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Speaker 1: Speaks to the planet. I'll go by the name of

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Speaker 1: Charlamagne of God and guess what. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 1: That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April

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Speaker 1: twenty six at Poeman Yards and it's hosted by none

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Speaker 1: other than Decisions, Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we

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Speaker 1: got the R and B Money Podcast with taking Jay Valentine.

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Speaker 1: You got the Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts.

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Speaker 1: We got Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be

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Speaker 1: there with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds

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Speaker 1: podcast with more to be announced. And of course it's

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Speaker 1: bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with

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Speaker 1: black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep

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Speaker 1: you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you

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Speaker 1: don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your

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Speaker 1: tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 2: If you would like to have us answer your questions.

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Speaker 2: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend,

19
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Speaker 2: or a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got?

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Speaker 3: Decisions it's another you've got this cessions and it's your

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Speaker 3: girl man dyv and I'm joined this week with Eden.

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Speaker 4: That boy, what happened to that boy?

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Speaker 2: Sorry? You know I was. I just saw girl man

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Speaker 2: at Dreamville. You already know. I was like, although I

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Speaker 2: love juvenile more than anything, am I good?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh my god, that makes more sense to

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Speaker 4: be honest, Like Juvie had this aura that made me

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Speaker 4: just like, I ain't gonna hold you.

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Speaker 3: I was, and I was a little high, but I

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Speaker 3: saw Juvie up there on that stage and I was like,

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Speaker 3: I just know he was getting pussy between slow motion

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Speaker 3: rodeo and at that ass up. Yeah, I don't even

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Speaker 3: he had Wilt Chamberlain numbers. I'm convinced like his aura

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Speaker 3: right now and he ain't got like no, I already

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Speaker 3: know them bitches in the nineties was throwing up throwing

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Speaker 3: that thing at June absolutely.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh my god.

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Speaker 3: By the way, shout out to everyone all the whoreor

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Speaker 3: Hive members that attended Dreamville Fest fifth and final.

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Speaker 2: Even though they come back now.

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Speaker 3: They try to do the horrible decisions rebrand, like I

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Speaker 3: know it's the final, but no, if we're coming back,

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Speaker 3: you know we're out here, you know, giving people idea,

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Speaker 3: set trends. Before we start this week's You've Got Decisions,

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Speaker 3: I want to let you know that we have our

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Speaker 3: pre order book available.

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Speaker 2: Our book available for pre order.

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Speaker 3: There we go, No holds barred available wherever you get

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Speaker 3: your books. Make sure you pre order on Amazon, Barnes

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Speaker 3: and Nobles, or any of your local bookstores. Help us

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Speaker 3: become New York Times best sellers. And I wanted to

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Speaker 3: do just this little thing this month where maybe we

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Speaker 3: didn't lean fully into sex all the time.

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Speaker 2: Sure, And I.

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Speaker 3: Love that you guys continue to send us all of these.

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Speaker 2: Questions.

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Speaker 3: You guys have seen us grow here on this pod,

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Speaker 3: so I love that we're getting these types of questions.

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Speaker 3: If you have a question that you want us to

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Speaker 3: answer on You Got Decisions, make sure you send it

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Speaker 3: on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com. That's

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Speaker 3: Decisions p O. D at gmail dot com. Now this

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Speaker 3: one is a cool one. Figured you could sit in

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Speaker 3: and help me answer this one. The subject matter is

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Speaker 3: am I a bad friend?

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Speaker 2: Now?

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Speaker 5: Probably don't do that. If you got to write in,

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Speaker 5: then yeah.

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Speaker 2: Don't do that.

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Speaker 5: I'm judging out the gate.

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Speaker 3: Yes, okay, Let's see if you still hold that when

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Speaker 3: we get to reading it. Okay, Hey, Weezi and Mandy

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Speaker 3: and Eda. My question is am I asking too much?

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Speaker 3: Am I a bad friend? Or should they do more?

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Speaker 3: I'm divorced for a few years now, and team fuck

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Speaker 3: them kids Like Mandy, I have two friends that I

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Speaker 3: consider my best friends. They both live in different states

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Speaker 3: and are married slash partnered with children. In the last

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Speaker 3: few years, they have not made any effort to see

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Speaker 3: me or show up for me. The times I have

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Speaker 3: seen them, I've either gone to their city or they

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Speaker 3: happen to be in my city for other reasons their

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Speaker 3: wedding anniversary or to visit family, and I feel like

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Speaker 3: seeing me was a matter of convenience.

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Speaker 5: Slash afterthought, not the coffee.

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Speaker 3: Am I being a bad friend for pulling away? For

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Speaker 3: feeling like they don't make an effort to show up

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Speaker 3: for me. I understand partners and kids are a priority,

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Speaker 3: but not once have they even said like, Hey, why

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Speaker 3: don't you come visit and I'll make time to spend

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Speaker 3: this weekend with you. I'm also graduating with my master's

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Speaker 3: degree in a few months, and neither of them have

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Speaker 3: mentioned doing anything to celebrate this. Yeah, of course I

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Speaker 3: have met in my dms who are asking me, who

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Speaker 3: are asking me what we can plan to celebrate? Girl, Girl,

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Speaker 3: don't be very about these niggas. I always hear how

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Speaker 3: you guys talk about the love you give friends and

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Speaker 3: how it is reciprocated, But I feel that it's lacking

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Speaker 3: in my situation. Am I expecting too much? Am I

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Speaker 3: a bad friend? Or should they do more from a

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Speaker 3: friendless hope?

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Speaker 5: Stop?

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Speaker 4: See now that's interesting. I mean, all right, maybe those

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Speaker 4: are three great questions though.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so let's start with is she asking for too much?

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Speaker 3: And the asking of too much is for her friends

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Speaker 3: to seemingly at least show up and make her some story.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, help her feel more of a priority and

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Speaker 4: help her celebrate you know, good wishes.

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Speaker 5: Right, I don't think so. I don't think she's asking

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Speaker 5: for too much.

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Speaker 2: Me neither.

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Speaker 5: I don't think she's asking for too much.

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Speaker 4: I think you have to show up for a friend,

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Speaker 4: you know, through the best and the worst times. Uh,

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Speaker 4: it's all. It's just there's a gauge in the spectrum

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Speaker 4: for something like this.

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Speaker 2: Well, here's the to She mentioned that both of them

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Speaker 2: live in different states.

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Speaker 5: That's one.

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Speaker 3: So not only do they live in different states, they

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Speaker 3: have partners and they have children. So if we're talking

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Speaker 3: about the economy, economy again.

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Speaker 5: The terrorists, which.

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Speaker 3: Has got a bring terrorists, you know, it could be

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Speaker 3: a lot for someone to fit that into their budget.

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Speaker 3: For one, with you not having children or a partner,

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Speaker 3: you do have more leeway to kind of get up

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Speaker 3: and go. And so I would start off first because

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Speaker 3: me and my friends talk to each other a lot.

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Speaker 2: I would start off first with having the conversation.

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Speaker 3: With them exactly like you wrote into so you got decisions,

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Speaker 3: But have you spoken to each of them and been like, yo,

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Speaker 3: like since my divorce, you know, it's been two years.

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Speaker 3: I really feel like you haven't made an effort to.

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Speaker 2: Link with me, to show up. We haven't made plans

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Speaker 2: on a you know, to take a trip.

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Speaker 4: Also, you wouldn't do that. I'd be like, hey, I

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Speaker 4: would love to see y'all more like in general, you know,

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Speaker 4: ease it into like that, do you do you feel

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Speaker 4: like you have to go and be like you guys

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Speaker 4: aren't doing you?

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Speaker 2: Hear me out, hear me out.

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Speaker 3: This is this is where this is, This is where

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Speaker 3: listening skills.

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Speaker 2: Help and hopefully your friends have comprehension skills.

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Speaker 3: Okay, it's not that you're you're demeaning them or telling

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Speaker 3: them they're wrong.

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Speaker 2: You're first starting with your feelings.

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Speaker 3: And boy, have I been working in therapy with trying

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Speaker 3: to find ways, because unfortunately, I too feel like when

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Speaker 3: I share how my feelings are or how someone's actions

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Speaker 3: make me feel, they immediately get into defense. That's that's

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Speaker 3: so fucking immature.

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Speaker 5: I be feeling the same.

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Speaker 3: Way, and and so it actually becomes difficult, so to

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Speaker 3: me her expressing, she's writing us feeling like she's friendless.

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Speaker 3: You have two friends, You're not friendless, right, So I

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Speaker 3: think to come and say, hey, A part of me

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Speaker 3: feels abandoned in this relationship.

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Speaker 2: It hurts me. I feel lonely.

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Speaker 3: Like coming and expressing her feelings is not saying you

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Speaker 3: are fucked up as bitch as hope. No, Hey, I

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Speaker 3: really look at you as my close friend. Since my divorce,

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Speaker 3: I feel as though we haven't got to see each other,

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Speaker 3: and it really hurts me because I miss you like

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Speaker 3: I miss you as a woman. Like we I think

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Speaker 3: that that's received, It's it's received easier to come out

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Speaker 3: of front. In that way than it is sometimes met

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Speaker 3: agree so to say, I really miss you, I want

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Speaker 3: to see you, but also dang, bitch, you ain't come

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Speaker 3: and seeing me, Like, how can we make that happen?

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Speaker 2: Let's plan a trip.

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Speaker 3: So you could always lead with your emotions about how

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Speaker 3: lonely abandoned, and even if you're angry or mad about it,

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Speaker 3: you can express those things tell your friend and then

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Speaker 3: see what their response is, because the response may be like, bitch,

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Speaker 3: I haven't really told you, but I got you know,

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Speaker 3: we're not doing well financially, so that's something that I

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Speaker 3: can't do. Or girl, my kid is being bad as

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Speaker 3: fuck and I gotta do this, or you know, they might.

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Speaker 4: Have their own problems that they're trying to settle first

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Speaker 4: before everyone has thinking about anybody else, you know.

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Speaker 5: And that's just the reality, right.

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Speaker 2: I mean the reality of kids. Well, bruh, the reality

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 3: Is too and I'm experiencing it right now where I'm

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Speaker 3: thirty four. Majority now of my friends are partnered and

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Speaker 3: or with kid, majority of them single months. I am

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Speaker 3: actually also feeling like, damn, I don't relate the same

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Speaker 3: to all my friends as they're now getting where their

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Speaker 3: children are older, and they're having to the more things

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Speaker 3: I'm realizing in myself. I don't care to see their

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Speaker 3: stories as much anymore because their lives are so different,

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Speaker 3: and so the fact that you're also team fuck them

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Speaker 3: kids and they have kids. I would suggest that you

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Speaker 3: still maintain those friendships, but maybe you start seeking out

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Speaker 3: friends that align more with you.

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Speaker 5: You don't have a partner, you don't have kids.

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Speaker 3: As adults, we're allowed to find new friends and we're not.

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Speaker 3: We don't have to shun our old friends because our

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Speaker 3: lives start to look different. So I don't think you

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Speaker 3: need to look at yourself as a bad friend, but

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Speaker 3: I think you need to do the inner work to realize. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I don't have a partner, I don't have kids, these

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Speaker 3: girls live in a different state. Let me let me

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Speaker 3: think of what type of what type of circle or people.

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Speaker 2: I want around?

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Speaker 5: Find your community?

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Speaker 2: Find your community?

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Speaker 4: Are the three questions she asked, because I did like

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Speaker 4: how she broke it down like that. It was is

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Speaker 4: she a bad friend?

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Speaker 2: Is she asking for too much? Is she a bad friend?

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Speaker 2: Or should they do more?

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Speaker 4: Okay, so should they do more? As an interesting piece

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Speaker 4: as well? Right, because of again, I'm gonna keep going

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Speaker 4: back to the whole child thing. I think they should

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Speaker 4: do more at the same time, because if if you're

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Speaker 4: feeling kind of abandoned like that, you know, at the

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Speaker 4: same time, it's also them like being transparent, like, hey,

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Speaker 4: like I don't have the time for this stuff, right,

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Speaker 4: you know, I can't make that happen again. You mentioned

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Speaker 4: the whole fact that they're in two different states. You

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Speaker 4: gotta accept the reality that you both now live different

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Speaker 4: lifestyles and that you gotta go find new friends.

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Speaker 5: That's that's it.

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Speaker 3: And I know that when we get older, like it

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Speaker 3: seems like it's so difficult to make new friends, and

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Speaker 3: it's really not like I know a lot of people

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Speaker 3: that everybody you girls all about to say.

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Speaker 2: I got eleven best friends.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend is like, I do not understand how you

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Speaker 3: juggle so much any best friends.

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Speaker 2: And all of my best friends live in different states.

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Speaker 3: I mean, now that I'm back in Atlanta, like, I'm

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Speaker 3: surrounded more by like three to four of my core

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Speaker 3: core best friends, from which I love.

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Speaker 2: I love being oh and me and my.

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Speaker 3: Best friend we go to the belt Line all the time,

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Speaker 3: but like there have been years where we lived so

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Speaker 3: far from each other, Like she she lived with a

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Speaker 3: partner in Europe and I saw her only during the

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Speaker 3: summer while she was in that relationship, and we just

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Speaker 3: we facetimed.

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Speaker 2: War we spoke more on the phone.

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Speaker 3: Like that's another thing, Like there's ways to maintain and

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Speaker 3: be fulfilled in relationships without seeing people.

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Speaker 5: True, you know what I mean? You feel me?

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Speaker 4: Also like it's interesting that she mentioned the whole her

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Speaker 4: getting her master's and was again congratulations. It's like, does

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Speaker 4: that stuff come up in conversation? What are we waiting

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Speaker 4: for to make that commo happen? You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: But also like, are they supposed to know that? Offerends Well,

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Speaker 4: I'm sure.

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Speaker 3: That they know that she's in a master's program. If

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Speaker 3: these are her best friends, they know that she's in school.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 2: However, I agree.

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Speaker 3: With you, like what are the expectations, what are the

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Speaker 3: expectations of what does a celebration look like?

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Speaker 5: Is it because three different states?

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Speaker 3: Because you want to know what's crazy, My my really

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Speaker 3: really really good friend she got. I mean, in terms

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Speaker 3: of celebration, I would say she got a master's. I

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Speaker 3: could talk about the last few things, baby showers, gender reveals,

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Speaker 3: graduating from nursing school.

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Speaker 2: Nice, there's been.

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Speaker 3: A few things, and you know what a celebration looked

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Speaker 3: like for them, me being an attendant.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's really I mean, I mean, I'm not

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Speaker 4: gonna lie. Then to the Shorty's point, that's really what

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Speaker 4: she wants.

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Speaker 3: But no, she's like niggas is in my DMS, asking

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Speaker 3: how we celebrate.

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Speaker 5: That's different. They trying to fuck but.

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Speaker 2: But that's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: I like what you said, are what what do your

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Speaker 3: expectations in your mind look like of a celebration? Like

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Speaker 3: are they saying they're not even going to attend your graduation?

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Speaker 3: Or are they saying they're not taking you on a

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Speaker 3: trip or you a gift, or or taking you out

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Speaker 3: to the club to pop bottles? What does celebrating you

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Speaker 3: in this moment look like? Because for a lot of

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Speaker 3: my friends, it was me just showing up and being

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Speaker 3: present that they felt celebrated.

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Speaker 5: So also, are they in neighboring states? Are they coast

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Speaker 5: to coast? Because if I'm a.

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Speaker 2: Six hundred dollars, that's.

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Speaker 4: Where I'm a and plus it ain't just the two

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Speaker 4: hundred dollars plus is let's say, it's every kid plus mom.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no. Hopefully if they got good partners, they

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Speaker 3: could lead to kids at home or get But then

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Speaker 3: that's the thing. There's babysitters, there's childcare, There's just so

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Speaker 3: many things that I do think if anyone's listening to this,

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Speaker 3: including the reader, I do think that now that you

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Speaker 3: are divorced with no kids, you, because you have more time,

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Speaker 3: you may not be considering. You're literally not considering the

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Speaker 3: livelihoods or lifestyles and what your friends are dealing with

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Speaker 3: on a day to day in their lives.

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Speaker 2: Because now you a little bit.

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Speaker 5: More free, girl, go find new friends.

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Speaker 3: Go find new friends, but don't mold dearly to your friends.

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Speaker 4: Thank you then, and also make sure you do the

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Speaker 4: approach not well it's confrontational quote unquote, right, Go talk

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Speaker 4: to them, tell them how you're feeling, because that matters.

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Speaker 4: And I bet you will matter to them too. I

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Speaker 4: bet you didn't even know that. That's how I feel

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Speaker 4: like that happens often.

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Speaker 2: That's why I said my first thing was to have

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Speaker 2: a conversation.

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Speaker 5: To have that combo and then go.

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Speaker 3: I think when it comes to to friendships, best friends,

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Speaker 3: it's really important to share how they make you feel

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Speaker 3: in certain instances, on whether either their actions of doing

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Speaker 3: something or their actions of not doing something. And in

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Speaker 3: this instance it's clearly how they're not showing up express it,

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Speaker 3: continue writing in so we can you know spirit friends?

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Speaker 2: Now you know?

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Speaker 3: But I would say definitely it's important to have those conversations.

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Speaker 3: And the older we get, the I think, the more

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Speaker 3: important it is to cherish these long standing friendships.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely.

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Speaker 4: Do you not have friends that you haven't spoken to

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Speaker 4: in a long time, but they're like you hold them

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Speaker 4: dear your arts though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's weird too.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how I navigate keeping up with my

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Speaker 3: eleven best friends, and to be fair, some of them

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Speaker 3: sometimes we some of them sometimes we only talk like.

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Speaker 2: Once a month.

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Speaker 5: But that's what I'm saying, right.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes I'm able to see one more than the other.

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Speaker 3: But no, like a lot of my friendships, ten plus years, easy, easy,

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Speaker 3: and we respect each other, We love each other, and

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Speaker 3: we know that life be lifing. Yep, we know that

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Speaker 3: life literally be lifing. So hopefully we were able to

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Speaker 3: help you a little bit on it. Hopefully anyone else

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Speaker 3: out there struggling with maintaining friendships, you.

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Speaker 5: Know it was a new friend that she can get.

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Speaker 3: Here we go, Here we go, no hold, there you.

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Speaker 2: Go, reorder our books, no holds fired.

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Speaker 3: Or if you want new friends, if you listen to

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Speaker 3: this show and you not a pay get your ass

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Speaker 3: over there on the Patreon Pyreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions,

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Speaker 3: because if y'all are listening to this Horrible Decisions, then

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Speaker 3: I go anywhere. We are just over on Patreon, so

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Speaker 3: you can get all the sex, all the kink, all

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Speaker 3: the things over on the Patreon as well as a

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Speaker 3: fucking community our discord channel. You can meet new friends

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Speaker 3: over there and it's really really really really really really

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Speaker 3: a dope.

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Speaker 2: Community that we built.

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Speaker 3: So shout out to the whore Hive per usual, and

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Speaker 3: again make sure you pre order your book.

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Speaker 2: Make sure.

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Speaker 3: You stay tuned in every week here to Decisions Decisions

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Speaker 3: every Monday, and you've got Decisions every Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: Anyways, guys, thank you all for tuning in.

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Speaker 3: If you have a question, make sure you send it

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Speaker 3: over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 2: And we are

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Speaker 3: The hill in between the dep