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Speaker 4: That boy, what happened to that boy?
Speaker 2: Sorry? You know I was. I just saw girl man
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Speaker 2: love juvenile more than anything, am I good?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh my god, that makes more sense to
Speaker 4: be honest, Like Juvie had this aura that made me
Speaker 4: just like, I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 3: I was, and I was a little high, but I
Speaker 3: saw Juvie up there on that stage and I was like,
Speaker 3: I just know he was getting pussy between slow motion
Speaker 3: rodeo and at that ass up. Yeah, I don't even
Speaker 3: he had Wilt Chamberlain numbers. I'm convinced like his aura
Speaker 3: right now and he ain't got like no, I already
Speaker 3: know them bitches in the nineties was throwing up throwing
Speaker 3: that thing at June absolutely.
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Speaker 3: Decisions p O. D at gmail dot com. Now this
Speaker 3: one is a cool one. Figured you could sit in
Speaker 3: and help me answer this one. The subject matter is
Speaker 3: am I a bad friend?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 5: Probably don't do that. If you got to write in,
Speaker 5: then yeah.
Speaker 2: Don't do that.
Speaker 5: I'm judging out the gate.
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, Let's see if you still hold that when
Speaker 3: we get to reading it. Okay, Hey, Weezi and Mandy
Speaker 3: and Eda. My question is am I asking too much?
Speaker 3: Am I a bad friend? Or should they do more?
Speaker 3: I'm divorced for a few years now, and team fuck
Speaker 3: them kids Like Mandy, I have two friends that I
Speaker 3: consider my best friends. They both live in different states
Speaker 3: and are married slash partnered with children. In the last
Speaker 3: few years, they have not made any effort to see
Speaker 3: me or show up for me. The times I have
Speaker 3: seen them, I've either gone to their city or they
Speaker 3: happen to be in my city for other reasons their
Speaker 3: wedding anniversary or to visit family, and I feel like
Speaker 3: seeing me was a matter of convenience.
Speaker 5: Slash afterthought, not the coffee.
Speaker 3: Am I being a bad friend for pulling away? For
Speaker 3: feeling like they don't make an effort to show up
Speaker 3: for me. I understand partners and kids are a priority,
Speaker 3: but not once have they even said like, Hey, why
Speaker 3: don't you come visit and I'll make time to spend
Speaker 3: this weekend with you. I'm also graduating with my master's
Speaker 3: degree in a few months, and neither of them have
Speaker 3: mentioned doing anything to celebrate this. Yeah, of course I
Speaker 3: have met in my dms who are asking me, who
Speaker 3: are asking me what we can plan to celebrate? Girl, Girl,
Speaker 3: don't be very about these niggas. I always hear how
Speaker 3: you guys talk about the love you give friends and
Speaker 3: how it is reciprocated, But I feel that it's lacking
Speaker 3: in my situation. Am I expecting too much? Am I
Speaker 3: a bad friend? Or should they do more from a
Speaker 3: friendless hope?
Speaker 5: Stop?
Speaker 4: See now that's interesting. I mean, all right, maybe those
Speaker 4: are three great questions though.
Speaker 3: Okay, so let's start with is she asking for too much?
Speaker 3: And the asking of too much is for her friends
Speaker 3: to seemingly at least show up and make her some story.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, help her feel more of a priority and
Speaker 4: help her celebrate you know, good wishes.
Speaker 5: Right, I don't think so. I don't think she's asking
Speaker 5: for too much.
Speaker 2: Me neither.
Speaker 5: I don't think she's asking for too much.
Speaker 4: I think you have to show up for a friend,
Speaker 4: you know, through the best and the worst times. Uh,
Speaker 4: it's all. It's just there's a gauge in the spectrum
Speaker 4: for something like this.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the to She mentioned that both of them
Speaker 2: live in different states.
Speaker 5: That's one.
Speaker 3: So not only do they live in different states, they
Speaker 3: have partners and they have children. So if we're talking
Speaker 3: about the economy, economy again.
Speaker 5: The terrorists, which.
Speaker 3: Has got a bring terrorists, you know, it could be
Speaker 3: a lot for someone to fit that into their budget.
Speaker 3: For one, with you not having children or a partner,
Speaker 3: you do have more leeway to kind of get up
Speaker 3: and go. And so I would start off first because
Speaker 3: me and my friends talk to each other a lot.
Speaker 2: I would start off first with having the conversation.
Speaker 3: With them exactly like you wrote into so you got decisions,
Speaker 3: But have you spoken to each of them and been like, yo,
Speaker 3: like since my divorce, you know, it's been two years.
Speaker 3: I really feel like you haven't made an effort to.
Speaker 2: Link with me, to show up. We haven't made plans
Speaker 2: on a you know, to take a trip.
Speaker 4: Also, you wouldn't do that. I'd be like, hey, I
Speaker 4: would love to see y'all more like in general, you know,
Speaker 4: ease it into like that, do you do you feel
Speaker 4: like you have to go and be like you guys
Speaker 4: aren't doing you?
Speaker 2: Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 3: This is this is where this is, This is where
Speaker 3: listening skills.
Speaker 2: Help and hopefully your friends have comprehension skills.
Speaker 3: Okay, it's not that you're you're demeaning them or telling
Speaker 3: them they're wrong.
Speaker 2: You're first starting with your feelings.
Speaker 3: And boy, have I been working in therapy with trying
Speaker 3: to find ways, because unfortunately, I too feel like when
Speaker 3: I share how my feelings are or how someone's actions
Speaker 3: make me feel, they immediately get into defense. That's that's
Speaker 3: so fucking immature.
Speaker 5: I be feeling the same.
Speaker 3: Way, and and so it actually becomes difficult, so to
Speaker 3: me her expressing, she's writing us feeling like she's friendless.
Speaker 3: You have two friends, You're not friendless, right, So I
Speaker 3: think to come and say, hey, A part of me
Speaker 3: feels abandoned in this relationship.
Speaker 2: It hurts me. I feel lonely.
Speaker 3: Like coming and expressing her feelings is not saying you
Speaker 3: are fucked up as bitch as hope. No, Hey, I
Speaker 3: really look at you as my close friend. Since my divorce,
Speaker 3: I feel as though we haven't got to see each other,
Speaker 3: and it really hurts me because I miss you like
Speaker 3: I miss you as a woman. Like we I think
Speaker 3: that that's received, It's it's received easier to come out
Speaker 3: of front. In that way than it is sometimes met
Speaker 3: agree so to say, I really miss you, I want
Speaker 3: to see you, but also dang, bitch, you ain't come
Speaker 3: and seeing me, Like, how can we make that happen?
Speaker 2: Let's plan a trip.
Speaker 3: So you could always lead with your emotions about how
Speaker 3: lonely abandoned, and even if you're angry or mad about it,
Speaker 3: you can express those things tell your friend and then
Speaker 3: see what their response is, because the response may be like, bitch,
Speaker 3: I haven't really told you, but I got you know,
Speaker 3: we're not doing well financially, so that's something that I
Speaker 3: can't do. Or girl, my kid is being bad as
Speaker 3: fuck and I gotta do this, or you know, they might.
Speaker 4: Have their own problems that they're trying to settle first
Speaker 4: before everyone has thinking about anybody else, you know.
Speaker 5: And that's just the reality, right.
Speaker 2: I mean the reality of kids. Well, bruh, the reality
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 3: Is too and I'm experiencing it right now where I'm
Speaker 3: thirty four. Majority now of my friends are partnered and
Speaker 3: or with kid, majority of them single months. I am
Speaker 3: actually also feeling like, damn, I don't relate the same
Speaker 3: to all my friends as they're now getting where their
Speaker 3: children are older, and they're having to the more things
Speaker 3: I'm realizing in myself. I don't care to see their
Speaker 3: stories as much anymore because their lives are so different,
Speaker 3: and so the fact that you're also team fuck them
Speaker 3: kids and they have kids. I would suggest that you
Speaker 3: still maintain those friendships, but maybe you start seeking out
Speaker 3: friends that align more with you.
Speaker 5: You don't have a partner, you don't have kids.
Speaker 3: As adults, we're allowed to find new friends and we're not.
Speaker 3: We don't have to shun our old friends because our
Speaker 3: lives start to look different. So I don't think you
Speaker 3: need to look at yourself as a bad friend, but
Speaker 3: I think you need to do the inner work to realize. Okay,
Speaker 3: I don't have a partner, I don't have kids, these
Speaker 3: girls live in a different state. Let me let me
Speaker 3: think of what type of what type of circle or people.
Speaker 2: I want around?
Speaker 5: Find your community?
Speaker 2: Find your community?
Speaker 4: Are the three questions she asked, because I did like
Speaker 4: how she broke it down like that. It was is
Speaker 4: she a bad friend?
Speaker 2: Is she asking for too much? Is she a bad friend?
Speaker 2: Or should they do more?
Speaker 4: Okay, so should they do more? As an interesting piece
Speaker 4: as well? Right, because of again, I'm gonna keep going
Speaker 4: back to the whole child thing. I think they should
Speaker 4: do more at the same time, because if if you're
Speaker 4: feeling kind of abandoned like that, you know, at the
Speaker 4: same time, it's also them like being transparent, like, hey,
Speaker 4: like I don't have the time for this stuff, right,
Speaker 4: you know, I can't make that happen again. You mentioned
Speaker 4: the whole fact that they're in two different states. You
Speaker 4: gotta accept the reality that you both now live different
Speaker 4: lifestyles and that you gotta go find new friends.
Speaker 5: That's that's it.
Speaker 3: And I know that when we get older, like it
Speaker 3: seems like it's so difficult to make new friends, and
Speaker 3: it's really not like I know a lot of people
Speaker 3: that everybody you girls all about to say.
Speaker 2: I got eleven best friends.
Speaker 3: My boyfriend is like, I do not understand how you
Speaker 3: juggle so much any best friends.
Speaker 2: And all of my best friends live in different states.
Speaker 3: I mean, now that I'm back in Atlanta, like, I'm
Speaker 3: surrounded more by like three to four of my core
Speaker 3: core best friends, from which I love.
Speaker 2: I love being oh and me and my.
Speaker 3: Best friend we go to the belt Line all the time,
Speaker 3: but like there have been years where we lived so
Speaker 3: far from each other, Like she she lived with a
Speaker 3: partner in Europe and I saw her only during the
Speaker 3: summer while she was in that relationship, and we just
Speaker 3: we facetimed.
Speaker 2: War we spoke more on the phone.
Speaker 3: Like that's another thing, Like there's ways to maintain and
Speaker 3: be fulfilled in relationships without seeing people.
Speaker 5: True, you know what I mean? You feel me?
Speaker 4: Also like it's interesting that she mentioned the whole her
Speaker 4: getting her master's and was again congratulations. It's like, does
Speaker 4: that stuff come up in conversation? What are we waiting
Speaker 4: for to make that commo happen? You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: But also like, are they supposed to know that? Offerends Well,
Speaker 4: I'm sure.
Speaker 3: That they know that she's in a master's program. If
Speaker 3: these are her best friends, they know that she's in school.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 2: However, I agree.
Speaker 3: With you, like what are the expectations, what are the
Speaker 3: expectations of what does a celebration look like?
Speaker 5: Is it because three different states?
Speaker 3: Because you want to know what's crazy, My my really
Speaker 3: really really good friend she got. I mean, in terms
Speaker 3: of celebration, I would say she got a master's. I
Speaker 3: could talk about the last few things, baby showers, gender reveals,
Speaker 3: graduating from nursing school.
Speaker 2: Nice, there's been.
Speaker 3: A few things, and you know what a celebration looked
Speaker 3: like for them, me being an attendant.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's really I mean, I mean, I'm not
Speaker 4: gonna lie. Then to the Shorty's point, that's really what
Speaker 4: she wants.
Speaker 3: But no, she's like niggas is in my DMS, asking
Speaker 3: how we celebrate.
Speaker 5: That's different. They trying to fuck but.
Speaker 2: But that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I like what you said, are what what do your
Speaker 3: expectations in your mind look like of a celebration? Like
Speaker 3: are they saying they're not even going to attend your graduation?
Speaker 3: Or are they saying they're not taking you on a
Speaker 3: trip or you a gift, or or taking you out
Speaker 3: to the club to pop bottles? What does celebrating you
Speaker 3: in this moment look like? Because for a lot of
Speaker 3: my friends, it was me just showing up and being
Speaker 3: present that they felt celebrated.
Speaker 5: So also, are they in neighboring states? Are they coast
Speaker 5: to coast? Because if I'm a.
Speaker 2: Six hundred dollars, that's.
Speaker 4: Where I'm a and plus it ain't just the two
Speaker 4: hundred dollars plus is let's say, it's every kid plus mom.
Speaker 3: No, no, no. Hopefully if they got good partners, they
Speaker 3: could lead to kids at home or get But then
Speaker 3: that's the thing. There's babysitters, there's childcare, There's just so
Speaker 3: many things that I do think if anyone's listening to this,
Speaker 3: including the reader, I do think that now that you
Speaker 3: are divorced with no kids, you, because you have more time,
Speaker 3: you may not be considering. You're literally not considering the
Speaker 3: livelihoods or lifestyles and what your friends are dealing with
Speaker 3: on a day to day in their lives.
Speaker 2: Because now you a little bit.
Speaker 5: More free, girl, go find new friends.
Speaker 3: Go find new friends, but don't mold dearly to your friends.
Speaker 4: Thank you then, and also make sure you do the
Speaker 4: approach not well it's confrontational quote unquote, right, Go talk
Speaker 4: to them, tell them how you're feeling, because that matters.
Speaker 4: And I bet you will matter to them too. I
Speaker 4: bet you didn't even know that. That's how I feel
Speaker 4: like that happens often.
Speaker 2: That's why I said my first thing was to have
Speaker 2: a conversation.
Speaker 5: To have that combo and then go.
Speaker 3: I think when it comes to to friendships, best friends,
Speaker 3: it's really important to share how they make you feel
Speaker 3: in certain instances, on whether either their actions of doing
Speaker 3: something or their actions of not doing something. And in
Speaker 3: this instance it's clearly how they're not showing up express it,
Speaker 3: continue writing in so we can you know spirit friends?
Speaker 2: Now you know?
Speaker 3: But I would say definitely it's important to have those conversations.
Speaker 3: And the older we get, the I think, the more
Speaker 3: important it is to cherish these long standing friendships.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: Do you not have friends that you haven't spoken to
Speaker 4: in a long time, but they're like you hold them
Speaker 4: dear your arts though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's weird too.
Speaker 3: I don't know how I navigate keeping up with my
Speaker 3: eleven best friends, and to be fair, some of them
Speaker 3: sometimes we some of them sometimes we only talk like.
Speaker 2: Once a month.
Speaker 5: But that's what I'm saying, right.
Speaker 3: And sometimes I'm able to see one more than the other.
Speaker 3: But no, like a lot of my friendships, ten plus years, easy, easy,
Speaker 3: and we respect each other, We love each other, and
Speaker 3: we know that life be lifing. Yep, we know that
Speaker 3: life literally be lifing. So hopefully we were able to
Speaker 3: help you a little bit on it. Hopefully anyone else
Speaker 3: out there struggling with maintaining friendships, you.
Speaker 5: Know it was a new friend that she can get.
Speaker 3: Here we go, Here we go, no hold, there you.
Speaker 2: Go, reorder our books, no holds fired.
Speaker 3: Or if you want new friends, if you listen to
Speaker 3: this show and you not a pay get your ass
Speaker 3: over there on the Patreon Pyreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions,
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Speaker 2: Community that we built.
Speaker 3: So shout out to the whore Hive per usual, and
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