1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,960 Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters, one dating app that dares you to 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: swipe right. The question is whose love life is more tragic. 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tender Dates. 4 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,720 Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that just filed a restraining 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 3: order against itself for being two dang six. 6 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 2: Battle of the Tender Dates, where two of. 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 3: Our listeners go ahead to head to find out whose 8 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,759 Speaker 3: dating life is the most tragic. We're gonna explain the 9 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 3: rules in just a second, but first let's meet today's contestants. 10 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 3: In this corner, she was banned from the Louver after 11 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 3: challenging the Mona Lisa to a strip staring contest and loss. 12 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: That's why they call her art valerie gallery works any way, 13 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 2: she's not allowed back. 14 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 3: And in the other corner, her secret turn on is 15 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 3: when a guy regurgitates inflammatory political opinions he just read. 16 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 2: Off of Facebook. 17 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 3: One person propaganda Amanda. 18 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 4: Hello, Hello Hello, sound like a conspiracy theory even that. 19 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, Here's how the game works. 20 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 3: One contestant is going to start by telling one of 21 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 3: their worst dating stories. Then the other will try and 22 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 3: counter with a nightmare story of their own. We're going 23 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 3: back and forth here for three rounds. Then afterwards we'll 24 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 3: declare a winner. We're going to start off with art 25 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 3: gallery Valerie. 26 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: Go okay. So once I went back to a guy's 27 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 1: place and it was like a mansion from outside, gorgeous. 28 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 5: Yeah, did you just called a brag? 29 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 2: Like I thought this was supposed to be a bad 30 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 2: dating story. And I lost the house. 31 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: So I was really excited until we got inside and 32 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: I quickly learned but it was a frat house. 33 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 2: Oh I just thought. 34 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 4: He wrote his address in Greek letters, very fancy. 35 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: It means he's a good time, Valerie, and he was 36 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 1: the thirties. He's not in school. But yeah, they let 37 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: him live there for cheap red if he cleans the bathroom. 38 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 3: And I see a man who's willing to clean the bathrooms, 39 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 3: that's a rare fine. 40 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 2: Let him go. 41 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,839 Speaker 5: It still only does it every other month. 42 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 2: We're on the propaganda, Amanda. Can you counter? 43 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,359 Speaker 1: Oh I can. 44 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 4: So I had plans with a guy and last minute 45 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 4: he told me that a friend of his would be 46 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 4: joining us. So I just, you know, kind of ignored 47 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 4: those red flag as one does for you. Yeah, and 48 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 4: then I quickly found out that his friend was his 49 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 4: parole officer. Oh yeah, he hadn't quite yet been cleared 50 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 4: to go out in public alone, but. 51 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 5: Was a parole officer. 52 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 4: Hot no comment, no comment. 53 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 2: Let's go around too. It means Valerie back to you. 54 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: So once a guy told me that he wanted to 55 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: take me to an event, our first stake, and he 56 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,839 Speaker 1: told me to wear a black dress. So I'm like, oh, yeah, 57 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: I got a few of those. That's fun. 58 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 3: Girls like that like kind of a surprise when a 59 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 3: guy tells them what to wear. 60 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:15,239 Speaker 2: No go ahead, funny. 61 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: I mean him. And he's just sitting on this bench 62 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: crying whoa, and he tells me to follow him into 63 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: this public restroom. 64 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 2: Alfins are getting good. 65 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 5: You did you did that? Jeffrey's like, I been on 66 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 5: this date before. 67 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 1: I did? I did? And he says he realizes it's awkward, 68 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: but he needed someone for strength and he was going 69 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: to have a funeral for his pet fish, lumpsucker O. 70 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 3: Love. 71 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 4: Yeah. 72 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: So he lips out this dead fish and he flushes 73 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: him down the toilet and then pulls out a flask. 74 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 2: Just like he would have wanted. Amanda. I don't know 75 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 2: how you're gonna top that, but good luck. Go ahead. 76 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 4: So this guy wanted to meet me at a club 77 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 4: and turns out that it is a strip club. Okay, yeah, 78 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 4: I mean it was called Lucky Ladies. So you know, 79 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,159 Speaker 4: when I get there, he looks at me and he's like, 80 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 4: all right, are you ready? I'm like, uh ready for what? 81 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 1: And the DJ comes on. 82 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 4: And he calls my name to get on stage. 83 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 2: It was like amateur nighters Brooks dream come true. 84 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 4: And I was like, no, not at all, and I 85 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 4: refused to go as Yeah, because I refused, he had 86 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 4: the bouncers come and escort me out. Turns out he's 87 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 4: the owner of the club. 88 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 2: He's like a pib. Oh my god, he's terrible, Amanda. 89 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:57,679 Speaker 3: You could have been a star on around number three, Valerie, 90 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:58,679 Speaker 3: this is your last shot? 91 00:04:58,720 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 2: What do you got? 92 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: Alrighty, I'm at a bar with this guy and he 93 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: asks if I want to come out to watch the 94 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,479 Speaker 1: Chain Smokers with him. 95 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 3: Okay, perform in every city every night. 96 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 2: I swear, they're everywhere. 97 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 4: And the same song, yeah, even if it has a 98 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 4: different title. 99 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,840 Speaker 1: Well, I didn't even know that they were in town. 100 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: So I was elated. And he says I can even 101 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: meet them if I want. Obviously, I say yes, yeah, 102 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: So we we go out the back door of this bar, 103 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: and we're in this alley and there would these three 104 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 1: dudes out there in motorcycle jackets and they're just like 105 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: out there chain smoking, and apparently that's what he meant. 106 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:50,039 Speaker 5: Oh yeah, this is last chance. 107 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 2: Go ahead. 108 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 4: So this guy I met, he planned this scavenger hunt 109 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 4: for a date, which was like cute, fun, totally normal, 110 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 4: and tells the last one. 111 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 1: So he tells me, this last one is like. 112 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 4: This big price, and I needed to go to this 113 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:10,840 Speaker 4: specific address, and part of it was to kind of 114 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 4: buzz in and pretend that I was like house cleaning 115 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 4: to steal back an engagement ring. Whoa Yeah, that's when 116 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 4: I realized that he was recruiting me to help take 117 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,919 Speaker 4: things back from his ex wife. 118 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 2: Did you do it? 119 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 5: Yeah? 120 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,599 Speaker 2: How many cares? 121 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: Absolutely? 122 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 3: I could not. 123 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:40,840 Speaker 2: Found it the address, so Alexis could do it. We 124 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 2: got to score this who's a go to Today? 125 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 3: Card? 126 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 4: I'm going to go Valerie for the Chainsmokers. 127 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,919 Speaker 2: To a concert for val This. 128 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 5: Guy wanted her to commit burglary. 129 00:06:51,880 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 4: I mean, obviously, Amanda. 130 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 5: Our Gallerie Valerie. 131 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 3: Somewhere up in heaven, a lumpy goldfish is looking down 132 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 3: and smiling on you and your sad dating history. You 133 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 3: should feel good about that, Valerie. 134 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 1: Very good, very good, Thank you God, thank you for playing. 135 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 2: That's Battle of the tender dates. We got your phones 136 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 2: tap coming up next.