Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to the Christmas Come Down
Speaker 1: episode of dar Dy's Eye Guys. Sin's a production by
Speaker 1: Heart the podcast we take Deep Down and Marry Share Consciousness.
Speaker 1: And it's Tuesday, December twenty sixth, twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2: And we're all here. We're all here. We took time
Speaker 2: off to check back in absolutely this one.
Speaker 1: This is being recorded on the day after Christmas. We're
Speaker 1: just making everybody come in. It's that point of the
Speaker 1: year where all the Christmas songs disappear all at once
Speaker 1: from like play like I feel like it starts happening
Speaker 1: right now. Everyone's just like I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: that anymore people ever again. It's a real I feel
Speaker 1: like for me, the day after Christmas is like a
Speaker 1: hurdling change of mood and pace on par maybe with
Speaker 1: only moments after sex. Like suddenly you're just laying around
Speaker 1: with stuff all over the place, and you're like in
Speaker 1: your right mind again and you feel the reality of
Speaker 1: your life more acutely than maybe any other time, Like
Speaker 1: I have.
Speaker 2: A post coital clarity.
Speaker 1: I remember like the first time that happened to me
Speaker 1: as a teenager, I was like, this feels like.
Speaker 2: The day after Christmas.
Speaker 1: I truly immediately had that fun.
Speaker 3: There's Garland.
Speaker 1: Everywhere, there's Garland, and it doesn't show time.
Speaker 2: It's about uh shit.
Speaker 1: My name is Jack O'Brien and I'm throwed to be
Speaker 1: joined as always buy my co host.
Speaker 2: Mister Miles Grass, Miles Pray, Kay Gray After Christmas, AKA,
Speaker 2: I didn't know December twenty sixth was National Whiners' Day.
Speaker 2: I wonder if that's to do with people who didn't
Speaker 2: get a good present.
Speaker 1: Bunch of fucking whiners.
Speaker 2: Wow, it's also Boxing Day, you know. Oh man, the
Speaker 2: time honor tradition of helping those less fortunates, the great
Speaker 2: American to realit when I'm saying, that's not America, that's
Speaker 2: great Britain again and never mind miss.
Speaker 1: The greatest of Britain and smiles, we are thrilled to
Speaker 1: be joined in our third seat. Hold on to your
Speaker 1: butt Zeers buddy. He's like we called him five minutes
Speaker 1: ago and interrupted a conversation and we're just like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to come on the Daily zeit Geist with
Speaker 1: no preparation and just talk about Christmas? It is mister
Speaker 1: Chris Craft, what's up?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm I'm available on five minutes. I'm a I'm
Speaker 4: like a fireman. Yeah, always on with no fucking training.
Speaker 1: We rang the alarm, came down the yeah.
Speaker 2: Dude, they were like, where are that Poli.
Speaker 1: Dude like, oh no, man, no, man showed up crazy
Speaker 1: And then we are also joined Journed Adjourned. We are
Speaker 1: also joined by super producer Justin Connor j C.
Speaker 3: The reason for the seasons. He has risen.
Speaker 2: Dude, he is risen. Like, dude, it's like Jez like
Speaker 2: say see Jesus, Oh yeah, they need to do that in.
Speaker 1: The he's he has risen and it's just our I
Speaker 1: z z i n.
Speaker 2: All right, that's the oh yeah that too, yeah gen
Speaker 2: z gen z easter mer right there, dude, he is dude,
Speaker 2: he's got like stunner shades on.
Speaker 3: That's how order of the year too, how topically, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Look at us, look at us, and we are thrilled
Speaker 1: to be joined. His mic is on.
Speaker 2: It's super producer Victor.
Speaker 5: I'm still just hungover from all the ham and tomaly's.
Speaker 5: I just stay from last and to damn damn Hamali's
Speaker 5: so very happy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone MIC's on, except for super producer Bay who
Speaker 1: lost their voice.
Speaker 2: But yeah, the voice the chords rest the Wild Christmas Apparent.
Speaker 1: I don't know much of the voice either. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: got all that nugget? All that nugget? Is that one
Speaker 1: of your Christmas? So all right, this is this is
Speaker 1: what the episode is. Basically, I feel like we should
Speaker 1: take advantage of that clarity of vision and mind and
Speaker 1: make some big decisions about the pop culture landscape of Christmas,
Speaker 1: like not you know what, what are some classic movies, songs, traditions.
Speaker 1: I have a couple of traditions that I want to
Speaker 1: take another look at for Christmas, because you know, it's
Speaker 1: we're spent, We're done with all the Christmas cheer, pack
Speaker 1: it up well, and we're just here seeing it with
Speaker 1: clear eyes and ready to say, maybe maybe take another
Speaker 1: look at this one.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, do where do you? Where do you want
Speaker 2: to start? What do you I guess, Jack, what are
Speaker 2: you most angry about?
Speaker 6: Oh? I am teed off? Oh shit, don't get me started, guys.
Speaker 6: So let's actually start with a meal. Because Victor just
Speaker 6: mentioned Hammond to Molly's. Yep, that's not a thing that
Speaker 6: I had ever heard of people eating on Christmas.
Speaker 2: I don't think we to formalize he's somebody that has
Speaker 2: no Latino friends.
Speaker 1: Ham and Tamales is the.
Speaker 2: Yea Christmas. It's just a Christmas thing. Yeah, okay, well
Speaker 2: dating bro, he wasn't out here in so call you know, like.
Speaker 1: I was definitely not us.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I feel like the standard when you see a
Speaker 1: Christmas meal in a movie, that meal is just Thanksgiving,
Speaker 1: except with a goose instead of a turkey. Right, Like
Speaker 1: nobody eats geese anymore. We've met too many geese. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to eat a fucking goose like I've had.
Speaker 1: I've cleaned up too much goose ship or like stepped
Speaker 1: in too much goose ship like and then there's ham,
Speaker 1: but it's again, it's just Thanksgiving with ham instead of
Speaker 1: turkey in a lot of cases, I want a new
Speaker 1: like go to meal that everyone and it sounds like
Speaker 1: Latin community already has this, but like I feel like
Speaker 1: it's just currently a lesser version of Thanksgiving. I'm personally
Speaker 1: pitching pizza and pasta, Like pizza and pasta don't have
Speaker 1: a global holiday where it's like that's the thing, like
Speaker 1: this is, oh yeah, I've got I've got this, like
Speaker 1: amazing pizza that I'm gonna, you know, put in the
Speaker 1: oven for this holiday.
Speaker 2: You know, we've got we've got barbecue.
Speaker 1: We've got burgers and fries and er burgers and hot
Speaker 1: dogs for a lot of other holidays. But pizza is
Speaker 1: the favorite food in a lot of places. And I
Speaker 1: feel like we're we need a we need an official holiday.
Speaker 1: Why not make it an official Christmas pizza holiday?
Speaker 4: Jack, Where are you from?
Speaker 1: You're from Ohio, kind of all over the place. I'm
Speaker 1: a West Virginia, Ohio, Kentucky, Massachusetts, New York.
Speaker 4: Someplace you never had?
Speaker 2: What was it?
Speaker 4: What did you have for Tamali's? Yeah, Tomali's, Like I
Speaker 4: didn't have I'm from Connecticut. I didn't have Tamali's so
Speaker 4: I was like twenty four.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, yeah, I didn't have sushi until I was
Speaker 1: like in my twenties.
Speaker 4: Baroni's.
Speaker 1: White boomer people like are scared, so scared. The most
Speaker 1: is the holiday where we put salt on the chicken.
Speaker 4: Like to them, sounds like, you know, it's too much
Speaker 4: like commie.
Speaker 7: It's it's not just white people. I have a family member.
Speaker 7: I will not put it on blast. But they have
Speaker 7: never eaten a taco in their entire life. Wow, that's
Speaker 7: they're pushing tragedy. That's no. No taco bell, no nothing,
Speaker 7: no talk.
Speaker 2: Not even taco bell.
Speaker 3: No No, that's wait.
Speaker 1: You just didn't believe it hadn't hit until it Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what evenest like if you don't have
Speaker 1: like a tacket ear or something like I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: maybe in that form You're like, I've never had. Miles
Speaker 1: is thinking like, so this guy's never been drunk.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm like nothing to produce her be
Speaker 2: is like wait, but then taco right.
Speaker 1: Now, that's where I draw the line. So what are
Speaker 1: you what is this person eating?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 3: Pizza? A lot of a lot of pizza.
Speaker 7: Yeah, they went with they went real hardcore Midwestern traditionalist,
Speaker 7: and that apparently did not include tacos when they were
Speaker 7: coming up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the idea of having an official like
Speaker 1: go to meal like partially came from hearing that Japan
Speaker 1: like KFC is the move.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I'm recording from Japan right now, so I
Speaker 2: can tell you this as a matter of fact. It's
Speaker 2: it's on and popping with the KFC. Japanese KFC Christmas
Speaker 2: is just like it's I don't know, for whatever reason,
Speaker 2: it's just like the biggest thing, or it was for
Speaker 2: a while. Now people kind of do Christmas in many
Speaker 2: different ways, but like they're like Christmas package that they
Speaker 2: put together is like shit that people like order in
Speaker 2: advance line up for. There used to be like they
Speaker 2: still have commemorative cups, like my family used to collect
Speaker 2: those shits.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they say it happened because there were Americans
Speaker 2: who couldn't find a turkey, so they just went to
Speaker 2: KFC to have some kind of you know, poultry on
Speaker 2: a goose. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they couldn't find a goose.
Speaker 2: I can get I'll get you a goose by now.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well let me ask you this mouse does. Does
Speaker 7: the KFC better hit over there better than it does
Speaker 7: over here?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Because I don't know.
Speaker 7: Man, the breading on on the on the fried chicken
Speaker 7: and KFC in America, it's it's always feels so wet
Speaker 7: and like soggy to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's good, No, you can get Look, Japanese fried
Speaker 2: chicken is good, you know. And I would say, as
Speaker 2: a Blasian person, I'm I'm well equipped to be judging
Speaker 2: fried chicken in Japan.
Speaker 3: I'm talking about the KFC specific.
Speaker 2: But KFC I haven't. The last time I had it
Speaker 2: was like a couple of years ago. It's fine. I mean, like,
Speaker 2: I guess the difference is like there's probably more of
Speaker 2: an exoticized view of like American fried chicken. You know,
Speaker 2: it's like the same way how like people Europe love
Speaker 2: red solo cups because it's in the party scenes of
Speaker 2: every movie, Like, oh, just is it like taste better
Speaker 2: out of the cups? Like nah, man, it's the fucking media, man,
Speaker 2: it's the fucken.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so they don't have to show labels.
Speaker 4: But I was wondering about that too, like maybe if
Speaker 4: the fried chicken over in Japan was more of a
Speaker 4: like tempora style, which would.
Speaker 2: Make me no, no, no. It's got the same blend
Speaker 2: of herbs and spices. But the big thing is like
Speaker 2: it's it's sort of presented as a way for people
Speaker 2: to engage with this, you know, because no one is
Speaker 2: Christian in Japan. It's like less than one percent, so
Speaker 2: nobody's really out here like you know, Fizzion for Jesus,
Speaker 2: soiz for the Risen. But yeah, they're not out here
Speaker 2: like that. It's more just to be like it's fun.
Speaker 2: It's mostly a couple's holiday, Like it's like Valentine's Day
Speaker 2: for a lot of people too, Like you get something, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because the real the real time for kids to get
Speaker 2: gifts is New Year's That's what's different.
Speaker 4: That sounds nice.
Speaker 1: You have for fried chicken too, Let's do fried chicken.
Speaker 1: You know, like fried chicken doesn't really have holiday. I
Speaker 1: mean it's associated with like summer holidays more so. But
Speaker 1: my only thing is that I don't want it to
Speaker 1: be an issue where like people have to work on
Speaker 1: that day. So if it can be a thing that
Speaker 1: reheats nicely, like pizza, fried chicken, especially like now that
Speaker 1: we have air fryers, like that, fried chicken is so
Speaker 1: good in the air fryer, like you and fried chicken is.
Speaker 1: Also people talk about cold pizza being good like cold
Speaker 1: fried chicken is. I think my favorite day after junk
Speaker 1: food delicacy. I love that shit.
Speaker 2: You're a special kind you know like that? No, I
Speaker 2: agree with Oh, I hate when, like some when the
Speaker 2: crunch goes soggy, like if man really crunchy, like when
Speaker 2: it's really fried. Well, the second I know what you're
Speaker 2: talking about, that second day, like just crispy, starchy covering
Speaker 2: that used to be the fry.
Speaker 1: Has the consistency of coffee cake, just a wet.
Speaker 8: Crumbling dripping down your mouth as you're consumer eating. I
Speaker 8: kind of like that it's dry. All the fat has consolidated.
Speaker 4: You know, we don't have any food in the house,
Speaker 4: you guys. I grew up in a house where we
Speaker 4: had no food and it wasn't because we were broke,
Speaker 4: it was just because we're Irish, and Irish people don't.
Speaker 4: They just eat to drink, you know, they just choke
Speaker 4: down a potato just because they have to, because they
Speaker 4: know that they'll die otherwise. There's never any food.
Speaker 2: Did you have any like do you have any memories
Speaker 2: of like a Christmas meal? Chris, No, No.
Speaker 4: It's the thing. It's I can't relate to any of
Speaker 4: this because it's like our refrigerators empty like it always is,
Speaker 4: and we just have tons of candy and coffee. All
Speaker 4: Irish people love stimulants. I mean, I might get in
Speaker 4: trouble with this, but I don't know. I I as
Speaker 4: an Irish person, I found that none of them eat
Speaker 4: anything until they're wasted, and then they eat everything with
Speaker 4: their hands.
Speaker 2: Babies or whatever.
Speaker 4: It's like cheese and ice cream and stuff. But mainly
Speaker 4: they're they're all about like food is something you get
Speaker 4: out of the way so you can get drunk. So yeah,
Speaker 4: I grew up like you know, just Christmas Day, what
Speaker 4: we ate was like you know, like today we're eating
Speaker 4: like marshmallow, not bunnies, but like whatever Santa Claus stuff,
Speaker 4: marshmallow or something. You know, there's no food, no chicken.
Speaker 1: We don't have chicken.
Speaker 4: Who's gonna make chicken in an Irish family? Nobody you
Speaker 4: want to make chicken. And if you ask about chicken,
Speaker 4: they're like, you want to make chicken?
Speaker 1: Face?
Speaker 2: They don't.
Speaker 4: They there's no it's all about like you know, it's
Speaker 4: like I don't know. It's not a food cultureist, you know,
Speaker 4: it's they didn't have any food for a while either,
Speaker 4: just they just had like you know, what's.
Speaker 1: For you something like that you created.
Speaker 2: I talked about in.
Speaker 4: The last episode when the pie Piper led all the
Speaker 4: snakes into Sweden or nothing to eat, because I think
Speaker 4: I think you said rats Irish because the biper took
Speaker 4: them all over to.
Speaker 1: Sweden.
Speaker 2: If you could, what's the food that you would Chris,
Speaker 2: you're king for a day. This is what everybody in
Speaker 2: the land must eat on Christmas Day? What does it go?
Speaker 4: Well, since I don't think anybody's really eating geese, we
Speaker 4: can try out geese. I don't nobody's eating geese.
Speaker 1: Only in the movies they're eating geese. I've never ease.
Speaker 4: I mean, unless you're talking about one of those cornish
Speaker 4: game hands, which I've added a wedding or something.
Speaker 2: Right, you know it like a tiny bird?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Irish people, it's like I think a feast would
Speaker 4: be like for me it as an Irish American who
Speaker 4: grew up in Connecticut. Like a nice thing. It would
Speaker 4: be nice if I didn't have to unwrap the Starburst
Speaker 4: on Christmas Day.
Speaker 1: They were already unwrapped out of the.
Speaker 4: And they didn't You didn't have to take the paper
Speaker 4: off and mess around with the little pieces of paper
Speaker 4: they get stuck on.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind replacing candy canes like that. I feel like, dude,
Speaker 1: is are there any candy cam fans on?
Speaker 2: It's just a fucking weird shaped, fucking breath mint.
Speaker 4: It's a last resort candy that's a last Actually there's barrel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hardened toothpaste.
Speaker 4: You find that in a glove compartment, you might eat it.
Speaker 1: I'm re experiencing candy cans for the first time through
Speaker 1: my kids, and they're like, it tastes like fucking toothpaste. Man,
Speaker 1: this is terrible. I'm like, watch your mouth. But that's
Speaker 1: what it's about.
Speaker 4: You can't You can't have until you finish all your goose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, shout out.
Speaker 5: To my mom.
Speaker 7: I will say, this might be hard to do because
Speaker 7: Christmas morning can be a bit hectic, especially if you're
Speaker 7: visiting multiple homes.
Speaker 2: Or family members.
Speaker 7: But I just had this memory right now. My mom
Speaker 7: usually would have our Christmas pajamas. You'd buy like new
Speaker 7: pajamas for us the night like Christmas Eve, and then
Speaker 7: in the morning, you know, after we open up our presence,
Speaker 7: there'd be like cinnamon rolls and bacon.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Christmas breakfast is real.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh, that's what it is. It's not the dinner, man,
Speaker 2: that's what I'm thinking. It's the fucking breakfast. That's when
Speaker 2: I put a lot, Like I'll even make a breakfast
Speaker 2: cast roll the night before that I keep it the fridge,
Speaker 2: and then bacon in the morning. That's actually more than
Speaker 2: the dinner the thing that I look forward to, because
Speaker 2: the dinner could be fucking anything. And also it is
Speaker 2: what it is.
Speaker 3: For me because I would be I'd be up at
Speaker 3: like three or four in the morning.
Speaker 7: I'd have a hard time sleeping on Christmas Day, you know,
Speaker 7: I would just like it be one of those people
Speaker 7: annoying my parents. And so when I finally got to
Speaker 7: eat at like nine o'clock, it was just like euphoric
Speaker 7: to have like this sugary, savory bacon type of explosion.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, Christmas breakfast goes hard for sure.
Speaker 2: All Right, what else we getting rid of?
Speaker 1: I think missiletes Like I don't know, it's so central
Speaker 1: in so many songs. It feels like it was invented
Speaker 1: bi sexual predators for sexual predators.
Speaker 4: Definitely, I don't need.
Speaker 1: It's very like I like sex forward, like spin on
Speaker 1: Christmas for sure, or just like a romantic Christmas.
Speaker 2: But like, yeah, y'all know, we love horny Christmas.
Speaker 1: We love horny Christmas. We've talked about it endlessly. It
Speaker 1: is also the closest that the human species has to
Speaker 1: a mating season. It's like when the most birthdays most
Speaker 1: children are conceived around this time of year, so many September, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so exactly. So I just feel like we shouldn't need
Speaker 1: to trick people into kissing us. We shouldn't have to
Speaker 1: like be laying traps to get a little kiss on Christmas.
Speaker 1: And if we are, maybe that person and you shouldn't
Speaker 1: be kissing even if it is Christmas. So I'm not saying, like,
Speaker 1: retire songs if it mentions missiletoe, but let's just like
Speaker 1: maybe steer it in a non missiletoe direction and create
Speaker 1: some horny traditions that don't involve laying traps.
Speaker 3: Is anyone ever actually kissed under a mistletoe?
Speaker 1: That's really more of.
Speaker 4: An awkwardness generator.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Whenever I'm near mistletoe, I feel up tight, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean, because I'm like, what happens if
Speaker 4: some freak, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like I don't like and mistleton. I respect the laws
Speaker 2: of mistletoe.
Speaker 4: In my opinion, missletoe creates a forbidding environment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I I definitely so like to your points, like
Speaker 2: I've never kissed under mistletoe, maybe like since I've been married,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like booed up and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh the mistletoe kind of thing. But yo, I remember
Speaker 2: because mistletoe in popular culture. It was like the first
Speaker 2: pick up artist I think I ever listened to, like
Speaker 2: as a kid, like, oh, it's just like that. It's
Speaker 2: like that you get people.
Speaker 1: Don't know Mystery had a mistletoe and that big head of.
Speaker 2: His Yeah, and that's how that's why he had more
Speaker 2: more makeout on record than any other other pick up party.
Speaker 1: Where is Mystery in prison? Yeah?
Speaker 7: That or.
Speaker 2: Or selling like cutco knives.
Speaker 4: It was omnip for like a year.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, like in everybody's face.
Speaker 2: And for a while I thought he was Chris Angel.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say him and christ Angel and Romans
Speaker 3: now in Vegas.
Speaker 2: I was like, is he Chris Angel? But I remember
Speaker 2: in seventh grade, like I begged my mom to buy
Speaker 2: me like missiletoe like out like a Michael's or like
Speaker 2: you know, like a decoration place like with the hopes
Speaker 2: that like I could get a kiss like as wow,
Speaker 2: And you know, I kept that ship in my pocket
Speaker 2: all day on the last day before winter break just
Speaker 2: shook because like I was like I got that thing
Speaker 2: on me, but like do I know how to fucking
Speaker 2: use it? And I think a part of me knew
Speaker 2: that there was no way that waving like a fucking
Speaker 2: plant in front of someone would suddenly create like a
Speaker 2: consensual moment. And I think that's what's probably when I
Speaker 2: was like, what the fuck is like?
Speaker 3: What also, as as as.
Speaker 7: Mistletoes already are the it feels like you're pushing the
Speaker 7: boundary even more if you have, like if you're just
Speaker 7: carrying it around, like putting in front of people's faces.
Speaker 2: Like you saw in the movies.
Speaker 3: I mean I saw it hanging above door.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was always see people were like, uh, now
Speaker 2: you gotta give me a kiss. You Like, oh man,
Speaker 2: I guess I gotta kiss you. And meanwhile, like I'm
Speaker 2: six and I have no idea what consent is. I
Speaker 2: guess that works, So mistletoe check.
Speaker 1: So pickup artists.
Speaker 4: I knew pickup artists were stupid, like there were a
Speaker 4: waste of money, but that's like how like how bottom
Speaker 4: of the barrel? Their ideas are like give me a mistletoe.
Speaker 2: No no, But I'm saying more in the sense of, like,
Speaker 2: here's a hack that doesn't involve understanding people to try
Speaker 2: and be stimulated in some way. You know what I
Speaker 2: mean like that's that's so much of that sort of
Speaker 2: you know, curriculum is like not to say that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking that I didn't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like I'd be so mad if I
Speaker 4: bought like a pickup artist like videotape or whatever and
Speaker 4: popped it in and they were like, get some missletoe.
Speaker 2: Yeah wait my money back, sucker for this. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: I paid for the master class to take to go
Speaker 2: one night out with you in Vegas for three thousand
Speaker 2: dollars and you gave us all missiletoe. Yeah, here's the secret.
Speaker 4: It's like it's like when you find out about like
Speaker 4: Xenu and scientology.
Speaker 2: Okay, like wait for.
Speaker 1: Mistletoe. Dude, you've finally gone clear.
Speaker 4: Open this envelope.
Speaker 2: Check all these volcano They all came up from these
Speaker 2: volcanos and Xenu had to check them.
Speaker 1: What your secret is, missletoe dude? Yeah?
Speaker 4: This cost me fucking six hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Every time, works every time.
Speaker 1: Uh. Yeah, So I don't know, pitch us some more
Speaker 1: sex forward traditions or if you if you know of
Speaker 1: any folks folks, and we'll uh you know, incorporate those next.
Speaker 2: Year, because it ain't always not always about the kids,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Chris for everybody, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? So what's the adult Christmas things? You know?
Speaker 2: Cause I think but I get a lot of the
Speaker 2: energy that people spend is to make it like magical
Speaker 2: for younger people or et cetera. But like, you know,
Speaker 2: what's some hornier stuff we can do? Yoah.
Speaker 4: I want to say one thing, but for my mom's sake,
Speaker 4: if she listens to this, I want to say she
Speaker 4: does make and she made this morning December twenty sixth
Speaker 4: to whatever year. Yeah, she makes those cinnamon rolls and
Speaker 4: she made him this morning that come in the tube.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah those, So I don't.
Speaker 4: My mom is just a person who always said, like
Speaker 4: we'd be like, what's for dinner? And she'd be like,
Speaker 4: I could ask you the same thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, that was that was her day for real.
Speaker 1: She was just like, I'm not cooking. I hate it.
Speaker 1: Like so, she and we were eight, so we were
Speaker 1: like what are we supposed to do?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 4: She was like, we're going to McDonald's. We went to
Speaker 4: McDonald's quite a bit, but she did always make those
Speaker 4: and she made today those cinnamon rolls, and I love
Speaker 4: those cinnamon rolls. They're kind of a tradition. I don't
Speaker 4: know if that happens in a lot of houses, but
Speaker 4: I guess they've been on the market for a long time,
Speaker 4: so a lot of people must be eating those cinnamon
Speaker 4: rolls out of a tube and they're they're.
Speaker 2: For sure, except in Europe, because I'm pretty sure they
Speaker 2: banned that kind of like canned doe ship that we
Speaker 2: have in the US. Serious, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1: Are you serious? I just found out they fucking banned
Speaker 1: Cheerios regular No, yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 4: We gotta know.
Speaker 1: Somebody, somebody who I live with told me.
Speaker 4: I'm even madder at Europe than I usually am.
Speaker 1: All right, let's take a break while I find out
Speaker 1: if Cheerios are actually banning Europe and what.
Speaker 4: Are they choking ants or something. The United States is
Speaker 4: so fucked as far as we're gonna have fascism and.
Speaker 2: Junk food, Pillsbury biscuits like out of the can band
Speaker 2: in Switzerland, Austria, Hungry, Iceland, Norway and my god, wow,
Speaker 2: because of the partially hydrogenated soybean and cotton seed on
Speaker 2: and we're back. We were back for that last part.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we should drop a bunch of cases of that
Speaker 4: ship on Switzerland.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I found where cheerios are banned yet, So maybe.
Speaker 5: They get confused with like corn flakes, because that's another
Speaker 5: like boring cereal.
Speaker 1: Boring ass cereal where they're like, Nope, too sexy, too much,
Speaker 1: too much, like what happening with these corn flakes.
Speaker 2: Because like in Europe, they just have like a basic
Speaker 2: thing where they're like, yeah, you should only eat like
Speaker 2: food and not like chemical laden food shaped ship.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you're yeah, you're all right with cuckoo clocks
Speaker 4: scaring the ship out of your elderly.
Speaker 1: From the beginning of a Pinocchio.
Speaker 4: I don't know, somebody something something that made you know,
Speaker 4: like they get even with Switzerland. What about your Oh yeah,
Speaker 4: sure we're eating some whate.
Speaker 1: For cuckoo clocks and make it come back personally?
Speaker 4: How many old people have had heart attacks because your
Speaker 4: damn cuckoo clocks?
Speaker 2: Am I right?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: People have heart attacks are sitting on a toilet seat
Speaker 2: that's too cold in the winter, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: They're all right with with like unmarked bank accounts, but
Speaker 4: they don't let anybody have it.
Speaker 2: They're fine with Nazi gull but don't break that. Don't
Speaker 2: funk around. Now we're neutral, okay.
Speaker 4: Oh no, yeah, we're very very civilized.
Speaker 2: Very civilized. Also we make a fuck ton of guns,
Speaker 2: don't get it fucked up.
Speaker 1: That's right to protect our civilization.
Speaker 2: Don't they Isn't that average? Like everybody's trapped in Switzerland?
Speaker 2: That might be.
Speaker 1: I think, what's.
Speaker 4: Happening in Switzerland today? What's happening in Switzerland? If they
Speaker 4: can't eat those cinnamon things, right, what are they doing
Speaker 4: over there? I'm talking about how they're superior because they
Speaker 4: don't have any cheerios. Probably they're like another day without cheerios.
Speaker 1: It's very nice. The heart attack talk does bring me
Speaker 1: to my next point, which is stay lazy as fuck.
Speaker 1: It is in your best interest, is in your family's
Speaker 1: best interests. This is the worst time to be in
Speaker 1: the hospital, Like just statistically such a bummer, because yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just a bummer the decorations they have in the
Speaker 1: hospital there. Dude, I was in a hospital for Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: last year and it was there's nothing like that. You know,
Speaker 1: those those decorations that you've seen, like you haven't seen
Speaker 1: since third grade, and they're just everywhere. Like that's like, see,
Speaker 1: we're we're keeping the traditional.
Speaker 2: If the vibes are fine, then there's another existential threat
Speaker 2: of the hospital.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so other than the vibes, it's the deadliest time
Speaker 1: to be in the hospital other than July. So I'll
Speaker 1: explain why early July is the worst next but December. Basically,
Speaker 1: it's like everybody's on vacation. It's like, what what would
Speaker 1: be the worst time for there to be an emergency
Speaker 1: at your job that, like, you know, somebody has to
Speaker 1: solve immediately, probably like around Christmas, right you know, you're
Speaker 1: like a little bit drunk. Everyone's like still a little
Speaker 1: bit drunk or on vacation or they're not supposed to
Speaker 1: do at the hospital. I know they're not, but I'm
Speaker 1: not supposed to be drunk right now, Chris.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm starting to understand a lot of things
Speaker 4: about Switzerland, about hospitals. Things are a lot worse than
Speaker 4: I realized. Day after Christmas, I was having a nice time.
Speaker 1: It's like slippery, it's cold, your your toilet. See you
Speaker 1: can give you a heart attack? What makes sense? It
Speaker 1: just stay on your couch. It is a matter of
Speaker 1: life and death.
Speaker 2: It's wait but it's actually to do with the fact
Speaker 2: that like a lot of like doctors are like inaccessible
Speaker 2: and then are just people that are on call and
Speaker 2: you don't know what they're fucking doing on December twenty sixth,
Speaker 2: probably not just staying very well rested, just waiting to
Speaker 2: be called in, right.
Speaker 1: Like bodies don't stop having heart attacks and shit, and
Speaker 1: in fact, like because people eat worse and drink more
Speaker 1: and are inhaling a lot more wood smoke. Actually it
Speaker 1: is a time, it's one of the most active times
Speaker 1: for heart attacks. What yeah, so that also probably isn't helping,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Wow, wait, so why'd July though you said earlier?
Speaker 1: And then July is when the official changeover happens, and
Speaker 1: like people who are first year medical school students come
Speaker 1: in for the first time, and like they're just like
Speaker 1: you know, little baby does they're just like shaky leggage.
Speaker 3: Oh man, that time to perfect for fourth of July.
Speaker 5: Hand blown off by an M eighty or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, hand blown off by a first year medical
Speaker 2: student who.
Speaker 1: Just came in to get my blood pressure?
Speaker 2: Can they be attached three fingers? I mean they're working now,
Speaker 2: but this ship was close.
Speaker 1: There weren't you hold up your hand and they're bending backwards.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never seen somebody throw up that gang sign.
Speaker 2: What set are you cleaning?
Speaker 3: The upside down?
Speaker 2: Bro?
Speaker 1: I think I mean there there is a thing of like,
Speaker 1: you know, being cozy and watching movies. But just just
Speaker 1: stick to that. Don't go sledding, don't go skiing, stick around.
Speaker 2: Here's my kid. Don't get hurt because they don't get
Speaker 2: the eight team at the hospital. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 7: Man, I really does feel like winter is set up
Speaker 7: for you to hurt yourself the most. Shout out to
Speaker 7: my sister to well, Monique. We went the first time
Speaker 7: we ever went ice skating. She took a blade all
Speaker 7: the way up her leg. It was like a nine
Speaker 7: inch like gash in her leg. Suffice it to say
Speaker 7: she did not take one step onto that ice. That
Speaker 7: was as she was lacing up her.
Speaker 1: I broke.
Speaker 4: I broke my hip roller skating, So damn you gotta
Speaker 4: watch out for those.
Speaker 2: Rings that during the winter.
Speaker 7: That was not I was just trying to share a
Speaker 7: story with.
Speaker 2: Us because I know it is, and that's what I just.
Speaker 1: Got lost in them. I'm just thinking about how dangerous
Speaker 1: rinks in general?
Speaker 2: Right, right? Right? What kind of year?
Speaker 1: That joke twice and I'm not going to try it again.
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 1: I kept saying, skinnem and otherwise try I did my best.
Speaker 2: You know, one thing I'll say is, and I'm curious
Speaker 2: for everybody, is do you think holiday fucking clothing matters?
Speaker 2: Because for me, I don't give a fuck about what
Speaker 2: you has no bearing on my.
Speaker 1: Fact.
Speaker 7: Yeah, what's behind me? I'm the holiday party this year.
Speaker 7: I'm gonna be showing up all color coordinated.
Speaker 2: But I get that that's your but you have you know,
Speaker 2: that's your aesthetic style. What I mean to say is
Speaker 2: like wearing red and green, to be like, where's your
Speaker 2: red and green? That's the shit I'm talking about. I'm like,
Speaker 2: nobody gives a about that. It's to me, honestly, it's
Speaker 2: the music and the decorations that do all of like
Speaker 2: the heavy lifting in terms.
Speaker 4: Of I'll tell you who the fuck about that though, Miles, Okay,
Speaker 4: people who work at the DMV, Yeah, yeah, they'd be
Speaker 4: so mad.
Speaker 2: They would be so mad.
Speaker 4: This is their time of year where they get to
Speaker 4: finally shine something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do something a little bit different size.
Speaker 4: I end out boat licenses or whatever the hell they're
Speaker 4: doing there.
Speaker 2: I just remember, like, you know, but it's like one
Speaker 2: of those things like as a kid, there's like where's
Speaker 2: your green?
Speaker 3: Where's your read?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Who's your green? You never heard of that? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I never heard that either.
Speaker 2: Oh man, what my fuck?
Speaker 1: Man? I remember that from Valentine's Day that.
Speaker 2: Santry School, Like, yeah, Saint Patrick's Day.
Speaker 1: We were like, I don't know, motherfucker's march. Don't leave
Speaker 1: me alone.
Speaker 2: This is green. It's fucking forest green, and I don't
Speaker 2: need to They're like it's not Kobe Green. Like okay, y'all,
Speaker 2: can we move forward? You know?
Speaker 1: It goes a long way that I've found at a
Speaker 1: drive in movie theater, Like what one year we took
Speaker 1: our kids to see I think it was Frozen, like
Speaker 1: around Christmas and they were selling the big fat Christmas
Speaker 1: tree light necklaces. Oh yeah, you get like that shit
Speaker 1: is still going four years later and you can just
Speaker 1: throw that on with anything and everyone's like, oh it
Speaker 1: feels like Christmas.
Speaker 2: It's like so.
Speaker 1: Festive, and it it's a cheap like five ten dollars thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, Miles, what do you think about that, Miles.
Speaker 4: If it's not about colors, is it okay to wear
Speaker 4: a like a medallion?
Speaker 2: That's no what I'm saying. I'm saying the idea that
Speaker 2: it's necessary to facilitate it. Like yeah, like I love
Speaker 2: something low fi like that, like one necklace boom. Turn
Speaker 2: your outfit into a holiday jam perfect.
Speaker 4: If you're hanging out, if you're hanging out with a
Speaker 4: group of people will give you shit about that stuff.
Speaker 4: As adults, Yeah, you might want to check out what's
Speaker 4: going on in your life.
Speaker 1: I mainly do it because mystery told me to. It's
Speaker 1: a called I want to find out where Mystery is
Speaker 1: Christmas goosing.
Speaker 2: Actually, that's right.
Speaker 4: I've got all day to day. I got all day
Speaker 4: to relax. Like Jack's saying, Today's day we relax. We
Speaker 4: listen to John Denver records and Neil Diamond records like
Speaker 4: I did when I was a kid, which I really like.
Speaker 4: It's a nice day to listen records and drink coffee,
Speaker 4: you know, and stick some ready whip on top of
Speaker 4: your coffee. If you're an Irish person like me and
Speaker 4: just because you're a sugar maniac, and and then you
Speaker 4: google about what happened to Mystery. I want to find
Speaker 4: out what happened to mystery.
Speaker 1: This is the time do your like Google research. Now,
Speaker 1: this is a great time for that can bear. It's
Speaker 1: very hard to get hurt doing Google research, although you
Speaker 1: might be so surprised by what Mystery is up to
Speaker 1: that you might have a heart attack.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you forget about mistletoe for the next year,
Speaker 4: when you meet somebody of the opposite sex or whatever,
Speaker 4: someone you're interested in, you can talk about what happened
Speaker 4: to Mystery and bam.
Speaker 1: People love talking about that. I mean, I think because.
Speaker 2: I dude, he's still a dating guru.
Speaker 4: Oh you found him?
Speaker 1: Yeah, fewer hats, lung conytail in the back, glasses that
Speaker 1: are a little bit funky. The man is still out here.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah he looks like Eddie Vedder.
Speaker 2: Now, yeah, he does look like.
Speaker 4: He's gone grunge. He's like gradually going through the fashions
Speaker 4: like someday I'll catch up.
Speaker 1: He has a podcast called Wingmen Unite.
Speaker 3: Is that what he's got a little soul patch sometimes.
Speaker 2: With like memojis.
Speaker 1: I mean, the fact that he doesn't have a soul
Speaker 1: patch all the time is shocking. To me me too.
Speaker 2: He's doing the same thing. Like he's talking about like
Speaker 2: his openers, like how to open conversation with like women,
Speaker 2: what a fucking loser? The Google Earth opener.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a fun one Spell's opener.
Speaker 2: I've writen the book on openers called Hey guys, I
Speaker 2: hope you guys.
Speaker 4: Have it, Okay, anyway, I hope you believable loser, the
Speaker 4: Google Earth opener like that.
Speaker 2: We all know his shorten the Google Earth like yeah,
Speaker 2: because all of those things. I remember when that that
Speaker 2: that book the game came out, when Neil Strauss that
Speaker 2: was about him like following like and I was like, Yo,
Speaker 2: what the fucking how they like how technically they speak?
Speaker 2: What it is like you do the thing where you
Speaker 2: just say there was.
Speaker 9: A car accident outside, and like do you guys see
Speaker 9: that fight? I just I'm outside, Yeah, dude, like I
Speaker 9: think she caught her boyfriend cheating or something like oh no,
Speaker 9: it's like yeah, anyway, my name's my name.
Speaker 4: Is Neil Strauss, all right for the New York Times.
Speaker 1: Excuse me. Not only do I hope you have it?
Speaker 1: I hope you're all so familiar with my book that
Speaker 1: you know what I mean by the Google.
Speaker 2: Wait, what do you even think the Google Earth opener is?
Speaker 2: If you're somehow using Google Earth to begin an interaction
Speaker 2: with potential love partner, I'm.
Speaker 1: Not gonna lie. I think I saw you on Google Earth.
Speaker 1: That's crazy, But I think there's a photo on you
Speaker 1: on Google Earth.
Speaker 4: That's not true. Is that the thing that would be
Speaker 4: my guest? Like I swear to got hold on something
Speaker 4: like you're you're prettier than Google Earth. This, you know,
Speaker 4: you're as pretty as Google Earth.
Speaker 2: That's the that's the Christ at you in Brazil. Oh
Speaker 2: that's that, ain't you? All right? I thought it was
Speaker 2: the same outfit.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good one. That's a good one. All right.
Speaker 1: Let's uh, let's take a quick break. We'll come back
Speaker 1: and close out with some gifts that we wanted that
Speaker 1: we never got and just some gift some gifting stories.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back and we're back.
Speaker 2: We're back. Oh my god, dude, I found a like
Speaker 2: a snippet of what the Google Earth opener is. Oh
Speaker 2: hell yeah, it's it gets like scripted. It goes like this,
Speaker 2: as a mystery, have you ever heard of Google Earth?
Speaker 2: I checked out this location, this very spot, where we
Speaker 2: are standing right now. On Google Earth. I zoomed into
Speaker 2: this location and I saw that building there and that
Speaker 2: building right there. It's like I have already visited this place,
Speaker 2: isn't it cool? But now here I am and it's
Speaker 2: so much better in three D And that is supposed
Speaker 2: to be like a way to deep. He's just not like, Okay,
Speaker 2: so you just got on Google Earth, man, Like, is
Speaker 2: this a pickup line from fucking twenty two thousand and nine?
Speaker 1: Have you?
Speaker 2: Uh? Have you ever heard of records? So it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I was like playing this record where like it sounded
Speaker 1: like there was a band in the room with me.
Speaker 2: And then.
Speaker 1: And then I went to a.
Speaker 2: He's doing the vinyl opener. He's doing they open.
Speaker 1: I hope you're all familiar with a vinyl opener. So
Speaker 1: and he like treats it like its chess instead of
Speaker 1: just like the dumbest shit that you've ever heard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, well, next we're going to talk about close
Speaker 1: out with the gift opener, where day after Christmas people
Speaker 1: people are getting acquainted with their gifts.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: I remember spending one whole Christmas and half of the
Speaker 1: day after Christmas reading lying liars and the liars who
Speaker 1: tell or whatever that Frankel Yeah yeah, yeah, like you
Speaker 1: know that wasn't even much.
Speaker 2: It was a big idiot. Yeah, I got way too.
Speaker 2: I did not know how to read it. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: my parents bought it for me.
Speaker 1: Books are a great gift.
Speaker 2: Books are a great gift, but and these are not
Speaker 2: great gifts.
Speaker 10: No.
Speaker 1: We we just sometimes like take a look back, what's
Speaker 1: the gift that got away? Guys?
Speaker 2: What's I think everybody? Everybody? I don't know for me personally.
Speaker 2: It's funny. We were talking about this before. Justin revealed
Speaker 2: that he like it was like a character from a
Speaker 2: TV show I always wanted to be when I was
Speaker 2: like what y'd like it was there that one thing
Speaker 2: that you always wanted and you never got, or what
Speaker 2: is the worst thing you got? There are two things
Speaker 2: that I can talk about. One thing I have spoken
Speaker 2: about on this show. I think Molly Lambert was one.
Speaker 2: I was on an episode and I talked about like
Speaker 2: the Eliminator TS seven, which was like a seven and
Speaker 2: one like penis shaped weapon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like it was just like a tongue.
Speaker 2: Yeah it was. It was. It was just a big
Speaker 2: floppy tongue with a with a with a pistol handle
Speaker 2: on it.
Speaker 1: Symbi an attachment where it goes in and out.
Speaker 2: But there was like and that was when I always
Speaker 2: wanted I never got. There was another thing that I
Speaker 2: always wanted, uh, and never got. We're like a like
Speaker 2: walkie talkies, but the kinds like people would use on
Speaker 2: a construction site, Like yeah, they're always like the you know, kid,
Speaker 2: fucking walkie talkie said they had like a forty foot
Speaker 2: range or something. But I always remember like, yeah, my
Speaker 2: parents were like, I need that like motorola thing that
Speaker 2: the cop has, Like I want that fucking walkie talkie.
Speaker 2: And they always said absolutely not, you're fucking eight years old.
Speaker 2: Just yeah, like learn to like not be the bed
Speaker 2: so much. And then we could talk about walkie.
Speaker 1: Talkie and a handgun, a handgun like the cops have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, handgun and qualified immunity. That's what I want, Daddy,
Speaker 2: give it to me now. But yeah, that was like
Speaker 2: one of those things I wanted it never got. And
Speaker 2: then one thing I wanted and got was so bummed
Speaker 2: out was this Dick Tracy watch. We talked about this
Speaker 2: when Ben Bollen was on and I was talking about
Speaker 2: my love of watches. When the Dick Tracy movie came out,
Speaker 2: they made like, e Dick Tracy watch that looked like
Speaker 2: on the outside, the shit that Warren Baty was using
Speaker 2: to fucking talk to people, like an early iPhone. And
Speaker 2: then the obviously the nineteen ninety kids version was just
Speaker 2: a dumb ass, just LCD screen watch that didn't do shit.
Speaker 2: And I remember being like fucking devastated that it did
Speaker 2: not do the shit from the movie.
Speaker 4: So that's how I felt when I got X rays
Speaker 4: backs out of the comic book. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2: I was a kid.
Speaker 1: I thought they said that you can see through people's clothes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what it said.
Speaker 4: That's what said that Boner City here I come, fucking
Speaker 4: some bullshit. I also got a machine that was supposed
Speaker 4: to print money out of paper. Both those things I
Speaker 4: thought were real. I was like, once I get that
Speaker 4: money printer, it's like this little thing, it's a magic trick.
Speaker 1: But I didn't.
Speaker 4: They were like makes I mean, I guess there were
Speaker 4: no rules as to what you can say in a
Speaker 4: comic book as far as like they couldn't you know,
Speaker 4: you could say anything you wanted.
Speaker 2: I guess. I mean it was a.
Speaker 4: Nineteen seventies comic book.
Speaker 1: There probably wasn't a lot of litigation, but it was
Speaker 1: like sellers of machine people bought monkeys out of the
Speaker 1: back of comic books.
Speaker 4: Yeah, here's a machine. You can put paper and then money.
Speaker 4: You can print your own money and you'll never need
Speaker 4: money again. So I was like waiting for that, like, well,
Speaker 4: my life's gonna be a lot better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why don't more people get these?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I thought I was looking at naked people all day
Speaker 4: with X ray respects and printing my own money, and
Speaker 4: it turned out, Yeah, I just had to keep being
Speaker 4: in fourth grade.
Speaker 1: Yeah, similar to Dick Tracy the Dick Tracy watch. I
Speaker 1: got a Rambo rocket launcher water gun. But it was
Speaker 1: it was like this battery powered electronic thing that did
Speaker 1: like the water was like less than just a standard
Speaker 1: water gun. The water that we shoot out of it
Speaker 1: was less than a standard water gun. And it died
Speaker 1: after like fifteen minutes of use. And but it looked
Speaker 1: so cool. I mean it like has a fucking rocket
Speaker 1: cone on the top of it. Like it was incredible.
Speaker 1: Definitely like you know, not the thing that a child
Speaker 1: should be getting.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it looks like you're carrying a shoulder
Speaker 2: fired RP.
Speaker 1: I think it came out. I think it came out
Speaker 1: around the movie Rambo three or no, I guess it
Speaker 1: came out around Rambo two. But I got it in
Speaker 1: like eighty eight. When it finally got to me, I
Speaker 1: think it was like off the It was the ones
Speaker 1: that had fallen off a truck or something and it
Speaker 1: did not work.
Speaker 2: But oh back when your dad was stealing shit, yeah, man.
Speaker 1: And then double Dare the home game really wanted that.
Speaker 1: Like I assumed that you would just get a box
Speaker 1: and you would have like a double gear double Dare,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Like in it, like a set would like it's yeah,
Speaker 2: like that the whole production facility.
Speaker 1: And they might have because I never got that ship.
Speaker 1: But I did try and do it myself. One year
Speaker 1: for like, I think it was my eighth birthday, I
Speaker 1: did a doubledare like course what are those called? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like challenge of course that right right, you know?
Speaker 2: Obstacle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, did like a Doubledare obstacle course one year
Speaker 1: for my eighth birthday. But it was like we had
Speaker 1: just moved to town and there was only one kid
Speaker 1: there and the only thing I remember, is that we
Speaker 1: made a jello mold with a flag in it and
Speaker 1: just like stuck our hand in and we're like, there
Speaker 1: it is because the like small.
Speaker 2: It was like real.
Speaker 1: Small, you know. For it to be a challenge, the
Speaker 1: jael mold needs to be like the size of a
Speaker 1: fucking children's pool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right right.
Speaker 1: We just made a bowl of jello and then the
Speaker 1: flag was right there in the bottom of it.
Speaker 5: But what's doubled there? I've never is this?
Speaker 4: Whoa traumatic?
Speaker 2: Victor is young, younger than thought him, dude. It was
Speaker 2: this fucking It was hosted by Mark Summers, and it
Speaker 2: was like this Nickelodeon show that was like just the
Speaker 2: It was like the game show that every kid fucking
Speaker 2: wanted to be on because there's like all kinds of
Speaker 2: wacky games that you felt were like doable as a kid.
Speaker 2: There was fucking slime everywhere. Yeah, it was beautiful.
Speaker 4: Victor is too young to know what it is, and
Speaker 4: I'm too old to know what it is. You didn't
Speaker 4: have double there, No, I knew it. But I mean
Speaker 4: I was already in the street. I was. I was
Speaker 4: already wrote in writing poetry on the back of garbage
Speaker 4: can lids.
Speaker 2: While you were fucking fonding over Mark Summers on methadone.
Speaker 4: But it was out of the corner of my eye.
Speaker 4: I caught a glimpse of double dare once and I
Speaker 4: spat on the ground and put my cigar back in
Speaker 4: my mouth. No, my nickel cigar.
Speaker 1: I just started chewing on my rum rum So nickel cigar, right.
Speaker 5: Mark Summers know who that is? Either Mark?
Speaker 1: Who's the host?
Speaker 3: He was just the host?
Speaker 1: And then he had an amazing long tail of his
Speaker 1: career on like the Game show Network where he's okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember he was the first person that I heard
Speaker 2: about like what O c D was, Yes, because he
Speaker 2: had O c D. And I remember that was for
Speaker 2: whatever as a child, like my point of like entry
Speaker 2: and empathy to be like, oh, Mark Summers messy show,
Speaker 2: I'm like, that must have been hard.
Speaker 1: That must have been hard, especially to do that show
Speaker 1: OCD with slime all over the fucking place. Fucking kids,
Speaker 1: kids are And he said that, apparently him making it
Speaker 1: like like people aware of his obsessive compulsive disorder. It
Speaker 1: cost him the hosting gig of Hollywood Squares, the revival
Speaker 1: of Hollywood Squares, and then Tom Burdjeron took it over
Speaker 1: because he was honest about it.
Speaker 2: Is like, wow, that's.
Speaker 4: That affect your ability to host Hollywood Squares.
Speaker 3: Especially if you've been doing it successfully for seasons. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So any other any other bad or you know,
Speaker 1: gifts that out away that anybody wants to talk about.
Speaker 2: Oh, Chris, you can get no, no, justin, justin.
Speaker 7: I think now that I'm looking back on it, maybe
Speaker 7: my father's love of T two was outsized enough for
Speaker 7: me to like that really started Judgment Day, Yes, terminated.
Speaker 3: To a Judgment Day.
Speaker 7: That really started my love of dirt bikes. Like just
Speaker 7: being this the freedom of like being a kid to
Speaker 7: just like go out into the world and just drive.
Speaker 7: Yeah atm just have a rat tailed friend with the
Speaker 7: boom box like that.
Speaker 4: That.
Speaker 7: Yeah, that this really made me, like, I don't know,
Speaker 7: for some reason, that seemed like a fantasy world to me.
Speaker 7: So and also I think X Games and like all
Speaker 7: that stuff was happening around the time I was I
Speaker 7: was coming up, so I really really really wanted a Suzuki,
Speaker 7: like specifically a yellow Suzuki dirt bike. And the what
Speaker 7: I got instead was my mom took me to the
Speaker 7: store and let me sit on it for a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that was about it. Oh and she bought me.
Speaker 7: Some some gear so I could dress up for Halloween
Speaker 7: and that that was my consolation prize. And then I'll
Speaker 7: flip the yes, yes, yes, but I'll flip it and
Speaker 7: say the gift that I got wasn't surprisingly shitty. I
Speaker 7: got a gift that I thought was gonna be shitty
Speaker 7: and it was actually really really good.
Speaker 3: It's very mundane. It was an electric toothbrush.
Speaker 7: When I was like in seventh grade and I was like,
Speaker 7: I was like, what the fuck is this ship. I
Speaker 7: was like, I don't want I don't want to do it,
Speaker 7: like hygiene, what are you talking about.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to get fucked up on sugar today.
Speaker 1: And then as a seven year old on Christmas morning.
Speaker 3: My aunt gave it to me.
Speaker 7: Shut out Aunt Jock, and she gave me this toothbrush
Speaker 7: and it changed my life. I was I really started
Speaker 7: taking my dental hygiene seriously after that. I don't know,
Speaker 7: there's not a cool story behind it. It is what
Speaker 7: it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it activates that adult in you. I'm sure you're like, yeah, shit,
Speaker 2: I'm cooking, I'm brushing like the fucking big folks.
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, absolutely, parents, man, parents, man, that you want
Speaker 1: a motorcycle to gets you a toothbrush.
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will say it says a lot
Speaker 1: about justin that he's like and it actually was smart
Speaker 1: and it worked out really well. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now I have great teeth and he's a good kid.
Speaker 2: He's a good kid.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well that was someone else's decision. But I bought
Speaker 7: for myself with the first one hundred dollars I ever,
Speaker 7: like had cumulatively that I saved over like six years.
Speaker 7: Paul Wall was just coming up with Mike Jones, and
Speaker 7: I bought myself a fake ass grill for Christmas.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was like it, would you have the whole top
Speaker 2: diamond in the bottom rolls gold?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 7: I I had both both top and bottom were had
Speaker 7: the little fake diamonds in them.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: And I went to school. I was sounded stupidry.
Speaker 3: Sound I sounded. My mom was like, are you sure
Speaker 3: you want to spend your money on this? Is like,
Speaker 3: hell yeah, I was going to be cool as man.
Speaker 3: She's say.
Speaker 2: I bought like six six carrot canary yellow fake yellow
Speaker 2: diamond earrings out of the back of the source. When
Speaker 2: I was in high school. My mom my mom, like
Speaker 2: at the time, you know, I wasn't ordering ship. She's
Speaker 2: like she thought it was something like misaddressed for her,
Speaker 2: and she was like, what the fuck is this. I'm like,
Speaker 2: they're my diamond ears, like you wear this ship and
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, like when I have, you know, my
Speaker 2: ears are pierced, Like she knew my ears were pierced.
Speaker 2: And she's like these are so stupid looking at I know,
Speaker 2: but that's what bird.
Speaker 3: Man yep shout out to parents. Let us make her
Speaker 3: own fashioned mistakes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Chris, what was yours?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 4: Uh, I wanted a drum set and I was like
Speaker 4: fourteen or something and it was like a big thing.
Speaker 4: So I'm mom took me to look.
Speaker 1: At it ahead of time.
Speaker 4: He's just like, not something, you know, it was a
Speaker 4: big yeah.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: So it's like, we went to this guy's house in
Speaker 4: somewhere like forty five minutes away in Wallingford, Connecticut, I think.
Speaker 1: And totally irrelevant, but uh.
Speaker 4: No, maybe they're still for sale up there, so we
Speaker 4: went go check it out.
Speaker 1: So we went to.
Speaker 4: This guy's house and we went in there and it
Speaker 4: was like he offered, like I don't know. He was
Speaker 4: some older guy, you know, probably had a cover band
Speaker 4: or whatever, and he was quitting and he had, you know,
Speaker 4: a mullet or whatever, and he offered me the whole
Speaker 4: room full of drum stuff. It was a lot of
Speaker 4: stuff for like four hundred bucks. And my mom was like,
Speaker 4: that's too much money and we went home.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Shit.
Speaker 4: And in retrospect, it's so funny because like it's like, okay, Mom,
Speaker 4: well then I'll just become an alcoholic. I mean, I
Speaker 4: feel like that was a real moment that she didn't realize.
Speaker 4: She was like, yeah, I'm not going each of these drums,
Speaker 4: So have a nice time in this town with just
Speaker 4: like a golf course and some woods have fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go out to night have fun, right the woods
Speaker 1: Man where all the porn is Oh shit. So I
Speaker 1: feel like that's also one of those things where it's
Speaker 1: like get your kid drums, Like seems like a good
Speaker 1: idea until you think about it for like fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: however long the drive was to Wallingford. Yeah, then you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is gonna be an absolute nightmare
Speaker 1: for me and our entire like everybody within earshot.
Speaker 4: I understand the thought process, you know, but I think
Speaker 4: that's like for me, I just look at it like,
Speaker 4: you know, I could have been you know, I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, you could have had a druma company to
Speaker 1: this appearance.
Speaker 4: I could have been freaking you know, Neil Pert. Instead,
Speaker 4: I end up from this funneling, funneling the most beer
Speaker 4: at Trinity College could have been.
Speaker 2: Now I'm at the edge of the bar, feeling real hurt.
Speaker 1: Exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, that kind of bar. Yeah, that's a bar.
Speaker 2: There's a trauma bar. Wait. Didn't you also say you
Speaker 2: got something from your grade?
Speaker 4: So h Yeah. This is a sad story, but maybe
Speaker 4: it'll help some people who were going through this because
Speaker 4: it really was like something I forgot about until I
Speaker 4: was in therapy and I remembered a couple of things.
Speaker 4: And this will make my mom real sad, but it's
Speaker 4: okay because it's real. I one time when I was
Speaker 4: wetting my bed, speaking of wetting the bed, or I
Speaker 4: did wet the bed, I don't know, but but but
Speaker 4: my mom took one of my animals, stuffed animals, and
Speaker 4: put in a tree in the front yard and left
Speaker 4: a note from the stuffed animal saying like I'm not
Speaker 4: gonna hang around with you anymore if you wet the
Speaker 4: bed and like, and that worked, and my mom told me.
Speaker 4: My mom told me about that forever, like it was
Speaker 4: a huge victory. She's like, I didn't wet the bed
Speaker 4: after that, and I'm like, yeah, I wasn't happy either,
Speaker 4: And this, I.
Speaker 2: Hope that just broke me.
Speaker 1: This is but this is, this.
Speaker 4: Is important because I'm gonna try and this is this
Speaker 4: is like a teachable moment. I like to joke a
Speaker 4: lot about smoking old cigars, but I want to give
Speaker 4: a decable moment to the young people listening.
Speaker 2: Okay, Victor, that's a I know it's a tough act
Speaker 2: to follow.
Speaker 5: Damn. I don't think I specialized properly because like my
Speaker 5: like me and my family we would always just buy
Speaker 5: our like buy ourselves the gifts that we wanted and
Speaker 5: then give it to each other and then they'd wrap
Speaker 5: it and then on Christmas we'd be like, holy shit,
Speaker 5: you gave me this, and it was like I bought
Speaker 5: it for myself, you know.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's not an agency.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I never really wanted to, Like that's why
Speaker 5: I never really wanted anything. So I'd buy like the
Speaker 5: cheapest Lego and just give it to my mom and
Speaker 5: be like, can you give this to me for Christmas?
Speaker 5: And then she'd give it back to me. And now,
Speaker 5: like you know, I'm like an adult trying to like
Speaker 5: buy Christmas gifts, and I'm realizing this is very difficult
Speaker 5: because they're not buying the gift for themselves and giving it.
Speaker 2: To me to wrap.
Speaker 5: So I don't know. I guess I always wanted like
Speaker 5: the four hundred dollars Lego sets that I didn't have
Speaker 5: enough money for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I always got
Speaker 5: vaguely what I wanted, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 2: I just love that too. Like Bays in the chat,
Speaker 2: that's like most Asians it. I mean the gift giving too.
Speaker 2: There's so much of it is just sort of like,
Speaker 2: what you want, here's the money for it. Just leave
Speaker 2: me alone. Yeah, exactly, that's your gift, you do. We
Speaker 2: need a whole event around this, uh. And sometimes I
Speaker 2: appreciate that because as a child, when you're looking for
Speaker 2: a gift, it's purely just about like give me, give
Speaker 2: me that, yeah, and that's it. It's not about Jesus.
Speaker 2: We've really gotten.
Speaker 4: Lost in I got to make up for this horrible story.
Speaker 4: I told my parents gave me everything I wanted. I
Speaker 4: got like Cleco Vision and and like Space Laser Fight.
Speaker 1: And you guys don't even know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: And I got Are you just like making stuff up?
Speaker 3: I don't know?
Speaker 1: I got, I got double damn.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Space Laser Fight by Bambino. If you guys don't
Speaker 4: know about that, man, ads were so effective and that
Speaker 4: was a good game for its time, you know. I
Speaker 4: mean we're talking about a period that we went from
Speaker 4: pong to people fighting with lasers anyway, Oh yeah, this thing.
Speaker 1: Talking about the history of video games. Yeah, Space Laser.
Speaker 4: Fight Bye Bye by Bambino. And I always thought Bambino
Speaker 4: was a badass name for a electronics company. Yeah, they
Speaker 4: had the Bambino And it was also smooth, like the
Speaker 4: console of the Space Laser Fight was very like, you know,
Speaker 4: it's like a pre iPhone, like real smooth, plastic pleasing,
Speaker 4: like you wanted to rub it. I haven't seen it.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, that thing.
Speaker 2: Was so badass.
Speaker 4: I haven't seen it.
Speaker 2: I've seen it. While it's a good looking unit.
Speaker 4: It was a good looking unit and it felt good
Speaker 4: and it made you feel like everything was gonna be
Speaker 4: all right.
Speaker 10: Yeah, and it's with that smooth plastic Chris crofton Victor right,
Speaker 10: justin Connor, thank you guys so much for joining us
Speaker 10: this the day after Christmas?
Speaker 1: Chris, where can people find you? Follow you, read you
Speaker 1: all that good stuff.
Speaker 4: Well, if everybody didn't already get a copy of The
Speaker 4: Advice King Anthology for everyone they know for Christmas? Yeah, great,
Speaker 4: they can get it for them for whatever the next
Speaker 4: holiday is, Yeah, New Year's that's Chris crofton The Advice
Speaker 4: King Anthology, my book that came out on Vanderbilt University Press.
Speaker 4: You can get it anywhere. I don't care where you
Speaker 4: get it. Get it from the Evil Empire, get it
Speaker 4: from Amazon. I don't care because it's got the instructions
Speaker 4: to overthrow Amazon in it. There you go, The Advice
Speaker 4: King Anthology. And you can follow me on the Instagram
Speaker 4: and at the Crafton Show Twitter or fucking well, I'm
Speaker 4: not going to say the other word at the Crofton Show.
Speaker 4: And you can listen to my record on Spotify that
Speaker 4: got a seven point four from Pitchfork. It's called The Low.
Speaker 2: It's me there.
Speaker 1: It is to producer Victor. Where can people find you?
Speaker 5: Yeah? You can find me on Instagram Victor Right four
Speaker 5: three eight. You could also catch me on Hookemon Go
Speaker 5: v Man four three eight. I always send people gifts
Speaker 5: so that they could send me gifts back, and then
Speaker 5: I have podcasts chewing up the Scenery where me and
Speaker 5: my lifelong friend Nick we talk about movies and shit.
Speaker 5: One of my favorite episodes is going Down talk about
Speaker 5: the movie JFK and Nixon. So we do presidential history,
Speaker 5: movies and all kinds of shit.
Speaker 2: So just check it out.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, justin anything.
Speaker 11: Uh you can find me a J Con the Smith
Speaker 11: that's J C O N t H E S M
Speaker 11: I T H on Instagram. And uh yeah, I don't
Speaker 11: have much to plug right now.
Speaker 3: I have a few things in the works, but uh media,
Speaker 3: I've been enjoying.
Speaker 11: Uh, I've just been playing a lot of Spider Man
Speaker 11: two on Station five Super fun.
Speaker 1: Hey the guys child make an appearance.
Speaker 2: Yep, I had to go grab them.
Speaker 4: That's right, Miles is baby?
Speaker 2: Say something definitely and fit a bar tell him, tell him, yeah,
Speaker 2: he's got a new baby. You got a new track
Speaker 2: coming out? You know, Adonis Drake's son had a track
Speaker 2: at six years old. We're gonna put someone out soon,
Speaker 2: break that right, say something, do something.
Speaker 4: How old is he?
Speaker 2: He's like, he's ten months old?
Speaker 1: Now, wow, he's looking good.
Speaker 4: Look at that hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you totally man a Marvel.
Speaker 2: I look at every night and I'm like, what the
Speaker 2: fuck did I do wrong and not have this baby's hairs?
Speaker 2: Do you have hair as a baby? Oh yeah, I
Speaker 2: came out to the scalp was blowing the fuck out
Speaker 2: like a grow room. You know what I mean. But yeah,
Speaker 2: the genetics got me. I don't know if I had
Speaker 2: a chance anyway, Miles of Gray, I believe it. I
Speaker 2: believe to go grab the baby because yeah, it's been real.
Speaker 1: Ramshackle this uh this end of the episode, Jack underscore, O'Brien,
Speaker 1: that's gonna do it. We're back with more holiday year
Speaker 1: end stuff. That's gonna do it for like our Christmas stuff.
Speaker 1: I think. Now we're gonna gonna get into the year
Speaker 1: end stuff in the coming days and we will talk
Speaker 1: to you all then. Hope everyone is having a great holiday.
Speaker 1: Stay safe and don't put your feelings above children's. Nope, tomorrow,
Speaker 1: bye bye, bye bye.
Speaker 10: M