1 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:06,120 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. 2 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: I spent time in a relationship with a married man. 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I had to learn the skills and tools required to 4 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot, 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. If 6 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: you are just joining us, my guest today is Ace Metaphor, 7 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: host of Tonight's Conversation on YouTube, and we are dishing 8 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: up a relationship soup, talking about many of the things 9 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: that we women talk about when there's no man in 10 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: the room. I hope you are out there taking notes, 11 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 1: because my guests is truly offering some things that we 12 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: as women, regardless of our age, we need to take 13 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: this in and consider it. One of the things that 14 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: I find so interesting about Ace is that he's telling 15 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 1: on himself. He's telling on the brotherhood of men, and 16 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: more important, he is telling on women. If you have 17 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: never listened to or seen his show, please put that 18 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: on your to do list. I knew I wanted to 19 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: have him as a guest when I heard him say 20 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: this toxic men one a good woman too. He said, 21 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: is the man coming into your life to elevate you 22 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: or is he coming to deplete you? You see, your 23 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: good qualities are attractive to all men, the good men 24 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: and the toxic ones too. Now that right there is 25 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: the Hallelujah truth. Let me get back to my conversation 26 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: with Ace metaphor. You got a woman at home, you 27 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,679 Speaker 1: got kids maybe, or you're in a decent relationship, y'all, 28 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: don't fight, you like each other. You're still doing the 29 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: wild thing every now and then? Why what is the thought? 30 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: What happens? Do you just see the woman and I 31 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: gotta have that? Or does something happen? Tell me talk 32 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 1: to me about cheating. 33 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,919 Speaker 2: Okay, First, cheating is a lack of boundaries. Cheating doesn't 34 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,919 Speaker 2: happen over atnight. It's a conversation that leads to another, 35 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 2: inappropriate conversation that leads to this, at least to that, 36 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 2: and then here you are. So it's a lack of boundaries. 37 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 2: I've always said that men are offensively minded creatures. We 38 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 2: are taught to go pursue, whereas women are the defensive 39 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 2: minded creatures. More so when it comes to dating, defend, reject. 40 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 2: So oftentimes, because we've been so offensively minded, we don't work. 41 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 2: We don't have defense. So when a woman comes and 42 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 2: says something to you, you're not in practice of shutting 43 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 2: it down before it even starts, right, and so that 44 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 2: leads to more temptation than you should allow. And then 45 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 2: finally you go ahead and do what you do. But 46 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 2: the bigger problem, and I've discussed them, here's the thing. 47 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 2: I'm a monogamous individual. I am just advocating for what 48 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,959 Speaker 2: I've heard a lot of different ways to love people. 49 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 2: There are some people that believe that how I care 50 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 2: and love this person isn't an indictment on how I 51 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 2: care and love this person. There are people that live 52 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 2: and say I can love multiple different people, I can 53 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 2: have sex with multiple different people, but that is not 54 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 2: an infringement on how I feel about you. The problem 55 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 2: is you didn't get into that type of arrangement. So 56 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 2: here's this man in his head. He's not thinking he's 57 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 2: damaging his actual relationship because it's like, Okay, my love 58 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 2: for you is not lessening because I still feel the 59 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 2: same way. I still have the same loyalty even though 60 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: I'm doing my dirt over here. But the problem is 61 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 2: you're vited life in the terms of your relationship. So 62 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 2: I just believe that there are some men that just 63 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 2: don't need to be in monogamous relationships. There are some 64 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 2: men that just need to practice discipline, because even if 65 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 2: you were in a poly relationship, if you lack discipline, 66 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 2: you can still cheat inside those relationships. And it's a 67 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 2: discipline thing. It's a being up front thing and being honest. 68 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 2: And let me tell you this, ta ma, but I'm 69 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 2: gonna tell you this. Look for a second, I thought 70 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 2: about some open relationship things, but then in my head, 71 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 2: I was like, but that would mean that it's open 72 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,280 Speaker 2: both ways. I can't deal with that. So I'm gonna 73 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,839 Speaker 2: just be disciplined enough to not cross some boundaries. 74 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: I hear you, because that's the other thing, you know, 75 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: and which is why women now you know that they're 76 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: stepping away. But this is what a brother explained to me. 77 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: He said, So you're in a relationship seven, eight, nine, 78 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 1: ten years and you have your little things, but the 79 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: one thing is she's on you. You don't do this, 80 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: you don't do that. One complaint I have no matter 81 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,280 Speaker 1: what I do is not right. And so you're doing that. 82 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: You're doing that, and you go to work and there's 83 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: a today, a woman there you know, normally you wouldn't 84 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 1: even look at her, you know, maybe a boobs hang 85 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: too low, or hair is too short or whatever. But 86 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: you come in one day and she notices you because 87 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: men like to be noticed. And she says, wow, you 88 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: look tired today, and you're like, you look tired today? Nah, 89 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: and just off the coffee, says not. Me and my 90 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 1: old lady were going at it. Really, she's listening to you. 91 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: She look a little more attractive. And then you just 92 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: unload and she listens, and then you'll go your separate ways. 93 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: The next day you came in, come in, she brings 94 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: you a piece of cake. I baked the cake last night, 95 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 1: and here's a piece of cake. Wait a minute, you 96 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: notice me, you listen to me, and I like cake. 97 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 1: You know I like cake. You got some psychics, And 98 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: then she'd take the cake. That will say nothing, all right. 99 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: And then a couple of days later, you sitting down 100 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: eating lunch. Can I join you for lunch? And you 101 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: all are sitting in now you're talking about Christmas, Easter, 102 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:03,480 Speaker 1: the football. She likes football. Wait a minute, hold up, 103 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: she liked football. She's looking real good. And he explained 104 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: to me, that's just how it happens. Here's the part 105 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 1: that I don't get. It happens one time. Now you 106 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:20,360 Speaker 1: got to make arrangements. That's the piece I don't get. 107 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: How do you do that? How do you look me 108 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 1: in my face knowing you just got out of another 109 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: woman's bed. How do you do that? 110 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:32,679 Speaker 2: Compartmentalizing it when it comes to this is your ability 111 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 2: to do that. And that's why a lot of successful 112 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 2: men be doing this cheating thing, because sometimes you got 113 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 2: to learn how to compartmentalize how you feel to get 114 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 2: something done. Compartmentalize guilt from maybe screwing a person over 115 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 2: in a business deal, but you had to do it 116 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 2: for your company. To do that, you compartmentalize it so 117 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 2: much and so many things that you even do that 118 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,600 Speaker 2: in your relationship. There are men compartmentalize it right now. 119 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 2: You know why because they don't want to get quote 120 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 2: unquote nagged if they bring up how they actually feel 121 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 2: inside the relationships. So here he is you made him mad, 122 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 2: But instead of saying something, I'm just I'm a tuck 123 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 2: it here. And so I just believe that there are 124 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: certain men that's able to do that to where even 125 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 2: if that guilt is present from doing what you're doing 126 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 2: and being deceitful. You can tuck it here and you 127 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: don't think about it until you revisit that room in 128 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 2: your heart, and oftentimes you don't. It's dusty in there. 129 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: You talked about this, and this is serious. So she's 130 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: looking real attractive now to you, and you're sneaking around 131 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: every other Tuesday at the wherever you go into her 132 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,120 Speaker 1: house and the d and then she comes and she 133 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: tells you she's pregnant. 134 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 2: See now, see now listen now. Now let me tell 135 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 2: you that people got mad at me when I said this, okay, 136 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 2: because there are pocketive people, large percentage of people that 137 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 2: think cheating is disrespectful no matter how you do it. 138 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 2: But in my opinion, there's a less disrespectful way to 139 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: cheat and a blatantly disrespectful way to cheat. If you 140 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 2: are out here not per detecting yourself, do it now. 141 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 2: That's a level of disrespect and it's people that sloppingly cheat. 142 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 2: I don't want to be cheapd Let me make this 143 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 2: known to everybody. I don't want to be cheated on. 144 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 2: But if you happen to do this, least care enough 145 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 2: about me to not be sloppy. Please, So the pregnancy 146 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 2: thing is to me, that's a double disrespect because here's 147 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 2: the thing. A lot of people have cheating as deal breakers, 148 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 2: and I understand that I'm a more a factor's person, 149 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 2: Like it's what are the factors here? I still may 150 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 2: lean towards leaving right, but if there is a chance 151 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:46,079 Speaker 2: of reconciliation, factors matter. Whether you use protection matters, how 152 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 2: many times matters, how loudly you were doing this matters. 153 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 2: To me, it made it matters, so for a god 154 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 2: to do that. Now, I want to say this though 155 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:01,080 Speaker 2: the reason I don't like, and I do believe for 156 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 2: some men and women, the reasoning that you said is plausible. 157 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 2: I think that does happen. But I think a good 158 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,479 Speaker 2: number of people that are cheating in relationships are otherwise 159 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 2: satisfied in their current relationship. It is not like their 160 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 2: wife don't see them, it's not like they're not having 161 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 2: sex inside their relationship. It's just some people is greed. Okay, 162 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 2: But hear me out There are women right now that 163 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 2: like this man because of his greed, and what I 164 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 2: mean by that in other ways, he has amassed millions 165 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 2: of dollars because he wasn't satisfied at just one hundred thousand, 166 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 2: He wasn't satisfied at just five hundred thousand. He wasn't 167 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 2: satisfied at just a million. He wasn't satisfied at just 168 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 2: one property. He just kept going. It is a character 169 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 2: trait of this man to continue to get more, and 170 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 2: that attracted you to him. The downside, though, is even 171 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 2: in his relationships want more. So it's not like you're 172 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 2: not doing what you need to do. It's not like 173 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 2: you're not satisfying. You're just with a greedy person. And 174 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 2: we call it ambitious, right, And when we like what it, 175 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,320 Speaker 2: when we like it, it's ambitious. When we don't like it, 176 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 2: it's greed. But this is a personality traite the ones. 177 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: Who are making one hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, but you 178 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: know the truck driver that you still got to help 179 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: him cover the life bill. He cheating too. 180 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 2: See, now that's beyond me. 181 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: That's beyond me, whether you're the million dollar man or 182 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: the truck driver or the bus driver whatever. And now 183 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: she's pregnant, is it on? See I hold a woman 184 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: responsible for that. But that's just me. I'm old school 185 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 1: him not protecting himself or is it her setting him up? 186 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: Because that's what I hear all the time, the woman, 187 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,679 Speaker 1: the wife at home, or the longtime girlfriend. She gets 188 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: mad at the other woman, And I'm saying, but you 189 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: don't have a relationship with her, You had a relationship 190 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: with him. Why aren't you looking at him? Why wasn't 191 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: he protecting himself? 192 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 2: Can I be honest? Please, Okay, y'all gotta let me 193 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 2: get this out. Ultimately, yes, a manship protect himself. But 194 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 2: there are reasons why you can't sign a pre n 195 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 2: up during the middle of sex. It won't be enforced. 196 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 2: We're gonna throw this out because lifelong decisions shouldn't be 197 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,560 Speaker 2: happening in the middle of sex. So even if you 198 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 2: come with the intentions of protecting yourself and in whatever, 199 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 2: in the middle of sex. In my life I've heard 200 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 2: many times, hey take it off, and in the middle 201 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 2: of sex, you're not thinking your brain off, you might 202 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 2: do it. And so my point is, I do believe 203 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 2: someone can go Obviously, people can go into this sexual 204 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 2: thing without the intentions of creating a child. But it 205 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 2: happens so much because I just think the way we design. 206 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: Sometimes she doesn't know he's married, because he's so out 207 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 1: of any he's allowed to her. He's a lyned to 208 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: the wife. He's lying to Jesus deeve. 209 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 2: Can I fight back on that? Can I fight back 210 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 2: on that? Do sometimes you don't know he married? Yeah? 211 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 2: Like I understand that. I understand that, don't get me wrong. 212 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,199 Speaker 2: But it's also now, what is your standards with time 213 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 2: and availability? Before we talked about before you get invested 214 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 2: enough in a man to allow him to have sex 215 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,600 Speaker 2: with you without protection. So you're allowing this man that 216 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 2: that you don't know where he lived at, then you 217 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 2: ain't never been over his house at that point, you 218 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. You probably only able to call 219 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,760 Speaker 2: every now and again because he can't pick up the phone. 220 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,719 Speaker 2: So y'all messaging and sneaking and to so like, it 221 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 2: is now about you putting standards in place before you 222 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 2: get to a certain level of intimacy that a married man, 223 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 2: this dude would have to be. Who do need to 224 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 2: be able to fool you in this situation? But oftentimes 225 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 2: because we are, we are taking scratch from people. You're 226 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 2: giving your body to a man that barely texted you back. 227 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 2: Be honest, this is what's happening because if this man 228 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 2: has a full relationship, marriage and family, yes he may 229 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 2: have some spare time, but it ain't that much. It 230 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 2: ain't that much. If you can't call this man at 231 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 2: seven pm and he pick up and talk to you 232 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 2: for thirty minutes. He got a wife, our girlfriend at home. 233 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 2: Guess what can't nobody call me? It talked to me 234 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 2: for thirty minutes? You can't, and let's do in the 235 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 2: middle of the day. You cannot do it? 236 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: She would let you talk to me? 237 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 2: Yes, she would, she would, she would, she would. 238 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 1: I want to hear from you as a man, how 239 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:34,720 Speaker 1: this lands, because it really is an inequality in income. 240 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 1: There are many more high earning women. How do they? 241 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,680 Speaker 1: First of all, they think a man who makes less 242 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 1: of them is dating down? But how compensate? How do 243 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: what do we need to do as women to adjust 244 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: for that? How do we as women navigate that? How 245 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: do we and not become a labrat? 246 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 2: Put it simply before I get to how women can 247 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,200 Speaker 2: do it? Men, we have to do a better job 248 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 2: because oftentimes a woman will give you a chance, but 249 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 2: you feel inadequate in that relationship. Is something about that 250 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 2: male ego and that pride she making more than you, 251 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 2: and you become a different person in that relationship then 252 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 2: in a relationship where you are the bread winner. So 253 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 2: we have to do a better job at being more 254 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 2: comfortable and learning our value outside of what we provide financially. 255 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 2: There are men that walk around that doesn't They don't 256 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 2: feel like the man in the house because they're not 257 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 2: providing more financially. But you can provide protection, you can 258 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 2: provide peace, you can provide emotional security, and there's so 259 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 2: many men that are not willing to be teammates. So 260 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 2: before we can get to what women can do more, 261 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 2: men have to really wake up and say, hey, listen, 262 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 2: it's twenty twenty three. I have to bring more to 263 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 2: the table because what I make for a living may 264 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 2: not be enough to keep this woman satisfied because she 265 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 2: already has that. Now, when it comes to women, the argument, 266 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 2: I get it, but there's now they could be lying 267 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 2: to me, or it can just be the type of 268 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 2: followers I have. But let them tell it. They've all 269 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 2: quote unquote dated down, They've all everybody has given a 270 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 2: man a chance. They've done that, and so it's just 271 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 2: about us when we do get that, don't feel like 272 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 2: you're not a man in that situation. Now, for the 273 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 2: women that struggle with it, now that you're not gonna 274 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 2: like my advice, I'm gonna just be real. If you 275 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 2: are a woman that's self aware enough to know you 276 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 2: can't date a man that makes substantially less thing you 277 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 2: and be happy in that relationship and still respect him 278 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 2: as a man in that relationship, do not enter that 279 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 2: relationship because there are certain women that will try to 280 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 2: trick themselves because they don't want to seem shallow. But 281 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 2: you get in this relationship and now you're emasculating that man. 282 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 2: I hate that word, which you know what you're doing exactly. 283 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: Where I was going, because we got two movies about it. 284 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 1: Defeat that praise and there's another one. But for the women, 285 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: I would say, don't think because he makes less than you, 286 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: that he is less than you. And things that women 287 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: do whether he makes less or not. Number one, we're 288 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: history majors, and we will bring up what you did 289 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: back in fifty six of what you said. And the 290 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: other thing, this is the hear me, ladies. Women, I 291 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: don't care if you're twenty thirty, forty, fifty sixty, I 292 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,119 Speaker 1: won't even talk about my age group when you remind 293 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: him of how much you're doing. I paid a rent 294 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: this mouse, I brought you that car. That is the emasculation, 295 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: because inadequacy it's kryptonite to a man's soul. 296 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 2: And I'm gonna say this, I got to add to that, 297 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 2: there's only one time a man can say this is 298 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 2: my house to a woman before the relationship just changes. 299 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 2: That's right, And that's one of the things I had 300 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,159 Speaker 2: to learn in my tuolage as a man like you 301 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 2: got one time to say certain things before the dynamics, 302 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 2: which you got it one time to make it seem 303 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,160 Speaker 2: like it's I'm doing all this before that woman looks 304 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,640 Speaker 2: at you and trusts you differently. And the surprising part 305 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 2: about this is there are women who have been in 306 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 2: that situation and they've taken the abuse acted on them 307 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 2: from a powerful man and now use that same abuse 308 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 2: to act on someone else, which is mind boggling to me. 309 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,600 Speaker 2: Because if you come with that barado in a relationship, 310 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,399 Speaker 2: no matter if that's a man or a woman, the 311 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,720 Speaker 2: trust is fractured you. And here's the thing I will 312 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,199 Speaker 2: tell you about healthy men. I can't speak for the 313 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,360 Speaker 2: tops of guys. But you got for a man that's 314 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 2: in tune with itself, a man that respects himself. You 315 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,159 Speaker 2: got one time to say that in that situation, or 316 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 2: he will shut down. And then you want to wonder 317 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 2: why this man ain't opening up to you. 318 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, and the thing is, they leave much creer us. 319 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,120 Speaker 1: We threatened to leave at least four times when they 320 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: say they gone ay out. Yeah, I know, hold on, 321 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: don't you dare move? Because I have a real juicy 322 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,680 Speaker 1: question I'm going to ask Ace right after the break. 323 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R spot. Let's get back to 324 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 1: the conversation. Ace, rapid Fire, you get together, he moves 325 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,880 Speaker 1: into her house. Good thing, bad. 326 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:40,639 Speaker 2: Thing, bad thing. Okay, but you only gave me one choice. 327 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,119 Speaker 1: No, But because this is what happens. See for me, 328 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,640 Speaker 1: the man's got to build a nest or we got 329 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,280 Speaker 1: to come together. We got to do it together. But 330 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,639 Speaker 1: has to be his and I'm coming into it. But 331 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,720 Speaker 1: so very often he don't have and he goes into hers. 332 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,640 Speaker 1: But that's whole other thing, rapid Fire. He just got 333 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,959 Speaker 1: out of jail, and you looking up with a good thing, 334 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 1: bad thing, just got out. 335 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 2: We're talking bad thing, bad things, bad thing, about that a. 336 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 1: Little bit, because with love after lock up, love during 337 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:14,400 Speaker 1: lock up, people are going there. And for me, I 338 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 1: think when he's coming out of that experience that I 339 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: call God's vacation retreat center, and he's coming enter and 340 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 1: back and he needs time to find his new self. 341 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 1: He needs time to find his new self, not to 342 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: be trying to please you and find his new self. 343 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: That's just me. 344 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 2: Does that make sense? In perfect sense? Man didn't have 345 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 2: his freedom until a month ago, you know what I'm saying, 346 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 2: or two days ago, and so I think this is 347 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:47,920 Speaker 2: about adjusting to that. It's about getting back on your square, 348 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 2: getting getting your life in order, and being able to 349 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 2: focus on that. I would question a man's priorities if 350 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 2: right at that moment he's trying to enter a relationship, 351 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 2: because at a space where you're supposed to be giving 352 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 2: one hundred percent attention to you getting back on your feet, 353 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 2: now you have to divide it between a woman and yourself. 354 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,679 Speaker 2: And it's hard in that moment to be able to 355 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,959 Speaker 2: be really good for both. So it can work, but 356 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 2: can is not what I'm willing to risk my heart on. 357 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,640 Speaker 1: If you waited for him, if you waited for him, three, four, five, six. 358 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: I had a guest on the rd spot recently. Eight 359 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,479 Speaker 1: years you waited for him, and he comes out and 360 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 1: within a year he's gone. 361 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:33,119 Speaker 2: Listen, that man had no choice but to write you 362 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 2: the letters. You were one of the women that was 363 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,359 Speaker 2: willing to correspond with him. And I even say this 364 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 2: because I've had multiple boys that took a little vacation. 365 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 2: People be thinking dudes in jail don't cheat. They cheat. 366 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 2: It might not be physically, but they make another collect calls. Okay, 367 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,639 Speaker 2: they running somebody else's phone bill up too. So my 368 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 2: point is, even in those situations, it makes me feel 369 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 2: bad because I understand you want to be there for 370 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 2: this man as a friend, right, if that's what you 371 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 2: want to do, if you're able to separate that, what 372 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 2: it's eight years of your life for maybe and not 373 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 2: even a good maybe. This whole waiting thing to me, 374 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 2: I just don't get. Don't get waiting if this person 375 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 2: isn't ready when you are ready. 376 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,199 Speaker 1: You're not just talking about jail. You're talking about waiting 377 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 1: for somebody in general. 378 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 2: Is that right in. 379 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 1: General for him to propose? 380 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, see now you're loading the deck. Okay, if 381 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 2: you got it, to do. If you are twenty two 382 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 2: and you got it to do, you want to wait 383 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,119 Speaker 2: a few years, you can wait a few years and 384 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 2: still just be twenty six and you still good. But 385 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 2: some of us, a lot of us is in the 386 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:52,399 Speaker 2: thirties and forties. That waiting stuff is some young people stuff. 387 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 2: If certain things I'm not waiting for you to do, 388 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 2: I'm not waiting for you to be ready. You should 389 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,400 Speaker 2: have been ready on our first date. That's where I'm 390 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 2: at right now. You need to be ready from your 391 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 2: finances together, this together. It's just where I'm at now. 392 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 2: Other people may have different grace than me. But if 393 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 2: I'm intentional about finding that marriage or finding that husband, 394 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 2: I need you to be at least ready to do 395 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 2: it now. Whether or not you know it's I'm your 396 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 2: wife or I'm your husband, it's a different thing. But 397 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 2: I need you to be actively searching for that. And 398 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 2: I just don't believe somebody in jail, Okay, I just 399 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,960 Speaker 2: don't feel like at that moment they're actively ready because 400 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 2: they have to call you and you have to press 401 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 2: zero and accept the charges. Now. I don't know if 402 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 2: a zero or not because I never had that, But 403 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 2: you get what I'm saying I. 404 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: Do, and let me just clean that up a little bit. 405 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: We are not saying that the brothers who are doing 406 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: UH in the vacation retreat center are not worthy or 407 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:55,439 Speaker 1: are not worth it. But I hear what he is saying. 408 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,679 Speaker 1: They're not ready. They're not ready. Even if you were 409 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,680 Speaker 1: his wife when he went in eight years, he may 410 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: have never seen an iPad. He's not ready. And I 411 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,399 Speaker 1: think that to be loving and kind, you got to 412 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: give people some time. Okay, rapid fire. He's got three 413 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 1: babies mamas, and none of them are talking good thing, 414 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 1: bad thing. None of them are talking to him. He's 415 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: not in relationship with none of the babies mamas or 416 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,400 Speaker 1: the kids. Bad thing, good thing. 417 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 2: Bad thing. When you said or the kids, that's a 418 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 2: bad thing. 419 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 1: You did a video that said his relationship with you 420 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,560 Speaker 1: will determine how he treats his kids. And a bitter 421 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,680 Speaker 1: baby daddy is a dead beat. 422 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, daddies are bitter baby daddies. I believe there are 423 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:44,439 Speaker 2: certain men who lack integrity a sense of responsibility that 424 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:48,199 Speaker 2: will predicate their relationships with the children based off of 425 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 2: how they feel about you. And there are a lot 426 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,359 Speaker 2: of women that feel pressured. They feel pressured to keep 427 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: access to their time, they body, and their energy with 428 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 2: this man because they know if they take that away, 429 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,679 Speaker 2: he not gonna see the kid. And so my thing is, listen, 430 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 2: I know it's both sides to a coin and all 431 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,159 Speaker 2: this different stuff. It's gonna be guys like, but you 432 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 2: don't understand my baby mama, three of them though you 433 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 2: got three terrible baby bomas. That's keeping you away from 434 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 2: all three of your kids. Three. And then here's the thing, 435 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 2: even if all that was true, woman, you gotta ask yourself, 436 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,440 Speaker 2: what about me? Because obviously he got to I for 437 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 2: pick of bad women. So I'm because if one, two, three, 438 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 2: what about me? Do I sit in that mold? I 439 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 2: have to start questioning myself. So I just don't think 440 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,960 Speaker 2: it's a good idea to really date that guy in 441 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 2: that situation. 442 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 1: That is hysterical. Okay, he's living with his mama for 443 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 1: the past three years after his divorce. Good thing, bad thing, 444 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: bad thing. Okay, he is in the midst of a divorce. 445 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 2: Good thing, bad thing, the dame then bad thing. 446 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: I think so too. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't have a 447 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 1: vision good thing, bad thing, bad thing because if he 448 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 1: can't see where he's going. Where am I following him to? 449 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 1: Where am I following him to? Another thing that you 450 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 1: talked about, you said you how do you heal from 451 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 1: a toxic relationship? You said, remember that it was toxic? Yeah, 452 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 1: and that is that's how you heal and that you 453 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 1: got out of it and be grateful about that. But 454 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: here this is in rapid fire. But in a relationship, 455 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: how do you identify what do I want to say? 456 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 1: I want to say, how do you identify toxic behavior? 457 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,120 Speaker 1: And not just how a person is or doesn't. 458 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 2: Matter first, It's more importantly how you are feeling in 459 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,000 Speaker 2: this relationship. The reason why I say that is toxicity 460 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:55,199 Speaker 2: poison will affect you. Your body will tell you that 461 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 2: this isn't healthy for me, because too often we try 462 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 2: to get into judging that other partner, trying to label them. Now, 463 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,440 Speaker 2: people got the whole dictionary. The're gonna call them this, 464 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 2: that and the other. But the point of the matter 465 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:13,560 Speaker 2: is how are you feeling inside? Is this draining to you? 466 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,160 Speaker 2: Do you feel more lonely now than you did when 467 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 2: you was outside of this relationship? Do you feel like 468 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 2: life is heavier now? And is this stress coming from 469 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 2: this person? Or caused by this person, intentionally or not intentionally. 470 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,639 Speaker 2: Sometimes we got to understand a toxic person can also 471 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,239 Speaker 2: just be a toxic person for us. That person can 472 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 2: be pretty good for everybody else, but for me, this 473 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,800 Speaker 2: is toxic and this is why I have to leave. 474 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 2: So I say it just like listening to your body 475 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,199 Speaker 2: and paying attention to it, listening to your heart and 476 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 2: pay not just your heart and your brain and paying 477 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:49,360 Speaker 2: attention to it. 478 00:26:49,720 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this. Brain Welcome back 479 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. 480 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 1: I think it's this thing Ason, I know we're going 481 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,600 Speaker 1: to get out of here in a minute. I think 482 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,800 Speaker 1: it's the thing where you said in one of your shows, 483 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,880 Speaker 1: certain men can't handle you, but there are others you can. 484 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,120 Speaker 1: And I think for us as women, off of women, 485 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: I always put myself in it. Although I'm not looking 486 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,199 Speaker 1: for anything right now. It's this thing that we just 487 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: want to be chosen. We just want to be the 488 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: one Daddy didn't choose us, we didn't get to go 489 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 1: to the prom, or even if we did, ether side 490 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 1: Eye and somebody else. We just want to be chosen 491 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,120 Speaker 1: from that place. I just want to be chosen from 492 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 1: that place of I do I have to dumb myself 493 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: down to get Somebody tell me the three major mistakes 494 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,440 Speaker 1: you think women, young women are making, particularly young women. 495 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,120 Speaker 1: What are the three major mistakes women are making when 496 00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,359 Speaker 1: it comes to dating a partner. What are we doing? 497 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:10,160 Speaker 2: Not getting out of the house, getting out of the house. 498 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 2: I know it's scary outside. I know outside, ace, oh, outside, 499 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:22,359 Speaker 2: we have to get out the house. That real. That 500 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 2: is the biggest thing. Because you're not gonna get your 501 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,199 Speaker 2: man off of Amazon. I looked it up yesterday. You 502 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 2: cannot find tall, dark and handsome men on Amazon. They 503 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,439 Speaker 2: do not deliver these men. And so what happens is 504 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:40,200 Speaker 2: because we're not getting out trying new places, meeting new people, 505 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 2: going to new countries. If you got it to do. 506 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 2: If we're doing the same church, we're doing the same gym, 507 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 2: we're doing the same job, the same hangout spot, were 508 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 2: meeting the same three dudes. And so what it does 509 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 2: is it gives you this even over exaggerated perception that 510 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 2: there's no one out there, and it as to your 511 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 2: skel shitty mindset. I would just encourage people to get 512 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,400 Speaker 2: out the house, even if it's just for you because 513 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 2: along you following your path and your purpose, you being social, 514 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 2: You're doing things the tend to your mental health. You're 515 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 2: taking these trips, you might stumble across this person. So 516 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 2: that's my first thing is I think most people are 517 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 2: not actively dating. The reason why I say that is 518 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 2: we be giving dating, are scrapped left over time and 519 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 2: then we be expecting a whole husband like full results 520 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 2: and nothing else in life work that way. So that's 521 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 2: the first thing. The second thing is, I don't believe 522 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 2: people have a I can't find the mister right problem. 523 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 2: I think they have a eye hold on to the 524 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 2: mister wrong problem. I think we are holding on to 525 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 2: missus and mister wrong for far too long. It is 526 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 2: about letting go. Listen, I understand somebody may have tricked you, 527 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 2: but as soon as they take that mask off, you 528 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 2: gotta dip. As soon as you see something that you 529 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 2: know violates your deal breaker, you gotta dip. And when 530 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 2: you are giving that extra person three or four months, 531 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 2: any times that by three or four guys, you done 532 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 2: gave a year, two years more of your life that 533 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,360 Speaker 2: you could have been available for your mister right. And 534 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 2: then the third thing is and it's going the most, 535 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 2: I guess the most. This is the most important thing. 536 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 2: Date when your self confidence is high. And I know 537 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 2: a lot of people are going to fight back on that, 538 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 2: but I really mean you get the better results when 539 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 2: you are If you are dating when you are broken. 540 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 2: You know you are broken right now. You not really 541 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 2: feeling yourself and I get it. You are looking for 542 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 2: your night and shining armor here. You are looking for 543 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 2: that guy to do that. Guess who also go after 544 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 2: wounded things, vultures. Your unhealed nature will attract people that's 545 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 2: looking to take advantage of you. I want people to 546 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 2: understand that. I get it. But there are resources, people, 547 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 2: places that can help you get to a functioning level 548 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,959 Speaker 2: vote sufficient enough for your self confidence to be a 549 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,560 Speaker 2: protection during dating. Date when you feel like you are 550 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,640 Speaker 2: a prize not just a participation trophy. All right? 551 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 1: Is lovely? Date when you feel like you are a 552 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: prize not a participation trophy. Let me ask you this. 553 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 1: This is just for me. I'm old. 554 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:28,800 Speaker 2: Define dating dating Okay, it's a lot of different terms. 555 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,560 Speaker 2: You got to follow me here, Okay, Because in twenty 556 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:37,960 Speaker 2: twenty three, you got vibing, kicking it, linking, chilling, yeah, 557 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 2: hooking up. You got all these yeah dating, and I 558 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 2: want to put a I want to put a qualifier. 559 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:53,719 Speaker 2: Intentional dating, not recreational dating, not experimental dating. Intentional dating 560 00:31:54,920 --> 00:32:02,040 Speaker 2: is when we are actively looking for a partner, and 561 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 2: I think it's up to us to define what type 562 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 2: of dating this person is doing. Make sure we got 563 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 2: the same definitions. Because you can say you're dating, they 564 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,640 Speaker 2: can say you're I'm dating. But a lot of people 565 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 2: are experimental dating, are recreational dating, and here you are 566 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,080 Speaker 2: linking yourself. You're intentionally dating, looking for somebody to be 567 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 2: a husband or wife, But they're recreational dating. They're just 568 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 2: trying to get out the house and have fun. So 569 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 2: we just need to make sure our definitions match up. 570 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:30,200 Speaker 2: It's too many terms and terminologies, So ask people plainly, Hey, 571 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 2: what are you dating for? Okay, and then I'm gonna 572 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 2: tell you this. Let me tell you this an intentional man. 573 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 2: Now the lady's gonna ask me where do I find this? Man? 574 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 2: I don't know. If I do this, I'd be a 575 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 2: billionaire if I knew where to find these me and that. Ooh, 576 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 2: but intentional man, when you ask him, yo, what are 577 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 2: you looking for? 578 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 1: What? 579 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 2: Are you dating? What's your intentions through dat? And they're 580 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 2: gonna tell you, hey, listen, I'm ready, I'm ready. That's 581 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 2: why you asked me all those rapid fire questions. I 582 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 2: was saying, bad thing is because I want a man 583 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 2: to be ready in his own lane wherever he feels 584 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 2: like ready means for him. Because when you now daty, 585 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 2: you may be thirty three at that point, you may 586 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 2: be thirty four, whatever time, thirty five, where you wherever, 587 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 2: however long it took you to get there. When somebody 588 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 2: asks you that, or when you ask that man, you're 589 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 2: not running, he not running from you. He gonna be like, hey, listen, 590 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 2: I'm looking for a wife. I'm looking for something serious. 591 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I'm looking for somebody I 592 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 2: could deal with, you know what I mean. And he's 593 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 2: not gonna run away from that. And the guys that do, 594 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:31,640 Speaker 2: you didn't need them in your life in the first 595 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 2: place anyway. 596 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 1: All right, So those are the three things that women 597 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 1: need to do. Get out of the house, dake, when 598 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 1: your confidence is high. And what was the other one 599 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 1: you said, when your confidence is high? 600 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 2: You asked me too fast? It was something like that, Yeah, yeah, 601 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 2: you gotta g. 602 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: So now here's my other. I want you to give 603 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: me three things for this. Okay, this is a big question, 604 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 1: and I know you were talking general, but it's going 605 00:33:58,360 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 1: on with you. 606 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 2: People can be I'm gonna be completely honest with you. 607 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:09,799 Speaker 2: These men are satisfied. Satisfied people rarely change. Men are 608 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 2: more satisfied and fulfilled in the current state of dating. 609 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,880 Speaker 2: So what would motivate them to change and be better? 610 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:22,840 Speaker 2: So it's just it's a sad truth, but it's to 611 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,040 Speaker 2: I don't have to be better. I can mess up 612 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,319 Speaker 2: here and another woman will still pick me. One of 613 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,399 Speaker 2: your clips, which is that I see often is when 614 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,400 Speaker 2: I guess on your show you had like it was 615 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 2: like ten guys, but they had like eighty hundred kids 616 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 2: between them. 617 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,240 Speaker 1: As one he had thirty seven children. 618 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 2: And so my point is even and he might be 619 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,399 Speaker 2: a great guy, but just follow me here. Now I'm 620 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,239 Speaker 2: not gonna use him. But even in that situation, a 621 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 2: woman will still pick that man. A woman will still 622 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 2: be chosen by that man. And the problem with men 623 00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 2: is that women still will pick be will still deal 624 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,240 Speaker 2: with us. So there's no So now it makes you lazy, 625 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 2: it makes you comfortable. It doesn't make you try harder 626 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,920 Speaker 2: and be better because you can be exactly who you 627 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,759 Speaker 2: are falls in awe and some women will deal with you. 628 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 2: And so that is our problem. So now when you 629 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:20,600 Speaker 2: talk about men not really embracing improving and being more 630 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,760 Speaker 2: emotionally available for women in twenty twenty three, because again 631 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 2: we talked about finances are not enough to impress no more. 632 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 2: Oh there's a woman right here that is still just 633 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,919 Speaker 2: take me as I am. So I'm gonna just deal 634 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,520 Speaker 2: with her instead of dealing with a woman I may 635 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 2: actually want, but this makes me work for it, so 636 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,840 Speaker 2: I'd rather the easy thing. So I think that is 637 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,440 Speaker 2: the major problem with a large portion of men, is 638 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:47,360 Speaker 2: that now for the men that are together, I think 639 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 2: we still haven't balance what relationships look like. I can 640 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,439 Speaker 2: speak for myself. Let me not just speak for myself 641 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 2: because I don't have children yet. But there are men 642 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 2: that still have that traditional mind mindset but don't realize 643 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,799 Speaker 2: that they have to now be more than just their pocketbooks. 644 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,359 Speaker 2: Now it's time to be in our child's lives. It's 645 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,400 Speaker 2: not just paying for the daycare, it's not just paying 646 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 2: for things. In Disappearance sixty seventy eighty hours a week. 647 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 2: Are you actively involved? There? Are you doing? We need 648 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 2: to do so? I think it's too pronged. It's we can't. 649 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,880 Speaker 2: I'm gonna say this nicely. Women are not going to 650 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 2: force us to be better. We have to want to 651 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:27,719 Speaker 2: be better for ourselves. 652 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,400 Speaker 1: There must be consequences for bad behavior. You can't just 653 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,760 Speaker 1: continue to accept and accept and think it's going to change. 654 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,520 Speaker 1: What a sustaining to us is. There's no incentive to change. 655 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,520 Speaker 1: And women think of it in terms of lowering their standards, 656 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:48,600 Speaker 1: and I think that in terms of setting the water 657 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: level to even expect a man to be at a 658 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:59,720 Speaker 1: certain level for himself. A man who doesn't have a vision, 659 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 1: in a sense of purpose is not going to get 660 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 1: one for you if he doesn't have one for himself. 661 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: I want him to have a purpose, a vision, what 662 00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:12,160 Speaker 1: he loves, what he doesn't love, what he won't do. 663 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 1: It's got to have a certain moral compass, a moral compass, 664 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,719 Speaker 1: all right. So that's what's wrong with men. They're satisfying. 665 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,200 Speaker 2: Can I just add one more thing. It's gonna take 666 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:23,760 Speaker 2: five seconds. 667 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,480 Speaker 1: Oh take as much time as you like. 668 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 2: We have to do better as men. Going back in 669 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,279 Speaker 2: our community and being there for those boys that don't 670 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:38,239 Speaker 2: have fathers. It can't just be that's not our problem, 671 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 2: Like we be calling ourselves leaders and men want to 672 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,040 Speaker 2: be leaders so much, but are you getting back in 673 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,680 Speaker 2: that community and are you investing in sharing these young 674 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:50,960 Speaker 2: boys with men or how you define masculinity or what 675 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,279 Speaker 2: leaders or protectors look like are helping out? And that's 676 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,400 Speaker 2: what's not happening. And I just would encourage, and I 677 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,160 Speaker 2: wish we could have a meeting, right, I wish we 678 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 2: could have a get all guys together. We have a 679 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,719 Speaker 2: big meet and we talk about it. But in the meeting, 680 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 2: we need to do that, man, because I feel like 681 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,360 Speaker 2: those of us who are responsible, those of us that 682 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,560 Speaker 2: does have standards and morals and know how, and we 683 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,839 Speaker 2: gotta be we got to pass that on in the 684 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 2: absence of some of the brothers that ain't stepping up. 685 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,920 Speaker 1: And I know a lot of brothers are doing it. 686 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,720 Speaker 1: I want to talk to the ones that are leaving 687 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:28,440 Speaker 1: and remain absent and leave with women who don't have 688 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 1: what those boys needs. What do you have to say 689 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 1: to them? 690 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:37,279 Speaker 2: Man, the thief, you're right, Like, you're right, It's just 691 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:44,160 Speaker 2: there's no consequence. Single mom leave the kid undertended for 692 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:47,320 Speaker 2: forty eight hours, she go to jail. Dad lead a 693 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:52,240 Speaker 2: kid unattended for eighteen years. Nothing happens. That's right, because 694 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,960 Speaker 2: there's no real consequence. And then here's the thing. You 695 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 2: can say, child supporter is a consequence, but you make 696 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,600 Speaker 2: it out cheaper. You actually make it out cheaper. So 697 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,799 Speaker 2: because I know I wish there was, here's what needs 698 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 2: to happen, and I do it myself. If you not 699 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,120 Speaker 2: taking care of your kids, you can't come hang with me. 700 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 2: You just can't. You can't be in my circle at all. 701 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,120 Speaker 2: You can't be in my circle you're not taking care 702 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:14,720 Speaker 2: of your kids. 703 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:16,840 Speaker 1: Brothers have to call brothers on that. 704 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:20,920 Speaker 2: We have to change it. We can't expect because we 705 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:25,480 Speaker 2: can't expect women to solve a man issue. We ourselves 706 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,319 Speaker 2: because I'm gonna tell you this, and I don't care 707 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:32,359 Speaker 2: when nobody else think me and care about how other 708 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:36,960 Speaker 2: men view them. They do even more so sometimes and 709 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,560 Speaker 2: the women they with. If we step up and say, yo, 710 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 2: we ain't messing with you, with you, if you ain't 711 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,240 Speaker 2: doing this, if blah blah blah, then that will inspire change. 712 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,160 Speaker 2: But you leaving that single man thinking you're gonna change 713 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,360 Speaker 2: him when a thousand other women a daity is not 714 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:50,799 Speaker 2: gonna help. So I think we have to do a 715 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,920 Speaker 2: better job. And I also want to say this before 716 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,799 Speaker 2: you let me go. This was a complete honor of 717 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,120 Speaker 2: mine to be here. I was actually shocked that your 718 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,000 Speaker 2: team reached out and it just you got to understand 719 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 2: this is a pretty big deal. I might get off 720 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:06,759 Speaker 2: here and cry on my couch because I'm feel like this, 721 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:10,040 Speaker 2: because this is really a really cool thing. So I 722 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,120 Speaker 2: just want to thank you for this opportunity to come 723 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 2: on here and speak to you. 724 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. I as an elder, I 725 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:21,319 Speaker 1: think it is my responsibility to be in touch with, 726 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,440 Speaker 1: to stay in touch with, to be on top of 727 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,960 Speaker 1: the youngins. So if I had never spoken to you, 728 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,040 Speaker 1: I see you doing something good. My responsibility is to 729 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,920 Speaker 1: pray for you. There's so many of you, and particularly 730 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:39,160 Speaker 1: young men, and as a great grandma, I've got to 731 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:43,759 Speaker 1: cover you because I know the society doesn't and I 732 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 1: know you have your struggles and your challenges, and I've 733 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,200 Speaker 1: got a son and a grandson and a great grandson. 734 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,000 Speaker 1: It tickles me. I love you all. You got a 735 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:59,719 Speaker 1: grandmother praying for you. Appreciate it, our spot family. I 736 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:04,439 Speaker 1: wish to give some snaps to Ace metaphor and thank 737 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,319 Speaker 1: him for being with us today, and just continue to 738 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,120 Speaker 1: do your work. If you're out there listening, and listen 739 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,600 Speaker 1: before you get into your opinions and your upset so 740 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,239 Speaker 1: you do agree or disagree, go back, listen to this, 741 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,399 Speaker 1: hear what you need to hear for you and how 742 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,520 Speaker 1: you can implement it, because so very often we get 743 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:28,319 Speaker 1: so into our opinions and our agreements and disagreements that 744 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,719 Speaker 1: the truth just passes over our head. Go back and 745 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:35,880 Speaker 1: to the elder you midwives in forty, at fifty, at sixty, 746 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,879 Speaker 1: you midwives ushering younger women in Hear what this young 747 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,440 Speaker 1: man said today and share it with the young women 748 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: in your world. And I will see you next time. 749 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:54,400 Speaker 1: In the meantime, stay in peace, not in pieces. The 750 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:58,480 Speaker 1: r Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 751 00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:03,640 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the 752 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:08,399 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 753 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:09,280 Speaker 1: favorite shows.