Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm Craig Kaikowski.
Speaker 1: It's fun to say, you know, even it's my own name,
Speaker 1: but there's a lot of hard see and kay sounds,
Speaker 1: and it's just it's just fun to say everybody wherever
Speaker 1: you are right now, even if you're at work on
Speaker 1: the subway. So let's just take a moment to say,
Speaker 1: Craig Kowski, Craig the power that I have. Uh, let's
Speaker 1: say hello to our alchemists today. Everybody's gonna get the
Speaker 1: same question because we're all from different states. Uh, and
Speaker 1: so I'm curious, what about you? Epitomizes the state that
Speaker 1: you're from, Chris Elarado, Why are you so California? Because
Speaker 1: I grew up in the hood. I grew up in
Speaker 1: a crazy part, not a not a fantastic part of
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, surrounded by even cromier cities, So I think
Speaker 1: I think that's my flavor. I think when I moved
Speaker 1: to Chicago, people were like, dang, dude, you're not like
Speaker 1: the surfer type California. And I was like, because I'm
Speaker 1: because I'm I'm a gangster. So I'm really embarrassed by
Speaker 1: that answer. By the way, type in the surfer type
Speaker 1: of California. That's absolutely true, a duel thank you and
Speaker 1: thank you. I think it's the last thing. I guess
Speaker 1: if I can kind of like settle it, like kind
Speaker 1: of like solidify this for me, if like it's like
Speaker 1: an ice cube song comes on, like something with like
Speaker 1: west Side, Like I really feel that kind of like
Speaker 1: that kind of like so cal l a bumping music
Speaker 1: that's really like it's in my d n A. So
Speaker 1: I hope that kind of set that kind of cleared
Speaker 1: that up a little bit. Yes, thank you. You're a
Speaker 1: territorial where you were from? Jackie Gonzalez do ruthy uh?
Speaker 1: What about you? Epitomizes Florida, you know, Florida, Florida woman,
Speaker 1: Florida so ashamed at this point. Um, but if you've
Speaker 1: been to Miami, you know it's very different from Florida,
Speaker 1: though it shares some of its heinous traits, of course,
Speaker 1: some of its conservative traits. However, it is a different land.
Speaker 1: So I would say, what about me, epitobizes my Miami
Speaker 1: is probably I would just say my body, like moving
Speaker 1: my body, I would say, like moving my body while
Speaker 1: I talk, but also like dancing and like my you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I also feel like in public
Speaker 1: I have no shame in terms of dancing and singing,
Speaker 1: like being loud and like tell what you know. And
Speaker 1: that's very Miami in terms of like, yeah, like if
Speaker 1: I'm with my friends or in a grocery store and
Speaker 1: a song comes on that we like like we're gonna
Speaker 1: start dancing, and that's it feels very Miami. Okay, but
Speaker 1: not so much Pensacola or Jacksonville or Water not the
Speaker 1: Florida in me. I do like a lizard. Um, what
Speaker 1: is going on? Okay, we'll get we'll go with your
Speaker 1: first answer. Your first answer, I like a lizard. I'm
Speaker 1: not scared. I like like a lizard a tool sing.
Speaker 1: Uh what about you? Is so Texas? Oh? Thanks? When
Speaker 1: Jackie said lizard, I did think she meant eating lizards
Speaker 1: and not just she likes lizards, so that she clarified
Speaker 1: that sort of What about Texas? So, uh, they're they're
Speaker 1: growing up in Texas. There was a lot of state pride.
Speaker 1: Uh um, we say the biggest state in the continuous US,
Speaker 1: so to to geographically maybe that very clear that in
Speaker 1: the forty eight connected states we are the biggest, not
Speaker 1: worried about Alaska in this count Um, you know everything
Speaker 1: really there is a concern. So I always used to
Speaker 1: take a lot of pride in that, Uh, we have
Speaker 1: shirts to say, y'all can go to Hell. I'm going
Speaker 1: to Texas. This is sponsored Don't Mess with Texas. One
Speaker 1: of the best marketing campaigns that ever existed. Um, just
Speaker 1: a lot of state pride. And I always like that,
Speaker 1: even though some of it was for for silly things. Um,
Speaker 1: how does that exemplify itself Texas stuff in my day
Speaker 1: to day? Um? Yeah. I also liked when I when
Speaker 1: I moved to New York and I realized the pace
Speaker 1: was much faster, I did like I always miss the
Speaker 1: Texas pace, which is just like, hey, how you doing
Speaker 1: when you're at the seven eleven or whatever and slow down?
Speaker 1: Need a lizard? I got a friend, I got a
Speaker 1: friend in Miami. Alright, well are you in a hurry? Bell,
Speaker 1: Just sit down, have a lizard. Let's head on over
Speaker 1: to uh, to the state that borders more states than
Speaker 1: any other. Tennessee's I think tied with Missouri. I think gags.
Speaker 1: What about you like to point out that that that quote, uh,
Speaker 1: y'all can go to hell? I'm going to Texas, said
Speaker 1: by a famous Tennessee and David Crockett. And I think
Speaker 1: I think the thing that makes me most Tennessee and
Speaker 1: in in mentioning famous people from our from my state, uh,
Speaker 1: in mentioning David Crockett, I think that for me, it
Speaker 1: is a combination of two of my heroes growing up,
Speaker 1: one from right near where I'm from and one from
Speaker 1: the other end of the state. And those two people
Speaker 1: would of course be Elvis Presley and Dolly Parton. It
Speaker 1: is I like to think of myself as the combination
Speaker 1: of Elvis Presley and Dolly Parton. I'd like to hope
Speaker 1: that that is what I exude. Uh is a is
Speaker 1: a combination of those two. Um, that's what makes well, yeah,
Speaker 1: what about what about you? Can we turn this? I
Speaker 1: know you're the one hosting and asking, can we turn
Speaker 1: this around to you, Craig and ask about virgin It Well,
Speaker 1: Virginia is for lovers, said, enough said. I'm also from
Speaker 1: very suburban Virginia, meaning there are no rap songs that
Speaker 1: immediately make me be like oh yeah, this is like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: about a half hour drive down. Uh. By the way,
Speaker 1: if you're from the east coast. You just say the interstate,
Speaker 1: you don't put the in front of it. So that's
Speaker 1: a California thing. It's also in the South it's it's
Speaker 1: uh yeah, yeah, same in in Florida, whether you count
Speaker 1: that as the South where I'm from the Caribbeant. Well,
Speaker 1: we can talk about regional differences all day, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure our Australian and German listeners are really enjoying this
Speaker 1: as well, but it's time to move on to another
Speaker 1: episode of our Give Me This. All of our scene
Speaker 1: suggestions are gathered from listeners emails or from our Patreon
Speaker 1: v I p s to become a Patreon supporter of
Speaker 1: the show and enjoy exclusive content like standalone bonus scenes,
Speaker 1: video of our recording sessions, and at the highest level
Speaker 1: of support Alcimediac, you'll have a chance to join one
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Speaker 1: dot com slash alcheve me this. If you'd like to
Speaker 1: submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the
Speaker 1: podcast on our new email address. I'll give me this
Speaker 1: email at gmail dot com. That's Texas Seene one Today
Speaker 1: comes from Big Mike Car Battery Possible pseudonym. That's a
Speaker 1: great name, whether it's a pity or fake name. Big
Speaker 1: Mike car Battery is the is the submitter. Uh. They
Speaker 1: say five Guys gets its potatoes from Idaho ten months
Speaker 1: out of the year. The other two months are filled
Speaker 1: with gap potatoes, which comes from watching Din or Oregon.
Speaker 1: So the suggestion is gap potatoes. And excuse me, do
Speaker 1: you have this sweater in a light blue? And also
Speaker 1: can I get this potato in a small? Yes? Of course.
Speaker 1: Let me let me look in the back for for
Speaker 1: the see if we have that particular potato and small,
Speaker 1: if not the ones on either side of it, you
Speaker 1: can there's not that much difference in the potatoes. You
Speaker 1: want me to bring out one of each and a
Speaker 1: small for you to just check them out? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to each in a small and the blue. I
Speaker 1: just think that color. No, I know you're I know
Speaker 1: you mentioned it. I didn't forget that part. I'm just
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I didn't forget that part. I'll be
Speaker 1: right back. He's being weird with me, right. He shouldn't
Speaker 1: talk to you like that. No one should talk to
Speaker 1: you like that. He's acting like we didn't go to
Speaker 1: fucking high school together. Was he a loser? I but
Speaker 1: he was a loser in high school. I mean he
Speaker 1: wasn't like, wouldn't like popular, But I wouldn't call him
Speaker 1: a loser to him. But Okay, UH found it. I
Speaker 1: found Here's here is the baby blue that you wanted.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much? Yeah, sure, thing, it's perfect. Do
Speaker 1: you do you remember her because you're acting like you
Speaker 1: she went to high school with you. Yeah, no, I know.
Speaker 1: She's a doctor. Everybody remembers, sir. She gave the best
Speaker 1: valedictorian speech our school ever had. We all remember her,
Speaker 1: we remember, we remember after that when she went off
Speaker 1: and served in Congress for two years, we all remember
Speaker 1: all of this. She's the youngest, she's the highest woman. Yes,
Speaker 1: she's the state of Delaware, the highest performing member of
Speaker 1: our school in Delaware. Yeah, so of course I remember her. Now.
Speaker 1: Can I get back to the stock room please? Wow, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, Hoyt. I just wanted to acknowledge the help
Speaker 1: that you've given us. Um and wait wait hey yeah
Speaker 1: look likeez yeah. Sorry, I'm just boy's night. Get the darts,
Speaker 1: let's go. Yeah. Sorry, it was a crazy thing happened
Speaker 1: at work today. It was just it was. Yeah, it was, well,
Speaker 1: this this this like the most perfect person from our school,
Speaker 1: like you know, this untouchable person from our school. Like
Speaker 1: she she came into the into the into the mall,
Speaker 1: and she came to you know, she came to the
Speaker 1: gap for potatoes and I I wasn't wearing my name
Speaker 1: tag and she knew my name. It's really weird. Like
Speaker 1: that's that's a good thing, right, it's awesome. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: it's it's a pretty unusual name. I guess that's true.
Speaker 1: It's just kind of threw me off. Sorry, Sorry, I
Speaker 1: know it's it's my frame alp. Yeah, it's wait, I said,
Speaker 1: darts arts wake up. Sorry, it's it's guys nights. It's
Speaker 1: it's frame and listen, guys night, guys night. Did she
Speaker 1: make you feel I just want to get I just
Speaker 1: want to clarify. Did she make you feel special or
Speaker 1: did you feel man? No, she made me like I
Speaker 1: was kind of a dick to her. And then and
Speaker 1: then she made me feel special just by that one
Speaker 1: little move of remembering my name. And I mean I
Speaker 1: realized it's yeah, it was weird. It was she probably
Speaker 1: wants to come on you say that about everyone that
Speaker 1: anyone has ever mentioned a conversation. You always think they
Speaker 1: want to do two pictures too. Pictures there you are enjoy, gentlemen,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. That person right there now, don't
Speaker 1: say it she wants to do We even order to. Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't mean to be like judgmental or rude or anything,
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, she gets hurt. She buys Gap potatoes.
Speaker 1: Not like no disrespect like I know, like a job's
Speaker 1: a job. No, I mean it sounds like disrespect, Like
Speaker 1: I just mean, like, yeah, I used to get my
Speaker 1: my potest from Gap in like high school, like when
Speaker 1: I was like poor college did he moved on to
Speaker 1: Abercrombie potatoes, Yeah, and then that became very problematic. So
Speaker 1: then I moved on to because they peel their potatoes.
Speaker 1: All their potatoes are just out there without all right.
Speaker 1: So I'm just saying, at the at the very least,
Speaker 1: I'm a Jay Crew potato guy. It just sounds like
Speaker 1: it's always about brands for you though. Man, It's just
Speaker 1: it's it's potatoes. It's yeah, you know. Anyway, Sorry, I
Speaker 1: haven't got so thrown off by all of this, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold on hold on. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: speak for all the all the fellows here, Fellows are
Speaker 1: you thinking when I'm thinking? We pile in my car
Speaker 1: and we drive over to this girl's house and let
Speaker 1: White profess his love to her. We just what Oh,
Speaker 1: no one was thinking that. No, man, this is an
Speaker 1: existential moment. I don't know what I mean. Okay, bab
Speaker 1: I want to show you everything that I got because
Speaker 1: some of it's for me, but some of it's for
Speaker 1: you too. So I got these jeans and I know
Speaker 1: that they're like not the super huggiest on my ask
Speaker 1: because that's not what's in right now. And you prefer
Speaker 1: it to be a little tighter. But trust me, I'll
Speaker 1: only wear it with the tiniest little crop top. Keep
Speaker 1: it tiny, keep it tight on top, keep it loose
Speaker 1: and flowing on the bottom. Got this little blue sweater
Speaker 1: so cute, Oh my gosh, really looks good with my eyes.
Speaker 1: And for you, I got these small potatoes. Are these
Speaker 1: new potatoes? Yeah? I got them from the gap. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just like I thought it would be
Speaker 1: like kind of fun to like, there's some finger finger
Speaker 1: links in there too. Yeah, I can get some of those.
Speaker 1: If that's like you're into um whatever these are there,
Speaker 1: that's a finger link. Okay, So I got these these
Speaker 1: little potatoes for us us, you know, for you, and
Speaker 1: if you want, I can try him on. Well hawait
Speaker 1: just dropped off all the fellows. It's uh yeah off. Look,
Speaker 1: you can go in your house play call of duty,
Speaker 1: drink yourself to sleep, or you go tell that tell
Speaker 1: that woman. Wait, how you feeling? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: had thought about her in so long, and I mean
Speaker 1: she was valedictorian of the school. Plus she's she's married
Speaker 1: to that that that that the mob guy, you know,
Speaker 1: the mob guy from the paper. Oh my god, the
Speaker 1: mob guy. Yeah, yeah, I don't like like Torino or
Speaker 1: I don't even remember what his name was, but it
Speaker 1: was called I just remember him being the mob guy.
Speaker 1: Look I help you, um um babe, another guy from
Speaker 1: the Master love with you, another guy for you. I
Speaker 1: have to go. I'm so sorry, I'm gonna go. You
Speaker 1: see rena serenader. I mean, look, this was a bad idea.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think that this is how this do.
Speaker 1: People usually serenade you like some people do to love
Speaker 1: actually cute card thing. I didn't I don't like whatever
Speaker 1: makes you feel the best, and now like, yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: go in the other room. I guess some mob stuff
Speaker 1: to take care of. Okay, I'm this is, this is
Speaker 1: I don't. I feel like I just have to kind
Speaker 1: of improvise something dramatic, now attention. I love dramatic. All right? Um,
Speaker 1: can I get a suggestion? Hey? Oh, every time we
Speaker 1: have the mom meeting at your house, there's always so
Speaker 1: many interruptions. Can we just do it down at our club?
Speaker 1: Can we just do it at the club? H look,
Speaker 1: Don Ron, uh my, I get the nicest house, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's done. That is no doubt you have
Speaker 1: a nice house. You have a four bedroom, three bad
Speaker 1: three thousand square feet. I get it. I just want
Speaker 1: to clarify something. Were you calling him Don Ron or
Speaker 1: were you saying Don and Ron? I thought I was.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Don Ron, not to Ron. Oh.
Speaker 1: When I'm talking to you Ron, you'll know it. No,
Speaker 1: of course, of course, of course I'm sorry Don Ron Ron. Yeah, Ron,
Speaker 1: Unfortunately are not made yet, so you can't be referred
Speaker 1: to as Don. That is the rules. Can we talk
Speaker 1: about that for a second. Sure, Actually, we wanted to
Speaker 1: talk to you about that. I feel like I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm never gonna be made. Uh that's where you're
Speaker 1: getting made when you least expected. Okay, see that sounds
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna get whacked when I at least expected.
Speaker 1: I don't know. We got this trophy for right here?
Speaker 1: Look at this best rod? All right, it's nice. R
Speaker 1: whoa no offense done right? No nose? Hey? What what?
Speaker 1: What do you? What are you doing? I know it's
Speaker 1: like I know, it's like I just I couldn't sleep yet.
Speaker 1: How did it go? How did it go? Terribly? It
Speaker 1: went terribly. I stood there for forty five minutes and
Speaker 1: did a dramatic improv set in front of me. I said,
Speaker 1: I need to improvise. I didn't. No, there's not I mean,
Speaker 1: it's dramatic improv is. It's it's a style and people
Speaker 1: do it. But I wasn't expecting to do it. I said, improvise,
Speaker 1: And suddenly I'm up there like like I'm doing a show,
Speaker 1: and and it did not go well. I don't know
Speaker 1: at one. That's here's what I want to say. I
Speaker 1: want to say, when you do in dramatic improv you
Speaker 1: don't get the laughs that you typically would in your
Speaker 1: normally improv, so you don't know she she might have
Speaker 1: been captivated engage. Let me ask you this. What was
Speaker 1: she wearing something like tie the top and flowing the
Speaker 1: bottom or what? Well, yeah, it was she was wearing
Speaker 1: the Model three or four jeans, which we actually just
Speaker 1: put on sale. Uh and then she had that blue Uh. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't mean to bring work into this, but I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to get some sleep. Man, I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to get some sleep after a really for Fox say yeah,
Speaker 1: come on in. I mean, okay, baby, he's gone. Did
Speaker 1: you did you win you back? No? You know, no
Speaker 1: one can ever win from you. Also ended up doing
Speaker 1: like improv, but it wasn't funny, so I didn't really
Speaker 1: know what he was doing, right, impro was funny? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was just like when he said improv, I was like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to laugh. I'm expecting to laugh and I'm
Speaker 1: ready to laugh. And then he wasn't laughing, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what the fuck is going on? I like
Speaker 1: him provay, Hey are you sleeping? Yeah? Hell, I mean
Speaker 1: I was because I was thinking I was thinking, like
Speaker 1: they are like other ways an audience can show that
Speaker 1: they're interested, right, and like dramatic improvisation is something that
Speaker 1: is like some of the most beautiful art that happens
Speaker 1: on this planet. You know. Can we talk about this
Speaker 1: in the morning, Yes, of course, of course. Maybe. I
Speaker 1: love when you improv Yeah, I'm funny. You're so funny.
Speaker 1: You're always You're always improvising. You're always eating banana and
Speaker 1: saying you're eating an apple, and I'm always laughing and
Speaker 1: laughing Um. John Ron told me after whack Ron what
Speaker 1: I had to tell somebody like. I feel terrible about it.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. How can I thinks he's gonna get
Speaker 1: made down whack him instead? Oh my gosh, she's going
Speaker 1: to be made into to eat the fishes. What. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's gonna he's gonna be made to eat the fishes. Sorry, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's how I'm to kill him. Hey fellas, Hey, hey, oh,
Speaker 1: meeting at a warehouse. I liked it. What did this? Oh?
Speaker 1: Go snacks? Here? Gold fish? You let gold fish? Right,
Speaker 1: have a couple of here. Do you got an I
Speaker 1: ain't got any water or something? No, no keeping fish?
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no, fellas, come on, what did you
Speaker 1: what did you put that trophy? We gave you. We
Speaker 1: need it back. I'll never tell you jumping. We don't
Speaker 1: need a back we got. I'm joking at that. I'm
Speaker 1: joking at that little water. I can't give you water,
Speaker 1: all right, don Torino. I will assume you will take
Speaker 1: care of the buddy. Yeah, Can I get a suggestion
Speaker 1: of a place to put the body? Look? What kind
Speaker 1: of look? You're a valedictorian, So you're smart enough to
Speaker 1: know that when this light is on you, you're sitting
Speaker 1: at this table, and there's a mirror right there that
Speaker 1: we want answers. We want answers about you, your husband
Speaker 1: and everything you know. Did your husband happen to give
Speaker 1: away any secrets to you before the untimely murder of Ron?
Speaker 1: I'm also smart enough to know that I have a
Speaker 1: right to a lawyer, and I don't need to say
Speaker 1: a goddamn thing until she gets here. Fine, you want
Speaker 1: your lawyer here. We can sit here and wait all day.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put my feet up, I'm gonna give myself
Speaker 1: a snack, and I'm just gonna glare at you from
Speaker 1: across this table because I know you know something. I
Speaker 1: know you know something. Hello, are you know? Brockovich? Ch crap,
Speaker 1: Aaron Brock, you talked to me from now on as
Speaker 1: my client had anything to drink. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: didn't breathalyze her. Oh, just like a water single of water.
Speaker 1: Why don't you, detective? Do you mind just going and
Speaker 1: get in that right and turn off the recording device? Please? God,
Speaker 1: I can't help but to say yes to everything she asks,
Speaker 1: unless you want me to have your badge up my ass,
Speaker 1: I would suggest you do everything that's our first see
Speaker 1: see too Today is from Jeanette. Hello, wonderful alchemists. You
Speaker 1: keep me sane or at least giggling while I wrestle
Speaker 1: with complicated geometry. I thank you for that. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's Janette's job or just just something she
Speaker 1: does as a hobby. Uh. This is from Jeanette to Jackie.
Speaker 1: It delights me extra every time you're on the show.
Speaker 1: I'm a former concert master, and I love Craig's to
Speaker 1: piction of an unassuming bassoonist in the New National Anthem episode.
Speaker 1: I have no memory of that, so hoping for more
Speaker 1: musical magic, my suggestion is overly full orchestra gratitude and love.
Speaker 1: Jeanette in Seattle maestro, there is a third oboe player.
Speaker 1: And I'm just I, um, I'm not a problem starter, um,
Speaker 1: but I just want to know why there's so many chairs.
Speaker 1: It sounds a little bit like you're a problem starter, maestro. Maestro, Maestro,
Speaker 1: I love you. I've loved you from your days in Tennessee.
Speaker 1: Two here and no disrespective man. Yes, I started out
Speaker 1: in the Tennessee is it in a very small and
Speaker 1: now it is my my goal to have the biggest
Speaker 1: orchestriving of the world. So if I want the three
Speaker 1: Oh bowls, and then I get to three Oh bowls, okay,
Speaker 1: and you a third chair right now? I don't know
Speaker 1: why I was complaining. Geez, all right, thank you, mis Hey,
Speaker 1: how's it going. You knew you need to the correct
Speaker 1: you're talking to me, I couldn't you he's talking to Okay,
Speaker 1: enough with the sample, Okay, Okay, I'm not gonna look
Speaker 1: over the score for today as you guys have a
Speaker 1: your little conversation. Okay, I'm sorry you were saying. I
Speaker 1: was saying, you're obviously third chair obow. Yeah. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you noticed, but this orchestra is overly so
Speaker 1: we're looking at cut back what I just asked the
Speaker 1: maestro about and he said that he's not gonna do it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've talked to him. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: not gonna do it. He's not gonna do it. Are
Speaker 1: you going to handle this on the inside? This is
Speaker 1: a beautiful instrument you have. I just wanted to one
Speaker 1: more time make an announcement to everyone. If you know
Speaker 1: anyone who plays an instrument, just let him know about this.
Speaker 1: Like the more the marrier, honestly, like, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: any anything, and it doesn't have to be an orchestral instrument.
Speaker 1: You know, we've got a lot of islands. We've got
Speaker 1: a few viola's, you know. I know guy, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know a guy. You know, a guy who can
Speaker 1: get get me into an orchestra. I mean you play
Speaker 1: the the what's the desider zi phone? It's my own invention,
Speaker 1: sweethearts to this homeless man. Don't do like that, don't no,
Speaker 1: it's it's okay. Nobody wants to talk to me and
Speaker 1: my Zida phone. I guess I'll be making man. I'm here.
Speaker 1: I'm here, crossing this street every day to go get
Speaker 1: you milk and cookies and bring that home for you,
Speaker 1: and so I know his talent. He's very good. For
Speaker 1: one second, for one second, listen to this man. Do
Speaker 1: you have a do you have a favorite song I
Speaker 1: can play on? And don't even like that? Sure, let
Speaker 1: me put let me, let me put my Zida phone on.
Speaker 1: Climbing here and it's incredible. Let me just get the
Speaker 1: rope here, twist around and inside down. All right, here
Speaker 1: we go in. Don't do me like that. Don't do
Speaker 1: me like that. And I just want to give you
Speaker 1: a hundred dollar tip. Keep it up. Oh thanks, Mr.
Speaker 1: Don't do me like that. He must be like that. Okay,
Speaker 1: one more time from the top. We're going to do
Speaker 1: a two hundred and fifty piece instrument version of Tom
Speaker 1: Petty and the Heartbreakers and don't do me like that. Okay,
Speaker 1: But it's it's a missing it's a missing something. Yes,
Speaker 1: excuse me. Um, I'm here, I'm I'm on the trumpets
Speaker 1: and I've got the chorus down, but I can't think
Speaker 1: of how the song starts. It goes. I was talking
Speaker 1: with a friend of mine, said a woman had a
Speaker 1: heart his pride told her that he loved him. So
Speaker 1: turn him, let him go, and you say you're better
Speaker 1: watch your step or you're gonna get hurt yourself. Someone'll
Speaker 1: tell you a lie, cut you down to size, and
Speaker 1: then you're singing the Corse like forever. I feel like Stephanie.
Speaker 1: It doesn't know site reading. It's all on the site
Speaker 1: of music or in front of it is all on
Speaker 1: the side. Was like, but I want the big orchestra,
Speaker 1: so I don't care whether people can my sure, my sure,
Speaker 1: somebody willed in this metal and tubes sticking out, there's
Speaker 1: a person living in it. Oh, I know, I just
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to interrupt your your orchestra, but I
Speaker 1: I heard you were looking for new new people and instruments.
Speaker 1: To add, I'd like to offer up the services of
Speaker 1: Mazda phone is zidaphone. Yeah, yeah, I've only heard of
Speaker 1: it after myself because I made it up. Well, we
Speaker 1: were trying a very very difficult to Pete. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you overheard it. It's a Tom Petty and
Speaker 1: the Heartbreakers that don't don't do like that. Yeah, of
Speaker 1: course I know that, you know. Yeah, I was just
Speaker 1: doing it for a nice folks out out on the
Speaker 1: street out there. I was playing it for him. They
Speaker 1: like like my version, my show my show. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but isn't this orchestra clearly over? You know your your
Speaker 1: oboist is right? I should just go if I do? No, oh, no,
Speaker 1: go ahead. It sounded like you're about to give me
Speaker 1: you want to hear this ida phone? Alright, well hold on,
Speaker 1: let me get it ready. Climbing here, get this, pull
Speaker 1: this strap over here. Oh, this one's down these downstairs.
Speaker 1: I gotta go downstairs and get this one. It's a multilevel.
Speaker 1: Put get the three more. Just there's gotta be one
Speaker 1: of these hammers is a little off. Let me fix that.
Speaker 1: I just got to oil this one spot here And okay,
Speaker 1: I think I'm ready. Just when don't you just hit
Speaker 1: that big button on the outside. Don't do it like that.
Speaker 1: Don't know a straight straight to the car. It's okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know the verse. Uh. These are primost seats
Speaker 1: to the orchestra. I'm talking dead center orchestra seating. And
Speaker 1: do I get a little bit of discount because I
Speaker 1: actually discovered one of the orchestra players. Let me put
Speaker 1: that in coupon code. We don't need a discount, we
Speaker 1: need discount paper. Right now. They have them, let us
Speaker 1: have them. We just turned rich. Everybody turns down the discount,
Speaker 1: we can't then give it, sir, not a problem, a problem,
Speaker 1: cash or cash? Okay, great, it's really changed since he
Speaker 1: got rich. Changed. I just got rip week. Can I
Speaker 1: ask what was the miracle the success for you? Of course,
Speaker 1: I'm an inventor. I invented something you use every day
Speaker 1: and don't even know that something dollars for all thousand
Speaker 1: dollar bills one to three, four six perfect. Put that
Speaker 1: in the two very expensive scene and we will just
Speaker 1: email you the team nues. Just check your phone that's
Speaker 1: probably there right now. We use this. We don't bring
Speaker 1: our phones. This new app we just got last week,
Speaker 1: which emails tickets to you directly. Can we get a
Speaker 1: printed version? This time version? Remail it to myself and
Speaker 1: then I'll print it out. All right? What wait? I
Speaker 1: can hear it's starting to send it to my Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't use that anymore. This is taking a
Speaker 1: long time. Oh it's warning me that I sent it
Speaker 1: to two separate email addresses. But I'm gonna say, okay,
Speaker 1: not a problem, just one more minute, okay. I just
Speaker 1: want to let you know how a special you all
Speaker 1: are to me, and except you I don't know you,
Speaker 1: but but come on in, welcome, join us, um and
Speaker 1: we have a children's choir. We have a fifty piece
Speaker 1: children's choir which is going to be joining us tonight.
Speaker 1: And uh what else we got? We got a banjo? Now,
Speaker 1: like it's like why not? Hey? Sorry, I'm like, can
Speaker 1: I play my mouth art for you the orchestra? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sure thing, come on in? Do you know adult to
Speaker 1: do me like that? Sure? Everybody knows. Don't do me
Speaker 1: like that? Don't don't you want? Don't you that is?
Speaker 1: That is exactly the song. Yeah. Now I want you
Speaker 1: to know because the tickets are like prohibitively expensive, so
Speaker 1: you know, uh, it's a it's a very elitist crowd.
Speaker 1: And yes, maestro, yes, first chair, Obo, what is this?
Speaker 1: What is this all about? What? What are you doing?
Speaker 1: What is going on with you that you need to
Speaker 1: fill every single space on the stage and theater with
Speaker 1: other people? What do you? How do you? What void
Speaker 1: are you trying to fill? Maestro? I can't hear anything
Speaker 1: from in here. Fire him mastro and move all the
Speaker 1: Obo's open chair. First of all, I love the music,
Speaker 1: and uh, I think a music shouldn't be shared with
Speaker 1: as a many people as possible. But but to be
Speaker 1: honest with you, I am missing a little something. I
Speaker 1: went to to high school with a girl and I
Speaker 1: developed a crush on her and I can't get her
Speaker 1: out of my mind. Been there? And is she coming
Speaker 1: to the show tonight? I hope? So I sent her
Speaker 1: a ticket to every show I do and she never
Speaker 1: shows up. But I would love to take all of
Speaker 1: you to serenade her outside of her house. Oh that
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense my show. Yeah, look, can
Speaker 1: I help you? Yes? Um, this is a this is awkward,
Speaker 1: but I have a brought looks like, huh, it's true
Speaker 1: fool to be an orchestra. No, no, it's She's not
Speaker 1: overly fool. It's it's actually just the right amount song.
Speaker 1: And babe, there's another guy's love with you is here?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, are you kidding me? Okay, hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, le put on my potato. All right, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be the other room with with Don Ron, Don
Speaker 1: john and Don Johnson. He's not the mob, but he's
Speaker 1: a Don Threno. Another interruption. I really should have this
Speaker 1: meeting somewhere else. Don Johnson is getting annoyed, and Don
Speaker 1: john obviously. Look, Don Johnson, I loved your Miami vice
Speaker 1: and now you, uh, you're created knives out kind of
Speaker 1: entering your character actor phase. Thanks. I just don't we
Speaker 1: don't need an IMDb for Don Johnson any Thanks. I'm
Speaker 1: just hoping I have somebody to play opposite against because
Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of solo improv for these
Speaker 1: guys and somebody who gets it don't do me. I
Speaker 1: hope it worked. I holp it worse than my true
Speaker 1: What do you think? Is there another one? I guess
Speaker 1: we could do a refuge one, two, three four in
Speaker 1: that scene number two see three Todays from listener. Mo
Speaker 1: just mo, hey everyone, anyways, the nice yeah mo is
Speaker 1: all business. Hey everyone, anyways, here's my scene suggestion. Benjamin
Speaker 1: Franklin tries to get finders Keepers into the Constitution, Thanks alchemists. Mo,
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, Hey, let's just focus here, all right, this
Speaker 1: is I don't want to spend the night in Philadelphia
Speaker 1: like everybody else. All right, the ship town with the
Speaker 1: ship people in. Let's just hammer this thing out. We've
Speaker 1: been hammering this thing out for days days. It's down, John,
Speaker 1: sit down, John, don't tell me to sit down. Thomas,
Speaker 1: I will stand if I want to stand. We've been
Speaker 1: hammering this out for days. Ah you just oh, Franklin,
Speaker 1: Franklin wants to talk. Here he comes, just here, he comes. Ben? Yes, Ben, Hello,
Speaker 1: okay Ben, it would help if you would. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying anything said some light yes, yes, shed
Speaker 1: like Ben. Okay, Wait, well we all look up to you.
Speaker 1: We have such respect for you. Where is this document headed?
Speaker 1: I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking. I feel like I
Speaker 1: must invent one more thing to make it complete. Yes, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: I think we need to sign into officiality finders keepers,
Speaker 1: finders Keepers? What does sign? What is finders Keepers? Then
Speaker 1: if you lost your gourd? Well the other day, I
Speaker 1: was in the marsh, just experimenting, and there was a
Speaker 1: little bit of a pantaloon, just a piece of it
Speaker 1: was just floated on up and I picked it up
Speaker 1: and I said, well, this is an interesting cloth, and
Speaker 1: I'm going to look at this later. But then, hey,
Speaker 1: there's my pantaloons. This is just a piece of pantaloons. Well,
Speaker 1: let's mind. Now it's in my hands. Was missing a
Speaker 1: little piece. I can see that, and it would easily
Speaker 1: be sewn back on by someone with a nimble thumb
Speaker 1: and thimberland thread. But here I am holding it in
Speaker 1: my hands, making it mine. But Franklin, what possible reason
Speaker 1: would you have to hold on to a piece of
Speaker 1: another man's pantaloo? How did he lose that piece of
Speaker 1: pantal It was more about feeling like it was mine
Speaker 1: in the moments. Which marsh was it? Oh, the boggy marsh? Oh,
Speaker 1: I know the boggy marsh. Yes, just outside the city exactly.
Speaker 1: And that's what I like to do a lot of
Speaker 1: my experimenting. But Dr Franklin, please, this this, this notion
Speaker 1: of if something is in your hand it suddenly belongs
Speaker 1: to you, feels fundamentally un American. That's the thing. It's
Speaker 1: not about the hand, it's about finding it. And if
Speaker 1: you have found it, you have the right to keep
Speaker 1: it because that means it was lost and the person
Speaker 1: who lost it, Ben, that's my wife. We do all
Speaker 1: my wife. If you you've lost her, you didn't I
Speaker 1: went to work. Well, listen, this is your If she's
Speaker 1: running around looking for new fun, is that not? I
Speaker 1: guess I have to go with Mr Frankelin and Elijah
Speaker 1: I guess I have to. That happened in the marsh too,
Speaker 1: and I didn't appreciate her attitude about it. I wanted
Speaker 1: her to want to come with me, you know. She
Speaker 1: is more of about obligatory. But either way, it proves
Speaker 1: the point of finders keepers. You know, I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I'm a medical doctor. I would just be careful with
Speaker 1: all these stories you have of regaling women. You know,
Speaker 1: just you know what I mean, what do you mean,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a doctor as well. Doctors? All right, we
Speaker 1: don't need to It's not like the mafia or anything,
Speaker 1: Ben Ben, So are you're saying from the smallest thing
Speaker 1: like a piece of pen I liked what you just
Speaker 1: said about the mafia. Let's call me Doc Ben. Anyone
Speaker 1: who's a doctor should get the doc no doc for doctor,
Speaker 1: doctor Doc Ben? Alright, doc five? Well look, Doc Ben.
Speaker 1: If we enshrine this principle of finders keepers into our constitution,
Speaker 1: there's has to be some principle that that adheres to
Speaker 1: the losers in both instances. Always one example, what about
Speaker 1: Theo's guy was more of a cry and the other
Speaker 1: one was more of a weep, you know, but both
Speaker 1: both having to do with tears and emotions, and I've
Speaker 1: got it. Finders keepers, losers cry Thomas, as always, you're
Speaker 1: very close. But I said, right there, you sit down, Tomas,
Speaker 1: stop telling me what to do. I have one finders, keepers,
Speaker 1: not finders, not getters. So it's very clear it's nothing
Speaker 1: to do with the crying at all. Got it. The gentlemen, gentlemen,
Speaker 1: these please please no, no go ahead, no go ahead,
Speaker 1: Please sit down. Why is everyone always telling me to
Speaker 1: sit down? Here's my finders keepers, loser, sobbers, loser, sobbers. Gentlemen.
Speaker 1: It is the mere notion that if you find something
Speaker 1: it is yours, that we should fundamentally have a problem
Speaker 1: with the pithy saying that we attached to it should
Speaker 1: make no influence whatsoever. I disagree. Listen, we came here, right,
Speaker 1: we came here, and people already here. I guess what
Speaker 1: it's ours now? Mm? Also also furthermore pithy sayings is
Speaker 1: what this new country is found in on? Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: it hasn't been founded yet, and if we don't get
Speaker 1: asked this, it won't be founded. Where are we now
Speaker 1: held Alphia in the summer? What? Okay? So literal, so
Speaker 1: literal jokay, okay, you may sit down, Thomas, you understanding,
Speaker 1: May I remind us all of a pithy I'm sitting down.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna remind us all because remark you do stop
Speaker 1: it now. I just say I told him to sit down,
Speaker 1: and he sat down. That means he listens to me.
Speaker 1: This pithy quip has been a cornerstone to the building
Speaker 1: of this of this of this land nation. No uh,
Speaker 1: no cuts, no butts, no coconuts, coconuts, no cuts, no butts,
Speaker 1: no coconuts. That's true, You've done it. I mean I
Speaker 1: can't disagree with that, and I think we should add finders, keepers, losers, weepers. No,
Speaker 1: I think the cuts one should be in the in
Speaker 1: the in the constitution. So yeah, the cuts one, no cuts,
Speaker 1: that one one should be in the constitution. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: no coconuts. Ben say that again, finders keepers, losers, weepers.
Speaker 1: M hmm, like something argue when you get to keep it?
Speaker 1: Is it not really what this country's kind all about?
Speaker 1: We found the Great State of Virginia. Elexander, did you
Speaker 1: bring your dog to the God's sake? Go great? It
Speaker 1: is a mad house in here. The Great State of Virginia. Virginia.
Speaker 1: Virginia's for lovers, Virginia's for lovers. Where I am from
Speaker 1: is built on three great principles, Gas Grass. As we
Speaker 1: all know, in Virginia, no one rides for free, that's right.
Speaker 1: So if we can get that into the constitution somehow,
Speaker 1: let's just put all of our all of the nothing
Speaker 1: but pithy sayings. We've got to create a document. We
Speaker 1: are so close. We've created two branches of government we've
Speaker 1: created uh, and I still maintain we need a third.
Speaker 1: We've we've created a system for for for liberty and
Speaker 1: a system for for trial by jury and all of
Speaker 1: these things. But we're going to to tell this all
Speaker 1: apart just for some some tiny pithy sayings. Is that
Speaker 1: what's adding to it? John? John? Part of me? If
Speaker 1: you just move your foot over, I I found the
Speaker 1: pocket watch that well, that's my pocket watch that must
Speaker 1: have fallen out. No, no, it's his now and you
Speaker 1: have to you have to cry. It's in the constitution. Weep. Oh,
Speaker 1: welcome back, Mr Jefferson. Your room is ready than you. Um.
Speaker 1: Would you like some accompaniment tonight? Uh? Yes I would.
Speaker 1: We're talking music, right of course, Yes, yes, of course
Speaker 1: we have. That's our I think that's how any instrument. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna that's a lot of instruments. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: your choice. We have the largest accompaniment section. Okay, can
Speaker 1: we uh get some wine up through the dumb waiter
Speaker 1: that I invented here? Hey hey, hey hey, oh no,
Speaker 1: I got wine for you, the one you invented. I
Speaker 1: thought I told you fired that dumb waiter, but I
Speaker 1: brought you wine. No smour please please, yeah, we'll take man, Sam,
Speaker 1: just go outside. Okay, so we'll see this store. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, any instrument you'd like, we'll have it
Speaker 1: sent up. Your wine will come through the dumb water,
Speaker 1: your accompaniment will come up the stairs. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: about this constitution that we how's it going with how's
Speaker 1: it going in there? Good, good, good stuff being said. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: we're opening with no shirt, no shoes, no service. Do
Speaker 1: you need um my, My wife has a lot of
Speaker 1: good ideas. Do you want some women to combine like
Speaker 1: chip in and women? Well? Ah, yeah, I guess it
Speaker 1: was silly, silly. Just well, we'll send you. I'll pick
Speaker 1: an instrument and send it up to you. Very good
Speaker 1: and very good sent some red. Okay, Duc, Ben, let
Speaker 1: me get this straight. Now. This might be a little
Speaker 1: convolute because I'm just trying to wrap my mind around
Speaker 1: how brilliant you are. You're saying you round electricity in
Speaker 1: the sky and the rain was God crying. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's what I yes. So I was holding a key, right,
Speaker 1: and then light and it was raining. God was crying.
Speaker 1: God was God was weeping, weeping. He was weeping. And
Speaker 1: then a lightning bolt hit the key and I said, wow,
Speaker 1: that's powerful, strong, and I felt it in my body
Speaker 1: and I felt an electric situation at a search go
Speaker 1: through me, and I thought, I can capitalize on this.
Speaker 1: So even even even God is not exempt from from
Speaker 1: the finders, keepers, losers, weepers. Well, listen, he lost the ball.
Speaker 1: So it came to me. Now the electricity is mine
Speaker 1: and he's weeping. Very well, very well. I will leave
Speaker 1: you to bed um. Thank you, benneh. I saw you
Speaker 1: with that Duc, man, you saw you with that girl
Speaker 1: last night? Man? What's up? What's up? What's up? You do?
Speaker 1: You You got that, didn't you? Didn't you? You got that?
Speaker 1: Didn't you? You know? I actually didn't Ben? Throw the darts?
Speaker 1: Please Okay, Oh my gosh, just give me a moment.
Speaker 1: It's hard for me to multitask. Good God, you get
Speaker 1: laid all the time, aren't you. Duck man? I mean
Speaker 1: I get laid. I wouldn't say all the time. So
Speaker 1: I was in my bed and this bozo comes in
Speaker 1: and talk to me about finds keepers and really debate
Speaker 1: it with me. So dumb waiter. No, gosh, it wasn't
Speaker 1: the dumb waiter. He got fired. And be, my favorite
Speaker 1: thing about you is that you sleep with all these
Speaker 1: women because you are a playboy. And then your wife
Speaker 1: is just home built in that house and having multiple strokes. Hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's my favorite thing about each that's ours. I just
Speaker 1: watched a documentary, Yes, Mark, Yes, did you watch that? Mark?
Speaker 1: Not yet? No, I gotta look. It's two of my
Speaker 1: favorite things. It's a show tune Smith and ken Burns
Speaker 1: so much fun, folks. And uh, I hope you learned
Speaker 1: a little bit about American history. And uh, let's let's
Speaker 1: check in with our alchemists one more time. Mark Agley already.
Speaker 1: Always nice to have somebody who actually knows American history here.
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan. And uh and I it's you
Speaker 1: are all such a delight and I I thank you
Speaker 1: for letting me sit at the cool kids table and play.
Speaker 1: So thank you. And Mark Agliarity, of course, the original
Speaker 1: drunk history storyteller from the very first drunk History episode
Speaker 1: that was that was online that you did. Uh uh
Speaker 1: Hamilton's bird Duel was the story right, It's still available online. Yeah. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then and then it began a juggernaut that you
Speaker 1: you spent a hell of a lot more time with
Speaker 1: than I did, but you were you were always our
Speaker 1: favorite drunk storyteller. And uh it. Mark always would lie
Speaker 1: down on the floor, that's his go to I get drunk.
Speaker 1: I would always wind up on the floor. Uh. Chris Albarado,
Speaker 1: what do you know about American history? Um? Not much,
Speaker 1: not much. Were like I just said, Um, I watched
Speaker 1: that Ben Franklin documentary, really enjoyed it. I think I
Speaker 1: said this tell you guys in in private maybe, but
Speaker 1: you know I did submit my own my own self
Speaker 1: produced drunk history tape once. Um this is true. My yeah. Mark,
Speaker 1: what my manager was like A I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can get it to their table, like I can
Speaker 1: get it to the to the desk, Like go ahead,
Speaker 1: and just make one yourself. So I did one. I
Speaker 1: got really hammered by myself. What a friend? Who issue?
Speaker 1: What you mean? I told a story about Bob Dylan
Speaker 1: or something like that. So An, it's very very similar
Speaker 1: mark you and a very very similar beginnings. Craig, wonderful
Speaker 1: job hosting. I love you so much. Amen, this this
Speaker 1: was a blast, Jackie Gonzalez do Ruthy, what what story
Speaker 1: would you tell on drunk History if it came back
Speaker 1: from cancelation? You know, I do? I am. History is
Speaker 1: a very bad subject for me. It's not my strong
Speaker 1: suit at all. Um. Dates are really bad for me.
Speaker 1: Numbers are really bad. So um, what story I remember?
Speaker 1: You know what? You you look it up first. It's
Speaker 1: not something that you innately know. And are you telling
Speaker 1: them how it works? You know you you look it
Speaker 1: up either your research. I would, I would, Um, I
Speaker 1: would tell the story of the challenger exploding. And I
Speaker 1: don't know why that is, like what came to my mind.
Speaker 1: That's what came to my mind. And I'm really sorry
Speaker 1: to everyone and myself that that's my mind. It would
Speaker 1: be a hilarious episode. Sure you do. You do get
Speaker 1: a researcher who can give you information as well, so
Speaker 1: of like and you're you're allowed to to do your
Speaker 1: own research. That's well history that that phrase, that phrase
Speaker 1: has become bloated a tool thing. What what what's your
Speaker 1: best subject? Uh? Math? I love math. We Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was always ahead in the math class. Is always trying
Speaker 1: to take the higher math and every level of my
Speaker 1: growing up education experience. So but I like I like
Speaker 1: them all. I did research for like a nonprofit organization,
Speaker 1: So whenever I hear do your own research, I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 1: you don't know how to do it. It's a lot
Speaker 1: of f and work to do proper research and turn
Speaker 1: into report. Uh yeah. In Texas history, like u S history,
Speaker 1: we got we had Texas history start in the sixth grade,
Speaker 1: I think through the rest of us. Yeah, whoa, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of it. Texas Rangers. Maybe I would
Speaker 1: probably not love the more revisionist take that we had
Speaker 1: on drunk history on the Alamo. Uh. That that's a loaded,
Speaker 1: loaded story for for Texas. I think all the missions
Speaker 1: in their history is gonna slowly turn or not totally turned,
Speaker 1: but it's going to be seen from the other side
Speaker 1: of it. And that's yeah, that's a fair Point. Thank you, Alchemist.
Speaker 1: Then thank you to our engineering producer Doug Babe and
Speaker 1: all the fine folks at I heart Media dot com.
Speaker 1: Please write to us at UPO me this email at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com until next time