WEBVTT - Sunday Sampler - The Nashville Podcast Network (6-2-24) 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:10.640 Hey, everybody, it's Bobby. It's Sunday. 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:12.080 So we're gonna play some clips here from some of 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:14.800 the podcasts that came out Hang Out because Amy talked 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:17.599 with Stephen Young, founder of Home Street Home. It's a 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:20.400 homeless ministry that is really a great story. On the 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:23.400 Bobby Cast, I talked with Darius Rutger about his new book. 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:26.800 It's really the untold story of hooting the Blowfish and 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:29.200 a lot of the pain that his biological father left behind. 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.400 Things got pretty emotional for me and him. Check out 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:33.880 that episode if you haven't, but I want to play 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:38.000 a clip from that. Here's my conversation with Darius. 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:40.560 Hi, your dad, relationship with your dad? 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:41.559 None? 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:41.920 None? 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:44.920 That was It's funny because I'm a I was reading 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:46.639 I was doing the the uh. 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:48.720 What do you call it? 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:51.960 Audiobook for the book, and I'd read it. 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.400 I've read it a couple of times, and I started 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:56.680 reading the parts about my dad, and that's the only 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:59.480 part that I was like choking up. I was like, really, 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:02.360 because I didn't know how much it bothered me until 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:05.319 I wrote the book. I didn't know how much it 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.120 really just shaped my life and bothered me my whole 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:10.680 life until I wrote the book and then I was like, wow, 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:12.679 that was that really really bothered me? 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:13.720 Yeah, that's real. 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:16.720 I had those issues with writing my first book because 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.080 with a lot of stuff about my mom before she 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:21.720 died and her and same, I was like I didn't 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:29.200 understand like how fundamentally, like even misunderstood I was to myself, Yeah, 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.360 until I like put it out and then I'm like, well, 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.480 I got to evaluate and then even debating on putting 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.920 it out, So putting it on paper or writing it 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:40.640 was the first set then going do I really want 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:43.000 to send this? Yes, and like having that conversation of 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:45.560 how on committing to it and then you're right, reading 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:47.400 it back was really hard. 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:51.320 There was some that was tough with the dad stuff 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.520 was stuff, but there' stuff in the book where you know, 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:55.240 as you're writing it, you're writing it and you know 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:58.560 you're you're laughing or whatever, you're you're whatever, or you know, 0:01:58.880 --> 0:01:59.840 but then when you read it. 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:03.400 Back a couple of times, you go, wow, wow, you 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:03.960 know crazy. 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:06.120 Did you have a new appreciation for the younger version 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.160 of you at times who's gotten through some real serious 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:08.840 crab Yeah? 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:12.520 I really that was something that also happened. That's perfectly 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.520 saying I got a really more respect for me and 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.400 an appreciation for me because all the stuff, all the 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:21.519 negative stuff and the positive stuff, but all the stuff 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:24.359 that happens that happened when I was younger. Man, I 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:26.440 wouldn't go to let anything stop me from doing what 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:27.000 I wanted to do. 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:31.240 And if it were another kid who you saw from you, 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.359 you'd be like, so proud of that freaking kid. You'd 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:34.960 be like, I cannot believe that kid's doing it. But 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:36.600 if it's us, we're like, no, we're just surviving. There, 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:38.000 We're you know, we're in the middle of it. We 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:41.000 don't really understand except survive absolutely, and. 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:41.600 So same for me. 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:42.560 I had. 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:46.239 It's weird to say an appreciation for that kid who 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:46.880 got through. 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:48.920 Like all that crap. 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:53.720 Absolutely, and that book was a real therapeutic. 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.120 That's that's exactly what it was. And that's one of 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:58.359 the reasons I wrote it. And I didn't even realize 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.240 that was one of the reasons to go once again, 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:01.920 you started writing, you start writing it, and you're reading 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.440 it back and stuff's coming in and you read. 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:06.720 It and you're you're going wow, wow. 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:09.400 You know, you're proud of yourself, but you're also like, wow, 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:11.480 life really through some curveballs in there. 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:15.400 Did you ever get the the stage of as you're 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:19.760 writing it, like, man, I'm so over me, Like, I'm like, 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:20.960 nobody cares that much. 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:22.920 I mean, I went through all yeah, that's just like 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:23.959 I was, It's all about me. 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:24.760 I was writing about me and me and me. 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:25.800 I'm like, God, nobody cares. 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:27.800 I called Clarence, my manager, and said, dude, why are 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:29.320 we doing this. I was like, no one's going to 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:32.200 buy this book. Nobody cares about my life. I was like, dude. 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:34.239 And then you know, you're you're worried about some of 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:35.480 the stuff you're putt in. You're like and you're like, 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:36.520 am I really going to put. 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:36.800 That in there? 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:38.680 And then you put it in there and you're like, 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:41.400 nobody's going to care about that. You know, like even 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:44.840 even you know, now you know, I've written a book, 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:46.680 and I still like, no one's gonna care about. 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:49.320 This same I had the same feeling, and I remember 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:54.360 being ashamed not of what I put in it, but 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:56.760 ashamed of the potential feelings I could have when people 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:57.440 were judging me. 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.520 And so you're, yeah, that's oh my goodness. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.200 So you're you're at the stage now where people and 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:04.240 it's so different than music though, because you're going to 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:06.000 put out this book and you're gonna be like, all right, 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:07.840 I read it for people to tell me and take 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:09.600 us like forever to read a book, so you just 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:12.360 kind of they it's a slow roll of like people. 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:14.920 But there was a part in my first book where 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.240 my mom was struggling and she was a bad attic 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:18.640 and she had called and I started to make a 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:19.719 little bit of money and she was like, if you 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.120 don't give me money. I love my mom, so I'm 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:24.039 gonna say that. But there was a where she was like, 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:28.239 I'm going to do porn. And that was really heavy 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:31.039 and hard on me, but it was also it made 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:34.279 me realize how awful it was for her, and like 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.880 I knew, but I didn't really like yeah, but when 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:38.760 she called and threatened me, like I'm going to do 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:42.440 porn if you don't send me money. I had that 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:44.200 where I was like, I don't know if I should 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:47.479 put this in the book, but because of what I 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:50.280 had to develop, because so I put it in with 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:52.359 the context around it, and I thought people are going 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:54.479 to judge me, or people are going but That's the 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.320 thing when I would go do shows that people would 0:04:56.320 --> 0:05:00.520 be like, not the exact same story, but fairly, that 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:04.000 people will be like. That's what I related to the most. Yeah, 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:05.560 And that was the part I felt that I was 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.880 going to be the judge the most on. Was that 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:11.680 type of stuff, Yeah, the really personal stuff absolutely. So, 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:13.200 the fact that you have those feelings like I'm proud 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:14.800 of you, because that means you put it out there. 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:17.560 Oh, I put it out there for sure. This is 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:21.760 one thing I talked about in the book where I 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.440 don't see my dad from the time I'm like thirteen 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:28.799 or fourteen till twenty eight, fifteen years Nope, not a word, 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:30.599 never saw its face. 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.240 You know where it was, Yeah, fifteen minutes from my house. 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:35.120 You know, he lived right up the road. 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:39.160 And never saw him fifteen years and then let him 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.400 it hits and things that start getting crazy. 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:42.000 And we're playing. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:45.520 We're playing out a string of clubs and rooms that 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.360 we had booked and uh so we're playing in Charleston 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:51.160 at the King Street Palace, which used to be Charleston 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:55.440 County Hall, and I'm having dinner after soundcheck and he 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:56.200 walks in the room. 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:59.120 Do you know it's him, Yeah, Dean. 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.360 Dean knew it was him before I say anything, like Dean, Yeah, 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.600 Deana Basis. We're sitting there eating and Dean looks up 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:07.360 and goes, I mean he just looked at me. Oh 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:10.520 that's gotta be your daddy, looks just like it's like 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:13.680 it is. And he walks over and he talks to 0:06:13.680 --> 0:06:16.159 me and actually really acts like you know. We saw 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.120 each other yesterday and I decided I'm going to be 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:20.560 the bigger man. And I was like, you know, cause 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:22.960 really you have so many conflicting things. I'm like, am 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:24.520 i gonna just blow this goulf? I'm gonna tell him? 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:25.760 What are you doing here? I've being seen you in 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:26.520 fifteen years? 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:28.080 You know? Get away? 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:29.600 No, I said, all right, I decided I was going 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:31.680 to be the bigger man. Try to develop some kind 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:33.800 of relationship with him. So we talked for a little 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:35.640 while and I give him my phone number. This before 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:39.080 cell phones. I give my phone number and go on 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:40.800 the road for a couple of days. And I get 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.000 back to my house and I checked my answer machine 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:47.960 and he's on my answer machine. And the first message 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:50.760 he left me in my whole life, I haven't talked 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:52.719 to him for fifteen years. He asked me for fifty 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:57.280 thousand dollars. It was shocking. I was like, are you 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:01.560 kidding me? And painful and expected me to give it 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:01.920 to him. 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:05.719 Yeah, and here you are hopefully investing yourself back into something. 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:08.839 And the first that's I like, that hurts my heart 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:11.240 because that's just that's so painful and I can unders 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:13.640 being mad and like I can't believe it, but also 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:15.280 big time. 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:18.680 Because that's your freaking dad, and maybe and you know, 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:21.080 and when he came with I'll never forget like reading 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:22.880 reading back of course, like we were talking about it, 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.600 you know, therapeutic, and I'll never forget after him coming 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:28.800 and us going on the road, how I just felt like, Okay, cool, 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:30.760 now dad and I were going to have a relationship. 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.600 We'll try to have some kind of salvage something for 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.400 father and son relationship out of this. And that was 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:38.160 the first thing he asked. He asked me, and I 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.720 don't think we've ever really had a conversation after that. 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:58.040 Good cass up road, little food for yourself. 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:01.040 Behaved. 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.680 It's pretty beautiful, man, beautiful that. 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:07.240 A little more family because. 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:12.880 Said he k you're kicking out with Full Thing with 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:13.600 Amy Brown. 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:16.679 Hey, it's Amy Brown from Four Things with Amy Brown. 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:19.440 And here's what we talked about this week on my podcast. 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:23.600 Do you have a load that you'd be willing to share? 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:27.360 I have to go back to Christmas Eve of twenty thirteen, 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:29.960 at the beginning of the year, I'd made a promise 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:33.560 to myself that I would never spend another holiday season 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:37.320 alone on the streets. Up to that point, had done 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:40.040 practically everything I could think of to try. 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:40.880 To get off the streets. 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:45.360 As we've talked before, it's not easy and nobody can 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:46.120 do it alone. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:47.199 They've got to have help. 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:52.520 And I was tired, and each day that went by 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:56.640 it seemed I was getting closer to that being the 0:08:56.720 --> 0:09:00.120 life that I was going to live forever, and I 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:01.040 I couldn't handle that. 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:03.920 I didn't want to handle that, I didn't want to 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:04.480 deal with it. 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:07.840 So a little bit before the holiday season, I realized 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.920 that the promise I had made to myself at the 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:14.840 beginning of year not to spend another holiday season on 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:17.720 the streets, the only out I could see to keep 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:21.600 that from happening was to end it on my terms, 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:26.640 and so I checked in to Hallmark in on Trinity 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:31.640 Lane in Nashville, Tennessee. And that is done with a 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:36.160 sense of sarcasm. Because the room was nineteen dollars, I think, 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.720 so that tells you how luxurious it wasn't but it 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.960 was Hotel California for me. I was going to check 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:46.440 in and I had no desire to check out. I 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:49.400 had made the decision that I was going to end it, 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:52.760 and I was okay with that. I was calm to 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:56.920 a degree. But I realized that that's how far I 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:59.480 had sunk. But for the grace of God, I would 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.160 have succeed. People have asked me, and we've talked about it, 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:05.400 and well what happened? Well, I wish I could tell you, 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:09.800 because I went from sitting at that little table with 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:12.880 the pills in front of me, a few letters that 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:15.440 I had written to a few people, not knowing if 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.760 they would ever get them or read them. I was ready. 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:22.360 I was done hurting. I was done going to bed 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:25.720 at night, falling asleep, hoping I didn't wake up the 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.400 next morning. The next thing I know, I hear a 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:33.480 knock on the door and I'm startled. I'm shocked, and 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:37.800 I'm going, who's knocking at my door? Because nobody knew 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:40.720 I was there, and I had looked at the clock 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.760 earlier that was beside the bed, and it was nine 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:47.760 o'clock Christmas Eve, and I thought, good a time as 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:51.360 any well, when that knock on the door came and 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.040 it startled me. I was sitting there for a minute, 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.959 and then another knock followed it, only this time there 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:03.720 was a voice with the knock, and it said, sir, 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:09.280 are you staying or are you checking out? And as 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.160 I looked at the door, I caught the clock again 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:16.840 and it set eleven o'clock. But it wasn't eleven o'clock 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:22.080 Christmas Eve, it was eleven o'clock Christmas Morning, and I 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:26.440 was like, what the heck? I cleaned my language up. 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.520 I think I used something a little more colorful back then, 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:32.880 and I was kind of in a state of shock, 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.160 and I reached into my pocket and I pulled out 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.320 what money I had left, and I counted it out 0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:42.880 and I said, I'm going to stay another night. I'll 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.880 come down and pay in just a minute. So I did, 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:51.480 and that was the beginning of my journey back. I 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:53.880 would like to tell you at that moment, that was 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.320 my come to Jesus minute. 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:57.120 But it wasn't. 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.640 I wasn't there yet because, as you know, knowing my past, 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:04.199 God and I did not get along for many, many years. 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:09.400 But it was the beginning and March of twenty fourteen, 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:13.680 I walked off the streets. So my lowest turned into 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.920 my highest, and I've not looked back. What I thought 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:23.000 was me giving up was really me letting go. And 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:27.000 it wasn't until I was ready to let go of 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:31.200 trying to fix things that God saw the opening and 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:33.000 he took it to fast. 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:36.319 Forward you fourteen hours that you can't explain right right 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:38.079 where you're like, how did I get here? 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:38.400 Right? 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.120 And he took that opportunity. And I tell people now, 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:46.600 whether they're homeless or people that I counsel with and 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:49.640 people that I know that are down, I go. You 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:53.520 wanted to change, let go, let go of the past, 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.359 let go of the pain, let go of the hurt, 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:01.360 because until you do, there's no room for anything else. 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:03.559 And there's got to be room. 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:07.640 And thankfully, y'all, you were not successful no in twenty 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.000 and thirteen, because the lives you've been able to impact 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:15.760 since then are countless at this point. And you celebrated 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:20.880 your sixty eighth birthday this year. Thanks for reminding me, yes, yes, hey, 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.600 we got to celebrate that because you know, come a 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.360 long way, yes from that hotel room, which I think 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:30.040 is a perfect setup into another point that you posted 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:33.640 that really moved me, called sixty eight years of yesterday. 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:35.880 So I'd love for you to read that one. 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:40.120 Next, sixty eight years of yesterday. There was a time 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.959 when the odds of me reaching this point weren't very good. 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.520 Yet here I am, and in the quiet early morning 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.240 hours before the sun puts a spotlight on this day, 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.920 I can't help but look back and try to put 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:56.040 my pass in perspective and ponder what may lay ahead. 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.880 I was so self absorbed that I never considered what 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:03.599 it would feel like to reach this stage of my life. 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.360 I never thought I would, and I wasn't sure I 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:11.479 wanted to. Most people spend decades preparing for their later years. 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:15.160 I spent that time living only for the moment, with 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:19.680 total disregard for the future. Now I find myself hoping 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:23.120 I'm around for a while longer. Did life go the 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.600 way I'd hoped or planned? I can't say, because I 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:30.880 wasn't much for doing either. I think that luxury disappeared 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:33.840 from my life when I was twelve. But as I 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:38.000 sit here and try to describe it, I'm transported through 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:42.040 the years on a whirlwind recollection that seems surreal at 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:48.160 best and unreal at worst. Regrets. Oh yeah, Still, I'm 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:52.160 blessed because I have lived long enough to change my story. 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:55.720 It wasn't until recently that I questioned or cared if 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:59.360 my existence would have counted for something. Would I pass 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.120 on without it having had a positive impact in this 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:06.840 world or leave having made a difference, even if just 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.680 in a very small way. I wasted so many years, 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.440 But I thank God for never giving up on me 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.760 and for allowing me time to hopefully make a difference. 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:33.160 We're gonna do it live. Oh the one, two, three, 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.240 sore losers? 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.720 What up, everybody? I am lunchbox. I know the most 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:42.360 about sports. I'll give you the sports facts, my sports opinions, 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.520 because I'm pretty much a sports genius, y'all. 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:47.880 It's Sison. I'm from the North. I'm an alpha male. 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:50.160 I live on the North side of Nashville with Bayser, 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.200 my wife. We do have a farm. It's beautiful, a 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:56.040 lot of acreage, no animals, a lot of crops hopefully 0:15:56.080 --> 0:16:02.480 soon corn pumpkins, rye. I believe a little fescue to 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.200 be determined. Over to you, coach. 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:08.520 And here's a clip from this week's episode of The 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.880 Sore Losers. And here's a clip from one of and 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:13.840 here's a clip from one of the episodes this week 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.880 on the Sore Losers. Take this clip and play it 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:20.960 and betting. I guess if it's a push, you get 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:24.800 your money back. But in Vegas it's that roller coaster. 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:27.200 So if you went up to the ticket window and 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.640 they just gave you the same money you gave them, 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.560 it's not the bubbles. Rather lost it. It's sort of 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:35.680 like a sid It rips at you and then you go. 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.840 Let's double back and get some more baby honey to 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:39.640 the ATM. 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.680 You either want to win or you want to lose, 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:45.040 and you want to be on the ground drunk reaching 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:46.160 for an airport bottle. 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.520 It's like a hand of black jack. It's like the 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.480 emotional roller coaster that you're saying. You put, like, you 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.200 up your bet and let's say you go to fifty 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.040 dollars on that hand and you're like, okay, this is 0:16:58.440 --> 0:16:59.960 you're betting twenty five a hand or whatever. 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:01.680 What's a minimum at the Aureo. 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.680 Oh, now it's the minimum in a lot of places. 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:07.399 Vegas is getting so expensive. And Brandon Hill he was 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.240 not happy with our Vegas advice. Uh, and he put 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.040 he goes, since the coachers are retired from Vegas, let 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:15.280 me give that guy suggestions. And he wrote out a 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:18.000 whole article and I said, hold on, we're not retired. 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:20.920 We're hanging on. Yeah, that was depressing. We'll be back. 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.480 Yeah, we're gonna make a special trip just to get 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:27.560 our name and our credentials back. Anyway, it's like a 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.080 hand of blackjack. You put fifty dollars out there, you 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.199 up your bet and you flip it over and you 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:36.640 get a twelve. You're like, oh my god, you gotta hit. 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:38.040 And the dealers showing nine. 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:40.840 Lunch is Tonia to not hit? Okay, buddy, thanks, I'll 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:41.480 decide And. 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.680 I'm like, all right, gotta hit. And you get a three. 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.200 You're at fifteen. He still has nine. Got to hit again. 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:49.400 I'm hitting again. Then you get up. I don't eas 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:51.560 you to tell me I'll hit again. Then you get 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:54.160 an a. So now you're at sixteen. Oh my god, 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.880 I'm staying I'm staying. No, you can't stay at sixty. No, sir, 0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:59.200 you're not telling me how to play. I'm staying at sixteen. 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:02.000 And then you hit again. No I said I was 0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:03.119 staying at sixteen. 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:05.440 And you get a three and you're like oh yeah, 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.600 or you get a four twenty and you're like twenty. 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:09.160 Hell yeah. 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.200 Like now the emotions because you started with a twelve, 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:12.520 you're like, oh, this is a losing hand because he 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:15.159 has nineteen. The dealer has nineteen, and you're like and 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:17.440 then you battle and battle and get those little cards 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.600 in little cards and you're like, oh, yeah, I got twenty. 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:25.080 Then they flip it over and they have a nine 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.080 and a six, so they have fifteen. You're like, oh 0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:31.560 my god, okay, bus pus plus, I'm gonna bus bus 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:34.879 And then they flip over a five and you're like twenty. 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.440 Oh it's a push. It's a push. 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.480 But the emotional roller coaster you just went on of 0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:44.040 Oh I'm gonna lose too. Oh, up on the top, 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:47.639 I'm gonna win. Oh push h It's sort of like 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:48.440 that in the soccer game. 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:51.159 Ye're just giving me my money back. Awesome, I'll just 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:52.720 re bet. Thank you. 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:55.600 Eye in the sky. It was just like our soccer game. 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:57.680 We were down three to two, then we think we're 0:18:57.720 --> 0:18:59.840 up for three, but then it's back to three three 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:02.200 and we ended the sigh and it was just like, oh, 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.080 after thinking we scored the winning goal. 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:06.840 I know it sounds a little counterintuitive, but you want 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:09.960 to lose it or win it and then say every 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:13.440 another drink, honey, go to the ATM or high five, 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:16.200 high five, we won, we won. You look to your buddy. 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:17.639 Should we double down? 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.240 Yeah, we pushed, man, That means we're gonna win the 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:21.199 next one. Let's should we. 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:21.920