby. I probably want a baby. Um,
Speaker 1: but uh, I was laughing you just like you know,
Speaker 1: calling my dad on his birthday it always or all
Speaker 1: and my parents on their birthday. Sometimes it feels like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is just like I have to do it. It's
Speaker 1: a little bit like I'm not in the mood to
Speaker 1: call my dad right now. I'd like to be in
Speaker 1: the mood when I call my parents. And I was,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't and then you and then I was
Speaker 1: because my dad and I were having fun. He was
Speaker 1: wearing a shirt that I got him for his birthday
Speaker 1: a few years ago, and uh, and then Andrew came
Speaker 1: in and like made me like, you made me appreciate
Speaker 1: my dad so much in that moment because you he
Speaker 1: was just so fun with you and like having such
Speaker 1: a good time laughing what else were you were saying that? Um?
Speaker 1: He uh. He was talking about going to Atlantic City
Speaker 1: because we've been to Atlantic City, or we're going to
Speaker 1: Atlantic City this Saturday, the Borgata, and my dad had
Speaker 1: said he went there with my mom ten years ago
Speaker 1: on some like work trip. They like had, you know,
Speaker 1: a function in atlant City and they're like, let's go
Speaker 1: to the the Borgata and he said that women it was
Speaker 1: the first He goes, I guess this happens all the time,
Speaker 1: but the first time I saw women standing on the
Speaker 1: bar making out, which I guess is a thing, and
Speaker 1: we're like, no, it's not. And he was like and
Speaker 1: then all the guys were cheering them on, and I
Speaker 1: was like, man, these guys are crazy. And it's like,
Speaker 1: you mean the women making out on the bar like
Speaker 1: like that. My dad blamed it on the men because
Speaker 1: he said, we're doing it for the men. It is
Speaker 1: the men's problem. And Andrew goes, you mean the women,
Speaker 1: because my dad was like, god, I we just left
Speaker 1: being like, I guess men are like that. They're crazy
Speaker 1: and there's nothing an old man you'll beat the ship
Speaker 1: out of him, like I think every guy can late
Speaker 1: to telling an old guy who's falling apart, who was
Speaker 1: maybe kind of tough and they're back in their day
Speaker 1: that you will beat them with their own fake hip,
Speaker 1: you know, stuff like that. It's just two guys just
Speaker 1: like I'll rip your dick off and put it in
Speaker 1: your ear. And he's like, it's so fun, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm looking into getting my dad a present today. I
Speaker 1: gotta figure out what to get him. I um, every
Speaker 1: every year I get them, I try to get him something.
Speaker 1: I mean, I bought my mom a fucking car, and
Speaker 1: so my dad's probably waiting like what's it gonna be,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, it's a new guitar. Pick girl
Speaker 1: for that bottom mouth just be like, yeah, maybe I'll
Speaker 1: just pay for his fun. That would be here, you
Speaker 1: go at least part of that. Well, if I had
Speaker 1: a dollar keep talking, Dad, every time you tell that story,
Speaker 1: I'll start going king, YEA so nice to me lately.
Speaker 1: And he's like, is there a correlation here between him
Speaker 1: and needing teeth? Like yeah, my dad is uh. I
Speaker 1: love my dad. Happy birthday, Dad, August fifty four, great,
Speaker 1: great time. He's a he's a great dad. I really
Speaker 1: lucked out made me who I am? Um, He's like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe he's even an age where he would go, God,
Speaker 1: that's old as fuck. Like today, he joked that he
Speaker 1: was forty nine. He was like, and um, just forty nine.
Speaker 1: And I go, you actually have the spirit of a
Speaker 1: forty year old and he moved. He moves a little
Speaker 1: bit slower now. But my Dad, I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: without sounding ridiculous, my dad has the best body of
Speaker 1: any sixty six year old man you will ever see,
Speaker 1: unless that's sixty six year old man like only spends
Speaker 1: time on his body. My dad has the best body.
Speaker 1: And I am bragging a little bit because I have
Speaker 1: my dad's body. I do have a dad body. Everyone
Speaker 1: knows it. Um, I will be, I will be. I'm
Speaker 1: turning like the because I don't exercise anymore. I don't diet,
Speaker 1: and I realized, like my normal body without doing anything extra,
Speaker 1: is lanky and long and like kind of hairless like
Speaker 1: my dad's. And I got a huge dick. Um, But
Speaker 1: I I am like, I'm turning. My dad and I
Speaker 1: look the same from the back, like the same. We
Speaker 1: both have no ass our legs are exactly the same.
Speaker 1: Sometimes my dad and I sit and next to each
Speaker 1: other and our feet are like it's just it's eerie.
Speaker 1: But I'm very grateful because my dad has a beautiful,
Speaker 1: like even woman's figure. I mean like it's an androgeneous
Speaker 1: men or women would accept it, would you agree? Mean? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the older you guys get your getting closer
Speaker 1: to meeting in the middle of being the same ex
Speaker 1: And then my mom, I can't my my voice, my
Speaker 1: personality and voice is turning into my mom. And I
Speaker 1: told her the other day, I go, I used to
Speaker 1: hate when people said that, and now I fucking love
Speaker 1: it because you're the funniest person ever. So if I
Speaker 1: get my dad's body and my mom has a great
Speaker 1: bod too, I've just like accepted that we I don't
Speaker 1: get my sister got my mom's looks. I got my
Speaker 1: dad's looks, and I got my mom's personality. So today, um,
Speaker 1: I was actually doing an impression of my The thing
Speaker 1: that makes my dad laugh more than anything that I
Speaker 1: do is impressions of our family members and my mom.
Speaker 1: I haven't even done. When I was living at home,
Speaker 1: I used to do my mom like for my dad
Speaker 1: when my Mom's being not her best self, and like
Speaker 1: because this morning I could hear the vacuum going in
Speaker 1: the background, and I go, what's his mom? I go,
Speaker 1: his mom cleaning and she goes, of course she's cleaning.
Speaker 1: And I go who's coming over? And he goes, no one,
Speaker 1: and I go, Dad, someone's coming over. There's my mom
Speaker 1: would not be feverishly unless someone. And he goes your sister,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't care, and I go, yes, she does.
Speaker 1: And my sister. I've told my sister sometimes because when
Speaker 1: my mom, when I was living there, my my my
Speaker 1: mom would go crazy cleaning and I go, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? Lauren's coming over? And she's like, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this for Lauren, doing it for me, and I go,
Speaker 1: it seems to be for Lauren because you weren't cleaning
Speaker 1: before Lauren said she was coming over. Then you started clean,
Speaker 1: Like it's okay to admit that you want your daughter
Speaker 1: to think you have a clean house even though she
Speaker 1: grew up in it and she knows it's clean, and
Speaker 1: she knows you're crazy. UM, And I say that with love,
Speaker 1: crazy with love, But UM, I just started going. I
Speaker 1: started doing an impression my mom for my dad, which
Speaker 1: is maybe my most favorite thing to do. UM, because
Speaker 1: it makes my dad laugh so hard. So I just
Speaker 1: started going, e J, I'm cleaning the fucking house. What's
Speaker 1: it to you? If you would? It's your birthday. I
Speaker 1: haven't asked you to do a goddamn thing this today.
Speaker 1: Why are you giving me ship for cleaning? I like
Speaker 1: a clean fucking house, you know it's it's I'm the
Speaker 1: only one that picks up over here, and we look
Speaker 1: like goddamn white trash. We got the kids coming over.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be clean, and my dad was laughing
Speaker 1: because you guys don't understand. That is exactly how my
Speaker 1: mom sounds, exactly when she is in like the fight
Speaker 1: or flight response of um, you know, being told? You know,
Speaker 1: my mom is not like being told why are you cleaning?
Speaker 1: Because I want to? God damn it? Are you sure
Speaker 1: it's not because we're having people over and you're just
Speaker 1: trying to make people think that you are better than
Speaker 1: you are based on your cleaning, cleaning your house, even
Speaker 1: though they don't care and they love you anyway. I'm
Speaker 1: not doing this for someone else. It's just that's my mom. Andrew,
Speaker 1: What are you laughing about? Doing her voice? What do
Speaker 1: you what the know? You're just you know, what you
Speaker 1: could do. You could pick up some things. I never
Speaker 1: asked you to pick up anything when you come over
Speaker 1: star house. But no, when when have I asked you
Speaker 1: to pick up anything to throw? From cans and recycling
Speaker 1: a couple of times? Oh oh, did you do those
Speaker 1: cans and recycling with you? This is all my weight.
Speaker 1: I just realized this is me. I know you're both
Speaker 1: your mom and your dad. Like anything you can plain
Speaker 1: about isn't that weird? I see like in you? And
Speaker 1: you know, look, I have my and my mom's dick,
Speaker 1: so I get it. I mean, if your parents would
Speaker 1: have like hung out with you more, maybe you would
Speaker 1: have picked up something of theirs. Yeah, but we had
Speaker 1: a we had a house cleaner because they kind of
Speaker 1: abandoned you emotionally. And yeah, do you ever sound like um?
Speaker 1: I think I picked up things from my mom daring
Speaker 1: my whenever I'm very lazy. I mean, my mom was
Speaker 1: extremely lazy due to depression, and you know, never left
Speaker 1: her bed and displayed solitaire and drink wine on the rocks.
Speaker 1: I do that, but just with lacroix um and instead
Speaker 1: of Solitaire, I just watched Dave. Your mom would have
Speaker 1: been so funny. Wasn't big like flavored seltzer water was dude,
Speaker 1: you know, is a lamb chop And she likes the
Speaker 1: zug on the bone. Boy, I mean, is you do that?
Speaker 1: Is you sing on the bone, I'll be like, Mom,
Speaker 1: not now, and you fucking do it in your own room.
Speaker 1: I love your parents. It's it's so funny to like
Speaker 1: hear like, and I'm so glad your mom isn't in
Speaker 1: that state. I mean, your mom has her own issue,
Speaker 1: says she's going through health wise now, So glad that
Speaker 1: that didn't listen. I'm so scared, glad that her depression
Speaker 1: didn't kill her. You know what I mean, Like that
Speaker 1: kind of depression. I've been through it. I don't I
Speaker 1: would have done the same fucking thing that your mom did. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just like you don't have any other Yesterday was
Speaker 1: like getting so fucking sad with like just her being
Speaker 1: in Florida and like literally she was talking to her lung,
Speaker 1: you know, because she has cp D and she was
Speaker 1: which is emphysema, which is a lung disease, which so
Speaker 1: if you have COVID with that, it's pretty much it's
Speaker 1: a ticket to whatever to Yeah, have the vaccine which
Speaker 1: I found interesting that she could take the vaccine, so
Speaker 1: why couldn't. But anyway, so then uh, she said her
Speaker 1: lung doctorrself like forty new patients like within the last
Speaker 1: day of COVID and they were all, you know, just
Speaker 1: like he told her she should not like leave her
Speaker 1: fucking her own bedroom. So she's like sucking the prisoners.
Speaker 1: Well she's like, okay, back to through you just hear
Speaker 1: American online going. But anyhow, you've got mail. It's just
Speaker 1: a yeah, life is sad, and um what I wanted
Speaker 1: to say though before you really brought it down with
Speaker 1: what I said, Lamb was kidding. I'm dude, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1: I love I love talking about sad stuff. And UM,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that it was sad for you to talk
Speaker 1: to your mom. You could always talk to me about
Speaker 1: that stuff. You know, I'm there for you. Bro through
Speaker 1: your bed truly through your bedroom door, and you're like,
Speaker 1: why are you on this side of the house but
Speaker 1: my mom? Just don't you hear the white noise machine
Speaker 1: vibrating myself right now? I don't want to talk about
Speaker 1: your mom possibly. Um know, what what I will say
Speaker 1: is that the other night you when you got when
Speaker 1: you came out of your bedroom yesterday morning with a
Speaker 1: bunch of cans and you were like, I'm cleaning, baby,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling good. You go. Yeah, I think I was
Speaker 1: actually depressed the past couple of days. It was funny
Speaker 1: to me that you didn't know you were depressed until yeah,
Speaker 1: I knew, or maybe you didn't articulate. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. And it's like that thing where like
Speaker 1: I don't want to complain anymore about things, but like
Speaker 1: anytime I fly, I swear to two days after, I'm
Speaker 1: just in a weird mental state. And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people like a flying affects their brain and
Speaker 1: that on top of you know, the other stuff that
Speaker 1: was stressful this weekend, a lot of stress, like yeah,
Speaker 1: Brenna leaving me, being in a fucking bad mood, the
Speaker 1: one person you live with that's not really talking to you.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like, of course, but I do want
Speaker 1: to say though it was you were like I saw
Speaker 1: you post, we weren't really talking that much. I was
Speaker 1: just like, not in the mood to be social. It
Speaker 1: wasn't about you. It's so funny that I was just
Speaker 1: talking about someone doing that to me. And now I'm
Speaker 1: like offended by it, and and and that I have
Speaker 1: a right to be offended because I'm like, just tell
Speaker 1: me you're in a bad mood, then like, don't just
Speaker 1: cut me out and say like then I think it's
Speaker 1: about me. But I was like, not that social wasn't
Speaker 1: doing you. But then I saw in your story you
Speaker 1: were like, oh my god, this new racing show. I'm obsessed.
Speaker 1: There's some show, some drug show or something, money Heist.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, okay, so he's in his
Speaker 1: room like enjoying this new show. He's not like staying
Speaker 1: away from me because he's mad at me, because I
Speaker 1: thought you were just like fine bitch and in your
Speaker 1: room trying to avoid me, and like just like when
Speaker 1: you were in your room all day a couple of
Speaker 1: days ago, but you're watching Money Heist. I heard it
Speaker 1: through the I was like, oh, he's into this new show.
Speaker 1: And then it was confirmed through your Instagram. Sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make this very quickly. And then I go to
Speaker 1: bed later that night and on my phone and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, my lava lamp went out and my
Speaker 1: phone kind of went because it on like it was
Speaker 1: plugged in and I felt a govert like it was
Speaker 1: like unplugged and then plugged back in. So we had
Speaker 1: like a power surge. And Andrew text me what the hell,
Speaker 1: what the funk was that? And I go, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? He goes like that you rarely was fun.
Speaker 1: What the hell was that? A you were like scared
Speaker 1: and angry. Yeah, you said, what the hell was that?
Speaker 1: And I go, I think a power surge, like it's
Speaker 1: back on right and everything's okay, And you were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that was weird. And I was like, I just
Speaker 1: don't and I think everything's fine, Like that's fine. And
Speaker 1: then you were just like I think I just got
Speaker 1: upset because it turned off my TV. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I knew it. I knew that. Your response was like
Speaker 1: you were sad that money I got you had to
Speaker 1: like restart money, and I had to figure out where
Speaker 1: I was. I mean, I didn't know if I was four,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Yeah, dude, that didn't apparently
Speaker 1: here we come. You heardst first, Oh my god, the
Speaker 1: weekend's coming. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna
Speaker 1: go out on a boat, You're gonna go out on
Speaker 1: the lake, You're gonna hit golf balls. You're gonna hate
Speaker 1: your wife, I hope not. Okay, oh yeah, don't hit
Speaker 1: your wife. The swells for everyone out there for sure, UM,
Speaker 1: have a great time in Attic. They were coming to
Speaker 1: Atlantic City, the Borgatta, the Music Box. Some people call
Speaker 1: it the Box, other people call it music Land. Here
Speaker 1: we go. Listen. If you meet and greets to the
Speaker 1: Borgata or any of my upcoming shows, if they do
Speaker 1: get canceled, you can get your money back through the
Speaker 1: box office. Like you'll find that. And just don't get
Speaker 1: mad at me if I canceled meeting greets. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying not to get Delta. I'm trying not to give
Speaker 1: you Delta like, but it's it's on a case by
Speaker 1: case basis. But um, just understand that I'm not doing
Speaker 1: it because I don't want to meet you. It's just
Speaker 1: because I'm scared that of that stuff. So um, that's
Speaker 1: all I want to say. You think Delta will change
Speaker 1: its name like you think? Because remember when it was
Speaker 1: Corona and then it was COVID and who's killed still
Speaker 1: calling it? Someone said coronavirus the other day and I go,
Speaker 1: what the funk are you talking about? And we call
Speaker 1: it like, you know what would be like David fourteen
Speaker 1: or something. I don't know something because they changed it
Speaker 1: from Corona to COVID nineteen, so maybe we'll go from David. Anyways. Okay,
Speaker 1: I can't believe I haven't heard so many jokes about
Speaker 1: I made a joke last week on stage that San
Speaker 1: Antonio looked like it wasn't suffering with the Delta variant,
Speaker 1: it was suffering with the Southwest or the Spirit Airlines variant,
Speaker 1: and people fucking loved it. And I go, have we
Speaker 1: all not made that joke a million times? Right? Like?
Speaker 1: I think I think Delta has been getting crushed. I
Speaker 1: feel like the airline for that. Oh, airlines are fucked
Speaker 1: right now. Anyway, maybe it's in the news. Five parents
Speaker 1: had to be No, maybe it is in the news. Okay,
Speaker 1: five parents had to be separate? Did a UKs do
Speaker 1: after encouraging each other to swear a guess? Oh that's cute,
Speaker 1: as that's what one of them said. Yeah, so five
Speaker 1: parents had to be older African grays. Yeah, these things
Speaker 1: talk a lot. This is the one that um Pete
Speaker 1: Lee has. These ones if you want to get a
Speaker 1: pair of that talks. These are the babies to get.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they're so cute, they said. Usually they
Speaker 1: clam up when they get outside, they don't curse as much,
Speaker 1: but these five like like they get each other going,
Speaker 1: you know, oh sweet. But so they had to be separated.
Speaker 1: It's so cute when a bird knows it's being mischievous.
Speaker 1: They are so fucking smart. Dude. What were they saying?
Speaker 1: Was it in British access so people weren't as upset
Speaker 1: because it sounded smart still, but yeah, no, maybe they
Speaker 1: were asking for a cigarette. Yeah, but they added a
Speaker 1: fun to it, which is also offensive. Yeah, so they
Speaker 1: had to be separated throughout the Maybe they're asking Matt
Speaker 1: Damon for a cigarette Matt Damon's daughter. Uh yeah, I I.
Speaker 1: They didn't say exactly what they were saying, but parents,
Speaker 1: they were worried about children hearing them. Although most people
Speaker 1: loved it obviously, come on, you know what we a
Speaker 1: cursing parrot exhibit at a zoo would fly off the people.
Speaker 1: You you go at your own discretion. It's in an
Speaker 1: enclosed space, so you have to agree that you know
Speaker 1: kids are watching porn now, like there's no I have
Speaker 1: not seen are you eighteen or over? Thing? Before a
Speaker 1: porn site and forever. That's because I have members to
Speaker 1: them all where I've confirmed that with my credit card.
Speaker 1: But um, you know, why are we protecting kids from
Speaker 1: really fun things, which a parrot cussing, a parent cussing,
Speaker 1: or a monkey jerking off and then smelling its own ship.
Speaker 1: I mean, you tell me, I mean, you you tell me.
Speaker 1: I think parrots cussing are like I've been comparing f
Speaker 1: Boy Island and reality shows to going to a zoo
Speaker 1: because people go, it's fake, and I go, zoos are fake,
Speaker 1: but the animals are living within this fake environment and
Speaker 1: living real lives, and we watch them and have entertainment
Speaker 1: when I watch. If I go to the zoo, people
Speaker 1: are like, wow, you're cultured and you love animals. If
Speaker 1: I watch f Boy Island, people are like, you're a narcissist.
Speaker 1: You're watching for yourself. No, they go, you know that's
Speaker 1: that's not real TV. And it's like, no, this is
Speaker 1: like watching human animals act and like jerk off on
Speaker 1: each other and and cuss, and I just think it
Speaker 1: is to watch. No, no, no, no, no. People say
Speaker 1: in general about about reality shows or are it's all fake? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean that's the number one way that people who
Speaker 1: think they're smarter than like who don't want to be
Speaker 1: only are like that are so cool. Like the Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift song where she goes with some indie record that's
Speaker 1: much cooler than mine, where she's making fun of Jake
Speaker 1: Jillen Hall being like, I'm gonna go over here because
Speaker 1: my anyone who does something to be you know, like,
Speaker 1: if you don't watch reality TV because you think it's
Speaker 1: like dumb and not because you actually don't like it,
Speaker 1: then you're kid. You're just doing something to present like
Speaker 1: you're an intellectual and you're not, and actually intellectual people
Speaker 1: love reality shows because it's like a nature document. It's
Speaker 1: like Jane goodawling for humans. I'm just we should get
Speaker 1: a parrot. I fucking curses, dude, dude, I'm ready to
Speaker 1: get a parrot. I want to get all the time.
Speaker 1: Can we give him like a certain time because I
Speaker 1: don't want to be awake? Yeah, you beat it and
Speaker 1: you don't want it to, and then you stop beating
Speaker 1: it when you want it to. It's very no, no, no,
Speaker 1: they you know, we might get you might get one
Speaker 1: that bites and that isn't great and like won't even talk.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you get a parrot that's doesn't talk, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's just like having a kid. You might get
Speaker 1: one that's just like not my buddy's dad out of
Speaker 1: his mouth like and he was kind of like today,
Speaker 1: And then you would see him with this bird picking
Speaker 1: food out of his teeth. Oh, I love Keewie. Used
Speaker 1: to go in my braces and pick out stuff, and
Speaker 1: I put his put his whole head in. Because birds
Speaker 1: have a bunch of feathers around their neck, so their
Speaker 1: necks are really just the like little bone with some tendons,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's very little, but their next are
Speaker 1: all just fluff. So when you put their head in
Speaker 1: your neck, you can close your mouth around it like
Speaker 1: you're whistling, and just leave. And it looks like you've
Speaker 1: just bit off its head because you've closed it around
Speaker 1: its neck, which is very small, and it's so and
Speaker 1: everyone freaks out. But man, I miss Kewie and I
Speaker 1: missed Brenna. What's the next story. Okay, So the study
Speaker 1: finds that men who ejaculate speaking of Branna twenty one
Speaker 1: times a month, we're one third less likely to develop
Speaker 1: prostate cancer than men who ejaculated only four to seven
Speaker 1: times a month. I mean, what does study you want?
Speaker 1: Tell me the percentage again? One times. If you exaculate
Speaker 1: one times a month, you're one third less likely to
Speaker 1: develop prostate cancer. Oh damn it, what a weird study.
Speaker 1: I'm mean they said that they did it throughout like
Speaker 1: their twenties to forties, like it was a long study.
Speaker 1: So but I gotta figure, like, if you're older, you're
Speaker 1: more likely to get prostate cancer, and you're more likely
Speaker 1: to jerk off less. But and prostate cancer is one
Speaker 1: of the easiest ones to survive. Dr drew Um at
Speaker 1: prostate cancer. I remember he told me he got his
Speaker 1: prostate removed. He now shoots out nothing, no come because
Speaker 1: he got his tubes or whatever. His no. The second
Speaker 1: the sect of me you shoot blanks Um. You still
Speaker 1: shoot com but it's like kind of more watery. I think,
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong with dusties. But then remove
Speaker 1: your prostate. Nothing comes out literally zip like a ghost.
Speaker 1: I mean, I honestly, I do not. I don't jerk
Speaker 1: and I'm going to die tomorrow. I don't jerk off.
Speaker 1: I jerk off. I think maybe five times a month. Right,
Speaker 1: you've said every four days. Yeah, so every four so
Speaker 1: I gotta you're you're gonna be fine, don't jerk off dry?
Speaker 1: And then I bruise my own penis. I could rip
Speaker 1: my own. Yeah, it's a mess down there sometimes when
Speaker 1: I go to town for two long Yeah, how are
Speaker 1: you doing with um? Not coming up because your girlfriend's
Speaker 1: just jerking it more? And uh, you know, my sex
Speaker 1: drive isn't crazy to begin with, but how's your golf drive? Fantastic?
Speaker 1: I shot at seventy nine. I broke eighty for the
Speaker 1: first time yesterday. Oh my god. You want to know
Speaker 1: a crazy story. Yesterday? Have you ever seen Legend of
Speaker 1: Bag of Ants? That movie? No, but I know about it.
Speaker 1: I was playing and I shot pretty good. I shot
Speaker 1: a forty on the front nine and then starting on
Speaker 1: the back nine. Uh, A guy, a black guy just
Speaker 1: appeared who was wearing like layers, like multiple layers. It
Speaker 1: was ninety degrees out with two gloves. He was wearing
Speaker 1: two gloves that weren't even golf gloves. He looked homeless,
Speaker 1: and he had an old, really old set of clubs
Speaker 1: and he was playing in front of me. One like
Speaker 1: he started writing front and he's like why don't we
Speaker 1: just pair up? And so I just started playing with
Speaker 1: this and he goes back of vans and I swear
Speaker 1: to God, like I don't think he paid to to
Speaker 1: to play. Did you ask his name? His name was
Speaker 1: Alan and um and so weird you just make who
Speaker 1: was wearing layers and ninety degrees? Did you guys talk?
Speaker 1: Did you ask him about his layers? And it's the
Speaker 1: sweater vessel. He goes, I'm sixty with these old clubs
Speaker 1: because I want to know how hard it is when
Speaker 1: they used to play. And he was so easy going
Speaker 1: about bad shots and he was like I thought he
Speaker 1: was my imagination. After he left, he left before the
Speaker 1: nine was over, and he just walked off into the woods,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, did anyone else didn't say goodbye? It
Speaker 1: was wild and for the first time ever, and I
Speaker 1: think this guy came to my life. It was pretty
Speaker 1: like it was pretty wild. That's really amazing. I can't
Speaker 1: believe I asked you about golf today. Well I wanted
Speaker 1: to save it for the pod, but yeah, that is well, um,
Speaker 1: let's get to uh this. This transitions perfectly into our
Speaker 1: weekly sports moment. Why do I care about sports? Gears?
Speaker 1: Andrew's weekly sports moment. Wait, did we throw a fan
Speaker 1: tracks in there? For a second? There was a little
Speaker 1: bit of a fan tracks. Listen, it's coming. No one's
Speaker 1: going to hear that one. We're gonna we're gonna clean
Speaker 1: it up. Leave it in, bitch, you're slipping slim. Slip
Speaker 1: and slipping. You're slipping slim comes from when my dad
Speaker 1: had a one job the only time you ever waited tables.
Speaker 1: He was like in over his head. He lied about
Speaker 1: having experienced just like you have before for a waiter job.
Speaker 1: And he was delivering someone there's soup and he was
Speaker 1: sweating a lot because he was just like overwhelmed. And
Speaker 1: there was like a piece of sweat that just fell
Speaker 1: in this guy's soup as he set it down. And
Speaker 1: then the guy just looked at the soup and looked
Speaker 1: up with my dad and goes, you're slipping slim. And
Speaker 1: so I say it all the time, Happy birthday Dad. Alright,
Speaker 1: moment news, Oh no, wait, I just started reading the
Speaker 1: ejaculation slipping fat. All right, Yeah, dude, you need to
Speaker 1: come come Cat on the loose draws M v P,
Speaker 1: Chance and Bronx at a Yankee Stadium and sets the
Speaker 1: ground crew off on a wild chase. You gotta watch this.
Speaker 1: Wait wait wait, wait wait you just so I just
Speaker 1: saw the headline, So I know what the funk it
Speaker 1: is that you were saying. It sounds like you said chance,
Speaker 1: like like he has a chance, but it's chant like chance. Yes, chance,
Speaker 1: people chanting cat on the loose draws m v P chance.
Speaker 1: So people were screaming m v P m v P. Right,
Speaker 1: So that's another way, you know, another way of saying this.
Speaker 1: So there was a cat on the loose at a
Speaker 1: baseball game and the crowd loved it so much they
Speaker 1: started chanting m v P. That would be a way
Speaker 1: to read that. Yeah, this is this engse you wanted
Speaker 1: to at some point. Oh my god. So this cat
Speaker 1: looks so scared and so cute. It looks like an asla.
Speaker 1: So this cat, it's so cute. It's so it's around outfield.
Speaker 1: It's people are running after Wait, let's hear the chances.
Speaker 1: How boring baseball is. Because it's a Baltimore Yankees game.
Speaker 1: You know, people are losing their minds. They're they're chasing
Speaker 1: this cat around the field. I mean, you guys, there's
Speaker 1: four guys that are the ones that come out and
Speaker 1: oh my god, they can't catch it. These they must
Speaker 1: feel so dumb. What's dumber than chasing a cat like
Speaker 1: in front of a bunch of baseball players watching these
Speaker 1: guys are oh my god, it's like jumping around. These
Speaker 1: guys are the ones that come out and and lay
Speaker 1: the little things and then they drag them like rakes.
Speaker 1: You don't want to grab a cat. A cat's gonna
Speaker 1: fuck you, you know. Oh, this poor cat is just
Speaker 1: so scared. The poor kitty. They're just not handling it
Speaker 1: the right way. Now they are acting like this cat
Speaker 1: is a wild beast, like it's a cat. They're freaking
Speaker 1: out if they you're not catching you guys, you gotta
Speaker 1: watch this video. The dugout is going crazy that these
Speaker 1: guys going like you know, yeah, now they're cheering it
Speaker 1: on like it's like went to the box. It went,
Speaker 1: Oh he went to go get refreshments. Just got a
Speaker 1: minor league contract, dude. That cat was incredible. That was
Speaker 1: a great sports moment. I can't believe it didn't see
Speaker 1: that on the stadium, Like how does he get to
Speaker 1: that field because it was a string. But I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: like Okay, he climbed the fence. It's a city cat.
Speaker 1: He climbed the fense, got over it, just crept around,
Speaker 1: was eating eating mice, eating popcorn, kind of having like
Speaker 1: a day of it. And then yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe someone brought him and then released it, but dugout
Speaker 1: and then they just kind of let him be, which
Speaker 1: was kind of cool as them, like they let him
Speaker 1: just chill and then he ran out to the field.
Speaker 1: But I just love picturing this cat being like like
Speaker 1: getting to the actual field, like all the things he
Speaker 1: had to go through. You know, it's like oceans for
Speaker 1: this cat. I love um. I love that we protect
Speaker 1: animals once they've become like, you know, this cat is
Speaker 1: gonna have a great life. No one's gonna take that
Speaker 1: cat to the pound. Whereas if that cat was just
Speaker 1: found outside the stadium, it probably would be euthanized. From
Speaker 1: the cat of the Yankees, you think, well, you know,
Speaker 1: that cat is definitely has a story now, so now
Speaker 1: people want to get it. Like that's why when you
Speaker 1: get a pet from rescue places. Rescue places do such
Speaker 1: a service for getting animals adopted, and people don't realize this,
Speaker 1: but when you know you're going to pet Finder all
Speaker 1: these things, the dog or the cat. A lot of
Speaker 1: times photographers offer their services to or groomers or like
Speaker 1: people make bow ties for for rescue animals so that
Speaker 1: they can look cuter for the picture to win over
Speaker 1: a person that might be looking for a new animal.
Speaker 1: And then on top of that, and I don't want
Speaker 1: accuse anyone, but I do think that stories about these
Speaker 1: these cats and these animal stories that they come with
Speaker 1: as a rescue animal are sometimes embellished or complete fabrications
Speaker 1: in order to give the person who is swiping around
Speaker 1: for animals, Oh my god, this this animal comes with
Speaker 1: such a good story. It was found on the streets
Speaker 1: living in a pizza box and it used a pepperoni
Speaker 1: as a pillow. And like then you when you have
Speaker 1: a story, you want to you want this animal more.
Speaker 1: Now you get to tell everyone about it. So um,
Speaker 1: just know that those stories are sometimes lies and be
Speaker 1: okay with it, because that animal has a story that
Speaker 1: you don't know about anyway, there's no way to know
Speaker 1: what its story is. And man, I think if I
Speaker 1: could have one, if I had like a genie with
Speaker 1: three wishes, one of them would be to hear Marian
Speaker 1: and Luigi's real life story before I got them. I
Speaker 1: just want to know what happened to them and where
Speaker 1: they came from, so I can understand why Luigi to
Speaker 1: get scared of Amazon boxes that I'm carrying, Like who
Speaker 1: threw a box at you? And where can I go
Speaker 1: find that person and murder them? Um? I want? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, Marian got her stitches out today,
Speaker 1: she's fully I was thinking that has anyone ever said,
Speaker 1: maybe you've said this before that Marion looks like Nick
Speaker 1: Nolty's mug shot. Wow, No, okay, I just sent the
Speaker 1: picture of a side by side to Jen because she
Speaker 1: thought we should have dog for merch and I go
Speaker 1: Marian next, and being like, of a mug shot of
Speaker 1: maryon next to Nick Nolte's mug shot could be really funny. Well,
Speaker 1: it really is funny. There's a picture of Marian though
Speaker 1: that no joke looks identical to Taylor Swift's Um Reputation
Speaker 1: album cover. I think where she's kind of she kind
Speaker 1: of has her chin up and she's going like she
Speaker 1: kind of looks she has like messier hair. It was
Speaker 1: her being like and I'm gonna send no oh the
Speaker 1: side by side because I have it'd saved that I
Speaker 1: took one time. Jennifer Lawrence Actually, um, we hadn't talked
Speaker 1: in a bit one time and I posted a side
Speaker 1: aside of Marion with the Taylor Swift and uh, I
Speaker 1: remember it was so funny that Jen texted me and
Speaker 1: was like, holy shit, that's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: They look identical. So we'll put her next to Nick
Speaker 1: Nlte and next to Taylor Swift. You guys see and
Speaker 1: send us what you think she looks like. Um, speaking
Speaker 1: of sending us feedback, let's get to Oh my god,
Speaker 1: thank you so much to u AVI. What's obviously last
Speaker 1: name again? Holloway Area Area. Oh, I got it, Holloway,
Speaker 1: Avia Holloway. Thank you for them for letting us use
Speaker 1: your voice or whatever that was. It sounded like, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's I just don't understand how that's even is that?
Speaker 1: Are there effects put on that? Or can he sound
Speaker 1: like that when he's like cooking I put effect on it,
Speaker 1: But he can sound like that cooking oatmeal for sure.
Speaker 1: That's so cool. Hold on one second, No, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go grab a fan fact facts letter that someone gave
Speaker 1: to me in San Antonio and I put it on
Speaker 1: my bag and I didn't read it yet because I
Speaker 1: wasn't ready for the emotions that it might stir. So
Speaker 1: one second, well she's gone. Let's talk about Mega Death.
Speaker 1: How are they doing? They're fine. I think they're putting
Speaker 1: out a new album. How's uh Corn Courn I'm not
Speaker 1: sure about. I'm not a huge fan of Corn, so
Speaker 1: I don't keep up with him. What about Slip Nah
Speaker 1: slipnot Uh? The former drummer Joey Jordansen just passed away.
Speaker 1: That's so fucking sad. What about insane clown Posse? I
Speaker 1: have no idea. What about Bad Religion? I think they're okay?
Speaker 1: What about Atol? What are you up to now? I missed?
Speaker 1: Has no about different bands? Mega Death thrill as good
Speaker 1: as I can do. Okay, I'm gonna start with this one.
Speaker 1: But I just found Okay, this this I got from
Speaker 1: bestie Sonja, who was at our San Diego show or
Speaker 1: San Antonio show, and she um, she gave this to
Speaker 1: Jen who was at the merch booth, to give to me,
Speaker 1: and I was scared to read it because I was
Speaker 1: just like feeling too many things last week on the
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful card, it's pink, It's it's like Taylor
Speaker 1: Swifty has all these cutouts. It says energy on it,
Speaker 1: says Nicki Glazer. You know I love that says my
Speaker 1: name on it. Anything that's great, says Jack Pott. These
Speaker 1: it says soap poppy have all the swells, and it
Speaker 1: says NICKI. Where to begin? I have so much to say.
Speaker 1: First off, your my Taylor Swift. I am minorly obsessed
Speaker 1: with you. You have been with me for years now.
Speaker 1: I heard you on Serious and have been hooked since.
Speaker 1: I went a little crazy when your pot when You're
Speaker 1: You Up podcast ended, I was stoked when the new
Speaker 1: ones started. Thank you so much for all the work
Speaker 1: you put in. You help me immensely at work. I
Speaker 1: find myself cracking up while listening. My coworkers know you
Speaker 1: as the voices in my head. So happy for your success.
Speaker 1: Wish you all the best on your tour. I will
Speaker 1: continue to live vicariously through you. Lots of love, bestie, Sonja.
Speaker 1: And then there's a little bird um cursing um and
Speaker 1: at the bottom, No, it's not cursing um. That's so lovely, Sonja.
Speaker 1: Whenever someone tells me that I'm there Taylor Swift, It's
Speaker 1: like blows my mind because uh, and but I get
Speaker 1: it because I you know that I get it. So, UM,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. A like that's the greatest gift
Speaker 1: you could give me, is is saying that, um, that
Speaker 1: I'm your Taylor Swift because you know what she means
Speaker 1: to me, like like she means a lot. So I
Speaker 1: hope that that just I'm gonna cry if I talk
Speaker 1: about a little bit more. But um, thank you for
Speaker 1: that personal note. Sonya, thank you for coming to the show.
Speaker 1: And UM, sorry I didn't get to meet you because
Speaker 1: I'm guessing that you had meeting grades that I had
Speaker 1: to cancel. And thanks for not giving me shit about it.
Speaker 1: Um and understanding. Let's get to the next letter. Hi, Nikki,
Speaker 1: Andrew and Noah. This is and from Japan. I'm not Japanese,
Speaker 1: but I do currently live in Japan. Um. I have
Speaker 1: a mispronunciation story for you. It was committed by my husband,
Speaker 1: who was my boyfriend at the time. We were on
Speaker 1: a group date at a restaurant and when it was
Speaker 1: my husband's turn to order, he inquired about the minestrone.
Speaker 1: Oh and of course he was he was not alone
Speaker 1: about the ministroni soup. Um. Now, he's from a very
Speaker 1: small town in Kansas, like two people, so he hadn't
Speaker 1: been exposed to exotic cuisine. Um, I'm just kidding. Still,
Speaker 1: we we all kind of cut him some slack, but
Speaker 1: we also did ridicule and minestrone I love it for
Speaker 1: a little bit. So he thinks that someone in his
Speaker 1: pronunciation story, um, I love the pod, keep it up,
Speaker 1: don't be killed, thanks and things, and from Japan, don't
Speaker 1: be kick out there in Japan. Um, minestrone is so
Speaker 1: funny and like, obviously that looks exactly like minestrone. You
Speaker 1: know they're not wrong. Her husband isn't wrong, although he
Speaker 1: does call someone who conducts an orchestra a minestrone. Isn't
Speaker 1: that a maestro someone that conducts in seel? But um,
Speaker 1: I was predicting that he was gonna sit My dad
Speaker 1: and my sister and I one time went to a
Speaker 1: Japanese restaurant here in St. Louis that was run by
Speaker 1: a white guy, had just opened and he was like,
Speaker 1: come on in, folks, can I get you in order
Speaker 1: of veta mame? And we were like, I just remember
Speaker 1: we mocked him relentless, first saying and then one time,
Speaker 1: my sister and I say peppercini instead of pepper on, yeah,
Speaker 1: which I guess is the way to do it. It's
Speaker 1: just ridiculous when you hear someone say peperon cini. But
Speaker 1: one time we let we ordered pepperon Peppercini's, and this
Speaker 1: guy goes, yeah, I can get you a little loord
Speaker 1: of pepperon Cini's, And we mocked him. The way we
Speaker 1: giggled at him probably made him feel really sad, like
Speaker 1: how much two little girls were laughing at him, saying,
Speaker 1: so he I hate gro and Euro. I used to
Speaker 1: work in the middle Euro. I say Yerro, but you
Speaker 1: know what, there's some tell shut up? He pricks. Anyways,
Speaker 1: what's next? No, it's it's yero, But yeah, I love
Speaker 1: a good mispronunciation. Minestrone or minestrone. Uh? What's the minecraft?
Speaker 1: Mini Craft? Mini Craft is what a lot of teens
Speaker 1: are playing. Adrian, Hey Nikki, Hey no, Andrew, that was
Speaker 1: a weird order. Andrew is not going to be happy
Speaker 1: about that one. My name is Adrian, I'm Switzerland. I'm
Speaker 1: a huge fan of the podcast. Didn't do it every morning?
Speaker 1: You guys always like the first hoses that here in
Speaker 1: the morning, which is kind of cool. I have a
Speaker 1: hay babe moment to share with you guys. Um, as
Speaker 1: I mentioned, I'm from Switzerland. We speak Swiss German, but
Speaker 1: there's also a French and an Italian part. So I
Speaker 1: remember my dad once talked to me in Italian and
Speaker 1: I guess I repeated something because then he told me
Speaker 1: I have a very sexy accent, which is kind of
Speaker 1: weird to your own song. Um, yeah, no kidding, that
Speaker 1: was my hey baby Momentum, keep up. I agree with
Speaker 1: your dad and listen to your podcast and don't we care.
Speaker 1: I'm also really trying to spread the word about and
Speaker 1: people really seem to enjoy it. By guys, Oh, Adrian
Speaker 1: hot Adrian, doesn't he kind of remind you of Gleb?
Speaker 1: Like does he like his the accent, even though it's
Speaker 1: not glob is so sexy that anyone that kind of
Speaker 1: reminds me of his His struggles with English, which he
Speaker 1: doesn't really even struggle with, like, kind of turns me
Speaker 1: on that. I guess it just we ring something in
Speaker 1: your head. Yeah, I agree with dad, Yeah, I dude,
Speaker 1: there's something too about him being like it's French German
Speaker 1: with Italian and I know he knows all the things,
Speaker 1: but the fact that his dad said he sounds sexy
Speaker 1: when he was a sexy Italian accent just comment. And
Speaker 1: by the way, when he said I have a hay
Speaker 1: babe moment, I go, what the funk is he talking about? Like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I didn't even know we were
Speaker 1: doing those. I love that we're doing those. I think
Speaker 1: we had one, uh fan trax one time where someone
Speaker 1: had shared a story. Let's get more of those, guys. Hey,
Speaker 1: babe moments are so funny. My dad is full of them. Um,
Speaker 1: always complimenting me about my looks because again, I look
Speaker 1: like my dad, and so I think it's more of
Speaker 1: him like being like, I like her legs because they
Speaker 1: look like mine. But um, yeah, it's very uncomfortable. It
Speaker 1: Uh it sends shivers through your spine. They don't mean
Speaker 1: it in a creepy way. It doesn't make it any
Speaker 1: less worse. Um. Trying to think of one that happened recently.
Speaker 1: Oh oh that today he goes on face time. In fact,
Speaker 1: he goes how you feeling. I was like, oh, I'm good.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen him in a while and he goes,
Speaker 1: you look good, and I go, Dad, I just woke up.
Speaker 1: I have disgusting hair, Like I didn't look good. I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear him go you look good. It's
Speaker 1: just like, this is why I don't FaceTime you. I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear that I look good. Even even
Speaker 1: that gives me kind of like creeps in a way that, uh,
Speaker 1: because I didn't look good. He was like, it's almost
Speaker 1: the way like a lover thinks the person, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you look good, but I don't
Speaker 1: like you look healthy. You look like I look like, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh god, I don't want my dad to say it
Speaker 1: looks like I have any fluid in my face. My
Speaker 1: Dad's like, I'm feeling like my prostates really okay, Maybe
Speaker 1: I'll get to twenty two this month. I got twenty Yeah,
Speaker 1: those months with the extra, the trying to jerk off
Speaker 1: keep his prostate healthy. But he can't come. He's just like,
Speaker 1: I gotta come to save my pros. Date. Is there
Speaker 1: a what's that one song? The Green Day song with one?
Speaker 1: I feel like they don't say twenty one in it, though,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to make some kind of Green Day
Speaker 1: reference last time when we were talking about last time,
Speaker 1: when you were talking about the the coming but the
Speaker 1: hay babe moments. Has your mom ever complimented your looks
Speaker 1: in a way that made you feel unsafe? She like,
Speaker 1: she always has a thing to say about how I look,
Speaker 1: whether it's my beard or you like, I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's um Like she goes, you're my
Speaker 1: handsome boy. That's your mom. That's impression of your mom
Speaker 1: that you do. I don't. I think her mom come like,
Speaker 1: would say stuff about her looks and then she would
Speaker 1: complain about her mom and then do the exact same
Speaker 1: thing to us about our looks. And it was just passive,
Speaker 1: it wasn't you know. So you know, there was always
Speaker 1: like a little jab of what you're looking, like, what
Speaker 1: you're wearing. My grandma used to say, you got my
Speaker 1: mother's eyes. You got my mother's green eyes. But you
Speaker 1: get like really into it, like I like your green eyes.
Speaker 1: Oh you got my mother's eyes. She would always slurp,
Speaker 1: and it was weird. Yeah, but you love you. I
Speaker 1: think you have a little bit of pride and and
Speaker 1: I think you get a little bit tickled when ladies
Speaker 1: in your family have said that it doesn't. It's good
Speaker 1: you're telling me. It made you creeped out. You weren't
Speaker 1: like a little proud boy. Not proud when when my
Speaker 1: grandma says that I have my mom's eyes or her
Speaker 1: mom's eyes, or just like you have beautiful green eyes,
Speaker 1: you didn't have a little feeling like kind of special
Speaker 1: for me. It really doesn't. Like my mom says I
Speaker 1: look good one day, then I kind of have that
Speaker 1: same thing where I'm like, well, how shitty did I
Speaker 1: look last time I was down here? Yes, yes, my
Speaker 1: mom does that too. The other day, my mom was
Speaker 1: over and she had to go to a pool party
Speaker 1: later in the day, and she was just like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to go to this fucking thing. I have
Speaker 1: to be in a swimsuit. And I knew that one
Speaker 1: of the women there was going to be like, it's
Speaker 1: kind of like a has a rock and bod. She's
Speaker 1: younger than my mom, and um, and I go, I
Speaker 1: know you're feeling insecure. Let's let's have a little pep talk.
Speaker 1: So I made my mom come into my bathroom and
Speaker 1: stare into her own eyes and say, um, I love
Speaker 1: you for making um for I love my body. It
Speaker 1: um works. I get to hug my kid, my grandkids.
Speaker 1: I get to stand up right right now. I get
Speaker 1: to be able to move about. I get to come
Speaker 1: over and hang out with my daughter because I have mobility.
Speaker 1: My body is amazing. It's pushed two kids. I'm mean
Speaker 1: to repeat all of this, and she was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it. But I was just
Speaker 1: trying to like celebrate what, like a sixty two year
Speaker 1: old woman shouldn't I think I shouldn't try to look
Speaker 1: hot in a suit. That shouldn't be a burden for
Speaker 1: you anymore, you know what I mean. But it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that it's not still a struggle. Final thought, I
Speaker 1: put out of a thing less like on the podcast,
Speaker 1: probably a month ago at this point. Maybe more of
Speaker 1: like if you are going to a pool party and
Speaker 1: you need help, you're about to be in a swimsuit
Speaker 1: around someone, DM me and I'll help you. I UM.
Speaker 1: I got this message from a girl who was like,
Speaker 1: I'm about to go on this trip with girls that
Speaker 1: are like do spin classes and work out all the time.
Speaker 1: They look amazing, and I'm about to feel like I
Speaker 1: don't look that way. I have no time to like
Speaker 1: change that what am I going to do? And I
Speaker 1: forget what I wrote to her, but it was so
Speaker 1: good that it helped me and I'm gonna I want
Speaker 1: to find it so I can read it to you guys.
Speaker 1: But it made me realize, like I'm thinking about writing
Speaker 1: a book or I'm starting to wrap my head about
Speaker 1: what I want to write a book about. And I
Speaker 1: think it's going to be that stuff of like helping people,
Speaker 1: not like just helping people accept themselves and and also
Speaker 1: helping myself accept myself because acceptance is truly it. But
Speaker 1: the thing that I want to just keep sharing that
Speaker 1: maybe didn't get through to you guys, that has always
Speaker 1: helped me and maybe it doesn't help you, but this
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, like I wish I would have had
Speaker 1: this tool or this kind of logic before, like you know,
Speaker 1: a year ago when I finally got it, but like
Speaker 1: when I feel fat or ugly or my asses just
Speaker 1: has extra cheeks on it or no cheeks, no, it's
Speaker 1: always like more like just baggy skin like no, but
Speaker 1: just like no fat, just like skin like just you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes I look I said it before, I look like
Speaker 1: you know when a you know, when a supermodel gets elderly,
Speaker 1: and You're like, damn, she's still kind of hot, but
Speaker 1: she's like an elder I love the I'm a thirty
Speaker 1: seven woman with the body of an elderly supermodel. And
Speaker 1: that's not me tooting my own horn. Like that's just
Speaker 1: kind of how it is. And I'll take it. It's good, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, But um, when I'm feeling bad about my
Speaker 1: body and and mad at like god, white, didn't I
Speaker 1: work out this week? Why did I eat that? Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. And I've said this before, but it just
Speaker 1: helps me to repeat, um, because I'm having that with
Speaker 1: my hair recently, I'm having it with my face. Um,
Speaker 1: my eyes are kind of like drooping and like just
Speaker 1: things I'm seeing aging wise. If I I just now,
Speaker 1: I think, Nikki, if you could snap your fingers and
Speaker 1: not have this, you would you would not have it, right, Yeah, Nikki,
Speaker 1: of course you would. You don't want this thing right now,
Speaker 1: that look that is making you sad. So because you
Speaker 1: would change it if you could, doesn't that mean you
Speaker 1: can't and that you would if you could, but you can't.
Speaker 1: But but I could have gone to the gym for
Speaker 1: the past couple of months. I could have not eaten
Speaker 1: all that ship on the couch or whatever. Well you you,
Speaker 1: that's stuff that you did. You also didn't really have
Speaker 1: a choice to do that either. You let yourself off
Speaker 1: the don't beat yourself up for that stuff. That stuff
Speaker 1: you did because it's better than fucking working out or whatever.
Speaker 1: You needed to do that stuff. If you wanted to
Speaker 1: work out, you would have um. So when you feel
Speaker 1: bad about how fat you are, or how ugly you look,
Speaker 1: or like just your closer stain, like all those things
Speaker 1: you don't want, you didn't actively spill stuff on yourself.
Speaker 1: You didn't actively pull your face down because you want
Speaker 1: to look ugly. Maybe you did, maybe, but but I'm
Speaker 1: guessing you didn't want to feel fat today. So just
Speaker 1: recognize that, Andrew, Like you don't want to have a
Speaker 1: receding hairline. So it's not your fault because if it
Speaker 1: were up to you, you wouldn't have one. So we don't,
Speaker 1: don't you. When you take it out of your hands,
Speaker 1: when you make it not your fault and your head,
Speaker 1: then then it becomes something that you can't get mad
Speaker 1: at yourself about. So this is just a mind trick too,
Speaker 1: a limit and it's in a couple of people have
Speaker 1: shared that it's worked for them, like they stopped and
Speaker 1: they go, Okay, would I want if I could sell
Speaker 1: my fingers, would my thighs be smaller? Yes? Okay, well
Speaker 1: that so I definitely don't want this. So I didn't
Speaker 1: choose this. So just accept it. Because we when things
Speaker 1: happened to us in life that we don't have anything
Speaker 1: to do with that, we don't feel it fault with.
Speaker 1: We don't beat ourselves up about it. We go, God,
Speaker 1: I didn't want that. I didn't choose it. Life just
Speaker 1: served me that fuck. All right, Well, moving on. But
Speaker 1: when we when we think we're the claw of it,
Speaker 1: that we actually chose it, that's when the that's when
Speaker 1: it's we can't get through it. So if you feel fat,
Speaker 1: tell yourself, did I choose to feel this way? Yeah? Nicky,
Speaker 1: because I ate a bunch of ship and I'm a
Speaker 1: lazy piece of sh it. No, you aren't. You didn't
Speaker 1: choose to eat that stuff. You had no choice. You
Speaker 1: had to finish that box of cookies. If you had
Speaker 1: a choice, you wouldn't have done it. Because no one
Speaker 1: wants to eat a whole box of cookies and make
Speaker 1: themselves sick. You had no choice, so let yourself off
Speaker 1: the hook because you're just trying to soothe a feeling
Speaker 1: inside that feels uncomfortable, and cookies were your only way
Speaker 1: to do it, and not going to a work cut
Speaker 1: classes your only way to do it, and sitting on
Speaker 1: the couch was the only way to do it. So Also,
Speaker 1: I just want to share one Reddit thing that made
Speaker 1: me laugh so fucking hard, and it's honestly kind of
Speaker 1: the opposite of all of this, But this is going
Speaker 1: to be the last thing I say. This made me
Speaker 1: laugh in bed yesterday so fucking hard, and I can't
Speaker 1: save it for the Reddit dump because it's too good.
Speaker 1: Someone goes, Okay, this made me laugh so hard. It's
Speaker 1: from life Pro Tips and it said life Pro Tip
Speaker 1: LPT buy clothes that fit you. Nobody is looking at
Speaker 1: you and going, wow, look at that dude fitting in
Speaker 1: a medium shirt. They're thinking, look at this walking vacuum
Speaker 1: sealed bag of marshallows. Maybe laugh so hard because the
Speaker 1: idea that someone would be like, Dude, that guy's fitting
Speaker 1: in a medium shirt. He's fucking killing it. Like we
Speaker 1: I have so many times been like I don't want
Speaker 1: to wear that dress. Because I know that size that
Speaker 1: I feel best at, and that size is not the size,
Speaker 1: but the thing is I would have squeeze into that dress.
Speaker 1: No one knows what size that. No one's going, wow,
Speaker 1: Nikki fit into that dress unless I'm putting the tag
Speaker 1: out there for people to see. No one cares where
Speaker 1: things that fit like. I think that's that's that's kind
Speaker 1: of fat shaming and I don't like that about that.
Speaker 1: But it made me laugh that sometimes we have this
Speaker 1: sense of pride that we fit in things that no
Speaker 1: one cares its size as it is, like, just be comfortable.
Speaker 1: And so if you need to buy a bigger size
Speaker 1: of something, don't throw away the smaller size thing. Buy
Speaker 1: the bigger size and have it around for those days
Speaker 1: because it's going to happen to everyone. Everyone will be
Speaker 1: some kind of shape they don't want to be at
Speaker 1: some point. And um, except Giselle. She seems to not
Speaker 1: ever happen. I know, I know. It's really nice to know.
Speaker 1: And Tom Brady will still love her then because he'll
Speaker 1: still be alive. She won't. But he's not going, He's not.
Speaker 1: He has fake hair, all right, Well, wouldn't you if
Speaker 1: you had all that money and yeah, you're probably gonna
Speaker 1: get it pretty soon. I wouldn't get a fake hair.
Speaker 1: Why let's cliffhanger. Okay, we'll see you next week and
Speaker 1: we'll figure out why Andrew will never get fake hair.
Speaker 1: Have all the smells this weekend, don't we get and
Speaker 1: uh you know it didn't didn't gag. Sorry m