WEBVTT - The 8 Things Emotionally Secure People Never Share About Themselves 

0:00:02.210 --> 0:00:06.430
<v Speaker 1>Hey there, folks. It is Saturday, September 19th, and we

0:00:06.510 --> 0:00:09.329
<v Speaker 1>are going to reveal in this episode which one of

0:00:09.450 --> 0:00:15.620
<v Speaker 1>us is emotionally secure and which one is not. And

0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:17.739
<v Speaker 1>with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ.

0:00:17.780 --> 0:00:19.639
<v Speaker 1>I have that right. You said emotionally secure people or

0:00:19.660 --> 0:00:20.720
<v Speaker 1>mature people? Secure, right?

0:00:20.739 --> 0:00:21.720
<v Speaker 2>Secure. Secure.

0:00:21.739 --> 0:00:24.370
<v Speaker 1>Emotionally. You told me this. There is a test you

0:00:24.430 --> 0:00:27.950
<v Speaker 1>have here about Emotional security.

0:00:28.110 --> 0:00:29.190
<v Speaker 2>It's not really a test.

0:00:29.370 --> 0:00:31.990
<v Speaker 1>Okay, but, well, there are questions that you're going to

0:00:32.010 --> 0:00:34.350
<v Speaker 1>be able to answer that you're going to pass or fail,

0:00:34.409 --> 0:00:35.449
<v Speaker 1>if you will, and tell you.

0:00:35.670 --> 0:00:39.130
<v Speaker 2>We're going to list eight things that emotionally secure people

0:00:39.250 --> 0:00:40.110
<v Speaker 2>do not share.

0:00:40.250 --> 0:00:44.090
<v Speaker 1>Okay, and you told me what you found in all

0:00:44.130 --> 0:00:46.590
<v Speaker 1>this is that one of us is emotionally secure and

0:00:46.630 --> 0:00:46.980
<v Speaker 1>one is not.

0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:50.220
<v Speaker 2>I would say one is more emotionally secure than the other.

0:00:50.460 --> 0:00:53.140
<v Speaker 2>I don't share some of these things. But basically, if

0:00:53.180 --> 0:00:56.970
<v Speaker 2>you're an over-sharer, it actually is a signal that you

0:00:57.130 --> 0:00:58.750
<v Speaker 2>are emotionally insecure.

0:00:58.810 --> 0:01:00.450
<v Speaker 1>Okay, can you define that for me first of all?

0:01:00.730 --> 0:01:04.889
<v Speaker 2>You just, you blurt out everything. You overshare. So here's

0:01:04.990 --> 0:01:08.910
<v Speaker 2>an idea. Someone asks you, how's the job hunt going?

0:01:09.290 --> 0:01:11.910
<v Speaker 2>And all of a sudden you say, well, and you say,

0:01:11.970 --> 0:01:14.110
<v Speaker 2>here's the salary that I'm holding out for. You talk

0:01:14.130 --> 0:01:16.110
<v Speaker 2>about the recruiter who ghosted you and then a theory

0:01:16.170 --> 0:01:18.970
<v Speaker 2>about why. And then you're going to tell them about

0:01:19.010 --> 0:01:23.710
<v Speaker 2>your weekend. You just start telling way too many things

0:01:23.750 --> 0:01:24.170
<v Speaker 2>about yourself.

0:01:24.209 --> 0:01:26.750
<v Speaker 1>That's a scenario in practice, but what does it mean

0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:34.039
<v Speaker 1>to be... an emotionally insecure person. What is that?

0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:38.319
<v Speaker 2>Well, they say the difference is in what you share

0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:43.280
<v Speaker 2>with somebody, who you're sharing it with, and why you're

0:01:43.340 --> 0:01:48.070
<v Speaker 2>sharing it. So emotionally secure people talk plenty. They just

0:01:48.150 --> 0:01:53.190
<v Speaker 2>don't need the story they're telling to do the job

0:01:53.250 --> 0:01:57.440
<v Speaker 2>for them. They keep things to themselves and so that

0:01:57.540 --> 0:02:01.140
<v Speaker 2>they can stay more practical and even maybe mysterious. They

0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:03.600
<v Speaker 2>don't overshare. And that means they're secure with who they are.

0:02:03.620 --> 0:02:07.130
<v Speaker 2>They're not trying to prove who they are and how important.

0:02:06.770 --> 0:02:10.790
<v Speaker 1>They are or, Ah, emotionally insecure people are always trying

0:02:10.810 --> 0:02:11.389
<v Speaker 1>to prove something.

0:02:11.510 --> 0:02:12.350
<v Speaker 2>Yes, you're trying to prove.

0:02:12.389 --> 0:02:13.850
<v Speaker 1>They're always trying to prove themselves.

0:02:13.610 --> 0:02:14.470
<v Speaker 2>Through deeds, through works.

0:02:14.590 --> 0:02:14.890
<v Speaker 1>I'm valuable.

0:02:14.910 --> 0:02:15.390
<v Speaker 2>I'm important.

0:02:15.650 --> 0:02:16.310
<v Speaker 1>All right, gotcha, gotcha.

0:02:16.410 --> 0:02:18.310
<v Speaker 2>What happens in my life matters.

0:02:18.330 --> 0:02:18.630
<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right.

0:02:18.790 --> 0:02:21.950
<v Speaker 2>And so when you overshare, and again, it's not about

0:02:21.990 --> 0:02:24.429
<v Speaker 2>how much you talk. It's what you talk about, who

0:02:24.450 --> 0:02:27.410
<v Speaker 2>you tell it to, and why you're doing it.

0:02:27.470 --> 0:02:29.530
<v Speaker 1>And what did you learn about yourself in doing this?

0:02:29.620 --> 0:02:32.480
<v Speaker 2>I've always known I tended to be an oversharer, and

0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:35.040
<v Speaker 2>so I think when you're aware of it, you recognize it,

0:02:35.060 --> 0:02:37.660
<v Speaker 2>you can first start seeing it in other people and think, ooh,

0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.220
<v Speaker 2>I I think I do that too. And then I've

0:02:39.260 --> 0:02:42.420
<v Speaker 2>taught myself, wow, I'm doing it again. And you do

0:02:42.460 --> 0:02:44.980
<v Speaker 2>have to ask yourself, why do I feel the need?

0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:47.580
<v Speaker 2>I can tell you that I think I've lied to

0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:50.820
<v Speaker 2>myself and said, well, I'm just, I'm sharing and it's

0:02:50.860 --> 0:02:53.440
<v Speaker 2>a shared experience and we can all relate and we

0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:55.480
<v Speaker 2>can all feel like we're a part of it. But

0:02:55.540 --> 0:02:59.600
<v Speaker 2>really it's telling people something about yourself. I mean, it

0:02:59.660 --> 0:03:03.420
<v Speaker 2>is an opportunity. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves usually. And

0:03:03.460 --> 0:03:07.980
<v Speaker 2>when you can start recognizing that in yourself and you

0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:10.320
<v Speaker 2>can start asking yourself, wait, why do I need to

0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.540
<v Speaker 2>say this right now? Is this important to the story?

0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Is this important to the conversation? Or am I really

0:03:15.500 --> 0:03:17.260
<v Speaker 2>just feeding my ego right now?

0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:21.360
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so eight what? Questions that... So here it is.

0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:24.460
<v Speaker 2>Eight things that emotionally secure people will not share.

0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.810
<v Speaker 1>Eight things. If you are an emotionally secure person.

0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:29.600
<v Speaker 2>You will not share.

0:03:29.660 --> 0:03:31.500
<v Speaker 1>You will not share this. Okay.

0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:36.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay. Number one, emotionally secure people do not broadcast their

0:03:36.220 --> 0:03:38.860
<v Speaker 2>income or what things cost them.

0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:40.140
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:03:40.340 --> 0:03:43.530
<v Speaker 2>That is so true, right? So money is one of

0:03:43.590 --> 0:03:48.010
<v Speaker 2>the quickest way that people, it changes how people see you.

0:03:48.430 --> 0:03:51.970
<v Speaker 2>It changes what people think of you. And that is

0:03:52.030 --> 0:03:54.070
<v Speaker 2>just such a flag when you, yes.

0:03:54.340 --> 0:03:55.940
<v Speaker 1>So. Do you think you do that?

0:03:56.570 --> 0:03:58.990
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't. I might say what things cost and

0:03:59.010 --> 0:04:01.610
<v Speaker 2>I'll say it like, I got this on sale. Like, yes,

0:04:01.730 --> 0:04:04.030
<v Speaker 2>I have been that person. But I don't think I

0:04:04.090 --> 0:04:07.150
<v Speaker 2>brag about how much something costs. What do I say?

0:04:08.350 --> 0:04:09.770
<v Speaker 2>You're saying I do, but I don't think I do.

0:04:09.870 --> 0:04:10.690
<v Speaker 1>We can talk about it.

0:04:10.730 --> 0:04:12.390
<v Speaker 2>No, but what have I, no, I'm curious. What have

0:04:12.510 --> 0:04:13.990
<v Speaker 2>I said how much things cost?

0:04:14.810 --> 0:04:17.730
<v Speaker 1>Are you serious? You want me to? Yes, you have

0:04:17.770 --> 0:04:22.469
<v Speaker 1>a tendency to flex or to floss or to, I

0:04:22.770 --> 0:04:27.210
<v Speaker 1>think it happens with strangers sometimes. send a signal to

0:04:27.250 --> 0:04:31.330
<v Speaker 1>them in some way that you are of means.

0:04:31.370 --> 0:04:32.979
<v Speaker 2>So I give a dollar amount about how much I

0:04:33.010 --> 0:04:33.510
<v Speaker 2>paid for something?

0:04:33.540 --> 0:04:35.640
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no. I just don't remember doing that. You'll

0:04:35.660 --> 0:04:38.979
<v Speaker 1>make examples of something. Yeah, we flew here. It was

0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:41.160
<v Speaker 1>how we had to get these three Cs because first

0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:45.060
<v Speaker 1>class was da-da-da. You drop those things a lot about

0:04:45.100 --> 0:04:47.960
<v Speaker 1>where you were living. Yeah, we were living here in da-da-da. Yeah,

0:04:48.060 --> 0:04:50.969
<v Speaker 1>it was a triplex, but da-da-da-da. and you'll say a thing,

0:04:51.110 --> 0:04:55.010
<v Speaker 1>you will drop little things that give status. Okay.

0:04:55.050 --> 0:04:58.270
<v Speaker 2>Well, this was about actually naming a number so that

0:04:58.310 --> 0:05:00.840
<v Speaker 2>you can compare. I'm not saying that that isn't a

0:05:00.860 --> 0:05:04.340
<v Speaker 2>part of it. I'm just saying this is broadcasting their income.

0:05:04.420 --> 0:05:07.400
<v Speaker 2>I've never broadcast my income. I mean, if I'm saying

0:05:07.420 --> 0:05:09.839
<v Speaker 2>something to you, it's different. You think I tell people

0:05:09.900 --> 0:05:10.560
<v Speaker 2>how much I make?

0:05:11.380 --> 0:05:12.140
<v Speaker 1>I've never heard you do that.

0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:12.700
<v Speaker 2>Oh, okay.

0:05:12.820 --> 0:05:14.469
<v Speaker 1>No, nobody does that. No, of course not.

0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:15.220
<v Speaker 2>Oh, yes, people do.

0:05:16.190 --> 0:05:18.730
<v Speaker 1>Who volunteers that? Who's just going to tell people, walking

0:05:18.770 --> 0:05:19.890
<v Speaker 1>them down the street, how much money they make?

0:05:20.100 --> 0:05:23.520
<v Speaker 2>All right. Number two, they keep goals to themselves until

0:05:23.540 --> 0:05:27.010
<v Speaker 2>they've done the work. So they don't broadcast, here's what

0:05:27.050 --> 0:05:29.490
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do. Here's what I'm about to do.

0:05:29.770 --> 0:05:32.590
<v Speaker 2>They just do it. So if they're training for a

0:05:32.610 --> 0:05:36.570
<v Speaker 2>marathon or you're writing a book or you're applying for

0:05:36.610 --> 0:05:40.170
<v Speaker 2>a job, you don't tell anybody what you're doing. You

0:05:40.210 --> 0:05:44.280
<v Speaker 2>just do it. And that's an emotionally secure person doesn't

0:05:44.420 --> 0:05:49.380
<v Speaker 2>need to tell people what they're doing so that they

0:05:49.420 --> 0:05:52.100
<v Speaker 2>get whatever sort of attention for it. Like, look at

0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:56.080
<v Speaker 2>me training for the marathon. Absolutely. I've done that. And

0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.580
<v Speaker 2>I think you have too. Like, so, or like letting

0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:02.060
<v Speaker 2>people know you're writing something or applying for something or

0:06:02.580 --> 0:06:05.040
<v Speaker 2>trying out for something or auditioning for something. I've 100%

0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:05.820
<v Speaker 2>done this. Really?

0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.820
<v Speaker 1>Now this one, I don't, Rick, I don't.

0:06:09.290 --> 0:06:11.630
<v Speaker 2>That's so funny. Because I don't think that I do

0:06:11.650 --> 0:06:12.909
<v Speaker 2>the other thing that you said I do, but I

0:06:13.180 --> 0:06:14.040
<v Speaker 2>absolutely think I do this.

0:06:14.210 --> 0:06:16.740
<v Speaker 1>Oh, yeah. I don't attach this to you at all.

0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.580
<v Speaker 2>They don't narrate their relationship problems to the group chat.

0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:23.240
<v Speaker 2>So if they had a bad week with their partner

0:06:23.339 --> 0:06:25.440
<v Speaker 2>or they had a fight with their friend, they don't

0:06:25.500 --> 0:06:28.659
<v Speaker 2>sit there and crowdsource it and tell everybody. You won't

0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:30.820
<v Speaker 2>get the transcript. They won't say, okay, and then he

0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:32.440
<v Speaker 2>said this, and then he did this, and can you

0:06:32.460 --> 0:06:35.540
<v Speaker 2>believe he did this? So emotionally secure people don't need

0:06:35.580 --> 0:06:37.930
<v Speaker 2>to narrate their relationship problems to folks.

0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:38.440
<v Speaker 1>Do you do that?

0:06:39.330 --> 0:06:42.430
<v Speaker 2>I loyalty I have in the past. And I think

0:06:42.470 --> 0:06:46.070
<v Speaker 2>that's just been about bad relationships and needing support. So

0:06:46.150 --> 0:06:48.210
<v Speaker 2>I do think there are moments where it does work,

0:06:48.250 --> 0:06:50.480
<v Speaker 2>I think with the girlfriend group. So I get what

0:06:50.500 --> 0:06:53.839
<v Speaker 2>they're saying, but if you respect your partner and you

0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.719
<v Speaker 2>have a loyal, I don't think you would throw your

0:06:56.779 --> 0:06:58.160
<v Speaker 2>partner under the bus that much.

0:06:58.300 --> 0:07:00.520
<v Speaker 1>But what are we up to now? The fourth one?

0:07:00.550 --> 0:07:01.349
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah. Number four.

0:07:01.370 --> 0:07:01.550
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:07:02.130 --> 0:07:04.990
<v Speaker 2>They don't announce the good things they do for other people.

0:07:06.570 --> 0:07:10.110
<v Speaker 2>But emotionally insecure people will tell you all the time

0:07:10.410 --> 0:07:13.130
<v Speaker 2>how they covered a coworker's shift or how they sent

0:07:13.210 --> 0:07:15.320
<v Speaker 2>money to a friend who needed it or how they

0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:20.440
<v Speaker 2>drove someone to a procedure or your kindness that you

0:07:20.460 --> 0:07:22.470
<v Speaker 2>give other people you announce to everyone.

0:07:22.610 --> 0:07:23.250
<v Speaker 1>Do you think you do that?

0:07:23.490 --> 0:07:24.970
<v Speaker 2>I think I've done it before, for sure.

0:07:25.330 --> 0:07:27.270
<v Speaker 1>Done it before, but are you that person?

0:07:27.350 --> 0:07:29.270
<v Speaker 2>I hope I'm not. I hope I'm none of these things.

0:07:29.290 --> 0:07:30.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I can see a little bit of it.

0:07:30.810 --> 0:07:33.460
<v Speaker 2>I hope... I think we might all have a little...

0:07:33.250 --> 0:07:35.640
<v Speaker 2>Not all, but most people have a little bit of

0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:37.840
<v Speaker 2>all of this in them. But I think it's good

0:07:37.860 --> 0:07:40.600
<v Speaker 2>to kind of see these things broken down because then

0:07:40.620 --> 0:07:43.140
<v Speaker 2>you can recognize it. You can say to yourself, oh, wow,

0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.900
<v Speaker 2>I think I might be doing that emotionally insecure thing

0:07:45.940 --> 0:07:48.860
<v Speaker 2>right now. I wonder why I'm doing that. And I'm not...

0:07:48.900 --> 0:07:51.270
<v Speaker 2>And I actually... I'm so open to the fact that

0:07:51.310 --> 0:07:54.150
<v Speaker 2>I do all of these things to some extent, but

0:07:54.180 --> 0:07:55.700
<v Speaker 2>I think the whole point is to be open to

0:07:55.740 --> 0:07:58.820
<v Speaker 2>the fact that you can recognize it and ask yourself,

0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:00.680
<v Speaker 2>get curious. You don't have to shame yourself for it.

0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:03.600
<v Speaker 2>You're not a bad person. You're not a terrible human being,

0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:06.740
<v Speaker 2>but it's just an interesting moment to recognize it and

0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:11.640
<v Speaker 2>then get curious about it. Number five, they keep decisions

0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:17.070
<v Speaker 2>private while they're still deciding. They're thinking about leaving their job.

0:08:17.110 --> 0:08:21.110
<v Speaker 2>They're thinking about leaving their relationship. Oh, yeah. They're thinking

0:08:21.310 --> 0:08:26.060
<v Speaker 2>about moving out of the city. They don't crowdsource it

0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:28.340
<v Speaker 2>and constantly talk about it and ask people what they

0:08:28.380 --> 0:08:32.360
<v Speaker 2>think about it. They don't process it out loud, basically.

0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:36.410
<v Speaker 2>They keep it to themselves. Secure people would decide first

0:08:36.470 --> 0:08:39.920
<v Speaker 2>because they'd say, I'm the best person. person to decide this. I,

0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:43.679
<v Speaker 2>another person can't know what's better for me about leaving

0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.679
<v Speaker 2>a job or a relationship more than I can. So

0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:50.600
<v Speaker 2>they trust themselves rather than ask other people what they

0:08:50.620 --> 0:08:51.380
<v Speaker 2>should do. Okay.

0:08:51.420 --> 0:08:52.490
<v Speaker 1>So where do you come down on this one?

0:08:54.230 --> 0:08:58.190
<v Speaker 2>Um, I, I think I, these big decisions, I mean, I,

0:08:58.429 --> 0:09:01.450
<v Speaker 2>I would, I would ask people who they affect if

0:09:01.510 --> 0:09:03.130
<v Speaker 2>my decisions were to affect somebody. I'd say, what do

0:09:03.150 --> 0:09:05.650
<v Speaker 2>you think? Or I think I've done it before. I

0:09:05.730 --> 0:09:07.170
<v Speaker 2>don't think I do this all the time. How about you?

0:09:08.309 --> 0:09:09.550
<v Speaker 1>No, and I was going to ask you, where do

0:09:09.630 --> 0:09:13.510
<v Speaker 1>I come? Because all of these, do I, where am

0:09:13.590 --> 0:09:14.209
<v Speaker 1>I on this list?

0:09:14.250 --> 0:09:18.870
<v Speaker 2>You are incredibly private. So when I saw this article,

0:09:18.929 --> 0:09:22.520
<v Speaker 2>I was laughing because this pretty much is you. I mean,

0:09:22.580 --> 0:09:26.880
<v Speaker 2>you really, the only, no, I mean, I really don't

0:09:26.900 --> 0:09:29.420
<v Speaker 2>see you doing any of these things, especially ad nauseum,

0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:30.540
<v Speaker 2>like all the time.

0:09:30.380 --> 0:09:33.260
<v Speaker 1>Or a lot. So you're telling me I'm emotionally secure?

0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:38.620
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think you trust yourself emotionally. You trust yourself

0:09:38.630 --> 0:09:42.179
<v Speaker 2>more than anyone else. So yes, you're emotionally secure, I

0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.300
<v Speaker 2>would say. All right, when we come back, we've got

0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:48.890
<v Speaker 2>number six, number seven, and number eight. And I'm just

0:09:48.929 --> 0:09:53.370
<v Speaker 2>curious if anyone else is seeing themselves in these signs.

0:09:53.650 --> 0:10:06.780
<v Speaker 2>We'll be right back. Welcome back everyone to relationship Saturday

0:10:06.820 --> 0:10:10.120
<v Speaker 2>here on Amy and TJ relationship with yourself, relationship with

0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.479
<v Speaker 2>your spouse, relationship with your friends. I feel like these, um,

0:10:15.250 --> 0:10:18.830
<v Speaker 2>These signs are really important to recognize. And they're easy

0:10:18.870 --> 0:10:20.610
<v Speaker 2>to see in other people. Oh my God, it's so

0:10:20.730 --> 0:10:22.929
<v Speaker 2>easy to see other people do them. It is so

0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:26.020
<v Speaker 2>hard to see yourself do them. So here's the next

0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:30.140
<v Speaker 2>thing that emotionally insecure people don't share. They don't share

0:10:30.620 --> 0:10:35.040
<v Speaker 2>their real opinions of people they know. So they might

0:10:35.090 --> 0:10:39.510
<v Speaker 2>have thoughts about your new boyfriend. They might have thoughts about...

0:10:39.970 --> 0:10:43.910
<v Speaker 2>your sister who, you know, is dissing you or the

0:10:44.010 --> 0:10:47.650
<v Speaker 2>other sibling who never calls your mom, they don't say

0:10:47.700 --> 0:10:50.920
<v Speaker 2>what they think unless they are asked directly. So they

0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:54.520
<v Speaker 2>don't offer opinions of people they know. They don't talk

0:10:54.660 --> 0:10:57.880
<v Speaker 2>shit about people, basically, unless you are directly asked, hey,

0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:02.420
<v Speaker 2>what do you think of our friend who... who is

0:11:02.540 --> 0:11:04.980
<v Speaker 2>so terrible to her husband. And then you would then

0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.800
<v Speaker 2>answer them directly if you think the answer would help

0:11:08.140 --> 0:11:09.920
<v Speaker 2>the situation and only then.

0:11:10.110 --> 0:11:11.250
<v Speaker 1>Where do you come down on this one?

0:11:11.950 --> 0:11:14.290
<v Speaker 2>I've gotten a lot better about this. When I was younger,

0:11:14.710 --> 0:11:17.250
<v Speaker 2>terrible about it. I think gossip was just, you know,

0:11:17.390 --> 0:11:21.309
<v Speaker 2>it is a toxic trait that you find in middle

0:11:21.350 --> 0:11:25.140
<v Speaker 2>school and high school. And I think eventually, hopefully you

0:11:25.179 --> 0:11:28.450
<v Speaker 2>recognize the toxicity of it and you remove yourself from it.

0:11:28.500 --> 0:11:31.330
<v Speaker 2>But I actually remember I gave up gossip one year

0:11:31.850 --> 0:11:34.709
<v Speaker 2>for Lent when I was in middle school. And it

0:11:34.750 --> 0:11:37.410
<v Speaker 2>was really hard. Like every time someone started talking about somebody,

0:11:37.429 --> 0:11:39.780
<v Speaker 2>instead of me jumping in or joining in or saying

0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:41.839
<v Speaker 2>what I thought, I had to remove myself because I

0:11:41.900 --> 0:11:46.340
<v Speaker 2>gave up gossiping for Lent. And that was such an eye-opener. Yeah.

0:11:47.460 --> 0:11:52.150
<v Speaker 2>But they say this is about discretion. And once you

0:11:52.270 --> 0:11:55.480
<v Speaker 2>offer your opinion and You cannot take it back. Once

0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:59.550
<v Speaker 2>you've said what you think of someone, every next interaction

0:11:59.790 --> 0:12:03.250
<v Speaker 2>with them has that attached to it. Once you say

0:12:03.309 --> 0:12:06.030
<v Speaker 2>something and you give an opinion about someone, you can't

0:12:06.070 --> 0:12:08.250
<v Speaker 2>take it back. And so they just say emotionally secure

0:12:08.290 --> 0:12:12.839
<v Speaker 2>people are very discreet with what they share about other

0:12:12.900 --> 0:12:16.660
<v Speaker 2>people because people who need to be liked use opinions

0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:17.280
<v Speaker 2>as currency.

0:12:18.900 --> 0:12:21.420
<v Speaker 1>I am blown away by my emotional security.

0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:21.860
<v Speaker 2>Are you?

0:12:22.460 --> 0:12:25.020
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm going, you know me better than anybody, baby.

0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:28.110
<v Speaker 1>You're describing me to a T here.

0:12:28.890 --> 0:12:29.090
<v Speaker 2>I know.

0:12:29.150 --> 0:12:31.630
<v Speaker 1>I will sit there, nothing to say. You asked me though.

0:12:31.650 --> 0:12:37.360
<v Speaker 2>Sure. All right. Number seven, they don't lead with their wins.

0:12:38.460 --> 0:12:42.780
<v Speaker 2>This is so you too. They got, they got the promotion. They, they,

0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.739
<v Speaker 2>they got the degree. They closed the deal. You'll hear

0:12:45.780 --> 0:12:49.050
<v Speaker 2>about it eventually, but maybe even from someone else. Not

0:12:49.130 --> 0:12:53.069
<v Speaker 2>from them directly. You drive me crazy with this. Will

0:12:53.090 --> 0:12:56.430
<v Speaker 2>you tell me? Say you get back from a long

0:12:56.470 --> 0:12:59.630
<v Speaker 2>run and say you just had a PR, a personal record.

0:12:59.960 --> 0:13:02.400
<v Speaker 2>I have to hoax it out of you. It's annoying

0:13:02.420 --> 0:13:06.080
<v Speaker 2>to me. And they say that people, when they're emotionally secure,

0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:07.800
<v Speaker 2>they're like, yeah, the win happened. It doesn't need a

0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.880
<v Speaker 2>press release to have happened. It just happened. And they

0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.709
<v Speaker 2>don't need to broadcast it to the world.

0:13:12.730 --> 0:13:14.250
<v Speaker 1>Where are you on this one?

0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.660
<v Speaker 2>Um, Oh, I absolutely will tell people when I get

0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:20.800
<v Speaker 2>a promotion promotion or a win a hundred percent. I'm

0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:23.600
<v Speaker 2>very excited to share that information with everyone who will

0:13:23.620 --> 0:13:31.020
<v Speaker 2>listen fully admit that one. Um, this is interesting. They're

0:13:31.059 --> 0:13:35.760
<v Speaker 2>selective about who hears their hardest stories. I'm terrible at this.

0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:38.560
<v Speaker 2>I will say, because maybe with my breast cancer journey,

0:13:39.179 --> 0:13:44.050
<v Speaker 2>I found so much fellowship and sisterhood and support. And

0:13:44.100 --> 0:13:46.000
<v Speaker 2>it made me feel so good to hear other people's

0:13:46.020 --> 0:13:50.360
<v Speaker 2>stories that I, in that particular instance specifically, and even

0:13:50.380 --> 0:13:53.340
<v Speaker 2>with divorce, I feel like sharing it makes other people

0:13:53.380 --> 0:13:55.580
<v Speaker 2>not feel so alone. But apparently that also makes me

0:13:55.640 --> 0:14:00.640
<v Speaker 2>emotionally insecure. So they say, yes, an emotionally secure person

0:14:00.850 --> 0:14:04.010
<v Speaker 2>also may have been through things, a divorce, a diagnosis,

0:14:04.730 --> 0:14:07.870
<v Speaker 2>a childhood trauma. You may know them for a full

0:14:07.910 --> 0:14:11.360
<v Speaker 2>year before you find out. If you do it all,

0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.920
<v Speaker 2>there'll never be a monologue and they'll only bring it

0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:20.110
<v Speaker 2>up if it's relevant. And that's so you. And it's

0:14:20.130 --> 0:14:20.810
<v Speaker 2>so not me.

0:14:22.790 --> 0:14:26.910
<v Speaker 1>What is this thing you're presenting to me, babe? Who knew?

0:14:26.930 --> 0:14:30.750
<v Speaker 1>This is the last thing I would have described myself

0:14:30.850 --> 0:14:34.320
<v Speaker 1>as emotionally secure. I had no idea.

0:14:34.650 --> 0:14:39.790
<v Speaker 2>I mean, when it comes to these traits, um, I

0:14:40.450 --> 0:14:42.010
<v Speaker 2>like this line in this. I'm going to read this

0:14:42.030 --> 0:14:46.150
<v Speaker 2>from the article. Emotionally secure people have stopped needing their

0:14:46.190 --> 0:14:49.590
<v Speaker 2>life to be witnessed in order to feel real. They

0:14:49.630 --> 0:14:52.470
<v Speaker 2>still share, and with the right people, they share a lot.

0:14:52.910 --> 0:14:56.190
<v Speaker 2>But the sharing is an offering rather than a request,

0:14:56.410 --> 0:14:59.490
<v Speaker 2>and that's the difference. They're not asking you to confirm

0:14:59.650 --> 0:15:05.470
<v Speaker 2>anything about themselves. They already know. That's emotional security.

0:15:05.590 --> 0:15:07.750
<v Speaker 1>My favorite line, one of my favorite lines, it doesn't

0:15:07.790 --> 0:15:10.210
<v Speaker 1>matter what they call you, you already know who you are.

0:15:11.110 --> 0:15:13.530
<v Speaker 1>And I don't know where I, it took years to

0:15:13.550 --> 0:15:15.960
<v Speaker 1>figure that out and learn that and get comfortable. But yeah,

0:15:16.100 --> 0:15:20.100
<v Speaker 1>I'm shocked and a little thrown and maybe I should

0:15:20.140 --> 0:15:24.340
<v Speaker 1>be a little proud or think I'm doing maybe something right.

0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:27.080
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, but I don't know how it happens, but

0:15:27.140 --> 0:15:28.820
<v Speaker 1>I have, and you see it and you witness it.

0:15:28.850 --> 0:15:31.750
<v Speaker 1>You describe me as all those things that you just

0:15:31.790 --> 0:15:34.940
<v Speaker 1>went through. Oftentimes you ask me, how do you do that?

0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.940
<v Speaker 1>I'm not like that. I can't do that. I don't know, babe.

0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:42.080
<v Speaker 1>I really don't know how I picked that up. I

0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:45.000
<v Speaker 1>didn't practice. I wasn't trying to become emotionally secure. I

0:15:45.020 --> 0:15:47.850
<v Speaker 1>didn't know I was becoming emotionally secure.

0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:48.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:15:48.260 --> 0:15:48.850
<v Speaker 1>And here I sit.

0:15:48.900 --> 0:15:50.270
<v Speaker 2>You walked to the beat of a different drummer.

0:15:50.670 --> 0:15:52.070
<v Speaker 1>Oh, goodness.

0:15:52.150 --> 0:15:55.910
<v Speaker 2>That's for sure. With that, everyone, we hope this helps.

0:15:56.050 --> 0:15:59.320
<v Speaker 2>I always like a little self-reflection on a Saturday. But

0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:01.860
<v Speaker 2>with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us.

0:16:02.020 --> 0:16:04.890
<v Speaker 2>I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.