1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,199
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,920
Speaker 1: okay storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

4
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,799
Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

5
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,479
Speaker 2: I refuse to accept help from my father's girlfriend. It

6
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,760
Speaker 2: ruined our relationship.

7
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,920
Speaker 3: I mean, can't you, you know, help yourself.

8
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,079
Speaker 2: There's a lot of background, but the main issue that

9
00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:23,440
Speaker 2: while injured in in pain, I kept telling my teachers

10
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,200
Speaker 2: and paramedics that I only wanted my dad, who was

11
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,920
Speaker 2: two hours away at work. I also said I didn't

12
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,440
Speaker 2: want his girlfriend to come with me to the hospital.

13
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,000
Speaker 2: The relationship we had wasn't bad, but now is particularly

14
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,840
Speaker 2: ruined because of me. By the way, this comes from

15
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,800
Speaker 2: Baker's phil Puppy And if you want to spite your

16
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,000
Speaker 2: own stories, go to our slushowcase story Tom celebrate it.

17
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,440
Speaker 2: So so my birth mom lost custody of me. I

18
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,159
Speaker 2: don't blame her. She was a single teen mom without

19
00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:53,560
Speaker 2: any support except my grandparents, who were really not good people.

20
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,720
Speaker 2: They forced her to keep me, didn't let her graduate

21
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,160
Speaker 2: high school, and then got mad when she couldn't make

22
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,920
Speaker 2: enough money to pay them rent. Immediately they punted us

23
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,760
Speaker 2: out as soon as she turned eighteen, she couldn't get

24
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,360
Speaker 2: in contact with my biodad for a while, and she

25
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:13,480
Speaker 2: fell into substances. She wasn't herself when she was high.

26
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,199
Speaker 2: The courts were able to reunite me with my dad,

27
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:18,920
Speaker 2: and she tried for a while to get and stay

28
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,720
Speaker 2: clean so she could still have partial custody. But regular

29
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,720
Speaker 2: substance abuse is a sickness. I think she had me

30
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,080
Speaker 2: too young to be able to overcome it. For the

31
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,279
Speaker 2: sake of her love for me, my dad has always

32
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,760
Speaker 2: been everything I need. He was with another woman when

33
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,399
Speaker 2: we first reunited, and when that woman expressed that she

34
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,920
Speaker 2: didn't want to be a mother, that it wasn't the

35
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:45,640
Speaker 2: past she wanted, he gave up his relationship with her

36
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,680
Speaker 2: because he wanted to keep me. I feel stupid and ridiculous,

37
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,720
Speaker 2: like I have double standards because in a lot of

38
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,920
Speaker 2: ways my bio mom sacrificed for me too. But he's

39
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,720
Speaker 2: the one who has been able to consistently make those

40
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,720
Speaker 2: sacks prices to keep my safety and happiness his priority.

41
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,920
Speaker 2: His new girlfriend is really nice, and I want to

42
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,799
Speaker 2: make a point to acknowledge that she's never mean to me.

43
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,359
Speaker 2: Before the incident, she was kind of distant and awkward,

44
00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,720
Speaker 2: and she didn't spend much time with me when we

45
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,040
Speaker 2: were all together, which I get. I'm not hers and

46
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,840
Speaker 2: I'm basically that jankie cheap free gift you get in

47
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,280
Speaker 2: Cereal that you end up throwing out.

48
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,520
Speaker 3: Hey, now hey, now hey, now hey, now hey now

49
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:30,799
Speaker 3: that's a little too negative on the self talk.

50
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also I look forward to that. Yeah.

51
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,760
Speaker 3: I still have the Dakoder rings that I got in

52
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,079
Speaker 3: the Cereal boxes when the Star Trek movie came out

53
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:39,840
Speaker 3: in like two thousand and eight.

54
00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:40,519
Speaker 4: I still have it.

55
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,240
Speaker 2: Dakota's got the Dakota rings, so I keep them. Our

56
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,840
Speaker 2: interests don't line up either, which doesn't help. I'm practically

57
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,400
Speaker 2: out of the house anyway. Fifteen, just a few more years,

58
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,240
Speaker 2: so I try not to make any waves with her.

59
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 2: We had a decent thing going. She's going to be

60
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,920
Speaker 2: around a lot more and for longer than I will

61
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,119
Speaker 2: over the same five if we look at typical timelines,

62
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,600
Speaker 2: because I'll be in college. But she makes my dad happy.

63
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,639
Speaker 2: She does love him. I had an accident at school

64
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,760
Speaker 2: a while ago that i'm still recovering from. I also

65
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,400
Speaker 2: injured my classmate pretty badly. Got a fight Oh, I

66
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,040
Speaker 2: wondered what happened. Oh, it was an accident. I mean

67
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,280
Speaker 2: it could be a fight. Maybe she's not saying it, but.

68
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,360
Speaker 3: I still feel guilty because the stairs.

69
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,200
Speaker 2: I still feel guilty because it was ultimately my fault.

70
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:27,760
Speaker 2: So yeah, it does seem.

71
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,000
Speaker 3: I think they're gonna explain. Actually, let's keep going.

72
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,040
Speaker 2: We were both getting too heated and competitive, but I

73
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,920
Speaker 2: should have been more careful. We collided way too hard.

74
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,240
Speaker 2: When we went down, everything went wrong basketball, Oh got it.

75
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,920
Speaker 2: My right knee twisted with a bad angle and bent

76
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,600
Speaker 2: when my classmate fell on top of me. I broke

77
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,440
Speaker 2: my nose and I socket tore my ACL martlely sprayed

78
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,800
Speaker 2: my MCL and tore the lining of my hip joint

79
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:52,520
Speaker 2: in the fall.

80
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,960
Speaker 3: Whoa dude, you were going like so hard?

81
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:56,760
Speaker 4: Did you stretch it?

82
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:57,080
Speaker 5: All?

83
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,560
Speaker 3: Was this Foh? Well, I'm glad you're in the repair

84
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 3: process or what? Holy crap?

85
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:08,480
Speaker 2: I had a blowout fracturer and a non displaced fracture

86
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,400
Speaker 2: in my femur.

87
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,400
Speaker 4: I feel like, oh, he's bragging at this point.

88
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,680
Speaker 2: I gave her a dead leg, bruised her hips so

89
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,719
Speaker 2: badly she needed months of physical therapy, and cracked her ribs.

90
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,119
Speaker 2: What were you guys doing?

91
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 3: Maybe they were, I don't know. That's a violent basketball exchange.

92
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,160
Speaker 3: I've never heard of anything like that.

93
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,920
Speaker 4: Riley's taking notes right now.

94
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:32,840
Speaker 2: The worst I've ever seen is the Tyler Zeller. You

95
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,440
Speaker 2: wouldn't see remember that, I know, I don't remember the

96
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:42,480
Speaker 2: Louisville one. Yeah, the Final four, Brod, How does that

97
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,240
Speaker 2: even happen?

98
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,919
Speaker 3: The worst one I've seen was from that comedian Tom Segura.

99
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,120
Speaker 3: Literally just like going in for like a like a whatever.

100
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,400
Speaker 3: He was just like just doing a normal thing, and

101
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:55,240
Speaker 3: he like jumped and his like leg game like we

102
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:59,520
Speaker 3: don't no, it was just like a freak accident. But

103
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,599
Speaker 3: this sound like football.

104
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,320
Speaker 2: I don't know what happened on top of that rugby.

105
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,960
Speaker 2: She got a straddle injury and a serious concussion from

106
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:12,039
Speaker 2: the fall. The school obviously had my dad's contact, but

107
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,560
Speaker 2: he travels a lot for work, so he was nearly

108
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,159
Speaker 2: out of state when this happened. He had already given

109
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,680
Speaker 2: them his girlfriend's phone number as an emergency contact so

110
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,200
Speaker 2: they could allure her and have her go with me

111
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,400
Speaker 2: to the hospital. But I kept saying no, I only

112
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,200
Speaker 2: wanted my dad and I didn't want her. I was

113
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,520
Speaker 2: even screaming and crying that the EMTs when they got there.

114
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,480
Speaker 2: I wasn't thinking at the time. I was hurting, and

115
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,680
Speaker 2: it wasn't clicking in my mind that my dad was

116
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,800
Speaker 2: far away, that I needed someone, a trusted adult who

117
00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,520
Speaker 2: helps take care of me there. I didn't realize she

118
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,960
Speaker 2: was there at first. It feels like I unlived any

119
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,280
Speaker 2: chance I had at a relationship with her. Op you're

120
00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:49,880
Speaker 2: pretty hard on.

121
00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,960
Speaker 3: Yourself, Yeah, a lot of negative self talk. Let's even

122
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:53,840
Speaker 3: be more positive.

123
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,480
Speaker 2: Maybe after I move out, we could have been friendly.

124
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,280
Speaker 2: I don't think she could act like a mom mom

125
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,120
Speaker 2: to me, but we could both love my dad, and

126
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,760
Speaker 2: that should have been enough to build off of. She's

127
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,840
Speaker 2: been really quiet around me ever since. She barely talks

128
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,480
Speaker 2: to me. She only spends time with me if Dad

129
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,040
Speaker 2: is there too, and we live in the same house.

130
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,359
Speaker 2: She's gotten up and left her room to stay away.

131
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,640
Speaker 2: She'll drop me off at physical therapy if she has to,

132
00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:22,000
Speaker 2: but won't come in. She barely ever says good night

133
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,320
Speaker 2: or good morning, even if I say it first. After

134
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,320
Speaker 2: my surgery, Dad took care of me mostly, but if

135
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,599
Speaker 2: he has work, she would wake up and give me

136
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 2: my medicine, then leave me alone for hours. I never

137
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,120
Speaker 2: noticed until she stopped that she sometimes called me by

138
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,520
Speaker 2: the same nickname. I like that Dad calls me and

139
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,479
Speaker 2: sometimes a different nickname. But now she doesn't use any

140
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,760
Speaker 2: nicknames at all. It's like going from Mad's to Maddie

141
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:54,120
Speaker 2: to Madeleine all the time, or from Lexi and Alex

142
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:58,920
Speaker 2: to Alexandria, even though there are less formal but still

143
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,200
Speaker 2: impressable nicknames she used to use.

144
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:06,520
Speaker 3: I don't know, like, I think the way that you

145
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,000
Speaker 3: address this is you just need to like have a

146
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,560
Speaker 3: open dialogue about it. Like I don't think either of

147
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,000
Speaker 3: you actually know where the other one is. It sounds

148
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,840
Speaker 3: like OPI is just kind of connecting the dots herself,

149
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,680
Speaker 3: and from the sound of it, it sounds like the

150
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,760
Speaker 3: girlfriend just thinks op doesn't want anything.

151
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:26,280
Speaker 4: To do with her anyway.

152
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is all she's being rude.

153
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,440
Speaker 2: The mom, Yeah, I just think you need to like

154
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:38,320
Speaker 2: the coda set of sit down and less assumptions. Yeah,

155
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,360
Speaker 2: just put it all out the girl did I mean

156
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,560
Speaker 2: the girlfriend did say she didn't want to be a mom.

157
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,640
Speaker 3: Well, sure, but you don't have to be someone's mom

158
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:49,480
Speaker 3: just to like be you know, a little tighter with them.

159
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,000
Speaker 2: You know she's starting being drunk. I should have acted better.

160
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,200
Speaker 2: I don't know how to fix this. I know my

161
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 2: dad can see things are weird between us. He's trying

162
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,040
Speaker 2: to send me down and ask, but I don't. I

163
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,640
Speaker 2: want to tell him that I screamed at everyone that

164
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,760
Speaker 2: I didn't want her, I embarrassed her. I was a brad.

165
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,280
Speaker 2: I didn't want him to be disappointed, but I'm afraid

166
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,840
Speaker 2: he already knows what happened. Every time I say everything's fine,

167
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,640
Speaker 2: I disappoint him more like it's a lie. I know

168
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,840
Speaker 2: it was stupid and cruel, and it's my fault. I

169
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,040
Speaker 2: should have let her come with me to the hospital,

170
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,720
Speaker 2: because she was literally right there. My dad was hours away.

171
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,800
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure I offended her an embarrassed her. I

172
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,480
Speaker 2: made it seem like we could never be friendly or cordial,

173
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,920
Speaker 2: like I'll never allow it to be better than that.

174
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,800
Speaker 2: Now we have to be this distant sort of polite.

175
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,720
Speaker 2: I'm screwing up my dad's life and his chance at

176
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,760
Speaker 2: happiness again because I can't be nice to the person

177
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,560
Speaker 2: who loves him with f I need to fix this.

178
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,280
Speaker 2: I don't know where to begin. We gotten up.

179
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,920
Speaker 3: Here's like I feel like, OHP's like a teenager. Oh

180
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,280
Speaker 3: well then yeah that okay, So now all.

181
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,000
Speaker 4: Of this makes sense.

182
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,480
Speaker 3: You're just fifteen, so of course you're like in your

183
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,360
Speaker 3: head about all this, but you just need to like, oh,

184
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,760
Speaker 3: it's so hard to say that to a fifteen year

185
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,800
Speaker 3: old though, because it's like, it's like so hard to

186
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:10,280
Speaker 3: actually do that with no foundation to work off of.

187
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,040
Speaker 3: I don't know, like the perspective that, like, your dad's

188
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,199
Speaker 3: girlfriend is fundamentally like the same person as you, even

189
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,920
Speaker 3: though you're fifteen and she's an adult, like y'all are

190
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,319
Speaker 3: still both like people with feelings and like y'all need

191
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,559
Speaker 3: to talk out what y'all went through in that experience

192
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,960
Speaker 3: you had a traumatic accident. She is I mean, not

193
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 3: a stranger, but it would be she's not your mom.

194
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,640
Speaker 3: She made it clear she's not your mom, so it's

195
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,240
Speaker 3: fair that maybe you want someone like tighter to you,

196
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:36,959
Speaker 3: like your dad.

197
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:41,560
Speaker 2: And also, on top of this, an apology, I'm sorry

198
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,880
Speaker 2: for what I said. I regret it. I want us

199
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:44,320
Speaker 2: to be close.

200
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, just put it all out there. Update.

201
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,920
Speaker 2: I talked to her and my dad a bunch, like

202
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,560
Speaker 2: for hours today, off and on. We had to take

203
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,920
Speaker 2: breaks for water, my medicine, and so I could sleep

204
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,439
Speaker 2: because the painkillers make it hard to stay awake, and

205
00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,319
Speaker 2: so do emotional talks. I'll make a full post in

206
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,120
Speaker 2: a minute, but it's a good outcome. Ultimately, I'm happy

207
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,920
Speaker 2: with it. I'm also exhausted, so maybe tomorrow. Sorry if so,

208
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,440
Speaker 2: Thank you everyone. I also plan and respond to all

209
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:14,120
Speaker 2: of your comments. Update. As before, The main thing is

210
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:18,000
Speaker 2: she apologized. That apologized. They refuse to let me take

211
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,400
Speaker 2: any blame for my part in it. Therapy is on

212
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:25,120
Speaker 2: the table, and I likely have to do it. Her

213
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,000
Speaker 2: and I both want a relationship, and both are scared.

214
00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 2: First of all, I'm starting to realize I don't see

215
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,600
Speaker 2: how people actually intend to act towards me. I see

216
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,960
Speaker 2: what's safer to anticipate, which is that they're going to

217
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,960
Speaker 2: want to move on as soon as they can and

218
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,120
Speaker 2: they're going to be putting up with a situation until then,

219
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,440
Speaker 2: or that they resent me and would do something to

220
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,080
Speaker 2: hurt me as a result. I decide on the other

221
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 2: person's motives and thoughts for them because I hedged my

222
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,559
Speaker 2: bets to feel safe. It's something my previous therapists tried

223
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,080
Speaker 2: to tell me I was doing but when I was

224
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,200
Speaker 2: younger then and didn't like him at all, so I

225
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,199
Speaker 2: didn't listen. I realized it generally makes me feel uncomfortable

226
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:13,520
Speaker 2: when someone shows affection, even when I want comfort and

227
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,040
Speaker 2: to feel loved, because I don't want the inevitable next

228
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:19,000
Speaker 2: step in the cycle, which is some sort of abuse,

229
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,480
Speaker 2: and that is at least she knows it. I feel

230
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,640
Speaker 2: like people can know things about themselves, like they can

231
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,079
Speaker 2: be told it, but they have to live and walk

232
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,959
Speaker 2: it in order to understand it.

233
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there's a there's a big difference between

234
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,920
Speaker 3: Like I don't know how old you were in that

235
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,200
Speaker 3: first therapy session, but it's like I feel like at fifteen,

236
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,000
Speaker 3: it's like you're starting to get there, but you're still

237
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,720
Speaker 3: nowhere near. You're at the very beginning of just starting

238
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:47,280
Speaker 3: to experience them, the inklings of independence. At least, I'm like,

239
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,000
Speaker 3: I feel like like a typical track, like some kids

240
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,160
Speaker 3: get parentified like super I mean, I'm not at.

241
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,040
Speaker 2: The age where I know what I like and what

242
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,320
Speaker 2: I want to do. It takes a while, it does

243
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,839
Speaker 2: it can. They haven't put me through that cycle, though,

244
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,959
Speaker 2: and they never have, not even the cold distance she

245
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:05,600
Speaker 2: was doing. But I'm still scared. I'm scared that maybe

246
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,080
Speaker 2: I do go to therapy and they make it so

247
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,600
Speaker 2: I'm not so cautious anymore, and then I find myself

248
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,400
Speaker 2: in another situation where I wouldn't have been hurt or

249
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:18,040
Speaker 2: blindsided if I wasn't stupid about it and too trusting.

250
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,160
Speaker 4: Okay, pause.

251
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:23,240
Speaker 3: Because it takes rain and sunshine to make a rainbow,

252
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,040
Speaker 3: you close yourself off to the possibility of pain, you

253
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,680
Speaker 3: also close yourself off to the possibility of joy. Wow,

254
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,880
Speaker 3: it's like they're the same. They are two sides of

255
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,040
Speaker 3: the same coin. So if you're too closed off, you

256
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,520
Speaker 3: can't experience the good or the bad.

257
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,600
Speaker 2: It's probably the smartest thing I've ever heard you say

258
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,280
Speaker 2: on this podcast. Actually, yeahbably the smartest thing I've ever

259
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,080
Speaker 2: heard you say. Ever. Thanks You're welcome.

260
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, kiss.

261
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,560
Speaker 2: I still wait wait wait, wait, wait, wait, no, don't

262
00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:48,600
Speaker 2: tell me what to do. I feel like i'm your

263
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,640
Speaker 2: never mind. I'm not gonna say that. I still feel

264
00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:55,400
Speaker 2: horrible for refusing her, but they wouldn't let me apologize,

265
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 2: wouldn't accept it unless it was for bottling it up

266
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,520
Speaker 2: and trying to hand on my own because it was

267
00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,839
Speaker 2: too much for just me. It's also like you all said,

268
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,200
Speaker 2: and so did she, and so did my dad. She

269
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,080
Speaker 2: hasn't been around in my life as long. We aren't

270
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,320
Speaker 2: as close as I am to my dad. I was

271
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,720
Speaker 2: not well, and I certainly wasn't thinking beyond the only

272
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,560
Speaker 2: safe person I knew would help me and make the

273
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,840
Speaker 2: pain stop. She apologized a lot too the way I reacted,

274
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,280
Speaker 2: Even though she knew not to take offense to the

275
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,079
Speaker 2: cursing and pushing her away because I was in pain,

276
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,160
Speaker 2: she said, it still felt like it said a lot

277
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,520
Speaker 2: that instinctually I didn't feel safe with her near. She

278
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,360
Speaker 2: realized her presence was not calming like dads would have been,

279
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,520
Speaker 2: so she backed off and handled things behind the scenes

280
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:49,240
Speaker 2: because she didn't want ME to get any more panicked

281
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,960
Speaker 2: and overwhelmed by forcing her presence there. Then, while I

282
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,400
Speaker 2: was in surgery, she thought over things how we talk

283
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,720
Speaker 2: to each other, the disconnect of physical affection or any

284
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:04,000
Speaker 2: sort of affection, and she felt like she had realized

285
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,160
Speaker 2: months too late that she had overstepped big time. She

286
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,360
Speaker 2: apologized for assuming that and said it wasn't what I deserved.

287
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,360
Speaker 3: Okay, look at that, all right, We're we're getting on

288
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:16,319
Speaker 3: the same page.

289
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,160
Speaker 2: Approaching that what page you Nmber, are we on?

290
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,880
Speaker 3: We're probably on my page, like I don't know, seventy

291
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,560
Speaker 3: eight out of ninety seven, eight nine, We're like right there,

292
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,280
Speaker 3: We're like finish line time.

293
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 4: We're almost there.

294
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,280
Speaker 2: We're now turning the heavy page to eighty.

295
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:29,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

296
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,320
Speaker 4: Nine is like we're we're kind of already. That was

297
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:32,680
Speaker 4: the climb.

298
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,240
Speaker 3: I feel like we're in the falling action now. I

299
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,640
Speaker 3: feel like we still got some climaxer. Oh yeah, yeah,

300
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,880
Speaker 3: it's got a false boty. Assuming that showed a lack

301
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 3: of trust in me and an overruled a chance to

302
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,560
Speaker 3: have a real talk sooner. She said again that we

303
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,520
Speaker 3: should have a talk by now so she could actually

304
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,560
Speaker 3: know me and my feelings versus her beliefs about them,

305
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,080
Speaker 3: and now to treat me like I can't have a

306
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:59,480
Speaker 3: conversation with many complex relationships, roles, and emotions flying around.

307
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,840
Speaker 3: She and Dad both said I was mature in a

308
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,520
Speaker 3: lot of ways. She repeated that she was only explaining

309
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,440
Speaker 3: her behavior and thought process, so I wouldn't try to

310
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,680
Speaker 3: take responsibility for it.

311
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 2: Okay. I love that these adults are taking this situation

312
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,720
Speaker 2: and putting it on their shoulders because they don't want

313
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,720
Speaker 2: to put that on op, right, and they shouldn't because

314
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,320
Speaker 2: she's fifteen, And yeah, OPI probably did like some things

315
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,040
Speaker 2: she could have done better, but yeah, that's her natural reaction.

316
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,200
Speaker 4: Well, you're fifteen.

317
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 3: If there's everything that you do when you're a teenager,

318
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,960
Speaker 3: you could probably do better. Anything you can do right now,

319
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,320
Speaker 3: you can probably do better. I mean, but in this context,

320
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,920
Speaker 3: it's like the adults need to be the ones taking point,

321
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,000
Speaker 3: and they need to be the ones who are taking

322
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,520
Speaker 3: the emotional.

323
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,440
Speaker 4: Not burden, but like you know, the onus.

324
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,400
Speaker 3: Yes, it's like we have to be the ones to

325
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:52,200
Speaker 3: address and fix this and help teach her how to

326
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:56,240
Speaker 3: emotionally regulate and have these kind of discussions that are

327
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,200
Speaker 3: not easy. It's not easy to bring this kind of

328
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:58,920
Speaker 3: stuff up there, so.

329
00:15:58,880 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 4: It's hard, it's uncomfortable.

330
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,920
Speaker 2: None of it excuse the way she acted, and it

331
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,360
Speaker 2: doesn't arrest the stress and pain she put me through

332
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,160
Speaker 2: because of it. I don't remember exactly how she said it,

333
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 2: but she told me that she is responsible for managing

334
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 2: her reactions to her perceptions and for checking them to

335
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,560
Speaker 2: make sure she isn't unknowingly feeding a negative loop. And

336
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,080
Speaker 2: causing her. I get why she kept insisting I shouldn't

337
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:28,160
Speaker 2: blame myself, and they both told me not to. How

338
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,000
Speaker 2: is it not my fault that I misread her being

339
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,080
Speaker 2: quieter and trying to give me space and took it

340
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,960
Speaker 2: so personally that she stepped away, Even if she says

341
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,280
Speaker 2: she pulled back way too much, that she should have

342
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,520
Speaker 2: never stopped saying good morning, organite every time, that she

343
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,720
Speaker 2: should have said something sooner to start the conversation instead

344
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,560
Speaker 2: of leaving it to me. I'd given her every reason

345
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,400
Speaker 2: to want to pull away that far. They said it

346
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 2: was very thoughtful of me and showed how much compassion

347
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 2: I have for others. But I shouldn't have had this

348
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,280
Speaker 2: on my mind at all. I shouldn't have felt the

349
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 2: need to apologize. I should be focused on recovering, and

350
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 2: I should have been able to rely on them to

351
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,920
Speaker 2: get this sorted out. I mean, yeah, it does sound

352
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,320
Speaker 2: like a lot of behind the scenes happened in order

353
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 2: for like the mother in law and OP to be

354
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:15,359
Speaker 2: on the same page.

355
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure.

356
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,960
Speaker 3: And it's like it does sound like they were both

357
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:24,160
Speaker 3: feeding into like the worst situation and in their heads, yeah, like, oh,

358
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,280
Speaker 3: this is what's going on. I'm not going to check

359
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 3: in because it's easier to not confront the negative emotions

360
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 3: and stuff.

361
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:32,879
Speaker 4: And I'm just gonna live in it instead.

362
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,800
Speaker 3: It's like, maybe they can both learn from this, you know, Yeah, yeah,

363
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,120
Speaker 3: I mean it's definitely I know, finally.

364
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 2: A wholesome communication story. I didn't know these existed.

365
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 5: They're like shiny Pokemon do have it. They're out there,

366
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,440
Speaker 5: but they're they're impossible to find.

367
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 2: For a while after the accident, Dad kept trying to

368
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,440
Speaker 2: get me to open up, but I wouldn't. She didn't

369
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,840
Speaker 2: know if I was actually okay with the way she

370
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,760
Speaker 2: was treating me after the accident, and she said she

371
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,879
Speaker 2: was too scared scared to broach it and upset me

372
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,720
Speaker 2: while I was injured. She let that get in the

373
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,359
Speaker 2: way of making sure I wasn't scared and alone. She

374
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,720
Speaker 2: said she was proud of the courage and integrity I showed,

375
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 2: not just with this talk but in other things. That

376
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,560
Speaker 2: was kind of nice. I feel bad because I don't

377
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,959
Speaker 2: know how to accept praise or say thank you for it.

378
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,680
Speaker 2: Dad says I need to go back to therapy, even

379
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,359
Speaker 2: if I don't want to, because they're worried about quite

380
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,360
Speaker 2: a few things. They're worried about how I reacted that day,

381
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 2: even giving grace for being in pain, I reacted as

382
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,800
Speaker 2: if I was terrified of her specifically. Oh, I don't

383
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 2: remember that. I just remember not wanting her and wanting

384
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:36,960
Speaker 2: my dad.

385
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's be honest here. The description of her injury

386
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 3: is like one of the most horrific injuries I've ever heard. Yeah,

387
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,080
Speaker 3: described by like, I don't know, like a like a

388
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,840
Speaker 3: random it happened at school, Yeah, like it was a

389
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,040
Speaker 3: school sports accident.

390
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 4: I've never heard anything that crazy.

391
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,360
Speaker 2: I don't Yeah, I'm still confused by what happened.

392
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,240
Speaker 3: It's gotta be like she went up for like a

393
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,560
Speaker 3: slam or something then or she tried I don't know,

394
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 3: but that other girl came down on top of her

395
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 3: like orbital socket a c L M c L. I

396
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 3: think it was. She cracked her ribs, that's how hard

397
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 3: she went in her.

398
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,880
Speaker 2: Think she a charge?

399
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, but the person landed on top of O pep.

400
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,359
Speaker 3: We're gonna have to take charge. We're gonna have to

401
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 3: draw this out on like like a half court.

402
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 2: See what that so? A charge in basketball is basically

403
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 2: when you stand very still and the offensive player runs

404
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 2: into you and you fall. That's a charge.

405
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 3: You sacrifice your body and then they can't make the shot,

406
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:33,960
Speaker 3: and it's.

407
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 2: A yeah, I've had I've had some pretty rough ones.

408
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 3: Dide.

409
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 4: I bet you're sturdy.

410
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 2: I bet your sturdy, though not when a seven foot tall,

411
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,879
Speaker 2: muscular man is approaching you.

412
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 3: Just you're looking up like I was, like barely.

413
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 2: But you ate that you took that charge. That's and

414
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 2: that's what some girls in the stands are ready to

415
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 2: find it for me.

416
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 4: Oh, I was about to get out there.

417
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 2: Like like Abby, it's okay, I ain't crazy, it's fine.

418
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,280
Speaker 2: The biggest part of that was I took the post

419
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,359
Speaker 2: I wrote and gave it to them to read. My

420
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 2: dad looked like he was going to cry. They both

421
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 2: asked if I wanted a hug or just dad or

422
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 2: any combination. I did, but I didn't feel ready. I

423
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: feel like such a stupid child saying that. But they

424
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 2: both just treated me and my ability to decide as

425
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 2: if it was okay, not shameful, and said the offer

426
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 2: wouldn't expire if I'd changed my mind. My dad asked

427
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 2: me if I really thought like that, if I thought

428
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 2: I was the most important part of his life. If

429
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,880
Speaker 2: I thought I was some sort of crappy gag prize

430
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 2: he got stuck with because no matter how he got me,

431
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 2: he's happy as my dad, and neither of them think

432
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 2: I'm anything less than a perfect gift. His girlfriend ended

433
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 2: up opening up much more and elaborating. She said a

434
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 2: lot more that is very personal, so I don't feel

435
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 2: very comfortable sharing, but I appreciated it more than I

436
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 2: know how to handle right now. The point is she cares,

437
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,120
Speaker 2: he actually really does.

438
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, And if she cares about your dad,

439
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 3: then she would.

440
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 4: Care about you too.

441
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 2: She wants me around, She wants as much of a

442
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 2: relationship as I'm comfortable with, and only what I'm comfortable with.

443
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,160
Speaker 2: She also asked if some part of me was afraid

444
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,640
Speaker 2: of replacing my mom. She worries about that. She knows

445
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 2: she can't be my mom, and my mom will always

446
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:22,439
Speaker 2: have a place in my heart, uncontested and unthreatened, but

447
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 2: she would be honored to be someone I felt comfortable

448
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 2: talking to about women, things, or anything at all. She

449
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 2: said she does want to be a role model to

450
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 2: me and to have a good relationship. She asked if

451
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,640
Speaker 2: we wanted to try and do better and not assuming

452
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 2: what others are thinking, and to communicate more openly. She said,

453
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 2: we'll sit down together soon and go over with my help,

454
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 2: like maybe a shared journal where we can write letters

455
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 2: to each other. It's already been decided. We all need

456
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 2: to go to therapy. That's good, God asked outright if

457
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 2: I was afraid of her, if I knew who I

458
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 2: was actually saying no to in that moment, or if

459
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 2: I was so much in pain that I saw a

460
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 2: woman with black hair and a similar build to my

461
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 2: mom in that PTSD episode on the ground, I know

462
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:10,880
Speaker 2: at some I'm sorry.

463
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 3: It's just like I don't think these they don't seem

464
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 3: to understand that. That's just like you're not thinking anything.

465
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 3: You're just like, ah, no, dad, gift, Dad, Now, Dad,

466
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 3: I don't want that person, like because your whole body

467
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 3: just got exploded.

468
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's not thinking right.

469
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 3: Everyone in the chad saying it's probably not basketball. It's

470
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: more like rugby, which would make more sense because that's

471
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,640
Speaker 3: roller derby. I've never heard of it. What's the way

472
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 3: she said? Coming down, they just slow with the trampolines,

473
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: and it was like.

474
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:41,360
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh, the sky's people.

475
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 4: Are literally getting into Yeah, probably.

476
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 3: I think they made that illegal right because so many,

477
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 3: so many people's legs just got blown out.

478
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought they were bringing it back.

479
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 4: To maybe they are.

480
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 2: I don't, no, absolutely not. I'm definitely not getting I've done.

481
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 2: I did do that once, and I was not I did.

482
00:22:59,160 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 4: Not like it.

483
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 3: Me and Ampoline's or a recipe for trouble.

484
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 2: I know at some point I was aware it was her,

485
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 2: but I screamed a lot. I don't remember everything I

486
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 2: was saying. I do remember screaming get away and do

487
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: not touch me. I had a couple of people while

488
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 2: insisting I wanted my dad because my eye is still

489
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 2: a little broken. Crying was basically the most painful with tharsus.

490
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 2: But my dad's girlfriend kept checking in on me on

491
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,919
Speaker 2: my vision, making sure it wasn't getting too irritated. She

492
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 2: also seemed nervous to even ask, So it's weird to

493
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 2: me to think that she actually wants to take care

494
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 2: of me. Even with Dad. As much as I want

495
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 2: him to, I never feel like he could ever actually

496
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 2: want to, Like if he says he does, he just

497
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 2: being a good father by not saying yes, actually, I'd

498
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 2: rather be doing anything else right now. But otherwise it'd

499
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 2: be criminal neglect. I don't think I'm ready for her

500
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 2: to start being more involved in caretaking or trying to

501
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,679
Speaker 2: be a potential source of comfort. I can do it

502
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 2: with Dad, but I don't know if I can tack

503
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 2: with her yet. I don't want to go to therapy.

504
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 2: I'm afraid I'll want to learn what has kept me safe.

505
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,919
Speaker 2: But I'm afraid if I don't, it's not going to

506
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 2: end well. I know I need it. It doesn't help

507
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 2: at all that Dad and her are going to go too.

508
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 2: It seems like a waste. It feels like I'm going

509
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 2: to be taught to be vulnerable and get hurt. Feels

510
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 2: like a stupid, useless experience because the therapist I saw

511
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: while my mother was fining to keep custom to me

512
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 2: was an effing clown.

513
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 3: Well, it's that's the therapist patient relationship is so important.

514
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 3: It's like you're gonna get I had the same thing

515
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 3: happened to me the first time I went to a therapist.

516
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 4: It did not work. And then I found one that

517
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 4: actually like.

518
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,879
Speaker 3: Just worked and it was incredibly like useful. So and

519
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 3: you're also fifteen, so of course you're gonna think that

520
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 3: I was good, not a toddler.

521
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 2: I needed him to stop calling my birth mom my

522
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 2: mommy and calling things that happen and auci or a

523
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,199
Speaker 2: boo boo on my heart. I'll keep talking to my

524
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 2: dad about it. I just think it either isn't going

525
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 2: to work or just ruin my hoping skills. I want

526
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 2: to try and spend more time with my dad's girlfriend

527
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,400
Speaker 2: and talk to her more and build something less distant

528
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 2: and nervous on both our parts. Selfishly, I want her

529
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 2: to like me too, not just like that. Being nice

530
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 2: to me means she can keep loving my dad, and

531
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 2: by the way, you can keep loving us. After this story,

532
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 2: all you gotta go to is your favorite podcast platform Apple.

533
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 2: iHeart Spotify, Search up Okay, story Time and Boom pop Pow.

534
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 2: We're there with stories just like this one and boom

535
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 2: goes the dynamite.

536
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 5: Yep.

537
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 4: That was come on.

538
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 3: We were talking about basketball this whole time, and I

539
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 3: dropped the ultimate basketball reference.

540
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 2: You don't know, I don't know.

541
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 3: You haven't seen that. It's a It's like a was

542
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 3: it high school or college? It was like a high

543
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 3: school basketball announcer and he's like his calls from the

544
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 3: booth are just basically like the most like Mama laam

545
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 3: and then someone like slams it and he goes am

546
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 3: boom goes the dynamite. Nice.

547
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 4: Nice, you're missing out.

548
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 2: But Dakota, how do you feel about this? I feel good.

549
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 3: I feel like, uh, you know, Op's also just fifteen

550
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 3: and very hard themselves. There are some comments and they're

551
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 3: very right that OPI is a great writer, like this

552
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 3: was written.

553
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 2: But I'm yeah, this is great.

554
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 3: But I think op needs to, you know, just get

555
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 3: try some therapy. I find one that works for you.

556
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 3: I know you. I think they they made a comment

557
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 3: about how they're like, I want my dad to stop

558
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 3: being like booboo on my heart and all this stuff,

559
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 3: and it's like, dude, I'm still doing that with my mom.

560
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 3: So it's like sometimes it's just the way it is,

561
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 3: like she's I'm just her baby forever.

562
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 2: But and you know, it's impressive that OPI knows where

563
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 2: her emotions are. He just doesn't want to fill them.

564
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 5: Well, I mean that's not that's a teenager. That is

565
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 5: you just to find a teenager right then and there. Yeah,

566
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 5: they're going through a lot. They're they're also figuring out

567
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 5: themselves too, you know, I don't.

568
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 3: Even know if I was that kojin at fifteen to

569
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 3: like know that I wanted to not feel anything like.

570
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 3: It wasn't until I got older that I was like,

571
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 3: oh maybe I shut down. Like it took me into

572
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 3: like probably seventeen eighteen before I was really like going

573
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 3: through the deeper. Yeah, what's it? What's it called the

574
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 3: nooks and crannies of the human experience?

575
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's gonna take a while. Ago We're doing good.

576
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 2: This is a great step. Yeah, definitely try therapy. Oh yeah,

577
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 2: don't disregard therapy. I want to feel less comfortable when

578
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 2: someone says they love me or care about me, or

579
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 2: like me as a person. I'm only fifteen. I'm not

580
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 2: a full person yet. My personality is just a product

581
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: of how I was raised, and I'll find my own

582
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 2: personality once I grow up and have real world experience.

583
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 2: I don't like the way things are, though, and they

584
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 2: need to change. But that is a tangled knot. I

585
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 2: don't know when I can unravel it yet. Yeah, there

586
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 2: are a lot more to do, more than I want

587
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 2: to think about.

588
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 3: But it got better and that's it.

589
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: No need. Yeah, you're doing great. This is a great

590
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 2: first step.

591
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 3: You're perfectly fine. I mean, well with that the horrific

592
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,479
Speaker 3: inter body sound perfectly fine. But you know, good thing

593
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 3: they happened if fifteen and not twenty five, because I

594
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: think your body still has a chance to like come

595
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 3: back from that. But my god, if that happens to you,

596
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 3: that's like a happens to you in adulthood. That's like

597
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 3: your life has just changed. Does that have it to

598
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 3: any of my co workers? They would not be able

599
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 3: to come back from that? No, I mean I'm not

600
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 3: coming back from that. Sophia might be able to come

601
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 3: so Fea and I could come back from that. All right,

602
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 3: I'll give it to you.

603
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 2: Amy Herring Bootsnack. Amy Herring sent ten bucks in Riley.

604
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 2: I love it when you read. Reading aloud was one

605
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 2: of my biggest struggles, especially with my anxiety stumbling over words. Poullagen,

606
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 2: testifying in court cured me of that fear. Well, we'll

607
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: say I'm talking to a camera, not like to actually

608
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 2: two hundred and seventy of you at one point, Like

609
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 2: it's like two hundred and seven of you not together

610
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 2: in one room. That makes it so much easier.

611
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you if you can disconnect that this is

612
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 3: going to a theoretically infinite amount of people.

613
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: Uh, then it's just like three guys in a room talking. Yeah,

614
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 2: I feel we're just reading stories. Yeah, and joke for

615
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 2: Isabella and I. Why do melons have weddings? They kind

616
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 2: of hope.

617
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 3: Got him with the with the tried and truth. Clud.

618
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 2: We gotta read this right now.

619
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 3: My parents replaced their estranged son with my husband. I objected.

620
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 2: They're just swapping it, pulling a good old Indiana joint,

621
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 2: like what they're underneath the coconuts.

622
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 3: Laggy oohoo, that one that's mine. Hey, it's Sam, your

623
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 3: og host. Here.

624
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

625
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

626
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 3: Uh. My parents have two kids, me female twenty six

627
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 3: and my brother, Dan, male, thirty four. Dan had a

628
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 3: rough time growing up and frankly, my parents failed him.

629
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: As a teenager, he struggled with severe substance use issues

630
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 3: and mental illness, and they did almost nothing to help him.

631
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: By the time he finished college, he had completely cut

632
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 3: off my parents and to this day, Dan and my

633
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 3: parents are still estranged. By the way, this comes from

634
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 3: user mom's replacement son. And if you want to submit

635
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

636
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 3: time subbred it So. I, on the other hand, still

637
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 3: speak to my brother regularly. My parents, especially my mom,

638
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 3: take every chance they can to mourn the loss of

639
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 3: their son and act as though my brother wronged them

640
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 3: by leaving. Dan has told me that he wouldn't mind

641
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 3: reconnecting with them, but only if they reach out and

642
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 3: apologize first. I've encouraged my parents to do this, but

643
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 3: they insist that he betrayed them. I got married early

644
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 3: last year to my husband, Jeff. We have a happy

645
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: marriage and he is adored by all my friends and family.

646
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 3: But I feel like my parents have been crossing some boundaries.

647
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 2: Oh like what like asking your husband to mow the lawn,

648
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 2: Like asking your husband to maybe help print the TV

649
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 2: on get the buttons just right.

650
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 3: Imagine they're like, actually, hey, can you try on all

651
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 3: of Dan's clothes and see if they fit?

652
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 4: Please?

653
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 3: We're just looking for someone to wear these. Please, thank you,

654
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 3: and then when you're done, just empty out the disruscher

655
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 3: mm hmm yeah, and then tell us you love me,

656
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 3: love you you. For example, whenever we've gone to visit them,

657
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 3: they insist that he sleep in Dan's room, saying that

658
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 3: I got a mid sip. He got got midsip with

659
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 3: that one.

660
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 2: Dude, you were This is actually spun on the the

661
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 2: code has got it. This is spot on.

662
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 3: So they insist that he sleeps in Dan's room, saying

663
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 3: that their son, my husband has come home and should

664
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 3: sleep in his rightful bedroom.

665
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: Are we prodigal sonning the wrong person?

666
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 3: What are we doing?

667
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 2: Dude?

668
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 3: You have a son.

669
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 4: You all have to do.

670
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 3: They're going through all this just to not apologize to

671
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 3: their sol That is still is.

672
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 2: If we had a sideby side of Jeff and Dan

673
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 2: and they actually look like the same person, like you merge.

674
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 3: Them together and it's just like the same photograph, that

675
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 3: would be even weird. Before the pandemic, my dad would

676
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 3: take Jeff out on sporting events and introduce him as

677
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 3: his only son. My gosh, what is Where's Jeff's opinion

678
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 3: about any of this? Is Jeff just.

679
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 2: Life, doesn't care. Jeff's doing other things Jeff like sure thing, Paul,

680
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 2: My god.

681
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 3: Most of the pictures of my brother in my childhood

682
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: home have been replaced by pictures of my parents with Jeff.

683
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 4: This is crazy.

684
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 2: They got pictures of baby Jeff. This isn't cool when

685
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 2: you got baby Jeff there. Yeah, they like photoshop.

686
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 3: Jeff is a baby, Like, oh my god, Like you

687
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 3: need to tell your husband how you feel about this.

688
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 3: If you felt weird about this, he needed to know,

689
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 3: like what else are they doing? So pictures have been replaced.

690
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 3: The other day, my mom called to invite me and

691
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 3: Jeff over for the holidays. I told her I wasn't

692
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 3: comfortable traveling during the VID spiking, and she was irritated,

693
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 3: but she dropped it. Then she called Jeff and begged

694
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 3: him to visit without me, because apparently it's cruel for

695
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 3: a mother to be without her child on Christmas. Jeff

696
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 3: politely told her he wasn't going to visit without me.

697
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: She's been emotionally black mailing him ever since, sending him

698
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 3: pictures of stockings with his my mom's and my dad's

699
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 3: name on them and saying, but we already promise so

700
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: and so that our son will be in town. Oh,

701
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 3: continuing on, wow, this is absurd.

702
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 2: You can call me your son. We're going to change

703
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 2: the will right now. We're gonna go get a noterer

704
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 2: and we're gonna make that change right now.

705
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: Like you can call me your son if you leave

706
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 3: me the right split assets. You know what I'm saying

707
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 3: of half of your blockings, Jesu Louise, how much equity

708
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 3: is in your home. So this felt ridiculous and unsettling,

709
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 3: so I called her up yesterday and explained that she

710
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 3: is violating our boundaries. Jeff is not her replacement son,

711
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 3: and no matter how much she pretends she doesn't have

712
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 3: an actual son, she does, it is her responsibility to

713
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 3: make up for the damage she did to that relationship

714
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 3: before it's too late. She started crying and called me

715
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 3: cruel for mentioning Dan. She said I have no idea

716
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 3: what it's like to be a mother, and that it's

717
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 3: disgusting that I'm trying to deprive her of a son

718
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 3: when she already has lost one by keeping Jeff away

719
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 3: from her. That's I'm sorry, this is absurd. My father

720
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 3: agrees with my mother. Jeff agrees with me, though he

721
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 3: doesn't like to rock the boat and thinks I should

722
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 3: apologize anyway. I thought I did the right thing, but

723
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 3: now I'm really not sure if I went too far.

724
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 4: Am I the a hole? And there's an edit?

725
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 3: But really quickly on Yeah, no, it is your parents,

726
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 3: the adults. The parents, it is their responsibility to repair

727
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 3: and mend their relationship with Dan. It's not Dan's responsibility

728
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,879
Speaker 3: to come back and be like I was a bad son.

729
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, Dan and the parents got to work

730
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,839
Speaker 2: that out. Jeff, dude, I mean one, what does Jeff

731
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 2: think about this? Is he loving this?

732
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 3: Jeff being passive about this is also really weird to me.

733
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 3: Like if I was Jeff, I wouldn't be like, yeah, babe,

734
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 3: you should apologize. I'd be like, hey, it's deeply disturbing

735
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 3: to me that you refer to me is your son

736
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 3: when you have one and I know.

737
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 2: Him, I want to know jeff'spar Also, if I saw

738
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 2: this on a sitcom, I'm just seeing Jeff being treated

739
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 2: as a king and he's like at this like too

740
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 2: bad getting ribs. Imagine imagine you go to your partner's

741
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 2: house and you get met with a beer and a

742
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 2: plate of ribs every time, or whatever food you want.

743
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 3: But then they go welcome home, son, and I'd go, ah,

744
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 3: I've already I already have parents.

745
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, said I'm.

746
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 3: Cool with that, and what with another said all right,

747
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,720
Speaker 3: I'm a collect them all Honestly, if I was Jeff

748
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 3: and I was being treated right, I always say thing,

749
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,399
Speaker 3: I'd be like, all right, Well, I think the main

750
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 3: problem here isn't necessarily how Jeff is being treated, but

751
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 3: it's how Ope and Jeff as her partner, needs to

752
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,919
Speaker 3: understand that the way that her parents are treating him

753
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 3: is like not fair to Dan and also not fair

754
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 3: to Opie because it's like denying the existence of.

755
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 4: Her actual brother.

756
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 3: So as her partner, you really need to be like, hey,

757
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,240
Speaker 3: pump the brakes on making me your son. I like you, guys,

758
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 3: I am you know you have a great thing with

759
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 3: your daughter right now, We're whatever. I don't know if

760
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 3: you guys love each other or not, but regardless, like

761
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,800
Speaker 3: it needs to be the primary consideration.

762
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:22,439
Speaker 4: I think.

763
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 2: I don't know, Jeff, if you like this, let me

764
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 2: keep it up. Depends on the books half of the inheritance,

765
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 2: and you get treat liking I think Judge Living Life dude.

766
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so yeah, ed it, let's get into it.

767
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 3: Thank you all for the support and the advice. I

768
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,359
Speaker 3: appreciate it so much. I haven't been able to sleep

769
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 3: so I've been reading every comment. I don't know if

770
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 3: I have the emotional energy to post in uh to

771
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 3: post again yet, but I'm reading a whole lot of

772
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 3: what's posted there and already feel less alone. My tentative

773
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 3: plan is to arrange for me and Jeff to get

774
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 3: individual therapy and maybe couples therapy later on. We're going

775
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 3: no contact with my parents for a while. I'm also

776
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 3: planning to invite Dan to stay with us over the holidays.

777
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 3: I have a lot to make up for, and I

778
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 3: want to spend as much time as I can with

779
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 3: him and let him know that he's loved. There's another

780
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 3: edit here, also in response to people pointing out the

781
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 3: gross Game of Thrones esque implications behind this. With the

782
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 3: way my parents talk about me and my husband, most

783
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 3: people who didn't know me growing up assume that I'm

784
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 3: their daughter in law and Jeff is their son until

785
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:28,839
Speaker 3: one of us corrects them.

786
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 2: Crazy Jeff and Dan look alike?

787
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 3: No, do they? Uh?

788
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm not saying that, but I'm just saying they

789
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 2: probably look alike. Imagine they're like, oh, you will do

790
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,720
Speaker 2: I would hope not, Like if I had a sibling,

791
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want a data call a copy of them.

792
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 3: Comment one I read this wearing the Pikachu face. Kah

793
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:58,320
Speaker 3: no Pikachu's name. I'm gonna find it what it's Pikachu,

794
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 3: but for real, not the a. Your parents sound mentally

795
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 3: unbalanced and this is a seriously unhealthy behavior. It will

796
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: have a negative impact on your marriage because to them,

797
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 3: you got married and your husband is better than their son.

798
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 3: They don't have to be responsible for the emotional upkeep

799
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 3: like they did with their teenage son. So they are

800
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 3: replacing their son with your husband so they can feel

801
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 3: good about their son while still maintaining the role of

802
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 3: victim where their real son is concerned. That is convoluted

803
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 3: beyond all reason, and you need to make some very firm,

804
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 3: very lasting boundaries with them. How are they going to

805
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 3: act if you and your husband ever have a baby,

806
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 3: especially a boy, when they overstep your parenting boundaries, it

807
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 3: will be to talk about that baby as their baby, how.

808
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 4: They raised him, etc.

809
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,359
Speaker 3: I'm definitely extrapolating here, but it isn't exactly a reach

810
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 3: to think that they will not only continue.

811
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,800
Speaker 4: This behavior but escalate it. I kind of agree with that.

812
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,240
Speaker 2: Jin Luke.

813
00:38:52,360 --> 00:39:00,080
Speaker 3: Jean Jean lou Jean Luke Patch, Wow, He's French. Is each.

814
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 2: Who knows.

815
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 3: Opie says, a thank god, the way my parents were

816
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 3: talking to me, I thought I was crazy for finding

817
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 3: their behavior disturbing. I think you are so right about

818
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 3: potential kids. I know that even now I'm not really

819
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,439
Speaker 3: comfortable being around my parents, So there's no way they're

820
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 3: seeing me without defined boundaries, much less any children that

821
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 3: I may have comment to, says, did I read that rite?

822
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 3: Stockings for them and your hubby but not you? Not

823
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,439
Speaker 3: the able? Opie says, yes, stockings for only the three

824
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 3: of them? Creep me the heck out. Wait a minute,

825
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 3: so I just assumed they had a stocking for you.

826
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: What did you do to them?

827
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 4: What is going on?

828
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 5: Right?

829
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 2: We actually only have one child?

830
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 5: Now?

831
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 4: Oh my god?

832
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 3: Is it? Like God, they must have really messed up

833
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 3: with Dan to the point where they're like, we messed

834
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 3: up so bad that if we accept responsibility for this,

835
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 3: it fundamentally changes the way that we would be able

836
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 3: to look at ourselves. And so they're just like, we're

837
00:39:57,840 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 3: never gonna do it, and anyone who tries to tell

838
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 3: us to, we're also going to not get you a

839
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 3: Christmas stocking, you know, your daughter? Oh my god, I

840
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 3: don't get this Why would they do that? Are they

841
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 3: intentionally trying to hurt your feelings by letting you know

842
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 3: they love him more? Is this what they did with

843
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 3: your brother? Ohp says I wish I could say my

844
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 3: parents would never do such a thing to intentionally hurt me,

845
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 3: but that would be a lie. Maybe they had for

846
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 3: stockings but excluded mine out of spite after I said

847
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to visit, or maybe they're just unhinged.

848
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 3: I was so upset I didn't even want to go

849
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 3: into it on the phone. I'm eight years younger than

850
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 3: my brother, so when the worst of it was happening

851
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 3: between him and my parents, I was too young to

852
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 3: fully understand. But I know that they often made him

853
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 3: feel excluded when he disagreed with them or quote unquote

854
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 3: embarrassed them. And there is an update. Uh, where are

855
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 3: we at? Should we extrapolate a little bit here, keon

856
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 3: or should we just dive in extrapolating?

857
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 2: So the way, so whenever who disagreed with the parents,

858
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 2: whenever j would disagree with the parents, they get mad.

859
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 3: No, it was Dan, the real brother, the biological brother.

860
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 3: And also it sounds like they are kind of getting

861
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 3: snippy with her because she's like, what did Dan do

862
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 3: to deserve that treatment? And y'all need to apologize. Yeah, dude,

863
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 3: this is a tricky situation.

864
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 4: Y'all have no idea what this man just did to me.

865
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,879
Speaker 2: This is a tricky situation. And I don't know. I mean,

866
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 2: I thought Jeff was having a good one, but it

867
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 2: did kind of throw me for a loop. Whenever they're

868
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 2: going no contact. Nicole h says, so she was she

869
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 2: was to fix it baby, but now her spouse is

870
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 2: the fix it baby.

871
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't know. I don't know if I would

872
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 3: say it was like a fix it baby. I just

873
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 3: think like clearly the older brother, I mean, he was

874
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 3: having substance abuse problems. He was probably acting out, and

875
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 3: I think, you know, the root of that isn't necessarily

876
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 3: always you know, square smack dab on the parents, but

877
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 3: it's like the escalation of that or like the lack

878
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 3: of support or he op in that department, Like it's

879
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 3: definitely then on the parents. It's not an easy thing

880
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 3: to deal with having a child with like substance abuse issues.

881
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 3: Of course, I don't think anyone would say that's easy,

882
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 3: but still you need to like take the lead as

883
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 3: the parents and be like, I'm not gonna hold my

884
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 3: child's issues against him for the rest of his life.

885
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 2: Or greed grade you need to take. You don't know.

886
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 5: I don't know why that comment made me think of

887
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 5: would you rather eat a baby goat or a matter?

888
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 4: Baby? What that that?

889
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, yeah, I know. What's the matter baby? And nothing?

890
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 3: What's wrong with you? Uh? Nice? Oh my god, Riley,

891
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 3: you're so feisty? Is this because I told you kiss.

892
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,919
Speaker 2: Me this car?

893
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:47,879
Speaker 3: We can still do it? Right now?

894
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 2: I think your Pooky wants to kiss you. Dakota's Puky

895
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,320
Speaker 2: has donat of twenty five bucks. I was trying to

896
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 2: think of some knee buckling, beautiful thing to say. Instead,

897
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 2: I've landed on this meat batter you haunt dog hus

898
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 2: horn dog. Oh my lord, oh lord, yeah, kiss your pookie.

899
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 3: Oh my god, back to the story.

900
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 2: Please, get back to the story. Please.

901
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 3: I posted several weeks ago about a situation in which

902
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 3: I felt that my parents were trying to replace my

903
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 3: brother Dan with my husband Jeff. That is just a

904
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 3: wild sentence. Oh my god. I was raised in an

905
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 3: unhealthy environment, and as such I was very out of

906
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 3: touch with what normal family dynamics and boundaries. Look like

907
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 3: the support and the resource recommendations and the respectful criticisms

908
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 3: have all been invaluable to me as I've begun to

909
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 3: confront what I've avoided for a long time. People have

910
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 3: messaged me asking for an update. Well, I'm happy to

911
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 3: share good news. My husband and I went no contact

912
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,959
Speaker 3: with my parents. As many of you suggested, We've also

913
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 3: both started going to therapy. We have only had three

914
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 3: sessions each, but I can definitely say it has been

915
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:02,280
Speaker 3: a total relief to process things that I've been bottling

916
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 3: up my entire life. Yeah, you could say that again.

917
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 3: I already feel like I can understand myself and the

918
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 3: cluster f I grew up in significantly better. Kind of

919
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 3: uh annoyed it myself for not trying it sooner, but hey,

920
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 3: it's a hard thing to start, not gonna lie. Jeff

921
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 3: has felt the same way with his sessions from what

922
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 3: he's told me. Under professional advisement, we are holding off

923
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 3: on couples therapy until we do a few more individual sessions,

924
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 3: but we hope to start in the near future. Now

925
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 3: onto the main good news. My brother Dan is spending

926
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 3: the holidays with us.

927
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,120
Speaker 2: How do your parents feel about that. I bet they're

928
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,399
Speaker 2: gonna be at the dinner table like feeling awkward because

929
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 2: it's like, uh, we actually already have a son attending.

930
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 3: They're not there, They're not gonna be there. No contact.

931
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 4: But how do the parents feel?

932
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 2: I don't know.

933
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 3: I don't care.

934
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,320
Speaker 2: You're also good for you, OPI.

935
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:49,759
Speaker 4: Yeah for real?

936
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 3: I like if I had a you know, I'm an

937
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 3: only child, so I can't really relate.

938
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,839
Speaker 4: But like I feel like if I had aga.

939
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: No saying this, so you should just not just stop

940
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 2: talking because you don't even it's just like.

941
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 3: All right, wait, actually no, no, no, no, that's a good point.

942
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:07,839
Speaker 3: What would you do with your all your siblings if

943
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,320
Speaker 3: like your your your parents started to like replace them

944
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 3: and they were like and it was like yeah, like

945
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,239
Speaker 3: one of them had like a problem, and it's like,

946
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 3: you know, God forbid whatever they did, you know, yeah replace.

947
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 4: What would you do to your with your parents?

948
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 2: It'd be weird, right, Like it would imagine your parents

949
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,240
Speaker 2: replaced you with your partner.

950
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 4: How would you feel?

951
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:29,919
Speaker 2: I don't know yet.

952
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 3: I would feel bad. Start with.

953
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 2: It would start with a joke like, oh, we just

954
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 2: take you instead of him haha, and then like those

955
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 2: words became actions and they started giving them presents, maybe

956
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 2: started getting under work for Christmas, and they actually started

957
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 2: getting like gift cards.

958
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:45,800
Speaker 4: I would love underwear for Christmas.

959
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 3: First of all, Like imagine like like, uh, Keona is

960
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 3: being replaced by your girlfriend. Yeah, okay, that's a bat

961
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:57,720
Speaker 3: never mind, Yeah, okay, all right, all right, let's let's

962
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,839
Speaker 3: let's continue, let's continue. I think the answer here is clear.

963
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 3: You go, no contact with your parents. Do something new

964
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 3: for Dan. Everyone do it for Dan. Remember, here's johnio

965
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,720
Speaker 3: og host here. We're gonna get back to the stories,

966
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 3: but here's a quick three minute break of aspromor sponsors.

967
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 3: Dan is spending the holidays with us after taking health precautions.

968
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 3: He drove up last week and is staying with us

969
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 3: past New Year's. Having Dan around has been incredibly special

970
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 3: for me and Jeff. Dan and I have been making

971
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,359
Speaker 3: up for so much lost time, and I've never seen

972
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 3: him smile so much, and it warms my heart. Oh

973
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 3: my god, it warms mine too. It's so nice. I

974
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 3: did tell him about the situation with our parents and

975
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 3: Jeff before he came. It was hard to hear. But

976
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 3: Dan has a really strong support system. And seems to

977
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,280
Speaker 3: be processing it in a healthy way. He's now coming

978
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 3: up on seven years sober. Congratulations Dan. I was finally

979
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 3: able to apologize to him for not stepping up as

980
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 3: a better sister earlier in his life and enabling our parents' abuse. Oh,

981
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,439
Speaker 3: sweet Summer child, that is your kid. That's not your fault.

982
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,759
Speaker 4: You can't take any responsibility for that, he said.

983
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,439
Speaker 3: He doesn't blame me, but I still want to show

984
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 3: him through my actions that I will always be there.

985
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 3: My parents have been pretty much losing their crap this

986
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 3: entire time, especially when they found out Dan is with

987
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 3: us as a people pleaser. I'm proud of myself for

988
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 3: being firm and maintaining my boundaries. Let's go, You're a

989
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 3: recovering CPP. Let's go right now. My heart is filled

990
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 3: with more love and joy than it has been in

991
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 3: a long time. I know life won't always be like this,

992
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:30,839
Speaker 3: but my brother is safe and healthy and happy and

993
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 3: knows he is loved, and that is everything to me.

994
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 3: I am sincerely appreciating what I have anyway. Happy holidays everyone,

995
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 3: Thank you again for your help and much love to

996
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 3: you all, And by the way, I would give much

997
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 3: love to you all if you listen to full episodes

998
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 3: with stories like this on iHeartRadio, on Spotify, on Apple podcasts,

999
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 3: all you gotta do is search up Okay story time

1000
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 3: and you've got them all in the palm of your hand. Wow,

1001
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 3: all of your comments and messages have made me happy,

1002
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 3: brying all day. I did not expect such an outpouring

1003
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 3: of love and support, and it is making in already

1004
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 3: beautiful holiday season even better. The compassion you all have

1005
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 3: shown us me in so much more to me than

1006
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 3: I can ever say.

1007
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 4: And thank you all.

1008
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 3: For all the awards I've been showing Dan, all the

1009
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 3: comments congratulating him on his sobriety, and he wants to

1010
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 3: say a heartfelt thank you. Emotions are running high in

1011
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 3: our house today. This Christmas Eve is one for the ages.

1012
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah, thank you I comments blah blahlahlahlah.

1013
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 2: Those are the most annoying things I can listen to.

1014
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 4: Dude, you can't.

1015
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 3: Do this right like I don't do That's like one

1016
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:42,399
Speaker 3: of the most wholesome ending. Don't care that we have

1017
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 3: You can't care that people chat set him straight. I

1018
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 3: don't care that people gave you comments. Don't I'm weaponizing

1019
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 3: chat against you do.

1020
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 2: That right now to me, I get it, like like

1021
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 2: maybe we just shouldn't read it, like you can have

1022
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 2: that moment, but I don't want to hear about it.

1023
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:57,359
Speaker 2: I'm sick of it. I'm sick of Oh my gosh,

1024
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,359
Speaker 2: so many comments, Oh my gosh, so many people reached

1025
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 2: out to me. Thank you you like, okay, cool.

1026
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 3: I love that.

1027
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:06,280
Speaker 2: I love how wholesome that is. I love how life

1028
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 2: is loved. And you stuck it to your parents. You

1029
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 2: said no, you cannot have Jeff. We remove Jeff. You

1030
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 2: don't have any children now, and we are gonna be

1031
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 2: happy family siblings.

1032
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 4: Over here, am my, memma, Jeff, I'm go get some donuts.

1033
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 3: We do have some donuts, Purple Trader, thanks for the.

1034
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: We got them here. Okay. Joke for Kaitlyn Creswell. I

1035
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,880
Speaker 2: was going to try and all almond diet, but that's

1036
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 2: just nuts. Ali ray on it.

1037
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 4: Bro.

1038
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:35,440
Speaker 2: You know, also, you know who's Mike that is. It's

1039
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 2: gonna be pissed when she sees that.

1040
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 5: Don't tell it's not gonna be. It's not gonna be us.

1041
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 5: Don't tell her everybody else in chat telling her right

1042
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 5: now and she'd.

1043
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:51,360
Speaker 2: Be no screen lmao. Kimbler says, doctor yourself, Joelene, I

1044
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 2: was just being funny. It was a jerk a bit.

1045
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, of course he's he's just being funny. Do

1046
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:57,959
Speaker 3: I slightly feel that way?

1047
00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 4: Is okay?

1048
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 3: No, guys, don't list name. I know Riley and he's

1049
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 3: a sweetheart, okay. Is an absolute sweety pie? Yes, because

1050
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 3: you made your girlfriend a scrapbook for Valentine's Day.

1051
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 2: No, it's it's for your anniversary.

1052
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a sweety pie over there, sweety pie.

1053
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 2: Ally way, thanks for being a member for three freaking months.

1054
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 2: Thank you for being my Thank you for being you.

1055
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:27,280
Speaker 2: The US is hurting and you are my escape US.

1056
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 2: We're hurting. Probably I'm just taking this gerald there, I'm

1057
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 2: in the US, dude, oh Man, Purple Trader, thanks for

1058
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 2: the five buckle runos. Google is twenty seven. That one

1059
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 2: doesn't disturb me as much. Honestly, it disturbs me that

1060
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,759
Speaker 2: I have coworkers older than Google. Disturbs me that you're

1061
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 2: younger than Google. Yo than Google. Well, I knew how

1062
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 2: to look it up, and you had to learn it

1063
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 2: was it was, it was, it was.

1064
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 5: Listen, don't tell me anything. I had to use Google

1065
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 5: Maps in print those mother effers out.

1066
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 4: I don't want to.

1067
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 3: Hear it from you maps. I had map Quest, I

1068
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:06,320
Speaker 3: had t BO. I was also my dad worked in

1069
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 3: the for computer company. And so when I was like

1070
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 3: a year and a half, two years old, I'm like, my.

1071
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 4: Had moon shoes.

1072
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 3: What did you have? Moon shoes? Don't know anything gravity shoes?

1073
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 4: And had you had Fushigi? Shut your mouth? You had Fushigi.

1074
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:32,760
Speaker 2: Shut your mouth a little Fushigi boy. And for Mercia

1075
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 2: van Womer, why are graveyards so noisy because of all the.

1076
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 5: Coffins you don't know about that. I had the Amanda

1077
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 5: bynd Show.

1078
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,400
Speaker 3: Manda, Manda mandamand Amanda Show.

1079
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,359
Speaker 4: I saw her once.

1080
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:49,800
Speaker 3: She was not looking good. It was rough. It was

1081
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 3: during her down.

1082
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 4: Carly, don't get into this. You don't want to get

1083
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 4: into this.

1084
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,759
Speaker 3: Shout out Amanda Bines. I hope you're doing better.

1085
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 4: Than you were when I saw you.

1086
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 5: Everyone's like, oh my god, yeah, like hell yeah, moon

1087
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 5: juice shoes.

1088
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 3: Dude, they had bone sand That was a little after

1089
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 3: my time. But I know you're talking about we had

1090
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 3: goose bumps. Yeah, we just made aosebump. Too, Yeah, but

1091
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:11,880
Speaker 3: we were first. I had my first.

1092
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 2: One of the first books I learned how to read

1093
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 2: whenever I was trying to read, was about Goosebumps and

1094
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 2: these kids who choked on chicken bones. It was scary.

1095
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 4: I don't remember that Goosebumps.

1096
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 3: I do remember that for some reason, the Goosebump books

1097
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 3: when I was again, they are like, they were so

1098
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 3: unsettled when I was like nine, and now it's like,

1099
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 3: I'm like, was I just.

1100
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 2: A little bit.

1101
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 4: Stop? You can't say that I was gonna say that

1102
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 4: about myself.

1103
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 2: You can go to bays If you love us, make

1104
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 2: sure to subscribe.

1105
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 3: We love you and see you tomorrow.