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Speaker 1: Today, I aft up by trying polyamory, which means blinking

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Speaker 1: with multiple people.

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Speaker 2: I know it's potentially dangerous.

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Speaker 1: Territory that it is. It makes it very complicated. Indeed

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Speaker 1: it does relationships. You know it can work, but it

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Speaker 1: can it can work. Have I seen it work? No.

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Speaker 1: A few weeks ago, me twenty seven female and my

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Speaker 1: partner twenty seven male, broached the topic of potentially dating

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Speaker 1: other people. Also, we do the entire negotiation of boundaries, rules,

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Speaker 1: rules for making things work hard, limits on what's okay great.

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Speaker 1: I am more than interested in adding another partner to

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Speaker 1: our relationship, but my partner wanted to try dating separately first,

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Speaker 1: just to see. I'm a reasonable girl. So I'm game

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Speaker 1: to try it, and after a few weeks of attempts,

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Speaker 1: we set up our dates for the same day today.

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Speaker 1: I chose friendly acquaintances guy from another department at work,

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Speaker 1: and he chose hot rando girl from Tinder. We excitedly

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Speaker 1: wish one another luck and head off on our respected dates.

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Speaker 1: Like how they're both going on a day at the

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Speaker 1: same time. That this is kind of funny. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: like it's like the their moon cycles are lined up.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what that means, but I'm sticking

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Speaker 1: about it though. Yeah. My day two will call Mark

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Speaker 1: and I meet up at a cute seafood restaurant for

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Speaker 1: dinner together. Things start off rocky, becomes immediately clear that

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Speaker 1: Mark has never been within six feet of a human woman.

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Speaker 1: Why did you choose Mark, bro?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if you work with him, you have to know

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Speaker 2: at least.

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Speaker 1: A little bit a little bit, right, Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: hopefully Marks just like a haughty or something. Yeah, off

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Speaker 1: as haughty, but just freaking python. Yeah, maybe that's the

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Speaker 1: real song print. Anyway, I'm doing all the talking and

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Speaker 1: he is staring at me intently and nodding his head

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Speaker 1: in silence. I mean that's potentially okay, he's a good listener.

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Speaker 1: I eventually run out of things to say because he

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Speaker 1: isn't participating at all, and start desperately looking at my phone,

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Speaker 1: texting and browsing Reddit to avoid the unbearable awkwardness. That's

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Speaker 1: even more awkward, bro. I don't know if you've ever

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Speaker 1: got gone to a restaurant and seen the tables where

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Speaker 1: like both people are just on their phones, like you

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Speaker 1: feel you feel like awkward for them?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: That bad? Why go to dinner at that point. Eventually,

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Speaker 1: Mark takes some initiative and participates in conversation. Go Mark, finally,

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Speaker 1: and he's actually telling me more about himself. Maybe he

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Speaker 1: isn't a serial killer after all, just a little nervous.

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Speaker 1: After some really fun and invigorating conversation, Mark then decides

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Speaker 1: to drop all of his bomb shells on me at random,

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Speaker 1: with no warning whatsoever. He lets me know that he

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Speaker 1: lives with his parents, or has a small penis, and

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Speaker 1: enjoys playing with dolls. Oh my god, that's so amazing.

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Speaker 2: Wow, just like I live with my mom and my

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Speaker 2: penis is small and I like dolls.

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Speaker 1: Man, that could be a song somebody remixed that. I all, okay,

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Speaker 1: I did not ask for that information. I reassure him

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Speaker 1: that these things are fine, probably, and kind of laughed

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Speaker 1: and off as a weird joke that fell flat. At

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Speaker 1: this point, I'm just ready to flee, but Mark mentions

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Speaker 1: the movie I had planned for us at my house

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Speaker 1: after dinner. I begrudgingly accept because I'm a huge pushover

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Speaker 1: and I'm still holding out hope that Mark will surprise

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Speaker 1: me and completely change back into the normal guy that

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Speaker 1: I know from work. Also, like don't choose the guy

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Speaker 1: from work for your polyamory experimentation, Like this is right,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be so weird to go work together after this, Like,

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Speaker 1: come on, choose the hot tinder guy. Yeah, for real?

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Speaker 2: A himbo.

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Speaker 1: Obviously you all know this didn't happen. As we were

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Speaker 1: watching the movie, Mark tries to pull a move on me,

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Speaker 1: and by pull a move, I mean startle me by

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Speaker 1: basically jumping off the couch ripping his pants down, and

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Speaker 1: then I just panic because one, there's not been any

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Speaker 1: indication I'm interested in having sex with him at all,

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Speaker 1: and two, his venus was actually so small that there

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Speaker 1: was no way I could have sex with him even

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Speaker 1: if I wanted to. Oh my I am not one

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Speaker 1: to body shame at all, and I've never cared about

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Speaker 1: my partner size. But I just don't see how it

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Speaker 1: would even be possible. So my body does when it

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Speaker 1: normally does when I get into a state of panic,

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Speaker 1: I immediately vomit. Oh my god, just right on the floor.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. We're both frozen, staring at the vomity carpet.

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Speaker 1: I look him directly in the eyes and quietly tell

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Speaker 1: him I don't think dinner agreed with me and that

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Speaker 1: he should probably leave. He does imagine stripping down and

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Speaker 1: the girl immediately vomit, but.

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Speaker 2: Also imagine just like you're sitting there just like and

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Speaker 2: all of a sudden you get up.

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Speaker 1: And you're just like, make love to me. Oh goodness.

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Speaker 1: My partner returns home a little later and said his

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Speaker 1: date was also a bust. His lovely lady pulled out

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Speaker 1: a bag of cocaine on the drive home and proceeds

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Speaker 1: to turn on all the interior lights in his car

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Speaker 1: so that she can scoop up a spoonful using her

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Speaker 1: special cokespoon that was prepared apparently decoratively attached to her wallet.

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Speaker 1: I am just in shock. Dating is tough. I'm not

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Speaker 1: thinking we'll be trying this again for quite some time.

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Speaker 1: God speed, godspeed to any single people out there.

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Speaker 2: Okay, just real quick, number one ten trillion times worse.

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Speaker 2: She just she just basically was was doing coke, which

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Speaker 2: is weird and whatever, but.

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Speaker 1: Just like inside the car also, like I mean, is

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Speaker 1: it like the coke to go everywhere because it's like

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Speaker 1: the bumps of the road, the bumps in the road, Hey,

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Speaker 1: the bumps in the road with the bumps in the road.

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Speaker 2: Bro.

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Speaker 1: That's that's a rap lyric right there. Yeah, yeah, bumps

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Speaker 1: the road, the road.

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Speaker 2: That's true.

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Speaker 1: About to go to the abode because I got to

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Speaker 1: use the kommode ooh th dragon, because I got a

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Speaker 1: Kmodo dragon in my pants. I opened up my ass

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Speaker 1: and did a little dance. That's our raft, ladies and

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Speaker 1: gentleman