Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Has the pandemic started winding down,
Speaker 1: people all across the world have been thinking about what
Speaker 1: they're gonna do as the world opens up, you know,
Speaker 1: Spend more time with family, find a better work life balance,
Speaker 1: stitch all your old masks together into a giant mask
Speaker 1: and then use that as a comfort blanket. But Vladimir
Speaker 1: Putin clearly had very different post pandemic plans invading a
Speaker 1: sovereign country, and you know, for yours people have said
Speaker 1: that Russia might invade Ukraine because it's always been Putin's
Speaker 1: wet dream to reunite the Soviet Union, you know, sort
Speaker 1: of the same way Disney wants to tie all of
Speaker 1: its franchises together, and now Miki is fighting Fanos. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's weird but profitable. So yeah, Putin has done the unthinkable,
Speaker 1: and in response, almost every nation around the world has gone, yo,
Speaker 1: my man, that is not cool. Much of the world
Speaker 1: is trying to tighten its grip around Russia to get
Speaker 1: Vladimirputin to back off Ukraine for the first time ever,
Speaker 1: the You will finance the purchase and delivery of weapons
Speaker 1: to Ukraine. Similarly, the United States for the first time
Speaker 1: has approved the direct delivery of Stinger missiles to Ukraine
Speaker 1: as part of a package approved by the White House.
Speaker 1: That decision came on the heels of Germany's announcement that
Speaker 1: it will send five Singer missiles and other weapons and
Speaker 1: supplies to Ukraine. This was a historic break from Germany's
Speaker 1: post World War two foreign policy. The President is joining
Speaker 1: forces with European allies by kicking most Russian banks out
Speaker 1: of Swift in the international banking messaging system that makes
Speaker 1: global transactions easier. New sanctions will also target Russia's central bank,
Speaker 1: and allies are beginning to target Russian oligarchs for ties
Speaker 1: to putin who shield his wealth in off shore accounts.
Speaker 1: Russian planes and private jets from oligarchs can no longer
Speaker 1: fly over dozens of countries. The European Union in Canada
Speaker 1: are banning the flights from their airspace. Air France also
Speaker 1: just announced that it has suspended service from Russia. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right. They're cutting off banking, their arming, their enemies,
Speaker 1: and on top of that, airlines are stopping flights to
Speaker 1: and from Russia, which in my opinion, might be one
Speaker 1: of the worst things, because I mean, the best part
Speaker 1: about going to Russia is that you can fly out
Speaker 1: of Russia. Now they don't even have that. And if
Speaker 1: there's one thing that tells you how big these sanctions are,
Speaker 1: it's that the Swiss have gotten involved. But you understand
Speaker 1: how big that is, right. The Swiss don't get involved
Speaker 1: in anything anything. The Swiss don't get involved in war,
Speaker 1: they don't get involved in alliances. My dad didn't get
Speaker 1: involved in my life. I would ask him to hug
Speaker 1: me and he tells me that his official policy was
Speaker 1: to stay neutral. Yeah, I mean, think about it. Think
Speaker 1: about this for a moment. Putain's move is so crazy
Speaker 1: that Germany is like, it's time for us as Germany,
Speaker 1: so we build our military and the world is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope. Now beyond all the blocking flights and arming Ukraine,
Speaker 1: one of the biggest moves that Europe and America are
Speaker 1: taking right now is cutting Russia off of SWIFT. Right,
Speaker 1: which is huge. Was used like we're talking no folklore,
Speaker 1: not even the short version of all two well, which
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what, Oh it's a different swift What it's
Speaker 1: an international banking system that verifies transactions across the globe. Oh, woman,
Speaker 1: they should probably change their name because that's confusing, you know. Anyway,
Speaker 1: what Russia has done has gotten the world so riled
Speaker 1: up that it's not just the governments that are responding
Speaker 1: to this warld No, everyone around the world is finding
Speaker 1: their own way to show Putin that he's an asshole.
Speaker 1: Major news from the sports world, the World Soccer Organization
Speaker 1: FIFA is banning Russian teams from all of their games.
Speaker 1: They are organization issuing a statement today banning Russian clubs
Speaker 1: and national teams from all competition until further noticed. FAFA
Speaker 1: says it stands in quote full solidarity with all of
Speaker 1: the people affected. In Ukraine, the European Broadcasting Union has
Speaker 1: banned Russia from participating in this year's Eurovision Song contest.
Speaker 1: And back here at home, several governors around the United
Speaker 1: States are asking stores to pull Russian products off their shelves.
Speaker 1: A restaurant in Las Vegas went out the street and
Speaker 1: porta all of their bottles of Russian vodka out onto
Speaker 1: the street. They'll be offering Ukrainian vodka instead. Formula One
Speaker 1: dropped the Russian Grand Prix from the season's racing calendar,
Speaker 1: and the International Olympic Committee also urging sports federations to
Speaker 1: move or cancel their events in Russia and Belarus, and
Speaker 1: the International Judo Federation suspending Putin status as honorary President
Speaker 1: and ambassador of the federation. Yeah, no World Cup for Putin,
Speaker 1: no Eurovision Song Contest for Putin, normal being presidents of
Speaker 1: the interne National Judo Federation. And in case you're wondering, yes,
Speaker 1: he will no longer be allowed to host this year's Oscars,
Speaker 1: which I was kind of looking forward to. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be interesting now. I know a lot of people out
Speaker 1: there wondering. They're like, oh, man, who cares. I mean,
Speaker 1: they're having their economy destroyed. Who cares? If people are
Speaker 1: pouring out vodka? Who cares? But people this actually makes
Speaker 1: a difference. Right South Africa had sanctions on it, which
Speaker 1: was really bad back in the day during a part time,
Speaker 1: but it was the collective idea around the world that
Speaker 1: people were not for what was happening. That's sort of
Speaker 1: spurt a lot of the change. And don't forget oftentimes
Speaker 1: in life it's the little things that hurt the most.
Speaker 1: You think they're small, but they get to you. You know, like,
Speaker 1: think of it this way. Would you rather be shot
Speaker 1: or blocked by your ex Oh and just by the way,
Speaker 1: now that Russia is not going to be playing in
Speaker 1: the World Cup, I mean that means there's going to
Speaker 1: be an open spot, right, I'm just saying, FIFA, if
Speaker 1: you want to hook South Africa up with that spot.
Speaker 1: You know, we've never invaded another country. You know, we
Speaker 1: barely even have a military. So if you're interested, shoot
Speaker 1: me a year. I see you, FIVA. So practically every
Speaker 1: democracy in the world right now is coming down hard
Speaker 1: against Russia, and it actually might be having an effect
Speaker 1: because just this morning the two countries held five hours
Speaker 1: of peace talks, which is good, although Russia did continue
Speaker 1: bombing Ukrainian cities the whole time that the peace talks
Speaker 1: are happening, which is not a good sign. I mean,
Speaker 1: bombing a country during your peace talks, it's like bringing
Speaker 1: your side chick to couples therapy. Doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's the problem, but don't get it twisted. Russia is
Speaker 1: feeling the effects of the world camping down, especially the
Speaker 1: economic effects, the value of the Russian ruble hitting an
Speaker 1: all time low this morning, the first business day since
Speaker 1: harsh sanctions were imposed against Moscow for waging war on Ukraine.
Speaker 1: Now European operations for one state owned Russian bank are
Speaker 1: already facing bankruptcy, saying in a press release they're failing
Speaker 1: or likely to face long lines of Russians waiting at
Speaker 1: eight MS after days of punishing sanctions levied on Moscow
Speaker 1: by the West. Many Russians are worried their bank cards
Speaker 1: will stop working or that banks will limit cash withdrawals. Well, damn.
Speaker 1: If Putin's goal is to bring back the glory days
Speaker 1: of the Soviet Union, people waiting hours in long lines
Speaker 1: is definitely a start. And please don'tn't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. I don't like the fact that
Speaker 1: ordinary Russians are suffering for what Putin is doing. I
Speaker 1: don't like that. But then again, if they didn't want
Speaker 1: him as president, I mean, they shouldn't have re elected
Speaker 1: him with one seven percent of the vote. But the
Speaker 1: big question now is what will Putin do in the
Speaker 1: face of a creaturing economy and a war that is
Speaker 1: not as easy as he probably wanted. Well, apparently his
Speaker 1: plan is to make things a whole lot worse Ukraine
Speaker 1: and a dramatic escalation in the crisis there Russia's military
Speaker 1: confirms this morning that the country's nuclear forces have indeed
Speaker 1: been put on high alert. President Vladimir Putin calls it
Speaker 1: a response to quote aggressive statements by NATO leaders. Mr.
Speaker 1: Putin is becoming even more desperate. It's showing that his
Speaker 1: military progress is failing on the ground that he has
Speaker 1: to resort to this kind of threat. He is pushing
Speaker 1: his inner circle away. We saw him publicly humiliating his
Speaker 1: closest advisors. That's what's most concerning. Nobody there to prevent
Speaker 1: a catastrophic misstep. Oh man, this is not good. Putin
Speaker 1: is threatening by activating whose nuclear What? What does that
Speaker 1: even mean? He's like getting my nuclear team read for what?
Speaker 1: For what? Putin? You realize this is not a good thing.
Speaker 1: Putin is going nuclear and there's no one there to
Speaker 1: stop him. See, people, this is why every crazy world
Speaker 1: leader needs a pasty son in law by his side. Yeah,
Speaker 1: keeps them in check, because no father in law wants
Speaker 1: to act the food in front of the man who's
Speaker 1: banging his daughter. You know, now, before you panic, before
Speaker 1: you panic. I know they said nuclear, and I know
Speaker 1: they said Putin, but please take a breath. Yes, the
Speaker 1: threat of nuclear annihilation may have increased, Yes we may
Speaker 1: be on the brink of World War three, and yes
Speaker 1: Europe is once again at the mercy of one power
Speaker 1: hungry dictator. But on the bright side, when was the
Speaker 1: last time you thought about covid H. Despite all of
Speaker 1: the destruction that Russia is inflicting on Ukraine, the President
Speaker 1: of Ukraine is still standing strong. Today he delivered a
Speaker 1: speech via satellite to the European Union where he vowed
Speaker 1: that Ukraine would never surrender its freedom, and he received
Speaker 1: a standing ovation from the speech. Meanwhile, the Foreign Minister
Speaker 1: of Russia gave a speech to the United Nations Human
Speaker 1: Rights Council, and most of the diplomats stood up and
Speaker 1: walked out of the speech in protest, which I mean,
Speaker 1: to be fair, nobody wants to hear a speech about
Speaker 1: respecting human rights from someone who's currently bombing civilians. It's
Speaker 1: like the guys from Jackass giving a lecture about test
Speaker 1: tickle safety. In fact, the way things are going these days,
Speaker 1: there's a decent change that any speech by Russia is
Speaker 1: just going to end with. And so in conclusion, look,
Speaker 1: the doors released the poison. Thank you for sending my talk.
Speaker 1: Now that's for the people of Ukraine. Everyone around the
Speaker 1: world has been inspired by the resistance that they've put
Speaker 1: up so far, you know, and their ability to tell
Speaker 1: Russia to go fun itself in so many different ways.
Speaker 1: We've seen powerful images posted to social media showcasing the
Speaker 1: courage of ordinary Ukrainian people. We are seeing Ukrainians coming
Speaker 1: out manning checkpoints, taking their hunting rifles shotguns, standing next
Speaker 1: to Ukrainian troops. They are cutting down road signs by
Speaker 1: the roadside in an attempt to confuse advancing Russian troops.
Speaker 1: It's a popular sentiment on the streets. This man's sign
Speaker 1: is too vulgar to translate. Schmatko is a grandmother and
Speaker 1: a retired economists. These are the only weapons she has,
Speaker 1: but she says she's ready to fight. Let those Russian
Speaker 1: ships come here, she says, we are ready to greet them.
Speaker 1: This shows what is purported to be a Ukrainian farmer
Speaker 1: attempting to tell a Russian tank off his land with
Speaker 1: his tractor. Do you have a message for President putin
Speaker 1: geogas will signing the president of the You know what
Speaker 1: I love about the bleep sound is that no matter
Speaker 1: what language you speak around the world, you always know
Speaker 1: what it means. Yeah, because if I tell you to river,
Speaker 1: you can safely assume that I wasn't wishing you a
Speaker 1: happy birthday and yo that she was crazy. Did you
Speaker 1: see that this is the middle of a war. That
Speaker 1: farmer told a Russian tank away with his tractor. That
Speaker 1: is the most gast thing on the farmer's side, and
Speaker 1: it is the most embarrassing thing for the Russian soldier.
Speaker 1: I mean, especially the way like he's chasing off of them,
Speaker 1: like the cops just told his call. Come on, that
Speaker 1: was about to fit the meat. And despite the overwhelming odds,
Speaker 1: you have to respect the fight man, you have to
Speaker 1: respect the fight. The Ukrainian people are putting up, civilians
Speaker 1: are grabbing shotguns, farmers are towing tanks like. One thing
Speaker 1: we're learning from this war is if you're gonna invade
Speaker 1: a country, maybe don't pick the one where the grandmas
Speaker 1: know how to turn their knitting into a firebomb. Or
Speaker 1: you look thirsty, how about the drink. Everyone is still
Speaker 1: terrified about the potential outcome of this war, and that's
Speaker 1: mainly because the madman who has launched it is really, really,
Speaker 1: really unpredictable. Growing fears about the mental stability of Vladimir
Speaker 1: Putin as Russia pushes ahead with its invasion of Ukraine.
Speaker 1: One American familiar with the intelligence telling CNN quote, Putin
Speaker 1: has been completely isolated, partly because of COVID. He's now
Speaker 1: just basically by himself, completely cut off from most of
Speaker 1: his advisors, isolated geographically. The only people talking to him
Speaker 1: are sycophants who are just feeding his resentment. We saw
Speaker 1: new images that show the lengths Putin has gone in
Speaker 1: recent weeks to isolate and socially distanced himself from others,
Speaker 1: even his closest advisors and cabinet members. We're seeing him
Speaker 1: sitting at the end of a very long table. Those
Speaker 1: long tables have become his trademark, and his aids are
Speaker 1: clustered altogether. On one end, he sits by himself on
Speaker 1: the other. U S Intelligence has learned that Putin has
Speaker 1: has exploded in anger at people in his inner circle,
Speaker 1: expressing frustration over the state of the military campaign in
Speaker 1: Ukraine and the worldwide condemnation of his actions. That's unusual,
Speaker 1: they say, because as a former intelligence officer, Putin usually
Speaker 1: keeps his emotions in check. Yeah, apparently Putin is really
Speaker 1: piste off because this invasion is not going how he planned.
Speaker 1: And this is a big deal because usually Vladimia Putin
Speaker 1: doesn't show any emotions. Like if you've ever seen him,
Speaker 1: he's always got this weird combination of being super calm
Speaker 1: and also super dangerous, like a cobra that took too
Speaker 1: many edibles. You know, it's just like how do you
Speaker 1: do a cobra and weed? And you know, it actually
Speaker 1: makes sense. It makes sense that people haven't seen Putin
Speaker 1: show his emotions before, because remember, Vladimir Putin is a
Speaker 1: trained spy. Spies have to keep their emotions in check.
Speaker 1: Like even if a spy goes to a party and
Speaker 1: at that party they're serving pigs in a blanket, you
Speaker 1: can't freak out and get all excited like normal people
Speaker 1: come be like, oh ship, they got pigs in a blanket. No,
Speaker 1: you can't do that. You gotta be like pigs and blanket.
Speaker 1: It's okay, I guess, give me like seven god bla.
Speaker 1: But you know, it does make sense. It makes complete
Speaker 1: sense that he's lashing out. Now, remember this, Putin doesn't
Speaker 1: know what it's like to lose. He wins every re
Speaker 1: election without campaigning. He wins judo matches against world champions.
Speaker 1: Now suddenly he's having trouble beating a country that's a
Speaker 1: fraction of the size of his No wonder, he's mad.
Speaker 1: And by the way, this war shows you the big
Speaker 1: difference between a guy like Trump and a man like Putin,
Speaker 1: because like as bad as Trump was, he never had
Speaker 1: the vision and the focus that Putin has. You know,
Speaker 1: Putin dreams to reunite the Soviet Union and turn Russia
Speaker 1: back into the superpower that it was. The only dream
Speaker 1: Trump ever had was to combine a big mac with
Speaker 1: the bucket of KFC. Yeah, that's probably what he made
Speaker 1: the Area fifty one work on. Forget the alien autopsies.
Speaker 1: This is more important. We need to get the chicken
Speaker 1: inside them, meet deep in a gender. The point is this.
Speaker 1: The point is that anyone in the world can be
Speaker 1: a madman. But once you add power and vision, that's
Speaker 1: where ship gets real. But please, please, I beg you
Speaker 1: don't confuse Putin with Russia because although he's in charge,
Speaker 1: there are a lot of people in Russia who don't
Speaker 1: like their president or his war. And they have also
Speaker 1: been displaying some extraordinary courage resistance to Russia's attack on
Speaker 1: Ukraine is growing, and not just around the world, but
Speaker 1: also within its own borders. Anti war protesters risking their
Speaker 1: safety here in St. Petersburg. It's one of many protests
Speaker 1: across the country as Russian authorities have detained nearly six
Speaker 1: thousand people, grandmother's, teenagers, women, you name it, some saying
Speaker 1: they'd rather risk arrest than live with guilt. I want
Speaker 1: the whole world to see that we don't want it,
Speaker 1: this woman says, powerful signals of an awakening to aggression
Speaker 1: and injustice. No war, please. This is what a number
Speaker 1: of athletes and celebrities are advocating for. Russian tennis star
Speaker 1: Andre Rubliv asking for peace after his win Friday, hundreds
Speaker 1: of journalists signing a petition, at the director of the
Speaker 1: Bullshoi Ballet signing a petition, even the children of oligarchs
Speaker 1: and of Kremlin officials speaking out on social media against
Speaker 1: the war, and the Russian lawmaker who voted with President
Speaker 1: Putin just this week now saying I didn't vote for
Speaker 1: Kiev to be bombed. Man, you've got to give credits
Speaker 1: to people protesting this war, because you know how brave
Speaker 1: it is speak up against Russia. Inside Russia. But I'm
Speaker 1: not even in Russia, and I'm going to test my
Speaker 1: coffee for poison after this show. Like you know, it's
Speaker 1: It's always funny how people in America, I think the
Speaker 1: world has ended when they get banned from Twitter. But
Speaker 1: think about it. In Russia, they don't delete your Twitter,
Speaker 1: they delete your life. And it's not just many Russian
Speaker 1: civilians who are against the war. No. One reason the
Speaker 1: invasion might not go as well as Russia has hoped
Speaker 1: is that even some of its own soldiers reportedly don't
Speaker 1: want to be there. Many of them thought that were
Speaker 1: just doing military exercises and they weren't even told that
Speaker 1: they were being sent into war. Just think about that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think we can all agree that war
Speaker 1: is the worst kind of surprise there is. I mean,
Speaker 1: well that and the reveal on Love is blind. Oh
Speaker 1: you have a face tattoo in the shape of a goatee.
Speaker 1: So happy. So even within Russia, people are standing up
Speaker 1: and risking their lives to stop an unjust war, which
Speaker 1: is probably why Putin is resorting to things like this.
Speaker 1: Putin is ramping up efforts to control the narrative at home,
Speaker 1: banning media from characterizing Russia's attack on Ukraine as an assault, invasion,
Speaker 1: or declaration of war. Instead, state run media propaganda paints
Speaker 1: Ukraine as Nazi aggressors and Putin as Russia's defender. The
Speaker 1: Russian state TV has not been showing a Russian forces
Speaker 1: attacking Kiev or attacking Harkiv. Russians who watched TV don't
Speaker 1: really see all the things that are going on in Ukraine.
Speaker 1: We have seen crackdowns on social media over the last
Speaker 1: couple of days. Twitter has been operating at an absolutely
Speaker 1: sluggish face. The Russian government has said it will censor
Speaker 1: parts of Facebook. Wow. So not only is Putin cracking
Speaker 1: down on descent, but he's lying about what's actually happening. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's even banning the media from calling it an assault,
Speaker 1: an invasion, or a war, all of the things that
Speaker 1: it is. By the way, she means, Russian news costs
Speaker 1: must be like deepen this the source, How do you
Speaker 1: even describe this? No to our ongoing coverage of the
Speaker 1: International Bullet Exchange taking place in Ukraine. Right low the
Speaker 1: State of the Union address, the one nights a year
Speaker 1: Joe Biden stays up past six pm. It's also the
Speaker 1: one night a year where the president gives the country
Speaker 1: estates as an update about how things are going, which,
Speaker 1: if we're honest, there's always been a little bit weird
Speaker 1: to me. You know, It's like, why does it only
Speaker 1: happen once a year, you know, like you get more
Speaker 1: updates from your doggie daycare in one afternoon, then you
Speaker 1: get from the president an entire year. It's a little weird,
Speaker 1: but whatever, the point is, it's an important night, which
Speaker 1: is why everyone everyone from senators to Supreme Court justices
Speaker 1: to military generals all show up, although this year it
Speaker 1: was interesting because there were fewer people in attendance than
Speaker 1: normal because some lawmakers didn't want to follow the COVID protocols. Yes,
Speaker 1: like Marco Rubio who said, quote he didn't have time
Speaker 1: to take a COVID test, and honestly, I don't have
Speaker 1: time to take a COVID test. Is a brave stance
Speaker 1: for someone who's tweeted like fifty times in the last
Speaker 1: twenty four hours to be this is actually kind of relatable.
Speaker 1: You know. This is like when I say I don't
Speaker 1: have time to make dinner because I'm watching TikTok. You've
Speaker 1: seen those otters. They're so cute. They'll kill you, but
Speaker 1: they're cute. But once everyone who had forty seconds to
Speaker 1: take the test was seated, it was time for Joe
Speaker 1: Biden himself to enter the chamber and greet his guests.
Speaker 1: And I'm proud, ladies and gentlemen to say that we
Speaker 1: at the Daily Show have exclusive footage of what he
Speaker 1: said to these people as he walked to the podium,
Speaker 1: the President of the United States. Hey, oh, ship, I
Speaker 1: can't find my speech. Hey, hey, quick you what's the
Speaker 1: state of the Union? Hey, how are you doing? Is
Speaker 1: the Union strong? Is it a weak? Is it emo?
Speaker 1: Vibe shift? Ah sht, I'm ring at a time, I'll
Speaker 1: just ring egg. I know, rough stots. But Biden recovered people.
Speaker 1: Oh he recovered you see. Joe Biden launched to this
Speaker 1: speech that touched on everything Russia, COVID, inflation, and so
Speaker 1: much more. Entering a chamber filled with yellow and blue,
Speaker 1: the colors of the Ukrainian flag, President Biden forcefully condemning
Speaker 1: Vladimir Putin. He thought he could roll in the Ukraine
Speaker 1: and the world would roll over. Instead, he met with
Speaker 1: a mall wall of strength he never anticipated or imagined.
Speaker 1: He met the Ukrainian people. Ukraine's ambassador to the US,
Speaker 1: receiving a standing ovation, had an embrace from First Lady
Speaker 1: Jill Biden. The president also suggesting America is finally emerging
Speaker 1: from the pandemic. Stop looking at COVID as a partisan
Speaker 1: dividing line. See it for what it is. I've gone
Speaker 1: awful disease. And despite a fast growing economy, President Biden
Speaker 1: acknowledging too many people are still feeling the pain of
Speaker 1: rising prices. Inflation is robbing them gains they thought otherwise
Speaker 1: they would be able to feel. I get it. In
Speaker 1: one surprising moment of you y, the president trying to
Speaker 1: move his party to the middle with a message on
Speaker 1: crime that even got some Republicans on their feet. It
Speaker 1: answers not to defund the police, is to fund the
Speaker 1: police funding funding. Yeah, you heard that right, Joe Biden
Speaker 1: said fund the police. But I thought that was a
Speaker 1: Republican thing. I thought Democrats wanted to build those police
Speaker 1: stations and replace them with community poetry centers. Maybe, but
Speaker 1: not Joe Biden. People forget I don't know why people
Speaker 1: forget this. For years, Joe Biden has been saying that
Speaker 1: he wants to invest more resources and training into the
Speaker 1: police for years. He's been saying this. The reason you
Speaker 1: probably might have missed it is because of how he speaks.
Speaker 1: We've got a police, the funding and fund the funders.
Speaker 1: You know, come on, Jack, he's a fund negro putting
Speaker 1: multiple speeches in one I see what he's doing is
Speaker 1: saving time. So look, this was not a prize from
Speaker 1: Joe Biden. And honestly, I'm just glad he didn't get
Speaker 1: too swept up and that applause and go even further.
Speaker 1: Fund the police. All lives matter. Let's go Brandon. Wait
Speaker 1: that was about me. But it's kind of crazy that
Speaker 1: nothing has really changed when it comes to the police, right,
Speaker 1: Just think about it for a moment, Like whether you
Speaker 1: want to defund the police or like Biden, spend even
Speaker 1: more money on reforming them, you've got to admit that
Speaker 1: neither of those things have actually happened, and fatal police
Speaker 1: shootings actually went up last year. Yeah, so really, when
Speaker 1: you think about it, after all the marches and the
Speaker 1: protests and the national conversation, oh we rarely got was
Speaker 1: Nancy Pelosi's can take clothing line. But aside from policing
Speaker 1: and COVID and Ukraine. Biden also brought up a lot
Speaker 1: of policies last night that he wanted Congress to pass
Speaker 1: this year, like letting Medicaan negotiate the price of drugs
Speaker 1: and doubling clean energy production and raising taxes on corporations
Speaker 1: and strengthening voting rights, which all great ideas that I
Speaker 1: can't wait for him to bring up again at next
Speaker 1: year's State of the Union in because I mean, if
Speaker 1: we're honest now, that ship is going to pass through
Speaker 1: this Congress. But Biden himself was doing his thing, man
Speaker 1: was giving a speech, he was in his elements, and
Speaker 1: Biden being Biden, there were a bunch of moments in
Speaker 1: the speech that were just a little bit weirder than
Speaker 1: they had to be, you know, um, like when he
Speaker 1: said this, if you get COVID nineteen, the fiser pill
Speaker 1: reduces your chances of ending up in the hospital. By
Speaker 1: I've ordered more pills than anyone in the world has. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: I guess the parties at Joe Biden's house tonight. It
Speaker 1: would be funny if he meant that he ordered all
Speaker 1: of those pills, but just for himself. If I get Corona,
Speaker 1: I'm all set good luck to the rest of you bitches.
Speaker 1: Oh and then there was also this moment where Joe
Speaker 1: Biden was praising the people of Ukraine. Put me circle
Speaker 1: Keeve with tanks, but it will never gain the hearts
Speaker 1: and souls of the Iranian people. Technically true. It is
Speaker 1: technically true. Putin can do whatever he wants in Ukraine.
Speaker 1: Nothing will make the Iranians back down. You know, at
Speaker 1: times the speech was like a birthday card from a
Speaker 1: four year old. A lot of the words didn't make sense,
Speaker 1: but you got what it was trying to say. And
Speaker 1: a pound of Ukrainian people, the proud, proud people, pound
Speaker 1: for pound, ready to fight with every inch of urnergy
Speaker 1: they have, proud pound pound pround pound pound proud. It
Speaker 1: wasn't a bad save. You have to admit it wasn't
Speaker 1: the worst save in the world. Here's a question I have,
Speaker 1: honest question America. How come no politician in this country
Speaker 1: can never just go excuse me and then correct themselves,
Speaker 1: Like why do they just carry on as if it
Speaker 1: wasn't Trump did this all the time too. You know,
Speaker 1: they always gonna twist the words and then make it
Speaker 1: sound like they didn't mess up. This country was built
Speaker 1: on fandom, freedom of fandom and idea of freedom, and
Speaker 1: who's not a fan of freedom? Anyway? This country was
Speaker 1: built on freedom by a guy named fandom. I love fandom.
Speaker 1: And then, of course there was the thing that Biden
Speaker 1: said rights at the end of his speech, which wasn't
Speaker 1: a mistake but left everybody confused. God, bless you are,
Speaker 1: May God protect our troops. Thank you, Go get him.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, God, protect our troops. Go get him? Get who?
Speaker 1: Go get God? Or the troops should get putin? Who?
Speaker 1: Go get him? Who? What? What is that? What does
Speaker 1: Biden just randomy shop go get him? Sometimes? I mean,
Speaker 1: it would explain why his dog kept attacking people. But honestly,
Speaker 1: the weirdest moments would would like Biden just like doing
Speaker 1: these things and go go get him, go get him,
Speaker 1: go get him. Was it one singular plure? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I actually I stand crazy. Those weren't the weirdest moments. Actually,
Speaker 1: the weirdest moments didn't come from Biden. No, they came
Speaker 1: from the people who couldn't figure out when to clap
Speaker 1: for Biden, like this moment from Chuck Schuma, the American
Speaker 1: Rescue Plan, The American Rescue plan help working people and
Speaker 1: left no one behind. Hilarious. You see that. It's like
Speaker 1: it was like he was trying to rehearse his standing ovation. Okay,
Speaker 1: first the legs and then you put the hands. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think I gotta guys, I'm ready, I'm ready. Look, man,
Speaker 1: there's a simple rule in life. If you stand up
Speaker 1: in a speech at the wrong time, you've just got
Speaker 1: to commits. All right, you stand up, you clap, and
Speaker 1: then you walk out that building and straight into the ocean.
Speaker 1: You die like a man. And if you thought that
Speaker 1: was really bad, then please tell me what the hell
Speaker 1: Nancy Pelosi was doing here. And our troops in Iraq
Speaker 1: and faced in Rafghanistan faced many dangers. One being stationed
Speaker 1: the base is breathing in toxic smoke from burn pits.
Speaker 1: Many of you have been there having it out of
Speaker 1: Iraq and Afghanistan over forty times. What what is that?
Speaker 1: What is that? Huh? Looks like someone found all those
Speaker 1: pills Joe Biden ordered shit like her face, her hands,
Speaker 1: her body. Because such a weird like giddiness, you know
Speaker 1: what it looks like, almost makes it look like a
Speaker 1: cartoon character that's floating towards an apple pie tasty and
Speaker 1: I can't get over the hands, like just let's let
Speaker 1: it go. And he looks like she was playing like
Speaker 1: rock papersses with herself and then somehow just ended in
Speaker 1: a makeout sysion. Oh yeah, you like that rocks, don't you.
Speaker 1: So that was basically the state of the Union. That
Speaker 1: was it in a nutshell to be honest. I mean,
Speaker 1: according to Joe Biden, inflation is bad, but he will
Speaker 1: try to make it better. Drug prices are bad, but
Speaker 1: he will try to make it better. And I don't
Speaker 1: know who him is, but someone's coming to get him.
Speaker 1: And you know what that makes me. One of the
Speaker 1: major costs of war is how many people get displaced.
Speaker 1: They have their lives totally uprooted. Like we all think
Speaker 1: war is like call of duty, you know, you run
Speaker 1: in your shoots and then you reboot. But for most
Speaker 1: people it's more like Oregon trail, less exciting, much harder,
Speaker 1: and way more depressing. And I think we can all
Speaker 1: agree that it's a bad thing. Man. It is a
Speaker 1: bad thing. When anything comes close to World War two levels,
Speaker 1: whether it's refugees fighting or waistlines, it's always bad. And
Speaker 1: this is what people forget about war, you know, because
Speaker 1: sometimes you hear about the war in a in another country, right,
Speaker 1: you hear about one another country and you think, oh,
Speaker 1: well that's sad, but it's over there, so why should
Speaker 1: I care? But you should care. You should care, you
Speaker 1: know why, because we're all interconnected in the modern age,
Speaker 1: and that means the fallout of that war spreads all over,
Speaker 1: whether it's the refugee crisis or the rising gas prices
Speaker 1: or the stock market. The ripple effects are everywhere. So
Speaker 1: in a way, Putin didn't just invade Ukraine. He's also
Speaker 1: invaded your gas tanks, right, He's invaded your grocery bill,
Speaker 1: he's invaded your social media feeds. Yeah, you just want
Speaker 1: to scroll and look at thoughts not instead it's thoughts
Speaker 1: and prayers. But one glim of, one glomb of hopefully
Speaker 1: these refugees is that all of Ukraine's neighboring countries are
Speaker 1: welcoming them with open arms. Ukraine's neighbors welcoming the refugees
Speaker 1: with open arms, A warm drink and a hug in Moldova,
Speaker 1: in Slovakia, a chance to watch cartoons. Ukrainians welcomed by
Speaker 1: Hungarian officials and aid workers, each handed a solidarity ticket,
Speaker 1: a free seat on another train to the Hungarian capital
Speaker 1: were more help weight. You've got one European country after
Speaker 1: another saying that they will fast track applications for asylum.
Speaker 1: The European Union is talking about giving them three years
Speaker 1: of temporary residency so they can work, they can access benefits.
Speaker 1: In Poland, they have opened their borders, opened their arms
Speaker 1: to as many Ukrainian refugees as will arrive. We keep
Speaker 1: our borders open. The nationals of old countries who suffered
Speaker 1: from Russian aggression or whose life is at risk can
Speaker 1: six shot in Mike. Poland's commissioner to the EU personally
Speaker 1: offered to host a family of refugees in his own
Speaker 1: home and warsaw, but the refugees had found an alternative
Speaker 1: place to stay. This is amazing people. All these countries
Speaker 1: in Europe have stepped up to take in all of
Speaker 1: these refugees. And what's also amazing is if I heard correctly,
Speaker 1: the Polish commissioners to the EU offered to host a
Speaker 1: family of refugees in his home, but they said, no, thanks,
Speaker 1: we found another place. I don't care what you say.
Speaker 1: That's got to hurt. Yeah, you think you're helping refugees,
Speaker 1: and they're like, wow, so is is that your kitchen.
Speaker 1: That's only been eight days. My standards haven't dropped that much.
Speaker 1: But still, seeing these refugees been greets with open arms
Speaker 1: and full hearts, it gives me. It gives me a
Speaker 1: glimb of hope in this world, you know, to see
Speaker 1: like people helping people in need. I mean, it is
Speaker 1: interesting though that Eastern Europe has been so willing and
Speaker 1: able to accept a million people coming into their countries
Speaker 1: in just a few days, when just recently, just recently,
Speaker 1: I didn't see to have any space for a different
Speaker 1: group of refugees. The humanitarian crisis in Europe continues to
Speaker 1: grow and increasingly expose fault lines, hundreds of thousands of
Speaker 1: refugees streaming in from Syria and elsewhere. But as the
Speaker 1: arguing continues, sodas the suffering. As Europe struggles for a solution,
Speaker 1: refugees forced to zig zag from one country to another
Speaker 1: with no clear path. The EU has effectively paid Turkey
Speaker 1: to keep Syrians from getting to Greece. Woland it pledge
Speaker 1: to take in a number of the refugees, saying now
Speaker 1: that it is not going to do that we will
Speaker 1: not be receiving migrants from the Middle East in North Africa,
Speaker 1: in Poland. This is hungary solution to the flood of
Speaker 1: refugees pouring in a thirteen foot fence topped with razor
Speaker 1: wire running about a hundred fifteen miles along its border
Speaker 1: with Serbia. Police and ridegear told they can shoot rubber
Speaker 1: bullets at anyone who tries to cross hostility here in Hungary.
Speaker 1: Video shocking the world. The Hungarian camera woman kicking that
Speaker 1: girl as she runs from police and this as a
Speaker 1: man runs by carrying a small child, she trips him
Speaker 1: and he falls to the ground. Hungry's Prime Minister, Victor
Speaker 1: Urban had a message for the migrants themselves. The moral
Speaker 1: human singer is to make clear, please don't come. That's
Speaker 1: really strange. When it's Syrians who are fleeing a war.
Speaker 1: It's all we do not have space, do not come.
Speaker 1: But now the space and people must come. What changed?
Speaker 1: I mean when the Syrians needed refuge even the camera
Speaker 1: crew was drop kicking families. Yeah, but now Ukrainians are
Speaker 1: getting accommodation, they're getting visas, they're getting work benefits, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, is good, It is a good thing.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, where's their drop kick? And look,
Speaker 1: we don't even have to speculate, we don't have to
Speaker 1: speculate about why they're treating Ukrainians so differently than refugees
Speaker 1: from Africa or from the Middle East. It's because the
Speaker 1: Prime Minister of Belgaria, he came out and said it, right,
Speaker 1: he said, these are not the refugees we are used to.
Speaker 1: These people are Europeans, These people are intelligent, they are
Speaker 1: educated people. Yeah, so kind of a shocking thing to say.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I will say I'm impressed
Speaker 1: that the Prime Minister of Bulgaria has found the time
Speaker 1: to get to know all one million refugees that have
Speaker 1: fled Ukraine in the past week. You must be very
Speaker 1: efficient and making small talk. So are you? From what
Speaker 1: you do? What do you think? HI like you and
Speaker 1: please don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong here.
Speaker 1: I understand the arguments, right, I understand the arguments that
Speaker 1: these countries will make. Right, that they have to think
Speaker 1: about how easy it is for refugees to integrate into
Speaker 1: their culture and society. I get that. I truly get that.
Speaker 1: It's just like it's easier for you to take in
Speaker 1: a family member who's in trouble than a random person
Speaker 1: who needs help, you know, like lots of kids got
Speaker 1: in one little fight with a couple of guys who
Speaker 1: are up to no good. But there's reason Uncle fool
Speaker 1: and not viv only took in. Will I get it,
Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean it's impossible. It doesn't mean it's impossible.
Speaker 1: And the problem I have is that when it's Syrians
Speaker 1: or Africans on a boat, these countries didn't even try
Speaker 1: to integrate them. They didn't even say women and children
Speaker 1: only know they reject even the chance that anyone brown
Speaker 1: could assimilate. Your skin is too dark, you couldn't possibly
Speaker 1: be bushed. And I know right now, I know right
Speaker 1: now that somebody was like Trevor again with the racism.
Speaker 1: What is it when black people I'm no racism always
Speaker 1: talking about it? You know, I go years at a
Speaker 1: time without even thinking about raciship, it's jeezy. Why don't
Speaker 1: you try? Well, maybe the reason black people always talking
Speaker 1: about racism is because racism is always happening to the
Speaker 1: black people, and we're seeing it again now in Ukraine.
Speaker 1: African and Indian students stuck in Ukraine are accusing officials
Speaker 1: of discriminating against them and pushing them back from getting
Speaker 1: to the border. This video posted to Twitter reads watch
Speaker 1: how they are threatening to shoot us, saying there after
Speaker 1: Ukraine Poland border, the police and army are refusing to
Speaker 1: let Africans cross, they only allow Ukrainians. Foreign students who
Speaker 1: faced segregation and racism at the border crossing to Poland.
Speaker 1: Some say they were told they can't board buses there
Speaker 1: because they were meant for Ukrainians only. Videos have been
Speaker 1: posted on social media said to show black people being
Speaker 1: prevented from boarding a train and left stranded at a
Speaker 1: railway station in Naviva as Ukrainians were allowed on. One
Speaker 1: Congo native saying he was discriminated against while trying to
Speaker 1: board a train out of Ukraine. David told us like,
Speaker 1: we are going to give you guns and you're gonna
Speaker 1: fight for Ukraine. Said, Hi, we're gonna fight for Ukraine.
Speaker 1: We are not Ukrainian, we are black. So ow can
Speaker 1: you fight? Ow? Can we fight for Ukraine? Yeah? Just
Speaker 1: think about this for a moment. Huh. Black people, students, tourists, visitors,
Speaker 1: many of them are saying they cannot get out of
Speaker 1: the country. They can't get out because they're black. They
Speaker 1: just get blocked at the border. And for this guy,
Speaker 1: I mean, this is wild. Imagine being prevented from leaving
Speaker 1: the country and not just that, but they say like, no,
Speaker 1: not only can you not leave, you have to grab
Speaker 1: a gun and fight. That isn't saying. People from other
Speaker 1: countries haven't been told that they have to fight. Why
Speaker 1: does he huh the British person gets to go the
Speaker 1: African guy, No, no, you're staying. We've watched Beasts of
Speaker 1: No Nation. We know you guys know how to handle yourselves.
Speaker 1: That's what you guys do. That's not fair. Man. When
Speaker 1: you go to another country, you don't expect that they
Speaker 1: might be conscripting you into a war. You don't think
Speaker 1: you're gonna be fighting in their army. Like I'll tell
Speaker 1: you how, the Louver would get a lot few visitors
Speaker 1: if they were like, oh, come and see them, Mona, Lisa,
Speaker 1: take a selfie with Venez. Maybe you fight for us
Speaker 1: in the well. Have you seen that beer meds? Welcome?
Speaker 1: It's extremely weird. It's extremely weird to awesome, random African
Speaker 1: guy to fight for Ukraine. Why is that expected of him?
Speaker 1: Why can't he join the fight the way white people
Speaker 1: from other countries do by posting an instant story of
Speaker 1: the Ukrainian flag with a little heart emoji. I'm here
Speaker 1: for the Ukraine. That's not the point. The bigger points
Speaker 1: is that there seems to be a widespread discrimination against
Speaker 1: people of color who are trying to flee a war zone.
Speaker 1: And it's nuts. It's really nuts to see border guards
Speaker 1: suddenly turned into club bounces. Everybody on the bus, every
Speaker 1: other b hold on, hold on, no hoodies, no sneakers, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah. And the hot the hot friend, yeah, she
Speaker 1: can come up. Not to mention, it's gonna be super
Speaker 1: confusing for the Russian army when they roll into Kiev
Speaker 1: and then there's only black people left comrades. I think
Speaker 1: we two go wrong turn somewhere. I told you don't
Speaker 1: use up all maps, use ways and look. I know
Speaker 1: because of these stories, there are many Africans and many
Speaker 1: Middle Easterners who are seeing these videos and they're like,
Speaker 1: you know what, screw Ukraine. If they're going to be racist,
Speaker 1: Photin can take Ukraine and he can have Poland for desserts.
Speaker 1: For real. That's what a lot of people are saying.
Speaker 1: You can see it online. People are angry because they're like,
Speaker 1: how can you let racism get in the way of
Speaker 1: getting people out of the way of war? But I
Speaker 1: think rather than this being a moment to turn on
Speaker 1: each other, this refugee crisis should be a reminder that
Speaker 1: refugee is not a synonym for brown person. Anyone could
Speaker 1: become a refugee. It's a thing that happens to you.
Speaker 1: It's not who you are and who knows you know,
Speaker 1: maybe one day you might be a refugee. I hope
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen to you, but it could, and if
Speaker 1: God forbid that day comes. Wouldn't you want someone without
Speaker 1: any prejudice in their heart to open their doors to you,
Speaker 1: to welcome you into their home so that you can
Speaker 1: look around their house and say thanks. I think I
Speaker 1: could do better before we go. As you've seen, families
Speaker 1: in Ukraine are fleeing violence and urgently need emergency aid.
Speaker 1: CARES Immediate Crisis Response aims to reach four million people,
Speaker 1: prioritizing women and girls and families and the elderly. So
Speaker 1: if you can, please donate at the link below to
Speaker 1: rush urgently needed water, food, hygiene kits and ongoing support
Speaker 1: in Ukraine. What's the Daily Show? Weeknight earned Company Central
Speaker 1: and stream episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been
Speaker 1: a Comedy Central podcast