Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here, Niki, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: It's Nicky Laser Podcast. I'm Nicky Glazer. I'm in Hollywood, California.
Speaker 1: With me today is Noah. She's in Arizona. Anya is
Speaker 1: in Cupertino, and Brian Franjie is right here on the
Speaker 1: couch next to me. What's up an eco cave. It's
Speaker 1: an eco hotel. It's clean and sharp. It's sharp. It's
Speaker 1: so sharp, I think I bumped into like six or
Speaker 1: seven things on the way up here. It's so sharp
Speaker 1: and nice though. Right. Oh, yeah, when I went I
Speaker 1: was in a tropical resort. It's like the Rainforest Cafe updated.
Speaker 1: It is so nice down there. It smells really good.
Speaker 1: They're like, we have plundered the rainforest to give you
Speaker 1: the most friendly experience. Everything's made of yeah, Paulo Santo
Speaker 1: or whatever. It's really a good vibe up in this um.
Speaker 1: Yeah the lobby, yeah, reclaimed from a rainforest cafe shut down.
Speaker 1: My joke for the Rainforce Cafe, it was like, if
Speaker 1: they really want to make it the Rainforce Cafe, it
Speaker 1: should just have like bulldozers and like crime monkeys. One
Speaker 1: time there was one under construction at a mall and
Speaker 1: I was like, this is the greatest joke ever because
Speaker 1: there was literally a bulldozer in there, and I was like,
Speaker 1: it's an accurate rainforce cafe. Um. But I like this
Speaker 1: place because the lobby is so nice and because hotels now,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've noticed, after the pandemic, they've
Speaker 1: all decided to change their check in time. What did
Speaker 1: it used to be globally internationally across the board, No,
Speaker 1: three o'clock. That was always the check in time always.
Speaker 1: Now what is it four o'clock? Did they send out
Speaker 1: a memo? Did they send out an alert? No? They
Speaker 1: all secretly changed it during COVID when when Chris the
Speaker 1: other day said COVID was a reset button and everyone
Speaker 1: kind of gets to go play by their own rules.
Speaker 1: Now reinvent and they raised all the prices on top
Speaker 1: of that prices. Um. Now housekeeping is like, oh, we're
Speaker 1: we're trying to say the planet, so we do it
Speaker 1: every three days. And it's like, no, you're understaffed and
Speaker 1: you're cheap. Yeah, that's bullshit, that's a that's a scam.
Speaker 1: Like what I've heard is that the it hurts the
Speaker 1: staff because they're not cleaning as much. They're not working
Speaker 1: as many hours, they're not getting paid. So when they say, like, oh,
Speaker 1: as a you know, to save the COVID or whatever,
Speaker 1: or even if it's like ecological, they say, we're not
Speaker 1: going to come up and clean your stuff. And it's
Speaker 1: like they would prefer it. The workers would prefer trying
Speaker 1: to get in my room. Most of the time. They're
Speaker 1: always like, you don't want anything you promised you don't.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, man, I guess my sheets are
Speaker 1: a little sweaty. Get in here, lady. Yeah. No. There's
Speaker 1: a sign in there on the bathroom and it's so
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, they did some marketing research on this,
Speaker 1: or just did some psychological research. So the sign says,
Speaker 1: hang up your towel to indicate that you don't need
Speaker 1: a fresh one, and then so that we all know
Speaker 1: that sign that's usually put there, then underneath it, it it says,
Speaker 1: most of our guests opt to do this. It's okay
Speaker 1: sometimes to be a follower. Oh my god, wait, let
Speaker 1: me just read it. Hold on, Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: like an abusive boyfriend. Yeah, what the fuck? Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna repeat after you here. Hanging up your towel means
Speaker 1: we'll leave them right here. Most of our guests do.
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes it's okay to be a follower. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's like a or like a really overbearing mother. And
Speaker 1: you know what, they know who they're praying on, people
Speaker 1: in Hollywood, and everyone here wants to do what everyone
Speaker 1: else is doing. And the butt they they did research
Speaker 1: and they realized in some R and D that people
Speaker 1: don't hang up their towels because even though they would
Speaker 1: reuse it, they think that they are gross or they
Speaker 1: think that other people wouldn't do this, and so they're like,
Speaker 1: if we just make it seem like most people do this,
Speaker 1: then everyone will follow. That's so weird. Yeah, they're trying
Speaker 1: to save money. But I always hang up my towel.
Speaker 1: I I never need fresh towels as long as they
Speaker 1: have time to dry. Oh yeah, blood all over my
Speaker 1: tel last week, not even my towels, Chris's towels. Chris
Speaker 1: didn't even know who was coming over to He folded
Speaker 1: them and hung them back with blood on them, his cheek,
Speaker 1: his fucking lip, blood all over them. So fucking hillbilly,
Speaker 1: uh shrimp king. Yeah, well it's yeah, this hotel, it
Speaker 1: was just cheaper than the I stay in like three
Speaker 1: hotels in this area within walking distance to the comedy store,
Speaker 1: and this one was just the cheapest for a sweet
Speaker 1: because I'm tired of staying in like a tiny room
Speaker 1: and um and I'm kind of yeah, I'm I'm a
Speaker 1: little perturbed by that sign and um, and they're trying
Speaker 1: to save water. But the bath is like a fucking pool.
Speaker 1: So I felt really bad last night as I drew
Speaker 1: a bath. I don't feel comfortable saying I drawed a bath. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's very it's high falutin ye to say I
Speaker 1: drew a bath. Well. Annie was talking about dressing a
Speaker 1: wound and I was to put a hat and scarf
Speaker 1: on it and some sunglasses, like dressing anything like don't yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't wear all a rap is Brian, do you
Speaker 1: have any gear, rapes, any words that make you creel?
Speaker 1: Call it? Oh? Um none? Oh no, no, Well it's
Speaker 1: like things on chill. I don't. I wouldn't say anything
Speaker 1: about your towels on Instagram when people say like this
Speaker 1: guy this, I hate that, like those little things every
Speaker 1: time my every time, my fiance, I hate fiance. Really,
Speaker 1: I love that word. That is what I'm most looking
Speaker 1: forward to in possibly getting married engaged. I want to
Speaker 1: be a fiance forever. Oh yeah, yeah, because people get excited.
Speaker 1: You get attention when you say my fiance, people go, oh,
Speaker 1: when are you getting married? How did he? How did
Speaker 1: he propose? And everyone's excited for you. When you say
Speaker 1: my husband, everyone's bored by that. No one cares, there's
Speaker 1: no follow up question. It doesn't spark conversation. It sparks
Speaker 1: as a little sadness. Well, that's what I'm looking for.
Speaker 1: I don't want the whole Oh I'm not saying fiance
Speaker 1: on a plane next to a stranger. I'm not saying anything.
Speaker 1: But if I want to, like feel cool, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just think fiance is cute because it's it shows
Speaker 1: that your relationship is in a good places the only
Speaker 1: time that you are actually pretty in love, because you
Speaker 1: could still call it off if you weren't in love,
Speaker 1: So you must be in love. But you're also in
Speaker 1: love enough to take it to the next level. Husband,
Speaker 1: I know you're locked in. You could fall out of
Speaker 1: love with this guy. You could hate your husband. You
Speaker 1: probably do, but fiance, you at least I know you
Speaker 1: guys are happy. That's because fiance is in this zone
Speaker 1: where you're like, you guys are gonna have a wet
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there's some unhappy fiances out there,
Speaker 1: but for the most part, a fiance, you're in a
Speaker 1: good spot and if you're if you're you could say
Speaker 1: just say the word my fiance. It's almost impossible to
Speaker 1: say with a negative connotation. Where I could say my wife, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my wife, it almost comes with a negative connotation automatically.
Speaker 1: I was writing over our wedding invitations over the weekend,
Speaker 1: and it like all the suggestions were to say, we
Speaker 1: invite you to this celebration of the marriage of Anya
Speaker 1: and Matt, And I was like, I hate this word marriage.
Speaker 1: I wanted to say wedding, but all the invites say like,
Speaker 1: you're invited to the marriage. Do you guys hate marriage too?
Speaker 1: It just sounds so boring. Marriage. It is marriage institutional,
Speaker 1: It is boring. I'm like, no, it's a wedding, Like,
Speaker 1: come to our wedding. I just realized I'm on a
Speaker 1: podcast with three fiances. You're all fiances. Just what I
Speaker 1: love about fiance. I don't like the word either, But
Speaker 1: what I do like about is that's kind of like
Speaker 1: ambiguous because when I say fiance, it's like I'm saying partner.
Speaker 1: You don't know if it's a man or a woman, really,
Speaker 1: and I love that. I've never had that thought ever.
Speaker 1: What you used to say partner, I know, but I
Speaker 1: never think like if I say my fiance that someone
Speaker 1: out there, like maybe one percent of the population would
Speaker 1: be like, could be a woman, right, I never thought
Speaker 1: about that either. I don't really Wait, why do you
Speaker 1: like to have that? Why do you like the ambiguity?
Speaker 1: I just like it. I have no explanation to confuse
Speaker 1: and baffle people. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna start saying I'm
Speaker 1: gonna marry I being mysterious. I do hate. Boyfriend is
Speaker 1: hilarious to me now just I feel like I'm in
Speaker 1: the like when I used to say my grandma had
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. I'm in that stage now, Like it's ridiculous
Speaker 1: to have a boyfriend. I'm thirty eight. What is this
Speaker 1: a boy friend? A friend doesn't sound good either, but
Speaker 1: boy the word boy I don't know because it's like
Speaker 1: it's a juvenile thing. Yes, because we used to get
Speaker 1: married by the time you're seventeen, so under that it
Speaker 1: was boyfriend, Well, the boys would get married at seventeen,
Speaker 1: the girls get married at like thirteen. Yeah, I was, oh,
Speaker 1: that's oh god. Have you guys watched Waco? No, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's so good. It's burned back at ninety
Speaker 1: four whenever it happened. It's so good. Yes, what the
Speaker 1: hell is the thing? It's on TV all the time?
Speaker 1: Is burning building? It's wild. I wish they would have
Speaker 1: done it. I mean, unless there's another episode, I think
Speaker 1: it's done. But it left me with a few questions.
Speaker 1: But they're so many of the people are still believers,
Speaker 1: and one of them is like defending him, like being
Speaker 1: with uh fourteen year old she's she goes a woman
Speaker 1: comes of age at twelve in our religion. So it's like,
Speaker 1: it's wild. Oh man, it is really well, boyfriend, feel
Speaker 1: I gotta watch Waco. I will watch it because it
Speaker 1: almost reminds me of like, um, it was one of
Speaker 1: those nineties events where it was like September eleventh. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that wasn't in the nineties, but it feels
Speaker 1: like it. Yeah, it kind of does, and it was
Speaker 1: pretty close. Um the bombing, the Oklahoma City bombing that
Speaker 1: was the first one I remember. I was in fourth
Speaker 1: grade and tim bombing World Trade Center bomber. I missed
Speaker 1: that one. I don't remember that one. What the people
Speaker 1: the nine to eleven really did the most damage to
Speaker 1: the original World Trade Center, Mom, because nobody remembers that. Now,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're break the guy who they did
Speaker 1: not gonna never forget that instantly forget. Can you imagine
Speaker 1: you're sitting there and you're like, I'm famous for this,
Speaker 1: and then someone does it twice as big? I mean
Speaker 1: not only twice as big, I mean how many people
Speaker 1: died in the first one? Because I know a million
Speaker 1: people died in the second One'm just kidding. That's one
Speaker 1: one of our call back Yeah, on my original radio
Speaker 1: show on Serious Jen who worked on the show, I
Speaker 1: asked one day, how I'm only people everyone thought died
Speaker 1: in nine to eleven, and she guessed a million. It
Speaker 1: soar in terms of it was just a numb three thousand,
Speaker 1: and then after with victims later on, it's been in thousands.
Speaker 1: So where were you? Where was I On September one
Speaker 1: September I was in the first period AP English Miss
Speaker 1: Larson's class, and I said, what's the world Trade Center
Speaker 1: and she goes, you don't know what the World Trade
Speaker 1: Center e is, and she like really was mad at me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Then I got a five on ap examined.
Speaker 1: She called me and was like, I can't believe you
Speaker 1: got a five. And I'm like, yes, suck it, bitch. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She was like, really, did not called you? Yeah? She
Speaker 1: called They called you to tell you your score sheets them,
Speaker 1: they called your house. Yeah. She called my house in
Speaker 1: the summer and was like, you gotta five. I can't
Speaker 1: believe it. She's like, my mom was egging you. People
Speaker 1: belove you this much. Um, Yeah, where were you. I
Speaker 1: was also in class and most of us were. My
Speaker 1: math teacher was like in their eighties or something, at
Speaker 1: least in when I I was whatever age, and I
Speaker 1: thought my math teacher was eighty. She might have been
Speaker 1: like forty. Okay, that's just the way it goes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, But she refused to acknowledge to have a
Speaker 1: boyfriend too all to have a boyfriend, No, I fel
Speaker 1: though she did have many. I feel like pretty I
Speaker 1: felt pretty bad because I was on Long Island and
Speaker 1: my dad's a firefighter and he had to keep shifting.
Speaker 1: He had to keep shifting towards Manhattan, and so I
Speaker 1: was like really nervous about this, but my teacher refused
Speaker 1: to acknowledge anything was happening. She made us learn differential
Speaker 1: equations or whatever. While we were all like, can we
Speaker 1: just please watch the news, And like most of us,
Speaker 1: we're on Long Island, like most of us have like
Speaker 1: family members who are like rushing to the city or
Speaker 1: work in the city, we didn't know what's going on,
Speaker 1: Like we thought we were under a tire fighter. He's
Speaker 1: a volunteer firefighter on Long Island. And so what they
Speaker 1: would do is all the firefighters on Long Island would
Speaker 1: have to keep shifting west towards the city because all
Speaker 1: the firefighters in the city were now at the World
Speaker 1: Trade Center and someone have to cover their spot. You
Speaker 1: have a fire at your house on September eleventh, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: well then somebody out east would have to come out
Speaker 1: to cover for the people who are supposed to be
Speaker 1: there because you're a firefighters. Everyone's shifting, yeah, and he's
Speaker 1: and how far is he shifting? People in Hawaii or
Speaker 1: like we gotta go to la eventually. Yeah. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: why there was all those Japanese firefighters in Long Island
Speaker 1: on nine to eleven. People think it was for other reasons.
Speaker 1: So yeah, the the that M Columbine, another seminole, Yes,
Speaker 1: disaster M and then they just keep on coming. I
Speaker 1: don't know why I like morbid things, but I read
Speaker 1: about these things a lot. Yeah, you get into it me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I can't help it. But you know, at
Speaker 1: this point with things that happen, I'm just like, it's, um,
Speaker 1: I'm over it. If you were a teacher during something
Speaker 1: like nine to eleven, what would what would you do?
Speaker 1: Would you stop the class? You can't say what I
Speaker 1: would do, but I'd be looking for any reason to
Speaker 1: stop the class. I'm bored. I don't like work. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to get jobs done. I'm not ever put
Speaker 1: on a movie. You these people you know me too,
Speaker 1: everyone who's worked with me. I'm always looking for some
Speaker 1: reason to like, not have to get the job done.
Speaker 1: So I would have been excited to put on the
Speaker 1: TV and to and to watch, but I would have
Speaker 1: been a little bit mindful of the fact that if
Speaker 1: I was in your you know, your teacher, that kids
Speaker 1: might know people. And but I mean that was just
Speaker 1: such an insane fucking day. No one knew what to do,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I feel kind of bad
Speaker 1: about it, but I was like kind of excited was
Speaker 1: my initial feeling. I mean, I don't know why that's
Speaker 1: that's you're not you listen. I could go into some
Speaker 1: weird thoughts that I've had when there's announcements of certain
Speaker 1: things and I go only thirty casualties of the reports. Well,
Speaker 1: I didn't understand what was going on, and so it's
Speaker 1: just like something exciting, shok up the day, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: And then after I went home and I was I
Speaker 1: was like horrified. Oh I remember in school, like running
Speaker 1: around the hallways like something's happen and we're under attack,
Speaker 1: and I was too young to understand. Yeah, were you
Speaker 1: in eighth grade or something? Yeah, I don't remember. Oh
Speaker 1: you don't remember what class that was. I just remember
Speaker 1: his math. Well that teacher, what grade? What did you
Speaker 1: have that teacher? Come on, well I had her multiple years.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, eighty eight. Okay, so you were an eighth
Speaker 1: grade Okay, yeah, so Mike. They refused to acknowledge, and
Speaker 1: then I was running around the halls being like, we're
Speaker 1: under what are we going to do guys like me
Speaker 1: and my red. You remember if you were in your
Speaker 1: middle school running the halls, or if you were in
Speaker 1: your high school in my middle school. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: were eighth grade. Okay, well no I don't remember. I
Speaker 1: was justasing that off of you. Just picture hallways and
Speaker 1: you don't know what school. Why were you in a
Speaker 1: big school that had all the grades? They were attached.
Speaker 1: They were attached. It was the school. It was attach schools.
Speaker 1: There was no change at all. You would just go
Speaker 1: one floor up or one floor down. What that sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to go to a new school. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: I didn't. I'm sorry that I didn't get that. I
Speaker 1: could have gone to any I could have moved. Well,
Speaker 1: no you couldn't. You're kind of locked it child. Did
Speaker 1: you guys go to You went to it like a
Speaker 1: separate you changed. I had a school like that too.
Speaker 1: I went to a middle school first. I tried to
Speaker 1: real junior high after. I remember, I went to a
Speaker 1: one room schoolhouse. Kaith was six with thirty kids, so
Speaker 1: I was completely little house on the parade. Then I
Speaker 1: transferred to it like Wantasori or something. Now it was
Speaker 1: just I grew up in a Mountain and there were
Speaker 1: no kids here, and that we had one school and
Speaker 1: the school was the school district too. But then when
Speaker 1: I went to seventh grade, I was like, I what
Speaker 1: are y'all doing here? Because I just was wearing the
Speaker 1: same outfit every day, like I didn't know how to
Speaker 1: be cool, and that I just failed so miserably at
Speaker 1: that school. So then I begged my parents to let
Speaker 1: me go to this other middle school where I knew
Speaker 1: some kids from my other school. And then we had
Speaker 1: jungle gym bars and I was in seventh grade, but
Speaker 1: I was hanging out with the elementary school kids at
Speaker 1: the jungle gym bars and doing like dead Men's drop
Speaker 1: and suicide. Do you remember these moves on the bars? No, Oh,
Speaker 1: they were so cool. Suicide, Like here's a bar and
Speaker 1: then here's your knees. You're sitting on top. This is suicide.
Speaker 1: You go back and you do a full three sixty
Speaker 1: turn and you end up sitting back on the bar again.
Speaker 1: It's insane. That's really hard to do. I know, China
Speaker 1: taught me. That's where I met China, my best friend.
Speaker 1: And yeah, and I was happy in that school, but
Speaker 1: I remember all the girls were getting their periods in
Speaker 1: China and I weren't yet and we were like, we
Speaker 1: just want to hang out with the sixth graders on
Speaker 1: the jungle gym bar Yeah, Peter Pan, Yeah, did you
Speaker 1: ever play pea Gravel's gravel? No? No, that is definitely
Speaker 1: it's a long island. It was called pea gravel because
Speaker 1: there was like gravel like little rocks. And I don't
Speaker 1: know why it's called pea gravel. Maybe because the rocks
Speaker 1: are sizes of peas. Okay, yeah, so it all makes sense.
Speaker 1: You you walk on like the jungle gym slash wooden
Speaker 1: you know, kids thing, and you can't touch the pea
Speaker 1: gravel and if you do, you have to play go
Speaker 1: Home floor lava. Right, Yeah, I guess that's the we
Speaker 1: called it no pea gravel. That was your school r
Speaker 1: That's not like of ubiquitous game way that would be
Speaker 1: a thing anywhere outside of your Then I went to
Speaker 1: the Midwest and I asked, I think you get you
Speaker 1: kids want to play no pea Gravel? And I got rested.
Speaker 1: Do you ever play a tree trunk with one branch? Wait?
Speaker 1: So did you have friends and middle school? Were you
Speaker 1: like what was your like kind of vibe. I had
Speaker 1: my middle school friends changed from my high school friends,
Speaker 1: but I had like I do have just because well,
Speaker 1: I had one friend who was almost exactly like Cartman
Speaker 1: from South Park. Really yeah, he was exactly like I guess, yeah,
Speaker 1: yes he does. And he would walk around and he
Speaker 1: would mimic Cartman because he would watch Cartman and he'd
Speaker 1: go like no rojambou and stuff like that, and he'd
Speaker 1: try to kick you in the balls. Um. But I
Speaker 1: remember when we stopped being friends, yeah, and it was
Speaker 1: we had a friend his name was Doug, and we
Speaker 1: had another friend named Chris who lived We all lived
Speaker 1: around the corner from each other, and Chris had this
Speaker 1: dumb statue on his front lawn. It was like a
Speaker 1: little boy holding the lantern. You ever see one of those, Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: a little like horseboy. I don't know why people gravitate
Speaker 1: towards dumb shit like that, Like what because probably because
Speaker 1: of the towel thing someone else has it. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: what does it mean? I don't know what the little
Speaker 1: horse Okay, so I understand, like a dwarf that's like
Speaker 1: a fun little garden on, yes, but to put a
Speaker 1: horse boy holding a lantern on your front lawn feels
Speaker 1: like you're trying too hard to please somebody. Yes. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: We had this dumb statue and our goal and your
Speaker 1: we ride bikes, and our goal was to ride bikes
Speaker 1: over there, knock over the statue and then run off
Speaker 1: and the little horse boy would be on the ground.
Speaker 1: And so Doug and I went over there with this
Speaker 1: other kid and we've sneaking up. We feel like we're
Speaker 1: about to rob a fucking bank. We're like, so, that's
Speaker 1: like the most exciting thing that ever happened. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: go up. It's like the middle of the day too,
Speaker 1: so exciting. Yeah, to do kids, Shenanigan. Yes, we run
Speaker 1: up to the statue and I'm like, all right, we
Speaker 1: gotta push this over, and me and the other kid
Speaker 1: we gently like placed it on the lawn. Get the
Speaker 1: fuck out of here. We gotta run. So we start
Speaker 1: running and Doug he trips, He trips, he trips, and
Speaker 1: he falls and he's his arm outstretched towards us. Well,
Speaker 1: we're getting on our bikes, and he goes, no, like
Speaker 1: you're leaving him on the battle, right, Like we're leaving
Speaker 1: on the battle. He's like, don't leave me here. We
Speaker 1: kind of go and we we ride off and we
Speaker 1: leave him behind and that's it. Well, and then we
Speaker 1: circle back like a thirty minutes later, a safe amount
Speaker 1: of time. I know. You go and you wait and
Speaker 1: you're like, do you think they've noticed yet? And you
Speaker 1: go back to the seat of the ground. Classic criminal behavior. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we also are wondering if he's still laying there.
Speaker 1: He really didn't seem like he was gonna get up
Speaker 1: unless we helped it. Oh my god. No, he just
Speaker 1: wanted to suffer. He wanted us to betray him. He
Speaker 1: sounds like he fell on purpose. It feels like it.
Speaker 1: When you're embarrassed, though, you'll do ridiculous things. I was
Speaker 1: in an ice skating competition once when I was nine,
Speaker 1: and I tripped and fell in the first twenty seconds
Speaker 1: of the song. And while I fell, I thought, this
Speaker 1: is so embarrassing and so bad. Pretend you fainted. I
Speaker 1: let all the music play out, and it was like
Speaker 1: so just late. Yeah, I just laid it doug on
Speaker 1: the ice and like ruined all the months of preparation
Speaker 1: just because I was so humiliar. How long were you
Speaker 1: laying there for? Like probably sixty seconds? And then I
Speaker 1: was until someone. I think no one came to save me,
Speaker 1: and I just us. You thought that someone was going
Speaker 1: to be like she fainted mid sal cow. It was
Speaker 1: something gross like my heart belongs to daddy, And I
Speaker 1: think my dad was on the ice with me because
Speaker 1: my fucking coach was like, we're gonna have your dad
Speaker 1: out there in a folding chair reading a paper. And
Speaker 1: then and I was like, later on I thought about this,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is sexualizing children, Like why am I
Speaker 1: doing My heart belongs to daddy. The song is about
Speaker 1: your boyfriend, not your daddy. Okay, what I think the
Speaker 1: song is like my heart belongs to daddy, my boyfriend daddy.
Speaker 1: Isn't it? No way it's about your dad. They maybe
Speaker 1: I was just really wanting to puck my dad. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's all. It's all mixed up. It's a sexy
Speaker 1: song though, But anyway, then I fainted earth. I mean
Speaker 1: then I fell. I tripped on something and fell and
Speaker 1: then just decided to really go for it and make
Speaker 1: it look like a huge fall. And I was like
Speaker 1: slid across the ice on my face and then just
Speaker 1: laid there and I accidentally like songs playing and the
Speaker 1: song's playing out, and I just was like, your dad
Speaker 1: is just still maintaining me. I think role in the
Speaker 1: in the lawn. I don't think he wasn't even noticing me.
Speaker 1: So typical. I think it was just like in character. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I had finally got up and tried to
Speaker 1: finish the routine, but he doesn't want to mess up
Speaker 1: his rombo throw. Sure, I'm sure, I'm sure. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: I missed up the cartman. Okay, we gotta go to break,
Speaker 1: we'll cut, We'll find out what happened with Duck after this.
Speaker 1: I know you're on my edge of your lawn. Welcome back. Well,
Speaker 1: we all need to know what happened to Doug laying
Speaker 1: on the lawn next to the little kicked over. So
Speaker 1: we returned back to the lawn and Doug was not there.
Speaker 1: The statue was still over. Nothing occurred, nothing, and we
Speaker 1: so obviously at some point, just like Anya on the ice,
Speaker 1: at some point, the jig is up and you just
Speaker 1: have to get up. That's the funniest part. It's like
Speaker 1: you've been faking this. No one cared, yes, and you like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just gonna get up. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: faking things is so embarrassing when you like I faked
Speaker 1: crying before to like get sympathy from a boyfriend, or
Speaker 1: like faked being asleep so that you can, like so
Speaker 1: that you maybe look like a precious angel and they'll
Speaker 1: maybe like kiss your head or something like why do
Speaker 1: I do any of this stuff? Like it's so embarrassing
Speaker 1: or fake, Like I don't see someone fake, Like I
Speaker 1: like last night, there was someone in the lobby and
Speaker 1: I saw I know her, she knows me, but there's
Speaker 1: like a little bit of a weird thing between us,
Speaker 1: like she's friends with someone that I'm not like friends
Speaker 1: with anymore, And it was just kind of like and
Speaker 1: I just I would have said hi, but I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe she saw me and doesn't want to say hi,
Speaker 1: because I think she had a chance to see me
Speaker 1: before I saw her. But when I saw her, she
Speaker 1: wasn't looking at me, so I thought maybe she had
Speaker 1: turned prior Because do you ever catch someone before they
Speaker 1: see you and then you like put your head in away.
Speaker 1: That's like then I don't have to catch their eye.
Speaker 1: So it felt like it was like that there's nothing
Speaker 1: that makes someone notice you more than when you catch
Speaker 1: them and you turn away and they didn't see you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden there like someone did that.
Speaker 1: It's like everybody has a spider sets. Yeah for that.
Speaker 1: I do it all the I've pretended so many times
Speaker 1: not to see people, and I'm really good at it. Actually,
Speaker 1: I always see people before they see me. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can see that. Yeah, you're you're good at scanning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you think you're good at skank you. I always see
Speaker 1: scanner darkly. Not a movie. Yeah, that was a rhotoscope
Speaker 1: movie with Keanu Reeves from two thousand and sevens Okay,
Speaker 1: I have something disturbing to tell you guys. What My
Speaker 1: Heart Belongs to Daddy was originally done by Cole Porter
Speaker 1: And the woman does a strip tease in the play,
Speaker 1: singing that song and it's a fucking song about yeah
Speaker 1: and the adults and it's about a boyfriend. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: about a boyfriend. It's like the lyrics are like, Lolita,
Speaker 1: if I invite a boy some night to dine on
Speaker 1: my Finn and Hattie, is that like a euphinitemism? I
Speaker 1: just adore his asking more. But my heart belongs to Daddy.
Speaker 1: And Marilyn Monroe did a striptease to it too, and okay,
Speaker 1: so daddy in the song is still your dad. I
Speaker 1: don't think so. I think I want more, but my
Speaker 1: heart belongs to no. I think it's she's talking about
Speaker 1: like I can't sleep with you because my heart belongs
Speaker 1: to daddy, like I am. Okay, young Well, one of
Speaker 1: the lines says, my heart belongs to my daddy, because daddy,
Speaker 1: my daddy, my little old daddy. It's her sugar, Daddy,
Speaker 1: that little old daddy is your sugar. It's so good.
Speaker 1: A newspaper magnate introduced with the words, I've come to
Speaker 1: care for such a sweet millionaire. It doesn't matter what
Speaker 1: it means. The lyrics are lascivious. Is that a word? Yes,
Speaker 1: it's lascivious. Lude and there should be no young child
Speaker 1: doing a damn. Oh my god. I just remembered my outfit.
Speaker 1: It was fishnets. I was wearing fish I'm ten, nine
Speaker 1: or ten wearing fishnets and a tight leotard. And I
Speaker 1: had a boa and I like, use the boa around
Speaker 1: my dad and he was in a chair. This is oh,
Speaker 1: you did it, okay. Brian remembered he was molested yesterday,
Speaker 1: and I just remember that I was a victim. To
Speaker 1: a fucked up thing by my very sweet ice skating coach.
Speaker 1: Who and your dad? Your dad is an adult and
Speaker 1: sign on for this? Oh my god? Yeah sorry. And
Speaker 1: then what's with the dad sitting in a chair with
Speaker 1: a newspaper? That's part of it. Yeah, we just gave
Speaker 1: him something to do because he can't be on the
Speaker 1: ice like skating around. He's a daddy, Yeah, he's a daddy.
Speaker 1: All very disturbing. It's so gross. Is it news to
Speaker 1: anyone that old men want to fuck young girls? This
Speaker 1: is the society we live in. They want to fuck
Speaker 1: young boys and young girls. That is why. That is
Speaker 1: what like, there's and there's so many of them that
Speaker 1: want to do it, and they can't hide it sometimes.
Speaker 1: Remember Serge Gainsberg and the Charlotte that daughter. Yes, they
Speaker 1: had disgusting songs together. This is I kind of like
Speaker 1: it when it comes to the surface, because it's happening
Speaker 1: beneath the surface all the time, and it's just now
Speaker 1: kind of coming to I think in the past twenty
Speaker 1: years we've all kind of woken up to, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't sexualize children. But it was happening all the
Speaker 1: time during the seventies, eight, Like, looking back on our childhoods,
Speaker 1: I think it was happening a lot more frequently. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you still see it, like even like I don't know,
Speaker 1: I something, Yes, the pageant things with the girls wearing
Speaker 1: makeup and um, even girls getting their ears pierced. I'm like, stop,
Speaker 1: but jeweling this child, why do you need to do that?
Speaker 1: Isn't she already a little jewel? Um? And then because
Speaker 1: it why does she need to be like more sparkly?
Speaker 1: And you're about giving little girls dolls and like your
Speaker 1: that's your baby, like that's but you're a mommy train
Speaker 1: for what you're going to be doing in a couple
Speaker 1: of years. And it's just and just Santa Claus, sit
Speaker 1: on my lap. I'm an old man and now your
Speaker 1: kid is on my lap and I'm gonna and just
Speaker 1: whisper in my ear what you want? Yeah, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: but what the reverse? So back in the whatever sixteen hundreds,
Speaker 1: little kids would be dressed up like little moppets. They
Speaker 1: would have like full like full dress and leggings and
Speaker 1: they would be covered in cloth. Yes, and better they
Speaker 1: would have walked around like this, Okay, they would dressed
Speaker 1: up like a moppet. Up. Yeah, no, no, a muppet
Speaker 1: is a is a Well we know what am muppet is.
Speaker 1: You need to finish that, SI explain what I'm muppet is. Moppet.
Speaker 1: Haven't you ever seen the uh? What's that play? The uh?
Speaker 1: You don't remember the play? Havenue queue? Those are muppets, yeah,
Speaker 1: avenue que, those are moppets. M oo. No, moppet is
Speaker 1: a small endearingly sweet child. All right, Yeah they dressed
Speaker 1: them up. Well, no, I think they already are moppets
Speaker 1: because they're a small, sweet, endearing child. Yeah, you have
Speaker 1: to cover them in cloth. Yeah, cover them in various
Speaker 1: layers of claw. Oh my god, I was, And they
Speaker 1: walk around like this and there's no sexualization until they
Speaker 1: turned thirteen, and then you sell them and then yeah,
Speaker 1: then you sell them to a man who has cows
Speaker 1: and you say you can have sex with this kid.
Speaker 1: That's basically what happened. Yeah, totally, no more moppet after
Speaker 1: other then the husband would dress you up like a moppet.
Speaker 1: What oh and yeah, because then it's here, it's your mind,
Speaker 1: your mind, and you cannot be sexual for any other man. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's all fucked man. Can I finish the duck story,
Speaker 1: because I feel like now has passed. The payoff is
Speaker 1: not good enough for the amount of time that's passed.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's why I got away from it. I
Speaker 1: didn't felt it coming. I felt there was not this
Speaker 1: was really the first September eleventh attack or the first
Speaker 1: World Trade Center attack. I wanted to forget it. Go
Speaker 1: on all right, So I go back to We go
Speaker 1: to Duck's house and we knock on the door and
Speaker 1: he opens the door and he is shirtless drinking. He
Speaker 1: made this drink that was a full glass of milk
Speaker 1: with a full sleeve of oreos absorbed into the milk.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, and he would drink that and he
Speaker 1: opened the door shirtless, and we're like, oh doug, he
Speaker 1: would be so delicious because after you drink down the milk,
Speaker 1: which disgusts me, by the way, I think, even before
Speaker 1: I was a vegan, people just drinking milk straight up
Speaker 1: is the grossest thing I could ever imagine. But then
Speaker 1: afterwards the oreos soaked with the milk, and so they're
Speaker 1: almost like you could bite into them even if you
Speaker 1: have fresh veneers, because they just give way right away. No,
Speaker 1: you can. This one's good for you. This is all
Speaker 1: for you, okay. So he drank his milk drinking shirtless
Speaker 1: and we go, Doug, are you okay? And he goes,
Speaker 1: we will never be friends again, slam the door, and
Speaker 1: that was it done. He was never friends with us. Game,
Speaker 1: never hang out with us because you like left him
Speaker 1: because we left him behind. No leave no man behind.
Speaker 1: That was the code. And we didn't abide by betrayed
Speaker 1: him for the rest of like, because you went to
Speaker 1: college at your high school too, right, Yeah, I can
Speaker 1: stay in the same building. That's where I still lived.
Speaker 1: Did you speak again? Never? No, I mean I would.
Speaker 1: We would see each other and he would be he
Speaker 1: would just be a scowl man scowl. That's that's tough.
Speaker 1: Did he find other friends? Um, he moved. Did you
Speaker 1: get bullied ever? Um? Were you guys cool or were
Speaker 1: you kind of door like I picture like freaks and geeks.
Speaker 1: In high school, I was in that world between dorks
Speaker 1: and most comedians were. Yeah, most people I know were
Speaker 1: somewhere in between. Um, Noah was she was just trying
Speaker 1: to stay under the radar. She was kind of Were
Speaker 1: you goth? Noah? I mean all the goth kids were
Speaker 1: like cool? In one section, of the yes, and I
Speaker 1: wasn't a part of their club either. I was like
Speaker 1: an uncool, like want to be different person, but you
Speaker 1: just wanted to not get like be seen. Was that yes,
Speaker 1: did you want friends at all? Or did you? Had
Speaker 1: you given up on that? Um? Well, I gave up
Speaker 1: on it because I was like embarrassed of how we lived.
Speaker 1: So I just had like one friend who was just
Speaker 1: as poor as me. So I was like, I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna invite anyone to my house so much. There was
Speaker 1: a kid on stage last night, this guy Aaron from
Speaker 1: Kansas City. I forget his last name, but he was
Speaker 1: the MC and he was talking about he's joking about
Speaker 1: it but growing up and his mom was a hoarder,
Speaker 1: and he and his brother would just lie and say
Speaker 1: that they they that you know, our parents are sick,
Speaker 1: or like you can't come over. They just stopped having
Speaker 1: friends because they were too ashamed of the house and
Speaker 1: so they he didn't have any friends. It just breaks
Speaker 1: my heart that parents disease makes kids not want to
Speaker 1: have people over. But I think that happens all the
Speaker 1: time and makes kids so lonely. Whenever I hear about
Speaker 1: kids not having friends or not enjoying high school. It
Speaker 1: just and most people don't. I think, did you enjoy
Speaker 1: high school? I fucking loved it. I loved it so much.
Speaker 1: As why I'm obsessed with Columbine, I think I just
Speaker 1: want to go back to the days where I was
Speaker 1: in high like things that happened when I was in
Speaker 1: high school and pre Columbine. I mean, those were the days.
Speaker 1: No fear, Oh you don't have to take your shoes
Speaker 1: off to go through TSA. No, you didn't do anything. Wait, no,
Speaker 1: that wasn't high school. Yeah pre Columbine. No, we didn't
Speaker 1: have any measures after Columbine that were like instated. People
Speaker 1: felt like that was gonna be a one off thing
Speaker 1: that never would happen again. Yeah, even though it was
Speaker 1: happening a lot before Columbine too. Oh I didn't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone thinks Columbine was the first one, but no, it
Speaker 1: was happening. They were copycats. But yeah, I loved high
Speaker 1: school so much. But he's still very good friends with
Speaker 1: all her high school girls. Yeah. In fact, we're gonna
Speaker 1: all go hang out with them this week tomorrow. Where's
Speaker 1: a girls trip that Anya, Noah Carlisle, Sarahlena, Kirsten Halla,
Speaker 1: Taylor and my sister. Oh my god. Yes, so there's
Speaker 1: like nine girls going, Wow, where are you going? Three
Speaker 1: of them are my best friends since childhood, and um
Speaker 1: the rest are all friends have picked up along the way.
Speaker 1: Palm Springs. Oh yeah, I don't know what to expect.
Speaker 1: I mean, is it that is it that far away
Speaker 1: that it's going to get that much hotter? La, It's
Speaker 1: like going to be like seventy degrees? Okay? Yeah. The
Speaker 1: woman from the airbnb wrote me and said, do you
Speaker 1: want extra hundred dollars a day? I can heat this
Speaker 1: pool up for you and I go hit that baby
Speaker 1: yet that pool. So we're gonna have a pool and
Speaker 1: a hot tub. We went to Palm Springs once. Oh
Speaker 1: that was so long ago. Oh my god. Why that
Speaker 1: was the only time I've ever been really yes, oh well,
Speaker 1: you gotta go back from that Palm. It was they
Speaker 1: were fighting or something. It was we were like, okay,
Speaker 1: July fourth weekends coming up, what are we going to do?
Speaker 1: So hot? We gotta do something. Yes. We were in
Speaker 1: this mode where it was like, we can't let these
Speaker 1: holidays just waste away, and I was like, yes we can.
Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend that is very much like, we
Speaker 1: gotta seize the day, and he does. He loves traveling,
Speaker 1: he loves experiences, and I'm like, we can absolutely have
Speaker 1: a forgettable Fourth of July. But no. We said no,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go to Palm Springs and we're uh and
Speaker 1: we're gonna hang out by the pool, right, yeah. And
Speaker 1: it was extremely hot and I had just gotten Jack,
Speaker 1: my dog that was a brand new dog basically, and
Speaker 1: he was so hot in the car and I was like, super,
Speaker 1: were you single at the time, Yeah, of course, yeah,
Speaker 1: so you were single. But Rob was there his friend
Speaker 1: Merriedith who were married, So you were just the was
Speaker 1: the fifth Wheel the fifth Wheel? Yeah? Fifth I remember
Speaker 1: going to a Mexican restaurant. I don't remember much else
Speaker 1: from that. We got Thai food deliver, Yes, I remember that.
Speaker 1: And I remember the mists of the mist by the pool, yes. Um.
Speaker 1: But other than that, it's excruciatingly hot. Yeah. And Luigi
Speaker 1: was there. Oh yeah, I remember that too. I remember them. Okay,
Speaker 1: So but it isn't that way. You can go on
Speaker 1: a whole trip and not really remember fucking anything. Well,
Speaker 1: that's pomp Springs, really, pomp Springs is a haze, especially
Speaker 1: when it's hot. You just go there and my memory
Speaker 1: just throws everything away after a decade. It's like with taxes,
Speaker 1: you just anything older than seven years. I meet people
Speaker 1: and they'll tell me and remember we took that road
Speaker 1: trip to LA and you had an audition, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know your name. I remember this at all,
Speaker 1: and they're like it was just you, me and two
Speaker 1: other people in a car for hours. Yeah. Recollection. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: there are things I've talked about, like podcasts I've done,
Speaker 1: and like things that have documentation like that are that
Speaker 1: I will never remember. I mean, I'm not kidding you.
Speaker 1: I met Larry David and I said, nice to meet you,
Speaker 1: and he said we've met before. You remember forgot meeting
Speaker 1: Larry David? Wow, Because I think I expunge things that
Speaker 1: are too much for my brain to handle, like knowing
Speaker 1: Larry David or meeting him. If it didn't go the
Speaker 1: way I wanted it to reset button and I just
Speaker 1: don't want to remember. And so when someone goes you
Speaker 1: don't remember meeting me, I always go I didn't remember
Speaker 1: meeting Larry David, so of course I didn't remember me. Well,
Speaker 1: you got to do the trick the Hollywood hello see you.
Speaker 1: I don't like that nice to see you shit, yeah nice,
Speaker 1: you don't like it. Yesterday Kathy Hilton did it to me.
Speaker 1: I love Kathy Hilton, but I went to the Paris
Speaker 1: Hilton thing, okay, against what I wanted to do, which
Speaker 1: the only reason I didn't want to do it is
Speaker 1: because I didn't have an outfit planned. I didn't have
Speaker 1: hair and makeup. I was I'm I'm like sick. I
Speaker 1: think I have bronchitis or something like. I just didn't
Speaker 1: feel good. But I went because we talked about in
Speaker 1: the podcast, and I knew that, like, I should do this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're peer pressured, do I am? I glad I did it. No,
Speaker 1: I should have stayed at home. I was not in
Speaker 1: the mood to do it. Kathy Elton, but she she
Speaker 1: twice I go, nice to meet you. We've never met before.
Speaker 1: I gave her that in of like, I'm acknowledging you
Speaker 1: shouldn't know who I am. Yes, and she still double
Speaker 1: timed nice to see you to me, which if you
Speaker 1: don't know and you're listening, nice to see you as
Speaker 1: the way that people in Hollywood greet each other in
Speaker 1: case they've met before. It covers you for meeting for
Speaker 1: the first time. Yeah, it's nice to see you, or
Speaker 1: it's like we we've never met before, or we've met before,
Speaker 1: nice to see you again. It kind of covers that
Speaker 1: as well. Yeah yeah, um, but she's locked into a
Speaker 1: nice to see you. She's adopted that and that's her
Speaker 1: that's her thing. Um and um. She was hilarious and
Speaker 1: really fun and funny, and Paris was just great and beautiful.
Speaker 1: And we shopped for baby clothes together at sax Fifth
Speaker 1: Avenue and I every little garment was more money than
Speaker 1: I've ever spent on a shirt in my life for
Speaker 1: these this little baby that would wear at one time
Speaker 1: two days. It was rather very It was very normal
Speaker 1: the way the shopping went, like you'd think shopping with
Speaker 1: Kathy and Paris would be this like monumental event, and
Speaker 1: like they would shop in a different way, No, same
Speaker 1: old way. You just like, go, this is cute. I said.
Speaker 1: At one point, I go to the woman working, I go,
Speaker 1: how many times a day do you hear this is cute?
Speaker 1: She was like thousands. And then Kathy goes, this is adorable.
Speaker 1: I go, what about adorable? She goes less, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, so I wasn't. I just I regret
Speaker 1: doing it because I wasn't my best self. I wasn't like,
Speaker 1: I don't feel super comfortable being like the kind of
Speaker 1: funny that I am around Kathy Hilton. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: looked so like I looked like such a scrub. I'd
Speaker 1: put on the cutest outfit I could find, but I
Speaker 1: had no plans of even going to dinner with a
Speaker 1: friend while I was in town, so I don't have
Speaker 1: any cute clothes. And Kathy Elton at one point held
Speaker 1: up I was wearing like a sweater with flowers on it,
Speaker 1: like these like daisies on it that I've worn a
Speaker 1: million times. It probably smelled. And at one point she
Speaker 1: held up like a kid's thing that had like hearts
Speaker 1: and flowers all over it and that was really ugly,
Speaker 1: and she goes, this would match your outfit. But she
Speaker 1: wasn't trying to be mean. She was just right, and
Speaker 1: I was just kind of had to swallow and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: because I see I saw her take in my outfit,
Speaker 1: like what is this? I mean, the irony of everyone
Speaker 1: that works at sacks that kind of judges you when
Speaker 1: you go into a nice store and you feel bad
Speaker 1: about your outfit and the staff there is kind of
Speaker 1: like your gross I always want to be like, you
Speaker 1: can't afford this shit either, which you work here, you're
Speaker 1: making seven fifty an hour? Why are you judging me?
Speaker 1: I got to remind myself of that people that own
Speaker 1: shops are not like rolling in dough generally, or even
Speaker 1: working in shops. I don't understand shops at all. I
Speaker 1: see shops all the time. I don't see anyone in there. Ever,
Speaker 1: the like five shirts, it's a billboard. It's just a billboard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what they're mostly for. Yeah, especially on Rodeo. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: but the places make you dress in their clothes, but
Speaker 1: they won't really pay for it, and they give you
Speaker 1: a tiny discount. And that's the hard part you have
Speaker 1: to have, like, yeah, I feel bad bits all the time,
Speaker 1: and you have to basically invest all the money you're
Speaker 1: earning their back into the dumb store. Yes. Um oh,
Speaker 1: Carlisle made me laugh so hard. This whole like you
Speaker 1: get a discount thing. Doesn't everyone realize that everything's marked
Speaker 1: up like one hundred percent, So if you're getting a
Speaker 1: ten percent discount, it really is not a lot. But
Speaker 1: Carlisle I was talking about this new building she moved
Speaker 1: into over air one or she's good, might move into
Speaker 1: um and it. They give you if you live in
Speaker 1: this building, ten percent off at Air one. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: which is fucking nothing. Air one makes whole Foods look
Speaker 1: like a soup pantry, like it looks like a place
Speaker 1: you'd go to get free food if you're homeless like that.
Speaker 1: That is the pricing at a ten percent off is nothing.
Speaker 1: Is like fifty thousand dollars. Yeah, they have some spach
Speaker 1: dip or something there that's famous. I forget what it is,
Speaker 1: but I saw it on Instagram. It's this big, it's
Speaker 1: like a court and it's forty five dollars and they
Speaker 1: sell it during some holidays. Insane and aarone just opened
Speaker 1: up around the corner for me, which means like my,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's amazing, uh no one. I went to
Speaker 1: one um together recently for lunch. It's I mean, it's
Speaker 1: great stuff. But you have no business walking in there
Speaker 1: unless you're rich. No, I mean you you're you're you're
Speaker 1: They had ballet parking. Remember, yes, it's filled with people
Speaker 1: with eating disorders. When I had when I had a full,
Speaker 1: raging eating disorder and I was going to like two
Speaker 1: beak rom yoga classes a day, I would just starve
Speaker 1: myself all day and then at night because I was
Speaker 1: so whatever it's called orthorexic, where you're obsessed with like
Speaker 1: only eating organic food. I would go there and get
Speaker 1: these raw brownies that the only ingredients were like coconut oil,
Speaker 1: cacao shavings, coconut shavings, and that was a how And
Speaker 1: I would just eat that and be starving, and it
Speaker 1: was probably like three thousand calories or something, and I'd
Speaker 1: be like, why am I fat? Because I just wasn't
Speaker 1: eating anything all day and then just eating like a
Speaker 1: bunch of coconut oil and knights. Yes, it was depressed.
Speaker 1: And they cost so much secty dollars for those fuckers.
Speaker 1: I told when Carlos that, I was like, I need
Speaker 1: to get through to her to not go there. Ten
Speaker 1: percent off is not enough to justify air one. That's
Speaker 1: how they get you. You can't grocery shop there, that's insane.
Speaker 1: So it's already really expensive. If you go to Whole Foods,
Speaker 1: you get Whole Foods is already a rip off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you get it delivered from Amazon, then it costs
Speaker 1: h you know, there's fees in that, and then there's
Speaker 1: like Trader Joe Gars to have my groceries delivered because
Speaker 1: then people have to see what I get when you
Speaker 1: take out. When you get takeout food, you know how
Speaker 1: they put like a sticker over the bag or they
Speaker 1: staple and there's a sticker that says sealed for your protection.
Speaker 1: You ever get that? No, but I haven't noticed it,
Speaker 1: I guess because I usually am just like ripping it
Speaker 1: open like a wild coyote. It's like a new thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: Like if you get door dash, you get a bag
Speaker 1: and then they'll put a sticker over it that says
Speaker 1: stealed for your protection. Huh. I was just wondering what
Speaker 1: you thought about that. Well, I think that people were
Speaker 1: eaten things before. Oh yeah, I think people were rummaging
Speaker 1: around in there. That's insane or no, it's not. I
Speaker 1: get it because if you're making no money as a
Speaker 1: little driver and there's some fresh fries in a bag
Speaker 1: and then the eating and guess what, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's that gross. You're if they're not touching your other fries,
Speaker 1: why is it that gross. Let them have a fucking fry. Well,
Speaker 1: the sticker's not going to stop them. Then you just
Speaker 1: pull it up and then close it. Well yeah, well
Speaker 1: gonna go stick it. You think it's well. Last night
Speaker 1: I got takaya and I spent fucking ninety dollars on
Speaker 1: my takaya order. They always throw in like four silverware
Speaker 1: things because they think that's how many people I ordered for.
Speaker 1: And I ordered all these sauces and none of the
Speaker 1: sauces came, and I was so furious, and then I
Speaker 1: was just like scares, like like who am I Like?
Speaker 1: I get to have this delivered. I get to spend
Speaker 1: ninety dollars on takeout, and it's like not a treat.
Speaker 1: It's just like the way I live. Like I'm doing
Speaker 1: pretty well. I can live without my sauces tonight. But
Speaker 1: it was annoying. And I did go on the app
Speaker 1: and I got reimbursed. Yeah, ten dollars or so that's automatic.
Speaker 1: Now that's good for you. Yeah, thank you. My mouth
Speaker 1: is so stupid because right now I'm listening to your story,
Speaker 1: I have no idea what to kaya is, and my
Speaker 1: mouth is watering. I'm like, you don't even know what sauce.
Speaker 1: Talking about sauces, what is it Japanese food. No, it's
Speaker 1: Mexican to kaya Organica, Yeah, yeah, organica. The salsas, Like
Speaker 1: now I do. I love It's one of my favorite drinks.
Speaker 1: I love sauces. But I just am in this new
Speaker 1: thing of like when I'm starting to feel this panic
Speaker 1: of like persecution, I just have to go. You're lucky
Speaker 1: and everything works out for you. So it honestly probably
Speaker 1: worked out that I didn't have like acid re re
Speaker 1: because of the salsas. You know, like I could sleep
Speaker 1: through the night. I keep waking up. I have this
Speaker 1: cough that like won't go away. It's crispy. Listen to
Speaker 1: my crispy cough. Honestly it sounds good, really yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess so, But it sounds like a cough. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: will want it. I want it. He's already got it.
Speaker 1: But it's like crunchy. That's what's good about. It feels
Speaker 1: like I'm shaking a can of pringles. Yeah, it sounds satisfying.
Speaker 1: That cough is better than you want to know. It's not.
Speaker 1: It's not getting anything up. Once in a while, something
Speaker 1: comes up, but nothing, there's nothing moving and my um
Speaker 1: my voice. Teacher said, uh, it's probably bronchitis, And so
Speaker 1: I looked at bronchitis and I mean it checks out.
Speaker 1: I mean, what's the difference between the group bronchitis scrap
Speaker 1: uh strap, I know hurts, this doesn't. Yeah, my throat's
Speaker 1: not hurting. But I do wake up in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night just like dry like like coughing and crunching. Well,
Speaker 1: the reason I say it sounds good is because I
Speaker 1: think it sounds like a quality like movie, like a
Speaker 1: folly artist cough. Oh thanks, like you put that cough
Speaker 1: in a movie because it's like, not the coughing are
Speaker 1: the worst. Yeah, when someone's like, why don't you do
Speaker 1: some adr work and earn some money while you're at
Speaker 1: that's a good point. I should commodifize this commoditized commodify
Speaker 1: you only have it for a little while. God Man,
Speaker 1: succession is the best word usage. Yeah. I keep watching
Speaker 1: the show and I have just like a list. Can
Speaker 1: I go through a list of words? If you guys
Speaker 1: know what these words mean. I mean, on Anya is
Speaker 1: very good at words. Ironized. That's the first word before
Speaker 1: I find my phone. I mean, I make to make
Speaker 1: ironic yes, how do you know that? How do you
Speaker 1: know that? Because I thought it was to make something irony,
Speaker 1: like make it like iron. Yeah, I thought it was
Speaker 1: like some sort of chemical reaction that makes it iron
Speaker 1: like dies. Yes, that's what I thought. How did you
Speaker 1: know that? Anya? I just guessed. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: that smart of me, but um, give us more. No,
Speaker 1: it's very smart. Okay. Patois oh a t O I
Speaker 1: s yes, that is that's French. Uh, that's that's a
Speaker 1: when a duck you have a duck fat inside of it.
Speaker 1: Here's my guess, an overall an overall coloring or color
Speaker 1: scheme or like pat it's French for three debts. It's
Speaker 1: the dialect of the common people of a region. Oh wow, Okay.
Speaker 1: In co inkoit I n c h O A t E.
Speaker 1: That sounds like a like a like a new tech company. Yeah,
Speaker 1: or it looks like it says like in chocolate, like
Speaker 1: in kwait is it like and they have to say
Speaker 1: it in a British accent because sound really stupid. In
Speaker 1: koit it's like something that is um you're born with
Speaker 1: or something no, well kind of cloe well you're cloeror
Speaker 1: beating around the bush. It's just begun and so not
Speaker 1: fully formed or developed, rudimentary. I should know. That's such
Speaker 1: a good word. Epiphenomenon. Wow, they ehenomenon Yeah, and they
Speaker 1: yes they do. It's nuts means revolving around something the phenomenon,
Speaker 1: and a phenomenon is some event that occurs, So revolving
Speaker 1: around an event that was a significant event, a secondary
Speaker 1: effect or byproduct that arises but does not causally influence
Speaker 1: a process. They were talking about that in the show.
Speaker 1: Aren't they talking about like the definition or not. No,
Speaker 1: they weren't talking about the definition. They just used it.
Speaker 1: They just expect you to know these things. They all
Speaker 1: the God, the show is so freaking good. The new
Speaker 1: I know you don't watch it, but the new episode
Speaker 1: is fucking incredible. You watch the new episode? Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed and I love um. I just love everything
Speaker 1: that's happening on that show so much. And I don't
Speaker 1: want to give anything away, but um Logan has like
Speaker 1: a there's this one part where you know the patriarch,
Speaker 1: who's this like disgruntled groff man who just says fuck
Speaker 1: off all the time. He's just mad and no one
Speaker 1: can get him like he's never been he's never lost,
Speaker 1: he always wins. And he has this moment in this
Speaker 1: diner where he's asking his bodyguard and he has no
Speaker 1: friends at this point, and his family's kind of estranged
Speaker 1: and like all of his friends and his wife is
Speaker 1: fucking They don't want to divorce because it would cost
Speaker 1: too much, but she's gone, you know, And he's just
Speaker 1: like a this diner with his bodyguard and he's just like,
Speaker 1: what do you think happens after this? Like, what do
Speaker 1: you think what comes after? And the bodyguard's talking and
Speaker 1: he just keeps interrupting him, because this guy is incapable
Speaker 1: of like hearing anyone else out or being interested in
Speaker 1: anyone else like most men on a date, and so
Speaker 1: he just keeps asking questions that he answers himself, and
Speaker 1: then he goes, he goes, I don't know. The thing is,
Speaker 1: you don't know, you can't know, and he goes, but
Speaker 1: I've got my suspicions. I've got my fucking suspicions. He's
Speaker 1: like he's mad about like this guy is always paranoid
Speaker 1: that someone's out there get him. And he's even when
Speaker 1: after he dies, he's like already angry about whatever's like
Speaker 1: gonna happen to him and like someone's gonna try to
Speaker 1: fuck him over. It's just so well done and the
Speaker 1: acting is superb, and I just love you give a
Speaker 1: favorite character. Yes, uh fucking what's his name? Roman, He's
Speaker 1: my favorite. He just like fuck you when, just like quick,
Speaker 1: and he's says the funniest things, and he's also like
Speaker 1: the most emotional and he's you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like he's just been kind of screwed over because he's
Speaker 1: the youngest one and he was kind of like bullied
Speaker 1: as a child and he has weird sexual hangups and
Speaker 1: he talks like this and he's just like fuck you, Sis,
Speaker 1: I don't care and m and I just think there's
Speaker 1: like an innocence to him all all together. Though, Tom
Speaker 1: womb Scams is what I'm rooting for, and I'm really
Speaker 1: glad that he's fucking giving Shiv the Shiv and is
Speaker 1: like not putting up with her shit anymore. And he's
Speaker 1: just a sweet character. I just love. I love them
Speaker 1: all for different reasons, and I also hate them all
Speaker 1: for different reasons. See the new episode Yes twice. Ah,
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm ready to go back. I think the
Speaker 1: part with the Barbery bag is great, and I love
Speaker 1: the article in the cut about the Burbery bag. This
Speaker 1: one character shows up to a party and they just
Speaker 1: do such a great job of showing all of the
Speaker 1: bullshit around wealth, Like she has a three thousand dollars bag.
Speaker 1: This one girl, that's a three thousand dollar bag. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a Barbery bag. And evidently Burbery went through this
Speaker 1: whole not scandal, but like their brand kind of went down.
Speaker 1: So they're poking fun at the bag because she's not
Speaker 1: the right kind of rich, Like she shows up with
Speaker 1: a big, clunky Bribery bag. And so Tom Wombscans has
Speaker 1: a great line that's like, I'll rate it to you. Yes,
Speaker 1: I have I have an account that um said. So
Speaker 1: he says, so Greg the young like cousin Greg, who's
Speaker 1: kind of like a buffoonish character, he brings I have it.
Speaker 1: He brings this girl with him to his uncle's birthday
Speaker 1: party and he's like, I think you know. He goes
Speaker 1: up to Tom and he's like, I think she's leaving.
Speaker 1: I don't know, and he goes why because she brought
Speaker 1: a ludicrously capacious bag. What's even in there, huh, flat
Speaker 1: shoes for the subway, her lunch pail. I mean, Greg,
Speaker 1: it's monstrous. It's gargantuan. You could take it camping, you
Speaker 1: could slide it across the floor after a bank job.
Speaker 1: Bag was so funny. It makes me like so fairnoy
Speaker 1: that I have big bags now. And capacious was a
Speaker 1: word I had to look up right away. I paused
Speaker 1: it because I was watching with Chris and every time
Speaker 1: a word comes up that we don't know, I paused,
Speaker 1: I go, what do you think that means? And so
Speaker 1: he was like, I think it's like capacity so big,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you're right, capacious it's a great word.
Speaker 1: Yause Chris always getting Queen Bee on the I mean
Speaker 1: that was me yesterday. I was the girl with the
Speaker 1: big bag walking into sacks to meet Kathy and Paris.
Speaker 1: Hilton's two are the most articulately, perfectly poshly dressed people.
Speaker 1: I looked like a hoodlum and there was no There
Speaker 1: was no other And by the way, I was texting
Speaker 1: the producers on my way there, being like, I'm dressed disgustingly,
Speaker 1: I'm really anxious about it. I am not feeling good.
Speaker 1: I need you guys to know this. And I show
Speaker 1: up and they go, you're fine, and she goes, You're
Speaker 1: dressed exactly like me, And I go, you're Are you
Speaker 1: going shopping with Kathy Hilton? No, you're working on You're
Speaker 1: a crew member on a show all day. Hey. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not supposed to be dressed like you.
Speaker 1: She was like, I'm dressed like you. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you are. You're working all day. So how did
Speaker 1: it go? Though? I mean, I mean, I wasn't able
Speaker 1: to be that funny because I was just too nervous
Speaker 1: and like, if there was one other funny person there,
Speaker 1: it would be fun because that person could have Like
Speaker 1: if I would have brought a friend who was funny,
Speaker 1: we could have been funny with each other and laughed
Speaker 1: at the fact that our jokes don't go well. But
Speaker 1: when I make a joke and it doesn't go well,
Speaker 1: it's just Kathy and her parents and her mom they're not, like,
Speaker 1: not good laughers. They just don't. Kathy didn't know who
Speaker 1: I was, no context for who I was. Harrison stold her,
Speaker 1: in right, it was nice to see me. Paris was
Speaker 1: just like this, my friend Nikki. It wasn't like this.
Speaker 1: She's a comedian, so there was no like pretext for like,
Speaker 1: let's let's expect her to be funny. So I was
Speaker 1: doing kind of funny things and saying funny things. But
Speaker 1: I also felt so uncomfortable with how I was dressed.
Speaker 1: I couldn't be comfortable. I couldn't because I just felt
Speaker 1: so cute, so embarrassed. The way Kathy Hilton looked me
Speaker 1: up and down, I guarantee you you would not have
Speaker 1: felt comfortable. Isn't that my offit? Yeah? I looked the
Speaker 1: pants were too big. Um, it was just it. I
Speaker 1: didn't I didn't look cute, and I just didn't feel comfortable,
Speaker 1: regardless of they were so nice to me, and they
Speaker 1: were so funny, and they were funnier than I was.
Speaker 1: I was just too nervous. And so I'm saying this
Speaker 1: next time, I'm going to trust my instinct and not
Speaker 1: go yeah, yeah, Sometimes you're right. Sometimes the thing that's
Speaker 1: hard to do that you're like, do the hard thing.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't want to do it because it's ei
Speaker 1: there is a reason to be scared. You're not prepared.
Speaker 1: We gotta go to break and I'll talk more about
Speaker 1: and then I had I had a whole night last
Speaker 1: night as well after this, So I finished the Paris
Speaker 1: thing yesterday and then I had like a couple of
Speaker 1: hours before I agreed. Somehow I agreed to do three sets,
Speaker 1: and I don't know how it happened, but I was
Speaker 1: like bronchi itis, and then I couldn't check in my
Speaker 1: hotel till four. So I got here at one and
Speaker 1: I'd wait in the lobby for three hours with nothing
Speaker 1: to do except be on my phone and look at
Speaker 1: pictures of myself when I was thinner, and so I
Speaker 1: was just in a bad mood. I come up here,
Speaker 1: I smell bad, but I don't have time to really
Speaker 1: shower and redo my hair because I'm trying to keep
Speaker 1: my hair from the iHeart Awards, so I can bring
Speaker 1: it to the fucking Sacks Fifth Avenue and look like
Speaker 1: at least something looks good on me. And then so
Speaker 1: I feel sticky and gross, and then I have to
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, okay, I'll get a little nap
Speaker 1: in I can't nap before the sets because of my bronchitis.
Speaker 1: I tried to cancel a set ten twenty, my latest set,
Speaker 1: so I had a nine I had at nine o'clock,
Speaker 1: a nine thirty and a ten twenty, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: let me get out of that ten twenty. But I
Speaker 1: agreed to do the ten twenty like that morning, So
Speaker 1: why would I get out of something that I agreed
Speaker 1: to do so late? But I wrote to him and
Speaker 1: I go, how annoying is it for me to cancel?
Speaker 1: And he was like, I just had Ida Rodbriguez to cancel,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I won't cancel on you, So I
Speaker 1: do them all. I had to kick out at one.
Speaker 1: I got heckled at the comedy store and this girl
Speaker 1: was like love me. She had a shaved head and
Speaker 1: she was just very enthusiastic about everything I said. And
Speaker 1: then they kicked her out and she was like crying
Speaker 1: on the way out, and so that was kind of
Speaker 1: like roth And I was a little bit mean because
Speaker 1: when I that's why I don't do CrowdWork, because I
Speaker 1: always go mean, yeah, because the funniest thing is to
Speaker 1: say is to say a mean thing, because it first
Speaker 1: really true. You're so lovely, like you'll be like you're straight,
Speaker 1: tell your voice like which is mean but hilarious, and
Speaker 1: you're always very gentle with people. I feel like everyone
Speaker 1: knows you're but that's not funny because I always gentle.
Speaker 1: Because I was like, babe, I'm so sorry you're getting
Speaker 1: kicked out. I was like, we know, like you're you.
Speaker 1: She was like, but I love you, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I know, it's just you're too annoying, and and I
Speaker 1: go and I'm sorry you were molested because I was
Speaker 1: talking about molestation, and then she started mouthing up, and
Speaker 1: I go, this is the product of like if you
Speaker 1: touch kids. They turned into this like someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: really know social boundary, Like she's fucked up from it.
Speaker 1: I go, one hundred percent that girl was molested. She
Speaker 1: had a shaved head. She was just being very loud
Speaker 1: and like I love you, and she wasn't listen. I
Speaker 1: was trying to engage her in a way that like
Speaker 1: would make her a part of the show, but she
Speaker 1: wasn't responding, so they kicked her out and she's just
Speaker 1: pleading on the way out and like just begging, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I abandoned her, like dug on that um
Speaker 1: on the battlefield. And then they told me afterwards she
Speaker 1: was crying outside and they were and they were really
Speaker 1: nice to her though at the comedy store. They were
Speaker 1: like listening, it happens all the time. We know you
Speaker 1: were trying to help but just didn't work out. You'd
Speaker 1: come back drunk. Yeah. So that and then I go
Speaker 1: to the ten twenty spot and Tiffany Hatrish is there.
Speaker 1: She wasn't even on the line up, but I go,
Speaker 1: oh hey, and I go, you know, Bet Midler's here.
Speaker 1: Because I'm walking in, they go, this is star studded crowd.
Speaker 1: And I go, who's here? And they go, Bet Midler
Speaker 1: and I was like, Bet Midler is at a ten
Speaker 1: o'clock improv show on a Tuesday. What So I'm excited.
Speaker 1: I see her in the court, like in the back
Speaker 1: she's by herself. I think she was by herself. And
Speaker 1: then Tiffany Hannah comes in and I go, Tiffany, Bette
Speaker 1: Midler's here, and she goes, I know I invited her
Speaker 1: and I was like, what friends with Bet? And so
Speaker 1: she was like I met her? She was. I met
Speaker 1: her at the met gala the second time I did it,
Speaker 1: and then I ran into her and she was like
Speaker 1: we kept in touch through the pandemic and then I
Speaker 1: met her. I saw her earlier. I was having dinner
Speaker 1: and I saw her and I told her I was
Speaker 1: doing a set, and she was like, I want to go,
Speaker 1: So Tiffany brought her there and then I did a
Speaker 1: set and it was really fun because I, like, I
Speaker 1: was It's the only time I've ever been like, what
Speaker 1: does bett want to hear? Like, I wasn't thinking about
Speaker 1: anyone else in that crowd. So I did a total
Speaker 1: bet set and then I left afterwards, and because I
Speaker 1: had to go home and sleep, and then I woke
Speaker 1: up to a Texas morning that said that the booker
Speaker 1: of the show said Bette Midler was looking for you afterwards.
Speaker 1: She wanted you to take a picture with you. That's sweet.
Speaker 1: I missed out. That was cool and then I and
Speaker 1: then I um ate some sauceless Mexican food, went to bed.
Speaker 1: That was my day. What was the bet set? What
Speaker 1: kind of topics did you coverging being a woman in
Speaker 1: this industry and how what the bullshit is and how
Speaker 1: you have to be so talented if you want to
Speaker 1: get old, you better keep your talent up and how
Speaker 1: um yeah, just like and you know, fuck you j
Speaker 1: Low for lying to people. You've all had facelifts. Everyone
Speaker 1: has facelifts. I'm gonna get a facelift. Just a lot
Speaker 1: of aging stuff and a lot of like calling hypocrisy. No,
Speaker 1: but I she was right underneath the light in the
Speaker 1: back of the room, so it was like very dark.
Speaker 1: You couldn't tell if she was laughing. But I but
Speaker 1: if she Bet asked for me afterwards, so I'm guessing
Speaker 1: I thought it was asking. She she liked it, so
Speaker 1: that was fun. Midler asked for you and that drunk
Speaker 1: girl in the same night, I know. I mean, you're
Speaker 1: crush it it. Maybe it was Bett Midler in the
Speaker 1: first show. Yeah, can you imagine throwing Bett Midler out
Speaker 1: of your show? I mean you could have asked me
Speaker 1: all day yesterday name celebrities that could come up to
Speaker 1: her come to your show the least likely, and she
Speaker 1: would have made my list of least likely least likely
Speaker 1: to show up. Yeah, but at the same time, you're
Speaker 1: kind of like, no, that makes sense for Bet being
Speaker 1: out on a late at I mean, Jamie Lee Curtis
Speaker 1: won't go to a show at seven pm. How old
Speaker 1: is Bet Midler? I would guess. Okay, let's do a
Speaker 1: little Let's let's do a bet. Let's do a bet
Speaker 1: bat bet all right, Um, I bet she is seventy three, okay,
Speaker 1: anyone else I thought she was seventy two. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say seventy four. Wow, this is really all in the
Speaker 1: same rain. Would you guys have said this? Head I
Speaker 1: not said seventy three. I'm gonna bet that she's one dollar. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bet one. I'm gonna bet u eighty Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I don't think that's a horrible butt. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Brian's over, Yes, seventy seven. Wow, that meddler out at
Speaker 1: the fucking night seventy seven. Yes, on your wins. I
Speaker 1: have a downstairs neighbor. No, no, she was just watching
Speaker 1: No yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I have a downstairs
Speaker 1: neighbor who's eighty nine and she is. Wow, she's the
Speaker 1: type of person that would go to a comedy show
Speaker 1: at ten o'clock on a Tuesday. I guess I gotta
Speaker 1: keeps you alive to that active. You gotta keep going
Speaker 1: like a shark the secret. Yeah, like a shark. Yep,
Speaker 1: I already say it yesterday. You're gonna do it. I'll
Speaker 1: probably make it to probably pull it off. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm tall. Though tall people don't live long. They're not
Speaker 1: that tall, they say. The new generation is is that right?
Speaker 1: That's really um Life insurance or people who do financials
Speaker 1: for like your long term they plan for you to
Speaker 1: be one hundred and six. Wow. Good news. Well, the
Speaker 1: fact that we're not all inhaling cigarette smoke twenty four
Speaker 1: seven is going to give us a slight advantage. Your parents,
Speaker 1: our parents all inhaled cigarette smoke for forty years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everywhere they went. Yeah, they would smoke thirty or forty years,
Speaker 1: and and smoked too. But second and smoke was horror,
Speaker 1: horrific on planes. I mean, it's just insane. The fact
Speaker 1: that you could smoke on a plane, and the fact
Speaker 1: that I get I walked by someone smoking and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh god, and like that was just the air back then. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but now I'm getting it. I'm getting it a little bit.
Speaker 1: With weed smoke. Now, oh, weed smoke is everywhere or
Speaker 1: not conscious of the fact that it smells from. And
Speaker 1: when I've smoked weed, I've always been conscious of that.
Speaker 1: And people always like, it's fine, it's weed. It doesn't
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, people, this is annoying. It's I've
Speaker 1: never been someone who smokes weed who thinks it's cool
Speaker 1: and that everyone should have to like deal with it.
Speaker 1: I mean when I'm on the road and I like,
Speaker 1: I'm in my green room and I know that, like
Speaker 1: I'm not smoking out of the green room. I just
Speaker 1: go in the shower something and try to keep it
Speaker 1: a little bit contained. But like people who just wafted
Speaker 1: through the street and I'm constantly walking by it, be ashamed, yeah,
Speaker 1: be ashamed of this drug habit. You have a little
Speaker 1: bit try to keep it, you know. Contained It's not
Speaker 1: about shame for the drug habit. It's about shame for
Speaker 1: being rude. It's well, like maybe people don't want to
Speaker 1: smell that. I mean, I hate shame and I think
Speaker 1: it's the worst thing possible. So I don't really mean that,
Speaker 1: but I do feel like you should have I have
Speaker 1: shame with smoking, and I don't think that everyone should
Speaker 1: have to deal with it. I always ask beforehand if
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it in a green room with
Speaker 1: other people, like is this you know? Or I do
Speaker 1: it wait till they're gone and like wafted away. But
Speaker 1: it's like it's just gross. But especially now that you
Speaker 1: can vape and it doesn't smell like anything. Vaping is
Speaker 1: so horrible and it makes you feel like it just
Speaker 1: it's I don't like vaping at all because, first of all,
Speaker 1: vaping for me, as someone who can be very addicted
Speaker 1: to weed is day inger Russ because you can do
Speaker 1: it everywhere, and at least when if I want to
Speaker 1: get high and I'm smoking weed, I have to be stinky.
Speaker 1: I have to do a thing that I have a
Speaker 1: bud cigarette butt thing that I have to put out
Speaker 1: somewhere like an It's an inconvenience. It makes it so
Speaker 1: like I have to really want it. When I can
Speaker 1: just vape anytime any day I'm high twenty four seven,
Speaker 1: it just it. Within three days if I get a vape,
Speaker 1: I'm doing it constantly. Yeah, And I don't keep it
Speaker 1: to just I'm not someone who can just like moderate.
Speaker 1: So I think smoking weed when I do, when I'm
Speaker 1: am in those spells of doing it, it just keeps
Speaker 1: me more honest and it makes me do it less
Speaker 1: because it is gross. Isn't it crazy? Regarding like fears
Speaker 1: of what's going to kill us? That no one was
Speaker 1: getting like acrylic nails done when we were growing up, really,
Speaker 1: and that stuff seems so toxic, and were they having
Speaker 1: like explosions of chemical gases like what they are now, Like,
Speaker 1: are we really better off now than when we were
Speaker 1: growing out? Well, yeah, they weren't drinking from plastic water
Speaker 1: bottles constantly. There's there's going to be new and they
Speaker 1: weren't constantly on their phones all the time. Like there
Speaker 1: are new cigarettes, and sugar wasn't in everything, and corn
Speaker 1: syrup wasn't every and everything. So yeah, there are other
Speaker 1: things that are killing us. But and there are things
Speaker 1: we don't even know that are killing us that we
Speaker 1: don't even know yet that they're going to kill us
Speaker 1: twenty years from now, they're gonna be like, guess what,
Speaker 1: Lacroix bad? Yeah, Lacroix. You know when you drank vitamin
Speaker 1: water zero and you thought you had no sugar, Well
Speaker 1: that's bad. Well we all know aspartame is bad or
Speaker 1: whatever those fakes sugars are, they're not good. Drink six
Speaker 1: vitamin water zeros a day, really, well, I'll drink like one.
Speaker 1: I think I have one with me. I know I
Speaker 1: saw your back. What is it called? It's a funny,
Speaker 1: funky flavor. Oh, this is the best flavor of vitamin water, gutsy,
Speaker 1: it's it's a watermelon peach. Oh that does sound good. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it's good. It's good. It'll kill me. But do you
Speaker 1: do that instead of water? No, I'll drink I just don't.
Speaker 1: I just don't drink enough water either. I don't like water.
Speaker 1: It's so boring and it like makes my stomach hurt. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's not normal. I don't like water, I really, unless
Speaker 1: I'm super thirsty. It really. I struggle with drinking water.
Speaker 1: So drinking tap water. I mean I have a burkey
Speaker 1: system that Chris got me. But I just like I
Speaker 1: have no problem with tap tap water doesn't bother. It's
Speaker 1: any water. It's just like it is a nuisance to drink.
Speaker 1: It feels like annoying to have to do it. I'm
Speaker 1: never like water. Get your water in in the morning.
Speaker 1: I wake up, you chug a liter of water and
Speaker 1: then like, okay, that's my water for the morning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like a plant that you like forget to water all
Speaker 1: week and exactly dump a bucket on. Yes. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's how you're supposed to do. I think
Speaker 1: you're supposed to sip it all day long. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was chure there's a picture of me as a baby,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like like this with a bottle, like
Speaker 1: getting the last remnants, like like just chug in a
Speaker 1: bah bah. Yeah, I chug everything. I get these extra
Speaker 1: hot coffees, like a Venti coffee. I can finish an
Speaker 1: extra hot Venti latte and I'm not joking you. And
Speaker 1: this is without trying two minutes. Wow, two minutes extra hot.
Speaker 1: And I got an extra hot, Like get an extra
Speaker 1: hot so that I slow down because if it was
Speaker 1: an extra hot I could do it in one sip
Speaker 1: a whole Venti. We have to tell besties how you
Speaker 1: get this extra hot feature? Remember we have you just
Speaker 1: say extra hot and then they just make it matter. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they that's it's almost a fee. It's a feature on
Speaker 1: the app too. You just put an extra hot. Because
Speaker 1: I don't understand people that get regular drinks without extra hot.
Speaker 1: If you get tea, that's different because tea is always
Speaker 1: like so hot because of the hot water. Um, but
Speaker 1: regular lattes they would get room temperature within two minutes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I don't understand. And people that just sip on
Speaker 1: regular lattes all day, do you not have a problem
Speaker 1: sipping on a room temperature drink. Noah, uh, well, ever
Speaker 1: since you taught me about this life hack, I just
Speaker 1: order it extra hot now. But before were you like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's kind of gross now because it gets compecially immediately,
Speaker 1: especially if you're picking it up. It's like like on
Speaker 1: the counter for yes. And that's why I always order
Speaker 1: them at exactly four minutes before I get there, because
Speaker 1: it will always be like up within a minute of
Speaker 1: what I get there, and it's not sitting there. Um,
Speaker 1: And that's my cold drinks are always kind of advantageous.
Speaker 1: But those I sucked down immediately, I mean like they
Speaker 1: don't stand a chance. I can do them in one sip.
Speaker 1: I could drink a vitamin water all day long, like
Speaker 1: the complete cookie. No, I'm saying I could take one
Speaker 1: bottle and it'll last me all day. What said you
Speaker 1: had six? That was a joke. I was doing it
Speaker 1: for the sipping on it. Yeah, So I'll well, I'll
Speaker 1: do which is like people might anyone be like, aren't
Speaker 1: you like starving to death? If the speed you eat
Speaker 1: and the speed you drink, I don't know something's wrong.
Speaker 1: But I drink some of it, and then sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: drink like a quarter of my vitamin water and I'll
Speaker 1: put it back in the fridge. Oh my god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people find that to be insane. Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1: And then I'll have a half of vitamin water later.
Speaker 1: It just like it's like, oh, I can have some
Speaker 1: more of this later now. No, I've never understood people
Speaker 1: that can like save leftovers for later or go, I'm
Speaker 1: going to have this lunch. I'm feeling a little full.
Speaker 1: I'll put it away and have the rest of it
Speaker 1: for dinner. Yeah. Yeah, whatever I'm doing, it's not working. No,
Speaker 1: it's great. What do you mean, Well, it's not working.
Speaker 1: I want to I don't feel good. But I don't
Speaker 1: feel good. Oh no, never, but I do. What do
Speaker 1: you feel like? Final thought? Why are you feeling bad?
Speaker 1: What do you feel? Oh, it's somatic, let's do it totally.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's psycho smatic, constant pains. But I do
Speaker 1: save half of vitamin water and that makes it all.
Speaker 1: Where are your pains everywhere? Really? Yeah? Run this morning? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I wanted to say that because it's raining. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so I went for a run this morning in
Speaker 1: the rain. Because I go for a run in the
Speaker 1: rain more often than I will on a normal day
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm getting something over on the
Speaker 1: rest of the people in the world who refuse to
Speaker 1: run in the ring because it's like psychotic to be
Speaker 1: running in the rain. Yeah, it's dumb and slippery out there, Yeah,
Speaker 1: where it's uncomfortable. But now I'm running and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm getting it done today, Whereas if it was a
Speaker 1: sunny day, I'd just feel like I don't want to
Speaker 1: go running. So you're doing it as a fuck you
Speaker 1: and everyone driving by you being like, man, that guy's
Speaker 1: actually doing it. I'm not doing a good job today.
Speaker 1: You're trying to make people feel guilty. I'm more motivated
Speaker 1: to do it when I get that. And you know what,
Speaker 1: this is what so many people do on Instagram. No
Speaker 1: one has ever been motivated by a workout you post
Speaker 1: on Instagram, by the way, anyone posting your little workout
Speaker 1: or like how much weight you've lost or some stupid achievement.
Speaker 1: No one. You've never made someone feel good about. The
Speaker 1: only person you're making feel good is you. No one's
Speaker 1: ever been like, Wow, I'm gonna go move my body
Speaker 1: today because you got in a bunch of reps of
Speaker 1: what or dumb workout you're doing. It's solely to brag,
Speaker 1: and it's solely to make other people feel less about themselves,
Speaker 1: which is a great marketing tool for whatever business you're
Speaker 1: trying to run. So you're doing the right thing, but
Speaker 1: stop pretending motivation. Mondays that you're trying to motivate anyone
Speaker 1: with your bullshit. You're not. You don't want anyone to
Speaker 1: look like you. That's what makes you stand out from people.
Speaker 1: And then they say, I know a lot of people
Speaker 1: have been telling me that they were inspired to work
Speaker 1: out because I yeah, because I posted this. They say
Speaker 1: that I don't know if it's true or not. Well,
Speaker 1: we all know that a lot of people in celebrities
Speaker 1: speak is one yes, yes. A lot of people didn't
Speaker 1: ask how my drinks are getting extra hot? One person did.
Speaker 1: But it does become like people are asking, you know,
Speaker 1: people always I always see people writing like a lot
Speaker 1: of people asking where I'm gonna be this weekend? A
Speaker 1: lot of people it's like one person DMJ at most,
Speaker 1: and they probably weren't even asking that specifically of a question,
Speaker 1: and you could have written them back. You don't need
Speaker 1: to tell us all that a lot of people asking
Speaker 1: and by the way, it's there are a lot of people,
Speaker 1: not a lot of people asking. It's just like speak normally.
Speaker 1: It's just like stop lying and saying a lot of
Speaker 1: people are asking. No one's asking. A lot of people
Speaker 1: are asking me, how'd you get so funny? But I
Speaker 1: just don't understand what when I say a lot of
Speaker 1: people ask. Sometimes there are things that a lot of
Speaker 1: people ask about something, but I generally don't think. There
Speaker 1: was a girl that we mocked so endlessly in my
Speaker 1: girl's chat who posted about it's been three years since
Speaker 1: the pandemic and these are all the things I've gotten
Speaker 1: done in my life. And it was like, boom, boom boom.
Speaker 1: Just a list started appearing of like I wrote a book,
Speaker 1: I sold a book, I got I froze my eggs,
Speaker 1: I literally I had a baby, I lost twenty pounds,
Speaker 1: I ran a marathon, and like all this shit, and
Speaker 1: it's like, who is this for? Yeah, who is that
Speaker 1: going to make? First of all, we can't change the
Speaker 1: last three years of our lives. So unless I've done
Speaker 1: equally amounts of impressive things, this only makes me feel
Speaker 1: bad about myself. Yeah, So the only reason this is
Speaker 1: you're doing this. So when you see someone bragging like that,
Speaker 1: please know that they are not trying to inspire you.
Speaker 1: There is not a part of them at all that
Speaker 1: is trying to inspire you. There are people on social
Speaker 1: media that do try to inspire, and they do inspiring things,
Speaker 1: but the people that post their workouts generally are not
Speaker 1: trying to We're trying to sell you Alo that those
Speaker 1: it's always Alo clothing. Yeah, you're always trying to sell
Speaker 1: you Alo. Oh god, I've never seen one of those
Speaker 1: videos without someone wearing Alo. Yes, yes, it's always Alo
Speaker 1: clothing and it's always um I just have you, guys
Speaker 1: ever felt motivated by someone bragging on Instagram? It ever
Speaker 1: made you feel better about yourself? Well, it can make
Speaker 1: you feel worse about yourself, Yeah, which then makes you
Speaker 1: motivated that happened to you for working out? Yeah, to
Speaker 1: close the app? Oh, it makes you motivated to close
Speaker 1: the app, is what Noah said. But it doesn't it
Speaker 1: makes me go deeper and go okay, let me go
Speaker 1: deeper in her feed, tell that motivated you to create
Speaker 1: your own picture of what you've done since the pandemic,
Speaker 1: which was so funny. Yeah, so Carlyle, so I posted
Speaker 1: this in the girl's shoud of like, who is this for? You? Guys?
Speaker 1: Who do you think this girl posted this far other
Speaker 1: than herself to just brag and um. So then Carlisle
Speaker 1: made one of like all the things like it's been
Speaker 1: three years since the shutdown, here's everything I got done.
Speaker 1: And then mine was yeah, and so I made one.
Speaker 1: Carlisle made one. I won't read Carlisle's just for anonymity's sake,
Speaker 1: but mine was quite funks was like I've lost ten
Speaker 1: thousand strands of hair. Yeah. Mine was really um, you know,
Speaker 1: lastically like negative and exaggerated. Oh here it is, oh,
Speaker 1: because so this is the picture oh no, that she
Speaker 1: posted and it wasn't a picture. It was like her
Speaker 1: moving around. So I'm not going to show it. But
Speaker 1: she's just like brag brag, brag, brag all the way down.
Speaker 1: And so we all did one. I said, it's been
Speaker 1: three years since blackdown. In that time, I've farted in
Speaker 1: public and someone heard it three times. I spent ninety
Speaker 1: six thousand dollars on an apartment I never set foot in,
Speaker 1: prayed to God to end my life sixteen hundred and
Speaker 1: eleven times, burnt my leg with a curling iron and
Speaker 1: now it's infected. One time learned four chords on the guitar,
Speaker 1: spent fifteen thousand dollars on a book I never wrote,
Speaker 1: dressed to go to the gym and never did it,
Speaker 1: two hundred and three times said fuck you and hung
Speaker 1: up on my mom and dad. Twice, eaten four hundred
Speaker 1: protein bars in bed between the eyes of one am
Speaker 1: and six am. Actually followed through on two out of
Speaker 1: seventeen hundred and sixty six creative ideas. That has been
Speaker 1: my three years of blockdown, and that I feel motivated.
Speaker 1: I know that I can't even feel better when you
Speaker 1: share things about yourself that are embarrassing and are real.
Speaker 1: But sharing your your things that you've accomplished only make
Speaker 1: people feel worse. And I wish people would stop doing
Speaker 1: it so much. And if you need to brag, just
Speaker 1: say I need to brag. I get in myself and
Speaker 1: it feels good, like sometimes when I'm depressed, that's a
Speaker 1: tool I use. Or I'll be like, what did you
Speaker 1: accomplish today? And then I'll write it down for myself
Speaker 1: and that feels great. But I'm not going to broadcast
Speaker 1: it online like hey, dumb fucks at six am. So
Speaker 1: I ran in the rain this morning, but I didn't
Speaker 1: post about it. Yeah, I told you because I thought, no,
Speaker 1: it was interesting. You can tell your friends you listen,
Speaker 1: you can tell you You can brag and boast your
Speaker 1: friends all you want. It's like when you're putting it
Speaker 1: on your social media, I think that we all are
Speaker 1: aware that we're all being poisoned by comparison, comparing ourselves
Speaker 1: to other people. So we need to do our best
Speaker 1: to bat that. And so when you post something that
Speaker 1: is really braggy, make sure you like tell the truth
Speaker 1: behind it, Like, yeah, that's the way to do it. Cool,
Speaker 1: I don't I try when I post a really hot
Speaker 1: picture of myself to let everyone know all the work
Speaker 1: that went into it and like and to say I'm lucky.
Speaker 1: These are things I'm lucky that happened. It's not because
Speaker 1: I'm better than you. And it's like, I think that
Speaker 1: people really do think they're better than other people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: most of the time they don't really acknowledge that it's
Speaker 1: just luck. Well, you have to post, you know, when
Speaker 1: you're when you're trying to be in the public sphere,
Speaker 1: you have to post your accomplishment all the time. Like
Speaker 1: you always say, like the reason you get these getty
Speaker 1: images is because you have to put a getty image
Speaker 1: out there every once in a while too, Yes, to
Speaker 1: make people know that you know, they're that you exist. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to brag, so, like you know, I always
Speaker 1: think about this because I mean, whenever I have something
Speaker 1: that I'm like, oh, I want to post about this,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to put in the caption to
Speaker 1: not sound like either way, yes, like I'm bragging or
Speaker 1: Hashtags are a good place to like, let some like
Speaker 1: steam out, Yeah, where you can go like I hate
Speaker 1: doing this hashtag this is obnoxious hashtag tons of makeup
Speaker 1: hashtag it took a village hashtag We're all gonna die
Speaker 1: hashtag Like I like to, like remind when you posted
Speaker 1: that in your last Instagram post where you're taking pictures
Speaker 1: on the red carpet. Oh yeah, and I said we're
Speaker 1: all gonna die and we'll all be forgotten some day. Yes,
Speaker 1: because it really did look like who does she think
Speaker 1: she is posting this? I posted because not because I'm like,
Speaker 1: look how hot I look. It's just interesting to see
Speaker 1: what that kind of looks like from that angle. And
Speaker 1: also it's I think it's good to post that so
Speaker 1: that we know, like what you're up to. Yes, you
Speaker 1: need to let me. It's part of my job. But
Speaker 1: I'm not going to deny that. This is all really
Speaker 1: obnoxious and it looks like I think I'm better than
Speaker 1: people when I post this stuff. But I truly I
Speaker 1: hope people know that I don't. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: guys out there who are able to pull off just
Speaker 1: being one hundred percent confident and uh, like I'm the
Speaker 1: best and that's like and that works for them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like there's there's famous guys who are just like I'm
Speaker 1: the fucking best. Here's me on the red carpet being
Speaker 1: the best, and everyone loves them for it. Huh. I
Speaker 1: don't think I could pull that off. No, No, I
Speaker 1: mean red carpets are so embarrassing because you have to
Speaker 1: be like I look sweet and pose in a way
Speaker 1: that's like I think I'm great and like put your
Speaker 1: chin up and like it's you gotta just fake it
Speaker 1: because but yeah, it does work when confidence is like
Speaker 1: everything I've been attracted to, like some really disgusting people
Speaker 1: because of confidence. Yeah, No, confidence is one is maybe
Speaker 1: the most most import ever. Yeah, and it's not you
Speaker 1: know what it's not. It's not necessarily confidence. It's just
Speaker 1: being comfortable in your own skin and liking yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not like thinking you're better than people. It's just
Speaker 1: being okay with you and not wanting more from other
Speaker 1: like not wanting anything more, like not being jealous of
Speaker 1: other people. Like if you can nail that and really
Speaker 1: believe that and just be like, I like who I am.
Speaker 1: You are set. There's nothing there's nothing more anyone should
Speaker 1: wish for in life than that ability. But it is
Speaker 1: so hard. Yeah, no, I always say that about Malala.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, what do you mean? What do you always
Speaker 1: saying about Maala? That she just like likes who she is? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she kind of does. And Greta Thunberg Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she also likes who she is. Yeah, and um, Lizzo, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well Lizzo. I don't know, Lizzo. Sometimes I question, I go,
Speaker 1: is this performative body acceptance? Because I think at some
Speaker 1: point women, if you if you ever feel insecure about
Speaker 1: your body, you can't tell anyone because then you're a
Speaker 1: bad example for women. So if Lizzo were to have
Speaker 1: a bad day, she's has to just fake it like
Speaker 1: she loves herself, and I think she actually does. But
Speaker 1: I think there are a lot of women that just
Speaker 1: fake like they love themselves when they don't. And I
Speaker 1: don't even think that's good for women. Be like, I'm
Speaker 1: I had a rough day and she'll post about it. Yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that some really tough time. I love Lizzos so fucking much.
Speaker 1: I think she is just a gift to the world,
Speaker 1: and not just with her music. I really do think
Speaker 1: she's just so inspirational, and yeah, I do believe she
Speaker 1: really loves herself. All I want to know is who,
Speaker 1: what did your parents do? Because if I ever be
Speaker 1: a parent, I want my daughter to have Lizzo's love
Speaker 1: for herself. But how do you do that? That comes
Speaker 1: from parenting? Yeah? Yeah, Like I always was like, what
Speaker 1: what did Lizzo's parents do? What did Taylor's Swift's parents do? Well,
Speaker 1: that's what Adam Sandler's parents did. What did Adam sayes? Exactly?
Speaker 1: That's it. That's it man. Okay, we gotta go. Thank
Speaker 1: you for the shows this week. Everyone, We really got
Speaker 1: to it. Um. I will be in Bethesda. Um is
Speaker 1: that right? Bethesa bethela Yeah, Bethela in Pennsylvania next week.
Speaker 1: Um Hampton, New Hampshire at the casino next week and
Speaker 1: then off to um uh Tucson and one other place too.
Speaker 1: I forget, but I'm on but David's maid, which I'm
Speaker 1: going over to his place right now just shoot a
Speaker 1: promo video. So, UM, I guess I gotta put on
Speaker 1: the makeup or something. Um. Thank you guys so much
Speaker 1: for listening to the podcast this week. Um, we'll be
Speaker 1: I'll be back in Saint Louis next week and we'll
Speaker 1: have a pod next week. Oh, no pod next week.
Speaker 1: We're taking a break because we're done with season two
Speaker 1: right something yeah, something like that. Okay, so season three
Speaker 1: of the podcast will begin soon, but we will be
Speaker 1: off next week. But don't you think we won't be back,
Speaker 1: because we will. Love you guys so much. Thank you
Speaker 1: for listening. Uh, don't Beka just be like Lizza.